PERSONAL: IT'S HARD TO MOVE ON

Moving on’ sound so simple at first but is probably the hardest thing to do in the world. It always is the first plan everyone has. The first idea everyone comes up with. The only solution everyone thinks there is. But no. You cannot just ‘move on’. It doesn’t work like that. You have to be tortured first. You have to cry rivers first. You have to feel pain and get hurt first in order to be able to ’move on’. You have to have been dead first in order to start a new life. You have to have read the last chapter of the book in order to start a new story. You have to have been broken first in order to be put back together, piece by piece. You cannot just move on cause someone said so. It takes weeks, month, yes even years in order to be fully ready to move on. 

I knew what true love would feel like. Or maybe sound like and look like. I’ve read about it in books all my life, I’ve watched it in movies. And I was expecting something just like what I read. And then last night you said something. It wasn’t anything like those books. It wasn’t romantic or poetic or anything. But those words were dripping with love, and those words were full of feelings, real, true, heartfelt feelings. And I fell for you all over again. I thought I know how to love, but you inspire me still. I can’t say I’ve fallen in love, but one thing is sure, I’ve found love in you. I’d read about women like you, and love like ours, but that was fiction. I didn’t know it can exist, or yes maybe I hoped it can, but I didn’t entirely believe in it. But yes it does. And all I can be is thankful to have no one, but you in my life. But it breaks my heart to know I am not yours to keep, neither are you mine to be. And all I wish is that you find someone you truly deserve and someone who’s worth you. Because you are the kind of person who’d love the f*ck outta her, and that is also what you deserve in return. I am grateful, that the universe let your soul stop by, even if it was just for a short while

When she thinks you are not there, you are there. When she thinks she is lost, you prove she is not. When she doubts, you reassure. And when she is sad without a reason, give her a reason to be happy instead. When she falls without to stumble, fall with her and stand up with her in your arms. When she is desperate and feels empty, kiss her hopes onto her lips and fill her with your endless love. Be always there when she needs you most, stay when she is too weak to ask, and hold her when no one seems to care. Be the one she can rely on, be the one she can dare to love.


The promise is attention, focus, care. The pledge is love, faith, and devotion. The vow is clarity, truth, and definiteness, for they will be no tomorrow, no now, and before without you and her. There will be just this one singular love where everything is strong, deep, and right out in the open, where bareness matters, lies are abhorred, where fears are calmed and longings groomed, where every touch is true, and every need justified, where every kiss is a promise and every glance a seal that this love is meant to be, will remain even when everything falls, for she is the one whom you gave your heart, and she is the one who gave herself to reconcile in your guiding hands what should’ve never been separated in the first place.