We meet many people. Many times randomly. Few of them become best friends, few of them enemies, few of them acquaintances, one of them may become spouse, and few of them we just forget that we met.
Why do we meet certain people in our life?
What’s the big deal, you may ask. Please try this now. From your best friends list, just think for few seconds how you met each one of them. I am quite sure you have met at least one of them so randomly that there was every chance that you could have never met that person. Yet, you met that person(s) and became best friends.
Often times I wondered, is it a random process that we meet the people we meet or there is something mystical about it exists that we cannot fathom. I would be lying if I tell you that I understand this. Sometimes, I feel it is completely random without any meaning. But there are times, when I realized that there is something really more meaningful in every meeting with a stranger.
Have you ever wondered sometimes that what if you had been to a different college than the one you attended? A different school. A different workplace. Would you be the same person as you are now? Definitely not, is my answer.
It is inevitable that the people we meet influence our lives to some extent. May not be completely. But every personal interaction has a role to play in our lives either directly or indirectly.
Do you know how Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak of Applemet? They were introduced by a mutual friend, Bill Fernandez, when Wozniak was 21 and Jobs was 16 years old and later went on to found Apple Inc. What if they never met? From what I understood reading Steve Jobs biography, it is very clear that they truly complimented each other in skills and that helped Apple in the initial founding years. They met and they made history. Who knows what would have happened if they never met? May be, Bill Gates would be the happiest and a little more richer person in that case. And may be, we still be using the old music players instead of sexy iPods. We never know.
To a certain extent I believe there are key people that cross our paths who have a profound impact on some of the choices and decisions we make in our lives. However it is important to remember that we (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. Sometimes we opt to "go with the flow" or enter into relationships based upon happenstance. Whether it turns out be a good or bad experience we must remember we either invited or accepted them into our lives. Both people have to say, "yes" in order for things to move forward. It's almost like going to the store to purchase an apple and when you bite into it later you see it is spoiled. You can tell yourself "It was destiny. I was meant to have this bad apple." or "I need to learn how to be a better shopper."
But then again lets say the apple makes you very sick and you end up going to the emergency room of a hospital where you meet a doctor or nurse who you eventually end up marrying...etc
Inevitably one thing does lead to another. Every decision leads to another decision. When we think about how we met our significant other or spouse we might remember we almost did not go to that party, store, meeting, nightclub, take that route home, or join that dating site...etc. We wonder, was it meant to be?
We have control of a lot of things in life, but who comes in and out of it isn’t one of ‘em. Sure we can decide who we allow access to our heart and who gets the boot. When we’re introduced, where we meet and who we are at that time isn’t exactly something we can grab by the horns right that second.
There’s a quote that says people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime and I always hope you’re sticking around for the latter. But if you are a reason, it must be to show me that I need to fix the breaks and embrace the wounds. Perhaps you’ve served that purpose and any day now we’ll part ways. That’s a sad thought – heartbreaking in fact, but maybe that’s just the way it is. If you’re a season it’s because you were more necessary than you probably realized and a significant part of my surviving a difficult stretch in life. You provided the little bit of light in an abyss of darkness, the nourishment when I was starving, the ears when I needed a listener. Like most seasons though, you’ll run your course and suddenly be gone. Reasons and seasons both suck in the end, but they’re deserving of some appreciation if you take them for what they’re worth.
Now if you are a lifetime – well then that means everything is going to work out. The worries, concerns and uncertainty will eventually disappear. Being involved in each other’s forever may not show in the cards right now, but who’s to say that the next hand we’re dealt won’t make it visible? If you’re here for a lifetime then that changes everything. If you’re here for a lifetime we haven’t met at the worst time, we’ve met at the right one — the perfect one.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
SPIRIT: RELATIONSHIP ARE MIRROR IMAGES OF WHO YOU ARE
Emotionally we are drawn to people who feel familiar on an energetic level. That is, people who, on an emotional vibrational level, resonate with us as being familiar. It feels to us as if we have a strong connection to those people. In other words, we have an inner radar system that causes us to be attracted to people who resonate vibrationally in a way that is familiar on an emotionally intimate level. We are attracted to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our most powerful and earliest experience of emotional intimacy and love - our parents."
Codependents focus on others to keep from looking at self. We need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inside to understand what is happening. Our adult patterns, the people we have been in relationship with, are symptoms - effects of our childhood wounding. We cannot solve a problem without looking at the cause. Focusing on symptoms (which our society is famous for: war on drugs; war on poverty: etc.) will not heal the cause.
The reason that we get involved with people who are unavailable, is because we are unavailable.
In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in. We, in our Codependence, have radar systems which cause us to be attracted to, and attract to us, the people, who for us personally, are exactly the most untrustworthy (or unavailable or smothering or abusive or whatever we need to repeat our patterns) individuals - exactly the ones who will "push our buttons."
This happens because those people feel familiar. Unfortunately in childhood the people whom we trusted the most - were the most familiar - hurt us the most. So the effect is that we keep repeating our patterns and being given the reminder that it is not safe to trust ourselves or other people .
Once we begin healing we can see that the Truth is that it is not safe to trust as long as we are reacting out of the emotional wounds and attitudes of our childhoods. Once we start Recovering, then we can begin to see that on a Spiritual level these repeating behavior patterns are opportunities to heal the childhood wounds.
I spent most of my life being the victim of my own thoughts, my own emotions, my own behaviors. I was consistently picking untrustworthy people to trust and unavailable people to love. I could not trust my own emotions because I was incapable of being honest with myself emotionally - which made me incapable of Truly being honest on any level.
No matter how much we are making an effort on a conscious level to not pick anyone like our parents, energetically we feel a strong attraction to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our first experience of love. It was very important for me to get aware of the reality that if I met someone who felt like my soul mate, I had better watch out. Those are exactly the people who will fit my patterns - recreate my wounding.
It was very important for me to recognize the power of this type of attraction. And also to realize, that on a Spiritual level, these people were teachers who were in my life to help me get in touch with my childhood wounds. It was vital for me to start being aware that if I met someone who felt like my soul mate it did not mean we were going to live happily ever after. What it meant was that I was being given another wonderful, and painful, opportunity for growth.
Becoming conscious of these emotional energetic dynamics was a very important part of owning my power. My power to make choices, to accept consequences, to take responsibility for my choices and consequences - and to not buy into the belief that I was being victimized by the other person, or my own defectiveness.
What is so important, is to let go of focusing on that person as the cause of, or solution to, my problems. We are in our codependency as long as we are focusing on the other person and buying into the illusion that if we just: work a little harder; lose some more weight; make some more money; do and/or say the right things; whatever; that person will change and be everything we want them to be.
Codependents focus on others to keep from looking at self. We need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inside to understand what is happening. Our adult patterns, the people we have been in relationship with, are symptoms - effects of our childhood wounding. We cannot solve a problem without looking at the cause. Focusing on symptoms (which our society is famous for: war on drugs; war on poverty: etc.) will not heal the cause.
The reason that we get involved with people who are unavailable, is because we are unavailable. We are attracted to people who feel familiar because on some level we are still trying to prove our worth by earning the Love and respect of our unavailable parents. We think we are going to rescue the other person which will prove our worth - or that we need them to rescue us because of our lack of worth. The princess will kiss me and turn me from a frog into a prince, the prince will rescue me and take me to live in the castle, syndrome.
We need to own our own worth - our own "Prince or Princess" ness - before we can be available for a healthy relationship with some one who has owned their own worth.
It is not possible to love someone enough to get them to stop hating, and being unavailable, to them self. We need to let go of that delusion. We need to focus on healing our self - on understanding and healing the emotional wounds that have driven us to pick people who could not give us what we want emotionally. We need to develop some healthy emotional intimacy with ourselves before we are capable of being available for a healthy relationships with someone who is also available.
PART II
Understand that other people are your mirror. A simple concept, yet one that many people are either unwilling, or unable, to grasp. Summed up, it is simply that other people reflect you. Your emotions, your traits, and your feelings are reflected back at you from other people either through in-kind responses or through predictable reactions to the emotions or feelings that you're issuing.
Perhaps even more surprising is the reality that the reflection is perfect, even if the "reflector" is almost invariably not. For example, you might feel condescension, irritability, or dismissiveness toward another person, which lowers your estimation of them and causes you to treat them less seriously; yet in doing so, you ignore the fact that they reflect your negative appraisal of them.
Intellectually challenged people can provide the highest quality reflections for others' behavior, while being personally oblivious that a "mirror" exists; this has to do with their lack of inhibition and their inability to dissemble. Such people more innately reflect the signals and body language you are sending them.
"Normal" people usually reflect, also, until they have learned to mask (these go on to wonder why they can't feel anything, have no passion) It is quite easy to go through your entire life, and never develop the innate skill of spotting yourself being reflected in other people;
Recognize that people say things to you, or about you, for a reason. While it can be easy (in fact it's human nature) to dismiss anything not felt to be relevant, or not seen to be complimentary, and to see it rather as a reflection of the person saying or commenting about things you're not comfortable with (to an extent it's about them but that's not the whole story), for the most part it probably has a grain of truth in it for you. Even if it is painful and your ego tempts you to reject it out of hand, be alert to this probability.
Joanne- was a reflection of my romantic side.
Melissa- I don't know ...after Melissa...when everything I did wasn't good enough....but I had the best sex with her...It like after her..i lost part of my me forever. The part that believed in love
Ex wife- I really don't know if she ever loved me or not. Her action weren't loving most of the time. She had no empathy...does that mean...i have no empathy?
MOM and Dad: everything I do is wrong...never perfect..never right.
Recognize that this person-to-person mirror is a two-way mirror. Just as people say things to or about you for various, possibly obscure but knowable reasons, recognize when you do the same thing. Examine why you may have said a certain thing; usually, this self-examination will occur after the fact.
People who are unwilling to reflect on how their words and actions appear to others can end up not caring about how they are viewed and in turn, this shows up as not caring about others either. This can make them seem selfish, aloof, and perhaps even vacant and after an initial enthusiastic encounter with such a character, you may have initially felt they were attractive, or interesting, only to quickly realize that they are blinded to their effect on others and have little to share because they hide within themselves.
My cuckold fantasy...pushing woman away...what is the story with that..maybe I don't think i deserve to be in a relationship. Maybe I am not worthy for love since I am not perfect.
Consider that a person whom you detest is invariably your perfect mirror – they are just like you. While this may seem strange or even offensive to you, experience often bears it out. The reason is that we invariably overlook behaviors in ourselves that we can't tolerate in another. By allowing the other person to carry the burden of our own disliked inner quirks or weaknesses, we shield ourselves from having to meet our less likable aspects head on and choose instead to view the unlikable traits as the fault of the other person.
My wife was a fake...does that make me a fake?
My parent constantly critize me..does that mean i am the same way...if it is...i am a horrible person.
Often we see this as insurmountable because we choose to believe that the other person is the one generating the unwanted behavior. However, this blinds us to realizing that we're just locking horns with traits we haven't yet learned to deal with well inside of ourselves.
People who are very much alike often detest each other on sight, because behavior patterns are ingrained, and similar, if not universal - meaning that behavioral twins can sense each other in the merest gesture.
Continue seeing yourself as others see you throughout life. This isn't a one-off exercise. It's something that will benefit you and your relationships for all time, and as such, it's essential that you continue to remain alert and willing to see yourself reflected in others around you. Once you have refined seeing yourself,exactly as others see you, by witnessing the reflections in and from others, you will find yourself more forgiving of others, more willing to reach out and pull people through awkward moments and difficult times because you see not only your own struggles but theirs too, all intertwined as one. And all this takes is constant self-examination, self-honesty, and a willingnessto step outside yourself regularly.
Controlling behavior is negative behavior and can lead to perfectionism, unreal expectations, and can easily transfer to wanting to control others to make them stop reflecting the part of ourselves we're not liking. Instead, try to balance your negative self with your strengths and positive self. We cannot be whole until we embrace the parts of ourselves we don't always like and we do best when we acknowledge our shortcomings and learn to treat them with humor and openness rather than attempting to stifle them or blame their existence on someone or something else.
The types of behavior that we don't like in others that we're likely to be indulging in just as frequently ourselves includes anger, gossiping, whining and complaining, criticizing, acting like a martyr, etc. Each of these behaviors can easily be one in which we're complicit and acting out ourselves and when we are especially bothered by seeing these behaviors in others, it's likely the mirror is telling us that it's time for us to learn a lesson and put a stop to our own negative behavior.
When being about someone makes you feel negative, this is an indicator that you need to look inside, not at the other person. What about that person's behavior is especially bothering you? Pinpoint it and then look for it within. It may be obvious or it may be something you've repressed; the more you've repressed it, the deeper you're going to have to dig to get to the nub of it.
You don't need to assume that you are completely smothered by the negative trait that you dislike in another. It may simply be that your radar is alert because you've started allowing yourself to gossip too much lately, or you've been giving in to complaining instead of acting, or you've started to be lazy instead of thoughtful. The trait that bothers you is likely to be one that is recent, something you know you need to deal with, and is magnified simply because it is the trait or behavior that you need to deal with at this point in time. Over time, the various triggers may change, and that's as it should be, because we are always growing and changing through life, including awakening new negative aspects of ourselves that need to be dealt with!
A man noticed that his axe was missing. Then he saw the neighbor's son pass by. The boy looked like a thief, walked like a thief, behaved like a thief, Later that day, the man found his axe where he had left it the day before. The next time he saw his neighbor's son, the boy looked, walked, and behaved like an honest, ordinary boy.
Much unconscious mirroring is happening all the time; it is more pronounced in our close relationships and we are mirroring others just as they mirror us. Learning to see yourself as others see you is an important way of breaking this unconscious bind and injecting balance into our lives by seeking to give out the best of ourselves and to mirror back the best of others. Learning to balance mirroring takes practice, compassion, and a willingness to keep trying; in that way, not only do you learn from others but you become their positive teacher in turn.
When you stop spending time with someone because you ceased to get along with them, if you haven't faced the negative reflections they presented you with, you are most likely to go and find a very similar person to take their place, just so that your negative self continues to be reflected back at you. The only way to stop this pattern is to face up to those negative aspects as belonging to you first and foremost and to stop blaming the other for your reactions.
Codependents focus on others to keep from looking at self. We need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inside to understand what is happening. Our adult patterns, the people we have been in relationship with, are symptoms - effects of our childhood wounding. We cannot solve a problem without looking at the cause. Focusing on symptoms (which our society is famous for: war on drugs; war on poverty: etc.) will not heal the cause.
The reason that we get involved with people who are unavailable, is because we are unavailable.
In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in. We, in our Codependence, have radar systems which cause us to be attracted to, and attract to us, the people, who for us personally, are exactly the most untrustworthy (or unavailable or smothering or abusive or whatever we need to repeat our patterns) individuals - exactly the ones who will "push our buttons."
This happens because those people feel familiar. Unfortunately in childhood the people whom we trusted the most - were the most familiar - hurt us the most. So the effect is that we keep repeating our patterns and being given the reminder that it is not safe to trust ourselves or other people .
Once we begin healing we can see that the Truth is that it is not safe to trust as long as we are reacting out of the emotional wounds and attitudes of our childhoods. Once we start Recovering, then we can begin to see that on a Spiritual level these repeating behavior patterns are opportunities to heal the childhood wounds.
I spent most of my life being the victim of my own thoughts, my own emotions, my own behaviors. I was consistently picking untrustworthy people to trust and unavailable people to love. I could not trust my own emotions because I was incapable of being honest with myself emotionally - which made me incapable of Truly being honest on any level.
No matter how much we are making an effort on a conscious level to not pick anyone like our parents, energetically we feel a strong attraction to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our first experience of love. It was very important for me to get aware of the reality that if I met someone who felt like my soul mate, I had better watch out. Those are exactly the people who will fit my patterns - recreate my wounding.
It was very important for me to recognize the power of this type of attraction. And also to realize, that on a Spiritual level, these people were teachers who were in my life to help me get in touch with my childhood wounds. It was vital for me to start being aware that if I met someone who felt like my soul mate it did not mean we were going to live happily ever after. What it meant was that I was being given another wonderful, and painful, opportunity for growth.
Becoming conscious of these emotional energetic dynamics was a very important part of owning my power. My power to make choices, to accept consequences, to take responsibility for my choices and consequences - and to not buy into the belief that I was being victimized by the other person, or my own defectiveness.
What is so important, is to let go of focusing on that person as the cause of, or solution to, my problems. We are in our codependency as long as we are focusing on the other person and buying into the illusion that if we just: work a little harder; lose some more weight; make some more money; do and/or say the right things; whatever; that person will change and be everything we want them to be.
Codependents focus on others to keep from looking at self. We need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inside to understand what is happening. Our adult patterns, the people we have been in relationship with, are symptoms - effects of our childhood wounding. We cannot solve a problem without looking at the cause. Focusing on symptoms (which our society is famous for: war on drugs; war on poverty: etc.) will not heal the cause.
The reason that we get involved with people who are unavailable, is because we are unavailable. We are attracted to people who feel familiar because on some level we are still trying to prove our worth by earning the Love and respect of our unavailable parents. We think we are going to rescue the other person which will prove our worth - or that we need them to rescue us because of our lack of worth. The princess will kiss me and turn me from a frog into a prince, the prince will rescue me and take me to live in the castle, syndrome.
We need to own our own worth - our own "Prince or Princess" ness - before we can be available for a healthy relationship with some one who has owned their own worth.
It is not possible to love someone enough to get them to stop hating, and being unavailable, to them self. We need to let go of that delusion. We need to focus on healing our self - on understanding and healing the emotional wounds that have driven us to pick people who could not give us what we want emotionally. We need to develop some healthy emotional intimacy with ourselves before we are capable of being available for a healthy relationships with someone who is also available.
PART II
Understand that other people are your mirror. A simple concept, yet one that many people are either unwilling, or unable, to grasp. Summed up, it is simply that other people reflect you. Your emotions, your traits, and your feelings are reflected back at you from other people either through in-kind responses or through predictable reactions to the emotions or feelings that you're issuing.
Perhaps even more surprising is the reality that the reflection is perfect, even if the "reflector" is almost invariably not. For example, you might feel condescension, irritability, or dismissiveness toward another person, which lowers your estimation of them and causes you to treat them less seriously; yet in doing so, you ignore the fact that they reflect your negative appraisal of them.
Intellectually challenged people can provide the highest quality reflections for others' behavior, while being personally oblivious that a "mirror" exists; this has to do with their lack of inhibition and their inability to dissemble. Such people more innately reflect the signals and body language you are sending them.
"Normal" people usually reflect, also, until they have learned to mask (these go on to wonder why they can't feel anything, have no passion) It is quite easy to go through your entire life, and never develop the innate skill of spotting yourself being reflected in other people;
Recognize that people say things to you, or about you, for a reason. While it can be easy (in fact it's human nature) to dismiss anything not felt to be relevant, or not seen to be complimentary, and to see it rather as a reflection of the person saying or commenting about things you're not comfortable with (to an extent it's about them but that's not the whole story), for the most part it probably has a grain of truth in it for you. Even if it is painful and your ego tempts you to reject it out of hand, be alert to this probability.
Joanne- was a reflection of my romantic side.
Melissa- I don't know ...after Melissa...when everything I did wasn't good enough....but I had the best sex with her...It like after her..i lost part of my me forever. The part that believed in love
Ex wife- I really don't know if she ever loved me or not. Her action weren't loving most of the time. She had no empathy...does that mean...i have no empathy?
MOM and Dad: everything I do is wrong...never perfect..never right.
Recognize that this person-to-person mirror is a two-way mirror. Just as people say things to or about you for various, possibly obscure but knowable reasons, recognize when you do the same thing. Examine why you may have said a certain thing; usually, this self-examination will occur after the fact.
People who are unwilling to reflect on how their words and actions appear to others can end up not caring about how they are viewed and in turn, this shows up as not caring about others either. This can make them seem selfish, aloof, and perhaps even vacant and after an initial enthusiastic encounter with such a character, you may have initially felt they were attractive, or interesting, only to quickly realize that they are blinded to their effect on others and have little to share because they hide within themselves.
My cuckold fantasy...pushing woman away...what is the story with that..maybe I don't think i deserve to be in a relationship. Maybe I am not worthy for love since I am not perfect.
Consider that a person whom you detest is invariably your perfect mirror – they are just like you. While this may seem strange or even offensive to you, experience often bears it out. The reason is that we invariably overlook behaviors in ourselves that we can't tolerate in another. By allowing the other person to carry the burden of our own disliked inner quirks or weaknesses, we shield ourselves from having to meet our less likable aspects head on and choose instead to view the unlikable traits as the fault of the other person.
My wife was a fake...does that make me a fake?
My parent constantly critize me..does that mean i am the same way...if it is...i am a horrible person.
Often we see this as insurmountable because we choose to believe that the other person is the one generating the unwanted behavior. However, this blinds us to realizing that we're just locking horns with traits we haven't yet learned to deal with well inside of ourselves.
People who are very much alike often detest each other on sight, because behavior patterns are ingrained, and similar, if not universal - meaning that behavioral twins can sense each other in the merest gesture.
Continue seeing yourself as others see you throughout life. This isn't a one-off exercise. It's something that will benefit you and your relationships for all time, and as such, it's essential that you continue to remain alert and willing to see yourself reflected in others around you. Once you have refined seeing yourself,exactly as others see you, by witnessing the reflections in and from others, you will find yourself more forgiving of others, more willing to reach out and pull people through awkward moments and difficult times because you see not only your own struggles but theirs too, all intertwined as one. And all this takes is constant self-examination, self-honesty, and a willingnessto step outside yourself regularly.
Controlling behavior is negative behavior and can lead to perfectionism, unreal expectations, and can easily transfer to wanting to control others to make them stop reflecting the part of ourselves we're not liking. Instead, try to balance your negative self with your strengths and positive self. We cannot be whole until we embrace the parts of ourselves we don't always like and we do best when we acknowledge our shortcomings and learn to treat them with humor and openness rather than attempting to stifle them or blame their existence on someone or something else.
The types of behavior that we don't like in others that we're likely to be indulging in just as frequently ourselves includes anger, gossiping, whining and complaining, criticizing, acting like a martyr, etc. Each of these behaviors can easily be one in which we're complicit and acting out ourselves and when we are especially bothered by seeing these behaviors in others, it's likely the mirror is telling us that it's time for us to learn a lesson and put a stop to our own negative behavior.
When being about someone makes you feel negative, this is an indicator that you need to look inside, not at the other person. What about that person's behavior is especially bothering you? Pinpoint it and then look for it within. It may be obvious or it may be something you've repressed; the more you've repressed it, the deeper you're going to have to dig to get to the nub of it.
You don't need to assume that you are completely smothered by the negative trait that you dislike in another. It may simply be that your radar is alert because you've started allowing yourself to gossip too much lately, or you've been giving in to complaining instead of acting, or you've started to be lazy instead of thoughtful. The trait that bothers you is likely to be one that is recent, something you know you need to deal with, and is magnified simply because it is the trait or behavior that you need to deal with at this point in time. Over time, the various triggers may change, and that's as it should be, because we are always growing and changing through life, including awakening new negative aspects of ourselves that need to be dealt with!
A man noticed that his axe was missing. Then he saw the neighbor's son pass by. The boy looked like a thief, walked like a thief, behaved like a thief, Later that day, the man found his axe where he had left it the day before. The next time he saw his neighbor's son, the boy looked, walked, and behaved like an honest, ordinary boy.
Much unconscious mirroring is happening all the time; it is more pronounced in our close relationships and we are mirroring others just as they mirror us. Learning to see yourself as others see you is an important way of breaking this unconscious bind and injecting balance into our lives by seeking to give out the best of ourselves and to mirror back the best of others. Learning to balance mirroring takes practice, compassion, and a willingness to keep trying; in that way, not only do you learn from others but you become their positive teacher in turn.
When you stop spending time with someone because you ceased to get along with them, if you haven't faced the negative reflections they presented you with, you are most likely to go and find a very similar person to take their place, just so that your negative self continues to be reflected back at you. The only way to stop this pattern is to face up to those negative aspects as belonging to you first and foremost and to stop blaming the other for your reactions.
LOVE: GIVING UP YOUR SELFISHNESS
Most women in their late 30s could get married tomorrow, if they really, really wanted to. There are gazillions of men who would marry them at the drop of a hat - but the feeling probably isn’t mutual. In this world they didn’t get married in their 20s because they didn’t want to and were picky. Now they want to, but they’re still picky
They marry expecting they have found someone who will love them. Sooner or later they discover the wonder that they have actually found someone to love. It's their choice. Will I give love, or will I demand to be loved? That decision will determine whether you have a happy marriage. If the adjustment to living with another person doesn't wash away your selfishness, the babies will. But oh, the rewards. Freedom from self self self all the time is wonderful. Raising a family of fantastic human beings is beyond description, and sharing life with a good man...ah, but the ticket to these treasures is readiness to take the risk of giving up your selfishness.
They marry expecting they have found someone who will love them. Sooner or later they discover the wonder that they have actually found someone to love. It's their choice. Will I give love, or will I demand to be loved? That decision will determine whether you have a happy marriage. If the adjustment to living with another person doesn't wash away your selfishness, the babies will. But oh, the rewards. Freedom from self self self all the time is wonderful. Raising a family of fantastic human beings is beyond description, and sharing life with a good man...ah, but the ticket to these treasures is readiness to take the risk of giving up your selfishness.
JOURNAL: WHY I HAVEN'T REMARRIED
I hadn’t yet found anyone I could envision as my life partner for a long time.. I seemed to be waiting for a switch to flip inside me, some internal confirmation that this person I was going to me was the one for me. I became aware that I was hesitating at least partially because to make any choice was simultaneously to not choose everyone else—but I overcame that obstacle as soon as I realized it was an issue. I only had to remind myself that most of the world’s billions of people would never make their way in front of me. Almost certainly somewhere someone more wonderful for me was out there (just as almost certainly someone more wonderful than me was out there for her—neither of us is perfect nor perfect for each other), but she had to some of my deal breaker.
I began to wonder just why I still wasn’t remarried. After my divorce, I didn’t think that marriage was necessary for happiness or that a married life was even necessarily happier than a single one. But I’d always envisioned myself being married. So why wasn’t I? Had it only been a matter of not finding the right person, as I’d always presumed?
For reasons unclear to me, I found my thoughts drifting back to my early years.... and now when I was living completely alone and as I thought back on it, I realized it was one of the happiest periods of my life. Why? Because when I came home at the end of the day I came home to an empty kingdom—one in which I had complete freedom to do whatever I wanted. No one else lived in my personal space to ask favors of me or require my help or have an opinion about what do to that was contrary to my own. That freedom, I suddenly realized, was what I really wanted more than anything else. At that moment, I discovered to my complete surprise that the true reason I was still single was that I wanted to be. I wanted to be alone. I was stunned.
Being alone was the strategy I used to protect myself against the demands placed on me by others. This, then, I realized, was the true answer to why I’d felt so anxious to get married. Most of my ex girlfriend were compunction at all about expressing their desires about anything: let’s go shopping, let’s go for a bike ride, let’s watch a movie. And though I didn’t dislike any of those things (except for the shopping), I often didn’t want to do them when They did. My anxiety arose because I felt helpless to determine the direction I wanted my life to go when they were in it. If I couldn’t express and take care of my own needs in a relationship, how could I ever accomplish my own life’s goals? Up to that point, remaining unattached was the only strategy I’d discovered (unconsciously until that moment) that I felt capable of executing. So I’d remained unmarried.
In that moment of understanding, I decided I didn’t want to remain as I was. I needed to learn to take care of myself once and for all, even in the midst of a relationship, so that not only could I have a relationship but also enjoy it. Any woman that I was going to be with was an opportunity for me to forge myself into a stronger, happier person. And in that moment, I realized what my campaign had actually been about all along: not finding my wife but growing into a person who could actually have one.
I began to wonder just why I still wasn’t remarried. After my divorce, I didn’t think that marriage was necessary for happiness or that a married life was even necessarily happier than a single one. But I’d always envisioned myself being married. So why wasn’t I? Had it only been a matter of not finding the right person, as I’d always presumed?
For reasons unclear to me, I found my thoughts drifting back to my early years.... and now when I was living completely alone and as I thought back on it, I realized it was one of the happiest periods of my life. Why? Because when I came home at the end of the day I came home to an empty kingdom—one in which I had complete freedom to do whatever I wanted. No one else lived in my personal space to ask favors of me or require my help or have an opinion about what do to that was contrary to my own. That freedom, I suddenly realized, was what I really wanted more than anything else. At that moment, I discovered to my complete surprise that the true reason I was still single was that I wanted to be. I wanted to be alone. I was stunned.
Being alone was the strategy I used to protect myself against the demands placed on me by others. This, then, I realized, was the true answer to why I’d felt so anxious to get married. Most of my ex girlfriend were compunction at all about expressing their desires about anything: let’s go shopping, let’s go for a bike ride, let’s watch a movie. And though I didn’t dislike any of those things (except for the shopping), I often didn’t want to do them when They did. My anxiety arose because I felt helpless to determine the direction I wanted my life to go when they were in it. If I couldn’t express and take care of my own needs in a relationship, how could I ever accomplish my own life’s goals? Up to that point, remaining unattached was the only strategy I’d discovered (unconsciously until that moment) that I felt capable of executing. So I’d remained unmarried.
In that moment of understanding, I decided I didn’t want to remain as I was. I needed to learn to take care of myself once and for all, even in the midst of a relationship, so that not only could I have a relationship but also enjoy it. Any woman that I was going to be with was an opportunity for me to forge myself into a stronger, happier person. And in that moment, I realized what my campaign had actually been about all along: not finding my wife but growing into a person who could actually have one.
SPIRIT: THINKING ABOUT LIFE
It was about few years ago, before I was interested in this spiritual thing at all. I was just laying there on my bed one morning thinking the usual stuff you think about before you get out of bed. I had my eyes closed and I was still quite tired but I knew I had to get up soon so I made the effort. Oh dear! I couldn't move - I had sleep paralysis. I had felt this before and knew that with enough effort I could wiggle out of it. But I couldn't! After about a minute I realized that I was completely stuck. I was incredibly awake, though, in my mind. I though it was quite amusing at first but as the time went on I got scared. What if I am stuck like this forever? I was getting really panicky! My entire body was frozen. What if they think I am dead and bury me alive? I thought!!
Ahhh!! A few more minutes went past and in that time I realized that I was still talking to myself, still conscious and I spent a little while, for the first time in my life, actually questioning what I was. Am I just a brain? What am I? I was asking myself. I had a really bad feeling that I had actually died, and what I was experiencing was the last few electrical pulses of my brain. I felt really sad but realized that there was nothing I could do. I felt quite calm and decided just to slip off in to 'death' (which I thought was the end, just nothingness).
As I relaxed a small blue 'ring' appeared. As soon as I thought about it, it went away again. I relaxed once more and this blue ring came back - it slowly got bigger and bigger. As soon as I 'engaged my mind' and thought about the blue ring it simply floated back the other way. For a few moments I was playing with this blue ring making it get smaller and bigger. In the end I just relaxed, ignored this steadily increasing blue ring and just 'let things happen.'
The ring got bigger and bigger until....... BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I seemed to go 'through' the blue ring and I was quite amazed to find myself actually floating about in my bedroom! I knew I was still this consciousness thing and I could tell I had no body. I started floating around my room. Wow this is great, I thought! But then, like a ton-of bricks, a realization hit me. I was really dead (well so I thought)! I thought about my family and friends and felt sad. I was dead. The end.......
But then another realization hit me! I WAS ACTUALLY STILL ALIVE!!!! I realized that I WAS NOT MY BRAIN! I didn't know exactly what I was but I knew that I was a point of consciousness that was currently floating around my bedroom. Yes! I thought. There really is life after death!!!!!!
As soon as I thought that last thought there was another BOOM and I was back in my bed, unparalyzed. But I still KNOW that it was definitely no dream. It really happened.
When I was ready one day I asked myself the ultimate question: "What is it all about?" I then went into a meditative trance state and had the most unimaginable, unexplainable experience you could possibly have.
I was paralyzed, I had somehow slipped into a trance, yet I was totally conscious. Unlike when this happened before, this time I couldn't get out of it. "Whats going on?" I asked in my mind again. "You wanted to know what it's all about," came the thought back...
Bang! All of a sudden I woke up. Very strange, I thought and sat up. Whatever happened? Bang! I woke up again! Still lying in my bed! Wow, I thought I woke up but I didn't! Weird. Bang! I woke once more. This is getting freaky I thought! Bang! Awake! Bang......... Bang....... Bang.....bang..... Bang.... Bang... Bang.. BanBanBaBBBBB... These 'false awakenings' got faster and faster and faster until they were producing a constant stream. There was 'No-Time' between these false awakenings. At that point something amazing happened.
I realized I was not me. I was something else, something greater. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I REMEMBERED who I was. I was pure consciousness, I was ALL THAT EXISTED. I was NOTHINGNESS! I was GOD! God was me!
I thought AS GOD - I remembered the reason for creating life. It was the most painful, undescribable loneliness ever, yet at the same time the most wonderful joyful experience as I (being God) created life. Light from the darkness. Life - a positive choice. I realized that I was God and God lived through me (and everybody else, also being me). I understood the true meaning of the One, as that is all that ever has and will exist. No time, only one continuous moment - now. Consciousness is the only thing that exists.
I now had a life! I was still this 'pure consciousness / God' but out of my loneliness I had created life out of myself and now I was experiencing it - actually living it! Through Me (being God) I had chosen life. Positive from negative, light from darkness, everything from nothingness. Everything made sense! I was so happy! I was not alone anymore! I thanked God again and again for creating us, knowing that I was as much him (her/it whatever) as he was me!
No wonder he loves us because he is us! No wonder we should love each other because we are all parts of the same one consciousness!
Everything was perfect! For the first time it all made sense. I believe in a 'God'. All those kids who think he is an old man with a white beard who sits on a cloud!! I also realized existence was made instantaneously and there is no such thing as time. We live in that one moment where He chose life. It will last for eternity because He never wants to experience such pain of loneliness again.
That was where my journey started. I didn't like to believe in my experiences at first as I thought it was my ego wanting to say 'I am above everybody else.' So I convinced myself that it was impossible that I had experienced 'the ultimate' or merged to the source. I realized that I couldn't 'prove' my experience to anybody but putting up with the ridicule just made me stronger. I realized what a closed-minded bunch of people the majority of humans were and I realized that there was so much more to learn about life. I knew we lived forever, so that led me to the big question.... "So what's the purpose of this life?" I made it the goal for the rest of my life to find out!
God is all. I mean really ALL. It is a force which IS us, not above us, not below us, but IS us. We are God, God is US, we exist because of him, he exists because of us. By us I mean everything: you, me, your pet cat, the sand on a beach. There is only one, but the one is split into an infinite amount.
It was scary for 1 second when I thought I was dead, then I realized that THERE IS NO DEATH! So what can harm us? Nothing! People are scared but if only they would understand
The biggest thing to remember is that BELIEF CREATES - especially in the afterlife. This is why positive thinking works... and this is why negative thinking (black magic) works. This is why some people who have NDEs experience hells or heavens.
Believe, because you create your own reality. God is a schizophrenic who is living in his own dream as many many characters. You are one of those characters. The thing is, each Character IS God, in totality. When a character knows (remembers) this it is called being "God realized" or - enlightened. The external 'dream' (that we experience as our reality) is created by the beliefs and desires of God (which is us). Never under estimate the power of your own belief. BELIEVE in your own belief... your own Godly power, and you can consciously create and direct the movie of your life... If you can dream it, YOU CAN DO IT. Do not entertain doubt - by doubting you are simply believing in the non achievement of your dream! "Consciously directed positive mental energy"— that's what it's all about!
Ahhh!! A few more minutes went past and in that time I realized that I was still talking to myself, still conscious and I spent a little while, for the first time in my life, actually questioning what I was. Am I just a brain? What am I? I was asking myself. I had a really bad feeling that I had actually died, and what I was experiencing was the last few electrical pulses of my brain. I felt really sad but realized that there was nothing I could do. I felt quite calm and decided just to slip off in to 'death' (which I thought was the end, just nothingness).
As I relaxed a small blue 'ring' appeared. As soon as I thought about it, it went away again. I relaxed once more and this blue ring came back - it slowly got bigger and bigger. As soon as I 'engaged my mind' and thought about the blue ring it simply floated back the other way. For a few moments I was playing with this blue ring making it get smaller and bigger. In the end I just relaxed, ignored this steadily increasing blue ring and just 'let things happen.'
The ring got bigger and bigger until....... BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I seemed to go 'through' the blue ring and I was quite amazed to find myself actually floating about in my bedroom! I knew I was still this consciousness thing and I could tell I had no body. I started floating around my room. Wow this is great, I thought! But then, like a ton-of bricks, a realization hit me. I was really dead (well so I thought)! I thought about my family and friends and felt sad. I was dead. The end.......
But then another realization hit me! I WAS ACTUALLY STILL ALIVE!!!! I realized that I WAS NOT MY BRAIN! I didn't know exactly what I was but I knew that I was a point of consciousness that was currently floating around my bedroom. Yes! I thought. There really is life after death!!!!!!
As soon as I thought that last thought there was another BOOM and I was back in my bed, unparalyzed. But I still KNOW that it was definitely no dream. It really happened.
When I was ready one day I asked myself the ultimate question: "What is it all about?" I then went into a meditative trance state and had the most unimaginable, unexplainable experience you could possibly have.
I was paralyzed, I had somehow slipped into a trance, yet I was totally conscious. Unlike when this happened before, this time I couldn't get out of it. "Whats going on?" I asked in my mind again. "You wanted to know what it's all about," came the thought back...
Bang! All of a sudden I woke up. Very strange, I thought and sat up. Whatever happened? Bang! I woke up again! Still lying in my bed! Wow, I thought I woke up but I didn't! Weird. Bang! I woke once more. This is getting freaky I thought! Bang! Awake! Bang......... Bang....... Bang.....bang..... Bang.... Bang... Bang.. BanBanBaBBBBB... These 'false awakenings' got faster and faster and faster until they were producing a constant stream. There was 'No-Time' between these false awakenings. At that point something amazing happened.
I realized I was not me. I was something else, something greater. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I REMEMBERED who I was. I was pure consciousness, I was ALL THAT EXISTED. I was NOTHINGNESS! I was GOD! God was me!
I thought AS GOD - I remembered the reason for creating life. It was the most painful, undescribable loneliness ever, yet at the same time the most wonderful joyful experience as I (being God) created life. Light from the darkness. Life - a positive choice. I realized that I was God and God lived through me (and everybody else, also being me). I understood the true meaning of the One, as that is all that ever has and will exist. No time, only one continuous moment - now. Consciousness is the only thing that exists.
I now had a life! I was still this 'pure consciousness / God' but out of my loneliness I had created life out of myself and now I was experiencing it - actually living it! Through Me (being God) I had chosen life. Positive from negative, light from darkness, everything from nothingness. Everything made sense! I was so happy! I was not alone anymore! I thanked God again and again for creating us, knowing that I was as much him (her/it whatever) as he was me!
No wonder he loves us because he is us! No wonder we should love each other because we are all parts of the same one consciousness!
Everything was perfect! For the first time it all made sense. I believe in a 'God'. All those kids who think he is an old man with a white beard who sits on a cloud!! I also realized existence was made instantaneously and there is no such thing as time. We live in that one moment where He chose life. It will last for eternity because He never wants to experience such pain of loneliness again.
That was where my journey started. I didn't like to believe in my experiences at first as I thought it was my ego wanting to say 'I am above everybody else.' So I convinced myself that it was impossible that I had experienced 'the ultimate' or merged to the source. I realized that I couldn't 'prove' my experience to anybody but putting up with the ridicule just made me stronger. I realized what a closed-minded bunch of people the majority of humans were and I realized that there was so much more to learn about life. I knew we lived forever, so that led me to the big question.... "So what's the purpose of this life?" I made it the goal for the rest of my life to find out!
God is all. I mean really ALL. It is a force which IS us, not above us, not below us, but IS us. We are God, God is US, we exist because of him, he exists because of us. By us I mean everything: you, me, your pet cat, the sand on a beach. There is only one, but the one is split into an infinite amount.
It was scary for 1 second when I thought I was dead, then I realized that THERE IS NO DEATH! So what can harm us? Nothing! People are scared but if only they would understand
The biggest thing to remember is that BELIEF CREATES - especially in the afterlife. This is why positive thinking works... and this is why negative thinking (black magic) works. This is why some people who have NDEs experience hells or heavens.
Believe, because you create your own reality. God is a schizophrenic who is living in his own dream as many many characters. You are one of those characters. The thing is, each Character IS God, in totality. When a character knows (remembers) this it is called being "God realized" or - enlightened. The external 'dream' (that we experience as our reality) is created by the beliefs and desires of God (which is us). Never under estimate the power of your own belief. BELIEVE in your own belief... your own Godly power, and you can consciously create and direct the movie of your life... If you can dream it, YOU CAN DO IT. Do not entertain doubt - by doubting you are simply believing in the non achievement of your dream! "Consciously directed positive mental energy"— that's what it's all about!
REVIEWS: BLOW..." MONEY ISN'T REAL"
One of my favorite movies is "Blow." It's a true story of George Jung (played by the fabulous Johnny Depp), who became part of the Pablo Escobar drug cartels and was largely responsible for smuggling cocaine into the U.S. in the 60s and 70s. Now, obviously, this isn't a "feel-good" kind of movie...but it's intriguing and Johnny Depp is at his best.
My very favorite scene in the whole movie is in the opening few minutes when George, as a young boy, is talking to his father, played by the amazing Ray Liota. His father's self-made business has just gone under and they are in a precarious financial position, teetering on bankruptcy. George is expressing concern over the fact that they are out of money and how his prissy, high-maintenance mother will take this news. Without missing a beat, his father looks at him and says, "Money isn't real, George. It just seems like it is."
This has become my new favorite one liner..."Money isn't real." Because, it isn't.
Coincidentally, I just recently watched the newly released HBO film, "Too Big to Fail," about the collapse of Lehman Brothers and the ensuing bailout of AIG by the federal government. It was fascinating how our government and our society placed so much blind faith in Wall Street. CEOs that were taking home millions of dollars in bonuses each year and even just the "peons" that were bringing home six figure salaries. Listening to the numbers they were throwing out was mind boggling...and frightening.There is no one on this planet, no job, that is worth tens of millions of dollars a year.. And how sad is it that our financial "gurus" make exponentially more than our congressmen, senators, and even our president? Or our soldiers? Or the police and firefighters that risk their lives to protect us? What is wrong with our society that this is how we prioritize? No matter what you think of the government, it says something about how we value these roles when the President of our country makes significantly less than the president of a bank.
Watching the movie, there was a human part of me that had a small amount of compassion for these people who were watching their entire lives crumble beneath them. But, the bigger part of me said, "Money isn't real."
I watched the story of these CEOs and bank higher-ups whose lives collapsed under their feet, I kind of thought it was a good lesson. Their whole lives were built upon a falsehood that having millions of dollars, multiple homes, fancy cars, and expensive clothes bought them security and made them infallible...that they were better than the rest of us because they could buy things the rest of us can't even imagine being able to afford.
Now, I will readily admit that having money certainly makes life a little easier and less stressful. But, I can't even imagine what it would be like to be able to buy whatever we want whenever we want, without thinking about how we'll pay for it. And though I would love to win the lottery, I don't want to lose the values that we have now...the values that make us think about what we're purchasing, how we're going to pay for it, and where the money is coming from. Those values have taught us that we have to work for and earn the things we have...and that we aren't immune from the ups and downs of life. We save money so that we don't have to worry about "what if?" We've had times where we were more flush and had a lot more discretionary income, and we've had times where we're squeaking by, paycheck to paycheck. And guess what I've discovered?
Money isn't real...it just seems like it is.
When going back to my childhood - I don't think about the "richer" times as the "happier" times. The happiest times have been almost the opposite in a way.. None of this required a big house, or a big boat, or shoes that cost more than my house payment. Nor should they...what IS real are relationships and the values you carry in this life.
And none of the thing that matter can be bought...and none will collapse with the failure of Wall Street.
My very favorite scene in the whole movie is in the opening few minutes when George, as a young boy, is talking to his father, played by the amazing Ray Liota. His father's self-made business has just gone under and they are in a precarious financial position, teetering on bankruptcy. George is expressing concern over the fact that they are out of money and how his prissy, high-maintenance mother will take this news. Without missing a beat, his father looks at him and says, "Money isn't real, George. It just seems like it is."
This has become my new favorite one liner..."Money isn't real." Because, it isn't.
Coincidentally, I just recently watched the newly released HBO film, "Too Big to Fail," about the collapse of Lehman Brothers and the ensuing bailout of AIG by the federal government. It was fascinating how our government and our society placed so much blind faith in Wall Street. CEOs that were taking home millions of dollars in bonuses each year and even just the "peons" that were bringing home six figure salaries. Listening to the numbers they were throwing out was mind boggling...and frightening.There is no one on this planet, no job, that is worth tens of millions of dollars a year.. And how sad is it that our financial "gurus" make exponentially more than our congressmen, senators, and even our president? Or our soldiers? Or the police and firefighters that risk their lives to protect us? What is wrong with our society that this is how we prioritize? No matter what you think of the government, it says something about how we value these roles when the President of our country makes significantly less than the president of a bank.
Watching the movie, there was a human part of me that had a small amount of compassion for these people who were watching their entire lives crumble beneath them. But, the bigger part of me said, "Money isn't real."
I watched the story of these CEOs and bank higher-ups whose lives collapsed under their feet, I kind of thought it was a good lesson. Their whole lives were built upon a falsehood that having millions of dollars, multiple homes, fancy cars, and expensive clothes bought them security and made them infallible...that they were better than the rest of us because they could buy things the rest of us can't even imagine being able to afford.
Now, I will readily admit that having money certainly makes life a little easier and less stressful. But, I can't even imagine what it would be like to be able to buy whatever we want whenever we want, without thinking about how we'll pay for it. And though I would love to win the lottery, I don't want to lose the values that we have now...the values that make us think about what we're purchasing, how we're going to pay for it, and where the money is coming from. Those values have taught us that we have to work for and earn the things we have...and that we aren't immune from the ups and downs of life. We save money so that we don't have to worry about "what if?" We've had times where we were more flush and had a lot more discretionary income, and we've had times where we're squeaking by, paycheck to paycheck. And guess what I've discovered?
Money isn't real...it just seems like it is.
When going back to my childhood - I don't think about the "richer" times as the "happier" times. The happiest times have been almost the opposite in a way.. None of this required a big house, or a big boat, or shoes that cost more than my house payment. Nor should they...what IS real are relationships and the values you carry in this life.
And none of the thing that matter can be bought...and none will collapse with the failure of Wall Street.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
LOVE: MEETING THE STRANGER THAT BECOME YOUR SOULMATE
I love to hear stories about how and why people come into our lives. The adventure of chance meetings, serendipity, and what 2 people who at one point didn’t mean a thing to each other and would one day become an essential part of one another’s lives.
The interesting thing about strangers is you never really know just what kind of impact they’ll have on your life: good or bad, short-term or long-term, romantic or platonic.
I met this once-upon-a-time stranger at a local bookstore when I was living in the city.We were both regulars – and one day he placed half of a bagel covered in honey on my table next to his. We’ve been friends ever since.
When you make room in your life to let strangers in, you make room in your life for the great adventure of people and of friendship. In my opinion – this adventure is just as exciting, as daring, as capable of helping you grow as the adventures of exploring the hidden gems of earth on our travels.
When you meet anyone for the first time, be it in line at the store, a dinner party you’re the guest at, or in your local coffee shop, you’ll have no idea if they’ll be someone you will later call one of your oldest friends.
You won’t know their history, and they won’t know yours.
You won’t know if this relationship will out last the hurtles of time and distance and change that all friendships eventually do.
You won’t know if one day thirty years from now you’ll recall that brief conversation with that stranger that magically changed the way you viewed how an aspect of the world worked.
And so today I sat next to one my best friend and we got into talking about all of what’s written above. It’s a feeling I’m sincerely grateful for to be able to look this good friend in the eye who was once a stranger, and to have him look me right back in the eye, and we tell each other we’re thankful that we came into each others lives. For me, only a few years ago he was just a stranger who spent way too much time in bookstore like me, helped me get through some of the most difficult times I’ve ever gone through in my life. And he did that just be being my friend and being in my life. Some people, just be being with them, somehow help you make sense of any mess, help you remember that ‘everything is going to be okay‘, and help you remember what it’s like to not be sad or angry or hurt or scared if at least for a brief moment. And it turns out, that along the way, I was the same thing for him too. We were two strangers that ended up having each others’ backs. Somehow, we both filled a gap in each others lives. And it all started with the simple, kind act of a stranger sharing half of a bagel with another stranger.
Some people – they just get you, ya know? It’s almost as if you’ve known each other forever. Or maybe it’s more like you don’t need to spend that extra 5 minutes explaining why this or that happened because somehow they already get it. There’s this basic and fundamental understanding there. And that’s what I have with this once-upon-a-time-stranger.
It’s sincere. It’s open. It’s accepting. It’s nonjudgmental.
Each and every person that comes into your life comes into your life for a special reason. The people that put us through hell are just as necessary as the people who help us open doors we never knew existed or we weren’t strong enough to open just by being a positive presence in our own lives.
The interesting thing about strangers is you never really know just what kind of impact they’ll have on your life: good or bad, short-term or long-term, romantic or platonic.
I met this once-upon-a-time stranger at a local bookstore when I was living in the city.We were both regulars – and one day he placed half of a bagel covered in honey on my table next to his. We’ve been friends ever since.
When you make room in your life to let strangers in, you make room in your life for the great adventure of people and of friendship. In my opinion – this adventure is just as exciting, as daring, as capable of helping you grow as the adventures of exploring the hidden gems of earth on our travels.
When you meet anyone for the first time, be it in line at the store, a dinner party you’re the guest at, or in your local coffee shop, you’ll have no idea if they’ll be someone you will later call one of your oldest friends.
You won’t know their history, and they won’t know yours.
You won’t know if this relationship will out last the hurtles of time and distance and change that all friendships eventually do.
You won’t know if one day thirty years from now you’ll recall that brief conversation with that stranger that magically changed the way you viewed how an aspect of the world worked.
And so today I sat next to one my best friend and we got into talking about all of what’s written above. It’s a feeling I’m sincerely grateful for to be able to look this good friend in the eye who was once a stranger, and to have him look me right back in the eye, and we tell each other we’re thankful that we came into each others lives. For me, only a few years ago he was just a stranger who spent way too much time in bookstore like me, helped me get through some of the most difficult times I’ve ever gone through in my life. And he did that just be being my friend and being in my life. Some people, just be being with them, somehow help you make sense of any mess, help you remember that ‘everything is going to be okay‘, and help you remember what it’s like to not be sad or angry or hurt or scared if at least for a brief moment. And it turns out, that along the way, I was the same thing for him too. We were two strangers that ended up having each others’ backs. Somehow, we both filled a gap in each others lives. And it all started with the simple, kind act of a stranger sharing half of a bagel with another stranger.
Some people – they just get you, ya know? It’s almost as if you’ve known each other forever. Or maybe it’s more like you don’t need to spend that extra 5 minutes explaining why this or that happened because somehow they already get it. There’s this basic and fundamental understanding there. And that’s what I have with this once-upon-a-time-stranger.
It’s sincere. It’s open. It’s accepting. It’s nonjudgmental.
Each and every person that comes into your life comes into your life for a special reason. The people that put us through hell are just as necessary as the people who help us open doors we never knew existed or we weren’t strong enough to open just by being a positive presence in our own lives.
PERSONAL /LOVE: IF WE WERE TO MET
Sometimes I dream about the day that I talk to you. I would call you up and after we talk..I could not bring myself to hang up the phone or even so much as move it from my ear. The chance that I could hear your voice once again would be too great a prospec.
And just like the movie, "Somewhere in Time", Ah, I found you." Came a voice behind me. My heart skipped a beat as a smile spread across my face. How do I already know her voice? 'My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words of thy tongue’s uttering, yet I know the sound.' I remembered the line from Romeo and Juliet. I could not forget your voice if I tried. At the sound, all thoughts of the odd occurrence faded. I turned around to see you walking towards me. I realized when I first saw you that there was a part of my mind that had wondered if you were real, if I had not only imagined your beauty, but clearly I had not. Somehow, You are real, right down to your ancient eyes. It felt just as indescribable to look into your eyes as it had before. We didn't not making love, we did not even kiss, but the inexplicable intimacy we shared left us wordlessly and hopelessly locked into each other's gaze
I took you hand in mine. I gasped when our skin touched and looked into your eyes in a kind of shocked wonder, my eyes wide. You hand was smooth and warm, a few degrees warmer than it should be, and that heat sank into me, but it was not your heat that made me gasp. It felt like a storm resided within my skin and the moment our hands met, the storm and heat went raging through my veins, leaving my skin tingling and my heart fluttering while also making my blush deeper. It was like heat lightning, flashes of brilliance without sound that told of an impending storm. It awakened something within me, something I did not know existed, and took my breath away. I had never felt anything like it before
“Do you think you might be able to love me someday?" I asked and heard her laugh softly. "I already do." You said and my soul soared. "So this is what the poets write about? This is what they call love?" You asked. "Yes my love." I said softly. "They do not do it justice." In that moment everything changed, the cynic has become the converted, the sceptic, an ardent zealot
How do I describe the feeling that envelopes my being when you were near? It is like a cocoon of warmth and peace, but beneath that there is a deep longing, a hunger that one kiss would not be able to satisfy, one kiss would only make the hunger greater. But oh, how I long for that kiss, a kiss that might never come.
Being close to you does things to me, makes me feel things I never knew existed, makes me want things I have never wanted before. I have never desired to know a woman's body before I met your. I wonder if you knows that I desire you in such a way, that I not only want to know your body, but that I want you to know mine. There is a part of me that would not care if you loves me or not if I could just have one beautiful, passionate night with you, while the rest of me knows that one night would never be enough.
And just like the movie, "Somewhere in Time", Ah, I found you." Came a voice behind me. My heart skipped a beat as a smile spread across my face. How do I already know her voice? 'My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words of thy tongue’s uttering, yet I know the sound.' I remembered the line from Romeo and Juliet. I could not forget your voice if I tried. At the sound, all thoughts of the odd occurrence faded. I turned around to see you walking towards me. I realized when I first saw you that there was a part of my mind that had wondered if you were real, if I had not only imagined your beauty, but clearly I had not. Somehow, You are real, right down to your ancient eyes. It felt just as indescribable to look into your eyes as it had before. We didn't not making love, we did not even kiss, but the inexplicable intimacy we shared left us wordlessly and hopelessly locked into each other's gaze
I took you hand in mine. I gasped when our skin touched and looked into your eyes in a kind of shocked wonder, my eyes wide. You hand was smooth and warm, a few degrees warmer than it should be, and that heat sank into me, but it was not your heat that made me gasp. It felt like a storm resided within my skin and the moment our hands met, the storm and heat went raging through my veins, leaving my skin tingling and my heart fluttering while also making my blush deeper. It was like heat lightning, flashes of brilliance without sound that told of an impending storm. It awakened something within me, something I did not know existed, and took my breath away. I had never felt anything like it before
“Do you think you might be able to love me someday?" I asked and heard her laugh softly. "I already do." You said and my soul soared. "So this is what the poets write about? This is what they call love?" You asked. "Yes my love." I said softly. "They do not do it justice." In that moment everything changed, the cynic has become the converted, the sceptic, an ardent zealot
How do I describe the feeling that envelopes my being when you were near? It is like a cocoon of warmth and peace, but beneath that there is a deep longing, a hunger that one kiss would not be able to satisfy, one kiss would only make the hunger greater. But oh, how I long for that kiss, a kiss that might never come.
Being close to you does things to me, makes me feel things I never knew existed, makes me want things I have never wanted before. I have never desired to know a woman's body before I met your. I wonder if you knows that I desire you in such a way, that I not only want to know your body, but that I want you to know mine. There is a part of me that would not care if you loves me or not if I could just have one beautiful, passionate night with you, while the rest of me knows that one night would never be enough.
POETRY: IN EVERY MOMENT
In every moment
Of every hour
In every river
In every flower
In every story
In every tale
In every trip
In every sail
In every house
In every car
In every store
In every bar
In every smile
In every face
In every area
In every place
I search for love
2
The sun is slowly fading
and the night is coming soon
Around the shadow's corner
I can feel the breeze blow through
With each passing moment
I am that much closer to you
Not a minute goes to waste
Nor does anything we do
Every day is like a blessing
each one better than the last
God must really be listening
for he sent you when I asked
Now I know what real love is
and I will cherish it forever
I promise to always be true
and only you will I treasure
3
I still remember the first time we met face to face,
The first time I kissed you and felt your warm embrace.
As I held you so closely I could feel my heart beat fast;
I knew you were real and I was holding you at last!
That was then, this is now, lots of things have changed.
We own our own house, we share the same last name.
But one thing holds fast, refusing to give way,
And that?s my undying love for you to this very day.
You mean far more to me than my words could ever say
For you churn the very spirit that makes me live each day.
Always right beside me, no matter what we do,
It really great to have a wife that can be a friend like you!
You know just how to turn me on and how to calm me when I?m mad.
You know just how to cheer me up on the days I?m feeling sad.
You are my whole world and I just want you to know it...
Especially on those days when I am just too tired to show it.
I can?t tell you what it means to me to share every aspect of our life
And you made it even more special that day you became my wife.
Now today it?s one year later, I love you more now than ever before
And in the years to come I promise to only love you more.
So today, baby, I celebrate the first year of being married to you
But every day I relish the mere thought of loving you.
As I close, I have just one more thing I would like to say
Thank you, my love, for making me so happy,
4
Tick, Tick, Tick..............
Goes the clock, as I watch time
go by, and with each "tick" that I hear,
it means Less Time I have to love You.
5
My love for you is part of me - of everything you see and know
It is not an entity - miraculously bestowed
At a magic moment in some romantic way
A memory of a long-gone day
My love for you is part of me - and I have lived a while
To grow with every sad encounter, through all my joys,
with every smile,
To be the "me" that now loves you
And be the friend that you love too
So really my love for you is part of me -
and you can know I choose
To give to you sincerely - this love I cannot lose
Because it's all I am, I hope you see
My love for you is part of me.
6
I can't describe the pain I feel right now
Except as an empty space where my heart's supposed to be.
So secluded in the dark... so alone and helpless;
So free... yet, so caged by emotions that scar my very soul.
What is love but a field of dreams scattered upon the wind
Never to blossom in the morning's light...
My heart... it has left me.
Like the dying rays fading
Upon the horizon, weeping light from my soul.
As each breath delays
Light drifts into night- as life drifts into death.
Upon heaven's battle cry...
Light breaks its shackles and death returns in life...
A deadly cycle turning once again... in upon itself.
7
To be loved is to be hurt,
but to love is to be hurt
and accept it.
Of every hour
In every river
In every flower
In every story
In every tale
In every trip
In every sail
In every house
In every car
In every store
In every bar
In every smile
In every face
In every area
In every place
I search for love
2
The sun is slowly fading
and the night is coming soon
Around the shadow's corner
I can feel the breeze blow through
With each passing moment
I am that much closer to you
Not a minute goes to waste
Nor does anything we do
Every day is like a blessing
each one better than the last
God must really be listening
for he sent you when I asked
Now I know what real love is
and I will cherish it forever
I promise to always be true
and only you will I treasure
3
I still remember the first time we met face to face,
The first time I kissed you and felt your warm embrace.
As I held you so closely I could feel my heart beat fast;
I knew you were real and I was holding you at last!
That was then, this is now, lots of things have changed.
We own our own house, we share the same last name.
But one thing holds fast, refusing to give way,
And that?s my undying love for you to this very day.
You mean far more to me than my words could ever say
For you churn the very spirit that makes me live each day.
Always right beside me, no matter what we do,
It really great to have a wife that can be a friend like you!
You know just how to turn me on and how to calm me when I?m mad.
You know just how to cheer me up on the days I?m feeling sad.
You are my whole world and I just want you to know it...
Especially on those days when I am just too tired to show it.
I can?t tell you what it means to me to share every aspect of our life
And you made it even more special that day you became my wife.
Now today it?s one year later, I love you more now than ever before
And in the years to come I promise to only love you more.
So today, baby, I celebrate the first year of being married to you
But every day I relish the mere thought of loving you.
As I close, I have just one more thing I would like to say
Thank you, my love, for making me so happy,
4
Tick, Tick, Tick..............
Goes the clock, as I watch time
go by, and with each "tick" that I hear,
it means Less Time I have to love You.
5
My love for you is part of me - of everything you see and know
It is not an entity - miraculously bestowed
At a magic moment in some romantic way
A memory of a long-gone day
My love for you is part of me - and I have lived a while
To grow with every sad encounter, through all my joys,
with every smile,
To be the "me" that now loves you
And be the friend that you love too
So really my love for you is part of me -
and you can know I choose
To give to you sincerely - this love I cannot lose
Because it's all I am, I hope you see
My love for you is part of me.
6
I can't describe the pain I feel right now
Except as an empty space where my heart's supposed to be.
So secluded in the dark... so alone and helpless;
So free... yet, so caged by emotions that scar my very soul.
What is love but a field of dreams scattered upon the wind
Never to blossom in the morning's light...
My heart... it has left me.
Like the dying rays fading
Upon the horizon, weeping light from my soul.
As each breath delays
Light drifts into night- as life drifts into death.
Upon heaven's battle cry...
Light breaks its shackles and death returns in life...
A deadly cycle turning once again... in upon itself.
7
To be loved is to be hurt,
but to love is to be hurt
and accept it.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
LOVE: THE MOMENT YOUR LIFE CHANGED// SOMETIMES WE MEET PEOPLE WHO CHANGE OUR LIVES
There are certain moments when your life changes, it just shifts… sometimes you realize them as they are happening… other times you have to reflect at a future date … looking back to see just were it shifted.
That instant when you make a decision, that one snap call… that when you look back upon in some time hence, you realize that is were it all changed … in an instant whether you realized it then or not at the time.
That moment when you find out you are going to be a parent… the terror, the joy, that “holy shit! WTF am I going to do now?” moment!
That moment when you learn you just got that scholarship, that acceptance letter from the college you wanted to get into…
That moment when life changes…
and you finally decide to put all you’ve got into a business because you’ve finally figured out just what you are going to do with YOUR life.
That moment when life changes and you realize your current marriage or relationship is truly, irreversibly over. The crushing pain, the feeling of failure for so long… then you decide to try to rebuild, but you go through so many losers you cant bare another and you give up. But just days later when you’ve stopped looking, by some seemingly random series of events meet THE ONE online as just as you close your dating account… and you know it instantly.
Horrible things to experience at the time for sure… but in time you look back and see that they were in fact critical moments in time… that for better or worse shaped who you are now as a result, and you couldn’t imagine it happening any other way.
We’ve all had these moments when our life changes ..But the thing is… is we seldom look at or consider all the little moments… the little things that lead up to those big moments. The incredible chain of events that must have occurred to put us in that place, at that time.
It’s true the people we meet shape us. But the people we don’t meet shape us also, often more because we have imagined them so vividly. There are people we yearn for but never seem to meet. Every adult yearns for some stranger, but it is really childhood we miss. We are yearning for that which has been stolen from us by what we have become.
We are not at home in the world because we imagined it is as we have become, full of nothing but yearning and forgetting and hoping for something so raw we can’t describe it. We think of the world as the place of beginnings and ends, and we forget the in between, and even how to inhabit our own bodies. And then in adulthood, we sit and wonder why we feel so lost.
Our lives, are they written somewhere up there? Besides our parents, of course, we have met people that changed our lives. Persons that defined our character and our ways. What if you, myself and them made other choices in life? You would've, and we could've had another life, and maybe other kids; the ones you have today would've been just part of a sweet dream from yesteryear. So we keep pushing the original question: Were we suppose to live this existence with the parents that gave us life? Were our cells and molecules, set to reproduce a person like us?
Going back to people that came into the picture, to an almost perfect timing to direct our lives. We are to meet people that will learn from us, as though they were appointed to meet us... even before birth .
DATING: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE MET SOMEONE ONLINE
There's an old saying about people coming into our lives for a reason or a season, but I don't buy it. We invite people to come into our lives because we think they might prove to be good lovers or friends. Just because we find them exciting or interesting doesn't mean there is some mysterious connection or divine intervention at work.
We want to be around certain people because we like their company: when our vibrations interact, they strike a pleasing chord. It's also human nature for us to want everyone to like us and feel affection for us.
Sometimes we get lucky in relationships, and end up truly liking each other. Other times we misjudge someone and project onto them the qualities we want them to have. Then we are eventually disappointed, and feel foolish for investing so much of ourselves in that relationship.
Sometimes our relationships are indeed based on karmic connections from past lives, while at other times, we attract new souls into our experience in order to learn some life lesson.
Right now, it's popular to believe that people come into our lives for some deeper reason, something beyond our simple desire to experience however that person usually makes us feel. If that person doesn't return our interest, we end up suffering and struggling to figure out what went wrong.
With cyber connections, often there is lots of evidence that the other person will be a wonderful partner, right up until the day we meet. If that person then treats us very differently in person than they have online, we naturally become sad and confused by their actions.
We have to accept that sometimes, people looking for love online will either outright lie or simply tell us what they think we want to hear in order to get what they think they want. Sometimes the other person has high hopes and is just as innocent as we are, but upon meeting us, they are turned off by our appearance, mannerisms or a lack of chemistry.
Loving, caring individuals will try to get past that by hanging in there and looking for the positive. Immature, self-centered and insensitive people who are just out for a good time may drop all contact and never see us again if they don't think we're perfect for them at first sight.
We humans often get confused about the whole soul mate thing, so here is a quick run-down:
We do not get just one soul mate; we get approximately five per lifetime. The Universe/God/Spirit does not want us to be without love if we desire it. If for some reason a relationship with a soul mate doesn't work out, we won't be doomed to live without love forever. Instead, the Universe will bring us another soul mate. We are not limited to just one shot at true love in each lifetime.
The second misconception people have is the belief that once we meet a soul mate, nothing will ever break us up, and we'll live together happily ever after. This is so wrong.
The Universe may bring us together, but after that, free will and personal choice take over. We CHOOSE what happens in every relationship, and long-term connections require lots of hard work and open communication.
Just because you meet someone like this woman doesn't mean she is going to choose to allow you into her life, or that she will even choose to allow LOVE into her life. Obviously, this woman has some big fears that have caused her to back away. That's her choice, and since we have free will, the Universe has to allow that choice.
When we meet a soul mate, our minds do this meld thing between the past and the present. Your soul remembers this person, so a part of you is very excited and happy to see an old friend.
Your logical mind knows that you have never met this person before, however, so your head warns you to go slow, get to know her better before giving your heart away, etc. As a result, you experience a constant battle between your head and your heart/intuition.
This individual came to show you that you could choose to fall in love again. You are the one who has been holding love off - it hasn't been staying away from you by itself. Love is an energy that spreads over EVERYONE.
As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. You have now changed how you look at romantic love, so romantic love has changed for you. This person helped you do that by coming into your life.
At this point, it doesn't really matter if she comes back or not. Your heart has opened back up, so you are on your way to new love. I know you think you want her and only her, but if you close yourself off to other possibilities, you will really limit the Universe's ability to help you find fulfillment. Stay open to all possibilities now that your heart is open to love again.
We want to be around certain people because we like their company: when our vibrations interact, they strike a pleasing chord. It's also human nature for us to want everyone to like us and feel affection for us.
Sometimes we get lucky in relationships, and end up truly liking each other. Other times we misjudge someone and project onto them the qualities we want them to have. Then we are eventually disappointed, and feel foolish for investing so much of ourselves in that relationship.
Sometimes our relationships are indeed based on karmic connections from past lives, while at other times, we attract new souls into our experience in order to learn some life lesson.
Right now, it's popular to believe that people come into our lives for some deeper reason, something beyond our simple desire to experience however that person usually makes us feel. If that person doesn't return our interest, we end up suffering and struggling to figure out what went wrong.
With cyber connections, often there is lots of evidence that the other person will be a wonderful partner, right up until the day we meet. If that person then treats us very differently in person than they have online, we naturally become sad and confused by their actions.
We have to accept that sometimes, people looking for love online will either outright lie or simply tell us what they think we want to hear in order to get what they think they want. Sometimes the other person has high hopes and is just as innocent as we are, but upon meeting us, they are turned off by our appearance, mannerisms or a lack of chemistry.
Loving, caring individuals will try to get past that by hanging in there and looking for the positive. Immature, self-centered and insensitive people who are just out for a good time may drop all contact and never see us again if they don't think we're perfect for them at first sight.
We humans often get confused about the whole soul mate thing, so here is a quick run-down:
We do not get just one soul mate; we get approximately five per lifetime. The Universe/God/Spirit does not want us to be without love if we desire it. If for some reason a relationship with a soul mate doesn't work out, we won't be doomed to live without love forever. Instead, the Universe will bring us another soul mate. We are not limited to just one shot at true love in each lifetime.
The second misconception people have is the belief that once we meet a soul mate, nothing will ever break us up, and we'll live together happily ever after. This is so wrong.
The Universe may bring us together, but after that, free will and personal choice take over. We CHOOSE what happens in every relationship, and long-term connections require lots of hard work and open communication.
Just because you meet someone like this woman doesn't mean she is going to choose to allow you into her life, or that she will even choose to allow LOVE into her life. Obviously, this woman has some big fears that have caused her to back away. That's her choice, and since we have free will, the Universe has to allow that choice.
When we meet a soul mate, our minds do this meld thing between the past and the present. Your soul remembers this person, so a part of you is very excited and happy to see an old friend.
Your logical mind knows that you have never met this person before, however, so your head warns you to go slow, get to know her better before giving your heart away, etc. As a result, you experience a constant battle between your head and your heart/intuition.
This individual came to show you that you could choose to fall in love again. You are the one who has been holding love off - it hasn't been staying away from you by itself. Love is an energy that spreads over EVERYONE.
As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. You have now changed how you look at romantic love, so romantic love has changed for you. This person helped you do that by coming into your life.
At this point, it doesn't really matter if she comes back or not. Your heart has opened back up, so you are on your way to new love. I know you think you want her and only her, but if you close yourself off to other possibilities, you will really limit the Universe's ability to help you find fulfillment. Stay open to all possibilities now that your heart is open to love again.
THOUGHTS: THOUGHTS OF THE DAY
Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every moment. This includes every mosquito, every misfortune, every red light, every traffic jam, every illness, every loss, every moment of joy or depression, every addiction, every piece of garbage, every breath. Every moment is the guru.
Those born to wealth, and who have the means of gratifying every wish, know not what is the real happiness of life, just as those who have been tossed on the stormy waters of the ocean on a few frail planks can alone realize the blessings of fair weather.
I’m grateful for anything that reminds me of what’s possible in this life. Books can do that. Films can do that. Music can do that. It’s so easy to allow one day to simply follow into the next, but every once in a while we encounter something that shows us that anything is possible, that dramatic change is possible, that something new can be made, that laughter can be shared.
This is a life where we meet so many people of different personas.We like someone, we dislike someone, some are deeply hated by us and some are deeply loved by us too! Some people are extremely compatible that we tend to gel with them instantly on the first talks while some are so rude or introvert that no matter how hard you try, they can't connect to them
I always end up thinking that we meet people just because there is a reason behind it. If we have to meet someone, circumstances turn in such a way that our fate makes us stand right in front of that XYZ with whom we are destined to meet. I am quite sure that you have met that best friend of yours at such a point of your life when there was every chance that you could have never met him/ her. And see now, both of you are sitting at that favorite coffee shop of yours, binging upon the best brownies in the world! Once strangers, now friends!
Have you ever thought what if you have been working in some other work place, or have been to a different educational institution or stayed in a different locality? Would you have the same persona like you have now? Would you be the same person as you are now? Certainly NOT! It means that people around us not only become a part of our destiny but also effect our personality in some way or the other.
People do have a particular part to play in our lives and it’s all destined! One never knows when he or she bumps into that special someone in the life; it can be on a street, or in a bus, in a plane….
Those born to wealth, and who have the means of gratifying every wish, know not what is the real happiness of life, just as those who have been tossed on the stormy waters of the ocean on a few frail planks can alone realize the blessings of fair weather.
I’m grateful for anything that reminds me of what’s possible in this life. Books can do that. Films can do that. Music can do that. It’s so easy to allow one day to simply follow into the next, but every once in a while we encounter something that shows us that anything is possible, that dramatic change is possible, that something new can be made, that laughter can be shared.
This is a life where we meet so many people of different personas.We like someone, we dislike someone, some are deeply hated by us and some are deeply loved by us too! Some people are extremely compatible that we tend to gel with them instantly on the first talks while some are so rude or introvert that no matter how hard you try, they can't connect to them
I always end up thinking that we meet people just because there is a reason behind it. If we have to meet someone, circumstances turn in such a way that our fate makes us stand right in front of that XYZ with whom we are destined to meet. I am quite sure that you have met that best friend of yours at such a point of your life when there was every chance that you could have never met him/ her. And see now, both of you are sitting at that favorite coffee shop of yours, binging upon the best brownies in the world! Once strangers, now friends!
Have you ever thought what if you have been working in some other work place, or have been to a different educational institution or stayed in a different locality? Would you have the same persona like you have now? Would you be the same person as you are now? Certainly NOT! It means that people around us not only become a part of our destiny but also effect our personality in some way or the other.
People do have a particular part to play in our lives and it’s all destined! One never knows when he or she bumps into that special someone in the life; it can be on a street, or in a bus, in a plane….
LOVE: LOVE IS LIKE A ADDICTION
I've been in love before, it's like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day you want more. You're not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things.You think about the person you love for two minutes then forget them for three hours. But then you get used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about her for three hours and forget her for two minutes. If she's not there, you feel like an addict who can't get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you're willing to do anything for love
I wished I were there with someone who could bring peace to my heart someone with whom I could spend a little time without being afraid that i would lose her the next day. With that reassurance, the time would pass more slowly. We could be silent for a while because we'd know we had the rest of our lives together for conversation. I wouldn't have to worry about serious matters, about difficult decisions and hard words.When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left!
You could only save someone that wanted to be saved; otherwise, you'd be be dragged down for the count, too. There's always going to be bad stuff out there. But here's the amazing thing -- light trumps darkness, every time. You stick a candle into the dark, but you can't stick the dark into the light, In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future
It was so damn hard to find love in this world, to locate someone who could make you feel that there was a reason you'd been put on this earth. A child, I imagined, was the purest form of that. A child was the love you didn't have to look for, didn't have to prove anything to, didn't have to worry about losing. Which is why, when it happened, it hurt so badly
Remember when you were a little kid and you'd fall asleep in the car? And someone would carry you out and put you into bed, so that when you woke up in the morning, you knew automatically you were home again? That's what I think it's like to die
I want you to want me....and in the end, you either focus on what separates you or holds you together.
I am in love with the idea of being in love. I love the feeling you get when you’re around someone you have feelings for, I love how happy it makes me, I love being able to have someone to talk to at all times, having someone make you smile and laugh. I’m scared of the idea of being in love too, though. I’m scared of rejection, I’m scared of being hurt, and being brought down.
Sometimes, you just have to fall head first and not worry about the rocks below you.Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars.When someone walks out of your life, let them. That is what I learned from my divorce. There’s no use in wasting your time on people that leave you. What you make of yourself and your future is no longer tied to them. Yeah, you may miss them, but remember that you weren’t the first one to give up, I also realized I was holding on to something that didn’t exist anymore. That the person I missed didn’t exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we could wish all day long that they didn’t, but they always will
I don’t understand how pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you’d do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said you couldn’t live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it just hurts the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you from their lives just because it’s easier than working things out.
Take a step back. Look at yourself. You are human. You are beautiful. you are so beautiful. And you can be anything. You can be everything. Do not hate because someone broke your heart, or because your parents split up or your best friend betrayed you. Do not concern yourself with things you cannot control. Cry when you need to, then let go when it’s time. Don’t hang on to painful memories just because you’re afraid to forget. Let go of things that are in the past. Forget things that aren’t worth remembering. Stop taking things for granted. Stop taking life for granted. Live for something. Live for yourself. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Do this over and over until you know what it really is to love someone. Question things. Tell people how you really feel. Sleep under the stars. Create. Imagine. Inspire. Share something wonderful. Make something beautiful and then destroy it. Meet new people. Make someone’s day. Follow your dreams. Live your life to its full potential. Just live. Let go of all the horrible things in your life and just live. And one day, when you’re old, look back with no regrets
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
You’re really amazing, and one day, maybe very soon, you will find someone who really means the world to you and you will fall in love with them, and she will love you to bits. She won’t find anyone else like you if she could search the world forever and ever. You will find someone who won’t want to leave your side. She might not be in your life yet: she might have walked past you today, she might have walked outside your house a few hours ago, but one day, she’ll be yours and only yours forever and ever.
Over thinking ruins you… ruins the situation, turns things around, makes you worry, and just makes things worse than it actually is.
If you truly want to be with a person, listen to your heart and not all the voices from all the people around you.
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It means accepting things that weren’t meant to be. There’s a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone, trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up. You got to do what’s right for you even if it hurts. I’ve come to realize in the end, everyone turns out to be the person they swore they’d never become.
We must see things and people for how they are instead of how we hope, wish, or expect them to be. If it was up to me: there would be less broken hearts and more happy women with guys who make them happy and treat them with respect, background music would play during epic moments of my life, I would tell every girl in the world that they are beautiful since some guys don’t want to do that, everyone would not know of the world “hate,” but love, every dollar spent on war would be spent on making sure everyone is fed, sheltered, educated and receiving medical treatment, I would be able to text God to ask him what steps to take to solve my problems, everybody would stop cheating on the person they love and we will all be loyal and faithful, girls wouldn’t know what make up is, and they would feel beautiful and I would introduce every atheist to God.
That’s what life is about. Those moments when you feel entirely carefree, like nothing can touch you. It’s those moments that make the hard parts so worth it. It’s moments like that that make this heartache bearable. I know it’ll pass-my moments will come. It’s hard to grow up in a world where you never feel like you’re enough.
I wished I were there with someone who could bring peace to my heart someone with whom I could spend a little time without being afraid that i would lose her the next day. With that reassurance, the time would pass more slowly. We could be silent for a while because we'd know we had the rest of our lives together for conversation. I wouldn't have to worry about serious matters, about difficult decisions and hard words.When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left!
You could only save someone that wanted to be saved; otherwise, you'd be be dragged down for the count, too. There's always going to be bad stuff out there. But here's the amazing thing -- light trumps darkness, every time. You stick a candle into the dark, but you can't stick the dark into the light, In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future
It was so damn hard to find love in this world, to locate someone who could make you feel that there was a reason you'd been put on this earth. A child, I imagined, was the purest form of that. A child was the love you didn't have to look for, didn't have to prove anything to, didn't have to worry about losing. Which is why, when it happened, it hurt so badly
Remember when you were a little kid and you'd fall asleep in the car? And someone would carry you out and put you into bed, so that when you woke up in the morning, you knew automatically you were home again? That's what I think it's like to die
I want you to want me....and in the end, you either focus on what separates you or holds you together.
I am in love with the idea of being in love. I love the feeling you get when you’re around someone you have feelings for, I love how happy it makes me, I love being able to have someone to talk to at all times, having someone make you smile and laugh. I’m scared of the idea of being in love too, though. I’m scared of rejection, I’m scared of being hurt, and being brought down.
Sometimes, you just have to fall head first and not worry about the rocks below you.Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars.When someone walks out of your life, let them. That is what I learned from my divorce. There’s no use in wasting your time on people that leave you. What you make of yourself and your future is no longer tied to them. Yeah, you may miss them, but remember that you weren’t the first one to give up, I also realized I was holding on to something that didn’t exist anymore. That the person I missed didn’t exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we could wish all day long that they didn’t, but they always will
I don’t understand how pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you’d do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said you couldn’t live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it just hurts the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you from their lives just because it’s easier than working things out.
Take a step back. Look at yourself. You are human. You are beautiful. you are so beautiful. And you can be anything. You can be everything. Do not hate because someone broke your heart, or because your parents split up or your best friend betrayed you. Do not concern yourself with things you cannot control. Cry when you need to, then let go when it’s time. Don’t hang on to painful memories just because you’re afraid to forget. Let go of things that are in the past. Forget things that aren’t worth remembering. Stop taking things for granted. Stop taking life for granted. Live for something. Live for yourself. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Do this over and over until you know what it really is to love someone. Question things. Tell people how you really feel. Sleep under the stars. Create. Imagine. Inspire. Share something wonderful. Make something beautiful and then destroy it. Meet new people. Make someone’s day. Follow your dreams. Live your life to its full potential. Just live. Let go of all the horrible things in your life and just live. And one day, when you’re old, look back with no regrets
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
You’re really amazing, and one day, maybe very soon, you will find someone who really means the world to you and you will fall in love with them, and she will love you to bits. She won’t find anyone else like you if she could search the world forever and ever. You will find someone who won’t want to leave your side. She might not be in your life yet: she might have walked past you today, she might have walked outside your house a few hours ago, but one day, she’ll be yours and only yours forever and ever.
Over thinking ruins you… ruins the situation, turns things around, makes you worry, and just makes things worse than it actually is.
If you truly want to be with a person, listen to your heart and not all the voices from all the people around you.
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It means accepting things that weren’t meant to be. There’s a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone, trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up. You got to do what’s right for you even if it hurts. I’ve come to realize in the end, everyone turns out to be the person they swore they’d never become.
We must see things and people for how they are instead of how we hope, wish, or expect them to be. If it was up to me: there would be less broken hearts and more happy women with guys who make them happy and treat them with respect, background music would play during epic moments of my life, I would tell every girl in the world that they are beautiful since some guys don’t want to do that, everyone would not know of the world “hate,” but love, every dollar spent on war would be spent on making sure everyone is fed, sheltered, educated and receiving medical treatment, I would be able to text God to ask him what steps to take to solve my problems, everybody would stop cheating on the person they love and we will all be loyal and faithful, girls wouldn’t know what make up is, and they would feel beautiful and I would introduce every atheist to God.
That’s what life is about. Those moments when you feel entirely carefree, like nothing can touch you. It’s those moments that make the hard parts so worth it. It’s moments like that that make this heartache bearable. I know it’ll pass-my moments will come. It’s hard to grow up in a world where you never feel like you’re enough.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
JOURNAL : I WISH SOMEONE CAN UNDERSTAND ME
The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” ~Ralph Nichols
I have been depress these past few days....my dad still in the hospital....work....being alone. The universe has a weird way of working things out in life; things appear or show up for a reason. What appeared for me was a powerful listener. Though this person was a complete stranger to me, I felt connected from the very first day.
When they listened so patiently and intently to my words and feelings—both expressed and unexpressed—it felt so incredible that I didn’t want to stop sharing. I emptied my entire heart, all my fears, disappointments, and pain. I released all of it.
It was a pure, non-judgmental, patient, and empathetic space where I got to express and feel understood and validated. I didn’t get any solutions, advice, or answers. Instead I got thought provoking questions, like “What does your soul really want?” “What makes you happy?” “What are you grateful for?” and “How can you forgive?”
It was this powerful listening that provided immeasurable healing. It was the second time in my life I actually felt like I had been heard, really understood—like what I had to say made sense. I felt important and visible again.
Like most depressed people, I lacked motivation and self-worth. Feeling understood is the most basic of human needs; during a time of depression it almost feels as critical as the need for air.
Being understood immediately shifted my perspective: from feeling invisible to feeling visible, from feeling down to feeling uplifted, from feeling contracted to feeling expanded, from feeling hopeless to hopeful.
It made me rise again and take care of my basic needs. Slowly but surely, I was able to walk out of the depression with the help of powerful listening, which has changed my life forever.
When someone listens to you well, it makes you feel accepted, understood, important, valued and validated. It gives you a voice to help you find yourself again. It reminds you that you are not invisible or alone.
Although we hear with our ears, many of us don’t necessarily listen to what is being said. We don’t get the chance to listen when we are too quickly reacting, judging, providing solutions, and disagreeing, rather than being a good sounding board.
We also don’t get to see a lot of examples of real listening because it is so rare.
So what does it take to be a good listener?
It starts by realizing how important and powerful this practice can be. Also, realize that it’s all about the other person. If you can put aside your own agenda, you’ll be able to focus on really hearing.
That means 80% of the time you listen patiently without interrupting, and the remaining 20% you reflect what you heard and ask questions to get more information about the situation.
When you are an active or mindful listener, you are fully present, not thinking about the past or the future.
The best listening skill is to be non-judgmental. When you judge someone when they’re talking, the other person often shuts down. Non-judgmental listening gives the other person a sense of freedom and acceptance.
I have been depress these past few days....my dad still in the hospital....work....being alone. The universe has a weird way of working things out in life; things appear or show up for a reason. What appeared for me was a powerful listener. Though this person was a complete stranger to me, I felt connected from the very first day.
When they listened so patiently and intently to my words and feelings—both expressed and unexpressed—it felt so incredible that I didn’t want to stop sharing. I emptied my entire heart, all my fears, disappointments, and pain. I released all of it.
It was a pure, non-judgmental, patient, and empathetic space where I got to express and feel understood and validated. I didn’t get any solutions, advice, or answers. Instead I got thought provoking questions, like “What does your soul really want?” “What makes you happy?” “What are you grateful for?” and “How can you forgive?”
It was this powerful listening that provided immeasurable healing. It was the second time in my life I actually felt like I had been heard, really understood—like what I had to say made sense. I felt important and visible again.
Like most depressed people, I lacked motivation and self-worth. Feeling understood is the most basic of human needs; during a time of depression it almost feels as critical as the need for air.
Being understood immediately shifted my perspective: from feeling invisible to feeling visible, from feeling down to feeling uplifted, from feeling contracted to feeling expanded, from feeling hopeless to hopeful.
It made me rise again and take care of my basic needs. Slowly but surely, I was able to walk out of the depression with the help of powerful listening, which has changed my life forever.
When someone listens to you well, it makes you feel accepted, understood, important, valued and validated. It gives you a voice to help you find yourself again. It reminds you that you are not invisible or alone.
Although we hear with our ears, many of us don’t necessarily listen to what is being said. We don’t get the chance to listen when we are too quickly reacting, judging, providing solutions, and disagreeing, rather than being a good sounding board.
We also don’t get to see a lot of examples of real listening because it is so rare.
So what does it take to be a good listener?
It starts by realizing how important and powerful this practice can be. Also, realize that it’s all about the other person. If you can put aside your own agenda, you’ll be able to focus on really hearing.
That means 80% of the time you listen patiently without interrupting, and the remaining 20% you reflect what you heard and ask questions to get more information about the situation.
When you are an active or mindful listener, you are fully present, not thinking about the past or the future.
The best listening skill is to be non-judgmental. When you judge someone when they’re talking, the other person often shuts down. Non-judgmental listening gives the other person a sense of freedom and acceptance.
LOVE: HOW I CAN TELL IS SOMEONE HAS A KIND HEART
Most people believe they have a kind heart, but once you talk to them...you realize they don't. Actions speak louder than words. A person with a good heart will consistently be kind, caring, compassionate and open minded. How someone acts towards others shows you what kind of person they are. If someone is nice to you but rude to a waiter, for example, they're just putting on a show for you. A truly goodhearted person will be kind to all.
People who have problems with being in an intimate relationship are typically protecting themselves from being hurt, rejected, betrayed or abused—or they just don’t feel worthy of a love relationship. But if I protect myself by being emotionally withdrawn and not letting my heart become emotionally invested in another, I will approach all my potential intimate relationships with a "guarded heart." And if I have a guarded heart, I won’t be able to love—except from a distance—which is why I may be interested in someone who isn’t actually emotionally available for me, someone who isn’t very interested in me, someone who is already married or taken, or someone who is only available for a part-time relationship, such as a long-distance one.
People who are emotionally available, who are open to falling in love, are also able to bond and commit. They are able to express tender emotions and show their vulnerability. They are comfortable with both giving and receiving love, and they have high enough self-esteem that they feel more or less worthy of love. They are givers, not just takers. They feel comfortable with both giving and receiving affection, and eventually giving and receiving love.
People who do not have problems with intimacy tend to be in touch with their feelings and are able to verbalize their needs and wants. They tend to be good listeners, and not just good talkers. They have the capacity and they display the willingness to be there for someone else, to offer empathy, compassion and nurturing to others. Such people are essentially over previous romantic involvements, are not grieving previous losses and are romantically unencumbered—and are therefore available for you.
And emotionally available people (who are interested in creating and keeping an intimate relationship) have time for you. They have the availability for you to become an important priority in their lives. They’re not dishonest, deceptive or misleading, they respect other people’s boundaries and they don’t feel the need to pull away when the two of you begin to feel close and intimate.
Look for someone who fits this description—and avoid those that don’t. But of course that is easier said than done, because a large number of people are very available for a relatively superficial and/or sexual relationship, and they don’t give you reason to doubt their long-term emotional availability, so you’re never going to know until you are already in relationship with them. That’s why it’s wise to keep your heart out of a beginning relationship for awhile, so you can develop cleaner and clearer vision of the person and whether s/he is a wise longer-term choice for you.
Truthfully, you don’t want someone who doesn’t want you, because it hurts too much and it’s so unrewarding. You want someone who wants to be with you, try’s to connect with you, wants your attention, wants to please you and values your happiness. A relationship that does not have these emotions and behaviors creates too much brain damage—or heart damage.
People who have problems with being in an intimate relationship are typically protecting themselves from being hurt, rejected, betrayed or abused—or they just don’t feel worthy of a love relationship. But if I protect myself by being emotionally withdrawn and not letting my heart become emotionally invested in another, I will approach all my potential intimate relationships with a "guarded heart." And if I have a guarded heart, I won’t be able to love—except from a distance—which is why I may be interested in someone who isn’t actually emotionally available for me, someone who isn’t very interested in me, someone who is already married or taken, or someone who is only available for a part-time relationship, such as a long-distance one.
People who are emotionally available, who are open to falling in love, are also able to bond and commit. They are able to express tender emotions and show their vulnerability. They are comfortable with both giving and receiving love, and they have high enough self-esteem that they feel more or less worthy of love. They are givers, not just takers. They feel comfortable with both giving and receiving affection, and eventually giving and receiving love.
People who do not have problems with intimacy tend to be in touch with their feelings and are able to verbalize their needs and wants. They tend to be good listeners, and not just good talkers. They have the capacity and they display the willingness to be there for someone else, to offer empathy, compassion and nurturing to others. Such people are essentially over previous romantic involvements, are not grieving previous losses and are romantically unencumbered—and are therefore available for you.
And emotionally available people (who are interested in creating and keeping an intimate relationship) have time for you. They have the availability for you to become an important priority in their lives. They’re not dishonest, deceptive or misleading, they respect other people’s boundaries and they don’t feel the need to pull away when the two of you begin to feel close and intimate.
Look for someone who fits this description—and avoid those that don’t. But of course that is easier said than done, because a large number of people are very available for a relatively superficial and/or sexual relationship, and they don’t give you reason to doubt their long-term emotional availability, so you’re never going to know until you are already in relationship with them. That’s why it’s wise to keep your heart out of a beginning relationship for awhile, so you can develop cleaner and clearer vision of the person and whether s/he is a wise longer-term choice for you.
Truthfully, you don’t want someone who doesn’t want you, because it hurts too much and it’s so unrewarding. You want someone who wants to be with you, try’s to connect with you, wants your attention, wants to please you and values your happiness. A relationship that does not have these emotions and behaviors creates too much brain damage—or heart damage.
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