Dating can be so incredibly hard. It’s hard meeting people. I’m constantly in limbo between, “when you stop looking, that’s when love finds you.” And, “You can’t play if you’re not in the game.” I’ve joined dating websites & apps. I have talk to some perfectly wonderful woman on here, but nothing can change how I feel about relationships. If you’re going to be with me, you should understand who I am. I will always talk about movies..music..books..and love. I wouldn’t be on dates if I didn’t want to end up with someone, and I certainly wouldn’t want to take anyone by surprise down the road by waiting to explain just what I want out of life. And then after a certain amount of consecutive failed with woman, I think that maybe if I stop looking — someone wonderful will fall right into my lap.
I had a couple of serious girlfriends in college, looking back, I didn’t have much in common with them— but I was much more able to fully trust these woman than the woman now. Is it easier to “fall in love” in college because we’re purer? I say “fall in love” because I’m not sure that I was in love with anyone when I was younger, but I do know that it all felt very real at the time. I was certain I was set for life once or twice. Was I more naïve and in turn just more trusting of good intentions? Was I just hopelessly devoting myself to anyone because subconsciously I thought this is the time to meet my girl? Who knows! I hate sounding so fluttery, but this has become a real concern to me.
I’ve been on a few dates since my divorce where I have been on the opposite side of things— I was smitten on one of these dates, convinced that I had found someone who shared similar wants. She left a voicemail to make sure that I had gotten home safely, and then I never heard from her again. Did I seem underwhelmed like so many of my past daters? What went wrong?
Truth is: you know when you know, right? At least that’s all I can tell myself in the meantime. I don’t expect anything anymore. My family have always called me a dating/love optimist. Almost all dates “went well” until a week has past and I haven’t heard from the woman since the date. Then I start to really think about the date and think about what I might have done wrong. Sometimes I’m too forward, sometimes I’m too reserved, sometimes I’m too critical — but in reality, I’m being myself. And I’m not with that person because we didn’t match as well as someone else could. And that’s okay, because I’ll find someone who matches me better too! The wait is hard, but hopefully it will all be worth it.
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