ARTICLE....NEW YORK POST:8 reasons why New York women can’t get a husband By Jane Ridley

Last year, Susan Patton, a Princeton grad and the mother of two sons at the elite college, outraged feminists when she wrote an open letter to the Daily Princetonian telling female students to find a husband on campus before they graduate.

The red alert — which argued that these Ivy League college girls “would never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who would be worthy of you” — went viral with more than 100 million hits.

Now Patton, an independent HR consultant who lives on Manhattan’s Upper East Side and who’s been dubbed “Princeton Mom,” has capitalized on her fame with an old-fashioned dating manual, “Marry Smart.” Published this week, the book argues that coeds have a limited shelf life “as young, beautiful [women who are] as attractive to men or as fertile” and advises them to spend three-quarters of their time in school on the hunt for Mr. Right.

But what happens if you missed your shot and didn’t get that all-important MRS certificate along with your liberal arts degree?

Nil desperandum, says Patton. She believes that, even in the dog-eat-dog dating jungle that is New York, there is hope for single career women between the ages of 22 and 35 (yes, that’s her cutoff) who also want marriage and babies.

“These women are spinsters-in-training, but they can turn it around,” says the 50-something divorcée. “They need to apply the same attitude and gumption that got them to New York City to the task of getting a husband.”

So listen up, unattached ladies! Here’s where Princeton Mom thinks you’re going wrong:

1

You drink too much

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The lush life may help NYC gals relieve stress, but it won't help land a suitable man for wedded bliss.



The ubiquitous “happy hour” sign outside your favorite bar might be beckoning — according to a recent study, binge drinking is on the rise here in NYC — but think before you dash through the doors of Dorrian’s for a 50-cent beer to ease your work stress. “Honestly, do you think that you’re at your most attractive when you are drunk, slurring your words and on the verge of puking?” asks Patton. “You’re not, and by drinking to excess, you put yourself at risk. Women who are sloppy drunks are a huge turnoff, as is the smell of puke on your hair.” You should also question whether a Second Avenue dive that shutters at 4 a.m. is the best hunting ground for love. “At best, it’s an undignified place to meet men; at worst, it’s a dangerous place to encounter possible psychopaths,” warns Patton. Her preferred spots to nab that life partner? The Metropolitan Museum, the Guggenheim, MoMA. “Any museum is a safe and very reasonable place to engage in conversation with strangers over Monet’s brilliant use of light, Mondrian’s cubist overtones or Calder’s playfulness,” she observes.

2

You might as well be married to your iPhone

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Ladies, put down that smart phone -- it's a potential husband killer! Instead, "Princeton Mom" Susan Patton suggests holding your head high -- and smiling.


You’ll never hear wedding bells when you’re constantly bent over an electronic device with your earbuds in. “When you walk through Grand Central Station, Central Park or down Madison Avenue — hold your head high and get in the habit of looking people in the eye,” says Patton. “Smile. Look like you’d be nice to speak with — welcoming, warm, charming. You can’t do any of that if you are hunched over your laptop or iPad.” Instead, it’s time to wise up, smell the spring flowers and go for a walk at lunchtime.

3

You wear too much black

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Avoid black, boyish outfits and choose chic, flirty frocks in bright, welcoming colors instead.



New York women may be known for their fashion sense, but black clothing, severe silhouettes and the kind of avant garb made famous by local fashionista Leandra Medine (a k a the Man Repeller) are all no-no’s. “Anything that makes a woman look like she’s dressing as a man” is to be avoided, says Patton. In other words, you can’t go wrong with a pastel-colored frock. “You should dress with more sophistication,” says Patton, whose favorite designer is Tahari. Another Patton peeve is the gal who wears no makeup, even when she’s jogging around the Prospect Park loop at 7 a.m. “If you are in serious husband-hunting mode, don’t leave your apartment unless you look so good that you’d be delighted to run into your ex-boyfriend,” she adds. “Remember, your body hasn’t yet been ravaged by childbirth, and presumably you’ve kept yourself healthy and attractive. You have to make the best of this time.”

4

You're dating too many guys at work

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Joan bedded her boss Roger Sterling on "Mad Men."

Seeing as you spend most of your waking hours in the office, you might be tempted to make like Joan Holloway from “Mad Men” with your very own Roger Sterling (above). But show Patton a career girl who thinks she’ll find the man of her dreams at the office, and she’ll show you a future “old lady with cats.” “Women tend to be attracted to men at work who are older than they are and more senior,” she says. “When those love affairs end — and they almost always end — it’s the junior-position woman who is forced to find a new job or remain there feeling awkward.” Besides, you shouldn’t be “fishing off the company pier,” anyway. “Don’t mix your business and personal life,” adds Patton. As for married men, you already know the score. “He’s not leaving his wife for you. And if he would cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you,” says Patton. Quit wasting your time with unsuitable men. “Bad boys can be fun to fool around with, and women do have needs, but stay away from these pigs for the sake of a little sausage.”

5

You spend too much time with your gay best friend

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On "Girls," Elijah may be fun to hang out with, but Hannah will never get to the altar if she spends all her time with her gay pal.

Do the funnest of your funnest nights out always end up at Therapy? We know they’re a blast, but it’s time to ditch your gay pals for a while and shop in a more appropriate market. “Your gay boyfriends are wonderful, but they are not marriage material,” says Patton. “They’ll understand if you explain why you have to spend a little less time with them until you find your man. There may not be many prospects for you on Christopher Street, but your homosexual friends may know straight guys who might be appropriate for you.” Let them know that you’d consider it a favor.

6

You're ignoring your biological clock


Don't put your ambitions for motherhood on hold for your career.

In a city like New York, where a girl is bombarded by subway ads for IVF clinics, fertility endocrinologists and all manner of assisted reproduction techniques, it’s all too easy to put your ambitions for motherhood on hold. “No, no, no, no,” shrieks Patton. “If you aspire to motherhood within marriage, you have a limited window of opportunity within which to find a husband and bear your own children.” To all those women who want to have children naturally, with the support of a husband, she sounds an unapologetic wake-up call. “You are not getting any younger,” says Patton. “But the women you are competing with to get the men you’re interested in marrying are most certainly getting younger.”

7

You hook up too much

Young, career-obsessed New York women are only too happy to hop in the sack without any long-term plans — witness the rising popularity of hookup apps like Tinder. But Patton takes a dim view of casual sex. “Men lose interest in women that are easier to make than a peanut butter sandwich,” she insists. “If you offer men sex without commitment, you eliminate the incentive for them to commit.” Granny was right: Men won’t buy the cow if the milk is free. “The women who troll the Meatpacking District are in the business of one-night stands, but if you are looking for a more substantial relationship, you have to pace yourself and engage in a very slow dance towards intimacy,” she warns. Patton also thinks you should keep details of your sex life to yourself. “Who you have sex with is your private business, so keep it private,” she says. “Talking about your hookups (or complaining about them) reflects badly on your judgment and your character.”

8

You over-rely on NYC conveniences

Yes, you’re stressed out and tired and you can get virtually anything delivered to you in this great city. But Seamless, FreshDirect and Netflix are making you lazy and, if Chinese is your takeout of choice, fat. “Everybody works hard, and at the end of a long day it’s great to order in tapas and binge on a ‘House of Cards’ marathon,” says Patton. “But you won’t meet anybody new in your studio walk-up.” So, slip off the Slanket and get out into the world. As a dog lover, Patton (who owns a dachshund named Lucille) firmly believes in the power of the canine-concocted romance. “Grab a leash, your lipstick and go for a walk in the park — if you’ve trained your dog well, they can act as your wingman.”

LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE..WE ARE JUST A KISS AWAY

Dear Soulmate,

We were just a kiss away  from fallen in love, as your sweet, soft lips touch my forehead. We were just a kiss away from sharing our dreams, as my world turns into a fantasy every time you're near. We were just a kiss away  from making sweet love,  as I find your soft body lying next to mine. We were just a kiss away from looking into each others eyes, as I am stuck on your words that make my heart beat. We were just a kiss away from holding each other?s hand,  as butterflies gently float in my stomach. We were just a kiss away from saying 'I love you,'   as I swallow my words that badly want to come out. When your eyes look into my eyes and my eyes look into your soul We both see something that together we can hold. We have a spirtual connection that no one can break.The love we have is real, it will never be fake The way our spirits incline and the way our minds combine.We make a beautiful couple and our light will always shine.I never knew that love could be this way.I never saw something so beautiful until I saw your face.I will always and forever keep you in my arms.You will always be my lucky charm when God put us together I knew it was fate. Now I know you and I will always be soulmates.You are my love, my moonlit sky, the reason for my happiness, and the reason I cry. You are all the things I want and desire, you've turned my heart from ice to fire. A fire that burns brighter than the brightest star, so bright I can see it no matter where you are.A star that turns the night to day,and leaves me speechless with nothing to say.A feeling of pure love, peace, and tranquility,erasing all thoughts of hate and hostility.These are the things you give to me,your love has set my spirit free,Just knowing our love was meant to be.

LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate

It started out as simple thoughts of you,after the first time I set eyes on you. Now see where it has led to?Perpetual thoughts of you, whether you are near or far. And warm feelings all round me when I think of how dear you are.You've walked your way into my heart with your love and your warm smile.And my heart gladly accepted.For you are what it had been longing for after a long while.For in us I see yesterday, today and tomorrow. Wherein, we shall share no sorrow. When I looked into your eyes, I felt the depth of the infinite.When sailing in you, I felt the profound vertigo of my feelings.When trusting you, I felt the ecstasy of the searched-for happiness. For that reason, a long time ago  my sailing ship tossed its anchors and today I can look  at a flock of seagulls accompanied by the tranquility of your look, my lover!



 I have always had a fantasy,

it involves a waterfall
as far as the eye can see.

And a woman,
a beautiful woman,
who loves me with her lips,
and makes love with her hips.

The love we could make,
would be filled with passion and mist,
I am not like any other,
for she will remember she was kissed.

As the water would shoot down from the top,
the dream would never end,
the dream would never stop.

I'd touch every inch of her body
with all of the love that I held,
as I'd love her even harder,
she'd say, "I love you," as she yelled.

As she'd say, "I love you",
with water dripping down like rain,
I realize we would be, in essence,
in the same dimension,
and our love would never change.

DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate,

Once in a lifetime, you meet a person who takes your breath away; not because you want them to, but because they're meant to.Once in a lifetime, right in the middle of an ordinary life, we get a chance at a fairytale. Let your guard down; take a fall you'll never know if you're loved unless you give it your all.Just once I want my heart to lead me somewhere where there's a chance of a happy ending. Every man needs a woman when his life is a mess because the queen protects the king, just like in a game of chess.If your love does not work with that person, it just means that someone else loves you more.

When you wake up tomorrow, know i am thinking about you at the very moment. For you are always on my mind and in my heart. When you wake up tomorrow,Know that someone longs for your sweet and tender touch. When you wake up tomorrow.Feel rejoice and energy just to know. That someone cares as much for you as I do.

Let me show you what love is. Or I could just tell you now. It's this feeling deep inside you that you can't stop because you don't know how. See there's a little thing called love, between you and me. Something that can make you very very happy. Or love can also make you want to cry. Something that's always there and you don't know why. It's just a little thing called love. Maybe it comes from above. No one knows. But when you find that special someone you will feel the feeling of love.

Bare your heart and once be true.If you love me then say... you do.Do you hear the gentle wind ever so softly whisper my name? In those times of a lonesome you do you ever whisper the same? Do you place me in your heart, nearer to every breath you take, and as you close your eyes... do you..see a glimmer of me in you? Does the shadow of my being tenderely embrace you in your dream? Tell me if you love me so...the way I do... I need to know

In loving you...I have experienced the happiness, the hurt,The feeling of forever, the need to be with you and to love you.It's all inside of me; it's you I always think about,It's you I always miss, and it will always be you, Because you're the one I love.To me, love means forever...No one will ever take your place or know me as you do.You will always know what I am thinking about and what I'm feeling deep down. I'll never love anyone the way I love you!  You know who you are!

One heart connects with another. That is communication. One soul speaks to another. That is communication. There is no better listener than I. There is no one more willing than I. But I am not like your audience in a front row listening to your speech. I will listen carefully, but I am the One bent closely to your ear. I am the One listening fully to your heart independent of your words. I am the One Who looks deeply into your eyes and sees beyond what you see. And then We see together, for We reach a meeting place where Our eyes match, and We share the same vision. You see My gaze quivering your heart, and now you gaze upon the assembly of hearts in the universe, and you soothe their trembling.

Communication is not a meeting of minds. It is an exposure of hearts.So bare your heart to Me. Bare your heart to yourself. Once you bare your heart to yourself, you have burst the steel bands that held you prisoner.
Could you bare your heart to me and trust that I would not betray you or discard you? Could we be that transparent with each other?

PERSONAL: MAYBE ONE DAY I WILL MEET YOU

Maybe One Day I Will Meet You

And maybe one day I’ll be reading a book at the Laundromat. Some movement will catch my eye and then I’ll see you taking your clothes out of the dryer. That minutes and trials all lead up to us together, somewhere. I’ll get nervous when I see you, wondering if I should say anything. But you’ll notice me. You said once, you’ll always notice me. I didn’t really know what you meant by it and never asked you to clarify. Some things are better left to wonder.

You’d come up to me asking if I thought socks were worth folding. We’d smile and it would take everything in me to not make a scene in front of the dryers. We would talk about the books we’ve read, the movies we saw. How we both wrote a handful of stories involving timing and chance to the point we didn’t believe it in anymore. Stories of strings with knots always getting caught on doorknobs. How we both have trouble completely forgetting. People lay idle in the dust of our minds, dormant in our toes until we come crashing into corners.

I don’t know if these chance meetings really exist. If your fingers are already tied to someone, somewhere, a joining imminent in the future. I’m not one for butterflies. A person I knew once said how terrifying they were. Their paths were so sporadic, completely unpredictable. A pretty poison when predators bit down. You’re butterfly lays sleepy somewhere. Resting for when it’s ready to be released. When faith in more, in trial and error, in guess and check works out to something beautiful. When our knots untie and the string to our hearts is merely inches apart.

Maybe, the last maybe, we weren’t meant for anything else. Someone else will replace my thoughts before I close my eyes. Your name will be only a smile, a happy “she did it” when I see it all over the place. 

I needed to make you see me once. You had to know that I was alive.Why do I, and everyone I love, pick people who treat us like we're nothing? We accept the love we think we deserve.

I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home. I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love.

DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate 

Before I met you, I never knew how much pleasure could be derived from the simple things in life. You have restored in me strength, joyfullness, and a love for all. I realize that we both will be forced to sacrifice for each other as well as the other vital parts of our lives.But for you my darling, I am willing to make that sacrifice and if someday we must part, I will not grieve.For I will know that we shared something precious, that should be cherished and treasured for the happiness it provided and not the sorrow it left behind... My love for you ...this undying passion spawned without my knowledge. This enduring feeling is addicted. This enveloping emotion covered me so gently. This living compassion developed from your love of me. What others can't see in you...what's not seen to the naked eye. I can see, the heart of your heart and for that I love you

What you do and others don't understand
What is wrong to everyone
But is right to you and me
For that I love you

What we've been through
What other loves could not conquer
We've overcome it
And for that I love you

Whatever reasons you have for loving me
Though sometimes I myself cannot comprehend
But it still keeps you here
For that I love you

For a love that will stand the test of time
Forever isn't long enough
To contain the love we feel
And for all of this...
I LOVE YOU!

PERSONAL/ DATING/ LOVE: MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP

Maybe what I am waiting for....doesn't exist

We think that someday some beautiful stranger is going to waltz in, strike up a conversation that we believe is intellectually stimulating, look deep in our eyes and say, “I know what you’ve been holding out for all these years. I’m here,” and make us change our false sense of I’m-happy-to-be-single disposition.Well, it’s not going to happen.

The fairy tale must die. We need to be honest with ourselves and admit that soulmates do not exist.

And that’s what they want me to say. All of them. They want me to believe that the idea of soulmates is false, that I’ll spend all my life waiting for her to show up while what she really is nothing more than a figment of my imagination. An unattainable dream. A good looking Frankenstein, who can only be conjured up in a lab.

It must be terrible to not be in love with anyone. It must be terribly lonely to have no-one to dream about. And it must be equally horrible to have all your dreams come true and inch towards indifference. And so I’m led to believe that maybe, just maybe, I don’t want to meet the one I dream about. What good is a superhero with quirks and flaws? What good is a dream once it has come true? It’s only the build up the matters, only the chase that is romantic, only the longing that’s glamorous and worth writing or reading or making movies about. Why else would all masterpieces involve a love unrequited?

Do you really want to meet and be with your soulmate? .

Think about it. If you meet him/her, here is what you stand to lose:

1.       Your stress/drama free existence.
2.       The time you spend with friends, irrespective of what’s between their legs. Or worse, you will have a +1 wherever you go. If you’re someone who is so conversationally challenged and socially awkward that going out is a pain, then it’s a good deal because you’ll have someone to bore out of their minds. If you’re confident and make friends easily, you can get a different person to bore every time you go out.
3.       Your single friends.
4.       The air of mystery that surrounds you now. People aren’t sure whether you’re genuinely happy, naturally obnoxious, perpetually whiny, emotionally challenged or just plain whacked out crazy.
5.       Your dreams of perfection in a human being. He/she will have annoying habits like zoning out in the middle of a conversation, pointing out your blemishes, pinching their pimples and heaven knows what else.
6.       Inspiration to be better, fitter and kinder.
7.       Money- soulmates may not want gifts but who is to say that you won’t rest easy till you buy them everything you think will bring a smile to their gorgeous face?
8.       Space- in your head and bed.
9.       The urge to take a chance on the ones that look good and dangerous. Oh come on, everyone does that- some of us a bit more often than others.
10.      Excuses to watch movies alone without the incessant chattering, finish reading 3 books in a single week, write posts about soulmates.

And again as Homer said, “If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.”

So no, dear Soulmate, I’m not looking for you anymore. Your move.

VIDEO: THREE DOG NIGHT- "SHAMBALA"

"ah ah ooh ohh, ohh ohh ohh, yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah

DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate

Have I not shown you in infinite ways my unending desire to comfort the depths of your tender soul? I would delegate all life's horrid pain to another entity if only to gain your all-consuming eternal adoration... if only I could I would make you promises of hope only the truest of lovers would keep. I would walk to the edge of the earth through thorny paths to bring you every delicacy of this life. All this I would do for you... if only I could if only you wanted me to.In your arms were spent moments of love and joy,hours of pure bliss.Being with you made me forget the rest of the world with all its hurt and pain.  Nevertheless, those moments gave me hope that love truly does exist.

Oh, to be the sun and be In the warm pleasure of your company. Just to be a ray and kiss,Your body, your skin, I dream of this.Oh, to be a shooting star,To see you nightly from afar, I'd streak across the evening sky.So you would know for you I fly. Oh, to be the moon so bright, To light your way throughout the night, Moonbeams through your window I fall. By your bed I come to call. Oh, to be a singing bird. In my song my love you heard. I'd sing to you from the closest tree, So you could sit and gaze at me. Oh, to be the sweetest rose, The one of dozens that you chose. So gently you brush me upon your face, Then bedside into your most precious vase. Oh, to be most anything, Which me to you would closer bring. I don't care what I would be, Just please bring me closer to thee.

LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate

Is it because of your sensitive smile or maybe your dancing eyes. The way you express yourself,  perhaps your smooth skin? It could be the air around you,  the honesty I feel,  the worries you share, the questions you ask. It could be all of these, or none at all. The emotions I feel, come from within. Is it because we share the same sign, or ever since I looked at you I desired you to be mine?  Have you ever heard of a lost soul, a feeling so uncontrolled?   Why is it when I think of you  I find myself on another planet, suspended in air, lost at sea? All of these feelings are combined inside me. This is for you always remember me you are a symbol.I want you Always.... With me. Share in my life.... My hopes, Laughter and Tears, Every smile and Any sorrow... I want you Always...To be a part of, Every Today, Every Tomorrow... I want you Always.... In all my dreams... A part of every fantasy... I want you Always....To love and live with, To awaken beside, each new day.... We will share together... I want Always... To see your sweet smile, Hear your laughter, Listen to the soft sound of you sleeping beside me... I want to Always.... Give all the happiness you so rightly deserve.... Bring you every joy within my reach... I will Always.... be your best friend, Your confidant... The one who shares in all you do...through the good and the bad, I will stand by you...I promise to Always....Give you all the love, that fills my heart....Give you all the passion, that fills our nights...To grant your every want, every need, Any wish....Today, Tomorrow And Always....

LOVE LETTER: SENDING A MESSAGE

Again I find myself sending a message in a bottle through the endless boundaries of cyber space.Reaching out to touch the one I love and make her fall in love. As always I send these messages to remind you that, you are loved. For I have taken the vow to protect you with my life. I am the one that loves you, wants you and most of all needs you. I have discovered that life just doesn't feel or seem right without.you. What a wonderful feeling to know and yet one of the hardest I have ever felt,without you by my side. I hold my breath in anticipation of seeing you, feeling you and loving you. For I shall hold nothing back in my weary heart, because I know that your love will release me from my prison, the prison that has held me at bay for years. For you have the key to my heart and it is yours to command. With each beat of my heart brings a new thought of how loving you caresses my soul and delights me in colors. For I am putty in your hands and the link to your past, present and future. I am the chain that bounds your emotional endeavors and the solution to your problems. I am the one, who loves you for you and do not expect you to be anything other than yourself.Your love is my candle in the night that shines so brightly during my darkest hour. It is through the evolution of you that I will rise again to walk amongst love. Though evolution has a cost, it is the death of many possibilities. But the greatest possibility in my life that has endured, is our love has survived. For I want to love you for 100 years and at the end of our century, my only wish would be to leave this world with you together. For you are my one and only Soul Mate. I loved you then and I love you now. This is my message in a bottle.

PERSONAL: MY DREAM OF US

It was an early morning, and I was sitting there just as the sun was rising, A new route needed to be taken, strike a woman on the romantic term and hide behind the facade of crafted words, stolen romance and poetic intrigue. Wasn’t it what most women desired, to be fawned for, to reach out and be showered with love. Have hopes, desires, to fall into that fairy tale enchantment.

It was the idea..more like a dream..I had...writing an ad and putting it out in cyberspace of the internet hoping to be found by my soulmate. It was a chance, on who would actually find it, if this would even work. Would they write me back? Would this ad be just ignored? Would it be found by someone I already knew, had tortured? It was a con in all the pros but I gave one last look to what I wrote and hit save

((Profile would be read by you))

Dear Soulmate,

Are you out there? I have been so alone in this world without you and I know that somewhere you are there, my soul mate, my true love, my everything. I don’t know what you look like, but I can see you, I can smell you and I can feel you every waking moment. It tares my soul that I do not know you but feel you out there. How I have searched for you my entire life yet have found nothing but heart break. Maybe I have tried to hard to find you to impatient in my path to find happiness and be with the woman I love and know she will love me back unconditionally. I can see us, sitting on the back patio while our children play, the dog bark and you next to me, smiling and holding my hand. We will grow old together everyday would be like the first kiss, the first time we touched each other, knew each other. You are my goddess. Perhaps I ask to much? Though is it wrong to think that such a woman exists? That you are reading this now? That my message has gotten to you? Wouldn’t you think that you found this because you were supposed to, that God has finally answered our prayers and we can be happy? I threw my message out there, to either sink to the depths of the cyberspace and be buried as my heart would be or to be found by the woman I would cross this ocean for just as the bottle did to be with you.

Dear soulmate...If you find this, if you find it in your heart to believe that this was meant to be. Write me back, let us explore this, let us break through the barriers life has put in our path and fight the odds that we were meant for each other but were damned to never meet.

Yours with love,

A.


You>>Found my profile and read the message not once, twice but three times, before printing it and finally wrote back to me

Dear A,

I was delighted to read your profile. We, as people, were never meant to be alone, yet we are born in that way. There is always something in us that desires companionship, someone to spend our life with; Someone to love; Someone to complete us. The faith you shown in throwing this message into to cyberspace, the chance you took, might just be what anyone needs to find their other half.

They way you spoke in your message touched me. You have such a clear vision of what our life would be like in the future. A love that never dies, but rather grows with every passing day. I, too, know the pain of a broken heart and also yearn to be completed. I, too, want to be happy more than anything. It is in reading your letter, that I realise that I am not.

A, you took a chance with your message, it found me. Do we not owe the fates to explore this more? I am immensely curious and want to know more about you. In a world where Romance seems to be dead, your profile was a breath of fresh air, breathing life and hope into my withered heart. I do so want to hold onto that hope.

I cannot wait to start on this journey with you and look forward to hearing more from you. Please, write back soon.

Yours,



ME>>> I got your respond..and wonder....how I should reply…what would catch your interest. You have spoken that it was a fresh breath seeing Romance was not dead. So romantic I  would continue to be….

Dear You

When I got your  email and I held it to my heart. I had never felt so much happiness in my life until that very moment. I didn’t even have to open it just yet to know it was going to be filled with good news. Just by how delicate your writing showed the deep expression that words could never touch upon. I took that chance with the message, my soul is old and I knew that if it was to sink and never be found then I would stop looking, that the woman of my dreams is no longer out there, but it was found and you took that chance to write me to reach out to me and by this I already know you are the one I’ve been seeking.

I want to mend the pain your heart has felt, to pick up the broken pieces along with mine and let us both mold our hearts into one beating organ. I want to be the one to make you smile and be happy now. Can you imagine what it would be like to fall asleep in each others arms only to awake the same way, to see your smiling face first thing in the morning. I could keep going on till my fingers ware to the bone on how whole you have made me feel but I shall digress. For the internet to send my bottle to the perfect destination to seek someone as broken and seeking as I and it has. The world has given back to me what it had taken away but in a form of someone I can be whole with once again.

Forever Yours,

PERSONAL : DEAR HEART OF MINE

Dear Heart

What the hell is wrong with you? Are you out of your mind? Do you even know what you’ve put me through for more than a decade? Blind, deaf, dumb, stupid, weak, impulsive, reckless and completely bonkers- that’s what you are!

Look around you, come on, don’t shy away now. Look at the mess you’ve created. Go north- right up till the brain. See there? Not that, you fool, that’s my nose, a little more up. Stop complaining about the upward climb, I’ve seen you jump right into my mouth whenever I take you to see a movies. Yeah, that perked you up now, didn’t it? Get back on track. Take a good look inside my head. Cluttered, isn’t it? Yeah, I should do something about…hey shut up, this isn’t my bedroom and you’re not my Mommy. Now look for my brain. It’s a little small, I know, but that ain’t my fault,  Go take it up with God or Science, whatever you’re leaning towards today. Ah…there it is, my little brain, hiding as usual from you. Heaven knows why I let you bully it. Okay so you’re stronger, but you’re also dumber and a closet coward, like all bullies. Oh don’t you even think about lying to me, I’ve lived with you all my life. I know how you’re scared of everything from lizards to heights to losing to stability to the lack of it. My vocal chords are testimony to your fake displays of courage. Every time I start yelling, I know that I’m really just trying to hide how scared you are.

You and the brain have this ongoing feud that’s lasted for more than a decade now. Look, guys, I can’t win with both of you playing tug of war. And hey Heart, pick on somebody your size, okay? They don’t call me Pea-brain for supporting vegans, you know.

You have to calm down, take a deep breath, and look at the bigger picture here. Yes, so you don’t go all bumpity-bump at every good looking thing anymore, thankfully. My mind thanks you for that. My sleep cycle is eternally grateful. For years you kept telling me (and yourself) that you’re just unnaturally detached.  And then, like a sick plot written by a cheesy author dying to get recognized, you attach yourself to the one thing you know is way out of your league. That’s neither wise nor prudent, mister.

But you’re kind of used to that, aren’t you? The surge of love you feel for the ones that play hard-to-get and the bouts of hatred as soon as they are ready to be gotten (pardon the grammar, but I don’t get paid for writing letters to you).

Anyway, the point of writing to you today is to not complain over pieces of you I scattered to the undeserving. The point is to tell you that there is going to be a change of residence for you (metaphorically so, of course).

Yes, dear Heart, I am handing you over to someone who I think may be more deserving of you than anyone I’ve ever met. Of course, you know who she is. And of course, she doesn’t know that she is going to get you. So we’ll have to be real discreet about this, okay? What? You can’t expect me to just go up to her and tell her that I stay up nights writing about her! Cmon! Who even does that anymore? And before you say it, no, I’m not scared of rejection. I just think I should be sure before I let her know. Because what if I want you back and she gets too attached to you? Gotta cover all bases, sport.

I know you don’t agree with my methods and that I’m listening to my brain for once. So I’m going to give you reasons why I think one-sided love is a great concept:

You can change your mind without anyone getting hurt in the process.
No expectations and thus, no accusations and so, no arguments.
Butterflies in the tummy that make you feel oh-so-good soon as you see them or receive a message from them.
 You can like them without having to spend an inexcusable amount of time with them on a daily/weekly basis.
  You can dream about how wonderful being with them would be, if it were ever to come true.

Dear Heart, I know I’ve put you through a lot of hard knocks over the years because of bad judgment. But believe me when I say that “she” is the One. Because whether I can be with her or not is just not important anymore. For the first time, I like someone enough to not want to be with them, lest it ruins everything.

She probably knows. And if she doesn’t want to do anything about it, well, we’ll just keep right on searching. There’s always space for more disappointment.

PERSONAL: I JUST WANT TO MEET SOMEONE AND SETTLE DOWN

I want to meet someone.Those five words lingered in my head, even as I tried to ignore that they were there. I distracted myself with thoughts of other things, work and by making to-do lists in my head. I pretended this desire wasn’t bubbling beneath me — but as I sat watching another movie in my bed — I couldn’t stop the message my heart sent to my mind.

I want to meet someone.Though powerful and constant — it’s not a helpless feeling or a dissatisfied longing. It’s different than it was years ago. I don’t feel like something is missing or part of me is still void — I’m not lusting after every woman I see. I feel no rush and no pressure, no need to speed along a road that I’m not sure how to navigate yet. I don’t believe it’s impossible to find happiness and I do believe I’m meant for a long-term love– and still. Still – after  getting divorced ...I stand on love and loveless and loving, endless conversations with my ever-so patient friends– I still want it.

I still want to fall in love.But the craving has changed. It’s not wistful and romantic (well, only a little). I’m not looking to be completed or rescued. I’m not hoping to make a married woman out of a woman who is totally emotionally unavailable. I’m not making myself something I’m not so I can be granted the so-called coveted title of husband.

Instead– I want to meet someone… like me? Someone with a heart that often feels too big for her chest. Someone who can see the good – the possible — in every part of his life, and especially with me. With us. Someone who captivates me, pulls me close and lets me fly. I want to meet someone who accepts herself and does what she can to understand the world. Someone who likes to read and run, travel and learn — explore and make mistakes, dream and slow down and watch movies in bed. Someone who makes me want to be a better me and be part of a better we than she has before. I want to meet someone who knows how to love– who wants love– who may be afraid of it, but tries it anyway. Who knows how important it is. Someone who has goals for herself and plans she will break for the right thing, the right person, the right place – the right time. Someone who is happy with the someone and the something and the somewhere she is.

I want to meet someone who likes the way the city rests on Sundays and how it’s the perfect day to wake up late, make love and eat pancakes. Someone who wants a family just as much as they want an amazing, fulfilling career, and knows you’ll never be able to be perfect at either. I want to meet who thinks about her future further than getting the latest handbag. Someone who wants to try new things but also likes to be a regular at places she can’t and won’t stop going to. Someone who knows how to kiss and knows that love isn’t always enough– but it’s always worth whatever it brings or makes you learn.

I want to meet someone who challenges me and yet, makes me feel comfortable. Someone who wants to know what I know, who wants to see the town I grew up in. Who can’t wait to share a  walk with my mom. Someone who comes from a place I admire and has a laugh I long to hear. Touch I want to feel. I want to meet someone who is strong enough to stand next to me and sweet enough to let me fall into her when I need it. Or even when I don’t, but want it. Someone who remembers the things I say and can hear the things I don’t, someone who will be there today, tomorrow – always. I want to meet someone who wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here, with me.

I want to meet someone.Someone out there in this big city, living on some street I’ve crossed a million times, taking some train at the same time, thinking about when she would meet… someone like me.

DATING/ LOVE: THE DATING SCENE NOW...WOMAN DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED OR EVEN SETTLE DOWN

I've always wanted to settle down. Because of this I held on to the wrong woman in my twenties hoping they would become right. I wasted my 20's doing this.In my 30's I tried to find someone right (not perfect, but right for me) and get married. I know now that people don 't turn into the right one if they aren't to begin with. I am an attractive, fit, well-educated, financially and emotionally secure guy and I thought I would have no problem finding a woman to settle down with and start a family. I thought that online dating would be great since you are essentially pre-screening people for dates. I have found that I get no responses from any women online and the only women who respond to my ad are usually much older and don’t meet any of my criteria outlined in my profile.

I am experiencing women who are busy, aloof, and uninterested in making an effort and commitment.They prioritize work over love, friends over love, travel over love, freedom over love, downtime over love – and still complain that they can’t find someone to love.I am told that women want to settle down and have kids, etc., but their actions seem to be to the contrary. At singles events, women come in groups and are reluctant to talk to men. In online situations, women say they want desperately to meet a nice guy like me, but never answer my response to their profile. I am trying to remain positive, but women seem to be content in the fact that they are independent and self-sufficient and have a career, family and friends that fulfills them and don’t seem to be interested in truly finding a relationship. I find this mantra in every profile of every professional woman online

When it gets right down to it, the process of finding love – with all of its ups and downs, its failures and frustrations – is just too much to bear. Why put energy into something when it’s much easier to just wait for it? Shouldn’t love happen when you least expect it? Doesn’t it happen when you’re just happy living your own life – working out, going to yoga class, working 50 hours a week? If your best friend met her husband in line at the grocery store, shouldn’t you get to meet yours in the same way?Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn’t it?

People tend to say that “he will show up when you’re trying less’. Not really, nothing is going to happen all by itself if you don’t do anything. It is easy when you’re in your early 20s, when you’re in uni or more active socialising or have less expectations. But later on that changes and you have to put yourself in a position to meet more guys. The best guys will most likely be taken, but there are still good, single guys out there. 

This isn’t a judgment. It’s an observation. If every waking hour of your life is filled with work, friends, travel and hobbies, when exactly do you expect to fit in a husband? Fact is: it’s nearly impossible to fall in love if you never meet single men, nearly impossible to fall in love if you don’t go on first dates, nearly impossible to fall in love if you don’t make an effort to be available for a relationship. You can have a great, fulfilling life, but you will not find a partner unless you get really, really, really, lucky.There’s nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. There’s nothing wrong with leading a rich, fulfilling solo life. There’s nothing wrong with staying in on Friday nights. And, no one is telling you to be desperate, to settle, to give up your dreams, or any such hooey. So please, don’t even go there.

All I’m telling you is that every time I hear some woman tell me “there are no good guys out there,” I am reminded that there are millions of men like myself.

Successful, independent women, who have never been married, act like they want a relationship, but every guy they go out with has some sort of flaw, real or imagined, and they continue to “keep looking” for Mr. Right, half-heartedly, IMO.  Their priority is work, Coach purses and vacations with the girls. There are many women like this out there and they aren’t “available”, even if they pretend to be.  They are not willing to compromise for a man AT ALL.  I know this because a lot of these women are my friends.  It saddens me because they can’t see what life is truly about…love, children, family..things that a job and money just can’t provide.
The mystique of a relationship is the fact that no relationship is ever going to be perfect.  There is no perfect man or woman out there…yet everyone seems stuck on looking for what does not 100% exist.  Relationships are compromises upon compromises.  It’s about merging 2 separate lives into a new life, not continuing the same old single life but in a relationship.  Until these women realize this, they are going to remain out of reach for any man,

That said, the *hard* part was deciding that some new person was actually worth getting to know. My free time was limited, and as an introvert already stretched to the limit with an active life, going *out* with someone new would have been a major expenditure of both energy and time. Many “together” professional men are tired of being “together” ALL THE TIME, and just want to come home from work, eat breakfast for dinner, and watch whatever crap they like on tv while sorting through some work email backlog

I want to get to know someone before I had to make a real investment in time and energy. By the time I met someone I already had far more evidence that here was a woman worth spending the time and energy on moreso than a random woman I could meet on a plane, at the gym, or in the supermarket. When it comes to love and relationships, it becomes much more challenging if your attitude is that every bad date is a “failure” rather than a night to write off. But even the “damn, I just wasted a few hours” sense can be strong. I don’t like wasting time, and I am sure that one of my reasons that I was happier meeting someone my way and  I didn’t feel like I had to devote “fruitless time and energy” to the search. I don’t know how many quality women I passed up along the way. It’s the energy and the effort. My job is demanding and stressful, so I don’t want to give up any of my weekend time unless I already know the woman is worth it.