STORY: AS I STOOD ALONE

As I stood alone, in the darkness consuming me, watching her
from a distance, she was the only light in the room. I waited while
she slowly passed me by, his glittering eyes, brighter than any star
in the heavens above my head...but I knew that I could never compete,
I could never win her heart. Yet, I knew my heart belonged to one,
and when I first laid my eyes on her I knew it was her as I told her
the thoughts bottled up inside me for centuries buried in the sands
of my emotions. My eyes lowered, still, her sparkling eyes, as it
always was, the only light of the room, the only light of my heart.
My emotions being poured onto her like an hourglass of time.
She caresses my tear stained cheek, softly to wipe them away.
She holds me close, carefully, delicately, as if I was meant to be
held...forever in her arms...safe, loved.

REVIEW: BEYOND AND BACK

Sunn Classic Pictures documentary examining life after death

I don't know if I am the only person that remembered this movie in the whole world! It is a docu-drama about people dying in various ways and experiencing a brief time as a spirit, then returning (or being allowed to return) to their body to tell about what they experienced as a spirit. It had a profound impact on me at the time and I remember being much more at ease at the thought of dying. I distinctly remember as we walked out of the theater my mother saying to me: "I'm not afraid to die". I thought about this movie for years and have never forgotten the stories. The one that stands out most for me is the story that you are seeing now...the woman who killed herself and saw pictures of her unborn kids. This is of course just my recollection from 1978 and may not be exactly right. If you have a chance to get your hands on this film, I highly recommend you watch it. When someone says that this is the way it happened to them when they died and then were lucky enough to come back to tell about it, its hard to refute. I guess you'll have to make up your own mind. As for me, I'm a firm believer in life after death,Beyond and Back is one of the few movies that impacted me for years to come. I saw it with my mother back in 1978 at a local theater. This was after my mother's brother died that year. Those who have seen this movie or may see this movie in the future and who enjoy it may also be interested in the books by Mary K. Baxter called an "A Divine Revelation of Hell", "A Divine Revelation of Heaven", or "A Divine Revelation of the Spirit Realm".

POETRY: YOUR WHISPER A KISS

You fail to realize the power of your eyes.
They keep me in a daze, I am amazed at your disguise.
I see you smile and for awhile I wish I knew you better.
A smile so loud but yet so subtle it calms my stormy weather.
My worries seem to fade as your beauty rises high above.
All things around me freeze, how I would be pleased
to feel your tender breeze of love. But as seconds
leave my life like golden grains of sand, my only demand
is for you to touch or hold my hand. To feel your touch
is almost too much for me to stand. You stabilize
my anger and give me peace when you touch my hand.
I see in you a field of flowers
and you shower me with blooms. I want to know your
deepest secret. I can't help but assume, that the light
of God is in you because you compliment a room.
Shine your light on me because I want to consume
the traits that make you so sweet and unique,
developed in the womb. I acknowledge the physical,
but I see your soul and heart, but the way it was sent,
your beauty was meant, even in age, to never part.
So smile, for in this life from you one thing I will demand:
that you will serve to calm my nerves
and touch or hold my hand.



2

he placed a rose in her hair
and smelled her perfume that lingered in the air.
he kissed her gently on the cheek
by this he said i love you
without having to speak.


3

The glisten of the low light in her eyes,
it fills my soul,
as two lovers unite,
becoming one in a passionante burning fire.
The soft glow of bare skin,
and the flickering of candles,
creates the passion being shared by the two.
The enchantment and the pleasure, together,
create the feelings,
feelings being shared by the lovers.

4

About the earth i've searched for the sun.
In my hands i hold only one.
I have you at my fingertips,
so close within my reach.
You stand frozen as a castle
that has freshly dried on the beach.
Don't deny me my home,
where i once lived and breathed.
Don't deny me the love
that you know i must seek;
for i've lost everything,
it all fell apart.
I wanted to begin again
but didn't know where to start.
Until the day i met you.
You gave me something to believe in.
So please come into my life.
Please don't hesitate again

5

See! I'm looking for a girl who has more then just a body,
I'm looking for a girl with a soul.
I want a girl's body, who's worth more than gold.
And a love that will never fold.

See! I want a precious thing,
something that my eyes have never seen.
I want a girl to share my upcoming years,
with no sad tears, and no fears,

I want myself a dear. I wanna girl I can hold tight,
all day and all night, I want a "Miss Right"!
I want a girl who only wants to be with me.
For me, holding her, was meant to be.

I want a girl who will love me for me,
then I'll cherish every breath she breathes.
I wouldn't expect perfection from that girl,
as long as she dosen't expect it from me.

Who'll stand by me through the worst times,
cause I'm hers, and she's mine.
Someone who'll tell me their deepest darkest secrets,
and they'll know mine.

Someone who knows the meaning of love,
and when they say it, really mean it.
And don't just say it to be saying it!

I love you, means wanting you, and dreaming of you.
I love you, means being willing to fight for what the two of us have.
I love you means, being willing
to sacrifice your body for the one you love, being willing to
have pain just so that person you love won't get hurt;
and if you got with that person you would never flirt,
cause you're locked on that person like a button on a shirt



6

imagine walking down the street
and finding something
something untouched and unscathed
the one thing that makes your life worth living
and makes you all that you are...
whole
that is the feeling i get each and every time
i look into your eyes.



7

Tangled in you
Wrapped in you
Holding to fantasy
Unwilling to relent
Your voice is a touch on my flesh
Your whisper, a kiss
Every lingering thought of you,
A precious dream
Do I dare to hold on
Can I bear to let go?
I push away images of either course;
Let endless tomorrow decide
For now I will revel
In knowing your heart...
In the touch of your voice
And whisper of your kiss

8

The wind blows harsh upon the shores..
waves crashing hard upon the sands..
so peaceful do I feel...
though storms rage through my soul..
we live..
we die..
we are reborn..
I await the new storm..
I chance the mystery that will arise with the new morn...
the feeling of thankfulness for the present..
my life has seen many yesterdays...
though weariness is not what I feel..
relief that I will see another day..
sensing that soon..
to be united with my past...
the Love I have hidden, far to long..
awaiting what most only dream of..
I have found...
I have waited many lifetimes..
for you...
the greatest gift of all..
I watch the storm arrive..
and with it comes you...
I will stand strong...
come to me..
I have waited many lifetimes..
seen many storms..
I will wait forever..
with only you shall I feel complete!

9

[He begins]
I see my star shining brightly,
reflected in the eyes of love
as I steer my course straight ahead;
to the heart, the soul,
the very breath of love's sweet solace
until the dawn awakens the cosmos
and we lay intertwined
with life's many beauteous possibilities.
[She replies]
'Tis only love's first star,
and that of many more
sure to emblazon my night sky
as your bright countenance is my star
and your virtue all the cloak
which I desire, for my love has been
both my undoing and my glory.
[He answers]
What sweet chance, this night
with bounty hid within
so though I were a pauper,
a rich man would I be
and never shall I squander
a treasure such as thee.
[She responds]
In all my darkest night,
beset by fears and dangers sore,
I seek only the gentle touch
of thy warm palm to mine;
as palm to palm,
Heart to heart,
and breath to breath
we, together, banish those sinister evils
which, lonely, haunt the night
seeking to devour those souls
which singly ply the way.
[He reflects]
To find love is to travel
beyond the pale, reaching forth
to touch the face of eternity.
What then, to hold within my mortal grasp
a single shining star?
[Together]
And so our light doth brightly shine
from eye to eye and Heart to heart,
a jewel among those many stars
to guide each journey's start.



10
Rush home to me, my lover,
and take me in your arms.

Fill my night with passion;
fill my night with your charm.

Love me as you have never loved me before.
Caress me, kiss me, and adore.

Let's keep the whole world out tonight,
and remember to lock the bedroom door.

II

The voice within my mind
Her love within my heart
My love fulfilled
Her love spilled

All around my every being
Life is worth living
Death is never near
I want her embrace

I have her faith
She gives me something unforgettable
I've got nothing to lose
Only everything to gain

My conscious needs her soothing voice
My body craves her addictive touch
She needs the love I'm willing to give
You have all of what I am

I want all of who you are
We have until the end of time
To realize our true feelings
I have until the end of time to wait


12

How can I explain
this feeling
deep down inside of me

how can I prove
to you that I will
always love you

how can I show you
that I will never
hurt you in any way

how can I get you
in my arms
make you understand

how can I convince
you to love me

I guess my answer
is right in front of me

I can tell you
I will always love you

I can hope
you will believe me
and love me forever in return

13

Now that you have
touched my life,
can I ever live
without the touch of your gentle hand?

Now that I know
your sweet smile,
can I ever live
without seeing it each day?

Now that I have
been changed by your love,
can I ever live
without the desire I now feel for you?

Now that my love and need for you
has divided my soul,
can I ever be whole again,
without you?

Never have I given myself so completely.
Never have I been so very vulnerable.
Never have I been so loved.
Never would I trade it for a single moment in time.

POETRY: LET ME EMBRACE YOU WITH BOTH ARMS

I was surrounded by trouble,
and pain was my only company.
I was the saddest person on earth...
The loneliest person was me.
And through these dark times,
there was but one ray of light.
I had to whisper your name,
and the sun shone once more, so bright.
There were times when I was
all by myself, all alone,
no one to love, no one to love me.
And like magic, my tears dried,
and nothing remained the same.

All this happened
when I whispered your name...


2
In the quiet of the night...
I can sense all the love in your heart
reaching out to me no matter where I am.
I can almost feel you touch me, even though we are apart,
and feel our hearts beat as one.

In the quiet of the night...
I can feel the warmth of your body next to mine,
your arms wrapped around me.
I can hear you whisper my name softly,
in such a loving way that it touches my soul.

In the quiet of the night...
I can hear your gentle laughter,
and see your smiling eyes gazing down at me.
And as we look deep within each others' eyes,
it is like no one else in the world exists but us.

In the quiet of the night...
As I close my eyes and drift off to sleep,
you are with me in my dreams.
Your love protects me at night,
enveloping me, keeping me safe and warm,
until we can be together again.


3

There is a secret place, deep within my soul,
I call, "My vault of memories of you."
It keeps me company when I?m by myself;
And conjures up myriad images of our shared past ?
Our walks by the river, up mountains,
The shared scent of the flowers we love,
But mostly - the inherent dearness of you.

I see your smiling face and your eyes
When you bring me a cup of steaming tea each morning in bed ?
"Proper Tea!" you say, "For my beloved"
(What a glorious way to start my day).

Your tenderness is my constant companion? whether awake,
Sleeping, or in my secret vault.

I feel myself falling in love with you and staying there.
How I loved, how I still love your wonderful laugh ?
(I can hear it now.)
Your eyes twinkle and crinkle at the corners


4

Express to me what you want, and see if I can understand,
For you want to be fulfilled, and this I also demand.
Hope is only held suspended by one single strand,
For the love that I possess in my heart never can be known as bland.
Open up your heart to me, so that I may prove to you my devotions.
Allow me to convey true beliefs, and tender emotions.
Let us ponder fantasies so explicit, exploring, capturing passions,
Intensifying feelings so deep, yearning for shivering reactions.

Express to me what you want, and see if I can understand,
For you want to be fulfilled, and this I also demand.
Hope is only held suspended by one single strand,
For the love that I possess in my heart never can be known as bland.
Sprinkle me with your caring heart and this will not be in vain,
Gratifying the void of your soul with my tongue,
the truth you will gain.
The undesirable spirit of vanity in this situation will be slain,
And the attempt for capitalism on your emotions I will not obtain.
Express to me what you want, and see if I can understand,
For you want to be fulfilled, and this I also demand.
Hope is only held suspended by one single strand.
For the love that I possess in my heart never can be known as bland.


5

My heart plays a soft melody,
as I'm thinking about you and me.
The times we've shared,
the ways you've cared,
All the chances we've taken,
our life fully dared.
Long kisses under a fullmoon lit sky,
I dream of you and breathe a sigh.
For if this love was somehow to end.
I wouldn't want for life again..
I love you...


6
If loving you meant singing,
then my voice is full of joy.
If loving you meant leaving,
then pack my bags I shall.

If loving you meant time standing still,
then so be it... for, time isn't real.
If loving you meant dying,
then death shall knock on my door.

If loving you meant loosing everything,
then a poor woman you have met.
If loving you meant loosing you,
I would have to think about that.

But, if loving you meant forgetting you,
well, that is something... I could never do.


7

My heart misses you

I do not yet know the lines of your face
Or the curve of your smile that is meant for me
Or the timber of your voice
Except on quiet, lonely nights
Lying in the dark waiting on you to become
I can hear it whispering love words to my soul

When I lie in that place between sleep and wake
I feel my body curl into yours as it was meant to be.
Your powerful fingers tracing the curve of my shoulder,
Tenderly caressing my arm, pulling me closer to you.
I am safe there in the circle of your embrace,
Sheltered from the demons that haunt my dreams.
We bring peace to each other in our loving.

How is it possible, this longing for what has not yet been ?
Except that somewhere I know you must feel it too.
I ache to bring you home to me.
To breathe you in, filling my spirit with your essence,
To touch your strength with the softness of my hands,
To taste the sweet pleasures of your mouth,
And be intoxicated with the joy of knowing you are mine.

The winds are changing, bringing with them a chill.
I walk along paths of autumn gold and reds
And your footsteps echo mine.
In all the places that are,
I know we are connected
And I wonder...
Are you searching for me too ?



8

My Love for you is Deep, My Love for you is strong.
My Love for you will never go wrong.
You are the dove of my soul, the heart of my gold.
A true love, a love to be told.
I can't stop thinking of the way you make me feel
Like the warm sunshine and a cool breeze, so real.
My love is pure like the first winter snow
So you see, I can never let it go.

The care of your thoughts, the warmth of your heart
Just thinking of you, I will cherish the thought.
I can't help the way I feel,
My Love for you, is so deep, so real.
You are the light, unwhich shine upon my face.
On that perfect sunny, shiny day.
Like the wind and the rain, so strong and bold.
My Love for you is Deep, let it be known, let it be told.

9

Like spring,
This ? calls me forth unto myself
And I am blessed,
With love,
With you.
A word is like a single pixel,
A picture worth a thousand words?
And you, my love,
Are like a movie:
Frame after frame of glorious color?
Variations on a theme
Are coming to me?
Are holding me and blessing me?
And I love you all the more, for
Each symphony driven
To the orchestra like an impassioned bird?
And to love you is to find patience?
So willing to give up my gentle style for you?
I find myself drifting in unfamiliar waters?
But they are warm and clear and calm?
Like you.
So I love you,
Without question,
Without answer,
Without argument?
And?
And when you see this,
Just remember?
I have given you something priceless . . .
I give Love chances
And it takes them,
I risk my heart and soul
To gamble?
Gamble everything away on the
Miraculous chance
That your love will come my way?
Someday . . .
And if it does I?ll be here waiting?
Loving you like always?
And if not I?ll love you always, anyways,
But I?ll find a way to move on.
So my love,
Touch me,
Touch me with strength,
And caress me with tenderness, with hope . . .
You are my dream,
My imperfect dream,
And forever I pray you will
Come true.



10


I see not only with my eyes...
but also with my total existence.
I hear not only with my ears...
but also with my heart.
I cry not only with my eyes...
but also with my timid soul.
I love you not only with my heart...
but also with all of my might.
When I see you,
I see much farther than my sight.
I talk with my eyes and sing from my heart.
My heart beats not only for life...
but also for your love.
My mind thinks of you with constant amazement
and Promethean rumination.
I do believe that the sun doth shine...
so it can shed light upon your beauty.
For you, my love, the world does turn.
My feet walk this earth not for me...
but rather to lead me to you.
The dream of seeing Heaven is revealed when I
look into your sensual eyes.
I do not know how to breathe without thinking of you...
my exquisite wonder!



11

Express to me what you want, and see if I can understand,
I want you to be fulfilled. Your wish is my command.
If intimacy is held together by the touch of a lovers hand
Then let me embrace you with both arms, to magnify where I stand.

Open up your heart to me, so that I may prove to you my devotions.
Allow me to convey true beliefs, and tender emotions.
Let us ponder fantasies so explicit, exploring, capturing passions,
Intensifying feelings so deep, yearning for shivering reactions.

Express to me what you want, and see if I can understand,
I want you to be fulfilled. Your wish is my command.
If intimacy is held together by the touch of a lovers hand
Then let me embrace you with both arms, to magnify where I stand.

Sprinkle me with the caring of your heart
And this will not be in vain.
Gratify the void in my soul, and the truth you will gain.
The undesirable spirit of vanity in this situation must be slain,
The warmth of your essence is something I must obtain.

Express to me what you want, and see if I can understand,
I want you to be fulfilled. Your wish is my command.
If intimacy is held together by the touch of a lovers hand
Then let me embrace you with both arms, to magnify where I stand.

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: I DREAM OF YOU EVERY NIGHT

I dream of you. You excite my imagination and stimulate my mind. My body warms, yearning for the meaning of your words. You live in my mind, bringing joy and yet also an unfulfilled longing.

There you stand before me, as radiant and glowing as I imagined. Your beauty stuns me, the twinkling in your eyes lights your face. Your mouth curves delicately in an inviting smile. Words are now unnecessary; the looks which pass between us convey all our needs. Our bodies lean towards each other with a subconscious expression of desire. At this moment, I want you more strongly and passionately then I can ever remember wanting anyone before.

My hand reaches out almost involuntarily to touch your cheek. I brush your hair tenderly, caressing the side of your head and behind your delicate ear. I lean towards you, my lips lightly caressing your forehead, placing slow gentle kisses on your cheeks. I temporarily extinguish the gleam in your eyes as I brush my lips against your eyelids, but as they reopen, the gleam flares back into life with an added hunger. My kisses skirt around your lips with my tongue leaving trails of moisture behind as a calling card - and the promise of a return. My tongue massages your neck, moving more quickly as I hear your breathing accelerate.

I take a long stare into the depths of your eyes, communicating with your soul. I know how much I want you - but I don't want to have sex with you. I want to make love to you. Making love transcends pure sex, when the pleasure of giving is much greater and important than the pleasure of receiving. I know all I want is to hear you groan, to feel you writhe in prolonged and repeated ecstasy. Nothing else is important - I want to make your body sing, I want to make love to your mind. My pleasure is in experiencing yours. I take mental pictures of every moment so that I can relive and enjoy them again. All my senses record the experience. Even now at the start, my senses are becoming overwhelmed - the sound of your short, rapid breathing, the feel of your hair between my fingers, the smell of your natural perfume, the taste of your skin, the sight of the hunger in your exquisite features.

I pull you against me, my lips touching yours for the first time as we enter the embrace. First delicately, softly, building a rhythm of short kisses. Then, as our embrace tightens, the kisses become deeper and longer. My tongue asks permission against your teeth - they part inviting entry. I probe and explore the warm depths of your mouth. Our tongues dance around each other and yours follows mine back to its home. Time becomes immaterial; we combine together in our embrace for an unknowable period until we move simultaneously towards the bed.

Laying down, I gently unbutton your blouse. As each square inch of skin is uncovered, I cover it with kisses. I don't want to miss a single piece, as I wash your body in a bath of my desire. My tongue moves down from your neck, between the mounds of your breasts, and circles around them while they rise and fall in anticipation. I kiss each breast, gently at first, avoiding your lovely button nipples which protrude proudly in an invitation to a caress and a display of arousal. My kisses become more firm, as I use my hands and face to massage your breasts, feeling your body arch beneath me. Suddenly I latch onto a nipple with my tongue, and I feel your sharp inhalation of breath. I tease it around and around, then take it between my lips and gently roll it. The nipple becomes the centre of my world, the new focus of my senses. It feels so firm and looks so perfect that I want to spend the rest of my life here. Its taste makes me want to be a new born baby so that I have a reason to stay here. The smell of your desire and the sound of your pleasure however tell me that it's time to move on. As a parting gift, I suck as much of your breast into my mouth as I can, and flick the nipple from side to side with my tongue. You hold my head in place with your hands in my hair, but I must move on, there's so much more of your body still to explore.

I cover your belly with saliva caresses, and move down, down towards the jungle of pleasure. Your hips move rhythmically towards my face, but it's not yet time for those delights. I slip around, down your thighs, caressing and massaging them with my hands as well as my mouth. I teasingly brush against your moist, damp curls, blowing gently as a preview of the delights to come. Instead I move further down, introducing myself to your knees, your calves and then you feet. I suck each toe in turn, slipping my tongue between them. I feel remiss as to having to explored your back, but know that that can come later when I massage you as you recover from what is to come. I look up from your feet to see you body lain out in it's full glory above me. The wet moisture of your pussy gleams invitingly before me, your face displays it's unbearable anticipation of what is to come as it is framed perfectly behind the twin hills of your breasts.

Suddenly I dive forward between your open legs, but pause an inch away from your pussy. As I start to gently blow again, you force the issue by arching off the bed, forcing your sex into my face. It's effect on me is unexpected, my control over myself instantly disappears as my senses reach overload. You taste more sweetly than I could imagine, the pungent odour of your wetness is the ultimate aphrodisiac, the feel of your bush in my face is amazing, the sight of your head swept back onto the pillow in a spasm of delight excites me, but it is the long, lingering groan of pleasure which sends me over the edge.

I start licking with as much control as I can muster, first slowly over the lips, then seeking out your clitoris which swells to aid my search. My tongue forays as deeply as it can go, before returning to concentrate upon taking you to the ultimate heights. My kissing and licking become more rapid as my own desire mounts. You ask me to enter you, but I refuse - I just want to stay here to savour your orgasm without being distracted by my own pleasure. I think you've awakened a previously unknown voyeuristic side to myself - the pleasure of watching you cum is more important than expelling my own seed into you. I hope that will happen later, but for now you are the focus. Once you realise what is going to happen, you let yourself go fully. Your writhing and moans become more uncontrollable and I find it difficult to keep in contact. Your hips again move rhythmically, the rhythm of their pushes matching that of my head as it gyrates to fulfil your pleasure. I suck your folds inside my mouth, teasing my tongue between then to find it's target. I release them, only to suck in again immediately after. Over and over again I do this until I hear your breathing becoming shorter, more shallow.

Then I concentrate solely upon your clit and it's surround. I reach an arm up around your leg and it latches onto your breast, tweaking the nipple between my fingers as the rest of the hand massages your glorious mound firmly. This last caress is the final catalyst. Your breathing stops and turns into a long, keening groan as your body jerks spasmodically, but I keep it firmly attached to my mouth. Your orgasm seems to last an eternity, but despite my efforts, the eternity comes to an end and your movements collapse with a glowing exhaustion. The taste of your juices in my mouth coupled with experiencing the intensity of your orgasm almost make me spatter my cum onto the bed - merely experiencing your explosion seems to telepathically bring me to the edge, but I keep it held in. I'm frightened that once I expel my desire, the dream will be over, and I want this to continue.

I move up the bed and lay next to you, cradling you in my arms and gently caressing your back. Gently you slip into a light sleep, recuperating your energy for another celebration of our passion. I cannot sleep - I am reliving the experience in my mind, my body still glowing from the unrequited feelings you've aroused in me. I am also frightened to sleep, as you may not be there when I awaken. Sleep may end my dream, and at the moment I never want to sleep again.

I lay there studying your body, revelling in its beauty, waiting for you to awake...

REVIEW: BEST QUOTES IN MOVIES

#10 - MEMENTO [2000]



"I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there? . . . Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I'm no different."

#09 - BLADE RUNNER [1982]

"I don't know why he saved my life. Maybe in those last moments he loved life more than he ever had before. Not just his life, anybody's life, my life. All he'd wanted were the same answers the rest of us want. Where did I come from? Where am I going? How long have I got? All I could do was sit there and watch him die."

#08 - WAKING LIFE [2001]


The trick is to combine your waking rational abilities with the infinite possibilities of your dreams. Because, if you can do that, you can do anything."

#07 - SECONDS [1966]

"What kind of man is he? There's grace in the line and color, but it doesn't emerge pure. It pushes at the edge of something still tentative, unresolved . . . as if somewhere in the man there is still a key unturned . . . When you come to think of it—it sort of fits everybody, doesn't it?"



#06 - LA DOLCE VITA [1960]


"We must get beyond passions, like a great work of art. In such miraculous harmony. We should love each other outside of time . . . detached."

#05 - THE MATRIX [1999]

"I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure."

#04 - BEING THERE [1979]


"Life is a state of mind . . ."


#03 - THE SEVENTH SEAL [1957]

"Is it so terribly inconceivable to comprehend God with one's senses? Why does he hide in a cloud of half-promises and unseen miracles? How can we believe in the faithful when we lack faith? What will happen to us who want to believe, but can not? What about those who neither want to nor can believe? Why can't I kill God in me? Why does He live on in me in a humiliating way . . . despite my wanting to evict Him from my heart? Why is He, despite all, a mocking reality I can't be rid of?"



#02 - A CLOCKWORK ORANGE [1971


"Goodness is something to be chosen. When a man cannot choose he ceases to be a man."


#01 - MY DINNER WITH ANDRE [1981]
"We're bored. We're all bored now. But has it ever occurred to you, Wally, that the process that creates this boredom that we see in the world now, may very well be a self perpetuating, unconscious form of brainwashing created by a world totalitarian government based on money and that all of this is much more dangerous than one thinks, and it's not just a question of individual survival, Wally, but that somebody who's bored is asleep, and somebody who's asleep will not say no?"

SPIRITUAL: IT ALL ABOUT FEAR............

the fear of letting go
the fear of no control
the fear of self

The fear of love, of losing one’s self and letting one’s gurad down…

I have the fear of stepping outside and giving love a chance. That is the only fear that I have

I have been around love that never lasted my entire life…

so the first question that pops up when I am on a date with someone that I really like “How will it end?...” which leaves me in heeartbreak and makes me feel that the time spent together would just be pointless so I give up on the guy and continue to live my single live with no hope for love because I associate love with hate.

Fear was overwhelming me, and making it difficult to make important life decisions. I finally realized that although I can't stop bad things from happening, that is no reason to surrender my life!! I'm starting to think less about what could happen (in a bad way) and more about what IS happening (in a good way).

The book, The Science of Fear, is a very well thought-out book on why fear things we shouldn’t and in the process put ourselves in greater danger. Example of this taken from the Prolog which discusses how fear caused the death of 1,595 Americans who out of fear chose to drive rather then fly for up to a year after the September 11 attacks.

The book goes on to explain how we as humans look at situations and judge them to be dangerous or not based on how our conscious and subconscious minds are wired. The author, Daniel Gardner, then breaks down how corporations, the media, government & so called leaders exploit fear in the forms of crime, terrorism, health issues and all the other scary things under the bed for their own benefit.

The underlining theme of the book is that, we live in one of the safest times of all of human history, yet we worry more about things we really shouldn’t and don’t pay attention to those things we really should be concerned about. For a comparison of what he is talking about is: In the United States roughly 14% of Americans do not have health insurance, that’s 41 million people. According to the Institute of Medicine (one of the National Academies of Science) the lack of health insurance contributes to the death of about 18,000 Americans; that is equal to six September 11 terrorist attacks- EVERY YEAR. If you compare what the government (whos job it is to protect all citizens) spends fighting terror compared to helping uninsured Americans, fighting terror wins. Why? FEAR. And Fear wins elections.

The book is full of facts, which is its one down side. While the research is well presented all of the numbers can make reading tedious at times. However that aside, I recommend this book to anyone who wants a good understanding of what causes fear and how we are constantly under siege by those who want to exploit us thru fear. On the upside, knowing all this helps fight the exploitation

Do you live with the constant threat of loss? If you are normal, you do.

In emergencies, fear can be beneficial. That's not the kind of fear involved here.

The kind of fear involved here is the fear of loss that is constantly in the back of your mind. Perhaps you've given up dreams of getting much more from life, but you are genuinely afraid of losing what you have now.

It's normal to fear losing lots of things, including:

family, friends, and other loved ones;

good health;

your home;

your good looks and sex appeal;

your job or other source of income;

family heirlooms;

your vitality;

your athletic prowess;

your status in the community; and

freedom.

When we fear losing something, it's normal to try to attach ourselves more tightly to it. Often, the more tightly we cling to something, the more likely we are to lose it. If you have ever felt a relationship with a lover slipping away, you know from experience that it's a sickening feeling in your stomach. Trying to have success hanging on to something by attaching more tightly to it is like trying to stop a sunset.

Even if we don't lose something we fear losing, the mere fear of losing it often ruins our enjoyment of having it!

What we are doing is unnecessarily creating the terror that is incessantly undermining our enjoyment of life. Why not stop?

It's not easy to stop. The reason it's difficult is that stopping means letting go of the strategy for living we have been using. Still, it's better to change strategies.

Clinging to that strategy, which is known as "the way of the world", doesn't work. It's a strategy based on the assumption that, for each of us, I am over here and the rest of the world is over there. The rest of the world contains good things and bad things. My life is devoted to gaining as many of the good things as possible and avoiding as many of the bad things as possible.

One problem with the way of the world strategy is that I lack enough power to carry it out well. For example, sickness, old age, and death are bad things, and I lack the power to avoid them. Everyone else is as weak as I am when it comes to avoiding them.

An even more fundamental problem with the way of the world strategy is that it is based on a separation between me and everything else.

This separation is always the cause of suffering (dissatisfaction, distress, off-centeredness). If a beloved parent dies, I am stricken with grief because I don't like the new, permanent separation and there's nothing that can be done about it. If I am diagnosed with cancer, it's because I am separated from the health I crave. Separation causes suffering.

Fortunately, separation is a delusion! There is no separation between me and everything else. It's just that I am deluded in thinking that there is. (The delusion comes from the fact that I misuse my ability to conceptualize [sort, classify, classify] things.)

If this is so, there may be a way to let go of that critical delusion. If so, there could be a reunion between myself and the rest of reality. That would mean the end of suffering! Suffering is optional. So there is no need to live in perpetual fear.

Even if this is true, however, merely thinking it won't help. I have to realize it in my gut.

Still, please give yourself permission to hope. Letting go of the delusion is very difficult, but it's possible. Many, many people have done it, and we all have the ability to do it

THOUGHTS: WHAT I LEARN FROM DR. WAYNE DYWER

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.”

“Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.”

One of my favourite personal development people is the psychologist Wayne Dyer.

He seems to be a very warm person but he also someone who takes a lot personal responsibility and is assertive.

This is reflected in his work. He’s kind but he’s not here just to make you feel good. Through a no-nonsense approach he makes you realize obvious – but sometimes uncomfortable - things about how pretty much all of this is up to you. And how many things are quite simple but you are standing in your own way and overcomplicating it all.

Dr. Dyer’s advice can be applied to just about any part of life. Today I’d like to take a few of his thoughts and see how they can help you improve your social life. If you would like to read more from Wayne Dyer then two really solid books to start with are Pulling Your Own Strings and Your Erroneous Zones.

1. Your relationships are in your mind.

“As you think so shall you be! Since you cannot physically experience another person, you can only experience them in your mind. Conclusion: All of the other people in your life are simply thoughts in your mind. Not physical beings to you, but thoughts. Your relationships are all in how you think about the other people of your life. Your experience of all those people is only in your mind. Your feelings about your lovers come from your thoughts. For example, they may in fact behave in ways that you find offensive. However, your relationship to them when they behave offensively is not determined by their behavior, it is determined only by how you choose to relate to that behavior. Their actions are theirs, you cannot own them, you cannot be them, you can only process them in your mind.”

“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.”

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

How you choose to interpret people and your relationships makes a huge difference. So much of our relationships may be perceived to happen out there somewhere.

But your underlying frame of mind – for instance an open one or a protective and closed up one - will determine much about your interactions with new people and people you know.

So you really have to go inside. You have to realize that your interpretations from the past are interpretations. Not reality. You have to take a look at your assumptions and expectations and thought habits. Find patterns that may be hurting you (and others). This isn’t easy. Or always pleasant. You may discover that you have had some negative underlying habits of thought for many years.

But to change you have to do it. Instead of just keep looking at yourself as some sort of unmoving and objective observer of the world and reality. A change in you could – over time – change your whole world.

2. Let go of the need for approval.

“People who want the most approval get the least and the people who need approval the least get the most.”

A lot of the actions you take – or do not take - may be because you need approval from other people. When we are young we get grades in school that tells us that we are “good”. This makes it very easy to create a life where you always go looking for the world to give you the next hit of approval. It may be from your family, boss, friends, co-workers and so on.

But this need creates neediness. And the stronger the need the stronger the neediness. And so other people will sense this. And approval may be withheld or used to manipulate you. Or they may just not like your neediness.

The people on the other hand that does not care that much about getting approval often do more of what they want deep inside. They may be considered courageous for instance. So the way they live their lives will gain appreciation and approval from the people around them. It’s a bit counterintuitive.

But it seems to me like this is how things work. If you really want approval in your life try letting go of that need - as best as you can of course, this is not easy - for a while. See what happens. You’ll probably be surprised by how much better you feel inside and the reactions you may get from the outside world.

3. Let go of judgement.

“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

“Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.”

“Judgement prevents us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.”

Judging can have a sense of fun to it and make you feel better about yourself as you put someone else down. So why give it up? Here are three reasons:

* People don’t like judgemental people. People don’t like to be judged. So there will be a resistance towards someone who is judgemental.
* Waste of time. You can spend your time doing more fun, constructive and positive things.
* The more you judge people, the more judge yourself. What you see in other people is often what you see in yourself. So if you judge them all the time for their looks or intelligence then you probably judge yourself often about these things too. To let go of judging others can lead you to letting go of judging yourself too. As you lift the limitations you put on others, you lift the limitations you put on yourself.

4. Enjoy the moment.

“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.”

One technique that can help you improve your social skills is assuming rapport.

Basically, instead of going into a conversation or meeting nervously and thinking “how will this go?” you take different approach. You assume that you and the person(s) will establish a good connection (rapport).

How do you do that? You simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends. Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one.

But why does it work? Well, I’d say it works because it puts you in the same mental state as when you are with your friends. When you’re with your friends you are relaxed, positive, in the present moment and without many cares in the world. This is a great place to be socially. You are just enjoying yourself and your moments with your friends without much thought of the past or future. You are just there. The more you can bring yourself into this mental headspace the more fun you will have with people. And the more fun they will have with you.

So try out assuming rapport. And explore other ways to bring yourself back into the present moment through articles like this one or by checking out Eckhart Tolle’s books (two good are A New Earth and Stillness Speaks).

5. People like positive people.

“Unhappiness is within.”

“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.”

Now we are back in the same territory as in the first tip in this article. How you feel is up to you. You control you.

This is important to understand to be able to create and keep a more stable positive attitude. If you let what other people do control – or at least control you too much – then you are on a mental rollercoaster where your thoughts and feelings go up and down all the time. You have to look within to find a great stability to how you think and feel.

I’d say that one of the most attractive qualities a person can have is a positive attitude and energy. It is attractive to people at your job/school, family, friends or just that cute girl/guy in the bar. I think that one of the big things people want in any relationships is positive emotions. People simply want to create a flow back and forth with people where all of you exchange positive emotions and feel good.

Building yourself a more positive attitude will of course not only make you more likeable. It can also improve every other part of your life. Check out Take The Positivity Challenge! for more tips on how to create a positive attitude.

6. You teach them.

“Maxim for life: You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.”

This is a very important point and something I think is perhaps often missed by people who want to improve their social lives and make it more positive. They may think “well, I have been so nice towards everyone for the last few months but it doesn’t seem to have changed their behaviour towards me much”.

This is the “nice guy/girl” problem. S/he is very nice but there is no assertiveness. There is no changed feeling within about how you feel you deserve to be treated. You may still be nice just to get approval from other people. You feel the craving need. And as point # 2 explains, you won’t get the approval.

We do to a large extent choose how we want to be treated. How you expect people to treat you can have a big effect on how you allow yourself to act and how people around you view and treat you. If you start creating a role for yourself where you always let people do what they want to you then you may create some pretty destructive and negative things.

* You may create an identity for yourself where you get used to always taking whatever anyone doles out. You create a kind of victim identity where you may look happy on the outside but don’t feel so good on the inside. But since you have gotten used to it after a while you may accept it and think that: this is just who I am.

* You may create a concept in the minds of the people around you that it’s OK to treat you this way. Either because you seem so positive despite what they are doing so they think it’s OK. Or just because you aren’t saying no and some people may take advantage of that.

Look, you can’t please everyone. I think both Eleanor Roosevelt and Buddha have mentioned something along the lines that whatever you do there will always be people who don’t like what you are doing. And that’s OK. That’s normal.

Going around trying to please everyone at your own expense isn’t healthy though. Or even a realistic thing to attempt. It eats away at you both mentally and physically.

So be nice. Be positive. But make sure you set your own standards, rules and limits too. And remember that you might as well do what you want because there will always be critics.

7. Take responsibility for your social life.

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”

I really like this quote from Nathaniel Branden’s excellent The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: “No one is coming”.

You can look for the next big thing that will fix you. Read more blog articles. Read more personal development books. Look for people to help. And yes, some articles or books or people will give you insights that resonate deeply with you. But in the end, if you are an adult then no one is coming. No one is coming to save you. You have to take responsibility for your own life and what happens in it. Other things and people can certainly aid you quite a bit. But you are responsible.

You can go around blaming society or some people for your problems in your social life (or finances or health). You can always find scapegoats to judge and thought that feel better about yourself. For a while. You can look for people that will “fix you”. You can do this for the rest of your life if you like. It won’t change much. Whatever has to be done, it’s you who have to take responsibility and do it.

Yeah, things might always not go your way and you will probably have bad luck from time to time. But you still have to focus on yourself and doing what you can do in whatever situation may arise in the outside world.

8. Like yourself.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”

Liking yourself is vital to live a happy life. If you like yourself people will of course like hanging out with your more too. A person who likes him/herself, who is positive but also assertive is a lot better than the opposite.

Obvious, yes but the hard thing is how to go about liking yourself more. This is a topic that has filled many books but here are few tips that have helped me.

* Follow the rest of tips above. For example, taking more personal responsibility, working on your attitude and being more assertive consistently will make you feel better about yourself.
* Do the right thing as much as you can. When you do the right thing you lift your own self-esteem. When you don’t do the right thing you tend to stay at the same self-esteem level that you are at the moment (or perhaps even lower it).
* Be appreciative of yourself, don’t just look at your flaws. By appreciating the positive and good things that you think and do you can replace the need for approval from outside sources. You are giving yourself approval instead. This is a lot better than the alternative, because this is an unlimited source that you are in control of.

THOUGHTS : WHAT I LEARN FROM THE STAR WARS MOVIES

We all know Luke Skywalker as the main protagonist throughout the original Star Wars movies and onward into the novels of questionable quality. We all grew up wanting to be him—learning to use the Force, blowing up the Death Star, saving the galaxy. But the thing is, despite all his badass moments, he actually kind of sucks. Perhaps not as much as his father Anakin, but that could be due to Mark Hamill's acting ability, in that he can act. Sure with the emotional music and all the screen time Luke Skywalker seems to be the hero, but really he's an idiot who makes bad decisions and has a series of terrible ideas, and he's lucky it all kind of works out for him, his friends, and the Rebel Alliance in the end.

5) Trusting the Force to Help Him Blow Up the Death Star

I have never really figured out what was so special about Luke using the Force in attacking the first Death Star. As far as I could tell, it did nothing but give Darth Vader a slightly higher level of difficulty in blasting his X-Wing, which he seemed to aptly overcome as he blew up R2-D2, and proceeded to almost blow the crap out of Luke's X-Wing had Han Solo not saved his ass with the Millennium Falcon. Some might say his use of the Force involved him turning off his targeting computer and trusting himself to shoot the exhaust port. If that's using the Force then I am using the Force every time I turn off my cruise control in my car. I mean, they make targeting systems for a reason, Luke—and chances are, the Rebel's would prefer to trust your X-Wing's highly sophisticated on-board computer than a mystical power you spent a few hours learning yesterday afternoon.

4) Refusing to Listen to the Only Living Jedi in the Galaxy

Luke gets a vision of his dead mentor Obi-Wan telling him to go to Dagobah to get training from the Jedi Master, Yoda. Luke obeys, goes out to Dagobah, finds Yoda, and then proceeds to ignore him at every important turn. Yoda tells him not to go into the scary cave with weapons, Luke doesn't listen. Yoda gives him a lesson about overcoming great obstacles, and Luke doesn't take it to heart, can't lift his own X-Wing and gets all pissy. Yoda and the Ghost of Obi-Wan both tell him not to go running off to Bespin to save his friends as he's going to endanger everything they fought for. Luke doesn't listen, goes off to Bespin, helps nobody and gets his damn hand chopped off.

Well done, Luke. Why should "Obi-Wan coming back as a ghost to give important instructions" convey any significance to you? Why should not pay attention to the one muppet who knows how to use the Force? You're just a jerk who nearly turned into a Hoth-sicle—you surely know better than both of 'em!

3) His Insanely Stupid Plan To Rescue Han Solo from Jabba The Hutt

Let us imagine that Luke Skywalker is trying to tell you his plan to rescue Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt.

Luke: "Okay so, first we get Lando Calrissian posing as a guard inside Jabba's Palace."

You: "How do we do that?"

Luke: "We just get him a costume and he—just walks in."

You: "Um, okay, say it's that easy. So then Lando gets Han out of the carbonite and we pick them up and get away?"

Luke: "No. What happens next is that I put my lightsaber in a hidden compartment in R2-D2 and send R2-D2 and C3PO to Jabba the Hutt as gifts."

You: "Wait, why-"

Luke: "Just listen. Next we have Leia pose as a bounty hunter arriving at Jabba's palace with Chewbacca captured. She's going to hand over Chewbacca to Jabba."

You: "Wait, why? Wouldn't that mean we would now have to rescue Han Solo, Chewbacca, R2-D2 and C3PO? That just makes it more difficult, right?"

Luke: "Just go with me here. Next, Leia is going to sneak around at night and get Han Solo out of the carbonite, but get captured."

You: "What? Why would we get everyone captured like that?"

Luke: "Now I'll show up, use my Force powers to get in to Jabba's fortress, get past the guards to an audience before Jabba and then use my Jedi mind trick to get Jabba to release everyone. If that doesn't work, then I'll get captured."

You: "Okay, if you can just use your Force powers to get in to the palace and all the way to Jabba, then let's just have you go in right now and get Han out."

Luke: "No, that's stupid. I'm going to get myself captured. Because then you see, we'll be taken to the sarlacc pit and then, when we're on the skiff, I'll get sent out first and then R2-D2 will manage to get to the top of Jabba's sail barge and shoot out my lightsaber, and then with Lando's help, we'll just—rescue everyone and then everything will be fine!"

You: "That is the stupidest plan I've ever heard of."

Luke:"I've thought of everything."

You: "Clearly you didn't."

2) Throwing Away His Lightsaber in Front of the Emperor

So Luke decides not to put his lightsaber through Darth Vader's head once he realizes that he's going along the same dark path as his father. So what does he do next? He tosses away his lightsaber and then proclaims to the Emperor that he is a Jedi. Thus, he has no way to defend himself when the Emperor blasts him with lightning and if it wasn't for his Father saving his butt (please note how many times Luke gets saved by someone else) he would have been a charred piece of Tatooine bacon. Okay, yes, tossing away the lightsaber makes a definitive statement of renouncing Father-killing, but what did he think would happen other than the Emperor kicking his ass? Did Luke think that perhaps he would proclaim "I am a Jedi, like my father before me," and the Emperor would suddenly shout "No! You are the purest good! I am nothing in the presence of your light!" and then fling himself backward into the chasm? Why didn't Luke just try to give the Emperor a big hug and kisses and call him a 'snookle bear.' He's a master of the Dark Side, so of course he's going to kick your ass. Luke was warned not to underestimate the Emperor...so of course, he does exactly that.

1) Not Joining the Dark Side

No, seriously! Luke gets dumped on his whole life—his adoptive parents get killed, all his friends get injured or killed, the girl he falls in love with turns out to be his sister, his father turns out to be one of the most evil people in the galaxy, his hand gets cut off. Then he gets a chance to co-rule the galaxy. Who wouldn't take that offer at that point?

What has Luke had to look forward to after the original trilogy? Mostly trying to start up the whole Jedi Order by himself, which is a ton of work, and watching Han have almost constant sex with Leia. Between that and ruling with Vader, it's not unlike a choice between working in your local library and becoming President. Not really much of a choice there. And ou can comment all you want about the Dark Side being a path to pain and suffering and a loss of humanity, but let's face it—the Dark Side is simply cooler. Members of the Sith have neat custom lightsabers, get to slap everyone around, and just plain look cooler. For Halloween, how many Luke costumes do you see people wearing nowadays? Zero. How many Darth Vader costumes do you see? Still too many to count. Bad is good, baby

JOURNAL: SHOULD WE BASE LIFE DECISION ON SOMETHING LESS IMPORTANT? LIKE A BLOG OR AN EMAIL?

Low self-esteem is delusional. We're all one spirit and thus we are deeply equal in essence. Have you ever think of that? It is our spiritual essence that is the same. We all just happen to be hosts to God. So what's not to love? All of us are faucets through which divine water would flow. It's the water....not the faucet that ultimately matters.

Usually this is what happens when someone ready my blog or email. They get really touch by what i write but can't go make a major life decision based on my words. My answer to that is ...should we base life decision on something less important?

They usually give me alot of excuses....what i keep thinking as i hear crap like that is this woman is unwilling to reach for love. I guess life experience hasn't taught her that love is infinitely more important than any excuses. Modern culture had told her if anything how neurotic her heart is to want to jump at love, how much more important a career...or whatever is than passionate love and how serious and adult it is to honor material considerations over the love we feel inside. Most woman haven't yet considered that the voice of the heart is the voice of God.

Personally I think these woman dishonor themselves. Jobs, houses, money, and even sex come and go, but love is like a magical bird. And once it flies away you have absolutely no power over if or when it will ever return. When the heart talks..you should listen. Relationships are certainly part of God's plan and everything in life is better when we have love in our lives.

And when I ask them to submit...they always say, " I lose myself in other people too much. I need to stay out of relationship. And often that is true. But after period of time, that thought just became a rationalization for the avoidance of love. To resist intimacy out of fear that if you love you will risk codependency or enmeshment, is like resisting eating food out of fear of being obesity. That, as we know is not wisdom...but severe dysfunction. At certain point, once you're established your separate identity, it's imperative that you let yourself lose it again. Otherwise, you can never know love.

JOURNAL: I CALL UPON YOU TO TRUST ME

It's obvious that all of us have suffered, and all of us make mistakes in life. yet all of us are trying our best. We can change our perception regarding the nature of human error, knowing that what is no love is but a call for love. Why not---if instead of mistrusting you....- I assume you're wounded, just like me and everyone else? Why not see the healing of our wounds as the reason we were drawn to each other. An intimate relationship will either magnify our guilt or magnify our innocence, depending on which we are committed to. And in our commitment to the love of God. In our forgiveness lies our healing, and we can only healed in ourselves of what we are willing to forgive in others.

I call up in you what I see in you. That does not mean I will stand for nonsense. It does not mean I will not have healthy boundaries. It does not mean I will play games. I does not mean you can take me for granted. or pull wool over my eyes, or act like a child. But it means I will keep my loving eye on you...the real you and I will always relate to that person I have seen. That you can trust that I will always be true to the truth I have seen within you.

My falling madly in love with you is a function of my soul. Yet the fact that I trust myself to surrender to the experience...because I know I won't do anything stupid that...that I will not shirk my worldly responsibilities or abdicate my own strenght

Help me, dear God. to see my loved one's innocence, and to help her see mine. As we admit our weaknesses, make us strong. As we admit our fears, make our love grow deeper.

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: TO MY ETERNAL FLAME

To My Eternal Flame

The intensity I have been seeking, the inseparable oneness I yearn. Will your love assist my soul withstand and conquer my carnal fears? I know that in order to submit to the dept that you desire I must find a place, And I believe that to be Love. Amplified, squared, to infinity by the You. I need you to know with all certainty the absoluteness of this adoration that plagues me. I am Yours. Can you stand to be loved so much? Fills my heart so much there is overflow, many times more than I know what to do with. Brings a sparkle to my eyes , because the treasure is You. In all my relationship I believe that actions speak louder than words. Do you not see what is before you? Darling that our hearts are one and the same. That in a matter of moments this can all be over. I wish you to be full my love, filled with all that I can't even hold within myself. You are safe, your home. Just walk through the door and all that we have prayed and ached for shall be revealed on to us. How heights that we haven't even imagined will be soared over with ease. Because we belong and have been Blessed. I pray for the gift of being able to erase, heal all of your wounds. They are my own. I love beyond what our words can describe. And await for your arrival Home.

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: FORGIVE ME

You and I both know that we have shadow sides. We have edges, my darling, and resistance to love. If we're unevolved about this, then we will hurt each other, we will only cause pain. These aspect of ourselves could ruin this relationship. Let's consider this, before we embark

In fact, we were brought together for healing purpose. There will be something in your personality which is bound to trigger the unhealed parts of me and I will trigger yours.

But we can see this relationship differently. Through the grace of God, it can become a healing environment rather than an emotional torture chamber. Then I think I can work on those parts for myself and you can work on those part of you. We can even grow beyond these things. I just need you to know that i'm trying . Please share with me but try not to attack or judge me for these wounds i carry. And I will try my best to do the same for you. The holiness will be served here, and the relationship can deepen.

Forgive me, if you can and i vow to try to forgive

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: THIS IS HOME TO ME

The purpose of relationship it to trigger our wounds. That is how healing happens....darkness must be exposed before it can be transformed. The purpose of intimate relationship is not that it be a place where we can hide from our weakness, but rather where we can safely let them go. To endure a psychic surgery. We unconsciously seek the relationship that challenge us to deliver on our most soulful selves, as well as tempt us to fall into our most neurotic patterns.

As yet, my love...as yet. For I believe in the power of love and the magnetic draw of planets to their orbits. And you are drawn to encircle me as I am drawn to encircle you. Encircle each other we will forever, for our orbits are bound to one another's pull. The central sun has determined that, and its light, however dim or however bright, however central to our vision or merely peripheral and at times ignored, shall always call us back to our heart. And back at home, in the haven of love, we will always find each other, I will be there...if only for a moment, and I will say to you..each and every time...I remember my darling...This is home to me.

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER; UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING

Open your eyes and heart and you will see what is before you. I was sent to heal you, to make you whole again. That is my purpose and my reward. God has opened my heart to you when i thought that it would never open again..and now it has opened even bigger. So that it can contain you. he has made me stronger so that I can lovingly withstand the heaviness of your pain. He has blessed my with compassion that do I not even understand so that i can love the process. My love understand that I alone am weak and at times I release that on to you. Please forgive me. But the thing is that none of this lingers, my love for you melts it all away so that I can easily forgive. And see what is beneath your acting out. Soon after my analytical mind and selfish ranting quiets down enough for me to listen, I feel foolish for not having seen what you are desperately crying out for. Haven't you noticed that after the harsh and hurt words I always return to you ready for more? I have been prepared to be with you through your darkness. I pray to be given light. And that is why it does not offend me. Darling right now it is your turn to receive, my time will come. But first it is you who needs to be loved unconditionally and with no bonds or requirements. 

I am here to be whatever male entity that you need, and when appropriate, masculine qualities that may serve you. It is a father's touch that is so tender and patient and compassionate. And how can I deny you the purity of such an embrace?

But we can not enter this with preconceived notions if what to expect, if we are to evolve our relationship to a true level of unconditional love then we can not linger in fear on the mysteries that await us. We must live and love each other in the moment of now, so that we can withstand the test of time. 

And there in comes my submission to you, I submit myself as a vehicle of God, so that he may do His will, which is yours. Then I have no choice but to submit to yours because it is what is necessary so that you may know the magnitude of how you are loved. And there lies your sacrifice.

So now i say to you. That you have progressed within your own torment, you recognize
and battle your own demons. I believe that we have taken this as far as it can go within the limitations that our separateness affords us. We have already surpassed depth that few people have experienced. Take my hand, allow me to love you with a full embrace, I submit to you. If we do not take the leap of trust in loving are we not making this more difficult because we do not trust in the Universe to guide us. Lack of such faith can only dilute the wonders the Universe has in store for us and perhaps impact great things that a love such as ours can effect on the world, our world. I am here to catch you, behind you, beside you. Will you have me trust in my love for you, anointed from the heavens. Be with me because I too need you.

"But my suggestion is this...you can't wait until you feel safe to love and invite. Of course it's scary to surrender,,,it's vulnerable..it's naked. You need to stop hiding...and dominating, and just trust ...and offer your true self. To possess true love...you must be willing to suffer. Woman who are loving are woman who had their heart enlarged by suffering....by saying YES when the world says... NO. By paying the high price of loving truly and honestly without demanding that they loved in return and by refusing to numb their pain in the myraid of way available."


Unconditionally Loving,