This post started with a question from a fan...how can i be less superficial?
The PY is a potential space, not an actual tunnel like canal...like a flattened mitten, the vagina has internal volume only if something goes inside it. Sometimes you see a woman and you wonder what that other person might be like in bed (in car, on floor...ect) think about the emotional, psychological, familial, financial, and social shrapnel-bomb whose fuse you light with an orgasm.One would indeed have to be ruthless to trade those moment of personal gratification for all that destruction.
Without a physical outlet, a healthy man represses the desire for sex, and hopefully converts that energy into his work. Yet, they find that the longer they go without sex, the more they want it, to the point of creating neurosis. While promise the moon, star and anything else required to accomplish the task at hand which was sexual gratification, most men continually, lost sight of the most important things they should have been watching for---mutual respect, goals and ideas which combine well with spirituality, honesty, and integrity. So many men believe that they can base their relationship on sex, having sex without compassion, believing that the woman you meet in a bar has the potential to become the woman of your dreams, having sex without commitment, and having sex without being in love.
What is the harm of a little fun, a little sex here and there...It is not ok to just have sex only because you don't know what's infesting the water. If she hadn't turned out to be liar and a flake, all would have been right with the world? That's like saying it was okay to steal because there was no chance of getting caught. I think that so many of the problem in relationship stem form that woman think that sex isn't important. It's just part of the relationship, kind of like going out to dinner is part of the relationship. Sex shouldn't be demoted to that.
So many people feel that they can't have sex with someone if they are not attractive enough. I would answer that if for sex mean nothing--it's just sex, then if the situation isn't very horny, you're just not going to get off with as much enthusiasm. For people with a deeper, profound feeling about their partner, and a deeper meaning about sexuality, the sex comes out of the deep sense of love, affection, mutual experience, bonding, closeness--the turn-on then becomes the depth and quality of the relationship including the sexual relationship.When sex is not an expression of anything between you and your partner, then it is totally dependent upon impersonal issues like their attractiveness, wine and fantasy. If you want to develop yourself you have to formulate your ideas in terms of purpose and meaning, and the more you direct your behavior towards that end, the less superficial you will become.
There is something wonderful about considering sex in a more holy light, It gives the act greater magnificence, depth, and ongoing satisfaction than just getting fucked. Honesty do you think you can have good sex when it's sort of an emotional thing versus when you go out with someone who is a PLAYBOY or PLAYGIRL centerfold type.When you go to a mall, how many folks do you see who are highly attractive? Not many. Do you think that they and their partner automatically aren't happy with their sex? I don't think so.
Personally after years dating, lust, one-night stands, failed relationship.....all that sex stuff was my way to get intimate (close) with someone. To be accepted and not rejected. Now I know that all that superficial closeness is not what makes a good relationship. A friendship with trust, and respect, is what makes a good relationship. If you expect that love is a feeling you're supposed to get, of that fucking only is meaningful in a long term relationship, you're wrong. You need to learn to make love, not sex. More nameless, faceless, disconnected fucking does not lead to greater desire or ability to be close, loving, bonded, and intimate. The more you exercise one muscle, the more the opposing muscle weakens and the more out of balance you become.
Don't use another human being. You use one person to get your needs met. There is no satisfaction. It brings up fear of abandonment, concern about your worthiness and value, upsets an order which you though were intact and reliable, distracts you from your life's endeavor. All those emotions and realities will still have to be dealt with once the orgasm subsides...don't you think? This is why I just don't fuck ...just because my penis wants me too.
The old saying that men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love actually has some foundation in the biology. On the woman's side first: Give sex to a man inspires the hope that this availability will keep him near;that when he produces children he'll feel connected enough to protect and provide while she nurtures.
If love is therefore not enough to ensure monogamy, what does it take? Commitment. You should only have sex with someone you want to have kids with. The reason why I don't have sex with just anyone is that sex is important and getting someone pregnant is a big thing................
-if you get pregnant and had the baby...I couldn't bear seeing my kid put up for adoption. I would not want to live life knowing that the future of someone I created was to be determined by someone else
-if you got pregnant and kept the baby, i would plan on being around for the next 20 years at least. Do you know we well enough to accept that now?
-if you got pregnant and had an abortion, you could risk future chance of having children, I imagine that going through the abortion would be absolute hell for you anyway.
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