I feel hurt. I feel so much pain and agony. I can’t begin to really understand where I should start to pick myself back up. Right now, I just feel so much self-pity. Maybe it was something I did or said to cause this breakup in the first place, but I regret ever falling for this beautiful, amazing person in the first place. Maybe it was my fault for letting down my guard completely for this woman. Maybe I should be mad at myself for not being taller or more of the thug type that used to appeal to her. I really thought I was going to marry her. I really did.
Right now, I’m feeling pain. Every word I’ve ever told her I meant, and now they’re all just stabbing me and eating me up alive. This is what self-pity feels like. I don’t know what to do, or who to talk to about this, but I know this is what it feels like to be heart-broken. This is what it’s like for a nice guy like me to lose someone I cared about. I don’t know when I’ll get past this, I don’t know how either. I can only hope that this is a feeling people don’t get to experience, even though unfortunately they do. I want to just swear at her so much, just to get her to even understand the slightest amount about how I’m feeling right now, but I can’t even do that. I can’t swear to someone that I valued so much. I feel like just grabbing her and shaking her to make her realize she shouldn’t be with a bad boy and should be with someone like me (well, not someone else- just me).I’m sad. I’m hurting. This is what heartbreak is for a guy.
How could I have been so wrong about something I believed in with every inch of my soul? How could I continue living after I had found the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with—and lost her? I used to think of myself as a confident, outgoing person, but one single loss and I had not a shred of self-esteem left. And the thought of being around people and acting happy made me crawl back into bed and cry. It like a sinking feeling inside that tears you up and leaves you withered and lonely, like a discarded newspaper kicked to the curb. I WANT TO DIE
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