LOVE: WOMAN AND MARRIAGE: THE PROBLEM

It seems to be a common problem among women that they believe there is an abundance of good looking, wealthy, interesting and attractive men who will be waiting with arms outstretched when they are done riding the carousel. The dating and sexual market place (SMP) world looks very different and much more constricted to a 31 year old woman than to a 21 YO woman. At 21, the world is her oyster. Her SMP power is positively immense. And she has no idea that mother nature just gave her a nuclear weapon that, if not used correctly, will explode on her. She can have almost anything she wants: the carousel, hot alpha sex (as long as she isn’t a hassle and doesn’t mind sharing), a boyfriend (or more likely, a series of BFs in rapid fire succession); all expense paid dates and evenings out; expensive gifts, even perhaps a marriage proposal if she remains with a man long enough.

Now take that same woman and fast forward 10 years. At 31, the same woman’s view of the SMP is very different. She’s racked up a double digit partner count, consisting of one or two serious BFs of a year or more, four or five short term relationships of 6 months or less, and a few hookups and one night stands. She never stayed with anyone long enough to get married. She was with one of her BFs for a couple of years, but he never proposed and she broke with him when he cheated on her.

She’s either hit The Wall or is screaming towards it. It’s getting harder and harder to keep her weight down. She’s starting to show some facial lines. She still has some attractiveness, but her hair is dull and overstyled, her teeth are yellowing, her eyes don’t sparkle like they used to, and her skin has taken on a pallor. She doesn’t generate nearly the interest from men she used to. Now, the only men who ask her out are divorced men in their 40s and 50s, never married men in their 30s who work cubicle jobs and earn less than she does, and the players. The fancy dinners and entertainment are a thing of the past, though. Now she buys her own drinks half the time and rarely gets a dinner. More often her dates are “hanging out” at her house or his; or drinks for an hour or two. The players just want pump and dumps, but she knows that scene and has tired of it. Her last sex partner was a guy who was so smooth and talkative at the bar. He really liked her, or so she thought. She’d seen him around before. She was so taken with this guy who was giving her all this attention. She was attracted to him and thought he would be a lot of fun to date. So she went back to his place, they had sex, she left the next morning, and hasn’t heard from him since.

So she’s limited to the unattractive men, the divorced men. Men down on their luck. Men she wouldn’t have been seen in public with maybe five years ago. They take her for drinks, and talk boring shit about their jobs, their kids, their stupid hobbies. She doesn’t like any of them. It’s not exciting. There’s no fun, no drama, no intrigue.

Or she wants to get married and have kids, but she just can’t see spending the rest of her life with one of these lonely hearts. She can’t see having kids with the IT guy, the ditch digger, the landscaper, the nerdy engineer, or the plumber. She sure as hell doesn’t want to be a step mom to his kids or a wife number 2.

She seems to think there are a lot of great men out there just waiting for her. There aren’t. Her choices are going to be divorced men, unattractive men unlucky with women, or alpha pump & dumpers. She might find a few divorced or unattractive men offering marriage, but these will be rare. She will not be viewed by most as marriage material. If all she wants is a relationship and not marriage, this will probably widen her choices a small amount.

Once again, the moral of the story is that for marriage, time is not on women’s side.