PERSONAL: WE ARE IN THE SAME BOAT

I should start off by noting that I understand your pain, ladies.  Internet dating sites—especially the free ones—are filled with guys who are…less than savory.

They believe that shirtless (or worse) photos are going to make you quiver with barely-restrained passion. Their idea of witty repartee is, “Wazzup, cute thang,” or overt sexual come-ons. Men are pigs. And, yep, I’m saying this as a man.

But here’s the thing. I’m not one of those guys. I still believe in love. I still am searching for first dates that will lead to second dates and, possibly, to a long-term relationship.

I make initial contact with (what I at least hope is) a clever “shot across the bow.” I make reference to something the woman mentions in her profile. I only write to women with whom I am compatible…according to whatever byzantine logic is used by the particular dating site.

According to discussions with female friends and perusals of various sites that claim to give me the secrets of “what women want,” women want me. There, I said it.

But they don’t.

I’ve made it to one failed marriages, yet I remain (for the most part) a romantic and not a cynic. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I own my garbage, my baggage, and my issues.

Those of us dating online are in the same leaky boat. We want to get off that boat and onto dry land. Based on innumerable first dates that have run the gamut from “nothing there” to “couldn’t be better,” I’ve got to air my grievances.

Don’t say that you’re interested in a long-term relationship if you aren’t. I’ve had a couple of occasions during which I believe the “failure to launch” was due to the fact that the woman I met did not really believe she’d find someone special. Don’t be afraid to admit that there’s nothing there. I think I’m pretty good at reading energy, but I’m not infallible. I may be totally into a woman, think she feels the same way, but be completely off-base. If you sense that I’m feeling something you’re not, then—in a nice way—let me know that. I wouldn’t want to meet you if I didn’t think we had some potential. So, once again…We’re all in the same leaky boat. Let’s try not to torpedo one another while seeking the solace of calm seas. Good luck (to all of us reluctant sailors)