Dear Soulmate
Every time I think of you, I get a smile on my face. One that warms me from the inside out,and puts my heart at rest. Every time I have a dream, I see your face again, It beckons me to come closer, but disappears before I'm there. Every time I imagine you, a bird whistles a song, a tune that gives you hope, and the strength to go on.And every time I talk to you, I feel so out of sorts,just like a little boy with so little self-control..How would I live without you and why would I want to. You have given me so much happiness,..in such a short time. Without you in my life,..I'm not sure my life would even be mine. When I met you ...it was like a whole new world opened up for me; I saw a totally different view...and only because of you. The sunsets & rainbows that I had admired suddenly became so much more colorful and having you to share them with, made even the stars shine brighter.When I am with you it's so magical,..I'm so afraid that I will wake up,..and it will all be a dream, If so,..I never want to wake up, I want to stay in your magical beam,..and slide down rainbows,see your face in the sunset,..and hold on to my shining star,I thank God, each day, for bringing you into my life and for letting me be a part of yours,..he has given me so many miracles, I wonder sometimes why he doesn't give up on me, but them he knows best,I won't question him,..You have that twinkle in your eye like the stars in the velvet sky when we hold hands we just sit and stare. When I'm in the shadows you show the light I see you everywhere I go even when I dream at night. You want our love to show when I kiss you time goes slow. I can hold our love from here to there. I feel the silk on your hair. I said you are a cutie.I told you "you carry the circle of beauty" I know everything will be alright because I'll be lovin' you when I dream at night
Friday, January 17, 2014
Thursday, January 16, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE.... MY LOVE FOR YOU AS A RELIGION
Dear Soulmate,
Your love is like a warm breeze on a hot summer day. It gently caresses my skin as it blows by like the touch of your hand. I tilt my head and imagine the warmth I feel on my lips is a warm kiss from you. I feel your love in the breeze as it blows by me, wrapping itself around me as if I were in your arms safe and warm. I close my eyes and listen to the breeze imagining I can hear you whisper softly "I Love You" in my ear. I smile softly and whisper "I Love You, Too" imagining you can feel my love in the warm breeze...My heart is like an open book,waiting for you to read, It was written for your eyes,for no other could understand it.As you turn the page you will find that our love was meant to be.We were destined to be together until eternity.As you look you will see just how much I love you.You will see our past and hold our future,you will see the pain and happiness we shared,you will see the things to come,and love that still grows.For my heart is an open book that will never close.When I die know this, I will have gone to heaven, having lived a life of bliss. Each time I close my eyes I see a picture.A picture of you and I bound together as one.Like paint on canvas I see the Artist's strokes iIllustrate sensuous curves of velvet texture and exciting hue all in the form of you.The same Artist that painted the stars on the sky that gave you a heart of gold and lips that taste like wine.Yes, the same Artist that let you be mine. Love's hypnotic rhapsody washes over me It's bewitching spell drowning my soul in wave washed ecstasy As I submit myself to her unparalleled beauty. Pondering an endless horizon, I wonder at the endlessness of my feelings; Joy soaring to boundless altitudes. Love, burning with an intensity which will scorch the earth. Love, unbound and endless, which will nourish the world, feeding those lonely souls who have never known Love. My heart intones endless litanies, for my love for you,as a religion, and you, as a goddess of all that is beautiful and sublime inhabit the temple that is my soul presiding over my emotions and desires with arms outstretched and understanding in your heart
A name in a dream,
A beautiful woman
full of compassion
Gentle, a vision of
everything I desired
Unreal, only an illusion
perhaps
But, one that I have
kept close to my heart
She was there behind me,
close by me
A belief, a vision,
a guardian angel
Mysterious, perhaps a
product of my delusions
But yet, she uttered her
name in desperate moments
She was the lover, the friend,
the companion, real enough
The one who could
lead me out of this hell
I depended on her in those
very desperate moments
Life and death in the balance
A beautiful vision,
compassionate, delightful,
gentle
She touched my shoulder
Gripped my hand
And somehow it was all right
Your love is like a warm breeze on a hot summer day. It gently caresses my skin as it blows by like the touch of your hand. I tilt my head and imagine the warmth I feel on my lips is a warm kiss from you. I feel your love in the breeze as it blows by me, wrapping itself around me as if I were in your arms safe and warm. I close my eyes and listen to the breeze imagining I can hear you whisper softly "I Love You" in my ear. I smile softly and whisper "I Love You, Too" imagining you can feel my love in the warm breeze...My heart is like an open book,waiting for you to read, It was written for your eyes,for no other could understand it.As you turn the page you will find that our love was meant to be.We were destined to be together until eternity.As you look you will see just how much I love you.You will see our past and hold our future,you will see the pain and happiness we shared,you will see the things to come,and love that still grows.For my heart is an open book that will never close.When I die know this, I will have gone to heaven, having lived a life of bliss. Each time I close my eyes I see a picture.A picture of you and I bound together as one.Like paint on canvas I see the Artist's strokes iIllustrate sensuous curves of velvet texture and exciting hue all in the form of you.The same Artist that painted the stars on the sky that gave you a heart of gold and lips that taste like wine.Yes, the same Artist that let you be mine. Love's hypnotic rhapsody washes over me It's bewitching spell drowning my soul in wave washed ecstasy As I submit myself to her unparalleled beauty. Pondering an endless horizon, I wonder at the endlessness of my feelings; Joy soaring to boundless altitudes. Love, burning with an intensity which will scorch the earth. Love, unbound and endless, which will nourish the world, feeding those lonely souls who have never known Love. My heart intones endless litanies, for my love for you,as a religion, and you, as a goddess of all that is beautiful and sublime inhabit the temple that is my soul presiding over my emotions and desires with arms outstretched and understanding in your heart
A name in a dream,
A beautiful woman
full of compassion
Gentle, a vision of
everything I desired
Unreal, only an illusion
perhaps
But, one that I have
kept close to my heart
She was there behind me,
close by me
A belief, a vision,
a guardian angel
Mysterious, perhaps a
product of my delusions
But yet, she uttered her
name in desperate moments
She was the lover, the friend,
the companion, real enough
The one who could
lead me out of this hell
I depended on her in those
very desperate moments
Life and death in the balance
A beautiful vision,
compassionate, delightful,
gentle
She touched my shoulder
Gripped my hand
And somehow it was all right
DATING/LOVE: DYING ALONE..AND THE PRO AND CONS OF WAITING
Dying alone is something that many people start to think about when they’re single. When you’re young, being single isn’t really seen as a bad thing, since you can go out drinking and bring home a different partner every night. You can only find this kind of lifestyle satisfying for so long, though, as eventually all your friends will settle down and have kids and you’ll be left on the shelf.
It is when you reach this stage of life that you start to imagine the worst like I am right now. You become preoccupied with the thought of dying alone, even though everyone dies alone in the end. Even if you find someone to share your life with you are hardly likely to die together and so one of you is going to have to go first! That doesn’t matter when you’re feeling down about being by yourself.If you get married and have children there will be someone there for you when you’re old and struggling with ill health. It is reassuring to know that there will be a support network for you, even if this does seem rather selfish.
Pros of Being Married
There are many benefits of being married that one just can't dispute. See if any of these perks would make you want to give up waiting for your butterfly man:
Constant companionship
Knowing someone is on your side
A steady sex partner (can't beat that!)
Someone to take care of you if you get sick
You're automatically "a family"
The opportunity to have children
Someone to share a future with
No more lonely Saturday nights
Someone to go on vacations with
Having two incomes
Knowing there is someone at home with you that night to talk to, eat dinner with, make love with, or watch a movie with after a hard day at work
Maintaining an ongoing relationship with a man
Waiting for Chemistry
Now let's look at the realities of choice in staying single while waiting it out
Pros of Waiting
You're free to pursue your career to the fullest extent
You're free to pursue your passions and interests
You're free to live where you want
You're free to do what you want with your money
You're free to grow and learn more about yourself, take workshops, enroll in classes
You're not accountable for anyone except yourself
You can travel wherever you want, whenever you want
You don't have to put up with someone else s habits or any behavior you don't want to tolerate
You don't have to go through a horrible divorce
Cons Of Waiting
-Dating can be traumatic-dating for years, subjecting yourself to all different types of people can be traumatizing. Repetitive rejections and disappointments, having to attach and reattach, can take a toll on a a person's energy, emotional and physical health, and psyche. Although dating is supposed to be a social event, it can also be a horrible experience, causing feelings of humiliation and hopelessness. This is a lot to deal with-and without proper guidance, it can be overwhelming.
You're really alone! One of the major downfalls of being without a partner is that there is no one immediately there to help you if you should need it-such as when you have an illness, financial difficulties, or just a bad day. Experiences like these may cause single person to second-guess the choices they've made.
Shopping-Bag Syndrome
Many single individual have a secret fear of ending up a "shopping-bag person," even if they are successful and doing well financially. It appears to be a universal fear that they will end up alone, homeless, and broke.
It is when you reach this stage of life that you start to imagine the worst like I am right now. You become preoccupied with the thought of dying alone, even though everyone dies alone in the end. Even if you find someone to share your life with you are hardly likely to die together and so one of you is going to have to go first! That doesn’t matter when you’re feeling down about being by yourself.If you get married and have children there will be someone there for you when you’re old and struggling with ill health. It is reassuring to know that there will be a support network for you, even if this does seem rather selfish.
Pros of Being Married
There are many benefits of being married that one just can't dispute. See if any of these perks would make you want to give up waiting for your butterfly man:
Constant companionship
Knowing someone is on your side
A steady sex partner (can't beat that!)
Someone to take care of you if you get sick
You're automatically "a family"
The opportunity to have children
Someone to share a future with
No more lonely Saturday nights
Someone to go on vacations with
Having two incomes
Knowing there is someone at home with you that night to talk to, eat dinner with, make love with, or watch a movie with after a hard day at work
Maintaining an ongoing relationship with a man
Waiting for Chemistry
Now let's look at the realities of choice in staying single while waiting it out
Pros of Waiting
You're free to pursue your career to the fullest extent
You're free to pursue your passions and interests
You're free to live where you want
You're free to do what you want with your money
You're free to grow and learn more about yourself, take workshops, enroll in classes
You're not accountable for anyone except yourself
You can travel wherever you want, whenever you want
You don't have to put up with someone else s habits or any behavior you don't want to tolerate
You don't have to go through a horrible divorce
Cons Of Waiting
-Dating can be traumatic-dating for years, subjecting yourself to all different types of people can be traumatizing. Repetitive rejections and disappointments, having to attach and reattach, can take a toll on a a person's energy, emotional and physical health, and psyche. Although dating is supposed to be a social event, it can also be a horrible experience, causing feelings of humiliation and hopelessness. This is a lot to deal with-and without proper guidance, it can be overwhelming.
You're really alone! One of the major downfalls of being without a partner is that there is no one immediately there to help you if you should need it-such as when you have an illness, financial difficulties, or just a bad day. Experiences like these may cause single person to second-guess the choices they've made.
Shopping-Bag Syndrome
Many single individual have a secret fear of ending up a "shopping-bag person," even if they are successful and doing well financially. It appears to be a universal fear that they will end up alone, homeless, and broke.
JOURNAL:A NORMAL DAY
I am standing in line at my favorite cafe, surrounded by smells and sounds. An uptempo milieu of acoustic guitar and tambourine is occupying the atmosphere around me, an Andy Davis tune, and I’m singing along—”It’s a goooo-oood life; it’s a good, good life”—like a tone-deaf idiot, missing every-other note, mumbling the words I don’t know while looking out the large window to my left, staring into the blankness of the morning.
I smell coffee. The smell alone is a near-religious experience. The whole scene is impressive in the way a kid breakdancing on the street is impressive; it’s completely foreign to me, but I’m mesmerized. How could you not be?
People’s faces change, visibly brighten, when they enter the cafe’s main room, kicking snow from their boots and brushing melted flakes from their parkas. Their postures autocorrect under the high ceilings; the average height of each patron seems to increase at least half an inch as they stand in line, bathed in natural light and coffee aroma.
It’s my turn to order: Americano, black. The dark-haired girl at the register is wearing a smile I’d like to frame. She’s intimidatingly attractive, and so I fumble for something clever to say when she asks me how I’m doing. But I’ve got nothing, no words—my mouth, a swordless sheath.
I pull out my wallet to pay, peeling a few singles from my thin stack. I don’t even consider using my credit card. The cold keeps calm everything outside the windows, huge flakes like wet chips of white paint peeling off the sky. Cash—not a debit card, but cold hard cash—
I smell coffee. The smell alone is a near-religious experience. The whole scene is impressive in the way a kid breakdancing on the street is impressive; it’s completely foreign to me, but I’m mesmerized. How could you not be?
People’s faces change, visibly brighten, when they enter the cafe’s main room, kicking snow from their boots and brushing melted flakes from their parkas. Their postures autocorrect under the high ceilings; the average height of each patron seems to increase at least half an inch as they stand in line, bathed in natural light and coffee aroma.
It’s my turn to order: Americano, black. The dark-haired girl at the register is wearing a smile I’d like to frame. She’s intimidatingly attractive, and so I fumble for something clever to say when she asks me how I’m doing. But I’ve got nothing, no words—my mouth, a swordless sheath.
I pull out my wallet to pay, peeling a few singles from my thin stack. I don’t even consider using my credit card. The cold keeps calm everything outside the windows, huge flakes like wet chips of white paint peeling off the sky. Cash—not a debit card, but cold hard cash—
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
PERSONAL: I MAY NEVER KNOW YOUR NAME
I may never know your name or ever speak a word to you. But I know the way my heart leaped when your dark eyes glanced at me.I took in each of your features. A mental picture, I'll carry with me always as a cherished memory.So, if fate brings us together again...I'll still recall your breath-taking face. I wonder if you saw the look deep within my eyes that, I am sure could have led you to my soul.Maybe someday we'll meet again. Perhaps many years from now and, still, I will remember your heart's smile.
Once, walking on a midwinter's morning. I spied two lovers in a brilliant glow sitting by the streams of a waterfall, falling And laughing in ways an old novel would know. Their speech appeared natural, sounded so pure As if they were one but defined as two.And the shine to their eyes and faces could lure.Any who coveted their love, soft and true. Though many souls were wandering silently, but one took the feeling quite literally and kept it in her locket of hearts, adoring. This prized possession, her gift from above;And I? I could claim to know something of love Once, walking on a midwinter's morning.
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
In the tranquil hours of night I walk in your soul. You live in my heart...with each beat...with each breath. We are one Dawn merges with morning.I melt into you.You capture my spirit. Our hearts swell with passion. Our bodies weep with ecstasy. We are eternal love.You're dressed in antebellum finery with flower-bedecked curls,the epochs of my eyes are grasping your world... We come together, and there's not a chance of a fatal part,you guide me like no other could guide me deep inside your heart. I feel your love surrounding me when we're together,always and forever, you will gain the same from me like a drifting feather.The emblem reveals a timeless mystery,once not known, but it's all past history.You're the seed that grows in my soul,the sunlight from your love keeps the buds shimmering as one whole.I can't stand the pain when your silent presence guides away from me,and when I dream of you, the world smiles gracefully. Angels singing harmonically,as we lift our imagination, and make it become reality...because we are one.
I watched as she slept somehow she sensed it extending an arm out to cross the vastness to my chest. Hand landing on heart...seemingly trying to grasp hold of something invisible. Having a warm body by your side may feel like comfort food, may feel like security, may feel like love or is it ~ does it feel? I watch as her eyes open waking from her dream world and wondering what she is thinking or feeling, as she looks at me expressionless. she somehow sensed it,a smile appears as her hand moves to caress forehead to lips retracing lines of a face, her dream, or her reality? She is like a rose in bloom awakening from it's sleep seeing the bud but not truly knowing what lies inside. Though you know she is beautiful somehow you sensed it-petals slowly opening anxiously awaiting the moment when all is shown to you. But does the flower ever really know
In the tranquil hours of night I walk in your soul. You live in my heart...with each beat...with each breath. We are one Dawn merges with morning.I melt into you.You capture my spirit. Our hearts swell with passion. Our bodies weep with ecstasy. We are eternal love.You're dressed in antebellum finery with flower-bedecked curls,the epochs of my eyes are grasping your world... We come together, and there's not a chance of a fatal part,you guide me like no other could guide me deep inside your heart. I feel your love surrounding me when we're together,always and forever, you will gain the same from me like a drifting feather.The emblem reveals a timeless mystery,once not known, but it's all past history.You're the seed that grows in my soul,the sunlight from your love keeps the buds shimmering as one whole.I can't stand the pain when your silent presence guides away from me,and when I dream of you, the world smiles gracefully. Angels singing harmonically,as we lift our imagination, and make it become reality...because we are one.
I watched as she slept somehow she sensed it extending an arm out to cross the vastness to my chest. Hand landing on heart...seemingly trying to grasp hold of something invisible. Having a warm body by your side may feel like comfort food, may feel like security, may feel like love or is it ~ does it feel? I watch as her eyes open waking from her dream world and wondering what she is thinking or feeling, as she looks at me expressionless. she somehow sensed it,a smile appears as her hand moves to caress forehead to lips retracing lines of a face, her dream, or her reality? She is like a rose in bloom awakening from it's sleep seeing the bud but not truly knowing what lies inside. Though you know she is beautiful somehow you sensed it-petals slowly opening anxiously awaiting the moment when all is shown to you. But does the flower ever really know
who she shows herself to? Who appreciates her beauty? Who loves her? I extend a hand out and cross the vastness to her face seemingly trying to grasp hold of something invisible but I am awake and she is still a flower in bloom...
JOURNAL: ASSESSMENT FOR THE YEAR (THINGS THAT I AM GRATEFUL FOR)
Physical Environment
-My personal files, papers, and receipts are neatly filed away.
-My car is in excellent condition. (Doesn't need mechanical work, repairs, cleaning or replacing)
-My home is clean and tidy. (Vacuumed, wardrobes and drawers organized, desks and tables clear, furniture in good repair; windows clean).
-My appliances, machinery and equipment work well. (Fridge, toaster, lawn mower, water heater, hi-fi etc.).
-My clothes are all ironed, clean and make me look good. (No creases, piles of washing, torn, out-of-date or ill-fitting clothes).
-My bed/bedroom lets me have the best sleep possible. (Firm bed, light, air).
-I live in a house/flat that I love.
-I surround myself with beautiful things.
-I live in the geographical location of my choice.
-There is ample and healthy lighting around me.
-I consistently have adequate time, space and freedom in my life.
-Nothing in my environment harms me.
-I am not tolerating anything about my home or work environment.
-My work environment is productive and inspiring. (Synergistic, ample tools and resources; no undue pressure).
-My computer works very well and fully supports my efforts.
-I back up my hard drive at least monthly.
-I surround myself with music which makes my life more enjoyable.
-My bed is made daily.
-I don't injure myself, fall or bump into things.
-People feel comfortable in my home.
-I drink at least 2 liters of water a day.
-I have nothing around the house or in storage that I do not need.
-I am consistently early or easily on time.
Well-Being
-I rarely use caffeine. (Chocolate, coffee, colas, tea) less than 3 times per week, total.
-I rarely eat sugar. (Less than 3 times per week).
-I rarely drink alcohol.
-My teeth and gums are healthy. (Have seen dentist in last 6 months).
-My cholesterol is at a healthy level.
-My blood pressure is at a healthy level.
-I have had a complete physical examination within the past 3 years.
-I do not smoke tobacco or other substances.
-I do not use illegal drugs or misuse prescribed medications.
-I have had a complete eye examination within the past two years.(Glaucoma check, vision test).
-My nails are healthy and look good.
-I have no habits which are unacceptable to me.
-I consistently have evenings, weekends and holidays off and take at least four weeks of holiday each year.
-I have just the right amount of sleep.
-I use well-made sunglasses.
-I do not suffer.
-I laugh out loud every day.
-I walk or exercise at least three times per week.
I- hear well and protect myself from loud noises / concerts / music.
Money
-I currently save at least 10% of my income.
-I pay my bills on time.
-My income source/revenue base is stable and predictable.
-I know how much I must have to be minimally financially independent and I have a plan to get there.
-I have returned or made-good-on any money I borrowed.
-I have 6 months' living expenses in an easily accessible account.
-I live on a weekly budget which allows me to save and not suffer.
-All my tax returns have been filed and all my taxes have been paid.
-I currently live well, within my means.
I have excellent personal insurance. (Life, accident, disability, medical etc.).
-My assets (car, home, possessions, treasures) are well-insured.
-I have a financial plan for the next year.
-I have no legal clouds hanging over me.
-My will is up-to-date and accurate.
-My investments do not keep me awake at night.
-I know how much I am worth.
-I am on a career / professional / business track which is or will soon be financially and personally rewarding.
-I rarely miss work due to illness.
-I am putting aside enough money each month to reach financial independence.
-My earnings outpace inflation, consistently.
Relationships
-I have told my parents, in the last 3 months, that I love them.
-I get along well with my sibling(s).
-I get along well with my coworkers/ clients.
-I put people first and results second.
-I have let go of the relationships which drag me down or damage me. ("Let go" means to end, walk away from, declare complete, no longer be attached to).
-I have communicated or attempted to communicate with everyone whom I have hurt, injured or seriously upset, even if it wasn't fully my fault.
-I have a circle of friends/family who love and appreciate me for who I am, more than just what I do for them.
-I am fully caught up with letters and calls.
-I always tell the truth, no matter what.
-I receive enough love from people around me to feel good.
-I have fully forgiven those people who have hurt/damaged me, intentional or not.
-I am a person of his/her word; people can count on me.
-I am aware of my wants and needs and get them taken care of.
-I try not judge or criticize others.
-I am trying to not "take personally" the things that people say to me
-My personal files, papers, and receipts are neatly filed away.
-My car is in excellent condition. (Doesn't need mechanical work, repairs, cleaning or replacing)
-My home is clean and tidy. (Vacuumed, wardrobes and drawers organized, desks and tables clear, furniture in good repair; windows clean).
-My appliances, machinery and equipment work well. (Fridge, toaster, lawn mower, water heater, hi-fi etc.).
-My clothes are all ironed, clean and make me look good. (No creases, piles of washing, torn, out-of-date or ill-fitting clothes).
-My bed/bedroom lets me have the best sleep possible. (Firm bed, light, air).
-I live in a house/flat that I love.
-I surround myself with beautiful things.
-I live in the geographical location of my choice.
-There is ample and healthy lighting around me.
-I consistently have adequate time, space and freedom in my life.
-Nothing in my environment harms me.
-I am not tolerating anything about my home or work environment.
-My work environment is productive and inspiring. (Synergistic, ample tools and resources; no undue pressure).
-My computer works very well and fully supports my efforts.
-I back up my hard drive at least monthly.
-I surround myself with music which makes my life more enjoyable.
-My bed is made daily.
-I don't injure myself, fall or bump into things.
-People feel comfortable in my home.
-I drink at least 2 liters of water a day.
-I have nothing around the house or in storage that I do not need.
-I am consistently early or easily on time.
Well-Being
-I rarely use caffeine. (Chocolate, coffee, colas, tea) less than 3 times per week, total.
-I rarely eat sugar. (Less than 3 times per week).
-I rarely drink alcohol.
-My teeth and gums are healthy. (Have seen dentist in last 6 months).
-My cholesterol is at a healthy level.
-My blood pressure is at a healthy level.
-I have had a complete physical examination within the past 3 years.
-I do not smoke tobacco or other substances.
-I do not use illegal drugs or misuse prescribed medications.
-I have had a complete eye examination within the past two years.(Glaucoma check, vision test).
-My nails are healthy and look good.
-I have no habits which are unacceptable to me.
-I consistently have evenings, weekends and holidays off and take at least four weeks of holiday each year.
-I have just the right amount of sleep.
-I use well-made sunglasses.
-I do not suffer.
-I laugh out loud every day.
-I walk or exercise at least three times per week.
I- hear well and protect myself from loud noises / concerts / music.
Money
-I currently save at least 10% of my income.
-I pay my bills on time.
-My income source/revenue base is stable and predictable.
-I know how much I must have to be minimally financially independent and I have a plan to get there.
-I have returned or made-good-on any money I borrowed.
-I have 6 months' living expenses in an easily accessible account.
-I live on a weekly budget which allows me to save and not suffer.
-All my tax returns have been filed and all my taxes have been paid.
-I currently live well, within my means.
I have excellent personal insurance. (Life, accident, disability, medical etc.).
-My assets (car, home, possessions, treasures) are well-insured.
-I have a financial plan for the next year.
-I have no legal clouds hanging over me.
-My will is up-to-date and accurate.
-My investments do not keep me awake at night.
-I know how much I am worth.
-I am on a career / professional / business track which is or will soon be financially and personally rewarding.
-I rarely miss work due to illness.
-I am putting aside enough money each month to reach financial independence.
-My earnings outpace inflation, consistently.
Relationships
-I have told my parents, in the last 3 months, that I love them.
-I get along well with my sibling(s).
-I get along well with my coworkers/ clients.
-I put people first and results second.
-I have let go of the relationships which drag me down or damage me. ("Let go" means to end, walk away from, declare complete, no longer be attached to).
-I have communicated or attempted to communicate with everyone whom I have hurt, injured or seriously upset, even if it wasn't fully my fault.
-I have a circle of friends/family who love and appreciate me for who I am, more than just what I do for them.
-I am fully caught up with letters and calls.
-I always tell the truth, no matter what.
-I receive enough love from people around me to feel good.
-I have fully forgiven those people who have hurt/damaged me, intentional or not.
-I am a person of his/her word; people can count on me.
-I am aware of my wants and needs and get them taken care of.
-I try not judge or criticize others.
-I am trying to not "take personally" the things that people say to me
JOURNAL/PERSONAL: BIRTHDAY COMING UP..WHAT IS MEANT TO BE....WILL BE
My birthday is coming up and all I keep thinking is ..another year wasted.I haven't formed a family of my own. My motto in life has always been, “what is meant to be, will be”. Thoughts of being a dad and living life with a little hand in mine seemed within my reach. Then, almost as quickly as the dream appeared, it was gone and I was back to being my same old self.
I need to think of what the real driving force behind my “tick, tock” is and I have to learn not to dwell on what is not “meant to be”.Deep down I know i have a burning desire to have a child.What gets me most is my Mom. I can hear my Mom’s voice inside my head; “When are you going to give me a grandchild?”; “Well, I guess my end of the family line is going to end with you.”; and my favourite, “It hurts me to think of you being alone when I’m gone.” My heart strings tug to the point of near breaking. However they don’t break because for me, providing a child so that my mother can have a grandchild or having one to ensure that I am not alone or so that I stay young at heart are not good enough reasons to have a child. Maybe I’m just afraid of getting old?
Having a child is a huge responsibility – one that if I were meant to carry out I would handle with the utmost care. It’s also something I think I would feel a deep need for within my soul. When I see Dads with their child(ren), playing games or doing everyday Father/child things – I feel envious. In those moments I think how nice, The time when it's the stronger is when I think for a moment on what might have been. Every once and a while though, when I see a father and child together-What would life be like had my own. Only time will tell.My mind, at times, is a mess on this subject. Every time I come back to the same conclusion – “What is meant to be, will be.”
I need to think of what the real driving force behind my “tick, tock” is and I have to learn not to dwell on what is not “meant to be”.Deep down I know i have a burning desire to have a child.What gets me most is my Mom. I can hear my Mom’s voice inside my head; “When are you going to give me a grandchild?”; “Well, I guess my end of the family line is going to end with you.”; and my favourite, “It hurts me to think of you being alone when I’m gone.” My heart strings tug to the point of near breaking. However they don’t break because for me, providing a child so that my mother can have a grandchild or having one to ensure that I am not alone or so that I stay young at heart are not good enough reasons to have a child. Maybe I’m just afraid of getting old?
Having a child is a huge responsibility – one that if I were meant to carry out I would handle with the utmost care. It’s also something I think I would feel a deep need for within my soul. When I see Dads with their child(ren), playing games or doing everyday Father/child things – I feel envious. In those moments I think how nice, The time when it's the stronger is when I think for a moment on what might have been. Every once and a while though, when I see a father and child together-What would life be like had my own. Only time will tell.My mind, at times, is a mess on this subject. Every time I come back to the same conclusion – “What is meant to be, will be.”
DATING/LOVE/THOUGHTS: THE TRUTH ABOUT PRINCE CHARMING
You know time and time again I ran into lots of women that end up all alone and all by themselves. Why? Because when Prince Charming walked through the door he wasn't good enough.
It's either he is not rich enough, he is too short. Not only that but if the guy don't have a high paying job he is not good enough for the parents.while her biological clock keep ticking away. Her Biological clock keep ticking away and then she can't have kids so the poor girl end up with no kids, no husband and all lonely and miserable in the end.While she keep waiting for this perfect man to walk through the door age is doing a number on her face. So she is now in her mid 40's and not many men are interested in her. All of a sudden her mother fall down and dead and then few years later her father fall down and dead so she is left all alone all by herself.So the Motto of the story is lots of women end up all alone because the man they took home wasn't good enough. There are thousands of women like that and they have nothing but regrets in their lives...In the end the Prince Charming find someone that accept him for who he is and living a happy life...
It's either he is not rich enough, he is too short. Not only that but if the guy don't have a high paying job he is not good enough for the parents.while her biological clock keep ticking away. Her Biological clock keep ticking away and then she can't have kids so the poor girl end up with no kids, no husband and all lonely and miserable in the end.While she keep waiting for this perfect man to walk through the door age is doing a number on her face. So she is now in her mid 40's and not many men are interested in her. All of a sudden her mother fall down and dead and then few years later her father fall down and dead so she is left all alone all by herself.So the Motto of the story is lots of women end up all alone because the man they took home wasn't good enough. There are thousands of women like that and they have nothing but regrets in their lives...In the end the Prince Charming find someone that accept him for who he is and living a happy life...
DATING/LOVE/THOUGHTS: WOMAN WHO ARE LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME
I am a man who I would consider to have normal goals, a good personality, and good looks,.While I may not be the most amazing man out there, I donÃt think it would be unreasonable to expect woman to be interested in me. Unfortunately however, my experience hasn't been great.. I have been very disappointed with the attitudes of the girls I have gone out with as far as their willingness to make a commitment goes.
My dentist recently set me up with a very nice girl. Our first date lasted for about three hours and I had a good time. A few days later, I tried to call her several times to ask her out on a second date, but could not get through to her. She finally emailed me described me as a very nice guy with similar interests to hers, she was too busy with law school to date anyone seriously right now. Now, if she isn't ready for a serious relationship yet, I understand, but in that case, why did she feel the need to waste my time and go out with me?
A friend of mine had a similar experience. He went out with a girl and tried to ask her out on a second date a few days later. She replied, she had had a good time with him, she was going to be studying in California for the next two months and therefore couldn't commit to getting into a serious relationship. While I'm sure she didn't intent to hurt my friend in any way, she succeeded in making him very upset by essentially playing with his emotions.
I just can't understand what these girls are looking for when they agree to go out on a date with someone. I find it hard to believe that a girl would just be looking for a good time. This reminds me of another experience that I had: I was set up with and went out with one girl five times. I really liked her and wanted to continue dating her, but after our fifth date, she told me that she didn't think we should go our anymore because she didn't think that the relationship was moving quickly enough. Since I really liked her, I asked her what she meant and expressed a willingness to get more serious with her. However, she told me that she just wasn't sure about me and didn't want to prolong the relationship by going out on, say, another five dates while she could have perhaps been meeting other people. Now that comment was not only extremely hurtful to me, but it led me to believe that she was not really interested in being in a serious relationship with anybody. She was a smart girl and I cannot imagine that she didn't realize that a relationship must develop between two people over the course of several months while they grow toward each other.
PERSONAL/DATING/LOVE:HOPEFULLY IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT
Dating can be so incredibly hard. It’s hard meeting people. I’m constantly in limbo between, “when you stop looking, that’s when love finds you.” And, “You can’t play if you’re not in the game.” I’ve joined dating websites & apps. I have talk to some perfectly wonderful woman on here, but nothing can change how I feel about relationships. If you’re going to be with me, you should understand who I am. I will always talk about movies..music..books..and love. I wouldn’t be on dates if I didn’t want to end up with someone, and I certainly wouldn’t want to take anyone by surprise down the road by waiting to explain just what I want out of life. And then after a certain amount of consecutive failed with woman, I think that maybe if I stop looking — someone wonderful will fall right into my lap.
I had a couple of serious girlfriends in college, looking back, I didn’t have much in common with them— but I was much more able to fully trust these woman than the woman now. Is it easier to “fall in love” in college because we’re purer? I say “fall in love” because I’m not sure that I was in love with anyone when I was younger, but I do know that it all felt very real at the time. I was certain I was set for life once or twice. Was I more naïve and in turn just more trusting of good intentions? Was I just hopelessly devoting myself to anyone because subconsciously I thought this is the time to meet my girl? Who knows! I hate sounding so fluttery, but this has become a real concern to me.
I’ve been on a few dates since my divorce where I have been on the opposite side of things— I was smitten on one of these dates, convinced that I had found someone who shared similar wants. She left a voicemail to make sure that I had gotten home safely, and then I never heard from her again. Did I seem underwhelmed like so many of my past daters? What went wrong?
Truth is: you know when you know, right? At least that’s all I can tell myself in the meantime. I don’t expect anything anymore. My family have always called me a dating/love optimist. Almost all dates “went well” until a week has past and I haven’t heard from the woman since the date. Then I start to really think about the date and think about what I might have done wrong. Sometimes I’m too forward, sometimes I’m too reserved, sometimes I’m too critical — but in reality, I’m being myself. And I’m not with that person because we didn’t match as well as someone else could. And that’s okay, because I’ll find someone who matches me better too! The wait is hard, but hopefully it will all be worth it.
I had a couple of serious girlfriends in college, looking back, I didn’t have much in common with them— but I was much more able to fully trust these woman than the woman now. Is it easier to “fall in love” in college because we’re purer? I say “fall in love” because I’m not sure that I was in love with anyone when I was younger, but I do know that it all felt very real at the time. I was certain I was set for life once or twice. Was I more naïve and in turn just more trusting of good intentions? Was I just hopelessly devoting myself to anyone because subconsciously I thought this is the time to meet my girl? Who knows! I hate sounding so fluttery, but this has become a real concern to me.
I’ve been on a few dates since my divorce where I have been on the opposite side of things— I was smitten on one of these dates, convinced that I had found someone who shared similar wants. She left a voicemail to make sure that I had gotten home safely, and then I never heard from her again. Did I seem underwhelmed like so many of my past daters? What went wrong?
Truth is: you know when you know, right? At least that’s all I can tell myself in the meantime. I don’t expect anything anymore. My family have always called me a dating/love optimist. Almost all dates “went well” until a week has past and I haven’t heard from the woman since the date. Then I start to really think about the date and think about what I might have done wrong. Sometimes I’m too forward, sometimes I’m too reserved, sometimes I’m too critical — but in reality, I’m being myself. And I’m not with that person because we didn’t match as well as someone else could. And that’s okay, because I’ll find someone who matches me better too! The wait is hard, but hopefully it will all be worth it.
PERSONAL/DATING/LOVE: RAREST QUALITIES TO FIND IN A WOMAN IS KINDNESS
As a smart decent-looking man with an outward confidence and the ability to hold an intelligent conversation, online dating is much less a necessity than it is a tool. Meeting people in “real life” is easy, but quality meetings can be sparse and those in bars more than a little disingenuous, so the wide-net-fine-filter approach of an online dating profile seemed a perfect complement to my newfound hectic New York lifestyle.
What started as an experiment has done for my dating life what the assembly line did for the Model T, but at an unfortunate and unexpected detriment to my “boyfriend material.” Being a person who has his head on his shoulder (I think this is 90% of it), educated, and dashingly handsome—not to mention incredibly modest—with a well-thought-out, original profile makes me stand out in a sea of middle-aged creeps, jobless hipsters and “lawnguyland” in backwards caps standing shirtless in front of a car that they probably don’t own. This gets me—for a man—a substantial volume of messages from attractive, interesting, and confident women (something of which New York thankfully has an abnormally high percentage).
This revelation led to an embarrassingly vulnerable, loneliness-induced update of my profile in which I bluntly—and frankly, a little cheesily—laid out exactly what I was looking for in my perfect relationship. From the new messages that came pouring in, I was apparently looking for exactly the same thing as quite a bit of female population, I’m not alone on my Sisyphean fool’s errand of trying to find love.
I told one person who responded to me that one of the rarest qualities to find in a woman today—at least towards eligible men—was kindness. So many men are simply starving for kindness from a woman but so often find sarcasm and cynicism instead. It is easy for a man to feel that some women are actually looking to find fault, ready to pounce on him at the slightest ill-chosen word or misspoken comment. Men complain that they often feel around women that they cannot win, or say or do anything right. Such women drive men away.
Perhaps women today may have good reasons for these attitudes, but they are very wounding to a man, especially to an interested man who is serious, sincere, and sensitive.
Such a man will not ask such a woman out.
He simply doesn't want to be around it. I understand that in today's world it can be imprudent and even downright dangerous for a woman to be too kind too soon to a man she doesn't know well, and even then there still is chance of betrayal. The Sexual Revolution has ruined it for everyone as far as trust goes, but sarcasm and cynicism towards men have become epidemic in our society, and it has become so ingrained, so second-nature, that most women are not even conscious that they're being that way—but the men are. And they go the other way.
In terms of the risk factor, traditionally it has always been up to the woman to control how far things went and how fast, and, if she liked him, still keep the man captivated. I said that in the confusion of the day that that was perhaps one more thing that was lost, or at least severely damaged. What has been lost, was an ancient womanly wisdom that women in previous ages had always intuitively known, on how to "handle" (not manipulate) a man—that is, how to anticipate him and keep him happy.
A modern woman might interpret this sort of thing as "game playing" but it is not. It is a deadly serious business that holds civilization together. Quails and pelicans have their mating rituals and dances and so do humans.
The wife can and ought to claim the primacy of love in the home, as the husband claims primacy of authority. The heart must balance the head and vice versa. So, far from playing games, the maintenance of this delicate and glorious dance between the sexes is all important, and often calls for special wisdom, the shrewdness of love, from the woman.
What started as an experiment has done for my dating life what the assembly line did for the Model T, but at an unfortunate and unexpected detriment to my “boyfriend material.” Being a person who has his head on his shoulder (I think this is 90% of it), educated, and dashingly handsome—not to mention incredibly modest—with a well-thought-out, original profile makes me stand out in a sea of middle-aged creeps, jobless hipsters and “lawnguyland” in backwards caps standing shirtless in front of a car that they probably don’t own. This gets me—for a man—a substantial volume of messages from attractive, interesting, and confident women (something of which New York thankfully has an abnormally high percentage).
This revelation led to an embarrassingly vulnerable, loneliness-induced update of my profile in which I bluntly—and frankly, a little cheesily—laid out exactly what I was looking for in my perfect relationship. From the new messages that came pouring in, I was apparently looking for exactly the same thing as quite a bit of female population, I’m not alone on my Sisyphean fool’s errand of trying to find love.
I told one person who responded to me that one of the rarest qualities to find in a woman today—at least towards eligible men—was kindness. So many men are simply starving for kindness from a woman but so often find sarcasm and cynicism instead. It is easy for a man to feel that some women are actually looking to find fault, ready to pounce on him at the slightest ill-chosen word or misspoken comment. Men complain that they often feel around women that they cannot win, or say or do anything right. Such women drive men away.
Perhaps women today may have good reasons for these attitudes, but they are very wounding to a man, especially to an interested man who is serious, sincere, and sensitive.
Such a man will not ask such a woman out.
He simply doesn't want to be around it. I understand that in today's world it can be imprudent and even downright dangerous for a woman to be too kind too soon to a man she doesn't know well, and even then there still is chance of betrayal. The Sexual Revolution has ruined it for everyone as far as trust goes, but sarcasm and cynicism towards men have become epidemic in our society, and it has become so ingrained, so second-nature, that most women are not even conscious that they're being that way—but the men are. And they go the other way.
In terms of the risk factor, traditionally it has always been up to the woman to control how far things went and how fast, and, if she liked him, still keep the man captivated. I said that in the confusion of the day that that was perhaps one more thing that was lost, or at least severely damaged. What has been lost, was an ancient womanly wisdom that women in previous ages had always intuitively known, on how to "handle" (not manipulate) a man—that is, how to anticipate him and keep him happy.
A modern woman might interpret this sort of thing as "game playing" but it is not. It is a deadly serious business that holds civilization together. Quails and pelicans have their mating rituals and dances and so do humans.
The wife can and ought to claim the primacy of love in the home, as the husband claims primacy of authority. The heart must balance the head and vice versa. So, far from playing games, the maintenance of this delicate and glorious dance between the sexes is all important, and often calls for special wisdom, the shrewdness of love, from the woman.
PERSONAL: WE ARE IN THE SAME BOAT
I should start off by noting that I understand your pain, ladies. Internet dating sites—especially the free ones—are filled with guys who are…less than savory.
They believe that shirtless (or worse) photos are going to make you quiver with barely-restrained passion. Their idea of witty repartee is, “Wazzup, cute thang,” or overt sexual come-ons. Men are pigs. And, yep, I’m saying this as a man.
But here’s the thing. I’m not one of those guys. I still believe in love. I still am searching for first dates that will lead to second dates and, possibly, to a long-term relationship.
I make initial contact with (what I at least hope is) a clever “shot across the bow.” I make reference to something the woman mentions in her profile. I only write to women with whom I am compatible…according to whatever byzantine logic is used by the particular dating site.
According to discussions with female friends and perusals of various sites that claim to give me the secrets of “what women want,” women want me. There, I said it.
But they don’t.
I’ve made it to one failed marriages, yet I remain (for the most part) a romantic and not a cynic. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I own my garbage, my baggage, and my issues.
Those of us dating online are in the same leaky boat. We want to get off that boat and onto dry land. Based on innumerable first dates that have run the gamut from “nothing there” to “couldn’t be better,” I’ve got to air my grievances.
Don’t say that you’re interested in a long-term relationship if you aren’t. I’ve had a couple of occasions during which I believe the “failure to launch” was due to the fact that the woman I met did not really believe she’d find someone special. Don’t be afraid to admit that there’s nothing there. I think I’m pretty good at reading energy, but I’m not infallible. I may be totally into a woman, think she feels the same way, but be completely off-base. If you sense that I’m feeling something you’re not, then—in a nice way—let me know that. I wouldn’t want to meet you if I didn’t think we had some potential. So, once again…We’re all in the same leaky boat. Let’s try not to torpedo one another while seeking the solace of calm seas. Good luck (to all of us reluctant sailors)
They believe that shirtless (or worse) photos are going to make you quiver with barely-restrained passion. Their idea of witty repartee is, “Wazzup, cute thang,” or overt sexual come-ons. Men are pigs. And, yep, I’m saying this as a man.
But here’s the thing. I’m not one of those guys. I still believe in love. I still am searching for first dates that will lead to second dates and, possibly, to a long-term relationship.
I make initial contact with (what I at least hope is) a clever “shot across the bow.” I make reference to something the woman mentions in her profile. I only write to women with whom I am compatible…according to whatever byzantine logic is used by the particular dating site.
According to discussions with female friends and perusals of various sites that claim to give me the secrets of “what women want,” women want me. There, I said it.
But they don’t.
I’ve made it to one failed marriages, yet I remain (for the most part) a romantic and not a cynic. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I own my garbage, my baggage, and my issues.
Those of us dating online are in the same leaky boat. We want to get off that boat and onto dry land. Based on innumerable first dates that have run the gamut from “nothing there” to “couldn’t be better,” I’ve got to air my grievances.
Don’t say that you’re interested in a long-term relationship if you aren’t. I’ve had a couple of occasions during which I believe the “failure to launch” was due to the fact that the woman I met did not really believe she’d find someone special. Don’t be afraid to admit that there’s nothing there. I think I’m pretty good at reading energy, but I’m not infallible. I may be totally into a woman, think she feels the same way, but be completely off-base. If you sense that I’m feeling something you’re not, then—in a nice way—let me know that. I wouldn’t want to meet you if I didn’t think we had some potential. So, once again…We’re all in the same leaky boat. Let’s try not to torpedo one another while seeking the solace of calm seas. Good luck (to all of us reluctant sailors)
DATING/LOVE/THOUGHTS:TICKING CLOCK WOMAN
I been out of the dating scene for a couple of years and now that I am back...i notice a lot of woman aren't in any hurry to rush down and get married. Being independent and successful has proved to be heady mix that girls are finding hard to resist.Women now want a successful career before they head for the aisle. Do most woman find themselves saying, "I want achieve this or that before I have kids?" Do they worry that they'd live in poverty if they had kids too soon? Do they hold off because they worry they can't provide for a family (whether it's just the basics or more luxurious ideals with homes, cars, vacations, items, large bank accounts, etc.)?
It's like a career, traveling, and living together for prolonged periods of time, and delaying "growing up" have taken the place of thinking about settling down, preparing body, heart, and mind to start a family, making real commitments and getting married.People have adopted to the "norms" of our money/success focused society. I mean, it seems very normal for many men and women to feel the need to seek wealth, education, experiences, worldly success, security, and even luxuries first...before pursuing family life. It didn't use to be like this. People used to just have kids earlier and make do. But it seems priorities and expectations have really shifted
So many women really are fooled into thinking "they have time" to have kids. Maybe they hear of women in their thirties and forties having babies...but because infertility is such a silent journey for the majority of women, you don't often hear about the journey they went through to have a child...including often $20-$50k (or more) for fertility treatments, freezing eggs, and/or adoption, loads of dr. appts., and often the use of egg donors Also, there's a lot of sugar coating going on...people try to comfort one another by saying "You have time" when really, people are blowing smoke!!
Me? I want to get married and have kids. I usually finds a way to bring up the topic and if the woman is adamantly about marriage and kids and doesn't seem like she in rush for it..I don't waste my time with her. It’s just too important to me to risk falling in love with someone who doesn’t want them, only to have to end things because my desire to have family and kids soon is non-negotiable and so is their desire not to, I learned a long time agao... if you choose someone who doesn't match your core values but fool yourself into thinking you can change him or her, down the road, you are in for a big disappointment,
When a women’s “baby bells” get turned on, which can happen at any given moment, suddenly the sound of her biological clock ticking away gets louder and louder. There is a great scene, a classic one actually with Marisa Tomei & Joe Pesci where she tells him about her biological clock. In fact she earned an Academy award for her performance in this film. If you haven’t seen it look it up on YouTube, it is a telling scene.
The fertility window is closing, which, frankly, it is. On average, a woman's fertility drops precipitously after age 34, as both the quantity and quality of her eggs dwindle.When you're not seeing the truth of who they really are and where it's really going, and all you keep thinking is that he's cute and he's into you — that's when you do waste time,
If a woman is worried about her biological clock. I notice it usually helped them to get really focused on what they truly wanted in a partner. You see, all those qualities that most woman thought they wanted in a guy, all those must-haves list, were really all about their own insecurities and their earlier programming from the media, peers, family, etc., and had nothing to do with what they really wanted, which was a family of their own. While they were out searching for the elusive fireworks and butterflies, what they should have had an eye out for was someone with the qualities of a good husband and a good father.
So many woman evaluating men, tend to think it's an either-or scenario: either they're head over heels attracted to him or he's just not our type. But I can't tell you how many women I know who married the seemingly perfect guy they were head over heels for that turned out to be the wrong guy for them. I can't begin to express the heartbreak and pain of theseparation and divorce for everyone involved when in the end, the perfect guy turned out to be the player who just couldn't stop playing, or they finally realized that they just wanted different things in life. All of them realized, painfully too late, that if only they would have known what to look for earlier they would have chosen differently. I learn that with my ex wife.
If you're so concerned about your biological clock that you're thinking about having a child without a partner in your life (and it certainly can be done these days) remember that the reality is being a single mom is one of the most challenging and difficult roles you can take on. It's very common, but that doesn't mean that it's easy by any stretch. It also will make finding a romantic partner much harder, as supporting yourself and caring for a child leaves very little time for any kind of serious dating.
Being part of a couple when you're raising a child really is a much better scenario. The key is to make sure it's with someone who is on the same page, shares the same values and has the qualities that really matter, even if he's not what you currently think is your type. The fact that he’s going to be such a great dad to your kids, treats you well, and shares the same values is going to make him so attractive to you when you can look beyond the must give you butterflies entry on your current list. You'll be amazed at just how quickly love can grow when you respect and care for someone that respects and cares for you in return.
Most woman should start taking another look at that guy who's their good friend, or the one they just don't feel it with, or the one they think is missing something. Look at him in this new light of what they really want –a committed relationship with a guy that wants to be a dad as much as they want to be a mom. He might just be someone that they could fall in love with after all when you realize what’s really important to you. You'll start to see that most of the qualities that are important in a dad aren't the same as what you've been finding yourself attracted to in a man
PART II
You have to consider that when you are in your early 30s. Your biological clock is ticking away and you have a small window of opportunity to marry and bring children into this world. I would not, G-d forbid want to receive a email from you five years hence saying, “I should have married him. I’m so lonely. I want so desperately to have children.”
I can’t begin to tell you how many single woman have sounded that lament. I listen to them on the phone telling me how wonderful that they are devoted to their nieces and nephews, but at the end of the day, you want to have your own children. You not only want to be an aunt…you want to be a mommy.
So ask yourself these questions:
It's like a career, traveling, and living together for prolonged periods of time, and delaying "growing up" have taken the place of thinking about settling down, preparing body, heart, and mind to start a family, making real commitments and getting married.People have adopted to the "norms" of our money/success focused society. I mean, it seems very normal for many men and women to feel the need to seek wealth, education, experiences, worldly success, security, and even luxuries first...before pursuing family life. It didn't use to be like this. People used to just have kids earlier and make do. But it seems priorities and expectations have really shifted
So many women really are fooled into thinking "they have time" to have kids. Maybe they hear of women in their thirties and forties having babies...but because infertility is such a silent journey for the majority of women, you don't often hear about the journey they went through to have a child...including often $20-$50k (or more) for fertility treatments, freezing eggs, and/or adoption, loads of dr. appts., and often the use of egg donors Also, there's a lot of sugar coating going on...people try to comfort one another by saying "You have time" when really, people are blowing smoke!!
Me? I want to get married and have kids. I usually finds a way to bring up the topic and if the woman is adamantly about marriage and kids and doesn't seem like she in rush for it..I don't waste my time with her. It’s just too important to me to risk falling in love with someone who doesn’t want them, only to have to end things because my desire to have family and kids soon is non-negotiable and so is their desire not to, I learned a long time agao... if you choose someone who doesn't match your core values but fool yourself into thinking you can change him or her, down the road, you are in for a big disappointment,
When a women’s “baby bells” get turned on, which can happen at any given moment, suddenly the sound of her biological clock ticking away gets louder and louder. There is a great scene, a classic one actually with Marisa Tomei & Joe Pesci where she tells him about her biological clock. In fact she earned an Academy award for her performance in this film. If you haven’t seen it look it up on YouTube, it is a telling scene.
The fertility window is closing, which, frankly, it is. On average, a woman's fertility drops precipitously after age 34, as both the quantity and quality of her eggs dwindle.When you're not seeing the truth of who they really are and where it's really going, and all you keep thinking is that he's cute and he's into you — that's when you do waste time,
If a woman is worried about her biological clock. I notice it usually helped them to get really focused on what they truly wanted in a partner. You see, all those qualities that most woman thought they wanted in a guy, all those must-haves list, were really all about their own insecurities and their earlier programming from the media, peers, family, etc., and had nothing to do with what they really wanted, which was a family of their own. While they were out searching for the elusive fireworks and butterflies, what they should have had an eye out for was someone with the qualities of a good husband and a good father.
So many woman evaluating men, tend to think it's an either-or scenario: either they're head over heels attracted to him or he's just not our type. But I can't tell you how many women I know who married the seemingly perfect guy they were head over heels for that turned out to be the wrong guy for them. I can't begin to express the heartbreak and pain of theseparation and divorce for everyone involved when in the end, the perfect guy turned out to be the player who just couldn't stop playing, or they finally realized that they just wanted different things in life. All of them realized, painfully too late, that if only they would have known what to look for earlier they would have chosen differently. I learn that with my ex wife.
If you're so concerned about your biological clock that you're thinking about having a child without a partner in your life (and it certainly can be done these days) remember that the reality is being a single mom is one of the most challenging and difficult roles you can take on. It's very common, but that doesn't mean that it's easy by any stretch. It also will make finding a romantic partner much harder, as supporting yourself and caring for a child leaves very little time for any kind of serious dating.
Being part of a couple when you're raising a child really is a much better scenario. The key is to make sure it's with someone who is on the same page, shares the same values and has the qualities that really matter, even if he's not what you currently think is your type. The fact that he’s going to be such a great dad to your kids, treats you well, and shares the same values is going to make him so attractive to you when you can look beyond the must give you butterflies entry on your current list. You'll be amazed at just how quickly love can grow when you respect and care for someone that respects and cares for you in return.
Most woman should start taking another look at that guy who's their good friend, or the one they just don't feel it with, or the one they think is missing something. Look at him in this new light of what they really want –a committed relationship with a guy that wants to be a dad as much as they want to be a mom. He might just be someone that they could fall in love with after all when you realize what’s really important to you. You'll start to see that most of the qualities that are important in a dad aren't the same as what you've been finding yourself attracted to in a man
PART II
You have to consider that when you are in your early 30s. Your biological clock is ticking away and you have a small window of opportunity to marry and bring children into this world. I would not, G-d forbid want to receive a email from you five years hence saying, “I should have married him. I’m so lonely. I want so desperately to have children.”
I can’t begin to tell you how many single woman have sounded that lament. I listen to them on the phone telling me how wonderful that they are devoted to their nieces and nephews, but at the end of the day, you want to have your own children. You not only want to be an aunt…you want to be a mommy.
So ask yourself these questions:
1) Will this man be a good father to my children? Once you have children, they become your primary concern.
2) Is this man someone whom I can respect? If there is respect, love will follow, but if there is love without respect, then disdain follows.
3) Does this man share my aspirations for life? Does he have the same beliefs that I do? Does he want to raise our children in the same spirit as I do?
4) Is he good-hearted? Is he kind and considerate? (Even the most handsome face, the most brilliant mind and the wittiest personality can become repulsive overnight if he is not good-hearted.)
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
LOVE, DATING/ THOUGTHS: WOMAN ARE SO STUPID....YOU DON'T HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD
Age matters. You really do lose eggs quickly."
You know the #1 thing that people have said to woman for years? "You've got PLENTY of time! No worries!" OK, let me just put this out there: our culture seriously needs to stop saying that.
THERE IS LOADS OF RESEARCH that says the prime time to have a child is in your TWENTIES...as in 26 years of age and under. Fertility and egg quality begins to decline at age 27. Yet, it's practically taboo in some areas to have a baby in your mid-twenties! Strange (& tricky) that our cultural ideals do not line up with our biology any more. It's like a career, traveling, and living together for prolonged periods of time, and delaying "growing up" have taken the place of thinking about settling down, preparing body, heart, and mind to start a family, making real commitments and getting married (for both men and women).
Why do you think that is the case?
I think there are so many deep-rooted cultural shifts...but here's my stab at a few that come to mind
-It's unbelievably difficult to juggle a career and a family. I think many women feel the pressure to choose a career path (and hold off on kids) for as many years as possible because, unfortunately, most companies and work demands are not family-friendly. I think it can be a conflicting thing for women...as self-worth and dreams can be wrapped up in a career and successful pursuits, though sometimes that path often doesn't match up with their biology as women to give birth in their mid twenties and begin nurturing young kids.
-Many women and men don't feel any rush to settle down. I think birth control and the acceptable norm of living together before marriage has taken away - for many - the norm of getting married, settling down, and starting a family in your mid twenties.
-People have adopted to the "norms" of our money/success focused society. I mean, it seems very normal for many men and women to feel the need to seek wealth, education, experiences, worldly success, security, and even luxuries first...before pursuing family life. It didn't use to be like this. People used to just have kids earlier and make do. But it seems priorities and expectations have really shifted. Do most woman find themselves saying, "I want achieve this or that before I have kids?" Do they worry that they'd live in poverty if they had kids too soon? Do they hold off because they worry they can't provide for a family (whether it's just the basics or more luxurious ideals with homes, cars, vacations, items, large bank accounts, etc.)?
-So many women really are fooled into thinking "they have time" to have kids. Maybe they hear of women in their thirties and forties having babies...but because infertility is such a silent journey for the majority of women, you don't often hear about the journey they went through to have a child...including often $20-$50k (or more) for fertility treatments, freezing eggs, and/or adoption, loads of dr. appts., and often the use of egg donors Also, there's a lot of sugar coating going on...people try to comfort one another by saying "You have time" when really, people are blowing smoke!!
3 out of 4 women do NOT have concerns about being able to conceive. They believe they will have an average, or easier time becoming pregnant compared to most women." Yikes. But you know what - the stats are there. People clearly are not catching on that the FERTILE YEARS ARE IN YOUR EARLY TO MID TWENTIES. I don't think educating with facts is shaming. Since 3 out of 4 women don't know the facts, I say it's worth trying to educate people in a big way. Perhaps it can help change the script that we think and repeat to each other and grow up with...and perhaps that can lead to people re-thinking their life plans (at least among those who do desire to have children) and seeking partners who are on the same page.
You know the #1 thing that people have said to woman for years? "You've got PLENTY of time! No worries!" OK, let me just put this out there: our culture seriously needs to stop saying that.
THERE IS LOADS OF RESEARCH that says the prime time to have a child is in your TWENTIES...as in 26 years of age and under. Fertility and egg quality begins to decline at age 27. Yet, it's practically taboo in some areas to have a baby in your mid-twenties! Strange (& tricky) that our cultural ideals do not line up with our biology any more. It's like a career, traveling, and living together for prolonged periods of time, and delaying "growing up" have taken the place of thinking about settling down, preparing body, heart, and mind to start a family, making real commitments and getting married (for both men and women).
Why do you think that is the case?
I think there are so many deep-rooted cultural shifts...but here's my stab at a few that come to mind
-It's unbelievably difficult to juggle a career and a family. I think many women feel the pressure to choose a career path (and hold off on kids) for as many years as possible because, unfortunately, most companies and work demands are not family-friendly. I think it can be a conflicting thing for women...as self-worth and dreams can be wrapped up in a career and successful pursuits, though sometimes that path often doesn't match up with their biology as women to give birth in their mid twenties and begin nurturing young kids.
-Many women and men don't feel any rush to settle down. I think birth control and the acceptable norm of living together before marriage has taken away - for many - the norm of getting married, settling down, and starting a family in your mid twenties.
-People have adopted to the "norms" of our money/success focused society. I mean, it seems very normal for many men and women to feel the need to seek wealth, education, experiences, worldly success, security, and even luxuries first...before pursuing family life. It didn't use to be like this. People used to just have kids earlier and make do. But it seems priorities and expectations have really shifted. Do most woman find themselves saying, "I want achieve this or that before I have kids?" Do they worry that they'd live in poverty if they had kids too soon? Do they hold off because they worry they can't provide for a family (whether it's just the basics or more luxurious ideals with homes, cars, vacations, items, large bank accounts, etc.)?
-So many women really are fooled into thinking "they have time" to have kids. Maybe they hear of women in their thirties and forties having babies...but because infertility is such a silent journey for the majority of women, you don't often hear about the journey they went through to have a child...including often $20-$50k (or more) for fertility treatments, freezing eggs, and/or adoption, loads of dr. appts., and often the use of egg donors Also, there's a lot of sugar coating going on...people try to comfort one another by saying "You have time" when really, people are blowing smoke!!
3 out of 4 women do NOT have concerns about being able to conceive. They believe they will have an average, or easier time becoming pregnant compared to most women." Yikes. But you know what - the stats are there. People clearly are not catching on that the FERTILE YEARS ARE IN YOUR EARLY TO MID TWENTIES. I don't think educating with facts is shaming. Since 3 out of 4 women don't know the facts, I say it's worth trying to educate people in a big way. Perhaps it can help change the script that we think and repeat to each other and grow up with...and perhaps that can lead to people re-thinking their life plans (at least among those who do desire to have children) and seeking partners who are on the same page.
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