If you're a man in my position, which is to say in his 30s single, hetero, HIV-negative, solvent,clean, good-enough-looking, and not a banker asshole, you could have a lot of sex if that's what you wanted. But I just realized I'd slept with enough people.I reached this point where I was sleeping with women more because I was expected to than because I wanted to. Right before I entered this phase --which was years ago before Melissa or Joanne 'the New Purity,' I call it -- I fooled around with this woman at a wedding. She clearly wanted to pursue something; she was very persistent. Finally I said, 'Listen, I just don't think we're a good match.' She said, 'Okay, but we could just have some fun.' The implication was pretty clear.
It stunned me,here's this woman who wants to have the kind of relationship that men have always wanted -- and it's not to her advantage! I don't buy the idea that women are sexual machines like men are; the wiring is a little different. I watch Sex and the City, and I'm like, those whores! How incredibly shallow they are to bed-hop in this way! I think it makes them really unappealing and really unsexy. Pathetic, actually. Pathetic whore is much worse than whoa hey.
What's really at stake here is power -- surprise! -- rather than sex. My feelings reflect a grim, larger truth: that all along, men were in it more for the conquest than for the bumping and grinding that used to follow it. Now that sex is offered freely, they wonder, can it really be so great after all?
Women were always thought to be the more lascivious gender. Look at Greek mythology, or even at the first temptress, Eve. It wasn't until the eighteenth century that women were recast as modest and submissive.
I can remember a time when all I wanted sex..I still do now..but I can't just have sex anymore. You could set your clock to it. If I could be granted a wish, and it was like every time I'd be great, it'd be fun, then I'd do it all the time ,but you don't know when you won't be able to . . . you never know. I have to tell you..that not every woman is great in bed. Most woman just totally suck.
When I was younger, I was crazy for girls -- they were the focal point of my life,I can remember times when I dating with three women when I was a resident...right before I met Joanne. But then I started feeling like, why? You get what you pay for with sex, and it's more satisfying if you've actually invested something.
I am sure most men would prefer sex with a loved one to yet another anonymous coupling that culminates with "Okay, bye." If there were a sign-up sheet for perfect love, I would pay good money to get my name on it. But I am not aware of any such list. Just parties, blind dates, bars, friends of friends. So even if we want the real thing we say, Fuck it, and do.
I am at the point now where I want to experience intimacy with a person who is great inside the bedroom and outside. I have become less ego base and more spirtual base. I don't need to sleep with hundred woman to make myself feel good. What I need is someone who is kind and want to be my partner in crime....as well.
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