LOVE: SEARCHING FOR THE KIND OF LOVE WE RECEIVED FROM OUR PARENTS

The problem is, as adults, we search for the kind of love we received from our parents, which is why most marriages end in divorce.  Parental love is what feels most natural to us, yet can be the most problematic.

If our parents were judgmental, emotionally damaged, mentally unstable, or just simply unable to make good decisions for themselves, then a child's attempts to please their parents will be met with resistance and resentment, which creates self-judgment and self-hate.  You carry this with you to every relationship.

This is a tough concept to wrap our heads around mainly because it means we have to change how we think about love, and then change our daily actions to reflect that change and hopefully attract healthy love in return.



I am closes to my mom. And I guess...i am always looking for someone like my mom. You know ...we love others the same way you love yourself.  If you judge yourself harshly and put yourself down, then chances are that you do the same to the people in your life or even worse, because you expect more from them or you expect them to solve your problems.

We tend to choose mates which reflect back to us the things we wish we could change about ourselves.  We hope they will change for us, and we hope we can change for them.  That is not true unconditional love.

We should not be spending the rest of our lives in every relationship seeking acceptance the way we desired acceptance from our parents, or trying to find people who can save us and solve our problems.

So how do we change that?

You have the power to let go of your past right now.  You have the power to let go of anything anyone has ever done to you.  You have the power to let go of anything you have ever done to yourself and others.  It's in the past.  It's behind you.  Just let it go and forgive without any expectations or fear. 

I have been doing that this past years. I have forgiven my ex wife, the bully from high school, my parents....everyone.

The next part was even harder. I have to accept all my  imperfections and problems, because that is all a part of who you I am.  I am trying to stop punishing myself for being me, and start loving everything about myself.  Treat yourself with kindness, compassion, acceptance, without expectations. I started to accept how i look like and my jobs...ect...

I am trying to do this for everyone I meet. I am not going to change them....or fix them...or make them better anymore.

You will start to receive the type of love that you are trying to give, and you will continue to become the person you truly want to be.  You will avoid the types of people that can hurt you and bring you down.  You will stop being hurtful and damaging to others.