I
wonder why everyone around me, except me is in a great relationship, getting
engaged, getting married, having kids and zooming right along in life. I
believe with great certainty that my special someone does exist. She is out
there. Each and every day could be the day when I meet the person of my dreams,
the person with whom I will spend the rest of my life.
I know men who are not as interesting as I am, not as
smart as I am, not as loving as I am, but yet have a great relationship. My
problem with finding the right woman has nothing to do with my personal worth
or value..is that these guys know how to play the game better than me.
I am not going on any more date with another
pretty woman who spend all the time talking about yourself. I am not going to spend
time with who who fall so far below the bar that they make inmates look good. I
will not spend time with woman who I know absolutely, positively, will lead me
nowhere. I decided that right now, I would rather be happy alone than miserable
with someone body else. I will not choose somegirl
out of fear that I may not get a better choice later.
I
don't fit with everybody and not everybody fits me. There are people out there
I know that i will drive crazy and vice verse. I have a clear vision of what I
want and what I don't want. It tough enough to merge two lives without
problem...I think I am worthy of a functioning, healthy quality mate. I don't
need a wounded, nutty, conservative woman. I won't pick a woman who is broken.
It's like buying a car, If two cars are sitting there, and one has been wrecked
while the other doesn't have a scratch on it, heck, even Lassie knows to pick
the one that isn't damaged. there are too many fish in the sea for me to pick
on who in a different page than me.
You
see, I am looking for the experience of being with the right person. A sense of
belonging, acceptance. I found my peace in this world through this person whom
I am going to share the rest of life with. And the things that will create this
for me will be her values, personality style, and interaction style and the way
she helps me feel. I am not looking for 100%. I would be happy with 70% of what
I am looking for....but most are looking for 100%. The perfect couple is a
myth. Life is a comprise. Relationships are a compromise.
Ultimately
it comes down to the difference between the people who are serious about
commitment and the people who are chasing a fantasy.
Personality:
I am looking for a quiet gal.
1-humor.
Someone who has a well-developed sense of humor.
2-Serious
enough that we can talk about deeper issues in life.
3-Supportive:plenty
of praise and stands behind me no matter what.
4-Intellect
5-Emotional: Who is emotionally expressive.
6-Honest:
doesn't play games but is direct
7-Sensual
8-Stable:
9-Responsible:
meaning someone I can relied upon to do what she says she will do
10-Independent
11-Confident
Socially:
-
Homebody.
-Part-time
socialize: likes to stay in, but will go out once in a while
-Dinner
with the family, one night a week we go out just two of us
Relationship:
-romantic
-Willing
to share responsibility for money
-highly
sexual charged
-affectionate
-Emotionally
expressive : articulates her feelings
Physically:
slim to medium
In
the eyes of the right woman
Woman
who fit the dress are a dime a dozen--its the woman who helps me feel, the one
who give me the experience I want who I am willing to take a leap with. I want
to forged a connection. I am who I am, I know what I want and if you don't like
it, someone else will. Maybe you won't fall in love with me at first sight, but
give me a minute. I might sneak up on you if you are not careful. There is
someone out there who wants me precisely for what I have to offer. It would be
cool if I had someone. It would be fun if I had someone.
Past
relationships:
1-my
biggest problem and frustration with relationship is that I need alot of
attention. Sexually and emotionally. I need someone who will call me everyday.
I need someone who want to be risky with me
sexually.
Most
woman are too afraid of getting hurt. I
don't want to be someone who is unhappy, she is going to bring me down. She is
happy at level zero. Now i've suddenly gone from ten to five and I'm sinking
ast.
Thar's
not what I am looking for in a relationship. I'm better off by myself.
What
do i have to offer to her?
What
is she going to take from me?
Most
woman are afraid to share space with a partner after years of living alone.
They think they are choosy, but deep down, they are scared to mess up a good
thing that they've got going with themselves. Or they been hurt so many
times...had several disappointment in rapid succession that she thinks that
relationships are just not in the cards for her...so why bother.
I
am ok even if I never find the special person who I am looking for. This means
that if I am alone, I am not a bad person to do it with.Whatever happens it;s
not going to change my life. I realized that the things I really enjoy, the
things that give me the most pleasure and make life worth living, are all
things I already have. A walk in the park, Some quality time with family and
friends. An hour in the sun, just me and my mp3 player. No woman can give these
things to me or take them away, so there's no reason to act as though the world
will come to an end if that random conversation with Jane doesn't develop into
a relationship.
When
people are really confident, they are not hungry for external validation. they
do not enter into a relationship looking for evidence--as to whether they are
okay or not. They have already held that debate--and won. Confident people care
calm without being aloof or arrogant. This sense of peace comes from an
awareness of their authentic self, the part of you that can be found at your
absolute core. if on the other hand, you are unsure of yourself, you'll be very
vulnerable to the whims of others. It could be something as minor as someone
being rude to you in line at the grocery store. you maybe offended all day,
wondering why would she treat me that way. Was it because she didn't think I
was important person. But the truth is that you already know who you are, you
are neitehr validated nor deflated by what someone else does, because you are
neither validated nor deflated by what someone else does, because you haven't
given your power to anyone else.
Woman
sense desperation: You don't have what you need, so you're going to take it
from me. If she lonely, she will take my independence and my free time.
Desperate people are leeches, they will suck you dry and then still not
leave.Fear fuels your desperation. You're like a hungry bird..."feed me,
love me" over and over again.80 % of all question are just statement in
disguise, what they're really going is saying. There's nothing wrong with me. I
shouldn't still be single. I'm good enough to be married. When someone ask,
"What's wrong with me?..they are feeling there is something wrong with
them. If you're telling yourself you're desperate and you must have a woman,
you will reek of fear and weakness and desperation. if you're telling yourself
things like, "I must, " "I have to" and It's a catastrophe
if she doesn't love me, then you are putting yourself into a state of
desperation and panic, and state that scream. I need I want.
-If
i don't get married by 40, I'll die alone
-there
must be something wrong with me because no one want to marry me
-I
need her approval or she will dump me like the rest
-if
she love and accept me, then I can finally feel okay about myself.
-No
past relationship have worked out, so I never let myself believe
that
there is one that really will work
Like
Donald Trump in negotiating a deal, they cannot act desperate. Believe me, the
second they show their potential partner how bad they need the deal, the jig is
up.
I
am a mix of Tom Hanks ...you sensitive dream guy in Sleepless in Settle. The
best friend, a father, a nurturer. I am funny and dry. Nicholas Cage in
Moonstruck,,passionate and emotionally expressive type. If I want you, you will
know it, neither rain, nor hail nor sleet will stop me from going after you.
And finally Richard Gere from Pretty Woman. I am generous, stable, cultured and
sophisticated. a man who comes with a lifestyle.
What
i want is a online connection that will spill over into real life and you
click. The email, phone conversation will make us feel so connected that our
first date will be a easy. There is no getting-to-know-each-other awkwardness
because we already done that online. I am going to invest a whole lot of time,
effort and energy into creating a relationship. I will never love anything
about someone. if i did then I am wearing rose-colored glass and fooling
myself.
Some
woman are still into going out. They already getting a sense of belonging from
a group
May
compare themselves with others, better looking or not but I got
the
nice eyes. People respond to energy rather than looks.
I
am a beautiful human being
I
am wise and experienced
There
is so much more to me than my looks
My
happiness depends on me
I
don't want anything from anyone
I
have everything I need
I
have a great heart and a warm spirit
I
have a wonderful family who love me
I
am satisfied with who I've become
I
am a great catch
I
love being by myself
Each
of us makes a statement with the way we present ourselves, conduct ourselves
and interact with others. I seek a woman who has a nurturing style. Its the way
a woman makes me feel that ultimately determines the longevity and quality of
my relationship. I am not going to waste my time pursuing a woman when all
appearance signal "proceed with caution". The first thing that goes
through a man nice when they meet a woman is what kind of sexual partner she
would be. Stop thinking of sex as luxury
and put it hight on your priority list. Being sexually satisfied and feeling
wanted by your partner are legitimate
and healthy part of a relationship. You never get what you want in this life
unless you believe that you deserve it
The
truth is that powerful, successful woman can be terrifying to man. Men like to
be hero, the rescuer, the knight in shining armor. Men like to feel needed, and
in fact indispensable, because they believe this puts them in a positions of
control and security. If he looks at you and see that you have a solid job,
financial security, and a great social life, he wonders what he has to offer
you. When he can't come up with a good enough answer, the intimidation factor
sets in—he fears that you won't want him. So many woman give off the message
that a man is merely a convience for their pleasure often find their men going
off to be with woman who actually have some needs. It is not so much that a man
doesn't like strong woman---because men love independent, smart woman, but when
a woman's strenght trumps his whole reason for being, he would rather find
someone who really need him. They need to feel as though they are vitally involved..have
something to offer and are in a position of power in the relationship. That
doesn't
mean that they have to be the boss or
that you have to be helpless. But you have to let a man know he as something
vital to offer.
They
may look at you and say, "Why would she be interested in me? She's got
education, money, social connections, What do I have to offer? If they think
the answer is nothing...some otherwise good-quality guys might be intimidated.
And you might think."Hey, that's his problem. If he is that weak, then I
don't want him anyway. I am who I am and I'm not going to dumb it down to make
him feel good..but I have to tell you...everyone likes to be wanted, and he
might just be worth going to the trouble to poing out that even thought many parts
of your life are working really well, this doesn't mean that you don't have
unmet wants and needs just like everyone else.
A
competent, self-reliant woman you need to be able to show men that having your
act together doesn't mean you don't need them.
If
you know what a man need and you give it to him, his experience of you will be
of a high quality. He will be drawn to you, he will seek you out and he will
soak up the validation that you have to offer. The more he falls in love with
you, the greater power you have to validate him and the more he will value you
for his balance in the world. Men need to know that you find them attractive
and are proud to be seen
with
them. Every man need to feel a sense of
acceptance and a strong sense of belonging to someone. If you provide that for
him, if you become his "soft place to fall" you will become a vital
part of his life and his future. Men
need to feel sexual powerful. They need to feel virile and attractive.
Again..once
you identified your man's needs, and make the value judgment that those needs
are healthy, it is time to make a very focused "to do" list. Once his
need are identified, and you make them priority, you are going to be building
power regarding your ability to bond with this man and solidify a committed
relationship.
You
have to negotiate the spirit of giving. You need to find out what your partner
want and focus on these things just as much as you focus on what you want. You
have to ask: "How can I get the other person the most of what he or she
wants?" You have to decide whether those things that you can and will
bring to your relationship. You have to smooth their fears. You have to
ask...All right, I want this person, but what's it going to cost me? What do I
have to give up? What am i going to have to give up to get what I want?
Most
people are afraid to commit because
-avoid
divorce and its financial risk
-feel
that relationship will require too many changes and compromise
-waiting
for the perfect soul mate and he hasn't appeared
-they
want to enjoy the single life as long as they can
When
both people in a relationship get their need met, then that relationship is
going to successful. But there's not a soul on earth who can met your needs if
you don't have a clue to what they are. Once you know what you want...ask for
it. Things don't have the same meaning for each of you. and if you think that
you shouldn't have to tell your partner what your need are...then you've been
reading too many romance novels. Your partner's not a mind reader and until you
can be clear about what you want, it;s difficult for him to address what you're
after. Don't think that it doesn't count
if you have to tell
your
partner what she or he do to make you happy. Loving, caring , considerate
actions can still be meaningful and come from the heart even if they weren't
his or her ideas. Who cares whose ideas they were if you need for affection or
respect is being met the way you want it to be?
You
want to be her safe haven against the all the stressful stuff that the rest of
the work, his job, family, and friends may heap on him.
Intimacy
means closeness and vulnerability. Relationships in general are all about taking
down your defenses and leaving yourself open. That means trusting people enough
to give them power to emotionally injure you.
Type
of guys:
1-hit
er and quit er- use woman as often as possible. they still want sex, but their
need for intimacy and female companionship end at the foot of the bed, They
will say virtually anything to get a girl naked.
2-Kiss
and teller: interested in a trophy for the sole purpose of having a story to
tell. They can't wait to parade you around
3-Controller
Ice
beaker question:
-What's
your favorite books?
-What
do you like to do in your free time?
-After
an exhausting day at work, what i the first thing you like to do?
-Which
family member are you closet to?
-What
is your favorite movie?
-What
have you learned about past relationships, in terms of yourself?
-Have
you had to overcome any unusual obstacles or hardships in your life?
-What
is the single most compelling reason you can give a guy to be
interested
in you?
-How
long have you been in your job? In you career
-How
long have you lived in one place?
-How
long have you had your car?
-Have
you ever had a committed relationship before?For how long?
-Do
you have a retirement account.
-Who
are the key people in your life?
-Tell
me about your family..how often to you to them?
-what
do you do to make yourself feel better when you are having a
miserable
day?
I
crave acceptance, validation, companionship. I am burned out on the dating
circuit and tired of starting over and over again. I know a lot of men who play
the field and measure their virility by the number of woman
they can conquer.
Good
or bad, I am who I am. I am going to take the best of what I 've got, and make
people take notice.
