You are everything I've ever wanted,
My one and only dream.
We share many wonderful memories
and they will always remain.
So, sweetheart, after times have passed
We shall look back upon these wonderful memories
and remember what a great love we shared.
But don't worry, as we look back
We shall look back together.
Because, you are mine, now and forever...
2
If I could be with you today
You would make me say
How much I want to stay with you
For all my life until my dying day
But until that day all I will say
Is that I love you in every way
3
If I
close my eyes
eternity
may just
vanish
Won't you
kiss me
till
sleep
prevails
to steal
this moment?
4
So many different feelings I'm feeling.
I don't know, actually, how to say what they are.
I wished, dreamed, and hoped that you feel the same way.
I just wish I could know, but you are so far away.
I will tell you one day, just don't know when,
That I love you so.........
5
Without you I'd lose concentration.
I'd loose a whole heart and inspiration.
Is it strong enough to last,
or are we just going way too fast.
The feelings I have- the emotions I show,
should be strong enough to let you know,
Just what you can count on from me;
forever and faithfully.
When I look at you, my soul shines through my eyes.
I tell you no story-I tell you no lies.
The way I feel sometimes makes me cry.
Because I know I'll always love you, even if you say goodbye.
I trust you just as much as I possibly can.
I still trusted you when you did things I didn't understand.
If my mind says go, but my heart says stay,
do I love you, or walk away.
If my heart is right then what I feel,
is no longer a dream- it has become real.
If my mind is right then I am to blame,
because it told me all along you guys are all the same.
I think you love me but I can't tell,
because I love you so much- just listen to how hard I fell.
I hear my heart in the sunshine- I hear it in the rain.
It's calling me so loudly- it's calling out your name.
I love you, yes I do... let me say it louder again.
Maybe you'll hear it then.
When you hear those words believe they are true.
Because they are the only three words I admit to.
No else could make me feel the way you do,
...that's why I love you.
6
The night I met you I knew
I never wanted to lose you.
So I followed my heart and soul
And fell in love with all you do.
The way your big, brown eyes
Seem to see straight inside of me
I get lost, I'm mesmerized
But there's no place else I'd rather be.
The way I feel when your lips touch mine
You take my breath away.
I cherish every second I am with you
But there's never enough time in a day.
The way you hold me in your arms
I can feel your heart beating next to mine
I melt into you when you whisper in my ear
That we'll make it; that we'll be just fine.
7
If I could find words to describe
What my heart feels inside.
I'd write this poem just for you
But nothing I can say would ever do.
Words don't show the depth
Of what my heart has kept.
Or my feelings that I hold deep within
For that person who is more than just a friend.
Love, is not quite enough strong
For the words that I long.
For it is you that's my heart's desire
You started this flame that has set me on fire.
Your name is whispered from my lips
With the softness of feather tips.
But how could I ever let you know
Just what my heart wants to show.
No words or rhymes can ever express
These feelings I hold, softly caressed.
In my heart you will always be
That someone special for eternity.
8
Clouds embraced the sky
Waves touched the sand
When I said that I
Want to live in your land
My life began when you said
You are the one I need
This love all we've tried
Look at my eyes to read
Words, stronger than every stone
Poems, in letters of gold
Massages, sent from the unknown
Secrets that have never been told
Looking at you
All the time
Eyes so bright
Face like a moon
Hair like night
Girl, you are so beautiful
God, thank you for this miracle
9
Many battles have I waged
Against my feelings for you.
Yet still, I find my heart caged
Unjustly by something I can't subdue.
Resistance has gained me no leverage.
In fact, it has caused me not but pain.
Maybe through acceptance I may salvage
A portion of my strength to explain.
You are the one I love and you'll never know.
Undeniable it is that forever shall I
Regret not telling you so,
In fear of your reply.
10
Do you ever dream,
Stay up at night wondering what could happen the next day?
Do you see the stars
and wish you could just grab one and keep it?
Do you see the moon
and talk to the man that lives in it?
Does he answer?
What does he say?
Why do you stay up and dream?
Do you not know what you want?
Is something on your mind and just won't go away?
Is there something like that star you want to have?
Is the man in the moon that someone you want to talk to and be close to?
Why, then, is it if you wonder these things you never try to get them?
Are you afraid?
Or is it that one night you looked at the stars and one just faded away.
Or is it that one night the man in the moon didn't answer you.
If this did happen,
Why do you still dream?
Why do you still stay up and wonder?
Why do you still look at the stars?
Why do you still talk to the man in the moon?
Is it that someone or something is still there?
But it was that something's star that burned out
And it was that person that stop talking to you.
Whatever it is, I want you to know...
I can't give you the stars but you can keep me and I will keep you.
I can't sit in the moon at night, but I can listen and I will answer.
Let me be your stars and your man in the moon.
Because I will never fade away, and I will never stop answering you.
11
hat have I done...
To deserve such a wonderful sight...
An angel without flight...
You walk upon this earth...
No wanting to go back home...
Up to the Heavens that you belong to...
What made you stay...
How did you be come astray...
Were you sent down here for me...
That is something that I don't understand...
How such a precious angel as thee...
Could now only belong to me...
Am I keeping you confined...
To this harsh place in time...
Or do you feel the same as me...
That I have a bit of Heaven on earth...
You have brought me more joy than anyone...
You love me fully...
You are the only one ...
That I can confide in...
Knowing that all is safe with you...
You are my friend...
You are my love...
You are all that I have ever dreamed of...
You will stay always...
In your eyes all I see is love...
And now you shall feel no more pain...
You will be free from the mortal way...
Living to feel hurt...
Living for the pain...
Instead of all that...
You have confided in me...
And now you will see...
All that I could ever want...
Ever need...
All I love lies in thee...
12
Take a rainbow.. split the multitude of colors apart.
Then you might just know how I feel in my heart.
For each single hue that is split from the bow
Would represent love I've not shown but, am willing to show.
Love can surely be shown in so many ways.
Just in small things we do, in each of our days.
Doesn't have to be spectacular or, something that's grand,
Just little signs of love so that you'll understand,
That you are the one that makes life worth living for.
And it's you, all my days, I'll cherish and adore,
Though it would take a lifetime for the colors to come through,
I'd show you a color each day as I live life with you.
Hope you open your eyes to this beautiful light
And remember the colors of love through each day and night.
And the rainbow will, one day, fully appear
As a sign of our love we've shared through the years.
13
Within the hollow of my heart,
the 'knowing' rests patiently.
Yet, the wait wears upon my thought,
and the other world of shallow minds
seeks to weaken the truth.
How safe and warm is the 'knowing'
when our souls and bodies blend in perfection.
Soft words whispered in the light, strengthen the joy of my being
and, in rememberence, taunt me with doubt and fear.
In the humanness of my past, my own worthiness is questioned
and seeks to corrode what is true.
I seek for patience and courage,
to the one whose eyes shine, so gently, upon me...
whose smile I gaze upon adoringly
and whose love bears down into the depth of my being.
So, the wait becomes a test of swords
where the truth seeks to outwit the imagination
in a prayer that the rainbow follows the rain.
I know we are meant to be..to love..to laugh..to cry..to heal
and to relax into each other's arms.
Yet, the wait wears upon my thought
as the other world of shallow minds
seeks to weaken the truth
Monday, August 26, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
PERSONAL/DATING/LOVE: DATING IS SO FUCKEN HARD
Online dating is such a difficult endeavor for men, even when you’re gorgeous like me. If there’s no visual attraction right off the bat, it’s very difficult to spark attraction, unless the effort is made to meet in real life and on a regular basis to see if we can click from there. Most women will not bother, partly because they get bombarded by prospects and hence have to find a way to quickly filter out undesirables, so only the top alphas of the alphas are going to make the cut (and sometimes not even.) If you don’t look good and your profile is badly written and generic, it’s out with you. And since I’m a dude and thus especially visually oriented, if the photos don’t depict even a mildly pretty girl, it doesn’t matter what their profile says, I quickly click on to the next profile.
Although sometimes I try to force myself to dig a little deeper, if a girl seems kinda cute, I’ll read their profiles to see if there’s anything that might offer the promise of chemistry: similar interests, beliefs, personalities, etc.. This is where propinquity comes in. The attraction is very meager, but with physical contact and compatible personalities something might eventually spark.
.
Once I was out of college there was only the work place and the bar/social scene where one can regularly meet and interact with women and i don't really drink. There are no single girls at my job, and I eschew the social scenes for a variety of reasons, so the prospects of benefitting from a propinquity driven attraction were daunting indeed. My life as a deep-seated introvert meant I’ve had to rely on the initial, immediate spark of attraction more than the average person would probably need to.
Via a combination of laziness and idealism, I let the fallacy of believing that the right girl will simply love me for whom I am, and not based on how I looked or presented myself in public. And I would still agree, BUT if I’m a complete stranger to her and I’m not giving her ANY incentive to get to know me better then it wouldn’t matter who I was. I don’t need to be Don Juan, but I don’t have to go dousing any sexual appeal I had with a fire hose either.
I guess this means I can’t take anything for granted when I go out. Even if it’s a midnight run to 7-11, I should still go looking my best, and not sporting say, a stained undershirt and lounge pants like I used to. Or like I’ve seen some guys do, go out wearing SLIPPERS. *face palm* Although when I see that, I wonder if the competition isn’t nearly as bad as I think it is.
In the meantime I can try to find at least ONE social group or circle out there that I can participate in or whatnot but ironically, I find that an even more daunting prospect than meeting a sweet girl by chance while squeezing my melons at the local supermarket.
PART 2
Single women who are older (30s, 40s) are generally less attractive than their younger counterparts. I never say they have nothing to offer, or that they are not attractive at all, just less so compared to younger women. And since there are trolls that like to come on here and tell me that I could never attract young women because I’m an old fogie or something, I think this is a fair point to make.
I think what happens is that for some women, they have this enormous checklist by which they evaluate men, and as they get older, rather than relax their standards a bit, they continue to peruse the same checklist, looking for that perfect man. Then they become imbued with rage when they see high-value men near their age still dating women who are much younger, thus declaring all men shallow and not worthy of their spit.
It’s a catch-22 proposition though. These perfect suitors they so desire will, by their very perceived perfection and “high market value”, be able to date much younger women. Why date a 40 year old when you can still date a 25 year old just as easily? The ones who can’t attract younger women just as easily will be the leftovers such older women STILL reject, because they’re fat, bald, stuck in dead-end jobs, etc. Who’s being shallow again?
I reckon a lot of woman have checklist is a mile long, and includes such requirements that men might have no control over, such as their height. But I’m the shallow one?
This is what bothers me. It’s not that I don’t mind women disqualifying men based on things that could be considered shallow (such as the guy’s eye color or height.) We all have our preferences and ideals. It’s that they LIE about this, painting themselves as moral queens who insist they are attracted to men based on their virtues, whereas men use looks, (and ONLY looks) to evaluate suitable women.
Attraction and evaluation are two different things though (which I’ll get to in a bit). When it comes to pure attraction, men are visually oriented. Women can’t seem to abide by this, but it’s a scientific fact. It’s how we’re wired. Even worse, women may deny (in order to maintain their moral superiority complex) that they are not visually oriented, despite rejecting men who are short, have balding hair and a flabby body. On top of this, society (as driven by feminism) perpetuates the lie that women are attracted to men based on virtue, being emotionally sensitive, and being respectful of women (which really means pedestalizing them and supplicating their every desire). You know, the NICE GUY. The real truth (in a nutshell) is that women are attracted to men who are strong and dominant. A nice guy can be strong and dominant, but usually they unwittingly present themselves as being wussies, which is a major turnoff. Showing how sensitive you are by bawling your eyes out watching Sleepless in Seattle does not attract women. They are actually repulsed by this. Yet because we’ve been told over and over that women are attracted to a man’s “heart” and the notion of being attracted to someone who projects masculine strength and leadership is sexist, this simple but suppressed truth flies over the head of many clueless men (including me as well.)
Attraction is something that in many respects is hard-wired into our being. Women are attracted to masculine, strong and powerful men, whereas men are attracted to women who are feminine, submissive, soft and pretty. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS.
Once we all start admitting to each other the reality of what attracts us to each other, we can finally move on to the issue of what we DO with that attraction.
For example, my standard for attraction is simple: 1) Is she pretty? 2) Does she have a pleasant personality?
But of course, that’s not enough to determine if she can make a suitable girlfriend/wife. Ok, so yeah, she’s hot, BUT: Is she, modest, kind, empathic and willing to put my interests ahead of hers? And *ahem* is she a good cook? ;-)
I love to use that line by the way, because nothing sets certain women off faster than asking them if they can cook. Their attitude and response often tells me a lot about how they view men, and when they bristle at the idea of doing ANYTHING that might benefit a man (such as making him a nice lasagna) and launch into this screed about how women are strong and independent, I can consider her radioactive and steer clear.
I see this attitude all the time too, not directed at me so much, but to men in general. There’s a sort of gynocentric trend in Western culture where such women feel put off at the very idea of behaving in ways that might please or benefit men. The presumption is that this yields a one way relationship: it’s all about men and their needs, while a women’s needs are irrelevant.
So hence, when women read my posts about what I look for in a wife, their reaction is to create a false dichotomy by accusing me of wanting a Stepford wife who becomes my domestic slave, scrubbing toilets and whatnot.
Which is ironic, because I don’t like the idea of my wife scrubbing toilets anyway. It sounds like a man’s job to me (anything that involves getting down and dirty, yep sounds like a man’s job.) So when I use the word domestic, what comes to mind is a woman who can complement those areas that are major weaknesses of mine, such as interior decorating. I wouldn’t know how to decorate a home if Martha Stewart took up residence in my brain and started directing me (when she’s not busy insider trading that is, tee hee). Or being a smart shopper and working through the byzantine maze of coupons, reward points, etc. to maximize every dollar spent like a pro. Or turning the backyard into a veritable garden of Eden with her gardening skills (whereas I have been known for my ability to murder cactus plants in the space of a week.) And yes of course, being an excellent cook. Women typically love this, and for proof you need not look further than Pinterest, which is predominantly driven by a female demographic. What do you often see there? Pictures of recipes, fashion, gardening, household related things, and of course, SHOES.
Now in regards to a woman’s standard for attraction, once you take away all the pretty lies, it’s almost quite as simple as my standard: 1) Is he strong? 2) Is he dominant?
Women are attracted to those traits (and the many different ways they manifest themselves), but upon that initial attraction, if she follows the same process I do, she’ll also recognize that attraction alone doesn’t make a suitable mate. Can he be a good provider? Does he have excellent morals? Does he demonstrate initiative and leadership? Is he ambitious? Does he have a good work ethic? Will he put my needs and interests ahead of his own as well?
Where things get dicey is when women claim they are looking for equals and expect to be treated as equals, yet in reality they look for men who are willing to take charge in a relationship. (In other words, their actions don’t line up with what they say.) The following is an easy example of what women say they want, and what I believe women really want:
If a nice guy behaves according to what women assert they want from men, equality and “respect”, whereas, the nice guy (but one who is strong and dominant) takes CHARGE and commands the relationship. I’m being hyperbolic of course, but this ability to take the initiative is what most women are highly attracted to. It’s just one of the many ways a man can project masculine strength and evoke strong attraction in women.
Why exactly is this trait so attractive? Because it’s not so much about women being submissive, but about a man lifting the burdens of decision-making from her shoulders. Leadership is not a perk of life, it actually carries with it grave responsibilities and can be a huge cross to bear. To carry that burden so she doesn’t have to is one of the ways a husband can honor his wife.
While it’s disconcerting to see women sometimes SCREECH at me on about what a hatemonger I am. I never expect it to be a one way proposition where she does everything for me and I do nothing for her, which is just silly. I think the reason it comes across that way is because I’m constantly examining the worst traits of female behavior and pointing out what changes in behavior would be needed in order to make them more attractive to men in general (as well as me, personally). I don’t delve much into what I need to change about myself, because I already know the answers. I have faith in my capacity to truly love a wife the way she needs and deserves to be loved (a capacity that doesn’t come from within, but from God), yet I’m highly cynical that I’d ever meet a girl who isn’t so consumed with batting for Team Women, and is instead more interested in batting for Team Her Man. Not that they don’t exist, but that their numbers are small, and within that number meeting someone compatible with my personality and is even smaller.
Does it make me sad? Sure. But I’ve also been blessed to live a life free of the drama of settling for someone who sees me as a meal ticket (via alimony and child support) rather than as a husband.
PART 3
I think it all comes down to one simple truth. Each person has the right to choose a mate based on his or her own criteria. As long as you’re being honest to both yourself and the others you meet along the way, you should be able to choose whatever qualities are most attractive to you.. Your perfect mate is out there somewhere, and you have no need to defend the qualities you’re looking for.
As for me, I’m holding out for an intelligent woman who would enjoy being surrounded by books and movies and a loyal man who will always stand by her. Honestly, looks aren’t that important to me. They matter a little, of course, but the other qualities are much more important. Sense of humor is at the top of the list for me as well. Show me an intelligent, caring woman a good sense of humor, a larger than life book collection, and a love to cook, and I will gladly propose! *LOL*
I used to fall for that line as well, that women aren’t so hung up on looks, but after you see enough fat or bald or otherwise ugly men getting nuclearly rejected, it’s obvious looks matter just as much to women.
I’ll never forget the commercials I used to see where they sell hair coloring products to dye a man’s beard or mustache so he looks younger. They show the first scene where a guy with a gray beard gets rejected by a hot girl, then the second scene where he dyes his beard, and suddenly the hot girl is all over him. LOL So looks AND age is a factor. It is what it is.
A guy in his forties “with options” could go for a 40 year old, but because he’s an “alpha” he’s going to pull attraction from all kinds of women, so even if he’s older, he’ll still have the pick of the litter, and it’s unlikely he’ll pick someone his age. The best chance a woman has to marry and find a suitable man is during her most attractive years, but too many spend those years investing in careers and completely blowing off men, thinking they’ll be just as attractive in their 30s as they were in their 20s, but when they find they don’t nearly draw men the way they used to, well, they go cray cray with rage and bitterness. It’s another reason why it’s good to marry early, and when you’re in an environment where you’re surrounded by tons of single men.
If I had known the desolation that would be the dating market once I left college, I would have asked every girl out in every class until I found someone. But hey, back then I thought I had all the time in the world. Ugh. See, it’s not just women who fall into that mental trap. :-P
PART 4
I always thought being a nice guy, showing chivalry and maturity, giving girls flowers, being romantic, etc. attracted women, but it doesn’t. They kept insisting that this is what attracts them to men, so I kept doing it, and yet still continued to see women fall for the worst elements on earth. Are they just being immature? Yes, but it’s more than that, and once I understood, I finally realized there was an inherent logic to seeing them fall for the biker dude or the guy who just got out of prison after all, and no longer took it personally. What I didn’t understand before is all those things that I did that women told me they loved is not what sexually attracts women. They may find these things ADMIRABLE, but it does NOT sexually attract them. I had to ALREADY be attractive to a girl for things like maturity, romance and so on to really pay off in a relationship. They are important to building a long lasting marriage, but they don’t induce attraction. And how can I build a relationship if I can’t even attract anyone?
I agree that women do like maturity, and that the smart ones make this a huge qualifier when seeking a good husband, but maturity doesn’t sexually attract a woman to a man either. You see how I’m making a distinction here? There’s sexual attraction, and then there are those ingredients that make a long lasting relationship.
Going back to the age thing, women who are younger have a higher sexual allure than older women do. Decent men will still gravitate to younger women in general because it’s a biological impulse, but as you alluded, some of them will just throw up their hands in frustration when the younger ones continue to prove themselves as immature, self absorbed, etc., and thus obviously wouldn’t make good wives, so they date older women, (so long as they still find such women sexually attractive).
I believe attraction creates a spark, and from that you can potentially get a relationship going. At some point the bond of a relationship starts to supersede the physical bond of sexual attraction, so even when looks fade, the two are just as drawn to each other as they were at the beginning of their relationship. But this is something that takes time to build (years even).
PART 5
I think too many women can’t understand how they can achieve happiness by making their men happy. Feminism is misandry at its core, it’s not about equality or egalitarian roles but about emasculating and denigrating men, and they can deny this until they’re blue in the face but it doesn’t change the reality. I was accused of insecurity before, I think the real insecurity is being demonstrated by women who are terrified of the notion that by letting a man take the lead or a headship role in a relationship/marriage they somehow lose their identity. This is why a marriage can never truly be a cohesive unit of one when such a mentality exists.
Once a girl is beholden to me, I’m responsible for her life and her happiness. That’s a huge burden to carry and it means making sacrifices where I must consider her (and whatever family we have) ahead of my own interests. Women who absorb the harmful facets of feminism just don’t feel they need to make a similar sacrifice in return, because nearly anything that could be construed as an act that would benefit a man is regarded as sexism and chauvinism.
Although sometimes I try to force myself to dig a little deeper, if a girl seems kinda cute, I’ll read their profiles to see if there’s anything that might offer the promise of chemistry: similar interests, beliefs, personalities, etc.. This is where propinquity comes in. The attraction is very meager, but with physical contact and compatible personalities something might eventually spark.
.
Once I was out of college there was only the work place and the bar/social scene where one can regularly meet and interact with women and i don't really drink. There are no single girls at my job, and I eschew the social scenes for a variety of reasons, so the prospects of benefitting from a propinquity driven attraction were daunting indeed. My life as a deep-seated introvert meant I’ve had to rely on the initial, immediate spark of attraction more than the average person would probably need to.
Via a combination of laziness and idealism, I let the fallacy of believing that the right girl will simply love me for whom I am, and not based on how I looked or presented myself in public. And I would still agree, BUT if I’m a complete stranger to her and I’m not giving her ANY incentive to get to know me better then it wouldn’t matter who I was. I don’t need to be Don Juan, but I don’t have to go dousing any sexual appeal I had with a fire hose either.
I guess this means I can’t take anything for granted when I go out. Even if it’s a midnight run to 7-11, I should still go looking my best, and not sporting say, a stained undershirt and lounge pants like I used to. Or like I’ve seen some guys do, go out wearing SLIPPERS. *face palm* Although when I see that, I wonder if the competition isn’t nearly as bad as I think it is.
In the meantime I can try to find at least ONE social group or circle out there that I can participate in or whatnot but ironically, I find that an even more daunting prospect than meeting a sweet girl by chance while squeezing my melons at the local supermarket.
PART 2
Single women who are older (30s, 40s) are generally less attractive than their younger counterparts. I never say they have nothing to offer, or that they are not attractive at all, just less so compared to younger women. And since there are trolls that like to come on here and tell me that I could never attract young women because I’m an old fogie or something, I think this is a fair point to make.
I think what happens is that for some women, they have this enormous checklist by which they evaluate men, and as they get older, rather than relax their standards a bit, they continue to peruse the same checklist, looking for that perfect man. Then they become imbued with rage when they see high-value men near their age still dating women who are much younger, thus declaring all men shallow and not worthy of their spit.
It’s a catch-22 proposition though. These perfect suitors they so desire will, by their very perceived perfection and “high market value”, be able to date much younger women. Why date a 40 year old when you can still date a 25 year old just as easily? The ones who can’t attract younger women just as easily will be the leftovers such older women STILL reject, because they’re fat, bald, stuck in dead-end jobs, etc. Who’s being shallow again?
I reckon a lot of woman have checklist is a mile long, and includes such requirements that men might have no control over, such as their height. But I’m the shallow one?
This is what bothers me. It’s not that I don’t mind women disqualifying men based on things that could be considered shallow (such as the guy’s eye color or height.) We all have our preferences and ideals. It’s that they LIE about this, painting themselves as moral queens who insist they are attracted to men based on their virtues, whereas men use looks, (and ONLY looks) to evaluate suitable women.
Attraction and evaluation are two different things though (which I’ll get to in a bit). When it comes to pure attraction, men are visually oriented. Women can’t seem to abide by this, but it’s a scientific fact. It’s how we’re wired. Even worse, women may deny (in order to maintain their moral superiority complex) that they are not visually oriented, despite rejecting men who are short, have balding hair and a flabby body. On top of this, society (as driven by feminism) perpetuates the lie that women are attracted to men based on virtue, being emotionally sensitive, and being respectful of women (which really means pedestalizing them and supplicating their every desire). You know, the NICE GUY. The real truth (in a nutshell) is that women are attracted to men who are strong and dominant. A nice guy can be strong and dominant, but usually they unwittingly present themselves as being wussies, which is a major turnoff. Showing how sensitive you are by bawling your eyes out watching Sleepless in Seattle does not attract women. They are actually repulsed by this. Yet because we’ve been told over and over that women are attracted to a man’s “heart” and the notion of being attracted to someone who projects masculine strength and leadership is sexist, this simple but suppressed truth flies over the head of many clueless men (including me as well.)
Attraction is something that in many respects is hard-wired into our being. Women are attracted to masculine, strong and powerful men, whereas men are attracted to women who are feminine, submissive, soft and pretty. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS.
Once we all start admitting to each other the reality of what attracts us to each other, we can finally move on to the issue of what we DO with that attraction.
For example, my standard for attraction is simple: 1) Is she pretty? 2) Does she have a pleasant personality?
But of course, that’s not enough to determine if she can make a suitable girlfriend/wife. Ok, so yeah, she’s hot, BUT: Is she, modest, kind, empathic and willing to put my interests ahead of hers? And *ahem* is she a good cook? ;-)
I love to use that line by the way, because nothing sets certain women off faster than asking them if they can cook. Their attitude and response often tells me a lot about how they view men, and when they bristle at the idea of doing ANYTHING that might benefit a man (such as making him a nice lasagna) and launch into this screed about how women are strong and independent, I can consider her radioactive and steer clear.
I see this attitude all the time too, not directed at me so much, but to men in general. There’s a sort of gynocentric trend in Western culture where such women feel put off at the very idea of behaving in ways that might please or benefit men. The presumption is that this yields a one way relationship: it’s all about men and their needs, while a women’s needs are irrelevant.
So hence, when women read my posts about what I look for in a wife, their reaction is to create a false dichotomy by accusing me of wanting a Stepford wife who becomes my domestic slave, scrubbing toilets and whatnot.
Which is ironic, because I don’t like the idea of my wife scrubbing toilets anyway. It sounds like a man’s job to me (anything that involves getting down and dirty, yep sounds like a man’s job.) So when I use the word domestic, what comes to mind is a woman who can complement those areas that are major weaknesses of mine, such as interior decorating. I wouldn’t know how to decorate a home if Martha Stewart took up residence in my brain and started directing me (when she’s not busy insider trading that is, tee hee). Or being a smart shopper and working through the byzantine maze of coupons, reward points, etc. to maximize every dollar spent like a pro. Or turning the backyard into a veritable garden of Eden with her gardening skills (whereas I have been known for my ability to murder cactus plants in the space of a week.) And yes of course, being an excellent cook. Women typically love this, and for proof you need not look further than Pinterest, which is predominantly driven by a female demographic. What do you often see there? Pictures of recipes, fashion, gardening, household related things, and of course, SHOES.
Now in regards to a woman’s standard for attraction, once you take away all the pretty lies, it’s almost quite as simple as my standard: 1) Is he strong? 2) Is he dominant?
Women are attracted to those traits (and the many different ways they manifest themselves), but upon that initial attraction, if she follows the same process I do, she’ll also recognize that attraction alone doesn’t make a suitable mate. Can he be a good provider? Does he have excellent morals? Does he demonstrate initiative and leadership? Is he ambitious? Does he have a good work ethic? Will he put my needs and interests ahead of his own as well?
Where things get dicey is when women claim they are looking for equals and expect to be treated as equals, yet in reality they look for men who are willing to take charge in a relationship. (In other words, their actions don’t line up with what they say.) The following is an easy example of what women say they want, and what I believe women really want:
If a nice guy behaves according to what women assert they want from men, equality and “respect”, whereas, the nice guy (but one who is strong and dominant) takes CHARGE and commands the relationship. I’m being hyperbolic of course, but this ability to take the initiative is what most women are highly attracted to. It’s just one of the many ways a man can project masculine strength and evoke strong attraction in women.
Why exactly is this trait so attractive? Because it’s not so much about women being submissive, but about a man lifting the burdens of decision-making from her shoulders. Leadership is not a perk of life, it actually carries with it grave responsibilities and can be a huge cross to bear. To carry that burden so she doesn’t have to is one of the ways a husband can honor his wife.
While it’s disconcerting to see women sometimes SCREECH at me on about what a hatemonger I am. I never expect it to be a one way proposition where she does everything for me and I do nothing for her, which is just silly. I think the reason it comes across that way is because I’m constantly examining the worst traits of female behavior and pointing out what changes in behavior would be needed in order to make them more attractive to men in general (as well as me, personally). I don’t delve much into what I need to change about myself, because I already know the answers. I have faith in my capacity to truly love a wife the way she needs and deserves to be loved (a capacity that doesn’t come from within, but from God), yet I’m highly cynical that I’d ever meet a girl who isn’t so consumed with batting for Team Women, and is instead more interested in batting for Team Her Man. Not that they don’t exist, but that their numbers are small, and within that number meeting someone compatible with my personality and is even smaller.
Does it make me sad? Sure. But I’ve also been blessed to live a life free of the drama of settling for someone who sees me as a meal ticket (via alimony and child support) rather than as a husband.
PART 3
I think it all comes down to one simple truth. Each person has the right to choose a mate based on his or her own criteria. As long as you’re being honest to both yourself and the others you meet along the way, you should be able to choose whatever qualities are most attractive to you.. Your perfect mate is out there somewhere, and you have no need to defend the qualities you’re looking for.
As for me, I’m holding out for an intelligent woman who would enjoy being surrounded by books and movies and a loyal man who will always stand by her. Honestly, looks aren’t that important to me. They matter a little, of course, but the other qualities are much more important. Sense of humor is at the top of the list for me as well. Show me an intelligent, caring woman a good sense of humor, a larger than life book collection, and a love to cook, and I will gladly propose! *LOL*
I used to fall for that line as well, that women aren’t so hung up on looks, but after you see enough fat or bald or otherwise ugly men getting nuclearly rejected, it’s obvious looks matter just as much to women.
I’ll never forget the commercials I used to see where they sell hair coloring products to dye a man’s beard or mustache so he looks younger. They show the first scene where a guy with a gray beard gets rejected by a hot girl, then the second scene where he dyes his beard, and suddenly the hot girl is all over him. LOL So looks AND age is a factor. It is what it is.
A guy in his forties “with options” could go for a 40 year old, but because he’s an “alpha” he’s going to pull attraction from all kinds of women, so even if he’s older, he’ll still have the pick of the litter, and it’s unlikely he’ll pick someone his age. The best chance a woman has to marry and find a suitable man is during her most attractive years, but too many spend those years investing in careers and completely blowing off men, thinking they’ll be just as attractive in their 30s as they were in their 20s, but when they find they don’t nearly draw men the way they used to, well, they go cray cray with rage and bitterness. It’s another reason why it’s good to marry early, and when you’re in an environment where you’re surrounded by tons of single men.
If I had known the desolation that would be the dating market once I left college, I would have asked every girl out in every class until I found someone. But hey, back then I thought I had all the time in the world. Ugh. See, it’s not just women who fall into that mental trap. :-P
PART 4
I always thought being a nice guy, showing chivalry and maturity, giving girls flowers, being romantic, etc. attracted women, but it doesn’t. They kept insisting that this is what attracts them to men, so I kept doing it, and yet still continued to see women fall for the worst elements on earth. Are they just being immature? Yes, but it’s more than that, and once I understood, I finally realized there was an inherent logic to seeing them fall for the biker dude or the guy who just got out of prison after all, and no longer took it personally. What I didn’t understand before is all those things that I did that women told me they loved is not what sexually attracts women. They may find these things ADMIRABLE, but it does NOT sexually attract them. I had to ALREADY be attractive to a girl for things like maturity, romance and so on to really pay off in a relationship. They are important to building a long lasting marriage, but they don’t induce attraction. And how can I build a relationship if I can’t even attract anyone?
I agree that women do like maturity, and that the smart ones make this a huge qualifier when seeking a good husband, but maturity doesn’t sexually attract a woman to a man either. You see how I’m making a distinction here? There’s sexual attraction, and then there are those ingredients that make a long lasting relationship.
Going back to the age thing, women who are younger have a higher sexual allure than older women do. Decent men will still gravitate to younger women in general because it’s a biological impulse, but as you alluded, some of them will just throw up their hands in frustration when the younger ones continue to prove themselves as immature, self absorbed, etc., and thus obviously wouldn’t make good wives, so they date older women, (so long as they still find such women sexually attractive).
I believe attraction creates a spark, and from that you can potentially get a relationship going. At some point the bond of a relationship starts to supersede the physical bond of sexual attraction, so even when looks fade, the two are just as drawn to each other as they were at the beginning of their relationship. But this is something that takes time to build (years even).
PART 5
I think too many women can’t understand how they can achieve happiness by making their men happy. Feminism is misandry at its core, it’s not about equality or egalitarian roles but about emasculating and denigrating men, and they can deny this until they’re blue in the face but it doesn’t change the reality. I was accused of insecurity before, I think the real insecurity is being demonstrated by women who are terrified of the notion that by letting a man take the lead or a headship role in a relationship/marriage they somehow lose their identity. This is why a marriage can never truly be a cohesive unit of one when such a mentality exists.
Once a girl is beholden to me, I’m responsible for her life and her happiness. That’s a huge burden to carry and it means making sacrifices where I must consider her (and whatever family we have) ahead of my own interests. Women who absorb the harmful facets of feminism just don’t feel they need to make a similar sacrifice in return, because nearly anything that could be construed as an act that would benefit a man is regarded as sexism and chauvinism.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/PERSONAL/ LOVER LETTER: DEAR YOU
Dear You
There are a great number of cliches floating around that one could use to describe the relationship (or lack thereof) that I share with you. All of them are correct and meaningful, but it seems to me that I will do you the most justice by refraining from using someone else's love story to tell mine.
Right now, you aren't in love me with me. You are unsure if you ever will be. You are a fan of classical romance, and you read and watch deeply into Pride and Prejudice. I think you long for a lover, but do not know exactly how to obtain the kind you want. You are especially unsure if I can satisfy that longing, I think. You don't think we are familiar enough. The thought of us as an 'us' has crossed your mind, but the butterflies I've given you are, to date, inadequate. You want more. You want them to last. You do not trust a crush.
I, on the other hand, am completely and irreversibly in love with you. It has nothing to do with how beautiful you are, even though no one I know stands up to you physically. If it had to do with looks, I could have forgotten you long ago. I have intentionally tried to forget you. It hurts to love you. I have wanted to be yours and to have you be mine. In the end, I'm just a guy, and you're just a girl. But I love you. I love you. I love you so much that everything in life is inadequate, just as I am to you. Nothing satisfies me, because nothing is comparable to the happiness I feel when you speak to me, darling. I am so proud, yet my love for you has humbled me to the state of a docile tulip. When you condescend to share with me your gorgeous smile, I fall apart with joy. It lights me up inside as bread offered to the starving, a miraculous child to the infertile, a sunrise to the irreparably blind. All the light in the world is contained within you, my sweet and lovely girl. Let it spill over into me, or let the blackness swallow me whole. Let me go insane. For I will not choose death. To the ill-fated lover death comes too easily. To me, death is a cop-out. After all my suffering, and all the love I feel, death would be a vile interruption. Nothing will stand in the way of my love until my mind is gone and my body is unresponsive and inoperable. Please, darling. Let me tell you. Let me hold you and love you. Let me share in your strength and wit. Shelter me with your brilliant gaze, and warm me with your kindness. Keep away the blackness, darling. I will be so indebted to you.
There are a great number of cliches floating around that one could use to describe the relationship (or lack thereof) that I share with you. All of them are correct and meaningful, but it seems to me that I will do you the most justice by refraining from using someone else's love story to tell mine.
Right now, you aren't in love me with me. You are unsure if you ever will be. You are a fan of classical romance, and you read and watch deeply into Pride and Prejudice. I think you long for a lover, but do not know exactly how to obtain the kind you want. You are especially unsure if I can satisfy that longing, I think. You don't think we are familiar enough. The thought of us as an 'us' has crossed your mind, but the butterflies I've given you are, to date, inadequate. You want more. You want them to last. You do not trust a crush.
I, on the other hand, am completely and irreversibly in love with you. It has nothing to do with how beautiful you are, even though no one I know stands up to you physically. If it had to do with looks, I could have forgotten you long ago. I have intentionally tried to forget you. It hurts to love you. I have wanted to be yours and to have you be mine. In the end, I'm just a guy, and you're just a girl. But I love you. I love you. I love you so much that everything in life is inadequate, just as I am to you. Nothing satisfies me, because nothing is comparable to the happiness I feel when you speak to me, darling. I am so proud, yet my love for you has humbled me to the state of a docile tulip. When you condescend to share with me your gorgeous smile, I fall apart with joy. It lights me up inside as bread offered to the starving, a miraculous child to the infertile, a sunrise to the irreparably blind. All the light in the world is contained within you, my sweet and lovely girl. Let it spill over into me, or let the blackness swallow me whole. Let me go insane. For I will not choose death. To the ill-fated lover death comes too easily. To me, death is a cop-out. After all my suffering, and all the love I feel, death would be a vile interruption. Nothing will stand in the way of my love until my mind is gone and my body is unresponsive and inoperable. Please, darling. Let me tell you. Let me hold you and love you. Let me share in your strength and wit. Shelter me with your brilliant gaze, and warm me with your kindness. Keep away the blackness, darling. I will be so indebted to you.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
JOURNAL/LOVE: TRYING TO BE MORE LOVING
OK, so this is a pretty big, mushy subject. It tends to make people giggle nervously, squirm in their seats, and pretend they are too cool, tough and independent to need it. But what is more basic or universal than the need to love and be loved?
It’s actually kind of funny that we want it, need it and wish to express it, yet we are more comfortable uttering profane four-letter words than saying “love.” So why the big secret … who are we trying to fool?
I’m going to out myself here and declare that I enjoy loving people. And not just romantic love, but the love I feel for my friends, family, children and even strangers I pass by. I feel their pain, their hope, their humanity and recognize my own spirit in their eyes. Suffice it to say, I am a mush-pot.
What is Love?
So what is this strange, ever-present, yet at the same time elusive thing called love?
Love is a hard thing to define. Scholars, musicians and poets have philosophized about the true nature of love since the first stirrings of emotion were felt in human hearts.
While we have all probably felt love at different points in our lives, I think most of our thinking about love tends to revolve around experiences of conditional love. We love someone because of what they give us, or how they make us feel. If they change or stop giving us what we need and want, we stop loving them. That, by definition, is conditional love. It’s loving someone for a reason. A good reason, perhaps, but still … that kind of love can be taken away, can dissolve when life rains on it. I would call this little “l” love.
Unconditional love (big “L” love) isn’t about wanting something from someone, or expecting another to make us happy. And it’s not about finding someone who is without flaw, or perfect for us. It’s about wanting to share life, love and happiness with another, from a place of fullness, not from a big gaping hole that needs to be filled. It’s accepting the whole person, warts and all. It’s about wanting what is best for our loved ones, and helping them to fulfill their dreams and be the fullest expression of who they really are. It is seeing ourselves in the other, and wanting to do no harm, since harming another is ultimately harming ourselves.
Here are a few quotes about love, which I think capture the spirit of unconditional love:
“We are made by love, we are made of love, and we are made for love. Everything is love anyway. Our hate is love turned sour, jealousy is love turned bitter, our fears are love standing upside down, greed is love gone overboard, attachment is love gone sticky.”
—Khurshed Batliwala, blogger
“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
—Rumi, thirteenth-century Sufi poet
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
—Robert A. Heinlein, author (1907 – 1988)
“Don’t settle for love of this or that, he or she; that is all so, so small. Stubbornly hold out for love itself—beyond everything.”
—Bruce Allen, spiritual counsellor
“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
—Aristotle, Greek philosopher (384 BC – 322 BC)
“There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heats our soul, energizes our spirit, and supplies passion to our lives.”
—Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, psychiatrist and author (1926 – 2004)
“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”
—Judy Garland, American actress and singer (1922 – 1969)
Love Is All There Is
We tend to look to others to “bring” us love. But we do not need to look outside ourselves to experience love. At the risk of sounding corny, love is what we are made of. We may physically be 99% water, but spiritually I believe we are 100% love. The reason we don’t always feel that way, or we do things that aren’t good for ourselves or others, is because we forget who we really are.
In Love for No Reason, we attach our love to things and people.
Think about someone or something you really love. Let your mind wander to all the things you love about this person or thing.
Now take your focus away from the person or thing you were thinking about, and focus entirely on the feeling of love.
Notice how you feel – the sensation of warmth in your chest, the smile that probably comes to your face, the light-heartedness.
You are now experiencing love as love itself. That love really comes from you, not from something or someone else. It is always there within you, ready to access whenever you choose.
This brings up an important point. Love is, essentially, a choice, not something you get from others. It is a practice, something you choose to bring to the world. Really, the success of our relationships with other people is determined by our own capacity to love. It is what we give to others that determines what we get back.
At this point, you may be thinking, “But I give a lot to the people I care about, and they don’t give it back to me.” I know I have had that experience on more than one occasion. But that is, again, because we are thinking about conditional love. Unconditional love is giving love without expecting it to be returned. It is loving the person anyway, even if they don’t act the way we want them to.
This does not mean we have to stay in a relationship that is not good for us. After all, unconditional love also requires us to love ourselves. And sometimes the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and the other person is to leave a relationship. For example, is it love to stay in an abusive relationship? Of course not. It is not loving to you, and it is not loving to the one who is treating you that way. Leaving in that situation is an act of love, because it teaches the other person that their behaviour is not loving, and encourages them to change for the better.
My 5 year marriage ended 2 years ago. The relationship was not abusive, but it was dysfunctional, and neither my spouse nor I were happy. But she decided to leave...and to me commitment is something I took very seriously. But staying would not have been an act of love. It would have been an act of fear – fear of the unknown, of hurting people, of what others would say, of being alone, of being wrong.
The most loving thing I could do for myself was to let go of the guilt and fear and believe that I was deserving of the kind of love I knew in my heart was possible.
“It’s easy to love things that are charming and attractive, but the real challenge is to experience love in difficult situations and with people you don’t even like. To maintain an open heart when your spouse is being difficult, your child is throwing a tantrum, or your boss is making what seem like unreasonable demands requires a commitment to love as the number one priority in your life.”
—Marci Shimoff, author, Love for No Reason
I am still trying to sort out what love is, and to be more loving with the people in my life. But this much I know for sure: to experience unconditional love, you have to be willing to give it. To receive love, you have to be open to it. It is very difficult to feel love with a closed heart. We cannot simultaneously protect our hearts from hurt and experience real love. Fear is the opposite of love.
I have been hurt before. I could choose to close my heart off to protect myself. But I know that doing that will prevent me from giving love to others, and ultimately from receiving love too. So I choose to live with my heart wide open. It makes me vulnerable, but also allows me to share my happiness with others and opens me to the wonderful experience of love. While we all fear pain, there is a tremendous strength in the softness and vulnerability of love. We can survive being hurt. We cannot survive without love.
But what should we do when love goes awry?
Let’s face it: human relationships are complicated. It is so easy to lose ourselves in them, and to find it hard to know what to do. When I feel stuck about a situation (whether it involves a relationship or not), my two favourite questions to ask myself are:
Who do I want to be in this situation?
Is this decision coming from a place of love, or a place of fear?
I know when I make decisions out of fear, I am filled with anxiety and I almost always live to regret them. When I make them from a place of love, things turn out well in the end and I am left with a feeling of peace and light-heartedness.
You may still be wondering, “But how do I attract more love into my life?” Well, the truth is, you will attract more love when you give more love. Like attracts like. But to break it down into a practical process, this is what I have learned from my research and personal experience:
Let go of past hurts. Your heart cannot give or receive love if you are hanging on to pain, or judging the actions of others. Do what you need to do toprocess your feelings. Then let them go. Realize that most times, people don’t mean to hurt us. They are simply human and doing the best they can. Release them with love and move on.
Fill your own cup. You can’t give love if your glass is half empty. And if you try to receive it in this state, you will end up draining the other person’s glass. It is important to fill your own cup first. Learn to love yourself and believe you are worthy of love. Do nice things for yourself. Try something you’ve always wanted to do. Spend time doing things you love. Your life will automatically become richer and fuller, and you will be able to approach new relationships from a place of fullness instead of lack.
Be grateful for the love you already have. The quickest shortcut to getting more of what you want is to be thankful for what you already have. Look around your life and see how much love is already in it. Make a list of the wonderful people you know, and the experiences you have had that make you feel alive. Really stop and appreciate them. Look at this list whenever you are feeling down or lonely.
Keep your heart open. Stay positive and loving no matter what the outcome. If you don’t immediately get what you want, trust that the process is working and that something better is coming your way. If you get hurt, look for what you can learn from the situation, and choose to keep your heart open to love.
Give love to others. Choose to be loving with every decision you make, word you say and action you take. Send love out into the world, and like a boomerang it will come back to you (often when you least expect it!).
Love really isn’t as elusive as we think. Real, unconditional love is everywhere when we stop and look for it.
I believe the true nature of love is generosity – it’s giving everything you can to another because you want to, not because it’s expected. It’s caring just because. It’s acknowledging that people aren’t perfect, but you love them anyway. Love just is, whether it makes sense to others or not. When you see it, touch it and feel it, it is a beautiful thing to behold. And like a ripple across a smooth, expansive lake, it only gets bigger when you share it.
Choose to love unconditionally. Live with an open heart. Let yourself be vulnerable, so people can have the chance to know the real, wonderful you. Look for the love already present in your life. Believe more is possible. And above all, spread this wonderful gift to others.
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
It’s actually kind of funny that we want it, need it and wish to express it, yet we are more comfortable uttering profane four-letter words than saying “love.” So why the big secret … who are we trying to fool?
I’m going to out myself here and declare that I enjoy loving people. And not just romantic love, but the love I feel for my friends, family, children and even strangers I pass by. I feel their pain, their hope, their humanity and recognize my own spirit in their eyes. Suffice it to say, I am a mush-pot.
What is Love?
So what is this strange, ever-present, yet at the same time elusive thing called love?
Love is a hard thing to define. Scholars, musicians and poets have philosophized about the true nature of love since the first stirrings of emotion were felt in human hearts.
While we have all probably felt love at different points in our lives, I think most of our thinking about love tends to revolve around experiences of conditional love. We love someone because of what they give us, or how they make us feel. If they change or stop giving us what we need and want, we stop loving them. That, by definition, is conditional love. It’s loving someone for a reason. A good reason, perhaps, but still … that kind of love can be taken away, can dissolve when life rains on it. I would call this little “l” love.
Unconditional love (big “L” love) isn’t about wanting something from someone, or expecting another to make us happy. And it’s not about finding someone who is without flaw, or perfect for us. It’s about wanting to share life, love and happiness with another, from a place of fullness, not from a big gaping hole that needs to be filled. It’s accepting the whole person, warts and all. It’s about wanting what is best for our loved ones, and helping them to fulfill their dreams and be the fullest expression of who they really are. It is seeing ourselves in the other, and wanting to do no harm, since harming another is ultimately harming ourselves.
Here are a few quotes about love, which I think capture the spirit of unconditional love:
“We are made by love, we are made of love, and we are made for love. Everything is love anyway. Our hate is love turned sour, jealousy is love turned bitter, our fears are love standing upside down, greed is love gone overboard, attachment is love gone sticky.”
—Khurshed Batliwala, blogger
“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
—Rumi, thirteenth-century Sufi poet
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
—Robert A. Heinlein, author (1907 – 1988)
“Don’t settle for love of this or that, he or she; that is all so, so small. Stubbornly hold out for love itself—beyond everything.”
—Bruce Allen, spiritual counsellor
“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
—Aristotle, Greek philosopher (384 BC – 322 BC)
“There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heats our soul, energizes our spirit, and supplies passion to our lives.”
—Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, psychiatrist and author (1926 – 2004)
“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”
—Judy Garland, American actress and singer (1922 – 1969)
Love Is All There Is
We tend to look to others to “bring” us love. But we do not need to look outside ourselves to experience love. At the risk of sounding corny, love is what we are made of. We may physically be 99% water, but spiritually I believe we are 100% love. The reason we don’t always feel that way, or we do things that aren’t good for ourselves or others, is because we forget who we really are.
In Love for No Reason, we attach our love to things and people.
Think about someone or something you really love. Let your mind wander to all the things you love about this person or thing.
Now take your focus away from the person or thing you were thinking about, and focus entirely on the feeling of love.
Notice how you feel – the sensation of warmth in your chest, the smile that probably comes to your face, the light-heartedness.
You are now experiencing love as love itself. That love really comes from you, not from something or someone else. It is always there within you, ready to access whenever you choose.
This brings up an important point. Love is, essentially, a choice, not something you get from others. It is a practice, something you choose to bring to the world. Really, the success of our relationships with other people is determined by our own capacity to love. It is what we give to others that determines what we get back.
At this point, you may be thinking, “But I give a lot to the people I care about, and they don’t give it back to me.” I know I have had that experience on more than one occasion. But that is, again, because we are thinking about conditional love. Unconditional love is giving love without expecting it to be returned. It is loving the person anyway, even if they don’t act the way we want them to.
This does not mean we have to stay in a relationship that is not good for us. After all, unconditional love also requires us to love ourselves. And sometimes the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and the other person is to leave a relationship. For example, is it love to stay in an abusive relationship? Of course not. It is not loving to you, and it is not loving to the one who is treating you that way. Leaving in that situation is an act of love, because it teaches the other person that their behaviour is not loving, and encourages them to change for the better.
My 5 year marriage ended 2 years ago. The relationship was not abusive, but it was dysfunctional, and neither my spouse nor I were happy. But she decided to leave...and to me commitment is something I took very seriously. But staying would not have been an act of love. It would have been an act of fear – fear of the unknown, of hurting people, of what others would say, of being alone, of being wrong.
The most loving thing I could do for myself was to let go of the guilt and fear and believe that I was deserving of the kind of love I knew in my heart was possible.
“It’s easy to love things that are charming and attractive, but the real challenge is to experience love in difficult situations and with people you don’t even like. To maintain an open heart when your spouse is being difficult, your child is throwing a tantrum, or your boss is making what seem like unreasonable demands requires a commitment to love as the number one priority in your life.”
—Marci Shimoff, author, Love for No Reason
I am still trying to sort out what love is, and to be more loving with the people in my life. But this much I know for sure: to experience unconditional love, you have to be willing to give it. To receive love, you have to be open to it. It is very difficult to feel love with a closed heart. We cannot simultaneously protect our hearts from hurt and experience real love. Fear is the opposite of love.
I have been hurt before. I could choose to close my heart off to protect myself. But I know that doing that will prevent me from giving love to others, and ultimately from receiving love too. So I choose to live with my heart wide open. It makes me vulnerable, but also allows me to share my happiness with others and opens me to the wonderful experience of love. While we all fear pain, there is a tremendous strength in the softness and vulnerability of love. We can survive being hurt. We cannot survive without love.
But what should we do when love goes awry?
Let’s face it: human relationships are complicated. It is so easy to lose ourselves in them, and to find it hard to know what to do. When I feel stuck about a situation (whether it involves a relationship or not), my two favourite questions to ask myself are:
Who do I want to be in this situation?
Is this decision coming from a place of love, or a place of fear?
I know when I make decisions out of fear, I am filled with anxiety and I almost always live to regret them. When I make them from a place of love, things turn out well in the end and I am left with a feeling of peace and light-heartedness.
You may still be wondering, “But how do I attract more love into my life?” Well, the truth is, you will attract more love when you give more love. Like attracts like. But to break it down into a practical process, this is what I have learned from my research and personal experience:
Let go of past hurts. Your heart cannot give or receive love if you are hanging on to pain, or judging the actions of others. Do what you need to do toprocess your feelings. Then let them go. Realize that most times, people don’t mean to hurt us. They are simply human and doing the best they can. Release them with love and move on.
Fill your own cup. You can’t give love if your glass is half empty. And if you try to receive it in this state, you will end up draining the other person’s glass. It is important to fill your own cup first. Learn to love yourself and believe you are worthy of love. Do nice things for yourself. Try something you’ve always wanted to do. Spend time doing things you love. Your life will automatically become richer and fuller, and you will be able to approach new relationships from a place of fullness instead of lack.
Be grateful for the love you already have. The quickest shortcut to getting more of what you want is to be thankful for what you already have. Look around your life and see how much love is already in it. Make a list of the wonderful people you know, and the experiences you have had that make you feel alive. Really stop and appreciate them. Look at this list whenever you are feeling down or lonely.
Keep your heart open. Stay positive and loving no matter what the outcome. If you don’t immediately get what you want, trust that the process is working and that something better is coming your way. If you get hurt, look for what you can learn from the situation, and choose to keep your heart open to love.
Give love to others. Choose to be loving with every decision you make, word you say and action you take. Send love out into the world, and like a boomerang it will come back to you (often when you least expect it!).
Love really isn’t as elusive as we think. Real, unconditional love is everywhere when we stop and look for it.
I believe the true nature of love is generosity – it’s giving everything you can to another because you want to, not because it’s expected. It’s caring just because. It’s acknowledging that people aren’t perfect, but you love them anyway. Love just is, whether it makes sense to others or not. When you see it, touch it and feel it, it is a beautiful thing to behold. And like a ripple across a smooth, expansive lake, it only gets bigger when you share it.
Choose to love unconditionally. Live with an open heart. Let yourself be vulnerable, so people can have the chance to know the real, wonderful you. Look for the love already present in your life. Believe more is possible. And above all, spread this wonderful gift to others.
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
I love you. My life is empty without you. Before I met you I never lived, because I never knew love before I knew you. When I die, my love will live on, as my spirit has been infused with your touch and grace and your love has forever embraced my soul. You have etched your name in my heart. And my heart is made of gold, dipped in your love. The gold flecks flow through my bloodstream filling my entire body with joy and love. When we make love, my golden rod impales you, until my metal smelts and my excalibur is lifted from your warm stone. Hours into days into weeks into years, I think of you. When I shower I think of you. If we make love in the morning, I tie a shower cap around my dick, so that your love will not be washed away, and carry your love with me all day. Before I sleep, I pray to the gods above that you will love me more in the morning, and I beg them to take my breath in the night if I should ever lay next to you unloved. When the song is over, I press repeat at least 5 times to better harmonize the lyrics to my voice, soaked in love and lemon honey water. When I go to the beach, I bring your love and an umbrella, for one shades me from the sun, and the other ignites me like a solar storm. When my love wanes, I build it back with steroid shots of your kisses. Your kisses remind me that our love is stronger than Hercules. Your kisses are my achilles heel. Your love is my Venus. You are my moon.
Sincerely,
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
I love you. My life is empty without you. Before I met you I never lived, because I never knew love before I knew you. When I die, my love will live on, as my spirit has been infused with your touch and grace and your love has forever embraced my soul. You have etched your name in my heart. And my heart is made of gold, dipped in your love. The gold flecks flow through my bloodstream filling my entire body with joy and love. When we make love, my golden rod impales you, until my metal smelts and my excalibur is lifted from your warm stone. Hours into days into weeks into years, I think of you. When I shower I think of you. If we make love in the morning, I tie a shower cap around my dick, so that your love will not be washed away, and carry your love with me all day. Before I sleep, I pray to the gods above that you will love me more in the morning, and I beg them to take my breath in the night if I should ever lay next to you unloved. When the song is over, I press repeat at least 5 times to better harmonize the lyrics to my voice, soaked in love and lemon honey water. When I go to the beach, I bring your love and an umbrella, for one shades me from the sun, and the other ignites me like a solar storm. When my love wanes, I build it back with steroid shots of your kisses. Your kisses remind me that our love is stronger than Hercules. Your kisses are my achilles heel. Your love is my Venus. You are my moon.
Sincerely,
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
POETRY: HOW CAN I EXPRESS THIS FEELING
I stand here all alone
Waiting for you to come home
Every second seems to last
As long as every year that passed.
How can I express this feeling,
Pain as the wounds start healing
Flames encircle my heart
Yet this is only the start
How may times have I cried
Wishing you would be by my side
The pain that I have to endure.
I would gladly endure more.
Just to get you back here
I would face every fear
Just to fell your touch
Would mean so very much.
But for that I'll just have to wait
Years of I have to for my soul-mate
2
You are the sunshine in my days,
The moonlight in my nights,
The song in my heart,
You are the wind beneath my wings,
allowing my spirit to soar,
Forever I shall cherish you
Our lips locked, our bodies entwined
You drive me wild,
Our spirits merge
I am yours, you are mine
You are My One
My Soulmate
I Love You
3
"Soulmate"
Two hearts,
Two people,
Two different paths yet simple,
One has a generous smile,
While,
One has an open heart,
Although still apart,
Will one day meet,
Two hearts that are meant to beat,
For each other only,
One who has been lonely,
Will soon find out she was never meant to be alone,
One who has been broken,
Will soon be whole again,
Smiles will appear,
Sorrows will disappear,
.
One who will give,
All there is to believe,
One who will see,
How miracles came to be
4
In the mist all around
There a faithless soul
Shall be marked and found
Returned to earth with a different role
When all the soul desires
Is to find the other half of its whole
With each passing moment that hope expires
Until a brief glimpse across the mist
A recognition only a soulmate requires
A feeling the two souls had 'til now missed
Kindles in their matched halves of hearts
Love and Hope they neither could resist
Their souls shall find
When they to earth return this time
A meeting of two souls as one entwined
5
One heart in two bodies
Wandering, roaming th world
Desperately searching for its other half
Fate will show them
Destiny will guide them
But will Love bind them?
A faint yet visible trace of…shadow…
Hesitation… Confusion…
Uncertainty… Doubt…
Fear…?
How do you know?
How can you tell…
Fate from Fake
The journey
The wait
The risk
The fear
All in search of a soulmate..
In search of eternal happiness...
6
True love is found
In a soulmate
A perfect fit
The socks to your shoes
The butter to your bread
The love to your life
Someone you put even before yourself
Who once you have them
You cannot imagine a life
Without
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
Waiting for you to come home
Every second seems to last
As long as every year that passed.
How can I express this feeling,
Pain as the wounds start healing
Flames encircle my heart
Yet this is only the start
How may times have I cried
Wishing you would be by my side
The pain that I have to endure.
I would gladly endure more.
Just to get you back here
I would face every fear
Just to fell your touch
Would mean so very much.
But for that I'll just have to wait
Years of I have to for my soul-mate
2
You are the sunshine in my days,
The moonlight in my nights,
The song in my heart,
You are the wind beneath my wings,
allowing my spirit to soar,
Forever I shall cherish you
Our lips locked, our bodies entwined
You drive me wild,
Our spirits merge
I am yours, you are mine
You are My One
My Soulmate
I Love You
3
"Soulmate"
Two hearts,
Two people,
Two different paths yet simple,
One has a generous smile,
While,
One has an open heart,
Although still apart,
Will one day meet,
Two hearts that are meant to beat,
For each other only,
One who has been lonely,
Will soon find out she was never meant to be alone,
One who has been broken,
Will soon be whole again,
Smiles will appear,
Sorrows will disappear,
.
One who will give,
All there is to believe,
One who will see,
How miracles came to be
4
In the mist all around
There a faithless soul
Shall be marked and found
Returned to earth with a different role
When all the soul desires
Is to find the other half of its whole
With each passing moment that hope expires
Until a brief glimpse across the mist
A recognition only a soulmate requires
A feeling the two souls had 'til now missed
Kindles in their matched halves of hearts
Love and Hope they neither could resist
Their souls shall find
When they to earth return this time
A meeting of two souls as one entwined
5
One heart in two bodies
Wandering, roaming th world
Desperately searching for its other half
Fate will show them
Destiny will guide them
But will Love bind them?
A faint yet visible trace of…shadow…
Hesitation… Confusion…
Uncertainty… Doubt…
Fear…?
How do you know?
How can you tell…
Fate from Fake
The journey
The wait
The risk
The fear
All in search of a soulmate..
In search of eternal happiness...
6
True love is found
In a soulmate
A perfect fit
The socks to your shoes
The butter to your bread
The love to your life
Someone you put even before yourself
Who once you have them
You cannot imagine a life
Without
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
JOURNAL: THIS FEELING I HAVE IN MY HEART
Anyone who has felt their heart’s deep calling for “the One” will know that these soulful echoes can leave you feeling as if a significant piece of the puzzle is missing from your life.
And in many respects, it is.However, just like a puzzle, not any piece will do. Forcing a piece that doesn’t fit properly will mean that another part of the puzzle will also be broken, and even when it’s complete – something will always be out of place.
The same is true when finding the right fit for your heart.And while we may get anxious when each piece we pick up doesn’t fit, time is actually always on our side – as only a true alignment with another person will ever satisfy our heart’s soulful calling.
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
And in many respects, it is.However, just like a puzzle, not any piece will do. Forcing a piece that doesn’t fit properly will mean that another part of the puzzle will also be broken, and even when it’s complete – something will always be out of place.
The same is true when finding the right fit for your heart.And while we may get anxious when each piece we pick up doesn’t fit, time is actually always on our side – as only a true alignment with another person will ever satisfy our heart’s soulful calling.
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
LOVE: ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF WHY MOST WOMAN ARE FUCKED UP
Men have a very fair assessment of women’s overall attractiveness. This doesn’t mean that they’re not shallow (they are), but rather, that they are consistent and reasonable in terms of “rating” women’s looks.
Like in a normal bell curve, 5% of the women were found to be the least attractive and 5% were found to be the most attractive, with most women falling in the middle 90%.
It’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex.
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
Like in a normal bell curve, 5% of the women were found to be the least attractive and 5% were found to be the most attractive, with most women falling in the middle 90%.
It’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex.
Women, on the other hand, rate 80% of men as below average.
Let me repeat: It’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex.
It's a stark realization when you see just how few men woman even find to be average looking.
PART 2
I read — and have read — A LOT of women’s profiles — and most women seem to be describing — in terms of looks — the SAME guy — a very George Clooney / Jon Hamm type guy — 6 feet plus, head of hair (no matter what age), athletic, handsome (“I want to feel goosebumps when he walks into a room” etc.).
I have lived on the upper west side and I rarely, rarely see any guys who come close to that type — I moved to Long Island and didn’t see any guys who looked like that…. I went on vacation in Florida and there was only ONE guy I saw who look like what most woman want.
But don’t get me wrong I am quite realistic about the kind of woman I can attract. On one particular dating site, you have the option of having your pictures evaluated by other members, where you are rated on a scale of 1-10 in terms of looks. I thought what to heck — let them rate me. And as I remembered, my average rating was a 7.8, according to the others members.
Maybe something’s just wrong with me? Generally speaking, if someone is interested in me and seems to have enough in common with me (in terms of future plans, beliefs, morals, et al), I’ll go out with her.
None of the woman I’ve dated look anything like one another, as I’m not so much interested in a “look” or a “type” as I am who they are. A lot of my guy friends will wonder why I’m with a woman because they’ll think she is “unattractive” or “not in my league.” But a woman’s looks haven’t ever been the top attribute I seek when searching for a partner.
When it comes to being too picky. The main reasons I rate so many people poorly are the following, in roughly descending order of importance/frequency:
Profile writing quality is poor (proxy for “low intelligence”)
Profile too short (< 400 words)
Obese
Single mother
Not a college graduate
I’m more of the guy next door type, so I’d rather be with a good hearted, fun loving, respectful caring woman — and if she happens to be a 9 or 10, whatever. I’m not all that pressed. My past girlfriend makes me laugh constantly and treats me well. Because of those reasons, she’s sexy to me. Isn’t that all that matters? I also realize that the attraction won’t be based just on looks; I’ve gotta have the whole package! So, in my world, average-looking woman who seem intelligent and show themselves to have the important qualities like loyalty and integrity quickly become a 10.
I write not to the women whom I think are in the “top 10%” (or 5% or 20% or whatever), but instead to the women whom I find attractive going from their profiles (and who, I think from looking at their preferences, might go for me). I’m not positive how all the other men rate the women I write to, but I do hope that I am able to outshine the competition and get the attention of these women.
Whether by accident or on purpose, women have gorged themselves on unrealistic expectations of what they find “attractive”. By all means, do not settle for an average guy, even if you are average. It will only end in misery for both of you.
There is nothing left to do but let the train run off the cliff into lonely, bitter old age for these women. It is unfixable. Periodically, a few of them will wise up and train themselves to be be humble and learn to destroy the unrealistic expectations that are destroying their chance at love and happiness.
The rest will watch shows like Mad Men and fantasize about Don Draper until they are old and ugly. Watch for life expectancies to drop in the future as legions of unloved men and unloved women die an early spiritual death followed closely by a physical death
Let me repeat: It’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex.
It's a stark realization when you see just how few men woman even find to be average looking.
Most woman are probably Passing Up their Soulmate, And Don’t Even Know It
Yep, that sounds about right.PART 2
I read — and have read — A LOT of women’s profiles — and most women seem to be describing — in terms of looks — the SAME guy — a very George Clooney / Jon Hamm type guy — 6 feet plus, head of hair (no matter what age), athletic, handsome (“I want to feel goosebumps when he walks into a room” etc.).
I have lived on the upper west side and I rarely, rarely see any guys who come close to that type — I moved to Long Island and didn’t see any guys who looked like that…. I went on vacation in Florida and there was only ONE guy I saw who look like what most woman want.
But don’t get me wrong I am quite realistic about the kind of woman I can attract. On one particular dating site, you have the option of having your pictures evaluated by other members, where you are rated on a scale of 1-10 in terms of looks. I thought what to heck — let them rate me. And as I remembered, my average rating was a 7.8, according to the others members.
Maybe something’s just wrong with me? Generally speaking, if someone is interested in me and seems to have enough in common with me (in terms of future plans, beliefs, morals, et al), I’ll go out with her.
None of the woman I’ve dated look anything like one another, as I’m not so much interested in a “look” or a “type” as I am who they are. A lot of my guy friends will wonder why I’m with a woman because they’ll think she is “unattractive” or “not in my league.” But a woman’s looks haven’t ever been the top attribute I seek when searching for a partner.
When it comes to being too picky. The main reasons I rate so many people poorly are the following, in roughly descending order of importance/frequency:
Profile writing quality is poor (proxy for “low intelligence”)
Profile too short (< 400 words)
Obese
Single mother
Not a college graduate
I’m more of the guy next door type, so I’d rather be with a good hearted, fun loving, respectful caring woman — and if she happens to be a 9 or 10, whatever. I’m not all that pressed. My past girlfriend makes me laugh constantly and treats me well. Because of those reasons, she’s sexy to me. Isn’t that all that matters? I also realize that the attraction won’t be based just on looks; I’ve gotta have the whole package! So, in my world, average-looking woman who seem intelligent and show themselves to have the important qualities like loyalty and integrity quickly become a 10.
I write not to the women whom I think are in the “top 10%” (or 5% or 20% or whatever), but instead to the women whom I find attractive going from their profiles (and who, I think from looking at their preferences, might go for me). I’m not positive how all the other men rate the women I write to, but I do hope that I am able to outshine the competition and get the attention of these women.
Whether by accident or on purpose, women have gorged themselves on unrealistic expectations of what they find “attractive”. By all means, do not settle for an average guy, even if you are average. It will only end in misery for both of you.
There is nothing left to do but let the train run off the cliff into lonely, bitter old age for these women. It is unfixable. Periodically, a few of them will wise up and train themselves to be be humble and learn to destroy the unrealistic expectations that are destroying their chance at love and happiness.
The rest will watch shows like Mad Men and fantasize about Don Draper until they are old and ugly. Watch for life expectancies to drop in the future as legions of unloved men and unloved women die an early spiritual death followed closely by a physical death
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
LOVE: WHY WE PUSH YOUR SOULMATE AWAY
We push our soul mates away! Why would we do such a thing?
Because it's terrifying to love someone so much!
One of the major reasons we fail to fearlessly embrace these relationships is because we get a ton of advice that tells us not to.
Unfortunately, most people don't know what they're talking about when it comes to love. A good rule of thumb is: Don't take love advice from someone who doesn't have a relationship you admire. The blind leading the blind will not get you to happily ever after.
A lot of this poor relationship advice focuses on these two themes:
Your partner isn't giving you enough, so you should move on.
Your partner makes you feel negative emotions (i.e. frustration, annoyance, fear, anger, crazy … take your pick), so you should move on.
I'd like to address this advice, and explain why you should think twice about kicking your heart's desire to the curb.
1. It's not your choice to move on.
Try it. I'm serious. Let me know how that goes.
You can't will yourself to stop loving someone. That's like trying to use your mind outsmart your heart. It doesn't work like that!
I talk to plenty of people who have continued to love someone for years despite having tried to "let them go." What they really end up doing is blocking them out (i.e. shutting down their hearts), which is just torturous and fails every time.
Instead of blocking someone out, I encourage you to trust that your heart has a plan. Say yes to your soul mate and find out what the lessons are.
2. Relationships are not about getting; they're about giving.
We become obsessed with all the things that we aren't "getting" in relationships, but relationships are where we learn to GIVE. They are not about another person completing us!
People love talking about this. "She's not doing _____, so you should walk away." Really? Why not explore what you aren't doing?
How can you show up in a fuller way? How can you fearlessly love? These are the real questions you should be asking yourself.
When we genuinely give more to our partners, we receive more love. It's a simple equation. This is a major lesson you must learn if you are going to have successful relationships.
3. Yes, this relationship makes you feel negative emotions!
That's what happens in relationships! If you didn't feel negative emotions, you wouldn't grow!
Does this mean you have to endure frustration, annoyance, fear, and craziness forever? No! You get to move beyond these feelings. It's called evolution. But again, no discomfort, no growth.
People jump on challenges in relationships like they're a horrible thing. And I get it, it's not comfortable in be pushed to your edge. But having strong emotional experiences doesn't mean something is wrong! This is one of the biggest misconceptions about love. Your emotions indicate where you have room to grow.
I know, I know. You want to believe the fantasy that there's someone out there who will never push your buttons. Sweetheart, it ain't true. The sooner you accept this and face the discomfort in your relationship as a means for your own spiritual growth, the more at peace you're going to be.
When in comes to your relationship the most important thing to do is be true to you. When your heart is attached to a particular person, get curious about why that is. There just might be a reason for it.
Your soul mate is the person that you can't help but want, that you can't help but love, that you can't forget about no matter what. I say, "Don't fight the feeling!"
By accepting our soul mates, we're signing up for the richest type of life, one that includes the most potent emotions, twists and turns, depth and fullness. Trust me, this is what you really want — this is what it is to be alive.
Take my advice and jump into the current of your heart. Go for it! Your soul mate is waiting for you to say yes.
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
Because it's terrifying to love someone so much!
One of the major reasons we fail to fearlessly embrace these relationships is because we get a ton of advice that tells us not to.
Unfortunately, most people don't know what they're talking about when it comes to love. A good rule of thumb is: Don't take love advice from someone who doesn't have a relationship you admire. The blind leading the blind will not get you to happily ever after.
A lot of this poor relationship advice focuses on these two themes:
Your partner isn't giving you enough, so you should move on.
Your partner makes you feel negative emotions (i.e. frustration, annoyance, fear, anger, crazy … take your pick), so you should move on.
I'd like to address this advice, and explain why you should think twice about kicking your heart's desire to the curb.
1. It's not your choice to move on.
Try it. I'm serious. Let me know how that goes.
You can't will yourself to stop loving someone. That's like trying to use your mind outsmart your heart. It doesn't work like that!
I talk to plenty of people who have continued to love someone for years despite having tried to "let them go." What they really end up doing is blocking them out (i.e. shutting down their hearts), which is just torturous and fails every time.
Instead of blocking someone out, I encourage you to trust that your heart has a plan. Say yes to your soul mate and find out what the lessons are.
2. Relationships are not about getting; they're about giving.
We become obsessed with all the things that we aren't "getting" in relationships, but relationships are where we learn to GIVE. They are not about another person completing us!
People love talking about this. "She's not doing _____, so you should walk away." Really? Why not explore what you aren't doing?
How can you show up in a fuller way? How can you fearlessly love? These are the real questions you should be asking yourself.
When we genuinely give more to our partners, we receive more love. It's a simple equation. This is a major lesson you must learn if you are going to have successful relationships.
3. Yes, this relationship makes you feel negative emotions!
That's what happens in relationships! If you didn't feel negative emotions, you wouldn't grow!
Does this mean you have to endure frustration, annoyance, fear, and craziness forever? No! You get to move beyond these feelings. It's called evolution. But again, no discomfort, no growth.
People jump on challenges in relationships like they're a horrible thing. And I get it, it's not comfortable in be pushed to your edge. But having strong emotional experiences doesn't mean something is wrong! This is one of the biggest misconceptions about love. Your emotions indicate where you have room to grow.
I know, I know. You want to believe the fantasy that there's someone out there who will never push your buttons. Sweetheart, it ain't true. The sooner you accept this and face the discomfort in your relationship as a means for your own spiritual growth, the more at peace you're going to be.
When in comes to your relationship the most important thing to do is be true to you. When your heart is attached to a particular person, get curious about why that is. There just might be a reason for it.
Your soul mate is the person that you can't help but want, that you can't help but love, that you can't forget about no matter what. I say, "Don't fight the feeling!"
By accepting our soul mates, we're signing up for the richest type of life, one that includes the most potent emotions, twists and turns, depth and fullness. Trust me, this is what you really want — this is what it is to be alive.
Take my advice and jump into the current of your heart. Go for it! Your soul mate is waiting for you to say yes.
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR GIRL
Dear Girl,
I don't know your name. But for the past few years, you have been known to me by "Girl". I've prayed for you and to you. I've written letters and poems for you. I've cried and begged God for your presence. I've wished and hoped for you, but you're so far away.
You are my girl, and my girl alone. I don't want to be selfish, but I want you, I truly, heartily do. Right now, I need your kisses and strength and touch. I need everything that defines you, although I don't know what that is. I've loved you from the start, although I don't know what I'm loving. I'm trusting in God that what I'm loving is true and real; and I'm trusting in you that you are you, dear Girl.
I'm so afraid sometimes that you are not there. I'm terrified that no one loves me. I'm hurt by the fact that no girl has found me as a temporary guy. I'm torn that I can't have you. It's the day before Christmas, and you are my gift, and the day is years upon years, literally. You may be wrinkled around the edges, and you may have some odd wrapping and an old bow, but you are still girl. You are my girl, the girl I need.
I want you to know that I'm insecure right now, and may always be. I don't believe I'm handsome, no matter what is said by whom. I try to please, then give up quickly, knowing, or assuming, that pleasing is too hard. That's why I've wished for you.
I want you to know that I may act strange sometimes. Some of those times, I'll have a reason, but the majority of the time, I won't. I'll embarrass and annoy you, but I don't mean to do so. I love you too much to hurt you like that. It's just because I am me, and I tend to be weird occasionally. I will apologize afterwards.
I want you to know that I can be mean and judgmental, but I really don't have a bitter heart. Deep down, I'm just reminded of someone or something that has hurt me, and I become vicious. Please gently bring me back and tell me that I don't need to be so mean. That will be enough.
I want you to know that I will always work hard, and when I slack off, I always have a reason. Please ask for that reason if my slacking off is hurting you, and I will explain.
I want you to know that I have a hard time making choices. I make choices for me in the favor of someone else, which makes it difficult. Please encourage me to choose in the favor of my heart and soul, and tell me it's okay to do so. I'll need to talk to you about my problems, but I will solve yours. I will go to the ends of the Earth to solve your problems. I'll need you to hold me, but I'll hold you, too. I will need you to wipe my tears away, but I'll wipe away your own. I'll need you tell me I'm handsome every day, but I want you to say it if you meant it only, and if you do, please say it sincerely and often; in return, I will comment on your beauty, which shines in every way. I will need you to tell me the truth and be honest, but I'll be the same for you. I will need your help in my weaknesses as well as my strengths, but I'll play both sides for you, too. Your face has probably never been viewed in my eyes. Yet I have no doubt that you are the sweetest, most wonderful woman ever. I I don't need to know what you look like to know that I love you. You are the epitome of unconditional and premeditated love. I will wait for you, even though I want to have you right now. I will wait for however long God has intended, but know that within that time I am missing you and loving you and imagining you. Dear Girl I love you . .
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
I don't know your name. But for the past few years, you have been known to me by "Girl". I've prayed for you and to you. I've written letters and poems for you. I've cried and begged God for your presence. I've wished and hoped for you, but you're so far away.
You are my girl, and my girl alone. I don't want to be selfish, but I want you, I truly, heartily do. Right now, I need your kisses and strength and touch. I need everything that defines you, although I don't know what that is. I've loved you from the start, although I don't know what I'm loving. I'm trusting in God that what I'm loving is true and real; and I'm trusting in you that you are you, dear Girl.
I'm so afraid sometimes that you are not there. I'm terrified that no one loves me. I'm hurt by the fact that no girl has found me as a temporary guy. I'm torn that I can't have you. It's the day before Christmas, and you are my gift, and the day is years upon years, literally. You may be wrinkled around the edges, and you may have some odd wrapping and an old bow, but you are still girl. You are my girl, the girl I need.
I want you to know that I'm insecure right now, and may always be. I don't believe I'm handsome, no matter what is said by whom. I try to please, then give up quickly, knowing, or assuming, that pleasing is too hard. That's why I've wished for you.
I want you to know that I'll expect a lot from you, but it's only because I've set up imaginary standards. Gently remind me that I can't do that to you, and I'll try to stop. If you can let me know it's okay, that you'll take care of me, that is the best thing you can do for me.
I want you to know that I may act strange sometimes. Some of those times, I'll have a reason, but the majority of the time, I won't. I'll embarrass and annoy you, but I don't mean to do so. I love you too much to hurt you like that. It's just because I am me, and I tend to be weird occasionally. I will apologize afterwards.
I want you to know that I can be mean and judgmental, but I really don't have a bitter heart. Deep down, I'm just reminded of someone or something that has hurt me, and I become vicious. Please gently bring me back and tell me that I don't need to be so mean. That will be enough.
I want you to know that I will always work hard, and when I slack off, I always have a reason. Please ask for that reason if my slacking off is hurting you, and I will explain.
I want you to know that I have a hard time making choices. I make choices for me in the favor of someone else, which makes it difficult. Please encourage me to choose in the favor of my heart and soul, and tell me it's okay to do so. I'll need to talk to you about my problems, but I will solve yours. I will go to the ends of the Earth to solve your problems. I'll need you to hold me, but I'll hold you, too. I will need you to wipe my tears away, but I'll wipe away your own. I'll need you tell me I'm handsome every day, but I want you to say it if you meant it only, and if you do, please say it sincerely and often; in return, I will comment on your beauty, which shines in every way. I will need you to tell me the truth and be honest, but I'll be the same for you. I will need your help in my weaknesses as well as my strengths, but I'll play both sides for you, too. Your face has probably never been viewed in my eyes. Yet I have no doubt that you are the sweetest, most wonderful woman ever. I I don't need to know what you look like to know that I love you. You are the epitome of unconditional and premeditated love. I will wait for you, even though I want to have you right now. I will wait for however long God has intended, but know that within that time I am missing you and loving you and imagining you. Dear Girl I love you . .
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
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