LOVE: FOLLOW WITH YOUR HEAD AND THEN YOUR HEART

When you are in loved...its so easy to get fooled. Sometimes I wonder how I have overlooked so many issues and difference in my relationship...only to plague me later. Sometimes I guess didn't pay enough attention to the sign. When we become overly emotionally attach to someone it causes a severing of the heart from the head. In the old days with arranged marriage, the focus was on rational approach to compatibility of family, individual character, culture, and values.The idea of love, romance, attraction was not involved in the choice. It was practical arrangement that was directly by thinking. Marriage was led by the head first and then the heart. Now it is the opposite...its all about attraction, chemistry and then head.I don't know about you, but when i get close to someone and your emotions make you feel safe and secure ...my vision is blinded so I can only see only the part, never the whole. The attachment of the heart overrides the insights of the mind. A healthier approach is to let the mind assess a person character and personality before you get involved.

I am tired of being good all the time. When you are good, you give too much, accept too much, and overlook too much in people. You believe that people can change and that everyone deserve a second or even a third changes. I am not going to do that anymore. I can't deal with most people defenives mechanism. It is so difficult for someone to be in a relationship with someone who is overly defensive.

Sometimes you have this script in your head and you keep playing your part...only with different character. It's the same story over and over again with the same ending. I even act shock when this happen again. This need to repeat...to engage the same self-defeating pattern..and to pick the same type of person is unhealthy. It is that unconsciously we want to change the ending of the orgional story. We recreate the same dynamics with someone who has SOME of the same problems as the person from the past, only to find that this persent partner like the past offender never really changes. You relive the pain of your past once again, with wounds cutting deeper and wider. I don't want to keep attracting the same partner again and again.

When I look in the mirror, inside I don't feel any older yet my body has changed. Sometimes the only way you know you are getting older is by the way others treat you. Your body ages, but your heart does and you accumulate more experience, but some of the experience are left unfinished and unresolved. Maybe I am still a four year old boy in a man body...with the same hurt and ache. I have to grieve what I did not have but always wanted...which is still ----acceptance, appreication, and love. And this involves more than just acknowlegment of my parent's failure, but to allow myself to feel both my sadness and anger toward them.