I've noticed an interesting paradox. Some people don't really have much of an interest in hobbies or goals, they just seem to have lots of free time and aren't much concerned to do anything with it. To these people someone will eventually come along to tell them, "Get a life!" And then there's another group of people, who have perhaps one or two hobbies/goals they devote almost all their time and energy into. To these people someone will eventually tells them the same thing, "Get a life!"
Well, I just figure the first group is probably still in the "I'm gonna survey the scene and make my plan later" mode. I guess as long as that doesn't end up being the lifelong plan, I suppose choosing your path with some forethought is to be commended. As to the second group, I figure it's only because they spend their time doing something that doesn't interest everyone that they'll get the "Get a life" comment. If someone wants to devote their time to saving the rainforest, well.. let 'em. It doesn't mean I have to or that it's my job to talk them out of it. If I want to devote my time to building a business and writing screenplays, then "so let it be written... so shall it be done."
Which brings me to the topic at hand.. having a life. One of the common frustrations I've heard during many talks with women has been the complaint that the guy they love would be so much more 'attractive' if they had a goal or solid interest of their own that they persued. At first they were attracted to their personality (or a cute butt) thinking that surely someone with all that personality had big plans for themselves. But by the time the emotional investment had been made, they realized the only consistent goal their man had in life was to finish all the beer they got on Friday before the weekend was over. Or some didn't even have aspirations that high going for them. They said they believed their man was capable of so much, if only he'd apply himself.
Now, the funny thing is that not all these women wanted their man to go out and make a successful career or have his own business venture. Several said they just wished he had his own hobby or interest other than being in a relationship. One patient complained that her, now ex-husband, would only show up to play on his softball league if she went to the practices and games with him. It really infuriated her that he didn't have the hobby as an interest of his own apart from her. And justifiably so.
As great as it can be to be near each other while in love, it's nice to know you each have your own pursuits and interests enjoyed independently of whether your mate participates in them or not. It could be a bowling league, helping out with a certain charity, a quilting club, whatever. But we like to know that our mate not only has talents and abilities, but that they like to apply them in some manner that allows them to see growth and skill improve over time.
Now here is a 'generalization' that, of course does not apply to all men or all women, but is none the less an observation I've seen enough to make note of it. Most women involved in a relationship tend to encourage and very much want their mate to be active in some pursuit, goal or hobby independent of her. Most men, -not- involved in a relationship tend to find women who are into a pursuit or hobby such as say college, running, career training, etcetera to be all the more attractive as a person. However, once involved in a relationship it's surprising how many men suddenly find their girlfriend's/wife's outside hobbies and interests as some kind of a threat. Especially if it means she will be more visible to the public in some way or raises her social or economic level above his.
Rather than stand beside her and cheer her on, I've met too many women who said that as soon as they were in a relationship their boyfriend wasn't very supportive of them finishing college, pursuing co-ed sporting events or hobbies that their men just didn't find interesting for themselves. To the defense of other men, I must add, other women told me how great it was that their boyfriend/husband gave them not only the freedom but the encouragement to enjoy and excel in their outside interests.
I've wondered why it is I rarely hear a woman saying, "I wish my boyfriend didn't play softball on Wednesdays." or "I don't like the idea of him wanting to finish his degree." I don't wonder why men would say things like, "I don't trust those guys in your bicycle club." or, "Are you sure you want to spend money on a nursing program?" The reason I don't have to wonder is because, in my opinion, men find it very easy to think of a relationship in a possessive tense. Not all men of course, because some men are simply more secure than others. The men I've known who really did trust their women to pursue academics, sports or public service have been men who knew without a shadow of a doubt that they had the love of their lady securely settled. They were not only willing to trust her while he wasn't around, they took joy in her accomplishments even if it raised her income or 'image' a notch or two above his own.
Getting back to the "single and looking" state of things, as I mentioned earlier we tend to find people who are 'about something' to be more attractive. It's almost a sign we look for that this person has a healthy outlook towards the future and is not just sitting about waiting for a relationship to fall in their lap. Conversely when we happen upon someone who, even after further investigation, doesn't seem to have direction or purpose we tend to find them less attractive. Sometimes we think we can ignite some 'spark' into them to pursue something, but unless they have that desire themselves it usually turns into one person nagging the other along to keep them active in outside pursuits.
There is an old Roman proverb, "Nothing worthwhile comes without great effort.". Perhaps you are the type of person who enjoys lightly exploring many different fields and subjects. That's a good thing. But eventually I believe it's a good and healthy thing to sit down and decide, "Exactly what are my passions in life?". Is it to sing or perform in some way? To study or build a business or career? Is it to be an excellent Father or Mother? Do I enjoy helping out others or being active in sports or the arts?
Once we have one or two of these questions answered I believe it's one of the best favors we can do for both ourselves and our prospective mate to begin focusing our talents and abilities in setting goals to excel in the areas that interest us most. Who knows? It may just very well be the turning point in what you decide to do as a career or lifestyle. But one thing is certain, as was put so well in a recent film, "All men die, but not all men truly live." We have only so many days to walk about the dust of the earth, it would be a great loss to have squandered them aimlessly.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
LOVE: IF I DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT, THEN THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.
We are surronded by images of beauty everywhere...even in this blog. If I don't look like that, then there's something wrong with me...is a common refrain from the inner dialogue of most people including me. the fear the consequence of not looking a certain way. And that fear influence their choices and their behavior. The sad fact is that the ideals to which many people compare themselves are pure fantasy, and nobody can measure up to them. Even the models in the advertisements don't look the way you think they do. Even they don't recognize themselves when they appear on the pages of a magazine after the airbushing, the color correction, the enhancement, it more of a painting than photograph. I remember one friend who thought no man would want her because of scars on her breast and they weren't that bad. She also that that no guy would want her because of skin lesion on her back....and when I saw it...there was really nothing there to be afraid of. You don't have to be perfect to be loved.
It not that channel after channel, show after show is devoted to the lives, loves of every celebrity who ever was on TV. Capsule version of their wonderful lives, usually predicated on the theory that if they're handsome...they're heroes. If they're beautiful, why then they must be better than the rest of us. Every relationship is pictured as trouble free and perfect, No wonder people who watch this stuff have a fear of not being up to par. I am not saying that looks don't matter..but they should count as you want them to count, not as much as you're told they should
We all have a certain menal picture of the man or woman of our dreams. The words dream and fantasy are used for a reason. they are used to differentiate from reality. So many of us associate physical attributes with personality characteristics. and that means we are heading for big time trouble. It just shouldn't matter all that much in the long run what someone looks like. We all get old. No mater how handsome or how beautiful we might be at any given time of our lives, we will live, if we are lucky, to see our bodies change and wrinkle. Muscle will soften, no matter how many hours we spend in the gym. Hair will thin, eyes will lose their acuity. I remember reading an interview article on Marcello Mastroianni gave...he said..."Looks buy you the first two weeks, after than it's who you are that counts"...how right he is. If you want to have a two week fling with someone who appeals to your physical sensibilites then, by all means...go for it. But a relationship is made up of stuff that runs deeper, If you really want to be available for a satisfying relationship, then you would be wise to give up looks as your top priority. The very thing that draws you initially to another person can end up being a huge barrier to love. You think it's real because he or she look like your fantasy of real love, but they are not. For those of you who are heavily invested in a certain look as a requirement for love, consider that possibility that you don't really want a relationship. It doesn't take a PH.D to know that the way someone looks to us will go through changes as we get to know him or her. Havent' you had the experience of finding someone more attractive once you got close to him or her, and also the opposite reaction of finding someone less appealing if relationship wasn't going well as time went on? That's because what we look on the outside is just aht ---it's outside of who we are. You feel good around that person, you're attracted to their insides, you can be yourself. Why wouldn't you want to pick a life mate the same way? The answer is sex. And while I would never downplay the importance of good sex life to a healthy relationship, don't let this one part determine the entire relationship. There is no such thing as a perfect body, just as there's no such thing as a perfect anything on the wonderful but flawed planet of ours. We all have scars, we all have imperfections. once we relax and accept this fact, only then can we go about our business of finding another imperfect wonderful decent person with who to share our life.
If you think you are not attractive enough...let it go.Putting unrealistic physical demand on yourself can keep you very single. You can be so persuasive in your negative voice that it's only a matter of time before you convince yourself, as well as the person you're with, that you are truly are flawed and unworthy of real love. And that is what we are really doing when we point out our imperfection. We're asking for approval to be accepted for who we are. What we hoping to hear is "I love you the way you are". I guarantee that when you can say that to yourself, you will have taken a huge step in the right direction. A person how would reject you because of your physical flaw is not the kind of person you need in your life, especially if that person is you! We all have flaws. If you are being rejected because of how you look, then you're looking in the wrong places. The feeling of trust that should accompany a real available relationship should extend to your body and how you both feel about your bodies. Don't allow yourself to feel judged, not by someone else and not by that voice of judgment that lives within. Try to think with your head and not with your groin. When you allow people to accept or reject you, you give away your power. If someone has the power to give you their approval, then they also have the power to take it away. Work to approve of yourself, to understand yourself as a flawed but wonderufl work in progress and you will be in a much better positions to draw someone into your life.
It not that channel after channel, show after show is devoted to the lives, loves of every celebrity who ever was on TV. Capsule version of their wonderful lives, usually predicated on the theory that if they're handsome...they're heroes. If they're beautiful, why then they must be better than the rest of us. Every relationship is pictured as trouble free and perfect, No wonder people who watch this stuff have a fear of not being up to par. I am not saying that looks don't matter..but they should count as you want them to count, not as much as you're told they should
We all have a certain menal picture of the man or woman of our dreams. The words dream and fantasy are used for a reason. they are used to differentiate from reality. So many of us associate physical attributes with personality characteristics. and that means we are heading for big time trouble. It just shouldn't matter all that much in the long run what someone looks like. We all get old. No mater how handsome or how beautiful we might be at any given time of our lives, we will live, if we are lucky, to see our bodies change and wrinkle. Muscle will soften, no matter how many hours we spend in the gym. Hair will thin, eyes will lose their acuity. I remember reading an interview article on Marcello Mastroianni gave...he said..."Looks buy you the first two weeks, after than it's who you are that counts"...how right he is. If you want to have a two week fling with someone who appeals to your physical sensibilites then, by all means...go for it. But a relationship is made up of stuff that runs deeper, If you really want to be available for a satisfying relationship, then you would be wise to give up looks as your top priority. The very thing that draws you initially to another person can end up being a huge barrier to love. You think it's real because he or she look like your fantasy of real love, but they are not. For those of you who are heavily invested in a certain look as a requirement for love, consider that possibility that you don't really want a relationship. It doesn't take a PH.D to know that the way someone looks to us will go through changes as we get to know him or her. Havent' you had the experience of finding someone more attractive once you got close to him or her, and also the opposite reaction of finding someone less appealing if relationship wasn't going well as time went on? That's because what we look on the outside is just aht ---it's outside of who we are. You feel good around that person, you're attracted to their insides, you can be yourself. Why wouldn't you want to pick a life mate the same way? The answer is sex. And while I would never downplay the importance of good sex life to a healthy relationship, don't let this one part determine the entire relationship. There is no such thing as a perfect body, just as there's no such thing as a perfect anything on the wonderful but flawed planet of ours. We all have scars, we all have imperfections. once we relax and accept this fact, only then can we go about our business of finding another imperfect wonderful decent person with who to share our life.
If you think you are not attractive enough...let it go.Putting unrealistic physical demand on yourself can keep you very single. You can be so persuasive in your negative voice that it's only a matter of time before you convince yourself, as well as the person you're with, that you are truly are flawed and unworthy of real love. And that is what we are really doing when we point out our imperfection. We're asking for approval to be accepted for who we are. What we hoping to hear is "I love you the way you are". I guarantee that when you can say that to yourself, you will have taken a huge step in the right direction. A person how would reject you because of your physical flaw is not the kind of person you need in your life, especially if that person is you! We all have flaws. If you are being rejected because of how you look, then you're looking in the wrong places. The feeling of trust that should accompany a real available relationship should extend to your body and how you both feel about your bodies. Don't allow yourself to feel judged, not by someone else and not by that voice of judgment that lives within. Try to think with your head and not with your groin. When you allow people to accept or reject you, you give away your power. If someone has the power to give you their approval, then they also have the power to take it away. Work to approve of yourself, to understand yourself as a flawed but wonderufl work in progress and you will be in a much better positions to draw someone into your life.
LOVE: WOMAN WHO ARE INCONSISTENT
I have had it with flaky women Say what you mean, mean what you say.Have a bit of courtesy. The same things I expect in return.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
I am totally tired of it. Women like to SAY ONE THING, but when the time comes around to actually ACT, they do something TOTALLY DIFFERENT. But they tend to ACT on their EMOTIONS. But it PROBABLY had something to do with her not FEELING the same way anymore. The point that I'm trying to make here is that when a woman says one thing, then does another, she sees that as being perfectly OK, because she's "just following her feelings" even if it hurt someone else. Woman will commit to something without knowing what they are committing too. But from a MAN'S point of view, if a woman says one thing, then does another, she's either a liar, being flaky, or doesn't have integrity. This is the main reason why I expect sex on the first date....to separate the flaky woman from the real deal.
I'm going to argue that women will SAY that they "look for" one thing, but they actually RESPOND to something completely different. All guys know that women seem to be "naturally" attracted to things like fame, wealth, Brad-Pitt-handsomeness, height, etc. If you ask a woman what she's looking for, she'll say "I'm looking for a nice, honest guy who is successful and cute". But if she actually MEETS this guy, she's NOT going to be into him. Go figure. I need to figure out more way to figure them out. I am so tired of talking to a woman you at first seem so into me....so hungry for me and next thing you know you don't hear from them again. And then they wonder why they pick the wrong men....HELLO....you are attracting your mirror image
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
I am totally tired of it. Women like to SAY ONE THING, but when the time comes around to actually ACT, they do something TOTALLY DIFFERENT. But they tend to ACT on their EMOTIONS. But it PROBABLY had something to do with her not FEELING the same way anymore. The point that I'm trying to make here is that when a woman says one thing, then does another, she sees that as being perfectly OK, because she's "just following her feelings" even if it hurt someone else. Woman will commit to something without knowing what they are committing too. But from a MAN'S point of view, if a woman says one thing, then does another, she's either a liar, being flaky, or doesn't have integrity. This is the main reason why I expect sex on the first date....to separate the flaky woman from the real deal.
I'm going to argue that women will SAY that they "look for" one thing, but they actually RESPOND to something completely different. All guys know that women seem to be "naturally" attracted to things like fame, wealth, Brad-Pitt-handsomeness, height, etc. If you ask a woman what she's looking for, she'll say "I'm looking for a nice, honest guy who is successful and cute". But if she actually MEETS this guy, she's NOT going to be into him. Go figure. I need to figure out more way to figure them out. I am so tired of talking to a woman you at first seem so into me....so hungry for me and next thing you know you don't hear from them again. And then they wonder why they pick the wrong men....HELLO....you are attracting your mirror image
LOVE: THE WORD LOVE SHOULD MEAN SOMETHING
How can someone say they were in love. Love doesn't fade, love doesn't grow cold, and for God's sake love doesn't disappear once you get in a fight with someone. Love perseveres through those situations and remain strong through time. People turn their emotions into love far too easily in modern times. A 15 year old girl will walk up to her boyfriend of 10 days and say she loves him, a college student who meets an interesting woman downtown will call her and tells her he fell in love with her, a middle-aged woman will tell her husband who she's been cheating on that she still loves him and none of these situations show the true emotion of love. If you say you love your boyfriend after 10 days of dating chances are you're confused and it's easier to tell him you love him than it is to tell him how much you care about him. A college student would much rather tell the girl he fell in love with her because he has trouble telling her just how much of an impression she left on him after just one night and feels that maybe if he uses the word love she'll give him a chance. The wife would much rather tell her husband that she still loves him rather than have to explain that they were young and foolish when they got married and now she is seriously questioning her commitment to him because that would push him over the edge. Maybe what needs to happen in this crazy world we live in, is that people need to stop using the word "love" around like Skittles to a kid with A.D.H.D. Maybe, just maybe people could step up to the plate, formulate a statement using some verbal diction, and tell others just how they feel. Then, just maybe, people would stop complaining about how they fell in love and lost it, how the person they love doesn't know how they truly feel about them, and how love is some powerful indescribable thing that no one can explain but they somehow feel it. I only know of one true love we can use as a perfect example and that comes from the Good Book and the Father, God Almighty.
Whatis love?
For me, its every moment your mind has free time your thinking about the person. You don't see her for a day you're missing her, and even when you do see her dring the day it always seems like it wasn't enough time spent together. You burn for physical contact, I can't believe shes real, something so beautiful can't be real. You burn for return feelings, for discussion, for interaction. And most importantly shes perfect, not as in some impossible to fill ideal created by man, but in your standards, and as a human shes perfect. Also shes so beautiful its like looking at the stars, you can make a second last an eternity. And you never get sick of being with her.
Love is reserved for "i'd die for you" love, or "i want to be with you the rest of my life, struggle, make you food, bear your children" love, "i would leave my job for you" love, or "i willnever give myself to anyone else" love
NOT "i love cuddling with you" love, "we both like sports" love, "he's met my parents!" love, "oh i love making out with you" love, "ill give you my last coke" love or "he makes me laugh" love. dont be so stupid, this is the one thing about our generation i cannot stand.
LOVE IS SOMETHING THAT IS SO SPECIAL THAT YOU WILL LIVE ON THE DIRT STREET TO JUST SURVIVE WITH THEM. Don't say "I love you", if you don't feel that way. Me... having two sisters I know how women react to that phrase. They take it extremely seriously.
Whatis love?
For me, its every moment your mind has free time your thinking about the person. You don't see her for a day you're missing her, and even when you do see her dring the day it always seems like it wasn't enough time spent together. You burn for physical contact, I can't believe shes real, something so beautiful can't be real. You burn for return feelings, for discussion, for interaction. And most importantly shes perfect, not as in some impossible to fill ideal created by man, but in your standards, and as a human shes perfect. Also shes so beautiful its like looking at the stars, you can make a second last an eternity. And you never get sick of being with her.
Love is reserved for "i'd die for you" love, or "i want to be with you the rest of my life, struggle, make you food, bear your children" love, "i would leave my job for you" love, or "i willnever give myself to anyone else" love
NOT "i love cuddling with you" love, "we both like sports" love, "he's met my parents!" love, "oh i love making out with you" love, "ill give you my last coke" love or "he makes me laugh" love. dont be so stupid, this is the one thing about our generation i cannot stand.
LOVE IS SOMETHING THAT IS SO SPECIAL THAT YOU WILL LIVE ON THE DIRT STREET TO JUST SURVIVE WITH THEM. Don't say "I love you", if you don't feel that way. Me... having two sisters I know how women react to that phrase. They take it extremely seriously.
LOVE: DIFFERENT EXPRESSIONS OF EMOTIONS
It is entirely a compilation of different expressions of emotions. It has nothing to do with any particular person. It’s some sort of feelings felt at different junctures, encountered at different stages.
Maybe, it will come to you like an exaggeration of a bleak feeling. But you can really feel if you let yourself. You will be surprised when you really feel them.
PREFACE
“The first time you fall in love, it changes your life forever, and no mater how hard you try, the feeling never goes away.”
You walk in, bump into someone, or someone comes in, say hi and your life changes forever. The magic starts…
Love, an enigma? A magic? Love certainly is something. You fall in love and all you can do is let love lead the way.
Love, ain’t it simply wonderful?
Something Inside
I don’t really seem to have so much to say; and yet I feel, I have got something inside. You know it is something like: sitting restless
Thoughts mangling up my senses
Missing you terribly and
Wishing life is all about you and me together.
And really, I had not the least idea that love would have me inside out, upside down. And love: it is all about sweet heartaches, beautiful loneliness and pleasant pains…and…and…that never dying wish to be with you all the time. Love to me is the music of heart and the rhythm of heartbeat.
I never knew love could feel so good. How could I have ever dreamt it would be all about this? All about you?
I love you. I am happy just to call you mine. Be mind forever.
Meeting as a Complete Stranger
We met as a complete stranger and I am sure neither of us planned on falling in love. “But once we met, it was clear that something was happening beyond our control.” Everything happened as if it was meant to be. And we found that we have fallen in love. What could have been more beautiful?
With you began the real phase of my life. I could not have missed you. Dear, I find myself feeling grateful that you told me what you felt for me.
The Only One
What can I say when all you do touch my heart like nothing has ever done? You are the only one I think of everyday of my life. You alone accompany me even in the times of darkest hours.
It was so nice to hear from you. It indeed made me realize how much you mean to me. You are the companion of my soul, for this life and will be for the ages to go. As the years go by, our love shall forever grow and even as the generations decay, our love shall find its way. I love you with all my heart.
Hard to Sleep
I wish you were here with me at this moment. I need you. I am feeling so down and I feel that if you were here I wouldn’t feel that bad.
I couldn’t concentrate, neither could I sleep. Sometimes I feel that, if it were not for you, I wouldn’t mind dying.
We both have dreams and I am sure we can be what we want to be…together. I feel that you are sent here as the answer to my prayers; you are an oar of the boat of my dream. But I do not mean that I’m with you out of self requisite. If it were not for my love, I wouldn’t have known you that close. With love as the driveway, I came to know that you are really one person I would never want to let go. Do you believe me? Sometimes I feel a little insecure and that shows that my love is still alive, still growing.
My dear, let us do the things together. All we need is each other.
Love Begins When…
I say that love begins only when one’s heart is sure of an accommodation for another heart. I was sure I had it and that was when I knew I could take up your heart as well.
I was searching for love when I found you and when I found you I knew you were the love I was searching for.
After that, I found myself holding on to you, loving you with such magnitude that I never wanted to let you go.
Can’t Live Without Love
Wonder what I’m doing here? I’m sitting by the table…lost and crazy. But I can love you even in the spur of craziness. Love? Insanity? Uncontrollable flow of emotions? Whatever… I don’t think I can live without it.
I know that there is nothing to lose by loving you…rather I have everything to gain – a life that is more than a life! I can even walk through the darkest hours with you beside me. I can complete the walk of life with happiness because I have you. It is with you I want to stay for a long, long time and forever.
I was wondering how on earth one can stay with a woman, seeing the same face everyday. I know the answer now. That woman is the love, the life, the very heart and soul of himself, the very essence of his life and she is his very own. I can’t stay away from you for even a second and I never get tired or bored when I m with you. I forget everything but you. I can go on sitting beside you, holding your hand, without wanting anything more.
I don’t have to wonder how I would live my life with a woman, because you are the woman I want to grow old with. Even when I am old and driven sick, I would want just you by my side.
Hard to be Away
I miss you so much and it is hard to be away. But it is the moment to build up the strength to show our love can pass through any hurdles. It is time to prove that our love is true.
When we have overcome all these leaps and bumps of hurdles, we will be there for each other at the end of the road, looking and smiling at each other. That is when the life of our own will begin. I will come running into your arms, in your embrace, never to be away. We will be together as one. I will love you forever.
If you really want to know why I love you so much, be with me and feel my heart. We don’t have to search for reasons. Let it be. Just know that I love you.
Part of Me
I didn’t know someone can become so much a part of me. I now understand what you meant when you said you can’t survive without me. I need you as much.
So Much Pain
Dear, how are you? I am thinking thoughts upon thoughts and I am missing you so much. It is hard for me to think that you will be away from me for so many days to come. I don’t want to let you go. I don’t know how I will make through the days and nights without you. Even to think of it is so much pain. I can sense the emptiness, the void and the darkness that will be there without you. But I know that it will be gone as soon as we are together again. This hope of seeing you again will be my strength to walk on when I’m alone here.
Be there for me, be my man, be my inspiration, be my guide and be my strength.
Looking back and trying to understand all that has been happening, it seems like our destiny was driving us closer.
Thank You
1. You were there when I needed you the most. You made me see the world beyond which I could see the happiness. Thank you for being there when the whole world looked down upon me. You were there as true as ever, with your unfaltering love and smile. Thank you for loving me. You believed me because you trusted me. You trusted me because you loved me. You loved me and let me be myself. You didn’t love what I was not. Thank you for accepting me the way I am.
2. Thanks a lot for not just being a person who knows me but for being the person who understands me. For not just being the person who loves me but for being the person who gives me happiness. For not just being the person who listens to me but for being the person who hears me. For not just being a lover but a constant friend. For not just being the person I want but for being the person I need. Thank you for not just being anything I want but for being everything.
Misunderstandings
I know you were right and I was wrong all along. Can it be because I wanted it to happen this way? Or is it because I am innocent? Either way, I am wrong and I am sorry. Please forgive me.
It is neither the rejection of your love, nor betrayal. If you can believe me, I still love you. Take it any way you like and I do not care what meaning you make of it.
I can’t promise you the world but I can promise you my love and trust. I know it will take me through.
Did I hurt you? I didn’t mean to and I am sorry if I did hurt you unknowingly. I don’t have the intention to hurt another heart and you will be the last person I would want to do that to.
If I have done anything against your will, be kind enough to forget it.
I will always remember you as one person I felt so close to, the person to whom I have shared the most secret words, the person to whom I have uttered the most loving words and the person I have held too dearly to my heart.
I will love you as one woman who reached the point where I could never give up. I don’t really understand all this. The emotions, love…the complexity of it all. But, “a woman is not to understand life but to live it”, rite? So, I won’t try to understand them. I like it this way…it is all so beautiful.
Reason Why
I am here again trying to reason why I am missing you so much and why I get this feeling that I cannot go on for a second without you. If I could, I would run for you.
I miss you so much. There is no one, but myself in the room. The music and your thoughts are my only company. At times like this, I can really see what love is, and how much I love you.
Even as I watch the stars in the sky, I see your face reflected there. I look around, dragging my feet in a lonely pace. Even as I miss you, I know that under the same sky, you are also looking at the same stars and that you are there waiting for me, missing me as much. Even as I hope beyond hope, I know there is another day and yet another more day to unravel before I see you. Everything makes me miss you so much. I wish I could call a miracle.
Love is what we share and we will share it for a long time till it finds its end. You are my only one. Our love shall never die, it shall forever grow.
Could Anything be More Beautiful?
As I sit here and think of you, I wonder if anything could be more beautiful. The life I shared with you and the memories I created with you are seared in my mind and with each passing day I find myself turning over the pages with refreshed vigor and intensity. As days go by I find myself growing more in love with you. I will not forget a single moment of my life with you.
I didn’t even ask myself if I would like falling in love but with you everything happened so naturally and you wove the pattern of happiness in my life.
Time never seem to run. A day passes and I find as if a double of it is added. I miss you more with each passing day. “I search for you and find my heart.” When you are not with me, I feel so alone and lonely, desolate and empty, incomplete and lovelorn because when you are away, it is the other half of me I’m missing. Every beat of my heart whispers how truly I love you and how wrong it would be without you.
Struggling Without You
As I am struggling on with life without you, I find each second a muffled dread of fear and anxiety of having to go on this way for a long time.
As I sit and try to concentrate on my works, I find myself slipping away in your thoughts. I cannot even study.
I love you but nothing stays forever constant and our feelings are liable to change too and I fear if we wouldn’t get hurt. But we need to trust each other and rest I guess will come together.
Nothing More Important
I couldn’t help but write to you. I know I should be doing something important and worthy at this time but I don’t find anything more important than you.
I am getting this feeling that I can’t exactly name but is a sweet sensation. I feel so lucky to have met you. I get so tempted to call you but I know you are busy with your exam just a week away. So I have to keep myself content with just your thoughts and memories.
Ill At Ease
I know you are busy there with your own works. And I am thinking if at all I should send you this letter. But honey, you should know that I am ill at ease…books lying in front of me and the exam just the next day. And amidst all this, hurdles or peace, I can’t help missing you. I can never get used to being alone without you.
I am all alone, sitting in the room, I look around and all I can think of is you. I wish you were here this instant. Even when I know you are there for me, I cannot help missing you. I feel like holding you close.
From the deathbed
Honey, as I lie here lifeless on the hospital bed, I feel every inch of me disintegrating into something more subtle. I lie here day and night, thinking over the times we had together. Beautiful times they were.
And when I open my eyes after a long tedious half-sleep, it feels so good to see you sitting beside the bed, holding my hand. I will be carrying this feeling forever. I will never forget a moment, a single moment that I had with you – the first time we kissed that night when we were returning from dinner…looking at each other in that some kind of intense deep feeling, not knowing how to make the first move. And there were in each other’s arms. That was the moment when I felt so loved and wonderful and I knew it then that you were the woman I was goig to live with. As I felt the ground reeling, I lost myself in the emotions I had never known. I wanted the night to last forever and the kiss to go on.
I wanted to marry you, have kids and live a long time with you. But, now, here I am, a person already half dead. But honey, never mind – remember how happy we were together before I fell sick and how happy I am now to have met you. I wouldn’t mind dying now…I had the bigger parts of my life felt with you. Remember how much we love each other and how happy we are together. No matter where, I will pray for you…look for you and love you. Maybe, I will have a greater freedom to love you once I have gained a spirituality of my soul.
You will marry someday. You have to. You cannot go on mourning for a person long dead. I will look down upon you and smile and will be happy to see you with someone that cares and loves you.
You will be in my heart and you will remain a person who made a great difference in my life, a person who made me feel so many wonderful feelings, ecstatic experiences and just too many beautiful emotions. I will love you forever.
Wanting You Beside Me
I am here again. I got up late and my friends got me breakfast. I just had it in my room alone. You were the one I wanted by my side. Yesterday we were chatting till late night and after I was in my room, I was writing ‘those stuffs’ and editing some of the written works. It was 3:00 AM when I went to bed. But sleep eluded me. I couldn’t help but think of you. I missed you so much then and I miss you so much now. In fact, I miss you every moment. Even when I woke up this morning, I was feeling a vague hangover of the night’s thoughts. I unsteadily searched for you in half sleep. I kept thinking over the relationship we share, the secrets we know, the love we have found, the happiness we enjoy and the incredible patterns we have woven with them.
I try to go on, looking at each day as I would if you were here but I fail to. Days without you are days of insuppressible emotions. I’m not lonely because you are there with me in my heart, but sometimes, a day gets too tough to get on. I am just thinking how to live on Valentine’s Day without you. If the other days were hard without you, this day will blow me to pieces. Without you on this day, I will be but a log, a stump without words. I know how much I am going to miss you. but I promise that I will try to be strong for you and us. For me and you. it won’t be any easier for you too. Think of me and you will know I am there for you, feeling the same. Take care and come back soon.
On Valentine
I feel so much love…the fragrance of love embracing me. I feel beautiful; just too wonderful. I feel all the beauty and joy because I am celebrating the day with you. You make all the difference. Our love will grow and we will be celebrating so many Valentine’s to come in the more fantastic ways. We will always grow in love and we will always find the way.
When I sit and think of your face, your eyes speaking to me only my heart could understand I fall in love with you all over again. My love let us rejoice in love and live rejoicing the miracle that happened to us. Let us make ourselves the love itself. I love you and love you sincerely. Be my valentine forever.
Valentine Without You
Here is the day where you really look out for your beloved, feel your heart and smile because you have what you have always dreamt of. I won’t say my day was a gloom. In my heart you dwelled and there I felt you that love me.
I know you are somewhere very far from me but under the same stars, feeling exactly like me. I know you are thinking of me just now because I am thinking of you and I feel our love embracing me. I smile shyly, quietly close my eyes, twitch my lips and see you holding me close to you. Your looks caressing me, your breath making me believe what your heart speaks and your touch giving me the truth. I can see you with me, right beside me.
Honey, though you are not really here to feel the tough, I want you to have a wonderful day simply thinking of what we share. Cherish what love has given us. Be grateful it is us.
You probably won’t know how much I miss you. As I walk around and see the milling crowd, people jeering, laughing, smiling, holding hands, I find myself wishing you were here. I think of you and I feel your hands in mine. You give me a squeeze; I look at you and find love written all over your face. I wonder how I could be so lucky.
I miss you and I find myself lost. I get mad that I am alone here. I feel lonely but I just wrap my hands around my heart and I don’t feel lonely no more. I love this feeling…feeling of madness that blinds reason and yet an enlightenment that makes me see the person you really are and love you just the same.
My love, Valentine day is when I really want to make you mine forever. Valentine day is what I want to make all coming days.
No Sensibility to Rescue Me
I was trying to let sensibility control over me for sometime. But when I had taken down to sleep, I kept dreaming of you: it was either your dreams, I mean you being here with me or talking over the phone or else writing some messages to you. This dream kept coming to me and I couldn’t sleep the full hours I intended. I woke up and here I am now. I thought instead of struggling to write to you in my dreams, let me do it in real. I thought I could really put those words I wrote you in my dream here but I cannot produce here all in full construct – I was all poetic and sentimental there. Anyways, what would it matter? I was only trying to express how much I love you. Love indeed has given me an insight into a path to realizing the capability of a heart’s affection and feel. What would I have done had I not met you? I would not have died, but life surely would have been different – less colors and no beauty. Because, I would not have known love then.
You have become the centre of my life. If I told you that I would die for you or that I would die if you left me, I would be lying but I surely would lose the will to live. What would I do with a life that has no soul?
Now that I have come to love you so truly, I would be betrayed if anything happened to hurt our relationship.
Love is all I have and all I have I give to you. I am happy I can give you all that I am and I have.
No Control
Hmmm… days passed and so did many months. It is even years and yet I see you and I find myself thinking, god no, not again, I can’t get lost. But it simply takes its toll and I am a victim to this emotion I have no control over. May be I shouldn’t say this but what good will it do if I keep it to myself? This thing is something I really can’t make any near conclusion. You see, it just caresses me with a flicker of a seducing moment and I find myself having no sense of positive thinking. There is no common sense to defend me. I just lie there, all myself, lost, looking at you and longing for you to take me into your arms. God, it just has no explanations. Don’t ask me questions, like if I love you or if I think it is right. I know nothing; I am just like a child looking into the eyes of his mother.
Anyways, all I want to say is that years passed cannot make hearts go still. Love shared can’t be blinded. Bonds built cannot be broken…love stands through time and no matter what you go through even after the things are done, hurts are caused, and pains are inflicted, a day comes where you forgive every little pain and is ready to fall into his arms once again.
Respect for Your Views
I’m thinking if anything can make a difference in what we feel for each other. I respect your views but I cannot come to live under it. I can accept your views and perceptions but by living by my own. You see, love doesn’t mean trying to accept even the things you know you cannot. It means adjusting with two different views and making it completely comfortable, normal and fitting.
Inner Glow
The day ended beautifully. I was in your thoughts the whole day and that made me feel the world glowing in a spark of beautiful colors.
Now having done the day’s work and resting for all that was done, I could not find sleep. It kept me awake - Your thoughts and our dreams. I shut my eyes wishing for sleep to come, yet my heart wouldn’t stop beating, my mind wouldn’t stop racing in your thoughts. In that moment of transit between wish and hope, sleep and dream, I knew there could not have been anything more beautiful than falling in love with you. I was in my bed, not really sleeping but thinking of you and how beautiful my life turned to be once I met you. it was like I always knew that love would find me and I would meet someone like you. Once we met, it happened like the most natural thing. Even before knowing you well I found myself believing that it was going to be true. Looking at the way we met and fell in love, it makes me believe that there are things in the world we cannot really see but are sure to happen for the best of us. Even when I think of you I feel an inner glow of love consuming me in the glory of what we have achieved in loving each other.
Purpose to Live
When I feel like I have no purpose to live, I think of you, my heart gives me a tug…and I know I have a reason to live. The purpose to live is to love you and to watch you smile…and to cry with you if you have to cry. Even when I am too sick to wake up, I think of you. I feel a gentle touch on my face, and I know it is you, your love that is taking care of me and telling me that you are with me even when you are far.
Maybe, it will come to you like an exaggeration of a bleak feeling. But you can really feel if you let yourself. You will be surprised when you really feel them.
PREFACE
“The first time you fall in love, it changes your life forever, and no mater how hard you try, the feeling never goes away.”
You walk in, bump into someone, or someone comes in, say hi and your life changes forever. The magic starts…
Love, an enigma? A magic? Love certainly is something. You fall in love and all you can do is let love lead the way.
Love, ain’t it simply wonderful?
Something Inside
I don’t really seem to have so much to say; and yet I feel, I have got something inside. You know it is something like: sitting restless
Thoughts mangling up my senses
Missing you terribly and
Wishing life is all about you and me together.
And really, I had not the least idea that love would have me inside out, upside down. And love: it is all about sweet heartaches, beautiful loneliness and pleasant pains…and…and…that never dying wish to be with you all the time. Love to me is the music of heart and the rhythm of heartbeat.
I never knew love could feel so good. How could I have ever dreamt it would be all about this? All about you?
I love you. I am happy just to call you mine. Be mind forever.
Meeting as a Complete Stranger
We met as a complete stranger and I am sure neither of us planned on falling in love. “But once we met, it was clear that something was happening beyond our control.” Everything happened as if it was meant to be. And we found that we have fallen in love. What could have been more beautiful?
With you began the real phase of my life. I could not have missed you. Dear, I find myself feeling grateful that you told me what you felt for me.
The Only One
What can I say when all you do touch my heart like nothing has ever done? You are the only one I think of everyday of my life. You alone accompany me even in the times of darkest hours.
It was so nice to hear from you. It indeed made me realize how much you mean to me. You are the companion of my soul, for this life and will be for the ages to go. As the years go by, our love shall forever grow and even as the generations decay, our love shall find its way. I love you with all my heart.
Hard to Sleep
I wish you were here with me at this moment. I need you. I am feeling so down and I feel that if you were here I wouldn’t feel that bad.
I couldn’t concentrate, neither could I sleep. Sometimes I feel that, if it were not for you, I wouldn’t mind dying.
We both have dreams and I am sure we can be what we want to be…together. I feel that you are sent here as the answer to my prayers; you are an oar of the boat of my dream. But I do not mean that I’m with you out of self requisite. If it were not for my love, I wouldn’t have known you that close. With love as the driveway, I came to know that you are really one person I would never want to let go. Do you believe me? Sometimes I feel a little insecure and that shows that my love is still alive, still growing.
My dear, let us do the things together. All we need is each other.
Love Begins When…
I say that love begins only when one’s heart is sure of an accommodation for another heart. I was sure I had it and that was when I knew I could take up your heart as well.
I was searching for love when I found you and when I found you I knew you were the love I was searching for.
After that, I found myself holding on to you, loving you with such magnitude that I never wanted to let you go.
Can’t Live Without Love
Wonder what I’m doing here? I’m sitting by the table…lost and crazy. But I can love you even in the spur of craziness. Love? Insanity? Uncontrollable flow of emotions? Whatever… I don’t think I can live without it.
I know that there is nothing to lose by loving you…rather I have everything to gain – a life that is more than a life! I can even walk through the darkest hours with you beside me. I can complete the walk of life with happiness because I have you. It is with you I want to stay for a long, long time and forever.
I was wondering how on earth one can stay with a woman, seeing the same face everyday. I know the answer now. That woman is the love, the life, the very heart and soul of himself, the very essence of his life and she is his very own. I can’t stay away from you for even a second and I never get tired or bored when I m with you. I forget everything but you. I can go on sitting beside you, holding your hand, without wanting anything more.
I don’t have to wonder how I would live my life with a woman, because you are the woman I want to grow old with. Even when I am old and driven sick, I would want just you by my side.
Hard to be Away
I miss you so much and it is hard to be away. But it is the moment to build up the strength to show our love can pass through any hurdles. It is time to prove that our love is true.
When we have overcome all these leaps and bumps of hurdles, we will be there for each other at the end of the road, looking and smiling at each other. That is when the life of our own will begin. I will come running into your arms, in your embrace, never to be away. We will be together as one. I will love you forever.
If you really want to know why I love you so much, be with me and feel my heart. We don’t have to search for reasons. Let it be. Just know that I love you.
Part of Me
I didn’t know someone can become so much a part of me. I now understand what you meant when you said you can’t survive without me. I need you as much.
So Much Pain
Dear, how are you? I am thinking thoughts upon thoughts and I am missing you so much. It is hard for me to think that you will be away from me for so many days to come. I don’t want to let you go. I don’t know how I will make through the days and nights without you. Even to think of it is so much pain. I can sense the emptiness, the void and the darkness that will be there without you. But I know that it will be gone as soon as we are together again. This hope of seeing you again will be my strength to walk on when I’m alone here.
Be there for me, be my man, be my inspiration, be my guide and be my strength.
Looking back and trying to understand all that has been happening, it seems like our destiny was driving us closer.
Thank You
1. You were there when I needed you the most. You made me see the world beyond which I could see the happiness. Thank you for being there when the whole world looked down upon me. You were there as true as ever, with your unfaltering love and smile. Thank you for loving me. You believed me because you trusted me. You trusted me because you loved me. You loved me and let me be myself. You didn’t love what I was not. Thank you for accepting me the way I am.
2. Thanks a lot for not just being a person who knows me but for being the person who understands me. For not just being the person who loves me but for being the person who gives me happiness. For not just being the person who listens to me but for being the person who hears me. For not just being a lover but a constant friend. For not just being the person I want but for being the person I need. Thank you for not just being anything I want but for being everything.
Misunderstandings
I know you were right and I was wrong all along. Can it be because I wanted it to happen this way? Or is it because I am innocent? Either way, I am wrong and I am sorry. Please forgive me.
It is neither the rejection of your love, nor betrayal. If you can believe me, I still love you. Take it any way you like and I do not care what meaning you make of it.
I can’t promise you the world but I can promise you my love and trust. I know it will take me through.
Did I hurt you? I didn’t mean to and I am sorry if I did hurt you unknowingly. I don’t have the intention to hurt another heart and you will be the last person I would want to do that to.
If I have done anything against your will, be kind enough to forget it.
I will always remember you as one person I felt so close to, the person to whom I have shared the most secret words, the person to whom I have uttered the most loving words and the person I have held too dearly to my heart.
I will love you as one woman who reached the point where I could never give up. I don’t really understand all this. The emotions, love…the complexity of it all. But, “a woman is not to understand life but to live it”, rite? So, I won’t try to understand them. I like it this way…it is all so beautiful.
Reason Why
I am here again trying to reason why I am missing you so much and why I get this feeling that I cannot go on for a second without you. If I could, I would run for you.
I miss you so much. There is no one, but myself in the room. The music and your thoughts are my only company. At times like this, I can really see what love is, and how much I love you.
Even as I watch the stars in the sky, I see your face reflected there. I look around, dragging my feet in a lonely pace. Even as I miss you, I know that under the same sky, you are also looking at the same stars and that you are there waiting for me, missing me as much. Even as I hope beyond hope, I know there is another day and yet another more day to unravel before I see you. Everything makes me miss you so much. I wish I could call a miracle.
Love is what we share and we will share it for a long time till it finds its end. You are my only one. Our love shall never die, it shall forever grow.
Could Anything be More Beautiful?
As I sit here and think of you, I wonder if anything could be more beautiful. The life I shared with you and the memories I created with you are seared in my mind and with each passing day I find myself turning over the pages with refreshed vigor and intensity. As days go by I find myself growing more in love with you. I will not forget a single moment of my life with you.
I didn’t even ask myself if I would like falling in love but with you everything happened so naturally and you wove the pattern of happiness in my life.
Time never seem to run. A day passes and I find as if a double of it is added. I miss you more with each passing day. “I search for you and find my heart.” When you are not with me, I feel so alone and lonely, desolate and empty, incomplete and lovelorn because when you are away, it is the other half of me I’m missing. Every beat of my heart whispers how truly I love you and how wrong it would be without you.
Struggling Without You
As I am struggling on with life without you, I find each second a muffled dread of fear and anxiety of having to go on this way for a long time.
As I sit and try to concentrate on my works, I find myself slipping away in your thoughts. I cannot even study.
I love you but nothing stays forever constant and our feelings are liable to change too and I fear if we wouldn’t get hurt. But we need to trust each other and rest I guess will come together.
Nothing More Important
I couldn’t help but write to you. I know I should be doing something important and worthy at this time but I don’t find anything more important than you.
I am getting this feeling that I can’t exactly name but is a sweet sensation. I feel so lucky to have met you. I get so tempted to call you but I know you are busy with your exam just a week away. So I have to keep myself content with just your thoughts and memories.
Ill At Ease
I know you are busy there with your own works. And I am thinking if at all I should send you this letter. But honey, you should know that I am ill at ease…books lying in front of me and the exam just the next day. And amidst all this, hurdles or peace, I can’t help missing you. I can never get used to being alone without you.
I am all alone, sitting in the room, I look around and all I can think of is you. I wish you were here this instant. Even when I know you are there for me, I cannot help missing you. I feel like holding you close.
From the deathbed
Honey, as I lie here lifeless on the hospital bed, I feel every inch of me disintegrating into something more subtle. I lie here day and night, thinking over the times we had together. Beautiful times they were.
And when I open my eyes after a long tedious half-sleep, it feels so good to see you sitting beside the bed, holding my hand. I will be carrying this feeling forever. I will never forget a moment, a single moment that I had with you – the first time we kissed that night when we were returning from dinner…looking at each other in that some kind of intense deep feeling, not knowing how to make the first move. And there were in each other’s arms. That was the moment when I felt so loved and wonderful and I knew it then that you were the woman I was goig to live with. As I felt the ground reeling, I lost myself in the emotions I had never known. I wanted the night to last forever and the kiss to go on.
I wanted to marry you, have kids and live a long time with you. But, now, here I am, a person already half dead. But honey, never mind – remember how happy we were together before I fell sick and how happy I am now to have met you. I wouldn’t mind dying now…I had the bigger parts of my life felt with you. Remember how much we love each other and how happy we are together. No matter where, I will pray for you…look for you and love you. Maybe, I will have a greater freedom to love you once I have gained a spirituality of my soul.
You will marry someday. You have to. You cannot go on mourning for a person long dead. I will look down upon you and smile and will be happy to see you with someone that cares and loves you.
You will be in my heart and you will remain a person who made a great difference in my life, a person who made me feel so many wonderful feelings, ecstatic experiences and just too many beautiful emotions. I will love you forever.
Wanting You Beside Me
I am here again. I got up late and my friends got me breakfast. I just had it in my room alone. You were the one I wanted by my side. Yesterday we were chatting till late night and after I was in my room, I was writing ‘those stuffs’ and editing some of the written works. It was 3:00 AM when I went to bed. But sleep eluded me. I couldn’t help but think of you. I missed you so much then and I miss you so much now. In fact, I miss you every moment. Even when I woke up this morning, I was feeling a vague hangover of the night’s thoughts. I unsteadily searched for you in half sleep. I kept thinking over the relationship we share, the secrets we know, the love we have found, the happiness we enjoy and the incredible patterns we have woven with them.
I try to go on, looking at each day as I would if you were here but I fail to. Days without you are days of insuppressible emotions. I’m not lonely because you are there with me in my heart, but sometimes, a day gets too tough to get on. I am just thinking how to live on Valentine’s Day without you. If the other days were hard without you, this day will blow me to pieces. Without you on this day, I will be but a log, a stump without words. I know how much I am going to miss you. but I promise that I will try to be strong for you and us. For me and you. it won’t be any easier for you too. Think of me and you will know I am there for you, feeling the same. Take care and come back soon.
On Valentine
I feel so much love…the fragrance of love embracing me. I feel beautiful; just too wonderful. I feel all the beauty and joy because I am celebrating the day with you. You make all the difference. Our love will grow and we will be celebrating so many Valentine’s to come in the more fantastic ways. We will always grow in love and we will always find the way.
When I sit and think of your face, your eyes speaking to me only my heart could understand I fall in love with you all over again. My love let us rejoice in love and live rejoicing the miracle that happened to us. Let us make ourselves the love itself. I love you and love you sincerely. Be my valentine forever.
Valentine Without You
Here is the day where you really look out for your beloved, feel your heart and smile because you have what you have always dreamt of. I won’t say my day was a gloom. In my heart you dwelled and there I felt you that love me.
I know you are somewhere very far from me but under the same stars, feeling exactly like me. I know you are thinking of me just now because I am thinking of you and I feel our love embracing me. I smile shyly, quietly close my eyes, twitch my lips and see you holding me close to you. Your looks caressing me, your breath making me believe what your heart speaks and your touch giving me the truth. I can see you with me, right beside me.
Honey, though you are not really here to feel the tough, I want you to have a wonderful day simply thinking of what we share. Cherish what love has given us. Be grateful it is us.
You probably won’t know how much I miss you. As I walk around and see the milling crowd, people jeering, laughing, smiling, holding hands, I find myself wishing you were here. I think of you and I feel your hands in mine. You give me a squeeze; I look at you and find love written all over your face. I wonder how I could be so lucky.
I miss you and I find myself lost. I get mad that I am alone here. I feel lonely but I just wrap my hands around my heart and I don’t feel lonely no more. I love this feeling…feeling of madness that blinds reason and yet an enlightenment that makes me see the person you really are and love you just the same.
My love, Valentine day is when I really want to make you mine forever. Valentine day is what I want to make all coming days.
No Sensibility to Rescue Me
I was trying to let sensibility control over me for sometime. But when I had taken down to sleep, I kept dreaming of you: it was either your dreams, I mean you being here with me or talking over the phone or else writing some messages to you. This dream kept coming to me and I couldn’t sleep the full hours I intended. I woke up and here I am now. I thought instead of struggling to write to you in my dreams, let me do it in real. I thought I could really put those words I wrote you in my dream here but I cannot produce here all in full construct – I was all poetic and sentimental there. Anyways, what would it matter? I was only trying to express how much I love you. Love indeed has given me an insight into a path to realizing the capability of a heart’s affection and feel. What would I have done had I not met you? I would not have died, but life surely would have been different – less colors and no beauty. Because, I would not have known love then.
You have become the centre of my life. If I told you that I would die for you or that I would die if you left me, I would be lying but I surely would lose the will to live. What would I do with a life that has no soul?
Now that I have come to love you so truly, I would be betrayed if anything happened to hurt our relationship.
Love is all I have and all I have I give to you. I am happy I can give you all that I am and I have.
No Control
Hmmm… days passed and so did many months. It is even years and yet I see you and I find myself thinking, god no, not again, I can’t get lost. But it simply takes its toll and I am a victim to this emotion I have no control over. May be I shouldn’t say this but what good will it do if I keep it to myself? This thing is something I really can’t make any near conclusion. You see, it just caresses me with a flicker of a seducing moment and I find myself having no sense of positive thinking. There is no common sense to defend me. I just lie there, all myself, lost, looking at you and longing for you to take me into your arms. God, it just has no explanations. Don’t ask me questions, like if I love you or if I think it is right. I know nothing; I am just like a child looking into the eyes of his mother.
Anyways, all I want to say is that years passed cannot make hearts go still. Love shared can’t be blinded. Bonds built cannot be broken…love stands through time and no matter what you go through even after the things are done, hurts are caused, and pains are inflicted, a day comes where you forgive every little pain and is ready to fall into his arms once again.
Respect for Your Views
I’m thinking if anything can make a difference in what we feel for each other. I respect your views but I cannot come to live under it. I can accept your views and perceptions but by living by my own. You see, love doesn’t mean trying to accept even the things you know you cannot. It means adjusting with two different views and making it completely comfortable, normal and fitting.
Inner Glow
The day ended beautifully. I was in your thoughts the whole day and that made me feel the world glowing in a spark of beautiful colors.
Now having done the day’s work and resting for all that was done, I could not find sleep. It kept me awake - Your thoughts and our dreams. I shut my eyes wishing for sleep to come, yet my heart wouldn’t stop beating, my mind wouldn’t stop racing in your thoughts. In that moment of transit between wish and hope, sleep and dream, I knew there could not have been anything more beautiful than falling in love with you. I was in my bed, not really sleeping but thinking of you and how beautiful my life turned to be once I met you. it was like I always knew that love would find me and I would meet someone like you. Once we met, it happened like the most natural thing. Even before knowing you well I found myself believing that it was going to be true. Looking at the way we met and fell in love, it makes me believe that there are things in the world we cannot really see but are sure to happen for the best of us. Even when I think of you I feel an inner glow of love consuming me in the glory of what we have achieved in loving each other.
Purpose to Live
When I feel like I have no purpose to live, I think of you, my heart gives me a tug…and I know I have a reason to live. The purpose to live is to love you and to watch you smile…and to cry with you if you have to cry. Even when I am too sick to wake up, I think of you. I feel a gentle touch on my face, and I know it is you, your love that is taking care of me and telling me that you are with me even when you are far.
LOVE: WHY MOST MEN DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?: A JOKE OR NOT?
This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Unfortunately, there is rarely a hard and fast answer to the query. Many men try to reason their way through the dilemma nonetheless, often reaching a series of ridiculous explanations, each more self-deprecating than the last: "Is it because I'm too shy, and not aggressive enough? Is it my opening lines? Am I a boring person? Am I too fat or too thin? Or am I simply ugly and completely unattractive to women?" When all other plausible explanations have been discounted, most fall back on the time-honoured conclusion that "there must be Something Wrong™ with me" before resigning themselves to lives of perpetual chastity.2
I refuse to spend my life brooding over my lack of luck with women. While I'll be the first to admit that my chances of ever entering into a meaningful relationship with someone special are practically non-existent, I staunchly refuse to admit that it has anything to do with some inherent problem with me. Instead, I am convinced that the situation can be readily explained in purely scientific terms, using nothing more than demographics and some elementary statistical calculus.
Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. First, the potential girlfriend must be approximately my age — let's say 21 plus or minus three or four years. Second, the girl must be beautiful (and I use that term all-encompassingly to refer to both inner and outer beauty). Third, she must also be reasonably intelligent — she doesn't have to be Mensa material, but the ability to carry on a witty, insightful argument would be nice. So there they are — three simple demands, which I'm sure everyone will agree are anything but unreasonable.
That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible — in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data permits. And I should note, too, that there will be no statistical trickery involved here; I have cited all my sources and provided all relevant calculations3 in case anyone wishes to conduct their own independent review. Let's now take a look at the figures.
Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5 592 830 000
We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested — namely, the population of this planet. That is not to say I'm against the idea of interstellar romance, of course; I just don't assess the prospect of finding myself a nice Altairian girl as statistically significant. Now anyway, the latest halfway-reliable figures we have for Earth's population come from the United States Census Bureau's 1999 World Population Profile [WP98]. Due presumably to the time involved in compiling and processing census statistics, said report's data is valid only as of 1998, so later on we'll be making some impromptu adjustments to bring the numbers up to date.
…who are female: 2 941 118 000
I'd've thought that, given the title of this essay, this criterion goes without saying. In case anyone missed it, though, I am looking for exclusively female companionship. Accordingly, roughly half of the Earth's population must be discounted. Sorry, guys.
…in "developed" countries: 605 601 000
We now further restrict the geographical area of interest to so-called "first-world countries". My reasons for doing so are not motivated out of contempt for those who are economically disadvantaged, but rather by simple probability. My chances of meeting a babe from Bhutan or a goddess from Ghana, either in person or on the Internet, are understandably low. In fact, I will most likely spend nearly my entire life living and working in North America, Europe, and Australia, so it is to these types of regions that the numbers have been narrowed.
…currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65 399 083
Being neither a pedophile nor a geriatrophile, I would like to restrict my search for love to those whose age is approximately equal to my own. This is where things get a bit tricky, for two reasons: first, the census data is nearly two years old, and second, the "population by age" tables in [WP98] are not separated into individual ages but are instead quantized into "15–19" (of whom there are 39 560 000) and "20–44" (population 215 073 000). Women aged 15 to 19 in 1998 will be aged 17 to 21 in 2000; in this group, I'm interested in dating those 18 or older, so, assuming the "15–19" girls' ages are uniformly distributed, we have
Similarly, of 1998's "20–44" category, there are now
females within my chosen age limit. The sum, 66 059 680, represents the total number of females aged 18 to 25 in developed countries in 2000. Unfortunately, roughly 1% of these girls will have died since the census was taken;4 thus, the true number of so-far eligible bachelorettes is 65 399 083.
…who are beautiful: 1 487 838
Personal attraction, both physically and personality-wise, is an important instigator of any relationship. Of course, beauty is a purely subjective trait whose interpretation may vary from person to person. Luckily it is not necessary for me to define beauty in this essay except to state that for any given beholder, it will probably be normally distributed amongst the population.5 Without going into the specifics of precisely which traits I admire, I will say that for a girl to be considered really beautiful to me, she should fall at least two standard deviations above the norm. From basic statistics theory, the area to the left of the normal curve at z = 2 is
and so it is this number with which we multiply our current population pool.
…and intelligent: 236 053
Again, intelligence can mean different things to different people, yet I am once more relieved of making any explanation by noting that it, like most other characteristics, has a notionally normal distribution across the population. Let's assume that I will settle for someone a mere one standard deviation above the normal; in that case, a further
of the population must be discounted.
…and not already committed: 118 027
I could find no hard statistics on the number of above-noted girls who are already married, engaged, or otherwise committed to a significant other, but informal observation and anecdotal evidence leads me to believe that the proportion is somewhere around 50%. (Fellow unattached males will no doubt have also noticed a preponderance of girls legitimately offering, "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend" as an excuse not to go on a date.) For reasons of morality (and perhaps too self-preservation), I'm not about to start hitting on girls who have husbands and boyfriends. Accordingly, that portion of the female population must also be considered off-limits.
…and also might like me: 18 726
Naturally, finding a suitable girl who I really like is no guarantee that she'll like me back. Assuming, as previously mentioned, that personal attractiveness is normally distributed, there is a mere 50% chance that any given female will consider me even marginally attractive. In practice, however, people are unlikely to consider pursuing a relationship with someone whose looks and personality just barely suffice. Let's make the rather conservative assumption, then, that a girl would go out with someone if and only if they were at least one standard deviation above her idea of average. In that case, referring to our previous calculation, only 15.8655% of females would consider someone with my physical characteristics and personality acceptable as a potential romantic partner.
Conclusion
It is here, at a pool of 18 726 acceptable females, that we end our statistical analysis. At first glance, a datable population of 18 726 may not seem like such a low number, but consider this: assuming I were to go on a blind date with a new girl about my age every week, I would have to date for 3493 weeks before I found one of the 18 726. That's very nearly 67 years. As a North American male born in the late 1960s, my life expectancy is probably little more than 76 years, so we can safely say that I will be quite dead before I find the proverbial girl of my dreams. Come to think of it, she'll probably be dead too.
I refuse to spend my life brooding over my lack of luck with women. While I'll be the first to admit that my chances of ever entering into a meaningful relationship with someone special are practically non-existent, I staunchly refuse to admit that it has anything to do with some inherent problem with me. Instead, I am convinced that the situation can be readily explained in purely scientific terms, using nothing more than demographics and some elementary statistical calculus.
Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. First, the potential girlfriend must be approximately my age — let's say 21 plus or minus three or four years. Second, the girl must be beautiful (and I use that term all-encompassingly to refer to both inner and outer beauty). Third, she must also be reasonably intelligent — she doesn't have to be Mensa material, but the ability to carry on a witty, insightful argument would be nice. So there they are — three simple demands, which I'm sure everyone will agree are anything but unreasonable.
That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible — in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data permits. And I should note, too, that there will be no statistical trickery involved here; I have cited all my sources and provided all relevant calculations3 in case anyone wishes to conduct their own independent review. Let's now take a look at the figures.
Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5 592 830 000
We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested — namely, the population of this planet. That is not to say I'm against the idea of interstellar romance, of course; I just don't assess the prospect of finding myself a nice Altairian girl as statistically significant. Now anyway, the latest halfway-reliable figures we have for Earth's population come from the United States Census Bureau's 1999 World Population Profile [WP98]. Due presumably to the time involved in compiling and processing census statistics, said report's data is valid only as of 1998, so later on we'll be making some impromptu adjustments to bring the numbers up to date.
…who are female: 2 941 118 000
I'd've thought that, given the title of this essay, this criterion goes without saying. In case anyone missed it, though, I am looking for exclusively female companionship. Accordingly, roughly half of the Earth's population must be discounted. Sorry, guys.
…in "developed" countries: 605 601 000
We now further restrict the geographical area of interest to so-called "first-world countries". My reasons for doing so are not motivated out of contempt for those who are economically disadvantaged, but rather by simple probability. My chances of meeting a babe from Bhutan or a goddess from Ghana, either in person or on the Internet, are understandably low. In fact, I will most likely spend nearly my entire life living and working in North America, Europe, and Australia, so it is to these types of regions that the numbers have been narrowed.
…currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65 399 083
Being neither a pedophile nor a geriatrophile, I would like to restrict my search for love to those whose age is approximately equal to my own. This is where things get a bit tricky, for two reasons: first, the census data is nearly two years old, and second, the "population by age" tables in [WP98] are not separated into individual ages but are instead quantized into "15–19" (of whom there are 39 560 000) and "20–44" (population 215 073 000). Women aged 15 to 19 in 1998 will be aged 17 to 21 in 2000; in this group, I'm interested in dating those 18 or older, so, assuming the "15–19" girls' ages are uniformly distributed, we have
Similarly, of 1998's "20–44" category, there are now
females within my chosen age limit. The sum, 66 059 680, represents the total number of females aged 18 to 25 in developed countries in 2000. Unfortunately, roughly 1% of these girls will have died since the census was taken;4 thus, the true number of so-far eligible bachelorettes is 65 399 083.
…who are beautiful: 1 487 838
Personal attraction, both physically and personality-wise, is an important instigator of any relationship. Of course, beauty is a purely subjective trait whose interpretation may vary from person to person. Luckily it is not necessary for me to define beauty in this essay except to state that for any given beholder, it will probably be normally distributed amongst the population.5 Without going into the specifics of precisely which traits I admire, I will say that for a girl to be considered really beautiful to me, she should fall at least two standard deviations above the norm. From basic statistics theory, the area to the left of the normal curve at z = 2 is
and so it is this number with which we multiply our current population pool.
…and intelligent: 236 053
Again, intelligence can mean different things to different people, yet I am once more relieved of making any explanation by noting that it, like most other characteristics, has a notionally normal distribution across the population. Let's assume that I will settle for someone a mere one standard deviation above the normal; in that case, a further
of the population must be discounted.
…and not already committed: 118 027
I could find no hard statistics on the number of above-noted girls who are already married, engaged, or otherwise committed to a significant other, but informal observation and anecdotal evidence leads me to believe that the proportion is somewhere around 50%. (Fellow unattached males will no doubt have also noticed a preponderance of girls legitimately offering, "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend" as an excuse not to go on a date.) For reasons of morality (and perhaps too self-preservation), I'm not about to start hitting on girls who have husbands and boyfriends. Accordingly, that portion of the female population must also be considered off-limits.
…and also might like me: 18 726
Naturally, finding a suitable girl who I really like is no guarantee that she'll like me back. Assuming, as previously mentioned, that personal attractiveness is normally distributed, there is a mere 50% chance that any given female will consider me even marginally attractive. In practice, however, people are unlikely to consider pursuing a relationship with someone whose looks and personality just barely suffice. Let's make the rather conservative assumption, then, that a girl would go out with someone if and only if they were at least one standard deviation above her idea of average. In that case, referring to our previous calculation, only 15.8655% of females would consider someone with my physical characteristics and personality acceptable as a potential romantic partner.
Conclusion
It is here, at a pool of 18 726 acceptable females, that we end our statistical analysis. At first glance, a datable population of 18 726 may not seem like such a low number, but consider this: assuming I were to go on a blind date with a new girl about my age every week, I would have to date for 3493 weeks before I found one of the 18 726. That's very nearly 67 years. As a North American male born in the late 1960s, my life expectancy is probably little more than 76 years, so we can safely say that I will be quite dead before I find the proverbial girl of my dreams. Come to think of it, she'll probably be dead too.
LOVE: TO RISK...TO LOVE....TO SURRENDER. IT'S OPEN ARMS
Everytime we put our hand out to someone or open our heart to someone...we run the risk of being rejected. Right? But we also run the risk...fifty-fifty chance of being accepted and loved and that is better odd than anything in Las Vegas. You also get a chance of someone reaching out and touching you in love. But yet most people are afraid to surrender to love...to anything. They haven't figured it out that my giving up something of a lower order, they achieve something of a much higher order. They are afraid to open and surrender because they
-afraid of getting hurt
-they think most people just want sex
-if someone knew who they really were...they would be horrified
-surrendering make them feel insecure and jealous. The deeper someone feels about someone else, the deeper the insecurity and jealousy, so they rather be casual and then they won't get hurt.
-they are afraid of getting bored in the realtionship, as soon as they get to know each other, the newness vanishes and so does the excitement
-or once they are in a relationship, they feel cheated. They feel like there must be more, so they go around and looking for it.
People are afraid to risk in love because they are afraid of getting hurt. They don't want to trust anyone. Listen, I have been hurt, you have been hurt...anyone who attempts to love will get hurt.. You can learn from pain. What a silly world we live in, where we believe that everything has to be so joyeous all the time. It not suppose to be that way. When you see these stupid commerical on TV where people are giddy over cornflakes or anything else for that matter is crazy. If these actor and actress are so esctatic over such things as a toilet cleaner, what's the matter with me and you, you might be asking yourself. I should be happy all the time, too. There's nothing wrong with a little pain. You have to experience it, learn to feel it, to scream, yell, gnash the walls. Let if come out. And then FORGET IT.Otherwise you're going to to store it up forever.
Listen, it's true that commitment and surrendering might hurt, and it's true that it will make great demands on you, and it also true that it going to demand change in you, and bring out your deepest feeling and make you feel miserable sometimes. But the only alternatives to surrendering and commitment is loneliness and despair. The only way you are ever going to see yourself and to grow is in an intimate relationship. If I want to know me I won't find it by living alone. I'm going to find it by your responses to me. The problem with people now is that most people don't want to work things out, why solve what the issues are when it easier to find someone else.
When I talk about surrendering ...I am talking about let me give and receive you without exploitation. I don't want to use you, I want to love you. I want to experience you. I want to know you. I want to smell you. I want to feel you. I want to grow with you. I want to dance with you, cry with you. I want to caress you. Eating a good dinner by yourself is fine, but sharing it with someone you love is heaven. Going to the park and looking at trees by yourself is great, but hang someone on your arm who say...look at those yellow ones while you are looking at the blue ones and you don't miss the yellow or the blues ones is fantastic.
What surrendering and commitment does is make our world larger. Your world become my world and my world become yours. You and I become US and that US gets bigger and bigger. You and I together are much stronger than you and I alone, When I take your in my life, I now have four arms instead of two. Two heads. Four legs. Two possibilities of joy. Sure, two possibilities of tears, but I can be there while you cryand you can be thre while I cry, because nobody should ever cry alone
What is love? It's open arms. It's keeping your arms open and people will come and go---as they will anyway. And sometimes you have this feeling of vast emptiness in you as I do, a gnawing in your guts, something screaming to get out...I sometimes think it my soul crying. When I am in a airplane, I sometimes look out at the clouds and I think of the wonder and magic of the universe. I want you in my life because without you, my life is never complete. But only when you find the you of you, will you have anything to give to me, just as I must find the me or me. Why do you think I read so much? Why do you think I watch so many movies? Why do you think I listen to music? And why I travel? So that I can get more and more and more and share it with you---that's the only purpose of having it. If we deny even one person entrance in your life, you'll never get his or her uniqueness from anyone else. You have to come to grips that love is everything. More is going on between you and me right now that just you reading my words Do you feel it?
I hate when I talk to someone and I can sense cautiousness and fear. Why are we building higher and higher wall to protect yourself from each other? I don't ever want to be protected from you. I want to just dive right in the middle of you. I want to experience you. I don't want to be protected from you. I'll trust. All i am saying is drop your cautious and mistrust...if not then your world is going to be bery limited, full of suspicion and ugliness. I'm nowhere lest than where you are. I'm just as confused. I'm just as lonely. I'm just as despairing. I cry often. I have no more answer than you do. I've just stopped asking the question. and surrender. But so many of us pretend that we have it all together, that we are so secure, that we don't need when it would be so much easier to be able to say....I NEED YOU.
-afraid of getting hurt
-they think most people just want sex
-if someone knew who they really were...they would be horrified
-surrendering make them feel insecure and jealous. The deeper someone feels about someone else, the deeper the insecurity and jealousy, so they rather be casual and then they won't get hurt.
-they are afraid of getting bored in the realtionship, as soon as they get to know each other, the newness vanishes and so does the excitement
-or once they are in a relationship, they feel cheated. They feel like there must be more, so they go around and looking for it.
People are afraid to risk in love because they are afraid of getting hurt. They don't want to trust anyone. Listen, I have been hurt, you have been hurt...anyone who attempts to love will get hurt.. You can learn from pain. What a silly world we live in, where we believe that everything has to be so joyeous all the time. It not suppose to be that way. When you see these stupid commerical on TV where people are giddy over cornflakes or anything else for that matter is crazy. If these actor and actress are so esctatic over such things as a toilet cleaner, what's the matter with me and you, you might be asking yourself. I should be happy all the time, too. There's nothing wrong with a little pain. You have to experience it, learn to feel it, to scream, yell, gnash the walls. Let if come out. And then FORGET IT.Otherwise you're going to to store it up forever.
Listen, it's true that commitment and surrendering might hurt, and it's true that it will make great demands on you, and it also true that it going to demand change in you, and bring out your deepest feeling and make you feel miserable sometimes. But the only alternatives to surrendering and commitment is loneliness and despair. The only way you are ever going to see yourself and to grow is in an intimate relationship. If I want to know me I won't find it by living alone. I'm going to find it by your responses to me. The problem with people now is that most people don't want to work things out, why solve what the issues are when it easier to find someone else.
When I talk about surrendering ...I am talking about let me give and receive you without exploitation. I don't want to use you, I want to love you. I want to experience you. I want to know you. I want to smell you. I want to feel you. I want to grow with you. I want to dance with you, cry with you. I want to caress you. Eating a good dinner by yourself is fine, but sharing it with someone you love is heaven. Going to the park and looking at trees by yourself is great, but hang someone on your arm who say...look at those yellow ones while you are looking at the blue ones and you don't miss the yellow or the blues ones is fantastic.
What surrendering and commitment does is make our world larger. Your world become my world and my world become yours. You and I become US and that US gets bigger and bigger. You and I together are much stronger than you and I alone, When I take your in my life, I now have four arms instead of two. Two heads. Four legs. Two possibilities of joy. Sure, two possibilities of tears, but I can be there while you cryand you can be thre while I cry, because nobody should ever cry alone
What is love? It's open arms. It's keeping your arms open and people will come and go---as they will anyway. And sometimes you have this feeling of vast emptiness in you as I do, a gnawing in your guts, something screaming to get out...I sometimes think it my soul crying. When I am in a airplane, I sometimes look out at the clouds and I think of the wonder and magic of the universe. I want you in my life because without you, my life is never complete. But only when you find the you of you, will you have anything to give to me, just as I must find the me or me. Why do you think I read so much? Why do you think I watch so many movies? Why do you think I listen to music? And why I travel? So that I can get more and more and more and share it with you---that's the only purpose of having it. If we deny even one person entrance in your life, you'll never get his or her uniqueness from anyone else. You have to come to grips that love is everything. More is going on between you and me right now that just you reading my words Do you feel it?
I hate when I talk to someone and I can sense cautiousness and fear. Why are we building higher and higher wall to protect yourself from each other? I don't ever want to be protected from you. I want to just dive right in the middle of you. I want to experience you. I don't want to be protected from you. I'll trust. All i am saying is drop your cautious and mistrust...if not then your world is going to be bery limited, full of suspicion and ugliness. I'm nowhere lest than where you are. I'm just as confused. I'm just as lonely. I'm just as despairing. I cry often. I have no more answer than you do. I've just stopped asking the question. and surrender. But so many of us pretend that we have it all together, that we are so secure, that we don't need when it would be so much easier to be able to say....I NEED YOU.
LOVE: RELATIONSHIP OF THE PAST
When you are in loved...its so easy to get fooled. Sometimes I wonder how I have overlooked so many issues and difference in my relationship...only to plague me later. Sometimes I guess didn't pay enough attention to the sign. When we become overly emotionally attach to someone it causes a severing of the heart from the head. In the old days with arranged marriage, the focus was on rational approach to compatibility of family, individual character, culture, and values.The idea of love, romance, attraction was not involved in the choice. It was practical arrangement that was directly by thinking. Marriage was led by the head first and then the heart. Now it is the opposite...its all about attraction, chemistry and then head.I don't know about you, but when i get close to someone and your emotions make you feel safe and secure ...my vision is blinded so I can only see only the part, never the whole. The attachment of the heart overrides the insights of the mind. A healthier approach is to let the mind assess a person character and personality before you get involved.
I am tired of being good all the time. When you are good, you give too much, accept too much, and overlook too much in people. You believe that people can change and that everyone deserve a second or even a third changes. I am not going to do that anymore. I can't deal with most people defensive mechanism. It is so difficult for someone to be in a relationship with someone who is overly defensive.
Sometimes you have this script in your head and you keep playing your part...only with different character. It's the same story over and over again with the same ending. I even act shock when this happen again. This need to repeat...to engage the same self-defeating pattern..and to pick the same type of person is unhealthy. It is that unconsciously we want to change the ending of the original story. We recreate the same dynamics with someone who has SOME of the same problems as the person from the past, only to find that this present partner like the past offender never really changes. You relive the pain of your past once again, with wounds cutting deeper and wider. I don't want to keep attracting the same partner again and again.
When I look in the mirror, inside I don't feel any older yet my body has changed. Sometimes the only way you know you are getting older is by the way others treat you. Your body ages, but your heart does and you accumulate more experience, but some of the experience are left unfinished and unresolved. Maybe I am still a four year old boy in a man body...with the same hurt and ache. I have to grieve what I did not have but always wanted...which is still ----acceptance, appreciation, and love. And this involves more than just acknowledgement of my parent's failure, but to allow myself to feel both my sadness and anger toward them.
I am tired of being good all the time. When you are good, you give too much, accept too much, and overlook too much in people. You believe that people can change and that everyone deserve a second or even a third changes. I am not going to do that anymore. I can't deal with most people defensive mechanism. It is so difficult for someone to be in a relationship with someone who is overly defensive.
Sometimes you have this script in your head and you keep playing your part...only with different character. It's the same story over and over again with the same ending. I even act shock when this happen again. This need to repeat...to engage the same self-defeating pattern..and to pick the same type of person is unhealthy. It is that unconsciously we want to change the ending of the original story. We recreate the same dynamics with someone who has SOME of the same problems as the person from the past, only to find that this present partner like the past offender never really changes. You relive the pain of your past once again, with wounds cutting deeper and wider. I don't want to keep attracting the same partner again and again.
When I look in the mirror, inside I don't feel any older yet my body has changed. Sometimes the only way you know you are getting older is by the way others treat you. Your body ages, but your heart does and you accumulate more experience, but some of the experience are left unfinished and unresolved. Maybe I am still a four year old boy in a man body...with the same hurt and ache. I have to grieve what I did not have but always wanted...which is still ----acceptance, appreciation, and love. And this involves more than just acknowledgement of my parent's failure, but to allow myself to feel both my sadness and anger toward them.
LOVE: THE GREATEST THING THAT LOVE CAN GIVE YOU IS .....YOU
The greatest gift of an intimate relationship is that it can give you YOU. It's the opportunity to discover yourself in the presence of the reflecting emotions of another person: in the mirroring of another person's awareness and at times through her frustrating lack of awareness. It is in this intimate human context that you begin to discover what you really do feel, what's important to you, what delights you, what has troubled you always, and what's troubling you now. Personally I love relationship....it is a emotional workout....i never stop growing.
In a way, love teaches me what it is to be a human being, not only thought my own feelings as they are endlessly evoked by my partner, but also through my experience of another person's uniqueness as it is endlessly revealed to me. Love always gives me exactly what I need---nothing more and nothing less. Real love can thrive only where realism is its waltz partner union fomr the day you fall in love until the day death parts you from it. There is no perfect 10 or perfect person. Being realistic about love means understanding that love will always ask the best of you. Trusting in this will give you confidence in the capacity to love to change adn enrich your life----even if it's in ways you never wished for or expected.
If you're willing to take the risk though, love can bring you incredible gifts ...for it did for me...grand feelings,...someone to wake up with in the morning...someone to cuddle up with at night...someone whose sorrows make your heart sad too. It teaches you about life's meaning.....it can raise questions about your destiny.
In a way, love teaches me what it is to be a human being, not only thought my own feelings as they are endlessly evoked by my partner, but also through my experience of another person's uniqueness as it is endlessly revealed to me. Love always gives me exactly what I need---nothing more and nothing less. Real love can thrive only where realism is its waltz partner union fomr the day you fall in love until the day death parts you from it. There is no perfect 10 or perfect person. Being realistic about love means understanding that love will always ask the best of you. Trusting in this will give you confidence in the capacity to love to change adn enrich your life----even if it's in ways you never wished for or expected.
If you're willing to take the risk though, love can bring you incredible gifts ...for it did for me...grand feelings,...someone to wake up with in the morning...someone to cuddle up with at night...someone whose sorrows make your heart sad too. It teaches you about life's meaning.....it can raise questions about your destiny.
LOVE:WHY MEN NEED TO BE WITH MORE THAN ONE WOMAN
If someone ask me...how many times a day are you sexually attracted to woman? My answer would be...how many woman did i see. When a man see an attractive woman, it doesn't necessarily feel an emotional desire for a relationship. It's more like desire for pizza, for a moment of delicious pleasure. It doesn't necessarily have any emotional depth to it. Trust me ..if you are a woman who go to work wearing makeup up, dressing attractively, aware of your sexiness...then you are expected to be seen as a woman.The way men see your attractiveness is their sexual desire for your body.
When a man see a woman.....he has an instant bodily response...it is not emotional. It is like the smelling the intoxicating fragrance of a flower. It's a moment of thrill, a wave of desire and appreciation. To men, sex is like something like eating pizza, at least at the physiological level. If you put pizza against your mouth, it taste good. It doesn't matter what mood i am in. It doesn't matter who give me the pizza. It's the pizza you taste. For men that pleasure of sex is similar to this.
Man's primary sexual fantasy is to have sex with a variety of attractive partner. This is base on the "Coolidge Effect" http://www.heretical.com/wilson/coolidge.html
Such is the name applied to the observation that a bull refuses to mount the same cow more than a few times in succession. There is no way to cheat the stud: it has to be offered a new cow if it is to continue. The peculiar appellate is based on an anecdote about President Coolidge, who had been visiting a farm with his wife and he chuckled upon hearing that information. When arriving at the chicken coop, his wife asked if roosters are also active only a few times a day. She chuckled when the man in charge answered, "No, ma'am, many times." At this point her husband asked if it was with the same chicken. Mr. Coolidge chuckled a second time when the answer was, "No, sir, always with a different one."
When a man see a woman.....he has an instant bodily response...it is not emotional. It is like the smelling the intoxicating fragrance of a flower. It's a moment of thrill, a wave of desire and appreciation. To men, sex is like something like eating pizza, at least at the physiological level. If you put pizza against your mouth, it taste good. It doesn't matter what mood i am in. It doesn't matter who give me the pizza. It's the pizza you taste. For men that pleasure of sex is similar to this.
Man's primary sexual fantasy is to have sex with a variety of attractive partner. This is base on the "Coolidge Effect" http://www.heretical.com/wilson/coolidge.html
Such is the name applied to the observation that a bull refuses to mount the same cow more than a few times in succession. There is no way to cheat the stud: it has to be offered a new cow if it is to continue. The peculiar appellate is based on an anecdote about President Coolidge, who had been visiting a farm with his wife and he chuckled upon hearing that information. When arriving at the chicken coop, his wife asked if roosters are also active only a few times a day. She chuckled when the man in charge answered, "No, ma'am, many times." At this point her husband asked if it was with the same chicken. Mr. Coolidge chuckled a second time when the answer was, "No, sir, always with a different one."
LOVE: YOUR BEAUTIFUL MIND
Your emotional needs in an intimate relationship reflects the emotional needs you had with your parents. You want to be acknowledge as special, just like you did with your parents. You want to feel secure in your partner's love, just like you did with your parents, and you want your partner to give you more attention, just like you did with your parent. As adults, one part of us is unfulfilled by our intimate relationship, another part of us is actually satisfied by replicating our early childhood patterns. This is the part of us that is willing to settle for consolation and security.
The way our parent treates us, whether it was abusively or dotingly, become our template for love. It is like radar. When we are with a partner who treats us as our parent did...then our bodies and emotions feels...Oh yes this feel like home. If one of your parents were critical of you, you will unconsiously be attracted to someone who criticize you. The repeatedly engage the psychoemotional dance that we learn as children in rhythem with their parents, and attempt to lead that dance toward the feeling of love and acceptance. One way of looking at relationship is to see them as an attempt to replicate our relationship with our parents or the relationships we wished we had with our parents. Another way to see intimate relationship is as a vehicle for practice of opening, growth and real love. You may never completely unlearn what you have learn from your parent, but it doesn't have to be an obstruction to love. It could just be a humorous facet of the relationship.
We all have many voices inside us. Some of them are pleasant, other are not. You have a saint inside of you as well as a sinner. You have a protective mother inside of you as well as a little baby who want to be held and loved. When you objectify all your internal voice, you understand and are aware that they are all part of the energy pattern that you call me. We don't have obey any of the voices
The way our parent treates us, whether it was abusively or dotingly, become our template for love. It is like radar. When we are with a partner who treats us as our parent did...then our bodies and emotions feels...Oh yes this feel like home. If one of your parents were critical of you, you will unconsiously be attracted to someone who criticize you. The repeatedly engage the psychoemotional dance that we learn as children in rhythem with their parents, and attempt to lead that dance toward the feeling of love and acceptance. One way of looking at relationship is to see them as an attempt to replicate our relationship with our parents or the relationships we wished we had with our parents. Another way to see intimate relationship is as a vehicle for practice of opening, growth and real love. You may never completely unlearn what you have learn from your parent, but it doesn't have to be an obstruction to love. It could just be a humorous facet of the relationship.
We all have many voices inside us. Some of them are pleasant, other are not. You have a saint inside of you as well as a sinner. You have a protective mother inside of you as well as a little baby who want to be held and loved. When you objectify all your internal voice, you understand and are aware that they are all part of the energy pattern that you call me. We don't have obey any of the voices
LOVE: LOSING OUR SENSE OF SELF VS OUR DESIRE TO LOSE OURSELVES IN THE ECSTASY OF DEEP LOVE
When you fall in love your heart is open and you love everyone you see. Do you know that feeling? You need to practice opening your heart. When you have doubt- Does she love me? Don't avoid doubt. Love through it. Don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed by doubts, rather, let doubt come up and love. "I'm totally afraid, and I love you so much" The feeling of love is always in your heart, but you have to literally relocated it. Your mind will go into other areas: What will the future hold? Will she take me into account? Just relocate your love. You don't have to stop doing other things. Just relocated love. It's always in your heart. Where was your love before your partner came into your life? Was it floating 50 feet away from you? Has this person come along and pushed love into you? No. Love was always in you...that person just was your excuse for loving. But we need to become responsible for always locating our love, whether our partner is loving or not. In your day-to-day life makes time to relax, relocated and connect with the loving in your heart. Mediate on love, feel into love, Imagine you are in your lover's arm. Your body open. Your heart is radiating love.
The extreme intimacy we seek is also the intimacy we fear. We fear losing our sense of independent self in relationship, but we also desire to lose ourselves in the ecstasy of deep love. Complete union with the one we love is therefore what we most desire and most fear. We cannot entirely rid our intimate relationship of tension. To practice intimacy, we must learn to embrace the constant, subtle tension. Nothing makes you more intimate that allowing your resistance, fear and anger to come up in the midst of love. This is intimacy. It doesn't block intimacy. Instead, express your true feeling and trust the process of love....I feel myself opening to you but I'm afraid of becoming needy. I don't want to lose my own center. But you have to be willing to sacrifice your self-constaintment to allow love to do its work. You open yourself to receiving love by giving love. You invite trust from your partner by trusting him. If you're holding back he'll hold back. You will become involved in a battle of holding back.
Trust love. Trust that in your love with your partner you could bring up how insecure you feel. See how far giving your trust to your partner will go. See how far giving your trust to love itself will do. The practice of intimacy require you to face your deepest inner demons and fears. When you are in love....every single part of you that has yet to be totally infiltrated by love will rise to the surface like oil on water. To be capable of love means to allow all your stuff and your partners to come up. Your fear will come up. So will your feeling of being needy and dependent. So will your anger. Consciously allow this to be part of the relationship.
The extreme intimacy we seek is also the intimacy we fear. We fear losing our sense of independent self in relationship, but we also desire to lose ourselves in the ecstasy of deep love. Complete union with the one we love is therefore what we most desire and most fear. We cannot entirely rid our intimate relationship of tension. To practice intimacy, we must learn to embrace the constant, subtle tension. Nothing makes you more intimate that allowing your resistance, fear and anger to come up in the midst of love. This is intimacy. It doesn't block intimacy. Instead, express your true feeling and trust the process of love....I feel myself opening to you but I'm afraid of becoming needy. I don't want to lose my own center. But you have to be willing to sacrifice your self-constaintment to allow love to do its work. You open yourself to receiving love by giving love. You invite trust from your partner by trusting him. If you're holding back he'll hold back. You will become involved in a battle of holding back.
Trust love. Trust that in your love with your partner you could bring up how insecure you feel. See how far giving your trust to your partner will go. See how far giving your trust to love itself will do. The practice of intimacy require you to face your deepest inner demons and fears. When you are in love....every single part of you that has yet to be totally infiltrated by love will rise to the surface like oil on water. To be capable of love means to allow all your stuff and your partners to come up. Your fear will come up. So will your feeling of being needy and dependent. So will your anger. Consciously allow this to be part of the relationship.
LOVE: THE ART OF BEING A WOMAN IS GONE
I talk a lot in my blog about vibrational energy and how every one sent their own frequency that most people pick up. What I want to talk about today is about how to keep passion or even love in a relationship. In nature we have polarity. If you have two magnets and put their north and south poles together, they attract each other. Same with us. One person has to have the masculine pole and other person have the feminine pole.
Male energy is self-discipline, direction, aggressive. tough, rough
Female energy is appreciation, trust, softness
If a woman' career is more important than her man, then she will lose her trust to him and begin losing her sexual desire. I don't think there is anything wrong with have an career, but if you carry more masculine energy....it repels the masculine energy of your man. It is great to shift from male and female energy, but in moment of intimacy, one partner must carry more of the masculine and one partner more of the feminine. Due to stress of the working world and professional responsibilities most woman use predominantly masuline energy throughout the day. There are times when using your masuline energy is completely healthy and useful, but there is consequences. If you have a conversation and both of you are in male energy, don't expect him to treat you like a woman. Don't expect him to be sexually or emotionally attracted to you. He might want your pussy and that might be it....because that is all you can offer him.
If you tell your man to do things....for example...let go see a movie,...or let stay in ...or whatever....telling or challenging your man.....you are becoming more masculine and it depolarize the relationship. Because he feel your masculine energy, your man may begin to treat you like any other man. A man treat another man is usually not how a woman wants to be treated. Men challenge each other, compete, analyze and discuss. This is why personally, I like submissive woman. I hate when woman talk about work, or doing what...and not talking about making love, walking on the grass....books. Remember the movie..."Pretty Woman"
I don't think any woman wants to be with another woman unless they are gay. If your man acts like a woman...and get scared when he see a bug...he has just reversed polarity and you will feel his lack of masculine energy and therefore not be particularly sexually turned on by him.
It so hard now to tell a woman to be submissive. Most woman think they can be balanced.....meaning exercising both masculine and feminine energy. However for two people to come together as lover rather than business partner or friends, it's good for the man and woman to relax into their masculine and feminine energies, respectively, so that there is polarity. As much as I tell so many woman about this..they resist. Surrendering to your man....is hard for some many woman. You can't have equality in relationship...there can't be two captain, two males, two female. If you want that...that passion of the relationship dies as well.
So many woman forgot how to be a woman. Oh yeah...they can suck your dick and fuck you...but the art of being a woman is gone. They have gone to work and put up a tough exterior and sexual defense throughout the workday. Personally, I think that defense remains in their system...several hours after work. And when they come home or want to start a relationship...after being halfway polarized, because it wasn't safe or appropriate to open all the way.....they bring in a halfway feminine energy to their man and he will then bring in halfway masculine energy to you.
So many woman ask me ...why I am so rigid and single-minded? How else can I be...I am a man. If you want to trust your man to get the job done, try to accept his need to focus. Without this quality...your man might not carry through with anything.
Male energy is self-discipline, direction, aggressive. tough, rough
Female energy is appreciation, trust, softness
If a woman' career is more important than her man, then she will lose her trust to him and begin losing her sexual desire. I don't think there is anything wrong with have an career, but if you carry more masculine energy....it repels the masculine energy of your man. It is great to shift from male and female energy, but in moment of intimacy, one partner must carry more of the masculine and one partner more of the feminine. Due to stress of the working world and professional responsibilities most woman use predominantly masuline energy throughout the day. There are times when using your masuline energy is completely healthy and useful, but there is consequences. If you have a conversation and both of you are in male energy, don't expect him to treat you like a woman. Don't expect him to be sexually or emotionally attracted to you. He might want your pussy and that might be it....because that is all you can offer him.
If you tell your man to do things....for example...let go see a movie,...or let stay in ...or whatever....telling or challenging your man.....you are becoming more masculine and it depolarize the relationship. Because he feel your masculine energy, your man may begin to treat you like any other man. A man treat another man is usually not how a woman wants to be treated. Men challenge each other, compete, analyze and discuss. This is why personally, I like submissive woman. I hate when woman talk about work, or doing what...and not talking about making love, walking on the grass....books. Remember the movie..."Pretty Woman"
I don't think any woman wants to be with another woman unless they are gay. If your man acts like a woman...and get scared when he see a bug...he has just reversed polarity and you will feel his lack of masculine energy and therefore not be particularly sexually turned on by him.
It so hard now to tell a woman to be submissive. Most woman think they can be balanced.....meaning exercising both masculine and feminine energy. However for two people to come together as lover rather than business partner or friends, it's good for the man and woman to relax into their masculine and feminine energies, respectively, so that there is polarity. As much as I tell so many woman about this..they resist. Surrendering to your man....is hard for some many woman. You can't have equality in relationship...there can't be two captain, two males, two female. If you want that...that passion of the relationship dies as well.
So many woman forgot how to be a woman. Oh yeah...they can suck your dick and fuck you...but the art of being a woman is gone. They have gone to work and put up a tough exterior and sexual defense throughout the workday. Personally, I think that defense remains in their system...several hours after work. And when they come home or want to start a relationship...after being halfway polarized, because it wasn't safe or appropriate to open all the way.....they bring in a halfway feminine energy to their man and he will then bring in halfway masculine energy to you.
So many woman ask me ...why I am so rigid and single-minded? How else can I be...I am a man. If you want to trust your man to get the job done, try to accept his need to focus. Without this quality...your man might not carry through with anything.
LOVE: FOLLOW WITH YOUR HEAD AND THEN YOUR HEART
When you are in loved...its so easy to get fooled. Sometimes I wonder how I have overlooked so many issues and difference in my relationship...only to plague me later. Sometimes I guess didn't pay enough attention to the sign. When we become overly emotionally attach to someone it causes a severing of the heart from the head. In the old days with arranged marriage, the focus was on rational approach to compatibility of family, individual character, culture, and values.The idea of love, romance, attraction was not involved in the choice. It was practical arrangement that was directly by thinking. Marriage was led by the head first and then the heart. Now it is the opposite...its all about attraction, chemistry and then head.I don't know about you, but when i get close to someone and your emotions make you feel safe and secure ...my vision is blinded so I can only see only the part, never the whole. The attachment of the heart overrides the insights of the mind. A healthier approach is to let the mind assess a person character and personality before you get involved.
I am tired of being good all the time. When you are good, you give too much, accept too much, and overlook too much in people. You believe that people can change and that everyone deserve a second or even a third changes. I am not going to do that anymore. I can't deal with most people defenives mechanism. It is so difficult for someone to be in a relationship with someone who is overly defensive.
Sometimes you have this script in your head and you keep playing your part...only with different character. It's the same story over and over again with the same ending. I even act shock when this happen again. This need to repeat...to engage the same self-defeating pattern..and to pick the same type of person is unhealthy. It is that unconsciously we want to change the ending of the orgional story. We recreate the same dynamics with someone who has SOME of the same problems as the person from the past, only to find that this persent partner like the past offender never really changes. You relive the pain of your past once again, with wounds cutting deeper and wider. I don't want to keep attracting the same partner again and again.
When I look in the mirror, inside I don't feel any older yet my body has changed. Sometimes the only way you know you are getting older is by the way others treat you. Your body ages, but your heart does and you accumulate more experience, but some of the experience are left unfinished and unresolved. Maybe I am still a four year old boy in a man body...with the same hurt and ache. I have to grieve what I did not have but always wanted...which is still ----acceptance, appreication, and love. And this involves more than just acknowlegment of my parent's failure, but to allow myself to feel both my sadness and anger toward them.
I am tired of being good all the time. When you are good, you give too much, accept too much, and overlook too much in people. You believe that people can change and that everyone deserve a second or even a third changes. I am not going to do that anymore. I can't deal with most people defenives mechanism. It is so difficult for someone to be in a relationship with someone who is overly defensive.
Sometimes you have this script in your head and you keep playing your part...only with different character. It's the same story over and over again with the same ending. I even act shock when this happen again. This need to repeat...to engage the same self-defeating pattern..and to pick the same type of person is unhealthy. It is that unconsciously we want to change the ending of the orgional story. We recreate the same dynamics with someone who has SOME of the same problems as the person from the past, only to find that this persent partner like the past offender never really changes. You relive the pain of your past once again, with wounds cutting deeper and wider. I don't want to keep attracting the same partner again and again.
When I look in the mirror, inside I don't feel any older yet my body has changed. Sometimes the only way you know you are getting older is by the way others treat you. Your body ages, but your heart does and you accumulate more experience, but some of the experience are left unfinished and unresolved. Maybe I am still a four year old boy in a man body...with the same hurt and ache. I have to grieve what I did not have but always wanted...which is still ----acceptance, appreication, and love. And this involves more than just acknowlegment of my parent's failure, but to allow myself to feel both my sadness and anger toward them.
LOVE: IT OPENS MY HEART
Each time I read a great book or to go a great film or listen to a symphony, it opens my heart and puts me in touch with someone else's journey that we all share. When you share your pwn personal story, like i do here,, you find it isn't just your story; it is so many other stories.As i open to my soul , I have become much more compassionate in my relationships with other people and more loving and accepting to myself. Most people lead a life of unconscious despair. They wounded in their own way as people who grow up in dysfuntional family, but they don't know it. If i can't not enjoy every day, there is no reason to believe I'll be better able to enjoy it in the future. The impulse to focus on the future can be quite strong. Yet, I realized that the key to happiness lay in enjoying the process, not just the final result--because the greater part of life was going to be spent at the level of process and not at the stage of contemplating the finished product.
The soul really has to do with sense of the heart being touched by feelings. Many people believe that if they reach a certain point in their lives and they didn't get where they were supposed to get....they look in the mirror and realize..."My God, I'm not going to achieve those things and then the thought comes up...
-its all over for me
-I wasted my life
In such moments, you might not realize that that's just a thought. That collapse can spiral you into depression, overwhelming you with feeling of hopelessness or helplessness.
The soul really has to do with sense of the heart being touched by feelings. Many people believe that if they reach a certain point in their lives and they didn't get where they were supposed to get....they look in the mirror and realize..."My God, I'm not going to achieve those things and then the thought comes up...
-its all over for me
-I wasted my life
In such moments, you might not realize that that's just a thought. That collapse can spiral you into depression, overwhelming you with feeling of hopelessness or helplessness.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)