Sometimes when I want more from a relationship that person wants to flee. Some people call this type of person a commitment phobic. However it goes deeper than that. An emotionally distant person will often ACTUALLY want to commit or move closer to a person yet the fear on intimacy frightens them so much that it actually cripples them. Hence the passive aggressive behavior, ambiguous behaivor that’s all to common with this personality type.
The emotionally distant partner will use ANY excuse or tactic they can to create avoidance of either you or the relationship/friendship if the “pressure” gets to be too much. For them “pressure” usually will only have to involve either asking them to do something that involves the giving up more time and feelings than they choose. Or asking them to express their emotions. And last but not least, asking for a deeper commitment from them on all levels. The emotionally distant partner is VERY ambiguous, so trying to pin them down to commit to a date, appointment, meeting, etc. is often met with excuses and distance. This leaves the unsuspecting party hurt and confused. How could we go from having such a great time and talking everyday to them just disappearing? And to add insult to injury the wounded party usually isn’t aware of this trait until they are already emotionally invested in this person. This person has issues of their own and you just happen to be in their path/life.
Dealing with an emotionally distant partner can be torturous if you had started to develop feelings for this person. Nothing is wore than caring for someone AND actually knowing that they have feelings for you, yet they are not capable of showing it. So that brings us to the question “what can I do about it?” ” What can I do if I’m already emotionally tied to someone who is not capable of “giving” more?”
The first thing you need to do is recognize the warning signs and traits of this personality type. This will not only help you decide if you need to move forward without the. It will also help you spot this behavior in future mates.
1. They are emotionless when you are showing “deep” emotions.
2. They “clam” up when any type of intimacy is initiated. This person will talk the talk when it comes to relationships/friendships, but they can never seem to walk the walk.
3 They freak out at the mere mention of expressing emotions or spending more time together. Yes they will hang out with you, talk on the phone, even date. Some will even go as far as getting into a relationship but they ultimately aren’t capable of giving back. They show their displeasure by distancing themselves., not answering the phone, or giving you the silent treatment for days, sometimes weeks.
4. They are never there when you REALLY need them. Oh sure they have came through for you on several occasions, even when you have been in a pinch, but this is not the norm. As a matter of fact they will “conveniently” position themselves to always be unavailable/busy. This way they don’t look like the bad guy if they tell you no, or you simply won’t ask them in the first place.
5.The emotionally distant partner can sometimes be a serial cheater, or they are sure to involve themselves with people who are “unavailable” such as someone who is married, in another state, or who works long hours at their job. This way there is ALWAYS an excuse why they can’t give more of themselves. If the person suddenly becomes “available” such as moving to their town, gets a divorce, or takes a vacation from their job. they become distant or disappear altogether.
LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! NOTHING/NO ONE is worth your peace of and and happiness. People don’t change over night . And it’s not your place nor your job to fix them. Sometimes relationships are like glass, you can cut yourself trying to put the pieces back together. It ‘s better to just walk away.
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