PERSONAL .MY DREAM OF BEING A DAD.....WILL IT EVER HAPPEN?

My urge to breed is getting stronger and stronger. I love looking at pregnant women, especially before/after photos, but now the thought of finding my own woman to knock up, of me being the one who fills her pussy with cum and her belly with baby, makes me harder than anything else.

I want a woman who wants to be made pregnant as much as I want her to be. I want to look me in the eye and see her consent, and then I want to grab her and control her with my powerfully masculine embrace. Then I will enter her as strongly as I can, my rock-solid penis pummeling her in a desperate frenzy as I imagine my chosen woman growing heavy with my baby. My pussy-addled consciousness imagines how much different, how much better-looking you will be just a few short months after I’ve seeded you.

I can’t wait until you’re showing so I can parade you in public, my perfect pregnant mate, and letting everyone seeing what I’ve made you into, how much I’ve altered and continue to control your beautiful form. Whenever we’re out and about my hands will constantly be on your gravid belly, caressing your perfect body in a mixture of pride and astonishment at how different and how much more beautiful you are from when I first met you. And the second we’re not in public my hands will be tearing off your respectable clothes to fondle your enormous breasts and wide hips.

Fuck, it’s about to happen. I’m about to lose control and ejaculate my seed into her. The fantasy is about to become a reality. Everything is going to change. Whether consciously or not she too realizes this and I can feel her pussy clamp down ever tighter around me,  the thought of the man she adores remaking her and taking ownership of her to an extent she never imagined possible making her as desperate to keep the impregnating essence inside of her as I am to give it. At last I begin to orgasm, and as I feel my cum begin to spurt I bury my cock as deep into her into as I can, my entire body and mind willing her to be made pregnant. 

It seems like an eternity before I begin to soften. She now has a baby, my baby, growing inside of her, I know it. And judging by her reaction, the mixture of fatigue and satisfaction but also the beginning of a maternal sense of completion, she knows she is too.

This is the only I want or have ever wanted.

The most romantic thing in the world is a girl taking an uncovered, erect dick into her body, trying to make it soft again.

Massaging it, milking it, sheathing it with warmth and tightness, moving along the length of it with her wet tissues, until it squirts, and being feminine enough to take the contents of his testicles all in her womb, milking and stimulating him through his orgasm.

Then putting her panties back on and going about her day without washing his sperm out, showing to the man that his semen isn’t just welcomed in her body, but welcomed to stay and swim up her Fallopian tubes and drown her egg with his DNA.

PART 2

There she was at the very edge of an orgasm, when suddenly he slid his throbbing member out from the deep reaches of her pussy.

“No…”, she whispered. He was supposed to finish inside me. I need his baby-making swimmers in me while I’m fertile…

She thrust her hips up and forward. Her glistening sex beckoned to him, the rapid clamping motion of her pussy inviting him to come back inside where it was warm…

…

He pulled out. Since she hadn’t mentioned condoms when they started having sex, he just figured he’d do the polite thing. Pull out and cum on her stomach, or something like that. When he looked down and saw her pussy still spread wide open, her probably fertile hole still gaping for him in the shape of his cock. Well, he had to finish what he started. He had to finish inside her.

With barely a second to think about it, his jizz started pouring out of him. He couldn’t move, couldn’t stop it now. His semen pouring into her vagina, dripping its way to coat her almost visible cervix. Her screams of ecstasy as she finally came, mixing with the watching realization that she was sucking his cum into her womb, trying to get pregnant.

And, yeah, he was okay with it. This is what he wanted. And, if it meant being able to fuck her all the time and finally throw his condoms in the trash… Well, he could get used to that.

PART 3

In this position he was in complete control. Once he saw her big, jiggling tits and breeding hips, he knew how he wanted to use her. When he got her in position she saw his big, unprotected cock ready to impale her defenseless, ovulating pussy. She gave him a pleading look, but said nothing. Even she wasn’t sure whether she was begging him to stop or for him to fill her with his seed. Her fertile slit was messing with her decision making, she just wanted him to fill her up so badly. Looking down on her, he could see how her beautiful body would take to being bred gorgeously. She had a figure that needed to be dominated by a fat, heavy belly full of multiples to compliment her big tits and breeding hips.She couldn’t control herself after he’d gotten at her pussy. Sucking her tits ad been one thing, it had be so nice and gotten her really in the mood for more. But she was so fertile today that more wasn’t really on the table. His fingers between her legs had been doing such a good job, but they weren’t quite enough. She needed something thick, and filling. As he robbed her of her panties and spread her legs she just sat there dumbfounded. She just moaned as he pressed inside, it was just what she wanted. Just what she couldn’t have. Yet she never gave a second warning that she was ovulating, she just lay back and felt him thrusting inside, dangerous, unprotected, bare cock. When he came her own orgasm crashed down on her heavily. She could feel her sucking womb drinking up all of his virile, voluminous seed. All right into her incredibly fertile womb to find her ripe, waiting eggs. Her body would soon grow plump and round to grow his babies inside her fertile belly.

PART 4

She had intended to hop off when he was about to cum, but when the moment arrived and he warned her, something unexpected “clicked” inside her.  Just the thought of staying put and feeling him shoot of inside her generated a kind of excitement that had never occurred to her before.  The risk…knowing she was unprotected and in this critical moment her decision could mean she was about to be impregnated…or not, depending on which cards nature would decided to deal her.  The thought was dizzying, and the more she thought about it, the more excited she became.

Then, it happened.  Her body made the decision for her.  An orgasm the likes of which she had never felt before ripped through her loins, her pussy spasming, clenching, squeezing his cock. She pressed down on him as hard as she could and felt him swell, then begin tom spasm hard inside her.  Feeling the first thick, hot spurt of his cum erupt deep inside her, flooding her unprotected womb, was too much.  She just kept cumming and cumming as he filled her.

It was the most intense orgasm she’d ever had, and she would never even consider having her lovers pull out ever again.  The risk was too enticing, and she had to have more.

PART 5

I don’t know what came over me. I’m a smart girl who’s had sex ed, so I should have known better. But the second I saw his cock, all that was out of my head. Instinct took over. My body was in control. Instead of making sure he was wearing a condom, I jumped right on top of his cock and shoved it way into my pussy during the most dangerous time of the month. Now I don’t know what’s going to happen or what the future has in store for me. All I know is that there’s nothing quite like a bare, hard cock, and there’s nothing that could stop me from doing this again and again and again.

PART 6

It took a while to get her to warm up to the thrill of pregnancy risk sex, but he was determined to teach her, to train her, to make her into his willing breeding slut.

The first time, he let her ride him, giving her the false sense of security that she could hop off at any time, along with the false promise he would warn her when e was about to cum.  But when the critical moment arrived, he held her tight so she couldn’t dismount and pushed into her as deep as he could, ignoring her protests and erupting into her unprotected womb.

The second time, he fucked her from behind, with the false promise that he would pull out.  Again, he held her tight, pushed into her balls deep, and let it all go into her.  Already, she was protesting less, a primal feeling beginning to awaken in her, an instinctive need she didn’t know she had.

The third time, he fucked her doggy style, holding her arms and pushing into her as he came.  Even less protest this time, she found herself pushing back toward him, trying to take him deeper as she felt him erupt inside her.

The fourth time, no promises were made.  As she felt him start to spasm, she pushed back against him as hard as she could, the hot jets of his cum spurting deep into her womb and triggering her own shuddering orgasm.

Finally, the fifth time he once again allowed her to be in “control,” rising him to completion.  This time she slammed down hard on his cock, begging and pleading for his seed, at the critical moment joining him in the throes of intense orgasm.  Her training was complete.  She ached for the risk as much as he did. Now she was his, to breed over and over again.

PART 7

The dawn breaks. In the new light the first thing my eyes find is you. The soft rays accentuating your curves, caressing your skin. As I do now. With my hands you are now awake. We kiss.

Now my mouth moves away from yours. I am nibbling at your ears. Nuzzling at your neck. My fingers wander to your breasts. Circling your nipples, hard with excitement. I move to suckle on them too. Now my hand moves down further, between your legs. And to my delight I find your slit already slick with the wetness of your excitement. Excitement at what we are to do this morning.

For today is the day you ovulate. And we do not want to waste any time

Your hands have been busy too. They caress my balls, rub my penis, and now I am fully engorged. It didn’t take long, but we are ready. I hasten to position myself over you, and plunge between your labia and into the wonders within.

The wet pleasure of your warmth envelops me. It is our first time bare and the sensations are new. They drive me wild. Your legs wrap around me, beckoning me in further. You let out a low moan.

I start to thrust. Breathing becomes shorter, shallower. I can feel your heartbeat quicken, pulsing in your vaginal wall. I’m quivering. The air is electric with the strength and stench of our passion. I’m losing myself completely within you, until with one word you bring me back.

“Faster”, your eyes beg. I nod. It’s all I can manage. I lean back and bring your legs up onto my shoulders. I thrust again. And again.

I’m pushing deeper and faster than ever before. Your moans are coming more louder now. Building to a crescendo. Your breasts bouncing in rhythm. I’m lost, hopelessly lost. Grunting. Straining with every movement. And now your moans are screams.

Your eyes roll back. Your back arches. And now your body is convulsing in ecstasy. It pushes me over the edge. With one final thrust I plunge to the hilt within you.

Once, twice, thrice - I shudder as the power of my orgasm runs through me. Spilling each spurt of semen deeply. With pleasure you feel the warmth of my ejaculate as it spreads within you, pooling around your cervix at the opening to your womb.

Spent, we fold into each other’s arms and doze. Waiting until the new day has fully begun. And waiting for my sperm to reach your egg. Waiting for the beginning of a new life. 

PART 8

You had a feeling this would happen. He never called unless he wanted sex. Which was fine with you because he also made sure to use protection, but when you walked in and he instantly grabbed you by the throat and kissed you then started ripping your clothes off without hesitation. You always liked being dominated so it only added to your intense horniness. After he stripped you completely he picked your little body up and took you to the bedroom throwing you on the bed and threw himself between your legs. He’s never done this before it was always just sex. He was so good the way he sucked your clit and shoved his tongue inside. It had you moaning so loud you had to cover your mouth to muffle it some, not that it helped much.

But the big part was when he pulled off his belt and took your hands tied them up with it and spread your legs again and shoved inside without hesitation and without anything on. He felt so much better and you knew it. He didn’t hold back fucking you harder than you probably ever have by anyone.
He fucked you for what felt like forever and you lost count at how many times you came all over him but he undid the belt and moved you onto his lap and started bouncing you up and down on him and it was then you knew what he was doing. All the random questions about your period. Your family when they’ve gotten pregnant. He was putting together when the best time would be, and you’re period ending exactly two weeks ago today made so much sense. He was trying to knock you up tonight and you wanted to protest but it felt way to good and the risk felt even greater. Just at that thought you came again soaking him up and he threw his hand on your clit rubbing hard as he sunk you down all the way moaning hard as he started growing inside you twitching harder and harder as he came deep inside your little pussy. There was no way you were getting out of this one. It was happening so you might as well enjoy it.

You made him stay through the night and fill your stomach up with as many loads as he could build up.And within a few months you​ are gonna be happy and slowly growing

PART 9

“Pussy.” She’s giving the only proper answer to the question, “Do you know where I’m going to shoot my load?” Especially when she’s pulled off the condom and thrown it on the floor already.

By far this is my favorite position to pound and fill a pussy. Her wide-open legs demonstrate that she knows her purpose. With one or both feet on the ground I can pound her as hard as I want, slapping my balls against her with each thrust, and bouncing her and her tits around the sofa. She has a fine view of her pussy serving its purpose and stretched around my cock, milking it. Finally I can watch her expression as I stop thrusting, bury the tip of my cock against her cervix, and she knows she’s seconds away from being inseminated.

PART 10

Her hands trailed up and down her torso, nails gently tickling the soft skin. She imagined they were his hands, that he was kneeling above her, palms exploring her body as she squirmed beneath him. She bit her lip as her fingers ran over her breasts, aching to feel his callused fingers on her nipples. A soft cry escaped her lips as she pinched them, her back arching slightly. She wished he was here, so that his mouth could kiss them.

She moved her hands down her body and across her thighs, teasing herself the way she knew he would. A contented sigh escaped her lips as her a single finger brushed across her slit. Fuck, she was wet. So much wetter than she thought. “Baby,” she whispered, picturing him between her legs, her thighs thrown over his shoulders and his breath blowing over her scorching core. “Baby I need you,”.

When her fingers circled her clit, a bolt of pleasure shot up her spine and she gasped loudly. Her body always became hypersensitive whenever she was ovulating, with the sensitivity of her nether regions increasing tenfold. All she wanted right now was for his hard cock to be pumping away at her pussy, but for now, her fingers would have to suffice.

She lost herself in her fantasy, legs spread wide in the air as she shoved two fingers into her pussy, pressing them against her walls and raking them along her g-spot. The flat of her palm roughly brushed across her clit with each thrust. “Fuck me, baby!” she cried. All she needed right now was his thick, veiny cock to be sliding in and out of her fertile pussy and filling her with cum, making her deepest wish come true.

They had never discussed this fantasy of hers, mostly because she was too embarrassed to admit it. She would always change the subject whenever the conversation veered too close for comfort. Right now though, her body was producing an obscene amount of wetness from the thought of him blowing his load inside her and knocking her up. She couldn’t help but moan loudly at the thought of him bending her in two, her wrists pinned above her head as he drove himself into her, “Fuuuck, baby I’m so close!” she panted, “Cum in me…get me pregnant…baby I want you to make me pregnant….OHHH!”. Her hips lifted off the bed as an orgasm was ripped out of her.

“Do you really want me to?”. She gasped at the sound of his voice, eyes snapping open to see him leaning against the doorframe, a curious look on his face.

Oh shit, she thought.

———————————————

He’d managed to get off work early today and was going to surprise her with a dinner date. He let himself into their shared apartment and was greeted by the sounds of her soft moans. He smiled inwardly at the thought of her pleasuring herself.

Silently, he made his way over to their bedroom and leaned against the doorframe, watching her intently. She looked beautiful; her chest flushed pink, hair splayed across the bed and fingers buried in her dripping pussy. Even from this distance, he could see how wet she was. The smell of her arousal, coupled with the sloppy sounds of her fingers sliding in and out of her sex was enough to have his cock hard in seconds. The words pouring from her mouth, though, were the icing on the cake.

“Cum in me!” she was saying, “I want you to get me pregnant….”

Though she had never explicitly said so, he’d always had a sneaking suspicion that pregnancy risk sex turned her on. Here was his confirmation. He palmed himself through his pants at he watched her cum all over her fingers. He spoke - with a surprisingly clear voice - as she came down from her high, “Do you really want me to?”.

A panicked look crossed her face when she caught sight of him. “Babe!” she squeaked, “I…I didn’t think you were coming home so soon…I…” her voice trailed off as he stalked towards her. Her lip trembled.

“Babydoll, why did you never tell me?” he asked softly, coming to stand before her. She hung her head and sighed.

“Because I thought you might be freaked out by it,” she admitted.

“Freaked out? Fuck no! Babe,” he said, “Honey, look at me,”. Her eyes lifted to meet his, “Look at what you’ve done to me,”. Her eyes travelled down his body and widened when they saw the bulge in his pants.

“You…?”

“I want this to, baby, I want this to,” he said, voice low and husky.

With a coy smile on her face, she lay back down, “Then take me,” she replied.

He growled, quickly unbuttoning his shirt and sliding off his work trousers, before crawling between her legs. She lifted them up in the air and he grabbed her calves, gently nipping on one, then the other, before hooking both over his shoulders. He hunkered down, so that she was bent in half, and kissed her nose.

“You sure you want this?” he asked.

She looped her arms around his neck and pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, “Surer than anything I’ve ever been sure about,” she quipped, a carnal hunger in her eyes. He guided his length along her slick folds, coating the shaft with her wetness.

“You’re so wet for me, baby,” he murmured. She bit her lip and nodded.

Unable to wait any longer, he took himself in hand and pushed himself into her, burying himself to the hilt. She clutched at his back and moaned loudly as he speared her open. His thrusts started off slow and shallow, giving her time to accommodate his length. Soon enough, her nails were digging into his back and he increased his pace, slamming his manhood into her as deep as he could go.

“Fuck!” she squealed, as the head of his cock raked across spots within her that she could never reach on her own, “Baby…I…oh you feel so good,” she whimpered.

He grunted in agreement, his brain incapable of making coherent speech at this point. Her head was thrown back, exposing her delicate neck to him. He sucked and nibbled at the sensitive skin there, moaning in approval as her walls fluttered around him in response.

She laced her fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck and he hummed appreciatively, sucking fiercely at the hollow of her throat. Their combined moans, grunts and cries of ecstasy bounced off the walls of their room, punctuated by the wet sounds of skin slapping against skin.

“M’ close,” he growled, “You want me to cum in you?”

In response, her hands slid down his back and dug into his ass, drawing him deeper. Her legs hooked around his waist, locking him in. He cupped her chin and forced her to look at him, maintaining the attention of her lust-filled, heavy-lidded eyes. “Tell me what you want, baby,” he murmured.

“Want…I…want you…to c-c-cum in…me,” she managed to pant, “….and…get me…pregnant,”.

“You want me to knock you up? Want to get pregnant with my baby?”. He was losing it now, teetering on the brink of orgasm, hammering his hips into her pelvis as fast as he could, chasing his release.

She came with a loud cry, her walls clamping down on his cock. The sensation of her velvet slickness flexing and fluttering around his length was all too much and with a guttural grunt, he plunged his cock in as deep as he could manage, as it twitched and throbbed, painting her insides white. He growled with relief as the contents of his balls emptied themselves into her waiting womb.

Her fingers trailed up his sides and cupped his face, bringing him in for a kiss as they came off their joint high. “That was amazing,” she whispered. He nodded in agreement, too breathless to muster up words.

“So amazing, I want to do it again,”. Her hot breath tickled his ear and he let out a groan.

“Gimme…gimme time to catch my breath…” he panted. The smile he got in return was priceless.

PART 11

Well, here they were. After weeks of wisely trying to avoid having straight-up in-and-out sex by trading oral favors, mutually masturbating, and teasing handjobs, they had given in to the temptation to bring his uncovered, very erect cock really close to her unprotected opening. Without saying a word, he started pressing his member up against her groin at first, stimulating both of them, and then slowly moved himself until his head was pushing at her labia.

“Stop,” she had whispered, not wanting anything to proceed from there, hoping to avoid the danger. He froze, not moving, but also not letting up on his pressure against her fun hole which felt so wonderful and inviting. They stayed there for several minutes, looking into each other’s eyes, chemicals and excitement and lust gushing through both of their bodies. Finally, he started pushing harder at her opening, and this time, she said nothing. She no longer had the power to resist. He figured that she had changed her mind about stopping, and so he pushed himself inside…

Now they were fucking, in earnest, at a healthy, relaxing pace. It was pure bliss and enjoyment for both of them. Why had they avoided doing this for so long?

The inevitable was about to occur. It would start to feel really, really good for both of them, and then his pace would quicken. They would keep rutting at each other with increasing intensity until the point of no return, when they would start playing the risk game, a game that neither of them had really wanted to play a few minutes ago, but that they were going to play anyway.

It felt too good to avoid playing now. They both needed the pleasure. Nothing else in life seemed to matter.

PART 12

You’re really asking me for a sperm donation?” Her best friend laughs, raising an eyebrow as he sits on her couch while she’s pacing around nervously, biting her lip as she nods slightly. “You know that I want kids and… I don’t want to wait any longer.” She says before she sits down next to him, looking at him with her innocent big brown eyes. He sighs deeply, running his fingers through his hair before he smiles at her. “Fine. But then we’re going to do this right way.” He says, quickly pulling her on his lap before his lips meet hers and she gasps but quickly melts into the kiss. “You sure?” She whispers and he chuckles and nods, carrying her upstairs. They couldn’t get undressed fast enough, both of them not being able to keep their hands of each other. Their lips weren’t leaving each other, their tongues swirling around and they moan as their naked bodies finally collide, losing themselves in pleasure. Her pussy is soaking wet, she seems to love the touch of a real man and it was easy for him to slip his cock inside. She is on top of him, her lips constantly locked with his as their hips meet, the sound of their moans and skin slapping against each other filling the room. It didn’t take long for them to get closer to the edge and they orgasm at the same time, his potent seed filling her womb, making her belly bulge slightly and as he slowly pulls out, his cum is leaking out of her. The two lines on her pregnancy test two weeks later only led to another round of hot steaming sex.

PART 13

No condoms and the middle of her cycle we find a way to enjoy each other. Kissing leads to intense hand play. She’s definitely fertile, her pussy is soaked. I can see in her face, my fingers are working her clit and pussy to orgasm. She can see in my face her hand is rapidly bringing precum coated cock to orgasm.

We meet eyes, realizing we’ve never orgasmed together before and it might be happening shortly. Breath shortening, hearts racing, minds fighting primal urges.

I watch her, soon to be convulsing on the bed in pleasure. She watches me, knowing I will stiffen and explode.

Never simultaneously.

How amazing would it be to explode together, for the first time. But we can’t. She can’t get pregnant. But how amazing would it be to scream in ecstasy together, orgasming as one on the bed? Are we ready for a baby? Is this how we are to bring a child into the world…..

As she is moments away, pulling on me harder, spreading her legs farther apart.

Bliss and impending pleasure blinds our rational thoughts as I lean forward and she raises her hips, allowing me to penetrate her pussy at the exact moment our orgasms hit. We wrap our arms and legs around each other, spasming on the bed, enjoy our first mutual orgasm as semen explodes into her fertile womb.

POETRY: TODAY I SAW A FACE, NOT JUST ANY FACE.....YOUR FACE

Let your heart feel the warmth of my 
hands touching your face, my lips softly 
kissing yours, my arms about you. 

I whisper softly so that only your ears
hear what my heart is saying, I love you, 
I need you, and I want you with all that is in me. 

I need you, to hold and to be held by you, 
I see in your beautiful eyes, the reflection 
of the love you give to me. 

You shall never leave my heart nor yours to 
feel alone or grow cold, and both our hearts 
to stay warm and as one. 

I love you with all my heart and soul. 
The need for you comes from my heart, 
today, tomorrow and always. 

2

Stealing my heart was so easy for you
True love was the fantasy, only you could make true
Love was transparent, like charcoal steam
You were the one cut out of my dreams.

You were the one who woke me from sleep 
And stole my heart with love so deep
You opened the door to a love so dense
And cared not for the cost and expense.

You grasped me from darkness, not a moment too soon 
And displayed a love so pure and perfectly in tune
The light in your soul was impossible to avoid
Hate you banished... Fear you destroyed.

The day I met you the loss of love was quenched
My soul, once so dry, was instantly drenched
Please, you must never forget 
All that was destined for us the day we met.

3

I've seen
the glowing fragrance
of those eyes;
nothing is there in this world
except those eyes full of love.

Let
love remain love alone,
touch not with hand
to it give
a name of relationship.

Love is
only a feeling
to be felt
through the soul;
It is not words,
it's not voice
but
only silence
that flows through
the ages.

It neither stops
nor slows down
nor extinguishes ever;
a drop of divine light
that fills your
entire world.

Eyes
keep smiling
with shadows of hope;
lips speak nothing
but
on the trembling lips;
many silent dreams dance.

Love is
only a feeling
to be felt
through the soul.
Let love remain love alone
don't give it
a name of relationship.


4


I've seen
the glowing fragrance
of those eyes;
nothing is there in this world
except those eyes full of love.

Let
love remain love alone,
touch not with hand
to it give
a name of relationship.

Love is
only a feeling
to be felt
through the soul;
It is not words,
it's not voice
but
only silence
that flows through
the ages.

It neither stops
nor slows down
nor extinguishes ever;
a drop of divine light
that fills your
entire world.

Eyes
keep smiling
with shadows of hope;
lips speak nothing
but
on the trembling lips;
many silent dreams dance.

Love is
only a feeling
to be felt
through the soul.
Let love remain love alone
don't give it
a name of relationship.






5
Today i saw a face, not just any face, your face:
pure unadulterated beauty.
A face that has haunted me for what seems like a thousand years.
A face that has kept me warm during the coldest of winters
and cool in the flames of summer!
This face touches me deeper than anyone has ever cared to drill. 
This face has brought me up from the abyss 
to a light that shines bright like the sun!
Because of this face I know love with no boundaries.
When I saw this face I knew love beyond doubt.
Today I saw your face.

DATING: REAL LOVE VS FAKE LOVE

Fake love is the immediate chemistry.  We all know what that is - the chemical rush of horniness that can last from three weeks to a year and a half and then "Poof!" it's gone. 
The onset of real love and fake love can feel very similar.  It's obsessive - you can't think about anything else, and you might lose weight, sleep, or time.  However, when it's fake love, you are both only projecting fantasies and assuming things about each other.  You can't see future problems because you are both idealizing all of each other's qualities and insisting that the other person is the best you've ever met.  However, you haven't actually "met" them.  You are only seeing an idealized version of that person. 

Real love evolves into service.  You see, fake love is all about how the other person makes you feel.  Real love is about your commitment to making someone else feel good.  Real love involves two people focusing on the needs of each other and doing loving acts over and over again without anyone keeping score.  That's why fake love ends up being such a bummer and a letdown - you hit a wall because all you're thinking about is how you feel.  

 

So many woman wants their fierce chemical attraction to continually persist throughout the course of the entire relationship, or they fears they will find themself losing interest. This made first dates difficult , because if that woman didn’t feel that spark right off the bat, dude was getting friend-zoned and she was gonna keep it moving.

But this weekend I had a moment of clarity that made me question my unwavering support of her relationship worldview. My epiphany came after the Season two of Aziz Ansari’s brilliant Netflix series, Master of None.  I must admit that one of the most compelling story lines of the entire season was the sexual-tension-laced-friendship between Dev (Ansari) and his Italian crush Francesca (Alessandra Mastronardi).

 While we never see the exact moment they first meet, you can tell that their connection was organic and far more piercing than either expected it to be. Although she was engaged throughout the course of their friendship, their bond was clearly undeniable. Both tried their damnedest to avoid developing feelings for one another. After Dev finally reveals that he wants to be more than friends and she pretty much shuts him down, he had a conversation with his best friend Arnold (Eric Wareheim) that was harsh, but offered an incredibly profound insight: “Your relationship probably wasn’t gonna be this magical fantasy that’s in your head. It’s probably gonna be a sh*t show.”

In that moment, so many thoughts of relationships past began to run through my head. As a former “spark addict,” not only did I vividly remember my own skewed expectations of what a healthy emotional median was for myself, but I also remembered the unfair burden I placed on women to live up to some unrealistic emotional median. To use “sparks” as the thing that undergirded my past relationships was flat out stupid. Why? Because it came at the cost of ignoring practicality and the other benefits of a long-term relationship that are—in some ways—more substantive than an off-the-hook spark. In fact, maintaining the belief that women owed it to me to continually nurture such a connection was a downright selfish demand of inhuman perfection.

I am in no way saying that chemistry isn’t important. Nor am I advising anyone on how they should conduct their relationship. But for those people who may be like I once was and like my homegirl currently is—out here chasing sparks, maybe my own cognition can help you out in some way.

Sparks are awesome but, for me, they aren’t the main priority. I realize that by creating the expectation that my wife will always be in a mental, emotional and spiritual place to provide passion is far too laborious of a request. Life happens, things change, passion subsides and reignites and if your bond isn’t reinforced by something firmer than sparks, your relationship may be in some serious danger. 

DATING: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CASUAL DATING AND SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP.

Recently someone wanted to enter into a relationship with me...but a casual one?  WTF? I never wanted a casual relationship. I always wanted a serious relationship. My intention has always been to settle down and have kids. You can't say you want the same thing and yet have a casual relationship.

 

Is there really a difference between casual dating and a committed relationship?

 

Before deciding on whether to seek serious or casual relationships take some time to think about what you truly want.  If you could rub a magic lamp and get the any relationship you desired, what would it look like?  Would you want the excitement of running from one woman to the next?  Or would you want that one steady, reliable girl who’s devoted only to you?  There’s no right answer here, the point is to get clear on exactly what it is you want. That way you can go out and get it.

In order to be in a committed relationship, both you and your partner need to agree to be “serious” with one another. You are solely focused on one another. You are not “dating” anyone else. In the majority of cases, couples that are in a serious, committed relationship are interested in a possible future together (i.e. marriage, children and/or a long-term romantic partnership).  In other others, you need to invest your time, energy, love, support and affection towards your partner. When you enter into a serious, committed relationship, your main goal is to develop a strong foundation that will last throughout time. A committed couple trusts, respects, loves, supports, values and uplifts one another. This couple communicates and sees each other on a regular basis. They are also heavily involved in each other’s lives.

The difference between dating and being in a relationship is commitment. If you are going out with someone on a regular basis, and you and your partner have agreed to date only one another, then you are in a committed relationship. However, if you are dating a person and neither of you have agreed to date exclusively, then you are not in a relationship and you are both free to also date other people. One of the main differences between a serious, committed relationship and “causal dating” is that individuals in a committed relationship tend to be monogamous. In other words, you do not “date” other people. In a “casual dating” relationship, you are not required to be monogamous. In fact, you can date multiple people, if you so choose or you can just date each other. Moreover, “casual dating” may or may not include sex

The thing about casual dating is for it to work it must go both ways.  You can’t give yourself complete freedom to date other women yet force the girl to be exclusive only to you.  This creates an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship that’s more about control than anything else.  It’s the type of arrangement that’s likely to create a lot of drama before it comes crashing down. So before you start looking for casual relationships ask yourself, are you really okay with the women you date going out and potentially sleeping with other guys?   If so, then go ahead and enjoy your casual relationships.  If not, it’s a red flag that casual dating isn’t for you. I know for me...that is not what I am looking for. I can not handle that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once you know what kind of relationship you want, let your intentions be known.  Within the first date #1 – talk to the girl about what you’re each looking for in a relationship.  You don’t have to go into much detail but it’s a good idea to ask something like “So are you more of the causal dating or serious relationship kind of girl?”  To make sure she doesn’t feel any pressure when answering this question you may want to go first and let her know what it is you’re looking for. You may lose a few girls rather quickly this way (don’t be surprised if some girls say they’re not looking for anything serious, yet mysteriously stop calling after this conversation), but that’s exactly the point.  You’re filtering out women who aren’t compatible with what you want.  This will save a lot of headache and frustration down the road.  You won’t waste days, weeks, or even months trying to force a relationship that was doomed from the start.  Instead, you’ll be free to find the girl who fit your lifestyle.

 You don’t want to find yourself “casually dating” a girl yet behaving as you would if you were in a serious, committed relationship. Doing so would get things real complicated, real quick. So if you’re casually dating a girl be sure to avoid “boyfriend” type behavior.  Don’t call or text her nearly every day.  Don’t have her meet the family, or regularly invite her to be your date for special events.  Actions like these can blur the lines of your relationship and send mixed signals, planting the thought in her mind that the relationship is becoming more serious.  If you don’t want her thinking that way and are not interested in having her as a serious girlfriend, then avoid giving her a taste of that role.

PERSONAL: WE ORBIT AROUND EACH OTHER

How can you say you love one person when there are ten thousand people in the world that you would love more if you ever met them? But you’ll never meet them. All right, so we do the best we can. Granted. But we must still realize that love is just the result of a chance encounter


We orbit around each other like this:
i cannot cry unless it is your hands around my waist
and your lips soothing the hectic jumps of my pulse.
I am my weakest when i am with you,
and it is this mixture of thrill and fear
that i don’t know what to make of.
You tell me that i look extra beautiful on a certain day,
that that shirt or this is good on me,
that green bring out the blue in my eyes
and i don’t know what to do with myself when this happens.
I keep wanting you closer, more you please.
More everything that is you and less anything
that is the rest of the world because they don’t know
what it is like to find a home where your heart
fits better than it ever will in its place in your chest.
This is the solar system of you and me
where both of us are planets and there is no one larger than life;
no sun and moon, just you and me,
two dark planets looking for home.
This is the place where our lighthouse is each others’ souls.
I am so scared of you, but i love you.
I think it might be enough.

DATING: FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO ISN'T YOUR PHYSICAL TYPE

I knew a patient once who told his fiancee he didn’t think he could marry her after all because she didn’t have slender legs and ankles. They were thick and sturdy and muscular. “Northern Italian child-bearing ankles,” she jokingly called them. Alas, he was a “leg man.” Those aesthetics were really, really, REALLY important to him. He had always envisioned his wife looking a certain way, and his fiancee didn’t fit that image. It was a real crisis for him, an awful dilemma, because they were perfect together otherwise, but he felt this stood in the way of his physical attraction to her. She told him that it really came down to one question he needed to ask himself: was his life better with or without her in it? Because those “big” legs were strictly hereditary and weren’t going anywhere. They also were the result of years of strength training she wasn’t about to abandon. In addition, if he wanted to dump her and go out and find a leggy model-type, how would he feel if a month after the wedding she was in a terrible accident or got a debilitating disease and her legs had to be amputated, or wasted away and became disfigured? Were legs really the deal-breaker? Wasn’t it more important to find the one person whom you cared enough about to love through the worst day of her life? And who cared enough about you to love you through the worst day of your life? Ultimately, it’s about companionship and being on the same wavelength, as well as being able to share things and have fun together and, well… LIKE each other through most any situation. To prefer one another’s company to anyone else’s.  He married her.

 Fact: In relationship studies, traditional “attraction” wears off within 18-24 months of dating. This probably corresponds to what you’ve experienced in real life – namely, that it’s hard to get “excited” about someone with whom you’ve been intimate for two years straight. Life becomes more about responsibility, friendship, compatibility and all those other “boring” things that old married couples cite.  So how much emphasis should we put on physical attraction? It is no secret that compatibility is a stronger predictor of relationship health than chemistry. Yet chemistry is what we chase – somehow hoping that it turns into compatibility as well. It rarely does. Look at your most “passionate” relationships. Where are they now? Exactly. Yet we can’t help ourselves. we like what we like– often to our own detriment. Which is how men end up with hot crazy women and women end up with hot emotionally unavailable men. This isn’t my opinion. This is life.

The problem is that when we compare people side by side, great catches often lose out. Why respond to the 5’5″ guy when there are six-footers out there? Why go out with the heavyset person when you can write to a lean model-type? Why go out with the 45-year-old when you can try the 29-year-old?That doesn’t mean you’re shallow – no more than anyone else. It just means you’re human. You need to have some measure of attraction since there’s only ONE person with whom you’ll be having sex for the rest of your life. .

Which brings us to the moment of truth. You know that sex is the dessert and not the main course…but you know that this is the only person you’ll ever be with again. You know that companionship is more valuable than lust over 40 years…but you know that attraction is important and won’t get better over time. So should you stay or should you go if you’re not that physically attracted to your partner? If there is NO attraction to start, there’s not even any room to go down. However, if that person is  somewhere in the broader spectrum – somewhere between a 5-7 on the attraction scale, you may want to think twice before you toss him/her back in the sea. First, ask yourself if he/she– could dissect YOU physically as well. How about emotionally? Intellectually? It’s simple to find fault with others, but there’s a certain grace and wisdom in loving people in spite of their flaws, just as you’d like to be loved in spite of yours.

Second, ask yourself if this person – despite your middling attraction for him/her – can make up for it in bed. I have been with a lot of beautiful woman who were horrible in bed. If she’s energetic, passionate, and devoted to your pleasure, she may be more valuable to my love life than someone who is more aesthetically pleasing with the lights on.

Finally, we often underestimate how rare it is to have a partner who loves us unconditionally. Very often, the second you assume the grass is greener is the second you may find yourself in an exciting new romance…with a guy who only texts you once a week. Attraction is an intensely personal choice and is fundamental to maintaining a healthy sex life. But don’t lose sight of the fact that you’re better off with a 6 in attraction and a 10 in compatibility, than you are with a 10 in attraction and a 4 in compatibility.

The things is this......as you get older the importance of sex become less.  It’s just hard to consider that when you’re  young. But realize that in 10 years, you’re raising little ones and your life is no longer your own.  By 40s, you’re probably finishing menopause and his libido is largely gone. By 67, you’re thinking of retirement, travel and grandkids. By 77, you’re hoping just to stay healthy, and … Can you see how making a decision based on attraction is a perfect example of short-term thinking? Like getting a tattoo with someone’s name on your back and breaking up four months later. The truth is that life lasts for a REALLY, REALLY long time.

LOVE LETTER: LETTER FROM THE PAST

I wrote these letter a long long time ago. When I got divorced I deleted every post of my ex. I decided to put old email up again.

My Dearest Darling;

I saw a sunset today, a beautiful sunset. It reminded me of you and of us. Do you recall how we would measure our days by the sunsets we saw? We would always take the time to stop

and watch them, no matter where we were.

Remember the orange and red sunset over the plains of the Serengeti—we held hands like school kids and drew each other close, hearing the lions roar just beyond our fires.  But the ones I recall most fondly were the morning sunrises on Miami Beach. It was always enough to take my breath away, as long as I was there with you, my love. Breathtaking! The simple silent beauty, there is nothing on earth like it and to spend it with you was like gold.

My favorite sunset of all time was on our cruise and we were dining on board, sailing the blue green waters of the Caribbean. From our window table we could faintly see the soft yellow rays of the setting sun. Together we grabbed our champagne glasses and left our dinner to be alone. We watched the most gorgeous sunset of all. I cherish times such as those, my love. Every time I see a sunset, I think of you and remember your beauty and what you mean to me. Each sunrise and sunset brings us closer together. Which sunsets do you recall as your favorite? Which sunrises do you cherish? I count the sunsets until we are together again. 

I love you and miss you.

Forever,

PART 2

My Dearest Darling,

I miss you. Some feelings are expressed so simply. If it was in my power I would be there, be there by your side.  Time that I know cannot be replaced. Like the sands of an hour glass, one grain at a time, it drops away, silently but evermore, never to be found again. I will write you. Be comforted by the fact you will always be in my thoughts… Remember, just a short few weeks ago we celebrated New Year‟s Eve. You looked breathtaking in your shimmering evening gown and I know you loved me in my tux, as we danced around the dance floor. I love dancing with you. As we spiraled the Waltz together, moved to the beat of the Samba and Cha Cha and set the dance floor afire with the closeness of our Tango.

Then the band had to play your favorite song,  and you looked at me, grabbed my hand and the champagne, while we rushed to welcome in the New Year.

We always believed that how you spend New Year‟s Eve is how you spend the rest of the year. I love you my dearest, always remember that. 

Forever,

PART 3

My Dearest Darling,

I awoke this morning to the scent of freshly cut grass hanging in the air and it reminded me of our picnics high on the hill overlooking the river. Remember? On our way there, you always insisted on stopping by the small nearby cemetery and paying respects to the unknown dearly departed. You stopped to pull weeds from around the neglected headstones. You always said it was the least we could do, since no one else seemed to care.

I always loved that about you, the way you cared so much for strangers, little children and those who needed a champion. You were so kind to everyone. I miss that in this world of “me first” or “me only” attitudes. I was always so touched by your sincere caring for those you never knew. Afterwards we spread our blanket under the shadow of the tall oak tree, which overlooked the river and we watched the barges travel by with their long loads, mesmerizing our senses with their rhythmic approach to life.

I recall your hand picked blades of grass from my shirt and gently moved the hair from my forehead. I remember your kiss as we lay on the blanket, the world now filled with only two people, you and me. I miss those wondrous days. Miss you. I must go now.

Forever,

PART 4

My Dearest Darling,

I have tried to recite the poems you loved so much  Remember, „I will take my life into my hands, and I will use it?‟ Remember those words? Sing those words. Sing loud and sing clear, they are almost as understanding as your poetry.

Remember the large butter-like pads of baked garlic, floating in olive oil. We would spread it like butter on fresh Italian bread. So sweet, but I still don't know what their recipe was to make it so fine and wonderful. Remember the pillow-like softness of the gnocchi? The sweet homemade rosemary and basil pesto? The delicious Chianti you love? And the Sangiovese for me. The best! And then we would go dancing at the JW Beach Hotel nearby on the beach. Remember reading  in bed to each other, until we fell fast asleep? Lying so close to you, I could smell  the sweetness of your perfume. I loved touching your hair. I can still feel the softness in my hands.

I remember all of this but most of all, I recall the simple touch, the smile from across the room that you would send to my heart. I was always the touchy feely kind of guy and it pierces my heart to be denied the treasure of your touch. I do miss you so. One takes so many things for granted until they are denied and the desire is heightened. I remember—

Oh, thou hallowed heart rings true,

Thy deep abode in dark so fires my soul

Thru the darkest hours I have yearned of thee,

Must I be gone, to have my heart ring so loud,

Whilst you return to me

Thy arms, eyes, smile and thee

See, I did remember my love. Please  hold it close, save it and we shall cuddle before the fireplace and read 'til dawn. I must go now. Soon, my love, soon.

I love you, my dearest.

Forever,

PART 5

My Dearest Darling,

I recall the yellow cotton dress, do you? Do you remember the first time we ventured to the Long beach? I always hated the beach, too sandy, too windy, too dirty and way too much trouble. You my love, reminded me of the beauty that the beach has to offer. You said the sand was once living shells, or coral or bones pounded by the relentless ocean into tiny particles of pleasure for us to enjoy to squish between our toes.

Remember you said we should treat it with respect as if it were a temple in honor of all those who had gone before. We should remember all of those living organisms that have given their lives to provide the soft, warm sands meant only to give pleasure to the soles of our feet. Your eyes see things so differently than most, and when I think of the beach I think of us, so close and your appreciation of the world so profound, so human and so understanding. I love that about you, among so many other countless things which I adore about you, my love. I am never out of sight of your love or your emotions, for I am always reminded of how you view the world.

PART 6

My Dearest Darling

I heard a laugh the other day and it brought back memories of us. Remember the time we decided to bake a cake and spent all that time waiting for it to rise, only to discover we had

forgotten some key ingredients? Your mother was kind in her suggestion for us to take up skydiving instead. We laughed for years anytime we would order cake for dessert. Your laugh would start from the corner of your lips and spread upward until it reached you eyes, causing them to twinkle. You had different laughs for different times.

Your laugh with me came from the depths of your soul, seasoned with sweetness and tempered with respect and trust. I miss that laugh so much my love. I still remember your laugh from that evening. Laugh today. Laugh tomorrow. Laugh until you cry. Laugh as if we are together for I miss you so. Always remember…

Must go my darling.

Forever,

PART 7

My Dearest Darling,

I saw a bird, a large white bird soaring overhead today and it reminded me of the seagulls we used to feed on the beach. Whenever I touch my braceket you gave me, not only does it remind me of you but reaffirms this magical connection between us.We were determined that no one would separate us, ever, and we held our hands clasped so tightly together no one could pull us apart. You always said how a couple spends their time is how they spend the rest of their lives. We spent ours together! I always tell everyone it was the happiest day of my life.

Do you recall, we recited verses to each other quoting from your old friend, Elizabeth Barrett Browning? (I left out the first line which you hated so, thinking it overused.)

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

I can't believe I remembered the whole sonnet! 

Oh god, do I love your smile

Forever,

PART 8

My Dearest Darling,

I miss you. I understand now the true meaning of the word yearn. My heart has ached for you as it has at no other time before. My hands and mind and all of my senses reach for you, reach for you to be there. I look to see you, touch you, and feel you but only with my mind. It is a feeling like no other. I yearn for you, I ache for you, I hunger and thirst for you with every molecule of my being. I can manage no other time. It is only with my memories that I will be able to quench my thirst for you. Dante‟s inferno is a mere candle to my flame, my desire for you. If only just to see you. I can wait no longer or else I surely shall die. I can no longer endure this pain. Remember my love, I am always here, always here for you.

My dearest, I never tire of saying those words, my dearest, I love touching you and holding you. I have touched this card  this card you gave me for my birthday , closer than anything before and .... you touch this same cardl the connected energy, generated by feelings of love and desire.  I miss you and love you more than

PART 9

Dearest 

 I sometimes feel I can express myself with words  than with spoken words. I recall the life we were starting together, life filled with love, joy, tenderness and giving. Remember  our lovemaking to the sound of rain. 

I can still feel your touch even though you are not with me right now; the mere scent of a flower reminds me of the sweet smell of your perfume. I miss your touch. I miss your laugh, the crinkle of your nose when something strikes your funny bone. I yearn to hold you and never let you go

We were two new souls, both born of desperation and of love, clinging to one another .I miss you and need

you.

Forever,

THOUGHTS: MARRY FOR CHEMISTRY IS NOT WISE

You can’t help what you’re attracted to. You like certain people because they’re hot, or whatever it is that turns you on.

But you can acknowledge that those individual you’re attracted to aren’t always good long-term relationship partners. You can acknowledge that attraction can be blinding and allow you to overlook a person’s flaws for way too long. You can acknowledge that attraction isn’t either a ‘10’ or a ‘1’—that it's usually something in between. And you can acknowledge that an addiction to  hot, aloof, and inaccessible individual isn’t really working.

If 95 percent of your life is spent on matters that are neither ‘brainy’ nor ‘sexy,’ wouldn’t it make sense to find a partner who is compatible in all the other areas? Rather than finding the hottest person imaginable who doesn’t want to see your mother, doesn’t want to raise a family together? I think so. Naturally, you have to find your partner attractive and intelligent, but that doesn’t have to be the most attractive for you to have a very happy life together.

I’ve long advocated for putting compatibility first, instead of making chemistry or looks the most important factor in your decision-making. Because, as you know, you can get the , hottest, tallest, richest guy in the world…and you’ll most likely discover that he’s a selfish narcissist who’s just not that into you. Thus, there is wisdom in compromising on looks and chemistry in order to find the happiness that has eluded you when you exalt “attraction” above all.

My recipe for a strong, healthy relationship, it might look like this: 3 Cups kindness, 3 Cups of keeing your word, 2 Cups shared goals; 2 Cups compatibility, 1 Tablespoon love, 1 teaspoon attraction (optional!). (Of course a relationship has many more ingredients than this but you get the idea).

Romantic love is a kind of madness. It's been studied at UCSF (the University of California, San Francisco). Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and author of Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love By Understanding Your Personality Type, has completed a wealth of research on this topic.

They have scanned people who are in love and found that the"chemistry state"state doesn't really last more than 18 to 24 months. It's a fallacy that we should expect that chemistry, that kind of intense ardor, to continue. So, since we've been sold that idea, five years down the line when your husband says, or you say, "I want out because I'm not in love with you anymore," our society legitimizes that as a reason to get out.

But divorce is very costly, and women don't recognize that, as they age, they're less marketable on the marriage market. They're less marketable in the work market, and maybe they should make that first decision not based on something as transient. Why are we basing our future on this?

There’s a leap of faith that you have to make in any relationship. You make this leap of faith based on trust and character, not based on attraction or wealth. You make this leap of faith when you’ve found your best friend, someone who makes you laugh, who has your back, who values the same things in life, and, yes, who is on the same page sexually. But most importantly, you make this leap of faith when you find the person who allows you to be yourself, to let down your guard, to feel safe.

Keep chasing partners who don’t make you feel safe, and you’ll always find yourself getting hurt. Please don’t think your partner has to leave you breathless. The ones who leave you breathless—as you already know—tend to be the ones who leave. Just consider the relative importance of a chiseled jawline and a Masters degree versus the ability to love you unconditionally and the desire to make you happy. I think it’s clear what should win out.

ARTICLE: What Women Should Know About How Men Choose Affair Partners (According To 400 Men BY Micki Spollen

We assume she’s younger, prettier and has a better body than us. We imagine she’s easy going, laughs adoringly at all his jokes and only sees his good side.

While people who cheat have different reasons for their infidelity, one of the most interesting aspects of affairs is how people choose the person they ultimately decide to cheat with.

Cheating is often perceived as something that happens on a whim: adulterers are swept off their feet by charming, irresistible types or end up in a stranger’s bed after a drunken night out.

However, it turns out that’s not actually the case.

We partnered with Ashley Madison to find out more about what people think about their relationships and, more specifically, having affairs. In a survey of more than 1,300 men and women, we found out not only why people cheat, but how they pick the people they cheat with.

We tend to paint “the other woman” as a mystery, a temptress that swiftly enters your man’s life and seduces him on a whim. But, for better or worse, our survey revealed that if you think your man is having an affair, it’s most likely with someone you know.

Of the 400 men who responded to the survey, 27 percent said that if they were in an unhappy relationship and decided to pursue a side relationship they would approach someone they already know as a friend, followed by a lesser 23 percent who would meet a stranger at a bar or on a trip.

This is somewhat bittersweet.

Chances are, you don’t have to worry about your man being out with his male friends and making a move on another woman. But that doesn’t mean your relationship is in the clear since, according to the survey, 44 percent of men have cheated on a partner, and another 55 percent of men have at least thought about it.

Yep, you added that correctly. That’s literally 99 percent of men either cheating or contemplating cheating. So who are they all cheating with?

Think: co-workers, their friends, your friends… the list goes on. And it makes sense. Once you have a foundation of friendship in place, it’s easy for further feelings to develop. It’s how most relationships start, and you can’t always prevent those feelings even if you’re already in a committed relationship. Plus, it’s hard enough to meet new people in general, let alone when you already have a routine going — and especially if you already have a family.

So what does this mean for women, exactly? Perhaps it means that affairs aren’t as premeditated as we’ve historically assumed them to be. It’s possible feelings develop slowing, sometimes unnoticeably, over time until they culminate with one party crossing a line and acting on an impulse.  

It also means that it’s not just single women you have to keep an eye on since it’s clear from the research that men aren’t the only ones that pursue affairs. The survey revealed that 39 percent of women have cheated on a partner, and another 35 percent have at least thought about it. That doesn’t mean 74 percent of women are bad people — it means 74 percent of relationships aren’t completely fulfilling.

According to Ashley Madison members (existing married daters), satisfying sex is a main motivator for seeking out an extramarital partner with 43% of surveyed women admitting to seeking a purely physical affair.

This is likely due to the fact that 49% say their spouse gives them an orgasm “sometimes” or “rarely” compared to 59% who claim they experience an orgasm “always” or “most of the time” with their extramarital partner. General feedback from women who join Ashley Madison is that sex with their spouse is boring and their husband makes little effort to pleasure them. Over time, they seek out an affair because they aren’t feeling desired or getting enough attention from their partner.

However, many of those that do go through with an affair do so in an effort to be happier in their marriage, not as a way to damage it. From our research, like the men, 28 percent of women would approach someone they already know as a friend for an affair before anyone else.

At the outset, pursuing someone you already know seems like the easiest approach. But it also has a bigger potential to get messy. Circles run small, so those looking for a discreet affair risk word spreading back to their partners when the intent of married dating isn’t about ruining existing relationships, but enhancing them. 

In this age of social media, it’s pretty surprising that more people don’t rely on dating apps to seek out affairs. It seems like an easier way to keep your affair under wraps, and flirting through an app is certainly more subtle than making a move in person.

The truth is, the more traditional dating sites aren’t always conducive to infidelity. People seeking to have an affair are more vulnerable to judgment from those who don’t agree with their actions.

This is why married dating sites like Ashley Madison have become more and more popular among those looking to have an affair (which, as the survey shows, is a lot of people). On Ashley Madison, members can be transparent because everyone is there for the same thing.

“Rather than get involved with someone in your social circle, or worse, your professional circle, we offer a place for people to come and pursue a more successful affair with likeminded married daters where there is a far lesser chance of being discovered,” says Paul Keable, VP of Communications at Ashley Madison.  “Our members have a shared risk and with a shared risk comes discretion because both parties have an equal amount to lose.” 

We all want happiness and commitment in our primary relationships, but unfortunately, that’s just not always the case. So whether we agree with it or not, affairs happen — maybe even more often than you originally thought.