I want to meet someone.Those five words lingered in my head, even as I tried to ignore that they were there. I distracted myself with thoughts of other things, work and by making to-do lists in my head. I pretended this desire wasn’t bubbling beneath me — but as I sat watching another movie in my bed — I couldn’t stop the message my heart sent to my mind.
I want to meet someone.Though powerful and constant — it’s not a helpless feeling or a dissatisfied longing. It’s different than it was years ago. I don’t feel like something is missing or part of me is still void — I’m not lusting after every woman I see. I feel no rush and no pressure, no need to speed along a road that I’m not sure how to navigate yet. I don’t believe it’s impossible to find happiness and I do believe I’m meant for a long-term love– and still. Still – after getting divorced ...I stand on love and loveless and loving, endless conversations with my ever-so patient friends– I still want it.
I still want to fall in love.But the craving has changed. It’s not wistful and romantic (well, only a little). I’m not looking to be completed or rescued. I’m not hoping to make a married woman out of a woman who is totally emotionally unavailable. I’m not making myself something I’m not so I can be granted the so-called coveted title of husband.
Instead– I want to meet someone… like me? Someone with a heart that often feels too big for her chest. Someone who can see the good – the possible — in every part of his life, and especially with me. With us. Someone who captivates me, pulls me close and lets me fly. I want to meet someone who accepts herself and does what she can to understand the world. Someone who likes to read and run, travel and learn — explore and make mistakes, dream and slow down and watch movies in bed. Someone who makes me want to be a better me and be part of a better we than she has before. I want to meet someone who knows how to love– who wants love– who may be afraid of it, but tries it anyway. Who knows how important it is. Someone who has goals for herself and plans she will break for the right thing, the right person, the right place – the right time. Someone who is happy with the someone and the something and the somewhere she is.
I want to meet someone who likes the way the city rests on Sundays and how it’s the perfect day to wake up late, make love and eat pancakes. Someone who wants a family just as much as they want an amazing, fulfilling career, and knows you’ll never be able to be perfect at either. I want to meet who thinks about her future further than getting the latest handbag. Someone who wants to try new things but also likes to be a regular at places she can’t and won’t stop going to. Someone who knows how to kiss and knows that love isn’t always enough– but it’s always worth whatever it brings or makes you learn.
I want to meet someone who challenges me and yet, makes me feel comfortable. Someone who wants to know what I know, who wants to see the town I grew up in. Who can’t wait to share a walk with my mom. Someone who comes from a place I admire and has a laugh I long to hear. Touch I want to feel. I want to meet someone who is strong enough to stand next to me and sweet enough to let me fall into her when I need it. Or even when I don’t, but want it. Someone who remembers the things I say and can hear the things I don’t, someone who will be there today, tomorrow – always. I want to meet someone who wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here, with me.
I want to meet someone.Someone out there in this big city, living on some street I’ve crossed a million times, taking some train at the same time, thinking about when she would meet… someone like me.
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