I am experiencing women who are busy, aloof, and uninterested in making an effort and commitment.They prioritize work over love, friends over love, travel over love, freedom over love, downtime over love – and still complain that they can’t find someone to love.I am told that women want to settle down and have kids, etc., but their actions seem to be to the contrary. At singles events, women come in groups and are reluctant to talk to men. In online situations, women say they want desperately to meet a nice guy like me, but never answer my response to their profile. I am trying to remain positive, but women seem to be content in the fact that they are independent and self-sufficient and have a career, family and friends that fulfills them and don’t seem to be interested in truly finding a relationship. I find this mantra in every profile of every professional woman online
When it gets right down to it, the process of finding love – with all of its ups and downs, its failures and frustrations – is just too much to bear. Why put energy into something when it’s much easier to just wait for it? Shouldn’t love happen when you least expect it? Doesn’t it happen when you’re just happy living your own life – working out, going to yoga class, working 50 hours a week? If your best friend met her husband in line at the grocery store, shouldn’t you get to meet yours in the same way?Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn’t it?
People tend to say that “he will show up when you’re trying less’. Not really, nothing is going to happen all by itself if you don’t do anything. It is easy when you’re in your early 20s, when you’re in uni or more active socialising or have less expectations. But later on that changes and you have to put yourself in a position to meet more guys. The best guys will most likely be taken, but there are still good, single guys out there.
This isn’t a judgment. It’s an observation. If every waking hour of your life is filled with work, friends, travel and hobbies, when exactly do you expect to fit in a husband? Fact is: it’s nearly impossible to fall in love if you never meet single men, nearly impossible to fall in love if you don’t go on first dates, nearly impossible to fall in love if you don’t make an effort to be available for a relationship. You can have a great, fulfilling life, but you will not find a partner unless you get really, really, really, lucky.There’s nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. There’s nothing wrong with leading a rich, fulfilling solo life. There’s nothing wrong with staying in on Friday nights. And, no one is telling you to be desperate, to settle, to give up your dreams, or any such hooey. So please, don’t even go there.
All I’m telling you is that every time I hear some woman tell me “there are no good guys out there,” I am reminded that there are millions of men like myself.
Successful, independent women, who have never been married, act like they want a relationship, but every guy they go out with has some sort of flaw, real or imagined, and they continue to “keep looking” for Mr. Right, half-heartedly, IMO. Their priority is work, Coach purses and vacations with the girls. There are many women like this out there and they aren’t “available”, even if they pretend to be. They are not willing to compromise for a man AT ALL. I know this because a lot of these women are my friends. It saddens me because they can’t see what life is truly about…love, children, family..things that a job and money just can’t provide.
The mystique of a relationship is the fact that no relationship is ever going to be perfect. There is no perfect man or woman out there…yet everyone seems stuck on looking for what does not 100% exist. Relationships are compromises upon compromises. It’s about merging 2 separate lives into a new life, not continuing the same old single life but in a relationship. Until these women realize this, they are going to remain out of reach for any man,
That said, the *hard* part was deciding that some new person was actually worth getting to know. My free time was limited, and as an introvert already stretched to the limit with an active life, going *out* with someone new would have been a major expenditure of both energy and time. Many “together” professional men are tired of being “together” ALL THE TIME, and just want to come home from work, eat breakfast for dinner, and watch whatever crap they like on tv while sorting through some work email backlog
I want to get to know someone before I had to make a real investment in time and energy. By the time I met someone I already had far more evidence that here was a woman worth spending the time and energy on moreso than a random woman I could meet on a plane, at the gym, or in the supermarket. When it comes to love and relationships, it becomes much more challenging if your attitude is that every bad date is a “failure” rather than a night to write off. But even the “damn, I just wasted a few hours” sense can be strong. I don’t like wasting time, and I am sure that one of my reasons that I was happier meeting someone my way and I didn’t feel like I had to devote “fruitless time and energy” to the search. I don’t know how many quality women I passed up along the way. It’s the energy and the effort. My job is demanding and stressful, so I don’t want to give up any of my weekend time unless I already know the woman is worth it.
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