Sunday, August 24, 2014
LOVE/ JOURNAL: WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT LOVE
I am the first to admit that when I used to get involved with someone, I would fall hard and fast like granite. I know I’m not alone. This is pretty typical, because INFATUATION feels like LOVE…sort of. Infatuation feels frenzied, intense, overwhelming, like you NEED the person. You are drunk on them, they are your addiction.Love at first sight is bullshit. You might argue with me on this because it happened to YOU – but hey! I never said it never works out. Even if you have had a lifelong love affair with the person you “fell in love with” immediately, it was not love – it morphed into it.
You do not know a person, not truly, for years. Everyone is on their best behaviour at first – you start to love how amazing they are, idealize them, and think that having them in your life will make YOU a better person, and you want to do the same for them. You want to drown in each other because your pheromones are off the charts and you want to surf that wave of serotonin every fucking day until you pass out, just to wake up and do it again.
When you start to feel like you are in withdrawal from not being around them, ask yourself if you’re in love with the person and all their faults, or in love with your image of them, or their POTENTIAL (ugh)! In the beginning, that’s all it can be. Love is based on reality. If your partner seems to have no negative side, you are deceiving yourself. Perfection is a fantasy.
Never give up the things you love doing in order to be with someone new. This is fucking terrifying for them.Why would you give up your dreams and passions just to hang out and fuck someone you barely know all day? That can happen the majority of the time outside of everything else, but never make your relationship your ONLY reason for living. Being someone’s ONLY source of pleasure is completely awful, because then you feel pressured to live not only your life for you, but for them, too, and they will always depend on you to feel awesome.
Loving someone hard means allowing them to do what they need to do to be THEMSELVES. If you want to be with a writer (for a very good example) don’t expect to come first. Often, when people are intensely into something (which is very attractive), you will always come second, especially in the beginning. Is this bad? Not necessarily. If they feel loved enough to be able to live life the way they want and be who they are, they will respect and appreciate your relationship so much more. To try and hold someone back is the worst thing you can possibly do in a relationship – and the same goes for if someone is trying to do this for you. Even worse, if you find yourself being held back by someone, get out FAST. Sometimes it happens without you even realizing it! You will feel so repressed that you will explode, and probably not in a purely positive way (happened to me). Make sure you let your loved one be who they need to be, and make sure they let you do the same.
Your sweetheart doesn’t need to know all your tiny weird habits, but declare anything big that might change their whole perception of you. This may very well scare someone off, but that means they are not right for you, and you have saved both of yourselves some time.
This was something I heard from an ex of mine, after we broke up – Love doesn’t just magically happen. It IS magical, but love grows. Infatuation can be instant, but like I said before, love must be cultivated, tended to, nurtured over time. You can’t just stick a seed in the ground and expect a fucking rose to be there the next day. It takes a lot of patience and coaxing, and it will develop IF everything is right. You can tell fairly quickly what is missing, and if it worth continuing. Some things just won’t grow, no matter how much you pour into the soil.
The typical “If you can’t love yourself, how can you love anyone else?” thing is annoyingly true. If you need someone else to validate your existence, you need to turn inward before getting involved with anyone, and make yourself into a person you are proud of. You have to think you are awesome, or you are going to settle for a lot of shit, including shit people. When you are full of love for yourself, confident, and know you are amazing, people notice, and they will flock to you. You will have your choice of amazing people to have in your life.
It seems that most people I encounter feel a nagging emptiness. They can’t put their finger on what it is, they only know that it needs to be filled. So, they go on searching for something that they think will fill the space.
Their life is spent seeking; buying new things, achieving goals, collecting titles and degrees, searching for “the one” that will complete them etc. There’s a belief that when they get enough “stuff”, they will feel full.
It’s so easy for us to believe that there’s something “out there” in the world that will fill the feeling of emptiness. You’ll find as you search, only more searching and a deepening need to find a new thing that will magically fulfill you, even though everything else before has fallen short.
One of the most commonplace and dangerous beliefs in our culture is that a relationship will provide the missing piece that will finally make us whole. TV and pop-culture shows us that the perfect partner is what we need to make us happy. The happy ending of every romantic comedy teaches us that, once we find that special one, everything in our life will be wonderful.
We just needed that puzzle piece, that other half, that soul mate to complete us. This is a commonly accepted delusion. The belief that a soul mate will make our life wonderful and will complete us is backwards.
You must be complete and feel whole, needing nothing outside of you to fulfill you before you can hope to have a fulfilling, healthy, truly loving relationship. When you know that there is nothing that you need someone to give you that you don’t already possess within, then you are ready for mature love.
Love, marriage, family and togetherness are extremely important aspects of life. As a matter of fact, we wouldn’t exist without them. They are a huge part of your well-being.
However, believing that your soul mate will come into your life and make things okay or that your whole life is a mess because your partner is misbehaving, is a problem. This kind of attitude makes that one relationship special above all others, and implies that you are not okay without it. This plants the seeds of failure before a potentially truly loving relationship is even given the chance to blossom.
If someone has the power to make you feel love, because this also means that you believe that they have the power to deprive you of love. Making someone the source of love in this way means that specific person is the one who has to give you love, or else you won’t have love.
He or she then becomes the object that you have to get love from and this sends a message to others, to yourself and to the universe at large that you lack love, that you aren’t worthy or capable of having it. Getting love from an outside source causes tremendous issues in your life and in your relationship because love is as much a need for humans as is food or water. If you believe that only that special person has the power to give it to you or take it away, you’ll do whatever you can to “get” the love from this other person.
Love is as much of human need as food and water. You will cry, beg or manipulate the other into giving it to you if you believe it will work. Just as you would scratch someone’s eyes out to get to water if you were dying of thirst. Herein lies relationship disintegration.
Relationships fail because partners feel that they aren’t getting love from their mate, or their mate isn’t meeting their needs. The truth is: your partner not meeting your needs is not what is causing the disintegration; feeling like you have needs that your partner can meet is actually the problem. Love cannot be gotten, only felt, given and expressed.
To deny your need for love is to deny your humanity. However, when the other person has to meet certain expectations and follow your rules in order for you to feel good, that isn’t love, it’s manipulation and control.
If the other person fails to give love to you in the way that you think they should, you feel that you have a “right” to be upset and then you have the right to punish them. You believe that you are then justified in withholding love from them or make them feel bad because they were not the partner you wanted them to be.
This belief that we have needs for love that have to be fulfilled only by specific people in specific ways, is pervasive in our culture. It’s the cause of all of our relationship issues. We are addicted to romantic relationships and placing the source of love outside of ourselves.
Then we develop all kinds of unhealthy patterns in a struggle to get the love. We will even allow ourselves to be abused, or we will become abusers. Some have even killed because they felt their mate deprived them of love.
We don’t see this struggling for what it is: a dysfunctional anti-love and anti-happiness condition. True love is unconditional, it loves regardless of the other person’s moods and actions. You can’t have love in an authentic and lasting way if you believe that you have to get love.
The key to lasting, authentic love is recognizing that you are the source of love and making it your job to bring that love to your relationship.
In other words, to know that you are whole must come first and from that fullness you can give without wanting to be given to in return. Whenever you feel a need for love, instead of seeking for it you can empower yourself and think loving thoughts, speak loving words and act in loving ways. In essence, you choose to recognize that you are the source of love for others.
You do not know a person, not truly, for years. Everyone is on their best behaviour at first – you start to love how amazing they are, idealize them, and think that having them in your life will make YOU a better person, and you want to do the same for them. You want to drown in each other because your pheromones are off the charts and you want to surf that wave of serotonin every fucking day until you pass out, just to wake up and do it again.
When you start to feel like you are in withdrawal from not being around them, ask yourself if you’re in love with the person and all their faults, or in love with your image of them, or their POTENTIAL (ugh)! In the beginning, that’s all it can be. Love is based on reality. If your partner seems to have no negative side, you are deceiving yourself. Perfection is a fantasy.
Never give up the things you love doing in order to be with someone new. This is fucking terrifying for them.Why would you give up your dreams and passions just to hang out and fuck someone you barely know all day? That can happen the majority of the time outside of everything else, but never make your relationship your ONLY reason for living. Being someone’s ONLY source of pleasure is completely awful, because then you feel pressured to live not only your life for you, but for them, too, and they will always depend on you to feel awesome.
Loving someone hard means allowing them to do what they need to do to be THEMSELVES. If you want to be with a writer (for a very good example) don’t expect to come first. Often, when people are intensely into something (which is very attractive), you will always come second, especially in the beginning. Is this bad? Not necessarily. If they feel loved enough to be able to live life the way they want and be who they are, they will respect and appreciate your relationship so much more. To try and hold someone back is the worst thing you can possibly do in a relationship – and the same goes for if someone is trying to do this for you. Even worse, if you find yourself being held back by someone, get out FAST. Sometimes it happens without you even realizing it! You will feel so repressed that you will explode, and probably not in a purely positive way (happened to me). Make sure you let your loved one be who they need to be, and make sure they let you do the same.
That being said, if you are being completely neglected, that person is not right for you, and you should not try to change them. Find someone more suitable. If you are putting in everything you’ve got, and they’re not, then it’s completely unbalanced. You might even be putting them off. If they are not matching you in enthusiasm, back off, or just give it up completely and find someone else.
Your sweetheart doesn’t need to know all your tiny weird habits, but declare anything big that might change their whole perception of you. This may very well scare someone off, but that means they are not right for you, and you have saved both of yourselves some time.
This was something I heard from an ex of mine, after we broke up – Love doesn’t just magically happen. It IS magical, but love grows. Infatuation can be instant, but like I said before, love must be cultivated, tended to, nurtured over time. You can’t just stick a seed in the ground and expect a fucking rose to be there the next day. It takes a lot of patience and coaxing, and it will develop IF everything is right. You can tell fairly quickly what is missing, and if it worth continuing. Some things just won’t grow, no matter how much you pour into the soil.
The typical “If you can’t love yourself, how can you love anyone else?” thing is annoyingly true. If you need someone else to validate your existence, you need to turn inward before getting involved with anyone, and make yourself into a person you are proud of. You have to think you are awesome, or you are going to settle for a lot of shit, including shit people. When you are full of love for yourself, confident, and know you are amazing, people notice, and they will flock to you. You will have your choice of amazing people to have in your life.
It seems that most people I encounter feel a nagging emptiness. They can’t put their finger on what it is, they only know that it needs to be filled. So, they go on searching for something that they think will fill the space.
Their life is spent seeking; buying new things, achieving goals, collecting titles and degrees, searching for “the one” that will complete them etc. There’s a belief that when they get enough “stuff”, they will feel full.
It’s so easy for us to believe that there’s something “out there” in the world that will fill the feeling of emptiness. You’ll find as you search, only more searching and a deepening need to find a new thing that will magically fulfill you, even though everything else before has fallen short.
One of the most commonplace and dangerous beliefs in our culture is that a relationship will provide the missing piece that will finally make us whole. TV and pop-culture shows us that the perfect partner is what we need to make us happy. The happy ending of every romantic comedy teaches us that, once we find that special one, everything in our life will be wonderful.
We just needed that puzzle piece, that other half, that soul mate to complete us. This is a commonly accepted delusion. The belief that a soul mate will make our life wonderful and will complete us is backwards.
You must be complete and feel whole, needing nothing outside of you to fulfill you before you can hope to have a fulfilling, healthy, truly loving relationship. When you know that there is nothing that you need someone to give you that you don’t already possess within, then you are ready for mature love.
Love, marriage, family and togetherness are extremely important aspects of life. As a matter of fact, we wouldn’t exist without them. They are a huge part of your well-being.
However, believing that your soul mate will come into your life and make things okay or that your whole life is a mess because your partner is misbehaving, is a problem. This kind of attitude makes that one relationship special above all others, and implies that you are not okay without it. This plants the seeds of failure before a potentially truly loving relationship is even given the chance to blossom.
If someone has the power to make you feel love, because this also means that you believe that they have the power to deprive you of love. Making someone the source of love in this way means that specific person is the one who has to give you love, or else you won’t have love.
He or she then becomes the object that you have to get love from and this sends a message to others, to yourself and to the universe at large that you lack love, that you aren’t worthy or capable of having it. Getting love from an outside source causes tremendous issues in your life and in your relationship because love is as much a need for humans as is food or water. If you believe that only that special person has the power to give it to you or take it away, you’ll do whatever you can to “get” the love from this other person.
Love is as much of human need as food and water. You will cry, beg or manipulate the other into giving it to you if you believe it will work. Just as you would scratch someone’s eyes out to get to water if you were dying of thirst. Herein lies relationship disintegration.
Relationships fail because partners feel that they aren’t getting love from their mate, or their mate isn’t meeting their needs. The truth is: your partner not meeting your needs is not what is causing the disintegration; feeling like you have needs that your partner can meet is actually the problem. Love cannot be gotten, only felt, given and expressed.
To deny your need for love is to deny your humanity. However, when the other person has to meet certain expectations and follow your rules in order for you to feel good, that isn’t love, it’s manipulation and control.
If the other person fails to give love to you in the way that you think they should, you feel that you have a “right” to be upset and then you have the right to punish them. You believe that you are then justified in withholding love from them or make them feel bad because they were not the partner you wanted them to be.
This belief that we have needs for love that have to be fulfilled only by specific people in specific ways, is pervasive in our culture. It’s the cause of all of our relationship issues. We are addicted to romantic relationships and placing the source of love outside of ourselves.
Then we develop all kinds of unhealthy patterns in a struggle to get the love. We will even allow ourselves to be abused, or we will become abusers. Some have even killed because they felt their mate deprived them of love.
We don’t see this struggling for what it is: a dysfunctional anti-love and anti-happiness condition. True love is unconditional, it loves regardless of the other person’s moods and actions. You can’t have love in an authentic and lasting way if you believe that you have to get love.
The key to lasting, authentic love is recognizing that you are the source of love and making it your job to bring that love to your relationship.
In other words, to know that you are whole must come first and from that fullness you can give without wanting to be given to in return. Whenever you feel a need for love, instead of seeking for it you can empower yourself and think loving thoughts, speak loving words and act in loving ways. In essence, you choose to recognize that you are the source of love for others.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
POETRY: TO ME LOVE MEANS FOREVER
Once I was afraid
Of love and it's wonders.
For I had been hurt again and again
by the so called... love of others.
So I tried to hide from the powerful spell
by shielding my heart to those who thought it was theirs.
I shaded myself in the darkness of life,
hoping to never be discovered.
Yet I was wrong to feel all alone,
because you were always by my side.
But it took me some time to realize
that you, my dear, were my only true lover.
And I thank you, my love, for showing me the light.
For without you...
I would still be just another shadow in the night.
2
In loving you...
I have experienced the happiness, the hurt,
The feeling of forever, the need to be with you and to love you.
It's all inside of me; it's you I always think about,
It's you I always miss, and it will always be you,
Because you're the one I love.
To me, love means forever...
No one will ever take your place or know me as you do.
You will always know what I am thinking about
And what I'm feeling deep down.
I'll never love anyone the way I love you!
You know who you are!
Of love and it's wonders.
For I had been hurt again and again
by the so called... love of others.
So I tried to hide from the powerful spell
by shielding my heart to those who thought it was theirs.
I shaded myself in the darkness of life,
hoping to never be discovered.
Yet I was wrong to feel all alone,
because you were always by my side.
But it took me some time to realize
that you, my dear, were my only true lover.
And I thank you, my love, for showing me the light.
For without you...
I would still be just another shadow in the night.
2
In loving you...
I have experienced the happiness, the hurt,
The feeling of forever, the need to be with you and to love you.
It's all inside of me; it's you I always think about,
It's you I always miss, and it will always be you,
Because you're the one I love.
To me, love means forever...
No one will ever take your place or know me as you do.
You will always know what I am thinking about
And what I'm feeling deep down.
I'll never love anyone the way I love you!
You know who you are!
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
LOVE LETTER: MY HEART WILL START BEATING
Dear Soulmate
Once I get to see you, everything will get back to it's original place.My heart will start beating again, my hopes will rise to the top, my dreams will once again come true...once I see, touch and feel you. Once more, just once more will be good enough for me to survive and wake up from this terrible dream ...of not having you. I'm still asleep. My wake up call will be your soft and tender lips touching mine without worries or problems. But again, every time I remember that this is not a dream, that this is reality, it makes me feel stronger, gives me the strength to proceed with my desires of having you once and for all. From my big broken heart, these words...I say: love will touch some minds
Will touch all the heart beats from that woman I must have...or else this poor heart of mine will just brake and fall apart....I shall proceed with my demands of loving you day and night, rain or sunshine, and never be apart from that lonely heart of yours because I'm the only one that will ever bring that glow to those sweet and tender lips of yours.If you think I'm making all this up, you are completely wrong, because this lonely heart of mine desires you and nothing more...If you ever see me crying, please don't ask me why, just go and say, baby, I love you and you are my only one. The love we share, is like trees to air. Without one-another, there would be no other. Without you, I could not exist. I'll love you forever, that's what I insist.Feel The love whispered through my breath and my gentle touch that took away pain. Let me kiss your lips and bring warmth to your heart. Let me falter so I can look into your healing eyes. Let me hold your hand and wrap you in my arms. Smile and melt my heart. Kiss me and take away my breath. Dance with me and forever play our song. ...Is a journey to find inner peace,only in tranquility- can we be free;Others notice our outward space, focusing inward, radiating harmony.What is beautiful about another? A sound, look, touch drawn asunder; A feeling of contentment to the soul, where beauty resides, on the whole. The eyes, a window, to that place, surrounded by your living vestige face; Encompassing all that is thought, in a harboring body, beauty is caught;The simple pleasures we perceive,allow us all to believe;There is beauty in all we say and do,there is beauty in me and beauty in you.
How do i tell you in a few words i love you. Where do i begin to tell you how beautiful you are you have shown me your love so true no matter where you are, i'll never be too far. When you awake and don't see me all you have to do is look in the mirror with sleepy eyes it's hard to see my love for you will reflect, nothing could be clearer. I found in you a lady who loves me without a doubt by your side is where i want a lifetime to spend our love has planted its seed and begun to sprout thru thick and thin i'm here till the end. The most beautiful rainbow couldn't compare you must have been sent to me from above. I see your beauty from within your heart, dear. I promise to shower you with all of my love . When i tell you you're beautiful, it's my heart's reflection your love has shown me the true meaning of forever with just a whisper you have my complete attention nobody has loved me like you have...never. Each day i awake and find you're not here. I close my eyes and picture the night before. I see my lady i will have a lifetime of love to share seeing you there is like opening heaven's door. These are my thoughts as i imagine our beautiful scene together we sit on the rocks near the creek before me is a beauty and love i have never felt or seen. I reach my hand out and place it tenderly on your cheek. Seeing myself in those beautiful eyes. My baby blues tell you i love you with all my heart as i look up i see a pair of doves fly by like the air between their wings, we'll never part reaching down i pick a beautiful purple flower. This flower was born from nature's care it needs the sun and sprinkles from a shower nature's true beauty is the only way our love could compare. Our love flows steadily like the rambling stream with each sunrise our love will begin forever you are in my heart and dreams my eyes open... i fall in love with you all over again
Once I get to see you, everything will get back to it's original place.My heart will start beating again, my hopes will rise to the top, my dreams will once again come true...once I see, touch and feel you. Once more, just once more will be good enough for me to survive and wake up from this terrible dream ...of not having you. I'm still asleep. My wake up call will be your soft and tender lips touching mine without worries or problems. But again, every time I remember that this is not a dream, that this is reality, it makes me feel stronger, gives me the strength to proceed with my desires of having you once and for all. From my big broken heart, these words...I say: love will touch some minds
Will touch all the heart beats from that woman I must have...or else this poor heart of mine will just brake and fall apart....I shall proceed with my demands of loving you day and night, rain or sunshine, and never be apart from that lonely heart of yours because I'm the only one that will ever bring that glow to those sweet and tender lips of yours.If you think I'm making all this up, you are completely wrong, because this lonely heart of mine desires you and nothing more...If you ever see me crying, please don't ask me why, just go and say, baby, I love you and you are my only one. The love we share, is like trees to air. Without one-another, there would be no other. Without you, I could not exist. I'll love you forever, that's what I insist.Feel The love whispered through my breath and my gentle touch that took away pain. Let me kiss your lips and bring warmth to your heart. Let me falter so I can look into your healing eyes. Let me hold your hand and wrap you in my arms. Smile and melt my heart. Kiss me and take away my breath. Dance with me and forever play our song. ...Is a journey to find inner peace,only in tranquility- can we be free;Others notice our outward space, focusing inward, radiating harmony.What is beautiful about another? A sound, look, touch drawn asunder; A feeling of contentment to the soul, where beauty resides, on the whole. The eyes, a window, to that place, surrounded by your living vestige face; Encompassing all that is thought, in a harboring body, beauty is caught;The simple pleasures we perceive,allow us all to believe;There is beauty in all we say and do,there is beauty in me and beauty in you.
How do i tell you in a few words i love you. Where do i begin to tell you how beautiful you are you have shown me your love so true no matter where you are, i'll never be too far. When you awake and don't see me all you have to do is look in the mirror with sleepy eyes it's hard to see my love for you will reflect, nothing could be clearer. I found in you a lady who loves me without a doubt by your side is where i want a lifetime to spend our love has planted its seed and begun to sprout thru thick and thin i'm here till the end. The most beautiful rainbow couldn't compare you must have been sent to me from above. I see your beauty from within your heart, dear. I promise to shower you with all of my love . When i tell you you're beautiful, it's my heart's reflection your love has shown me the true meaning of forever with just a whisper you have my complete attention nobody has loved me like you have...never. Each day i awake and find you're not here. I close my eyes and picture the night before. I see my lady i will have a lifetime of love to share seeing you there is like opening heaven's door. These are my thoughts as i imagine our beautiful scene together we sit on the rocks near the creek before me is a beauty and love i have never felt or seen. I reach my hand out and place it tenderly on your cheek. Seeing myself in those beautiful eyes. My baby blues tell you i love you with all my heart as i look up i see a pair of doves fly by like the air between their wings, we'll never part reaching down i pick a beautiful purple flower. This flower was born from nature's care it needs the sun and sprinkles from a shower nature's true beauty is the only way our love could compare. Our love flows steadily like the rambling stream with each sunrise our love will begin forever you are in my heart and dreams my eyes open... i fall in love with you all over again
Monday, August 18, 2014
LOVE: YOU GET EXACTLY THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT
I heard this quote in the movie The Wedding Date,,,“Every woman has the exact love life she wants.”And so I starting thinking...hummmmm... Perhaps this true.
In the movie, Kat (Messing) is flying to London to attend her sister's wedding where Kat's ex-fiance (who dumped her) is going to be the best man. To create the illusion that she's moved on with her life and is unaffected by the break-up, she hires an escort (Mulroney) to pretend to be her new fiance. She found him by reading an interview of him in a magazine.
At one point in the movie, she's talking to Nick (played by Mulroney) about a comment in the interview that she didn't agree with.
She reads the section to him:
"You said (and I quote) , 'I believe every woman has the exact love life she wants'...do you honestly believe that I want to be single and miserable? Do you think I want to be hung up on some guy who led me on for years and then—out of the blue—shattered my heart?"
Nick replies, "First of all, there's no such thing as "out of the blue". And secondly.... yeah, I do."
She's incredulous.
She yells "What??"
Nick says,
"When you're ready to let go, to be un-single and un-miserable....you will. Till then...." and walks away.
There's a HUGE lesson there that most people don't get. Even the ones who SAY theyget it don't really get it. And, just like the case with me several years ago, you can tell they don't get it because they're not living it.
The basic lesson is very simple: you are where you are right now—you've been experiencing what you don't really want to experience—because you made the choice, at some unconscious level, to be there.
Some people will argue that they didn't choose their present circumstances. Or that it's luck. Or "the breaks". Or they say they're on "part of a learning curve" or something. But the truth is that you can look at every area of your life—your marriage, your bank account, your relationship with others, your parenting, your physical health—and the fact remains the same: you are where you are because that's where your opinions, beliefs, and decisions PUT you.
We accept the love we deserve. We as people, man or woman have the power to determine what happyness should look like With that being said – We should be masters at creating the environment We want to be in… If We want to have a healthy love life, We have to create it!! Not only do We create it,
Kurt Vonnegut once said, "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." You can't pretend to be someone you're not, because the truth will eventually show through. Some women may think they are one way, when in fact they are another; I know this to be true because I have seen it many times. The same can be said for relationships; some enjoy not settling down and living the single life, some play the waiting game, waiting for Mr. Right to come along, some seem as though they can't survive without a partner and so they hop from relationship to relationship never settling because they can't commit, and then there are the types that once they find true love they grab hold of it and get married. This is why women are so complicated, this is why you can't get certain girls to commit or jump into bed with you. I will speak on behalf of the male species in saying that we typically know what kind of love life we want too, but the difference is that we tend to make our intentions known. But it is, in fact our job as guys to find out what exactly it is that women want
In the movie, Kat (Messing) is flying to London to attend her sister's wedding where Kat's ex-fiance (who dumped her) is going to be the best man. To create the illusion that she's moved on with her life and is unaffected by the break-up, she hires an escort (Mulroney) to pretend to be her new fiance. She found him by reading an interview of him in a magazine.
At one point in the movie, she's talking to Nick (played by Mulroney) about a comment in the interview that she didn't agree with.
She reads the section to him:
"You said (and I quote) , 'I believe every woman has the exact love life she wants'...do you honestly believe that I want to be single and miserable? Do you think I want to be hung up on some guy who led me on for years and then—out of the blue—shattered my heart?"
Nick replies, "First of all, there's no such thing as "out of the blue". And secondly.... yeah, I do."
She's incredulous.
She yells "What??"
Nick says,
"When you're ready to let go, to be un-single and un-miserable....you will. Till then...." and walks away.
There's a HUGE lesson there that most people don't get. Even the ones who SAY theyget it don't really get it. And, just like the case with me several years ago, you can tell they don't get it because they're not living it.
The basic lesson is very simple: you are where you are right now—you've been experiencing what you don't really want to experience—because you made the choice, at some unconscious level, to be there.
Some people will argue that they didn't choose their present circumstances. Or that it's luck. Or "the breaks". Or they say they're on "part of a learning curve" or something. But the truth is that you can look at every area of your life—your marriage, your bank account, your relationship with others, your parenting, your physical health—and the fact remains the same: you are where you are because that's where your opinions, beliefs, and decisions PUT you.
We accept the love we deserve. We as people, man or woman have the power to determine what happyness should look like With that being said – We should be masters at creating the environment We want to be in… If We want to have a healthy love life, We have to create it!! Not only do We create it,
Kurt Vonnegut once said, "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." You can't pretend to be someone you're not, because the truth will eventually show through. Some women may think they are one way, when in fact they are another; I know this to be true because I have seen it many times. The same can be said for relationships; some enjoy not settling down and living the single life, some play the waiting game, waiting for Mr. Right to come along, some seem as though they can't survive without a partner and so they hop from relationship to relationship never settling because they can't commit, and then there are the types that once they find true love they grab hold of it and get married. This is why women are so complicated, this is why you can't get certain girls to commit or jump into bed with you. I will speak on behalf of the male species in saying that we typically know what kind of love life we want too, but the difference is that we tend to make our intentions known. But it is, in fact our job as guys to find out what exactly it is that women want
It's all about what the woman needs, and if she just needs a body to make her feel secure and comfortable, then thats all you will ever be, unless you show her otherwise. You show her what she's missing in her love life, and her love life changes... When a woman finds a guy who constantly reminds her of how beautiful she is, who will lie under the stars and listen to her heartbeat, or stay awake just to watch her sleep... who kisses her forehead, who thinks she's just as beautiful without makeup on, one who constantly reminds her of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have her, she has no choice but to change her love life, because once she has that, she won’t ever want to not have it.
To the female cynics out there, you're love life is what you make it, and somewhere inside every woman is the desire to make one lucky man her last great romance."If you'd rather give up then try, then you will never find anything worth fighting for."(I think this was from a Scrubs episode) I thought I had found myself in one woman's last great romance, but as it turns out, she wanted to give up rather then try. But maybe she's got the love life she wants, maybe she's a relationship hopper, and when I thought I had completed my construction, she jumped ship. But thats the problem with relationship hoppers is that sometimes the best thing they've found is staring them right in the face yet they still let go, because thats all they've ever known. It took me awhile to realize that even though it was love, it may not have been everything I wanted..."Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers." (Mary Tyler Moore) I'm at the point where I'm wondering if that made any sense at all or whether it was one long stream of consciousness/diatribe. Who knows..
Billions of things are going on in this world. You can think about it all you want, but life is still going to keep on happening
POETRY: IN A DREAM OF US
An awakening of emotion, never lost,
but without life.
Simple feelings, transformed
into burning passion.
Feelings of love, kindled by loving words
from a kind heart...
Tumultuous serenity... fireless flame... feverish chill...
Such a battle against harmony, for they are apart.
Too far for a fingertip's touch,
a kiss... a warm embrace...
Yet their souls know not the distance,
For their love joins them
at the speed of the heart..
2
How will I know I love you,
How will I know it's true,
What is love any way,
Could my love be you?
is it at a certain age,
or even at a moment?
Is it when you can't stand,
not seeing someone,
for even just a day?
Is it when you feel,
total comfort,
in just the sound of their voice,
and what thay say?
When they touch you,
and a trillion
chills roll down your spine?
When it seems like they
can read your mind,
If this is love,
I think I've found it,
But I'm still just not,
quite sure...
3
Come grow with me in the springtime
When life is renewed and love's in full bloom.
Let it be then that our new limbs are combined.
Come grow with me in the summertime
When emotions are heated and love's completed.
Let is be then that our new love's of one mind.
Come grow with me in the autumn-time
When hearts are brilliant and love's resilient.
Let it be, then, that our faith in one another's defined.
Come grow with me in the wintertime
When spirituality reigns and love's serene.
Let it be then that our roots are firmly intertwined.
4
I thought you would like to know
that my thoughts go where you go;
that life is richer, sweeter far
for such a sweetheart as you are;
and how my constant prayer will be
that god will keep you safe for me
5
There are so many questions you'll ask through life,
Most of which will never be answered--
Things like what will I do with my life
And where will I be in 5 years time.
All of these things are what the wisest man will never learn.
His long hours of research will never answer the question.
I've always wondered, who is my soulmate,
The one with whom I'll share my life,
The one I'll wake beside every morning and,
The one I'll lay beside to watch the stars at night?
She will never be able to say
Because it is me who has to search for that soul.
For some people they never find that soul.
They go on through life alone,
With no one to share their thoughts with
And no one whom they can call upon
Whenever they're feeling blue.
So I guess I could consider myself lucky
For I've found that soul I'm destined to meet,
The one whom I could spend forever with,
The one I can say I truly love,
The one whom I'll never let go of,
Because our love is so deep.
That one person out of the many I know
Is the one I will cherish until time is through.
That one person has the soul that will be forever with mine.
And that one person will always have my heart,
No matter what.
So if you've found that I have given this to you,
Then you should know that you are that soul
And you have my heart.
6
Thoughts of a day
in heaven
On a planet called
love in memories
We were there in a
day long embrace
Among the soft soft sheets
of a sandy place
Blue blue waters surfing
up the white beach
Mingling with our minds
wrapped in softness
Caressing the day away
among sunlight kisses
And night time, too,
among the moonlight
passion
How wonderful was that
time, in endless
pleasure of feeling
In love with love, and
loving each other
Endlessly, completely
on a white beach
Intermingled with the
sweet surf of giving
Love in memories
flooding back
In a dream of us
but without life.
Simple feelings, transformed
into burning passion.
Feelings of love, kindled by loving words
from a kind heart...
Tumultuous serenity... fireless flame... feverish chill...
Such a battle against harmony, for they are apart.
Too far for a fingertip's touch,
a kiss... a warm embrace...
Yet their souls know not the distance,
For their love joins them
at the speed of the heart..
2
How will I know I love you,
How will I know it's true,
What is love any way,
Could my love be you?
is it at a certain age,
or even at a moment?
Is it when you can't stand,
not seeing someone,
for even just a day?
Is it when you feel,
total comfort,
in just the sound of their voice,
and what thay say?
When they touch you,
and a trillion
chills roll down your spine?
When it seems like they
can read your mind,
If this is love,
I think I've found it,
But I'm still just not,
quite sure...
3
Come grow with me in the springtime
When life is renewed and love's in full bloom.
Let it be then that our new limbs are combined.
Come grow with me in the summertime
When emotions are heated and love's completed.
Let is be then that our new love's of one mind.
Come grow with me in the autumn-time
When hearts are brilliant and love's resilient.
Let it be, then, that our faith in one another's defined.
Come grow with me in the wintertime
When spirituality reigns and love's serene.
Let it be then that our roots are firmly intertwined.
4
I thought you would like to know
that my thoughts go where you go;
that life is richer, sweeter far
for such a sweetheart as you are;
and how my constant prayer will be
that god will keep you safe for me
5
There are so many questions you'll ask through life,
Most of which will never be answered--
Things like what will I do with my life
And where will I be in 5 years time.
All of these things are what the wisest man will never learn.
His long hours of research will never answer the question.
I've always wondered, who is my soulmate,
The one with whom I'll share my life,
The one I'll wake beside every morning and,
The one I'll lay beside to watch the stars at night?
She will never be able to say
Because it is me who has to search for that soul.
For some people they never find that soul.
They go on through life alone,
With no one to share their thoughts with
And no one whom they can call upon
Whenever they're feeling blue.
So I guess I could consider myself lucky
For I've found that soul I'm destined to meet,
The one whom I could spend forever with,
The one I can say I truly love,
The one whom I'll never let go of,
Because our love is so deep.
That one person out of the many I know
Is the one I will cherish until time is through.
That one person has the soul that will be forever with mine.
And that one person will always have my heart,
No matter what.
So if you've found that I have given this to you,
Then you should know that you are that soul
And you have my heart.
6
Thoughts of a day
in heaven
On a planet called
love in memories
We were there in a
day long embrace
Among the soft soft sheets
of a sandy place
Blue blue waters surfing
up the white beach
Mingling with our minds
wrapped in softness
Caressing the day away
among sunlight kisses
And night time, too,
among the moonlight
passion
How wonderful was that
time, in endless
pleasure of feeling
In love with love, and
loving each other
Endlessly, completely
on a white beach
Intermingled with the
sweet surf of giving
Love in memories
flooding back
In a dream of us
Friday, August 15, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
As the days pass by slowly, my desire to hold you in my arms grows like a volcano just waiting to explode, and shower you with tender loving care. My feelings for you are true, and as deep as the sea. I can only hope you feel the same way, because this was meant to be.Your golden hair threads of endless sunshine.Your eyes,seas of compassion and emotion.Each word you hispher, engraved on my heart,memorized In my soul. a look, a casual gaze, a burned image in my mind, of your smile.More than the moon, stars, sun, and clouds is what you always say.But that can't even begin to measure how I feel for you each day! When you came to my life the eternal snow of my solitude melted in my soul, formed rivers to fecundate the life, My love was a dormant volcano crowned by the long cold of my nostalgia. It was the quiet night, it was the night without echo, it was the same sadness cohabiting with the solitude. Then you arrived and lit the fire, you gave heat to my soul and flavor to my life then you arrived and moved away the loneliness and banished sadness. Your love is a volcano in eruption. My love was an extinguished volcano but the lavas of your heart flooded my being and lit my soul!
As the days pass by slowly, my desire to hold you in my arms grows like a volcano just waiting to explode, and shower you with tender loving care. My feelings for you are true, and as deep as the sea. I can only hope you feel the same way, because this was meant to be.Your golden hair threads of endless sunshine.Your eyes,seas of compassion and emotion.Each word you hispher, engraved on my heart,memorized In my soul. a look, a casual gaze, a burned image in my mind, of your smile.More than the moon, stars, sun, and clouds is what you always say.But that can't even begin to measure how I feel for you each day! When you came to my life the eternal snow of my solitude melted in my soul, formed rivers to fecundate the life, My love was a dormant volcano crowned by the long cold of my nostalgia. It was the quiet night, it was the night without echo, it was the same sadness cohabiting with the solitude. Then you arrived and lit the fire, you gave heat to my soul and flavor to my life then you arrived and moved away the loneliness and banished sadness. Your love is a volcano in eruption. My love was an extinguished volcano but the lavas of your heart flooded my being and lit my soul!
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
JOURNAL: I FEELING SAD ABOUT MY DATE AGAIN
I was thinking about my date on Sunday again. It just show once again..how people like to play games. She saw my picture...I told her what I was looking for (marriage and kids) and my approach to dating (if we meet we would be a couple). We even talk for a few weeks to build some sort of bond which I thought we had. I would call her every night. And when she was not feeling well..i sent her things ..sites to look at ...books.....whatever I can to try to make her not feel so sad.
But like always... people say and do something totally different. I felt lead on...it like getting into a relationship with someone and telling them you want kids and that person...never wanted to have kids. I wasted my time... and my heart is broken.I am trying to figure how that lesson of all this
I am not worried...i let the universe take care of things...there is always karma. What you put out is what you will get...so I am not worried about the pain she caused me....i will move on and she has to live with herself. It will come back to her. I would never have done with she did to me. But people are cruel. She did exactly what her ex boyfriend did to her....and then you wonder why people attract the same people over and over again. If you read my blog...you know I believe that relationship are mirror images of who you are.
My heart is too sensitive for this world. Sometimes..i want to just stop my search..because of the constant disappointment. It's hard to find individuals who have a heart...who have compassion....and feel. Each day beckons with determination for me to do my best even though my worst prevails. To be silent when words are all I have. To fill my lungs with sounds of thunderous laughter and to release my tears drop by drop. To feast as a faithful lamb, to find strength in my weakness, to love with no reservation, and to free that which binds my soul – to be less and to be more, to be all and to be nothing, to love and to hate, to pray and to curse and to know the difference.
I do not know how to hate as much as I know how to love.
My heart is full of love. I love. I love. I love. It is in what I do, who I am and goes wherever I go. Inside of me lays something good, something blue and something true. Oh wasted time, wasted days, worry not, for it’s up to fate.
She rules our destiny, decides our rise and our fall. In our days, choices are made and in our choices our lives are shaped. If we could see the path ahead of us, the nature of events as we know them now and how would it have been – Would we make them any different or we would choose the same?
People come and then they leave, careers are driven which in turn drive us, friendships blossom and they die, we have the worst and we have the best. Smiles make our days, sunshine clears the rain and the rain cleanses us too. So when in fact my heart crumbles into millions of tiny pieces, and pain excruciates and carves its name, I know with certainty, that when it rains it rains for me – it clears my sorrows and my troubles too – I start to feel my heart explode with pure and simple love, for although my eyes see only darkness my heart sees only light.
I cannot love any less than I do, I will not have a love one fraction less, for then what am I if not a fool, for believing in the science of life and not the gentle beat of my heart. For me to love is to love with all that I am or not at all, open, raw, without fear, that is me.
But like always... people say and do something totally different. I felt lead on...it like getting into a relationship with someone and telling them you want kids and that person...never wanted to have kids. I wasted my time... and my heart is broken.I am trying to figure how that lesson of all this
I am not worried...i let the universe take care of things...there is always karma. What you put out is what you will get...so I am not worried about the pain she caused me....i will move on and she has to live with herself. It will come back to her. I would never have done with she did to me. But people are cruel. She did exactly what her ex boyfriend did to her....and then you wonder why people attract the same people over and over again. If you read my blog...you know I believe that relationship are mirror images of who you are.
My heart is too sensitive for this world. Sometimes..i want to just stop my search..because of the constant disappointment. It's hard to find individuals who have a heart...who have compassion....and feel. Each day beckons with determination for me to do my best even though my worst prevails. To be silent when words are all I have. To fill my lungs with sounds of thunderous laughter and to release my tears drop by drop. To feast as a faithful lamb, to find strength in my weakness, to love with no reservation, and to free that which binds my soul – to be less and to be more, to be all and to be nothing, to love and to hate, to pray and to curse and to know the difference.
I do not know how to hate as much as I know how to love.
My heart is full of love. I love. I love. I love. It is in what I do, who I am and goes wherever I go. Inside of me lays something good, something blue and something true. Oh wasted time, wasted days, worry not, for it’s up to fate.
She rules our destiny, decides our rise and our fall. In our days, choices are made and in our choices our lives are shaped. If we could see the path ahead of us, the nature of events as we know them now and how would it have been – Would we make them any different or we would choose the same?
People come and then they leave, careers are driven which in turn drive us, friendships blossom and they die, we have the worst and we have the best. Smiles make our days, sunshine clears the rain and the rain cleanses us too. So when in fact my heart crumbles into millions of tiny pieces, and pain excruciates and carves its name, I know with certainty, that when it rains it rains for me – it clears my sorrows and my troubles too – I start to feel my heart explode with pure and simple love, for although my eyes see only darkness my heart sees only light.
I cannot love any less than I do, I will not have a love one fraction less, for then what am I if not a fool, for believing in the science of life and not the gentle beat of my heart. For me to love is to love with all that I am or not at all, open, raw, without fear, that is me.
POETRY: LET MY WORDS BRING ENCHANTMENT TO YOUR HEART
To me.. you're like a river
You're something that makes my soul shiver
One look from you, is more precious than gold
You're in my arms always because
...can't let go
2
When the day was taking-over from the night
I was there to give all my love to you
When the darkness was giving way to the light
I was there to dedicate myself to you
When the thick cloud was paving way for the cool rain
I was there to share my love with you
When winter snow was bowing down to the summer heat
I was there to appreciate how you love me
When spring rain was surrendering to summer breeze
I was there to surrender all I have to you
When the storm was handing over to the sunshine
I was there to hand over all my love to you
When the winter was saying 'welcome' to the spring
I was there to invite you into my heart
When spring was ushering in summer
I was there to initiate you into my heart
When midnight stars were sharing with morning stars
I was there to share my experience with you
When the green grass was smiling at the roses
I was there to give my entire smile to you
3
Ever since the day I met you,
I could see your beauty
Trapped within your heart,
Because no man did his duty.
No man has showed you,
Just how much a woman's worth.
You should've been treated as a queen
Since the blessing of your birth.
They've taken you for granted,
Hurting you deep inside.
They never cared if what they did
Made you start to cry.
They didn't show respect
For the beauty inside of you,
And made you think less of yourself
Than you ever used to.
They didn't understand
The pain within your heart.
Oh, how much you must have hurt,
While you're soul was torn apart.
But I've seen that pain,
And I share the tears you cry.
I've been there just like you,
When you really just want to die.
I've looked into your eyes,
And seen inside your soul.
I've seen such beauty there,
Within the things it holds.
I know how wonderful you are,
And I can't wish for anything more
Than just to hold you in my arms,
And stop our hearts from being sore.
You'll never have to worry
About having your heart scarred again.
I'd never hurt you like that;
I've seen that horrible pain.
I'll treat you like the queen
That I know you are inside.
Never will you hurt;
Sad tears you'll never cry.
I'll commit myself to you,
As you've never seen before,
Because I'm a real man,
And I could not ask for more.
It would be the biggest honor
To be able to feel your love,
To hold you close to me,
What more could I dream of?
4
Let my words bring enchantment to your heart
And bring forth magic from the dark
Words I place adrift in the wind
Do with moonbeams blend
Upon your heart descend
Incense and candles burn within
The words I cast upon the breeze
Let love?s potency begin
Its luring flight
Upon the edge of night
Your heart you cannot defend
Against my magic blend
Of shadows and moonbeams bent
Of love?s peppermint scent
From within your sleep
Into my arms you leap
Within your dream you speak my name
If only your racing heart to tame
And to quench our kisses flame
Hot the night becomes
For one that enchantment overcomes
But the spell will soon be broken
Once you have from sleep awoken
You notice on the sun?s first rays
The scent of peppermint stays
And remember
5
Honey, Come a little closer,
let me whisper in your ear.
Let me tell it to you softly,
so that no one else will hear.
What I have to say is private,
and is just between us two,
just want you, to know how much,
I love the things you do
6
Your name, like silk upon my lips,
your vision- all that's on my mind.
asking a relentless question,
with no answer there to find.
ah, but my heart does pulse,
and keep a stately time.
with the syllables of your name,
mouthed by a talkative mime.
And as I stroll through my thoughts,
one thing I do keep near.
it's the gentle caress of your words,
as you say, "I Love You Dear"
You're something that makes my soul shiver
One look from you, is more precious than gold
You're in my arms always because
...can't let go
2
When the day was taking-over from the night
I was there to give all my love to you
When the darkness was giving way to the light
I was there to dedicate myself to you
When the thick cloud was paving way for the cool rain
I was there to share my love with you
When winter snow was bowing down to the summer heat
I was there to appreciate how you love me
When spring rain was surrendering to summer breeze
I was there to surrender all I have to you
When the storm was handing over to the sunshine
I was there to hand over all my love to you
When the winter was saying 'welcome' to the spring
I was there to invite you into my heart
When spring was ushering in summer
I was there to initiate you into my heart
When midnight stars were sharing with morning stars
I was there to share my experience with you
When the green grass was smiling at the roses
I was there to give my entire smile to you
3
Ever since the day I met you,
I could see your beauty
Trapped within your heart,
Because no man did his duty.
No man has showed you,
Just how much a woman's worth.
You should've been treated as a queen
Since the blessing of your birth.
They've taken you for granted,
Hurting you deep inside.
They never cared if what they did
Made you start to cry.
They didn't show respect
For the beauty inside of you,
And made you think less of yourself
Than you ever used to.
They didn't understand
The pain within your heart.
Oh, how much you must have hurt,
While you're soul was torn apart.
But I've seen that pain,
And I share the tears you cry.
I've been there just like you,
When you really just want to die.
I've looked into your eyes,
And seen inside your soul.
I've seen such beauty there,
Within the things it holds.
I know how wonderful you are,
And I can't wish for anything more
Than just to hold you in my arms,
And stop our hearts from being sore.
You'll never have to worry
About having your heart scarred again.
I'd never hurt you like that;
I've seen that horrible pain.
I'll treat you like the queen
That I know you are inside.
Never will you hurt;
Sad tears you'll never cry.
I'll commit myself to you,
As you've never seen before,
Because I'm a real man,
And I could not ask for more.
It would be the biggest honor
To be able to feel your love,
To hold you close to me,
What more could I dream of?
4
Let my words bring enchantment to your heart
And bring forth magic from the dark
Words I place adrift in the wind
Do with moonbeams blend
Upon your heart descend
Incense and candles burn within
The words I cast upon the breeze
Let love?s potency begin
Its luring flight
Upon the edge of night
Your heart you cannot defend
Against my magic blend
Of shadows and moonbeams bent
Of love?s peppermint scent
From within your sleep
Into my arms you leap
Within your dream you speak my name
If only your racing heart to tame
And to quench our kisses flame
Hot the night becomes
For one that enchantment overcomes
But the spell will soon be broken
Once you have from sleep awoken
You notice on the sun?s first rays
The scent of peppermint stays
And remember
5
Honey, Come a little closer,
let me whisper in your ear.
Let me tell it to you softly,
so that no one else will hear.
What I have to say is private,
and is just between us two,
just want you, to know how much,
I love the things you do
6
Your name, like silk upon my lips,
your vision- all that's on my mind.
asking a relentless question,
with no answer there to find.
ah, but my heart does pulse,
and keep a stately time.
with the syllables of your name,
mouthed by a talkative mime.
And as I stroll through my thoughts,
one thing I do keep near.
it's the gentle caress of your words,
as you say, "I Love You Dear"
Monday, August 11, 2014
JOURNAL: ROBIN WILLIAM
Robin William died today..at age 63. I watched him in Happy Days and Mork and Mindy. I meet him once when I lived in Upper West Side. He was in Barnes and Nobles on 66 Street. I thought he was rude...totally ignored me. I guess he had demons inside that I didn't know about.
JOURNAL
The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking,. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out before us. We see the same things every day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us. / B: And no, I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: the solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of some day easing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up. / This is very important, so I want to say it as clearly as I can:
FUCK.
THAT.
SHIT.
FUCK.
THAT.
SHIT.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
ARTICLE: Wall Street Criminals Are Still a Protected Class in America Written by: Matt Taylor
It's becoming a sort of ritual for the US government to cut a deal with the Wall Street bankers who caused the 2008 financial crisis. Last October, we saw JP Morgan get slapped with a $13 billion settlement for hawking shady mortgages to investors. Citigroup was charged $7 billion in a similar agreement reached this July. Usually, the settlements consist of large sums of money that can be trumpeted in splashy newspaper headlines and tough, self-congratulatory statements from Attorney General Eric Holder, who fancies himself a hero. But set against the backdrop of an ongoing War on Drugs that essentially criminalizes African American and Hispanic youth in many American cities, the federal government's stubborn refusal to criminally prosecute the white guys who sent the economy into a tailspin is a testament to just how heinous our legal system has become.
The latest settlement is with Charlotte, North Carolina-based Bank of America, which has apparently caved to Holder's demand that they pay between $16 and 17 billion—the "largest single federal settlement in the history of corporate America," as the New York Times reports. Tack on the $45.87 billion the bank had already shelled out in various other suits since the crash, and it almost starts to seem like all is right with the world, or at least some small measure of justice is being done.
But don't let the flashy numbers fool you. For one thing, BofA is paying for the crimes of some of its subsidiary banks like Merrill Lynch and Countrywide that were absorbed during the panic. And as ThinkProgress has already pointed out, the numbers are misleading because only a chunk of the total settlement has to be paid in actual cash; the rest can come in the form of breaks to consumers that will ultimately benefit the bankers. And the huge fees that do get paid to the Feds are tax-deductible, ensuring there isn't so much as a taste of actual pain for the bad guys.
Letting bankers do their thing without the threat of punishment is now almost as engrained in our culture as going easy on renegade cops. We learned this week that prosecutors probing the systematic beatings of mentally ill patients at NYC's Rikers Island, the second largest jail in the country, are declining to pursue a case against the prison guards responsible. Apparently the Bronx district attorney had such a heavy caseload over the past couple of years that it was impossible to make the sadists pay. What kinds of cases was he working on instead? Surely some of them were the kinds of low-level marijuana and other "Broken Windows" (or quality-of-life) offenses that the authorities insist represent an existential threat to the national fabric. In reality, they speak to two different criminal justice systems—one for the rich, and one for everyone else.
On Thursday, the New York Daily News reported that the death of Eric Garner, whose videotaped death via police chokehold has sparked an uproar in recent weeks, was the direct result of a crackdown on illegal cigarette sales ordered by NYPD brass. So selling a few untaxed cigarettes is now officially worse than causing the economy to run off a cliff—and screwing over countless homeowners along the way.
“The DOJ [Department of Justice] can be counted on to brag that the settlement dollar amount with Bank of America sets yet another record and claim, again, that this shows DOJ is tough on Wall Street," Dennis Kelleher, the President and CEO of Better Markets, a financial reform advocacy group, said in a statement. "But, unlike other recent settlements, will DOJ provide the public with the key information on investor losses, Bank of America profits, the names of involved executives, specific laws broken and the actual systemic illegal schemes and activities? In short, is DOJ willing to actually inform the American people about such important and grave matters?"
For a while, at least, the White House could cite the specter of weak financial markets as an excuse for not aggresively going after Wall Street banks. But the US economy is growing pretty rapidly at the moment, and the banks are doing great. Is there really any danger at this point in setting the precedent that some financial "innovation" is beyond the pale?
The corruption at play is also pretty blatant when you glance at the Wall Street Journal's nifty breakdown of which banks have paid how much for their naughty behavior since the crash. Goldman Sachs—the company that fell in love with Barack Obama harder than any other back in 2008—is at the bottom of the list. In their case, the settlements haven't even reached $1 billion, though that's partially a function of the bank not having its own consumer mortgage shop. But even if the bankers paid exactly as much as they destroyed/ruined (not to mention the trillions in bailout money and loans they were gifted from the Feds), it still wouldn't be justice, per se. These men should be doing time for breaking the law and screwing people over. As long as they can just write a check—and the profits from breaking the law exceed the fines—why not keep the party going?
"Given the enormity of what went on in the mortgage market, and the thorough involvement of Merrill Lynch, Countrywide, and Bank of America itself, it's not as big as it sounds," former North Carolina Congressman Brad Miller, who worked extensively on financial regulation in Washington and has since joined a law firm involved in litigation against those very banks, told me of the settlement. "We will be paying the price for not having held them accountable for a very long time. Having been treated as delicately as fine China has only made them feel entitled to do anything they want."
He bemoaned the fact that as recently as the 1990s, being "tough on crime" (both street crime and white-collar crime like the Enron mess) was mainstream.
"Now being tough on crime when the crime in question is securities fraud is seen as left-wing," Miller said.
The latest settlement is with Charlotte, North Carolina-based Bank of America, which has apparently caved to Holder's demand that they pay between $16 and 17 billion—the "largest single federal settlement in the history of corporate America," as the New York Times reports. Tack on the $45.87 billion the bank had already shelled out in various other suits since the crash, and it almost starts to seem like all is right with the world, or at least some small measure of justice is being done.
But don't let the flashy numbers fool you. For one thing, BofA is paying for the crimes of some of its subsidiary banks like Merrill Lynch and Countrywide that were absorbed during the panic. And as ThinkProgress has already pointed out, the numbers are misleading because only a chunk of the total settlement has to be paid in actual cash; the rest can come in the form of breaks to consumers that will ultimately benefit the bankers. And the huge fees that do get paid to the Feds are tax-deductible, ensuring there isn't so much as a taste of actual pain for the bad guys.
Letting bankers do their thing without the threat of punishment is now almost as engrained in our culture as going easy on renegade cops. We learned this week that prosecutors probing the systematic beatings of mentally ill patients at NYC's Rikers Island, the second largest jail in the country, are declining to pursue a case against the prison guards responsible. Apparently the Bronx district attorney had such a heavy caseload over the past couple of years that it was impossible to make the sadists pay. What kinds of cases was he working on instead? Surely some of them were the kinds of low-level marijuana and other "Broken Windows" (or quality-of-life) offenses that the authorities insist represent an existential threat to the national fabric. In reality, they speak to two different criminal justice systems—one for the rich, and one for everyone else.
On Thursday, the New York Daily News reported that the death of Eric Garner, whose videotaped death via police chokehold has sparked an uproar in recent weeks, was the direct result of a crackdown on illegal cigarette sales ordered by NYPD brass. So selling a few untaxed cigarettes is now officially worse than causing the economy to run off a cliff—and screwing over countless homeowners along the way.
“The DOJ [Department of Justice] can be counted on to brag that the settlement dollar amount with Bank of America sets yet another record and claim, again, that this shows DOJ is tough on Wall Street," Dennis Kelleher, the President and CEO of Better Markets, a financial reform advocacy group, said in a statement. "But, unlike other recent settlements, will DOJ provide the public with the key information on investor losses, Bank of America profits, the names of involved executives, specific laws broken and the actual systemic illegal schemes and activities? In short, is DOJ willing to actually inform the American people about such important and grave matters?"
For a while, at least, the White House could cite the specter of weak financial markets as an excuse for not aggresively going after Wall Street banks. But the US economy is growing pretty rapidly at the moment, and the banks are doing great. Is there really any danger at this point in setting the precedent that some financial "innovation" is beyond the pale?
The corruption at play is also pretty blatant when you glance at the Wall Street Journal's nifty breakdown of which banks have paid how much for their naughty behavior since the crash. Goldman Sachs—the company that fell in love with Barack Obama harder than any other back in 2008—is at the bottom of the list. In their case, the settlements haven't even reached $1 billion, though that's partially a function of the bank not having its own consumer mortgage shop. But even if the bankers paid exactly as much as they destroyed/ruined (not to mention the trillions in bailout money and loans they were gifted from the Feds), it still wouldn't be justice, per se. These men should be doing time for breaking the law and screwing people over. As long as they can just write a check—and the profits from breaking the law exceed the fines—why not keep the party going?
"Given the enormity of what went on in the mortgage market, and the thorough involvement of Merrill Lynch, Countrywide, and Bank of America itself, it's not as big as it sounds," former North Carolina Congressman Brad Miller, who worked extensively on financial regulation in Washington and has since joined a law firm involved in litigation against those very banks, told me of the settlement. "We will be paying the price for not having held them accountable for a very long time. Having been treated as delicately as fine China has only made them feel entitled to do anything they want."
He bemoaned the fact that as recently as the 1990s, being "tough on crime" (both street crime and white-collar crime like the Enron mess) was mainstream.
"Now being tough on crime when the crime in question is securities fraud is seen as left-wing," Miller said.
JOURNAL: I WENT ON A DATE TODAY.
Am I doomed to be alone because I dare to be myself? I don’t want someone I can’t be myself with, much as I admit that sometimes I have thrown myself at someone almost in the hopes of repelling them, because I didn’t believe they could see and love the real me and also because I wanted to test them.
Much as I know there is nothing wrong with me, I guess I always thought I had to be perfect and have my life figured out before someone decent expressed an interest. I guess I’m only human.
I see a habitual pattern repeated, that of getting really excited about someone possibly before I know them well enough and then beginning to have all sorts of expectations. Tons of if/then statements for how we should interact, for how i can know she likes me, for me to think I’ve got it under control, even though I don’t.Nobody does.And all my vain attempts at control actually squish the delicate flower that was forming. Maybe the girl for you is not the person you thought it was going to be, that maybe your dream come true won’t look exactly as you thought it would
The last time I got involved with somebody, I analyzed whether she would call back or not, whether she liked me. This time, I’m going to look into myself and explore my reactions with curiosity.
I want to find love where I am right now.Even if it brings me elsewhere, because a life without love without the daring of really caring for another person would get pretty shallow and stupid after a while, I don’t want to be in a relationship only because I think it would make me happy, but also because being connected intimately to another human would add serious depth to my life.
I need to take off the walls around my heart, but know who I am and have enough respect for myself to have boundaries without having walls, to let everything happen in its proper time instead of trying to seek certainty from some future event, I need to feel safe in my love for myself above all.And I need to recognize that I am not in control, I am just a broken human wanting love like everyone, and despite my best efforts I might lose or get hurt, and even more astonishing I could even win, and my life will take its course.I’m tempted to be single forever, until I figure everything out and know exactly what I want, but staying in my cave is not really going to help me figure it out. And I also tend to believe love can change and grow with you, it doesn’t have to hold you back. In fact, it could be your greatest catalyst for growth.Things are not always as they seem…And we become free when we let things be, we are in control when we accept ourselves as we are, we progress when we are content where we are.
I went on a date today....I talk to this girl for few weeks, and I left not knowing she wanted me or not. She seem so quiet.... I know I wanted her...maybe I am wrong....maybe she will be mine
Much as I know there is nothing wrong with me, I guess I always thought I had to be perfect and have my life figured out before someone decent expressed an interest. I guess I’m only human.
I see a habitual pattern repeated, that of getting really excited about someone possibly before I know them well enough and then beginning to have all sorts of expectations. Tons of if/then statements for how we should interact, for how i can know she likes me, for me to think I’ve got it under control, even though I don’t.Nobody does.And all my vain attempts at control actually squish the delicate flower that was forming. Maybe the girl for you is not the person you thought it was going to be, that maybe your dream come true won’t look exactly as you thought it would
The last time I got involved with somebody, I analyzed whether she would call back or not, whether she liked me. This time, I’m going to look into myself and explore my reactions with curiosity.
I want to find love where I am right now.Even if it brings me elsewhere, because a life without love without the daring of really caring for another person would get pretty shallow and stupid after a while, I don’t want to be in a relationship only because I think it would make me happy, but also because being connected intimately to another human would add serious depth to my life.
I need to take off the walls around my heart, but know who I am and have enough respect for myself to have boundaries without having walls, to let everything happen in its proper time instead of trying to seek certainty from some future event, I need to feel safe in my love for myself above all.And I need to recognize that I am not in control, I am just a broken human wanting love like everyone, and despite my best efforts I might lose or get hurt, and even more astonishing I could even win, and my life will take its course.I’m tempted to be single forever, until I figure everything out and know exactly what I want, but staying in my cave is not really going to help me figure it out. And I also tend to believe love can change and grow with you, it doesn’t have to hold you back. In fact, it could be your greatest catalyst for growth.Things are not always as they seem…And we become free when we let things be, we are in control when we accept ourselves as we are, we progress when we are content where we are.
I went on a date today....I talk to this girl for few weeks, and I left not knowing she wanted me or not. She seem so quiet.... I know I wanted her...maybe I am wrong....maybe she will be mine
Thursday, August 7, 2014
POETRY: HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME
A millennium from now in the great darkness
terrible in its size and crushing weightlessness,
one last star, as dim as were my hopes before you,
hangs on fighting the inevitable
and, as it shivers in the absolute cold,
it twinkles in the numbing vastness.
So, from a distance one would think it magical
if there were any witnesses left to wish upon it.
Then... the next beginning of the end starts
with an analog fluidity and completes with a binary finality.
Darkness
Nothingness
The Universe... all we are has ceased to exist
and
finally
...I don?t love you anymore.
2
Some folks they get a flood of love
Some others live in drought
What causes these inequities?
How does this come about?
Some check off lovers
From long lists
Some wonder what
They've missed
Their lives a lonely labyrinth
Of happiness dismissed.
Some folks they get a flood of love
Some others live in drought
What makes the one "the in crowd"
While the other's crowded out?
Some helm the yacht "Companionship"
While some the boat have left
Some cry "Titanic" tears each night
As if they were bereft.
Some folks they get a flood of love
Some others live in drought
Some bask in smooth security
While some are thrashed by doubt
Some pause to pray
Most every day
That eyes that often rained,
Will someday know
A flood of love
To wash away the pain.
3
There are times... when I awaken and realize
what a tender part of my dreams you have been....
I know that my thoughts are only reflecting
the loving hopes of my heart..
because whenever they wander... they always take me to you!
Every once in a while I start feeling a little lost,
especially when I start wondering where we're going.
And every now and then... I need something from you
that I don't always get...
I'd like for us to
talk a little more...
touch a little more...
Just an occasional thing... that you're still happy with me.
I'm not asking for too much....
just enough to know, from time to time,
that I make a difference. For just knowing that...
makes all the difference in the world to me.
I hope you'll think, just for a moment,
how much you mean to me!
And when you continue on with the things
you need to be doing in your life,
smile a smile for me and remember
that I'll be thinking of you still
And always....
4
Sweet are the words
that have fallen from these lips
but cherish more, now, you see,
the thoughts I hold within me
trusting... caring... sharing messages
from my mind~~~~never slip
for words that have such meaning
can cause us to have different readings
on what we feel........ what we say
or to say what we feel
but to know another
knows these words are for real
terrible in its size and crushing weightlessness,
one last star, as dim as were my hopes before you,
hangs on fighting the inevitable
and, as it shivers in the absolute cold,
it twinkles in the numbing vastness.
So, from a distance one would think it magical
if there were any witnesses left to wish upon it.
Then... the next beginning of the end starts
with an analog fluidity and completes with a binary finality.
Darkness
Nothingness
The Universe... all we are has ceased to exist
and
finally
...I don?t love you anymore.
2
Some folks they get a flood of love
Some others live in drought
What causes these inequities?
How does this come about?
Some check off lovers
From long lists
Some wonder what
They've missed
Their lives a lonely labyrinth
Of happiness dismissed.
Some folks they get a flood of love
Some others live in drought
What makes the one "the in crowd"
While the other's crowded out?
Some helm the yacht "Companionship"
While some the boat have left
Some cry "Titanic" tears each night
As if they were bereft.
Some folks they get a flood of love
Some others live in drought
Some bask in smooth security
While some are thrashed by doubt
Some pause to pray
Most every day
That eyes that often rained,
Will someday know
A flood of love
To wash away the pain.
3
There are times... when I awaken and realize
what a tender part of my dreams you have been....
I know that my thoughts are only reflecting
the loving hopes of my heart..
because whenever they wander... they always take me to you!
Every once in a while I start feeling a little lost,
especially when I start wondering where we're going.
And every now and then... I need something from you
that I don't always get...
I'd like for us to
talk a little more...
touch a little more...
Just an occasional thing... that you're still happy with me.
I'm not asking for too much....
just enough to know, from time to time,
that I make a difference. For just knowing that...
makes all the difference in the world to me.
I hope you'll think, just for a moment,
how much you mean to me!
And when you continue on with the things
you need to be doing in your life,
smile a smile for me and remember
that I'll be thinking of you still
And always....
4
Sweet are the words
that have fallen from these lips
but cherish more, now, you see,
the thoughts I hold within me
trusting... caring... sharing messages
from my mind~~~~never slip
for words that have such meaning
can cause us to have different readings
on what we feel........ what we say
or to say what we feel
but to know another
knows these words are for real
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