Dear Soulmate,
You and I...so near yet so far apart by only an inch yet we brush past.You and I without knowing.....without seeing as if fate decreed it should be. If only you would have turned your eyes and if only I had stopped by where you were that day leaning against the tree reading Othello.If only...so many if's. Time has passed with regrets and memories good and bad they are you have known me since. A taste of lemon drop sour on the tongue. A touch of honey drop sweet on the lonely soul. Let us carry on as usual my step falling on yours,,,,your eyes on my back. There is no time for regret..it has fallen like autumn leaves Let's wait for next spring and then, perhaps, if... But then one summer day..the sun was shining bright and coloured everything with her rays. I saw you, talking' and laughing'. I knew that day would change all my coming days. On that one summer day...the way you were...the way you looked at me...the way you came near was the way everything should be I felt like flying...Oh no...I was flying...I was living and dying. I was begging the day for time to stand still for the moment to stay.On that day..the words weren't enough to describe all the emotions...all the passion, all the love. I couldn't find myself. I was lost in you, in your smile it took me a while to realize that you're not fiction. I met you and it was all different. It made all the fears and the scare go away I knew why people pray and ask God for someone to come who will make their life, You came to me and brought me joy and comfort. You made me bloom like roses in the spring, flowers in may...I heard love calling. I knew, it was you. i knew my life was going to be brand new, i had to obey. I touched your hand. I was close to you, so close finally i knew where i shall go..you showed me the way. On that one summer day...i couldn't ask for anything else I had all. I had everything I wished for. I had you that day. You made it so easy to fall in love with you. You charmed and amazed me with those seductive things you do.How could I get over your eyes, your smile,Your body close to mine. I can't help but wonder if it is for you, like it is for me?You see, no matter who I'm with I keep think of you, and that's where I want to be. No matter how I try no one can take your place....no matter who I'm looking at..it seem I always see your face. You see, not a day goes by where I don't think of you. And I can't help but wonder, if it's like that for you, too.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
JOURNAL
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so romantic, it seems easier, and less pain. I wish I could be like some others and just walk around with a checklist looking for similar, settle on love to make sure same goals, have house, make a kid, and be content with the achievements of the partnership. I wish I could settle with love, marry who my parents wanted me to and forget about what my heart aches for. It isnt always easy believing in soulmates, wanting more, being a modern day romantic, looking to art and music for hope. There are many out there, just trying to blend while secretly searching for others like us. Oh to conform or not to conform
I am going to Florida for a few days. This is the first vacation this year. I been so stressed out with my Dad being ill the first few months and changes in the jobs...property taxes going up..and feeling so alone. I really don't have the energy to go through another relationship that doesn't go anywhere. I can't wait for this day to be over and then go to the drug dinner and vacation tomorrow.
I am going to Florida for a few days. This is the first vacation this year. I been so stressed out with my Dad being ill the first few months and changes in the jobs...property taxes going up..and feeling so alone. I really don't have the energy to go through another relationship that doesn't go anywhere. I can't wait for this day to be over and then go to the drug dinner and vacation tomorrow.
Monday, October 21, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE; SCREW IT....I AM GOING TO LOWER MY STANDARDS
Screw it! ...I'm lowering my standards, you should too!
Screw average height woman....I'm gonna give those tall woman another try. Sure they are 5'10 and even taller in heels, but what the hell, I'm sure she won't mind being eye level with her chest. If I'm lucky, I loves to play hide and seek under her skirt while in public places.
Screw HOT beautiful girls, .....I can get into the whole "ugly, sexy woman" thing. I'll just close my eyes and pretend you're sooo hot that if I DO look at you, I will pass out or turn to stone. Hopefully you will have some experience in this area and have developed some fun, exciting, role-playing games in the bedroom that require blindfolds, lampshades,brown bags, crazy gluing my eyelids shut, etc. because simply turning off the lights is too easy.Everyone feels the same in the dark anyway.
Screw woman with long hair...It seems that this look is trendy among the city and who can blame us guys. Men in general are taken by long shiny things, like your head glittering in the sun. I suppose I'll just have to learn to love short hair woman who also possesses the desire to clean my car.However, it just won't be the same. On the bright side, it will be less time in the bathroom for you.and it would be having a roommate...with a PY. BONUS!
Screw woman with "decent" jobs....That's overrated.I've always wanted to know the ins and outs of living day to day in the eyes of waitress, or bartender, or customer service. Talk about a woman with an exciting outlook on life. Living paycheck to paycheck can we fun. We won't know where I next meal will come from. Don't worry, we will live with your parents forever, and when we are old we will have to decide to either buy food or by med.
Screw nice girls.... It's time I got with the program and just accept that all woman who are bitches and cheating,. It's ok that you slept with my brother, best friend, and dad, I'll still wait for you to come home so I can hear your loving words, I want more money!".I know now that the reason you always come home is because I am like your ATM machine. That's right, me. I know the way to a woman's heart is through my wallet. We can even go on Jerry Springer so I can prove my love to you with a good old-fashioned cat fight. JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Screw woman my age.....I'll take on a 18 year old virgin and show her the ropes I can finally go to the prom and not be afraid to make out in front of the principal. Or I can trot around town on the arm of someone young enough to be my daugther and she can Lolita. Either way, I'm sure I'll make all her friends jealous and that will boost my self-esteem. And we can all use a little boost in the department, can't we?
Screw woman with average bodies..... From now on only fat and large woman. I want your body to be sooo big that you cannot wipe your own ass (Hey that's sexy, right?) More cushion for the pushin
Screw smart woman......We don't need to talk about foreign policy, corporate farming, travel and culture. We can just flop in front of the tube and waste away watching reality shows and get the Dejesus scared out of us nightly by watching FOX news (Those pesky terrorists). You can show me how to crush empty beer cans on my forehead so I can impress your friends. Hey, Who needs to read a book when you watch the movie.
Screw single woman.... What I need is a married woman to discreetly meet me in parking lots and the local hot tub. I love being sneaky and not being able to be with you in public or introduce you to my friends. It's so exciting, it's like being a secret agent sex spy! And to think all this time, I've been missing out. I'll try my best not to get jealous and possessive and boil your kid's bunny rabbit.
Screw woman with a sense of humor......Um... nope...Can't part with that standard. You'll definitely need it when you meet me.
Screw average height woman....I'm gonna give those tall woman another try. Sure they are 5'10 and even taller in heels, but what the hell, I'm sure she won't mind being eye level with her chest. If I'm lucky, I loves to play hide and seek under her skirt while in public places.
Screw HOT beautiful girls, .....I can get into the whole "ugly, sexy woman" thing. I'll just close my eyes and pretend you're sooo hot that if I DO look at you, I will pass out or turn to stone. Hopefully you will have some experience in this area and have developed some fun, exciting, role-playing games in the bedroom that require blindfolds, lampshades,brown bags, crazy gluing my eyelids shut, etc. because simply turning off the lights is too easy.Everyone feels the same in the dark anyway.
Screw woman with long hair...It seems that this look is trendy among the city and who can blame us guys. Men in general are taken by long shiny things, like your head glittering in the sun. I suppose I'll just have to learn to love short hair woman who also possesses the desire to clean my car.However, it just won't be the same. On the bright side, it will be less time in the bathroom for you.and it would be having a roommate...with a PY. BONUS!
Screw woman with "decent" jobs....That's overrated.I've always wanted to know the ins and outs of living day to day in the eyes of waitress, or bartender, or customer service. Talk about a woman with an exciting outlook on life. Living paycheck to paycheck can we fun. We won't know where I next meal will come from. Don't worry, we will live with your parents forever, and when we are old we will have to decide to either buy food or by med.
Screw nice girls.... It's time I got with the program and just accept that all woman who are bitches and cheating,. It's ok that you slept with my brother, best friend, and dad, I'll still wait for you to come home so I can hear your loving words, I want more money!".I know now that the reason you always come home is because I am like your ATM machine. That's right, me. I know the way to a woman's heart is through my wallet. We can even go on Jerry Springer so I can prove my love to you with a good old-fashioned cat fight. JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Screw woman my age.....I'll take on a 18 year old virgin and show her the ropes I can finally go to the prom and not be afraid to make out in front of the principal. Or I can trot around town on the arm of someone young enough to be my daugther and she can Lolita. Either way, I'm sure I'll make all her friends jealous and that will boost my self-esteem. And we can all use a little boost in the department, can't we?
Screw woman with average bodies..... From now on only fat and large woman. I want your body to be sooo big that you cannot wipe your own ass (Hey that's sexy, right?) More cushion for the pushin
Screw smart woman......We don't need to talk about foreign policy, corporate farming, travel and culture. We can just flop in front of the tube and waste away watching reality shows and get the Dejesus scared out of us nightly by watching FOX news (Those pesky terrorists). You can show me how to crush empty beer cans on my forehead so I can impress your friends. Hey, Who needs to read a book when you watch the movie.
Screw single woman.... What I need is a married woman to discreetly meet me in parking lots and the local hot tub. I love being sneaky and not being able to be with you in public or introduce you to my friends. It's so exciting, it's like being a secret agent sex spy! And to think all this time, I've been missing out. I'll try my best not to get jealous and possessive and boil your kid's bunny rabbit.
Screw woman with a sense of humor......Um... nope...Can't part with that standard. You'll definitely need it when you meet me.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
I was always alone until I saw your beauty it made my heart stop .it showed me the way it showed me all the beauty in the world it made my nerves go into over-drive and all I know is that you were the most beautiful thing ever it made me cry it made me weep it was the only thing that I wanted in life. Your essence surrounds me.It flows through the wires.and your loving words greet me and fuel my desires.The sound of your voice,The love in your words makes my heart rejoice with love songs unheard. Your Essence is with me day in and day out. Our souls are connected of that there is no doubt. Who led us to meet? What fate was the guide? Your Essence is welcomed into my life. You've given me reason to forget the strife of every day living...of problems unsolved.Now I live for giving you all of my love. I lie awake wondering when I will fade to sleep. I've waited all day, anticipating, for this night we will meet.In my dreams you are and forever will be .You are my love; you are my destiny. Dreams are where wishes come true but I only have one wish to pursue to hold you in my arms for all eternity and to love, protect and give you all of me. In our dreams so we can be together Our souls touch, and our feelings are deep and our love is strong and no one can keep us away from each other, because our minds are one. Others have light, but you are my sun Brilliance shines through your face. What I wouldn't do for your warm embrace. The touch of your hand and the taste of your kiss are only a few of the many things I miss. Your inviting smile and your heart of gold leave me breathless, because you broke the mold. I'm blinded by perfection, yet I don't know what to do. My eight hours are up; my dream is through.The only thing now that I hope comes true is that the powers that be bring me to you. For, every second my angel is not by my side is every tear that I have cried. Express to me what you want, and see if I can understand, I want you to be fulfilled. Your wish is my command. If intimacy is held together by the touch of a lovers hand Then let me embrace you with both arms, to magnify where I stand. Open up your heart to me, so that I may prove to you my devotions. Allow me to convey true beliefs, and tender emotions. Let us ponder fantasies so explicit, exploring, capturing passions, Intensifying feelings so deep, yearning for shivering reactions.Sprinkle me with the caring of your heart And this will not be in vain. Gratify the void in my soul, and the truth you will gain. The undesirable spirit of vanity in this situation must be slain, The warmth of your essence is something I must obtain.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
I sit and wait patiently hands bonded together. I have been sitting here my whole lif and i may have to sit here forever. I know one day you are coming I will smell your scent a mile awayi will be able to tell it's you by your smile and maybe you will find me today. I wait to hear your laughter. I wait to look into your eyes. I want to know your past and I never want to hear good-byes I want to walk the fields of merry wheat.There are a million things i want to do I would like to know what real love feels like and i want to do all this with you. Your hair is what dreams are made of and your skin coats the wisdom of love within your hands you hold the world and your smile represents the white dove. Though you know nothing of me and though i know not who you are and even though i know we will be together one day.Ii know that where you are, must not be that far. You can't be far away because your heart trembles with mine and with every step i feel you getting closer and i know that one day everything will be fine, All night long real solitude in the sky. Your head resting on my chest and listening to the melody of my heart
In the middle of the night..the perfect serenity ruling the mind,The audible voice could be heard and the gentle beat of our lovely hearts. At the dawn of the night with heavy wind blowing everywhere and trees and leaves clapping their hands are melodious rhythm to our ears All night long...you and I lost in romance in the deep silence of our mind only the sound of love we could hear,So sweet are your lips pressed lightly against mine,Your hands, so soft, holding my face...pleasant shivers running up and down my spine...These precious feelings growing deep within my mind...It's in my heart that I hold your memory.Far inside its dark corners, where your beautiful face still lingers...In your arms I find serenity and I shall wait once again for you...Your eyes glow like the sun's rays around the sun.You bring the light into my day when you're around,and bring the dark into my night when you're gone. Love is you among the fragrances of an island dream in white, in the light of a tropical dawn.Pearls around your delicate throat and wandering in the garden of memories. Pensive, in longing for a beginning.Love is you among the roses, of a princess's dreams, In red, in the sunset of a special day.Diamonds in your hair and wandering in the dreamland of caresses Sensual, awaiting a lover's return,Love is you amidst the orchidsin a forest of enchantment In black velvet, in the cool spray of a fountain .Emeralds, adorning your ears and sweetness in your breathe, wandering.searching for a lasting kiss of eternal caring. Love is you
I sit and wait patiently hands bonded together. I have been sitting here my whole lif and i may have to sit here forever. I know one day you are coming I will smell your scent a mile awayi will be able to tell it's you by your smile and maybe you will find me today. I wait to hear your laughter. I wait to look into your eyes. I want to know your past and I never want to hear good-byes I want to walk the fields of merry wheat.There are a million things i want to do I would like to know what real love feels like and i want to do all this with you. Your hair is what dreams are made of and your skin coats the wisdom of love within your hands you hold the world and your smile represents the white dove. Though you know nothing of me and though i know not who you are and even though i know we will be together one day.Ii know that where you are, must not be that far. You can't be far away because your heart trembles with mine and with every step i feel you getting closer and i know that one day everything will be fine, All night long real solitude in the sky. Your head resting on my chest and listening to the melody of my heart
In the middle of the night..the perfect serenity ruling the mind,The audible voice could be heard and the gentle beat of our lovely hearts. At the dawn of the night with heavy wind blowing everywhere and trees and leaves clapping their hands are melodious rhythm to our ears All night long...you and I lost in romance in the deep silence of our mind only the sound of love we could hear,So sweet are your lips pressed lightly against mine,Your hands, so soft, holding my face...pleasant shivers running up and down my spine...These precious feelings growing deep within my mind...It's in my heart that I hold your memory.Far inside its dark corners, where your beautiful face still lingers...In your arms I find serenity and I shall wait once again for you...Your eyes glow like the sun's rays around the sun.You bring the light into my day when you're around,and bring the dark into my night when you're gone. Love is you among the fragrances of an island dream in white, in the light of a tropical dawn.Pearls around your delicate throat and wandering in the garden of memories. Pensive, in longing for a beginning.Love is you among the roses, of a princess's dreams, In red, in the sunset of a special day.Diamonds in your hair and wandering in the dreamland of caresses Sensual, awaiting a lover's return,Love is you amidst the orchidsin a forest of enchantment In black velvet, in the cool spray of a fountain .Emeralds, adorning your ears and sweetness in your breathe, wandering.searching for a lasting kiss of eternal caring. Love is you
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR FUTURE WIFE
Dear Future Wife,
I have to admit that sometimes I do get impatient waiting for you and maybe that’s because I get so lonely. Wherever you are in this wide world of ours, please find me. I know that behind the hills and around mountains and across the highways and byways you are there. When the appointed time is right for us to finally meet, you shall find me waiting for you. It’s just a matter of time before I lay eyes upon you. I have been carrying you in my spirit and God has been listening to my prayers as He has kept you in this hiding place, perfecting you just for me. He knows that I am a man after His heart wanting to serve Him with my wife by my side.
My prayer has been to find a woman who will love me as much as I will love her. I need a strong woman in my life, someone who can make me smile and lift me up when I am down. Someone I can trust and feel completely comfortable around, and who will understand me better than anyone, but most of all who will appreciate me for who I am. I would like for you to be that woman.
What I desire most is a love that will last the test of time. To me love is a beautiful thing, probably the most precious thing in the universe. I love the idea of being in love. It's almost like a drug. Once you feel love and lose it you spend your whole life trying to get that feeling back. You'll do anything to find someone who makes you smile so hard it hurts and laugh so hard you can't breathe. But most of all I like that tingling feeling you get in your stomach from the butterflies thinking about that person when they are not around and it brings a smile to your face, that’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. This is Love because all you want is to be with them, the one person who completes you.
Lastly, I want you to know that I dream of you and imagine you every day, the one that will make my life an adventure and worth living. I want you to be the last thing I look at before I close my eyes at night and the first thing I look at when I open my eyes in the morning. If we stay true to each other, we can never be defeated nor conquered by any outside force.
Love,
Your Future Husband
I have to admit that sometimes I do get impatient waiting for you and maybe that’s because I get so lonely. Wherever you are in this wide world of ours, please find me. I know that behind the hills and around mountains and across the highways and byways you are there. When the appointed time is right for us to finally meet, you shall find me waiting for you. It’s just a matter of time before I lay eyes upon you. I have been carrying you in my spirit and God has been listening to my prayers as He has kept you in this hiding place, perfecting you just for me. He knows that I am a man after His heart wanting to serve Him with my wife by my side.
My prayer has been to find a woman who will love me as much as I will love her. I need a strong woman in my life, someone who can make me smile and lift me up when I am down. Someone I can trust and feel completely comfortable around, and who will understand me better than anyone, but most of all who will appreciate me for who I am. I would like for you to be that woman.
What I desire most is a love that will last the test of time. To me love is a beautiful thing, probably the most precious thing in the universe. I love the idea of being in love. It's almost like a drug. Once you feel love and lose it you spend your whole life trying to get that feeling back. You'll do anything to find someone who makes you smile so hard it hurts and laugh so hard you can't breathe. But most of all I like that tingling feeling you get in your stomach from the butterflies thinking about that person when they are not around and it brings a smile to your face, that’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. This is Love because all you want is to be with them, the one person who completes you.
Lastly, I want you to know that I dream of you and imagine you every day, the one that will make my life an adventure and worth living. I want you to be the last thing I look at before I close my eyes at night and the first thing I look at when I open my eyes in the morning. If we stay true to each other, we can never be defeated nor conquered by any outside force.
Love,
Your Future Husband
Friday, October 18, 2013
LOVE LETTER
Dear Soulmate,
I write love letters to you everyday in the patterns I draw on your back. I write them in the tea I make, and the food I accidently burn. I write them in your clothes and I write them in the smile and touches I give you in bed. I write them on your skin and your soul. I write them everyday.
I. Love. You.
I love your mind, I love your kindness. I love when you hold me, and hug me to sleep. I love your knees in the back of my thighs and your feet tangled with mine. I love the whispered conversations we have in the dark. I love the loud arguments and our differing points of view. I love it when you are just there.
I. Love. You.
I write love letters to you everyday in the patterns I draw on your back. I write them in the tea I make, and the food I accidently burn. I write them in your clothes and I write them in the smile and touches I give you in bed. I write them on your skin and your soul. I write them everyday.
I. Love. You.
I love your mind, I love your kindness. I love when you hold me, and hug me to sleep. I love your knees in the back of my thighs and your feet tangled with mine. I love the whispered conversations we have in the dark. I love the loud arguments and our differing points of view. I love it when you are just there.
I. Love. You.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
There is a place within my heart where memories of you lie. A place I visit from time to time; A place that shall never die. A place no one knows about except for a very few. A place I have set aside especially for you. I go to this place whenever I feel lonely when we're apart. I go to this place whenever I need you to touch my heart. You shall always be in this place; No one could fill your shoes. No one else could take your place for I give my heart to you. How deeply do I love you? From the deepest depths of my soul. Can I ever leave you? I could never let you go! Can I resist your warm embrace? Not in a million years...I live to see your loving face. You wipe away my tears when I wake up to the morning light. I love to feel you by my side. And when I go to bed at night, I feel no need to hide for you are my life, my soul,and most of all, my best friend.And how long will I love you? Until the dying end! Of all the wonders in this world, and beauties that I see, There is none more wonderful, loyal and true than the love of you and me. I love you; I want to show you the world. I want to share with you the world. I want to be able to tell you that you are the world? Forever in love with you...None have completed my soul,embraced my heart,mixed with my spirit, as you, My Beloved...None have conquered me,with such a simple sigh, careless breath...None have captured my desire,without effort,without knowing, as you, My Beloved...None have or ever will, for you consume me, enrapture me, devour me, and it is pure Heaven.You takes me many places that I have never been and all I do is look at you. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing always remember my heart is with you,Throughout the day and throughout the night my mind are constant thoughts of you. To explain with words how much I love you it would take forever and a day,but for a moment, with one look in my eyes,you'll see love's truth, no words could say. No matter the situation and despite all the arguments we've been through, I love you more each day,Every day of my life, I'll spend loving you. I know with all my heart,without a doubt, my love for you is true, There's nothing else I'm this sure of,There's no one else I love but you. You complete all I am,clearly you are a part of me. What we have, nothing will ever change from now until forever, you and I will always be. There will be times when things get hard, please have faith, we'll make it through,For I love you more each day.Every day of my life, I'll spend loving you.
There is a place within my heart where memories of you lie. A place I visit from time to time; A place that shall never die. A place no one knows about except for a very few. A place I have set aside especially for you. I go to this place whenever I feel lonely when we're apart. I go to this place whenever I need you to touch my heart. You shall always be in this place; No one could fill your shoes. No one else could take your place for I give my heart to you. How deeply do I love you? From the deepest depths of my soul. Can I ever leave you? I could never let you go! Can I resist your warm embrace? Not in a million years...I live to see your loving face. You wipe away my tears when I wake up to the morning light. I love to feel you by my side. And when I go to bed at night, I feel no need to hide for you are my life, my soul,and most of all, my best friend.And how long will I love you? Until the dying end! Of all the wonders in this world, and beauties that I see, There is none more wonderful, loyal and true than the love of you and me. I love you; I want to show you the world. I want to share with you the world. I want to be able to tell you that you are the world? Forever in love with you...None have completed my soul,embraced my heart,mixed with my spirit, as you, My Beloved...None have conquered me,with such a simple sigh, careless breath...None have captured my desire,without effort,without knowing, as you, My Beloved...None have or ever will, for you consume me, enrapture me, devour me, and it is pure Heaven.You takes me many places that I have never been and all I do is look at you. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing always remember my heart is with you,Throughout the day and throughout the night my mind are constant thoughts of you. To explain with words how much I love you it would take forever and a day,but for a moment, with one look in my eyes,you'll see love's truth, no words could say. No matter the situation and despite all the arguments we've been through, I love you more each day,Every day of my life, I'll spend loving you. I know with all my heart,without a doubt, my love for you is true, There's nothing else I'm this sure of,There's no one else I love but you. You complete all I am,clearly you are a part of me. What we have, nothing will ever change from now until forever, you and I will always be. There will be times when things get hard, please have faith, we'll make it through,For I love you more each day.Every day of my life, I'll spend loving you.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE....THIS HEART OF MINE
Dear Soulmate,
This heart of mine once suffered a loss of love so tender, rich and pure. Where else could love be found?Having sought for so long...I almost gave up. Then I heard you loud and clear calling on me through space and time.Your voice was delightful to hear, but should I love after the loss...? Oh, what joy lies behind the clouds? That I should give you my precious heart.Should the stars witness the light...?Of gladness I'm willing to share. Would there be calmness after the storm when I trust love I cannot bear to hold. Would the sun shine after the rain if I finally fall in love with you. I want to write to you the most beautiful words. The most adorable letters to you. I want to say things, meaningful things... and sweet things to you. But no word, no matter what is as beautiful as what my heart sings out. I want to speak to you in a charming voice and to say the right words to you. I want to express my feelings...in words my heart sings. I want to cry out loud with joy. I want to shout out what my heart sings but no word... no matter what, is especially bonded with that which my heart sings like. Nothing especially bonded with you and me but true love and all it's worth. It's your love...your way of being there with the smiles, sending kisses, and romanctic days of passion. It's your love that conquers all and not only conquers but, fills me with spirit and compassion. I think of you before my eyes slowly close upon the day.I savor this moment for, it is here, in my sleep induced dreams, that you are truly mine. I relive every memory we have made...every caress, every kiss shared, every word spoken and with these memories, I dream of you. The dream that one day I will awaken with you by my side to feel the heat of your body next to mine, to feel your breath upon my hair, to smell the scent that is uniquely you. And in this dream I will rise to gaze into your beautiful brown eyes to see love shining only for me and slowly, oh, so slowly, you let me take you into my arms and let me make sweet love to you. Let's make a love potion and skillfully, with magic touch. Paint our tender hearts blue and our spirit, soul, and body. Let's devote to this adventure,Until we accomplish the ultimate joy.As we search for the ingredients. Let's make the truth our guide, and trust, our armor of life.Let's apply as the only device and loving, sharing, caring, As we do away with foolish schemes and lies.Then let's rub our body with this potion and cleanse our soul from evil notions with tender, loving feelings of pride while keeping the recipe on our minds.Let's lay aside every bitterness and fright and rejoice in this peace we have found.Our hope, seasoned with hints of gladness. Let's place on eternal togetherness and our focus, decked with template of kindness.Let's remove from fruitless shyness and ignore every little drop of strife as we sip this love potion in drips.As I sit here and wonder where you came from. The thoughts of you begin to make my body numb.Your long hair and speaking eyes have drawn out all my sorrows and cries. It's like the dream I had the night before, you are everything and even more.
This heart of mine once suffered a loss of love so tender, rich and pure. Where else could love be found?Having sought for so long...I almost gave up. Then I heard you loud and clear calling on me through space and time.Your voice was delightful to hear, but should I love after the loss...? Oh, what joy lies behind the clouds? That I should give you my precious heart.Should the stars witness the light...?Of gladness I'm willing to share. Would there be calmness after the storm when I trust love I cannot bear to hold. Would the sun shine after the rain if I finally fall in love with you. I want to write to you the most beautiful words. The most adorable letters to you. I want to say things, meaningful things... and sweet things to you. But no word, no matter what is as beautiful as what my heart sings out. I want to speak to you in a charming voice and to say the right words to you. I want to express my feelings...in words my heart sings. I want to cry out loud with joy. I want to shout out what my heart sings but no word... no matter what, is especially bonded with that which my heart sings like. Nothing especially bonded with you and me but true love and all it's worth. It's your love...your way of being there with the smiles, sending kisses, and romanctic days of passion. It's your love that conquers all and not only conquers but, fills me with spirit and compassion. I think of you before my eyes slowly close upon the day.I savor this moment for, it is here, in my sleep induced dreams, that you are truly mine. I relive every memory we have made...every caress, every kiss shared, every word spoken and with these memories, I dream of you. The dream that one day I will awaken with you by my side to feel the heat of your body next to mine, to feel your breath upon my hair, to smell the scent that is uniquely you. And in this dream I will rise to gaze into your beautiful brown eyes to see love shining only for me and slowly, oh, so slowly, you let me take you into my arms and let me make sweet love to you. Let's make a love potion and skillfully, with magic touch. Paint our tender hearts blue and our spirit, soul, and body. Let's devote to this adventure,Until we accomplish the ultimate joy.As we search for the ingredients. Let's make the truth our guide, and trust, our armor of life.Let's apply as the only device and loving, sharing, caring, As we do away with foolish schemes and lies.Then let's rub our body with this potion and cleanse our soul from evil notions with tender, loving feelings of pride while keeping the recipe on our minds.Let's lay aside every bitterness and fright and rejoice in this peace we have found.Our hope, seasoned with hints of gladness. Let's place on eternal togetherness and our focus, decked with template of kindness.Let's remove from fruitless shyness and ignore every little drop of strife as we sip this love potion in drips.As I sit here and wonder where you came from. The thoughts of you begin to make my body numb.Your long hair and speaking eyes have drawn out all my sorrows and cries. It's like the dream I had the night before, you are everything and even more.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE..BEFORE I KNEW YOU EXISTED
Dear Soulmate,
Before I knew you existed,I was just me, no more, no less. I only knew life from my point of view, the view of a single man.Before you, there were others who caught my eye, made me look twice, but never did they make my heart race,or feel this unending desire of love. You taught me how to live, love and cherish the simple things that bring joy. Before, there were empty spaces in my heart that are now filled with the reality of you, the peace, that love brings to a soul.Just the thought of you brings sunshine to a rain filled day, a smile to my face. I thank God in heaven, that you found me, and I pray every night you keep me close at heart and by your side, for your love sustains me and keeps me warm for now, and all eternity. I love the way you look at me when you think that I don't know. The way you smile when I walk in,drawing me to your side with a sigh. All the small things that add up to the perfect you. And perfect you are...for me.Your gentle ways- always wanting my happiness, putting me first when you can, but always before yourself. Makes me feel so loved special...wanted. My life was adrift 'til you threw out a life line. Drawing me back with warm kisses... consuming passion. Your voice makes me sigh with contentment and shiver with delight and want in a way hitherto unknown to me. I love the freedom you give me to love. Don't ever forget, that it's you I love. Only you were sent from above and now that I have you I can share my love.There is a place where sun, moon and heavenly stars are there for the asking, where scenery changes by thought,where the woman I meet is always you. If, but for a moment, I had closed my eyes it would all have been gone. such a place, I've come to realize, resides in the heart where soft candles glow, where to home I always go and where the door opens and all the possibilities are there- the wants and desires, the hopes and dreams the love for you between today and tomorrow... Our history, I trace and find love in your face. You I hold so dear who quells my every fear. When I watch you walk away, I say a prayer every day that I will see you walk back to me, that you are mine for all eternally
Before I knew you existed,I was just me, no more, no less. I only knew life from my point of view, the view of a single man.Before you, there were others who caught my eye, made me look twice, but never did they make my heart race,or feel this unending desire of love. You taught me how to live, love and cherish the simple things that bring joy. Before, there were empty spaces in my heart that are now filled with the reality of you, the peace, that love brings to a soul.Just the thought of you brings sunshine to a rain filled day, a smile to my face. I thank God in heaven, that you found me, and I pray every night you keep me close at heart and by your side, for your love sustains me and keeps me warm for now, and all eternity. I love the way you look at me when you think that I don't know. The way you smile when I walk in,drawing me to your side with a sigh. All the small things that add up to the perfect you. And perfect you are...for me.Your gentle ways- always wanting my happiness, putting me first when you can, but always before yourself. Makes me feel so loved special...wanted. My life was adrift 'til you threw out a life line. Drawing me back with warm kisses... consuming passion. Your voice makes me sigh with contentment and shiver with delight and want in a way hitherto unknown to me. I love the freedom you give me to love. Don't ever forget, that it's you I love. Only you were sent from above and now that I have you I can share my love.There is a place where sun, moon and heavenly stars are there for the asking, where scenery changes by thought,where the woman I meet is always you. If, but for a moment, I had closed my eyes it would all have been gone. such a place, I've come to realize, resides in the heart where soft candles glow, where to home I always go and where the door opens and all the possibilities are there- the wants and desires, the hopes and dreams the love for you between today and tomorrow... Our history, I trace and find love in your face. You I hold so dear who quells my every fear. When I watch you walk away, I say a prayer every day that I will see you walk back to me, that you are mine for all eternally
ARTICLE: MY LIFE WITH STEVE JOBS BY KATE STOREY
Chrisann Brennan first met Steve Jobs in 1972, while they were both students at Homestead HS in Cupertino, Calif. Over the next five years, they dated off and on throughout their teens and early 20s. The two were living together with their friend Daniel Kottke, a computer engineer and one of the earliest employees of Apple, in 1977, when the company took off.
The two finally ended their romantic relationship for good in late 1977, after Brennan became pregnant with their daughter, Lisa. Brennan worked as a waitress and collected welfare checks to support herself and their baby daughter.
Chrisann Brennan was Jobs’ first girlfriend.
Jobs publicly denied he was Lisa’s father for years, even though he took a paternity test in 1979 proving he was the dad. He was paying $500 a month in child support when he told Time magazine in 1983, “28 percent of the male population in the United States could be the father.”
Today, Brennan is a painter and graphic designer living in Monterey, Calif., and Lisa is a Harvard-educated journalist.
Here, in an exclusive excerpt from Brennan’s first-person tale, “The Bite in the Apple: A Memoir of My Life With Steve Jobs” (on sale Oct. 29), she describes her frustrating, difficult and passionate years with the business visionary…
Steve often said that he had a strong sense of having had a past life as a World War II pilot. He’d tell me how, when driving, he felt a strong impulse to pull the steering wheel back as if for takeoff. It was a curious thing for him to say, but he did have that sense of unadorned glamour from the forties. He loved the big band sound of Tommy Dorsey, Benny Goodman, and Count Basie. At the first Apple party he even danced like he was from the forties. So I could see the fit: Steve as a young man with all that American ingenuity from a less encumbered time, with that simple sense of right and wrong. But that’s not how I pictured him in 1977. Apple was taking off and Steve wasn’t in an airplane, he was in a rocket ship blasting out beyond the atmosphere of what anyone imagined possible. And he was changing.
It was around this time that Steve, Daniel, and I moved into a rental in Cupertino. It was a four-bedroom ranch style house on Presidio Drive, close to Apple’s first offices. Steve told me that he didn’t want to get a house with just the two of us because it felt insufficient to him.
Steve wanted his buddy Daniel to live with him because he believed it would break up the intensity of what wasn’t working between us. Our relationship was running hot and cold. We were completely crazy about each other and utterly bored in turns. I had suggested to Steve that we separate, but he told me that he just couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye.
A new memoir by his ex-girlfriend sheds light on the cult of Steve Jobs.Photo: Albert Watson
I was glad to hear this but I was also, by this time, deferring to his ideas way too often. Steve also didn’t want us to share a room at the Presidio house. He said he didn’t want us to play assumed roles and that he wanted to choose when we would be together. I was hurt by this, but reasoned that he had a point, that we both needed a sense of space and choice. And so I went along with it.
Steve selected the bedroom in the front of the house. It was like him to want to position himself as the captain of the ship — in front. He was always vying for that superior position. I chose the master bedroom and settled in, knowing I had the best room. Daniel, who was sort of charmingly odd, slept in the living room on the floor next to his piano. But after a month Steve literally picked me up and moved everything I owned and took over the master bedroom. He’d finally realized that I had the better deal: a larger room with an en suite bath and the privacy of the backyard. Steve had paid the security deposit for the rental so was, in fact, entitled to the room he wanted. But he was so graceless that I felt humiliated and outraged.
Even after swapping rooms in this way, Steve and I still shared nights of lovemaking so profound that, astonishingly, some fifteen years later, he called me out of the blue to thank me for them. He was married at the time of his call and all I could think of was, Whoa . . . men . . . are . . . really . . . different. Imagine if I had called him to say such a thing.
We remembered different things. Mainly I recalled how awful he was becoming and how I was starting to flounder. But he was right: our lovemaking had been sublime. At the time of Steve’s phone call, I found that as I listened I was as awed by the memory as by his strange need to risk an expression of such intimacy. After I hung up I stood still and thought, Maybe Steve thinks that love has its own laws and imperative. But why call now?
Chrisann Brennan with daughter Lisa. She and Jobs broke up after she became pregnant in 1977.
His timing had always been so particular.
Living with Steve in Cupertino was not as I had expected it to be. We shared nice dinners and some beautiful evenings, but we could barely sustain a sense of emotional intimacy, much less build on it. It was like a game of Snakes and Ladders, with Steve as the game master. The ups were hopeful and the downs were extreme. I didn’t know how to hold my own with him because he didn’t play fair. He just played to win — and win at any cost. I knew that a solid relationship couldn’t be built on any one person winning, but I couldn’t understand why things kept slip-sliding away and breaking into pieces.
When we first moved into that house, I was by myself during the days when Steve and Daniel went off to Apple. I was deeply frustrated by my lack of creative focus. I had made the commitment to myself to be an artist but I had no idea how to do it. There was so much pain between me and my work that I didn’t know where to begin or how to direct myself. So when my friend Ellen offered to help me get a waitressing job at a restaurant in Palo Alto, I jumped at the chance. I wanted to be around others, to make money, and to wash Steve and Daniel out of my hair on a regular basis. I needed my own independent life and perspective away from that house. I wanted to be around other people so I could remember who I was and what interested me. I also thought that it would help Steve and me to get on a better footing or, if we couldn’t, for me to find my own feet to walk out of the relationship if that’s what I needed to do.
Unfortunately I had to turn down that job because I didn’t have a car and so couldn’t get to Palo Alto. So I ended up working at Apple in Cupertino, driving in the mornings with Steve and Daniel and walking home in the evenings if we didn’t have plans together after work. Eventually I started to take art classes at De Anza, which was conveniently located between Apple and our home. At Apple I worked in the shipping department where, if I remember correctly, I soldered disconnected chips onto boards and also screwed those same boards into Apple II cases for final assembly. The work wasn’t interesting, but the banter and laughter with my cohorts, Richard Johnson and Bob Martinengo, kept me amused.
At that time Apple had about one thousand square feet to its name, divided into three rooms total: one for shipping, one as a kind of tech lab for R & D, and one larger office for all the executives and secretaries.
Jobs with daughter Lisa, dressed as Raggedy Ann, on Halloween 1986.
One day I remember a bunch of us standing around Steve’s desk when John Draper, aka Captain Crunch, called. (Draper is well known for his contribution to the blue box technology.) Steve put Draper on the speakerphone so that everyone could hear without Draper’s knowing we were all listening. Draper was full of anxiety, pleading with Steve to do something for him. I don’t remember what now, but I do know that people were quietly laughing at him. This is nothing in the annals of Steve Jobs stories, but I remember it because Steve’s lack of fair play seemed shameless to me. I didn’t care who he was making fun of. I just didn’t like it.
On the nights when Steve and I didn’t have something to do together — and there were more and more of these — he would often come home late and wake me up to talk and make love. On the nights he just wanted to talk, I knew he had been with Kobun [Japanese Zen master Kobun Chino Otogawa was a longtime spiritual adviser to Jobs]. I would wake up to find Steve gently ecstatic, speaking to me in symbolic language with the Zen master’s distinct speech pattern. A number of times he spoke to me about how he had been given “five brilliant flowers.” His demeanor would gleam when he said this, and I would listen to find out what the symbol meant to him. My best guess after months of these reveries was that the flowers were five different people whose enlightenment Steve would be involved in. These blooms apparently included me. In the beginning he talked about “one brilliant flower” and he would touch my nose when he said it, as if to say, “That’s you!” but then it rose to three and then five.
I’d wondered who the others were.
Steve was assuming the role of my spiritual master once again and I felt uneasy about it. What if I didn’t want to be one of his brilliant flowers. Beyond this, the general lack of transparency when it came to Steve and Kobun didn’t feel right, especially when it involved me. A few years earlier Steve had tried to get me to primal scream “Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Daddy” when we had taken LSD because he thought he was fit to oversee that kind of opening up in me just from having read a book. The fact that he had never gone through primal therapy himself didn’t seem to concern him. It was that Pygmalion thing again.
Tech titan Jobs with the latest in personal computers, circa 1984.Photo: Michael L. Abramson/Getty Images
Now he and Kobun thought Steve should oversee my enlightenment? Also during this time Steve bragged about being lazy. He was working like a maniac but he’d throw his head back with his eyes unfocused and croon, “I am just the laziest man in the world.” After about the tenth refrain I quietly translated this to mean that he was only active in response to inspiration, and so in this way, action was effortless, thus, he was lazy. It smacked of the coded language between him and Kobun. Further, it felt self-aggrandizing. I was left out of the late-night conversations between master and student, but I got these trailers when I was half asleep. Some of it was beautiful and I was glad Steve wanted to share it with me, but some of it felt really skewed. Steve had a way of being spiritually advanced while also being emotionally underdeveloped, and I started to wonder why Kobun didn’t understand this. Why indeed.
I was wary because I didn’t think enlightened people bragged, and I sensed that these two were too infatuated with themselves. The touch on the nose was patronizing. Steve, who was my boyfriend, not my guru, had some confusion about me surrendering to his ego instead of to my own higher purpose and presence. In the end, I think he may have been jealous of me for having my own power and insight. He seemed to want either to own everything or diminish its value.
One evening, Steve and I had a party at the Presidio house. I don’t remember much about the party or who was there — likely, Bill Fernandez, Woz [Steve Wozniak], and Daniel, and their girlfriends. What I do remember is that the next morning there was a confusing moment when Steve, looking around and squinting, asked what we should do with “it.” I didn’t
The late Steve Jobs with his wife, Laurene Powell, at the 2010 Academy Awards.Photo: Alexandra Wyman/Getty Images
understand the question until I realized that he was asking if there was a service we could call in to take care of the dirty dishes. Doing the dishes ourselves was simply no longer an option for Steve. He had entered into an elite world where others took care of the lower-level functions so that he could operate with more efficiency, on his presumably higher plane. I not too happily cleaned them up by myself. This put me into the wrong kind of position with him, because in no world should I ever have been in a service role to Steve in this way. I just didn’t understand how to take care of myself in the face of his enlarged sense of self importance.
A few weeks after the party Steve started telling me that I had too many wrinkles on my forehead. I’m of Irish and French descent and have thin skin from the Irish side. In my early twenties, I had a wrinkle-free face, but when I raised my eyebrows, I had a bazillion tiny lines, like pages of a book. Steve would point this out and then, like a stage mother, literally reach over and smooth my forehead whenever I furrowed my brow. This was a new Steve. I have never liked this sort of thing in mothers, much less in boyfriends.
I am not the kind of woman who places high stakes in her appearance.
That’s not a natural outcome of who I am. But I was puzzled. Steve had always really liked the way I looked before, but now my very face was not okay? I fell to tears, rejected and burdened by it all.
I now understand that Steve was learning how to gain power by insinuating negative self-images onto others. He was starting to define me more by what I wasn’t, than by what I was. This was a whole new category of unkindness and it confused me. It was mean and I felt rejected, but I just didn’t have a comeback.
As Apple grew, so did Steve’s sense of self-entitlement; in parallel they both seemed to take on lives of their own. And his behaviors didn’t improve with success, they changed from adolescent and dopey to just plain vicious. For example, in the pre-Apple days whenever we’d go out for dinner (which wasn’t that often), Steve would often be sarcastic toward the restaurant staff. The host would say, “Two?” and Steve would reply, “No, fifteen!” driving for the implicit “DUH!” But after Apple started we ate out a lot more and Steve’s behavior toward service people changed into a different kind of disempowerment.
The cover of Chrisann Brennan’s new book, “The Bite in the Apple,” out October 29.
Steve would order the same meal night after night, yet he’d complain bitterly each evening about the little side sauces that were served with it, cutting the air with disdain for the waitstaff who would serve up such greasy-salty-tasteless-mock-fine cuisine. He seemed to assume that everyone at the restaurant should know better than to serve up such wallpaper paste — not only to him, but at all. Steve would run down the waitstaff like a demon, detailing the finer points of good service, which included the notion that “they should be seen only when he needed them.” Steve was uncontrollably critical. His reactions had a Tourette’s quality — as if he couldn’t stop himself.
Of course, it must have been sort of wild to have your genius recognized at the age of twenty-two, to be thrust into such a role of authority.
Steve had always been a brilliant misfit, but at this time — to be generous — he wasn’t managing his growing power very well. In fact, he was positively despotic. Excellence had always been a gorgeous thing in Steve, but now he was using it like a weapon. He’d look for excellence and when he didn’t find it, he’d behave badly and take it out on people.
As Steve’s first girlfriend I increasingly experienced what it felt like to have him turn against me. And so it was at this time that I began to perceive that awesome and awful could be but a hair’s breadth apart.
And where Steve’s fullness met mine with staggering beauty (there was a reason he called fifteen years later to acknowledge the importance of the nights we’d shared), he was also becoming so creatively unstable, so out of integrity with himself that everything could slip out of alignment in an instant. That’s when my heart would freeze over. That’s when I’d be left speechless and gasping. Though I would try to adapt to the change, it all soon outweighed his value to me.
From “The Bite in the Apple” by Chrisann Brennan
The two finally ended their romantic relationship for good in late 1977, after Brennan became pregnant with their daughter, Lisa. Brennan worked as a waitress and collected welfare checks to support herself and their baby daughter.
Chrisann Brennan was Jobs’ first girlfriend.
Jobs publicly denied he was Lisa’s father for years, even though he took a paternity test in 1979 proving he was the dad. He was paying $500 a month in child support when he told Time magazine in 1983, “28 percent of the male population in the United States could be the father.”
Today, Brennan is a painter and graphic designer living in Monterey, Calif., and Lisa is a Harvard-educated journalist.
Here, in an exclusive excerpt from Brennan’s first-person tale, “The Bite in the Apple: A Memoir of My Life With Steve Jobs” (on sale Oct. 29), she describes her frustrating, difficult and passionate years with the business visionary…
Steve often said that he had a strong sense of having had a past life as a World War II pilot. He’d tell me how, when driving, he felt a strong impulse to pull the steering wheel back as if for takeoff. It was a curious thing for him to say, but he did have that sense of unadorned glamour from the forties. He loved the big band sound of Tommy Dorsey, Benny Goodman, and Count Basie. At the first Apple party he even danced like he was from the forties. So I could see the fit: Steve as a young man with all that American ingenuity from a less encumbered time, with that simple sense of right and wrong. But that’s not how I pictured him in 1977. Apple was taking off and Steve wasn’t in an airplane, he was in a rocket ship blasting out beyond the atmosphere of what anyone imagined possible. And he was changing.
It was around this time that Steve, Daniel, and I moved into a rental in Cupertino. It was a four-bedroom ranch style house on Presidio Drive, close to Apple’s first offices. Steve told me that he didn’t want to get a house with just the two of us because it felt insufficient to him.
Steve wanted his buddy Daniel to live with him because he believed it would break up the intensity of what wasn’t working between us. Our relationship was running hot and cold. We were completely crazy about each other and utterly bored in turns. I had suggested to Steve that we separate, but he told me that he just couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye.
A new memoir by his ex-girlfriend sheds light on the cult of Steve Jobs.Photo: Albert Watson
I was glad to hear this but I was also, by this time, deferring to his ideas way too often. Steve also didn’t want us to share a room at the Presidio house. He said he didn’t want us to play assumed roles and that he wanted to choose when we would be together. I was hurt by this, but reasoned that he had a point, that we both needed a sense of space and choice. And so I went along with it.
Steve selected the bedroom in the front of the house. It was like him to want to position himself as the captain of the ship — in front. He was always vying for that superior position. I chose the master bedroom and settled in, knowing I had the best room. Daniel, who was sort of charmingly odd, slept in the living room on the floor next to his piano. But after a month Steve literally picked me up and moved everything I owned and took over the master bedroom. He’d finally realized that I had the better deal: a larger room with an en suite bath and the privacy of the backyard. Steve had paid the security deposit for the rental so was, in fact, entitled to the room he wanted. But he was so graceless that I felt humiliated and outraged.
Even after swapping rooms in this way, Steve and I still shared nights of lovemaking so profound that, astonishingly, some fifteen years later, he called me out of the blue to thank me for them. He was married at the time of his call and all I could think of was, Whoa . . . men . . . are . . . really . . . different. Imagine if I had called him to say such a thing.
We remembered different things. Mainly I recalled how awful he was becoming and how I was starting to flounder. But he was right: our lovemaking had been sublime. At the time of Steve’s phone call, I found that as I listened I was as awed by the memory as by his strange need to risk an expression of such intimacy. After I hung up I stood still and thought, Maybe Steve thinks that love has its own laws and imperative. But why call now?
Chrisann Brennan with daughter Lisa. She and Jobs broke up after she became pregnant in 1977.
His timing had always been so particular.
Living with Steve in Cupertino was not as I had expected it to be. We shared nice dinners and some beautiful evenings, but we could barely sustain a sense of emotional intimacy, much less build on it. It was like a game of Snakes and Ladders, with Steve as the game master. The ups were hopeful and the downs were extreme. I didn’t know how to hold my own with him because he didn’t play fair. He just played to win — and win at any cost. I knew that a solid relationship couldn’t be built on any one person winning, but I couldn’t understand why things kept slip-sliding away and breaking into pieces.
When we first moved into that house, I was by myself during the days when Steve and Daniel went off to Apple. I was deeply frustrated by my lack of creative focus. I had made the commitment to myself to be an artist but I had no idea how to do it. There was so much pain between me and my work that I didn’t know where to begin or how to direct myself. So when my friend Ellen offered to help me get a waitressing job at a restaurant in Palo Alto, I jumped at the chance. I wanted to be around others, to make money, and to wash Steve and Daniel out of my hair on a regular basis. I needed my own independent life and perspective away from that house. I wanted to be around other people so I could remember who I was and what interested me. I also thought that it would help Steve and me to get on a better footing or, if we couldn’t, for me to find my own feet to walk out of the relationship if that’s what I needed to do.
Unfortunately I had to turn down that job because I didn’t have a car and so couldn’t get to Palo Alto. So I ended up working at Apple in Cupertino, driving in the mornings with Steve and Daniel and walking home in the evenings if we didn’t have plans together after work. Eventually I started to take art classes at De Anza, which was conveniently located between Apple and our home. At Apple I worked in the shipping department where, if I remember correctly, I soldered disconnected chips onto boards and also screwed those same boards into Apple II cases for final assembly. The work wasn’t interesting, but the banter and laughter with my cohorts, Richard Johnson and Bob Martinengo, kept me amused.
At that time Apple had about one thousand square feet to its name, divided into three rooms total: one for shipping, one as a kind of tech lab for R & D, and one larger office for all the executives and secretaries.
Jobs with daughter Lisa, dressed as Raggedy Ann, on Halloween 1986.
One day I remember a bunch of us standing around Steve’s desk when John Draper, aka Captain Crunch, called. (Draper is well known for his contribution to the blue box technology.) Steve put Draper on the speakerphone so that everyone could hear without Draper’s knowing we were all listening. Draper was full of anxiety, pleading with Steve to do something for him. I don’t remember what now, but I do know that people were quietly laughing at him. This is nothing in the annals of Steve Jobs stories, but I remember it because Steve’s lack of fair play seemed shameless to me. I didn’t care who he was making fun of. I just didn’t like it.
On the nights when Steve and I didn’t have something to do together — and there were more and more of these — he would often come home late and wake me up to talk and make love. On the nights he just wanted to talk, I knew he had been with Kobun [Japanese Zen master Kobun Chino Otogawa was a longtime spiritual adviser to Jobs]. I would wake up to find Steve gently ecstatic, speaking to me in symbolic language with the Zen master’s distinct speech pattern. A number of times he spoke to me about how he had been given “five brilliant flowers.” His demeanor would gleam when he said this, and I would listen to find out what the symbol meant to him. My best guess after months of these reveries was that the flowers were five different people whose enlightenment Steve would be involved in. These blooms apparently included me. In the beginning he talked about “one brilliant flower” and he would touch my nose when he said it, as if to say, “That’s you!” but then it rose to three and then five.
I’d wondered who the others were.
Steve was assuming the role of my spiritual master once again and I felt uneasy about it. What if I didn’t want to be one of his brilliant flowers. Beyond this, the general lack of transparency when it came to Steve and Kobun didn’t feel right, especially when it involved me. A few years earlier Steve had tried to get me to primal scream “Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Daddy” when we had taken LSD because he thought he was fit to oversee that kind of opening up in me just from having read a book. The fact that he had never gone through primal therapy himself didn’t seem to concern him. It was that Pygmalion thing again.
Tech titan Jobs with the latest in personal computers, circa 1984.Photo: Michael L. Abramson/Getty Images
Now he and Kobun thought Steve should oversee my enlightenment? Also during this time Steve bragged about being lazy. He was working like a maniac but he’d throw his head back with his eyes unfocused and croon, “I am just the laziest man in the world.” After about the tenth refrain I quietly translated this to mean that he was only active in response to inspiration, and so in this way, action was effortless, thus, he was lazy. It smacked of the coded language between him and Kobun. Further, it felt self-aggrandizing. I was left out of the late-night conversations between master and student, but I got these trailers when I was half asleep. Some of it was beautiful and I was glad Steve wanted to share it with me, but some of it felt really skewed. Steve had a way of being spiritually advanced while also being emotionally underdeveloped, and I started to wonder why Kobun didn’t understand this. Why indeed.
I was wary because I didn’t think enlightened people bragged, and I sensed that these two were too infatuated with themselves. The touch on the nose was patronizing. Steve, who was my boyfriend, not my guru, had some confusion about me surrendering to his ego instead of to my own higher purpose and presence. In the end, I think he may have been jealous of me for having my own power and insight. He seemed to want either to own everything or diminish its value.
One evening, Steve and I had a party at the Presidio house. I don’t remember much about the party or who was there — likely, Bill Fernandez, Woz [Steve Wozniak], and Daniel, and their girlfriends. What I do remember is that the next morning there was a confusing moment when Steve, looking around and squinting, asked what we should do with “it.” I didn’t
The late Steve Jobs with his wife, Laurene Powell, at the 2010 Academy Awards.Photo: Alexandra Wyman/Getty Images
understand the question until I realized that he was asking if there was a service we could call in to take care of the dirty dishes. Doing the dishes ourselves was simply no longer an option for Steve. He had entered into an elite world where others took care of the lower-level functions so that he could operate with more efficiency, on his presumably higher plane. I not too happily cleaned them up by myself. This put me into the wrong kind of position with him, because in no world should I ever have been in a service role to Steve in this way. I just didn’t understand how to take care of myself in the face of his enlarged sense of self importance.
A few weeks after the party Steve started telling me that I had too many wrinkles on my forehead. I’m of Irish and French descent and have thin skin from the Irish side. In my early twenties, I had a wrinkle-free face, but when I raised my eyebrows, I had a bazillion tiny lines, like pages of a book. Steve would point this out and then, like a stage mother, literally reach over and smooth my forehead whenever I furrowed my brow. This was a new Steve. I have never liked this sort of thing in mothers, much less in boyfriends.
I am not the kind of woman who places high stakes in her appearance.
That’s not a natural outcome of who I am. But I was puzzled. Steve had always really liked the way I looked before, but now my very face was not okay? I fell to tears, rejected and burdened by it all.
I now understand that Steve was learning how to gain power by insinuating negative self-images onto others. He was starting to define me more by what I wasn’t, than by what I was. This was a whole new category of unkindness and it confused me. It was mean and I felt rejected, but I just didn’t have a comeback.
As Apple grew, so did Steve’s sense of self-entitlement; in parallel they both seemed to take on lives of their own. And his behaviors didn’t improve with success, they changed from adolescent and dopey to just plain vicious. For example, in the pre-Apple days whenever we’d go out for dinner (which wasn’t that often), Steve would often be sarcastic toward the restaurant staff. The host would say, “Two?” and Steve would reply, “No, fifteen!” driving for the implicit “DUH!” But after Apple started we ate out a lot more and Steve’s behavior toward service people changed into a different kind of disempowerment.
The cover of Chrisann Brennan’s new book, “The Bite in the Apple,” out October 29.
Steve would order the same meal night after night, yet he’d complain bitterly each evening about the little side sauces that were served with it, cutting the air with disdain for the waitstaff who would serve up such greasy-salty-tasteless-mock-fine cuisine. He seemed to assume that everyone at the restaurant should know better than to serve up such wallpaper paste — not only to him, but at all. Steve would run down the waitstaff like a demon, detailing the finer points of good service, which included the notion that “they should be seen only when he needed them.” Steve was uncontrollably critical. His reactions had a Tourette’s quality — as if he couldn’t stop himself.
Of course, it must have been sort of wild to have your genius recognized at the age of twenty-two, to be thrust into such a role of authority.
Steve had always been a brilliant misfit, but at this time — to be generous — he wasn’t managing his growing power very well. In fact, he was positively despotic. Excellence had always been a gorgeous thing in Steve, but now he was using it like a weapon. He’d look for excellence and when he didn’t find it, he’d behave badly and take it out on people.
As Steve’s first girlfriend I increasingly experienced what it felt like to have him turn against me. And so it was at this time that I began to perceive that awesome and awful could be but a hair’s breadth apart.
And where Steve’s fullness met mine with staggering beauty (there was a reason he called fifteen years later to acknowledge the importance of the nights we’d shared), he was also becoming so creatively unstable, so out of integrity with himself that everything could slip out of alignment in an instant. That’s when my heart would freeze over. That’s when I’d be left speechless and gasping. Though I would try to adapt to the change, it all soon outweighed his value to me.
From “The Bite in the Apple” by Chrisann Brennan
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
I sit here and wonder what if I would have never met you Would my life seem complete? Would my heart feel so much pain when you are not here? So in love.I can't tell why. Maybe it's the way you looks deep into my eyes. I see your beautiful eyes staring back at me and I know that I am your forever. I can kiss your lips and my hearts jumps. And I'll keep saying it again and again. When I think about what we have. all I can do is smile With every breath I take, with every heartbeat I have, you will always be the one I see I run to see your smile, that has me feeling for thee. With every bright sun and every blue sky, I will wish you were by my side. With every day that goes by, there is one more tear that falls from my eyes.that only proves to me I am nothing without you next to me. For the day will come that you and me will love one other .Your eyes are like the sun's rays, that dance upon the sea. They make me want to hold you, touch you, when they look at me. Your lips, so full and tender, I yearn for their gentle touch. I can't wait until ours reunite,as they dance to the rhythm of our love. I long for your arms to hold me, to make me feel so safe and secure. I could lay in your arms forever,and listen as my heart beats with yours. There are so many feelings, emotions,that I cannot express but maybe someday soon, they can be physically addressed. Come, my love, share a lifetime of bright stars and rainbows of happiness with me, for hopes that one day it will become true, and not a fantasy.
I sit here and wonder what if I would have never met you Would my life seem complete? Would my heart feel so much pain when you are not here? So in love.I can't tell why. Maybe it's the way you looks deep into my eyes. I see your beautiful eyes staring back at me and I know that I am your forever. I can kiss your lips and my hearts jumps. And I'll keep saying it again and again. When I think about what we have. all I can do is smile With every breath I take, with every heartbeat I have, you will always be the one I see I run to see your smile, that has me feeling for thee. With every bright sun and every blue sky, I will wish you were by my side. With every day that goes by, there is one more tear that falls from my eyes.that only proves to me I am nothing without you next to me. For the day will come that you and me will love one other .Your eyes are like the sun's rays, that dance upon the sea. They make me want to hold you, touch you, when they look at me. Your lips, so full and tender, I yearn for their gentle touch. I can't wait until ours reunite,as they dance to the rhythm of our love. I long for your arms to hold me, to make me feel so safe and secure. I could lay in your arms forever,and listen as my heart beats with yours. There are so many feelings, emotions,that I cannot express but maybe someday soon, they can be physically addressed. Come, my love, share a lifetime of bright stars and rainbows of happiness with me, for hopes that one day it will become true, and not a fantasy.
PERSONAL/LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
I write this story about a love so true about a man and woman who could be me and you. They shared their nights of passions and days of pure delight. I watch as hand in hand they stroll so gently by. The smile upon his face is mine. The looks she gives are yours. The years of love have carried them along this loving path. And as I look upon this pair Its easy to realize that someday it will be you and I hand in hand gently strolling by. Before your touch,I dreamt of a silk hand resting over mine. I dreamt of a warmth I then thought only a fire could provide. I dreamt of a field of flowers where I could lay...But that was before your touch and before I found that being in your arms was better than any field. Before your kiss, I thought of chocolate as the only thing that could soothe my soul. Strawberries were the sweetest things to ever press against my lips; My lips which spoke words to other's ears. but that was before my lips spoke my most precious thoughts to your heart. Before you, I lay awake at night and prayed for love. I sat in my chair and pictured a face that would stare back into mine- Eyes that would hold me. and arms that would keep me safe, hold me dear. But that was before I found you and discovered that I could have more than just a dream- I could have you It's funny how we started.You were a stranger But one call from you led To something deeper. I was lost, you found me. You were not a dream.But you made me see Beyond a world so dim. It doesn't matter If I haven't seen you Just hear my heart shouting louder. Honey, believe me, I do, I love you with all my heart.
I write this story about a love so true about a man and woman who could be me and you. They shared their nights of passions and days of pure delight. I watch as hand in hand they stroll so gently by. The smile upon his face is mine. The looks she gives are yours. The years of love have carried them along this loving path. And as I look upon this pair Its easy to realize that someday it will be you and I hand in hand gently strolling by. Before your touch,I dreamt of a silk hand resting over mine. I dreamt of a warmth I then thought only a fire could provide. I dreamt of a field of flowers where I could lay...But that was before your touch and before I found that being in your arms was better than any field. Before your kiss, I thought of chocolate as the only thing that could soothe my soul. Strawberries were the sweetest things to ever press against my lips; My lips which spoke words to other's ears. but that was before my lips spoke my most precious thoughts to your heart. Before you, I lay awake at night and prayed for love. I sat in my chair and pictured a face that would stare back into mine- Eyes that would hold me. and arms that would keep me safe, hold me dear. But that was before I found you and discovered that I could have more than just a dream- I could have you It's funny how we started.You were a stranger But one call from you led To something deeper. I was lost, you found me. You were not a dream.But you made me see Beyond a world so dim. It doesn't matter If I haven't seen you Just hear my heart shouting louder. Honey, believe me, I do, I love you with all my heart.
Monday, October 14, 2013
FROM A FAN: ALPHA MAN BREEDING
I'm in my late-40s, . During a bad divorce I decided to "get out there" and explore the swinging lifestyle. So, last summer I made a profile on one of the popular Swinging dating sites. I meet up with a number couples and quickly came to a major realization, I prefer married ladies. Married women are sincere, pure and motivated as lovers they are not looking to settle down, or find financial security. For me, it is more than the physical, it is the mental high. Fucking the wife of someone else is a great taboo. It is wildly erotic. It is naughty. It is something we are not supposed to do. This is exactly why, when the opportunity presents itself, that we do it! There is a certain thrill, a sexual power in having her do things that should be reserved for her husband.
There is something so sexy about a woman who is a good wife and mother...who can become a slut for someone other than her husband. She doesn't want to marry me, doesn't want to love me but she NEEDS to have me. She submits to me and my advances because with me she isn't a wife or mother ...she is simply a woman who has sexual urges to be fulfilled and I satisfy her and those urges. She feels me inside her, taking her, filling her with my seed. She knows that this is what she was made for, that I can make her feel like a woman should. It's a great feeling that I can bring that much pleasure to a women, that her husband and others have never been able to do.
From the beginning of time we men have competed for women, responding with arousal whenever something occurs to stimulate that competition. To win the prize, the trophy, to prove our manhood and validation of ourselves through sexual conquest, seducing a woman for her sexual treasures. It is the male nature to compete, to score in games and other contests. Fucking a new woman gives us that same feeling as winning a game - and that relates back to filling our basic biological needs.
There is nothing else in a guy's "sexual resume" that will give him more prestige than for others to know that he has enjoyed the body of some other guy's wife! There is no greater symbol of power than a throbbing, cock pushing itself inside her pussy. A beautiful image, it represents sexual energy, dominance, and control. And there is no greater act of sacrifice than when a married woman surrenders her pride and self-respect submitting her body to another Man's primal desire to breed her. To see a married couple out in public and be able to say to yourself "I fucked his wife" is a feeling of power that is unpatrolled anywhere else.
I love seeing a woman's wedding ring while she is letting me inside her. It's just such a symbol of her being a whore, her infidelity, and the forbidden sexual act occurring between us. It is true that even the sight of a wedding ring on a woman's finger stimulates a guy to want to move in and see if he can have her. Nothing makes a woman more attractive and desirable than knowing she "belongs" to someone else. The thrill of watching the wife stroking her lover's cock with her wedding ringed hand, making him cum onto her left hand, the anointing of the wedding ring - with large amounts of her lovers semen! The symbolism is very exciting, a wife showing her wedding ring covered with sperm to renounce her wedding vows to her husband, the transfer of the husband's power and the acknowledgement of my power, of her willingness to give herself to me completely.
I do not take somebody's wife for good, I just borrow her. Get her horny and see what happens. My goal is to unleash the sexual tension and unfilled fantasizes that she has locked inside her. In some cases, these wives have never explored their own sexuality and the sexual needs. The task is to turn these wives into a full sexual being, so that she can fulfill her desires without remorse, shame or regret, to explore her sexual fantasies and meet her needs in ways she never could have imagined.
Women are made to be looked at. Women are built to be art. The female body is one of the most beautiful sites in nature. I think curvy is beautiful. I think confidence, poise, and grace are beautiful. I think expressive eyes are beautiful. Someone who is relaxed, composed and confident. What makes a women beautiful and sexy is her attitude about herself and her sensuality. True feminine beauty comes from a woman who embraces her womanhood, who makes no excuses, who knows what she wants, and who can express her love without holding anything back, who can give herself completely to a man.
A woman's body is made for sex. Made to please the entire male race. She enjoys the idea of being attractive to other men. She's looking for the right man who can take her further than her husband or any other man has ever done. She needs to reach new heights and experience new things. Women desire getting fucked and being controlled physically and emotionally. They secretly crave a "real men" to use them sexually. They are willing to be converted into a slut to experience the sexual bliss that their husband can never provide them.
I enjoy taking her out in public where I can show her off, where she's on display. The risk of being seen by her friends or whoever adds excitement for her and for me turned on by the naughtiness of it all. To know she is out with her lover and people wondering just what they are doing flaunting her relationship with her partner in public. Telling her that it makes me proud to have her on my arm while we walk down the street. To prove that she still possesses "traffic stopping" beauty and is always turning heads when she is out in public.
Being kissed in public is a special treat because it proves that the person you are with wants others to know that he or she cares about you. It is a possessive gesture, and sometimes we all want to be possessed. -- "she's mine". To help her to enjoy the added attention of other men and make her feel special, attractive, sexy, and wanted. Dispel any self-doubt she may have in her own desirability she may have and to prove to her she is beautiful. Beautiful enough and confident enough and sexy enough to wear revealing clothes in public and enjoy the thrill when other men look at her with lust in her heart, confident in her sensuality teasing, visual and verbal taunting to show her own worth as a women.
One of the things which turns me on is the act of seduction, watching the reluctant women being seduced by a determined lover. Watching her, how sexy she is, is very erotic. The flirting and seduction leading up to her complete surrender is incredibly hot. Sex is much more satisfying when there's a slow build-up to it. I get turned on when I know a woman wants to have sex with me, because she desires me, and I've made her hot and horny. My job is to be a man, to take charge and control, and make her feel like a woman. To be a man and to take her as often as he likes, anytime and anywhere he likes.
A real Man is the one that not only dominates a women's body but also her mind, and her desires. First you make love to a women's mind, and then you can make love to their bodies. A woman's mind is very powerful and very sexual and it is your passion for giving her pleasure that brings her sexuality to life. She surrenders to your voice and touch, totally lets go, melts into completeness, feels naked to you in every way, and her mind and body naturally slips into an orgasm. Some women learn to enjoy it, embracing it taking it to new levels finding a whole new world to explore. She wants a man to be in charge and to make her sexually submissive to his wishes, as long as he really wants to focus on her and nothing else. To do as he desires because this type of man is the kind of man who leaves her breathless and paralyzed with pleasure. He is a man she is proud to be with, to submit to and to do as he desires with her.
Open her mind and body and prove that you are a man who deserve her womanly gift and she will surrender herself to you, she will offer her pussy to you and the complete surrender of her body. By surrendering her body to me her entire body becomes an erogenous zone. To follow me no matter where I take her. This is a way to give herself wholly and completely to her partner, and for your partner to accept you that way as well. She wants a man who will take her deeper than she can take herself. She want a man she can trust, someone she can really surrender to, who will be the masculine center, that her feminine energy can flow around. She is married to her husband, but her body is not his. Her body belongs to the man inside her, inside her mind and her body.
I believe in the saying, "Treat a Whore like a Princess and A Princess like a Whore". When the "submissive" woman is forced, it frees her from the guilt as she was forced regardless of her desire to have wanted to do the act. The female act of submission is a way of turning the responsibility for her care over to the one whom she submits herself to. She is now able to ride the waves of intimate thrills this is a time full of intimate sharing, thoughts and fantasies, excitement and adventurous longing.
Her overriding urge in loving is to use her sexual power to transcend beyond herself and to lose herself sexually in her partner in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a merging of the spirit as well as of flesh. She is thus capable of the greatest heights of sensuality and eroticism. The act of offering and opening her body to others, her celebration of her desire and lust, her need for companionship and intimacy with male-kind, her submissiveness towards male sexuality, exchanging her time and intimacy for the sexual fulfillment of her partner, her commitment to satisfying the sexual and emotional needs of others and her ability to feel her spiritual linkage with the universe. Enjoying the full sphere of her sexuality as a woman leaves her feeling true to herself and complete.
I love enticing her to her knees to suck my cock for the first time or seducing her into being a slave totally devoted to my pleasures. I love a women with this much adventure. The world is theirs to surrender to me. I let myself be pulled inside her body and into her whole being. It is a wonderful and hot experience for me and I am honored to have been brought into her bed and to have experienced a lovely woman. She is there for my pleasure, and in being so receives all the pleasure a man to give her.
The hottest part for me is that moment when she is put on her back and prepared for penetration. When she arches her back and presents her body and her whole being to me in this ultimate act of surrender. It is the look on her face that stirs me, watching her fuck bareback and take every ounce of my load deep inside of her womb. When I finally shoot my cum into her, I am intoxicated with the notion that she will return home to her husband with my cum deep inside of her! Like a dog, I have marked her as my property as my breeding whore! My cum inside her, confirms and validates the fact that she is a women of great value that other men want and desire her and are willing to pursue and take her at any cost.
The most erotic sex act for me is impregnating a woman. I have often fantasized about impregnating a woman. As a man, you know you were put on this earth to spread your seed and to give and receive pleasure through sex. I find it so erotic when I pumping my hot cum into another man's wife, especially when she is eager to be bred and to accept my seed into her womb and my baby in her belly.
The idea of a ritual impregnation ceremony is an especially erotic fantasy of mine. I think it would be the ultimate act of submission. I consider the body and the womb of other men's wives as my sacred property and it is my lifelong mission to claim it by ejaculating my wife-breeding sperm into as many wives as possible.
I enjoy being a strong, powerful and dominant male. I enjoy the feeling of having a wife freely given to me for my use. I especially like being able to fuck the unprotected pussies of these wives, knowing that there is a chance of making them pregnant. Knowing that she is taking my baby into her belly and making it part of her, is a big turn on for me and the ultimate confirmation of my existence and of my value and worth as a man.
While I am dominant, aggressive and assertive by nature, I am a complete gentleman by choice and am respectful of boundaries, feelings and desires and know that balancing her emotions and desires is a learned art. The art of love-making one of the great gifts of the gods and making love to another man's wife is my way of feeling like a God.
There is something so sexy about a woman who is a good wife and mother...who can become a slut for someone other than her husband. She doesn't want to marry me, doesn't want to love me but she NEEDS to have me. She submits to me and my advances because with me she isn't a wife or mother ...she is simply a woman who has sexual urges to be fulfilled and I satisfy her and those urges. She feels me inside her, taking her, filling her with my seed. She knows that this is what she was made for, that I can make her feel like a woman should. It's a great feeling that I can bring that much pleasure to a women, that her husband and others have never been able to do.
From the beginning of time we men have competed for women, responding with arousal whenever something occurs to stimulate that competition. To win the prize, the trophy, to prove our manhood and validation of ourselves through sexual conquest, seducing a woman for her sexual treasures. It is the male nature to compete, to score in games and other contests. Fucking a new woman gives us that same feeling as winning a game - and that relates back to filling our basic biological needs.
There is nothing else in a guy's "sexual resume" that will give him more prestige than for others to know that he has enjoyed the body of some other guy's wife! There is no greater symbol of power than a throbbing, cock pushing itself inside her pussy. A beautiful image, it represents sexual energy, dominance, and control. And there is no greater act of sacrifice than when a married woman surrenders her pride and self-respect submitting her body to another Man's primal desire to breed her. To see a married couple out in public and be able to say to yourself "I fucked his wife" is a feeling of power that is unpatrolled anywhere else.
I love seeing a woman's wedding ring while she is letting me inside her. It's just such a symbol of her being a whore, her infidelity, and the forbidden sexual act occurring between us. It is true that even the sight of a wedding ring on a woman's finger stimulates a guy to want to move in and see if he can have her. Nothing makes a woman more attractive and desirable than knowing she "belongs" to someone else. The thrill of watching the wife stroking her lover's cock with her wedding ringed hand, making him cum onto her left hand, the anointing of the wedding ring - with large amounts of her lovers semen! The symbolism is very exciting, a wife showing her wedding ring covered with sperm to renounce her wedding vows to her husband, the transfer of the husband's power and the acknowledgement of my power, of her willingness to give herself to me completely.
I do not take somebody's wife for good, I just borrow her. Get her horny and see what happens. My goal is to unleash the sexual tension and unfilled fantasizes that she has locked inside her. In some cases, these wives have never explored their own sexuality and the sexual needs. The task is to turn these wives into a full sexual being, so that she can fulfill her desires without remorse, shame or regret, to explore her sexual fantasies and meet her needs in ways she never could have imagined.
Women are made to be looked at. Women are built to be art. The female body is one of the most beautiful sites in nature. I think curvy is beautiful. I think confidence, poise, and grace are beautiful. I think expressive eyes are beautiful. Someone who is relaxed, composed and confident. What makes a women beautiful and sexy is her attitude about herself and her sensuality. True feminine beauty comes from a woman who embraces her womanhood, who makes no excuses, who knows what she wants, and who can express her love without holding anything back, who can give herself completely to a man.
A woman's body is made for sex. Made to please the entire male race. She enjoys the idea of being attractive to other men. She's looking for the right man who can take her further than her husband or any other man has ever done. She needs to reach new heights and experience new things. Women desire getting fucked and being controlled physically and emotionally. They secretly crave a "real men" to use them sexually. They are willing to be converted into a slut to experience the sexual bliss that their husband can never provide them.
I enjoy taking her out in public where I can show her off, where she's on display. The risk of being seen by her friends or whoever adds excitement for her and for me turned on by the naughtiness of it all. To know she is out with her lover and people wondering just what they are doing flaunting her relationship with her partner in public. Telling her that it makes me proud to have her on my arm while we walk down the street. To prove that she still possesses "traffic stopping" beauty and is always turning heads when she is out in public.
Being kissed in public is a special treat because it proves that the person you are with wants others to know that he or she cares about you. It is a possessive gesture, and sometimes we all want to be possessed. -- "she's mine". To help her to enjoy the added attention of other men and make her feel special, attractive, sexy, and wanted. Dispel any self-doubt she may have in her own desirability she may have and to prove to her she is beautiful. Beautiful enough and confident enough and sexy enough to wear revealing clothes in public and enjoy the thrill when other men look at her with lust in her heart, confident in her sensuality teasing, visual and verbal taunting to show her own worth as a women.
One of the things which turns me on is the act of seduction, watching the reluctant women being seduced by a determined lover. Watching her, how sexy she is, is very erotic. The flirting and seduction leading up to her complete surrender is incredibly hot. Sex is much more satisfying when there's a slow build-up to it. I get turned on when I know a woman wants to have sex with me, because she desires me, and I've made her hot and horny. My job is to be a man, to take charge and control, and make her feel like a woman. To be a man and to take her as often as he likes, anytime and anywhere he likes.
A real Man is the one that not only dominates a women's body but also her mind, and her desires. First you make love to a women's mind, and then you can make love to their bodies. A woman's mind is very powerful and very sexual and it is your passion for giving her pleasure that brings her sexuality to life. She surrenders to your voice and touch, totally lets go, melts into completeness, feels naked to you in every way, and her mind and body naturally slips into an orgasm. Some women learn to enjoy it, embracing it taking it to new levels finding a whole new world to explore. She wants a man to be in charge and to make her sexually submissive to his wishes, as long as he really wants to focus on her and nothing else. To do as he desires because this type of man is the kind of man who leaves her breathless and paralyzed with pleasure. He is a man she is proud to be with, to submit to and to do as he desires with her.
Open her mind and body and prove that you are a man who deserve her womanly gift and she will surrender herself to you, she will offer her pussy to you and the complete surrender of her body. By surrendering her body to me her entire body becomes an erogenous zone. To follow me no matter where I take her. This is a way to give herself wholly and completely to her partner, and for your partner to accept you that way as well. She wants a man who will take her deeper than she can take herself. She want a man she can trust, someone she can really surrender to, who will be the masculine center, that her feminine energy can flow around. She is married to her husband, but her body is not his. Her body belongs to the man inside her, inside her mind and her body.
I believe in the saying, "Treat a Whore like a Princess and A Princess like a Whore". When the "submissive" woman is forced, it frees her from the guilt as she was forced regardless of her desire to have wanted to do the act. The female act of submission is a way of turning the responsibility for her care over to the one whom she submits herself to. She is now able to ride the waves of intimate thrills this is a time full of intimate sharing, thoughts and fantasies, excitement and adventurous longing.
Her overriding urge in loving is to use her sexual power to transcend beyond herself and to lose herself sexually in her partner in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a merging of the spirit as well as of flesh. She is thus capable of the greatest heights of sensuality and eroticism. The act of offering and opening her body to others, her celebration of her desire and lust, her need for companionship and intimacy with male-kind, her submissiveness towards male sexuality, exchanging her time and intimacy for the sexual fulfillment of her partner, her commitment to satisfying the sexual and emotional needs of others and her ability to feel her spiritual linkage with the universe. Enjoying the full sphere of her sexuality as a woman leaves her feeling true to herself and complete.
I love enticing her to her knees to suck my cock for the first time or seducing her into being a slave totally devoted to my pleasures. I love a women with this much adventure. The world is theirs to surrender to me. I let myself be pulled inside her body and into her whole being. It is a wonderful and hot experience for me and I am honored to have been brought into her bed and to have experienced a lovely woman. She is there for my pleasure, and in being so receives all the pleasure a man to give her.
The hottest part for me is that moment when she is put on her back and prepared for penetration. When she arches her back and presents her body and her whole being to me in this ultimate act of surrender. It is the look on her face that stirs me, watching her fuck bareback and take every ounce of my load deep inside of her womb. When I finally shoot my cum into her, I am intoxicated with the notion that she will return home to her husband with my cum deep inside of her! Like a dog, I have marked her as my property as my breeding whore! My cum inside her, confirms and validates the fact that she is a women of great value that other men want and desire her and are willing to pursue and take her at any cost.
The most erotic sex act for me is impregnating a woman. I have often fantasized about impregnating a woman. As a man, you know you were put on this earth to spread your seed and to give and receive pleasure through sex. I find it so erotic when I pumping my hot cum into another man's wife, especially when she is eager to be bred and to accept my seed into her womb and my baby in her belly.
The idea of a ritual impregnation ceremony is an especially erotic fantasy of mine. I think it would be the ultimate act of submission. I consider the body and the womb of other men's wives as my sacred property and it is my lifelong mission to claim it by ejaculating my wife-breeding sperm into as many wives as possible.
I enjoy being a strong, powerful and dominant male. I enjoy the feeling of having a wife freely given to me for my use. I especially like being able to fuck the unprotected pussies of these wives, knowing that there is a chance of making them pregnant. Knowing that she is taking my baby into her belly and making it part of her, is a big turn on for me and the ultimate confirmation of my existence and of my value and worth as a man.
While I am dominant, aggressive and assertive by nature, I am a complete gentleman by choice and am respectful of boundaries, feelings and desires and know that balancing her emotions and desires is a learned art. The art of love-making one of the great gifts of the gods and making love to another man's wife is my way of feeling like a God.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR FUTURE WIFE
Dear Future Wife,
I found myself thinking about you today as I do everyday wondering where you are, what you’re thinking and what you’re doing. Not a day goes by that you do not cross my mind and I do not stop and say a prayer for you. I’m writing this letter to help you understand what I’ve been thinking and why. I know you’re out there somewhere because the very thought of you overwhelmed me with happiness as I anticipate your arrival into my life. I believe if I keep hoping, believing, and trusting God you will one day walk into my life and help me realize why it never worked out with anyone else. It was because that place was reserved specifically for you and you alone.
I often wonder what life would be like being with you and I Imagine how exciting it will be when you and I will meet for the first time and discover that we were meant to be.I have come to the conclusion that searching for you my soul mate is like finding that perfect seashell along the shore, there are many beautiful ones to choose from, but there is only one universe has selected for me.
Lastly, regardless of however long it takes, I will not give up hope until I find you and when I do I will know, because you will be the one that catches my eye and will make my heart joyful. When we do meet for the first time, you will know that it’s me, because I will be the one standing there holding a red rose to hand to you as a token of my love for you. I do this because I want to see your eyes light up and a smile come across your lovely face, as this will be the happiest day of my life and the one I have prayed, dreamed, and waited for.
Love,
Your Future Husband
I found myself thinking about you today as I do everyday wondering where you are, what you’re thinking and what you’re doing. Not a day goes by that you do not cross my mind and I do not stop and say a prayer for you. I’m writing this letter to help you understand what I’ve been thinking and why. I know you’re out there somewhere because the very thought of you overwhelmed me with happiness as I anticipate your arrival into my life. I believe if I keep hoping, believing, and trusting God you will one day walk into my life and help me realize why it never worked out with anyone else. It was because that place was reserved specifically for you and you alone.
I often wonder what life would be like being with you and I Imagine how exciting it will be when you and I will meet for the first time and discover that we were meant to be.I have come to the conclusion that searching for you my soul mate is like finding that perfect seashell along the shore, there are many beautiful ones to choose from, but there is only one universe has selected for me.
Lastly, regardless of however long it takes, I will not give up hope until I find you and when I do I will know, because you will be the one that catches my eye and will make my heart joyful. When we do meet for the first time, you will know that it’s me, because I will be the one standing there holding a red rose to hand to you as a token of my love for you. I do this because I want to see your eyes light up and a smile come across your lovely face, as this will be the happiest day of my life and the one I have prayed, dreamed, and waited for.
Love,
Your Future Husband
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