I had to go the city for Jury Duty. I don't live in the city anymore..so I show the clerk all the paper. I got dismissed. But still it was stressful to go the city today.
I was exhausted when I got home....but i sure happy I didn't go to work today.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
JOURNAL: NEVER FEELING GOOD ENOUGH
I think I'm better off than most people but I always feel like it's never enough. Sometime I feel down and unhappy because I wish to have this and be able to that. I got some of things that I thought would make me happy but the happiness is only temporary. When I get what I want, I tend to forget about it and want something else. It seems like nothing could satisfy me and maybe I should just be happy with what I got.
Who measures what a "successful" life is? You do. Nobody else.
If all you ever achieve in life is wasting your time away daydreaming and writing just one small piece of song or poetry, and that little bit of poetry becomes an inspiration generations later to a person who remakes world society (or whatever) - is that a life you would consider "unsuccessful"?
If somebody is perfectly happy just living alone in a hut, growing their own vegetables, who are you to determine that that kind of life is wasted?
If happiness exists, I think it is not up to others to judge or decide what is valuable and what isn't.
However, the point is to determine whether however you live your life actually DOES make you happy. If not, you're buying comfort and the illusion of safety at the expense of happiness.
The same is true for the opposite. Setting goals arbitrarily (new car, new house, etc.) in the material world just to in the end realize that it means nothing, because you never found out what would have made you happy.
For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to still be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time … and remember that time waits for no one…
So stop waiting
until you finish school,
until you go back to school,
until you lose ten pounds,
until you gain ten pounds,
until you have kids,
until your kids leave the house,
until you start work,
until you retire,
until you get married,
until you get divorced,
until Friday night,
until Sunday morning,
until you get a new car or home,
until your car or home is paid off,
until spring,
until summer,
until fall,
until winter,
until you are off welfare,
until the first or fifteenth,
until your song comes on,
until you've had a drink,
until you've sobered up,
until you die,
until you are born again
to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy…
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Who measures what a "successful" life is? You do. Nobody else.
If all you ever achieve in life is wasting your time away daydreaming and writing just one small piece of song or poetry, and that little bit of poetry becomes an inspiration generations later to a person who remakes world society (or whatever) - is that a life you would consider "unsuccessful"?
If somebody is perfectly happy just living alone in a hut, growing their own vegetables, who are you to determine that that kind of life is wasted?
If happiness exists, I think it is not up to others to judge or decide what is valuable and what isn't.
However, the point is to determine whether however you live your life actually DOES make you happy. If not, you're buying comfort and the illusion of safety at the expense of happiness.
The same is true for the opposite. Setting goals arbitrarily (new car, new house, etc.) in the material world just to in the end realize that it means nothing, because you never found out what would have made you happy.
For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to still be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time … and remember that time waits for no one…
So stop waiting
until you finish school,
until you go back to school,
until you lose ten pounds,
until you gain ten pounds,
until you have kids,
until your kids leave the house,
until you start work,
until you retire,
until you get married,
until you get divorced,
until Friday night,
until Sunday morning,
until you get a new car or home,
until your car or home is paid off,
until spring,
until summer,
until fall,
until winter,
until you are off welfare,
until the first or fifteenth,
until your song comes on,
until you've had a drink,
until you've sobered up,
until you die,
until you are born again
to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy…
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
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