Anyone who knows me, knows that I love the word slut. Well, and sluts in general, for many reasons. I especially love slutty photos, .I would like to begin this post with a disclaimer: Let's be clear. I'm not writing this to make sluts look bad, or stupid, I am not writing this with the intent to use the term "slut" as a derogatory term, but more of a term of endearment. I actually have a sort of strange admiration towards sluts. Probably stemming from a serious case of "wishing I was able to be like that."
For years I've been in relationships, and even when I was out of a relationship, I was never the sleep around type. Don't get me wrong, I love sex. I am an extremely sexual person, but it's more personal and more of an art to me then an act. I've had friends around me who can go from girl to girl, having fun, meaningless sex, and I've just come to realize, that's not what I'm about. Sluts set out with a goal in mind - Just like a man does. To get laid, fill a void, feel important for a night? I guess all are valid reasons for promiscuity.
Sadly, I am a bit more old fashioned, and prefer to have at least SOME kind of connection with someone before they spread their legs, but I sometimes wish it was as easy as meet a woman, get plastered together, go home, slap on a condom, and get it on. But alas... we're all wired differently. I'm certainly no saint, but promiscuity just isn't my bag, if you know what I mean.
n any case, men of course like [or love rather] sluts because they're easy. THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE! Younger men are simple creatures. There isn't much work involved to get into a sluts pants, bust a nut, and never call her again. it's a recipe of feeding her a few drinks, bashing her self-esteem a bit, and the clothes are coming off!
The cock follows the path of least resistance - like water. Consequently, guys seem to love slutty girls. Even if you happen to find a man who says he doesn't want sluts...he does. They all just want the easy pussy. Why do you think proposition is still so popular? [besides the numerous desperate men out there] Many men just don't want the hassle of the chase, and the game. They want it as easy as they can get it.
Growing up, I was always told by voices of reason that there was no such thing as “turning a hoe into a housewife,” but it’s amazing how many dudes are willing to put their pride and ego aside in hopes of rescuing the ideal woman..including myself.. This sort of thing happens to ladies all the time—you come across a guy with an insatiable sexual appetite and mysterious persona and suddenly want to be the one to change him. Sadly, all girls in said circumstance have realized the hard way: you can’t change someone set in their ways. The same thing happens to men when they spot that prized female with the extensive track record and try to throw limitations on her. Cuffing doesn’t exist in the world of Captain Save-a-Hoe’s.
Men have a constant desire to have sex with many diverse partners, to increase the likelihood of passing on their genes/seed. This is all subconscious however and is translated to the individual as "being horny", "just wanting to get laid", etc. To achieve this goal, men will lower any possible standards just for sexual gratification. It is vastly different for women. Women, are subconsciously programmed by nature to only accept the BEST seed and accept the BEST genes. They have to carry the seed inside them for 9 months and have evolved to be able to raise the offspring – so they have also evolved to be gatekeepers to only allow the best possible genes to be passed. Hence, why women will not lower their standards and how even fat, hideous women still want only rich, handsome, alpha type men.
This simple biological determinism acts out quite literally in the casual encounters section of CL. Make an ad as a man requesting for sex, and you'll receive about 10 spam emails from people attempting to exploit this biological fact. But what happens if you make an ad as a woman requesting for sex? You will have over 60 replies from real men within an hour. The woman simply has to sift through her choices until she finds the one who is "most attractive, richest, holds most value, etc.". It has nothing to do with the CL section, it's just human nature. This of course happens in clubs, bars, and other places where singles mingle as well.
What is curious however, is some women's reasoning that there is a "double standard" that exists because men are congratulated for being sexually promiscuous – and women are given negative connotations such as "slut" or "whore". Why some women can't understand this very simple concept has always baffled me. Men have to compete with one another to get picked for sex. They have to display that they have the best genes or the most value. Women have to compete too, but only for the BEST male. They can have sex anytime they choose, just not with the best choice. But if they were to lower their standards as men have to do, they would get to pick from a long line of men. "Getting laid" is not something that can happen every day for the common Joe. He has to navigate the maze of a woman delicately in social situations to convince her he's the best pick. If a woman goes to a bar, club, or casual encounters looking for sex, and only wants sex, she will have zero problems getting it. Therefore, over time, women have gained a negative connotation, because they are not "beating anyone" or doing anything remotely impressive, they are simply manipulating basic human biology for sexual gratification. And thus, poof, the term "slut" was manifested. I didn't even have to go into this long winded rant to make my point invincible – think female prostitution. Is there a reason why the porn industry is so huge but only for the male population? Is there a reason female prostitution is a global epidemic, but you don't hear problems about male prostitution? Why a female prostitute can make quite the living, while male prostitution isn't very profitable for the average Joe?
Men love sluts. Men hate sluts. Men can't make up their minds, can they? I think sluts have got men all a flutter, if you ask me. Sluts are intimidating to men. Sluts are dangerous. Men want them badly and can't resist them and then turn around and hate them for reminding men of their own weakness. When men are tempted by sluts it can be a real challenge because so many of you consider women to be lesser, inferior beings. Being tempted equates to being overcome by the sexual magnetism of the slut, to being dominated so profoundly and deliciously by the one you consider to be less than you. To have these women seduce you and make you feel out of control, endangered, subject to the unknown, it's nothing less than an existential crisis of the masculine. And you have so many aggressive, hateful ways of responding to it. Many of you men who spew hate at women might benefit from coming down out of the trees (primates) and embracing your humanity
If it wasn't for the fact that all women want commitment they wouldn't give two flying fucks about being sluts. The common stigma is that men don't like sluts. That couldn't be farther from the truth. MEN LOVE SLUTS…just not as wives and girlfriends. They don't RESPECT sluts. That's why all the women (specifically sluts) are upset. A man can fuck loads of women which is perceived as a challenge therefore he gets respect. Since it's relatively easy for women to get sex it isn't perceived as a challenge therefore no respect is granted and some respect is actually lost. Since no man want's to commit to a woman he doesn't respect that presents a problem for the sluts because they desire commitment later on. That leaves only two solutions to the problem. Lie about their past or get men to change their views on sluts telling them they're being "sexist" "chauvinists" and so on and so forth. Truth is you actions have consequences. If they're not desirable then take another course of action. In other words stop being sluts
The fact is that men have made the rules for themselves. The reason men don't respect women who sleep around is because they're threatened by it and have a strong need to control women. Men don't want women to leave them for another man or sleep with another man behind their back, so they disrespect women who sleep around, even though they themselves sleep around. It's completely selfish and exists only in the patriarchy, where men are given entitlements to be selfish where women have not. It's the result of men dominating culture and making the rules in favor of themselves and nothing more.
Sex is for procreation not recreation. The orgasmic climax is a soothing chemical release from the brain to compensate for what would be an otherwise painful experience(tearing of the genitals). Many people have come to use each other for this orgasmic pain reliever as like a drug addict uses a loaded bong to escape the responsibilities of reality. Anyone using anyone else sexually as like a drug as such than having sex within a life long faithful marriage so as to be as one greater force to raise their procreation/children than if they were apart/divorced is sinning against God. Such sin is a symptom that this person is in hell when they die. The cure is repentance of sin and trusting in Christs salvation on the cross….an exchange of our sins for His righteous will living in us unto all we do.
Important note….Women and men are the same just rearranged…..her penis failed to mature in her moms womb and so remained inside and is known as a clitoris(think of it as penis), while her testicles failed to develop outwards and so remained inside as ovaries(testicles) as such their sperm/eggs(sperm) await a mans sperm of which her breast are developed outwards to nurse the fertilized egg.
This explains why women are periodic unstable because their bodies are constantly hosting failed fertile
Virginity in a man is not a desirable state or label when it comes to an attribute that the opposite sex wants. This is because he has obviously not been preselected by other women. However, female virginity is not looked at negatively in the least by men. If she looks decent, no man cares if the girl is a virgin or not. In fact, a female virgin is often wanted more.
Now don’t get me wrong, men LOVE sluts. We will never turn down an opportunity to sleep with a good looking slut. Partly because she’s good in bed, partly because it’s sex. But any decently intelligent, self-respecting man will know that it is a terrible idea to emotionally involve himself (i.e. date) a slutty girl. That would be a very dumb move. Why would any man want to get emotionally involved with a girl who’s had 15+ sexual partners? We would just be setting ourselves up for failure. There are many nice worthy girls out there who don’t have daddy issues and haven’t slept with an entire fraternity house. But, by all means, fvck the brains out of sluts in the meanwhile.
Most guys can detect when a girl is a slut by the first few dates and by what he hears about the girl from other people and from the girl herlself. We put this information together and figure out if she is dating material or not. If not, I like most guys, will still go in for the prize but have no intention of following through with dating the dirty little tart.
To put it simply, a lock that can be opened by many keys is a useless lock and of little worth.
I speak from plenty of experience, observations, and personal accounts.
Many virgin have left their partners because they felt limited and wanted more experience other than their single one.
Many virgins have left their partner because they felt it was unfair that their partner was their the first, only, and last while to them they were one of the many. 305 to be exact.
You can have Roseanne Barr all to yourself, or share a centerfold model with another man. While sharing a wife isn’t ideal, it better to have a highly desirable mate than a lousy one.
For women, something similar is at work.They would rather have an insanely rich guy all to themselves, but given a choice between marrying a nice guy employed at Taco Bell or sharing a Tiger Woods, most women would rather share the multi-millionaire.
Polyandry is relatively rare. Usually it’s a group of men who cannot afford a bride, so they pool their resources and share one wife.
Something like male polygamy happens now, in that the wealthiest men, e.g. Donald Trump, marry the hottest women, e.g. Ivana Trump, monopolize them during their most fertile/attractive years, then kick them out the door. They then repeat the process. The end result is like male polygamy in which high status men monopolize the most desirable women. Although they aren’t married for life to the hottest women, the high status men use them up and spit them out, and beta males wind up settling for discards. The net result is a relative shortage of women.
Why would a man go for all that power if not at least partially for the glory of attracting women? If he purely wanted intellectual stimulation he could have gotten that from pursuits like books and debates, but to go for such power and money? A major factor in that drive is the desire to increase attractiveness to beautiful women. And many other powerful and high-status men apparently agree.
Quote from Sigmund Freud: “[I]n the greater number of ambitious day-dreams, too, we can discover a woman in some corner, for whom the dreamer performs all his heroic deeds and at whose feet all his triumphs are to be laid”
Quote from the rich and powerful Aristotle Onassis: “If women didn’t exist all the money in the world would have no meaning.”
And lastly, a quote from your own example, Henry Kissinger: “POWER IS THE ULTIMATE APHRODISIAC.” So yes, even Kissinger, when accumulating his power, was cognizant of the advantage it got him in scoring with women.
Don’t believe me? Check this list of women he dated once he became powerful:
Barbara Walters, Gina Lollobrigida, Joanna Barnes, Marlo Thomas, Persis Khambatta, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Ann Fleisher, Candice Bergen, Samantha Eggar, Jill St. John, all significantly younger than him and dating him when they were still considered young and desirable eye candy.
All beautiful models, actresses and eye candy. You can see pictures of them allat this link if you doubt.
http://www.whosdatedwho.com/tpx_4887/henry-kissinger/
As far as an evolutionary advantage towards men having sex with anything, this is true in theory, but the same theory is also applied to women in an evolutionary sense. It is said that women will sleep around and continue to sleep around in an effort to find the absolute best sperm for offspring. Being that a woman will never actually find the best one, it is clear that she will continue searching and building partners. Secondly on this point, it is important to know that sex in the evolutionary sense is not just about having a lot of kids, its a bout having a lot of kids that will SURVIVE and be productive (this is called evolutionary fitness). Thus the 9 month advantage that many men claim they have over women in an evolutionary sense is all but balanced out. Because if he impregnates that woman and then just leaves her to fend for it herself, the chances of that child surviving healthily drop DRAMATICALLY. Thus it is in his benefit to stay around and ensure his one seed’s safety for some time before hopping off to the next one.
Recent studies looked into a ‘harem’ in a chimp family, where scientists used to assume it was beneficial for the male and the females to have one male, and yet they have now found that a larger percentage of the offspring in the harem, were fathered by different fathers, with the main male still looking after them. Obviously we have no way of knowing if the alpha male knew they were not his offspring, but he provided for them. Now the fathers of the other offspring had not forced themselves on the females, in fact after further investigation, it was found that the females knowingly went looking for other males. Of course, we have to be wary of comparing humans to others species, but they are our closest living relatives and have been studied for evolutionary reasons to make comparisons with us.
If we are to believe in evolution , and in particular the above mentioned case, then surely this is evidence that females are ‘sluts’ by their very nature. Wrong or right, they wanted to mate with other males, frequently.
On a more personal note, in relation to what some have already written, I have always found it strange that people argue in favour of women been labelled sluts if they sleep around, their reason being because it’s less of a challenge for women to get sex and more of a challenge for men to get it. Well, These people have no idea how hard it is to make the decision to say no, when you feel really attracted to a man. Ofcourse, if one or both is attached then personally I would find it easy to say no, but what if you are both single and the situation is safe, why should a woman say no? If a woman’s instinct is telling her to say yes, it is the hardest thing to say no, believe me. I’m not talking about the kind of self restraint that someone bizarrely posted about, where they said something about if women should not use self restraint, then why can’t a man take a woman when he wants. I’m talking about the needless self restraint used by a man or a woman, when both adults are willing. Many women feel this. Men who feel need of self restraint this tend to be part of a religion.
theres an awful truth about alot of guys only staying with their girlfriends for the guarantee of regular sex. and therein is a theory on commitment. women commit easier, when they know they’ve got a good man. but its hard for a man to shake the idea of chasing skirt. and the main reason is because for many guys, its an idea and not a reality. i know guys whoever never had girlfriends and had sex maybe once of twice in their whole lives. not ugly looking guys. not unintelligent guys. just guys who aren't being loud enough, obviously. women may feel inclined, sometimes justifiably. to complain about guys not respecting them. but no matter what they argue. they will never appreciate what a guy goes through, just to feel like a man. you cant feel like a man when cant feel confident to approach a woman. and we have to learn how to do that through trial, error and an awful lot of heartache and self doubt. especially when some women think its perfectly fine to look at you like a piece of shit for even trying. as if, you owe them an apology for giving them the attention that they want.
ladies, if you want guys to stop trying too hard. then you may want to get over some of your own fears. be a little more approachable and respectful. that's right “Respectful”. men need your repect too, believe it or not. many of you girls don't even see how little YOU respect US. don't just shove past to get to the bar because you think you’re sex somehow gives you priority. don't always assume that we want to club you over the head and drag you to a cave. yes, we’re just as interested in sex as you are. we’re sexual beings like you. so, why are we the only ones apologising? everybody wants the opposite sex to WANT them. no matter what kind of crap people come out with. in the climate of this day and age, with suggestions of sex all over the TV, radio, Internet and everywhere you go. you have to just go get it out of your system. nearly all single women get the choice of as many men as they want or ONE good man, if she can open her eyes and see him. the problem alot of guys have is that WE don't have that choice, unless we work damn hard in more aspects of our lives than any woman could ever know. MEN want to fuck. WOMEN want to fuck.
ask any single girl about her sex life and you can probably assume its more exiting than a single man’s. don't believe me? then do a fucking survey. ask, are you single? when did you last have sex? was it good? how many sex parters have you had in the last 6 months? etc. alot of the men would probably lie because its depressing how much we fail with women haha! the women would probably lie because they think that they should be ashamed.
men are beginning to change the way we think of women. quite often, its just that women wont give us the time of day to show it. not until you’ve made her feel “special”. trust me, girls. a guy never gets to feel “special”. he just gets to feel like the guy who got to you before the next guy did. thats why we find it so hard to really care
guys try to sleep around and are mostly unsucessful. you dont get to go to bed with every girl you chat up. sometimes you can spend all night getting phone numbers and not one of them will actually reply to your txt. we resent you women, because u spend ur average weekends getting off with whoever the hell u like. a different guy (or guys) every time u go out. and we wouldnt even give a shit if you didnt make it such a fucking chore for us to do the same. you only fuck guys who impress you with tall tales about bullshit. i know, because i used to do it! and now that i want someone to like me for just being myself. i have to hold my dick down everywhere i go. sure, i know girls who mite go out with me on a nice sunny day. but why should i be hanging around being “nice” andf “relating” to them. just so they can tell me about the 20 guys they’ve fucked this month. while im holding my dick in my fucking hand! i dont care about what you call a person who sleeps around. i juyst want to know why a guy’s got to be carved out of iron to get a lousy shag, when all a woman has to do is decide whether to show up or not.
then time passes. you find a girl. and then u think. is this it? nearly a year without a fuck. just to get some bitch who has audacity NOT TO TRUST ME! excuse me, but which of the sexes is getting more action here? and then they have the arrogance to think a guy should just hang around and be a gentleman. so, you can confide in him about all those guys getting lucky with you. so, you can take your sick pleasure and rub his face in it. “oh, but thats cos she respects you” what a pile of fucking shit!!!!
women just want to not be judged for doing what most of us guys dont get to do. or at least, not for most of our lives. guess what girls. YOU DO HAVE THE ADVANTAGE. so, do what the fuck you want. just dont be surprised if guys just want to use you for an orifice. you want to be able to fuck around and still capture a mans heart when it suits you and only you! you want us all queueing up “respecting” you. so, you can cherry pick us at your leisure.
the only reason you can love your man is because you’ve tried every other dick in town. you’ve exausted youreslf around all the clubs and then decided that you wanted a “nice” man. someone who feels lucky to have you because ur so good to him, letting him have sex and all. oh, isnt he priviledged! that you “allowed” him your “mind” as well as your body. oh what a lucky guy. wow, he really should just forget everything he ever dreampt about and “commit” to you right now or he’ll just have to take the bus back to “nopussyville”.
While males who sleep with many partners are often called “studs” they eventually morph into “commitment phobe losers”. What makes you cool in your early 20s makes you a loser in your 30s, and you feel it first hand when you witness all of your friends married with kids enjoying life and you are all alone in your singlehood.
In your 30s, as a man, it’s easier to find prospective mates than it is to find flies in a pile of dung. The women are sex machines, rampant to screw anything they can if they are single. Unfortunately, they are single for a reason: they could not prove themselves to be an adequate wife, either by their own choice or by choice of their previous respective mates.
I am truly appalled at the state of women these days. Whereas a man would be chastised by his fellow males, family, and other woemn for “cheating” on a good woman in a monogamous relationship, and is taught by his mother and father that what he really wants to do is settle down and find a good solid woman and raise a family, women in this post-feministic society are learning truly the oppoiste.
I myself have been cheated in my life. Its not that I’m sexually inadequate, I get a woman off an average of 6 times per sexual session and I usually last about 45 minutes of straight intercourse. I can cook, clean, take charge and protect my woman, I am kind and treat my women like princesses. So why do the women cheat?
The answer to that question, as I have done a lot of learning and research as I am trying to find my one true monogamous mate, is the post-feministic teachings of today’s society. Women are taught both through our laws and through family upbringing in female mentorship that the world is their oyster and that men are irrelevant fools who merely need to be used and put in their place.
Look at childbirth: It is in all cases, the woman’s decision, and her decision alone, whether to carry to term, adopt, or abort the pregnancy. The man is screwed any way. If he wants to keep the child, even raise it alone, she can put an end to that. If he is not ready to raise a child financially or emotionally, she can slam him on the hook for support regardless of his wishes and he will be paying for 20 years. He can even do the right thing and try to raise this unwanted child with her, but she can leave him for virtually any reason and take support cash from him in leui of letting him be a proper father in a two parent family.
Look at marriage: A woman can have a career, work, right alongside the man, yet if she decides for any reason she is bored or wants to leave, she can file for no fault divorce. Suddenly the family assets become divisible, and if she did not get as educated as the man and enter a career where she was paid as much as him, the discrepancy in her income earning potential nets her an instant profit in either a lump sum or monthly payments. So we are now living in a period of time where women have no responsibility and no consequences for any of their actions when it comes to mates and children.
I propose the following amendments to the law:
1) That a man can, immediately at the time of being informed of a pregnancy by the female, up to the moment of birth, opt to either (a) accept responsibility for the child, or (b) file an affidavit stating the child is unwanted and taking him off the hook for support, which he could rescind at any time up until the child’s birth, at which time it is permanent.
- This would place the onus on the female (the only one who knows for sure she’s pregnant) to tell the male as soon as possible about the pregnancy. If he was not interested in fathering a baby, then it would be up to her to convince the man to do so, or raise the child on her own or adopt or terminate. No more would be the women who get pregnant, take off, then the first the man hears about it is the child support papers in the mail when she lives in another state.
2) That in marriage, return to fault divorces. If a woman is leaving a man without fault (abuse, infidelity, etc) then she is entitled to zero payments and zero joint assets other than her personal belongings. If she proves fault on the part of the man, then she is entitled to 100% of the assets. The burden of proof rests entirely with the filing party, and must be rock solid.
This would end these “Eat Love Pray” type of divorces, where the woman simply is bored, and walks away from a husband, house, family, to run off and screw other guys. It would also, in fact, terminate the reverse – a man who left his wife for a younger edition would be entitled to no share of the joint assets either, which is only fair. The party left behind is emotionally devastated, and did no wrong. They deserve the joint assets and the person walking away because they just dont feel committed anymore has to leave with virtually nothing. Fault in the case of abuse or infidelity comes with real consequences, for either party.
This world has got to change. When a guy like me who is successful, in great shape, rocking in bed, who treats her well yet she STILL has an urge to cheat tells me that these women are screwed up in the head – they are taught to cheat, its nothing biological at all to it.
The instinct to cheat is nothing other than “I should get what I want when I want and with who I want it with”. It makes me sick. It’s really not these women’s fault, no more than it is a boy’s fault that he gets into fights at school when his father is always telling him to punch anyone who upsets him in the nose.
o put it simply, all men are not created equal. There is not an even spread of partners between the genders. What you’re seeing is not an equal number of men and women screwing one another.
What happens in reality is a skew: A small number of men(studs, alphas, players, whatever you want to call them) bed a large majority of the women(some say 80%, others 70%-its a big majority, leave it at that).
This is because females are naturally hypergamous. when left to their own devices, they have a tendency to seek the top percentiles of men. That is to say, those with the most in the way of confidence, assertiveness, status, power, etc(or all of the above). Thus, when women are in their reproductive prime, they gravitate towards these men and attempt to be with them. The fact is, women are attracted to certain traits and there aren’t all that many men who have them in spades. The few men who do get their pick of mates.
These are not just sluts-they are average girls, good girls, cute but sort of nerdy girls, etc, etc. For the stud, this new girl he beds might just be another notch in an exorbitant total. The girl he beds? it could be her 2nd or 3rd. or it could be a girl with much more experience(20th? 30th?). There are high chances of either one-he’ll run through quite a number of girls of each type.
The less experienced girl may still remain a good girl, even after their relationship. It will just be a small blip within her relatively uncluttered sexual history. But the bottomline is, its is still a blip and another notch for the man. It isn’t a typical “nice guy”, “reliable”, “gentleman” who got to her-it was a stud.
Will her 4th partner be the “nice guy” and not the stud? sure, but if here previous 3 were charming studs then the fact remains that the studs are getting most of the sex, even though this girl is not a slut.
The bottom line is studs are not limited to sluts. They own the lion’s share of the sexual marketplace today, and that includes average girls to. This means that there is no parity. studs are not limited by sluts because, by virtue of being studs(aka very attractive, confident, etc) they can get just about any type of woman they wish. And they do.
Men are also sentient creatures capable of denying their basic urges if they don’t agree with them. It’s why we don’t run around raping, eating, burning or killing anything we see. Human beings collectively decide what behavior should or should not be accepted. Arguing that human beings “naturally” are some way or another way is irrelevant to deciding what we will or won’t approve of in a society.”
Ah, but no creature is entirely immune to their biological urges, women the least of all.
Men are naturally polygamous. If you gave them the chance to exercise that desire, they would generally do so without fail. Deny it all you want-talk about how we are “sentient creatures” and the like. It doesn’t change much at all. This natural urge will still continue to play a fairly significant role in the way men behave and relate to women. Society’s approval is somewhat insignificant-it will still be an issue regardless, and it will continue to govern many of the ways men behave. It really and truly won’t change with denial-this is a reality that must be faced and dealt with.
Female urges are just as real and just as strong. Women are hypergamous as opposed to polygamous. They desire status and/or signs indicating status/dominance/confidence over just about anything else. Men who exude these crucial traits tend to receive the most female attention.
Is this always good for society? No, not really. Quite often women follow their instincts to men who, while dominant and in possession of all of these attractive traits, could be psychopaths or poor fathers(the type of guy who won’t give a damn about rearing the offspring he fathers).
But that doesn’t change things. Women are hypergamous. This instinct will continue to create this paradox, even if we as “sentient beings” realize just how dysfunctional it is.
“Furthermore, human beings are no longer in a natural environment so arguing for “natural” circumstances is nonsensical. Stop driving your car or using your computer if you believe that, evolve natural solutions to them instead.”
The key is understanding the difference between sex drive and promiscuity. Sex drive is how much you want to have sex, regardless of if its with one partner or many. Promiscuity on the other hand is a desire for many partners. One can be totally averse to promiscuity but have a sex drive through the roof. One can have an average sex drive but be extremely promiscuous.
For women, high sex drive is the main selection pressure, not promiscuity. For men, promiscuity AND sex drive is selected for. I explained the logistical reasons why above, but I’ll do so again now.
Whether a woman fucks 100 cocks or 10 cocks in a year, the most pregnancies she can have is one or two. Whether she fucks the same guy 100 times or 100 guys once apiece, she will only be able to have one or two pregnancies a year. So for a woman to get the maximum output of kids she can in a given period of time, she just has to fuck a lot. She doesn’t need to fuck a lot of different men, just fucking the same one or two men a whole bunch will accomplish the same result Therefore throughout human history, the women who had the most sex passed their genes on the most, regardless of whether it was with two partners or two hundred.
With men however there is a distinct advantage to both having a lot of sex AND having sex with lots of different people. If a man has sex 100 times in a year with one woman, she’ll have at most one or two pregnancies in a year. She is the reproductive bottleneck. If the man spreads out his 100 sex acts in a year with 100 different women instead, he can in theory have up to 100 kids bringing his genes into the next generation.
For these reasons, evolution favors promiscuous men in a much bigger way than promiscuous women. Women don’t gain as much a genetic advantage from promiscuity the way men do. A non-promiscuous woman with a high sex drive can reproduce just as competitively in reproduction as a promiscuous woman and keep her genes moving into the next generation just as well. A promiscuous man however has the potential to pass much more genes into the next generation than a non-promiscuous man, and his promiscuous children can each do the same the next generation.
If you look at cheating statistics between men and women, it backs up what I say. When women cheat, it’s usually not with as big a variety of partners as men who cheat, who tend to go for a lot higher number of partners.
i suppose theres no mystery then why the worlds full of dishonest men, getting exactly what they want from women and having stories to tell. it creates a climate where not only do the decent guys miss out on wild sex with the women they desire. but also, those “slut/stud” guys get to laugh at them and the women that give in to them. and that its not just the slutty girls ending up on their backs with these guys. its also those poor hapless females, thinking they’re getting something substantiated. only to be stepped on and then stepped over.
learning to appreciate women takes a degree of learning for sensitive guys and a alot of unlearning for predatory men. its a real heartbreaker that decent guys have to wait til the predators have had their fun and then pick up the pieces. to then spend every day with her, proving to her that he’s not a “bastard”. only as a consequence of her past actions and not his. but aint this what being “decent” is all about? would it ever be possible for the nice guy to get the nice girl, without him having to deal with other men constantly fucking it up? and women always selling out to these guys, just to make mess of themselves? most women will go for that “fix” as much as most men do. but only the woman knows for definate, if its going to happen or not. but hey, its only “sex” right? and all us blokes should just learn to deal with what we get rationed to us. boring? yes, being honest with women is pretty boring. and makes you almost invisible to them from a sexual point of view. i really struggle to see any other truth
In our modern age, it is true that there is much more tolerance of promiscuity. That means shaming for such behavior is definitely less prevalent, and guilt is therefore less common.
At the same time, the “double standard” still remains.
Stud praising and slut shaming did not arise out of a patriarchal misogynist society. It doesn’t exist because a bunch of greedy men want to control you.
It exists because of biology.
Women are attracted to men who are sexually experienced(hence the studs continued ability to attract women) and men, generally, will shy away from women who are considered “loose”(that is, assuming they find out about it). Mind you, they won’t shy away from a one night stand or fuck-buddy type relationship with this woman, but her notch count will work against her if she is seeking commitment from the guy.
This does not mean that men who later look for long term relationships exclusively consider virgins, but it does mean that they will prefer a woman who is around the average for number of sexual partners over one who has a much higher number.
Will most attractive women with very high notch counts still eventually find a long term relationship? sure. They do it everyday as it is.
That does not mean, however, that they will not be devalued on the sexual market when it comes to landing a guy willing to commit to them. Men have, for biological reasons(example: paternity certainty before DNA, etc) always selected against it, and will continue to.
By that same token, studs will continue to attract many women despite their reputations because women prefer men who are experienced and understand the keys to jump starting a woman’s attraction.
Other double standards that will remain? Virgin males(as well as other men with well below average levels of experience) will never be as valued as their female counterparts. They will continue to be ridiculed in society(40 year old virgin?) and, until they break the mold, will enjoy lower amounts of sexual attention.
Only within the last 20-30 years has technology allowed us the ability to overcome these natural barriers and give women the opportunity to hold less concern for their fertility. Contraceptives are new. VERY new.
Do the math.
Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution vs. 20-30 years of “sexual liberation”(contraceptive era).
How can you miss this?
We evolved to take this into account. Society and technology have imposed new rules lately, but the instinct is still there. It is hardwired into our very being, and will remain so unless another couple hundred thousand years of evolutions serve to undue it.
Society has moved past a lot of these instincts. Our bodies do not know this.
Today, you are free to do as you please with your body. Others are free to criticize you for it as well. The double standard is still in play(in more than one way) and will remain so.
Have fun when you’re young, but don’t complain when you hit your late 20′s, decide you want a more concrete type of relationship with a more stable guy who is willing to commit, announce to him your sexual past, and have to deal with relationship issues stemming from this.
Men are more hesitant to commit to highly promiscuous women. That’s a repercussion you need to be prepared for.
Women are so pathetic and illogical! If they can’t understand why males who have a lot of sex are called studs and why a female is called a slut, they are just hopeless. It’s not because of a double standard or men trying to control you.
Take 50 men and 50 women. 10 of the males are alpha males and very successful, and 40 are average to below average in looks and success.
Who do you think will be having all the sex as males?
It will be the alpha males. Most, if not all, of the 50 women will want to have sex with all 10 of the alpha males therefore all 50 of the women will have at least 10 sexual partners. The alpha males will have a lot of sex and therefore be called studs. The average and below average will be lucky to have 1 or 2 women have sex with them.
So in simple facts of life, there is a small percentage of alpha males having most of the sex when it comes to males. ALL women are sluts! GET IT!!!! Again, it’s not a double standard, it’s a fact of life and something that will never change. Slut shaming is a term made up by the lowest form of life-FEMINISTS!
Why are women so baffled by this? It’s pretty obvious who controls sex. Women have always and will always be the ones who control who has sex and when. They use sex to manipulate men, to gain an advantage, they receive benefits.
Who is the gender that will withhold sex when they don’t get what they want, even in a healthy relationship? Women.
Which gender expects gifts and other benefits in return for sex? Women.
Why do you think there are so many female prostitutes and not male? Figure it out people.
Why are women the ones who hang around athletes, rock stars, actors, and sleep with them only expecting money or gifts in return without a commitment? Again, figure it out.
If a man walks up to 20 women and asks them all to have sex, he will get slapped and turned down by all of them. If a woman walks up to 20 men and asks for sex, she will have sex with 20 men. Women want to be in control of the sex and often want something in return for it. It is usually done on their terms. Thus, it takes skill for a man and just a pussy for a woman. It’s why the alpha males are having most of the sex when it comes to men as studs. They are the skilled ones and have more to offer a woman (money, power, great looks, etc.).
Then we have the biological aspect. Men produce millions of spermatozoa per day and have high testosterone levels. This leads to a very high sex drive. Women have 400 cycles in a lifetime and estrogen weakens their sex drive. They have low levels of testosterone as well.
Women need to be a little more logical and realize men and women are different on so many levels and women do control sex. It is much easier for a woman to find a sex partner than for a male. That’s why this makes perfect sense. It takes skill for a man to get a sex partner, it just takes a pussy and a pulse for a woman.
f you haven't heard, there's only one possible result when you're a "slut"—particularly if you have the audacity to do it without shame and—clutch your pearls, ladies—talk about it in a public forum.
NO RING FOR YOU!
Who would want the cow when he can have the milk for free, we're told (because, like cows, we women apparently have no intrinsic value—we're just about what we can provide for others). No man would want a pre-used vagina forever when he can till that earth himself for the first time without wondering if someone else had a bigger plow or a surer hand. "Sluts" (you know, women who have sex) are either incapable of love, or incapable of being loved—or both, really. Sluts are insecure women who constantly seek self-esteem through multiple dickings when everyone knows that real self-esteem comes from keeping your legs closed. And if you had the audacity to sleep with someone else's boyfriend or someone else's husband, of course you're a tempting slut that he just couldn't resist and it's all your fault and karma will getcha and slut slut slut slut slut.
Think all of that is bullshit? Slut.
The question none of the myriad slut-shamers and finger-pointers and moralizers ask is: what slut (or, ahem, person) would wanta dude who thinks that sex is equivalent to milk from a cow, or who wants us not to know whether we're getting good sex, or who thinks us incapable or unworthy or love based on our sexual history, or who would prefer that we "hold out" for the sake of making someone love us? Because the answer is—and should always be—fuck those people (but not literally). It is not worth it to be in a relationship with someone who isn't interested in you as a person or who places so much emphasis on who else you slept with that he can't notice the person he's sleeping with—or that the person you are currently choosing to sleep with is him.
Look, there are lots of unhappily coupled people, lots of unhappily chaste people, and lots of unhappy people who played by the supposed rules of keeping their knees together and still ended up single. It's a fucking crapshoot. If there's any kind of goal in dating, it is (or should be) to find someone that you like, who likes you and with whom you can have a relationship that works for both of you. It's not a goddamned rollerderby contest with a bunch of hardened sluts elbowing you out of the way to get to the limited supply of cock. Cock is not an endangered species, nor are all women out to get it. And there's not one type of dude that all women like, or one type of woman that all dudes will like. People are individuals. Needs are individual. Relationships are unique. And no one has a crystal ball, and there's no higher power waiting to mete out punishment to sluts for enjoying themselves.
Now lets look at science now...ok?
Social Pathologist has crunched the numbers, and the verdict is in: women with lots of past partners are more likely to divorce than women who didn’t take a self-empowering spin on the cock carousel.
The results presented in this article replicate findings from previous research: Women who cohabit prior to marriage or who have premarital sex have an increased likelihood of marital disruption. Considering the joint effects of premarital cohabitation and premarital sex, as well as histories of premarital relationships, extends previous research. The most salient finding from this analysis is that women whose intimate premarital relationships are limited to their husbands—either premarital sex alone or premarital cohabitation—do not experience an increased risk of divorce. It is only women who have more than one intimate premarital relationship who have an elevated risk of marital disruption. This effect is strongest for women who have multiple premarital coresidental unions. These findings are consistent with the notion that premarital sex and cohabitation have become part of the normal courtship pattern in the United States. They do not indicate selectivity on characteristics linked to the risk of divorce and do not provide couples with experiences that lessen the stability of marriage.
A good guess as to what precipitates this “marital disruption” — the slut gets bored with her betafied hubby.
Here is a handy graph associated with the study:
s The Social Pathologist writes:
Note, the really disturbing [finding] still holds. As soon as a woman has had more than one partner her long term marital stability risk drops to near 50%.
Players and traditionalists, take a close look at that graph. When a woman has had 16 or more past lovers, the odds that a marriage to her will end in divorcerise to over 80%! Even “average” women with “only” five past lovers — women that few men would admit in public qualify as sluts — see an increase in odds of divorce to 70%. What man would want to screw his chances by marrying that? No wonder women react so vehemently to accusations of sluttitude and to helpful hints from yours truly on how best to identify sluts before you get in too deep.
Interesting conjectures arise as to why sluts pose a greater divorce risk than more innocent girls. The most obvious is encapsulated in this maxim:
Maxim #80: The more cocks that have ravaged a woman, the less any one cock will mesmerize her.
Sluts may have higher testosterone levels, leading them to cheat and, thus, to increase marital instability. Sluts may get bored faster with any one man. Sluts attract the sorts of men who themselves have no use for monogamous commitment. Sluts may just be fucked in the head. Their psychology doesn’t matter as much as the ability to quickly identify and discard them as potential wife and mother of your children material.
Nevertheless, what the above study and graph should convince you is that there are solid biological and sociological reasons why men place higher value on virgin women, and this fact is immutable regardless of the handwaving by the polyamory crowd. Sluts are simply a poor investment strategy for men seeking something more than a fling. This goes doubly for relationships codified by the state.
It should also be noted that sluts, while possessing pasts spattered with the cumshots of multiple lovers, are not less discriminating than saints. Betas thinking that all they have to do is hone in on sluts for the easy kill are in for a rude surprise. Sluts want to be properly gamed by an alpha male just as much as good girls. The difference is that sluts will sleep with more alphas, and will jump into bed quicker with them, than will good girls.
No girl wants to be labeled a slut (even if she co-opts the term for herself in a vain attempt to de-fang it), which is why women lie about their past number of partners. Women know, deep down, that being less slutty means better treatment from men.
To men thinking about marriage, double the total number of past lovers your girlfriend admits to you, add additional lovers based on the slut cues she reveals, and divide a 1 carat diamond engagement ring by that total. Ergo, a woman with twenty cocks in her past would receive a 1/20th carat ring.
It is fair to say that, in general, the human heart can only take so much. It’s simply not possible to truly love person after person. Talk to a guy who has really racked up the numbers, and bedded scores or even hundreds of women. Ask him how many of those women actually meant something to him, how many he thinks about in anything resembling a caring fashion. How many he would want a second chance with if he had a chance. The answer you’ll get will probably be less than you could count on a single hand. Some guys have the Big Three, others only The One. A great line in the movie A Bronx Tale went something like this: “You only get three Great Ones in a lifetime. Me, I got all three in one summer. It happens.”
That’s it. That’s all he got – one summer when he was young. Everyone else? Also rans. Not necessarily bad, but not the stuff of great pair ponding either.
It is also likely that the few great ones out of hundreds will cluster near the early stages of the skirt chasing career. No love like first love.
In fact, in my personal crew of skirt chasers, including some Greater Alphas, you are allowed to put three girls off limits. A Veto of Three, if you will. In fact, a Greater Alpha came up with this rule. Anything more than that is bullshit – there would be no point. To my knowlege, everybody’s “three” clusters near the beginning of a long career of skirt chasing.
The System that currently rules us, which in this context means academia, media, and other cultural movers, intentionally hides the truth. Marry your first love? What, are you crazy? You need to get better in bed first. What kind of loser are you? After all, love is always just around the corner. You’ve got plenty of time.
Problem is, it isn’t, and you don’t. You only get a few chances, if you are lucky. The best advice is to not waste them. The pussy may flow freely in the Kwa, but love most assuredly does not. Note: by “love” I’m referring to long term pair bonding.
The society has gotten to the point where virgin girls actually feel embarrassed. The cultural destroyers have done their work well, and they have done it intentionally. The stigma of shame that once attached to the lying slut now attaches to the…virgin.
There is absolutely no way that the people who dominate our cultural institutions, who are by and large middle aged and have at least some life experience, don’t know this. They obviously do, yet they persist in their lies – with malice aforethought.
The real advice for is simple: if you find a great girl, you better think twice about putting her back on the shelf. One part of being a “great girl” is that she hasn’t spread it around town. I honestly wish that I could say that there are plenty of such women around, Short of a revolution and a hitting of the cultural reset button, the odds are long indeed. But when you are dealing with such long odds, it’s even more important to know the score, so that you can make the most of it if you find that rare needle in a haystack
it’s tough going against the numbers. I’ve known any number of alphas that have gotten wiped out in divorce. They “knew” women, had all the confidence in the world, and now they are completely screwed.
It’s amusing to me how some people think that they are going to beat the accumulated wisdom of mankind – not just in this area, but in all sorts of situations. It’s a particular type of hubris, and one that comes with a particularly stiff penalty in the case of marriage.
Not just dumb people, but very smart people have been observing these sorts of things for thousands of years. It’d be wise to pay them some attention, but today every two bit moron thinks that he is smarter than everyone who ever lived before him. It’s laughable, but there it is.
I’d say that if you do beat the odds, if one does go against the accumulated wisdom of the ages and still comes out o.k., it’s probably more a matter of dumb luck than anything else. And hey, nothing wrong with a lucky break, and sometimes that can make all of the difference.
Having said that, and assuming that there are no appealing virgins (or close approximations thereof) to be found, then of course you do the best you can with what you’ve got. Use the “cues,” consult the chicken entrails. But I wouldn’t bet the farm on it, and unfortunately that’s exactly what getting married involves.
In the time of our grandfathers, there were plenty of “nice” girls, fresh out of the wrapper. For them, getting married was a pretty good bet. However, that is not the society that they left us with, not by a long shot. We confont a different choice: either marry a woman who has been ridden hard and put up wet, or don’t get married at all. Is it any wonder that more guys are choosing door number two? Damn if I can blame them.
Prior generations would have been revolted at the prospect of looking for “cues” about well plowed women, parsing and sorting the sluts, but that is what the modern Kwan has been reduced to. Nothing but a Slut Sorter. LOL!
I laugh, but part of me wants to weep.
To quote Hannibal Lecter, “People don’t always tell you what they’re thinking. They just see to it that you don’t advance in life.”
It’s not about having been shagged in your lifetime. It’s about having been shagged and then rejected.
Once that has happened to you, you get a stigma. It’s like you’re marked from the inside.
Naive virgins, wives, and widows who have only had one partner live in a world where men give their word and keep it. They were wanted…really wanted by some damned body, and kept, whether as a treasure or as trash who someone was sentimentally attached enough to, to keep.
Whores simply don’t care. If they are born or natural whores, they don’t really like sex anyway, and the vagina is just a business tool.
Wives though…natural wives, once they’ve felt the sting of rejection, after someone has known them, are never the same. I’m deprogrammed enough at this point to admit that.
The only way to get over it and give your future partners hope that you might not be as big of a risk is to accept the past, learn from it, and not lose what it was that made you trusting in the first place. Don’t let the end of your virginity, be the end of your womanhood. Cling to it for dear life because it’s all you have left.
What you bring to the table in a marriage or cohabitation is mainly your resources. What women bring is their wombs. Wasters of resources have no place to complain about wasters of pussy because both are sheep in the same herd.
It would be just like a ewe complaining, “You know, what I really want is one of those mountain rams. How come there are no good mountain rams?” while getting humped by yet another penned pseudo alpha.
If she got up the gutts to escape from the pen, she could get all the ramming she could stand, but she’s too comfortable grazing where other sheep just shit, and gobbling up the grain in the trough.
Same for a male sheep. He can see in the far distance, sturdy, healthy ewes on the mountain whose hooves may not be as nicely manicured as the ones in the pen, but who are free and feminine. He wishes he could be out there getting that fresh, clean, mountain ass, but he’s too comfortable being a big fish in a small pond, and/or getting wanked by the farm hands, and having his sperm stolen to stock the farm with fresh meat.
The reduction of sex to meaningless is part of the big lie. It means something, even in cultures wherein premarital sex is common. It’s at least an activity within the social/cultural trust.
Stripped down to the bare bones, in a long term relationship, the woman has to see the man’s resources as something valuable to him that he’s bringing to the trust, and the man has to see the woman’s womb (or just the vagina if they’re older or childfree types) as something that is valuable to her that she’s bringing to the trust.
If the man doesn’t see his resources as valuable, he’s a spoiled, overly flippant, wasteful person who is going to drag the family into the poorhouse or use his money as nothing more than a justification to mistreat her…or she’ll see him as a sucker. He doesn’t get the gravity.
If the woman doesn’t see her womb as valuable, she’s a spoiled, overly entitled, wasteful person who will view men she’s slept with as disposable as soon as a bigger gina tingle comes along. She doesn’t get the gravity of the situation either.
Men need to view their resources as a precious but currently volatile bargaining tool, and women need to view their pussy as the same.
It means that, especially old broads like me, will have to have long dry spells to find a guy without his head up his ass…but it’s worth it.
I also means though, that guys need to learn game so they can tell the difference between a slut and a whore, and a slut or whore worth keeping around. Guys have to learn to be a little more hard core about their resources, and less tolerant of women who will exploit them.
Think of a dollar as a penetration stroke, and ask yourself whether you want to be the fucker or the fucked.
Now, if most guys who can get laid with regularity are prone to reject girls who won’t give it up within a reasonable time and cost, wouldn’t this mean that good girls…would be much less likely to be the targets or victims of these men? In a world in which sluttiness is not stigmatized and sex is much easier to obtain, looser women would suck up most of the attentions of men with good game, thus leaving the monogamous girls alone.
Women who understand the power of sex, the incredible chemistry of it, women who know that sex is not casual physiologically speaking, women who do not embrace a life of sluthood, are indeed left alone by many men. That’s a good thing in some ways, but terribly disappointing in others. Very few women embrace the notion of receiving zero male attention once word gets out that they are not slutty. They cannot compete with determined sluts in the marketplace among these men. Sexually discriminating women have every reason to withhold support from sluts. Sluts are wreaking havoc on the supply side.
Definition of a slut:
a. A slut is a person of either sex who regards sex strictly as a physically pleasurable activity. Sex in and of itself does not include an emotional, spiritual or practical component. Love, emotional intimacy and reproduction are sometimes associated with sex, but are in no way necessary or even desirable as a precondition for sexual activity. Male sluts are generally found highly desirable by many women, and prefer promiscuity to a committed, monogamous relationship. Female sluts are generally found temporarily desirable by highly desirable men, and have few opportunities for committed, monogamous relationships. Some female sluts feel fine about this, others feel regret.
Women also have a built in “justification” mechanism … in any stuation where she was involved in wrongdoing. She may feel guilty for a little while ..but then starts to rationalize ,justify and convince herself what she did was not all that wrong if wrong at all. She knows if she convinces herself to mentally view a wrongdoing a certain way … it won’t seem so bad … and with the help of ALL her friends she will be fully convinced by the time she leaves that she in fact did nothing and even feel a sense of entitlement, while never applying the same deceptive logic ,if she found out her husband or boyfriend were doing the exact same thing. In most cases … the woman will hype herself up into an emotional frenzy to the point where she secretly blames her husband or boyfriend for her actions. This is just how far the
“justification” process will get out of hand. If she lies to herself long enough , she will start believing herself… opening the door for more transgressions in the future with the “girls”
Once the justification process is in effect … if the woman slips back and starts to feel regret or remorse for her actions …. she will have an army of women at her disposal to support her and continue to convince her that her actions were NOT wrong and that the worst thing she could do is be honest with her husband.
So as you can see …a woman is perfectly capable of doing anything and everything that she would never ever forgive her husband or boyfriend of doing ,just by using a little justification and self deception and the backing of a small army of other women supporting her along the way
(1) The WAW Effect
The WAW effect (“women are wonderful”) essentially labels the fact that women are considered to be celestial beings (quite rightly so.) As such, they do live up to very high standards (in respect to beauty, morality and empathy, for example). These high standards – more precisely the expectations connected to/entangled with them – make it somewhat easy to fail and fall from grace. And falling from grace does provoke severe (negative) reactions. One of these reactions could be being titled a slut. In this case a woman falls prey to common, vulgar pleasures of the flesh and everyone is terrified.
The WAW fact has a positive side to it, it does entail worship. On the negative side, things can go wrong much more easily and when they do there will be outrage. The WAW fact’s consequences include opening up more/particular/unique pitfalls for women and include greater accentuation of whatever transgression occurs.
(2) They Ruin the Sex Economy
Here’s another thing, sluts ruin the sex economy. Insofar and as long as it doesn’t lead to a fatal system failure (meaning no sex) it probably doesn’t bother men too much. But it does bother other women. By sex economy I’m not including prostitution. This text is restricted to the “innocent” everyday sex economy. Men want more sex (more) than women do (due to greater sex drive and lesser self-control) and thus women control a sought-after resource, access to which they can effectively control. And so they “trade”/exchange scarce sex for things they like. (Women like guys with good health, genes, high social status and further resources [wealth]. Don’t fall off your chair.) Consequently, they will yield (additional) sex only to considerable (prospective) counter-performance.
Now suppose somehow the scarce supply of sex was increased while demand (and such) stayed the same (ceteris paribus). In other words, assume that men are as horny as always but women yield sex more readily/plentiful than before. That will decrease the value of sex and thus the asking price/price of admission. Women get less in return for sex. Women get poorer, roughly speaking. No one likes getting poorer. And this whole affair could (theoretically) lead to deflation, both of sex dolls (which is of negligible concern to women, unless they manufacture them) and to economic deflation. (Deflation in respect to what men have to offer; in respect to the currency sex it would be inflation [but that wouldn’t go as well with the sex doll thing I just bothered you with].) Deflation can be pretty bad. It can mean an economic crisis. And people don’t like economic crises. Just look at the recent/current one (-- I don’t think sluts are to be blamed for that one, though; but closer examination will have to wait). What I am saying is, sluts are sort of like investment bankers. It’s just that no one occupies Wall Street in reaction to them. That is conceivable, though.
To sum up, it makes sense for women to object to sluts, because sluts cause women to get less in exchange for sex. It particularly makes sense for women who are not sluts, who – by definition – don’t want to relinquish sex easily but are under (market) pressure – caused by sluts - to do so. Insulting someone does express – is – objection. The term slut is an insult. Since objection makes sense, insulting makes sense, and thus using the term slut makes sense. I wonder whether that made sense to you.
(3) Not Prudent Behaviour
Anyway, a further reason to object to sluts is the imprudence of the characteristic behaviour. There’s still a risk of pregnancy and all the sensitivity of questions associated with it. For example, abortion is controversial, as is giving a child away. And raising a child obviously requires great parental effort, effort the biological father – if he can be determined – is not unlikely to be reluctant to engage in. The biological mother is more likely to invest parental effort, certainly during her pregnancy but also thereafter. Not to mention that the sex partner may not be exactly a good choice (call it an occupational risk for sluts). Males can more easily give it another shot, whereas females are somewhat more restricted and baby-burdened.
There’s also the problem of reputation. Someone who ends up being considered a slut thereby automatically suffers significant detriment to status. Having achieved “slut status” doesn’t help with procuring a desirable partner; it’s no boon in that endeavour. De facto, women face this slut problem, men not so much. I know we’re discussing whether it makes sense to object to “slutty” behaviour. But even if “slutty” behaviour was not inherently imprudent (and thus to be objected to), it becomes imprudent because of society’s reaction to it, irrespective of whether society’s reaction is adequate. Again it is more imprudent for women to act like a slut than for men, because acting like a slut is more disadvantageous to women. (I suspect that slutty behaviour also increases the risk of being raped. This almost exclusively applies to women and is very costly when it occurs.)
The risk and cost of pregnancy is still (presently) greater for women than for men. (I will not address the separable matter of who will be blamed if direct contraception fails or isn’t used, but I strongly suspect it’d be the female, justifiable or not.) Sleeping around is more imprudent for women than for men. Of course in individual cases it may be quite wise to get oneself knocked up. But, as initially remarked, I’m taking a broad view here (… broad as in wide, general). It makes sense to object to imprudent behaviour. Insulting someone does express – is – objection. The term slut is an insult. Since objection makes sense, insulting makes sense, and thus using the term slut makes sense.
(4) Costs for Their Kin
Comparably and consequently, there’s a risk for the kin of sluts, who would be called upon to support her in case of pregnancy. That burden, like above, is greater for her kin than for his.
(5) But Men!
But men could also be called sluts, or something to a similar effect. However, it’s a matter of degree. The (outwardly) same type of behaviour is objectively worse of women (see above, (2), (3) and (4)). Apparently, they managed to cross the objective threshold to insult-worthiness and men didn’t. The downside of the WAW effect (see (1)) should also be taken into consideration but may not be necessary here. (Note that society doesn’t appreciate men having [consensual] sex all stops pulled out, no matter what. Under some circumstances, there is objection. Also note the additional reasons below for why outwardly similar behaviour in men is better accepted.)
(6) Carrots
Managing to have sex with many females is an achievement, for males (at least as long as there aren’t too many sluts). (It’s probably also an achievement for women to have sex with many females, but that’s beside the point.) Evidently there are many obstacles a male has to get past and considerable requirements to fulfil. Conversely, managing to have sex with many males is not much of an achievement for females (at least as long as there aren’t too many sluts). It’s pretty much as easy as walking into a bar and saying “Who wants to have sex with me?”. So one can see why it makes more sense to respect and congratulate a man for being able to have sex with many females.
This aspect of achievement implicated in having sex with many females does get in the way of objection and insult. Even if there are negative aspects to having sex with many females, it is difficult to both congratulate and despise for one – outwardly - identical thing/act. This circumstance makes it more unlikely for men to cross the threshold to insult-worthiness and slut but doesn’t apply to women (compare (5)).
Then there’s the motivational function of sex. It works best against men, due to greater sex drive (and restricted access to sex). Higher status and more resources improve access to sex. So you have men working towards and competing for higher status and more resources. Society awards higher status and more resources for things that are good for society. Put in one sentence, the disproportionately greater desire for sex coupled with the prospect of sex makes men work for higher status and more resources and, in that, for things that are good for society. Sex is and - by extension - women are the carrots dangling in front of men. You can’t use women that way – certainly not as effectively as men – because they can get male carrots any time they want and they aren’t very hungry to begin with. Imagine the bar scene again; if a woman were to step in and say “Who wants to be eaten by me?”, a number of men would answer in the affirmative, well-aware and willing to take the risk that they may be dealing with a cannibal (the bad kind of man-eater). (Plus, it’s also better to utilize men considering that they are inclined to go to extremes and are simultaneously relatively expendable if/when they (fatally) fail. It doesn’t take that many men to make many children, but it does take that many women.) Culture has based this particular motivational dynamic on a biological foundation, nurtured and reinforced it with norms and expectations. (Even in the absence of polygamy it still works well. Of course the past presence of polygamy is evolutionarily relevant.)
Probably unsurprisingly, this serves as complementary explanation for why women are called sluts and men aren’t. It is advantageous for society when men have the strong desire to sleep with many females. And when men manage to sleep with many females, that usually implies and marks their value to society (because such success usually requires good health, higher status and more resources; see the line of argument above). Naturally, it doesn’t make much sense to object to value and to insult those who are beneficial. Therefore it tends to not make much sense to object to men having sex with many females and equally little sense to discourage men from trying to have (consensual) sex with many females. Men are supposed to go after carrots/women, that’s how the system is designed. Calling men “sluts” or some such is kind of discouraging and consequentially avoided. Actually, the opposite would make sense. And voila, men are referred to as studs. Tellingly, studs like carrots, so that kind of fits the picture. (I think the classical animal going after the dangling carrot is a mule, but that’s not very inspiring)
This is closely tied to the inverse role of women. They serve as gatekeepers and keep the whole hamster wheel/carrot-chasing going. (In evolutionary terms, they also run what’s possibly the last accepted euthanasia program. They kill off bad genetic material by preferentially selecting good genetic material. Of course the increase in monogamous lifestyle – as opposed to polygamy and the more extreme alpha male setup – somewhat reduces the impact. Nowadays, more women are available for sub-alpha males.) Evidently, you can’t set a fox to keep the geese and expect him to run around in a hamster wheel. Well, that didn’t quite work. What I’m saying is, the fox will eat the carrots and then go to sleep. He won’t work at all.
(7) The End
In conclusion, there are good reasons to object to women who sleep around and thus express disdain by calling them something like sluts. Women are interested in having other women not ruin their sex economy/bargaining position. That’s actually a practical concern and should not be taken as jealousy of sexual expression. Objectively, sleeping around of women is more imprudent than sleeping around of men; it’s more risky and costly. More reason to object to it more. Lastly, society actually has a positive interest in males’ striving to sleep with many women and an interest in women to be reluctant to comply.
So there are valid reasons to call women sluts and men studs. But is it fair? Well, biology is a strong force on its own; based on evolution, being a slut generally isn’t the best strategy. That seems to ensure that sluttiness won’t become a dominant phenomenon. This means it may not be terribly necessary for society/culture to exert influence of is own in order to further restrict sluttiness. The influence of condemning women as sluts could thus be given up. That being said, the legal system plays an ambiguous role. With laws establishing the enforcement of – for example - child support, culture actually (incidentally) works “against biology” by potentially making sluttiness look like less of a bad idea.
Unsurprisingly, this whole matter is another case of competing interests. What speaks for sluttiness is, for example, the ubiquitous right to/interest in expressing oneself (or in other words to do whatever the hell one feels like).
Also, a lot of things do work in motivating people; sex isn’t the only incentive. However, alongside hunger for food, sex is a pretty strong force. And with social systems in place, which pretty much make sure hunger for food doesn’t come into (sufficient) effect, (hunger for) sex is without equal. Of course nice cars do motivate too. But we’re talking about a single motivational continuum, where the effect of many sources is cumulated and converges into one outcome. The more motivation tends to be the better.
Fortunately, I am sexist enough to make deciding these conflicts (for me personally) obsolete; I don’t like using abusive terms against women (at least outside of sex). So I’m generally against calling women sluts. (At the same time, I’m also against calling them studs; that just doesn’t work.)
Oh, and as for the WAW effect (“women are wonderful”) and its consequences, with the way women act more and more like men, that will sort itself out soon enough. I predict it will fairly soon turn into something like a WAAH! effect (“women are also horrible!”). So everything will be just fine.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
LOVE: THINGS THAT I SHOULD I HAVE LISTEN TO FROM MOM.
I didn't listen to my mother when she warned me that my ex-wife wasn't right for me. I was so stupid. She told me a couple of things that I wished I listen carefully:
Your partner’s family, and your family, does matter. You’re kidding yourself if you think otherwise. I remember in the movie “The Godfather”? While attending his sister’s wedding, Michael Corleon references his Mafia family to his girlfriend Kate and says: “that’s my family Kate, that’s not me”. Fast forward and we all know that Michael became exactly like his family — and his father! This might be an extreme example but you are only kidding yourself if you do not believe your families will impact your lives together. For better or for worse — we marry into each other’s families when we marry each other. You might not like to hear this, but like it or not, it’s true. Even attempts to be different from our families acknowledge their influence on us.
My mom also told me... “all you need is love” is the biggest BS ever.. No, love is not all you need if you want to go the distance and live happily ever after. You need plenty of other things – the most important one being the ability to effectively communicate. As time marches on, and the you-know-what -hits the fan, and it will – communication will be the key for keeping your relationship strong and healthy!
Sexiness isn't about how someone looks ....sexiness is to show interest in sex..was another things that I didn't listen to. Just because someone looks great..doesn't mean she is great in bed.
Your partner’s family, and your family, does matter. You’re kidding yourself if you think otherwise. I remember in the movie “The Godfather”? While attending his sister’s wedding, Michael Corleon references his Mafia family to his girlfriend Kate and says: “that’s my family Kate, that’s not me”. Fast forward and we all know that Michael became exactly like his family — and his father! This might be an extreme example but you are only kidding yourself if you do not believe your families will impact your lives together. For better or for worse — we marry into each other’s families when we marry each other. You might not like to hear this, but like it or not, it’s true. Even attempts to be different from our families acknowledge their influence on us.
My mom also told me... “all you need is love” is the biggest BS ever.. No, love is not all you need if you want to go the distance and live happily ever after. You need plenty of other things – the most important one being the ability to effectively communicate. As time marches on, and the you-know-what -hits the fan, and it will – communication will be the key for keeping your relationship strong and healthy!
Sexiness isn't about how someone looks ....sexiness is to show interest in sex..was another things that I didn't listen to. Just because someone looks great..doesn't mean she is great in bed.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
SPIRITUAL: A NEW YEAR PRAY
Dear God I ask for your presence.. My value and my worth is not contingent to people lusting after me. I renounce any negative forces that are keeping me on the path of destruction. God help me to know my worth. Help me to be humble and respectful. Love is unconditional. Love is an act of the will accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of it’s object. Love is a choice. .Marriage and family should come first. I make responsible decisions and I commit to my choices.
I have a list of things to look for in a relationship with yourself and in a relationship with my future wife. First of all you need to look for the acronym C.A.R.E.S.S.
C-Compassion,
A- Acceptance,
R- Respect,
E- Encouragement,
S-Support
S- Stroking
I got this from a book by Carolynn Hillman called Recovery of your self-esteem
Secondly (this is my idea,I made it up) look for and receive the 6 C’s which is
COMPASSION,
COMMUNICATION,
CHARACTER,
COMPATIBILITY,
COMMITMENT,
COMPLIMENTS.
The other two C’s are COMPROMISE and CHEMISTRY. WHICH ARE LESS IMPORTANT.
I have learned that someone you are sexually and physically attracted to today,you may not be sexually or physically attracted to them in two years,five years or twenty years time. Physical attraction and sexual attraction doesn’t usually last a lifetime, but compatibility usually does last.So I am saying that you should find someone you are compatible with intellectually rather than going for physical and sexual chemistry.The more compatible you are, the less you are likely to need to compromise.
The world is a giant mirror reflecting and attracting my beliefs.
My relationships reflect back the way I treat myself.
My relationships reflect back the way I treat others.
My relationships reflect back to me my sub-conscious thoughts
and beliefs about myself and past unresolved problems.
My relationships reflect back to me what I need to learn.
My relationships attracts what I believe about other people.
When I change the way I view things,
my thinking and my perception also changes and as a result my life changes.
This is about how we unconsciously attract and reflect our thoughts in our relationships.This is similar to “mirror like awareness” and “mirror like consciousness” in Buddhism.
I have a list of things to look for in a relationship with yourself and in a relationship with my future wife. First of all you need to look for the acronym C.A.R.E.S.S.
C-Compassion,
A- Acceptance,
R- Respect,
E- Encouragement,
S-Support
S- Stroking
I got this from a book by Carolynn Hillman called Recovery of your self-esteem
Secondly (this is my idea,I made it up) look for and receive the 6 C’s which is
COMPASSION,
COMMUNICATION,
CHARACTER,
COMPATIBILITY,
COMMITMENT,
COMPLIMENTS.
The other two C’s are COMPROMISE and CHEMISTRY. WHICH ARE LESS IMPORTANT.
I have learned that someone you are sexually and physically attracted to today,you may not be sexually or physically attracted to them in two years,five years or twenty years time. Physical attraction and sexual attraction doesn’t usually last a lifetime, but compatibility usually does last.So I am saying that you should find someone you are compatible with intellectually rather than going for physical and sexual chemistry.The more compatible you are, the less you are likely to need to compromise.
The world is a giant mirror reflecting and attracting my beliefs.
My relationships reflect back the way I treat myself.
My relationships reflect back the way I treat others.
My relationships reflect back to me my sub-conscious thoughts
and beliefs about myself and past unresolved problems.
My relationships reflect back to me what I need to learn.
My relationships attracts what I believe about other people.
When I change the way I view things,
my thinking and my perception also changes and as a result my life changes.
This is about how we unconsciously attract and reflect our thoughts in our relationships.This is similar to “mirror like awareness” and “mirror like consciousness” in Buddhism.
LOVE: SEARCHING FOR THE KIND OF LOVE WE RECEIVED FROM OUR PARENTS
The problem is, as adults, we search for the kind of love we received from our parents, which is why most marriages end in divorce. Parental love is what feels most natural to us, yet can be the most problematic.
If our parents were judgmental, emotionally damaged, mentally unstable, or just simply unable to make good decisions for themselves, then a child's attempts to please their parents will be met with resistance and resentment, which creates self-judgment and self-hate. You carry this with you to every relationship.
This is a tough concept to wrap our heads around mainly because it means we have to change how we think about love, and then change our daily actions to reflect that change and hopefully attract healthy love in return.
I am closes to my mom. And I guess...i am always looking for someone like my mom. You know ...we love others the same way you love yourself. If you judge yourself harshly and put yourself down, then chances are that you do the same to the people in your life or even worse, because you expect more from them or you expect them to solve your problems.
We tend to choose mates which reflect back to us the things we wish we could change about ourselves. We hope they will change for us, and we hope we can change for them. That is not true unconditional love.
We should not be spending the rest of our lives in every relationship seeking acceptance the way we desired acceptance from our parents, or trying to find people who can save us and solve our problems.
So how do we change that?
You have the power to let go of your past right now. You have the power to let go of anything anyone has ever done to you. You have the power to let go of anything you have ever done to yourself and others. It's in the past. It's behind you. Just let it go and forgive without any expectations or fear.
I have been doing that this past years. I have forgiven my ex wife, the bully from high school, my parents....everyone.
The next part was even harder. I have to accept all my imperfections and problems, because that is all a part of who you I am. I am trying to stop punishing myself for being me, and start loving everything about myself. Treat yourself with kindness, compassion, acceptance, without expectations. I started to accept how i look like and my jobs...ect...
I am trying to do this for everyone I meet. I am not going to change them....or fix them...or make them better anymore.
You will start to receive the type of love that you are trying to give, and you will continue to become the person you truly want to be. You will avoid the types of people that can hurt you and bring you down. You will stop being hurtful and damaging to others.
If our parents were judgmental, emotionally damaged, mentally unstable, or just simply unable to make good decisions for themselves, then a child's attempts to please their parents will be met with resistance and resentment, which creates self-judgment and self-hate. You carry this with you to every relationship.
This is a tough concept to wrap our heads around mainly because it means we have to change how we think about love, and then change our daily actions to reflect that change and hopefully attract healthy love in return.
I am closes to my mom. And I guess...i am always looking for someone like my mom. You know ...we love others the same way you love yourself. If you judge yourself harshly and put yourself down, then chances are that you do the same to the people in your life or even worse, because you expect more from them or you expect them to solve your problems.
We tend to choose mates which reflect back to us the things we wish we could change about ourselves. We hope they will change for us, and we hope we can change for them. That is not true unconditional love.
We should not be spending the rest of our lives in every relationship seeking acceptance the way we desired acceptance from our parents, or trying to find people who can save us and solve our problems.
So how do we change that?
You have the power to let go of your past right now. You have the power to let go of anything anyone has ever done to you. You have the power to let go of anything you have ever done to yourself and others. It's in the past. It's behind you. Just let it go and forgive without any expectations or fear.
I have been doing that this past years. I have forgiven my ex wife, the bully from high school, my parents....everyone.
The next part was even harder. I have to accept all my imperfections and problems, because that is all a part of who you I am. I am trying to stop punishing myself for being me, and start loving everything about myself. Treat yourself with kindness, compassion, acceptance, without expectations. I started to accept how i look like and my jobs...ect...
I am trying to do this for everyone I meet. I am not going to change them....or fix them...or make them better anymore.
You will start to receive the type of love that you are trying to give, and you will continue to become the person you truly want to be. You will avoid the types of people that can hurt you and bring you down. You will stop being hurtful and damaging to others.
Monday, December 31, 2012
JOURNAL: NEW YEARS EVE
Dear God,
This year started with alot of pain and slowly it ended up to be a great year. Changes in my job with new ownership of the clinic I work in. Changes in my love life. Changes with money as well.
Thank you for watching over me. Help me find someone who can truly love me this coming year. Thank you for my health and still having mom, dad and sister.
I want to wish everyone good health and happiness.
-A
This year started with alot of pain and slowly it ended up to be a great year. Changes in my job with new ownership of the clinic I work in. Changes in my love life. Changes with money as well.
Thank you for watching over me. Help me find someone who can truly love me this coming year. Thank you for my health and still having mom, dad and sister.
I want to wish everyone good health and happiness.
-A
POETRY: IN THE SILENCE OF THE NIGHT
I have fears you might be snatched from me
Before your promise of love can be fulfilled
Before well-conceived thoughts become real
I fear your love will cease to be
When I gaze in your eyes I read the signs;
Symbols of sweet romance are clearly there
My mind assures my feelings are true
Magical reflections of chances I used to have
The nothingness of life, a passing shadow I see
As fear and shame to oblivion do perish
My mind never played tricks on me;
Would you promise to stay with me?
How I wish peace could be established in me
When you tell me your love is true
Assure me to put my mind at rest
Assurance of love I need from you
2
Grow and glow, dear heart
as radiantly as the scented blossoms
in the basking summer rays.
Share and empathize, dear heart
as miraculously as sweet memories nurture your growth
and mighty as the love
that binds emotions and desires.
Vanquish existing hatred, dear heart
unworthy of divine devotion.
Be zealous and valiant in your touch
calming and gently soothing wounded souls
as zestfully as the shadowy candle flames
that once intrigues the sensuous pleasures
3
Lost from the land of shadows
A ghost lies quietly in my heart
She slowly melts into my blood
While embracing me with my love
Taking away all my fear
Taking away all my tears
I hold her gently with my longing soul
Upon the arrival of every heartbeat
Crossing a flow of breath taking moments
The dark night watches over us
As she leans silently into me
With a kiss to my soul
And a touch of pure passion
The dark night shows us the path
Down the bright stream of stars
To where love would gather us forever
In a great secret garden of heaven
Somewhere heavens away
The light of midnight sparkles in her eyes
leading to the long path of her love
somewhere deep within me
4
A note, a word,
something touching,
a kiss on soft shoulders,
fragile rain falling,
starlit nights,
all memories ready to make.
A voice, a sound,
there's a beating inside my heart,
the soul takes wing
into the sun, burning,
turning my life into
that endless circle.
Can you imagine
my eyes, my lips,
the days and nights
spent tripping over the moon,
destiny waits and calls,
a lifetime swirls overhead.
Ice and fire,
time and not enough time,
exciting things lifting us up,
wings to fly into that mist,
take my hand, take my life,
pick up the puzzle,
put us together,
two lost entities welcoming
and waiting to be
wind blown into legend
5
I give you this token of love.
I bring an eternal sacrifice,
more precious than diamonds,
more valuable than silver and gold.
For all you did and always will do,
for eternity assured in the
paradise of your embrace,
I make this covenant of trust,
a promise of a lifetime.
I remember the wonders,
how you redeemed my faded hope
and strengthened my weakened faith.
I cherish those words,
the message of joy
that soared my confidence
to the highest peak.
I appreciate those candid feelings,
those impressionable looks
that captivate the mind,
and transcend every imagination;
those true emotions that can never be
uttered in words.
My jewel of hope,
you're tested, tried and true;
I'm grateful for the smile
you put on my face, and the
love songs you plant on my lips.
6
Years later...
This heart of mine
Still whispers your name
And cherishes memories
Of times long past.
My arms...
Though you be miles gone,
Still ache to hold you.
Drawing you close
Till our hearts become one.
These lips...
Still have the taste
Of yours melding with mine
Trembling in anticipation
When our bodies will wed.
Today...having found you again
I once more feel complete
And my heart soars
At the possibility
That you and I, to each other
will return.
7
I am in an ever swirling whirlwind of confusion
My mind swims the channels beyond myself
Feeling lost I try to swim for shore
I'm too forgone now to make it back
Standing in the sand
Her eyes pierce my memory
Those emerald blankets that wrap me up
I am safe there
I am safe there
We are safe there
Like a ship I feel I've been blown off course
I'm heading for the rocks
The headwind works against me
I await the beautiful crash
It all comes so quickly
I awaken with her there beside me
Drowning in my contentment
I no longer fear the water
8
I stare into your eyes, seeing my reflection,
But it seems so unreal.
If the eyes are the window to the soul,
How can my image appear?
9
Our love is like birds in the sky
Flying high to unimaginable heights
With winds of joy blowing up our minds
We're heading to the station identification
Our love is like fishes in the ocean
Growing deeper than the mind could conceive
With wings we'll swim to desired destinations
To celebrate eternity with merry dancing
Our love is like candlelight in the dark
Shining bright to lighten up our lives
Deep reasons for love in our eyes
Sparkling with the love from our hearts
Our love is like Romeo and Juliet
Undying love that defies all barriers
Forever we'll remain united as one
And fulfill every desire of our hearts
10
Being with you redefines the meaning of love
Adventure, Romance, Fantasy, Pleasure
Never to end, daring ourselves to keep going
Over and over again, now until forever
Secretly wanting, capturing each others hearts
Only to last for a lifetime
Taking each and every moment, thinking of it as a treasure
Every word that is spoken
Loving, Caring, Tender, True
Demands the love we have for each other
Everlasting love, reminding us of the future
together... foreve
11
When sunlight turns to darkness
When all is calm
When all is quiet
When all is at peace
My Silent night is with you
Thoughts of YOU lying next to me
In the silence of the night
Every breath that you take
I listen to knowing
Each breath that you take
Your soul burns just like mine
Laying down my head upon your chest
Every beat of your heart
Passion of a love burns inside
Beats the same song of love
Just like mine in rhythm
Never missing a beat
Wrapping my arms around you
Touching your skin
Holding you close to me
I snuggle closer and closer
Your warmth I wish to feel
A tear rolls down my cheek
Falling to touch your skin
I wonder if you can feel the love
That just touched your skin
In your dream tonight
Do you know and feel this love?
Do you know what you really mean to me?
My silent night with YOU
Forever and beyond
12
The clock was winding down
The day was at an end
It was time to say good-bye
The sun was gone; the moon was out
And stars filled the sky
We stood there talking, prolonging the moment
Trying to make it last
For each moment we spent apart from each other
Was a moment stolen by the past
I looked at her; she looked at me
And we held each other tight
A farewell hug to show our love
Was comforting in the night
I started to pull back; she whispered, "No"
And held me tighter still
I held her close, and kissed her ear
And my heart began to fill
For the simple act of letting go
Became a chore we couldn't face
In that moment, I knew we'd last forever
Simply because we embraced
Before your promise of love can be fulfilled
Before well-conceived thoughts become real
I fear your love will cease to be
When I gaze in your eyes I read the signs;
Symbols of sweet romance are clearly there
My mind assures my feelings are true
Magical reflections of chances I used to have
The nothingness of life, a passing shadow I see
As fear and shame to oblivion do perish
My mind never played tricks on me;
Would you promise to stay with me?
How I wish peace could be established in me
When you tell me your love is true
Assure me to put my mind at rest
Assurance of love I need from you
2
Grow and glow, dear heart
as radiantly as the scented blossoms
in the basking summer rays.
Share and empathize, dear heart
as miraculously as sweet memories nurture your growth
and mighty as the love
that binds emotions and desires.
Vanquish existing hatred, dear heart
unworthy of divine devotion.
Be zealous and valiant in your touch
calming and gently soothing wounded souls
as zestfully as the shadowy candle flames
that once intrigues the sensuous pleasures
3
Lost from the land of shadows
A ghost lies quietly in my heart
She slowly melts into my blood
While embracing me with my love
Taking away all my fear
Taking away all my tears
I hold her gently with my longing soul
Upon the arrival of every heartbeat
Crossing a flow of breath taking moments
The dark night watches over us
As she leans silently into me
With a kiss to my soul
And a touch of pure passion
The dark night shows us the path
Down the bright stream of stars
To where love would gather us forever
In a great secret garden of heaven
Somewhere heavens away
The light of midnight sparkles in her eyes
leading to the long path of her love
somewhere deep within me
4
A note, a word,
something touching,
a kiss on soft shoulders,
fragile rain falling,
starlit nights,
all memories ready to make.
A voice, a sound,
there's a beating inside my heart,
the soul takes wing
into the sun, burning,
turning my life into
that endless circle.
Can you imagine
my eyes, my lips,
the days and nights
spent tripping over the moon,
destiny waits and calls,
a lifetime swirls overhead.
Ice and fire,
time and not enough time,
exciting things lifting us up,
wings to fly into that mist,
take my hand, take my life,
pick up the puzzle,
put us together,
two lost entities welcoming
and waiting to be
wind blown into legend
5
I give you this token of love.
I bring an eternal sacrifice,
more precious than diamonds,
more valuable than silver and gold.
For all you did and always will do,
for eternity assured in the
paradise of your embrace,
I make this covenant of trust,
a promise of a lifetime.
I remember the wonders,
how you redeemed my faded hope
and strengthened my weakened faith.
I cherish those words,
the message of joy
that soared my confidence
to the highest peak.
I appreciate those candid feelings,
those impressionable looks
that captivate the mind,
and transcend every imagination;
those true emotions that can never be
uttered in words.
My jewel of hope,
you're tested, tried and true;
I'm grateful for the smile
you put on my face, and the
love songs you plant on my lips.
6
Years later...
This heart of mine
Still whispers your name
And cherishes memories
Of times long past.
My arms...
Though you be miles gone,
Still ache to hold you.
Drawing you close
Till our hearts become one.
These lips...
Still have the taste
Of yours melding with mine
Trembling in anticipation
When our bodies will wed.
Today...having found you again
I once more feel complete
And my heart soars
At the possibility
That you and I, to each other
will return.
7
I am in an ever swirling whirlwind of confusion
My mind swims the channels beyond myself
Feeling lost I try to swim for shore
I'm too forgone now to make it back
Standing in the sand
Her eyes pierce my memory
Those emerald blankets that wrap me up
I am safe there
I am safe there
We are safe there
Like a ship I feel I've been blown off course
I'm heading for the rocks
The headwind works against me
I await the beautiful crash
It all comes so quickly
I awaken with her there beside me
Drowning in my contentment
I no longer fear the water
8
I stare into your eyes, seeing my reflection,
But it seems so unreal.
If the eyes are the window to the soul,
How can my image appear?
9
Our love is like birds in the sky
Flying high to unimaginable heights
With winds of joy blowing up our minds
We're heading to the station identification
Our love is like fishes in the ocean
Growing deeper than the mind could conceive
With wings we'll swim to desired destinations
To celebrate eternity with merry dancing
Our love is like candlelight in the dark
Shining bright to lighten up our lives
Deep reasons for love in our eyes
Sparkling with the love from our hearts
Our love is like Romeo and Juliet
Undying love that defies all barriers
Forever we'll remain united as one
And fulfill every desire of our hearts
10
Being with you redefines the meaning of love
Adventure, Romance, Fantasy, Pleasure
Never to end, daring ourselves to keep going
Over and over again, now until forever
Secretly wanting, capturing each others hearts
Only to last for a lifetime
Taking each and every moment, thinking of it as a treasure
Every word that is spoken
Loving, Caring, Tender, True
Demands the love we have for each other
Everlasting love, reminding us of the future
together... foreve
11
When sunlight turns to darkness
When all is calm
When all is quiet
When all is at peace
My Silent night is with you
Thoughts of YOU lying next to me
In the silence of the night
Every breath that you take
I listen to knowing
Each breath that you take
Your soul burns just like mine
Laying down my head upon your chest
Every beat of your heart
Passion of a love burns inside
Beats the same song of love
Just like mine in rhythm
Never missing a beat
Wrapping my arms around you
Touching your skin
Holding you close to me
I snuggle closer and closer
Your warmth I wish to feel
A tear rolls down my cheek
Falling to touch your skin
I wonder if you can feel the love
That just touched your skin
In your dream tonight
Do you know and feel this love?
Do you know what you really mean to me?
My silent night with YOU
Forever and beyond
12
The clock was winding down
The day was at an end
It was time to say good-bye
The sun was gone; the moon was out
And stars filled the sky
We stood there talking, prolonging the moment
Trying to make it last
For each moment we spent apart from each other
Was a moment stolen by the past
I looked at her; she looked at me
And we held each other tight
A farewell hug to show our love
Was comforting in the night
I started to pull back; she whispered, "No"
And held me tighter still
I held her close, and kissed her ear
And my heart began to fill
For the simple act of letting go
Became a chore we couldn't face
In that moment, I knew we'd last forever
Simply because we embraced
Saturday, December 29, 2012
LOVE LETTER: I LOVE YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER
Love,
Here's a letter for you, to show how much you mean to me. Probably, all this sounds like the rants and raves of a love-sick lunatic. Well, we both know that's exactly what I am. It isn't easy to put to words what I feel, but here's my best shot.
To me you are everything. When we're together, I couldn't care about anything else. I wonder what I would have done if you didn't love me. What if I never fell in love with you? I'd be missing out on heaven. Just to think of it scares me. How do you do it? How did you make me so incredibly crazy about you? I guess that's a question whose answer neither of us know. Well, whatever it is, now I don't think I'll ever stop falling in love with you. You're just too good to be true. You're the dream I never thought would come true. I never imagined myself here with you, holding hands, loving each other. But now, its harder to imagine not being that way.
I think of you all the time. Your smile is like a breath of fresh mountain air. Your laugh so real. Your eyes are true as the sea meets the sand. Your words make me melt. Your skin is as soft as the evening breeze. Your voice is like blanket over me on a cold night. Every word you say stays with me. You make me laugh out loud, you make me blush uncontrollably, you make me sing in the shower, you make me smile like an idiot, you make me want to do anything and everything to talk to you for a minute more. What will you do next, I wonder. You are the only person I want to be with all the time. I wish it was just you and me, forever. If nothing else stopped us, there would be so much we could say and do. But like friction stops movement, so the world stops us.
But it's more than all these things that everyone can see. I have this feeling that even deep inside, we talk. I guess that sounds really weird, but I don't know. Even if we're really far apart, you're still with me. We're still together over all the distance. I know you're thinking of me, like I am of you. That really comforts me. You know how we stand together and we're not speaking a word? Well those times mean more than just silence. It's just the way you are, like you're listening to me all the time. I feel I don't have to talk all the time for you to know what I mean. Everything about you is like an unsaid story just waiting to unfold itself to me. You must think I'm crazy, but I'll risk that because you know if for anyone, I am crazy about you.
Most of all, you understand. You get the kind of person I am. You accept me for who I am, and who I am not. Not many people are willing to do that. I'm not the easiest person to understand. But you know what? You did it, like all the other magic you did and that makes me entirely dependent on you. You let me talk about things, you listen, you say it's ok. Just you doing that much makes me feel tons better. When you have that kind of effect on a person, they tend to lean on you even more. Now, I need you so much more than I did. I need you, I want you, I love you. I want to pour my heart out to you so that you can mend all my hurt. Maybe I should lay off, and let you be. But your smile, and all this love you're laying on me makes me want to stay longer, each time.
I love you the exact same way you love me, and that made such a difference. I love you so much. I want to stay in your arms till the end. I'll be by your side through thick and thin. I want to wipe away your tears like you have erased all mine. I want to laugh with you. I know each day for us is a gift. For us, the only tomorrow is one where we're more in love than today. The rest of our life is just waiting for us to discover, together.
I love you, a million times over.
Here's a letter for you, to show how much you mean to me. Probably, all this sounds like the rants and raves of a love-sick lunatic. Well, we both know that's exactly what I am. It isn't easy to put to words what I feel, but here's my best shot.
To me you are everything. When we're together, I couldn't care about anything else. I wonder what I would have done if you didn't love me. What if I never fell in love with you? I'd be missing out on heaven. Just to think of it scares me. How do you do it? How did you make me so incredibly crazy about you? I guess that's a question whose answer neither of us know. Well, whatever it is, now I don't think I'll ever stop falling in love with you. You're just too good to be true. You're the dream I never thought would come true. I never imagined myself here with you, holding hands, loving each other. But now, its harder to imagine not being that way.
I think of you all the time. Your smile is like a breath of fresh mountain air. Your laugh so real. Your eyes are true as the sea meets the sand. Your words make me melt. Your skin is as soft as the evening breeze. Your voice is like blanket over me on a cold night. Every word you say stays with me. You make me laugh out loud, you make me blush uncontrollably, you make me sing in the shower, you make me smile like an idiot, you make me want to do anything and everything to talk to you for a minute more. What will you do next, I wonder. You are the only person I want to be with all the time. I wish it was just you and me, forever. If nothing else stopped us, there would be so much we could say and do. But like friction stops movement, so the world stops us.
But it's more than all these things that everyone can see. I have this feeling that even deep inside, we talk. I guess that sounds really weird, but I don't know. Even if we're really far apart, you're still with me. We're still together over all the distance. I know you're thinking of me, like I am of you. That really comforts me. You know how we stand together and we're not speaking a word? Well those times mean more than just silence. It's just the way you are, like you're listening to me all the time. I feel I don't have to talk all the time for you to know what I mean. Everything about you is like an unsaid story just waiting to unfold itself to me. You must think I'm crazy, but I'll risk that because you know if for anyone, I am crazy about you.
Most of all, you understand. You get the kind of person I am. You accept me for who I am, and who I am not. Not many people are willing to do that. I'm not the easiest person to understand. But you know what? You did it, like all the other magic you did and that makes me entirely dependent on you. You let me talk about things, you listen, you say it's ok. Just you doing that much makes me feel tons better. When you have that kind of effect on a person, they tend to lean on you even more. Now, I need you so much more than I did. I need you, I want you, I love you. I want to pour my heart out to you so that you can mend all my hurt. Maybe I should lay off, and let you be. But your smile, and all this love you're laying on me makes me want to stay longer, each time.
I love you the exact same way you love me, and that made such a difference. I love you so much. I want to stay in your arms till the end. I'll be by your side through thick and thin. I want to wipe away your tears like you have erased all mine. I want to laugh with you. I know each day for us is a gift. For us, the only tomorrow is one where we're more in love than today. The rest of our life is just waiting for us to discover, together.
I love you, a million times over.
LOVE LETTER: WITH LOVING CARESS, ONLY YOURS
I''ll devote my life,
Sometimes through the kaleidoscope I can see were all alone and lying on long grass and you'll sing for me that song which will bring me near to you. Only we will be able to breath in the air, only we will be able to see the rainbow without rain, only we will be able to think of future, only we will be able to hear the baby's cry and it's only we, who will be able choose their lives, just as their dreams.
After sometime, when I'll try to touch your fingers, you will run and hide and we will remain as freak minded for a while. Then the rain will come as it sometimes does. One raindrop will stick on your lip and shall I be permitted to give a gentle blow? Will you close your eyes before we breath closer to each other? This will be the time, we will promise our lives to dedicate to each other. Our soft caress will show us the light and our promises will lead us to the ocean of love.
What's left in the Paradise to see? Each time I'll tell you "I love you, just close your eyes and you'll come here in heaven; while each time you'll whisper I love you, I'll be loosing my ground and touching the sky, but surely will come down to listen to those magical words time after time. Our wishes will come true and dreams will be fulfilled one by one as our souls will share the love inside us. Our promises will be stronger than the blessings of God and that will be our strength to dream of the miracles to create, that we have never dreamt before."
Sweet dreams,
With loving caress, Only Yours,
your Love.
Sometimes through the kaleidoscope I can see were all alone and lying on long grass and you'll sing for me that song which will bring me near to you. Only we will be able to breath in the air, only we will be able to see the rainbow without rain, only we will be able to think of future, only we will be able to hear the baby's cry and it's only we, who will be able choose their lives, just as their dreams.
After sometime, when I'll try to touch your fingers, you will run and hide and we will remain as freak minded for a while. Then the rain will come as it sometimes does. One raindrop will stick on your lip and shall I be permitted to give a gentle blow? Will you close your eyes before we breath closer to each other? This will be the time, we will promise our lives to dedicate to each other. Our soft caress will show us the light and our promises will lead us to the ocean of love.
What's left in the Paradise to see? Each time I'll tell you "I love you, just close your eyes and you'll come here in heaven; while each time you'll whisper I love you, I'll be loosing my ground and touching the sky, but surely will come down to listen to those magical words time after time. Our wishes will come true and dreams will be fulfilled one by one as our souls will share the love inside us. Our promises will be stronger than the blessings of God and that will be our strength to dream of the miracles to create, that we have never dreamt before."
Sweet dreams,
With loving caress, Only Yours,
your Love.
STORY: LET ME TELL YOU HOW I WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL
Let me tell you about how I want to make you feel, and about how I feel. I will listen when you talk, and remember your favourite song of the moment, and how you take your coffee, even if we’re only together for a night. I’ll let the tension build in a way you’ve probably never felt before because you and me? I will take you to a bar and right before we leave I can take your hand, and let you feel just what you’re doing to me. And no one else will notice. I will brush the hair out of your eyes and you will remember romantic comedies you’ve seen where that exact thing happened, and you’d realize it still feels the way you had always imagined it would. And that will be when you realize there is a heat between your thighs. I will talk to you and you will hear all the things you have been waiting to hear, and they will be genuine. And those words will come out of my lips, off my tongue. I’ll kiss you and it will be an epic kiss, the kind that starts painfully slow and the sound of our hearts is like a sound cannon on repeat, and the first touch is salty and sweet: your nerves and your strawberry lipgloss. And I will breathe your name into your mouth and you will inhale my want and I will talk dirty to you. I will tell you what a fucking beautiful woman you are and also how bad I want to taste you.
JOURNAL: MAYBE GOD KNOW BETTER THAN ME
You know how you can sometimes have one of these psychological dreams where your subconscious is trying to tell you something about yourself that you get so upset in the dream that you wake up and can’t get back to sleep until you resolve whatever the conflict is inside of you? Well… I had one of those dreams last night. Elton John once wrote “What do I gotta do to make you want me? What do I gotta do to be heard?” in his song “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word.” I’ve been thinking about THE DREAM that I’ve been wishing for, I can’t help but feel like I should just give up on this dream…the whole “family of my own” dream. Let me explain why… I feel like I am still a child chasing after someone hoping that they will love me, only to realize that the reality is they are not in the picture, nor are you in their picture. You don’t have a life together, you’re both just somewhere in the same movie frame, just not in the same story line where there is a connection between those two characters. It’s when you take a hard look at the whole reality of the picture and you stop hoping for something that never came…you just stop caring anymore. As I sit here writing this, I keep thinking about Paulo Coelho’s “The Fifth Mountain.” It’s the story of Elijah, the prophet. When God and his angels delivered a prophecy to Elijah, they didn’t always turn out how Elijah thought they would…but they did come to complete fruition. Elijah went through so much torment in life, but they were all lessons to be learned later on in life. They were all designed to lead him on his path, to give him the will to be stronger and prepared for the things to come later in life. When God gave him a vision or even a prophecy…everything came true. The question really was, “What does it all mean?” Elijah’s gift had some harsh realities attached to it. He carried the weight of a lot of pain and loss, but God took care of him all throughout his journeys, even when he challenged a Queen and her gods. Elijah doubted God. He doubted him all of the time. He doubted that any of the prophecies would come true…but they did. They just didn’t always turn out the way he thought it would. Even when God shows him things clearly, there’s still hope that maybe, just maybe it will turn out better. It never does. The trick in prophecies is understanding what they truly mean in the grand scheme of things. Maybe because God has his own plans and knows how it all turns out that we shouldn’t try to hope or wrap our heads around what it all means in the end. It would save us from going bat crazy. Why? Because if whatever is supposed to happen, happens…it’ll happen. I’m just not going to hope for anything, because it’s fruitless. Hope is like worrying…there’s no reason to do either.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: LOVE ALWAYS
I saw someone on the movie theater today. She has an uncanny resemblance to you. She sat just a seat in front of me. For the entire movie ever since I’ve noticed her, I couldn’t get my eyes off her, even though what I could catch a glimpse of was only her back. Her shoulders were like yours, her hair had a tinge of brown, seemingly soft and supple like yours; The eyes were pleasing too, like how yours attracted my attention . Although they were beautiful and looked like yours, your eyes and face are probably the best I’ve ever seen. The shape of her face and head were similar to yours too, but still, the word is just ‘similar’ and not ‘identical’. She saw me glancing at her However, who gives a damn? I thought I’ve gotten over you, but at that point of time, I thought I hadn’t. Thinking over, you could be just so yesterday to me; I no longer have a crush on you, but I guess you’ll always be of relevant importance in my heart. Once I saw her, all the locked memories of you came gushing out of the gargantuan metallic box in my heart, which I had secured so tight. Oh do you know how much I miss you? Who knows, that someone I saw… it could be you. Love, You are just standing there, so close to me, breathing the same air. It has been months since I have seen you. Will you always have this devastating effect on me? That your mere presents causes my throat to constrict rendering me speechless. My heart is coming dangerously close to beating itself out of my chest. I feel a blush creeping to my face. I resent that you have this power over me. You haven't even said anything yet. I feel I should say something. I am never this quiet, people will notice. Although, how can they not? The love must shine from my eyes. No disguise can conceal love for long. Especially when you are standing this close to me. Breathing the same air. How long before you figure out who I am? I love you so much and I miss you. I miss the little things you did like calling me Boo Bear or Baby. I miss holding you, kissing you, everything about you. You just don't know what you do to me; every time I hold you I feel complete, every time I kiss you I feel bliss, every time I talk to you it makes my day. But not knowing if I'll ever hold you, look into your eyes and kiss you again scare's the hell out of me. My heart aches at the thought of not being with you. I cherish the time we spent together - every hug, every kiss, walking, talking, holding hands. I cherish you, I love you and I'm so glad I found you. I would give anything just for you to be in my arms again; without you I feel so empty. When I'm with you there is just this feeling, my heart starts to beat faster I just feel so good like I can fly. It's like all the love flows through me. When I hold you, I feel so complete and I love holding you. I want to hold you and tell you everything's going to be okay, I want to comfort you. I know you have been hurt before and so have I and I never want to hurt you. I want to hold you and make the bad feelings go away, yours and mine. I want to hold you and make you feel safe, protected, supported, loved. When I hold you it's like nothing else matters except you and me…I want to take you to a place, where time stops and there's nothing to worry about except you and me - the important things in life. I want to talk more about you and the troubles you're going through so I can help you, even more, I want to be with you so you can forget them and put your mind at ease so you don't stress out about everything. We have all the time in the world to talk or do whatever. I wish I could take you somewhere just you and me so we could relax and be free and forget about all our troubles. So I can treat you like a queen, the way you should always be treated. You are my queen. How can I tell you, you mean more to me than life itself? I love you more than life and each passing day I love you even more. Just loving you has its own rewards, I never want to fight or argue with you, I just want to love you. I just wish you were here right now so I could tell you this. I just keep trying to figure out all the wrongs I've done to you. maybe I didn't say I love you enough, maybe I didn't talk and open up enough, maybe I didn't understand you enough and I just keep coming up with more things that I think I've done wrong to you. If I could, I would turn back time and redo all the wrongs I have done to you and make them right. I just hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for all the things I've done to you and take me back. I should have done a lot of things better now I will do better. Each minute away from you feels like an eternity. I love you so much.I hurt when you hurt, when you're sad I feel it. When you're depressed I'm depressed. I love you so much and I don't like when you're sad, I want you to be happy like you have made me and I'm so glad I found you. I would do anything to see you smile. I wish I could take away all the troubles in your life. But all I can do is comfort you and support you and be here if you need me, but I wish I could do more for you. I love you and I want to help you. Love is not just saying I love you or something to that special person, it's so much more than that. It's helping, supporting, being there for them, standing by their side no matter what happens and doing anything you can for them, forgive and forget whatever mistakes they made and that's what I want to do for you, Babe. I wish I could hold you and comfort you and make you feel comfortable and happy. I can only hope the things I do, say and write bring you happiness like you have given me. You are my heart and if I can do anything to please you, I will. You mean so much to me and I'm lucky to have you. I try to keep everything you send me; I cherish the ground you walk on, I cherish everything about you, and I cherish you. You mean everything to me, you are special to me and you make me so happy and I feel so free when I'm around you. You're always on my mind. I think of you everyday, sometimes when I see something on TV or hear a song, I think of you. I love you and think about you all the time and I worry about you. I always wonder how you feel, how you're doing, what you're doing. Because I know you get depressed and sad and I worry about that. I want to try and help you because I've been there and done that. I've been depressed and I know how it feels, that's why I want to help. I love you and I don't want you to have to go through that alone, you may think you have to go at that alone but that's not true. I'm here to help you, I want to support you and I worry about that. I love you so much and I don't want you to worry or be depressed or be stressed out about something. I want to help you and comfort you; I want to try to make you as happy as you make me. You mean the world to me and I love you so much. All I want to do is hold you and love you and make all your troubles go away, I wish I could have told you this earlier. Love always,
LOVE: WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF FINDING YOUR SOULMATE OR THE LOVE OR YOUR LIFE?
I have a patient who is a physicist. So one day..i asked him ....
“How do I find the love of my life?”.
Never ones to shy away from applying math to love (or anything else), the Physicist gave his take on this question
It’s important to note that the question itself is deeply ambiguous. Part of the reason that math is so powerful is because it relies on applying deduction to precise definitions, so when mathematicians get answers, pretty much everyone who understands them can agree they are correct. Even for the insanely complex and specialized proof of the Poincaré conjecture, a consensus about its correctness was reached in just a few years (a short time by the standards of other fields). Hence, in the spirit of mathematical proof, he proceed by trying to formalize our question by developing a precise definition.
Let the “love of your life” be the currently living person who (if you got to know them) would:
In practice, maybe you could do a bit better by being selective about who you meet (for example, concentrating your efforts on those places where you would suspect “the one” would hang out). But even so, you’re (non-literally) screwed, as the odds of meeting this person are negligible. In fact, the only way that you could have a decent chance of meeting that person is if you had such stringent dating criteria that you would be unhappy with anyone that fell outside of a small, easy to locate group. Unfortunately, while this strategy is great for maximizing the chances of finding the “love of your life”, it is terrible for maximizing your happiness (official mathematician advice: don’t go join a cult where you are not permitted to date non-cult members, on punishment of eternal damnation).
So if trying to find the “love of your life” is a bad idea, what should a person do? Well, when mathematicians don’t like what they can derive from one starting point, they often can just alter their problem or definitions a little (you should feel bad for those poor physicists who are limited by what actually exists. We mathematicians frolic in the realm of pure ideas!).
Looking for love shouldn’t be about finding the best person. As we’ve seen, that is usually close to impossible, and even when possible, a bad idea. It is much smarter to view the search for love as an attempt to maximize your total lifetime romantic happiness over the rest of your life. This viewpoint leads to a very different optimal strategy than one would use to try to find the single best person. The total romantic happiness maximizing approach implies working to increase the moment to moment satisfaction you feel due to your romantic life, added up (or if time is continuous, integrated) over all of your remaining moments.
From now on, we will refer to a person employing such a romantic happiness maximizing strategy as a “Romaximizer”, and will kick the mathematics into high gear, introducing the Romaximizer equation:
where
” rather than “
“, but it should be plenty accurate for our purposes (for those interested, I’ve included the proof of the equation at the bottom of this article). An important thing to note about it is that increasing the value of any one of the variables will increase Total Romantic Happiness, so long as all of the other variables are simultaneously left unchanged. Hence, all else being equal, L, H, T, P, F, D and M are things that we should try to increase (though as we’ll see, some of them involve tradeoffs where increasing one variable decreases another). This formula leads us directly to a variety of specific strategies for improving our total romantic happiness, which I will now discuss in detail.
“How do I find the love of my life?”.
Never ones to shy away from applying math to love (or anything else), the Physicist gave his take on this question
It’s important to note that the question itself is deeply ambiguous. Part of the reason that math is so powerful is because it relies on applying deduction to precise definitions, so when mathematicians get answers, pretty much everyone who understands them can agree they are correct. Even for the insanely complex and specialized proof of the Poincaré conjecture, a consensus about its correctness was reached in just a few years (a short time by the standards of other fields). Hence, in the spirit of mathematical proof, he proceed by trying to formalize our question by developing a precise definition.
Let the “love of your life” be the currently living person who (if you got to know them) would:
- Fall romantically in love with you for as long as he or she lives.
- Cause you to fall romantically in love with her or him for as long as you live.
- Increase your average happiness at least as much as any other person satisfying both (1.) and (2.), if you were to become life partners.
- how, precisely, to define “romantic love”
- what exactly is meant by “happiness” (e.g. how do we compare the happiness generated by a good shoulder rub with the happiness caused by a great conversation? The appropriate conversion rate between different types of happiness, if such a rate even makes sense to talk about, is very problematic to define)
- whether there could be more than one “love of your life” for a given person (my answer: with high probability each person only has one, due to the fact that our definition involves the person who makes you happiest, and total happiness over a long stretch of time can take on a huge variety of distinct numerical values, so it’s unlikely that the two best people for you give you precisely the same value).
In practice, maybe you could do a bit better by being selective about who you meet (for example, concentrating your efforts on those places where you would suspect “the one” would hang out). But even so, you’re (non-literally) screwed, as the odds of meeting this person are negligible. In fact, the only way that you could have a decent chance of meeting that person is if you had such stringent dating criteria that you would be unhappy with anyone that fell outside of a small, easy to locate group. Unfortunately, while this strategy is great for maximizing the chances of finding the “love of your life”, it is terrible for maximizing your happiness (official mathematician advice: don’t go join a cult where you are not permitted to date non-cult members, on punishment of eternal damnation).
So if trying to find the “love of your life” is a bad idea, what should a person do? Well, when mathematicians don’t like what they can derive from one starting point, they often can just alter their problem or definitions a little (you should feel bad for those poor physicists who are limited by what actually exists. We mathematicians frolic in the realm of pure ideas!).
Looking for love shouldn’t be about finding the best person. As we’ve seen, that is usually close to impossible, and even when possible, a bad idea. It is much smarter to view the search for love as an attempt to maximize your total lifetime romantic happiness over the rest of your life. This viewpoint leads to a very different optimal strategy than one would use to try to find the single best person. The total romantic happiness maximizing approach implies working to increase the moment to moment satisfaction you feel due to your romantic life, added up (or if time is continuous, integrated) over all of your remaining moments.
From now on, we will refer to a person employing such a romantic happiness maximizing strategy as a “Romaximizer”, and will kick the mathematics into high gear, introducing the Romaximizer equation:
where
- L is the number of years you have left to live
- H is the average amount of happiness per relationship year (that is, per year of time spent in relationships) that you will derive from your future relationships
- T is the average number of years that you will spend in each future relationship
- P is the average number of new people that you will meet per year
- F is the fraction of the people that you will meet that you will find sufficiently physically and personally attractive to consider dating
- D is the fraction of those people you will want a relationship with who will actually be willing to have a relationship with you
- M is the fraction of those people that you will find sufficiently attractive to consider dating that you will decide to try to actually begin a romantic relationship with
” rather than ““, but it should be plenty accurate for our purposes (for those interested, I’ve included the proof of the equation at the bottom of this article). An important thing to note about it is that increasing the value of any one of the variables will increase Total Romantic Happiness, so long as all of the other variables are simultaneously left unchanged. Hence, all else being equal, L, H, T, P, F, D and M are things that we should try to increase (though as we’ll see, some of them involve tradeoffs where increasing one variable decreases another). This formula leads us directly to a variety of specific strategies for improving our total romantic happiness, which I will now discuss in detail.- Increase L, the number of years you have left to live. It is of course the case that the longer you live, the more potential time for romantic companionship you will have. Dying young is an especially bad strategy for the Romaximizer. Fortunately, there are plenty of simple (though not necessarily easy) things we can do to promote long life. According to statistics, out of all deaths in the United States in 2007, about 25% were caused by diseases of the heart (staying within a healthy weight range, exercising, and not smoking cigarettes is believed to reduce this risk), 23% were caused by malignant cancerous tumors (maintaining a healthy weight, avoiding cigarettes, and avoiding excessive drinking are believed to help), 5.6% were attributable to cerebrovascular diseases which can lead to strokes (high blood pressure is a culprit, and smoking and obesity appear to be risk factors), 5.3% were caused by chronic lower respiratory diseases (you guessed it, smoking is implicated yet again), 5.1% were due to accidents (an easy way to reduce this risk is to always wear your seatbelt, since if you break it down further, about 1.5 % are due to car accidents), 2.2% were due to Influenza or Pneumonia (remember to get your flu shot if you’re a member of an at risk group), and 1.4% were due to suicide (if you feel depressed on a regular basis, get yourself to psychiatrist right away, before it gets any worse). With health, there will always be luck involved, but there fortunately are a number of steps we can take to significantly improve our odds.
- Increase H, the average amount of romantic happiness per year spent in future relationships. One simple approach to raising this variable is to increase your pickiness with respect to those traits that really make a big difference to your happiness in a relationship. So long as your beliefs about what in a mate makes you sustainably happy are fairly accurate, greater selectivity should increase the average quality of your relationships. Unfortunately, there is a tradeoff here, as this will decrease M, the fraction of people who you are attracted to that you ultimately decide to enter into a relationship with (and as we know, decreasing any of our variables tends to reduce total romantic happiness). We get a simple rule of thumb for deciding whether increasing H is worth the amount you’d have to decrease M by noting that when the product of variables T P F D M is significantly bigger than 1 (which basically means that you get into relationships easily with little gap between them and they last for a substantial time), then the Romaximizer equation simplifies to
(a value of more than 6 for T P F D M will make the approximation accurate to within about 15%). That means that under those conditions, if you can increase H by becoming more picky (i.e. by decreasing M) then you should do so since there is little cost as seen in the simplification of the equation. There are other strategies for increasing H, of course. For instance, if you have had a number of relationships in the past, you could try making a list of problems that arose in them, and a corresponding list of things that you could have done to help prevent or fix those problems. Review these strategies a few times before getting into a new relationship, so that you are primed to use them the next time around!
- Increase T, the average number of years that you spend in each romantic relationship. Like H, the variable T can be increased by being more picky about who you enter into a relationship with (i.e. by decreasing M). The Romaximizer equation immediately shows us the tradeoff between T and M: as long as we are increasing the product T M, our total romantic happiness will be improving. That means that if you think you can increase the average length of your relationships by 40% by being 20% more selective regarding who you start a relationship with (so causing T to increase by the multiple 1.4 causes M to decrease by the multiple 1-0.2 = 0.8), then the product T M will increase by 1.4*0.8 = 1.12 > 1, so your total romantic happiness will be improved. It’s worth noting that often H and T come into conflict. When your happiness is falling in a relationship, you have the choice of increasing T (staying, even though you aren’t so happy), or trying to find someone else who will make H larger. The right choice for increasing total net happiness is going to depend on how difficult it is for you to find someone else that will make you happier than your current partner. For example, consider a case where your happiness in the relationship has waned substantially, and you have truly exhausted strategies for improving it (and there aren’t religious or children related reasons to stay together). If finding another person who makes you happier is unlikely to take you very long, then a breakup is likely a romantic happiness maximizing strategy.
- Increase P, the average number of new people you meet per year. There are at least three reasons that trying to meet more people can be a good idea. First, your time between relationships will tend to be lowered since you’ll meet potential mates more often. Second, meeting lots of people can help provide insight into what traits you really value, as you are better able to compare the things you like and don’t like about different people. Third, the more people you meet, the more selective you can afford to be without adding any wasted non-romantic time (i.e. you can afford to decrease M in order to increase H without much cost in terms of increased non-relationship time). For example, if for each person of the appropriate gender and age range that you meet there is a 1 in 100 chance of having romantic interest in them (e.g. suppose that you find 1 in 5 physically attractive, and 1 in 20 of those seemingly compatible enough with you that you’d be willing to date), then for each 100 people you meet there will be about a 37% chance that you don’t have a romantic interest in any of them, and only an 8% chance that you have a romantic interest in three or more of them. On the other hand, if you had met 300 people rather than 100, there would be only about a 5% that you wouldn’t have a romantic interest, and there would be a 58% chance that you would have interest in three or more of them, giving you the flexibility to choose to try to start a relationship with whomever seems the most likely to make you happy, rather than being forced to go with your only reasonably compatible option. The main drawback to meeting more people is that sometimes lots of choices can lead to doubt, indecision, or regret. If you have serious problems with decision making, it’s still good to meet lots of people to minimize your waiting time between relationships, but you may just want to go with the first person you find that you think is substantially likely to bring you significant happiness so as to avoid tough decision making and doubt. It’s worth noting that if you have the goal that during the next three years you will meet the person you will one day marry, and you find less than 1 in 150 people of your desired age range and gender to be sufficiently personally and physically attractive to strongly consider marriage with them, then to have a pretty good chance of achieving your goal you had better be meeting an average of at least two new people of the right gender and age group each week! So you’d better get cracking. There is this potentially very self defeating view out there that love happens when you aren’t looking for it. This has an element of truth in that neediness, desperateness and insecurity are often found to be unattractive. It also has a large element of falsehood, in that if you don’t make a conscious effort to meet lots of people who could be potential mates, then you will be impairing your chances considerably. If you meet zero people you will never find love, I guarantee (except, of course, of the “self” kind). Likewise, if you meet only a small number of people each year, it will be unlikely that you will find love anytime soon. When you go to a party, make that extra effort to speak (for a few minutes, at least) to each and every person that you find potentially attractive. Sign up for online dating, speed dating, and events where singles are likely to be. Ask friends if they know anyone who they think you would like to meet. Your total romantic happiness will thank you for trying these strategies! It is also worth noting that the amount of time you have to wait to find your next relationship will scale based on how many people you meet. So if you start meeting twice as many people of the same quality as you used to, then all else being equal, you will tend to be single for only half as long as usual! Hence, for many people, the simple strategy of substantially boosting the number of people you meet can lead to a big improvement in romantic life!
- Increase F, the fraction of the people that you meet that you find sufficiently physically and personally attractive to consider dating. While we may not have a great deal of control over who we find attractive, there are still a variety of things we can do to try to increase F. (i) How likely you are to be attracted to a person you meet is going to depend on where you meet that person. Not every place to meet a person is equally good. For example, an intellectual snob shouldn’t be picking up men at WWE matches, and the wicked witch of the west shouldn’t be meeting people at pool parties. The main things to consider are, “how many people am I likely to meet at place X?” and, “what’s the probability that each person I meet at place X will be someone I have a mutual romantic attraction with?” Maximizing romantic happiness isn’t just about meeting a lot of people, but also about meeting them at places where you are more likely to find people that you like. (ii) The physical attractiveness we feel for a person can rise over time as we get used to them, especially if we appreciate his or her personality a lot. So if we meet someone who we don’t quite think meets our physical attractiveness threshold, but who we like a lot and think we would be compatible with, it may well be worth it to get to know them better and explore whether physical attraction could develop (e.g. by becoming friends). Eliminating someone because you don’t find them super good looking on the first date may not be a winning strategy overall. (iii) Sometimes our ideas of who we find attractive and who we think we should find attractive can get somewhat mixed up. If you think that social pressure of some kind is affecting how attracted you are to someone (e.g. your friends don’t think she’s hot, or he’s not part of the cool crowd), then ask yourself how much happiness you are likely to get from pursuing this person, versus how much unhappiness you are likely to have due to violating the social pressure. Another thought experiment that can be fruitful is to ask yourself how much you would enjoy being with the person if nobody else’s opinion mattered and nobody else cared. (iv) Sometimes we make rules for who we consider ourselves to be compatible with that don’t actually have much bearing on what really matters. People will have a list of traits that they feel a person must (or must not) have in order to be boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse worthy. The appropriate question to ask yourself is: “If a person lacks (or has) this trait, how much will it affect my happiness with them overall?” If the answer is “only a small amount”, it should probably be taken off the deal breaker list. By lowering your standards in the less important areas, you can afford to raise them in the more important ones (i.e. those that will more substantially affect your happiness).
- Increase D, the fraction of those people you would consider dating who would be willing to have a relationship with you. Since D is basically a measure of your desirability, we can apply some classic strategies to increasing it. (i) Get in better shape (this only applies to non-olympic athletes). (ii) Practice projecting confidence in your speech and body language (you can practice this when talking to friends, and get their feedback). (iii) Learn how to dance (if dancing is relevant at places you hang out). (iv) Try different haircuts, and poll people of the attractive gender as to which looks the best on you. (v) If you feel like you don’t have interesting things to say, then start taking in more information (from books, documentaries, blogs, magazines etc.) and spend time learning about things that people enjoy talking about (popular TV shows, local sports teams, etc.). If every day you have almost the same experiences (go to work, do the same job, come home, watch the same TV shows) it won’t be surprising if you don’t have much to talk about. (vi) Take a poll of your friends to find out if people find your glasses attractive, and if they don’t, switch to contacts. (vii) When meeting people, wear only the clothes that make you look especially good (ask a stylish friend for help figuring out what to wear, if necessary). (viii) If you have a unibrow, pluck your eyebrows. (ix) think about what those people you really want to attract care about in a boyfriend or girlfriend, and seek to be more that way. The list of things you can try to make yourself more attractive goes on and on. Some people are resistant to changes like these because they view them as superficial. Yes, many of them are superficial of course, simply by definition, but that doesn’t make them bad. They will make people more attracted to you (including even non-superficial people), which means that you will, on average, be increasing your total romantic happiness!
- Increase M, the fraction of those people that you are attracted to that you decide you actually want a relationship with. M basically measures how un-selective you are in who you decide to enter into a relationship with, above and beyond your basic attractiveness and compatibility constraints. While increasing M would be good if you could hold all the other variables constant, in practice there is a tradeoff, because becoming less selective means that you are likely to reduce H, the average happiness per year of dating that your future relationships bring you, and you may also reduce T as well, the average number of years per relationship. On the flip side, by making M smaller (and therefore being more selective) you also pay a price, since you will have a longer waiting time between relationships. Hence, you’ll potentially be missing out on extra years of good romance. There is an important idea related to selectivity that has to do with how quickly you become attached to people. Romantic attachments can form before you know the person you are dating well. This is dangerous because these attachments can be difficult and painful to break, even if it turns out that you and the other person are not compatible or even if the other person doesn’t treat you well. You might end up dating such a person for a long time when you could have waited a bit to find someone who is much better for you in the long term. Another related consideration is that when people first meet, they are usually trying to make the best impression that they can, and signal all their best qualities. Since this process of romantic deception is not flawless, and since the motivation to maintain it generally falls with time, information about the flaws your date possesses will inevitably leak out with time. For instance, if during each one of those first hours you spend with someone you are dating there is only a 10% chance that a (not immediately obvious) flaw becomes apparent, you will need to spend about 6.5 hours with that person to have at least a 50% chance of knowing just one of these flaws! If you have met someone who you believe has no flaws, then you simply haven’t spent enough time with them yet. Disciplined casual dating (e.g. not rushing into being serious fast, and not depending on each other or having high expectations for each other early on) can allow you to get to know what the person is really like before you have formed a strong attachment, so that you can make an informed and clear headed decision about whether the person is likely to make you happy. That implies being more selective about who you get into a relationship with, because you will likely be eliminating people that normally you would have become attached to. If you are the sort of person who meets strong romantic interests fairly often (or, who could do so by applying the techniques mentioned above), casual dating can allow you to defer making a decision about someone you’ve met until you become confident that he or she is more compatible with you than other people you are likely to meet soon. If you’re the type of person that finds someone you really like only once every five years, then by all means jump into things right when you find someone, as the most important thing will be to not let them get away. But on the other hand, if a year of casual dating will tend to lead to 6 significant interests for you, deferring your decision for a while about the first potential person you meet (while at the same time getting to know them) can lead to better decisions. After all, without yet knowing anything else about someone new you are interested in, there is a 50% chance that the next romantic interest you have will actually be more compatible with you than that first person is. New information about a person can make this probability rise or fall. The main drawbacks of casual dating of course are that your potential partner may become frustrated that things aren’t moving along more quickly, and even if he or she doesn’t become frustrated, you may lose a little bit of utility by delaying for a while the enjoyment of a higher intensity relationship. These drawbacks need to be weighed against the potential benefits.
LOVE: MY EX KEEP CALLING ME BACK...PLEASE
Convenient Pussy is around not because of quality or desire but because it is available. He wanted someone to fck and she was there. He wanted a BJ and she was there. She tried being sexually open and its not filling for her. She has her eyes on the girlfriend title but instead of asking for it, she has decided to play his game and wait for him to come around. She keeps sexing him consistently waiting for him to see her greatness. Convenient pussy is playing by his ever-changing rules. Convenient Pussy doesn't want to accept that he never made a move because he doesn't consider her girlfriend material. Read that last sentence again. Let it marinate. Convenient Pussy isn't always good pussy, its just available pussy. I hear this all the time...all my ex keep calling back...PLEASE!!!! Convenient Pussy is out of touch with reality. She doesn't think she is . Convenient Pussy, She thinks he keeps coming back to her because she has vagtastic vag and boombastic BJs. Why else would he keep coming back? It must be GOOD right? He wouldn't lie just to keep her around, right? Cuz y'know he's a good person. Wrong. Everyone does up things then claims they're a good person. Oh he bought you a few gifts and took you out to Cheesecake Factory on a latenight tip? Y'all gonna be in a relationship soon, right? If you believe that why are you giving him ultimatums saying you will leave if he didn't step up then going back on your word? I call bullshit. Its time for us all to have a moment of truth.If hasn't put a ring on it after 9 months..he never will. I know you are not weak-minded.,stupid. or a loose woman. Most of the women who end up being Convenient Pussy are the educated, classy, shy or naïve women who get jammed up by a ninja w/a smooth mouth.
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