DATING; WHY YOU WILL NEVER GET THE PERSON YOU WANT.....EVER

One of my dearest friends is struggling to find her life partner. She is certain someone is out there for her, but also increasingly anxious about the fact that it hasn’t worked out for her yet.

It fascinates me. Because to me, relationships seem incredibly obvious and easy. I have no problem getting into them, no problem choosing a partner and just kinda running with it. So at first I didn’t really understand this emotional preoccupation.

And then I realized: I do this, too.

I’m not guilty of it in love (well, perhaps I am. Perhaps I just reject my suitors years later down the line) but I definitely do it with work. Whereas this same friend accepted a job and goes to work with the composure and ease I have with relationships, I definitely mirror her attitude with work.

“Why isn’t it working out for me?”

The reasons vary. The reasons are also all the same.

It’s you. (And it’s me. It’s always “us,” ourselves.) The steps to achievement are actually incredibly fucking simple — be good at making good decisions, make a decision, and then take the necessary steps. But we hold ourselves back from getting what we want. And we do this because we’re insecure about something.

Most woman don't know what they want.


We have big ideas about what we want — in theory. But so many of us struggle with the specifics.

“I want a business” is not a thing. “I want a partner” is not a thing. What problem are you trying to solve? What kind of partner? What are you going to do with your day when you wake up tomorrow?

What you want isn’t actionable

We want things like “a business” or “money” or “happiness,” and this shit isn’t actually actionable.

You can still get up every morning and execute against “the thing” in theory — work out, eat healthy, meditate, take cold showers, whatever the fuck — but without an actual, literal, actionable endpoint in mind, all you’ll have to show for it is some rad habits that lead to nowhere.

The people who accomplish the sort of things we want don’t think in terms of “business.” They think about the problem they’re trying to solve — something to improve outside of “myself.”

Because you reject everything

You can find a reason not to pursue pretty much any option, or you reject it a year or two later, because you feel like:

“I know there’s something better out there for me.”

This is what binds so many of us up in finding a partner — we want our ideal, we think we deserve our ideal, and we keep holding out for an ideal that isn’t fair, realistic, or actionable.

I don’t do this in relationships, but it is what I’ve done with work since I got my first job — always thinking I can do it better, or “this should be better,” but doing nothing whatsoever to actually pursue it besides quitting jobs and looking for a new one — then starting a company, only to set it down because “it could be better.”

Better is what we make. And there’s nothing to build on if we go through life constantly looking for “better.”

Because you have ideals — you’re looking for “perfect”

And because perfection isn’t possible, you’re on an endless hunt that leads to heartbreak.

You want the best and perfect solution to something — work, love, etc. — so you get hung up on thinking about your ideals — what you want, what you deserve, what your idea of greatness and perfection looks like.

You become anxious and frenzied when things aren’t perfect — when a relationship isn’t everything you think it should be, it fills you with anxiety and unhappiness.

The problem is that when you hold off committing to anything, you end up with nothing.

You have two options:

Change your standards
Stubbornly maintain your standards and have them forcefully changed for you

Because you’ve made self worth about “the thing” you want

The difference between people who have the thing you want and people who, like you, are suffering and struggling through getting it is: one group made it about their self worth.
People who have whatever it is you want got there because they weren’t immobilized by every misstep. They didn’t have breakdowns when shit was imperfect, they don’t get hung up on how it matches up to the ideal in their head. Because they don’t make it about their own value.

If you make your self worth about finding a partner (and not only a partner, but the “right” partner; the “perfect” partner), you’re going to sabotage every relationship — until you realize that the relationship isn’t there to stand for your self worth. Likewise, if you are obsessed with finding the perfect work, you’re going to sabotage every job or business — until you realize that your work is not a stand-in for your self worth.

You may not think you’re sabotaging it — in fact, you may think you’re trying very hard. But the more anxious you feel about it, and the more you unload that anxiety back into it, the more you’ve tethered yourself to this thing and made it about your own value.

And you think everyone does this, but they don’t. I certainly did. I value other people by their work. Some people value others by the “success” of their relationships and home life. But people who have these things — calmly, quietly, with certainty — don’t actually view and value themselves in this way. Because doing so causes too much anxiety, and the anxiety will always sabotage it in some way.

Because what you want is contradictory

And because your standards of measurement are self-sabotaging and stupid.

You want a meaningful relationship, but you keep looking for bullshit like looks and income and they way they dress.

You want meaningful work, but you keep measuring it by money.

You think everyone does this, but they don’t. People who really have these things don’t measure them in this way. They are secondary, not primary, motivators. People with richness in their lives got there by pursuing richness first, and not hamstringing that pursuit by evaluating it with bullshit measures.

You think you can have both, but you can’t. Focusing on bullshit, or using bullshit to measure meaning, will always extinguish anything worthwhile.

Because you don’t work for what you want

You get sidetracked. You get distracted. You lack motivation or discipline or follow-through. You’re more excited about the ideation or daydreaming about the thing than actually executing. You make excuses, you let things trip you up. You lack grit.

You think you’re the only one who experienced setbacks, or you think others didn’t have this thing, but the reality is that everyone who has something got there by getting up every day and doing the work and hustling — even through the boring bits.

Because you don’t actually want it that badly

You only like the idea of it, not the messy execution. You like the idea of owning a business, but making decisions (including which business) isn’t actually something you do day to day. You like the idea of a relationship, but not the messiness of making one work.

You like the way things sound on paper, but you like the idea of them more than you like the details. You don’t want the shit sandwich that comes along.

Because you don’t commit

To either the decision or the follow-through, or both.

Because you’re afraid of the unknown. Or because you need to know everything before taking action on anything. Because the idea of trial and error terrifies you.

How to get what you want:

Nobody talks about the first step. But without the first step, nothing else matters.

Stop making this thing about your self worth. Have good standards — built on internal, not external value. Don’t make decisions based on bullshit. The “right standards” is the area of ourselves where the problem really exists. We don’t have what we want because we don’t know what we want or what we want is the wrong thing or we can’t decide — all because our decision framework is fucked. Our values are bullshit. Fix this, and the rest becomes incredibly easy. And then it’s as simple as:

Decide. Fucking decide.

Actually do the work.

Every single pursuit — no matter how wonderful and exciting and glamorous it may initially seem — comes with its own brand of shit sandwich, its own lousy side effects. “Everything sucks, some of the time.” You just have to decide what sort of suckage you’re willing to deal with. So the question is not so much “What are you passionate about?” The question is “What are you passionate enough about that you can endure the most disagreeable aspects of the work?”“If you want to be a professional artist, but you aren’t willing to see your work rejected hundreds, if not thousands, of times, then you’re done before you start. If you want to be a hotshot court lawyer, but can’t stand the eighty-hour workweeks, then I’ve got bad news for you.” Because if you love and want something enough — whatever it is — then you don’t really mind eating the shit sandwich that comes with it.

DATING: WHAT LOVE REALLY IS AND WHAT PEOPLE FAIL TO UNDERSTAND

Most of what we think of as “love” is bullshit

Here’s how real love does and does not go.

“Young man, why are you eating that fish?”

“Because I love fish,” the young man answers.

“Oh, you love the fish. That’s why you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it. Don’t tell me you love the fish. You love yourself, and because the fish tastes good to you, therefore you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.”

So much of what we think is ‘love’ is really this.

Being attractive is not love

When I was breaking up with my girlfriend of few months, she responded with a heartfelt, “but I want to be with you!”

As though that makes sense as a rebuttal.

As though her needs alone were enough. As though saying that would somehow make me forget my own dissatisfaction, like “oh! well damn, aiight.” As though that was an appropriate, loving response.

I sighed. And then I asked her “why do you want to be with me?”

And she looked me in the eye and actually said to me, “because you’re handsome.” Full stop.

And that’s how she broke my heart and confirmed my decision in about 1 second flat.

Whenever someone tells me I’m handsome, they’re telling me they love themselves. They’re telling me that they want to be around people and things that give them pleasure, and that my physical appearance gives them pleasure. But, they’re not telling me that they care about me.

Finding someone attractive is not love, it is self love. Because finding someone extremely pleasurable is not love, it is self love.

I still struggle with what to do when being called “attractive.” I can brush it off a little and laugh; I can accept this low level of discourse from someone  who doesn’t know me, never will, and, frankly, isn’t invited to; for whom I’m paid to be how they want to see me, “atractivel” included.

But part of me still bristles every time a partner or potential partner says this, especially because they always fucking list it first. Every time it happens, the music stops for me a little, like: oh. yeah. that’s right. I have to triage — either push through it; ask and look for other things; deliberately stack things in their favor regardless of their indiscretion; do the work and paint a prettier picture for us both… or pretend and look the other way.

Because “attractivness” is never, ever love. We romanticize this culturally, but we’re wrong.

If you spend your life looking for love by trying to find someone who thinks you’re crazy beautiful, you won’t find love. If you spend your life trying to find someone you think is beautiful, you won’t find love.

If someone thinks you are beautiful, but doesn’t care about your feelings or your reality — or, more specifically, if they prefer that your feelings and reality simply mirror their own or otherwise be uncomplicated for them — then they do not love you. They like you as fish.

Same goes for being liked for “security” or any number of other major features you may offer. “If you believe you can be nourished by this kind of love, you will be disappointed.”


Attachment is not love. Wanting to be together or text all the time is not love. Wanting consistent reassurance is not love. Yearning for or pining over is not love. Wanting — at all — is not love.

Love is give, not take. Love is pushing energy toward them, not wanting or pulling their energy to you. Not sometimes, or “for as long as it seems fair.” Always. Love is neverkeeping score on energy exchange. Love is only offering. Anything else is attachment and ego.

When you make demands that benefit you, it is not love. If you think in terms of your own desires, even if you think your interests are “mutually beneficial” or for “the good of the relationship,” it is not love. Pulling, grabbing, demanding, coercing… is never love.

Your “love” isn’t love. First of all: Love has nothing to do with what you want.  We’ve done ourselves a real disservice, chalking all this bullshit up as love. Attachment isn’t love. Want isn’t love. Need and desire and longing and preoccupation are not love.

Love isn’t even a fucking feeling, Love is not “want”. If your explanation of “love” starts with “I want,” it is not love.Even if you want…

“Just to hear the sound of their breath leaving their lips… to watch the way their head tilts back in abandon, the way their arms outstretch or cover their mouth unconsciously… to kiss that smile, melt it into yours”“Each moment to stretch and grow and last forever.” “To stay up all night and talk, and yet, you also just want to lay your head against their chest and breathe in the silence.”

Shit ain’t love.

Love is not “craving”… “the sound of their laugh mixed with yours.”…or “longing for”
 “all the tiny parts of them — the secrets, the stories, the lives they’ve lived outside of you.
… “a soul connection.”… or desire… for “them. Their mind, their heart, their soul.”Love is not daydreaming

“When you close your eyes and breathe, you can’t help but imagine yourself with that person, can’t help but feel their touch on your skin, their smile lifting the corners of your mouth, their kiss setting off both a spark and a calm somewhere in your soul.”“You unconsciously imagine the dates you will go on, the events you will attend, the places you will travel, the dinners you will cook together in a time down the road. Suddenly you aren’t scared of what lies ahead of you, but excited to know you have someone to share it with.
This is fantasy. Escapism, even. Not love.

Or gushing “When you talk about them, sometimes you gush and can’t stop… Sometimes you’re overflowing with passion, talking about their hands, their eyes, their smile, their touch. It’s as if you’re a little kid again, admiring your crush with such wildness and desire. But sometimes you speak with such calm. You’ve settled into comfort, into familiarity, into a wonderful, beautiful tying of your souls that it seems you’ve always been together, that there never was a time before.“And sometimes it’s as if you’ve known one another all your lives.”

Love is not about your growth. “You want to be better. You’re inspired to become the best version of yourself and to fight to improve and grow and be all that you’re capable of.”
“You are thankful for the ways they challenge you, strengthen you, teach you, and let you bloom.”

Love is not a freefall. “You can’t help but fall a little deeper every day, and that’s scary and wonderful all the same.”

Love is not a realization.“When you think about your life, you realize how blessed you are to have that person in it. You are inspired by their passion, by the way they care for you, by who they are, and are growing into by your side.”

Love is not companionship “You have a friend, a partner, an equal, a force who will take on the highs and lows with you. You know that whatever you face, you won’t have to face it alone.”

Love is not a feeling. “When you’re with that person, your heart skips, your palms sweat, your entire body buzzes with life. And yet, you’re overwhelmed by calm, by tranquility, by pure, numbing joy. With them, you are both fearful and fearless, wild and at rest.”

Even if the feeling is gratitude:“When you wake up, you’re thankful, simply for another day by their side.”


Love is not a feeling. Love is an act.

We’ve all heard this and some of us even believe it, and yet when we’re asked why we love our beloved, we continue to dumbly reply: “because she/he is___.” i.e., we love them because of what they represent for us — and provide.

But good love has nothing to do with what they are or what we harvest from them. Good love is the way in which we love them — it’s us loving their very being, us loving their essence, us loving their ups and downs and imperfections and dumb complaints and irritations and short-comings and differences, for fucks sake, us loving their decisions — each day.

We fail to realize that the answer to “why?”, in true love, is something more like “because I choose to.” And that the bigger question in love is more like “how” we’ll love as an act so hard and fast and deep, and less about “to whom” or “why.”



WHAT LOVE ACTUALLY IS: An action. A decision. An investment. Effort. Love is not frenzied. Love is calm. Love is decisive. Love is deliberate. And love is focusing on their feelings and wants and needs, not yours. Love is understanding. Not wanting to understand, but actually trying to understand them, before being understood yourself.

Sure, great. But it’s all fine when weather is fair, but far more important when fighting.

“Seek to understand before being understood.” That is love. In the throes of an argument, when all those fantastic lovey dovey feelings have shifted to frustration and rage-face.
Love is setting your feelings aside, shutting the fuck up at the risk of never being heard, and instead asking, “okay, explain your side to me. Again.”

Love is compromising. “You don’t always want to be right.” Love is accepting. Not just their flaws and “being” imperfections, but the things they do — and actions that fall short of what you would want from “perfection.”

Love is letting. Love has no leash. Love is loose. Love has a wide berth. Love is giving.
Love is not about your wants — or needs, or desires, or cravings, or longings. Love does not make demands — even if those demands feel like “love” to you, like marriage or moving into together.

Love answers the demands of others — regardless of what they are. Love is about their wants. And needs. And desires. And cravings. And longings. Love is supporting. Not wanting to support, but actually supporting. Love is not about your growth. Loving is letting them grow.

“You… support them at their weakest and inspire them at their strongest.”

Love is an act and an investment. You don’t tell us you love us. You don’t even show us you love us. You just love us. You know you’re in love when you make the daily investment in their needs and wants — over your own.


If you try to Google “how to know you’re in love,” you’re gonna have a bad time

Because it’s mostly shit advice. Here’s a small sampling: “They’re always on your mind”
This is infatuation. If someone’s “always” on your mind, you’re not focused on other Really Important Things. And that’s a problem.“You crave them” or “can’t get enough of them” “They’re your ‘everything’”

Real love fits into real life, rather than usurping it. It’s calm, not overwhelming.The problem is that we’ve made “love” into a game of escapism, and measure potential partners by how they fit into that fantasy. That’s not love.

So, sure, see them in your future — but not because they “complete the picture.” “They’re the person of your dreams” Ha. Hahaha. Clearly you have never been in a (healthy) long-term relationship.

How to know you LIKE them as a person: They’re different than everyone else. Rad for them. You like more than their looks. Congrats, there may be hope for you yet. You want them to be happy. Great. I want happiness for most people. You’ll try new things with them. You found someone with whom you’re comfortable, and whose company you enjoy. Good on you. They inspire you to be a better person


How to know you LOVE them: (1) You know because you decide. You don’t feel love. You DO it. It’s an act, not a feeling. It’s a moment by moment decision and re-commitment. You know because it’s deliberate and conscious.

(2) You know because you DO the act of loving. You invest. You exert effort. You don’t knowingly do harm. You aren’t vengeful, petty, manipulative, or jealous. Their needs never seem irritating. You aren’t grabby with them, their time, or their affection in return. You are secure without demanding constant reassurance.

You prioritize their viewpoints. You learn their love language. You think in terms of their interests, not yours, and their needs are your own. You support them. You back them. You care and take care. You accept, and you allow.

(3) You know because you do the act of loving even when you don’t want to. Because everyone thinks they’re in love when it’s clear skies and calm waters, but watch them when the storm hits. You know because you love even when you’re pissed. It’s love if you don’t “fight;” you disagree. You love if your objective is reaching an agreement, not picking a winner. You love if you don’t get defensive, insecure, or manipulative. If you don’t keep score. If you don’t hold grudges. If you don’t “take back your love” as punishment.

You love if you seek to understand before being understood; listen and honor what they share — and you don’t double down with your own issues. If you act like you’re on the same team. You listen. You compromise. You apologize. You forgive. You know because you love even when you’re hurt. Especially honoring and respecting their wants and needs even when they include “breaking up.”

What we should really be Googling is “how to love,” not “how to ‘know’ we’re in love.”
We like to differentiate between “being in love with” and “loving” someone. But “being in love with” is infatuation, and infatuation means nothing in getting real love. So if what you want is real love, then “how to” is all that matters. You “know” because you decide. It’s love when you do it. All the time.


Is love enough for a relationship to work?

Love won’t prevent issues. Love only allows you to work through issues.

If you truly love one another, you fundamentally do not want them to suffer — especially at your hands. If you love someone, you listen when they share their emotional needs, you empathize with their need for intimacy and touch, and you prioritize this need over your “headache” or “not feeling like it.” And vice versa — when you love someone, you compromise on how much sex you’ll have, based on how much they want.

You cannot have love without emotional stability. Not real love. Not healthy love. Not mature love. Love offered to someone with emotional instability will be mishandled, mistreated, and manipulated. It will be dumped into a black hole; a bottomless pit. There will be no reward, no resolution. Ever.

Love can never solve for emotional instability. Stability must come first.This one is different than money and sex in that way — those conversations are easier with love; love can be a precursor. But love has no power in the depths of emotional instability. It needs stability to even have a fighting chance.

I am open to having a dialogue around other things — religion, community, lifestyle, family, etc. — but frankly, these conversations are sort of non-issues when I find people who share my higher-level values. At what point do you draw the line between wanting your partner to align with your values (non superficial and for the sake of living a meaningful life aligned with your own values) and chalking it up as you selfishly wanting to live in your fantasy for convenience.”

Values aren’t a fantasy. Good values aren’t, anyway. Good values aren’t the same as “beautiful” or “drives nice car” or “uh, Santorini?” Good values are real — both ingrained in your actual day to day as well as the way you’ll define your long-term journey.

If your “values” are bullshit, then yeah, that’s worth addressing. But if your values are good, then you should feel good. And if your values are good, they’ll foster real, healthy, mature love.

And, yeah, that little package —real, healthy, mature love — is all you need to “make it work.” As long as you have everything else that allows it to.

PERSONAL: YOU ARE LOVE BUT ALSO HEARBREAK

You are love.
You are also heartbreak.

You are love because you made me feel a feeling I’ve never experienced before. Something so new.
You made me feel so calm when i had so much chaos going on in my mind. Every time i talked to you my soul just grew into something stronger. At some point, you were the only one I cared about, at some point you was the one floating thru my mind from 1am till 12pm.
I did everything in my power to make you happy and exposed myself to you. That everytime I saw you I was stuttering in my words and so nervous. You made me feel like I could face everything that was In my way. You gave me that positive mindset I was looking for all my life, that last piece of the puzzle I was looking for all my life. And It did actually fit perfect, connected.
Connected like our souls.
I lost myself way too much in your eyes, i saw paradises when I looked in your eyes. A sight of heaven.
We used to talk about the moon and found ourselves up in the sky. You shine like the stars. You were my light at the end of the tunnel. You made me feel like cold water on a summer day.
You made me feel like I was alive.
Endless conversations where once in my lifetime I didn’t feel useless. Made me feel like I was actually worth something. I can’t even remember the time where I wasn’t in love with you. I guess I’ve always been In love with you, even when I didn’t know you. You were the reason I wanted to wake up early in the morning, or not sleep at all.
Because reality became better than my dreams.
You changed my life so much and I forever owe you for that


One minute they ache to touch you, the next day they want nothing to do with you. Feelings are a fickle thing. You want answers, you need closure, and now you’re laying awake at night trying to hold yourself together because you allowed yourself to be vulnerable. You are full of love for someone who saw what you had to offer – and they decided they didn’t want it. This, an unbearable version of the many forms of loneliness


 If I should give a last kiss in my life
I want my lips to give their last breath to your lips,
Because without you, what should I live for?
In that kiss I will put all my feelings, dreams, feelings,
Those feelings that make me speak the nights with the moon about love,
Emotions, desires and sensations that provoke me.
I think I should always kiss you
And let our lips melt together,
In a single timeless kiss where I could put all of me.
If you gave me a moment, I would like to be forever,
Let me give you all the passion that consumes my body,
To live in Paradise, in a world that exists only you and me,

Love me today because tomorrow I do not know if there is,
Tonight is all we have and I do not want to lose anything,
And I love you, it will not just be a statement,
But a sigh suspended in the midst of eternity,
A silence of my soul that is empty when you are not present,
With all the warmth of my being and the arms full of love,
I love you with that love that goes beyond time in self-oblivion,
I love you endlessly, because what I am is what you are.
And if I should give a last kiss, I will give it to you,
And then I’ll be able to quit forever.

PERSONAL: IT'S HARD TO MOVE ON

Moving on’ sound so simple at first but is probably the hardest thing to do in the world. It always is the first plan everyone has. The first idea everyone comes up with. The only solution everyone thinks there is. But no. You cannot just ‘move on’. It doesn’t work like that. You have to be tortured first. You have to cry rivers first. You have to feel pain and get hurt first in order to be able to ’move on’. You have to have been dead first in order to start a new life. You have to have read the last chapter of the book in order to start a new story. You have to have been broken first in order to be put back together, piece by piece. You cannot just move on cause someone said so. It takes weeks, month, yes even years in order to be fully ready to move on. 

I knew what true love would feel like. Or maybe sound like and look like. I’ve read about it in books all my life, I’ve watched it in movies. And I was expecting something just like what I read. And then last night you said something. It wasn’t anything like those books. It wasn’t romantic or poetic or anything. But those words were dripping with love, and those words were full of feelings, real, true, heartfelt feelings. And I fell for you all over again. I thought I know how to love, but you inspire me still. I can’t say I’ve fallen in love, but one thing is sure, I’ve found love in you. I’d read about women like you, and love like ours, but that was fiction. I didn’t know it can exist, or yes maybe I hoped it can, but I didn’t entirely believe in it. But yes it does. And all I can be is thankful to have no one, but you in my life. But it breaks my heart to know I am not yours to keep, neither are you mine to be. And all I wish is that you find someone you truly deserve and someone who’s worth you. Because you are the kind of person who’d love the f*ck outta her, and that is also what you deserve in return. I am grateful, that the universe let your soul stop by, even if it was just for a short while

When she thinks you are not there, you are there. When she thinks she is lost, you prove she is not. When she doubts, you reassure. And when she is sad without a reason, give her a reason to be happy instead. When she falls without to stumble, fall with her and stand up with her in your arms. When she is desperate and feels empty, kiss her hopes onto her lips and fill her with your endless love. Be always there when she needs you most, stay when she is too weak to ask, and hold her when no one seems to care. Be the one she can rely on, be the one she can dare to love.


The promise is attention, focus, care. The pledge is love, faith, and devotion. The vow is clarity, truth, and definiteness, for they will be no tomorrow, no now, and before without you and her. There will be just this one singular love where everything is strong, deep, and right out in the open, where bareness matters, lies are abhorred, where fears are calmed and longings groomed, where every touch is true, and every need justified, where every kiss is a promise and every glance a seal that this love is meant to be, will remain even when everything falls, for she is the one whom you gave your heart, and she is the one who gave herself to reconcile in your guiding hands what should’ve never been separated in the first place.  

PERSONAL IN FEAR OF MY OWN STUPIDITY, I DO STILL LOVE HER

My heart hurts and the tears fight like hell to reach the surface. There’s an ache that’s always lurking deep in my soul, stretching across my body, making its presence known.

It comes in waves, the feeling of a broken heart.
Sometimes I’m okay and other times… i can’t fight it.

But here’s the thing,
I know I’ll be okay.

I know one day I’ll wake up and my broken heart won’t be the first thing that comes to mind. One day I’ll have new people in my life that will make all the pain a distant

One day you’ll be a distant memory


A few weeks ago I thought I had found the love of my life. A light I had been searching for in the darkness that was the foundation to my every memory. A warm smile I cherished deeply, and a voice like ambrosia. weeks after, I thought I lost the love of my life. The light dimmed until it was put out. The smile was lost, and the nectar turned to poisonous deceit.And while part of me wishes those bright, warm days had not left in a fleeting instant, the rest of me is aware that I lost more than I gained. The damage she did, the loes she told, managed to break me more than I was, to begin with. I still  text jher every now and then, although we don't see each other But if we did, I’d confess to her and to myself, in fear of my own stupidity, that I do still love her, and that I wish her the best. That I’ll eventually forgive her,

You were over before we began, lost in the depths of your eyes I spun, spun out of control. I cant stop this feeling, why did you walk away? Give me the whole world to take it away. But I promise my love, it can be enough. Im not forcing you to stay.

I won’t give up loving you, I know you forgotten how it feels. I won’t give up loving you, I know, you know how I feel.

You are drifting, drifting away, you know I want you to stay, but you never thought that I could be there when you needed someone the most. I promise my love it can be enough, I’m begging you to stay.

I won’t give up loving you, I know you forgotten how it feels. I won’t give up loving you, I know, you know how I feel.

But I promise my love it can be enough, 
I promise you the world, Just take it and run.

I won’t give up loving you, I know you forgotten how it feels. I won’t give up loving you, I know, you know how I feel



Kiss my thoughts with your thoughts, Let our philosophies collide and make love under the stars we ponder about,
Make me feel like your most breathtaking epiphany,
Love me and protect me like you protect your deepest darkest secrets,

I want all of you,
Every inch of your mind, heart and body.
Your smile is gravity defying, Which makes me feel like I can float in space for eternity.
I won’t settle till I do, For, love you make me feel absolutely electric,
You charge my mind with energies and vibes, Things that I can’t see make me feel so alive.

You’re the brightest constellation in my galaxy,
I can’t believe you exist In my time and space.

But you do.And I am forever grateful to the stars,
Because you’re my one nice thing, So I must have done something right.

PERSONAL: DEAR GOD HELP ME HEAL

Dear God,

Please help me heal
From grief, loss and the pain of love in my past
And let me be whole and happy again
I have been needy and overly-anxious,
I have felt desperate .
Calm the need in me .
Sooth the soreness in my soul .
Restore my faith in love
Bring true love to me, in the right time, for the right reasons.
Let the healing process must begin inside my heart.
My heart aches for all the pain that I've been through lately
please remind me every day--YOUR plans are always better than my dreams

PERSONAL: PLEASE GOD HELP ME MEND MY BROKEN HEART AND LET ME LIVE AGAIN

Please God,


Dear God, I am hurting terribly right now.  It’s so hard for me to remember ever being happy, and when I do, it hurts even more because of what I’ve lost.  I am desperate to go back to the way things used to be.  If there is still hope for this relationship, please give me guidance as to what to do to reach out to my ex.  If all attempts to reconnect with my ex fails, give me the strength I need to accept the finality of the breakup and the reality of my broken heart.
My friends and family  mean well, but they don’t seem to know how to help me.  They tell me that things aren’t that bad, that I should get up, go out, get even and enjoy myself.  They tell me to look at all of the good things I still have in my life.  They say that I’ll find someone else to love some day.  But someday won’t help me today because my heart and spirit are crushed from loss and loneliness.

Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.  I come to You bereft in spirit with a heart that is breaking. My mind is in turmoil and I just do not understand all the turmoil that seems to be hitting me from all sides. You know God exactly the pain that is in my heart and the sadness and grief that I am going through and I come to You, my God, seeking Your blessed peace in my heart.  Heal my hurting heart and bind up the lacerations that have penetrated so deeply into my soul – for You alone are my hope. Bind up my fragmented heart I pray as You. I give You my fragmented heart and pray for Your blessed peace – Your perfect peace – Your gracious peace that passes all human comprehension.
Please give me the strength to get through each day as my heart slowly heals.  Carry me in your arms of love.  Give me a personal sign of your presence.  Restore my ability to smile.  Give me back my energy.  Clear the fog from my mind.  Bring vitality back to my body.  Help me to regain interest in life.  Show me how to reach out for help when I need it. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to do, and I can’t possibly do it without your help.  Help me to grow and gain wisdom from this experience.  But most of all, help me not to give up on myself, on You or on love.  I believe that You have created me to love and to be loved.  Give me your courage to open my heart to the possibility of loving again, loving faithfully and joyfully and fully

How could she have done this to me? How could she forget her promises? How could she throwme away How could she break my heart? Was it my fault? Tell me where I have gone wrong. Show me my sins, flash them before me so I may know. For I do not understand how all these things can be happening right now. I do not understand how something so good can suddenly end up the way it is today. How can she suddenly say she want to try anymore? It seemed not so long ago when we see each other on the weekends.. Now I don’t know anymore. I know nothing anymore. I am so broken deep within me. I do not know if I can still piece together every shattered part of me.

My mom and my sister say that it will heal in time. They say I should busy myself with this and that, But I don’t know . Are these the things that can make me believe in love once again? Are these the things that can relieve this pain I feel in my heart?  Do I not deserve true love? Do I not deserve loyalty, sincerity and respect?  I built my whole world around her, and she took it all away. I built my self esteem upon her admiration, and she trampled upon it as though it were trash. How can I ever build my world again? How can I ever be happy once more?

 

Please help me God, I really don’t know what to do. Only your embrace can soothe my pain. I have given everything I could , and there is nothing more I can give. I kneel before you now, crushed and broken, empty and afraid to be alone. Hide me under your wings, hold me in your loving arms. Say unto me again how much you love me. Say unto me that you have called me yours and you will never ever let me go. Help me to let go of my pain, teach me to forgive those who do not even ask my forgiveness. This burden is something I shouldn’t carry in my heart. This trouble is not something I should trade away my peace for. I know that I have been done wrong, the things that have happened had been so unfair. Sometimes life’s like that. Many things in this life really seem so unfair. But let me not continue being unfair to myself. Let me not punish myself anymore for the things others have done.

I offer unto you my wounded heart, my broken heart. Let me not lose hope. Let me not cast away everything that’s good and beautiful in this life. I know that there is so much more in store for me. I know how much love I can still give away because it is you who fills me with everything that I’ll ever need. You are the one who loves me truly, eternally, unconditionally. You are the one who has always been there for me and always will be there for me. You are my one true love. You are my forever. You are my strength and my peace and my joy. Surely in your presence God, I do not need anything more.

PERSONAL: TODAY I FEEL WORSE....SO HEARTBROKEN

I feel hurt. I feel so much pain and agony. I can’t begin to really understand where I should start to pick myself back up. Right now, I just feel so much self-pity. Maybe it was something I did or said to cause this breakup in the first place, but I regret ever falling for this beautiful, amazing person in the first place.  Maybe it was my fault for letting down my guard completely for this woman. Maybe I should be mad at myself for not being taller or more of the thug type that used to appeal to her.  I really thought I was going to marry her. I really did.

Right now, I’m feeling pain. Every word I’ve ever told her I meant, and now they’re all just stabbing me and eating me up alive. This is what self-pity feels like. I don’t know what to do, or who to talk to about this, but I know this is what it feels like to be heart-broken. This is what it’s like for a nice guy like me to lose someone I cared about. I don’t know when I’ll get past this, I don’t know how either. I can only hope that this is a feeling people don’t get to experience, even though unfortunately they do. I want to just swear at her so much, just to get her to even understand the slightest amount about how I’m feeling right now, but I can’t even do that. I can’t swear to someone that I valued so much. I feel like just grabbing her and shaking her to make her realize she shouldn’t be with a bad boy and should be with someone like me (well, not someone else- just me).I’m sad. I’m hurting. This is what heartbreak is for a guy.

How could I have been so wrong about something I believed in with every inch of my soul? How could I continue living after I had found the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with—and lost her? I used to think of myself as a confident, outgoing person, but one single loss and I had not a shred of self-esteem left. And the thought of being around people and acting happy made me crawl back into bed and cry. It like a sinking feeling inside that tears you up and leaves you withered and lonely, like a discarded newspaper kicked to the curb. I WANT TO DIE

PERSONAL: I AM HEART BROKEN...I WANT TO DIE TODAY

When I first met her I thought she was just another girl. Little did I know of the impact she would have in my world. But as days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. I found it was for her that my heart would hunt. In the mornings when I first would wake my heart for her would begin to ache. This scared me greatly for I had been hurt before. With every single minute of every single day. I learned more and more of her sweet loving ways. I would often tell myself that with her I wanted to be and always stay. I loved her in each and every way, more and more with each passing day. But as time changed so did her feelings of love. And there went my dreams of her and I being one. I convinced myself that she was the person I was destined to marry, she left me. To say that I was devastated would be an understatement. I was inconsolable, believing that my entire world had come crashing down around me. My love for her is my addiction.I have found no remedy nothing pure enough.  As the clouds pass by...all the times you made me cry and wonder what I did

I try not to think about you all the time, because I know you're not mine.  I knew I loved you at first glance.  Will I ever have a chance?  In my dreams our love is being rushed, but when I wake, I'm really crushed.  What am I to do?  I cannot live like this.  If only I got one kiss.  My love for you is
so true.  

why can't we be strong?
why can't we last long?
why can't this pain go away?
why can't you not go, and here stay?
why can't you miss me?
why can't i be what you want me to be?
why can't our love last forever?
why can't we say never?
why can't you figure out i loved you?
why can't tears stop running down my cheek?
why can't i ever talk or speak?


Last night  I cried at night wondering why things were this way that all I had left was a memory from you. I did everything I could to forget you but it was impossible the more I tried the more your memory came to my mind all I did . I was love you with all my heart but a broken heart was all I had left . I thought loving you was a good thing that had happened to me .I decided to change for I never wanted the same pain I felt before. How lonely and lost I felt without you but you don't understand that  I gave you my heart without any exceptions too many memories too much  pain so much time you played.

Memories, Memories clouding my head, I don't want to remember but, don't want to forget.What I've done, What I've said, Will it matter in the end? I need something to get me through the day,
Something to keep me till tomorrow, Something to stop my head, Something to soothe this sorrow. Wipe away my tears, Act like it's okay. But, somehow, I won't forget, All of my pain,
All of this depression I have felt, and all of my lingering guilt,a nd how you left me to die.Use me, Abuse me. Look at me with  distant eyes, Touch me with fingers,  So cold, And lie- to make me...
Believe you.I sit here filling cups with tears


My chest is in so much pain, enough pain to make me sick. My chest hurts  because of the broken heart underneath. It is now left shattered.I gave you my heart,  but you just tore it apart.
How do you get over it so fast? To you, it's just part of the past.My eyes try to hide all the pain inside.  My smile is only a lie.I have no seams, but I'm ripping apart. for all my lost dreams, and my crushed heart. Please don't let me bleed. Help my suffering to end.You will never know
...the depths of my emptiness...the shallowness of my heart...the sharpness of my pain. You have no idea what you mean to me Obviously...you have no idea how much
I
Love
You

PERSONA;: STRIPPING DOWN AND BEING HONEST ABOUT LOVE PART 1

Once of my favorite section in Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is about love.

“My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can i do?"
"The feeling isn't there anymore?" I asked.
"That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"
"love her," I replied.
"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."
"Love her."
"You don't understand. the feeling of love just isn't there."
"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
"My friend , love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”

I am both saddened and exhausted with the number of people who say they’re looking for good love, but approach it like they’re car shopping — 5 year warranty, leather seats, all the bells and whistles. Oh, but I want it to love me “back.” Forever.

And it makes me sad for them. Because they truly keep waking up each day not fully understanding why nobody sticks around, and I want to shake them, tearful and screaming, 
Love is not a checkbox. People are not a thing. Neither are a requirement or an accomplishment, and while they may have standing as status symbols and social objects, the reality is that holding them in this light ruins the underlying potential for real love. The two mindsets cannot coexist.

Love is work. Love is commitment. In the same sense your job isn’t about putting on a paper suit and carrying an empty briefcase around just to tell people your title, and good love isn’t hollow either. (And in the same way that many people do make their work into little more than empty time sucks, they absolutely do this with love as well. But there is no meaning at the end of it, in either one.)

Love isn’t a static, one and done achievement to attain. The goal isn’t to “settle down,” but reinvest day after day.

If you want meaning, you have to make meaning. And if you want richness and real love, you have to invest accordingly. That doesn’t mean planning date nights and putting on cute outfits and remembering anniversaries. It means actually and deeply caring about the other person and their unique, human person life experience — every day.

It’s natural to treat love like a static thing to obtain. It can be tempting to pretend as if there’s one little thing that, if you could just get it under control, would fix everything and all would be okay.

This is why love feels so hard to “get,” and why real love is even harder. Good partners aren’t picked up like a haphazard game of human musical chairs. Not the good ones anyway, not the ones with real love.

I can’t guarantee that you’ll have good love. It’s a privilege, not a right, and it isn’t promised to anyone, you or me alike.

But I can guarantee that you will never have love — real love, dat good AF authentic love— if you think of it like a checkbox or status symbol in your life.

We get what we put out in the world, and that includes approaching other people with the same whole-hearted, honest to goodness grace and respect and investment that we most yearn for back.

It’s not that I’m telling you that you have to wait around for someone who sees you as their Dream Person. In fact, I’m saying the opposite. I’m saying that we should have good values — and we should find partners that have good values. And part of those good values should be not holding out for some idealized image of perfection — or settling for someone who’s eying us the same way.

I’m saying you deserve someone who’s got their head on straight and their values in the right place and wakes up each morning, looks at you — in your utterly imperfect human-being-ness — and still thinks to themselves, “aww yeah.”

Maybe you care for each other. Or maybe you just want to care for each other. Maybe you want him, but you’d want him even more if only.

Don’t live your life that way. Don’t treat other human beings that way. And don’t let other human beings regard you that way. Don’t settle for a partner who looks at you across the table and internally sighs, “not perfect, but they’ll do.” Look for someone who smiles, “doesn’t matter — I want them.”  And, equally important, be that person back.

It doesn’t matter if everything is there if they always hold “perfection” over your head. It doesn’t matter if you’re their favorite person to talk to, or they’re secure with you, or they spend all their free time with you, and “every moment together feels as natural as anything you’ve ever known.” If they’re holding out for something “slightly better,” run. That’s not to say that “better” isn’t out there — it’s to say that we shouldn’t settle for people who enter into relationships like they’re something to maximize.

Because there will always be someone more attractive, younger, smarter, more novel (obvs), more fun, whatever. If they want to chase phantoms, fucking let them. Don’t settle for that shit. Imagine how heartbroken you’d feel if you met someone absolutely incredible — only to meet their partner and realize they regarded them as “just okay.” That’s how someone out there will feel meeting you and your partner if you settle for someone who does this.

You deserve better. We all do. If they are holding out for something, leave. If they aren’t sure, leave. If they have reasons — timing, not being ready, busy, doesn’t want to ruin it, etc. — then bounce. If they cared, they wouldn’t want to risk it. So leave if they do. You deserve more than someone who isn’t sure.

It is one thing to give someone time and space to work out a decision — we all need that from time to time. Making decisions that affect our lives require thought and even reflection to be certain we are ready, or at least ready to give it a shot. Yet if time after time, she finds yet another reason to place you on the backburner, then you shouldn’t keep holding on to someone who views you more as a choice she can’t make rather than someone she can’t imagine not being with... It’s okay if you want to wait, but you should also know that you shouldn’t be expected to wait forever while someone reels you in and pushes you away in the name of self-preservation.

You deserve someone who chooses you, and continues to choose you. You are a person, not a throw pillow. You add value as a complex and imperfect human being. Wait for someone who sees you as special, not a chore or checkbox. Let someone else step up and do exactly what you’ve been hoping for —choose you, right now. With whatever they have to offer.


Love with intention. You were made for other people who feel deeply; hearts that love with every single beat. You were made for hearts that forget easily, move on gently. You were made for hearts that appreciate and respect what it’s like to be broken, what it’s like to be lonely or what it’s like to miss someone.

You were made for hearts that feel, that know how to have emotions, how to love. You were made for hearts that open and invite you to open in response.

You were made for hearts that are ready to accept your love in its entirety. You were made for hearts that know how to appreciate what your heart has to offer. You were made for hearts that think your love is right.

You were made for consistent love. You were made for hearts that expand into everything. You were made for hearts that do make you feel whole.

“You were made for brave hearts, for fierce hearts, for hearts that go all in, for hearts that plunge into your arms. You were made for hearts that soften your edges, hearts that inspire you to feel everything and more. You were made for hearts that make you want to fall over and over again without worrying about hitting the ground or getting hurt.

You were made for hearts that keep on loving even after too many heartbreaks. You were made for hearts that still know how to love like they’ve never been hurt. You were made for big hearts and hearts that don’t want to settle for anything less than big love.”

You were not made for vulnerable hearts, you were made for hearts that give, you were made for hearts that love. You were made for stable heart, sturdy hearts, secure hearts. You were made for hearts that know how to keep precious hearts like yours safe and protected.

You were made for hearts that can’t help but fall in love with hearts like yours.


So many woman called me boring. I think  "boring” is better than “impassioned,” and while most great relationships have a blend of both, forced to choose, we should readily take the former. Consistently warm is far more hospitable than hot and cold for long-term emotional wellbeing.

Boring is beautiful. By “boring,” I mean stability, consistency, reliability. We can hang our hat on these things; we can only build on a solid, unwavering foundation. Greatness is built with consistency. As true for relationships as it is for anything.

Weight loss happens with countless little daily decisions, not binging and purging. Building a company happens in the millions of micro-moments, not landing — and losing — That One Big Client. It’s a lot easier to engineer a solution around consistent variables — regardless of what they are.

When a partner (or the relationship) is up, down, hot, cold, ecstatic, pissed, etc., we spend far too much time managing their feelings and not enough time actually building the relationship. I can’t do anything with an erratic partner.

Greatness is built with agency and taking responsibility.Our partners are not here to keep us “entertained.” If we approach love with healthy hearts, we don’t complain of “boredom” with our partners, because we understand that they are not here to amuse, distract, or otherwise entertain us. Their lives are not fuel for our amusement, they are not here simply to delight and distract. We are responsible for our own emotional wellbeing.

Greatness is built with emotional health. Emotionally healthy people do not chase “romance” and put on exaggerated displays. Emotionally healthy people can lap at the edge of excess; they are satiated on healthy displays of love alone. They understand that real, healthy love is in the every day little shit — remembering the dry cleaning; a hug; a word of encouragement before the big meeting— and they don’t require, nor do they have any real appetite for, the showy shit that’s “shareable” on social media.

Greatness is built in the everyday, not the few exciting moments. Great relationships, like anything, are built in the everyday. They don’t simply endure the everyday to just get to the next vacation or fun outing, just like great work doesn’t simply endure the work week to get to the weekend. Relationships are built in the “white space” of life; they are the everyday. So what we do with that time makes or breaks us.

Every moment we spend with our loved one is precious and invaluable. That’s where the relationship lives or dies. And a lot of those everyday moments are, for the most part, boring. That 80 year old couple holding hands in the park is sharing “boring.” They got there one day at a time. Impassioned is dangerous

By “impassioned” I mean excitement, excess, extremes. Romantic hedonism — new restaurants, gifts, travel, grandiose displays or constant reassurance or lofty, poetic declarations of love. If you want great love, these should make you want to run.

When we chase romance and excitement, we do to “love” what porn does to sex. I can appreciate a sentimental surprise as much as the next guy, but nothing turns me off more than empty romantic gestures for the sake of the gesture. Given the choice, I’d rather take a woman who never does anything “romantic”but is stable and emotionally-secure every day.

“Passion” is dangerous to hang our hearts on because it fades away. It must either be doggedly pursued and constantly refueled, or it runs the risk of exposing the realization that there’s nothing underneath. Love built on frenzied pursuits leaves us fatigued and washed up, looking at each other at the end of our ropes, frustrated that we “can’t come up with anything else to do.”

In good love, there’s nothing “to do” except love one another. Every day. And it doesn’t depend on how we feel, because good, healthy love doesn’t hinge on our feelings; it’s a choice. Every day.

Good love looks and feels “boring”.Real, healthy love is quiet, not loud. It is calm, not frenzied. It is solid and stable, not flighty or fickle. Good love is everyday — every day.


I’ll never complain of boredom with you. Because I want it to be “boring,” and entertainment ain’t your job. I hear people break up over shit like “boredom.” I hear they approach other human beings expecting “entertainment” of them, and I hear they break hearts over bullshit and disillusion. You’re not here to entertain me any more than I’m here to entertain you. We are not put here to “amuse” each other.

You’re a person and I’m a person and we both live our own lives. If I’m bored in life that’s on me, not you, and I would never make it your problem to fix something that’s my problem first to solve.

If I’m correct in understanding this pervasive idea of “boredom” is just “sameness” or “routine,” then to that I have to laugh a little in response. Because, like, lol child — consistency is what I want. If you want to chalk it up as “boring,” I mean… you do you. But I will happily take a little boredom if I what I get back is the same exact person day to day.

Now, if you want to mix it up by bringing home the occasional surprise? Adorable. You want to do something different this weekend? Awesome. Want to try something new in bed — totally cool.

You think it looks boring to like doing the same things, eating the same foods, drinking the same drinks, going to the same places? I don’t give a fuck. What I care about is how you think and act. You think it’s lame not to have cool hobbies; then pick one up, but I don’t care. I think “cool hobbies” pale in comparison to “cool thought” and “cool demeanor.”

You intrigue me deeply on better levels, and I’d happily take what looks like “same” but is secure and smart and solid over spastic and shallow any day. And if you think I’m playing, lol, aiight… then bore me a little. Try me. I’m only going to like you more.


I usually tell any woman I’m dating, early on, “relationships aren’t about magic. I could make it work with most anyone. I just don’t want to.”

Most of what we think of as “love” is bullshit. Most people treat love as something happens to them, or something they “are in.” But love — good, healthy, mature love — is not being or feeling. It’s not motivation or inspiration or being swept away or overwhelmed.


Love is an act. It’s a decision. It’s deliberate. It’s external effort and energy every day. It’s choosing and committing. It’s doing. It’s based on you, not them.So you *can* love anyone

By my definition of love, it seems like in theory it should be possible to love anyone. In theory, sure.Just like anything else you choose and do.You could eat most anything for lunch. You can walk or drive or fly most anywhere. You can spend the money you have however you want. You can do any number of things with your time. You could say anything. And yeah, you could, in theory, love anyone.

But that doesn’t mean you *should* love anyone, Does this mean you should love everyone? No. You can care for everyone’s wellbeing in a passive way, but you can’t actively invest in everyone.

Just like you don’t eat everything — at once, or even in general. You don’t say everything that pops into your head. You don’t do everything, go everywhere, think about everything. You don’t waste your money on hobbies you don’t have. You choose.

You make deliberate decisions on what to do, based on what you want. And you choose who to love just as consciously.

How you choose? Lol, I can tell you one thing for sure: it’s not how most people choose.
If you want good love, you don’t choose based on physical attractiveness. You don’t choose based on how they “make you feel.” You don’t choose based on a stupid set of interests and characteristics (“must love dogs,” “favorite food: lasagna.”)

I only want 4 things in a partner. In order:

Kindness, keeping your word, Emotional health and well being — emotional security and stability and finally someone who take care of their health.

If love is an act, then love is an investment of time and attention (our most valuable things in life.) And if love is an investment, then you love based on return.

Emotional health is the indicator of the ROI of love. If you dump love into an unstable person, you’re pouring it down the drain. But secure people are “easy” to love, give high rewards for reasonable effort, and love back readily.

If you want to be healthy, you choose healthy meals — and then eat them. If you want a good career, you choose a good job — and then actually do good work.And if you want a healthy relationship, you choose an emotionally-healthy partner, and afterwards focus on the work of loving them.

Because emotionally-healthy partners will put in effort and love right back. So pick someone who is a.) self-loving, b.) deserving of your love and c.) will return it and meet your needs.

Should you still love people that hurt/disrespect you?No, not actively. Passively and from afar, maybe — you can wish the best for them and respect their decisions — but not in a way that’s intimate, vulnerable, or invested.

Is love fundamentally selfish? “It seems like… you’re loving people selflessly and not for the sake of what you can get out of it.”Yes and no. Wanting a partner is probably always selfish in the same sense that every reason for wanting a child is selfish. Because your needs — or, at best, your desire to meet their theoretical ones — are all you have going in.

What matters more is what happens afterwards.

Viewing your partner, day to day, as someone to meet your needs is definitely selfish.But wanting to serve their needs, day to day, is love. So being in a good relationship — much like being a good parent — is selfless.

You choose a good person. And then you make the investment of love each and every day. And they do too.You get your needs met, by meeting theirs.

 Love can’t exist without self-respect. Love is not “allowing mistreatment.” Love is not “

Loving ourselves means pursuing people that want us, rather than gutting ourselves over people who don’t.

Your time and attention are the most valuable things you have. Invest them in worthwhile people and things.