LOVE: WOMAN IN THEIR 30s AND NOT MARRIED

I'm of the mind when you're on a dating site and you see the 30something who was never married, no kids, etc...have issues.  When they have the long laundry list or come off as "you have to impress me...I don't have to impress you" attitude.. A common thing is that they've ALMOST been married or had been engaged, or had come close. But for some reason they never actually sealed the deal. Unless she went for higher education and And if they've reached - let's say their mid 30s things can happen pretty quickly from there..but most of them didn't further their education. For every woman in these rural areas that got married, they got married young (at least just after Highschool graduation) , there is at least one of their friends that moved away, went to college, and then came back being the ONLY one left in their circle of friends that never married.So in a last ditch effort,they throw an ad on a dating site.

Every generation has an age where, consciously or otherwise, we expect to be married by. These days, the mean age at first marriage is at an all-time high: 26 for women, 28 for men. Unless you go for further education...that is the average age.Whenever you discuss “means” or “averages,” that’s a number to represent a much broader distribution. However, this distribution is (somewhat) bell-shaped, in that the bulk of the population doesn’t deviate too far from the average. So what happens if you do? I’ll tell you what happens: people will wonder. Why? Because people wonder about anyone who deviates from the norm. They can’t help it.

So, as a single person, what happens when you meet someone who is past a certain age and hasn’t yet been married? Do you assume there “must be a reason?” Do you assume the worst, that the person is unmarryable, that if he or she were a good partner they’d be married by now? Many people think such things.  Yes: if someone is over 35 and never been married, they are outside the norm. Yes, there probably is a reason for the deviation from the norm. But does that reason have to be a negative thing? No. Does that reason make that person a poor partner..i don;t know..but personally,the women I know who are over 35 and never married:

-Live somewhere like New York or DC where there are tons of women that fall into this category.....or some rural remote area where their are no single men
-Are (God forgive me) unattractive workaholics
-Really, do not want to ever marry, and are quite happy with their lives as they are
-Priced themselves out of the market, so to speak, in terms of wanting a rich successful guy when they did not have tons to offer themselves.
-Are lesbians
- have domineering or sick parents to tend to that birthed her later in life
-She has a kick ass career that she put first and knows she could try to have both but one or the other will suffer
-She has witnessed the emotional and financial wreckage of divorce first hand through her friends, relatives, parents and has decided not to take that risk, knowing how difficult marriage is
-Commitmentphobia. When people fear getting involved with never-married people ,

I think the only really OK excuse in my book is either you are divorce (being in a marriage, whether it ends or stays together, usually means you have some experience with compromise, the ability to love and be loved, and some familiarity with the concept of sharing.) or you went to higher education...anything else makes me worried,The only difference between a single 35 year old guy and a single 35 year old woman is that HE still has the chance to have his own children. The truth is, believe or not, women are on a clock and men aren't , we simply cannot deny biology

I have a  good friend who is now 38, very much desiring marriage, very nice looking leggy blonde - smart, good job, takes care of herself but knows how to have a good time, doesn't lack for attention from males out in the world..yet for some reason has never had anyone even come close to proposing to her. She has watched her sisters and close friends get married and have children yet she still remains single. Looking from the outside in, it seems incredible for a girl like her to never even come close. There *has* to be something going on that kills it for guys once they get to know her better. Her reason was the fact she was more into herself, was never good at maintaing relationships (not sure what that means). She thinks this is also attributed to why she dates long distance.....because she likes her alone time , and doesn't want him around on a daily basis or just showing up if he lives right down the road from her. Apparently she is NOW aware that she would have to bend a little if she meets the right guy, and she probably will go along with something more commited.

I think is that they are selfish..and you won't be able to see her selfish qualities from just a quick glance. Maybe she cares more about her hobbies/interest/taking care of herself more than a significant other. Maybe in relationships, its her way or the highway. Maybe she cares more about her own career than the needs of a relationship. You can't just see it from just glancing, you really have to be in a relationship with her to see the true selfishness.

They wont understand true unselfish love because they live their life according to themselves. they are not the type to take a bullet for anyone. Sorry, you dont go through life from 0 to 35 years old concentrating on youself, then one day flip a switch and decide you can find a man and find true unselfish love and live the happy normal family life. thats the fact that you need to face.I maybe wrong but with qualities like selfishness I believe they get worse with age if the person makes little effort to change.

If you want to improve yourself, make your life into something, make yourself something special, great career, etc. thats ALL ABOUT YOU. You dont want kids? Well thats YOU There are ZERO excuses to be mid 30s-40s with no marriage or kids unless you decided to focus on nothing but yourself and what you want (or dont want, like kids / marriage). But like I repeat, it is NOT a bad thing. People are different.

As for being "unlucky", there is no such thing. The Dating game takes work (some more than others) to find what you want. Some people expect the "one" to come to them while they sit back lazily and do what they want to do.

Unlucky was perhaps the wrong word. I should have used a better term. Some people are genuinely good caring people but unfortunately they are poor judges of character. It is possible for some people to take a real long time to find a good person and this may not always be because they have a ridiculous list (although that is commonly true) they may just be naive and fall for bad people hence they never got married. That is not unlucky but rather poor judgement on their part.  But even in this point, if they cannot learn by say 36 chances are they never will, and will most likely be damaged or highly damaged goods.