We choose life as thinking, feeling human beings so we can learn to express God's love by the way we think and the way we feel. It's a lesson that takes hundred – sometimes thousands – of lifetimes to learn. We may choose, in-between lifetimes, to continue these lessons with the same souls we've learned with before. That's what makes up "soul mates."
It's a pretty rough when you think of coming together with another soul lifetime after lifetime after lifetime, trying to get 'universal love' right. Because we are thinking, feeling human beings, we have a tendency to let our ideas (or expectations), our feelings (relative to the present relationship or not) and our physical drives (especially sexual ones) be the driving force in our relationships, regardless of what level we may be relating on.
Choosing to respond from a carnal level instead of from a spiritual one incurs karmic debt, which means that we have to be on the receiving end of our carnal response sooner or later. The learning cycle goes on and on and on until we've related enough to know, from our own experience, that responding with love to every person, event and circumstance that comes into our lives is the only way to go.
In themeantime, while we're still learning our lessons on love, we live our lives as thinking, feeling human beings, and each time we meet someone who feels comfortable to us – someone who is so much more
familiar to us than the other people in our lives – we think we must be in love. And we LIKE thinking we're in love, because being in love is a driving force in all of us. How could we ever be in a position to learn the lessons we came here to learn if we aren't?
That's when the fairy tale aspect of the soul mate dilemma comes to light, and we begin to realize that romantic love isn't always the driving force in a soul mate relationship. The goal, we come to understand, is the opportunity to choose and express love and acceptance for each other, even if neither of us is who the other hoped we would be.
That's where the most difficult soul mate relationship lessons come into play. We have to make a choice, and it's no easy choice to make. Do we let the 'love of our life' go, because we love them and want them to be in a relationship where they can be accepted for who they are, or do we stay in the relationship, hoping that something that we do on an emotional, mental or physical level will change them into the person we want them to be?
What's a loving soul mate to do?
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
THOUGHTS/ LOVE/JOURNAL: SEX MEANS LOVE
Some years ago I met a beautiful German girl. She was captivating and I liked looking at her, but she was drunk and chain smoking - not my type. As we talked to her one the phone though, I felt something about her pulling me in. It didn't make sense, but I went with it anyway. We spent the following week together sharing, holding, looking, talking, touching...and then one evening, for no apparent reason, I said to her, "You know...I'm not in love with you". She looked at me strangely. I had no clue why had I said such a thing. Throughout our relationship however, it became clear why I had said it. I was afraid to love her. I was afraid that loving her would distract me from what I wanted at the time - both in life and in a woman. I had created so much pressure between my fear of settling and my love for her that the truth had literally leapt from my mouth. Do not be so stuck in your search for a "perfect partner" that you confuse settling with love, fear love and miss out on finding a soul mate. Another reason I may fear love, is that I fear loss."What if she's not that into me?" or "What if I scare her away?" This is the essence of life. The pleasure of love is inextricably bound to the pain of losing it. If you want to feel love, you must be brave enough to feel loss. And I guess that is why I usually want someone to surrender to me on the first date. I am afraid of rejection. To most men...sex means love....it means acceptance..it means you love me.
LOVE/ PERSONAL/ THOUGHTS: THE UNEXPECTED MEETING
The unexpected meeting of a woman who I believe to be my true soulmate made me challenge my entire belief principles. I first knew that there was something extraordinary at play when I first looked into her eyes. For what seemed like ages we were locked in a fathomless stare, searching through blurred past memories for answers or clues that would explain the spiritual experience we were having. It was like I had found someone that I'd lost and my soul was rejoicing by doing somersaults and happy dances inside me. I noticed the expression of astonishment on her face as she met my gaze with equal intensity. Unashamedly and without conscience, I allowed my secret passion for the stranger to overwhelm me. Our subsequent meetings only served to intensify the emotions. The energy flying about the room we inhabited was palpable and we feared our blatant attraction was transparent to others. When we were together in a room full of people it felt like we were connected by a cord that was pulling us together like a magnetic force. It seemed like she was the only one in the room and I was always aware of her presence, even if she was out of sight. I had a need to be with her at all times and to divulge all my dark secrets, which I did without regret. In only a short period she knew more about me than anyone in the world.
The moment our eyes met it happened... leaping heart, weak knees and a raw, enigmatic physical attraction. Her eyes were not windows to her soul but mirrors, reflecting my own soul back and sending shivers of joy down my spine. I was not prepared for the mysterious and breathtaking occurrences that transpired as we became more acquainted. I was swept away in a torrent so tumultuous that I feared I may have lost my mind. It was a total spiritual and physical awakening, like the fog had lifted and I was experiencing an old life through the eyes of a child. Everything had new meaning. The simple beauty of nature had me gasping in awe, every song had a meaning and life seemed so abundant. Physically I experienced amazing natural highs, a heightened sense of awareness and limitless creative and physical energy that I could not expend. I survived on very little sleep and I glowed with happiness. I couldn't stop dancing. When I left her I felt a smouldering, physical ache deep within my core and a longing that couldn't be satisfied. Our union was motivated by a strong urge to fulfill a purposeful mission together. That very duty compelled us to create a spiritual embassy that has touched the lives of many others. We are well aware that our meeting was instrumental to our success and that we could never have achieved our dreams singlehandedly or with anyone else.
The moment our eyes met it happened... leaping heart, weak knees and a raw, enigmatic physical attraction. Her eyes were not windows to her soul but mirrors, reflecting my own soul back and sending shivers of joy down my spine. I was not prepared for the mysterious and breathtaking occurrences that transpired as we became more acquainted. I was swept away in a torrent so tumultuous that I feared I may have lost my mind. It was a total spiritual and physical awakening, like the fog had lifted and I was experiencing an old life through the eyes of a child. Everything had new meaning. The simple beauty of nature had me gasping in awe, every song had a meaning and life seemed so abundant. Physically I experienced amazing natural highs, a heightened sense of awareness and limitless creative and physical energy that I could not expend. I survived on very little sleep and I glowed with happiness. I couldn't stop dancing. When I left her I felt a smouldering, physical ache deep within my core and a longing that couldn't be satisfied. Our union was motivated by a strong urge to fulfill a purposeful mission together. That very duty compelled us to create a spiritual embassy that has touched the lives of many others. We are well aware that our meeting was instrumental to our success and that we could never have achieved our dreams singlehandedly or with anyone else.
REVIEW: THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
In the movie, 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button', Daisy and Benjamin immediately recognise their soul mate connection when they first meet, but their life circumstances are less than ideal. The immediate and burgeoning love that they have for each other overcomes great odds, but finally ends in heartbreak because Benjamin is experiencing life backwards. He is growing younger as time elapses and Daisy is growing old. Although separated through the years, they stay friends throughout their lives, reuniting as lovers when they
simultaneously reach an age that allows them to create a love child. Sadly they part when the fear of physical regression overcomes Benjamin, who does not want to be a burden to his family
Though this example of a painful soul mate journey is fictitious, it is not unlike real life sagas told throughout history about couples not able to fully consummate their soul mate relationship due to life's complications. Tortured accounts of unfulfilled love between real-life soul mates could be due to the amount of unresolved karma perpetuated over the times spent apart during various incarnations. Individuals who are fortunate enough to meet their soul partner in life may need to balance negative karma before they can experience bliss together. This is due to our innate and known propensity to be corruptible and to err in the face of divine opportunity. In a nutshell, we can make some very bad decisions. The process of nurturing true and pure love with a soul partner therefore requires sacrifice of ego and communion with God to ready the soul for ultimate wholeness. For the soul mate partnership to be truly productive the individuals must have already attained some spiritual mastery during their journeys so that their eventual union will not be tainted.
simultaneously reach an age that allows them to create a love child. Sadly they part when the fear of physical regression overcomes Benjamin, who does not want to be a burden to his family
Though this example of a painful soul mate journey is fictitious, it is not unlike real life sagas told throughout history about couples not able to fully consummate their soul mate relationship due to life's complications. Tortured accounts of unfulfilled love between real-life soul mates could be due to the amount of unresolved karma perpetuated over the times spent apart during various incarnations. Individuals who are fortunate enough to meet their soul partner in life may need to balance negative karma before they can experience bliss together. This is due to our innate and known propensity to be corruptible and to err in the face of divine opportunity. In a nutshell, we can make some very bad decisions. The process of nurturing true and pure love with a soul partner therefore requires sacrifice of ego and communion with God to ready the soul for ultimate wholeness. For the soul mate partnership to be truly productive the individuals must have already attained some spiritual mastery during their journeys so that their eventual union will not be tainted.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
JOURNAL: Congress Presses New York Fed for More Details on Rate-Rigging Scandal By BEN PROTESS
Congress Presses New York Fed for More Details on Rate-Rigging Scandal
By BEN PROTESS
Congress widened its inquiry into the interest-rate manipulation
scandal, pressing the Federal Reserve Bank of New York to further
disclose its knowledge of the multiyear scheme.
On Monday, the oversight panel of the House Financial Services
Committee sent a letter to the New York Fed seeking volumes of records
about the London interbank offer rate, or Libor, a measure of how much
banks charge each other for loans. Lawmakers are demanding that the
New York Fed detail its communications with employees from all 16
banks that help set the interest rate, which affects the trillions of
dollars in mortgages and other loans.
The letter follows a Congressional request that the New York Fed turn
over transcripts from phone calls its officials had with just one
bank: Barclays.
In June, the British bank became the first to settle accusations that
it tried to manipulate Libor for its own benefit. Authorities around
the globe are investigating more than 10 other big banks for their
role in rigging the interest rate.
The initial transcripts released this month showed that the New York
Fed learned about wrongdoing at Barclays in 2008. That revelation
called into question whether the New York Fed pursued the matter
fully.
"We know that we're not posting um, an honest" rate, a Barclays
employee told a New York Fed official in April 2008, according to
transcripts. At the time, because high borrowing costs were a sign of
poor health, banks were submitting artificially low rates to project a
better image of their finances.
The transcript, among other documents, only fed the firestorm over
what regulators might have known about the rate-rigging scandal. The
New York Fed and other authorities are under scrutiny for failing to
thwart the illegal activities that, at Barclays, continued to 2009.
"There are still many outstanding questions that merit further
investigation," Representative Randy Neugebauer, the chairman of the
House Financial Services Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations,
wrote in the letter on Monday.
The latest request is likely to produce reams of memos and e-mails.
The subcommittee is demanding "all communications and documents"
between the New York Fed and the 16 banks over a five-year span, from
2007 to 2012. The New York Fed, which has until Sept. 1 to provide the
documents, must also turn over its internal documents and any
correspondence with authorities in the United States and abroad.
The New York Fed has defended its actions, saying it briefed
regulators about the broad problems with Libor.
But lawmakers have questioned why the New York Fed, despite its
awareness of misconduct at Barclays, did not refer the illegal acts to
regulators or the Justice Department. Instead, the New York Fed
circulated in June 2008 a plan to fix Libor, producing a six-point
plan to revamp the rate-setting process.
"As you know, the role of government is to ensure that our markets are
run with the highest standards of honesty, integrity and
transparency," Mr. Neugebauer wrote. "Therefore, any admission of
market manipulation -- regardless of the degree -- should be swiftly
and vigorously investigated."
By BEN PROTESS
Congress widened its inquiry into the interest-rate manipulation
scandal, pressing the Federal Reserve Bank of New York to further
disclose its knowledge of the multiyear scheme.
On Monday, the oversight panel of the House Financial Services
Committee sent a letter to the New York Fed seeking volumes of records
about the London interbank offer rate, or Libor, a measure of how much
banks charge each other for loans. Lawmakers are demanding that the
New York Fed detail its communications with employees from all 16
banks that help set the interest rate, which affects the trillions of
dollars in mortgages and other loans.
The letter follows a Congressional request that the New York Fed turn
over transcripts from phone calls its officials had with just one
bank: Barclays.
In June, the British bank became the first to settle accusations that
it tried to manipulate Libor for its own benefit. Authorities around
the globe are investigating more than 10 other big banks for their
role in rigging the interest rate.
The initial transcripts released this month showed that the New York
Fed learned about wrongdoing at Barclays in 2008. That revelation
called into question whether the New York Fed pursued the matter
fully.
"We know that we're not posting um, an honest" rate, a Barclays
employee told a New York Fed official in April 2008, according to
transcripts. At the time, because high borrowing costs were a sign of
poor health, banks were submitting artificially low rates to project a
better image of their finances.
The transcript, among other documents, only fed the firestorm over
what regulators might have known about the rate-rigging scandal. The
New York Fed and other authorities are under scrutiny for failing to
thwart the illegal activities that, at Barclays, continued to 2009.
"There are still many outstanding questions that merit further
investigation," Representative Randy Neugebauer, the chairman of the
House Financial Services Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations,
wrote in the letter on Monday.
The latest request is likely to produce reams of memos and e-mails.
The subcommittee is demanding "all communications and documents"
between the New York Fed and the 16 banks over a five-year span, from
2007 to 2012. The New York Fed, which has until Sept. 1 to provide the
documents, must also turn over its internal documents and any
correspondence with authorities in the United States and abroad.
The New York Fed has defended its actions, saying it briefed
regulators about the broad problems with Libor.
But lawmakers have questioned why the New York Fed, despite its
awareness of misconduct at Barclays, did not refer the illegal acts to
regulators or the Justice Department. Instead, the New York Fed
circulated in June 2008 a plan to fix Libor, producing a six-point
plan to revamp the rate-setting process.
"As you know, the role of government is to ensure that our markets are
run with the highest standards of honesty, integrity and
transparency," Mr. Neugebauer wrote. "Therefore, any admission of
market manipulation -- regardless of the degree -- should be swiftly
and vigorously investigated."
Monday, July 23, 2012
JOURNAL: Wealthy Stash $21 Trillion in 'Pirate Banking' System Posted By: Robert Frank
Wealthy Stash $21 Trillion in 'Pirate Banking' System
Posted By: Robert Frank | CNBC Reporter & Editor
There are two banking systems for the wealthy. Private banks. And
"pirate" banks.
"Pirate banks" form a large and fast-growing virtual banking system
that has helped the wealthy hide more than $21 trillion offshore,
according to a new report from the left-leaning Tax Justice Network
USA.
That hidden wealth is costing governments $280 billion a year in lost
tax revenue, the report says.
The report says much of that wealth is held by fewer than 10 million
of the global super-wealthy and is handled by the world's 50 largest
banks. Today's "pirate banking" clients include everyone from
"30-year-old Chinese real-estate speculators and Silicon Valley
software tycoons to Dubai oil sheks, Russian presidents, mineral-rich
African dictators and Mexican drug lords," the report said.
"The 'pirate banking' system now launders, shelters, manages and, if
necessary, re-domiciles the riches of many of the world's worst
villains, as well as the tangible and intangible assets and
liabilities of many of our wealthiest individuals," said the report.
The report was written by James Henry, a former economist for McKinsey & Co.
Of course, determining how much wealth is hidden overseas is an
imprecise science. And many conservative groups contest the estimate.
The problem, says Dan Mitchell, a senior fellow at the Cato Institute,
is that the estimate is based on a series of assumptions aimed at
making people "believe that much of cross-border investing is all
about tax evasion and that all this money should go to government, and
that this would be a good thing." The real problem facing governments,
Mitchell says, is spending not revenues.
The Tax Justice Network used data from the World Bank and
International Monetary Fund, the United Nations, central banks and
national accounts to model capital flows for 139 countries. It
supplemented this with other data on transfer prices and reserve
currencies, along with consulting firm research on offshoring.
All that data-crunching resulted in the estimate that the world's
wealthy have between $21 trillion and $32 trillion stashed offshore,
and that the world's top 50 banks collectively manage more than $12
trillion of that money. Smaller banks, investment banks, insurance
companies, hedge funds and independent money managers oversaw the
rest.
The $21 trillion to $32 trillion estimate does not include real
estate, yachts, thoroughbreds or gold bricks, which could also
increase the number.
The report says that traditional offshore havens like Switzerland and
Singapore hold substantial amounts. But much of the offshore fortune
is held in a "virtual country" – a network of complicated cross-border
entities designed to shelter wealth.
An asset may be "owned by an anonymous offshore company in one
jurisdiction, which is in turn owned by a trust in another
jurisdiction, whose trustees are in yet another jurisdiction," the
report said.
Posted By: Robert Frank | CNBC Reporter & Editor
There are two banking systems for the wealthy. Private banks. And
"pirate" banks.
"Pirate banks" form a large and fast-growing virtual banking system
that has helped the wealthy hide more than $21 trillion offshore,
according to a new report from the left-leaning Tax Justice Network
USA.
That hidden wealth is costing governments $280 billion a year in lost
tax revenue, the report says.
The report says much of that wealth is held by fewer than 10 million
of the global super-wealthy and is handled by the world's 50 largest
banks. Today's "pirate banking" clients include everyone from
"30-year-old Chinese real-estate speculators and Silicon Valley
software tycoons to Dubai oil sheks, Russian presidents, mineral-rich
African dictators and Mexican drug lords," the report said.
"The 'pirate banking' system now launders, shelters, manages and, if
necessary, re-domiciles the riches of many of the world's worst
villains, as well as the tangible and intangible assets and
liabilities of many of our wealthiest individuals," said the report.
The report was written by James Henry, a former economist for McKinsey & Co.
Of course, determining how much wealth is hidden overseas is an
imprecise science. And many conservative groups contest the estimate.
The problem, says Dan Mitchell, a senior fellow at the Cato Institute,
is that the estimate is based on a series of assumptions aimed at
making people "believe that much of cross-border investing is all
about tax evasion and that all this money should go to government, and
that this would be a good thing." The real problem facing governments,
Mitchell says, is spending not revenues.
The Tax Justice Network used data from the World Bank and
International Monetary Fund, the United Nations, central banks and
national accounts to model capital flows for 139 countries. It
supplemented this with other data on transfer prices and reserve
currencies, along with consulting firm research on offshoring.
All that data-crunching resulted in the estimate that the world's
wealthy have between $21 trillion and $32 trillion stashed offshore,
and that the world's top 50 banks collectively manage more than $12
trillion of that money. Smaller banks, investment banks, insurance
companies, hedge funds and independent money managers oversaw the
rest.
The $21 trillion to $32 trillion estimate does not include real
estate, yachts, thoroughbreds or gold bricks, which could also
increase the number.
The report says that traditional offshore havens like Switzerland and
Singapore hold substantial amounts. But much of the offshore fortune
is held in a "virtual country" – a network of complicated cross-border
entities designed to shelter wealth.
An asset may be "owned by an anonymous offshore company in one
jurisdiction, which is in turn owned by a trust in another
jurisdiction, whose trustees are in yet another jurisdiction," the
report said.
LOVE: I SEEM TO HAVE LOVED YOU IN NUMBERLESS FORMS
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times... In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs, That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms, In life after life, in age after age, forever.
Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age old pain, It's ancient tale of being apart or together. As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge, Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness of time. You become an image of what is remembered forever.
You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount. At the heart of time, love of one for another. We have played along side millions of lovers, Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting, the distressful tears of farewell, Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.
Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you The love of all man's days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life. The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours -
And the songs of every poet past and forever
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs, That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms, In life after life, in age after age, forever.
Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age old pain, It's ancient tale of being apart or together. As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge, Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness of time. You become an image of what is remembered forever.
You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount. At the heart of time, love of one for another. We have played along side millions of lovers, Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting, the distressful tears of farewell, Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.
Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you The love of all man's days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life. The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours -
And the songs of every poet past and forever
Sunday, July 22, 2012
COMMITMENT: PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR OF THE COMMITMENT PHOBIC
Sometimes when I want more from a relationship that person wants to flee. Some people call this type of person a commitment phobic. However it goes deeper than that. An emotionally distant person will often ACTUALLY want to commit or move closer to a person yet the fear on intimacy frightens them so much that it actually cripples them. Hence the passive aggressive behavior, ambiguous behaivor that’s all to common with this personality type.
The emotionally distant partner will use ANY excuse or tactic they can to create avoidance of either you or the relationship/friendship if the “pressure” gets to be too much. For them “pressure” usually will only have to involve either asking them to do something that involves the giving up more time and feelings than they choose. Or asking them to express their emotions. And last but not least, asking for a deeper commitment from them on all levels. The emotionally distant partner is VERY ambiguous, so trying to pin them down to commit to a date, appointment, meeting, etc. is often met with excuses and distance. This leaves the unsuspecting party hurt and confused. How could we go from having such a great time and talking everyday to them just disappearing? And to add insult to injury the wounded party usually isn’t aware of this trait until they are already emotionally invested in this person. This person has issues of their own and you just happen to be in their path/life.
Dealing with an emotionally distant partner can be torturous if you had started to develop feelings for this person. Nothing is wore than caring for someone AND actually knowing that they have feelings for you, yet they are not capable of showing it. So that brings us to the question “what can I do about it?” ” What can I do if I’m already emotionally tied to someone who is not capable of “giving” more?”
The first thing you need to do is recognize the warning signs and traits of this personality type. This will not only help you decide if you need to move forward without the. It will also help you spot this behavior in future mates.
1. They are emotionless when you are showing “deep” emotions.
2. They “clam” up when any type of intimacy is initiated. This person will talk the talk when it comes to relationships/friendships, but they can never seem to walk the walk.
3 They freak out at the mere mention of expressing emotions or spending more time together. Yes they will hang out with you, talk on the phone, even date. Some will even go as far as getting into a relationship but they ultimately aren’t capable of giving back. They show their displeasure by distancing themselves., not answering the phone, or giving you the silent treatment for days, sometimes weeks.
4. They are never there when you REALLY need them. Oh sure they have came through for you on several occasions, even when you have been in a pinch, but this is not the norm. As a matter of fact they will “conveniently” position themselves to always be unavailable/busy. This way they don’t look like the bad guy if they tell you no, or you simply won’t ask them in the first place.
5.The emotionally distant partner can sometimes be a serial cheater, or they are sure to involve themselves with people who are “unavailable” such as someone who is married, in another state, or who works long hours at their job. This way there is ALWAYS an excuse why they can’t give more of themselves. If the person suddenly becomes “available” such as moving to their town, gets a divorce, or takes a vacation from their job. they become distant or disappear altogether.
LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! NOTHING/NO ONE is worth your peace of and and happiness. People don’t change over night . And it’s not your place nor your job to fix them. Sometimes relationships are like glass, you can cut yourself trying to put the pieces back together. It ‘s better to just walk away.
The emotionally distant partner will use ANY excuse or tactic they can to create avoidance of either you or the relationship/friendship if the “pressure” gets to be too much. For them “pressure” usually will only have to involve either asking them to do something that involves the giving up more time and feelings than they choose. Or asking them to express their emotions. And last but not least, asking for a deeper commitment from them on all levels. The emotionally distant partner is VERY ambiguous, so trying to pin them down to commit to a date, appointment, meeting, etc. is often met with excuses and distance. This leaves the unsuspecting party hurt and confused. How could we go from having such a great time and talking everyday to them just disappearing? And to add insult to injury the wounded party usually isn’t aware of this trait until they are already emotionally invested in this person. This person has issues of their own and you just happen to be in their path/life.
Dealing with an emotionally distant partner can be torturous if you had started to develop feelings for this person. Nothing is wore than caring for someone AND actually knowing that they have feelings for you, yet they are not capable of showing it. So that brings us to the question “what can I do about it?” ” What can I do if I’m already emotionally tied to someone who is not capable of “giving” more?”
The first thing you need to do is recognize the warning signs and traits of this personality type. This will not only help you decide if you need to move forward without the. It will also help you spot this behavior in future mates.
1. They are emotionless when you are showing “deep” emotions.
2. They “clam” up when any type of intimacy is initiated. This person will talk the talk when it comes to relationships/friendships, but they can never seem to walk the walk.
3 They freak out at the mere mention of expressing emotions or spending more time together. Yes they will hang out with you, talk on the phone, even date. Some will even go as far as getting into a relationship but they ultimately aren’t capable of giving back. They show their displeasure by distancing themselves., not answering the phone, or giving you the silent treatment for days, sometimes weeks.
4. They are never there when you REALLY need them. Oh sure they have came through for you on several occasions, even when you have been in a pinch, but this is not the norm. As a matter of fact they will “conveniently” position themselves to always be unavailable/busy. This way they don’t look like the bad guy if they tell you no, or you simply won’t ask them in the first place.
5.The emotionally distant partner can sometimes be a serial cheater, or they are sure to involve themselves with people who are “unavailable” such as someone who is married, in another state, or who works long hours at their job. This way there is ALWAYS an excuse why they can’t give more of themselves. If the person suddenly becomes “available” such as moving to their town, gets a divorce, or takes a vacation from their job. they become distant or disappear altogether.
LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! NOTHING/NO ONE is worth your peace of and and happiness. People don’t change over night . And it’s not your place nor your job to fix them. Sometimes relationships are like glass, you can cut yourself trying to put the pieces back together. It ‘s better to just walk away.
LOVE/DATING: THE PROBLEM WITH SINGLE MOM
Most single mothers don't feel bound by men who are playing surrogate father to their children---offspring that they have sired from someone else. There's always a possibility that the father still will be involved, and if the split was amicable or not, that's something to contend with. At brass tacks, you are still a provider, one in which whatever contributions you make isn't valued enough.
Sex? Many men don't receive the affection they'd like, simply because honey is too exhausted from juggling work, kids, and who knows what else. This includes addictions they are nursing after binging. And usually single moms are in financial stress to even dire straits. They bitch about not having enough CS from their ex-spouse or any at all, yet with their own spending habits usually aren't disciplined, always in debt or having nothing to show for it at the end of the month.
There are compromises that you are going to make that are far more of a price if you had simply dated someone else that was childless. If the kids don't like you or never get attached despite their tolerance of you---you are still not their real father, no matter how bad he was (or how bad SHE paints him, which is fairly common), it still won't last. You will never be completely viewed as an equal partner, but an on-call babysitter. Single moms use their condition as a rationalization to be selfish about the things they do in daily life
Sex? Many men don't receive the affection they'd like, simply because honey is too exhausted from juggling work, kids, and who knows what else. This includes addictions they are nursing after binging. And usually single moms are in financial stress to even dire straits. They bitch about not having enough CS from their ex-spouse or any at all, yet with their own spending habits usually aren't disciplined, always in debt or having nothing to show for it at the end of the month.
There are compromises that you are going to make that are far more of a price if you had simply dated someone else that was childless. If the kids don't like you or never get attached despite their tolerance of you---you are still not their real father, no matter how bad he was (or how bad SHE paints him, which is fairly common), it still won't last. You will never be completely viewed as an equal partner, but an on-call babysitter. Single moms use their condition as a rationalization to be selfish about the things they do in daily life
THOUGHTS: THE SHAME
Do you ever have the following thoughts over and over: "I am defective", "I am stupid", "I am unlovable" and " I am bad"? The child receiving emotional abuse receives one or more deficiency messages from the shaming parents, such as:
- "You are no good" which tells the child she is bad.
- "You are not good enough" which tells the child she would be acceptable if she would do a little more; however, no matter what the child does, she never receives parental approval.
- "You don't belong" which tells the child that she is not a member of the family because she is different in some unacceptable way.
- "You are not lovable" which tells the child that she is not worthy of being loved and grows up believing no one could ever love her.
- "You should not exist" which tells the child that she is nothing and not worthy of living, and grows up experiencing an inner sense of emptiness.
As a result of these shaming messages, a shame-based person internalizes a negative core belief which states, "I am bad regardless what I do, even if what I do appears good."
Consequently, the shamed-base person reacts to the inner felt defectiveness in a number of dysfunctional ways, such as:
Consequently, the shamed-base person reacts to the inner felt defectiveness in a number of dysfunctional ways, such as:
- Paralysis in which the individual is unable to start or complete a project.
- Escapism in which the individual wants to withdraw from others.
- Perfectionism in which the individual believes she will be acceptable only if she never makes a mistake.
- Criticism in which the individual becomes highly critical of herself and others.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
JOURNAL/LOVE: I DESIRE TO BE LOVED BUT I RESIST IT
I desire to be loved but I resist it. I resist it because the experience of being loved requires surrender. It’s painful. When someone tells me they love me my first response is one of two polar extremes, both of which are forms of refusal. I don’t believe them because the tape plays that if they really knew me they wouldn’t love me . . . so their love for me is based upon ignorance. Or I don’t believe them because I’m confident they love me because of what I’m able to do for them to merit their expression of love . . . so their love for me is based upon my performance.
Either way, I’m refusing the pain of surrender in exchange for the perceived security of control. If I can decide what is and is not lovable about me, I’m in control. If I can do enough to earn your love for me, I’m in control.
The most powerful force on the planet is love. In its purest form (where I’m both known and loved), love is also the most resisted force even while it is the most desired.
Either way, I’m refusing the pain of surrender in exchange for the perceived security of control. If I can decide what is and is not lovable about me, I’m in control. If I can do enough to earn your love for me, I’m in control.
The most powerful force on the planet is love. In its purest form (where I’m both known and loved), love is also the most resisted force even while it is the most desired.
LOVE/DATING: WOMAN WHO THINK THE ARE ATTRACTIVE
Because you are "attractive," and have been able to capture the fleeting attention of men, you imagine that you can just pick through suitors until you find one who seems like a keeper--as if you were in a market picking through the vegetables. In other words, your pretty face is keeping you on the surface of life. And it is not just that men see you only superficially (your face, your body, but not your heart), you see the world in the very same way. Most woman have no particular urgency in loving anyone now, but just want to pick the right apple before they lose their looks and are "shuffled into the undesirable dating pile," from which she no longer will be able to pick and choose, but will have to take whatever comes along. Forgive me, but I consider that you are in the undesirable dating pile right now--regardless of how you look. What good-hearted man would want to date a woman who will be evaluating him as if he were an eggplant? If you wake up and see that in this very moment, while the sands of life are running through the glass, while the blood still courses through our veins, while the bell tolls, is the one and only time when love can be given and received, then you will be desirable regardless of age.
LOVE/DATING: DO PEOPLE REALLY WANT A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
I cannot stand the artificiality of dates and the pressure that they bring for having to make somewhat quick decisions about whether or not to continue pursuing the other person.To me, the ideal situation would involve getting to know someone on the phone. Over a course of time, I could then feel "free" about making a decision to pursue the woman romantically
I am not conceited, but I have to include this point so as to "check" everything--I am selective. Since I am well educated and intelligent, I like to date men who are compatible on these terms while I am also able to find them attractive (to me), ethical, fun, and socially skilled. This is an very difficult combination to find. I just want to be in a happy, committed relationship. I want to love and be loved. I have friends and family but feel very lonely for something deeper.
A committed relationship is a marriage--perhaps not always a legal one, but certainly an emotional and spiritual one. If you avoid marriage because you fear that you may feel differently in 10 or 20 years, then what is "committed" about the relationship? If what you mean by "commitment" is commitment to serial monogamy for as long as it feels good, OK, but in my view that is just a kind of playing at commitment which would be more accurately called "I'll stay with you until something better comes along, or until you lose whatever it is that now attracts me to you."
If that is the sort of intimate life you desire, so be it, but at least understand that there is absolutely nothing "committed" about such a procedure. Commitment, as I understand it, accepts (of course) that everything changes over time, but the couple is committed to going through all those changes--mental, emotional, physical, spiritual--together. I call this "drink the cup--right to the dregs." If that kind of commitment is not present, all that really exists is a kind of business deal: you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Personally speaking, I think that being alone and solitary in life is far less lonely than that kind of conditional so-called "commitment" in which ones lover might walk out as soon as one fell upon hard times, or became somehow disfigured, or ill, or unpopular, or poor. How can that kind of "take care of number one" approach ever really be called "commitment?"
Most bright, educated people who imagines that being able to think and to understand others' ideas means somehow that one is in control of thoughts and behavior (metacognition). I disagree totally with that view. I do not believe that we choose our thoughts; in my experience thoughts simply arise spontaneously from some unknown source, and afterwards we say "I think such and such. But how am "I" different from my thoughts? "I" am my thoughts; there is no thinker separate from them. Once this is seen, one begins to understand that there is nobody in control of anything: all of this "life" is simply unfolding as it does, and "myself" is the witness of it--he or she who is aware of this constant arising--not the doer of any of it. Does anyone really choose anything, or do we instead do what we must--the only thing we could have done--after perhaps agonizing over the idea of having to choose? In other words, perhaps ones "choices" really are much more an expression of ones character--ones destiny if you like that word better than character--and not really subject to conscious manipulation.
All of us humans are limited and wounded by our experiences with parents and other early caregivers, as well as by all our other experiences, and even by genetics. That is the basis for loving another person--one stops trying to make the best possible deal, and instead understands that the shortcomings of one's particular partner are the shortcomings of all of us. We all are deeply injured, and profoundly limited. The child, born in innocence, is not properly received, and the adult pays the price. We all need love, both to give and receive it. This is a human need--not a personal one of yours.
I am not conceited, but I have to include this point so as to "check" everything--I am selective. Since I am well educated and intelligent, I like to date men who are compatible on these terms while I am also able to find them attractive (to me), ethical, fun, and socially skilled. This is an very difficult combination to find. I just want to be in a happy, committed relationship. I want to love and be loved. I have friends and family but feel very lonely for something deeper.
A committed relationship is a marriage--perhaps not always a legal one, but certainly an emotional and spiritual one. If you avoid marriage because you fear that you may feel differently in 10 or 20 years, then what is "committed" about the relationship? If what you mean by "commitment" is commitment to serial monogamy for as long as it feels good, OK, but in my view that is just a kind of playing at commitment which would be more accurately called "I'll stay with you until something better comes along, or until you lose whatever it is that now attracts me to you."
If that is the sort of intimate life you desire, so be it, but at least understand that there is absolutely nothing "committed" about such a procedure. Commitment, as I understand it, accepts (of course) that everything changes over time, but the couple is committed to going through all those changes--mental, emotional, physical, spiritual--together. I call this "drink the cup--right to the dregs." If that kind of commitment is not present, all that really exists is a kind of business deal: you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Personally speaking, I think that being alone and solitary in life is far less lonely than that kind of conditional so-called "commitment" in which ones lover might walk out as soon as one fell upon hard times, or became somehow disfigured, or ill, or unpopular, or poor. How can that kind of "take care of number one" approach ever really be called "commitment?"
Most bright, educated people who imagines that being able to think and to understand others' ideas means somehow that one is in control of thoughts and behavior (metacognition). I disagree totally with that view. I do not believe that we choose our thoughts; in my experience thoughts simply arise spontaneously from some unknown source, and afterwards we say "I think such and such. But how am "I" different from my thoughts? "I" am my thoughts; there is no thinker separate from them. Once this is seen, one begins to understand that there is nobody in control of anything: all of this "life" is simply unfolding as it does, and "myself" is the witness of it--he or she who is aware of this constant arising--not the doer of any of it. Does anyone really choose anything, or do we instead do what we must--the only thing we could have done--after perhaps agonizing over the idea of having to choose? In other words, perhaps ones "choices" really are much more an expression of ones character--ones destiny if you like that word better than character--and not really subject to conscious manipulation.
All of us humans are limited and wounded by our experiences with parents and other early caregivers, as well as by all our other experiences, and even by genetics. That is the basis for loving another person--one stops trying to make the best possible deal, and instead understands that the shortcomings of one's particular partner are the shortcomings of all of us. We all are deeply injured, and profoundly limited. The child, born in innocence, is not properly received, and the adult pays the price. We all need love, both to give and receive it. This is a human need--not a personal one of yours.
LOVE/SEX/THOUGHTS: SEX IS LOVE TO A GUY
The reason I'm talking about being submissive is because it can bring more passion, strength and life to a relationship, and awaken the most masculine yet tender character in a man. Submission is almost never about admitting you're 'wrong', 'incapable' or 'weaker' than a man. Being submissive just allows for a man to feel more like a man around you.Most men don't want to be with a woman who doesn't respect a man's opinion, walks all over his ego, criticizes him, blames him, points the finger, demands things that are unreasonable, acts manipulative and deceiving, uses sex to get what she wants, etc.
Being submissive is also about trusting your man enough to let him show you the way sometimes. And, asking him for help. Or asking him for his opinion, or asking him for solutions. Most men who are in touch with their masculinity at their core would jump at the chance to help a woman with something – really! It makes him feel needed, and useful. Not to mention manly.Give him trust where you know it is deserved, and do it without question. The masculine energy wants to be trusted.
Have you seen men with their little girls/daughters? They don't want to let ANYTHING hurt their little girl! The same goes with their wife or girlfriend, if only she could show a little innocence and submission like a child might – looking up to him as the leader. No masculine man wants to fail at leadership.
To be submissive, a woman has to be ok with being uncertain. She has to let her guard down, peel off the mask and look of 'steel' and be free. Just look to your man as a possible source of strength for you when you might need it. Like he is the rock to your 'ocean of emotion'
This is incredibly strong from a woman's part. A lot of people think that by not trusting people, they are being strong, independent and smart. But, where does a lack of trust get you really? It gets you a whole world of pain, that's what it does. You walk around, holding yourselves back, not able to be free and to let go, and to fully enjoy what life has to offer, and not able to give people a chance to show their better side (often if you trust someone, they want to please MORE, as I was saying above about not trusting a man and how this can sometimes push him to betrayal).
Part of knowing how to be submissive, and knowing that it doesn't mean you are inferior is understanding that by surrendering to a man's leadership and strength at times, you allow your relationship to flow, be real and just be free. Without so much pent up anger and negative association that plagues many modern marriages and relationships. If your man isn't being made to feel like a man around you, he'll be attracted to some other woman who DOES make him feel that way. Trust me.
Sex is one of the ultimate feminine acts of love. Let me explain why below.
The first reason is submission. In order for you to give your man sex, you have to be vulnerable to him, and you have to submit to him. This is one quick way for a man to feel more like a man; The visual aspect of submission is also a factor.it indicates that she is completely submitting to him, and giving him power/letting him dominate.
In order to give a man sex, a woman has to be vulnerable to him. In fact, she has to open to him and be comfortable with being vulnerable to him. Of course, some women engage in sex out of obligation, or feel that they have to in order to please their man, so they do it. In other words, their heart is not in it. If a woman's heart is not in it, and she's doing it on autopilot, then she is not fully vulnerable to him, and the man will sense this, although he will most likely not want to accept that she is doing it out of obligation.
The concept of vulnerability goes hand-in-hand with the idea of trust. The masculine energy/men has a real need to be trusted. And of course, if you are comfortable being fully vulnerable to him, then this indicates that you are trusting of him.
The act of sex is a symbol of admiration... Another reason is that the act of sex is a symbol of admiration for the man. Without being rude or unnecessarily graphic, a man's penis is as close to the heart of his manhood as you can get. Men subconsciously or consciously see it as part of what makes them a man. If a woman rejects this part of him, it leads him to think that she is not attracted to him, or that she doesn't love him.
Women often perceive love in different things than what men do (obviously). A woman may perceive love in a man taking the time to listen to her, buy her gifts, take her out, commit to her, protect her, talk to her, put her first, hug her, caress her, call her, write her letters, making the first move, being the rock and the leader in the relationship, complimenting her, etc. Whilst many of these things are important to men too, men also perceive great love in having sex They are not so much talkers like women are, and perceive that a woman loves him if she does have sex with him regularly. (Not always – but I'm not condoning casual sex here – I'm referring to those in a
relationship).
There are many ways to express love. In this respect, men speak a different language of love, and it is no use telling a man you love him, and admire him (which is always fantastic, by the way!) if you will not open up to him sexually. If a man loves a woman, he craves for her to be open to him/accept him, not only sexually, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. The important thing to take out of this point is that by giving your sex, you are giving him love in the way that he understands it and can receive it. In order to truly give to someone, you have to understand how they perceive love, and being taken care of. It's the same in an intimate relationship.
Although you may not always perceive love in giving sex by him he perceives love. This is sometimes very difficult for women to relate to, It's very easy for a woman to consider a man insensitive, sleazy or selfish if he is regularly asking for sex. And, it is often that women exclaim in confusion: 'Why is it all about the sex?!!" It isn't. It's about how men perceive love, acceptance and admiration. For many years now, men have been encouraged to reject the 'ungentlemanly' side of themselves which breaks the rules, and wants to engage in passionate sex with a woman.
A lot of men are afraid to 'hurt' their woman, and fear asking for sex, for fear of rejection. This leads to a painful contradiction for a man. He fears rejection if he asks, yet he feels rejection anyway, when you don't want to have sex with him. To a man, if a woman wants to have sex with him regularly, it means she loves him and is attracted to him. It's important women understand that the masculine energy perceives importance and significance in a woman being very sexually attracted to him.
Why do men perceive so much connection in sex? The reason is because – men don't generally communicate to other men the way women communicate with other women (and men). It's hard for a man to go to his guy friends to talk, to connect and to feel loved. The masculine energy is all about getting things done, moving on to the next challenge, putting an end to things – and letting go. The feminine energy doesn't let go, it holds on. This holding on entails the emotional side of things. Woman are much more emotional creatures, and simply don't need sex to feel regularly connected to other human beings. (Not that men cannot connect with others through talking too). The difference is that men do. This is one of the primary ways in which men can feel connected to, and loved by their woman.
Many men are living with a deep sense of loneliness that is quite foreign to most woman And making love is the purest salve for that loneliness. A man really does feel isolated, even with his wife. But in making love, there is one other person in this world that you can be completely vulnerable with and be totally accepted and non-judged. It is a solace that goes very deep into the heart of a man.Fulfilling sex gives him confidence. What happens in the bedroom really does affect how I feel the next day at the office.Sex is a release of a day-to-day pressures and seems to make everything else better.
A man can't just turn off the physical and emotional importance of sex, which is why its lack can be compared to the emotional pain you'd feel if your husband simply stopped talking to you. If you view sex as a purely physical need, it might indeed seem comparable to sleep. But once you realize that your man is actually saying, "This is essential to my feeling of being loved and desired by you, and is critical to counteract my stress, my fears, and my loneliness," well… that suddenly puts it in a different category. So how might you respond?
First, know that you're responding to a tender heart hiding behind all that testosterone. If responding physically seems out of the question, let your words be heart words—reassuring, affirming, adoring. Do everything in your power—using words and actions your man understands—to keep those pangs of personal rejection from striking the man you love. Leave him in no doubt that you love to love him.
Some women are uncomfortable with the idea of giving their man sex, because they dislike being vulnerable (not that they consciously use these words). They hate being asked for it, and they unfortunately start to make their man feel bad about his need for sex, and because the man loves the woman, he slowly rejects the intensely sexual part of himself in order to feel more loved and accepted by her, and in order not to 'hurt' her.
To put it very simply, if a woman lives mainly in her feminine, and appreciates and chooses to understand rather than reject the masculine energy – she will have no trouble understanding and even appreciating, loving and enjoying the fact that her man gets a lot of his needs met through sex.
Being submissive is also about trusting your man enough to let him show you the way sometimes. And, asking him for help. Or asking him for his opinion, or asking him for solutions. Most men who are in touch with their masculinity at their core would jump at the chance to help a woman with something – really! It makes him feel needed, and useful. Not to mention manly.Give him trust where you know it is deserved, and do it without question. The masculine energy wants to be trusted.
Have you seen men with their little girls/daughters? They don't want to let ANYTHING hurt their little girl! The same goes with their wife or girlfriend, if only she could show a little innocence and submission like a child might – looking up to him as the leader. No masculine man wants to fail at leadership.
To be submissive, a woman has to be ok with being uncertain. She has to let her guard down, peel off the mask and look of 'steel' and be free. Just look to your man as a possible source of strength for you when you might need it. Like he is the rock to your 'ocean of emotion'
This is incredibly strong from a woman's part. A lot of people think that by not trusting people, they are being strong, independent and smart. But, where does a lack of trust get you really? It gets you a whole world of pain, that's what it does. You walk around, holding yourselves back, not able to be free and to let go, and to fully enjoy what life has to offer, and not able to give people a chance to show their better side (often if you trust someone, they want to please MORE, as I was saying above about not trusting a man and how this can sometimes push him to betrayal).
Part of knowing how to be submissive, and knowing that it doesn't mean you are inferior is understanding that by surrendering to a man's leadership and strength at times, you allow your relationship to flow, be real and just be free. Without so much pent up anger and negative association that plagues many modern marriages and relationships. If your man isn't being made to feel like a man around you, he'll be attracted to some other woman who DOES make him feel that way. Trust me.
Sex is one of the ultimate feminine acts of love. Let me explain why below.
The first reason is submission. In order for you to give your man sex, you have to be vulnerable to him, and you have to submit to him. This is one quick way for a man to feel more like a man; The visual aspect of submission is also a factor.it indicates that she is completely submitting to him, and giving him power/letting him dominate.
In order to give a man sex, a woman has to be vulnerable to him. In fact, she has to open to him and be comfortable with being vulnerable to him. Of course, some women engage in sex out of obligation, or feel that they have to in order to please their man, so they do it. In other words, their heart is not in it. If a woman's heart is not in it, and she's doing it on autopilot, then she is not fully vulnerable to him, and the man will sense this, although he will most likely not want to accept that she is doing it out of obligation.
The concept of vulnerability goes hand-in-hand with the idea of trust. The masculine energy/men has a real need to be trusted. And of course, if you are comfortable being fully vulnerable to him, then this indicates that you are trusting of him.
The act of sex is a symbol of admiration... Another reason is that the act of sex is a symbol of admiration for the man. Without being rude or unnecessarily graphic, a man's penis is as close to the heart of his manhood as you can get. Men subconsciously or consciously see it as part of what makes them a man. If a woman rejects this part of him, it leads him to think that she is not attracted to him, or that she doesn't love him.
Women often perceive love in different things than what men do (obviously). A woman may perceive love in a man taking the time to listen to her, buy her gifts, take her out, commit to her, protect her, talk to her, put her first, hug her, caress her, call her, write her letters, making the first move, being the rock and the leader in the relationship, complimenting her, etc. Whilst many of these things are important to men too, men also perceive great love in having sex They are not so much talkers like women are, and perceive that a woman loves him if she does have sex with him regularly. (Not always – but I'm not condoning casual sex here – I'm referring to those in a
relationship).
There are many ways to express love. In this respect, men speak a different language of love, and it is no use telling a man you love him, and admire him (which is always fantastic, by the way!) if you will not open up to him sexually. If a man loves a woman, he craves for her to be open to him/accept him, not only sexually, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. The important thing to take out of this point is that by giving your sex, you are giving him love in the way that he understands it and can receive it. In order to truly give to someone, you have to understand how they perceive love, and being taken care of. It's the same in an intimate relationship.
Although you may not always perceive love in giving sex by him he perceives love. This is sometimes very difficult for women to relate to, It's very easy for a woman to consider a man insensitive, sleazy or selfish if he is regularly asking for sex. And, it is often that women exclaim in confusion: 'Why is it all about the sex?!!" It isn't. It's about how men perceive love, acceptance and admiration. For many years now, men have been encouraged to reject the 'ungentlemanly' side of themselves which breaks the rules, and wants to engage in passionate sex with a woman.
A lot of men are afraid to 'hurt' their woman, and fear asking for sex, for fear of rejection. This leads to a painful contradiction for a man. He fears rejection if he asks, yet he feels rejection anyway, when you don't want to have sex with him. To a man, if a woman wants to have sex with him regularly, it means she loves him and is attracted to him. It's important women understand that the masculine energy perceives importance and significance in a woman being very sexually attracted to him.
Why do men perceive so much connection in sex? The reason is because – men don't generally communicate to other men the way women communicate with other women (and men). It's hard for a man to go to his guy friends to talk, to connect and to feel loved. The masculine energy is all about getting things done, moving on to the next challenge, putting an end to things – and letting go. The feminine energy doesn't let go, it holds on. This holding on entails the emotional side of things. Woman are much more emotional creatures, and simply don't need sex to feel regularly connected to other human beings. (Not that men cannot connect with others through talking too). The difference is that men do. This is one of the primary ways in which men can feel connected to, and loved by their woman.
Many men are living with a deep sense of loneliness that is quite foreign to most woman And making love is the purest salve for that loneliness. A man really does feel isolated, even with his wife. But in making love, there is one other person in this world that you can be completely vulnerable with and be totally accepted and non-judged. It is a solace that goes very deep into the heart of a man.Fulfilling sex gives him confidence. What happens in the bedroom really does affect how I feel the next day at the office.Sex is a release of a day-to-day pressures and seems to make everything else better.
A man can't just turn off the physical and emotional importance of sex, which is why its lack can be compared to the emotional pain you'd feel if your husband simply stopped talking to you. If you view sex as a purely physical need, it might indeed seem comparable to sleep. But once you realize that your man is actually saying, "This is essential to my feeling of being loved and desired by you, and is critical to counteract my stress, my fears, and my loneliness," well… that suddenly puts it in a different category. So how might you respond?
First, know that you're responding to a tender heart hiding behind all that testosterone. If responding physically seems out of the question, let your words be heart words—reassuring, affirming, adoring. Do everything in your power—using words and actions your man understands—to keep those pangs of personal rejection from striking the man you love. Leave him in no doubt that you love to love him.
Some women are uncomfortable with the idea of giving their man sex, because they dislike being vulnerable (not that they consciously use these words). They hate being asked for it, and they unfortunately start to make their man feel bad about his need for sex, and because the man loves the woman, he slowly rejects the intensely sexual part of himself in order to feel more loved and accepted by her, and in order not to 'hurt' her.
To put it very simply, if a woman lives mainly in her feminine, and appreciates and chooses to understand rather than reject the masculine energy – she will have no trouble understanding and even appreciating, loving and enjoying the fact that her man gets a lot of his needs met through sex.
Friday, July 20, 2012
THOUGHTS: EACH SECOND
Every second brings a fresh beginning, every hour holds a new promise,every night our dreams can bring hope, and every day is what you choose to make it. So today, choose to be happy. Something wonderful
will happen. believe.
You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved.you've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. do what you will. mash it into mince meat. or forget i ever handed it to you. as long as you have it. that's the thing about love. it makes us crazy. it makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. it's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. and it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole
I'm sorry that you're hurting so desperately right now. I know how painful the seconds, and minutes, and days can be, how long the nights are. I understand how very hard hanging on is, and how much courage it takes.
I ask though that you hold onto one day at a time. Just one day, and slowly this despair will pass. The feelings you fear you're trapped in will serve their purpose, and then fade away. Difficult to imagine isn't it? Almost impossible to believe when every cell in your body it seems cries out in agony, desperately in need of comfort. When it feels like the only thing in the whole world that can touch your pain and banish it is beyond your grasp. And after all this time, the assurance that you will heal has become an empty, broken promise.
Hold on because it's worth the terrible waiting. Hold on because you are worthy. Hold on because the wisdom that will follow you out of this darkness will be a tremendous gift. Hold on because you have so
much love and joy waiting to be experienced. Hold on because life is precious, even though it can bring terrible losses. Hold on because there is so much that you can't now imagine waiting ahead on your
journey - a destiny that only you can fulfill. Hold on although your exhausted and your grasp is shaky, and you want more than anything to let go sometimes, hold on even though. Please hold on.
And the light, the light at the end of the dark tunnel for so long cannot be seen, although eventually you'll begin to feel its' warmth as you move forward. And forward you must move in order to get through the hell of remembering, of despair, of rage, of grief. Keep looking forward please. Rest if you must, doubt your ability to survive the journey if you have to, but never let go of the guide ropes, although when you close your fingers around them, your hands feel empty, they are there. Please trust me, they are there.
When you're exhausted, when all you have to count on is a weakened, weary faith, hold on. When you think you want to die, hold on until you recognize that it's not death you seek, but for the pain to go away. Hold on, because this darkness will surely fade away. Hold on. Please hold on.
will happen. believe.
You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved.you've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. do what you will. mash it into mince meat. or forget i ever handed it to you. as long as you have it. that's the thing about love. it makes us crazy. it makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. it's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. and it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole
I'm sorry that you're hurting so desperately right now. I know how painful the seconds, and minutes, and days can be, how long the nights are. I understand how very hard hanging on is, and how much courage it takes.
I ask though that you hold onto one day at a time. Just one day, and slowly this despair will pass. The feelings you fear you're trapped in will serve their purpose, and then fade away. Difficult to imagine isn't it? Almost impossible to believe when every cell in your body it seems cries out in agony, desperately in need of comfort. When it feels like the only thing in the whole world that can touch your pain and banish it is beyond your grasp. And after all this time, the assurance that you will heal has become an empty, broken promise.
Hold on because it's worth the terrible waiting. Hold on because you are worthy. Hold on because the wisdom that will follow you out of this darkness will be a tremendous gift. Hold on because you have so
much love and joy waiting to be experienced. Hold on because life is precious, even though it can bring terrible losses. Hold on because there is so much that you can't now imagine waiting ahead on your
journey - a destiny that only you can fulfill. Hold on although your exhausted and your grasp is shaky, and you want more than anything to let go sometimes, hold on even though. Please hold on.
And the light, the light at the end of the dark tunnel for so long cannot be seen, although eventually you'll begin to feel its' warmth as you move forward. And forward you must move in order to get through the hell of remembering, of despair, of rage, of grief. Keep looking forward please. Rest if you must, doubt your ability to survive the journey if you have to, but never let go of the guide ropes, although when you close your fingers around them, your hands feel empty, they are there. Please trust me, they are there.
When you're exhausted, when all you have to count on is a weakened, weary faith, hold on. When you think you want to die, hold on until you recognize that it's not death you seek, but for the pain to go away. Hold on, because this darkness will surely fade away. Hold on. Please hold on.
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