FAN: SEX SHOULDN'T BE DEMOTED TO NOTHINGNESS. ( HOW CAN I BE LESS SUPERFICAL?- A FAN ASK)

This post started with a question from a fan...how can i be less superficial?

The PY is a potential space, not an actual tunnel like canal...like a flattened mitten, the vagina has internal volume only if something goes inside it. Sometimes you see a woman and you wonder what that other person might be like in bed (in car, on floor...ect) think about the emotional, psychological, familial, financial, and social shrapnel-bomb whose fuse you light with an orgasm.One would indeed have to be ruthless to trade those moment of personal gratification for all that destruction.

Without a physical outlet, a healthy man represses the desire for sex, and hopefully converts that energy into his work. Yet, they find that the longer they go without sex, the more they want it, to the point of creating neurosis. While promise the moon, star and anything else required to accomplish the task at hand which was sexual gratification, most men continually, lost sight of the most important things they should have been watching for---mutual respect, goals and ideas which combine well with spirituality, honesty, and integrity. So many men believe that they can base their relationship on sex, having sex without compassion, believing that the woman you meet in a bar has the potential to become the woman of your dreams, having sex without commitment, and having sex without being in love.

What is the harm of a little fun, a little sex here and there...It is not ok to just have sex only because you don't know what's infesting the water. If she hadn't turned out to be liar and a flake, all would have been right with the world? That's like saying it was okay to steal because there was no chance of getting caught. I think that so many of the problem in relationship stem form that woman think that sex isn't important. It's just part of the relationship, kind of like going out to dinner is part of the relationship. Sex shouldn't be demoted to that.

So many people feel that they can't have sex with someone if they are not attractive enough. I would answer that if for sex mean nothing--it's just sex, then if the situation isn't very horny, you're just not going to get off with as much enthusiasm. For people with a deeper, profound feeling about their partner, and a deeper meaning about sexuality, the sex comes out of the deep sense of love, affection, mutual experience, bonding, closeness--the turn-on then becomes the depth and quality of the relationship including the sexual relationship.When sex is not an expression of anything between you and your partner, then it is totally dependent upon impersonal issues like their attractiveness, wine and fantasy. If you want to develop yourself you have to formulate your ideas in terms of purpose and meaning, and the more you direct your behavior towards that end, the less superficial you will become.

There is something wonderful about considering sex in a more holy light, It gives the act greater magnificence, depth, and ongoing satisfaction than just getting fucked. Honesty do you think you can have good sex when it's sort of an emotional thing versus when you go out with someone who is a PLAYBOY or PLAYGIRL centerfold type.When you go to a mall, how many folks do you see who are highly attractive? Not many. Do you think that they and their partner automatically aren't happy with their sex? I don't think so.

Personally after years dating, lust, one-night stands, failed relationship.....all that sex stuff was my way to get intimate (close) with someone. To be accepted and not rejected. Now I know that all that superficial closeness is not what makes a good relationship. A friendship with trust, and respect, is what makes a good relationship. If you expect that love is a feeling you're supposed to get, of that fucking only is meaningful in a long term relationship, you're wrong. You need to learn to make love, not sex. More nameless, faceless, disconnected fucking does not lead to greater desire or ability to be close, loving, bonded, and intimate. The more you exercise one muscle, the more the opposing muscle weakens and the more out of balance you become.

Don't use another human being. You use one person to get your needs met. There is no satisfaction. It brings up fear of abandonment, concern about your worthiness and value, upsets an order which you though were intact and reliable, distracts you from your life's endeavor. All those emotions and realities will still have to be dealt with once the orgasm subsides...don't you think? This is why I just don't fuck ...just because my penis wants me too.

The old saying that men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love actually has some foundation in the biology. On the woman's side first: Give sex to a man inspires the hope that this availability will keep him near;that when he produces children he'll feel connected enough to protect and provide while she nurtures.

If love is therefore not enough to ensure monogamy, what does it take? Commitment. You should only have sex with someone you want to have kids with. The reason why I don't have sex with just anyone is that sex is important and getting someone pregnant is a big thing................

-if you get pregnant and had the baby...I couldn't bear seeing my kid put up for adoption. I would not want to live life knowing that the future of someone I created was to be determined by someone else

-if you got pregnant and kept the baby, i would plan on being around for the next 20 years at least. Do you know we well enough to accept that now?

-if you got pregnant and had an abortion, you could risk future chance of having children, I imagine that going through the abortion would be absolute hell for you anyway.

FAN: THE UNWILLINGNESS TO BE VULNERABLE AND THE PATTERN OF YOUR LOVE LIFE

Awareness is everything. Sometimes we tend to do the same things over and over again to ourselves. There seem to be a vortices of energy that controls us. Understanding the gravitational pull that these patterns can have on us is the first step.

I got an email from one of my fan, and she writes, "I don't understand why it is but every man that I am with ends up telling me the same thing. I like you. I respect you. I enjoy being with you, but I do not love you. They all leave me for the same reason."

I believe this woman has never been vulnerable with a man. Does she understand the connection between her unwillingness to be vulnerable and the pattern of men not falling in love with her. People will usually like you for being nice. They will admire and respect you for having your act together, but they can only love you when you allow them to see your vulnerabilities and flaws. I am sure she been trying for years to hide her feelings and her flaws in order to be loved and here I am telling her now in this blog that she had to do exactly the opposite. I am sure she is responding to all men as thought they were her father, who she believe would love her only if she was emotionally self-contained and strong. This fan came to rely upon her ability to shut down emotionally as the perfect way to protect herself from ever being hurt. I hope that I have show her that she is the source of the pattern, she has the choice to change. I think that the other problem might be that she is used to being the one in the relationship who has the male energy (being strong, aggressive...ect) If she wants to experience being taken care of, she has to let herself give up being in control.

To break a pattern require self-awareness regarding the connection between what it is that you are doing and the result that you are getting. The alternative--to continue on in the same unconscious fashion...creating disappointing results--is simply unacceptable. To me...cheating oneself out of love is the most terrible deception, it is an eternal loss or which there is no reparation, either in time or eternity.

LOVE: RELATIONSHIPS ARE EVERYTHING: WE ARE ALL MIRRORS FOR OTHERS.

Every thing is connected with everything else. As our attention creates energy, intention bring about transformation of that energy. Attention and intention are the most powerful tools of the spiritually adept. We are all mirrors for others, and we need to learn to see ourselves in the reflection of other people. Through the mirror of relationships---all relationships--we discover extended states of awareness. Those who we love and those whom we are repelled by are both mirrors of ourselves. Whom are we attracted to? People who have the same traits as we have, but more so. We want to be in their company because subconsciously we feel that by doing so we, too, might manifest more of those traits as well. By the same token we are repelled by people repelled by people who reflect back us traits that we deny in our own selves. So if you are having a strong negative reaction to someone, you can be sure that thy possess some traits in Communion with you, traits that you are not willing to embrace. If you were willing to accept those qualities, then they wouldn't upset you.

The next time you're attracted to someone, ask yourself what attracted you. Is it beauty, or grace, or elegance, or influence, or power, or intelligence. Whatever it is, know that that quality is also blossoming in you. Pay attention to these feelings, and you can begin the process of becoming more fully yourself. Of course, the same is true of people who repel you. In becoming more fully your true self, you have to understand and embrace the less attractive qualities in yourself. The essential nature of the universe is the coexistence of opposites values. You cannot be brave if you do not have coward inside of you. You cannot be generous if you do not have a tight-fisted person inside you. You cannot be virtuous unless you also contain the capacity for evil.

We spend much of our lives denying that we have this dark side to ourselves, and then end up projecting those dark qualities onto other people in our lives. Having you ever know people who naturally attract the wrong people into their lives? Usually they don't understand why this happens time after time, year after year. The truth is not that they attract that darkness, but that they are not willing to acknowledge it in their own lives. Finding a person you dislike is an opportunity to embrace the paradox of the coexistence of opposites, and to discover a new facet of yourself.

Imagine that you are a person in a hall of mirrors where you can see yourself for miles and every reflection you see is of yourself, but appears different.

Imagine that the whole universe is a vast ocean of consciousness, and your intentions shoot out from your heart and ripple across the vast ocean of consciousness.

LOVE: IF ONLY YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE..........

I was watching Dr. Wayne Dyer on channel thirteen and something he said really touch my core. I don't recall it now...but the feeling stayed with me. The reason you do not feel completely loved and completely lovable is that you do not identify with your spiritual nature. The aching need created by lack of love can only be filled by learning anew to love and be loved. People are consumed by doubts about their relationships: Have I found the right partner? Am I being true to myself? Have I given the best part of myself away? As a result, there is a restless kind of consumer shopping for partner, as if the right one can be found by toting up a potential mates' pluses and minuses until the number of pluses matches some mystical standard. The way to love is never about externals. However good or bad you feel about your relationship, the person you are with at this moment is the "right" person, because he or she is a mirror of who you are inside. When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. Every conflict you wage is an excuse not to face a conflict within.

When you perceive yourself as spirit, you will not simply feel love-----you will be love will be love. Think about this...every person is like a piece of gold. If you were a gold ring, a gold watch, a gold chain, you could say "I am a ring, a watch, a chain...but these are temporary shapes. In truth you are just gold, that is your essence, no matter how they shape changes. In the same way, we each have a self. It is a mysterious fusion of ego, personality, and memory that everyone amasses between infancy and early childhood. Yet, if you saw yourself truly, you would no longer identify with this haphazard. In truth you are the Self, created from the same spirit that in infinite form is called GOD. When you interact with another person, you ar free to feel anything from the deepest hatred to the deepest love. You may be repelled or attracted, you can convey rejection or acceptance. But at the level of the soul, you always meet another person with love.

You are the universe. Whatever a person sees in his or her surrounding, from the smallest detail to the largest panorama, is that person. Reality is a mirror of the soul.

Falling in love was one of my biggest goals...it was frustrating how elusive this one goal was turning out to be. The place she was was inside myself. I had alot of accomplishment in my life, and basically I was using the same approach every time. I see a challenge, I muster my resources, and with enough confidence and self-assurance I win what I after. Accomplishing anything important involves risk and therefore fear. But if you let that fear dominate, you'd never take any risk and therefore you wouldn't accomplish anything.

To love another person involves opening up your whole being. Falling in love is a blessed state. Your whole being flow toward your beloved as if the two of you share the same feelings, the same likes and dislike, almost the same breath. By dividing good and bad, right and wrong, we essentially insist that parts of ourselves are unlovable---why else would we keep them out of sight? We turn ourselves into package. The package seem to contain only good and worthy things, but if another person ventures to love us, the whole package spills open, and a lot of what it contains isn't so nice. The cruelest consequence of duality is that we believe in the rightness of shutting love out. Being open is equated with being weak. Being closed is equated with being strong.

Every day we are saturated, drowned with images of romance from books and movies, bombarded with sex from advertisements, and goaded on all sides to become more attractive in order to win attention from a perfect lover. I sat down and imagined the perfect woman waiting out there for you. And I thought i was going to find that woman...and the moment I let go of that image...Maria came into my life. By letting go in finding someone to love you, love comes because love is never an image. Love doesn't depend upon external values at all. Most of you will say you know this and you feel you have no choice but to have some kind of image in mind, otherwise it is like looking in the dark. Most people have this worry, because it reflect their own secret belief that they are not all that desirable themselves, and also their fear of loneliness. At least they have an image to keep them company. There's a deeper issues here, thought, Does love ever come from outside ourselves?

Go into it more deeply, all of us believe in duality, which creates the perception that people are separate. You and I seem separate, I am in one side of this screen and you are at home or work reading this blog. We have separate bodies, separate minds, separates memories and backgrounds. Separation is the foundation of our whole existence, But part of you hates living in separation----it hates the fear, loneliness, suspicion, and alienation. This part of you calls upon love to solve its pain. If only you can find someone to love you, perhaps the separation will be healed. But in their heart of hearts most people feel that pangs of separation: it's not a secret.

Do you relly believe that there's a perfect somebody out there waiting for you? As waiting for you is always a reflection of yourself. Out of our loneliness, all of us seek a source of love that will fill up the lack we feel inside, and that's exactly what happens, no more and no less. I have tenderness,,and lack strenght which I hope I will find in Maria. Whatever the need is, the person who fills it becomes the source of love. Could the person who happens to match our needs continues to make su feel loved? I don't think so. We all have too much hidden inside, there is too much healing to do. So in tiam the outside source of love fades; it stop being effective, And then certain truth drawn:

-You can never receive more love than you are prepared to receive

- You cannot give more love than you have to give

The love reflected from another person has its source in your own heart. The reason love from outside sources stops working is that you haven't solved separation, only papered it over.

You stand in the crossroads, You can go out again and search for love from a new source, you can make do with what you have, you can turn to satisfaction other than love, or you can totally honest and give up the search for external altogether. They way to love begins when you realize that separation, loneliness, and the pain of isolation are real. Not many people want to face this fact, and therefore they resign themeselves to sad constricted amount of love. I came face to face with it in my website. You will not settled for imitations....some part of you is waiting for the real thing. And the really thing is about totally surrender. This nameless longing that only love can fill. What is the real thing, if not the flood of images about romance, sex and endless pleasure that the ideal lover is supposed to give to gift us with? In reality we are the gift and we are the giver. Duality is and always has been an illusion. There is no one out there waiting for you. There is only you and the love you bring to yourself. In spirit you are united with all other soul, and the only purpose of separation is for you to rejoin that unity

LOVE: SAVE ME FROM LUST

Who considers Lust a sin? Well if you do, then you're still living in the stone-age while Lusting half the time even without knowing it. This is not according to me but according to Prof Simon Blackburn of Cambridge University who is attempting to rescue that lusty Lust :) While lust, anger, envy, gluttony, sloth, pride and greed are considered sins, Prof Blackburn is trying to drag Lust from the category of sin to that of virtue. He defines Lust as "the enthusiastic desire for sexual activity and its pleasures for its own sake". He also states that if reciprocated, Lust leads to pleasure and "best flourishes when unencumbered by bad philosophy and ideology... which prevent it's freedom of flow".

I think he's got a valid point, don't you? Lust after all is part of being human. While one should not let Lust rule his life, it is pretty improtant to realise that Lust aint Mr.Evil either. What we have to do is take control of it and use it to give us pleasure while not hurting anyone else. What you have to realise though is that Lust can be very misleading and most of the time people think it's Love, when it's not. When you look across a crowded room and feel your heart going 'boom boom' and your shong shongs going 'yeyy yeyy' lol, with the delicate signs of sexual arousal, and you say to yourself "ok He/She's the one", you have to be very very careful. An article on Lust stated that actually it's not 'Love at first sight', but an ancient genetic programme kicking into action. It read "It doesn't matter if he's a potential wife beater or she's a terrible nag or wants to live in the country when you are a real townie. Apparently your genes don't take personality into account. They are on a one track mission to get you to have sex and reproduce. Scientific experiments have proved that, if your genes are different from his or hers, and he or she has a certain look, you'll be driven crazy with Lust." That was certainly something new to me. I didnt know about the gene factor contributing to who I fall in Lust with. It further stated that women are majorly attracted (falls in Lust with) to the scent of guys with totally different MHC genes to theirs' (MHC - major histocompatibility complex genes - don't ask me what that is :).

It also stated that "Those genes are apparently pretty powerful and combined with the 'attraction template' they are going to kick off a huge surge of 'Lust hormones'. Our body produces these hormones to make us want to have sex. This is determined by the programming in our DNA that says 'REPRODUCE'. The 'Lust hormones' are so strong that they often override every ounce of common sense." Ok no wonder many times I felt like I'm the biggest idiot breathing on this planet . It further read that "While our bodies are overflowing with desire, our brains are unable to make rational decisions. That's why it's called love sickness! So when those long term couples who claim to have fallen in love at first sight claim 'I just knew', they really didn't. Their genes knew they'd make strong kids with that person and they'd been programmed to fancy the way that person looks. It's pure chance that on top of the genetic and physical compatibility, they also have matched personalities." That's kind of shocking to me. Now I see why it is so easy for me to find Lust everywhere but so hard for me to find Love hehe.

So folks, next time you're irresistibly drawn to someone, apparently you should be patient for at least two years before making any major decisions. It said that it can take anything from up to six months to two years or more for the Lust hormones to die down and the pink clouds of 'perfection' to fade away, woooosh! It lastly stated "Give your brain an opportunity to check out all the stuff that we should be aware of before committing ourselves to marriage, buying a home or worse still making babies".

To be honest I really liked that article because it made a lot of sense. While there are alot of people who may really fall in Love at first sight, I believe most people fall in Lust at first sight. Later on it may or may not change into Love. As much as many of you would like to deny the fact that Lust drove you to your partners at first sight (I'm not talking about long-term friendship and then Love), well this scientific research says it is Lust indeed. Most of the time we see a guy/gal and we say she's hot, he's a hunk, her eyes are sexy, his lips are wow etc. These are lusty terms btw :) And the ecstasy, heat and the passion you feel sure explains that it's Lust not Love. And later on we date them and may fall in love and even get married. But mostly it's Lust that brought you together at first sight. But if that Lust never grew into Love later on, you are bound to fall apart and go separate ways. I am not afraid to say I fell in Lust at first sight with my ex (She was a hot;-) and even though on my part it grew into Love, herLust probably didn't - that maybe why we are no more together. While Lust certainly isn't a sin beware that it can mislead you, so make sure you learn to control it to treat you and others right. So has Lust treated you alright ;-) ?

Young lust...Happy just to be in lust
Never have to eat no dust
Everybody talk aboutYoung lust
You're dyin' and you're screamin' inside
Oh, you're guilty way before you been tried
It's crazy but you're diggin' it...Young lust
Young lust you feel it in the summertime blues Oh, easy when there's nothin' to lose
And baby you been missin' out young lust... ~~Young Lust - Aerosmith

LOVE: THE SECRET TO BEING ATTRACTIVE IS.....

Some men will always believe that a woman is good as long as she is beautiful and compliant. Some woman will overlook a dozen things about a man that might spell disaster in a relationship as long as he is dependable and brings in a good income. It takes inner growth to appreciate goodness as a deeper value. Ultimately people are good because of who they are; goodness is a quality of being. That is how I knew Maria was the one. She has so much goodness. We no longer bestow love when people are good to us and withdraw it when they are bad. Instead love become a constant in our lives.

Before Mara... I would have haunting fear of aloneness...."am i going to survive on my own. This fear bespeaks m tremendous need for security, a need so dominant that it often block that insight, courage, and freedom we really need but don't know how to find. Falling in love isn't accidental----there are no accidents in the spiritual life, only patterns we haven't yet recognized. All love is based on the search for spirit. Our search for love is driven by two forces

-fantasy of ideal romance

-fear that we will miss out and never loved at all

Fantasy and fear are what most of us fall back on when we search for love. Prompted by them, most people approach romance with behavior that can never bring about what they hope to achieve such as the following:

-We constantly compare ourselves with an ideal that we can never live up to. The loveless inner voice drives us by saying:"You aren't good enough"

-We look for approval in others. This behavior basically project our inner dissatisfaction with ourselves in the hope that some outside authority will lift it from our souls. Here the loveless inner voice is saying, "Don't make a move until the right person comes along" (The right person in this case is some fairy-tale character who will tap the ugly duckling and turns it into a swan) Being an impossible fiction, that right person never arrives

-We assume that falling in love is totally magical, a stroke from the blue that will come at random, usually when least expected. Many people wait passively for this magic to appear. Although masked as hope, this passivity is really a form of hopelessness, for the inner loveless voice is saying: "There's nothing you can do but wait to see if someone loves you". The underlying belief here is that we cannot possibly deserve love--not passionate, fulfilling love of our dreams.

The secret to being attractive is To love, be Lovable. Using another person isn't loving; it's treating that person like an object. Objects always wear out or the joy we take in them fades. More important, using someone as an object forces you to miss his value as a human being.

When I was young...a woman has to be attractive to even attract me. Few have been able to live up to my ideal perfect lover. I used my fantasies of a perfect lover to preclude any possibility that I might see into myself. My obstacle in life appeared to be that the right woman were all unavailable, but in truth I picked them because they were unavailable. Ensuring in advance that there is a fatal flaw in your partner makes it easy to reject before you get rejected yourself. In my fear of commitment is a fear I am not facing in myself. Fear of commitment comes in many forms. But what does is say spiritually----Fear of commitment mirror a belief that spirit is unreachable. Thus love become hopeless.

When a beautiful woman takes notice of me...I feel special, cared for, and important. What I need is to have my ordinariness deemed special. Spirit loves me for simply being here. When I began to believe this one thing....the woman you attract as a lover will hold the same attitude...Maria.

The intense desirability of another person isn't innate in that person. Desire is born in the one who desire. My underlying self-image is that of a helpless, unloved man, any show of attractiveness arouses incredible yearning in me. There is nothing wrong with this---we all project similar need in our search for love. Each beautiful woman real or imaginary has a repeated message to offer me: "You are loved". It is the simplest of messages, but often the hardest to absorb. For spirit isn't saying, "You are loved as long as your passion for this woman last." It is saying, "You are loved" without any qualification.

I expect alot from my fantasy, but I need to transfer those expectation to myself. What do I really want from woman? Security, well-being, a sense of belonging, sex, and love. These are all available to me from my own self, and my healing will be to fall in love with that self.

I love you has many hidden meaning. Very often we say these words and silently add expectations that underline them. What we really are saying may be:

-I love you as long as you stay the way you are now
-I love you if you love me
-I love you if you don't scare me too much

Fantasy created a false image that love is expected to live up to. We fantasize about an ideal lover, and anyone who doesn not match this ideal becomes unfit for our love. Being old or too young, too dull..too anything that does not pass the test--this is how other people come to be seen as lacking potential for love. Someone who believe that no one will ever love him projection his own lack of acceptance onto others. The internal belief "I'm not lovable" is so painful it cannot be faced, and one way to lessen that pain is to stop claiming it as your own.

The fact is that we rarely see people for who they are; we see them association with people from our past. We carry around in our heads the physical image of our parents and match them to everyone we meet. Too close a resemblance provokes associations, good and bad, that have nothing to do with the new people and everything to do with our own mental process. False love operate by projection. Getting rid of projection is critical if you want to be able to tell true love from false, as either the giver or the receiver.

If you examine any negative trait you insist in present in another person, you will find the same trait hiding in yourself. The more you deny this trait, the more strongly you will have to project it. Thus if you habitually defend yourself before being accused, you feel guilty. That guilt need to be faced in order to stop the projection. If you feel that the man or woman you love is constantly looking at other with sexual interest, you are the one who cannot be trusted.

LOVE: WHAT IT TAKE TO FIND YOUR LOVE

I want to tell you a little bit about what it takes to find your Mr. Right or Ms RIght.. Finding your Mr. Right or Ms. Right is like wanting the best grade in a particular course you are taking. Stay with me, and I will explain what I mean. Have you ever wanted an ‘A’ in a class you were taking and ended up with a ‘C?’ What do you think happened? Do you think that it was an accident or a mistake that you got a ‘C,’ or do you think your level of preparation has something to do with it? You bet your level of preparation has something to do with the grade you received, and your level of preparations has something to do with whatever life gives you. You cannot reap what you have not sown. If you plan oranges don’t expect apples.

Your Mr. Right is also looking for a Ms. Right. So, if you want to find Mr. Right, you must be Ms. Right yourself. It does not mean you have to be perfect. It simply means that you must have something to offer Mr. Right, beyond your looks, in order to get and keep his attention.

In essence, your search for Mr. Right must start with preparing yourself for Mr. Right. You must get yourself Right. And what does getting yourself “Right” mean? It means:

-Loving yourself first, so that you may be able to share your love with others, and others will see that love in you.

-Looking your best so that men will know that you care about yourself and that you will keep doing those things that will keep them attracted to you. Outward beauty is what draws men to you to find out about your inward beauty.Your inward beauty is what makes them fall in love with you.

-Accepting yourself as you are with all your flaws. When you accept yourself, others accept and love you as you are.

-Having a high self-esteem.

-Exuding confidence.

-Being true to yourself and to others.

-Striving to be the best you can be.
-
Seeing the good in you and in others.

-Forgiving yourself and other for mistakes, so that others can forgive you.

-Knowing how to have fun by yourself, so that others may find you interesting and fun to be with.

-Having a sense of purpose, so that you may find life meaningful and worthwhile.

-Having core beliefs you can share with likeminded people.

-Getting rid of your excess emotional baggage, so that others are not scared away by what you may unload on them.

-Being tolerant, so that others may tolerate your negative side.

-Allowing others to have their point of view, so that yours may be accepted and respected. That means that it is not your way or the highway.

-Being trustworthy, so that others may confide in you and trust you. Trust is the foundation of all lasting romantic relationships.

-Being a person that gives without expecting something in return, so that another may give you wholeheartedly without expecting something back.

-Have a positive mind-body connection – so that your positive mindset can translate into a radiant and attractive and healthy exterior.

So you see, it is not all about your looks or smarts or accomplishments. You can be beautiful and accomplished and still not have the qualities that are necessary to attract your Mr. Right. You have to work on being Ms. Right, so that Mr. Right can find you attractive. At the end of the day, finding Mr. Right is about preparation – preparing yourself to be Ms. Right.

Remember you don’t have to wait until you are perfect to start your search for Mr. Right. Being Ms. Right is a journey and not a destination. You can still search for your Mr. Right, while you are working on being Ms. Right. In fact, you can start your search by using a widely used and proven method that makes it easier for your Mr. Right to find you.

When you meet that nice gentleman who sweeps you off our feet, you can make sure that he is Mr. Right by asking him these important questions. At the end of the day, you will have absolutely no doubts about having found your soul mate.

LOVE: HOW TO INVITE LOVE: BEING A GOOD HOST

Did you know that positive thinking, coupled with positive action and expectation, are the keys to getting what you want in life? It is not enough just to think positively, as most self-professed experts will have you believe. You must start with the foundation of thinking positive thoughts in order for your outcome to be a positive one, but you must go to the next step of taking positive action, and believe that your positive action will produce the expected positive results.

Now you are wondering what positive thinking and positive action has to do with getting the kind of love you want from your man. The answer? Everything. Men are really easy to please, if you understand their needs and exactly how to satisfy them. Yes, all men have plenty of love to give, if you know how to tear down the walls around their hearts.

Today, I will give you some of the tools you can use to get the kind of love you deserve. Mind you that I have boiled down all the elements of what it takes to get the love you deserve into just four simple keys. Since there is not enough time here and blogs are certainly not meant to be books, I will just make these four keys short and sweet. Here they are:

Warm and respectful communication – I could have simply said communication, and left it at that, but I feel it is very important to qualify communication, so that you are certain of the kind of communication that will get you the positive results you want.

Warm communication is like hot chocolate on a cold winter morning. It is uplifting and makes you feel good all over. That is exactly how the way you talk to your man ought to make him feel. If you talk to him with the kind of derogatory language that a lot of people use in their relationships, then you will get the same old results most people get, which is the kind of love that is always on the verge of breaking up. Use language that is kind, considerate, uplifting and you will get the same back with love as the icing on your love cake.


Kind and thoughtful acts - I call these acts of love. If you expect love from your man, you must act in kind and thoughtful ways. How many times have you gone out of your way to do something for your guy without him asking? Have you taken care of an important chore that he hasn’t been able to get to, without his requesting you to do him a favor? Surprise him with gifts when nothing special is happening, his birthday, your anniversary, or special holidays. Sometimes it is not what you do for him directly. It could be something you do for a member of his family. Blood is thicker than water, and when you do something that positively impacts one of his loved ones, you have also positively impacted your guy as well. Sounds like an ancient Chinese philosophy, but it is not. It is a universal principle.

Never Nag – Nagging is one of those areas in a relationship where women are not sure when they have slipped into the proverbial black hole. Let me quickly give you some pointers on what it means to nag. You are nagging when you complain constantly about what your guy should have done but did not do, or what he repeatedly does that is making you sick. You are nagging when you constantly yell when you are dissatisfied or disappointed by how your guy has handled or failed to handle an issue your expected him to take care of differently. The point is not that you should not be dissatisfied or disappointed when your guy is not rowing his share of the boat. But the way you express your discontent is what makes the difference between a nag and someone that can effectively get her point across.


Be affectionate – Shower your guy with loves of hugs and kisses. Men, like women, enjoy the attention they get when their woman initiates affection. Do it often, but do not smother him with it. BIG ONE HERE...Wear that short dress with no underwear

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LOVE: INNER MONSTER WITHIN US ALL

The underlying issues of love is this: Can I trust you? Will you hurt me for coming close? Why haven't you kept me from feeling lonely and afraid? You have to realize that each person can offer us, at any given moment, exactly what spirit wants us to learn. When the moment is gone and the insight revealed, the upaguru returns to being a friend, spouse, or stranger.

Whenever you feel yourself having a reaction of judgment, rejection, or resistance with anyone....even with someone you love...imagine the opposite. Instead of seeing that person as a adversary, view your partner as totally on your side. Don't focus on what he or she is done to irritate you; reframe asn Anthony Robbbins would say you need to reframe it as an act of pure love, brought into being to teach you the perfect lesson you need to learn at just that moment. This isn't a mind game or a trick at the level of spirit your beloved acrs only from love, holding your highest good at heart. You must see each other at a new light.

Resistance is like a wall holding back the flow of love. Love is the wave that brings forgiveness, kindness, and trust from the level of spirit. There is a monster in you...that always ask you ...what about me? Imagine yourself as a monster, a distorted this monster in detail...it was ugly, covered with reptilian, scales, and hand as stone. See this monster coming forward to defend you by putting up a wall of denial, a thousand reasons why you are right and your partner wrong, a ferocious display of withering disapproval. On the surface the monster or resistance expresses anger and hardness, but this is only to protect the insecurity and loneliness lurking underneath. If you peel away the layers, you find that resistance is actually born of fear, and fear comes from having been deeply hurt in the past. Once you get past the fearsome exterior, all inner monsters are weak, frightened, and alone. You long ago rejected this part of yourself, therefore it appears to you as a child of your own making that wants to be back with you. Now ask yourself, why did it turn into a monster? A good offense is the best defense. If you feel weak and frightened, the last thing you want is for someone else to see you that way. So you put on a mask. In this case the mask is word---NO--that disguises from this no is saying.. "LOVE ME".

LOVE: LOVE AND PASSION

There is a greatness to love. There is joy that ride a long with love, love leading, joy following.



We usually only think of love in the romantic sense, But love is not only endowed with the passions and feelings empowered to it by romance, it is also endowed with the power of creativity as well as creation.



Learning or experiencing something that you like, something that you want to have in the beginning stages can grow into a love and/or passion for what you are learning. That love and passion for what you are learning or experiencing brings also a joy that knows no bounds.



There are things that can stand in the way of love in its power to be creative and/or to create. The ego whispering its insecurities causes doubt and fear, two major forces, the Warriors that it uses to stand guard at your heart. While those guards stand there (named doubt and fear) guarding you from what you love or even what you could grow to love, you turn away from it.



The ego whispers in our mind, you can't do that, you don't have what it takes, you're not smart enough, you've never been a success, your dreams will never materialize. The ego tells your mind you don't know where to begin, you don't know what steps to take that will set your feet on the path of a what you want to be, of what you want to do, of what you want to experience. And with those whispers love is stifled and passion is squashed, creativity and creations are not given birth.



But even as it is stifle, where there is love it does not go away. It lies quiet for periods of time, waiting for the egos whispers to the mind to die down, then it flares, catching you unaware, your heart blazes with the longing for what you know will bring you joy.



Ask the Chef, Software Designer, Doctor, the Party Planner, Business Owner, even the Spiritual Life Coach, or any person that enjoys what they do, why they do it and the answer will be, I love what I do, or it is my love, it is my passion, it brings me joy.



As a creative force love speaks to your heart about what you want to have in your life and passion answers and joy gives fuel to its creation. Because, when you began to experience the acquiring of what you want, joy enters your being, urging you on. It sweeps the Warriors of the ego, doubt and fear aside.



As a creative force, love whispers to you, your heart desires and it translates into your mind as, I would love to start a business, I would love to paint. I would love to change careers. I would love to have a new car, I would love to ___.



And most of the time you think of them only as dreams.



Come, let me take you dreams and turned them into your loves and your passions.

LOVE: THIS SENSUOUS SOUL

It is a sensuous soul, residing in an earthly body, with a passionate heart, radiating love which flows freely, its loves aim is true, straight and pure to its target. Against a wall of indifference it hits, shattering into a thousands pieces of pain as the impact send it back to where it came from. Its source and now target know only pain, when it reaches it destination. SO it is with the Love Killers.



This passionate heart, gives of itself, and what it has to offer, to the object of its love freely, whether it is the intangible substance of it love or physical substance of it earthly possession, or non physical earthly possessions, and sends it out with joy, hoping that in that joy, the recipient also receives joy. Once again, the aim is true, the destination is reached and what was gives freely, what was selected, with time, energy, effort and love, hits a wall of ingratitude. And the rebound sent back is a message of and/or just lack of appreciation, for the sender, for gift, for effort, and this rebound hit the sender with pain, but this is a double edge sword, for that ingratitude also cut the one that sends it.



The Universe listens, it is aware, it hears the message given by the receiver of the gift. I have no appreciation for what I have received; I have no appreciation for the sender of the gift. The Universal listens, and abides by the laws that it has set, which states gratitude will bring much more of what you have received, better than you can ever imagine, the more you build that gratitude, the more miraculous and greater the gifts. Ingratitude will cut off what is being sent.



The Universe listens and it abides by it laws, toward the sender, which states, give what you want to receive, give freely, give with love, give with joy and I will give you more. SO, this sensuous soul, that resides in a earthly body, knows, that the love sent and rejected, will be rewarded, and it may not always come from whom the love, in what ever form it take, is sent to. But the love it sends will be returned, possible from a different soul, in another body. The earthly body grieves, and is broken hearted, but the soul knows this too shall pass, and what was given according too the Laws of the Universe, shall be returned in a greater way then ever dreamed of by the body, not always as or from who/or what the body wishes it to be. But returned it shall be.



And the earthly body, with the passionate heart, withdraws a little, from the rebound, the love is not closed down completely, but it is less, the passionate heart is a victim of the love killers,’ ungratefulness, ingratitude.



Still, this sensuous soul, residing in an earthly body, with a passionate heart, swallows the pain as best it can and tries to continue to love, to send it love straight and true to the one it loves. It goes back, and tries again.



Once again the sensuous soul, residing in an earthly body ,with a passionate heart, contacts the one that it love, aims straight and true to the one, it seek their attention, a little of their time. Maybe this time with words of love, encouragement, support, belief in the one it loves, ambitions, projects, want and desires., maybe this time they will notice, respond, give a word back, a little attention back, one morsel of acknowledgement, I see you, I hear you , I know that you are there and I am glad that you are. My love may not be the same as your love, but I appreciated it, I appreciate you, from the receiver.



No acknowledgement, is given, no time is returned, no attention is offered, the earthly body with the passionate heart is taken fore granted and the love sent out, once again hits a brick wall ricochets back, toward the heart that sent it, and the flow that should have been, as the symbol of eternity, unbroken, continuous, is not there. That broken symbol returns what was sent back to the sender’s passionate heart as pain. The sensuous soul, residing in an earthly body, hearts passion withdraws; it has encountered the Love Killers.



The sensuous soul, will always contain love, but the heart of the earthly body has cried out, to the soul, each and every time the passionate heart was in pain, so the passionate heart loses hope, and starts to turn away, gradually the love resides, it see no way pass what it is experiencing. The passionate heart knows, love is give, it can not take it by force, or force another to love it in return. One time too many times it has been hit by the love killers.



The sensuous soul always seeks to give love and be loved in return. It knows that there is love elsewhere waiting for the opportunity to come to the earthly body once it has made space and let go of the one it loves who dose not return its love, even if the earthly body dose not believe so at this time it is in pain.



If the earthly body with the passionate heart is, spiritually aware, it will grieve what its hearts desire and can not have, but knows that, there is love waiting for it, base upon the Universal law; give what you want to receive. The Universe will either fix the situations, or bring to it a new situation that offers greater love and the return of that love, once you let go and make space for it. With the Love Killers at work, space is eventually made.



An unaware earthly body with a passionate heart may be badly damaged, and turn from love, hold fear of the idea of ever giving its heart over to love again once it has experienced the Love Killers, ingratitude, being taken for granted, not given time, not receiving attention, lack of empathy from the one it loves.



There are other, Love Killers that may not be experienced by this particular sensuous soul, residing in an earthly body, with a passionate heart, but by other, sensuous soul, residing in an earthly body, with a passionate heart, no two experiences the same thing in the same way. There are many types of Love Killers.



Cherish, value, appreciate, the love that you receive, even if you can not return it with the same passion it was sent. Do not be a tool of the Love Killers. Know loves value, and know that some who are not as blessed as you, would give anything to know that they are loved, even the smallest amount.



Do not be a tool of the Lover Killers.

LOVE: CONTROLLING ANOTHER PERSON IN A RELATIONSHIP

When one person is trying to control another in a relationship, they usually don't admit what is going on. Instead, their motivations are made to look like love. Isn't it loving to protect your partner, look out for her interests, oversee her wants and desire. Control is the way your ego solves the problem of fear. Whenever any of us fall into controlling behavior, one of the following scenarios is at work in the unconscious:

-we are afraid someone will reject us
-we are afraid of failing
-we are afraid of being wrong
-we are afraid of being powerless

In the name of love we all resort to these unloving behavior at one time or another. We say, "I love you" to someone yet secretly keep a tabulation of their shortcoming. In the name of love one person assumes power and the other gives it away. Instead of being drawn closer, however, the couple discover that they feel increasingly distant, for the one with the power becomes guilty or domineering, while the one without the power resentment and eventually rebels.

Most of us go into relationship to find security; we want to be with someone who makes us feel safe. Two people form a better unit of defense against potential hazard and tragedies than one. But being with another person, even in equal footing, doesn't resolve fear. Spiritually the answer to fear is simple: you are already safe. From the perspective of spirit all fear is a projection from the past, and as long as these projections continue, you will keep generating fearful situations to accommodate them. Whatever you most fear-------abandonment, rejection, failure, loss, humiliation--has already occurred to you. The threats you perceive around you now, or coming at you in the future, are the long shadow being cast by the past.

The reason romantic love makes you feel so safe is not that another person is there to guard you but that love is there to guard you. As infants we fused love with the presence of a loving parent. As long as they were there watching over us, we felt both loved and protected. When we grow up we realized that parents can't always protect you...but we need to remember that love still can. Needing to control life, either yours or anyone else's is based on spiritual desperation. When control is ready to loosen its grip, a definite relaxation takes place. The facade of the demanding, critical partner who is so quick to blame begins to melt, you start to feel love once more, not as an idea but as a sensation in your heart.

LOVE: THE TOPIC OF LOVE ONCE AGAIN

Love is a feeling, an emotion and an experience, but most of all, love is a choice.

Why is it I feel qualified to talk about such a complicated and difficult subject? Because I have seen both sides of it, love is beautiful and horrible and I know this from experience. I have floated high above a world where everything was right and everyone was great and every day was a new day to be discovered. I have felt the devastation of having that world fall to pieces before me as I struggled to comprehend how a person I trusted and admired could suddenly turn mean and hateful. I felt there was nothing I couldn't do, in an instant it all changed, and I felt completely worthless.

Love at first sight does not exist. You can certainly be attracted to someone the first time you meet them but that is lust at first sight, not love. Love takes time. Love is something that grows. It happens when two people experience the highs and lows that life always seems to find some way to throw at us, and as a result, they form a bond.

Love happens when you can always count on another person to try and help you, even if you don't know what you need. Love happens when you trust someone with everything you have. Love happens when you care for someone so much, that you would rather be hurt yourself than have them suffer for a moment. Love happens when another person lets you see all sides of them, the good and the bad, and rather than judge them, you accept them.

Certainly you have to like someone before you love them, and you have to get along with them before you like them, and you have to be attracted to them on some level so that you spend time with them before you know if you get along with them. There are many steps that must come before love and lucky for us a lot of people get weeded out during these step, otherwise it would be even harder to define this thing called love. But at some point, a choice has to be made.

Some people say that when you are in love "you'll just know." I'm sorry, but I think whoever said that is full of it. You'll know you are in love when you choose to allow yourself to love someone. I know there are probably a lot of people out there who disagree with me, but I'll hold to my belief. Chemistry and compatibility can only take you so far, at some point you have to decide.

I can hear the outcry now "But Alex! That sounds so very unromantic! Surely you don't mean it! How can we decide to love someone?" Simple. Love is hard. Any deep, meaningful relationship is hard. If it were easy, we'd be best friends with everyone! Take a look at the relationships you have with the people who mean the most to you, the people you love, they might be best friends, family members or a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Has the relationship always been easy? Do you always get along and agree on everything? No, you have to work on it, you have to try. You have to decide that this relationship is important enough that even when things are going badly, you're not going to give up, you'll make it work. The tough part is that since a relationship involves 2 people, both people have to decide they want it to work to make it successful.

I think a lot of problems today can be attributed to people having unrealistic expectations about love. People expect everything to always be happy and good, they expect love to be easy, they expect they won't have to make a choice. But if you don't make the choice, who will? Fate, chance or whatever you want to call it may bring people together, but it is up to those people to decide where to go from there.

Love can not be measured, except in our own minds, as we are the only ones who know the degree of love we feel for someone, although poems and songs do an admirable job, love is something that can never fully be described in words. Some people may wake up one morning and realize how much this person means to them "Wow! I'm in love!" while for others it may be a gradual realization "You know, she means so much to me... I think I love her."

Love lifts us up where we belong, where eagles fly, on a mountain high Love makes us act like we are fools, throw our lives away, for one happy day We could be heroes

LOVE: WHAT WAS I THINKING? : WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT LOVE

I write about relationship all the time here and I get question from fan of my blog.
Most of the question are about commitment and other are about....how do you know if you are in love?

That's the age-old question. How do you know where you are? Is it hormones or heart? Are you in lust or love? How do you know the difference? I've been there. I thought I loved Melissa, I spent a large part of time trying to love her. Now looking back at the "so-called relationship" in embarrassment and sometimes horror and said to myself, "What was I thinking?" I loved her and lusted after her..but she lusted after me only. As you see in my blog and writing....I am a very sexual, emotional person. She was attracted to my sexual energy.

How do you know what to do about a relationship if you don't know where you are in it? The simple answer is you need to know the signs and how to recognize them. Look at the following signs and answer this question about the relationships you have been in.

Is it Love or Lust?
Love is a relationship with someone.
Lust is a need to have or possess your mate.
Lust is closely associated with immediate sexual gratification. Your hormones and sexual urges are controlling you. Your brain is out to lunch, so your emotions are working over time, and your hormones are making you crazy. You think it's your heart talking but it's only your hormones. When you do stupid, crazy things and act totally irrational, those are clear signs that you're in lust and not in love.


Love is based on giving and sharing.
Lust is based on desperation and neediness.
Love is based on the concept of we.
Lust is all about self-gratification and the concept of me.
Love is looking forward to seeing someone, but being okay if you don't. Lust is feeling like you need to be with that person, no matter what, and you won't be okay until you are.

Love is built on creating and deepening emotional intimacy. The intent is to create a strong, lasting bond.
Lust is built on fatal attraction where you are obsessive and concerned with self-satisfaction only. "I need you and I need you now," is a typical need to fill an emotional black hole. When the so-called relationship is running you, you're obsessing. Obsessing is lust, not love.
When you're in a relationship and you're more important than the relationship, then you might be in love. You desire the relationship but you don't need it. You desire your partner but you don't have to possess him or her.
When the relationship and mate are more important than you, you're in lust and, may I add, in an unhealthy relationship that is only going to make your low self-esteem dive even lower.
People in love are affectionate and want to genuinely please each other. They don't just have sex, like most couples in lust do. People in lust will generally say, do, and promise almost anything just to "get" the other person.
People in love keep their word, value their partners, are reliable, honest, and are usually pretty considerate of their partner's feelings.
People in love usually genuinely like their partner.
People in lust are too busy needing love to take the time to establish a friendship with their partner. Therefore, they "think" they like their partner, but the truth is that they probably don't even know "who" that person "really is." People in lust have no basis for a friendship.
Hormones rage, hearts beat. Hormones go up and down like a yo-yo. Hearts flow and grow.
Hormones want a treat from the candy store.
Hearts want the entire candy store.
Hormones care about right now.
Hearts care about today and the tomorrows.
Once you see the signs, then it's up to you to make a decision about how you want to continue your relationship. Do you want to continue in love or in lust?

Your life is up to you. Do you want to be happy and live in love, or do you want to continue living in lust and be continually discouraged, disappointed, or devastated when your relationships fail?

LOVE: LOVE

Love, many had dreamed of it, so many had it but failed to notice it, it's existence, others knew that it was there but too scared to look at it, and some had to let it go while others hold on to it. Whatever role you play in this emotion called love; you are a part of it. You are one of the persons giving color to it. Though sometimes we seek too much, we seek for a love that's perfect, a love that would not bring us pain.


I'm one of those who had longed for love, who found love, and who had to let that love go. I was scared to fall again, scared to feel the pains of love, but eventually I must go on. There are many out there who are like me; many chose to leave the past behind while some would still want to remain in the past.

As love brings us pleasure it also brings us pain, but the pain makes us stronger, the heartaches makes us wiser and the experience itself teaches us, it tells us that we are capable of such wonderful feeling that we can love someone without pretensions, and without expecting something in return. An unconditional love is what they say; “Once you found that love treasure it, let time tell you when to hold on and when to let go.” If your still waiting for that love then be patient for it, it will come you way. For those who have lost, be strong and don't lose hope; what's for you would always be for you