THOUGHTS/ LOVE/JOURNAL: SEX MEANS LOVE

Some years ago I met a beautiful German girl. She was captivating and I liked looking at her, but she was drunk and chain smoking - not my type. As we talked to her one the phone though, I felt something about her pulling me in. It didn't make sense, but I went with it anyway. We spent the following week together sharing, holding, looking, talking, touching...and then one evening, for no apparent reason, I said to her, "You know...I'm not in love with you". She looked at me strangely. I had no clue why had I said such a thing. Throughout our relationship however, it became clear why I had said it. I was afraid to love her. I was afraid that loving her would distract me from what I wanted at the time - both in life and in a woman. I had created so much pressure between my fear of settling and my love for her that the truth had literally leapt from my mouth. Do not be so stuck in your search for a "perfect partner" that you confuse settling with love, fear love and miss out on finding a soul mate. Another reason I may fear love, is that I fear loss."What if she's not that into me?" or "What if I scare her away?" This is the essence of life. The pleasure of love is inextricably bound to the pain of losing it. If you want to feel love, you must be brave enough to feel loss. And I guess that is why I usually want someone to surrender to me on the first date. I am afraid of rejection. To most men...sex means love....it means acceptance..it means you love me.