Tuesday, August 21, 2012
LOVE LETTER: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CRAVE YOU?
Do you know how much I crave you? Do you know how much I yearn for you? I know our love is beautiful and pure, but it's also wild and hungry. And I know at night you fill my dreams and fantasies. Nothing bends my will like the thought of being in your arms, or you between my thighs. No one can command my body or destroy my will like the touch of your skin. Tonight, as every night, I shall be dreaming about you, your lips on my neck, your hands on shoulders, your waist resting on my thighs, and all the while your eyes on my heart.
LOVE LETTER: MY SO DEAR HEART
My Heart, My so dear heart, why are you hurting so much? Feeling so sad and feel to much pain? I want you to be happy and feel joy in everything you are doing.... But something won't let you.
It is holding on to you and pulling you back from that free feeling. You feel you are in a cage and not allowed to fly.
Why is love like that??? it's taken your freedom in exchange of loving someone or being loved by someone... There is nothing else in the word I want more, but to be free and not a prisoner of love.. Not to depend on my love, but on my heart...
My heart is so small, but feels so much and has so much love to give, it is a good, warm heart...
But it feels so alone!!!
It is holding on to you and pulling you back from that free feeling. You feel you are in a cage and not allowed to fly.
Why is love like that??? it's taken your freedom in exchange of loving someone or being loved by someone... There is nothing else in the word I want more, but to be free and not a prisoner of love.. Not to depend on my love, but on my heart...
My heart is so small, but feels so much and has so much love to give, it is a good, warm heart...
But it feels so alone!!!
LOVE LETTER: LOST IN THE ABYSS OF ANONYMITY
Unseen by you, I shed a drop of tear each day, A tear of love, a tear of affection, a tear recollecting those sweet old days.
Unheard by you, I heave a deep sigh each minute, A sigh of hope, a sigh of wish fulfillment, a sigh of what could have happened.... but is presently beyond imagination.
Unknown to you, I utter a thousand words through my silence, Words of passion, words of compassion, words arising out of pain and delight.
Unfelt by you, I touched you a million times, A tender touch of consolance, a warm hug of encouragement, or... simply holding your hand for assurance.
Unseen, unheard, unfelt by you, I live a life of ' Oblivion ' And lost in the abyss of anonymity I spend the rest of my life.
Early evening last night I was in tears, didn't know why but I couldn't stop crying. Then I felt sick, I knew something was wrong, especially since the symptoms kept getting worse. I thought maybe I was getting the flu, maybe my tears were just out of frustration because the last thing I need right now is to be sick,. But it just kept getting worse, I felt like I needed to throw up all night. The pain was from my head to feet and there was this feeling in my chest I can't even describe.
The tears came on stronger as each hour passed. The pain in my heart was unbearable, there were many moments I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was losing a battle, but didn't know from what. By the end of last night I was curled up in a ball in bed and the tears just kept coming, and they never stopped. But at one point thoughts of someone started coming on even stronger than the tears. I was thinking of everything I know about this person, everything I still want to know, everything I love about this person, and everything we've already been through even though it was only for a few month. Every thought was of this person. And then more tears came........
Because... because.... (just say it) ...... I love her!!!!! ........
And I haven't let myself feel how wonderful that is until last night. The heart couldn't hide the truth anymore, and this time all of me gave in. I was so scared of it ending even before it began that I wasn't honest with myself about how much this woman means to me until her phone call last Wednesday,
She isn't perfect, no one is, but she's a good woman. A woman who I believe loves me just the way I am and reminds me of that daily. A woman who sees nothing in me he wants to change, she just wants me. A woman who doesn't pretend to know how to fix me and doesn't try to. A woman who knows that on my bad days the only thing she might be able to do is just hold me. A woman who calls me "baby" and I melt.
My heart is yours.....
Do you remember the time we spend hours talking to each other and shared our little big moments of happiness and despair?...now why don't you do so?...remember there was a time when we craved to be with each other and you went out of the way to be with me, that made me so happy?...why don't you feel the same way now?...there were times when we would stay awake up talking, coz we missed each other so much,...now why don't you miss me even if we don't talk the whole day?...have you forgotten those days when you woke me early morning with your voice so full of sorrow and I was there listening and talking to you till I heard you smile again...what happened to your saying time and again you miss me so much and my heart ached to be with you?... now, why avoid me when I can't stop missing you and burst into tears,unable to speak ...before you used to console me,lend a shoulder to cry,now why do you ignore the tears when you do see it in my eyes?.....perhaps I'm not your photocopy anymore,but I know you to the core...perhaps you understand I care but ignore it all...
Unheard by you, I heave a deep sigh each minute, A sigh of hope, a sigh of wish fulfillment, a sigh of what could have happened.... but is presently beyond imagination.
Unknown to you, I utter a thousand words through my silence, Words of passion, words of compassion, words arising out of pain and delight.
Unfelt by you, I touched you a million times, A tender touch of consolance, a warm hug of encouragement, or... simply holding your hand for assurance.
Unseen, unheard, unfelt by you, I live a life of ' Oblivion ' And lost in the abyss of anonymity I spend the rest of my life.
Early evening last night I was in tears, didn't know why but I couldn't stop crying. Then I felt sick, I knew something was wrong, especially since the symptoms kept getting worse. I thought maybe I was getting the flu, maybe my tears were just out of frustration because the last thing I need right now is to be sick,. But it just kept getting worse, I felt like I needed to throw up all night. The pain was from my head to feet and there was this feeling in my chest I can't even describe.
The tears came on stronger as each hour passed. The pain in my heart was unbearable, there were many moments I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was losing a battle, but didn't know from what. By the end of last night I was curled up in a ball in bed and the tears just kept coming, and they never stopped. But at one point thoughts of someone started coming on even stronger than the tears. I was thinking of everything I know about this person, everything I still want to know, everything I love about this person, and everything we've already been through even though it was only for a few month. Every thought was of this person. And then more tears came........
Because... because.... (just say it) ...... I love her!!!!! ........
And I haven't let myself feel how wonderful that is until last night. The heart couldn't hide the truth anymore, and this time all of me gave in. I was so scared of it ending even before it began that I wasn't honest with myself about how much this woman means to me until her phone call last Wednesday,
She isn't perfect, no one is, but she's a good woman. A woman who I believe loves me just the way I am and reminds me of that daily. A woman who sees nothing in me he wants to change, she just wants me. A woman who doesn't pretend to know how to fix me and doesn't try to. A woman who knows that on my bad days the only thing she might be able to do is just hold me. A woman who calls me "baby" and I melt.
My heart is yours.....
Do you remember the time we spend hours talking to each other and shared our little big moments of happiness and despair?...now why don't you do so?...remember there was a time when we craved to be with each other and you went out of the way to be with me, that made me so happy?...why don't you feel the same way now?...there were times when we would stay awake up talking, coz we missed each other so much,...now why don't you miss me even if we don't talk the whole day?...have you forgotten those days when you woke me early morning with your voice so full of sorrow and I was there listening and talking to you till I heard you smile again...what happened to your saying time and again you miss me so much and my heart ached to be with you?... now, why avoid me when I can't stop missing you and burst into tears,unable to speak ...before you used to console me,lend a shoulder to cry,now why do you ignore the tears when you do see it in my eyes?.....perhaps I'm not your photocopy anymore,but I know you to the core...perhaps you understand I care but ignore it all...
LOVE LETTER: AS I LAY...........
i dream.. of waking up next to you.. of slowly stretching.. maybe for a moment.. fogetting that i am anything but alone.. and as i raise my arms up.. maybe i slide softly against you lying there..
sometimes i wake up at this point.. and all i can remember is being disappointed.. i can't quite remember what i was dreaming of.. but i know it was over much too soon..
othertimes.. like now.. i stay in the dreams.. grabbing ahold of it.. and wrapping myself deep inside..
letting myself smile when i feel your body there.. as i was stretching.. it was just the tiniest touch.. just the softest softest touch of skin.. when my arms slid themselves up..
it only lasted a moment.. but the thoughts it inspired seemed ready to overtake my mind..
turning to the side.. i finally open my eyes.. and look at you laying there.. all bundled up in the covers.. with just your hair flowing from the top.. as i turn and look at you.. the covers slide from my chest.. and i notice that i am not wearing a shirt.. curious.. i slide a hand down.. and pull the covers lower.. and see that i am not wearing anything at all..
as my hands reach down and slide over my penis.. it reacts and starts to stiffen.. making me sigh.. then i stop.. and wonder.. if i'm naked..
are you?
slipping myself free of the covers.. i slide up closer to you.. close enough where my now erect penis.. comes into contact with the blankets covering you.. just.. so soft.. it seems to glide across the head of my erection.. it almost distracts me.. it feels so wonderful..
but.. laying there next to you.. i remember that i had other ideas to examine.. as i slowly slide my hands and reach of the covers.. pulling them away from your body.. slowly.. so so slowly.. i can hear you softly breath.. still sleeping.. and i want to enjoy this.. just me alone.. this discovery of your body..
for now, anyways..
the blanket glides down a bit.. away from your neck.. your shoulders.. both soft white and pale.. and so inviting.. that i can't resist.. and reach up and softly kiss you there.. on the back of your neck.. then across your shoulders.. just soft kisses.. each one a short prayer of gratitude.. that i was allowed to be this close to an angel..
realising that i might wake you.. i stop.. and go back to removing the covers.. laying there.. behind you.. all i can see.. is how slowly the blankets.. which are a pale pale blue.. slides down.. revealing your back.. down to the mesmerizing curve of it.. as it meets with your hips.. and..
as it glides down.. i can see that you aren't naked.. not completely.. as i smile when i see you wearing my dark blue boxers.. god i love the way it looks on you.. how it molds itself to the curves of you.. it makes me have to double my concentration.. to ignore the throbbing that is going on at my midsection.. and.. the desire to completely pull these covers off..
pulling back a bit.. i slide out of bed.. down to the foot.. and i finish pulling the covers off of you.. letting them softly fall to the floor.. reaching down.. and sliding my hands along your legs.. your ankles..
then reachind down.. and kissing each foot.. each perfect painted toenail..
then i stop..
because i hear you moan.. and i hear you move..
i just stand there.. waiting.. wondering if you are awake.. or just enjoying a dream..
slowly i listen.. and can hear you softly mutter something in your sleep.. as sleep it is.. since i can hear you softly snoring..
what you have done.. instead of waking up.. was to turn until you were sleeping on your back.. and i just stand there and look at you.. letting my eyes start at your feet.. and work their way up.. across your legs.. across the damned fetching dark blue of the boxers.. as they sit on your pale skin.. then.. across your stomach.. and.. across each perfect breast..
god.. my breath catches.. and i can't help it.. i just stare at you.. at your breasts.. each one perfect.. pale.. with the most subtle shade of pink.. just edging each nipple..
walking to the side of the bed.. i let my fingers glide across you.. just a soft pass.. like a man whispering his dying breath.. that softly..
letting my finger tips slip over each nipple.. each soft pink nub.. then i lick my finger.. and do it again.. gasping at how amazingly easy i am to please.. as i am spell bound by the simple change.. if each nipple now shining and a little moist..
leaning over.. i bring my lips right up to each one.. and softly kiss one.. then the other.. then the soft skin around each nipple.. until i find myself in the hollow between them.. then i softly kiss up.. up your neck.. until i get to your lips..
and standing there.. leaning over you.. i just stare at you.. god you are beautiful.. just laying there.. sleeping.. some part of what is going on.. maybe echoed in your dreams.. as you gift soft little whimpers everynow and again..
god i love you
reaching down.. i kiss your lips.. just a soft slow kiss.. desperate not to wake you.. not yet..
unable to control myself.. i walk down to the end of the bed again.. and reaching up.. grab hold of the bottoms of your boxers.. well.. mine actually..
but damned if they don't look better on you
slowly.. i find that i am now the one moaning in anticipation.. as it glides off of you.. so slowly.. at first i see just the hint.. then slowly your hips reveal themselves to me.. and as i keep pulling them down.. i smile as i see the soft curls that were underneath the blue silk..
unable to wait.. i pull the boxers off of you.. and.. almost wake you up.. god.. i just stood there again.. like a statue.. as you moaned.. and moved again in your sleep.. whispering softly in your sleep..
but you didn't awake.. all you had done.. was manage to move youself where your legs were now parted.. almost like you were giving me permission.. even in your sleep..
so.. i glided up.. sliding up the bed.. softly moving your legs.. until i can slither my way between them.. until i am there.. right there.. in the heat of you..
just.. staring at you.. sleeping there.. from where i am on the bed.. all i can see.. are..your inner thighs on the sides of my face.. i can almost see your breasts.. trying not to breath too hard.. i reach up.. and slide my hands across what is right in front of me..
sliding my hands across the soft red lips of you.. sliding them so softly.. across.. loving the tickle of hairs against my fingertips..
pulling myself up a little bit.. i raise my head and look to see if you are awake.. but.. all i see are your eyes closed.. and.. even though it's hard to tell.. becasue my own heart is pounding so loudly.. it sounds as if you are still breathing soft and slowly.. still asleep..
so i reach in.. and with my fingertips.. i slowly slide you open.. smiling as i see the red give way to the pale pale pink of you.. then.. as it opens a little.. i can see the beginnings of a much darker.. much sweeter pink..
for a moment.. all i do is sit there.. and just whiper. just breath soft words..letting the warmth of my breath.. wash over you.. then.. i just let my tongue tease out a bit.. and glide across you.. softly..
over and over.. soft butterfly licks.. all the way from the bottom of you.. on the bed.. up until i flick softly the tip of my tongue over your clit..
i have no idea how long i do this.. and i lose track of time.. until i hear a moan.. then i feel your hips move.. pushing closer to my face.. my mouth..
and i slide up.. and just take your clit.. hood and all.. slowly into my mouth.. just so soflly.. letting my tongue glide across it.. while i suck softly.. letting my saliva swirl around..
that's when i get the idea that you are awake..
because..
well.. i feel a hand sliding in my hair.. and i hear you moan my name..
not afraid to wake you anymore.. i let my hands run up and down your legs.. across your thighs.. up your waist.. until they meet your hands.. and we just hold on tight.. as i slide myself closer.. and let your clit slide out.. but not before i give it a very wet and sloppy kiss.. and i slide myself up.. and start to lick you..
sucking your lips in.. then alternating.. by sliding my tongue across you.. trying to slide it into you.. all the way from the top.. all the way.. to the bottom.. where i can slide my tongue.. and.. as you open your legs for me.. i can feel my tongue slide over the tight little pucker of your butt..
sad to lose the contact.. i take my hand from yours.. and bring them down to me.. sliding them around your waist.. as i get up.. and slide my body over you.. until i reach your face.. and i just..
kiss you..
loving the taste of your lips.. mixed with the taste of your juices..
loving the feel of my very hard cock.. as it rests between us.. hard and hot against your skin..
with a soft soft kiss.. biting almost on your lips.. i go back down.. and slide my hands across your hips.. and roll you over.. stomach down on the bed..
reaching in.. i kiss the beautiful bottom that is now before me.. all around.. and inbetween.. sliding my tongue all over you.. then down to your pussy.. getting it all wet and glistesning..
i grab your hips.. and pull you to the end of the bed.. letting your legs fall softly down.. helping them.. so you don't hurt yourself..
as i spread you legs wide.. and move inbtween them..
kneeling down..
grabbing my cock with my hands.. i slide my hand over it.. over the tip of it.. into the drip of cum already there.. pulling my hand to my mouth.. i lick it.. then spit on it..
and i use that.. rubbing it all over my cock.. getting it soooo damn slick and slippery..
looking up from my erection.. i see you there.. and notice that you are looking back.. watching the whole thing.. and you smile at me.. as i slide myself up.. and holding my cock in one hand.. i hold your hips in the other.. on one side.. and come closer..
just letting the head of my cock touch.. just softly.. so soflty.. letting it rub up and down the whole length of your pussy.. from the top.. letting it run in the curve of your butt.. letting it slide in soft circles over the pucker of it.. then i slide it down.. until i can feel the hard heat of your clit rubbing back..
smiling at the way your hips flexed when you felt me there.. i rub the head of my cock.. in a slow circle across your clit.. just around and around.. slow slow.. then i stop..
and as soon as i hear you moan a bit in complaint.. i slide myself into you.. just the head.. just letting it glide and rest there.. then i pull all the way out .. moving my body.. so that it puts pressure on the top of your pussy.. well.. since you're upside down.. the bottom of it.. so that when my cock comes out.. it pops out.. like on a spring.. bouncing up.. then coming back down.. in a moist smack.. on your ass..
i try to do that a couple more times.. until on one of the times i slid into you.. you just.. backed into me.. hard.. and i sank all the way into you..
grabbing your hips.. i pull back out and then all the way back in again.. squeezing hard on your hips.. as i move our bodies together.. then apart..
it looks so amazing back here.. just watching the hard redness of my cock.. slide into and out of.. the soft soft pink of your pussy.. god how it glistens.. you are so wet and warm and i could just imagine myself here for ever..
after a while.. i just..grab a little tighter.. moving my hands a bit.. noticing that i am leaving white hand prints on your skin.. that turn slowly to red.. and.. as soon as i can get a good grip.. since i keep slipping with all the sweat on our bodies.. mixing together..
as soon as i have a good grip..
i pull out almost all the way.. and just slid into you.. not hard.. but not soft.. just.. really really determined
loving the soft slurp of it.. as i slide into you again and again..
and after a while.. i hear you start to whimper.. that you want to come so bad..
you beg me to make you cum..
knowing that i couldn't last much longer here.. cause i was about to come.. i could feel it in the pit of my stomach.. all the way through my cock.. like a line pulling through me.. coming out the tip.. just.. like a line of pure pleasure..
so.. i reach down and kiss your back.. and slide out of you.. reaching down.. and.. i keep doing what i can.. until i can feel myself almost coming.. then i stop.. and slide down..
and just start sliding my fingers inside you.. and sucking.. and licking..
making sure i get to know that clit.. that i can feel throbbing..
and.. i listen.. asking you what you need me to do.. and.. when you tell me suck harder.. i suck harder.. when you tell me softer.. or move.. i do.. until i can feel you start to shake a bit.. and start to tremble.. and i can taste you.. it seems to get a bit sweeter..
and as i suck on you.. trying to suck you dry..
i feel you come for me
come on my lips.. on my tongue.. i can feel it.. you buck your hips up.. moving your ass up.. so hard.. that it makes me bite my tongue a bit.. and numbs me..
over and over you buck.. and.. it just makes me hard and ready to come again..
so.. just as you think it's over.. that you are almost done..
i slide into you.. knowing it won't take me but a second to come.. i have been on the edge of coming.. since i tasted you coming..
and i fuck you.. hard.. grabbing tight and fuck you.. and.. i hear you gasp.. and moan.. and start to speak in languages i'm sure have been dead for thousands of years..
as.. you start to come again.. harder this time.. and when i feel the walls of your pussy just grab down on me.. i join you..
i come so damn HARD inside you
for what seems like an eternity.. just.. shooting cum again and again.. i can feel it sliding out of you.. down the front of my balls.. making a pool.. your juices and mine
when i finish.. i'm so weak.. i have to hold onto you.. my hand on your ass.. to be able to stand up..
my knees are shaking that hard
and i look at you there..
just as drenched in sweat as i am
still shaking in the finishing throws of an orgasm
i see your pussy.. just red red red.. so swollen.. and throbbing.. and.. i can see the soft smear of come.. trailing out of you..
god damn i love you
it takes all my strength.. but i slide back into bed beside you..
as you turn and curl up against me.. we just lat there.. gasping.. still shivering..
slowly.. i feel something slide against my legs.. then my body..
you've covered us back in the blankets..
and before i notice it.. somewhere between turning and kissing you again and again
i wake up again..
dreaming.. of being next to you..
sometimes i wake up at this point.. and all i can remember is being disappointed.. i can't quite remember what i was dreaming of.. but i know it was over much too soon..
othertimes.. like now.. i stay in the dreams.. grabbing ahold of it.. and wrapping myself deep inside..
letting myself smile when i feel your body there.. as i was stretching.. it was just the tiniest touch.. just the softest softest touch of skin.. when my arms slid themselves up..
it only lasted a moment.. but the thoughts it inspired seemed ready to overtake my mind..
turning to the side.. i finally open my eyes.. and look at you laying there.. all bundled up in the covers.. with just your hair flowing from the top.. as i turn and look at you.. the covers slide from my chest.. and i notice that i am not wearing a shirt.. curious.. i slide a hand down.. and pull the covers lower.. and see that i am not wearing anything at all..
as my hands reach down and slide over my penis.. it reacts and starts to stiffen.. making me sigh.. then i stop.. and wonder.. if i'm naked..
are you?
slipping myself free of the covers.. i slide up closer to you.. close enough where my now erect penis.. comes into contact with the blankets covering you.. just.. so soft.. it seems to glide across the head of my erection.. it almost distracts me.. it feels so wonderful..
but.. laying there next to you.. i remember that i had other ideas to examine.. as i slowly slide my hands and reach of the covers.. pulling them away from your body.. slowly.. so so slowly.. i can hear you softly breath.. still sleeping.. and i want to enjoy this.. just me alone.. this discovery of your body..
for now, anyways..
the blanket glides down a bit.. away from your neck.. your shoulders.. both soft white and pale.. and so inviting.. that i can't resist.. and reach up and softly kiss you there.. on the back of your neck.. then across your shoulders.. just soft kisses.. each one a short prayer of gratitude.. that i was allowed to be this close to an angel..
realising that i might wake you.. i stop.. and go back to removing the covers.. laying there.. behind you.. all i can see.. is how slowly the blankets.. which are a pale pale blue.. slides down.. revealing your back.. down to the mesmerizing curve of it.. as it meets with your hips.. and..
as it glides down.. i can see that you aren't naked.. not completely.. as i smile when i see you wearing my dark blue boxers.. god i love the way it looks on you.. how it molds itself to the curves of you.. it makes me have to double my concentration.. to ignore the throbbing that is going on at my midsection.. and.. the desire to completely pull these covers off..
pulling back a bit.. i slide out of bed.. down to the foot.. and i finish pulling the covers off of you.. letting them softly fall to the floor.. reaching down.. and sliding my hands along your legs.. your ankles..
then reachind down.. and kissing each foot.. each perfect painted toenail..
then i stop..
because i hear you moan.. and i hear you move..
i just stand there.. waiting.. wondering if you are awake.. or just enjoying a dream..
slowly i listen.. and can hear you softly mutter something in your sleep.. as sleep it is.. since i can hear you softly snoring..
what you have done.. instead of waking up.. was to turn until you were sleeping on your back.. and i just stand there and look at you.. letting my eyes start at your feet.. and work their way up.. across your legs.. across the damned fetching dark blue of the boxers.. as they sit on your pale skin.. then.. across your stomach.. and.. across each perfect breast..
god.. my breath catches.. and i can't help it.. i just stare at you.. at your breasts.. each one perfect.. pale.. with the most subtle shade of pink.. just edging each nipple..
walking to the side of the bed.. i let my fingers glide across you.. just a soft pass.. like a man whispering his dying breath.. that softly..
letting my finger tips slip over each nipple.. each soft pink nub.. then i lick my finger.. and do it again.. gasping at how amazingly easy i am to please.. as i am spell bound by the simple change.. if each nipple now shining and a little moist..
leaning over.. i bring my lips right up to each one.. and softly kiss one.. then the other.. then the soft skin around each nipple.. until i find myself in the hollow between them.. then i softly kiss up.. up your neck.. until i get to your lips..
and standing there.. leaning over you.. i just stare at you.. god you are beautiful.. just laying there.. sleeping.. some part of what is going on.. maybe echoed in your dreams.. as you gift soft little whimpers everynow and again..
god i love you
reaching down.. i kiss your lips.. just a soft slow kiss.. desperate not to wake you.. not yet..
unable to control myself.. i walk down to the end of the bed again.. and reaching up.. grab hold of the bottoms of your boxers.. well.. mine actually..
but damned if they don't look better on you
slowly.. i find that i am now the one moaning in anticipation.. as it glides off of you.. so slowly.. at first i see just the hint.. then slowly your hips reveal themselves to me.. and as i keep pulling them down.. i smile as i see the soft curls that were underneath the blue silk..
unable to wait.. i pull the boxers off of you.. and.. almost wake you up.. god.. i just stood there again.. like a statue.. as you moaned.. and moved again in your sleep.. whispering softly in your sleep..
but you didn't awake.. all you had done.. was manage to move youself where your legs were now parted.. almost like you were giving me permission.. even in your sleep..
so.. i glided up.. sliding up the bed.. softly moving your legs.. until i can slither my way between them.. until i am there.. right there.. in the heat of you..
just.. staring at you.. sleeping there.. from where i am on the bed.. all i can see.. are..your inner thighs on the sides of my face.. i can almost see your breasts.. trying not to breath too hard.. i reach up.. and slide my hands across what is right in front of me..
sliding my hands across the soft red lips of you.. sliding them so softly.. across.. loving the tickle of hairs against my fingertips..
pulling myself up a little bit.. i raise my head and look to see if you are awake.. but.. all i see are your eyes closed.. and.. even though it's hard to tell.. becasue my own heart is pounding so loudly.. it sounds as if you are still breathing soft and slowly.. still asleep..
so i reach in.. and with my fingertips.. i slowly slide you open.. smiling as i see the red give way to the pale pale pink of you.. then.. as it opens a little.. i can see the beginnings of a much darker.. much sweeter pink..
for a moment.. all i do is sit there.. and just whiper. just breath soft words..letting the warmth of my breath.. wash over you.. then.. i just let my tongue tease out a bit.. and glide across you.. softly..
over and over.. soft butterfly licks.. all the way from the bottom of you.. on the bed.. up until i flick softly the tip of my tongue over your clit..
i have no idea how long i do this.. and i lose track of time.. until i hear a moan.. then i feel your hips move.. pushing closer to my face.. my mouth..
and i slide up.. and just take your clit.. hood and all.. slowly into my mouth.. just so soflly.. letting my tongue glide across it.. while i suck softly.. letting my saliva swirl around..
that's when i get the idea that you are awake..
because..
well.. i feel a hand sliding in my hair.. and i hear you moan my name..
not afraid to wake you anymore.. i let my hands run up and down your legs.. across your thighs.. up your waist.. until they meet your hands.. and we just hold on tight.. as i slide myself closer.. and let your clit slide out.. but not before i give it a very wet and sloppy kiss.. and i slide myself up.. and start to lick you..
sucking your lips in.. then alternating.. by sliding my tongue across you.. trying to slide it into you.. all the way from the top.. all the way.. to the bottom.. where i can slide my tongue.. and.. as you open your legs for me.. i can feel my tongue slide over the tight little pucker of your butt..
sad to lose the contact.. i take my hand from yours.. and bring them down to me.. sliding them around your waist.. as i get up.. and slide my body over you.. until i reach your face.. and i just..
kiss you..
loving the taste of your lips.. mixed with the taste of your juices..
loving the feel of my very hard cock.. as it rests between us.. hard and hot against your skin..
with a soft soft kiss.. biting almost on your lips.. i go back down.. and slide my hands across your hips.. and roll you over.. stomach down on the bed..
reaching in.. i kiss the beautiful bottom that is now before me.. all around.. and inbetween.. sliding my tongue all over you.. then down to your pussy.. getting it all wet and glistesning..
i grab your hips.. and pull you to the end of the bed.. letting your legs fall softly down.. helping them.. so you don't hurt yourself..
as i spread you legs wide.. and move inbtween them..
kneeling down..
grabbing my cock with my hands.. i slide my hand over it.. over the tip of it.. into the drip of cum already there.. pulling my hand to my mouth.. i lick it.. then spit on it..
and i use that.. rubbing it all over my cock.. getting it soooo damn slick and slippery..
looking up from my erection.. i see you there.. and notice that you are looking back.. watching the whole thing.. and you smile at me.. as i slide myself up.. and holding my cock in one hand.. i hold your hips in the other.. on one side.. and come closer..
just letting the head of my cock touch.. just softly.. so soflty.. letting it rub up and down the whole length of your pussy.. from the top.. letting it run in the curve of your butt.. letting it slide in soft circles over the pucker of it.. then i slide it down.. until i can feel the hard heat of your clit rubbing back..
smiling at the way your hips flexed when you felt me there.. i rub the head of my cock.. in a slow circle across your clit.. just around and around.. slow slow.. then i stop..
and as soon as i hear you moan a bit in complaint.. i slide myself into you.. just the head.. just letting it glide and rest there.. then i pull all the way out .. moving my body.. so that it puts pressure on the top of your pussy.. well.. since you're upside down.. the bottom of it.. so that when my cock comes out.. it pops out.. like on a spring.. bouncing up.. then coming back down.. in a moist smack.. on your ass..
i try to do that a couple more times.. until on one of the times i slid into you.. you just.. backed into me.. hard.. and i sank all the way into you..
grabbing your hips.. i pull back out and then all the way back in again.. squeezing hard on your hips.. as i move our bodies together.. then apart..
it looks so amazing back here.. just watching the hard redness of my cock.. slide into and out of.. the soft soft pink of your pussy.. god how it glistens.. you are so wet and warm and i could just imagine myself here for ever..
after a while.. i just..grab a little tighter.. moving my hands a bit.. noticing that i am leaving white hand prints on your skin.. that turn slowly to red.. and.. as soon as i can get a good grip.. since i keep slipping with all the sweat on our bodies.. mixing together..
as soon as i have a good grip..
i pull out almost all the way.. and just slid into you.. not hard.. but not soft.. just.. really really determined
loving the soft slurp of it.. as i slide into you again and again..
and after a while.. i hear you start to whimper.. that you want to come so bad..
you beg me to make you cum..
knowing that i couldn't last much longer here.. cause i was about to come.. i could feel it in the pit of my stomach.. all the way through my cock.. like a line pulling through me.. coming out the tip.. just.. like a line of pure pleasure..
so.. i reach down and kiss your back.. and slide out of you.. reaching down.. and.. i keep doing what i can.. until i can feel myself almost coming.. then i stop.. and slide down..
and just start sliding my fingers inside you.. and sucking.. and licking..
making sure i get to know that clit.. that i can feel throbbing..
and.. i listen.. asking you what you need me to do.. and.. when you tell me suck harder.. i suck harder.. when you tell me softer.. or move.. i do.. until i can feel you start to shake a bit.. and start to tremble.. and i can taste you.. it seems to get a bit sweeter..
and as i suck on you.. trying to suck you dry..
i feel you come for me
come on my lips.. on my tongue.. i can feel it.. you buck your hips up.. moving your ass up.. so hard.. that it makes me bite my tongue a bit.. and numbs me..
over and over you buck.. and.. it just makes me hard and ready to come again..
so.. just as you think it's over.. that you are almost done..
i slide into you.. knowing it won't take me but a second to come.. i have been on the edge of coming.. since i tasted you coming..
and i fuck you.. hard.. grabbing tight and fuck you.. and.. i hear you gasp.. and moan.. and start to speak in languages i'm sure have been dead for thousands of years..
as.. you start to come again.. harder this time.. and when i feel the walls of your pussy just grab down on me.. i join you..
i come so damn HARD inside you
for what seems like an eternity.. just.. shooting cum again and again.. i can feel it sliding out of you.. down the front of my balls.. making a pool.. your juices and mine
when i finish.. i'm so weak.. i have to hold onto you.. my hand on your ass.. to be able to stand up..
my knees are shaking that hard
and i look at you there..
just as drenched in sweat as i am
still shaking in the finishing throws of an orgasm
i see your pussy.. just red red red.. so swollen.. and throbbing.. and.. i can see the soft smear of come.. trailing out of you..
god damn i love you
it takes all my strength.. but i slide back into bed beside you..
as you turn and curl up against me.. we just lat there.. gasping.. still shivering..
slowly.. i feel something slide against my legs.. then my body..
you've covered us back in the blankets..
and before i notice it.. somewhere between turning and kissing you again and again
i wake up again..
dreaming.. of being next to you..
LOVE LETTER: AN LOVE LETTER I WROTE A LONG TIME AGO
To the dearest angel whom I adore and love the most:
In case you have not realized yet, this is a letter of confession; a confession of the loving sentiment which you have inspired in me. I ask for your indulgence if you should be offended by the declaration of my sentiment, but should you be angry at a sentiment, which you have alone caused to exist? Can it a crime to have appreciated your charming feature, your enchanting grace, and that touching candour? Remembering the first time your eyes met mine, it is as if your soul passed into mine. It was then; you have forever stolen my heart from me.
Days I thought of you, nights I dreamed of you, anything that resembled that slightest idea of you, I loved with my most affection, but when compared to you, they all become meaningless. Your diving beauty was eternally burned into my soul, and I knew then I have only existed for you. I am certain that your love is like air to me, without it, I would suffocate and perish. As painful as for me as it can be, I dared not to show my true feeling towards you, for you are the Goddess whom I adore and respect the most.
I thought perhaps time could weaken my feelings for you, but how wrong I was! My love for you is beyond my own understanding, beyond time and space. My love for you can only increase one thousand fold each passing day. I then tried to put the insurmountable obstacle of absence between you and me. Through more painful than death itself as it took my sole and only happiness from me, I bared it. And for sometime I thought I have succeeded, I thought I was finally able to resist your charm, but the truth is that I have only buried my love deep inside my heart, waiting o explode at the first sight of you.
Just as my tranquil mind has returned to me, fate has brought you to me again, all my resistance melted away at the first sight of you, and that burning passion which has once tormented my every waking moment was ignited again, stronger that ever. I had finally understood that a life without your love is not a life worth living.
I was wrong to have hide my loving sentiment from you, and I will not, can not forgive myself if I passed through life without confessing my love to you. I would hate myself for eternity, and unable to love anything but you, as my love have forever left me to be with you.
It is now that I have gathered all my courage and strength and finally wrote this letter to you. I do not expect anything from you, except for you to know that there will always be a person who loves you as much as a person can ever be loved.
Good bye my angel.
In case you have not realized yet, this is a letter of confession; a confession of the loving sentiment which you have inspired in me. I ask for your indulgence if you should be offended by the declaration of my sentiment, but should you be angry at a sentiment, which you have alone caused to exist? Can it a crime to have appreciated your charming feature, your enchanting grace, and that touching candour? Remembering the first time your eyes met mine, it is as if your soul passed into mine. It was then; you have forever stolen my heart from me.
Days I thought of you, nights I dreamed of you, anything that resembled that slightest idea of you, I loved with my most affection, but when compared to you, they all become meaningless. Your diving beauty was eternally burned into my soul, and I knew then I have only existed for you. I am certain that your love is like air to me, without it, I would suffocate and perish. As painful as for me as it can be, I dared not to show my true feeling towards you, for you are the Goddess whom I adore and respect the most.
I thought perhaps time could weaken my feelings for you, but how wrong I was! My love for you is beyond my own understanding, beyond time and space. My love for you can only increase one thousand fold each passing day. I then tried to put the insurmountable obstacle of absence between you and me. Through more painful than death itself as it took my sole and only happiness from me, I bared it. And for sometime I thought I have succeeded, I thought I was finally able to resist your charm, but the truth is that I have only buried my love deep inside my heart, waiting o explode at the first sight of you.
Just as my tranquil mind has returned to me, fate has brought you to me again, all my resistance melted away at the first sight of you, and that burning passion which has once tormented my every waking moment was ignited again, stronger that ever. I had finally understood that a life without your love is not a life worth living.
I was wrong to have hide my loving sentiment from you, and I will not, can not forgive myself if I passed through life without confessing my love to you. I would hate myself for eternity, and unable to love anything but you, as my love have forever left me to be with you.
It is now that I have gathered all my courage and strength and finally wrote this letter to you. I do not expect anything from you, except for you to know that there will always be a person who loves you as much as a person can ever be loved.
Good bye my angel.
LOVE LETTER: I TELL MYSELF YOUR FEATURES WOULD FADE FROM MY MIND SOON
Love, I don't think you ever see me.
But sometimes, I feel your eyes on me, like perhaps you might feel mine on you. I walk faster, trying desperately to simply disappear before I fail to resist the urge to look back longingly and hesitantly smile. Yet I think maybe I'm deluded, as usual. I see you smile occasionally, a smile that would never be for me.
Now, you are gone, before I really touched you. I tell myself your features would fade from my mind soon enough, and that is the most perfect ending to this hurtful truth that should be erased.
How I want to touch you....to taste you. To look into your eyes when I am inside you. Do you read my words and feel the energy that runs to my pens into your heart. I want to be in you. I want to love you. Am I the only one who feel this ache for oneness .....for love?
But sometimes, I feel your eyes on me, like perhaps you might feel mine on you. I walk faster, trying desperately to simply disappear before I fail to resist the urge to look back longingly and hesitantly smile. Yet I think maybe I'm deluded, as usual. I see you smile occasionally, a smile that would never be for me.
Now, you are gone, before I really touched you. I tell myself your features would fade from my mind soon enough, and that is the most perfect ending to this hurtful truth that should be erased.
How I want to touch you....to taste you. To look into your eyes when I am inside you. Do you read my words and feel the energy that runs to my pens into your heart. I want to be in you. I want to love you. Am I the only one who feel this ache for oneness .....for love?
LOVE LETTER: I ASK YOU TO MAKE MY DREAM COME TRUE....MY SOULMATE
Last night I had that bizarre, incredible, yet achingly frustrating dream about you again. You know the one. I have no earthly idea how many times this makes now. I know it's been at least two years since I first came to you about it. It's always a different dream at first but it always ends up exactly the same. In the dream, I often start out alone doing something quite ordinary like watching TV or reading a book. Other times, I'm with someone else who later on in the dream becomes you. One way or the other, eventually it's just you and I, my friend. Sometimes we're by ourselves, at your little apartment or mine. Sometimes we're out in public, at my work or with friends or even total strangers somewhere. The one single constant, the thing that makes this fall into the category of recurring dream, is that somehow, alone or in a crowd, my head always ends up between your smooth, pale widespread legs with my lips and tongue enthusiastically lapping your beautiful, soft, sopping wet pussy.
I know you've never believed in coincidence. Neither have I. I know you're a person who looks and finds pattern and meaning in all things. What then does this dream mean? Please tell me. How do you interpret it? I tell you all about it over and over but you somehow manage to shrug it off every time. Yet my eyes barely close and I smell your luscious female heat as my mind pictures your dark weeping cave. Sometimes it's very hairy with your natural juices making the thick dark pad of hair all moist and sticky and tantalizingly fragrant. Other times, even before you told me you began shaving down there last year, it's been smooth, naked and bare, a beckoning set of thick, pink fleshy lips, so young, ripe and succulent that my mouth has actually moistened in anticipation.
Sometimes, I approach you head on as you spread your legs in explicit invitation and welcome. One time in the dream we were down on our knees cleaning a spill from your bedroom rug and your soft, shapely rear was on display right in front of me in those tight black pants of yours. As we crawled around on the floor, I simply pulled down your pants and tiny, colorful g-string as if it were the most natural thing in the world for me to do and began licking my way down your sexy ass crack to my familiar aromatic prize.
How can you remember a smell, especially one you've never really smelled...or have I? It's thick, isn't it? Musky and intoxicating, tasting and smelling for all the world like the most savory culinary treat I could ever imagine. There's so much of it, too. You are always so damn soaking wet for me...in the dream. Can this really be just my imagination? Can it? Tell me! Do you ever really get wet for me?
Again, I ask you, what does it all mean? That I fantasize about you? Of course I do. That's no secret but it doesn't go anywhere near explaining why I enjoy this particular dream so often and why nothing else? Just me going down on you, licking your holes, eating you out, sucking on your clit and making you come for me...always. Your thighs sweat, spasm and tremble around my head. You breathe rapidly and heavily. You murmur, moan and groan, occasionally even laughing a wicked, wanton laugh as you squeeze my head strongly with your hands and legs. For what seems like hours you refuse to allow me to breathe anything but your delicious fresh personal scent until I bring you once again to your ultimate pleasure.
I can't take it anymore! Can this obsessive dream sequence be just a repeating fantasy, just a true coincidence after all? Just a lost moment of horny unrequited lust that keeps repeating itself longingly but pointlessly in my subconscious? Or is it something yet to come? Something meant to be? I have smelled your desire. I know your scent. All of your rationalizing and denials mean nothing to my long forsaken desire. Somehow, somewhere if this thing is meant to be between us, it will happen. I am infinitely patient but I long to taste you, if only once in real life, to bring you the as yet unknown magical sensations that only I can create with you.
Now's your chance. There will never be a better time. Invite me in to fulfill my dream... and you. Let my lust overtake your passion for just one brief moment in time and it will all suddenly make sense. Invite me in to achieve what appears to be our destiny. Spread your shapely legs for me, my dear, dear friend. Close your eyes, trust me and come out of my dream. Come out. Come out...Come. Come for me.
I know you've never believed in coincidence. Neither have I. I know you're a person who looks and finds pattern and meaning in all things. What then does this dream mean? Please tell me. How do you interpret it? I tell you all about it over and over but you somehow manage to shrug it off every time. Yet my eyes barely close and I smell your luscious female heat as my mind pictures your dark weeping cave. Sometimes it's very hairy with your natural juices making the thick dark pad of hair all moist and sticky and tantalizingly fragrant. Other times, even before you told me you began shaving down there last year, it's been smooth, naked and bare, a beckoning set of thick, pink fleshy lips, so young, ripe and succulent that my mouth has actually moistened in anticipation.
Sometimes, I approach you head on as you spread your legs in explicit invitation and welcome. One time in the dream we were down on our knees cleaning a spill from your bedroom rug and your soft, shapely rear was on display right in front of me in those tight black pants of yours. As we crawled around on the floor, I simply pulled down your pants and tiny, colorful g-string as if it were the most natural thing in the world for me to do and began licking my way down your sexy ass crack to my familiar aromatic prize.
How can you remember a smell, especially one you've never really smelled...or have I? It's thick, isn't it? Musky and intoxicating, tasting and smelling for all the world like the most savory culinary treat I could ever imagine. There's so much of it, too. You are always so damn soaking wet for me...in the dream. Can this really be just my imagination? Can it? Tell me! Do you ever really get wet for me?
Again, I ask you, what does it all mean? That I fantasize about you? Of course I do. That's no secret but it doesn't go anywhere near explaining why I enjoy this particular dream so often and why nothing else? Just me going down on you, licking your holes, eating you out, sucking on your clit and making you come for me...always. Your thighs sweat, spasm and tremble around my head. You breathe rapidly and heavily. You murmur, moan and groan, occasionally even laughing a wicked, wanton laugh as you squeeze my head strongly with your hands and legs. For what seems like hours you refuse to allow me to breathe anything but your delicious fresh personal scent until I bring you once again to your ultimate pleasure.
I can't take it anymore! Can this obsessive dream sequence be just a repeating fantasy, just a true coincidence after all? Just a lost moment of horny unrequited lust that keeps repeating itself longingly but pointlessly in my subconscious? Or is it something yet to come? Something meant to be? I have smelled your desire. I know your scent. All of your rationalizing and denials mean nothing to my long forsaken desire. Somehow, somewhere if this thing is meant to be between us, it will happen. I am infinitely patient but I long to taste you, if only once in real life, to bring you the as yet unknown magical sensations that only I can create with you.
Now's your chance. There will never be a better time. Invite me in to fulfill my dream... and you. Let my lust overtake your passion for just one brief moment in time and it will all suddenly make sense. Invite me in to achieve what appears to be our destiny. Spread your shapely legs for me, my dear, dear friend. Close your eyes, trust me and come out of my dream. Come out. Come out...Come. Come for me.
LOVE LETTER: I FOUND THIS EMAIL THAT I NEVER GOT TO SENT TO MARIA ( MY EX-GIRLFRIEND)
Since Maria and I are no more...and I was scaning my computer...I am across this..that I never got to sent to her. (There are other...but I am sharing this one right now)
Dearest Maria,
I don't have enough words paper to convey the love that I feel for you. I know that I keep pushing you to be more affectionate, more time...more commitment and that you think that I am too needy, but you just don't understand how the emotions well up inside of me and I feel like I am going to burst. I truly cannot explain it. I look at you and it's like I'm 5 years old again and under water…everything is distorted and funny…and I start to get dizzy because my breath caught just a little too long. You bring a radiance and vitality to my life.
Meeting you, being with you and loving you have changed me. I think that is what love does to you. It changes you and makes you more than you could ever dream of being. In Chemistry I learned that there are two types of changes that compounds can undergo, physical and chemical. A physical change is one that changes the form but not the make-up of the compound…like water to ice…ice is still water when melted. But after a chemical change, the compound will never again be the same…like a piece of wood on fire…after it burns, you can't make it back into wood…no matter what you do. That's what you are…you are a chemical change. You are fire, I am no longer the same and I never can be.
I am so sorry for all of my faults. I am sorry for any hurt I have caused you...that I make you insecure sometimes.I am going to change soon. I just have to know that you are as committed to me as I am to you. Being with you makes me want to try harder. Being with you makes me want to fix everything so that I can be perfect for you, and be just what you want. You give me hope and reinforce that life is good and has a purpose.
I don't know how this will end.There are times I look at you and see the babies that we will have one day. I see you holding their little hands in your big ones, and I know what a good mother you will be. I see us growing old and gray and taking care of each other.
I know that I do not ever want to look back with regret. I know that God has a plan for us, and he will make it come to pass. I will continue to do my best to make both of us happy and try to learn from our mistakes. Maybe we will make it…maybe we won't, but I want you to always remember that I will never regret one moment of our time together.
All my love,
Alex
Dearest Maria,
I don't have enough words paper to convey the love that I feel for you. I know that I keep pushing you to be more affectionate, more time...more commitment and that you think that I am too needy, but you just don't understand how the emotions well up inside of me and I feel like I am going to burst. I truly cannot explain it. I look at you and it's like I'm 5 years old again and under water…everything is distorted and funny…and I start to get dizzy because my breath caught just a little too long. You bring a radiance and vitality to my life.
Meeting you, being with you and loving you have changed me. I think that is what love does to you. It changes you and makes you more than you could ever dream of being. In Chemistry I learned that there are two types of changes that compounds can undergo, physical and chemical. A physical change is one that changes the form but not the make-up of the compound…like water to ice…ice is still water when melted. But after a chemical change, the compound will never again be the same…like a piece of wood on fire…after it burns, you can't make it back into wood…no matter what you do. That's what you are…you are a chemical change. You are fire, I am no longer the same and I never can be.
I am so sorry for all of my faults. I am sorry for any hurt I have caused you...that I make you insecure sometimes.I am going to change soon. I just have to know that you are as committed to me as I am to you. Being with you makes me want to try harder. Being with you makes me want to fix everything so that I can be perfect for you, and be just what you want. You give me hope and reinforce that life is good and has a purpose.
I don't know how this will end.There are times I look at you and see the babies that we will have one day. I see you holding their little hands in your big ones, and I know what a good mother you will be. I see us growing old and gray and taking care of each other.
I know that I do not ever want to look back with regret. I know that God has a plan for us, and he will make it come to pass. I will continue to do my best to make both of us happy and try to learn from our mistakes. Maybe we will make it…maybe we won't, but I want you to always remember that I will never regret one moment of our time together.
All my love,
Alex
LOVE LETTER: IN THAT MOMENT
I don't care that the liquor did it. I don't care if it never happens again. I don't care if we pretend it never happened. It did. Your kisses have become an exotic delicacy in the paradise of my memories. My dreams became reality tonight my heart, my veins, took off in flight your hands full of magic of wonder, your touch was amazing, what i wanted so much...
Butterflies were gone I cannot believe I got what i wanted You were there with me... We danced and we laughed It was all such a thrill I couldnt believe it It was real, it was real... You held me, you squeezed me, it was so surreal, everything i asked for, those dreams became for real...
-- In that moment, i looked in your eyes, i knew it would happen, i surrendered myself to that moment, hoping it would be everything i expect. I closed my eyes and so did you, and our lips met in one Amazingly soft and tender and sweet embrace and i have not felt such magic conducted like electricity through its willing conductors as i felt tonight as we kissed for the first time
-- I'll never forget it, i've written so much here, some would think its wierd, but public fantasy has now become reality, people and i'm here to proclaim my unfettering joy and utter amazement that this new occurence now has created.
Butterflies were gone I cannot believe I got what i wanted You were there with me... We danced and we laughed It was all such a thrill I couldnt believe it It was real, it was real... You held me, you squeezed me, it was so surreal, everything i asked for, those dreams became for real...
-- In that moment, i looked in your eyes, i knew it would happen, i surrendered myself to that moment, hoping it would be everything i expect. I closed my eyes and so did you, and our lips met in one Amazingly soft and tender and sweet embrace and i have not felt such magic conducted like electricity through its willing conductors as i felt tonight as we kissed for the first time
-- I'll never forget it, i've written so much here, some would think its wierd, but public fantasy has now become reality, people and i'm here to proclaim my unfettering joy and utter amazement that this new occurence now has created.
LOVE LETTER: DEAREST OF ALL
Dearest of all,
I felt compelled to start this post by quoting Keats but I couldn't. It wouldn't be fair and wouldn't be accurate. Even though I think the old poet still has the keys that could unlock the doors to your heart, quoting him would make it vain and pointless.
It is my work and my mission in life to shape into form feelings and visions too elusive to put on canvas but, as an artist and a doctor, I am adamant against putting boundaries to Art. Anyway, it's the wandering nature of my spirit that makes me borrow from the Greats, and hope that they can help me understand how my heart fell for someone who read this post and connect to my soul
To ease your mind somewhat, I can tell you that you already know me and, if you use every little piece of information I sprinkle here and there, you'll know who I truly am. Playing your piano you are but a distant Athena, beautiful and oblivious to the world, pressing ivory keys, plucking strings in my heart that had been dormant for so long.
It's scary to imagine that you, my soulmate might be reading this and so perfectly beautiful, could still think of me. Memories of my youth flutter before my possible future, a future with you, my darling, my angel. Would you ever love me like I love you? Would ever see past my age and weary fingers? Would you even answer this missive?
"Into the dark brown oceans of your eyes I'm bound
Upon the rivers of passion which flow inside
A shelter from life's woes: Your heart
Time's infinite sands run by,
Your soul and mine dance intertwined."
Looking into your eyes is just like diving into a universe of deep emotions that defy any easy definition and sends me into a state of contemplation that makes working all but impossible.
In the meantime, while you work out you true feelings, I sit here always writing, always waiting for the moment when I turn around and see your face and touch your skin. It feels like it has been a long waiting, and the pounding of my heart demands an answer. But, after all, who am I to ask you anything but time?
La belle dame sans merci...
Love,
I felt compelled to start this post by quoting Keats but I couldn't. It wouldn't be fair and wouldn't be accurate. Even though I think the old poet still has the keys that could unlock the doors to your heart, quoting him would make it vain and pointless.
It is my work and my mission in life to shape into form feelings and visions too elusive to put on canvas but, as an artist and a doctor, I am adamant against putting boundaries to Art. Anyway, it's the wandering nature of my spirit that makes me borrow from the Greats, and hope that they can help me understand how my heart fell for someone who read this post and connect to my soul
To ease your mind somewhat, I can tell you that you already know me and, if you use every little piece of information I sprinkle here and there, you'll know who I truly am. Playing your piano you are but a distant Athena, beautiful and oblivious to the world, pressing ivory keys, plucking strings in my heart that had been dormant for so long.
It's scary to imagine that you, my soulmate might be reading this and so perfectly beautiful, could still think of me. Memories of my youth flutter before my possible future, a future with you, my darling, my angel. Would you ever love me like I love you? Would ever see past my age and weary fingers? Would you even answer this missive?
"Into the dark brown oceans of your eyes I'm bound
Upon the rivers of passion which flow inside
A shelter from life's woes: Your heart
Time's infinite sands run by,
Your soul and mine dance intertwined."
Looking into your eyes is just like diving into a universe of deep emotions that defy any easy definition and sends me into a state of contemplation that makes working all but impossible.
In the meantime, while you work out you true feelings, I sit here always writing, always waiting for the moment when I turn around and see your face and touch your skin. It feels like it has been a long waiting, and the pounding of my heart demands an answer. But, after all, who am I to ask you anything but time?
La belle dame sans merci...
Love,
Monday, August 20, 2012
JOURNAL: THE REALITY OF MY BLOG
The internet has got me thinking. A wondrously baffled, confused and hesitant kind of thinking, but thinking nonetheless. My head is fit to burst from the questions flying around it at the moment, and whilst blogging about it may just be a big cliché, I need to get them out. Get them ‘down on paper’…an appropriately ironic statement there.
I’m not really sure why I started my blog. I’ve always been a diary guy, but the diaries of a sixteen year old guy have a vastly different reality to the musings of a twentysomething. A twentysomething with a lot of life under his belt. None of my friends know about my blog. None of my family members do. A few of them know I’m doing something on the internet, but my log-on is password protected, and it’s not like they could ever google and find me. If any of my friends or colleagues (especially colleagues!) ever found this, I’ve always maintained that I would close it down in heartbeat.
The ramblings of here are the most that I’ve shared with anyone. I know I’ve alluded to a lot without expressly talking about it, but I count that as the same. I am far more vulnerable on here. My brick veneer in real life is more a crumbling sandstone. With handholds and footholds to let things get over. My writings are unfailingly honest. It has, in a way, been a lesson in learning not to hide. A practice of letting people in. And it’s been okay. I haven’t come crashing down by any profoundly horrible comments. In fact, it’s been quite the opposite of what I’d expected.
I didn’t ever think strangers would read my blog. It’s like I said before…you can’t just google someone and discover their soul. Especially if their name isn’t their own. You just stumble across people. Or get curious about a commenter. I remember the first comment I ever wrote. I was like ‘Shit, that’s a little bit out there with the blog-solitude ambition’.
There are many now, who I consider friends. And that’s the thing that’s got me stuck. In times of insanity, whimpering, anger, heartache…my blog-friends have had my back. I haven’t had an army of friends like this in years. When schoolyears drifted, our ‘group’ disintegrated, and the contact dwindled to once every 6 months, or one coffee or email a year.
But here I am, and my fans are my friends..checking up on me. And it’s reality, in a way that I never thought ‘internet chatting’ could be. We live in different worlds, we have different day to day lives. We face different realities every single day…but have this shared cubicle of the internet
We talk to each other so much that it starts to feel like the truth. I think if I backed out now, something would be missing in my day. And that freaks me out a little bit.
But you can. And I have.
What does this mean for my reality?
I demand truth in every aspect of my life, yet here I am, living pockets of my life online, where my friends are just like me, though inherently anonymous. People I’ve never met…but would in a heartbeat. Am I a nerd for having internet friends? A social weirdo? No. I have friends. I have a life. I have TV nights with my family, brunches and lunches with friends. I dance. I spent my siblings. I sing in the car. People appear to like me.
My reality truly is how all of my experiences combine, mix, stir, mingle and mould with each other… This is a part of my life right now. I don’t know why. I don’t know if something is missing in my other realities. I don’t know what will come of it. But it’s me. And I like that.
I’m not really sure why I started my blog. I’ve always been a diary guy, but the diaries of a sixteen year old guy have a vastly different reality to the musings of a twentysomething. A twentysomething with a lot of life under his belt. None of my friends know about my blog. None of my family members do. A few of them know I’m doing something on the internet, but my log-on is password protected, and it’s not like they could ever google and find me. If any of my friends or colleagues (especially colleagues!) ever found this, I’ve always maintained that I would close it down in heartbeat.
The ramblings of here are the most that I’ve shared with anyone. I know I’ve alluded to a lot without expressly talking about it, but I count that as the same. I am far more vulnerable on here. My brick veneer in real life is more a crumbling sandstone. With handholds and footholds to let things get over. My writings are unfailingly honest. It has, in a way, been a lesson in learning not to hide. A practice of letting people in. And it’s been okay. I haven’t come crashing down by any profoundly horrible comments. In fact, it’s been quite the opposite of what I’d expected.
I didn’t ever think strangers would read my blog. It’s like I said before…you can’t just google someone and discover their soul. Especially if their name isn’t their own. You just stumble across people. Or get curious about a commenter. I remember the first comment I ever wrote. I was like ‘Shit, that’s a little bit out there with the blog-solitude ambition’.
There are many now, who I consider friends. And that’s the thing that’s got me stuck. In times of insanity, whimpering, anger, heartache…my blog-friends have had my back. I haven’t had an army of friends like this in years. When schoolyears drifted, our ‘group’ disintegrated, and the contact dwindled to once every 6 months, or one coffee or email a year.
But here I am, and my fans are my friends..checking up on me. And it’s reality, in a way that I never thought ‘internet chatting’ could be. We live in different worlds, we have different day to day lives. We face different realities every single day…but have this shared cubicle of the internet
We talk to each other so much that it starts to feel like the truth. I think if I backed out now, something would be missing in my day. And that freaks me out a little bit.
But you can. And I have.
What does this mean for my reality?
I demand truth in every aspect of my life, yet here I am, living pockets of my life online, where my friends are just like me, though inherently anonymous. People I’ve never met…but would in a heartbeat. Am I a nerd for having internet friends? A social weirdo? No. I have friends. I have a life. I have TV nights with my family, brunches and lunches with friends. I dance. I spent my siblings. I sing in the car. People appear to like me.
My reality truly is how all of my experiences combine, mix, stir, mingle and mould with each other… This is a part of my life right now. I don’t know why. I don’t know if something is missing in my other realities. I don’t know what will come of it. But it’s me. And I like that.
JOURNAL/SPIRITUAL/COMMITMENT: GETTING TO THE CORE ...I FOUND FEAR
What does it mean to commit to a relationship.
-You can commit to monogramy..you won't have a relationship without that
-You can commit to staying together no matter what happens. The strength of a relationship lies in the knowledge that you will always be there for each other.
I love Maria. I think about her every day and every night. Months after months I thought about her, longed for her, and dreamed about a life with her. It didn't happen. She wasn't ready to surrender completely as much as I was to her.Being with Maria...has been a big part of my identity. As today went on...each hour brought more and pain and the night was the worse. Have you ever hurt yourself, but you didn't feel the pain until later, when the numbness disappeared and your hurt began to throb? That is what happening to me. I wondered if I could live thought it.
I ask myself...over and over again...How did I create this? I had felt this pain before with other partners....Joanne...Melissa. I didn't ever want to feel it again. I didn't think I could survive if i did. I wanted this answer as if my life depended on it, and I think that it did. After a couple of hours...and while I was driving home from the city today. I thought of "fear". At last I had found something to grasp, like a thread in a taperstry. I intended to keep pulling it until the entire mystery unravled. I lay in bed, terrified. I never imagined that I could feel frightened. I was afraid of the winter. I was afraid of the cold. I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid of everything. "Fear and trembling" took on new meaning. I never knew that I had fear like that in me. When it came, it came like an ocean. I was afraid to be alive. I thought this must be the bottom of my painful excavation, but it wasn't.
Beneath my fear I discovered yet another layer: lack of self-worth. I am doctor and help people all the time. I couldn't imagine people liking me once they got to know who I really was. I felt there must be something wrong with anyone who was attracted to me. I couldn't find anything about me that I appreciated. Until that moment, I had thought so highly of myself. I was shocked.
When I realized that I had no appreciation of myself at all, all of the things that I had discovered suddenly came together. Because I had no self-worth, I did not believe that I had a right to live, I was terrified of everything. Because I was terrified of everything, I needed to control everything---and my need was intense because, emotionally, it was a mater of life and death. I like to control my partner sexually. I decided to go the root of the problem. I will not work on my fear. I will go to work on my lack of self-worth.
Intimacy is not always comfortable. I thought that most of my relationship were very intimate because we loved each other so deeply, but most of my partner didn't have the courage to be really intimate so deeply. Most of my partner never discussed their deepest fears with me. They never told me of their inadequate, and frightened.
I think Maria...realized that she was the one who had difficulties commiting to our relationship even thought we shared so much love. You see .... I realized there was only one thing I could commit to with all my heart. That is my own growth---my spiritual growth. I want to get married...buy a house and Maria want to take things slow. I still do love her.....I really wanted Maria and I to grow together.
What you want most is what you think about and talk about. If you want money more than anything else, you think and talk about money. If you want to become aware of your feeling, you think and talk about your feelings. I want to go to into a relationship to find out what makes me angry or frigtened. I want to heal all the part of myself that are not healthy. What your partner challenges you to do when he or she grows spiritually is exactly what you need to do in order to grow spiritually yourself. Until you have the courage to enter into relationships of substance and depth, you cannot develop spiritually. Shallow talk isn't enough anymore. Making money, raising children, and buying a houses aren't enough. Only spiritual growth satisfies.
Do you trust your experiences? When you are having an arugment, do you trust that your agrument is telling you something important about yourself? When you are fumming, do you trust that your rage is showing you something about yourself that you need to see? The more you learn, the less often you become angry, withdrawn, and frightened. If you try to learn something each time you fall, it won't take you long to keep your balance on skis. If you try to learn something everytime you get angry, or sad, or frightened, it won't take you long to keep your balance when you start to feel angry, sad, or frightened.
Know something deep inside your is different from knowing something because other people tell you. You know what you know. Changing inside is like that. You see things differently, and no one has to explain it to you.
JOURNAL/LOVE/THOUGHTS: WHY I JUST DON'T SLEEP AROUND ANYMORE AND JUST HOLDING OUT
If you're a man in my position, which is to say in his 30s single, hetero, HIV-negative, solvent,clean, good-enough-looking, and not a banker asshole, you could have a lot of sex if that's what you wanted. But I just realized I'd slept with enough people.I reached this point where I was sleeping with women more because I was expected to than because I wanted to. Right before I entered this phase --which was years ago before Melissa or Joanne 'the New Purity,' I call it -- I fooled around with this woman at a wedding. She clearly wanted to pursue something; she was very persistent. Finally I said, 'Listen, I just don't think we're a good match.' She said, 'Okay, but we could just have some fun.' The implication was pretty clear.
It stunned me,here's this woman who wants to have the kind of relationship that men have always wanted -- and it's not to her advantage! I don't buy the idea that women are sexual machines like men are; the wiring is a little different. I watch Sex and the City, and I'm like, those whores! How incredibly shallow they are to bed-hop in this way! I think it makes them really unappealing and really unsexy. Pathetic, actually. Pathetic whore is much worse than whoa hey.
What's really at stake here is power -- surprise! -- rather than sex. My feelings reflect a grim, larger truth: that all along, men were in it more for the conquest than for the bumping and grinding that used to follow it. Now that sex is offered freely, they wonder, can it really be so great after all?
Women were always thought to be the more lascivious gender. Look at Greek mythology, or even at the first temptress, Eve. It wasn't until the eighteenth century that women were recast as modest and submissive.
I can remember a time when all I wanted sex..I still do now..but I can't just have sex anymore. You could set your clock to it. If I could be granted a wish, and it was like every time I'd be great, it'd be fun, then I'd do it all the time ,but you don't know when you won't be able to . . . you never know. I have to tell you..that not every woman is great in bed. Most woman just totally suck.
When I was younger, I was crazy for girls -- they were the focal point of my life,I can remember times when I dating with three women when I was a resident...right before I met Joanne. But then I started feeling like, why? You get what you pay for with sex, and it's more satisfying if you've actually invested something.
I am sure most men would prefer sex with a loved one to yet another anonymous coupling that culminates with "Okay, bye." If there were a sign-up sheet for perfect love, I would pay good money to get my name on it. But I am not aware of any such list. Just parties, blind dates, bars, friends of friends. So even if we want the real thing we say, Fuck it, and do.
I am at the point now where I want to experience intimacy with a person who is great inside the bedroom and outside. I have become less ego base and more spirtual base. I don't need to sleep with hundred woman to make myself feel good. What I need is someone who is kind and want to be my partner in crime....as well.
It stunned me,here's this woman who wants to have the kind of relationship that men have always wanted -- and it's not to her advantage! I don't buy the idea that women are sexual machines like men are; the wiring is a little different. I watch Sex and the City, and I'm like, those whores! How incredibly shallow they are to bed-hop in this way! I think it makes them really unappealing and really unsexy. Pathetic, actually. Pathetic whore is much worse than whoa hey.
What's really at stake here is power -- surprise! -- rather than sex. My feelings reflect a grim, larger truth: that all along, men were in it more for the conquest than for the bumping and grinding that used to follow it. Now that sex is offered freely, they wonder, can it really be so great after all?
Women were always thought to be the more lascivious gender. Look at Greek mythology, or even at the first temptress, Eve. It wasn't until the eighteenth century that women were recast as modest and submissive.
I can remember a time when all I wanted sex..I still do now..but I can't just have sex anymore. You could set your clock to it. If I could be granted a wish, and it was like every time I'd be great, it'd be fun, then I'd do it all the time ,but you don't know when you won't be able to . . . you never know. I have to tell you..that not every woman is great in bed. Most woman just totally suck.
When I was younger, I was crazy for girls -- they were the focal point of my life,I can remember times when I dating with three women when I was a resident...right before I met Joanne. But then I started feeling like, why? You get what you pay for with sex, and it's more satisfying if you've actually invested something.
I am sure most men would prefer sex with a loved one to yet another anonymous coupling that culminates with "Okay, bye." If there were a sign-up sheet for perfect love, I would pay good money to get my name on it. But I am not aware of any such list. Just parties, blind dates, bars, friends of friends. So even if we want the real thing we say, Fuck it, and do.
I am at the point now where I want to experience intimacy with a person who is great inside the bedroom and outside. I have become less ego base and more spirtual base. I don't need to sleep with hundred woman to make myself feel good. What I need is someone who is kind and want to be my partner in crime....as well.
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