when I look at you – I feel light all around us.. my blood gets so warm – I feel the world holding me, closing on us, leaving us with our two glances.. our two hopes, two bridges into the future.. there is no loneliness this minute.. and even the minute after we part.. I am still walking happily down the street... your words in my head.. your voice knocking on my vessels and sipping my blood.. little by little.. I don't think I lost you.. or did I?..
when You look at me – I don't have a right to be sad.. you light a match, and that's the only time I have – to love you – here, on this planet.. hiding my eyes or shooting my thoughts at you.. seeing or imagining.. with visions or people around us.. it all happens in seconds but it is the only life worth living.. the only life we came here to see.. Isn't it?
I don't know what lasts and what doesn't, I will only know it when I look into your eyes.. Can I describe who I am now without you or who you should be when we meet? we can only give it a try.. so.. don't burn your hand with that match.. let us light a candle, open a bottle of wine and talk.. we have all the time in the world.. don't we?
Sunday, August 19, 2012
THOUGHTS: THAT FACE
I don't remember exactly where or when I first became aware of the face. It might have come to me in a dream or maybe I saw something like it in a book or a movie. But around the age of ten or eleven...i became aware of a face that I associated with the woman I'd someday love and marry. It's not one that everyone would consider beautiful, but I felt sure it was the face of my soulmate. I could see her very clearly in my mind's eye and I grew up expecting her to appear at any moment. Every woman I met who looked like the woman in my imagination, I thought....Maybe she is the one. I've had alot of relationship in my life and the really important ones were all with woman who bore some resemblance to my mental picture.
THOUGHTS/LOVE: WHY ISN'T ANYONE SHOWING UP......
If you find yourself on one hand saying, "Why isn't anybody showing up for me to fall in love with? but on the other hand...you find that you've set up a life where you actually enjoy being alone, then obviously the love you think you desire isn't going to stumble across your path. The truth is that for one reason or another...you're actually creating the aloneness you need right now. The truth is that, if on any level, conscious or unconscious, you've decided you don't want to have a relationship right now, and you will be broadcasting that information and all your possible partners will hear it in one form or another.
I remember this one woman finally became honest with herself with me. She didn't have time for a relationship right now. She was committed to her career and not willing to borrow any time from her work to invest in a emotional exchange with another person. She spent years developing this career, and it's what most fulfilling to her right now...she can only handle a part-time relationship.
Many of us are afraid of moving into the void, which is the only conditions in which love can really come to us. It's so much easier to focus on the love we want to get, rather than on the love we can start giving. I remember a patient of mine who ask me...."Why didn't anybody love me? Why didn't my sister love me better?...Why didn't my husband love me?....Why hasn't anybody come along to love me now?....On her deathbed,,,she was still soaked with bitterness, unavailable to the love all around her and above her...to her own undelivered love.
What I learn is that you must give your love and instantly the love you need will start coming; toward you, in fact it will have already arrived. You will know you are truly living your life in the breathing, pulsating web of love when you can celebrate its every instance. So whatever small, beautiful moments are given to you----and they are given to you constantly, gratis, for absolutely no reason--whatever the thousand little miracles that sustain you through every moment of your life, take note of them; let them have an impact on you.
I remember this one woman finally became honest with herself with me. She didn't have time for a relationship right now. She was committed to her career and not willing to borrow any time from her work to invest in a emotional exchange with another person. She spent years developing this career, and it's what most fulfilling to her right now...she can only handle a part-time relationship.
Many of us are afraid of moving into the void, which is the only conditions in which love can really come to us. It's so much easier to focus on the love we want to get, rather than on the love we can start giving. I remember a patient of mine who ask me...."Why didn't anybody love me? Why didn't my sister love me better?...Why didn't my husband love me?....Why hasn't anybody come along to love me now?....On her deathbed,,,she was still soaked with bitterness, unavailable to the love all around her and above her...to her own undelivered love.
What I learn is that you must give your love and instantly the love you need will start coming; toward you, in fact it will have already arrived. You will know you are truly living your life in the breathing, pulsating web of love when you can celebrate its every instance. So whatever small, beautiful moments are given to you----and they are given to you constantly, gratis, for absolutely no reason--whatever the thousand little miracles that sustain you through every moment of your life, take note of them; let them have an impact on you.
POETRY: SHE OVERWHELMS MY THINKING
how do i tell you in a few words i love you
where do i begin to tell you how beautiful you are
you have shown me your love so true
no matter where you are, i'll never be too far
when you awake and don't see me
all you have to do is look in the mirror
with sleepy eyes it's hard to see
my love for you will reflect, nothing could be clearer
i found in you a lady who loves me without a doubt
by your side is where i want a lifetime to spend
our love has planted its seed and begun to sprout
thru thick and thin i'm here till the end
the most beautiful rainbow couldn't compare
you must have been sent to me from above
i see your beauty from within your heart, dear
i promise to shower you with all of my love
when i tell you you're beautiful, it's my heart's reflection
your love has shown me the true meaning of forever
with just a whisper you have my complete attention
nobody has loved me like you have...never
each day i awake and find you're not here
i close my eyes and picture the night before
i see my lady i will have a lifetime of love to share
seeing you there is like opening heaven's door
these are my thoughts as i imagine our beautiful scene
together we sit on the rocks near the creek
before me is a beauty and love i have never felt or seen
i reach my hand out and place it tenderly on your cheek
seeing myself in those beautiful green eyes
my baby blues tell you i love you with all my heart
as i look up i see a pair of doves fly by
like the air between their wings, we'll never part
reaching down i pick a beautiful purple flower
this flower was born from nature's care
it needs the sun and sprinkles from a shower
nature's true beauty is the only way our love could compare
our love flows steadily like the rambling stream
with each sunrise our love will begin
forever you are in my heart and dreams
my eyes open... i fall in love with you all over again
2
ife like warm summer nights,
softly touches my heart,
like fingertips upon my flesh,
love's a brand new start.
Glowing eyes gently caress,
my tender caring soul,
fire burns inside me deeply
the desire to give my all.
A breath, pulls me closer still
a kiss so fiercely strong,
spins my world into whirling colors,
where my lover does no wrong.
Defending me
for the right to be just me,
this was no mere chance meeting,
for we are born of destiny.
2
Before I knew you existed,
I was just me, no more, no less.
I only knew life from my point of view,
the view of a single man.
Before you, there were others
who caught my eye, made me look twice
But never did they make my heart race,
or feel this unending desire of love.
You taught me how to live, love and cherish
the simple things that bring joy.
Before, there were empty spaces in my heart
that are now filled with the reality of you,
the peace, that love brings to a soul.
Just the thought of you brings sunshine
to a rain filled day, a smile to my face.
I thank God in heaven, that you found me,
and I pray every night you keep me
close at heart and by your side,
for your love sustains me and keeps me warm
for now, and all eternity.
3
She is in my every dream
When comes the darkness of the night.
My head is filled with thoughts of her
In the brightness of morning's light.
She overwhelms my thinking
As I go through the day's routine.
She is all I could ever hope for -
Far more than just a Queen.
Without her, I am aimless.
With her I am whole...
For she is the Queen of my heart
And the Empress of my soul.
4
A twinkle in your eye, a laugh, or a tear,
you are the one I will always hold dear.
You have made me so happy~something I thought could never be,
when I look into the future, I see just you and me.
The touch of your hand, the kindness in your heart,
leads me to believe that things have only begun to start.
My love for you is so powerful, honest, and true,
sometimes I lie awake, just thinking about you.
So if you feel I will leave someday-I will never,
I will be with you now-until forever...
5
I will see you, not believe you
Wonder at the appearance of your face
Upon the horizon.
Your eyes, they glow, they frighten me,
I feel so sure that they are meant to devour,
But you, your hands, they reach out kindly,
And your smile is the sweetest I have ever seen.
Years have come and gone
And I have lived my life
Believing in the spiritual, the mystical
Believing in the impending arrival
Of a pair of eyes, an overwhelming mouth,
Gentling,
Open arms and an approaching soul.
And when you come,
As you have come,
I am breathless and pull away,
For I cannot believe you,
But I have always believed in you:
My savior has returned to me,
Long after I have given up hope,
Years after I have kept it close,
The hope that I will be saved.
Yet,
I do not want to be saved,
Yet I am eager and drowning
With the need to give up my faith
And accept the reality of
You.
You have come,
I am amazed to see you.
I am happy and afraid and sad to see you,
You are wide-eyed and joyful,
You frighten me with your laughter, and you
Thrill me,
You are so intent upon converting me
To a religion of the living you
From a religion of envisioning you.
But you are here,
And your burning eyes glow, like fire,
They sting like the stubborn wind in my own eyes;
Stroking me, you pull me close,
You hold me down, you enchain me?
Surrender!
But I am afraid to,
Do not want to,
Though I terribly long to,
Darling, hold me . . .
I have waited so long for you;
I am relieved and burdened still;
Your face in my hair,
Your fingers tracing the meaning of my features,
You have voyaged across life, across time,
Across this desert of life, and loneliness,
To me.
I have been walking a long harsh road as well,
I have learned to survive alone,
But I thirst to survive with you;
Welcome into my arms,
Darling;
My savior, I am awed and so comforted to see you;
Hold me, kiss me!
Remind me of the reasons I believed in you,
Believe in loving you,
Revive the new faith in me, pull it out, give it life!
Baptize me and reincarnate me . . .
Welcome, darling,
It is so good to finally know you,
So good to finally have you to love;
I am still so afraid that I will fail you,
That my imperfections will chase you away,
Send us both back on the thirsting voyage,
Alone.
But give me faith, and I'll give you mine;
Faith, in me, for me;
We will worship love together,
Let us keep faith in one another,
I will recognize all the flaws in you
And love you with them, for them, because of and in spite of them,
And you will do the same for me.
Welcome, Love,
I have been waiting, patiently, apprehensively,
For you.
6
I thought I had known Love
its twists and turns
its colors and shades
the way it dances
the way it shines
the way it heightens every sense
without taking over
I thought I'd been there
once or twice
been enthralled by its tastes and textures
been encased in its shimmer and sparkle
knew its light
felt its power
that added to and shaped my own
Until one day
a voice
a glance
a touch
and all I had known
was so much tarnished brass
compared to this golden light
Not my twin
a mirror image
but a compliment
Not a superior
or master
but an equal
Not my follower
nor me your slave
you are my best friend
The one I would give my life to
or for
I've felt my world
subtely shift into place
revealing filled corners
I never even knew existed
Imagine for a moment
this shining bit of Magic
at your fingertips
on your tongue
in your most secret heart of hearts
then you have the smallest glimpse
of what you are to me
7
Lust is when you love what you see. Love is when you lust for what is inside.
My fantasy has turned to madness. My goodness has turned to badness. My need to have you has taken my soul. My heart is trembling… I’ve lost control….
I'm not supposed to love you;
I'm not supposed to care.
I'm not supposed to live my life,
Wishing you were there.
I'm not supposed to wonder
Where you are or what you do,
I'm sorry I just can't help myself,
I fell in love with you!
Don't promise me the moon or the stars just promise me you'll stay under them with me.
What is love and what does it define.
Who’s to say and who’s to draw the line?
And within this world and all its fuss
Who’s to say if it’s love or a simple crush?
I looked her in the eye, looked down at her lips, moved closer to her and gave her a kiss
8
Always, you are in my
thoughts, thinking
In imagery when I
see you in another
Your shape, your movements,
your ways
Always, you are in my
dreams, my unconscious
wanderings
Always
I long for you, lust
for you
Want you at my place
Wherever that may be
Always
You are always there
My mirror, my meaning
I can't leave your mind
You are there
Perpetually
Always my love
9
The essence of your beauty makes my heart yearn,
yearn to draw near you: mentally, emotionally, physically,
and with my entire being. The radiance that emits from your
caramel complexion calls out to me, penetrating to
the innermost parts of my soul, out of which flows a searing
desire to utter words of affirmation, affirming
you as "WOMAN". Woman, perhaps, the most perfectly created being.
10
The sky has lost its color
My whole world turned gray…
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever your away.
A woman still remembers the first kiss long after the man has forgotten the last.
I sought for Love,
but Love ran away from me.
I sought my Soul,
but my Soul I couldn't see.
Then I sought You,
and I found all three.
The risk it takes to remain tight inside the bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom.
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
"I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally."
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
"Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition."
11
Her eyes like the sun,
hands like the wind.
She touches my soul,
I feel it within.
Softly breathing,
eyes shut tight,
You lay there dreaming,
In the stillness of the night.
I wonder where you came from,
with your angelic disposition.
I wonder why you're with me,
or are you just a figment of my imagination?
I pray every night
that I can keep you forever more,
until the ending of time
when God shuts the door.
What I'm trying to tell you,
you'll never hear,
for you're off drifting up
on a cloud in the air.
Softly breathing,
eyes shut tight,
You lay there dreaming,
in the stillness of the night.
12
I look into your eyes
I see love, You see love
we feel each others thoughts
I softly touch your face
I run my fingers through your hair
I smell your fragrance
the soft candle light reflects your beauty
you are an angel of grace
I pull you close
our lips touch...
we are gentle but passion begins to overcome
every thought of you races through me
you feel secure in my arms
our bodies touch
I feel the softness of your breasts
you feel my strength
our feelings and love are exposed
a thousand pleasures cannot replace this moment...
we are one
where do i begin to tell you how beautiful you are
you have shown me your love so true
no matter where you are, i'll never be too far
when you awake and don't see me
all you have to do is look in the mirror
with sleepy eyes it's hard to see
my love for you will reflect, nothing could be clearer
i found in you a lady who loves me without a doubt
by your side is where i want a lifetime to spend
our love has planted its seed and begun to sprout
thru thick and thin i'm here till the end
the most beautiful rainbow couldn't compare
you must have been sent to me from above
i see your beauty from within your heart, dear
i promise to shower you with all of my love
when i tell you you're beautiful, it's my heart's reflection
your love has shown me the true meaning of forever
with just a whisper you have my complete attention
nobody has loved me like you have...never
each day i awake and find you're not here
i close my eyes and picture the night before
i see my lady i will have a lifetime of love to share
seeing you there is like opening heaven's door
these are my thoughts as i imagine our beautiful scene
together we sit on the rocks near the creek
before me is a beauty and love i have never felt or seen
i reach my hand out and place it tenderly on your cheek
seeing myself in those beautiful green eyes
my baby blues tell you i love you with all my heart
as i look up i see a pair of doves fly by
like the air between their wings, we'll never part
reaching down i pick a beautiful purple flower
this flower was born from nature's care
it needs the sun and sprinkles from a shower
nature's true beauty is the only way our love could compare
our love flows steadily like the rambling stream
with each sunrise our love will begin
forever you are in my heart and dreams
my eyes open... i fall in love with you all over again
2
ife like warm summer nights,
softly touches my heart,
like fingertips upon my flesh,
love's a brand new start.
Glowing eyes gently caress,
my tender caring soul,
fire burns inside me deeply
the desire to give my all.
A breath, pulls me closer still
a kiss so fiercely strong,
spins my world into whirling colors,
where my lover does no wrong.
Defending me
for the right to be just me,
this was no mere chance meeting,
for we are born of destiny.
2
Before I knew you existed,
I was just me, no more, no less.
I only knew life from my point of view,
the view of a single man.
Before you, there were others
who caught my eye, made me look twice
But never did they make my heart race,
or feel this unending desire of love.
You taught me how to live, love and cherish
the simple things that bring joy.
Before, there were empty spaces in my heart
that are now filled with the reality of you,
the peace, that love brings to a soul.
Just the thought of you brings sunshine
to a rain filled day, a smile to my face.
I thank God in heaven, that you found me,
and I pray every night you keep me
close at heart and by your side,
for your love sustains me and keeps me warm
for now, and all eternity.
3
She is in my every dream
When comes the darkness of the night.
My head is filled with thoughts of her
In the brightness of morning's light.
She overwhelms my thinking
As I go through the day's routine.
She is all I could ever hope for -
Far more than just a Queen.
Without her, I am aimless.
With her I am whole...
For she is the Queen of my heart
And the Empress of my soul.
4
A twinkle in your eye, a laugh, or a tear,
you are the one I will always hold dear.
You have made me so happy~something I thought could never be,
when I look into the future, I see just you and me.
The touch of your hand, the kindness in your heart,
leads me to believe that things have only begun to start.
My love for you is so powerful, honest, and true,
sometimes I lie awake, just thinking about you.
So if you feel I will leave someday-I will never,
I will be with you now-until forever...
5
I will see you, not believe you
Wonder at the appearance of your face
Upon the horizon.
Your eyes, they glow, they frighten me,
I feel so sure that they are meant to devour,
But you, your hands, they reach out kindly,
And your smile is the sweetest I have ever seen.
Years have come and gone
And I have lived my life
Believing in the spiritual, the mystical
Believing in the impending arrival
Of a pair of eyes, an overwhelming mouth,
Gentling,
Open arms and an approaching soul.
And when you come,
As you have come,
I am breathless and pull away,
For I cannot believe you,
But I have always believed in you:
My savior has returned to me,
Long after I have given up hope,
Years after I have kept it close,
The hope that I will be saved.
Yet,
I do not want to be saved,
Yet I am eager and drowning
With the need to give up my faith
And accept the reality of
You.
You have come,
I am amazed to see you.
I am happy and afraid and sad to see you,
You are wide-eyed and joyful,
You frighten me with your laughter, and you
Thrill me,
You are so intent upon converting me
To a religion of the living you
From a religion of envisioning you.
But you are here,
And your burning eyes glow, like fire,
They sting like the stubborn wind in my own eyes;
Stroking me, you pull me close,
You hold me down, you enchain me?
Surrender!
But I am afraid to,
Do not want to,
Though I terribly long to,
Darling, hold me . . .
I have waited so long for you;
I am relieved and burdened still;
Your face in my hair,
Your fingers tracing the meaning of my features,
You have voyaged across life, across time,
Across this desert of life, and loneliness,
To me.
I have been walking a long harsh road as well,
I have learned to survive alone,
But I thirst to survive with you;
Welcome into my arms,
Darling;
My savior, I am awed and so comforted to see you;
Hold me, kiss me!
Remind me of the reasons I believed in you,
Believe in loving you,
Revive the new faith in me, pull it out, give it life!
Baptize me and reincarnate me . . .
Welcome, darling,
It is so good to finally know you,
So good to finally have you to love;
I am still so afraid that I will fail you,
That my imperfections will chase you away,
Send us both back on the thirsting voyage,
Alone.
But give me faith, and I'll give you mine;
Faith, in me, for me;
We will worship love together,
Let us keep faith in one another,
I will recognize all the flaws in you
And love you with them, for them, because of and in spite of them,
And you will do the same for me.
Welcome, Love,
I have been waiting, patiently, apprehensively,
For you.
6
I thought I had known Love
its twists and turns
its colors and shades
the way it dances
the way it shines
the way it heightens every sense
without taking over
I thought I'd been there
once or twice
been enthralled by its tastes and textures
been encased in its shimmer and sparkle
knew its light
felt its power
that added to and shaped my own
Until one day
a voice
a glance
a touch
and all I had known
was so much tarnished brass
compared to this golden light
Not my twin
a mirror image
but a compliment
Not a superior
or master
but an equal
Not my follower
nor me your slave
you are my best friend
The one I would give my life to
or for
I've felt my world
subtely shift into place
revealing filled corners
I never even knew existed
Imagine for a moment
this shining bit of Magic
at your fingertips
on your tongue
in your most secret heart of hearts
then you have the smallest glimpse
of what you are to me
7
Lust is when you love what you see. Love is when you lust for what is inside.
My fantasy has turned to madness. My goodness has turned to badness. My need to have you has taken my soul. My heart is trembling… I’ve lost control….
I'm not supposed to love you;
I'm not supposed to care.
I'm not supposed to live my life,
Wishing you were there.
I'm not supposed to wonder
Where you are or what you do,
I'm sorry I just can't help myself,
I fell in love with you!
Don't promise me the moon or the stars just promise me you'll stay under them with me.
What is love and what does it define.
Who’s to say and who’s to draw the line?
And within this world and all its fuss
Who’s to say if it’s love or a simple crush?
I looked her in the eye, looked down at her lips, moved closer to her and gave her a kiss
8
Always, you are in my
thoughts, thinking
In imagery when I
see you in another
Your shape, your movements,
your ways
Always, you are in my
dreams, my unconscious
wanderings
Always
I long for you, lust
for you
Want you at my place
Wherever that may be
Always
You are always there
My mirror, my meaning
I can't leave your mind
You are there
Perpetually
Always my love
9
The essence of your beauty makes my heart yearn,
yearn to draw near you: mentally, emotionally, physically,
and with my entire being. The radiance that emits from your
caramel complexion calls out to me, penetrating to
the innermost parts of my soul, out of which flows a searing
desire to utter words of affirmation, affirming
you as "WOMAN". Woman, perhaps, the most perfectly created being.
10
The sky has lost its color
My whole world turned gray…
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever your away.
A woman still remembers the first kiss long after the man has forgotten the last.
I sought for Love,
but Love ran away from me.
I sought my Soul,
but my Soul I couldn't see.
Then I sought You,
and I found all three.
The risk it takes to remain tight inside the bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom.
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
"I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally."
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
"Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition."
11
Her eyes like the sun,
hands like the wind.
She touches my soul,
I feel it within.
Softly breathing,
eyes shut tight,
You lay there dreaming,
In the stillness of the night.
I wonder where you came from,
with your angelic disposition.
I wonder why you're with me,
or are you just a figment of my imagination?
I pray every night
that I can keep you forever more,
until the ending of time
when God shuts the door.
What I'm trying to tell you,
you'll never hear,
for you're off drifting up
on a cloud in the air.
Softly breathing,
eyes shut tight,
You lay there dreaming,
in the stillness of the night.
12
I look into your eyes
I see love, You see love
we feel each others thoughts
I softly touch your face
I run my fingers through your hair
I smell your fragrance
the soft candle light reflects your beauty
you are an angel of grace
I pull you close
our lips touch...
we are gentle but passion begins to overcome
every thought of you races through me
you feel secure in my arms
our bodies touch
I feel the softness of your breasts
you feel my strength
our feelings and love are exposed
a thousand pleasures cannot replace this moment...
we are one
LOVE LETTER
Peacefully I will await the quiet stillness of the night. For it is at that time that you will come to me. You will lay your head down upon the pillow that rests beside mine. Pulling me into your arms as you were. There I feel safe and secure,never to know of all the cruelties of the outside world.
I will embrace this moment as if this would be our last time together.Whispers of passion lay upon our lips as well as on our fingertips. The music that we will hear will ever so faintly be heard. Our hearts join together to make the perfect melody.
The warmth of your body will ignite a flame that cannot be put out. We will know a peace we have never known before. Our bodies become one single entity, no beginning, no ending. Every breath you take is in unison with mine. Never again will I know the cold loneliness of an empty heart.
The gentle sweetness of your lips will linger on my lips. The smell of your body awakens my senses. Together we will fade into the most joyous slumber we have ever known. In the morning light I will open my eyes and you will be gone, but I will not despair. For you will return to me in the quiet stillness of the night, as you do every night... in my dreams.
I will embrace this moment as if this would be our last time together.Whispers of passion lay upon our lips as well as on our fingertips. The music that we will hear will ever so faintly be heard. Our hearts join together to make the perfect melody.
The warmth of your body will ignite a flame that cannot be put out. We will know a peace we have never known before. Our bodies become one single entity, no beginning, no ending. Every breath you take is in unison with mine. Never again will I know the cold loneliness of an empty heart.
The gentle sweetness of your lips will linger on my lips. The smell of your body awakens my senses. Together we will fade into the most joyous slumber we have ever known. In the morning light I will open my eyes and you will be gone, but I will not despair. For you will return to me in the quiet stillness of the night, as you do every night... in my dreams.
SPIRITUAL: WHAT THE WORLD IS TRYING TO DO TO US
Our ego is in us...we are in the self. Ego is visible in our personality and bears our name. The Self is the soul. You know how the ego sounds like....
-I insist on getting my own way most of the time
-I demand that I highly appreciated for every good deed
- I have to be excused for every misdeed, denying or justifying my misbehavior and canceling any need for amends.
-I cannot criticized or even give feedback without becoming defensive
-I believe I am entitled to an exemption from the conditions of ordinary existence.
-I demand love, respect, and loyalty....no matter what
-I cannot show that I need others or that I am dependent on them in any way.
There is no peace when the ego rules. ....it is aggressive because of its me first attitude, and its retaliatory, punitive flavor. The essence for the ego is the terror of having face the conditions of existence without control over them or entitlement to exemption from them.
Love is behind our fear all the while, waiting for its chance to scale the wall then to sift through us to everyone else. Don't you see that people and events that challenge and deflate our ego are assisting forces on our journey to life. When Joanne, Melissa, and Maria.. who broke my heart, the friend who cheated with my girlfriend, the teacher who showed me how much I needed to learn.....all have been players in the touching drama of my uphill liberation from ego. Each helped me by giving me the opportunity and vulnerability..to open my heart. Life let's us know when to hold and let go. And when we finally accept the truth...the reality...there is something sane and awake in us that is shut off when we are struggling through our dramas and holding our ego position in them.
You must realize that in our own lives...how people and events keep coming alond to depose our ego's arrogance, to show us how little control we really are, to strip us of our imaginary entitlement, to disrupt our best laid schemes...like hoping my Ebay stock would hit 41 ALL OF IT....helps us to become more realistic about our limitations. There is an energy within ourselves and within the universe that humbles us, topples our ego, upsets our plans, demonstrates to us how little our wishes matters, and dissolves the forms that no longer serve us though we may be clinging to them for dear life.
The trickster in relationships is that woman who betrayed you, the partner who used you, the person who took your money...in each instance, someone, something, or some events turned your life upside down or showed you how VULNERABLE you were, how YOU WERE NOT ALL YOU CRACKED YOURSELF UP TO BE.
We contain...both arrogance and humility. The soul want to reconcile these polarities. Selfish people may be forced by crisis to be selfish, macho man may be forced to be tender. Big shots may be forced to knuckle under. The dismantling of ego. We are broken up, we are forced to let go. Through such symbolic death we are reborn. The whole events is like a rope trick in which the body ascends, falls to the ground in pieces, and is reassembled.
WE DON'T HAVE TO STRUGGLE TO BE FREE.....ABSENCE OF STRUGGLE IS FREEDOM.
-I insist on getting my own way most of the time
-I demand that I highly appreciated for every good deed
- I have to be excused for every misdeed, denying or justifying my misbehavior and canceling any need for amends.
-I cannot criticized or even give feedback without becoming defensive
-I believe I am entitled to an exemption from the conditions of ordinary existence.
-I demand love, respect, and loyalty....no matter what
-I cannot show that I need others or that I am dependent on them in any way.
There is no peace when the ego rules. ....it is aggressive because of its me first attitude, and its retaliatory, punitive flavor. The essence for the ego is the terror of having face the conditions of existence without control over them or entitlement to exemption from them.
Love is behind our fear all the while, waiting for its chance to scale the wall then to sift through us to everyone else. Don't you see that people and events that challenge and deflate our ego are assisting forces on our journey to life. When Joanne, Melissa, and Maria.. who broke my heart, the friend who cheated with my girlfriend, the teacher who showed me how much I needed to learn.....all have been players in the touching drama of my uphill liberation from ego. Each helped me by giving me the opportunity and vulnerability..to open my heart. Life let's us know when to hold and let go. And when we finally accept the truth...the reality...there is something sane and awake in us that is shut off when we are struggling through our dramas and holding our ego position in them.
You must realize that in our own lives...how people and events keep coming alond to depose our ego's arrogance, to show us how little control we really are, to strip us of our imaginary entitlement, to disrupt our best laid schemes...like hoping my Ebay stock would hit 41 ALL OF IT....helps us to become more realistic about our limitations. There is an energy within ourselves and within the universe that humbles us, topples our ego, upsets our plans, demonstrates to us how little our wishes matters, and dissolves the forms that no longer serve us though we may be clinging to them for dear life.
The trickster in relationships is that woman who betrayed you, the partner who used you, the person who took your money...in each instance, someone, something, or some events turned your life upside down or showed you how VULNERABLE you were, how YOU WERE NOT ALL YOU CRACKED YOURSELF UP TO BE.
We contain...both arrogance and humility. The soul want to reconcile these polarities. Selfish people may be forced by crisis to be selfish, macho man may be forced to be tender. Big shots may be forced to knuckle under. The dismantling of ego. We are broken up, we are forced to let go. Through such symbolic death we are reborn. The whole events is like a rope trick in which the body ascends, falls to the ground in pieces, and is reassembled.
WE DON'T HAVE TO STRUGGLE TO BE FREE.....ABSENCE OF STRUGGLE IS FREEDOM.
LOVE LETTER: DEAREST LOVE
Dearest love
Where are you? I have not heard from you at all. I thought I found you once, but unfortunately it was a case of mistaken identity. For so long I've been waiting, waiting here at the door to my heart, waiting to let you in. But the path to here has overgrown with shrubs, bushes and weeds of hurt, deception, betrayal and mistrust. I have done my best to help clear it, but yet you still haven't found the path.... And I don't know why...
No light shines here, no birds sing, no rosy smells have my senses perceived... Its so quiet here and its cold, dark and damp.
Where are you? Why haven't you come?
When I first came here there were rose bushes and apple trees, there were birds chirping and I could smell the sea and I could the hear the waves crashing against the rocks. Now I hear nothing, I smell nothing, I see nothing.. And I fear... I am beginning to feel nothing.
I use to see the rainbow every morning when I woke, but the rainbow is gone... The sun always shone here, but the sun is gone... I would always smell the sweetest scents, but the aromas are now gone... I use to feel the breeze against my skin, but the breeze has turned into a strong gust of wind that chills me every time it blows....
Sweetheart where are you? Why haven't you come?
I am alone here. And its getting colder. The heater is not working anymore, the blankets have worn thin and the walls are now bare. I don't know how much longer the house will stand, I fear it will be taken, re-possessed by despair and desolation. Smiles, laughter and simulated true happiness is not enough to keep the walls from finally crumbling...
But....
I know where you are, I know why you haven't come...
You haven't found the map to here yet, have you? And I know you not going to. The map was destroyed.. a long time ago... And I know, you are not prepared to take the journey to here without a map.
I know you wont be here, I know you wont come...
I will have to see what I can do, to keep the house from falling... I will have to see what I can do, now that I know you not coming...
I would have liked you to be here, I would have liked you to come...
Today.. I realized that life is too short to be afraid of what I'm feeling...or to let my fears of being hurt again overwhelm me.. today I realized that sometimes you have to let yourself relax and feel your emotions..even if you know they have the power to rip your heart from your chest. I realized that in order to truly love someone, you have to give that person the power to break your heart.. Trust...I realized that no matter whom I meet,that person has a past and that it is over for a reason. I can't change the past I have to accept it, as I know you'll do the same for me.I realized that the opportunity to love like this may only come along once, and that I might kick myself later if I don't at least give myself the chance to feel it. I realized that ONE woman can look into my eyes with a certainty that makes me understand for the first time in my life what the word "FOREVER" really means.I realized that all my dreams were for a reason, and that reason ,is you. I realized that what i have found is not luck, but, fate or destiny. I thought for the first time in my life that if for some reason this couldn't work out that it would have been worth it to know you and love you and create memories, you have made a profound impact on my life.I realized that God has been real to me in many ways, but, he took all these years to create the perfect woman for me to share my life with.. I realized that my days here on Earth are numbered.. I can't be sure how many are left... 2,20,200,2000 or more,but, I realized that I do not want one of those days to be without you beside me
Where are you? I have not heard from you at all. I thought I found you once, but unfortunately it was a case of mistaken identity. For so long I've been waiting, waiting here at the door to my heart, waiting to let you in. But the path to here has overgrown with shrubs, bushes and weeds of hurt, deception, betrayal and mistrust. I have done my best to help clear it, but yet you still haven't found the path.... And I don't know why...
No light shines here, no birds sing, no rosy smells have my senses perceived... Its so quiet here and its cold, dark and damp.
Where are you? Why haven't you come?
When I first came here there were rose bushes and apple trees, there were birds chirping and I could smell the sea and I could the hear the waves crashing against the rocks. Now I hear nothing, I smell nothing, I see nothing.. And I fear... I am beginning to feel nothing.
I use to see the rainbow every morning when I woke, but the rainbow is gone... The sun always shone here, but the sun is gone... I would always smell the sweetest scents, but the aromas are now gone... I use to feel the breeze against my skin, but the breeze has turned into a strong gust of wind that chills me every time it blows....
Sweetheart where are you? Why haven't you come?
I am alone here. And its getting colder. The heater is not working anymore, the blankets have worn thin and the walls are now bare. I don't know how much longer the house will stand, I fear it will be taken, re-possessed by despair and desolation. Smiles, laughter and simulated true happiness is not enough to keep the walls from finally crumbling...
But....
I know where you are, I know why you haven't come...
You haven't found the map to here yet, have you? And I know you not going to. The map was destroyed.. a long time ago... And I know, you are not prepared to take the journey to here without a map.
I know you wont be here, I know you wont come...
I will have to see what I can do, to keep the house from falling... I will have to see what I can do, now that I know you not coming...
I would have liked you to be here, I would have liked you to come...
Today.. I realized that life is too short to be afraid of what I'm feeling...or to let my fears of being hurt again overwhelm me.. today I realized that sometimes you have to let yourself relax and feel your emotions..even if you know they have the power to rip your heart from your chest. I realized that in order to truly love someone, you have to give that person the power to break your heart.. Trust...I realized that no matter whom I meet,that person has a past and that it is over for a reason. I can't change the past I have to accept it, as I know you'll do the same for me.I realized that the opportunity to love like this may only come along once, and that I might kick myself later if I don't at least give myself the chance to feel it. I realized that ONE woman can look into my eyes with a certainty that makes me understand for the first time in my life what the word "FOREVER" really means.I realized that all my dreams were for a reason, and that reason ,is you. I realized that what i have found is not luck, but, fate or destiny. I thought for the first time in my life that if for some reason this couldn't work out that it would have been worth it to know you and love you and create memories, you have made a profound impact on my life.I realized that God has been real to me in many ways, but, he took all these years to create the perfect woman for me to share my life with.. I realized that my days here on Earth are numbered.. I can't be sure how many are left... 2,20,200,2000 or more,but, I realized that I do not want one of those days to be without you beside me
POETRY: LEAVING FOOTPRINTS ON MY SOUL
In my realm of fantasy,
Where my most impossible wishes come true
I looked to the stars and wished
And then came you
You descended with grace
With a beautiful smile on your face
You came with love
And wings like a dove
You showered me with affection
And I vowed to be your protection
--- Shielding you from harm
I will hold you in my arms
OH how I wished this could be
But I know tomorrow I?ll wake to see?
2
Every night my spirit soars high
Into the shimmering, celestial night sky
Gliding past other spirits looking for love
Who anxiously gaze down from above
Searching frantically for the guiding light
That seeks them in the lonely night
I drift over the hills and valleys
Through the dark streets and alleys
Past the destitute and forlorn
Who silently await the grace of dawn
Hoping that it brings them happiness
And rescues them from this loneliness
From the distant astral plains
That are illuminated by comets' manes
I hear you calling out my name
As I instinctively do the same
I see your love's glowing aura
Looking prettier than any flora
As our two souls gently collide
I feel your warmth deep inside
Penetrating every atom of existence
Whilst my spirit offers no resistance
Until our two loving souls unite
Glowing like the moon, Oh, so bright
While we dance amongst the stars
Under the shadows of Venus and Mars
All our worries seem so far away
As we enjoy our nocturnal play
Hoping the sun will never rise
To end our romance in the skies
Just like Orpheus and Eurydice
Journeying across the savage sea
With love being their only guide
As they drift perilously with the tide
Hoping they will safely return
To once again let their passions burn
Our love will always keep us together
And it will certainly last forever
The oppressive tyranny of time and distance
Shall never make a difference
Provided we stay in each other's heart
No force will ever keep us apart
3
When I awoke this morning,
I saw a single sunflower
Standing in a sea of green summer rice.
Its round, happy blossom reminded me of your face.
Your face, which brings me so much joy.
Your face, that expresses the sweet kindness of your heart.
Your face, whose lips speak such perfect words of comfort to my aging soul.
Your face, so kind, yet so full of
Understanding, awareness, and sensitivity.
This morning I saw a single sunflower
Standing in the bright sunlight,
And I experienced you in my heart.
4
You are a reflection of me
When I look at you
I feel like I am staring at myself in the mirror
How can two people be so much alike
Maybe that is why we are together
Do I need to look much further
Or are you the one
Are you my soulmate
Right now I could close my eyes
And picture you dreaming the night away
Oh how I wish I was laying right next to you
So I can feel you breathe on my skin
And kiss you with my lips
When will I see you again
When will you embrace me in your arms
And tell me how much you missed me
When will I hear the whispers of your voice that drive me crazy
5
Every night, I sleep to see you.
When I do, I wonder if
it's a dream or reality.
Most would say a dream is
fantasy but it's different
to you and me.
A dream is the only place
we could meet.
In our dreams we could go
beyond the reality and fantasy.
I long to dream of you,
to see you, to talk to you,
to touch you.
Seeing you always is a surprise
and a present which is
better than a birthday gift.
This gift is precious knowing
that you would be there
for me every step of the
way and through every trouble.
Your words are innocent, true
and may seem a bit naive
till I know what it
actually means.
Your love will never be forgotten.
And will always be in
the heart.
But, when will I see you again?
I've waited from secs, minutes,
hours, days
to see you.
I want to be able to
see you every day...
I'm waiting to see you again...
And I'm willing to wait
forever..
6
Those who are not I
Cannot fathom the depths my heart knows.
The whole, it's entirety is owned by one
She is the one
For me, destined by an external being.
To me she came that fateful day
And just happened to look my way.
The moment I saw her I then knew
That I was hers and she was mine.
Nothing compares to looking in her eyes
Touching her face, Or being in her embrace
This I want for all time to be
For I'm nothing without her, and she without me
7
As he kneels to her every desire she wonders
if this was her final destiny?
What about the one that went away? Was he the one who held the key?
What if god made a big mistake? He doesn't feel like her true soul mate!
Is he her wrong prince charming? How can she love him with her mind
still wondering? Her heart is longing for the one she lost.
As he tries to make all her dreams come true, she hides her tears
as she whispers "I Love You Too".
Why can't her heart feel complete bliss? Why was he the one
who held that special kiss? She doesn't want to feel empty like this!
Was it a mistake to marry him? She wonders every night what might
have been.
Where did the one she fell in love with go? If only she could go back
and change the past she would have made his love for her last,
and forgive and forget the pain he once caused.
He is not the prince charming she wanted him to be,
he is only her husband, but not her final destiny.
The one who knew all, her secrets and fears is now gone forever
and she bears these lonely tears. Happily Ever After is not
at all what it seemed, but maybe this was part of god's little scheme.
Why did it all have to disappear? Her heart is still aching
her mind isn't clear. Where did he go? Where could he be?
The one she truly loved her Final Destiny
8
I look into your eyes
Can I believe what I see?
Why do I go to you blindly?
I love you
But I am afraid
Afraid of what might happen
Afraid of my life without you
My life without your love
Would you ever hurt me?
Without realizing what you have done
Without thinking of me?
Why do I trust you so much?
Yet fear what you may do?
When we say goodbye
I have doubt
But I know
You love me
And I trust you
I don't know why
But I do
9
You are a work of art
that touches me deep in my heart
Your beauty blends
--transends
radiates through your a beautiful complexion
that it gives my heart ressurection
You may not appear to be a lot
but you put my heart deep into thought
for you are rare like a third shoe in a pair
and there is nothing to compare
to how I feel about you in my heart
because you are a work of art
You are a work of art
that will never go sour or tart
you are the one who made me believe
that true beauty can be achieved
I admire your every detail--
all your rich colors from bold to pale
I admire your beautiful scenery
for it is beauty that can't be made with any machinery
The way you came about will always be a mystery
but you will always be remebered in my heart as important history
Your image will never retire
because you are something I will always admire
for your beauty will never depart
because you are a work of art
10
Here eyes are the pale brown leave on a faded postcard. Her skin is luminous and her face seem to give off light from some internal source. Her feature are perfectly symmetrical. Her beauty stands out even in a crowd of superhuman chic people, because she's not wearing that much make-up and she obviously doesn't give a dam about fashion. I try to stop myself from staring but no one else in the street seem to have even noticed her arrival
11
Sometimes You feel
a million miles away...
but I go on loving you
and when the world is gone
and I am gone
and all the birds,
grass, trees and air
are gone
The universe itself
will testify that I loved...
That I love you.
12
I close my eyes and think of you
You used to be a stranger I hardly knew
Ever since I've known you, I've been in a daze
You've got me going crazy, this time I'm not afraid
You wiped away my tears, like no other has done
You touched me the right way, you didn't want to rush
As our lips touched and our bodies came close
I saw us together, never wanting to let go
Who'd ever think I'd fall this hard?
You've opened my eyes, a walking angel you are
I want to be with you because you set me free
You have shown there's alot inside of me
I feel I need you, like you're the one for me
Leaving footprints on my soul, an everlasting peace
Where my most impossible wishes come true
I looked to the stars and wished
And then came you
You descended with grace
With a beautiful smile on your face
You came with love
And wings like a dove
You showered me with affection
And I vowed to be your protection
--- Shielding you from harm
I will hold you in my arms
OH how I wished this could be
But I know tomorrow I?ll wake to see?
2
Every night my spirit soars high
Into the shimmering, celestial night sky
Gliding past other spirits looking for love
Who anxiously gaze down from above
Searching frantically for the guiding light
That seeks them in the lonely night
I drift over the hills and valleys
Through the dark streets and alleys
Past the destitute and forlorn
Who silently await the grace of dawn
Hoping that it brings them happiness
And rescues them from this loneliness
From the distant astral plains
That are illuminated by comets' manes
I hear you calling out my name
As I instinctively do the same
I see your love's glowing aura
Looking prettier than any flora
As our two souls gently collide
I feel your warmth deep inside
Penetrating every atom of existence
Whilst my spirit offers no resistance
Until our two loving souls unite
Glowing like the moon, Oh, so bright
While we dance amongst the stars
Under the shadows of Venus and Mars
All our worries seem so far away
As we enjoy our nocturnal play
Hoping the sun will never rise
To end our romance in the skies
Just like Orpheus and Eurydice
Journeying across the savage sea
With love being their only guide
As they drift perilously with the tide
Hoping they will safely return
To once again let their passions burn
Our love will always keep us together
And it will certainly last forever
The oppressive tyranny of time and distance
Shall never make a difference
Provided we stay in each other's heart
No force will ever keep us apart
3
When I awoke this morning,
I saw a single sunflower
Standing in a sea of green summer rice.
Its round, happy blossom reminded me of your face.
Your face, which brings me so much joy.
Your face, that expresses the sweet kindness of your heart.
Your face, whose lips speak such perfect words of comfort to my aging soul.
Your face, so kind, yet so full of
Understanding, awareness, and sensitivity.
This morning I saw a single sunflower
Standing in the bright sunlight,
And I experienced you in my heart.
4
You are a reflection of me
When I look at you
I feel like I am staring at myself in the mirror
How can two people be so much alike
Maybe that is why we are together
Do I need to look much further
Or are you the one
Are you my soulmate
Right now I could close my eyes
And picture you dreaming the night away
Oh how I wish I was laying right next to you
So I can feel you breathe on my skin
And kiss you with my lips
When will I see you again
When will you embrace me in your arms
And tell me how much you missed me
When will I hear the whispers of your voice that drive me crazy
5
Every night, I sleep to see you.
When I do, I wonder if
it's a dream or reality.
Most would say a dream is
fantasy but it's different
to you and me.
A dream is the only place
we could meet.
In our dreams we could go
beyond the reality and fantasy.
I long to dream of you,
to see you, to talk to you,
to touch you.
Seeing you always is a surprise
and a present which is
better than a birthday gift.
This gift is precious knowing
that you would be there
for me every step of the
way and through every trouble.
Your words are innocent, true
and may seem a bit naive
till I know what it
actually means.
Your love will never be forgotten.
And will always be in
the heart.
But, when will I see you again?
I've waited from secs, minutes,
hours, days
to see you.
I want to be able to
see you every day...
I'm waiting to see you again...
And I'm willing to wait
forever..
6
Those who are not I
Cannot fathom the depths my heart knows.
The whole, it's entirety is owned by one
She is the one
For me, destined by an external being.
To me she came that fateful day
And just happened to look my way.
The moment I saw her I then knew
That I was hers and she was mine.
Nothing compares to looking in her eyes
Touching her face, Or being in her embrace
This I want for all time to be
For I'm nothing without her, and she without me
7
As he kneels to her every desire she wonders
if this was her final destiny?
What about the one that went away? Was he the one who held the key?
What if god made a big mistake? He doesn't feel like her true soul mate!
Is he her wrong prince charming? How can she love him with her mind
still wondering? Her heart is longing for the one she lost.
As he tries to make all her dreams come true, she hides her tears
as she whispers "I Love You Too".
Why can't her heart feel complete bliss? Why was he the one
who held that special kiss? She doesn't want to feel empty like this!
Was it a mistake to marry him? She wonders every night what might
have been.
Where did the one she fell in love with go? If only she could go back
and change the past she would have made his love for her last,
and forgive and forget the pain he once caused.
He is not the prince charming she wanted him to be,
he is only her husband, but not her final destiny.
The one who knew all, her secrets and fears is now gone forever
and she bears these lonely tears. Happily Ever After is not
at all what it seemed, but maybe this was part of god's little scheme.
Why did it all have to disappear? Her heart is still aching
her mind isn't clear. Where did he go? Where could he be?
The one she truly loved her Final Destiny
8
I look into your eyes
Can I believe what I see?
Why do I go to you blindly?
I love you
But I am afraid
Afraid of what might happen
Afraid of my life without you
My life without your love
Would you ever hurt me?
Without realizing what you have done
Without thinking of me?
Why do I trust you so much?
Yet fear what you may do?
When we say goodbye
I have doubt
But I know
You love me
And I trust you
I don't know why
But I do
9
You are a work of art
that touches me deep in my heart
Your beauty blends
--transends
radiates through your a beautiful complexion
that it gives my heart ressurection
You may not appear to be a lot
but you put my heart deep into thought
for you are rare like a third shoe in a pair
and there is nothing to compare
to how I feel about you in my heart
because you are a work of art
You are a work of art
that will never go sour or tart
you are the one who made me believe
that true beauty can be achieved
I admire your every detail--
all your rich colors from bold to pale
I admire your beautiful scenery
for it is beauty that can't be made with any machinery
The way you came about will always be a mystery
but you will always be remebered in my heart as important history
Your image will never retire
because you are something I will always admire
for your beauty will never depart
because you are a work of art
10
Here eyes are the pale brown leave on a faded postcard. Her skin is luminous and her face seem to give off light from some internal source. Her feature are perfectly symmetrical. Her beauty stands out even in a crowd of superhuman chic people, because she's not wearing that much make-up and she obviously doesn't give a dam about fashion. I try to stop myself from staring but no one else in the street seem to have even noticed her arrival
11
Sometimes You feel
a million miles away...
but I go on loving you
and when the world is gone
and I am gone
and all the birds,
grass, trees and air
are gone
The universe itself
will testify that I loved...
That I love you.
12
I close my eyes and think of you
You used to be a stranger I hardly knew
Ever since I've known you, I've been in a daze
You've got me going crazy, this time I'm not afraid
You wiped away my tears, like no other has done
You touched me the right way, you didn't want to rush
As our lips touched and our bodies came close
I saw us together, never wanting to let go
Who'd ever think I'd fall this hard?
You've opened my eyes, a walking angel you are
I want to be with you because you set me free
You have shown there's alot inside of me
I feel I need you, like you're the one for me
Leaving footprints on my soul, an everlasting peace
LOVE LETTER
I imagined that we were both lay asleep in each others arms, I wake and see you there and feel your presence. I gently reach across while you are still sleeping and softly touch the hair on your arm as you lay on your side, stroking the soft down. My touch is almost imperceptible like a whisper of an angel’s wing. I move closer so I can feel your breath on my face, your even breathing is somewhat soothing to me as I feel the proximity almost too much to bear. I can feel the fine hair on our bodies touching I am acutely aware of the sensation that each hair is causing me, like small electric currents passing through me. I want to look at you for a while before you awake watch how your eyes flicker as some image passes through your mind. I want to ponder all the thoughts that might be stored there inside your head, wonder what is making you tick, how you feel.
I watch your lips move silently speaking to a ghost in your head and I feel an incredible urge to touch your lips with mine. Taste those words, see if by putting them onto my lips I will know what you said. I move closer, I wet my lips with my tongue, then I gently let my tongue pass over your lips tasting the smooth surface that is dry. Ever so softly my tongue traces the curve of your lips, I memorise the taste and sensation but do not feel my curiosity sated. I linger here swallowing your breath feeling like I exist because only on what you exhale, feeling a part of you. I let my fingers stroke your hair; luxuriate in the caress on my fingertips. My every sense feels heightened and my heart beat seems to be drumming a tattoo in my chest. I wonder why you can’t hear it. I can feel the blood pumping through my body causing almost a pain as it forces my awareness to the ache in me, the need to feel even closer to you.
I think you sense my intensity, for slowly your eyes open, quickly becoming re accustomed with your surroundings. I see the look in your eyes change as the memories come flooding back, we look deeply into each other and you smile, I see all that you feel there in the depths of your eyes, some confusion, some fear and something more. I feel your hand stroke my cheek; your thumb glides over my brow tracing the curve of my face. I nestle into your hand feeling feline and purring as the touch is soothing me, your thumb traces my lips and as it slides across the surface my tongue gently slips out and tastes it. A fire seems to have ignited in the back of your eyes; you gently place your lips where your thumb had been.
You kiss me, tentatively at first as if you’re reminding your lips of who I am and then.………Our tongues touch, I shudder at the sensation that ripples through my body, as yours explores the inside of my mouth. All the time your fingers are stroking my face and neck, learning me as if I am a book written in Braille. The kiss intensifies causing an almost primal reaction in us; my arms are wrapped around your back, stroking the smooth surface. One hand moves up around the back of your neck, holding your head against mine. Your two hands hold my face in yours as you move above me, conscious of your weight on my arm.
Our breathing is ragged, but you are slow, taking such exquisite pain in your exploration of me. I gasp as your kisses move to my neck and shoulders, I am extremely sensitive there and you smile knowingly like you have just been told a secret. You stay there licking and tasting my neck, I feel I am losing consciousness as the pleasure becomes more intense almost unbearable.
You lift my arms above my head and gently slide your fingers down the inside of my arms, while your mouth moves again to mine plundering the inside with your tongue. I feel dizzy, breathless; I can not focus on a single thought. All my awareness is concentrated on the pain that is such pleasure, on a need to have more but my consciousness cannot solidify an objective. I just want more of what it is I am feeling, of the sensations coursing through my body forcing me to jerk uncontrollably. To arch and writhe as if dancing to some mysterious beat.
Your mouth leaves mine and again begins a journey of kisses, that feel like multiple electric shocks, jarring every nerve into my consciousness.I am lying beneath you, and you are gently kissing a fiery path from my neck and shoulders down to my breasts. My arms are stretched above my head where you placed them my breathing is ragged and I can not hold a coherent thought in my head. I am only acutely aware of the sensations, your mouth upon my skin causes.
As your mouth reaches my breast you slide one arm down my body tentatively tracing the path your lips made, I can feel your warm breath whispering against my flesh. Goosebumps emerge as if called to attention and somewhere in the periphery of my mind there is knowledge, of each one. I want to rush you, push you into feasting hungrily and satisfying my craving with your gluttony of me, but I cannot move I have become paralysed with all that I am experiencing.
There is a place, I was not aware that it was there, it is right in the centre of me. I can see it clearly now, pulsing and throbbing while a million butterflies dance all around it. That’s where I want you to be; somehow I know that all my hunger will be satisfied when you reach that part of me. Your mouth is hungrier now; both of your hands stroke and knead my body as your mouth explores every inch. I can feel you against my leg, hot and hard and I try to will you inside of me, I want to scream for you to stop, but I can only whimper and moan. Nothing seems to work in co-ordination, I know that if I can somehow manoeuvre you inside of me all will be well and the pain will desist.
Of their own volition muscles jerk and spasm, it’s like my body of its own accord jumps to meet your touch, I have no control my body is traitorous, acting out of its own desire becoming a separate entity. Yet it knows what I need and seems to be luring you into colluding with it and satisfying those primal urges. Someone is moaning almost wailing, I glimpse consciousness and realise it was me as I am thrown into some vortex. Your mouth is drinking hungrily from me lapping at the nectar that oozes copiously, my hands are in your hair, pulling and pushing at you. My body want’s to escape but can’t get close enough to you. It’s like there is no more room in my body for all these feelings and emotions, I can feel myself ascend, climb from within and now I am stood on a precipice. Then I feel it, oh my god, I feel you enter me and that one thrust pushes me over the edge. I fall descend or ascend I am not sure of anything except all the emotions clamouring for release, all at the same time like an explosion of pure sensation. It feels like I will never find my way back from this place into which I have just fallen. Yet slowly my senses return and I find you looking at me. I am laughing, giggling and my face is wet with tears, you are still, within me waiting and watching and smiling………………………….
We lay still, my head rests on your shoulder our breathing is even now and there is an air of satisfied tiredness about us. Your eyes are closed. I wonder what you are thinking but I do not want to speak to ask, I feel too lazy, too content. My own thoughts relive every moment of the love we just made, questions pop up unbidden, irrational fears. Does the intense high of an orgasm mean that reality brings an unnatural low??? I want to know how you feel now; a part of me needs reassuring that it was as intense an experience for you. I push the doubts out of my mind, they were fears of yesterday, of a time when I was not so confident in whom I was. I remind myself that I am a beautiful sensual woman, that I am living in this moment and what comes, will be dealt with when it does.
I smile to myself, if he could hear my thoughts he would think I was strange, the question and answer sessions that happen in my head. I look at you again and find you watching me, a question mark in your eyes; I laugh and say that I was just reliving the passion. The question mark changes quickly and a spark alights your eyes, ah yes, I need have no fear, it definitely meant as much to you as it did me, for I can see it all in your eyes.
Oh what beautiful eyes.
My hand is resting on your stomach; I begin drawing lazy circles in the fine, dark, hair. I hear your intake of breath and I smile to myself. I wonder if you felt this powerful while drawing similar responses from me. I lean into you and allow my tongue to flick at the small nipple on this side of your chest, while continuing to stoke your stomach with my left hand. Your left arm is under me and your hand rests against the small of my back, urging me closer. My fingers continue drawing imperceptible swirls, moving now to your thighs, I know that if I touch you there you will be hard, I can sense the jerking arousal, so I am careful not to touch it yet.
I lean up on my right arm, the arm resting against my back, falls, to the bed. I begin kissing your neck, gentle pecks around your ear, I open my mouth and let my breath heat your neck then flick my tongue over the same area. You shudder. I nudge my leg between yours so that I am straddling your left leg. So I am able to manoeuvre myself above you to continue my journey, also the friction of your leg against me eases my own need a little, or heightens it, I am not sure, but I am concentrating on you.
I love the reactions my tongue is causing in you, I like the taste of you, I let my nails scratch gently down your sides as my tongue continues to taste your chest now. Your hips jerk, but I am determined to take my time and eke out every moment, as much as I would love to climb on top of you and have you buried deep within me. No, mustn’t let my thoughts wander down that path or I will be reminded of my own incessant throb that craves to be satisfied.
I slide a little down your leg, mmmm that felt good, my fingers are still stroking your torso and playing with the hair on your body, while my lips and mouth taste every inch. I let my tongue wetly flicker around your belly button, drawing lines from there to your pubic hair and back. I feel your hardness rub against my breast and I lean up a little to avoid the contact. Every now and then I let my nipples stroke you, while I carry on licking, sucking, kissing and touching you. I feel your hands on my shoulders; hear you groan as you try to push me lower. I move your arms so that they fall back onto the bed.
I position myself between your legs and push them apart, I kneel and look at you, while stroking your thighs. You open your eyes briefly and look at me, yours are glazed and pleading with me to continue. I stroke the inner part of your thighs still careful not to make contact, and then place my lips where my fingers were. You moan loudly now, saying my name, pleading with me to touch it. Not yet baby, I think, soon though. I gently stroke the sack that is swollen and hard and let my fingers gently travel the length of you, it is so beautiful, I use the fingers of both hands now, gently stroking all of you. I tentatively place my tongue at the tip and flick, you catch your breath as if somehow drawing breath might distract me. I am now licking you all over using saliva as a lubricant, holding you with both hands massaging your need.
It is an incredible feeling to watch you as I hold you in my hands, to know that I am responsible for the reactions in you that I am witness too. I am seeing you vulnerable, exposed to me and I have created this need in you. I am aware that I have never felt more feminine, more powerful, more beautiful, than I do right at this moment and a feeling of such tremendous emotion consumes me. I slide my mouth over you swallowing your length letting my tongue circle as I taste your essence. My mouth continues the movements that my hands started, moving faster to match the need in you, faster and faster my lips glide up and down holding you firmly in their grasp.
I can sense every muscle in you tighten, I can hear your moans and my name being called and I know that you are ascending to that place, that you are conscious of nothing but that aching need for release. I am still stroking you with my fingers as my mouth gorges to match the rhythm of your urgent plunges. At the same time as I hear your cry and become aware of your whole body quivering, my mouth is filled with all that is you and I drink greedily until I feel your body slowly relax.
I become aware of your hands knotted in my damp hair and feel the pressure of them lifting my face, pulling me back up your body so that you can kiss me. Slowly, tenderly you kiss me now all the time looking into my eyes, if I had doubted before the way you were feeling, then those doubts are now banished from my mind.
I close my eyes and imagine that I am lay in your arms and we fall into a light sleep. Contented smiles on our faces from the passion just experienced. I don’t know how much time has elapsed, in my mind it feels like time has stopped, there is nothing that I feel any urgency to move for. I am somewhere drifting from slumber to consciousness, I feel calm and relaxed and at peace, my head rests on your shoulder and your arm is around me. For the first time in a long time I have a sense of feeling protected, safe, I had not been aware of feeling a need for this, yet I like it and want to wrap it around me. Perhaps I have allowed myself no room for vulnerability; maybe in my independence and the striving for that, I have refused to acknowledge a need for it.
I slowly open my eyes and find myself looking into yours, as I gaze at you a surge of almost overwhelming feeling washes over me, it starts in my stomach and moves up into my chest, throat until I feel tears spring into my eyes. I look into myself for a moment to try and diagnose the cause, so many different feelings all clamour at once, the strongest being such an incredible feeling of tenderness. I want to hold your face in my hands, touch your mouth with mine breathe into you all these feelings as words cannot portray them with enough clarity. Somehow that won’t be enough, a realisation occurs as the tears fall onto your shoulder and no words are yet uttered, I know what this is. As your finger reaches out to catch a tear and you place that tear on your tongue, while all the time looking deep within me, I am cognisant of the fact that you do too. We have not yet spoken, nor indeed moved yet in the last few minutes so much has happened between us, the world just shifted and from this moment on nothing will be the same again.
LOVE LETTER
I say to you now that it is imperative that you open your heart, your mind, and your spirit to the proof of love in your life. I ask you to understand that love must be standing in front of you, as soon as you remember to trust me. As you turn your beloved face back to me. Do you have any idea how many people cry in the night for love ...pray for love and then do everything in their power to deny it. How many people turn away when love is standing before them? And why do they turn away? Why would someone shun the blessing their whole being longs for? Out of fear. Dearest one,...if ever there was a moment in which you make the choice---heaven or hell, good or evil, ..it is that moment. It is the moment when you look at the possibility of love and turn away. In that turning, you spurning me away. You are turning away from your own destiny.
I come to you now, taking your hand, calling your name, beckoning your heart. I am whispering to you that all your dreams, all of your goals, all of your vision hinge on this.....the choice of love. I ask you to look carefully at your moments and what you choose. Why would you want to protect yourself from love? The belief that there is anything to fear from love is the lie. First you must recognize that as long you fear love, you have not experienced love, for love and fear cannot exist in the same place. Very few people have ever experienced love. I shall repeat. Because love and fear cannot exist in the same place, very few people have ever really experienced love. You have experienced only fear. You do not know love. Rather, you know messages of fear that contain a reference to love. These you mistake for the experience of love. This lie is handed to you since you were a child....be careful, love will hurt you....you can't trust him. We love you goes the message so we want to protect you. So rather be boldly into life with an open heart...you are taught to guard your heart.
Now I have come to open your precious heart. I have come to tell you that it is time to remember love. it is in love that you are created. Everything you are meant to have and experience through an open heart. So I now say to you that you cannot choose both fear and love. I say to you...give me one moment with your heart completely unguarded and I will show you love.
I come to you now, taking your hand, calling your name, beckoning your heart. I am whispering to you that all your dreams, all of your goals, all of your vision hinge on this.....the choice of love. I ask you to look carefully at your moments and what you choose. Why would you want to protect yourself from love? The belief that there is anything to fear from love is the lie. First you must recognize that as long you fear love, you have not experienced love, for love and fear cannot exist in the same place. Very few people have ever experienced love. I shall repeat. Because love and fear cannot exist in the same place, very few people have ever really experienced love. You have experienced only fear. You do not know love. Rather, you know messages of fear that contain a reference to love. These you mistake for the experience of love. This lie is handed to you since you were a child....be careful, love will hurt you....you can't trust him. We love you goes the message so we want to protect you. So rather be boldly into life with an open heart...you are taught to guard your heart.
Now I have come to open your precious heart. I have come to tell you that it is time to remember love. it is in love that you are created. Everything you are meant to have and experience through an open heart. So I now say to you that you cannot choose both fear and love. I say to you...give me one moment with your heart completely unguarded and I will show you love.
LOVE LETTER:
Every moment is stepping to the unknown. But in an effort to name and tame the world---to know life ..to create safety..you limit your possibilities. As long as you believe that you know, you will not really know. As long as you think there are boundaries to your world, you limit your experience. So I ask you to jump off the cliff into my arms. My arms are of love. I have wonders in store for you. I have life for you to live, filled with richness of spirit, a depth of soul, a joy and awareness beyond your dreams. But in order to have all that I want to you give to you...you must trust in me. More than trust love, you must give your life to it. Be willing to give your life for it--in any way. The life that you gain will be ecstasy and joy.
How many of you really trust love? Very very few. To trust love is to trust in me. In this moment, I ask you to give yourself completely to me. I do not ask you to believe in love, but to know love as your reality. Rest in my love, let me hold you, sustain you. Let it support you. Rest here with me for a moment. This is the walking your talk...as you say...living in love. I ask you to make the choice to have true love....courageously open your heart to me.
If you live your life in fear, if you choose safety, you close off your truth. You shut me out. If you choose safety, believing this is not your soulmate in front of you, or believing that I have the power to hurt you, then you are choosing ego, choosing fear, choosing limitation, and then I cannot come to you.
How many of you really trust love? Very very few. To trust love is to trust in me. In this moment, I ask you to give yourself completely to me. I do not ask you to believe in love, but to know love as your reality. Rest in my love, let me hold you, sustain you. Let it support you. Rest here with me for a moment. This is the walking your talk...as you say...living in love. I ask you to make the choice to have true love....courageously open your heart to me.
If you live your life in fear, if you choose safety, you close off your truth. You shut me out. If you choose safety, believing this is not your soulmate in front of you, or believing that I have the power to hurt you, then you are choosing ego, choosing fear, choosing limitation, and then I cannot come to you.
LOVE
Love is like a longing, a pain from deep within, Confusing even the smartest minds, making your insides spin.
It consists of two people, for once thinking the same, Happening quite accidentally, there?s no one left to blame.
Although you may not mean to, it usually becomes too late, Realizing this is happiness; you relax and place yourself
into the hands of fate.
LOVE LETTER
I call you to remember the perfection of love that you are-----the perfection of the love I have for you and the choices of love that is before you now. If you do not believe me, ask your heart. Honestly...and listen for the answer from your heart...not your ego. You will know. You remember. You remember this love as surely as you know your own existence. You remember this love, you remember me, just as a twin remember the experience of another person with them in the womb. A memory of the most incredible closeness. Of never being alone. Of two heart beating in one womb, two being as one reality. I promise you that this is true. Every part of your reality will uphold this, So I call you to love first. Then everything else will open easily before you. More than stewards of the world around you, you are the center, the focus of it all. The moment your awareness switches and the heart become your medium of communication, everything else will come into view. All it takes is the faith to open your heart.
JOURNAL: LEARNING NOT TO GET ANGER
I had a fight this weekend with my sister over stupid stuff. I sometimes react to circumstance in my life. I know some people are always irritated by everything, It seems as though no one can say anything around them without them getting irritated. They don't know how to be in the world. Research showed that the more often you get angry, the more often you are likely to get angry. The more you react with irritation, the more you are clearing the neural pathways. Most people who are anger are conditioned thought that whole world is idiotic and wrong and they must make it right.
Understand that a person in anger, whether it is you or somebody else, is in a form of suffering. If you are the one who getting angry at another person's behavior, you are the one who has the problem, not them. They are just fine, living life in the best way they know how.
Trust me...people are indifferent s the weather to what you want. So their actions, for your own peace of mind, should be treated as impersonally as the weather. You wouldn't expect the weather to act in a different matter than it does..would you? We want to change the other person. We develop expectations of the way they should act. We learn how to say...you make me feel....instead...of more accurate...I feel.... They make us mad we might say...but no you make yourself mad. There is one thing that can reduce irritations, anger in relationship. ...it is to reduce your expectation of how your partner should act. They are going to be who they are. That is why you are with them in the first place.
Understand that a person in anger, whether it is you or somebody else, is in a form of suffering. If you are the one who getting angry at another person's behavior, you are the one who has the problem, not them. They are just fine, living life in the best way they know how.
Trust me...people are indifferent s the weather to what you want. So their actions, for your own peace of mind, should be treated as impersonally as the weather. You wouldn't expect the weather to act in a different matter than it does..would you? We want to change the other person. We develop expectations of the way they should act. We learn how to say...you make me feel....instead...of more accurate...I feel.... They make us mad we might say...but no you make yourself mad. There is one thing that can reduce irritations, anger in relationship. ...it is to reduce your expectation of how your partner should act. They are going to be who they are. That is why you are with them in the first place.
THOUGHTS: A MAN WHO DOESN'T TRUST HIMSELF CAN NEVER TRUST ANYONE ELSE
What is trust?....You know it when you feel it. Most people trusting people is risky, I believe...not trusting people is a greater risk.But the truth is the lack of self trust also undermines our ability to trust other. In the word of Cardinal de Retz," A man who doesn't trust himself can never trust anyone else." A person of integrity when there is no gap between intent and behavior...when she is whole, seamless, the same,,,inside and out. I call this congruence.
Behavior is the manifestation of motive and agenda. It's easy to say, " I care" and I want you to win", but it is our actual behavior that demonstrates whether or not we mean it. However there times when observable behavior that communicate one message is in reality, an act of duplicity or deceit. It's the "I care about you" show of an "I really could care less about you, but I want to project the image of caring". When we believe people truly are acting in our best interest, we tend to trust them. When we believe that they are not acting in our best interest, we do not trust them. It's that simple.
Fundamentally, intent is the matter of the heart. It's something you can't fake, at least not for long. But it is something you can definitely work on and improve. Some people genuinely have poor intent. Though they may not be aware of it or even admit it, deep inside they seek their own profit, position...or whatever above people, above principles, above everything else.
If we're really honest, we have to admit that sometimes our motives are not completely pure. Sometimes we approach situations with hidden agendas, even tiny ones--that keep us from being appropriately transparent with others. Sometimes we manifest behavior that don't demonstrate caring, openness, and concern. To whatever degree these challenges are part of our lives, we are being taxed.
It's human tendency to assume we have good--or at least justifiable-intent. At times, our intent genuinely is good, at other times, we rationalize (tell ourselves "rational lies") in order to justify our intent to ourselves and to others.
Declaring your intent and expressing your agenda can motives can be very powerful, particularly if your behavior is being misinterpreted. By declaring your intent...not only build trust, it also puts more accountability on to you. The main reason why declaring intent increase trust is that it signals your behavior---it let people know what to look for so that they can recognize, understand, and acknowledge it when they see it. Their response, then is much like what happens when someone buys a new car and then suddenly start noticing the same kind of car everywhere on the road. It's not that there are suddenly more of those cars on the road....it's that their awareness is enhanced.
I always tell people what I am looking for...SEX AND LOVE...yet most people don't listen. That is something that i can help.
Behavior is the manifestation of motive and agenda. It's easy to say, " I care" and I want you to win", but it is our actual behavior that demonstrates whether or not we mean it. However there times when observable behavior that communicate one message is in reality, an act of duplicity or deceit. It's the "I care about you" show of an "I really could care less about you, but I want to project the image of caring". When we believe people truly are acting in our best interest, we tend to trust them. When we believe that they are not acting in our best interest, we do not trust them. It's that simple.
Fundamentally, intent is the matter of the heart. It's something you can't fake, at least not for long. But it is something you can definitely work on and improve. Some people genuinely have poor intent. Though they may not be aware of it or even admit it, deep inside they seek their own profit, position...or whatever above people, above principles, above everything else.
If we're really honest, we have to admit that sometimes our motives are not completely pure. Sometimes we approach situations with hidden agendas, even tiny ones--that keep us from being appropriately transparent with others. Sometimes we manifest behavior that don't demonstrate caring, openness, and concern. To whatever degree these challenges are part of our lives, we are being taxed.
It's human tendency to assume we have good--or at least justifiable-intent. At times, our intent genuinely is good, at other times, we rationalize (tell ourselves "rational lies") in order to justify our intent to ourselves and to others.
Declaring your intent and expressing your agenda can motives can be very powerful, particularly if your behavior is being misinterpreted. By declaring your intent...not only build trust, it also puts more accountability on to you. The main reason why declaring intent increase trust is that it signals your behavior---it let people know what to look for so that they can recognize, understand, and acknowledge it when they see it. Their response, then is much like what happens when someone buys a new car and then suddenly start noticing the same kind of car everywhere on the road. It's not that there are suddenly more of those cars on the road....it's that their awareness is enhanced.
I always tell people what I am looking for...SEX AND LOVE...yet most people don't listen. That is something that i can help.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)