VIDEO: HOW TO GIVE THE BEST BLOWJOB

POETRY: YOU ASKED ME WHAT YOU MEANT TO ME

I have found the perfect woman,
Whom mere words cannot describe.
Laughter covers frustrated impotence
As the images of Heaven her existence conjures
Do not translate, do not find path from pen to paper,
From keyboard to screen, from my heart?s palate
To a medium I can share with others.
Let them see the incredible joy,
Share my unbound happiness,
See my soul smile as I think
Of her.

I can still hear the ringing
As her first ?I love you? crossed the wire.
My heart broke in a thousand pieces as this angelic voice
Said that which I so wanted to hear first
From those lips.
Even over phone, over distance, over time,
I can remember and feel the joyful pain
And live one thousand thousand lifetimes of happiness
In a memory of a minute, three words,
From her.

It seems trite and pass?ut I honestly never knew,
Never imagined, never experienced, never believed,
That love could be like this, feel like this,
Exist like this.
All else was practice, preparation,
Stepping stones in a river of lesser emotion,
So that we could meet and have a love like this
That defies logic with its intensity,
That holds unearthly precipices,
Warmth that radiates from within me, engulfs me,
Makes me feel, well, special, just thinking
About her.

And, God, the pain!
The ripping, grinding, shredding, terrifying pain
That grips my heart when life threatens to intrude
On what could be, on what should be,
On what will be.
Because the world conspires against us, against me,
So that I feel like Job tortured by the pantheon,
Attached to a puppeteer?s strings,
Just hoping that the stars align, that my patience pays off,
That there?s reason for this torture,
Because all I want is to be
With her.

30 years is not a lot, in the grand scheme,
To pretend knowledge of something as ethereal as love.
But I don?t pretend,
I know.
And what I know is that love cannot be described,
No author could be so presumptuous
As to try to describe what love is.
It?s not just a word any more to me.
It has no definition. There is simply no method
To describe the feeling... and to know
That these feelings also lie
In her.

I know the pain, the horrifying terrible doubts,
That love this strong brings.
I feel them in the shallow end of the lilt in her voice,
In the silence between times when we speak,
In her own expressed fears
As reason and logic internally argue with emotion.
In the end I submit to the terror, even to the knowledge
That in this potential failure I might never mend,
And I revel in that...in that monumental risk...
Because body, mind, heart and soul simply want to be
With her.




2

What's in a word that makes it so special?
What is it about a collection of letters?
A mere jumble of symbols is all that appears.
Nothing greater, nothing wiser, nothing better.

But, there's something deeper, something hidden.
Invisible to the eye but, blinding to the soul.
When they effect you they're unceasing.
Either bright as fire or dark as coal.

The words "I love you" said in full can melt a heart.
Said in vain they can do more damage than a sword.
They can lift you up, or drag you down.
Funny how there's power in a word.

So when you look on these words and read them in silence.
Remember, there's more than just what looks true.
I love with all of my heart, mind and soul.
These are my words... I give them to you.


3

To hear and see
to smell and taste
just to touch you

To see you glide
and move with grace
cold shivers

To hear your sweet voice
echos of sound
awakened dreams

To taste the air
you breathe so deep
heightened senses

To smell green grass
you sat upon
relaxed conscious

And to touch
oh, to touch
unforgettable


4

What i would do,
To feel your arms within mine,
To taste the sweetness of your lips,
The kindness of your smile,
The warmth in your eyes,
To embrace your heart within mine,
To hold you for forever,and eternity.


5

I dreamt I saw your silhouette early one morning.
The dew settled in your hair like it sits on a spider's web
making it look so clean and pure.
I see no evil in your eyes which seem to be big pools
that I want to search in each corner.
I wanted to reach into your soul just to understand you a little more.
I feel a strange closeness and familiarity with you.
Part of you I keep in my heart and I will always share your feelings.
Have you ever seen a atrange shape in your dream
and never want it to go away?
That's how I felt when I saw your silhouette in my dream that early morning.
Only you can make me feel this way.
Tell me who looks inside you,
tell me who so loves me deeply more than I understand.  Only you.
You make my world pure and serene.
I need that silhouette that I know and feel so comfortable with.
The silhouette comes from inside you.
I hope you see my silhouette in your dreams, too.


6

You asked me what you meant to me
not knowing what it would be
but I will explain and you will see
that you mean the world to me

You are the Earth that led to my rebirth
the fire that lit my desire
the beautiful sea that inspired me
the wind with an uplifting send
the tall standing tree that stood up for me
the wildlife that helped me through endless strife

But most of all were a soaring dove
that gave me your unconditional love
I cherish you for all of the above


7


Massage your mind with wondrous imaginings
Delight in the flavor of loving life
for the child in each of us
retains love's initial innocence.

Marvelous feelings flowing freely from the
fount of my soul
Lips spewing forth breathless platitudes
Endless litanies of life's longings.

Can one be sure of passionate desire?
But more than passion, eons past desire
Complete giving of oneself to the warmth
of another

Lissom bodies languishing in love's long embrace
Charged corpuscles racing through
the pulsating arteries of passion's
highways.

Oh sweet desire
ever driving me forward through life's
back roads
Helping me to discover the far reaches of
emotion's wide spectrum
Enabling me to feel, with all that is you,
a oneness
a totality
a summation of my existence.

O' fragile daughter of Cytherea
dare I desire you with all-consuming passion
To become one with you.
Dare I kneel before you with sweet desire
To take you on life's lustful journey
Dare we bow before love
To ride the passionate chariot of Eros?

Massage your mind with wondrous imaginings,
my love
Delight in the flavor of loving life
for the maturity within us
preserve's love's rapture.



8


why do you entice me so?
I reach out to touch you,
but, you aren't there.
I reach out to take you,
but, you aren't mine for the keeping.

So, I must content myself
with standing aside and drooling,
hoping and praying
that you can be mine,
that you will be for real,
and not just a mirage
dancing in my eyes.

Tempting me, torturing me,
my desire for you- killing me,
as you, sway... smile.
Who are you, what are you,
and why are you punishing me so, I ask?
No answer do you give, but in reply,
you are, as they say, fading like a flower.




9


How it was with you:
Countless moments of sweetness
And despair too,
My adorable, incomparable

The loveliest memory
I believe was with you,
Thus tears I?ve shed through the journey
No longer matter.

The loveliest memories
Truly are yours and mine.
If I were able to create a beautiful melody
In playing the piano and producing a song,
I?d, no doubt, dedicate it to you solely,
To complete the story of us.

The loveliest memory
Is when I?m full of you,
In my mind, my soul, my love.
With you inside? entertaining me,
I turn into the silliest person
And everything else becomes irrational.

The loveliest memory
Casts away the shallowest.
The pains no longer own meaning.
The revenge I wouldn?t recall even once.
Simply love exists at this moment I?m speaking.
So sweet and innocent,
Unconditional of the essence,
And that?s all that matters.

LOVE: OPENNESS IS ACCEPTANCE

There are plenty of good looking women out there,However, there IS a shortage of attractive women. By attractive I mean the kind of woman many men want because she’s so delicately beautiful, genuine, authentic, magnetic, sexy, compassionate and exciting.

If you want to be just good looking, and surface level attractive, sure, there are plenty of men out there who will be willing to stuff around and be there just for a good time.

However, what truly attracts men is an energy. It’s your unique feminine energy of radiance and authenticity. Your vibe.

Think about it from your own perspective for a minute: have you ever seen (on the street, on television or in a movie), that kind of man who stands tall, is confident, genuine, masculine, charming, strong and centered, totally present with you when you’re talking to him; the kind of man who is not willing to take anyone’s crap? The kind of man you felt instantly drawn to, and whom you couldn’t HELP but feel attraction for? The kind of man you’d give anything to be around?He’s rare, I know. But can you even imagine him, if you can’t think of one you’ve met before?

The same applies to men well to me. I respond to you when they can feel your authenticity. so, what I mean by a “you” energy is an energy that is uniquely yours, a part of your DNA.feminine energy. I love  Openness. Something most women do not realize is that men crave, absolutely crave to be with a woman who is open to them. This world is full of women who are closed off (for good and bad reasons), and what this signals to men is that you’re not interested in them, and that you’re just in to yourself.

Being open  DOESN'T  means being revealing. Y’know, revealing “details”. connect, share and reveal stories, details and ‘things’ in your lives and in other people’s lives to share and create bonding. This is not the way to be open to a man.  Openness is Acceptance. Most women simply don’t understand how important acceptance is to a man. I remember the first time i fell in love. I was so afraid of our first date..and she just took me my the hand and told me not to worry. TO me that was acceptance and from that point on..my heart was open.

LOVE: THE LAMBORHINI AND ME

If you are interested in buying a product you are not familiar with and intend to keep for a while (i.e.new TV, computer, car, etc.), youíll usually judge the level of quality by the price of its competitors. This results in purchasing the higher priced item due to the saying; You get what you pay for. Well it the same with people. Most woman can probably afford 4-5 guys for the price of 1 "Me". Don't believe me? Take a look around seriously...how may guys are single, no kids, have a house, car, money in the bank, handsome, close to their family, no drama, educated, healthy, spiritual, and want to get married and have kids.

I am usually at the  Auto Show every year, and it amazed me, especially a few years back, when the auto industry was having some difficulty selling cars and the salespeople at the show were more eager and hungry for a sale than ever before.  It was like a three ring circus, watching all of them fight to capture your attention so that they can hand you a bag full of information and tell you about their special financing and great deals with cash back if you like what their shiny brochures had to say.  As I walked around, I noticed the exotic car collections, which included Rolls Royce, Ferrari, Lamborghini, etc.  These cars had few salespeople and had most of the crowd standing in awe as they dreamed about one day getting behind the wheel of one of these incredible cars.  They might have even been the reason that most of the people came to the show in the first place.  I thought for sure that with the economy in sad shape and the prices of these exotic cars so high, and manufacturers would be offering special deals on them.  To my surprise, there was no bag full of information, no high-pressure salespeople and not even an attractive and flashy display of brochures around the cars.  Out of all of the exotic cars, I noticed one that summed it all up.  It has sign next to it that read: "At 207 mph, who needs of philosophy?  Meaning, they are not going to give you a special deal or sell you on the new door locking system in the car.


But anyway I really wanted to get a brochure on a Lamborghini, so I drove to one of the dealerships.  Thinking again, that if this is where most of the sales take place, he would make sense to offer some information, considering they are asking for 10 times more money than the average car on the street.  The salesperson said that they did not have any information on the cars, because their image sells themselves.  They are also in no hurry to sell you one of their cars.  So if you cannot afford it, then keep your nose pressed up against the window and dream on!

Would you rather drive a  Lamborghini.($300,000) or a the famous under $4,000 car - Yugo.The bottom line financially is that you paid more than 10 times the average price of a car that has the same four wheels touching the ground as any other car. Well I am the same way. I am the Lamborghini.

I don't need to sell myself. If you can't pay the price of meeting me, then I am too expensive for you. Beside I have all the time in the world. Woman are at their all time beauty high at age 25 and after that they depreciate. Women are the ones with their biological clocks ticking! Women are the ones that need to find a buyer for their depreciating product because it's them against the clock if they want kids. Every woman on the planet lives in fear of the idea that every day they grow older and things on their body are starting to wrinkle and sag. If they didn't, then the cosmetic industry wouldn't exist and plastic surgeons would go broke.  Women know that every day the competition in the Social Marketplace is flooded with women with their young, hot and tight bodies coming into the local nightclub to celebrate their 21st birthdays. So who need to sell who here? Men appreciating with time. I notice with myself...every year. I look better, more confident, more assets, everything.

LOVE: THE DISPOSABLE DATING SCENE

Okay, you signed up to online dating sites. You thought it would be an efficient way to meet eligible men So, the site matches you up with men who are am supposedly compatible with. We read about each other, exchange Q&A, send some emails, yada yada yada, and then you arrange to meet for coffee or a drink or dinner. And then.........you met some very sweet, very nice men, and spent an enjoyable evening or two or three; and even though there is nothing WRONG with them, there's no...chemistry. No attraction, no particular desire to see them again. It's kind of like if you went to a PTA meeting and had a conversation with one of the other parents; pleasant conversation, but then you go your separate ways.

If you want to enlist in the Army, you have to pass the Physical. If you want to get a date with a woman, you also have to pass the Physical; the Physical Attraction Test. The woman gives this test. It takes place in a split second and the more attractive she is, the fewer the number of guys who pass the test. Most women will screen a guy in or out instantaneously at first sight, before he even opens his mouth.

Adding to this challenge is the fact that women in general are a lot choosier than men are. Why?. Any woman will always have a greater number of potential partners interested in dating her than she herself will be interested in dating. When you have the luxury of choosing, you choose what you prefer, and any gal who tells you that she doesn't have a particular physical type of man whom she prefers, is about as honest as a snake oil salesperson. All you have to do is compare photos of her last five boyfriends and you're guaranteed to find some interesting similarities.

Well I am not going to play this "Physical Attraction Test" because.  I believe it takes more than one date to see if there is any attraction. Dating in New York is brutal ...in a disposable dating culture. we meet people online or off, go out, make out or sleep together (maybe), and may never speak again. It’s on to the next person without acknowledgment of the conversation or the kiss or the sex, or the promises made of how what we would do in the future. Perhaps this is just the nature of dating, but I can’t help but believe that online dating, in the way it dramatically increases the possibilities for easily meeting someone new, makes us treat each other more disposably. This is my way to combat the disposable dating syndrome

LOVE: SEX IS ALWAYS PAYED FOR.

The way I see it, sex is always payed for, there are exceptions. Buying a dinner or taking a girl out with the intention to eventually lay a girl is paying her for sex, that can be twisted into any fairy-tale but in the end, there is an underlying monetary presence, always. It doesn’t matter if it’s a half-day date, or if it takes a 6 dates, or months or years. After sex has happened, it can be deemed as monetary transaction in some way or form.

Why is this important? There are two major reasons, the first one being the obvious tradition of the male paying for most of the cost in the relationship. I think the roles have to really be brought to a 50-50. Guy can pay for first date or second, but by third date there should be a split no exceptions. If not, the girl should be dumped, end of story. The other major reason is the option outside a prenuptial agreement, again when things are not 50-50.

And especially for those women in their 30s and up, these rules should be very strict because again, they got to play the field in their 20s. And likely, many of those dates they did not have to pay for. I’m generalizing here and of course, the female reading this is the exception.  The last major reason that would cause dispute, is that while women think that they can offer sex as a prized item in a relationship, please be aware that in these modern times, sex is very easily attainable with women that rate far above the average in physical looks. They might come with a hefty price-tag over the long run, but they can deliver a superior service, and without the mind games.

LOVE: WOMAN AND MARRIAGE: THE PROBLEM

It seems to be a common problem among women that they believe there is an abundance of good looking, wealthy, interesting and attractive men who will be waiting with arms outstretched when they are done riding the carousel. The dating and sexual market place (SMP) world looks very different and much more constricted to a 31 year old woman than to a 21 YO woman. At 21, the world is her oyster. Her SMP power is positively immense. And she has no idea that mother nature just gave her a nuclear weapon that, if not used correctly, will explode on her. She can have almost anything she wants: the carousel, hot alpha sex (as long as she isn’t a hassle and doesn’t mind sharing), a boyfriend (or more likely, a series of BFs in rapid fire succession); all expense paid dates and evenings out; expensive gifts, even perhaps a marriage proposal if she remains with a man long enough.

Now take that same woman and fast forward 10 years. At 31, the same woman’s view of the SMP is very different. She’s racked up a double digit partner count, consisting of one or two serious BFs of a year or more, four or five short term relationships of 6 months or less, and a few hookups and one night stands. She never stayed with anyone long enough to get married. She was with one of her BFs for a couple of years, but he never proposed and she broke with him when he cheated on her.

She’s either hit The Wall or is screaming towards it. It’s getting harder and harder to keep her weight down. She’s starting to show some facial lines. She still has some attractiveness, but her hair is dull and overstyled, her teeth are yellowing, her eyes don’t sparkle like they used to, and her skin has taken on a pallor. She doesn’t generate nearly the interest from men she used to. Now, the only men who ask her out are divorced men in their 40s and 50s, never married men in their 30s who work cubicle jobs and earn less than she does, and the players. The fancy dinners and entertainment are a thing of the past, though. Now she buys her own drinks half the time and rarely gets a dinner. More often her dates are “hanging out” at her house or his; or drinks for an hour or two. The players just want pump and dumps, but she knows that scene and has tired of it. Her last sex partner was a guy who was so smooth and talkative at the bar. He really liked her, or so she thought. She’d seen him around before. She was so taken with this guy who was giving her all this attention. She was attracted to him and thought he would be a lot of fun to date. So she went back to his place, they had sex, she left the next morning, and hasn’t heard from him since.

So she’s limited to the unattractive men, the divorced men. Men down on their luck. Men she wouldn’t have been seen in public with maybe five years ago. They take her for drinks, and talk boring shit about their jobs, their kids, their stupid hobbies. She doesn’t like any of them. It’s not exciting. There’s no fun, no drama, no intrigue.

Or she wants to get married and have kids, but she just can’t see spending the rest of her life with one of these lonely hearts. She can’t see having kids with the IT guy, the ditch digger, the landscaper, the nerdy engineer, or the plumber. She sure as hell doesn’t want to be a step mom to his kids or a wife number 2.

She seems to think there are a lot of great men out there just waiting for her. There aren’t. Her choices are going to be divorced men, unattractive men unlucky with women, or alpha pump & dumpers. She might find a few divorced or unattractive men offering marriage, but these will be rare. She will not be viewed by most as marriage material. If all she wants is a relationship and not marriage, this will probably widen her choices a small amount.

Once again, the moral of the story is that for marriage, time is not on women’s side.

DEAR SOULMATE

Maybe I never have been in love. I mean, I have. I know that my first love was the first time I experienced all those sensations that songs, poems, and heartbreak are written about. The second time, I thought that I found my true love. The third time, I falsely believed I found the love for the rest of my life. From that point forward, it seemed a downward spiral of giving myself over to women who didn't deserve it.

Of course, I learned lessons along the way. In life, we learn that there is never anything wasted. Everything is a perfect opportunity to learn and grow into the next step we are meant to take. Yet. the process of unfolding can be extremely unpleasant at times.

Now, here I am, excited to meet my soul mate...

I've seen love in other couples. While I know not to base what's happening on the inside by what's being revealed on the outside, I've seen relationships that work, and work very, very well. I know it exists.

A long time ago, I was encouraged to write a list of the attributes that I would like my partner to have. It ended up being quite a long while. Lots of my friends have done the same thing, and when they met their mate for life, they were surprised at how their partner embodied all of the qualities they had asked for. My list has changed over time, but it never seemed like I was able to find that dream girl.

I didn't find the person who is extremely kind, who always watch out for me, and who treats like I am the most important man in the world.

I didn't find the person who is very generous with her time, attention, affection and more, offering it to me when I need it most and in all the moments in between.

I didn't find the person who is spiritually open to greater ideas and exploring different elements of life together.

I didn't find that person who is creative and intelligent, funny and wise, active and athletic, spontaneous and responsible all blended together.

I didn't find that person who is so extremely thoughtful that she plans romantic dates and trips, leaves me little love notes, make me lunches for the day and breakfast in bed, or goes out and picks up coffee before I wake up, because she knows how happy all of these big and little gestures make me.

I didn't find the person who will accept my romantic site and my perverted site...that I could be honest with.

I didn't find the person who is irresistibly attractive in all ways to me, and a phenomenal lover to boot.

None of that. Maybe a hint here and there, but none of it in a complete package that makes my heart delight.

I know she's out there, wondering where I am, just like I'm doing. And, I'm not in a rush, I'd just like to have a greater sense that she exists, so that I won't ever have to compromise all I've ever wanted the way that I have in the past. I get that relationships take work — but not that much work when you meet the right person. And I get that relationships require compromise now and again, but not on core beliefs, principles, respect, honor, and integrity.

I've let myself yield in so many ways, because of old beliefs I've held onto about what I'm worth or what a relationship should be like that I'm now working through all of that, so that I can both receive the best of the best and offer it as well.

My two criteria are fairly simple and it goes both ways:

1) My partner for life is my very best friend, who I feel absolutely comfortable with and unconditionally loved.
2) My partner for life is truly the best person I know in every regard.

The thing is, I've been able to manifest my dreams come true in virtually every aspect of my life. For some reason, when it comes to relationships, there seems to be a bit of doubt that I'll be able to manifest the same sort of amazingness.

This just shows me that there's work I still need to do on my end to ensure that I'm on the right path, that everything within me and around me is in alignment, and to practice faith that the right person will come along at the precise moment it's meant to happen.

I don't doubt that it'll all come to fruition and this part of my life will be as incredible as everything else. Just because I've been through so many situations where it hasn't turned out well, I sometimes question how it'll all come to pass. Perhaps, all of those previous experiences were so I could learn what I don't want in order to figure out what I do, which is equally valuable information. It'll also help me appreciate my soul mate to the moon and back when we finally come into one another's lives.

Above all else, I'm excited to meet her. I cannot wait to connect with the person I get to spend the rest of my life with and create our dreams come true... together.

JOURNAL: QUANTUM LEAP REVISITED

Quantum Leap stars Scott Bakula as Dr. Sam Beckett, a physicist who gets lost in time after a time travel experiment, “leaping” into people to “put right what once went wrong”. Sam’s only link with his own time is Project Quantum Leap Observer Al Calavicci (Dean Stockwell), who appears as a hologram that only he can see and hear. It has everything I could want from a 45 minute show: comedy, drama, action, thrills, social commentary, romance, vaguely plausible science, philosophy

Sam is truly a juicy role – Bakula has to inhabit a new character every week, while differentiating and developing the show’s protagonist. He has to be sincere, funny, romantic, vulnerable, heroic, and in touch with his feminine side, which he likely found a whole lot easier than the heels and hairdos he had to sport in the process! Not to mention that he has a “Swiss-cheesed” memory, and knew almost nothing about himself at the beginning of the series.

I think that what’s important is that Quantum Leap raises these issues to begin with, and, by having Sam leap into such hosts, allows viewers to spend 45 minutes or so considering a point of view that we may or may not have otherwise, that of a woman in the workplace pre-liberation, a pregnant teen without support, a black man during race riots, a young man with Down’s syndrome striving for independence.

In addition, Sam doesn’t nanny these hosts – he just gives them another chance. They’re the ones that will live their lives, while Sam continues leaping into white and black, male and female, etc, alike. Wouldn’t it be more criminal if he only leapt into other White Guys? Would his heroism only be acceptable if he was disadvantaged in some way? I could argue as he’s largely disembodied, he hardly reaps any of the presumed advantages of being a White Guy anyway. Sure he’s strong and super-intelligent, but that isn’t necessarily contingent on the colour of his skin and the shape of his genitals.

Returning to our regular programming, as you can see, I’ve got a weakness for the show’s comic side. (And cross-dressing in general.) However, besides the funny drag episodes, I commend the ones that center on Al – “MIA” (2.22) and “A Leap for Lisa” (4.22) – thus allowing him character development . After all, where would Sam be without his wisecracking, loud-suited, much-married and skirt-chasing Observer?

In fact we find that out in “Lisa”, in which Sam leaps into a young Al, who is on trial for the rape and murder of his commander’s wife. After accidentally landing Al with a death sentence, Sam is saddled with Edward St. John (Roddy McDowell), a decidedly dour Observer. Luckily it all works out in the end.

And “MIA” contains the most bittersweet moment in the entire series. Al attempts to use Sam’s leap to save his own marriage to his first – and most beloved – wife Beth, who, believing Al to have died in Vietnam, remarried two years before he was finally released from war camp, and disappeared into the ether. (Although I find that hard to believe, as tracking her down should have been a piece of cake for Ziggy, the rainbow-coloured supercomputer that assists Sam and Al with figuring out what’s what). Sam eventually gets his mission back on track – just – at the expense of Al’s deepest wish. At the end of the episode, after Sam has leapt, Al sticks around (it’s here you learn that Al can go to wherever he wants to in time…!) and “dances” with Beth, who seems to sense his presence.

When Sam leaped into Jimmy LaMotta, we knew something special happened. Jimmy became one of the most popular leaps in all five years. Jimmy was a guy with a developmental disability, and Sam would return to Jimmy again in the fifth season and both Jimmy and his brother would appear in the series finale. And how can you not geek out at the ending when Sam/Jimmy tells his nephew the story of Star Wars as a bedtime story.

In Deliver Us From Evil....Sam leaped back into Jimmy again. This was the introduction of the Evil Leaper, but it was just so awesome to see Sam as Jimmy again and have a sequel to one of the most popular episodes of the series’ run. If you’re a fan of the whole series, it’s hard not to smile along with Sam when he discovers that he’s Jimmy again.

In the Leap Between States The only time that Sam himself leaped out of his lifetime sent him to the Civil War. Sam leaps into his great-grandfather and in Back to the Future-style twist must win the heart of his great-grandmother or risk never being born. Also, while helping the Underground Railroad Sam meets an ancestor of Martin Luther King Jr.

Opening up the fifth (and final) season was a special two part episode to commemorate the 30th Anniversary of the JFK assassination. Sam leaps into Lee Harvey Oswald in different parts of his life, and their minds begin to merge. The memorable moment of the episode comes at the end. Right as Sam/Oswald is about to pull the trigger, Sam leaps into one of the Secret Service agents with the motorcade and is the one who leaps on Jackie; saving her. While in the hospital at the end, Sam is devastated that he couldn’t save Kennedy and Al explains to him that his mission wasn’t to save him…it was to save Jackie who in Sam’s history also was killed that day..

Leap-In #75 - Funny blooper videos are here

And while I more enjoyed “Goodbye Norma Jean” (5.17), the Marilyn Monroe episode (in which Sam leaps into her chauffeur), it also felt unnecessary, with its positing that Marilyn originally died earlier and didn’t make The Misfits with Clark Gable. I much preferQuantum Leap when it sticks to “ordinary” people, rather than saddling itself with the thankless task of mediocre impersonation and celebrity cosseting.

The biggest disappointment of all was  the Trilogy (“One Little Heart”, “For Your Love”, “The Last Door”, 5.7-9), particularly as I was looking forward to revisiting it. I remembered it as epic and gripping. However, it was irritating and convoluted. The only upside was that the subsequent episodes more or less acted like Trilogy never happened – which also makes it more disappointing and unnecessary.

I suppose the ultimate point of Trilogy was to give Sam a child – Sammy Jo, whom he conceived with Abagail Fuller, the “cursed” subject of his three consecutive leaps in the same small town in different decades, and at different points in Abagail’s life, from when she was 11 to when she was a mother with a daughter the same age (Sammy Jo). Sam acts as her father, fiance and lawyer respectively, each time having to save Abagail’s life, as she is constantly accused of murder and at risk of arson, lynching and the electric chair.

Unfortunately, Abagail was the main problem with Trilogy. She was largely unlikeable, and as child, downright creepy, with a violent temper, which made her seem capable of murder. (I’m guessing they asked Kimberly Cullum to play it like that, Sammy Jo, whom she also played, was a few notches more bearable.) As an adult (Melora Hardin), Abagail’s whole character seemed to be about being in lust/love with her future husband, and wanting to not be alone and be taken care of.

Sam was the next big problem, as a result of the strange and unrealistic characterization of Abagail. Quantum Leap only works if you love Sam, and support his various crusades. But he was just so WEIRD in Trilogy. It took me awhile to figure out that he was meant to be Abagail’s cop father, and just when I had gotten used to that (weak) dynamic, he actually leapt INTO (I kid you not) Abagail, in the body of Will Kinman, her fiancé.

Worst of all, he didn’t seem to feel at all uncomfortable about switching so suddenly from father to lover of the same person, something he’s never done before. Sure, the old Swiss-cheese effect may explain some of this lack of concern for incest, but he certainly realized that it was Abagail, as he commented on her transition from scared little girl to “glorious” young woman. Plus it’s never pleasant to see Sam in sexual addiction mode – maybe I’m just jealous but he’s typically highly respectful and almost Boy Scout-like – which is how I like him. You want Sam to be doing what he does for a higher cause – not his nether regions.

The third worst part of Trilogy was main antagonist Leta Aider, who believed that Abagail had killed her daughter and husband, and later attempted to frame the latter for her suicide. Obviously, Leta was meant to be abhorrent, but she was just too over the top evil, and hard to watch sometimes, with her constant grousing and self-pitying. After all, she had real grounds to be bitter, after losing her whole family and never getting resolution. And later it does turn out that her ire was rightfully directed at the Fullers, even if she had the wrong one in her crosshairs. Quantum Leap normally has a more nuanced approach to villains – by making Leta one-note, it felt like they were trying to cheat the audience into sympathizing with Abagail, instead of better developing Abagail herself.

Finally, I found Will’s stutter – and Sam’s emulation of it – hard to bear. Combined with the above elements, the entire Trilogy was an assault on my senses and nerves, and stretched my suspension of disbelief to breaking point. The only part I  liked was Meg Foster’s performance as Abagail’s institutionalized mother Laura, who ultimately held the key to her daughter’s true freedom.

Laura was haunting and sympathetic, especially when she took to the stand for her daughter. Now, if only they’d taken a bit of her characterization and shared it with Abagail and Leta… Really, Trilogy was like Sam leaping around in a bad Virginia Andrews novel, and as much as I enjoy Flowers in the Attic, that’s just all wrong for a series of its calibre.

To me the best story line was " The Leap Home".  Sam had previously leaped into himself at 16 and leaped immediately after finding out he didn't prevent his brother, Tom from dying in Vietnam.

However, one episode did come off a lot better than I remembered. The final one, “Mirror Image”, in which Sam leaps into himself on the day he was born, in a strange mining town, with familiar strangers and a philosopher-psychic-psychiatrist bartender called Al (played by Bruce McGill, who was in the very first episode too).

When I first watched this, I was incredibly unsatisfied. It felt like a cop-out ending, a premature finale for a series that should have gone on much longer.

What happens is that Al the Bartender essentially tells Sam it’s up to him if he wants to stop leaping, and that it’s only going to get much harder. (There’s already foreshadowing for the increasing difficulty with the frequency of Sam’s mind merging with hosts). And that Sam’s done more good than he could ever imagine – each of the lives he’s enhanced have enhanced other lives in their turn, and so on. So our intrepid leaper seems to decide not to return home, and instead asks that he be given the chance to fix the one wrong he never even tried to fix… telling Beth, Al’s first and most-loved wife, that Al WILL come home to her. So Beth waits, and she and Al have four kids (instead of Al’s countless marriages).

But, as the final line of the epilogue reads:

Dr Samuel Beckett never returned home.

I found that unbearable the first time, because I felt I was OWED Sam returning home, that HE more than deserved it for all the good he had done. It would have been so easy for them to just let him, to give the viewers a proper ending, some real closure! So I braced myself for feeling that all over again. And yet, this time around, it was the perfect ending.

Perhaps it was because I got the sense that the show had come to a natural end anyway, that it was running out of steam, with more duds than goodies in the fourth and fifth seasons… but it was also because Sam had become so much more than just a man who wanted to return home. Who better to improve the world one life at a time than all-singing, all-dancing Dr. Sam, well-endowed with a bottomless well of compassion and the kindest brown eyes ever? Best of all, the ending properly recognised that Quantum Leap was never just about Sam, but about Sam and Al, who have possibly the most beautiful bromance that ever grace the small screen. More than once, Sam, has – unintentionally – let Al down.  When he went to Vietnam, he inadvertently saved his brother’s life instead of taking the opportunity to rescue Al from POW camp. When he leaped into a teenaged Al, he almost sent him to death row. (Any others?). But by giving Al back his Beth, Sam repaid his friend’s loyalty in spades.

With this open ending, it’s like Sam is still out there, with a flamboyantly dressed Al by his side, putting right what once went wrong. And I find that idea, however whimsical, enormously comforting.

JOURNAL : THE LITTLE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD

Recovering from yet another relationship breakup, I am slowly getting my bearings back. This one was so promising!  I even got married this time...I thought I really had found The One this time! And then, poof, it all blew up – no magic here. Again. Maybe I am just not made for a relationship. Or maybe I just keep picking the wrong woman. Or maybe it just is time to build my life, to really look at what I want to do, to embrace being single, to give up on the dream of riding into the sunset with my savior. I’ve found some joy in singlehood before. Funny thing is, whenever I start enjoying myself, I end up in a relationship. As if I am trying to distract myself. It’s scary to walk life by yourself when everybody around you seems coupled. My parents have been married forever. Their friends are married. No wonder I have the notion in my head that I should be coupled, that being single is just an interim state. It is slowly but surely dawning on me that maybe it’s time to come out as single. Yes, just like gays and lesbians had to consciously proclaim their otherness, their homosexuality, it’s time for me to embrace being single, to consciously proclaim that I am single and that I want to build my life as a single man.  I am not waiting for a soulmate anymore. It’s scary, yes, but it’s also liberating. And, yes, the conventional house of cards is collapsing onto me, driving home self-doubt: Can I really be happy and single? Well, I’ve proven several times now that I can be really unhappy coupled, so why not try being single for a change? Maybe that’ll work better. Maybe I’ll actually be happy when I am very obviously in control of my happiness instead of pretending someone else is. Yes, there’s the little voice in my head that whispers that this might make me a better partner. Maybe. I guess there’s still some social learning to unlearn. And there is the expectation to let go off that I will find true fulfillment only through a partner: the internalized matrimania. 

And, yet, when I didn’t receive the I-still-love-you email from my former girlfriend, I notice disappointment. Somewhere in there, I still define my self-worth through the attention I get from women,  If they write short emails it must be because I am not worthy of a longer email. And I feel I have to prove to them that I am! With chagrin, I realize that I haven’t moved on from these internalized beliefs that I am somehow less of a human being when I am single; that I can only find true happiness through a relationship. As if building a relationship is a cakewalk. What myths surface when one pays attention! So, what is stopping me from truly embracing being single? Well, there is some positive stuff there: I have experienced the wonderful side of relationships, the sharing that goes on, the automatic companionship. All that comes at a price, again and again, and that price seems rather steep for the benefits. The longing remains, the longing for this sharing that I haven’t been able to duplicate anywhere else. Or maybe it’s just that I didn’t notice it with friends because somehow it’s expected there. It’s just what friends do. Finding a friend you can also have sex with seems to be the cherry on the cake; somehow that sex thing changes everything. As if it magically transforms everything and I’d live happily ever after. Only it is not true. And I know that. Yet, somewhere, the beliefs surrounding relationships have dug themselves deep into my psyche: internalized matrimania.

Then there are the negative things that keep me from happily single ever after. The fear that, deep down, there just must be something wrong with me because I cannot find a partner. It’s not normal. If only I could fix that one thing, miraculously the perfect partner would emerge and we’d live happily ever after. As if. The voice is there that nags that I am just trying to hide the fact that I am incapable of building a lasting relationship by becoming the posterchild single man. The voice is whispering that it’s not really a choice, I didn’t reject anyone but I was rejected, so it is not for the right reasons and therefore there must be something wrong with me. That’s called twisted thinking in psychology. I’ll call it internalized singlism. It all boils down to one thing, though: There is something wrong with me. What that might be remains a mystery, a secret even to myself. And reality shows that I am not that horrible to be around because there are people who do enjoy my company. Imagine that. Repeatedly even. Maybe even my former exgirlfriend less the sex part. And if not, I’ll enjoy life by myself, surrounded by friends and family

LOVE: WHY THE DATING SCENE IS IN SO MUCH MESS (ALPHA AND BETA MEN)

Women labour under the impression they can have it all. They can have the career, this carefree lifestyle and then, at the snap of their fingers, because they are so fabulous, find a man. But if they wait until their 30s they're competing with women who are much younger and in various ways more attractive. Many high-achieving women simply are not interested in Mr Average.''They've swallowed the L'Oreal line: 'Because you're worth it!' There's a real sense of entitlement.''  Female members are determined to meet only men who are tall, attractive, wealthy and well educated. They want the alpha males.Data from American colleges show 20 per cent of males - the most attractive ones - get 80 per cent of the sex. Really most woman having spent their 20s dating alpha males, expected them to be still around when she finally decided to get serious. They arrived at the top of the staircase 'finally ready to start their lives, only to discover a cavernous room at the tail end of a party, most of the men gone already, some having never shown up - and those who remain are leering by the cheese table, or are, you know, the ones you don't want to go out with

An Alpha Male is a man that women want to have sex with very, very badly.  So badly, that they will cheat on their companion with them, and allow these men to have sex with other women as long as they continue to have sex with them.  This is who women ideally want to have children by.

A Beta Male is a man who women pursue more so because of their ability to provide for them, and make them feel good about themselves, rather than pure sexual passion.

You will hardly ever see a woman dating a broke, unemployed Beta Male.  Typically, if a woman is dating a Beta Male, it is because he is educated, has a good career, an average to above-average degree of financial stability, and a very easy-to-get-along-with personality.

On the other hand, an Alpha Male could have a criminal record, be unemployed, and have no money to his name, and many women would still want to date this man or exchange orgasms with him casually.

This is what many women do:  When they are between the ages of roughly 16 and 29, they primarily go for the Alpha Males.  Once they reach 30, no later than 34 or 35, they start going after the Beta Males.  Why?  Again, because as women get older, financial security becomes more important and having a dependable father figure to their children becomes more important.  So, they start pursuing Beta Male types.  Most Alpha Male types are usually erratically employed and have less-than-average financial stability, in addition to being very promiscuous.

If a woman's profile on an online dating site reads, "Looking for a nice guy who is well-mannered, who is marriage-minded and monogamy-minded and loves children.  Must be financially secure and ambitious," this means she is looking for a Beta Male.

If a woman's profile reads more like, "Looking for a guy who is really confident with, can make me laugh, and great chemisty with," then this would be representative of a woman looking for an Alpha Male.

There are upsides and downsides to both:

Upside of being perceived by women as an "Alpha Male":  Women will literally throw the pu**y at you.  You will never be without opportunities for [casual] sex.

Downside:   Most women will not want to marry you or maintain a long-term relationship with you.  Either because you're not together career-wise and/or financially, or because they know you will cheat on them.

Upside of being perceived by women as a "Beta Male":  Women will typically want to settle down with you and marry you.  They will want you to be a husband and father to their kids.

Downside:  If you marry young, your wife will probably cheat on you with one or more Alpha Males;  If you marry in your mid-30s or later, most women who throw themselves at you, or was previously married to and later divorced from an Alpha Male;  Many women will have children by one or more Alpha Males.

The 30s are worrying years for high-achieving women who long for marriage and children - of course, not all do - as they face their rapidly closing reproductive window surrounded by men who see no rush to settle down. It seem to me that women themselves are at risk of ego-tripping themselves out of romantic connection. They are with an '8' but they want a '10'. But then suddenly they're 35 and can only get a '5'!''

In their 20s, the women had the total upper hand. They could make or break you with one look in a club or bar. They had the choice of men, sex was on tap and  beta guys went home alone, red-faced, defeated and embarrassed. The girls only wanted to go for the cool guys, good looks, outgoing personalities, money, sporty types, the kind of guys who owned the room, while the rest quiet ones got ignored.

You know that is funny those same guys gained more confidence, learn how to dress well and hit his early 30s. suddenly started to get asked out by women and,they would bedding three to four of the casual dates each week. It is a great time as a male in your 30s, when you start getting more female attention and sex than you could ever have dreamt of in your 20s. It because these woman are  tired of the cock carousel and they see a perfect beta to settle down with before their eggs dry out..but these guy want to marry woman who are younger and more beautiful.

I’m slowly coming to the conclusion that something is wrong with a culture if the women explicitly prefer alpha males. It makes illogical sense from a biological and humanitarian standpoint that a woman would go after men who will not provide or take care of them.To find out if a mating behavior is wrong or not, just use the sister test. Would you want your sister riding the carousel? So man  women have out-sourced their comfort through a diverse network of paid service providers — the lawn man, the handyman, the pool man, and the Ben and Jerry’s scooper. They’ve used their impressive earning power to provide all the comfort that was traditionally provided by a husband, and then supplemented their emotional needs with pets or romance novels or stuff told from the vampire’s point of view. They don’t need comfort, so they despise Betas or good guys even as they use them like rental cars. They crave Excitement (oxytocin), which Alpha behavior inspires. Hence the carousel, the loathing of Betas, etc. They’re jaded. They’ve been told that adult womanhood is filled with excitement, and when they don’t get it (good and hard and regular) they move on to the next novelty cock.

As far as porn goes…do you know why guys watch porn?  For visual stimulation while they masturbate.  Do you know why guys masturbate?  Because they can’t have sex with a real girl at that time.  I don’t know of a single guy who would pick masturbating to porn over having actual sex with an actual woman if given the choice.

Let that sink in. If the majority of men had the choice, they would rather have sex with real women rather than watch porn. So where does the problem lie? The vast majority of women shunning the vast majority of men while they chase the alpha dog. Factor in the failure of marriage 2.0, the divorce industry, and the complete abdication of women wanting to act like women (grrrrl power, durrrr, we don’t need men) and what incentive is there for men to want to ‘man up’ as it were?

Most woman believe that a nice guy will always take other men's leftovers. So, a lot of women feel they can be as stupid, slutty, whorish, and reckless as they want and when they decide to get it together...if they have any looks left...a nice man will feel sorry for them and take them. They don't want nice men until they have been run through, rode hard and wet and hung out to dry. They consciously admit that. They plan to have as much sexual drama and adventure with as many "swagga" men as they can and when they have had their fill...they will put their bastard children into the lap of a "nice guy" and he will fall in love with their kids and then she'll have a husband.

That is pretty much the story for all single women over 25 that are looking for good men. They gave their virginity and their prime sexual years and the freshness of their feminine fruits to thugs and hoodlums and now want a nice man to come in and dine on the bitter and hard core of the apple after other men have consumed all the sweet fruit around it.

LOVE: WOMAN IN THEIR 30s AND NOT MARRIED

I'm of the mind when you're on a dating site and you see the 30something who was never married, no kids, etc...have issues.  When they have the long laundry list or come off as "you have to impress me...I don't have to impress you" attitude.. A common thing is that they've ALMOST been married or had been engaged, or had come close. But for some reason they never actually sealed the deal. Unless she went for higher education and And if they've reached - let's say their mid 30s things can happen pretty quickly from there..but most of them didn't further their education. For every woman in these rural areas that got married, they got married young (at least just after Highschool graduation) , there is at least one of their friends that moved away, went to college, and then came back being the ONLY one left in their circle of friends that never married.So in a last ditch effort,they throw an ad on a dating site.

Every generation has an age where, consciously or otherwise, we expect to be married by. These days, the mean age at first marriage is at an all-time high: 26 for women, 28 for men. Unless you go for further education...that is the average age.Whenever you discuss “means” or “averages,” that’s a number to represent a much broader distribution. However, this distribution is (somewhat) bell-shaped, in that the bulk of the population doesn’t deviate too far from the average. So what happens if you do? I’ll tell you what happens: people will wonder. Why? Because people wonder about anyone who deviates from the norm. They can’t help it.

So, as a single person, what happens when you meet someone who is past a certain age and hasn’t yet been married? Do you assume there “must be a reason?” Do you assume the worst, that the person is unmarryable, that if he or she were a good partner they’d be married by now? Many people think such things.  Yes: if someone is over 35 and never been married, they are outside the norm. Yes, there probably is a reason for the deviation from the norm. But does that reason have to be a negative thing? No. Does that reason make that person a poor partner..i don;t know..but personally,the women I know who are over 35 and never married:

-Live somewhere like New York or DC where there are tons of women that fall into this category.....or some rural remote area where their are no single men
-Are (God forgive me) unattractive workaholics
-Really, do not want to ever marry, and are quite happy with their lives as they are
-Priced themselves out of the market, so to speak, in terms of wanting a rich successful guy when they did not have tons to offer themselves.
-Are lesbians
- have domineering or sick parents to tend to that birthed her later in life
-She has a kick ass career that she put first and knows she could try to have both but one or the other will suffer
-She has witnessed the emotional and financial wreckage of divorce first hand through her friends, relatives, parents and has decided not to take that risk, knowing how difficult marriage is
-Commitmentphobia. When people fear getting involved with never-married people ,

I think the only really OK excuse in my book is either you are divorce (being in a marriage, whether it ends or stays together, usually means you have some experience with compromise, the ability to love and be loved, and some familiarity with the concept of sharing.) or you went to higher education...anything else makes me worried,The only difference between a single 35 year old guy and a single 35 year old woman is that HE still has the chance to have his own children. The truth is, believe or not, women are on a clock and men aren't , we simply cannot deny biology

I have a  good friend who is now 38, very much desiring marriage, very nice looking leggy blonde - smart, good job, takes care of herself but knows how to have a good time, doesn't lack for attention from males out in the world..yet for some reason has never had anyone even come close to proposing to her. She has watched her sisters and close friends get married and have children yet she still remains single. Looking from the outside in, it seems incredible for a girl like her to never even come close. There *has* to be something going on that kills it for guys once they get to know her better. Her reason was the fact she was more into herself, was never good at maintaing relationships (not sure what that means). She thinks this is also attributed to why she dates long distance.....because she likes her alone time , and doesn't want him around on a daily basis or just showing up if he lives right down the road from her. Apparently she is NOW aware that she would have to bend a little if she meets the right guy, and she probably will go along with something more commited.

I think is that they are selfish..and you won't be able to see her selfish qualities from just a quick glance. Maybe she cares more about her hobbies/interest/taking care of herself more than a significant other. Maybe in relationships, its her way or the highway. Maybe she cares more about her own career than the needs of a relationship. You can't just see it from just glancing, you really have to be in a relationship with her to see the true selfishness.

They wont understand true unselfish love because they live their life according to themselves. they are not the type to take a bullet for anyone. Sorry, you dont go through life from 0 to 35 years old concentrating on youself, then one day flip a switch and decide you can find a man and find true unselfish love and live the happy normal family life. thats the fact that you need to face.I maybe wrong but with qualities like selfishness I believe they get worse with age if the person makes little effort to change.

If you want to improve yourself, make your life into something, make yourself something special, great career, etc. thats ALL ABOUT YOU. You dont want kids? Well thats YOU There are ZERO excuses to be mid 30s-40s with no marriage or kids unless you decided to focus on nothing but yourself and what you want (or dont want, like kids / marriage). But like I repeat, it is NOT a bad thing. People are different.

As for being "unlucky", there is no such thing. The Dating game takes work (some more than others) to find what you want. Some people expect the "one" to come to them while they sit back lazily and do what they want to do.

Unlucky was perhaps the wrong word. I should have used a better term. Some people are genuinely good caring people but unfortunately they are poor judges of character. It is possible for some people to take a real long time to find a good person and this may not always be because they have a ridiculous list (although that is commonly true) they may just be naive and fall for bad people hence they never got married. That is not unlucky but rather poor judgement on their part.  But even in this point, if they cannot learn by say 36 chances are they never will, and will most likely be damaged or highly damaged goods.

THOUGHTS: THOUGHTS OF THE WEEKS

People aren’t always what you want them to be. Sometimes they disappoint you or let you down, but you have to give them a chance first. You can’t just meet someone and expect them to be everything you’re looking for and then be angry when they’re not every hope and aspiration you projected onto them. It’s foolish to believe that someone will be what you imagine them to be. And sometimes, when you give them a chance, they turn out to be better than you imagined.


There are 6,775,235,842 people in the world. Why are you letting one of them ruin your life? Rejection doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer. It is completely normal to fear failure, to fear rejection, to fear the future, but it should never stop you from accomplishing a dream, making a friend, or confessing your love. Nothing is for certain and anything can happen. Isn’t that what makes life exciting? Not knowing what will happen next and even though people will tell you it is impossible, will point and laugh at your ways, and will crush your heart over and over again, you will continue to chase your dreams, make as many friends as possible, and pray that when you do find that special someone, they will blush for a moment, twiddle their thumbs, and look into your eyes and say, “I love you too.


Call it coincidence, destiny, fate, kismet—in one moment, lives can collide and change forever. Yet chance encounters aren't necessarily accidental; in fact, you can make your own luck by opening yourself to the world


As you get older, your expectations or trust of others is not as high as it was when one was young, naive and felt unstoppable. That is one of the things that many of us strive to regain most from life as we age, which is this innocence we once had, but due to the scars one accumulates with age, finding your way back to this prized destination is almost impossible, because the compass we used then has been shattered by the weight of life’s disappointments.

Sometimes I am happy for just one moment.
In that one moment, I don’t think about my problems,
I think of all the options I have. I think about all the years 
ahead of me, I think about all the awesome people I will
 meet, I think about all the adventures, about love,
about all the places I have yet to discover.
In that moment, I believe I will be happy one day. I know happiness is out there. I have hope


You are the books you read the films you watch, the music you listen to, the people you meet, the dreams you have, the conversations you engage in. You are what you take from these. You are the sound of the ocean, the breath of fresh air, the brightest light and the darkest corner. You are a collective of every experience you have had in your life. You are every single second of every single day. So drown yourself in a sea of knowledge and existence. Let the words run through your veins and let the colours fill your mind

A woman would be much better off if she could distinguish the difference between a man that flatters her and a man that compliments her, a man that spends money on her and a man that invests in her, a man that views her as property and a man that views her properly, a man that lusts after her and a man that loves her, a man that believes he is God’s gift to women and a man that remembers a woman is God’s gift to man. Know your self worth; God doesn’t make junk. He makes jewels

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Afraid. Confused. Without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone. And just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it’s only when you’re tested, that you truly discover who you are. And it’s only when you’re tested, that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist. Somewhere on the otherside of hard work and faith and belief … and beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead.


Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by. That feeling is a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day. Someone or something will find you and make it all okay, because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world, to remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you

Love is stronger than differences. We all live on the same planet. We walk on the same earth. We breathe the same air. No matter where I was born, or what religion I was raised to believe in, everything and everyone is connected to this one life. I no longer choose to prejudge others, to feel either superior or inferior. I choose equality ~ to have warm, loving, open communication with every member of my earthly family. I am a member of the earth community. Differences of opinion are wonderful, colorful varieties of expression. Today my heart opens a little bit more as I go about creating the world I want to live in.


Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do

You can’t fight for a place in someone’s life because no matter how hard you try to keep your place they’ll put you where they want to even if it’s not where you should be. When someone leaves you voluntarily and happily, let them go. Because when you fight for them, it’s not a fight for love, it’s a fight for your own obsession. Love is being happy together, not possessing each other’s happiness.


Life doesn’t always introduce you to the people you want to meet. Sometimes life puts you in touch with the people you need to meet – to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to gradually strengthen you into the person you were meant to become


Don’t take anything personally. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. Their point of view and opinion come from all the programming they received growing up. When you take things personally, you feel offended and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflict. You make something big out of something so little because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong.



Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would meet a woman that could captivate and win my heart at "Hello". Every moment from when I wake up till deep in the night, there is no place on earth I would rather be than holding and kissing you tenderly.

You are a special woman with unique and intriguing qualities that drive my desire for you far beyond any imagination. Never in my life until the day I met you have I wanted to bring a child into this world, share everything, offer all my love unconditionally, and grow old with someone to one day reminisce of the years we shared together. Just the thought of offering my total heart and spending my life cherishing every moment with you, brings these incredible emotions to me I have never experienced before.



The first time i saw you, my heart fell. The second time i saw you, my heart fell. The third time fourth time fifth time and every time since, my heart has fallen. You are the most beautiful woman i have ever seen. Your hair, your eyes, your lips, your body that you haven’t grown into, the way you walk, smile, laugh, the way your cheeks drop when you’re mad or upset, the way you drag your feet when you’re tired. Every single thing about you is beautiful. When i see you the World stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts, no worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The World just stops, and it is a beautiful place, and there is only you. Just you, and my eyes staring at you. When you’re gone, the World starts again, and i don’t like it as much. I can live in it, but i don’t like it. I just walk around in it and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best fucking thing i’ve ever known or ever felt, the best thing, and that, beautiful Girl, is why i stare at you.

 I like to remember everything, As it was. Because moments by themselves aren't enough; they're just -- they're like photographs. You can look back on a moment and say 'In that moment I was happy' or, more often than not, 'In that moment I was uncomfortable' or 'In that moment I was sad' or 'In that moment we were all berks' but you can look back on everything and you think, 'That was good.' Because when all the moments come together, when all the songs meet up with one another, you get something whole and ..complete.. and wonderful, people you loved and people you hated and a fondness for them you may not be able to recapture but everything you remember about them being somehow more than they really were, because that's what remembering everything does. ..



A heart is a fragile thing. That’s why we protect them so vigorously, give them away so rarely and why it means so much when we do. Some hearts are more fragile than others. Purer, somehow. Like crystal in a world of glass, even the way they shatter is beautiful.

Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, or know that you would die without them, it matters not, because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you, when you look at them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of sound, you know that your own life is inevitably consumed within the rhythymic beatings of their very heart, we love them for a million reasons, no words would do it justice, it is a thing not of the mind, but of the heart, a feeling, only felt, love.



I have found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said journeys end in lovers meeting. Oh, what an extraordinary thought. Personally I have experienced  what he talked about and I'm more than willing to believe Shakespeare had also. I suppose I think about love more than anyone ever should. I'm constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said, "Love is blind." Now that it something I know to be true. For some, quite inexplicably, love fades. For others, love is simply lost. But of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night. & then there is another kind of love, the cruelest kind, the on that almost kills it's victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that, I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other, but what about the rest of us who fall in love alone. We are the victims of a one-sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones, we are the unloved ones, the walking wounded, the handicap without the advantage of a great parking space.


So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning


 We accept the love we think we deserve.


I'm not frightened. I'm not frightened of anything. The more I suffer the more I love. Danger would only increase my love, will sharpen it, give it spice. I'll be the only angel you need and you will leave life even more beautiful than you entered it. Heaven will take you back and look at you and say only one thing can make a soul complete and that things is love.


 At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.


Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, "Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody." ... [My dark side says,] I am no good... I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved." Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.