THOUGHTS: THERE ARE TIMES IN LIFE.....................

I miss you, my lover, more than my next breath. I am constantly thinking of you and my heart sighs and my body aches to be with you. Your words echo in my mind and I hold your promises as a bouquet of flowers that perfumes my soul. Where this path of love we have both embarked on will lead I do not know but I do know there is no one whose hand I would rather hold while walking it. Keep me safe in your heart, do not forget about me but keep me in every poem, in every song, in every dream, in every ray of moonlight, in every jasmine flower, as I do

PART 2

We are all here on this planet, as it were, as tourists. None of us can live here forever. The longest we might live is a hundred years. So while we are here we should try to have a good heart and to make something positive and useful of our lives. Whether we live just a few years or a whole century, it would be truly regrettable and sad if we were to spend that time aggravating the problems that afflict other people, animals, and the environment. The most important things is to be a good human being

PART 3

There are times in life, when you feel like you’re as close to magic as possible.
These moments emerge out of nowhere,
Only to engulf you thoroughly.
A window shattering wind blows,
Over a dull grey sky,
But it’ that makes your heart fly.
Amidst chaos and cheer,
Unable to distinguish confusion from fear,
You find that sliver of glitter,
To light up your day.
between words and actions,
You’re stuck, for you have to make a choice,
But each choice opens an endless door of opportunities,
Exactly halving the possibilities.
Warmth by words and hugs,
Cannot be matched,
For these carve out a special corner for themselves.
With every note, beat and crescendo,
The music seeps deeper into our veins,
Breaking free from the chains,
Of stress and anxiety,
To give birth to a smile at the end.
With independence at the midnight hour,
When we took up the reins of power,
It wasn’t just liberation,
It was then that a magical bird of independence had flown.
With every up and down,
High and low,
We realise that life isn’t perfect,
But to cherish a brush with magic, we sure do know.

PART 4

When someone tells you, ‘I love you,’ and then you feel, ‘Oh, I must be worthy after all,’ that’s an illusion. That’s not true. Or someone says, ‘I hate you,’ and you think, 'Oh, God, I knew it; I’m not very worthy,’ that’s not true either. Neither one of these thoughts hold any intrinsic reality. They are an overlay. When someone says, 'I love you,’ he is telling you about himself, not you. When someone says, 'I hate you,’ she is telling you about herself, not you. World views are self views-literally


PART 5

Have you met someone in your life and say to yourself:
“I love this person.
I want to be with this person.
I won’t stop praying for this person.
I would love to share everything with this person.
I choose this person.
I am blessed to have this person.
I want to spend the rest of my life with this person”
That’s love.
That’s decision.
That’s commitment.


PART 6

My promise to you isn’t that you will not fall, But rather that when you do I’ll help pick you up.

My promise to you isn’t a lifetime of happiness, but a world full of colour, and a paintbrush to cover the grey.

My promise to you isn’t that you’ll never feel sad, but that when you do I’ll do everything in my power not to make you laugh for a second, but to make you feel okay again for as long as possible.

My promise to you isn’t a love where nothing goes wrong, but a love that has enough trust and respect to not let arguments cause earthquakes.

My promise to you is that on days when the colors go away, I make you breakfast and we go for a walk and go to sleep early so that maybe tomorrow is a little bit better.

My promise to you is to do everything in my power to help you feel the tiniest bit better when the world feels like it’s falling down.

I know I cannot cure you and make it all go away,

but I promise I’ll do my best to make sure it doesn’t always stay.




PART 7

It’s not about looking into someone’s eyes in the middle of a storm and them having the power to make it stop.

It’s about being able to look into someone’s eyes and know that their gaze will never waver whether the world is falling apart around you or you’re in the middle of the beach on a sunny day.

It’s about knowing that they can’t stop the tidal waves from coming- but that they’ll do everything they can to help you board up the windows for when they do.

It’s about facing monsters that you can’t see- that you didn’t even know existed, for someone that’s been facing them alone their whole life.

This is what Love is.

This is what Love should be.

A million little moments where someone stays.




PART 8

Have you ever tracked a shooting star across the sky?
Burdened it with your hopes and dreams?
Imbued it with meaning,
Watched as it came to rest before the constellation Apus-the bird of paradise
That lie between her eyes amidst the galaxy that is her beautiful mind

And remarked the Daedal canvass sky- stained violet and blue by the inks with which you write her odes?
Marvelled at the endless possibilities and gaudy clockwork/design
Or tried to count the near infinite aspirations that glow bright against the cosmos?

Around these orbit dreams like planets around a star
But the line that separates them is blurred
For she truly believes she can do anything her heart desires
And believe me, she is not wrong



PART 9

Tell me what happens the first time you see a woman naked.’

‘The first time you see a woman naked will not be like you imagined. There will be no love, no trust, no intimacy. You won’t even be in the same room as her.

You won’t get to smile as she undresses you and you undress her. You won’t get to calm her nerves with nerves of your own. You won’t get to kiss her, feeling her lips and the edge of her tongue. You won’t get to brush your fingers over the lace of her bra or count her ribs or feel her heartbeat.

The first time you see a woman naked you will be sitting in front of a computer screen watching someone play at intimacy and perform at sex. She will contort her body to please everyone in the room but her. You will watch this woman who is not a woman, pixelated and filtered and customized. She will come ready-made, like an order at a restaurant. The man on the screen will be bigger than you, rougher than you. He will teach you how to talk to her. He will teach you where to put your hands and he will teach you what you’re supposed to like. He will teach you to take what is yours.

You must unlearn this. You must unlearn this twisted sense of love. You must unlearn the definition of pleasure and intimacy you are being taught. Kill this idea of love, this idea of entitlement, this way of scarring one another


PART 10

All you want is to be happy. All your desires, whatever they may be, are longing for happiness. Basically, you wish yourself well…desire by itself is not wrong. It is life itself, the urge to grow in knowledge and experience. It is choices you make that are wrong. To imagine that some little thing-food, sex, power, fame-will make you happy is to decieve oneself. Only something as vast and deep as your real self can make you truly and lastingly happy


PART 11

This sounds like wishful thinking, but it’s true. When it comes to how I experience life (my happiness and general mood) the state of my mind is more influential than the state of my circumstances. The world holds no inherent meaning beyond my perception of it. Nobody’s perception of reality is objectively true; everyone’s point-of-view is merely an interpretation. If 100 people sat where I am sitting now, each 100 people would have a different interpretation of their surroundings based on their points-of-view and past experiences. The world is a blank canvas. My perception creates the picture.

When I perceive imperfection in another person or see a flaw in my life, do these flaws actually reside in the person and my circumstances, or does the flaw reside in my perception? My thoughts are so fundamental to my interpretation of life that I rarely notice how every day I am painting the canvas of my experience through the lens of my perception. Every thought is another brush stroke. Each subconscious judgement is another color. Soon I am looking at a painting (my experience of life) and have forgotten that I created it.

The kindest thing I can do for myself is remembering to slow down and observe my thinking mind – each inhale and exhale of thought – instead of giving it free reign to shape my experience of life without supervision. This is the point of meditation. My mind has the power to perceive both heaven and hell in each passing moment. Heaven is the state of unbiased and non-attached awareness. Hell is the hurricane of mental chaos. Regardless of what is happening in my life, I have the power to choose my point-of-view. My thoughts may seem insignificant compared to the big bad world, but the state of the world – with all its monsters, demons, angels, and lovers – does not impact my emotions as much as the state of my mind.

Logic does not help here. Only awareness. Because the world is an unfair place, seeing life from a happy perspective is not always rational. There are a million good reasons to be unhappy and blame others. But when I shift my focus from my circumstances to my awareness, I remember that peace-of-mind is always a choice.



PART 12

Maybe the problem with love these days is that someone says they love you, and you just wonder how long for.




PART 13

Miss someone until they come back, or until you come back, until their absence in your life becomes something to be avoided at all costs. Miss them until you don’t have to anymore, until you’re reunited in your favorite booth in your favorite restaurant ordering your favorite meal, miss them until it feels like you never left. Or miss them until you can’t anymore, until the things you miss are identified and cataloged as things and not a person, until you figure out that easy company and long talks and unblinking, all-knowing eye contact will find you again the way they found you the first time. Miss someone until you don’t


PART 14

When love shows up,we hold on to it so tight.
It is something we can’t really let go of without a fight.
How it colours everything with beautiful delight.
For we claim to hold it forever if we do right.
But when love told us to let go,we couldn’t help but cry.
So when ‘love’ finds us again we grip our hearts so tight.
While our minds pray for ‘forever’ this time.
For we find solace in believing that this ‘love’,won’t end in a goodbye


PART 15 

When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground, it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall, it makes a noise. But as for your heart when that breaks it is completely silent. You would think as it is so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it is silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there is a noise it is internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loud your ears ring and your head aches. It trashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea, it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken. That is what it looks like and that is what it sounds like a trashing, panicking, trapped great, big beast roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions. But that is the thing about love, no one is untouchable

REVIEW: I WATCHED BEFORE SUNSET AGAIN FOR THE MILLION TIME..

Celine: It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and, after you've been screwed over a few times, you... you forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life.

Celine: That's not even true! I haven't been... screwed over, I've just had too many... blah relationships. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but... they were no real... connection, or excitement! At least, not from my side.

Jesse: God, I'm sorry, is it... is it really that bad? It's not, right?

Celine: You know... It's not even that, I was... I was fine, until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit out of me, you know? It reminded me how... genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and... now it's like... I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore!

Celine: In a way... I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again. Like... somehow this night took things away from me and... I expressed them to you, and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!




People just have an affair, or even entire relationships. They break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals!
I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with. Because each person have their own, specific qualities, you can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost.

Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved, because it hurts too much! Even getting laid! I actually don’t do that.
I will miss on the other person the most mundane things. Like I’m obsessed with little things.

…

Little things. I think it’s the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that I miss, and will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.

Like I remember the way, your beard has a bit of red in it. And how the sun was making it glow, that morning, right before you left. I remember that, and I missed it! I’m really crazy, right?”




I loved the first film in the Before series, I was immensely charmed and I couldn’t help but conclude that It’s indeed one of the best romance films that I’ve ever seen.

And I had to know what was going to happen afterwards even if Linklater could have terminated Jesse and Céline’s story, after the first one without problems.

I’ve also heard that the two films following up to the first one were even better than the first one, so I just had to see for myself. I must say that now that I have seen them, up until now I think It’s true.

As I said I loved the first one, but this one found It’s footing quicker, it had the same philosophical conversations, but also had incredibly witty and highly comedic banters, where I couldn’t have resisted laughing even if I had wanted to, but much sadder, hard-hitting conversations too.

This one moved at a pace that felt somewhat more natural, I was surprised by how quickly time had passed when it ended.

Anyway, I’m going to delve into the review now, of the second film: Before Sunset.

Nine years have passed during which Jesse and Céline didn’t encounter each other, even if both lived in New York at the exact time, but New York is busy and densely populated, so your chances of finding one particular person in those streets are very small indeed.  

They had promised each other nine years that they would meet in December six months later in that exact same train station in Vienna.

Jesse showed up and waited for Céline, who was unable to show up due to her grandmother’s funeral, and since they hadn’t exchanged phone numbers, so they never got to see each other again.

That is until luck or fate would have it, they meet again in Paris during Jesse’s French book tour, he wrote a book about their time together.

The fateful bookstore where Jesse is is Shakespeare and Company (cinema’s and Céline’s favourite Parisian bookstore). Céline shows up and spots Jesse, and before they know it they are talking like no time has passed at all.

They’re exchanging jokes, are flattering each other and are once again having deep conversations, and when you look at them it becomes clear that they just click, they’re simply two people that seem made for one another.

It becomes fairly evident that they both still harbour deep feelings towards one another and have never properly moved on. But life continued, both have had new lovers, and Jesse is even married and has a son.

Both are despite appearances deeply unhappy in their respective relationship and marriage and confess to one another, with each other they can tell the other one literally everything.

And when they are together they are both happy and are their best selves, they bring out each other’s best qualities, you’re rooting for them to be together, you’re almost wishing for a married man to cheat on his wife.

And Linklater absolutely knows you’re thinking this and plays around with it, ending it on a fairly ambiguous note, as Céline goes into full flirty mode and treats Jesse to her best Nina Simone imitation. With her delightful attempt at an American accent, and at the end both Jesse and Céline, and the audience knows that he’s gonna miss flight (“baby you’re gonna miss that plane”,“I know”).  And that Céline is not merely flirting but seducing.

Hawke and Delpy were both fantastic in Before Sunrise, they both shined and I really hadn’t been so impressed by any acting in a romantic film in a long while, the last two times that I honestly remember being wowed like this was with Blue Valentine and Blue is the warmest colour (apparently I have something with the colour blue).

But upon watching Before Sunset I must admit that I was perhaps even more impressed with them than the first time, you could tell that the bond the two had to build while filming Before Sunrise must have grown even more, as far as I know Hawke and Delpy were never lovers in real life, but you can see that they love each other in real life as well, as friends, on a platonic level.

Which is why I think they are so great at playing lovers because they trust each other. Hawke and Delpy were in this one again both charming, unforced, natural, believable, realistic and ultimately utterly convincing, both just deliver a consummate performance.

Jesse and Céline hadn’t seen each other for a long time, so naturally, there was some awkwardness, there was even some discomfort initially, but there was also the exact amount of excitement and happiness at seeing each other again.

They act the way people that once shared something really intense and appreciated each other greatly, even fell in love but had to part ways on good terms, though, would behave, so when they see each other again all those memories flood back of course.

And It’s both exciting and overwhelming. They talk and very soon It’s as if they never were apart, you can see them fall in love all over again, they have the same dynamic: talk about everything, tease each other, and Céline once again pulls out her wonderful, sarcastic, daring somewhat spicy humour (”How are your sex problems?”,“my sex problems?!”), which Jesse more than gladly responds to, there’s brilliant stuff there. 

But then he drops a bomb: He’s married and he has a son back home in the United States, he avoids the subject of his marriage but eventually confesses that he isn’t happy, neither is Céline with her photographer boyfriend, but when Jesse and Céline are together they both light up, they come alive, they’re the love of each other’s lives and they seem to know it.

Yet they can’t just throw a grenade and blow up their respective lives, so they repress it, and for the rest of the film, you see two people who are dying to touch each other, there are looks and little touches that say a million words, and in the hands of lesser actors they could have easily looked like two horny, selfish idiots.

But they manage to make it beautiful, sexy, raw, gripping, tragic and utterly heartbreaking. It’s the first time that a film has really made me root for someone who’s married and a woman in a relationship, to cheat on each other’s partners.

They’re literally the loves of each other’s lives but have been separated by circumstances that they didn’t ask for, you’re almost naturally inclined to say, oh okay you guys deserve one last steamy night.

After that, you can go back, to the reality that makes you unhappy, and neither the French dude and the American gal has to know right? But that would be playing it dirty. I mean even if you can’t be with each other, isn’t seeing them one last time and just knowing that there’s one person on earth who really, no doubt loves you, even if there’s an ocean, a continent separating you, enough?

Hawke and Delpy capture this illicit longing, sort of forbidden love perfectly, each of their emotions, they’re expressions and body language feel spot on, they force you to feel for them and put yourself in their shoes and think about what you would do.

Linklater then frustratingly and purposely ends it with a massive and ambiguous cliffhanger, because he knows what you’re thinking.

Céline has just sung Jesse a song, that was clearly about him, and then does the Nina Simone imitation with an attempt at an American accent, that you can tell she’s purposely trying to make sound as sexy as possible, while she moves along to the song.

And usually when a woman behaves like that, we all know where It’s going, and if you’re not twelve you can almost naturally deduct what will happen next, but then again Jesse and Céline aren’t in a normal situation, it would be cheating, so maybe they went for it or maybe they didn’t…

Linklater never reveals this, at least not in this one, and at the time it literally killed me, but It’s a genius and flawless, well executed, extremely unconventional, un-Hollywood ending.

Very few times have I seen an American director venture into such territory, usually, that stuff is left to the more “hedonistic” European filmmakers.

It’s inappropriate and would offend people with extremely tight morals, but It’s real life, stuff like this happens, all the time, all over the world. I thought it was extremely brave, Linklater is a director with guts if you ask me.

As I’ve said earlier in the review, I loved the first film. But I loved the second one even more because, in both the acting and direction you get to see a progression for the better, both the actors and Linklater seemed to have gained more confidence, you could tell that he and they knew exactly what to do.

The pacing and timing of the film are near cinematic perfection in my view, every joke and every lovely or less lovely, unexpected surprise in the film is delivered at the exact right time when it has the most emotional impact.

The film moves at a perfect rhythm, not too slow but never too fast, you’re never confused and you’re never about to fall asleep either, It’s exactly right, unlike Before Sunrise, which I never found boring, but some scenes could have benefitted, if only a little from a quicker pacing.

The cinematography follows Linklater’s usual classic recipe: European city, Jesse and Céline, the camera follows them up close. But I do have to appraise Linklater for something, once again instead of opting for showing off the city, which Paris lends itself to perfectly, It’s the city of light, the city of love after all, I’ve been there three times and it is positively one of my favourite places in Europe or the world for that matter.

And most filmmakers, especially American ones, can not resist to show it off, Linklater does and instead shows off his two main character’s emotional connection, he deeply connects us with them.

What we do see of Paris, are lesser known parts of the city that aren’t shown in films so often, I honestly don’t think that the Eiffel Tower ever made an appearance.

I think but I might be going on a limb here, that the showing less known parts of Paris, could be seen almost as a symbolism of Jesse and Céline, finding and exploring new sides of each other.

The soundtrack is great, pleasant and highly atmospheric music, we’re treated to some Nina Simone which is always nice, but the highlight is the song that Julie Delpy sings for Ethan Hawke’s character, Delpy shortly after released an album of her own which by the way happens to be excellent.

In Celine’s apartment, Céline put on a CD “Just In Time” by jazz singer Nina Simone, who had died a few months before filming started. Céline animatedly tells Jesse about seeing her in concert. The scene had a special resonance for the two stars.

“I picked that song, which is my favourite song of hers,” Delpy said in an interview.“Ethan and I were supposed to see Nina Simone play in Vienna when we were shooting the first film. We never got a chance to see her, because she was too sick to get on the plane. So, later I went to see her, and I was always sad that I never got a chance to see it with him. It was kind of like a little personal reminder that we never got to see her together.”

To end the review on a quick and more uplifting note, this film is one of those rare, very special instances where the second film in a trilogy is as good as the first one or even better, my final thought was well done, Richard, bravo!

REVIEW: MOONSTRUCK...SNAP OUT OF IT

It seems like yesterday I went to the movies to see Moonstruck: It was in college and one of the most beautiful woman I ever seen asked me out to see it..in the dorm.

Even at age, I could see and feel the love and romance in practically every scene. I remember watching in awe as Cher transformed from the frumpy Loretta to the sexy woman she didn’t even know existed inside her.  I savored every line and every scene.

And there are so many great romantic scenes in this movie. I could have picked the scene where she meets Ronny in the basement of the bakery. Where she is supposed to ask him to come to her wedding to his brother, Johnny, and put their feud to rest. The sullen, lust-filled stares between them held nothing to the flames from the oven blaring behind Ronny.

Mamma Mia!

Ronny agrees to talk to Loretta in his apartment upstairs. After a passion-filled chat about life and love, Ronny throws the kitchen table, sweeps Loretta off her feet, and repeats he is taking her “to the bed.” After they, um, indeed go to the bed, Loretta hides in the closet and they banter back and forth.

Ronny: You’re trying to make me feel guilty.

Loretta: I’m marrying your brother!

Ronny: All right, I’m guilty. I confess!

Loretta: You’re invited to the wedding! It’s in a few weeks. Why didn’t you do like him and be with your dying mother in Palermo?

Ronny: She didn’t like me.

Loretta: You don’t get along with anybody!

Ronny: What did you do?

Loretta: What did I do?

Ronny: You ruined my life.

Loretta: That’s impossible! It was ruined when I got here! You ruined my life!

Ronny: Oh no I didn’t!

Loretta emerges from the closet, tucking in her blouse.

Loretta: Oh yes, oh yes you did! You’ve got those bad eyes like a gypsy! Why didn’t I see it yesterday! Bad Luck! Is that all I’m ever gonna have? Why didn’t I just pick up a stone and kill myself years and years ago? I’m gonna marry him!

Ronny: What?

Loretta: Last night never happened, you hear me? I’m gonna marry him anyway and last night never happened, and you and I are gonna take this to our coffins!

Ronny: I can’t do that!

Loretta: Why not?

Ronny: I’m in love with you!

Loretta stares at him in alarm, slaps his face, then studies his face to see the effect of the slap. She is dissatisfied and slaps him again.

Loretta: Snap out of it!

Ronny: I can’t!

Loretta: All right. Then I must never see you again. The bad blood will have to stay there between you and Johnny for all time. You won’t come to the wedding.

Ronny: I’ll come to the wedding.

Loretta: I’m telling you, you can’t.

Ronny: But he wants me to come!

Loretta: But that’s ’cause he don’t know!

Ronny: All right. I will not come. Provided one thing.

Loretta: What?

Ronny: That you come with me tonight. Once. To the Opera.

Loretta: What are you talking about?

Ronny: I love two things. I love you, and I love the Opera. If I can have the two things that I love together for one night, I will be satisfied to give up the rest of my life.

Loretta: Alright.

Ronny: All right. Meet me at the Met.

Super duper knee jerking sigh!

But this is not the most romantic scene for me. It’s the end scene that gives me goose bumps. It isn’t the dialogue, but how Ronny and Loretta cannot take their eyes off of each other. It’s how Loretta’s mother, Rose, played by the feisty Olympia Dukakis, worries at how much her daughter is in love, and that it may ruin her. Remember her banging the table screaming: “Ya gotta love bite on your neck, your life’s goin’ down the toilet!”

A few moments later Johnny, the fiancé, arrives and her whole family is there and so is Ronny.

Loretta: Johnny, I have something to tell you.

Johnny: I have something to tell you. But I must talk to you alone.

Loretta: I have no secrets from my family.

Johnny: Loretta, I can’t marry you.

Loretta: What?

Johnny: If I marry you my mother will die.

The Old Man laughs a loud sudden laugh, and then subsides.

Loretta: What the hell are you talking about? We’re engaged.

Ronny: Loretta, what are you talking about?

Loretta: I’m talking about a promise. You proposed to me!

Johnny: Because my mother was dying! But now she’s not.

Ronny: You’re forty-two years old, Johnny, and Mama is still running your life.

Johnny: And you are a son who doesn’t love his mother!

Loretta: And you’re a big liar! I’ve got your ring here!

Johnny: I must ask for that back.

Loretta struggles and pulls off the ring.

Loretta: Here! Take your stupid pinky ring. (She throws it at Johnny) Who needs it? The engagement’s off.

Johnny retrieves the ring.

Johnny: In time, you will see that this is the best thing.

Loretta: In time, you will drop dead, and I will come to your funeral in a red dress.

Ronny: Loretta?

Loretta: What!

Ronny: Will you marry me?

Johnny: What?

Loretta: Where’s the ring?

Ronny looks to Johnny a little sheepishly.

Ronny: Could I ah…borrow that ring?

Johnny, in shock, hands it over to Ronny.

Ronny: Thanks.

He kneels down before Loretta. He presents the ring to her.

Ronny: Will you marry me, Loretta Castorini Clark?

Loretta: Before all these people, yes, I will marry you, Ronny Cammareri!

She takes the ring. Ronny and Loretta kiss.

Rose: Do you love him, Loretta?

Loretta: Yeah, Ma, I love him awful.

Rose: Oh God, that’s too bad.

Sigh! The comedy, the confusion as all the story lines coming together, the love… this scene is my favorite. It makes you laugh, tear up, and it leaves you wishing you came from a quirky Italian family from Brooklyn.

I left the movie theater that night, desperately looking for a can to kick, like Cher. There wasn’t one so I pretended and twirled around the parking lot, wondering what my future love life would be and would I love someone “awful.” All these years later, I do. Sigh.

REVIEW: ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH VS BATTERY TOOTHBRUSH

At first glance, a rechargeable toothbrush costs more.  But, in the long run, does it really?

Think about the cost of a decent package of AA batteries and how long they last in an electric toothbrush.  On average, one AA battery costs about $1.00 or more.  And, depending on the brand, a toothbrush that uses two AA batteries maintains brushing power (although dwindling) for about 2 weeks.

From this estimate, we can conclude that operating costs for a non-rechargeable toothbrush costs about $1.00/week (the price of one AA battery).  This equates to $52.00/year in operating costs.  And don’t forget about the actual toothbrush that can cost anywhere from $8.00 to $20.00.

If we reach a happy medium and buy a $14.00 AA-powered toothbrush, that means we’re spending$66.00/year for a non-rechargeable toothbrush.  Plus the cost of head replacements.  But since head replacements are similar in cost for rechargeable and non-rechargeable models, we’re going to ignore the cost of them.

Now let’s consider the cost of a rechargeable toothbrush.

These can cost anywhere from $50 to $150 or more, depending on what kind you get.  The ones that cost more tend to have longer-lasting batteries and more features.  So let’s say we meet in the middle on features and decide to buy a rechargeable toothbrush for $100.  Also, let’s assume that operating costs are $10/year for electricity.  This means we’re spending $110 for a rechargeable toothbrush.  This isn’t an annual rate because your average $100 rechargeable model will last well over one year.

Like we said before, at first glance, rechargeable toothbrushes cost more.  So to determine what the better value is, we have to look at some other factors besides equipment and operating costs.  We also have to look at longevity, warranty and effectiveness.

Longevity and Warranty: If you’re lucky, a AA-powered toothbrush you pay $14 for will last for about 6 months.  Because inexpensive technology and materials are used, the electronic system that powers the toothbrush tends to malfunction sooner than later.  This means that you have to add an additional $14 to the annual cost of using a AA-powered device.  Now we’re at $80.00/year for a non-rechargeable toothbrush.  On the other hand, you have a $100 rechargeable toothbrush that comes with a 2 year warranty.  This means you have the toothbrush for at least two years – probably longer.

Effectiveness: Nearly every general and cosmetic dentistry in the U.S. endorse electronic toothbrushes over manual toothbrushes.  They also like to stress the advantages of a rechargeable brush over a non-rechargeable one.  For instance, the former maintains consistent power.  While the AA batteries in a non-rechargeable device become weaker use after use, the battery in a rechargeable device delivers strong, consistent power as long as the toothbrush is kept on its charger.  What this means is simple: more brushing power = a cleaner a mouth.  And a cleaner mouth leads to less cavities down the road, which means less money spent.

Although the American Dental Association (ADA) does not support one model over the other, there’s a clear difference between the cost and effectiveness of each.

It’s also important to think about the environmental impact of each toothbrush.  Rechargeable toothbrushes are “greener” than non-rechargeable toothbrushes because they reduce the need of disposable batteries.

Remember the cost of AA batteries we talked about earlier?  About $1 per battery and needing to replace 2 AA’s every two weeks?  Based off of this, AA-powered toothbrush users throw away around 50 AA batteries each year!

REVIEW: "The Man Who Folded Himself" by David Gerrold

If you have sex with yourself is that masturbation? Just to clarify, we're not talking about yourself by yourself but rather with you from another timeline.

I imagine that's a question few books outside of David Gerrold's The Man Who Folded Himself have had to consider.

 I'd of course heard of David Gerrold as the author of the classic Star Trek episode The Trouble with Tribbles The Man Who Folded Himself is a brief book - It's the type of book you can read in a day or two.

It tells the story of Dan Eakin. And in a sense Dan is pretty much the only character of any importance. He inherits from his uncle a time travel device. The book then plunges headfirst into regions that most time travel stories tremble before - ideas of meeting oneself, changing history, and paradox. Dan quickly learns that he can indeed change the past. He can even change his own past. Though in so doing all he does is create another timeline and another Dan.

The Dans meet each other a lot. They usually get along pretty well. There are get-togethers where they meet up. Eternal poker games, summer parties. Over time some of the Dans become lovers with one another. Some of the Dans are very different from each other, whether in appearance, age, sanity, or other reasons. One pair falls deeply in love with each other. Another loses his mind and becomes homicidal. The book tends to follow just one of these Dans though every once in a while the narration switches to another Dan, especially done to illustrate differences between them - like when one of them loses his sanity. At one point our protagonist and narrator finds himself alone - he's still on a "normal" Earth but he's on a timeline where he can't find any other instances of himself - which makes him feel alone.

Dan experiments with changing history - he does the obligatory killing Hitler. He also experiments with eliminating Jesus of Nazareth and removes Christianity in one timeline. Dan prefers to stay near the his hometime and the resulting world is so alien to him he quickly undoes it. These are big ideas but they tend to get expressed compactly, in just a few paragraphs.

Dan isn't immortal. He's a tourist in the timeline but he tends to stay around the year he first received his time travel device. He forgets that the world around him progresses - the building under construction is always under construction. It's he that changes as he begins aging - as time travel is not a source of immortality. He still lives, just lives differently. He begins associating with older versions of himself. He is shocked to watch one of his selves die of old age.

Over time Dan seems to find more fulfillment as he decides to settle in one time and live a normal-ish life - not that he doesn't go on the occasional jaunt, but he finds a purpose in becoming a part of the world.


The Man Who Folded Himself is an unusual book. It is brief but it covers some enormous topics. Copyrighted in 1973 it deals with same-sex relationships with a boldness unusual for its time. Its protagonist wrestles with the idea of free will. He tries to find love - but what does it say about him that the person he loves the most is himself? Is that healthy or disturbing? The brief elimination of Jesus Christ and all of Christianity is handled in under a page or two.

Any of these things could really be made into an entire mammoth novel - or five-book trilogy. But Gerrold doesn't really provide answers so much as he gives you ideas to think about. Time travel is almsot a toy for all the good it can do - each jaunt creates its own universe, making the jumper the only "real" person in a sense. Time traveling in this setting is very much an act of personal vanity - the rest of people of the universe seems to be just a supporting cast for Dan.

REVIEW: IN THE MOVIE MATRIX ...THE HUMANS ARE THE PROBLEM

the Matrix isn’t wrong. Not at all. In fact the humans in the Matrix are the real villains of the series. Lets look at the facts of what lead to the actual Matrix. Humanity created the machines and AI, they used them as slaves, and they rebelled. In this war they were defeated. If you watch the animatrix you actually see that the machines were willing to make peace with the humans, but they refused any such notions. Instead they kept fighting to the point where they unleashed a doomsday weapon that blotted out the sun permanently. This was an effort to kill the machines, an act of genocide, but arguably this act would destroy them as well. As expected this act actually weakened the human race by starvation, but the machines adapted quickly.

Instead of leaving the human race to die, the machines in an act of mercy decide to preserve the human race to function in a forced symbiosis. It is my belief that the machines could have used other animals to power themselves, or even used geothermal power as the humans did. Indeed, the machines are the ones who show mercy to the humans, even attempt to make their lives utopian, something the humans could have never achieved themselves, but of course they reject this. One has to even ask why the quality of life in the matrix should even matter to the machines. I believe this also proves the machines to be empathetic and more so than the human race. We actually see this empathy later with the “rogue” program that has a family (the indian couple at the train station). This empathy is something the human have not shown the machines in anyway.

So yes the matrix is a prison, but it is a prison built for humanity’s and the machines’ own protection. Humanity had proven to be not only self-destructive but also genocidal. This would be grounds enough to let the human race perish, but the machines had more mercy than to let that happen. They did realize that humanity did need to be controlled, but they actually did it in a very benevolent way, and imo they were shown a mercy that they didn’t deserve.

Furthermore, you have the rebel humans. Now lets look at these guys. You might be asking “megatom but if the machines are so benevolent and merciful why do they hunt down and kill the freed humans?” The answer is very simple. The freed humans and “the one” had all proven repeatedly to be proponents of destruction. Six times before the matrix, both humanity and the machines were brought to the edge of extinction due to the actions of the one. Granted the machines had begun to see this as some inevitability, they still needed to defend themselves from this act of terror or in reality hope to destroy it, which is why they continue to try to kill all the people of Zion.

TL;DR: The humans are the enemy, and consistently act as a force of destruction bringing both the machine race and the human race to the brink of destruction. The Matrix is a merciful prison to contain a violent race that inevitably causes destruction.

THOUGHTS/REVIEW: THE ENDING OF HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER.

“You know what? I’m done being single, I’m not good at it. Look, obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can’t. I’ll tell you something though, if a woman, not you, just some hypothetical woman, were to bear with me through all this, I think I’d make a damn good husband, because that’s the stuff I’d be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father and walking her five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser…”

–Ted Mosby, “Pilot” How I Met Your Mother, 1×01

“Hi— I’m Ted Mosby. And exactly 45 days from now you and I are going to meet and we’re going to fall in love and we’re going to get married and we’re going to have 2 kids and we’re going to love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away, but I’m here now I guess because… I want those extra 45 days with you. I want each one of them. Look and if I can’t have them I’ll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because… I love you. I’m always gonna love you, til the end of my days and beyond. You’ll see.”

–Ted Mosby, “Time Travelers” How I Met Your Mother, 8×20

A few weeks ago I sat down to watch what seemed to be a perfectly light-hearted and  fun concept episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted and Barney’s future selves tried to convince them to go and see Robots vs Wrestlers (a great call back to season 5) while Marshall and Robin were involved in an all out war over who got a drink named after them that ended in a dance off.  It was a perfectly fluffy episode until things started to take a turn.  It started to get dark when Coat Check Girl from Season One (Free Jayma Mays from Glee!! Also, please give her a sandwich) walked into McClaren’s and Ted seemed to go and talk to her.  We saw the conversation play out with coat check girl’s future selves appearing and essentially saying the relationship is doomed from the beginning because they will eventually end because “that’s how it always works for you, Ted.”

It was like a punch to the stomach.  Little did I know what was coming next.

Because then Barney said to Ted that none of this had ever happened.  That he had actually been sitting in alone in the booth at McClaren’s the whole time because Lily and Marshall were at home with Marvin and Robin and Barney were at their apartment wedding planning.  “Look around you, Ted.  You’re all alone.”  And then future Ted began to reflect on all the things he WOULD have done that night if he had known the future.  He would have gone back to Marshall and Lily’s.  He would have spent time playing middle man in Barney and Robin’s wedding planning.   He would have gone to his own apartment and soak its atmosphere in.  But most of all…he would have gone running to his future wife to tell her that he was going to meet her in 45 days.

Cue me sobbing.

(It was a monologue so perfectly delivered by Josh Radnor that it would win him an Emmy if the voters would pay attention to anyone in this cast other than the brilliant Neil Patrick Harris.)

Some fans found this episode confusing.  I didn’t.  At all.  It’s an episode about the fact that you never know how close you may be to finding happiness.  Ted is in a dark place right now.  All of his close friends are paired off and yet he can’t seem to find anyone that sticks.  He’s losing hope.  He’s feeling like he’s always going to be alone.  And he has NO IDEA how close he is to getting his happy ending.  He has no idea that everything he’s ever wanted is literally just over 6 weeks away.  Future Ted can look back at that night and know how close he was.  We, the viewers, have always known that Ted finds happiness.  But present Ted doesn’t know that.  And that’s why this show is so beautiful.  How I Met Your Mother has always been a show that is about the journey.  It’s NOT really about meeting the mother (though we all WANT to and more importantly we want to see them fall in love), it’s about what it took to become the person that the mother would fall in love with.  It’s about navigating that weird time in your life that is your late twenties and early thirties.  And ultimately it’s a show about hope.  Because even when our characters in the present day don’t have any, we, the viewers, do.  Because we know that it all ends well.

Here’s the thing with me and How I Met Your Mother: I am the exact same age as the characters.  And that’s why I hold them so dear.  They are probably closer to my heart than even my beloved Friends because I have aged along with them and they have felt like my friends.  Their “lives” have so often felt like MY life…to the point where I have often joked that the writers have hidden cameras   Sage astutely put it this way: since Friendsdebuted when we were much younger, it always felt more like a fantasy life  How I Met Your Mother feels more like real life.  With better apartments and wardrobes.

I can admit the show has had some rough patches creatively.  All long running shows do.  But the good ones find their way out of them.  Even in its rougher periodsHIMYM has managed to tug at my heartstrings.  I will be a fan of it for life and I will always defend it and its characters.  It often seems that Ted Mosby is in the middle of most criticisms about the show.  I’ve read complaints that he is the least compelling character on the show.  That’s he’s snobby and douchey and generally just unbearable as a person.

Well.  I’m here to tell you that you are wrong.  Ted Evelyn Mosby is AWESOME.

And I am not just saying that because his journey is the one I tend to identify with the most emotionally.

We’ve seen Ted go on this journey from the idealistic guy in pilot who is love with the IDEA of being in love with someone to a man who is actually READY for marriage and all that it brings in.  It’s been a long journey and one that has gone down some questionable paths.   Ted has been unbearably whiny.  He’s been a smarmy douchebag.  He’s chosen the wrong women (Zooey, Victoria 2.0, this last crazy girl whose name I can’t even remember).  He held on to his feelings for Robin too long.  I’m not denying any of the claims against his character.  But I WILL say that his character HAD to go through all of those things to be fully ready for the woman he’s going to spend the rest of his life with.  He needed to go on this ridiculous and fun and often frustrating path.  And he’s here.  Almost at the end.  At last.  That’s why I was so overwhelmed by the ending of “The Time Travelers”.  I have spent 9 years watching this character grow and struggle and to know that his journey is ALMOST complete is incredibly rewarding.

Hang in there, Teddy Westside.  You are SO close.  And you don’t even know it.

So if his character arc isn’t enough for you, here are ten more reasons why Ted Mosby is awesome…

 He bought his future family home when it was a dilapidated wreck and restored it himself.“Sometimes our best decisions are the ones that don’t make sense at all.”

Ted often makes impulsive choices.  Like buying his “dream house” as a reaction to his mother getting married for a second time (when he hasn’t even been married ONCE!).  His heart, as Marshall so eloquently puts it, is “both drunk and a kid”.

“That’s the thing about stupid decisions – we all make them, but time is funny and sometimes a little magical. It can take a stupid decision, and turn it into something else entirely. Because kids, as you know, that house… is *this* house.”

Ted stealing the blue French Horn on his first date with Robin is one of the most iconic moments of the series.  It shows exactly what kind of guy he is.  He’s the guy who will go to any length to make a girl happy.  Even if it involves larceny.He would have stolen her an entire orchestra.

So I will never hear a word against him.

REVIEW: CAST AWAY...WHO KNOW WHAT THE TIDE COULD BRING?

Yesterday I watched “Cast Away” movie on TV… I know that many consider it the copy of “Robinson Crusoe” novel – I haven’t seen its movie by the way – But, I can’t deny that Cast Away touches me much more…

 I have always admired the way Tom Hanks managed the role, starting with the physical appearance changes and ending with the outstanding facial expressions… Have always stood still in front of the change that happened to a man who considered time to be everything and his life used to be planned minute by minute, to a man who had to learn to let go of the idea of time in general… learned it the hard way though…

I have always been touched by that scene where he loses “Wilson” – the volleyball – his only “friend” … I can’t but imagine myself in his place… I mean… I’m one of those who get emotionally involved with places and objects in my life… in addition to people… and I feel bad with the loss of any intimate – inanimate – object… how does it feel like then when it’s the only intimate “thing” he had…

Every time I watch the movie I stop at the scene where he uses the lighter at the end of the movie… to produce fire… something that he had worked on for days and days to be able to “create fire”… I stop and think of how ironic it is…  Likewise, I noticed yesterday a sentence that I haven’t seem to pay attention to before… Just before he left the car heading to his flight, he told his girlfriend – Helen Hunt – “I’ll be right back”… How sarcastic this sound to you!! We always assume that things will just move the way we want it to… it took him 4 years to “be right back”… and he came back not even the same man who left that car… Did it ever cross his mind while uttering these words before he left that the “be right back” will be equal to “four years of isolation”?

I have seen this movie dozens of times, and every time I watch it I seem to be getting a very harsh slap on my face all over again… it always triggers these thoughts of not taking things for granted… for me this movie is far beyond someone surviving on an isolated island… For me, it is about setting your priorities and preferences… about not taking things for granted… about appreciating the moment while living it… and not after it is gone… It is about keeping the faith that even in the worse situations, tomorrow will come… and tomorrow might be good for something…

 Below is a very touching conversation that took place between “Chuck Noland” – Tom Hanks – with his friend “Stan” at the end of the movie…


Keep the faith,

Rou… – Who knows what the tide could bring…?



“We both had done the math…

Kelly added it all up and… knew she had to let me go…

I added it up, and knew that I had… lost her… ‘cos I was never gonna get off that island… I was gonna die there, totally alone… I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something… The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen… So… I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself… I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me… And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I- I – , I couldn’t even kill myself the way I wanted to… I had power over *nothing*…



And that’s when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket… I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive… Somehow… I had to keep breathing… Even though there was no reason to hope… And all my logic said that I would never see this place again…



So that’s what I did… I stayed alive… I kept breathing… And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail…



And now, here I am… I’m back… In Memphis, talking to you… I have ice in my glass…



And I’ve lost her all over again…



I’m so sad that I don’t have Kelly… But I’m so grateful that she was with me on that island…



And I know what I have to do now… I gotta keep breathing…



Because tomorrow the sun will rise…



Who knows what the tide could bring…?”



PART II


So many times when we go through struggles that last longer than your typical issue.  Struggles that can last seasons, even years.  We can lose all hope.  Like Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away, we can feel abandoned, lonely, afraid and utterly hopeless.  If you have not seen this movie, then this blog won't make total sense.  I apologize, but have to draw from this analogy regardless as it is near to my heart.

Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) has discovered, after a horrific plane crash, that he is the sole survivor  and has been washed ashore on a deserted island.  He then desperately begins searching for signs of life, trying to signal for help and last but not least, making his own raft and trying to head out to sea.  All these attempts fail early on in the movie.  Sadly, his sloppily made raft is smashed to pieces by the wind and waves and all hope of escape seems lost as Chuck realizes his own powerlessness. 

Ever feel that way?

Have you found yourself in a lonely and desperate situation that feels like it will never end?  Do you feel that your dreams for your life have been dashed against the shore?  Has your new "home" become one filled with sorrow and mourning mixed with a tad bit of insanity?  Have all hopes of a rescue or escape been faded by the time that has elapsed?  Have you tried to make courageous attempts to move out of of this season or situation and found you and your man made "raft" overpowered by the wind and waves?  Chuck felt all these things and more to be sure.

Yet, on a random day, just another ordinary day in his lonely life on that island...lo and behold, a make shift sail washes ashore.  You see, the reason he was unable to escape the first time was because he did not have the sail that would catch the wind and use it to lift him over the waves.  He also did not have the favor of the right direction of the wind.

This was Chuck's time.  This was his day.  God's hand was in it this time.  This was not a man made escape.  This was divine intervention.  He had to try...one more time.  Chuck's brave escape with the help of that make shift sail and the favor of the east wind led to his rescue in the end.

Just like that "sail" washed ashore for Chuck, your answer is on the way as well.   Maybe your first few man made attempts to save your marriage, reconnect with a wayward child or find an answer to your illness ended in defeat.  Do not despair my friends.  Your God given sail is going to wash ashore any day now, when you least expect it.   The wind is going to blow in your favor.  This time, you will be prepared.  This time you will know what to do.  This time the wind won't break you.  Rather, you will use it to push you past the breakers, lift you over the mighty waves and deliver you right into your victory. 

Chuck spent 4 lonely years on that island.  I'm sure they felt more like 40.  That's a lot of "wait time."  What about you?  What will you do in the mean time?  How will you handle your 4 months or 4 years or maybe even 40? 

I would recommend following Chuck's advice from a scene in the movie where he is talking with a close friend:

"I knew that I was never gonna get off that island.  I was gonna die there.  Totally alone.  I mean I was gonna get sick or injured or something.  The only choice I had, that I could control, was when and how and where that was going to happen.  So, I made a rope and I went up to the summit to hang myself.  I had to test it, of course, you know me.  And the weight of the log snapped the limb of the tree and I thought, "I can' t even kill myself the way I want to."  I had power over nothing.  That's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket.  I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive.  I had to keep breathing, even though there's no reason to hope.  And all my logic said that I would never see this place again.  So that's what I did.  Stayed alive and kept breathing.  And one day that logic was proven all wrong because one day the tide came in and gave me a sail.  And now, here I am.  Back in Memphis, talking to you.  I have ice in my glass...and I know what I have to do now.  I have to keep breathing.  Because tomorrow the sun will rise.  Who knows what the tide could bring."

Stay alive inside your soul.  Keep breathing.  Keep moving.  Even when there's no reason to hope.  When you've done all else as the bible says, then just stand.  Stand with all your might.  Tomorrow the sun WILL rise and you never know what the tide may bring.

LOVE/ DATING/THOUGHTS/MOVIES: A BRONX TALE..THE DOOR TEST VS SALIVA TEST

I remember watching a movie called "A Bronx Tale," it's 1993 movie about a kid growing up in the rough-and-tumble 1960s Bronx,  What I remember the most from that movie is the "door test."

The "door test," explains gangster Sonny (Chazz Palminteri) to the kid as he prepares to go on a first date, is how you determine whether a girl is a keeper. After opening the car door for your date to climb into the passenger seat, Sonny tells the kid, walk around behind the car and peer through the rear windshield to see if she leans over to unlock the driver's side door for you.

"If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad, and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg," Sonny says in the movie. "You dump her and you dump her fast."

I took the "door test" to heart. The simplicity of the "door test," in which a single gesture separates the good eggs from the bad.Power locks,  had rendered the "door test" irrelevant.What's a modern-day dater to do?

I went on a search of the contemporary equivalent of the "door test," To me little things that matter most. Manner is always up there..so is kindness to others or concern for less fortunate. If they see an old or handicapped person struggling or something, and they go out of their way to help them out, that would be something that catches my eye. But to me the equivalent to the door test is  sharing meals.I like to call it the "saliva test. Once you get over that someone's saliva isn't gross, it becomes more of a 'we' than a 'me,'

REVIEW/LOVE/ DATING: MY CHARLIE NICHOLSON

 Who's Charlie Nicholson? The name comes from the movie... High Fidelity.

I find myself writing about this movie .Part of the reason I enjoy the film so much is that I relate to it like it’s my story.



From the movie:

 Number three in the top five all-time breakup list? Charlie Nicholson (Catherine Zeta-Jones). Sophomore year of college. As soon as I saw her, I realized she was the kind of girl I'd wanted to meet ever since I was old enough to want to meet girls. I mean, she was different. She was dramatic and she was exotic. And she talked a lot and when she talked she said remarkably interesting things about music, books, film and politics. And she talked a lot. And she liked me. She liked me. She liked me. At least I think she did...We went out for two years and I never got comfortable. Why would a girl, no, a woman, like Charlie go out with me? I felt like a fraud. I felt like one of those people who suddenly shave their heads and said they'd always been punks. I was sure I'd be discovered at any second. And I worried about my abilities as a lover. And I was intimidated by other men in her design department and became convinced she was gonna leave me for one of them. Then she left me for one of them. The dreaded Marco... (One rainy night, he caught Marco with Charlie) ... (A while later, after reconciling with her, he realized that she wasn't for him) And I lost it. Kinda lost it all. Faith, dignity, about fifteen pounds. When I came to a few months later, I found to my surprise I had flunked out of school. Started working at a record shop. Some people never got over 'Nam or the night their band opened for Nirvana. I guess I never really got over Charlie. But the thing I learned from the whole Charlie debacle - you gotta punch your weight. You see, Charlie, she's out of my class. She's too pretty. Too smart. Too witty. Too much. I mean, what am I? I'm a middleweight. Hey, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm certainly not the dumbest. I mean, I've read books like 'Unbearable Lightness of Being' and 'Love in the Time of Cholera.' And I think I've understood them. They're about girls, right? Just kidding... Anyway, me and Charlie, we didn't match. Marco and Charlie matched.



another quote from the movie:

I can see now that I am doomed to die a long, slow, suffocating death. And I try to figure out why. Of course there’s envy, why isn’t my life like this? And sure I want their money and clothes and jobs and opinions, and I’d like to have advice for jet-lag, but that’s not it. … It’s something else. And then it dawns on me: Charlie’s awful. … Maybe she’s been like this all along. How did I manage to edit all this out? How had I made this girl the answer to all the world’s problems?

REVIEW/JOURNAL/LOVE: WHY BEFORE SUNSET GETS TO ME SO MUCH

I saw Before Sunset again for the million time and I have to say .Before Sunset is the undisputed, unrivaled movie of my life. 

It isn’t the movie of my life in that it tells my story or any one short story I’ve lived. It does tell one I would love to have lived. A story I could at one point visualize sketched somewhere in my future. Waiting to be outlined with a firmer hand and then colored.

I didn’t get my Before Sunrise/Sunset, but I did get to experience aspects of it I love, like the intimacy forged with places as a consequence of a story set in them. I develop these bonds with places easily, I’m sometimes inspired to write about them 

You could say Before Sunset is the movie of my life in the same vein one might call a person the love of their life. The one that stands out and calls for more than just polite appreciation. The one you feel passionate about beyond apparent reason. The one you find simply impossible to admire sedately since he/she/it touches on such personally precious snippets of who you are and so clearly gets how you feel.

There’s so much mystery to words, so often such inordinate incompatibility between words and the people who use them. There’s such vulnerability to people, such a crippling fear of being the only one to feel something or say something, as though that brand of solitude might make you irrevocably wrong. Wrong as in a knot that could never be undone. And curiously, to counter that fear, to ridicule it even, there’s always someone to understand you. In the absence of a visible, palpable someone, there’s always an invisible, ghostly someone, behind something that understands you. And that’s what Before Sunset is to me. Something that miraculously understands me. Flesh and blood writers I only know by name behind words fashioned into made up people who actually understand me.

There’s a Bjork quote I read once in some music magazine to never forget that concurs with that line of thought, conveys that same feeling:

There are certain emotions in your body that not even your best friend can sympathize with, but you will find the right film or the right book, and it will understand you.

Before Sunset is more than familiar with this crippling fear that plagues its characters and me both. There’s a whole lot of contained fear to adorn the threshold that is the unsettling prospect of seeing a consequential someone again, after a history gone on hiatus. Any change even if slight, any amount of time gone by, is sure to throw human beings off. Suddenly we don’t know if what was still is. Suddenly we don’t know if it’s even still acceptable for what was to still be. We’re so easily paralyzed by the accepted transience of things to allow for any one truth to remain that truth indefinitely.

At the beginning of the movie, towards the end of a meet the press event (as part of his book tour), Jesse randomly turns his head 90º to the right to find Celine, against all possible odds, right THERE… eyes on him, listening, mere steps away, all of nine years later. Thinner, older, changed and yet the same.

That’s about as exciting and frightening a moment as I can imagine. There’s profound uncertainty to it, regret, possible estrangement, possible ill feelings (as human beings are so apt to inspire in one another). There’s the tingling euphoria of something of a dream come true, any one thing you never thought might actually transpire, suddenly materialized. Not so much as something to be only seen or only heard or only felt but experienced with every sense, an actual consequential bubble of a moment you’re to submit to and experience from the inside. There’s also caution. A tyrannical impulse to retreat, observe and to a certain extent, playact rather than just be. Celine gives in to that impulse more willfully than Jesse. She’s so clearly calculating, so intent on weighing what she can and cannot say, what she should and should not say, carefully painting the portrait of herself she’s selected as the most suitable under the circumstances, misusing words, deliberately misrepresenting herself here and there. All amidst some real profound truths, subtly revealed. Somehow safer truths. Outnumbered truths. Needles amidst hay.

If I were to diagram Jesse’s and Celine’s journeys in both Sunrise and Sunset, I’d start them off at diagonally opposed points and trace their way toward each other in perpendicular lines that would ultimately converge in a single common point of intimacy, thus sketching a solid rectangle of history and intimacy, if you will. Easy enough intimacy in the past (Sunrise) and given the trickiness of a hiatus, reluctant in the present (Sunset). Something like this…

Any hiatus is tricky, however long it may last. Things change fast. Faster, it seems, when we’re not looking. The outside of things is relentless in how freely it gives in to transformation almost as a belly laugh at our expense. While the inside is limited to whoever’s inside might be in question. Restricted to the one person with access. Impossible to assess with certainty on a case by case basis, let alone, generalize.

Jesse and his obvious transformations, the scar-like lines on his face, a deflated version of his younger self, physically dried out like a plum turned prune… Celine and her sharper thoughts, so often preceded by ‘I don’t knows’ which wholly misrepresent her, some gained self-assurance that tweaks her image and yet leaves her core untouched… In spite of the clear cut changes, all that was still is.

The movie is one long battle to see through the layers, the misrepresentations, to sift the minor details (of marriage, relationships, children, major changes, all aided and abetted by the passage of time) from the bigger picture and clear the path for the difficult admission that yes, what was still is. In so many ways, what was will always be.

Which, I guess, is why the scene on the boat, the stretch of it I insist on calling ‘Little things’ works so magically on me. Little things are simply fascinating to me. Little things become huge in my often weird perspective.

The first time I saw the boat scene, I saw myself. I sat in a dark screening room, my heart struggling to cope with the void left by a recent break-up, I saw myself and I cried at the reminder that it would take a while for that piece of my heart to regenerate. I also felt sorry for her. And I wished dearly I could be more like the ones who “move on like they would’ve changed brand of cereal.” During that boat ride, Celine finally lets down her guard, allows herself to be seen for exactly who she is, her every vulnerability stamped across her face, traces of self-awareness everywhere.

I’m keenly aware of how rare that kind of openness is, of how rarely we feel safe enough to bare our souls to a fellow human being and not worry whether we’ll be corresponded or understood. Most of the time, we resort to hiding as best we can, until the other person goes first. If they go first.

It’s inevitable that along the way we turn inward. There is to every story a loss of innocence so personally colossal that you can’t help but turn inward and invest on control. Somewhere between Sunrise and Sunset, Celine, despite her easy and outgoing nature, turned further inward than was natural to her. It’s easy to picture the mourning, pining and longing that followed her missed opportunity at true connection. It’s a possible loss we invest our rooting powers in at the end of Sunrise and commiserate in retrospect at the opening of Sunset. Paradoxically, we are creatures of the moment in spite of how difficult it is to actually be in the moment. Our belief in things has too short a shelf life. We need constant reassurance. She does. And I do. We know for a fact that things are designed to change in a flash and yet that readiness for change is not reflected on us, not in the recesses of our hearts, and not on our views from within as dictated by our feelings. Making us different. Lonelier. Willing to wait when most everybody around us either claims or appears not to see the point.

It seems unthinkable that other people might be that very kind of different. Same as we are. And equally unthinkable to other people that we might. And so complications are manufactured, walls put up, gaps created, obstacles placed. Complications, walls, gaps and obstacles which in the end only serve to keep us from one another.

To keep the real us from one another.



PART 2


Sometimes movies affect me so deeply that I just need to spread the word. Before Sunset is one of them. Ok, so the movie starts with young handsome American Jesse, travelling abroad & currently on a train headed for Vienna. A beautiful young French girl, Céline, sits down near Jesse & the the two get chatting about life.  Engrossed in coversation, Jesse convinces Céline to get off the train with him in Vienna & walk around with him all night exploring the city until he has to get on a plane heading back to America at sunrise at which point she can hop back on the train & continue on her journey.

The whole movie is based on this fabulous new conversation & relationship between the young pair in the hours they have with each other before sunrise.  Needless to say there is a strong & magical connection between them.  The conversation is young & engaging & real.  They fall in love with other & have an amazing night.  At the end of the movie, without exchanging any details whatsoever, they agree tp meet up again at the train station in exactly 6 months time.

The second movie, 'Before Sunset', starts with Jesse doing a book tour in Paris.  He wrote a book about one magical night in Vienna with a French girl.  Hmmm, sound familiar?  Well who should turn up at the very bookstore after seeing his book advertised around town?  Yes, Céline!  Glorious.

The movie revolves around their more grown up, somewhat jaded by life experiences, conversation for the whole movie yet again. Its complex & heart breaking, raw & beautiful.  It is the very last day of Jesse's book tour & he must catch a plane back to America at sunset. So they spend the day together.  Timing is everything.... Ohhhh weep, sob!!!

In Before Sunrise, they meet and they love, all flowery, all brand new experience. In Before Sunset, they meet and they flirt, playing with forbidden love because Jesse is married, admitting their long lasting love to each other. It’s heartbreaking yet sexy in the same time. Before Midnight is one hundred and eighty degrees different. It will complete their understanding about love.

In Before Midnight, Jesse apparently has more advantage in experiencing love in-and-out of a marriage, while Celine is still connecting love to romance, something that she admits in the luncheon as going down after they have the twins. What this movie wants to highlight is that love comes as an acceptance to both sides – the brilliant and the miserable – of life with your partner, especially the miserable. In the course of nine years for Celine and Jesse, romance has gone, sex  is overrated,  and each of them is growing to become somebody they’ve never expected. Feelings spared, sacrifices made, fightings unavoided, and yet they still want to share life with each other. If it’s not love, then what is?

If you stick around through the closing credits of Before Midnight, the latest film in the trilogy, you’ll see that the movie is dedicated to someone whose name even the most die-hard fans have never heard before: Amy Lehrhaupt. Almost 25 years ago, Lehrhaupt met a young man named Richard Linklater and spent a night with him that he never forgot. Their encounter inspired Linklater to conceive and direct Before Sunrise, the first film in the series. She never saw it, though; unbeknownst to Linklater, by the time that movie came out, Lehrhaupt was dead.

Linklater met Lehrhaupt in fall 1989, when he was visiting his sister in Philadelphia. He was 29 and had just finished shooting Slacker, and was staying there for one night while passing through on the way home from New York. Lehrhaupt was several years younger, about 20. They met in a toy shop, and ended up spending the whole night together, “from midnight until six in the morning,” “walking around, flirting, doing things you would never do now.” As in Before Sunrise, most of what they did was talk, “about art, science, film, the gamut.” Did they kiss? Yes. Did they have sex?....we will never know

But as the night came to an end, the paths of Linklater and Lehrhaupt began to diverge from the fictional storyline of Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Céline (Julie Delpy).  The real-life young lovers exchanged numbers and tried to keep in touch while they were away. They called each other a few times, but it was “that long distance thing” that did them in

Linklater didn’t know then that Lehrhaupt had died in a motorcycle accident on May 9, 1994, before she reached her 25th birthday. Before Sunrise started filming a few weeks later. Linklater only learned of her death three years ago, when a friend of Lehrhaupt’s, who knew about the encounter, put it together and sent him a letter. “It was very sad,

I had a similar story meeting a girl who was applying for a job here...long...long time ago. We spend the whole night and morning together. She did get the job....but the day before moving to New York...she found out she had cancer and died 6 months later. Till this day...I still remember that night.