Maybe what I am waiting for....doesn't exist
We think that someday some beautiful stranger is going to waltz in, strike up a conversation that we believe is intellectually stimulating, look deep in our eyes and say, “I know what you’ve been holding out for all these years. I’m here,” and make us change our false sense of I’m-happy-to-be-single disposition.Well, it’s not going to happen.
The fairy tale must die. We need to be honest with ourselves and admit that soulmates do not exist.
And that’s what they want me to say. All of them. They want me to believe that the idea of soulmates is false, that I’ll spend all my life waiting for her to show up while what she really is nothing more than a figment of my imagination. An unattainable dream. A good looking Frankenstein, who can only be conjured up in a lab.
It must be terrible to not be in love with anyone. It must be terribly lonely to have no-one to dream about. And it must be equally horrible to have all your dreams come true and inch towards indifference. And so I’m led to believe that maybe, just maybe, I don’t want to meet the one I dream about. What good is a superhero with quirks and flaws? What good is a dream once it has come true? It’s only the build up the matters, only the chase that is romantic, only the longing that’s glamorous and worth writing or reading or making movies about. Why else would all masterpieces involve a love unrequited?
Do you really want to meet and be with your soulmate? .
Think about it. If you meet him/her, here is what you stand to lose:
1. Your stress/drama free existence.
2. The time you spend with friends, irrespective of what’s between their legs. Or worse, you will have a +1 wherever you go. If you’re someone who is so conversationally challenged and socially awkward that going out is a pain, then it’s a good deal because you’ll have someone to bore out of their minds. If you’re confident and make friends easily, you can get a different person to bore every time you go out.
3. Your single friends.
4. The air of mystery that surrounds you now. People aren’t sure whether you’re genuinely happy, naturally obnoxious, perpetually whiny, emotionally challenged or just plain whacked out crazy.
5. Your dreams of perfection in a human being. He/she will have annoying habits like zoning out in the middle of a conversation, pointing out your blemishes, pinching their pimples and heaven knows what else.
6. Inspiration to be better, fitter and kinder.
7. Money- soulmates may not want gifts but who is to say that you won’t rest easy till you buy them everything you think will bring a smile to their gorgeous face?
8. Space- in your head and bed.
9. The urge to take a chance on the ones that look good and dangerous. Oh come on, everyone does that- some of us a bit more often than others.
10. Excuses to watch movies alone without the incessant chattering, finish reading 3 books in a single week, write posts about soulmates.
And again as Homer said, “If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.”
So no, dear Soulmate, I’m not looking for you anymore. Your move.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
Have I not shown you in infinite ways my unending desire to comfort the depths of your tender soul? I would delegate all life's horrid pain to another entity if only to gain your all-consuming eternal adoration... if only I could I would make you promises of hope only the truest of lovers would keep. I would walk to the edge of the earth through thorny paths to bring you every delicacy of this life. All this I would do for you... if only I could if only you wanted me to.In your arms were spent moments of love and joy,hours of pure bliss.Being with you made me forget the rest of the world with all its hurt and pain. Nevertheless, those moments gave me hope that love truly does exist.
Oh, to be the sun and be In the warm pleasure of your company. Just to be a ray and kiss,Your body, your skin, I dream of this.Oh, to be a shooting star,To see you nightly from afar, I'd streak across the evening sky.So you would know for you I fly. Oh, to be the moon so bright, To light your way throughout the night, Moonbeams through your window I fall. By your bed I come to call. Oh, to be a singing bird. In my song my love you heard. I'd sing to you from the closest tree, So you could sit and gaze at me. Oh, to be the sweetest rose, The one of dozens that you chose. So gently you brush me upon your face, Then bedside into your most precious vase. Oh, to be most anything, Which me to you would closer bring. I don't care what I would be, Just please bring me closer to thee.
Have I not shown you in infinite ways my unending desire to comfort the depths of your tender soul? I would delegate all life's horrid pain to another entity if only to gain your all-consuming eternal adoration... if only I could I would make you promises of hope only the truest of lovers would keep. I would walk to the edge of the earth through thorny paths to bring you every delicacy of this life. All this I would do for you... if only I could if only you wanted me to.In your arms were spent moments of love and joy,hours of pure bliss.Being with you made me forget the rest of the world with all its hurt and pain. Nevertheless, those moments gave me hope that love truly does exist.
Oh, to be the sun and be In the warm pleasure of your company. Just to be a ray and kiss,Your body, your skin, I dream of this.Oh, to be a shooting star,To see you nightly from afar, I'd streak across the evening sky.So you would know for you I fly. Oh, to be the moon so bright, To light your way throughout the night, Moonbeams through your window I fall. By your bed I come to call. Oh, to be a singing bird. In my song my love you heard. I'd sing to you from the closest tree, So you could sit and gaze at me. Oh, to be the sweetest rose, The one of dozens that you chose. So gently you brush me upon your face, Then bedside into your most precious vase. Oh, to be most anything, Which me to you would closer bring. I don't care what I would be, Just please bring me closer to thee.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
Is it because of your sensitive smile or maybe your dancing eyes. The way you express yourself, perhaps your smooth skin? It could be the air around you, the honesty I feel, the worries you share, the questions you ask. It could be all of these, or none at all. The emotions I feel, come from within. Is it because we share the same sign, or ever since I looked at you I desired you to be mine? Have you ever heard of a lost soul, a feeling so uncontrolled? Why is it when I think of you I find myself on another planet, suspended in air, lost at sea? All of these feelings are combined inside me. This is for you always remember me you are a symbol.I want you Always.... With me. Share in my life.... My hopes, Laughter and Tears, Every smile and Any sorrow... I want you Always...To be a part of, Every Today, Every Tomorrow... I want you Always.... In all my dreams... A part of every fantasy... I want you Always....To love and live with, To awaken beside, each new day.... We will share together... I want Always... To see your sweet smile, Hear your laughter, Listen to the soft sound of you sleeping beside me... I want to Always.... Give all the happiness you so rightly deserve.... Bring you every joy within my reach... I will Always.... be your best friend, Your confidant... The one who shares in all you do...through the good and the bad, I will stand by you...I promise to Always....Give you all the love, that fills my heart....Give you all the passion, that fills our nights...To grant your every want, every need, Any wish....Today, Tomorrow And Always....
Is it because of your sensitive smile or maybe your dancing eyes. The way you express yourself, perhaps your smooth skin? It could be the air around you, the honesty I feel, the worries you share, the questions you ask. It could be all of these, or none at all. The emotions I feel, come from within. Is it because we share the same sign, or ever since I looked at you I desired you to be mine? Have you ever heard of a lost soul, a feeling so uncontrolled? Why is it when I think of you I find myself on another planet, suspended in air, lost at sea? All of these feelings are combined inside me. This is for you always remember me you are a symbol.I want you Always.... With me. Share in my life.... My hopes, Laughter and Tears, Every smile and Any sorrow... I want you Always...To be a part of, Every Today, Every Tomorrow... I want you Always.... In all my dreams... A part of every fantasy... I want you Always....To love and live with, To awaken beside, each new day.... We will share together... I want Always... To see your sweet smile, Hear your laughter, Listen to the soft sound of you sleeping beside me... I want to Always.... Give all the happiness you so rightly deserve.... Bring you every joy within my reach... I will Always.... be your best friend, Your confidant... The one who shares in all you do...through the good and the bad, I will stand by you...I promise to Always....Give you all the love, that fills my heart....Give you all the passion, that fills our nights...To grant your every want, every need, Any wish....Today, Tomorrow And Always....
LOVE LETTER: SENDING A MESSAGE
Again I find myself sending a message in a bottle through the endless boundaries of cyber space.Reaching out to touch the one I love and make her fall in love. As always I send these messages to remind you that, you are loved. For I have taken the vow to protect you with my life. I am the one that loves you, wants you and most of all needs you. I have discovered that life just doesn't feel or seem right without.you. What a wonderful feeling to know and yet one of the hardest I have ever felt,without you by my side. I hold my breath in anticipation of seeing you, feeling you and loving you. For I shall hold nothing back in my weary heart, because I know that your love will release me from my prison, the prison that has held me at bay for years. For you have the key to my heart and it is yours to command. With each beat of my heart brings a new thought of how loving you caresses my soul and delights me in colors. For I am putty in your hands and the link to your past, present and future. I am the chain that bounds your emotional endeavors and the solution to your problems. I am the one, who loves you for you and do not expect you to be anything other than yourself.Your love is my candle in the night that shines so brightly during my darkest hour. It is through the evolution of you that I will rise again to walk amongst love. Though evolution has a cost, it is the death of many possibilities. But the greatest possibility in my life that has endured, is our love has survived. For I want to love you for 100 years and at the end of our century, my only wish would be to leave this world with you together. For you are my one and only Soul Mate. I loved you then and I love you now. This is my message in a bottle.
PERSONAL: MY DREAM OF US
It was an early morning, and I was sitting there just as the sun was rising, A new route needed to be taken, strike a woman on the romantic term and hide behind the facade of crafted words, stolen romance and poetic intrigue. Wasn’t it what most women desired, to be fawned for, to reach out and be showered with love. Have hopes, desires, to fall into that fairy tale enchantment.
It was the idea..more like a dream..I had...writing an ad and putting it out in cyberspace of the internet hoping to be found by my soulmate. It was a chance, on who would actually find it, if this would even work. Would they write me back? Would this ad be just ignored? Would it be found by someone I already knew, had tortured? It was a con in all the pros but I gave one last look to what I wrote and hit save
((Profile would be read by you))
Dear Soulmate,
Are you out there? I have been so alone in this world without you and I know that somewhere you are there, my soul mate, my true love, my everything. I don’t know what you look like, but I can see you, I can smell you and I can feel you every waking moment. It tares my soul that I do not know you but feel you out there. How I have searched for you my entire life yet have found nothing but heart break. Maybe I have tried to hard to find you to impatient in my path to find happiness and be with the woman I love and know she will love me back unconditionally. I can see us, sitting on the back patio while our children play, the dog bark and you next to me, smiling and holding my hand. We will grow old together everyday would be like the first kiss, the first time we touched each other, knew each other. You are my goddess. Perhaps I ask to much? Though is it wrong to think that such a woman exists? That you are reading this now? That my message has gotten to you? Wouldn’t you think that you found this because you were supposed to, that God has finally answered our prayers and we can be happy? I threw my message out there, to either sink to the depths of the cyberspace and be buried as my heart would be or to be found by the woman I would cross this ocean for just as the bottle did to be with you.
Dear soulmate...If you find this, if you find it in your heart to believe that this was meant to be. Write me back, let us explore this, let us break through the barriers life has put in our path and fight the odds that we were meant for each other but were damned to never meet.
Yours with love,
A.
You>>Found my profile and read the message not once, twice but three times, before printing it and finally wrote back to me
Dear A,
I was delighted to read your profile. We, as people, were never meant to be alone, yet we are born in that way. There is always something in us that desires companionship, someone to spend our life with; Someone to love; Someone to complete us. The faith you shown in throwing this message into to cyberspace, the chance you took, might just be what anyone needs to find their other half.
They way you spoke in your message touched me. You have such a clear vision of what our life would be like in the future. A love that never dies, but rather grows with every passing day. I, too, know the pain of a broken heart and also yearn to be completed. I, too, want to be happy more than anything. It is in reading your letter, that I realise that I am not.
A, you took a chance with your message, it found me. Do we not owe the fates to explore this more? I am immensely curious and want to know more about you. In a world where Romance seems to be dead, your profile was a breath of fresh air, breathing life and hope into my withered heart. I do so want to hold onto that hope.
I cannot wait to start on this journey with you and look forward to hearing more from you. Please, write back soon.
Yours,
ME>>> I got your respond..and wonder....how I should reply…what would catch your interest. You have spoken that it was a fresh breath seeing Romance was not dead. So romantic I would continue to be….
Dear You
When I got your email and I held it to my heart. I had never felt so much happiness in my life until that very moment. I didn’t even have to open it just yet to know it was going to be filled with good news. Just by how delicate your writing showed the deep expression that words could never touch upon. I took that chance with the message, my soul is old and I knew that if it was to sink and never be found then I would stop looking, that the woman of my dreams is no longer out there, but it was found and you took that chance to write me to reach out to me and by this I already know you are the one I’ve been seeking.
I want to mend the pain your heart has felt, to pick up the broken pieces along with mine and let us both mold our hearts into one beating organ. I want to be the one to make you smile and be happy now. Can you imagine what it would be like to fall asleep in each others arms only to awake the same way, to see your smiling face first thing in the morning. I could keep going on till my fingers ware to the bone on how whole you have made me feel but I shall digress. For the internet to send my bottle to the perfect destination to seek someone as broken and seeking as I and it has. The world has given back to me what it had taken away but in a form of someone I can be whole with once again.
Forever Yours,
It was the idea..more like a dream..I had...writing an ad and putting it out in cyberspace of the internet hoping to be found by my soulmate. It was a chance, on who would actually find it, if this would even work. Would they write me back? Would this ad be just ignored? Would it be found by someone I already knew, had tortured? It was a con in all the pros but I gave one last look to what I wrote and hit save
((Profile would be read by you))
Dear Soulmate,
Are you out there? I have been so alone in this world without you and I know that somewhere you are there, my soul mate, my true love, my everything. I don’t know what you look like, but I can see you, I can smell you and I can feel you every waking moment. It tares my soul that I do not know you but feel you out there. How I have searched for you my entire life yet have found nothing but heart break. Maybe I have tried to hard to find you to impatient in my path to find happiness and be with the woman I love and know she will love me back unconditionally. I can see us, sitting on the back patio while our children play, the dog bark and you next to me, smiling and holding my hand. We will grow old together everyday would be like the first kiss, the first time we touched each other, knew each other. You are my goddess. Perhaps I ask to much? Though is it wrong to think that such a woman exists? That you are reading this now? That my message has gotten to you? Wouldn’t you think that you found this because you were supposed to, that God has finally answered our prayers and we can be happy? I threw my message out there, to either sink to the depths of the cyberspace and be buried as my heart would be or to be found by the woman I would cross this ocean for just as the bottle did to be with you.
Dear soulmate...If you find this, if you find it in your heart to believe that this was meant to be. Write me back, let us explore this, let us break through the barriers life has put in our path and fight the odds that we were meant for each other but were damned to never meet.
Yours with love,
A.
You>>Found my profile and read the message not once, twice but three times, before printing it and finally wrote back to me
Dear A,
I was delighted to read your profile. We, as people, were never meant to be alone, yet we are born in that way. There is always something in us that desires companionship, someone to spend our life with; Someone to love; Someone to complete us. The faith you shown in throwing this message into to cyberspace, the chance you took, might just be what anyone needs to find their other half.
They way you spoke in your message touched me. You have such a clear vision of what our life would be like in the future. A love that never dies, but rather grows with every passing day. I, too, know the pain of a broken heart and also yearn to be completed. I, too, want to be happy more than anything. It is in reading your letter, that I realise that I am not.
A, you took a chance with your message, it found me. Do we not owe the fates to explore this more? I am immensely curious and want to know more about you. In a world where Romance seems to be dead, your profile was a breath of fresh air, breathing life and hope into my withered heart. I do so want to hold onto that hope.
I cannot wait to start on this journey with you and look forward to hearing more from you. Please, write back soon.
Yours,
ME>>> I got your respond..and wonder....how I should reply…what would catch your interest. You have spoken that it was a fresh breath seeing Romance was not dead. So romantic I would continue to be….
Dear You
When I got your email and I held it to my heart. I had never felt so much happiness in my life until that very moment. I didn’t even have to open it just yet to know it was going to be filled with good news. Just by how delicate your writing showed the deep expression that words could never touch upon. I took that chance with the message, my soul is old and I knew that if it was to sink and never be found then I would stop looking, that the woman of my dreams is no longer out there, but it was found and you took that chance to write me to reach out to me and by this I already know you are the one I’ve been seeking.
I want to mend the pain your heart has felt, to pick up the broken pieces along with mine and let us both mold our hearts into one beating organ. I want to be the one to make you smile and be happy now. Can you imagine what it would be like to fall asleep in each others arms only to awake the same way, to see your smiling face first thing in the morning. I could keep going on till my fingers ware to the bone on how whole you have made me feel but I shall digress. For the internet to send my bottle to the perfect destination to seek someone as broken and seeking as I and it has. The world has given back to me what it had taken away but in a form of someone I can be whole with once again.
Forever Yours,
PERSONAL : DEAR HEART OF MINE
Dear Heart
What the hell is wrong with you? Are you out of your mind? Do you even know what you’ve put me through for more than a decade? Blind, deaf, dumb, stupid, weak, impulsive, reckless and completely bonkers- that’s what you are!
Look around you, come on, don’t shy away now. Look at the mess you’ve created. Go north- right up till the brain. See there? Not that, you fool, that’s my nose, a little more up. Stop complaining about the upward climb, I’ve seen you jump right into my mouth whenever I take you to see a movies. Yeah, that perked you up now, didn’t it? Get back on track. Take a good look inside my head. Cluttered, isn’t it? Yeah, I should do something about…hey shut up, this isn’t my bedroom and you’re not my Mommy. Now look for my brain. It’s a little small, I know, but that ain’t my fault, Go take it up with God or Science, whatever you’re leaning towards today. Ah…there it is, my little brain, hiding as usual from you. Heaven knows why I let you bully it. Okay so you’re stronger, but you’re also dumber and a closet coward, like all bullies. Oh don’t you even think about lying to me, I’ve lived with you all my life. I know how you’re scared of everything from lizards to heights to losing to stability to the lack of it. My vocal chords are testimony to your fake displays of courage. Every time I start yelling, I know that I’m really just trying to hide how scared you are.
You and the brain have this ongoing feud that’s lasted for more than a decade now. Look, guys, I can’t win with both of you playing tug of war. And hey Heart, pick on somebody your size, okay? They don’t call me Pea-brain for supporting vegans, you know.
You have to calm down, take a deep breath, and look at the bigger picture here. Yes, so you don’t go all bumpity-bump at every good looking thing anymore, thankfully. My mind thanks you for that. My sleep cycle is eternally grateful. For years you kept telling me (and yourself) that you’re just unnaturally detached. And then, like a sick plot written by a cheesy author dying to get recognized, you attach yourself to the one thing you know is way out of your league. That’s neither wise nor prudent, mister.
But you’re kind of used to that, aren’t you? The surge of love you feel for the ones that play hard-to-get and the bouts of hatred as soon as they are ready to be gotten (pardon the grammar, but I don’t get paid for writing letters to you).
Anyway, the point of writing to you today is to not complain over pieces of you I scattered to the undeserving. The point is to tell you that there is going to be a change of residence for you (metaphorically so, of course).
Yes, dear Heart, I am handing you over to someone who I think may be more deserving of you than anyone I’ve ever met. Of course, you know who she is. And of course, she doesn’t know that she is going to get you. So we’ll have to be real discreet about this, okay? What? You can’t expect me to just go up to her and tell her that I stay up nights writing about her! Cmon! Who even does that anymore? And before you say it, no, I’m not scared of rejection. I just think I should be sure before I let her know. Because what if I want you back and she gets too attached to you? Gotta cover all bases, sport.
I know you don’t agree with my methods and that I’m listening to my brain for once. So I’m going to give you reasons why I think one-sided love is a great concept:
You can change your mind without anyone getting hurt in the process.
No expectations and thus, no accusations and so, no arguments.
Butterflies in the tummy that make you feel oh-so-good soon as you see them or receive a message from them.
You can like them without having to spend an inexcusable amount of time with them on a daily/weekly basis.
You can dream about how wonderful being with them would be, if it were ever to come true.
Dear Heart, I know I’ve put you through a lot of hard knocks over the years because of bad judgment. But believe me when I say that “she” is the One. Because whether I can be with her or not is just not important anymore. For the first time, I like someone enough to not want to be with them, lest it ruins everything.
She probably knows. And if she doesn’t want to do anything about it, well, we’ll just keep right on searching. There’s always space for more disappointment.
What the hell is wrong with you? Are you out of your mind? Do you even know what you’ve put me through for more than a decade? Blind, deaf, dumb, stupid, weak, impulsive, reckless and completely bonkers- that’s what you are!
Look around you, come on, don’t shy away now. Look at the mess you’ve created. Go north- right up till the brain. See there? Not that, you fool, that’s my nose, a little more up. Stop complaining about the upward climb, I’ve seen you jump right into my mouth whenever I take you to see a movies. Yeah, that perked you up now, didn’t it? Get back on track. Take a good look inside my head. Cluttered, isn’t it? Yeah, I should do something about…hey shut up, this isn’t my bedroom and you’re not my Mommy. Now look for my brain. It’s a little small, I know, but that ain’t my fault, Go take it up with God or Science, whatever you’re leaning towards today. Ah…there it is, my little brain, hiding as usual from you. Heaven knows why I let you bully it. Okay so you’re stronger, but you’re also dumber and a closet coward, like all bullies. Oh don’t you even think about lying to me, I’ve lived with you all my life. I know how you’re scared of everything from lizards to heights to losing to stability to the lack of it. My vocal chords are testimony to your fake displays of courage. Every time I start yelling, I know that I’m really just trying to hide how scared you are.
You and the brain have this ongoing feud that’s lasted for more than a decade now. Look, guys, I can’t win with both of you playing tug of war. And hey Heart, pick on somebody your size, okay? They don’t call me Pea-brain for supporting vegans, you know.
You have to calm down, take a deep breath, and look at the bigger picture here. Yes, so you don’t go all bumpity-bump at every good looking thing anymore, thankfully. My mind thanks you for that. My sleep cycle is eternally grateful. For years you kept telling me (and yourself) that you’re just unnaturally detached. And then, like a sick plot written by a cheesy author dying to get recognized, you attach yourself to the one thing you know is way out of your league. That’s neither wise nor prudent, mister.
But you’re kind of used to that, aren’t you? The surge of love you feel for the ones that play hard-to-get and the bouts of hatred as soon as they are ready to be gotten (pardon the grammar, but I don’t get paid for writing letters to you).
Anyway, the point of writing to you today is to not complain over pieces of you I scattered to the undeserving. The point is to tell you that there is going to be a change of residence for you (metaphorically so, of course).
Yes, dear Heart, I am handing you over to someone who I think may be more deserving of you than anyone I’ve ever met. Of course, you know who she is. And of course, she doesn’t know that she is going to get you. So we’ll have to be real discreet about this, okay? What? You can’t expect me to just go up to her and tell her that I stay up nights writing about her! Cmon! Who even does that anymore? And before you say it, no, I’m not scared of rejection. I just think I should be sure before I let her know. Because what if I want you back and she gets too attached to you? Gotta cover all bases, sport.
I know you don’t agree with my methods and that I’m listening to my brain for once. So I’m going to give you reasons why I think one-sided love is a great concept:
You can change your mind without anyone getting hurt in the process.
No expectations and thus, no accusations and so, no arguments.
Butterflies in the tummy that make you feel oh-so-good soon as you see them or receive a message from them.
You can like them without having to spend an inexcusable amount of time with them on a daily/weekly basis.
You can dream about how wonderful being with them would be, if it were ever to come true.
Dear Heart, I know I’ve put you through a lot of hard knocks over the years because of bad judgment. But believe me when I say that “she” is the One. Because whether I can be with her or not is just not important anymore. For the first time, I like someone enough to not want to be with them, lest it ruins everything.
She probably knows. And if she doesn’t want to do anything about it, well, we’ll just keep right on searching. There’s always space for more disappointment.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
PERSONAL: I JUST WANT TO MEET SOMEONE AND SETTLE DOWN
I want to meet someone.Those five words lingered in my head, even as I tried to ignore that they were there. I distracted myself with thoughts of other things, work and by making to-do lists in my head. I pretended this desire wasn’t bubbling beneath me — but as I sat watching another movie in my bed — I couldn’t stop the message my heart sent to my mind.
I want to meet someone.Though powerful and constant — it’s not a helpless feeling or a dissatisfied longing. It’s different than it was years ago. I don’t feel like something is missing or part of me is still void — I’m not lusting after every woman I see. I feel no rush and no pressure, no need to speed along a road that I’m not sure how to navigate yet. I don’t believe it’s impossible to find happiness and I do believe I’m meant for a long-term love– and still. Still – after getting divorced ...I stand on love and loveless and loving, endless conversations with my ever-so patient friends– I still want it.
I still want to fall in love.But the craving has changed. It’s not wistful and romantic (well, only a little). I’m not looking to be completed or rescued. I’m not hoping to make a married woman out of a woman who is totally emotionally unavailable. I’m not making myself something I’m not so I can be granted the so-called coveted title of husband.
Instead– I want to meet someone… like me? Someone with a heart that often feels too big for her chest. Someone who can see the good – the possible — in every part of his life, and especially with me. With us. Someone who captivates me, pulls me close and lets me fly. I want to meet someone who accepts herself and does what she can to understand the world. Someone who likes to read and run, travel and learn — explore and make mistakes, dream and slow down and watch movies in bed. Someone who makes me want to be a better me and be part of a better we than she has before. I want to meet someone who knows how to love– who wants love– who may be afraid of it, but tries it anyway. Who knows how important it is. Someone who has goals for herself and plans she will break for the right thing, the right person, the right place – the right time. Someone who is happy with the someone and the something and the somewhere she is.
I want to meet someone who likes the way the city rests on Sundays and how it’s the perfect day to wake up late, make love and eat pancakes. Someone who wants a family just as much as they want an amazing, fulfilling career, and knows you’ll never be able to be perfect at either. I want to meet who thinks about her future further than getting the latest handbag. Someone who wants to try new things but also likes to be a regular at places she can’t and won’t stop going to. Someone who knows how to kiss and knows that love isn’t always enough– but it’s always worth whatever it brings or makes you learn.
I want to meet someone who challenges me and yet, makes me feel comfortable. Someone who wants to know what I know, who wants to see the town I grew up in. Who can’t wait to share a walk with my mom. Someone who comes from a place I admire and has a laugh I long to hear. Touch I want to feel. I want to meet someone who is strong enough to stand next to me and sweet enough to let me fall into her when I need it. Or even when I don’t, but want it. Someone who remembers the things I say and can hear the things I don’t, someone who will be there today, tomorrow – always. I want to meet someone who wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here, with me.
I want to meet someone.Someone out there in this big city, living on some street I’ve crossed a million times, taking some train at the same time, thinking about when she would meet… someone like me.
I want to meet someone.Though powerful and constant — it’s not a helpless feeling or a dissatisfied longing. It’s different than it was years ago. I don’t feel like something is missing or part of me is still void — I’m not lusting after every woman I see. I feel no rush and no pressure, no need to speed along a road that I’m not sure how to navigate yet. I don’t believe it’s impossible to find happiness and I do believe I’m meant for a long-term love– and still. Still – after getting divorced ...I stand on love and loveless and loving, endless conversations with my ever-so patient friends– I still want it.
I still want to fall in love.But the craving has changed. It’s not wistful and romantic (well, only a little). I’m not looking to be completed or rescued. I’m not hoping to make a married woman out of a woman who is totally emotionally unavailable. I’m not making myself something I’m not so I can be granted the so-called coveted title of husband.
Instead– I want to meet someone… like me? Someone with a heart that often feels too big for her chest. Someone who can see the good – the possible — in every part of his life, and especially with me. With us. Someone who captivates me, pulls me close and lets me fly. I want to meet someone who accepts herself and does what she can to understand the world. Someone who likes to read and run, travel and learn — explore and make mistakes, dream and slow down and watch movies in bed. Someone who makes me want to be a better me and be part of a better we than she has before. I want to meet someone who knows how to love– who wants love– who may be afraid of it, but tries it anyway. Who knows how important it is. Someone who has goals for herself and plans she will break for the right thing, the right person, the right place – the right time. Someone who is happy with the someone and the something and the somewhere she is.
I want to meet someone who likes the way the city rests on Sundays and how it’s the perfect day to wake up late, make love and eat pancakes. Someone who wants a family just as much as they want an amazing, fulfilling career, and knows you’ll never be able to be perfect at either. I want to meet who thinks about her future further than getting the latest handbag. Someone who wants to try new things but also likes to be a regular at places she can’t and won’t stop going to. Someone who knows how to kiss and knows that love isn’t always enough– but it’s always worth whatever it brings or makes you learn.
I want to meet someone who challenges me and yet, makes me feel comfortable. Someone who wants to know what I know, who wants to see the town I grew up in. Who can’t wait to share a walk with my mom. Someone who comes from a place I admire and has a laugh I long to hear. Touch I want to feel. I want to meet someone who is strong enough to stand next to me and sweet enough to let me fall into her when I need it. Or even when I don’t, but want it. Someone who remembers the things I say and can hear the things I don’t, someone who will be there today, tomorrow – always. I want to meet someone who wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here, with me.
I want to meet someone.Someone out there in this big city, living on some street I’ve crossed a million times, taking some train at the same time, thinking about when she would meet… someone like me.
DATING/ LOVE: THE DATING SCENE NOW...WOMAN DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED OR EVEN SETTLE DOWN
I've always wanted to settle down. Because of this I held on to the wrong woman in my twenties hoping they would become right. I wasted my 20's doing this.In my 30's I tried to find someone right (not perfect, but right for me) and get married. I know now that people don 't turn into the right one if they aren't to begin with. I am an attractive, fit, well-educated, financially and emotionally secure guy and I thought I would have no problem finding a woman to settle down with and start a family. I thought that online dating would be great since you are essentially pre-screening people for dates. I have found that I get no responses from any women online and the only women who respond to my ad are usually much older and don’t meet any of my criteria outlined in my profile.
I am experiencing women who are busy, aloof, and uninterested in making an effort and commitment.They prioritize work over love, friends over love, travel over love, freedom over love, downtime over love – and still complain that they can’t find someone to love.I am told that women want to settle down and have kids, etc., but their actions seem to be to the contrary. At singles events, women come in groups and are reluctant to talk to men. In online situations, women say they want desperately to meet a nice guy like me, but never answer my response to their profile. I am trying to remain positive, but women seem to be content in the fact that they are independent and self-sufficient and have a career, family and friends that fulfills them and don’t seem to be interested in truly finding a relationship. I find this mantra in every profile of every professional woman online
When it gets right down to it, the process of finding love – with all of its ups and downs, its failures and frustrations – is just too much to bear. Why put energy into something when it’s much easier to just wait for it? Shouldn’t love happen when you least expect it? Doesn’t it happen when you’re just happy living your own life – working out, going to yoga class, working 50 hours a week? If your best friend met her husband in line at the grocery store, shouldn’t you get to meet yours in the same way?Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn’t it?
People tend to say that “he will show up when you’re trying less’. Not really, nothing is going to happen all by itself if you don’t do anything. It is easy when you’re in your early 20s, when you’re in uni or more active socialising or have less expectations. But later on that changes and you have to put yourself in a position to meet more guys. The best guys will most likely be taken, but there are still good, single guys out there.
This isn’t a judgment. It’s an observation. If every waking hour of your life is filled with work, friends, travel and hobbies, when exactly do you expect to fit in a husband? Fact is: it’s nearly impossible to fall in love if you never meet single men, nearly impossible to fall in love if you don’t go on first dates, nearly impossible to fall in love if you don’t make an effort to be available for a relationship. You can have a great, fulfilling life, but you will not find a partner unless you get really, really, really, lucky.There’s nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. There’s nothing wrong with leading a rich, fulfilling solo life. There’s nothing wrong with staying in on Friday nights. And, no one is telling you to be desperate, to settle, to give up your dreams, or any such hooey. So please, don’t even go there.
All I’m telling you is that every time I hear some woman tell me “there are no good guys out there,” I am reminded that there are millions of men like myself.
Successful, independent women, who have never been married, act like they want a relationship, but every guy they go out with has some sort of flaw, real or imagined, and they continue to “keep looking” for Mr. Right, half-heartedly, IMO. Their priority is work, Coach purses and vacations with the girls. There are many women like this out there and they aren’t “available”, even if they pretend to be. They are not willing to compromise for a man AT ALL. I know this because a lot of these women are my friends. It saddens me because they can’t see what life is truly about…love, children, family..things that a job and money just can’t provide.
The mystique of a relationship is the fact that no relationship is ever going to be perfect. There is no perfect man or woman out there…yet everyone seems stuck on looking for what does not 100% exist. Relationships are compromises upon compromises. It’s about merging 2 separate lives into a new life, not continuing the same old single life but in a relationship. Until these women realize this, they are going to remain out of reach for any man,
That said, the *hard* part was deciding that some new person was actually worth getting to know. My free time was limited, and as an introvert already stretched to the limit with an active life, going *out* with someone new would have been a major expenditure of both energy and time. Many “together” professional men are tired of being “together” ALL THE TIME, and just want to come home from work, eat breakfast for dinner, and watch whatever crap they like on tv while sorting through some work email backlog
I want to get to know someone before I had to make a real investment in time and energy. By the time I met someone I already had far more evidence that here was a woman worth spending the time and energy on moreso than a random woman I could meet on a plane, at the gym, or in the supermarket. When it comes to love and relationships, it becomes much more challenging if your attitude is that every bad date is a “failure” rather than a night to write off. But even the “damn, I just wasted a few hours” sense can be strong. I don’t like wasting time, and I am sure that one of my reasons that I was happier meeting someone my way and I didn’t feel like I had to devote “fruitless time and energy” to the search. I don’t know how many quality women I passed up along the way. It’s the energy and the effort. My job is demanding and stressful, so I don’t want to give up any of my weekend time unless I already know the woman is worth it.
I am experiencing women who are busy, aloof, and uninterested in making an effort and commitment.They prioritize work over love, friends over love, travel over love, freedom over love, downtime over love – and still complain that they can’t find someone to love.I am told that women want to settle down and have kids, etc., but their actions seem to be to the contrary. At singles events, women come in groups and are reluctant to talk to men. In online situations, women say they want desperately to meet a nice guy like me, but never answer my response to their profile. I am trying to remain positive, but women seem to be content in the fact that they are independent and self-sufficient and have a career, family and friends that fulfills them and don’t seem to be interested in truly finding a relationship. I find this mantra in every profile of every professional woman online
When it gets right down to it, the process of finding love – with all of its ups and downs, its failures and frustrations – is just too much to bear. Why put energy into something when it’s much easier to just wait for it? Shouldn’t love happen when you least expect it? Doesn’t it happen when you’re just happy living your own life – working out, going to yoga class, working 50 hours a week? If your best friend met her husband in line at the grocery store, shouldn’t you get to meet yours in the same way?Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn’t it?
People tend to say that “he will show up when you’re trying less’. Not really, nothing is going to happen all by itself if you don’t do anything. It is easy when you’re in your early 20s, when you’re in uni or more active socialising or have less expectations. But later on that changes and you have to put yourself in a position to meet more guys. The best guys will most likely be taken, but there are still good, single guys out there.
This isn’t a judgment. It’s an observation. If every waking hour of your life is filled with work, friends, travel and hobbies, when exactly do you expect to fit in a husband? Fact is: it’s nearly impossible to fall in love if you never meet single men, nearly impossible to fall in love if you don’t go on first dates, nearly impossible to fall in love if you don’t make an effort to be available for a relationship. You can have a great, fulfilling life, but you will not find a partner unless you get really, really, really, lucky.There’s nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. There’s nothing wrong with leading a rich, fulfilling solo life. There’s nothing wrong with staying in on Friday nights. And, no one is telling you to be desperate, to settle, to give up your dreams, or any such hooey. So please, don’t even go there.
All I’m telling you is that every time I hear some woman tell me “there are no good guys out there,” I am reminded that there are millions of men like myself.
Successful, independent women, who have never been married, act like they want a relationship, but every guy they go out with has some sort of flaw, real or imagined, and they continue to “keep looking” for Mr. Right, half-heartedly, IMO. Their priority is work, Coach purses and vacations with the girls. There are many women like this out there and they aren’t “available”, even if they pretend to be. They are not willing to compromise for a man AT ALL. I know this because a lot of these women are my friends. It saddens me because they can’t see what life is truly about…love, children, family..things that a job and money just can’t provide.
The mystique of a relationship is the fact that no relationship is ever going to be perfect. There is no perfect man or woman out there…yet everyone seems stuck on looking for what does not 100% exist. Relationships are compromises upon compromises. It’s about merging 2 separate lives into a new life, not continuing the same old single life but in a relationship. Until these women realize this, they are going to remain out of reach for any man,
That said, the *hard* part was deciding that some new person was actually worth getting to know. My free time was limited, and as an introvert already stretched to the limit with an active life, going *out* with someone new would have been a major expenditure of both energy and time. Many “together” professional men are tired of being “together” ALL THE TIME, and just want to come home from work, eat breakfast for dinner, and watch whatever crap they like on tv while sorting through some work email backlog
I want to get to know someone before I had to make a real investment in time and energy. By the time I met someone I already had far more evidence that here was a woman worth spending the time and energy on moreso than a random woman I could meet on a plane, at the gym, or in the supermarket. When it comes to love and relationships, it becomes much more challenging if your attitude is that every bad date is a “failure” rather than a night to write off. But even the “damn, I just wasted a few hours” sense can be strong. I don’t like wasting time, and I am sure that one of my reasons that I was happier meeting someone my way and I didn’t feel like I had to devote “fruitless time and energy” to the search. I don’t know how many quality women I passed up along the way. It’s the energy and the effort. My job is demanding and stressful, so I don’t want to give up any of my weekend time unless I already know the woman is worth it.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
REVIEW: CAST AWAY...WHO KNOW WHAT THE TIDE COULD BRING?
Yesterday I watched “Cast Away” movie on TV… I know that many consider it the copy of “Robinson Crusoe” novel – I haven’t seen its movie by the way – But, I can’t deny that Cast Away touches me much more…
I have always admired the way Tom Hanks managed the role, starting with the physical appearance changes and ending with the outstanding facial expressions… Have always stood still in front of the change that happened to a man who considered time to be everything and his life used to be planned minute by minute, to a man who had to learn to let go of the idea of time in general… learned it the hard way though…
I have always been touched by that scene where he loses “Wilson” – the volleyball – his only “friend” … I can’t but imagine myself in his place… I mean… I’m one of those who get emotionally involved with places and objects in my life… in addition to people… and I feel bad with the loss of any intimate – inanimate – object… how does it feel like then when it’s the only intimate “thing” he had…
Every time I watch the movie I stop at the scene where he uses the lighter at the end of the movie… to produce fire… something that he had worked on for days and days to be able to “create fire”… I stop and think of how ironic it is… Likewise, I noticed yesterday a sentence that I haven’t seem to pay attention to before… Just before he left the car heading to his flight, he told his girlfriend – Helen Hunt – “I’ll be right back”… How sarcastic this sound to you!! We always assume that things will just move the way we want it to… it took him 4 years to “be right back”… and he came back not even the same man who left that car… Did it ever cross his mind while uttering these words before he left that the “be right back” will be equal to “four years of isolation”?
I have seen this movie dozens of times, and every time I watch it I seem to be getting a very harsh slap on my face all over again… it always triggers these thoughts of not taking things for granted… for me this movie is far beyond someone surviving on an isolated island… For me, it is about setting your priorities and preferences… about not taking things for granted… about appreciating the moment while living it… and not after it is gone… It is about keeping the faith that even in the worse situations, tomorrow will come… and tomorrow might be good for something…
Below is a very touching conversation that took place between “Chuck Noland” – Tom Hanks – with his friend “Stan” at the end of the movie…
Keep the faith,
Rou… – Who knows what the tide could bring…?
“We both had done the math…
Kelly added it all up and… knew she had to let me go…
I added it up, and knew that I had… lost her… ‘cos I was never gonna get off that island… I was gonna die there, totally alone… I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something… The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen… So… I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself… I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me… And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I- I – , I couldn’t even kill myself the way I wanted to… I had power over *nothing*…
And that’s when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket… I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive… Somehow… I had to keep breathing… Even though there was no reason to hope… And all my logic said that I would never see this place again…
So that’s what I did… I stayed alive… I kept breathing… And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail…
And now, here I am… I’m back… In Memphis, talking to you… I have ice in my glass…
And I’ve lost her all over again…
I’m so sad that I don’t have Kelly… But I’m so grateful that she was with me on that island…
And I know what I have to do now… I gotta keep breathing…
Because tomorrow the sun will rise…
Who knows what the tide could bring…?”
PART II
So many times when we go through struggles that last longer than your typical issue. Struggles that can last seasons, even years. We can lose all hope. Like Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away, we can feel abandoned, lonely, afraid and utterly hopeless. If you have not seen this movie, then this blog won't make total sense. I apologize, but have to draw from this analogy regardless as it is near to my heart.
Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) has discovered, after a horrific plane crash, that he is the sole survivor and has been washed ashore on a deserted island. He then desperately begins searching for signs of life, trying to signal for help and last but not least, making his own raft and trying to head out to sea. All these attempts fail early on in the movie. Sadly, his sloppily made raft is smashed to pieces by the wind and waves and all hope of escape seems lost as Chuck realizes his own powerlessness.
Ever feel that way?
Have you found yourself in a lonely and desperate situation that feels like it will never end? Do you feel that your dreams for your life have been dashed against the shore? Has your new "home" become one filled with sorrow and mourning mixed with a tad bit of insanity? Have all hopes of a rescue or escape been faded by the time that has elapsed? Have you tried to make courageous attempts to move out of of this season or situation and found you and your man made "raft" overpowered by the wind and waves? Chuck felt all these things and more to be sure.
Yet, on a random day, just another ordinary day in his lonely life on that island...lo and behold, a make shift sail washes ashore. You see, the reason he was unable to escape the first time was because he did not have the sail that would catch the wind and use it to lift him over the waves. He also did not have the favor of the right direction of the wind.
This was Chuck's time. This was his day. God's hand was in it this time. This was not a man made escape. This was divine intervention. He had to try...one more time. Chuck's brave escape with the help of that make shift sail and the favor of the east wind led to his rescue in the end.
Just like that "sail" washed ashore for Chuck, your answer is on the way as well. Maybe your first few man made attempts to save your marriage, reconnect with a wayward child or find an answer to your illness ended in defeat. Do not despair my friends. Your God given sail is going to wash ashore any day now, when you least expect it. The wind is going to blow in your favor. This time, you will be prepared. This time you will know what to do. This time the wind won't break you. Rather, you will use it to push you past the breakers, lift you over the mighty waves and deliver you right into your victory.
Chuck spent 4 lonely years on that island. I'm sure they felt more like 40. That's a lot of "wait time." What about you? What will you do in the mean time? How will you handle your 4 months or 4 years or maybe even 40?
I would recommend following Chuck's advice from a scene in the movie where he is talking with a close friend:
"I knew that I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there. Totally alone. I mean I was gonna get sick or injured or something. The only choice I had, that I could control, was when and how and where that was going to happen. So, I made a rope and I went up to the summit to hang myself. I had to test it, of course, you know me. And the weight of the log snapped the limb of the tree and I thought, "I can' t even kill myself the way I want to." I had power over nothing. That's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. I had to keep breathing, even though there's no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. Stayed alive and kept breathing. And one day that logic was proven all wrong because one day the tide came in and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. Back in Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass...and I know what I have to do now. I have to keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring."
Stay alive inside your soul. Keep breathing. Keep moving. Even when there's no reason to hope. When you've done all else as the bible says, then just stand. Stand with all your might. Tomorrow the sun WILL rise and you never know what the tide may bring.
I have always admired the way Tom Hanks managed the role, starting with the physical appearance changes and ending with the outstanding facial expressions… Have always stood still in front of the change that happened to a man who considered time to be everything and his life used to be planned minute by minute, to a man who had to learn to let go of the idea of time in general… learned it the hard way though…
I have always been touched by that scene where he loses “Wilson” – the volleyball – his only “friend” … I can’t but imagine myself in his place… I mean… I’m one of those who get emotionally involved with places and objects in my life… in addition to people… and I feel bad with the loss of any intimate – inanimate – object… how does it feel like then when it’s the only intimate “thing” he had…
Every time I watch the movie I stop at the scene where he uses the lighter at the end of the movie… to produce fire… something that he had worked on for days and days to be able to “create fire”… I stop and think of how ironic it is… Likewise, I noticed yesterday a sentence that I haven’t seem to pay attention to before… Just before he left the car heading to his flight, he told his girlfriend – Helen Hunt – “I’ll be right back”… How sarcastic this sound to you!! We always assume that things will just move the way we want it to… it took him 4 years to “be right back”… and he came back not even the same man who left that car… Did it ever cross his mind while uttering these words before he left that the “be right back” will be equal to “four years of isolation”?
I have seen this movie dozens of times, and every time I watch it I seem to be getting a very harsh slap on my face all over again… it always triggers these thoughts of not taking things for granted… for me this movie is far beyond someone surviving on an isolated island… For me, it is about setting your priorities and preferences… about not taking things for granted… about appreciating the moment while living it… and not after it is gone… It is about keeping the faith that even in the worse situations, tomorrow will come… and tomorrow might be good for something…
Below is a very touching conversation that took place between “Chuck Noland” – Tom Hanks – with his friend “Stan” at the end of the movie…
Keep the faith,
Rou… – Who knows what the tide could bring…?
“We both had done the math…
Kelly added it all up and… knew she had to let me go…
I added it up, and knew that I had… lost her… ‘cos I was never gonna get off that island… I was gonna die there, totally alone… I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something… The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen… So… I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself… I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me… And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I- I – , I couldn’t even kill myself the way I wanted to… I had power over *nothing*…
And that’s when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket… I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive… Somehow… I had to keep breathing… Even though there was no reason to hope… And all my logic said that I would never see this place again…
So that’s what I did… I stayed alive… I kept breathing… And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail…
And now, here I am… I’m back… In Memphis, talking to you… I have ice in my glass…
And I’ve lost her all over again…
I’m so sad that I don’t have Kelly… But I’m so grateful that she was with me on that island…
And I know what I have to do now… I gotta keep breathing…
Because tomorrow the sun will rise…
Who knows what the tide could bring…?”
PART II
So many times when we go through struggles that last longer than your typical issue. Struggles that can last seasons, even years. We can lose all hope. Like Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away, we can feel abandoned, lonely, afraid and utterly hopeless. If you have not seen this movie, then this blog won't make total sense. I apologize, but have to draw from this analogy regardless as it is near to my heart.
Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) has discovered, after a horrific plane crash, that he is the sole survivor and has been washed ashore on a deserted island. He then desperately begins searching for signs of life, trying to signal for help and last but not least, making his own raft and trying to head out to sea. All these attempts fail early on in the movie. Sadly, his sloppily made raft is smashed to pieces by the wind and waves and all hope of escape seems lost as Chuck realizes his own powerlessness.
Ever feel that way?
Have you found yourself in a lonely and desperate situation that feels like it will never end? Do you feel that your dreams for your life have been dashed against the shore? Has your new "home" become one filled with sorrow and mourning mixed with a tad bit of insanity? Have all hopes of a rescue or escape been faded by the time that has elapsed? Have you tried to make courageous attempts to move out of of this season or situation and found you and your man made "raft" overpowered by the wind and waves? Chuck felt all these things and more to be sure.
Yet, on a random day, just another ordinary day in his lonely life on that island...lo and behold, a make shift sail washes ashore. You see, the reason he was unable to escape the first time was because he did not have the sail that would catch the wind and use it to lift him over the waves. He also did not have the favor of the right direction of the wind.
This was Chuck's time. This was his day. God's hand was in it this time. This was not a man made escape. This was divine intervention. He had to try...one more time. Chuck's brave escape with the help of that make shift sail and the favor of the east wind led to his rescue in the end.
Just like that "sail" washed ashore for Chuck, your answer is on the way as well. Maybe your first few man made attempts to save your marriage, reconnect with a wayward child or find an answer to your illness ended in defeat. Do not despair my friends. Your God given sail is going to wash ashore any day now, when you least expect it. The wind is going to blow in your favor. This time, you will be prepared. This time you will know what to do. This time the wind won't break you. Rather, you will use it to push you past the breakers, lift you over the mighty waves and deliver you right into your victory.
Chuck spent 4 lonely years on that island. I'm sure they felt more like 40. That's a lot of "wait time." What about you? What will you do in the mean time? How will you handle your 4 months or 4 years or maybe even 40?
I would recommend following Chuck's advice from a scene in the movie where he is talking with a close friend:
"I knew that I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there. Totally alone. I mean I was gonna get sick or injured or something. The only choice I had, that I could control, was when and how and where that was going to happen. So, I made a rope and I went up to the summit to hang myself. I had to test it, of course, you know me. And the weight of the log snapped the limb of the tree and I thought, "I can' t even kill myself the way I want to." I had power over nothing. That's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. I had to keep breathing, even though there's no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. Stayed alive and kept breathing. And one day that logic was proven all wrong because one day the tide came in and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. Back in Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass...and I know what I have to do now. I have to keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring."
Stay alive inside your soul. Keep breathing. Keep moving. Even when there's no reason to hope. When you've done all else as the bible says, then just stand. Stand with all your might. Tomorrow the sun WILL rise and you never know what the tide may bring.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
DATING: WHAT DO GUYS / MEN REALLY WANT
What is a man seeking?
First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.
Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.
Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.
Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.
Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.
Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.
Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.
Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.
Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.
Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.
Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.
Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.
Men don't want to be alone.
First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.
Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.
Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.
Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.
Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.
Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.
Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.
Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.
Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.
Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.
Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.
Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.
Men don't want to be alone.
THOUGHTS/JOURNAL/DATING: WHY MELISSA CHANGE ME FROM BEING A NICE GUY TO THE TOTAL OPPOSITE
Twenty years ago, the second woman I ever loved broke my heart. Her name was Melissa. Like many break ups, the end came in stutters and sine waves rather than as an abrupt but mercifully irreversible amputation. However, for reasons I couldn’t understand yet quickly began to resent, my ex-girlfriend continued to ask favors of me. And I continued to grant them.
Then one morning while chanting I found myself ruminating about how inappropriate it was of her to keep asking, and the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became. My indignation continued to intensify after I’d finished chanting and began showering, finally reaching a peak as I rinsed the shampoo from my hair, causing me to make a sudden and angry determination that the next time she asked me for a favor, I’d refuse.
At that exact moment, the phone rang.
I knew it was her calling—and sure enough, after I’d finished showering, one of my roommates confirmed it and added that she’d asked that I call her back before I left for school.
As I walked toward the phone I told myself that when she asked me for the favor for which I knew she’d called, I’d refuse. I called her up, and—sure enough—she asked me if I would record a television show for her on my VCR (again, this was 20 years ago). In my mind I said, “No.” But then I heard my mouth say, “Yes.”
I hung up—and laughed out loud. I was as powerless to refuse her a favor as I was to run through a brick wall.
So I decided to begin chanting with the determination to free myself from my inability to refuse her favors. And one day, months later, while chanting, I had an epiphany. The reason I remained unable to refuse her requests was that I’d established a Good Guy Contract with her.
Until that moment of epiphany, I had no idea what a Good Guy Contract was, much less that it was the standard contract I consistently signed with almost everyone in my life. But in that startling moment of clarity I understood not only what it was but why I kept signing it: my self-esteem, which I’d previously believed to be built on things solely internal, was in fact entirely dependent on something external—the good will of others. The Good Guy Contract was simple: I would agree to be nice to you, to advise you, to sacrifice for you, to care about you—and in return you would agree to believe that I was wise, compassionate, excellent as a human being in every way, and finally and most importantly, you would like me.
This was the contract I’d signed with my ex-girlfriend, the only difference being I didn’t just expect to be liked; I expected to be loved. And for a while, I was. Unfortunately once I’d had a taste of that love, it became my ego’s addiction, and when she took it away from me I became profoundly depressed—not because, as I originally thought, I’d been left by someone I thought was the love of my life, but because I genuinely believed without that someone I couldn’t be happy. Why, then, did I keep doing favors for her after we’d broken up? Because I couldn’t shake the Good Guy habit. Some part of me believed if I continued to fulfill my contractual obligations to her, she’d start fulfilling hers again to me. To say I was shocked to discover my self-esteem had been built on such shaky ground would be an understatement.
I didn’t realize at the time, but at the moment I had the epiphany about my propensity to sign Good Guy Contracts with everyone in my life, I stopped doing it. This was proven to me three months later when my best friend came to me asking me why I had recently become such a jerk to all my friends. My first reaction was to become defensive and deny it. But then I stopped myself, realizing that he was absolutely right. I began to wonder why I had in fact become so dismissive of so many of my friends and realized that I’d somehow stopped needing their approval to sustain my self-esteem and had somehow torn up all the Good Guy Contracts I’d signed with them (these were people, it turned out, with whom I had little in common to bind us together in genuine friendship). I’d somehow discovered a way to love and value myself without feeding off the love and esteem of anyone else. And most fascinating of all, without my ever discussing this with my ex-girlfriend, she never asked me for another favor again.
THE BENEFIT OF TEARING UP THE GOOD GUY CONTRACT
I’m not arguing there’s anything wrong with wanting to be liked. Nor am I saying I no longer care if I’m liked or not. What I am saying is that in freeing myself from the need to be liked—in learning to derive my self-esteem from internal support—I can more easily let go of the dissonance that (still) occurs when I’m disliked. Ridding myself of the need to sign Good Guy Contracts has brought me tremendous benefits, including enabling me to:
-Stop suffering when people don’t like me. I can’t control how others respond to me, and being freed of the need to write Good Guy Contracts has freed me of the need to try to influence others to like me as well—which has freed up an unbelievable amount of my time.
-Become an effective leader. If your primary concern is to please everyone, you won’t be able to make good decisions for the right reasons. I could never have taken on the leadership roles I have had I not eliminated my need to be a People Pleaser (another name for a Good Guy).
-Establish more genuine friendships—friendships based on mutual interest, free of the underlying agenda in which I would use the goodwill of another to support my self-esteem.
-Be compassionate. Freed of the need to be liked, I can now contemplate compassionate action motivated only by the desire to add to the happiness of another person and not by the imperative to sustain my self-esteem, making it far more likely my actions will be wisely compassionate, the importance of which I discussed in a previous post, What Compassion Is.
-Avoid explosive expressions of pent up resentment. Being unable to say no leads to resentment toward oneself that often gets projected onto others but that’s paradoxically rarely expressed (becoming angry at someone would violate the terms of the Good Guy Contract)—until it builds up to the point where it must be expressed and then often is in explosive and damaging ways.
-Avoid feeling overwhelmed by too much responsibility. What a relief it’s been to be able to own what’s mine and not what belongs to others.
HOW TO TEAR UP THE GOOD GUY CONTRACT
People sign Good Guy Contracts all the time. It’s especially common in younger people, less so as people mature naturally into independence. Yet it persists in many—as I believe it would have in me had I not confronted the suffering my signing a Good Guy Contract with my ex-girlfriend caused me.
If you’re a chronic People Pleaser who can’t stand to disappoint others when disappointing them is appropriate, then you have a great opportunity to become happier. First, how can you confirm that you sign Good Guy Contracts in your relationships (both romantic and platonic)? Try asking yourself the following questions:
When you disappoint someone, anger them, or cause them in some way to dislike you, does it create disproportionate anxiety for you?
Do you have difficulty enduring even a mild degree of conflict with others?
Do you become obsessed with manipulating how others feel about you?
Are your actions predominantly motivated by how they’ll cause others to view you?
If so, these are reasonably good indicators you’re working too hard to be a Good Guy.
What, then, can you do to stop? Other than taking up the practice of Nichiren Buddhism, the most effective method I’ve found is to practice disappointing people. That is, when disappointing someone is genuinely necessary, I approach it as practice for developing my self-esteem. If I fail, that’s fine. After all, it was only practice. I get back up, dust myself off, and make a determination to try again next time, reminding myself as I do so that violating the Good Guy Contract and setting appropriate boundaries doesn’t usually lead to being disliked as we People Pleasers fear, but rather to being respected.
In all honesty, even now, two decades later, I sometimes still feel the tug of the need to please. Though the wisdom I activated all those years ago has never stopped functioning in my life, sometimes it functions less strongly than others, depending on my life-condition. Sometimes I still have to remind myself consciously not to be overly affected by the opinions of others. But the ability to let go of my need to be liked, even if it sometimes requires conscious effort, is one of the greatest bits of human revolution I’ve ever accomplished and absolutely worth every bit of suffering it required.
Then one morning while chanting I found myself ruminating about how inappropriate it was of her to keep asking, and the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became. My indignation continued to intensify after I’d finished chanting and began showering, finally reaching a peak as I rinsed the shampoo from my hair, causing me to make a sudden and angry determination that the next time she asked me for a favor, I’d refuse.
At that exact moment, the phone rang.
I knew it was her calling—and sure enough, after I’d finished showering, one of my roommates confirmed it and added that she’d asked that I call her back before I left for school.
As I walked toward the phone I told myself that when she asked me for the favor for which I knew she’d called, I’d refuse. I called her up, and—sure enough—she asked me if I would record a television show for her on my VCR (again, this was 20 years ago). In my mind I said, “No.” But then I heard my mouth say, “Yes.”
I hung up—and laughed out loud. I was as powerless to refuse her a favor as I was to run through a brick wall.
So I decided to begin chanting with the determination to free myself from my inability to refuse her favors. And one day, months later, while chanting, I had an epiphany. The reason I remained unable to refuse her requests was that I’d established a Good Guy Contract with her.
Until that moment of epiphany, I had no idea what a Good Guy Contract was, much less that it was the standard contract I consistently signed with almost everyone in my life. But in that startling moment of clarity I understood not only what it was but why I kept signing it: my self-esteem, which I’d previously believed to be built on things solely internal, was in fact entirely dependent on something external—the good will of others. The Good Guy Contract was simple: I would agree to be nice to you, to advise you, to sacrifice for you, to care about you—and in return you would agree to believe that I was wise, compassionate, excellent as a human being in every way, and finally and most importantly, you would like me.
This was the contract I’d signed with my ex-girlfriend, the only difference being I didn’t just expect to be liked; I expected to be loved. And for a while, I was. Unfortunately once I’d had a taste of that love, it became my ego’s addiction, and when she took it away from me I became profoundly depressed—not because, as I originally thought, I’d been left by someone I thought was the love of my life, but because I genuinely believed without that someone I couldn’t be happy. Why, then, did I keep doing favors for her after we’d broken up? Because I couldn’t shake the Good Guy habit. Some part of me believed if I continued to fulfill my contractual obligations to her, she’d start fulfilling hers again to me. To say I was shocked to discover my self-esteem had been built on such shaky ground would be an understatement.
I didn’t realize at the time, but at the moment I had the epiphany about my propensity to sign Good Guy Contracts with everyone in my life, I stopped doing it. This was proven to me three months later when my best friend came to me asking me why I had recently become such a jerk to all my friends. My first reaction was to become defensive and deny it. But then I stopped myself, realizing that he was absolutely right. I began to wonder why I had in fact become so dismissive of so many of my friends and realized that I’d somehow stopped needing their approval to sustain my self-esteem and had somehow torn up all the Good Guy Contracts I’d signed with them (these were people, it turned out, with whom I had little in common to bind us together in genuine friendship). I’d somehow discovered a way to love and value myself without feeding off the love and esteem of anyone else. And most fascinating of all, without my ever discussing this with my ex-girlfriend, she never asked me for another favor again.
THE BENEFIT OF TEARING UP THE GOOD GUY CONTRACT
I’m not arguing there’s anything wrong with wanting to be liked. Nor am I saying I no longer care if I’m liked or not. What I am saying is that in freeing myself from the need to be liked—in learning to derive my self-esteem from internal support—I can more easily let go of the dissonance that (still) occurs when I’m disliked. Ridding myself of the need to sign Good Guy Contracts has brought me tremendous benefits, including enabling me to:
-Stop suffering when people don’t like me. I can’t control how others respond to me, and being freed of the need to write Good Guy Contracts has freed me of the need to try to influence others to like me as well—which has freed up an unbelievable amount of my time.
-Become an effective leader. If your primary concern is to please everyone, you won’t be able to make good decisions for the right reasons. I could never have taken on the leadership roles I have had I not eliminated my need to be a People Pleaser (another name for a Good Guy).
-Establish more genuine friendships—friendships based on mutual interest, free of the underlying agenda in which I would use the goodwill of another to support my self-esteem.
-Be compassionate. Freed of the need to be liked, I can now contemplate compassionate action motivated only by the desire to add to the happiness of another person and not by the imperative to sustain my self-esteem, making it far more likely my actions will be wisely compassionate, the importance of which I discussed in a previous post, What Compassion Is.
-Avoid explosive expressions of pent up resentment. Being unable to say no leads to resentment toward oneself that often gets projected onto others but that’s paradoxically rarely expressed (becoming angry at someone would violate the terms of the Good Guy Contract)—until it builds up to the point where it must be expressed and then often is in explosive and damaging ways.
-Avoid feeling overwhelmed by too much responsibility. What a relief it’s been to be able to own what’s mine and not what belongs to others.
HOW TO TEAR UP THE GOOD GUY CONTRACT
People sign Good Guy Contracts all the time. It’s especially common in younger people, less so as people mature naturally into independence. Yet it persists in many—as I believe it would have in me had I not confronted the suffering my signing a Good Guy Contract with my ex-girlfriend caused me.
If you’re a chronic People Pleaser who can’t stand to disappoint others when disappointing them is appropriate, then you have a great opportunity to become happier. First, how can you confirm that you sign Good Guy Contracts in your relationships (both romantic and platonic)? Try asking yourself the following questions:
When you disappoint someone, anger them, or cause them in some way to dislike you, does it create disproportionate anxiety for you?
Do you have difficulty enduring even a mild degree of conflict with others?
Do you become obsessed with manipulating how others feel about you?
Are your actions predominantly motivated by how they’ll cause others to view you?
If so, these are reasonably good indicators you’re working too hard to be a Good Guy.
What, then, can you do to stop? Other than taking up the practice of Nichiren Buddhism, the most effective method I’ve found is to practice disappointing people. That is, when disappointing someone is genuinely necessary, I approach it as practice for developing my self-esteem. If I fail, that’s fine. After all, it was only practice. I get back up, dust myself off, and make a determination to try again next time, reminding myself as I do so that violating the Good Guy Contract and setting appropriate boundaries doesn’t usually lead to being disliked as we People Pleasers fear, but rather to being respected.
In all honesty, even now, two decades later, I sometimes still feel the tug of the need to please. Though the wisdom I activated all those years ago has never stopped functioning in my life, sometimes it functions less strongly than others, depending on my life-condition. Sometimes I still have to remind myself consciously not to be overly affected by the opinions of others. But the ability to let go of my need to be liked, even if it sometimes requires conscious effort, is one of the greatest bits of human revolution I’ve ever accomplished and absolutely worth every bit of suffering it required.
SPIRITUAL: LET GO
We all suffer, every day: worry, procrastination, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, irritated, angry, frustrated, wishing things were different, comparing ourselves to others, worried we’re missing out, wishing other people would be different, feeling offended, loneliness, fear of failure, not wanting to do something, wishing we had less fat or bigger boobs or bigger muscles, angry at being controlled, wanting to find the perfect someone, wishing our partner was more perfect, stressed about finances, not wanting to think about problems, not knowing how to fix things, uncertain about choices, rushing from one task to the next, not liking our jobs.
And yet, these problems are self-created.
They’re real, but our tricky minds have created them. The problems are in our heads, created by some ideal/fantasy/expectation of how we wished the world would be, or hope it will be but fear it won’t be. It exists in our heads.
Try this, for a minute: let all of that go for a moment, and just pay attention to the physical things around you right now. Your body, the light, sounds, the thing you’re sitting on, the things moving or sitting still around you. Don’t judge them against what they should be, but just observe what they actually are.
See this moment as it is, without all the things you’re worried/frustrated/angry about. Let go of all of those things, and just see this moment.
It is perfect, as it is.
Accept this moment. Cherish it. This is real, and it is wonderful.
You can go back to worrying about everything else in a moment.
And yet, these problems are self-created.
They’re real, but our tricky minds have created them. The problems are in our heads, created by some ideal/fantasy/expectation of how we wished the world would be, or hope it will be but fear it won’t be. It exists in our heads.
Try this, for a minute: let all of that go for a moment, and just pay attention to the physical things around you right now. Your body, the light, sounds, the thing you’re sitting on, the things moving or sitting still around you. Don’t judge them against what they should be, but just observe what they actually are.
See this moment as it is, without all the things you’re worried/frustrated/angry about. Let go of all of those things, and just see this moment.
It is perfect, as it is.
Accept this moment. Cherish it. This is real, and it is wonderful.
You can go back to worrying about everything else in a moment.
ARTICLE:You can limit Google from making your “private” information “public” - See more at: http://support-mart.blogspot.com/2014/02/you-can-limit-google-from-making-your
A stranger following you, every time you leave your home or office, is something that no one of us will ever welcome. Someone who does it daily is Google, in fact we permit Google to do it every single day. What lures you into this are the free services and an easily accessible web feature. Google, meanwhile, has never hidden this fact and it’s clearly mentioned in the privacy policy. The question is how many of us have actually read this policy before accepting it?
Wondering what all Google can know? Answer is your location via GPS, other information through your phone logs. So, if you wish to hide your personal information from Google, here are some steps which can help you do so, easily.
Move to the Google Dashboard, which gives access to all Google Services like Google Plus, YouTube and more, where you can control the privacy level. This helps in limiting the amount of info shared publically.
Cookies keep accumulating in your PC, and you thus need to clean these regularly. As Google uses them as a unique identifier, to collect information and give advertisers access to your contact info.
VPN aka Virtual Private Network, helps you experience anonymity while surfing the web, which means you can now stay hidden from not just Google, but hackers and others.
Switch to the Incognito or the InPrivate option, which is a secured browsing feature that helps in protecting your privacy over the web. It can be activated in Chrome, Mozilla and Internet Explorer as well.
Download the DoNotTrack app/plug-in without any further delay. This is if you do not have complete trust over the above mentioned app, this tool extends to all tracking tools and puts a check on how your online activity is tracked. In case you did not know, DNT keeps a check on the cookies as well.
A removal request can be made to Google in case you wish to delete any of your info being shared to the world. So, file this request now.
Google Maps is an interesting and useful feature, but we hope you do not wish the world to know where you are? If yes, then remove your house from the Google Maps now. It’s a simple three step process, which can help you do this easily.
Choose what you wish to share on the various social profiles via Google, so, don’t be an open book to the world and make changes now on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook and others.
Stay away from Google search, we know it may sound absurd and tough, but doing so will help in decreasing the hassle of going public, significantly.
Google+ Chrome combo must be a complete no-no, especially if using this on your phone. If logged in, Google can be unknowingly following you everywhere you go. When on your home PC, at your work computer or any place else.
Avoid adding any details in the first place, to keep away from seeing your info being shared at places you never wish. It’s better to not do it, rather than feel culpable later.
So, here were the top 11 ways by which you can keep your ‘private’ information on Google actually ‘private’, at least to some extent. Also, if you thought it’s just Google collecting your info, then think again, as there are many companies doing the same, secretly! -
Wondering what all Google can know? Answer is your location via GPS, other information through your phone logs. So, if you wish to hide your personal information from Google, here are some steps which can help you do so, easily.
Move to the Google Dashboard, which gives access to all Google Services like Google Plus, YouTube and more, where you can control the privacy level. This helps in limiting the amount of info shared publically.
Cookies keep accumulating in your PC, and you thus need to clean these regularly. As Google uses them as a unique identifier, to collect information and give advertisers access to your contact info.
VPN aka Virtual Private Network, helps you experience anonymity while surfing the web, which means you can now stay hidden from not just Google, but hackers and others.
Switch to the Incognito or the InPrivate option, which is a secured browsing feature that helps in protecting your privacy over the web. It can be activated in Chrome, Mozilla and Internet Explorer as well.
Download the DoNotTrack app/plug-in without any further delay. This is if you do not have complete trust over the above mentioned app, this tool extends to all tracking tools and puts a check on how your online activity is tracked. In case you did not know, DNT keeps a check on the cookies as well.
A removal request can be made to Google in case you wish to delete any of your info being shared to the world. So, file this request now.
Google Maps is an interesting and useful feature, but we hope you do not wish the world to know where you are? If yes, then remove your house from the Google Maps now. It’s a simple three step process, which can help you do this easily.
Choose what you wish to share on the various social profiles via Google, so, don’t be an open book to the world and make changes now on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook and others.
Stay away from Google search, we know it may sound absurd and tough, but doing so will help in decreasing the hassle of going public, significantly.
Google+ Chrome combo must be a complete no-no, especially if using this on your phone. If logged in, Google can be unknowingly following you everywhere you go. When on your home PC, at your work computer or any place else.
Avoid adding any details in the first place, to keep away from seeing your info being shared at places you never wish. It’s better to not do it, rather than feel culpable later.
So, here were the top 11 ways by which you can keep your ‘private’ information on Google actually ‘private’, at least to some extent. Also, if you thought it’s just Google collecting your info, then think again, as there are many companies doing the same, secretly! -
Saturday, March 1, 2014
DATING/ LOVE: WHEN I FALL IN LOVE
When I fall in love, how would I feel? I asked this question to myself countless times, and even now as I write, I cannot help but reflect on those times when I did fall in love - madly, fondly and blindly.When I fall in love, I want to be with her always; In happiness, to smile with her, and be the one to hug her near. In sadness, to cry with her, and be the one to dry her tears. When I fall in love, I will spend my every waking and sleeping moments with her and catch each moment in its eternally lovely form. When I fall in love, I will miss her the very moment I say 'goodbye' and my heart will yearn forthe very moment I say ‘hello'. When I fall in love, all my old hurts and pains will seem lost and faded away and I will be strong and brave once again. When I fall in love,I want you to be happy always, ever and feel like the happiest person of them all . . .Because that's what I will feel, when I fall in love, with you. So when two people fall in love, something interesting is bound to happen. Like all romances, things might go well, they might not, or, most likely, there’ll be a mix of both. Unlike most romances, however, when two hopless romantic hook up, it almost always leads to love.
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