It's like a career, traveling, and living together for prolonged periods of time, and delaying "growing up" have taken the place of thinking about settling down, preparing body, heart, and mind to start a family, making real commitments and getting married.People have adopted to the "norms" of our money/success focused society. I mean, it seems very normal for many men and women to feel the need to seek wealth, education, experiences, worldly success, security, and even luxuries first...before pursuing family life. It didn't use to be like this. People used to just have kids earlier and make do. But it seems priorities and expectations have really shifted
So many women really are fooled into thinking "they have time" to have kids. Maybe they hear of women in their thirties and forties having babies...but because infertility is such a silent journey for the majority of women, you don't often hear about the journey they went through to have a child...including often $20-$50k (or more) for fertility treatments, freezing eggs, and/or adoption, loads of dr. appts., and often the use of egg donors Also, there's a lot of sugar coating going on...people try to comfort one another by saying "You have time" when really, people are blowing smoke!!
Me? I want to get married and have kids. I usually finds a way to bring up the topic and if the woman is adamantly about marriage and kids and doesn't seem like she in rush for it..I don't waste my time with her. It’s just too important to me to risk falling in love with someone who doesn’t want them, only to have to end things because my desire to have family and kids soon is non-negotiable and so is their desire not to, I learned a long time agao... if you choose someone who doesn't match your core values but fool yourself into thinking you can change him or her, down the road, you are in for a big disappointment,
When a women’s “baby bells” get turned on, which can happen at any given moment, suddenly the sound of her biological clock ticking away gets louder and louder. There is a great scene, a classic one actually with Marisa Tomei & Joe Pesci where she tells him about her biological clock. In fact she earned an Academy award for her performance in this film. If you haven’t seen it look it up on YouTube, it is a telling scene.
The fertility window is closing, which, frankly, it is. On average, a woman's fertility drops precipitously after age 34, as both the quantity and quality of her eggs dwindle.When you're not seeing the truth of who they really are and where it's really going, and all you keep thinking is that he's cute and he's into you — that's when you do waste time,
If a woman is worried about her biological clock. I notice it usually helped them to get really focused on what they truly wanted in a partner. You see, all those qualities that most woman thought they wanted in a guy, all those must-haves list, were really all about their own insecurities and their earlier programming from the media, peers, family, etc., and had nothing to do with what they really wanted, which was a family of their own. While they were out searching for the elusive fireworks and butterflies, what they should have had an eye out for was someone with the qualities of a good husband and a good father.
So many woman evaluating men, tend to think it's an either-or scenario: either they're head over heels attracted to him or he's just not our type. But I can't tell you how many women I know who married the seemingly perfect guy they were head over heels for that turned out to be the wrong guy for them. I can't begin to express the heartbreak and pain of theseparation and divorce for everyone involved when in the end, the perfect guy turned out to be the player who just couldn't stop playing, or they finally realized that they just wanted different things in life. All of them realized, painfully too late, that if only they would have known what to look for earlier they would have chosen differently. I learn that with my ex wife.
If you're so concerned about your biological clock that you're thinking about having a child without a partner in your life (and it certainly can be done these days) remember that the reality is being a single mom is one of the most challenging and difficult roles you can take on. It's very common, but that doesn't mean that it's easy by any stretch. It also will make finding a romantic partner much harder, as supporting yourself and caring for a child leaves very little time for any kind of serious dating.
Being part of a couple when you're raising a child really is a much better scenario. The key is to make sure it's with someone who is on the same page, shares the same values and has the qualities that really matter, even if he's not what you currently think is your type. The fact that he’s going to be such a great dad to your kids, treats you well, and shares the same values is going to make him so attractive to you when you can look beyond the must give you butterflies entry on your current list. You'll be amazed at just how quickly love can grow when you respect and care for someone that respects and cares for you in return.
Most woman should start taking another look at that guy who's their good friend, or the one they just don't feel it with, or the one they think is missing something. Look at him in this new light of what they really want –a committed relationship with a guy that wants to be a dad as much as they want to be a mom. He might just be someone that they could fall in love with after all when you realize what’s really important to you. You'll start to see that most of the qualities that are important in a dad aren't the same as what you've been finding yourself attracted to in a man
PART II
You have to consider that when you are in your early 30s. Your biological clock is ticking away and you have a small window of opportunity to marry and bring children into this world. I would not, G-d forbid want to receive a email from you five years hence saying, “I should have married him. I’m so lonely. I want so desperately to have children.”
I can’t begin to tell you how many single woman have sounded that lament. I listen to them on the phone telling me how wonderful that they are devoted to their nieces and nephews, but at the end of the day, you want to have your own children. You not only want to be an aunt…you want to be a mommy.
So ask yourself these questions:
1) Will this man be a good father to my children? Once you have children, they become your primary concern.
2) Is this man someone whom I can respect? If there is respect, love will follow, but if there is love without respect, then disdain follows.
3) Does this man share my aspirations for life? Does he have the same beliefs that I do? Does he want to raise our children in the same spirit as I do?
4) Is he good-hearted? Is he kind and considerate? (Even the most handsome face, the most brilliant mind and the wittiest personality can become repulsive overnight if he is not good-hearted.)
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