I write about relationship all the time here and I get question from fan of my blog.
Most of the question are about commitment and other are about....how do you know if you are in love?
That's the age-old question. How do you know where you are? Is it hormones or heart? Are you in lust or love? How do you know the difference? I've been there. I thought I loved Melissa, I spent a large part of time trying to love her. Now looking back at the "so-called relationship" in embarrassment and sometimes horror and said to myself, "What was I thinking?" I loved her and lusted after her..but she lusted after me only. As you see in my blog and writing....I am a very sexual, emotional person. She was attracted to my sexual energy.
How do you know what to do about a relationship if you don't know where you are in it? The simple answer is you need to know the signs and how to recognize them. Look at the following signs and answer this question about the relationships you have been in.
Is it Love or Lust?
Love is a relationship with someone.
Lust is a need to have or possess your mate.
Lust is closely associated with immediate sexual gratification. Your hormones and sexual urges are controlling you. Your brain is out to lunch, so your emotions are working over time, and your hormones are making you crazy. You think it's your heart talking but it's only your hormones. When you do stupid, crazy things and act totally irrational, those are clear signs that you're in lust and not in love.
Love is based on giving and sharing.
Lust is based on desperation and neediness.
Love is based on the concept of we.
Lust is all about self-gratification and the concept of me.
Love is looking forward to seeing someone, but being okay if you don't. Lust is feeling like you need to be with that person, no matter what, and you won't be okay until you are.
Love is built on creating and deepening emotional intimacy. The intent is to create a strong, lasting bond.
Lust is built on fatal attraction where you are obsessive and concerned with self-satisfaction only. "I need you and I need you now," is a typical need to fill an emotional black hole. When the so-called relationship is running you, you're obsessing. Obsessing is lust, not love.
When you're in a relationship and you're more important than the relationship, then you might be in love. You desire the relationship but you don't need it. You desire your partner but you don't have to possess him or her.
When the relationship and mate are more important than you, you're in lust and, may I add, in an unhealthy relationship that is only going to make your low self-esteem dive even lower.
People in love are affectionate and want to genuinely please each other. They don't just have sex, like most couples in lust do. People in lust will generally say, do, and promise almost anything just to "get" the other person.
People in love keep their word, value their partners, are reliable, honest, and are usually pretty considerate of their partner's feelings.
People in love usually genuinely like their partner.
People in lust are too busy needing love to take the time to establish a friendship with their partner. Therefore, they "think" they like their partner, but the truth is that they probably don't even know "who" that person "really is." People in lust have no basis for a friendship.
Hormones rage, hearts beat. Hormones go up and down like a yo-yo. Hearts flow and grow.
Hormones want a treat from the candy store.
Hearts want the entire candy store.
Hormones care about right now.
Hearts care about today and the tomorrows.
Once you see the signs, then it's up to you to make a decision about how you want to continue your relationship. Do you want to continue in love or in lust?
Your life is up to you. Do you want to be happy and live in love, or do you want to continue living in lust and be continually discouraged, disappointed, or devastated when your relationships fail?
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