LOVE: IF I DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT, THEN THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.

We are surronded by images of beauty everywhere...even in this blog. If I don't look like that, then there's something wrong with me...is a common refrain from the inner dialogue of most people including me. the fear the consequence of not looking a certain way. And that fear influence their choices and their behavior. The sad fact is that the ideals to which many people compare themselves are pure fantasy, and nobody can measure up to them. Even the models in the advertisements don't look the way you think they do. Even they don't recognize themselves when they appear on the pages of a magazine after the airbushing, the color correction, the enhancement, it more of a painting than photograph. I remember one friend who thought no man would want her because of scars on her breast and they weren't that bad. She also that that no guy would want her because of skin lesion on her back....and when I saw it...there was really nothing there to be afraid of. You don't have to be perfect to be loved.

It not that channel after channel, show after show is devoted to the lives, loves of every celebrity who ever was on TV. Capsule version of their wonderful lives, usually predicated on the theory that if they're handsome...they're heroes. If they're beautiful, why then they must be better than the rest of us. Every relationship is pictured as trouble free and perfect, No wonder people who watch this stuff have a fear of not being up to par. I am not saying that looks don't matter..but they should count as you want them to count, not as much as you're told they should

We all have a certain menal picture of the man or woman of our dreams. The words dream and fantasy are used for a reason. they are used to differentiate from reality. So many of us associate physical attributes with personality characteristics. and that means we are heading for big time trouble. It just shouldn't matter all that much in the long run what someone looks like. We all get old. No mater how handsome or how beautiful we might be at any given time of our lives, we will live, if we are lucky, to see our bodies change and wrinkle. Muscle will soften, no matter how many hours we spend in the gym. Hair will thin, eyes will lose their acuity. I remember reading an interview article on Marcello Mastroianni gave...he said..."Looks buy you the first two weeks, after than it's who you are that counts"...how right he is. If you want to have a two week fling with someone who appeals to your physical sensibilites then, by all means...go for it. But a relationship is made up of stuff that runs deeper, If you really want to be available for a satisfying relationship, then you would be wise to give up looks as your top priority. The very thing that draws you initially to another person can end up being a huge barrier to love. You think it's real because he or she look like your fantasy of real love, but they are not. For those of you who are heavily invested in a certain look as a requirement for love, consider that possibility that you don't really want a relationship. It doesn't take a PH.D to know that the way someone looks to us will go through changes as we get to know him or her. Havent' you had the experience of finding someone more attractive once you got close to him or her, and also the opposite reaction of finding someone less appealing if relationship wasn't going well as time went on? That's because what we look on the outside is just aht ---it's outside of who we are. You feel good around that person, you're attracted to their insides, you can be yourself. Why wouldn't you want to pick a life mate the same way? The answer is sex. And while I would never downplay the importance of good sex life to a healthy relationship, don't let this one part determine the entire relationship. There is no such thing as a perfect body, just as there's no such thing as a perfect anything on the wonderful but flawed planet of ours. We all have scars, we all have imperfections. once we relax and accept this fact, only then can we go about our business of finding another imperfect wonderful decent person with who to share our life.

If you think you are not attractive enough...let it go.Putting unrealistic physical demand on yourself can keep you very single. You can be so persuasive in your negative voice that it's only a matter of time before you convince yourself, as well as the person you're with, that you are truly are flawed and unworthy of real love. And that is what we are really doing when we point out our imperfection. We're asking for approval to be accepted for who we are. What we hoping to hear is "I love you the way you are". I guarantee that when you can say that to yourself, you will have taken a huge step in the right direction. A person how would reject you because of your physical flaw is not the kind of person you need in your life, especially if that person is you! We all have flaws. If you are being rejected because of how you look, then you're looking in the wrong places. The feeling of trust that should accompany a real available relationship should extend to your body and how you both feel about your bodies. Don't allow yourself to feel judged, not by someone else and not by that voice of judgment that lives within. Try to think with your head and not with your groin. When you allow people to accept or reject you, you give away your power. If someone has the power to give you their approval, then they also have the power to take it away. Work to approve of yourself, to understand yourself as a flawed but wonderufl work in progress and you will be in a much better positions to draw someone into your life.