LOVE/PERSONAL/THOUGHTS: HOW DO YOU LET GO OF SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT

I am one of those "single guys.” that people always said, “We have to get you married” or “You're such a great catch, why aren’t you married”. Of course, someone always had a suggestion of a great woman. I was happy people still thought of me but it was actually pretty tiresome and exhausting. Despite the optimism and encouragement of others, I started to lose hope. Scores of dates over the years had worn me out.

We go through hell on earth to meet someone, elicit their details, spend ages and ages chatting, emailing, messaging, writing, phoning and then we go dating. And then we go dating again. And it comes to nothing. And ultimately dating fatigue sets in...Emotionally drained, high hopes, low results and I just know that I can't only be the only one feeling this way.The single factor that crops up more than anything is lying. People tell lies, they tell me what I want to hear, they pretend to be something they aren't and they avoid the truth about things they shouldn't. Not everyone does that, but a great many do. Its because many people don't feel happy about themselves, they want to be something larger than life, they want to impress me. It's the same story..they travel there ...ate here...ect..That is a turn off.

So, maybe I didn't eat my Wheaties today, but. I'm tired of "So what do you do?" and "Do you have brothers or sisters?" and "How old are your kids?". I'm tired of liking women who don't like me, and being liked by women who creep me out. I'm tired of updating my profile with new photos and I'm tired of making witty repartee on the phone with a complete stranger. I'm tired of getting all excited before I meet her only to be confronted with the alarmingly disingenous lies she told to get me there. I'm tired of being polite but bored out of my SKULL for 30-45 minutes. I'm tired of being judged, and I'm tired of judging them. I WISH that I could just tell myself, "OK, I quit." Sometimes I do. But then, a week or a month, well, I un-hide my profile and here I go again.

Too many times I’d either wasted my time or gotten my hopes up – only to be disappointed.They want to see more picture. They want to see if there is chemistry. They are so much cautious out there. It doesn't seem they want to invite love in their life. What happen to the person who want finds personality and character more important than looks...or money. What happen to kindness and acceptance. Most woman are holding out for the perfect person I guess and I am not perfect. They sure don't act like they want to get married. To find a husband, A woman needed to be willing to do whatever it takes.I can tell if a woman really want to be in a relationship with me or not....because her behavior shows it. A woman that is serious about you will tell you things that she is going to do or be or accomplish – and you will see her doing them, being them, accomplishing them. Step by step the serious she moves forward with you and your relationship. She may move slowly, but she moves forward and you can SEE it… you can FEEL it. Your trust and belief in her is important, and she does everything to prove to you that she means what she says. There are other woman who all only cares about is whether or not you meet her needs--for a place to stay, for sex, for a hot plate, as a rebound comfort, as a convenience. These are the ones I stay away from.

I hate being let down by people who I have invested so much trust in. I am sick of being left disappointed when the people I care most about aren’t here for me when I need them. I am sick and tired of every single failed relationship I endure. I always try my hardest to make things work, to be the best I can be and to be as supportive, loving, caring and understanding as possible only to be continually left feeling unwanted, unloved and uncared for. After each relationship fails, I’m left feeling used, and in the end I can only blame myself for having so much faith in people who are only in it for their own selfish reasons. I am sick of giving my all and laying my heart on the chopping board every time I think that maybe, just maybe, this woman will be the right woman for me. That she will treat me right, be honest, be there for me when I need her, show me that they care about me and give their all for me too. Why is that so hard to ask? Is it too much to ask for people to just stop playing games and pulling on my heartstrings and to just be true to themselves and to the people who they take interest in? I have been let down so many times in the past and each and every time I have been let down I feel like a piece of my heart is ripped from me. I feel like my heart is running on empty, that there’s just one little battered piece left remaining holding on for dear life, and I don’t want to risk losing it to anyone when I know that they will innevitably let me down, just like all the others have done

I was once walking alone on a wonderful beach in Morocco and felt like, God I wanna share this with someone but nobody was beside me…I was really sad and suddenly, from nowhere came to me a child (3 or 4 Yrs old maybe) She had escaped her playful parents and ran towards me with arms wide open. I carried her, she made me a kiss on the cheek and by a sign of her cute face, she made me put her down ! I smiled to her parents who smiled back and it was a magnificent moment engraved in my memory forever. I guess God was listening to me.

I’m often asked how I remain patient with God’s plan for my life when I’m still single.The truth is that there have been many moments when I’ve been tired of waiting My mom challenged me once. “You need to let go and trust God with this,” she said. I started tearing up. She was right. I asked, “How do you let go of something so important?” Relinquishing this to universe has been quite a process, but I don’t want anything for myself that God doesn’t want for me. Where are the joy and abundant life in settling for something that He doesn’t desire for my life? Releasing this was incredibly freeing. I still believe universe will grant me this desire, but I will trust God either way. Until you come to that place of abandonment, the grass always looks greener on the other side. If you can’t surrender something of such importance, the danger is that when it comes you will cling to it and suffocate it, and you may end up hurting the very thing you have longed for. I now feel that I will be able to go into marriage as a whole person. A better prayer than “God, when will You bring the special woman into my life?” is “God, I don’t know what You have in mind for my future . . . but I await whatever it is expectantly, knowing that You know me better than I even know myself.” I don’t want any less than what God has in mind. I want the best that He has in mind.Life as is love is all about acceptance and letting go. Embrace where you are at at this very moment for resistance is giving permission to opposition. Being where you are allows to see all of your options.

Most people like met for coffee or something. it’s a lot of time and effort for what may–in the short term–be very little reward. I decided that I am not going to do that anymore. I will only met if it end in marriage and kids. When I think about my future and who I’d want to have by my side for the rest of my life, I like to think about the forever part. Can I stare at her face forever? Do I want to go out to eat with her…forever? Do I want her to touch me and vice versa…forever? Forever is a long time and seems to be a good measurement of how much I really like someone. I’m picturing Mary Poppins with her magical tape measure and when she measures herself, it says–Mary Poppins, wonderful in every way. My tape measure would say, Forever—you sure you want to stick with this one?

If falling in love is such a deep spiritual feeling of connection then you really don't have to see each other to falling in love,seeing that person physically to me just says that everything that you thought about them has been confirmed. Its the knowing already of your heart and the seeing them in person that you can't seemed to get enough of....before you fall in love with someone physically you have loved them within your heart for a while...you already know,there is a peaceful feeling of rightness about him/her. Its like your soul is at peace as if you have always belonged. Its that you have both went on different adventures,life experiences and now are getting back together...to love someone is to look at them and see yourself being reflected back to you,its two people sharing the same heart...they can never hurt you,cause hurting yourself is like hurting themselves.

Fallining in love to me means that a woman can speak to my heart and soul and take me into her heart and want to treasure me. She knows the worth and value of who I am as a person,she knows that I'm the most precious find she'll ever find here on earth that means something.

I can write to express my soul,words flow out of me because that is who I am. There is no searching for words for they are a continuation of what I'm thinking and feeling. I dont believe in that perfect person. I love them because they are imperfect and uniquely themselves for that is what makes them so interesting to me. You cannot love someone until they can love themself and that does not mean you love yourself in a selfish or greedy,needy way. There is a difference when you find someone who loves themselves fully,that is when you know that they can give their love out to everyone that they meet and that is how you know she is the right one for you because of her capability to care and love with those around her.

You know? I can go on and on talking with you about love and falling in love with someone just from reading your profile? That is what you should be already...In love with me. That is because my heart speaks to your in a deeper level then what most men want...I really want someone who can just fall in love with my soul and not that you just will say " Its like reading my perfect man come to life,damn it someone wrote him up! I want you to dont want to stop reading about me, to be consumes by about me with every thought, to wish for the book to never end...

Just saying...I think I am one in a million men....when I love,I love with everything that I am and who I am.

I'm not a time wasting man and I will know pretty much right away when I feel the deeper level of connection with someone. I've been burned a couple of times on this dating site of women not being who they say they are so I'm learning how to be more cautious. At the same time I'm not afraid to risk falling in love with someone.or risking my heart over and over again. It is a human experience as you have said,thank goodness that my heart just knows how to give love,so I forgive easily those that have hurt me and just keep what wonderful human experiences that I have learned to enhanced my own growth as a man.

PERSONAL/LOVE/THOUGHT: BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE RADIATE A KIND OF PEACH

I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach - we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty.

We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with the one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know - unless it is to share our laughter. We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we want to love and be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls.
We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love. We are wanderers, dreamers and lovers, lonely souls who dare ask of life everything good and beautiful.

I was a kid who wanted to be handsome, but more desperately wanted to feel loved. My self esteem increased through the years, but I never quite shook the sneaking suspicion I’d be never be handsome enough. Or maybe lovable enough I just never learned to notice and appreciate all the beautiful things about myself. I never learned to give myself the credit for all the good I do in the world. I was too busy cataloging my weaknesses, mistakes, and flaws to recognize it. It seems like such a cliche to say pretty is as pretty does, but the truth is physical beauty is subjective. And no matter how closely someone matches your ideal of physical perfection, that will eventually fade. What endures are the qualities, passions, and habits we nurture.

Have you ever seen a woman who at your first view of her seemed unattractive, but became quite lovely as she started speaking and interacting with you? I have.In addition, some women may be considered beautiful at first glance, but become dull and even ugly as soon as they speak, or you get to know them more. It can be quite disappointing. It certainly doesn't help that we're living in a world that seems to be virtually SINKING; who's values are declining and who's standards have dropped.I look around me and am often disappointed. Not only because I'm constantly seeing girls who are constantly cussing, getting themselves drunk, want to constantly travel, married to their job, being more like men and not ready to settle down. But they also have an obvious penchant for trouble and for RUIN - physical, mental and moral!. I am hoping that there are still existing who value personality over looks...and have kindness in their heart.

Men are attracted to a woman’s beauty visually on the outside. They will have sex with you and you’ll feel a strong connection but men don’t usually feel this strongly. A man does feel a connection with you but it is only physical for them not emotional. Some women have a hard time distinguishing the difference. If you want a man to have an emotional connection this must come from with in you, you must be able to stir him up emotionally. Making a man feel good being around you is what will turn him towards you even more. “THE CLASSY WOMAN” has so much beauty on the inside that he can’t help but fall into her. He thinks of you as being the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and known. I don't see that many woman who are beautiful inside and out.

There may be makeup to perfect looks, but there’s none to perfect personality.Sometimes beauty is just a mask to hide the ugly inside them. An ugly personality destroys a pretty face.Make-up can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesn’t help if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the make-up.

The best way I can describe it is that most ‘beautiful’ people I know radiate a kind of peace and harmony, a oneness within, and when they share with me and that feeling lingers on. Beauty... when you look into a woman's eyes and see what is in her heart. A beautiful woman to me ...see me prefect. If someone does not see as perfect in their eyes, this does not mean that I am not perfect, but rather that they simply do not see me.People should be beautiful in every way - in their faces, in the way they dress, in their thoughts, and in their innermost selves.The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself. For one who sees all your imperfections, another will see no imperfections .For her attractive lips, speak words of kindness to me...her lovely eyes, seek out the good in me. Her figure, share her food with me. For her beautiful hair, let me run my fingers through it once a day.For her poise, i will walk with the knowledge that I will never walk alone again.

LOVE/PERSONAL/THOUGHTS: INFINITE PATIENCE PRODUCE IMMEDIATE RESULT

It’s painful to be in a state of wanting something you don’t have. One of the hardest qualities you’ll have to cultivate as a single man waiting for love is patience. Let’s face it, waiting for anything is stressful: waiting for the light to turn green, for the bank teller to finish with a customer or waiting for the woman of your dreams.My well-meaning friends would smile at me and tell me to stop worrying and just be patient. I wanted to scream at them, “You don’t understand how I feel, how long I’ve been waiting!” I know I was being overly dramatic but I couldn’t stop myself. In my mind I was cursing and raging at being single and making myself terribly unhappy.

The idea that I had to be patient waiting for love was simply annoying and seemed impossible. It took years of pain for me to get the maturity I needed to change my attitude and stop waiting for love. In time I began to appreciate the gift of each day and to believe my Ms. Right would show up.

It’s painful to be constantly in a state of wanting something you don’t have. If this is you, there are hours, days and weeks flying by in your life that you will never have back. It’s time to learn patience.

Patience to me is about letting go of the outcome and trusting that everything will work out. Worrying and fretting will not help you speed up the process. Holding the thought that the man who is right for you will show up at the right time and place is key.

Here is one of my favorite quotes about patience:

“Infinite patience produces immediate results.”
~ A Course in Miracles

This may be hard to fathom but you probably have an inner sense of the truth of this statement. It’s profound and difficult to master, but the reward is great.

If patience was easy, we would be living in a more peaceful world; I imagine 90% of the anger you see between people and countries would be gone. But ultimately, the only thing you have control over is you. So if you begin to cultivate patience while you’re waiting for love, you will see and feel the results. I guarantee you will be happier and more available to receive the gift of love when it shows up.

PERSONA;/LOVE: IT'S NEVER 50/50 IN ANY RELATIONSHIP

People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of it.’? Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you. You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.I don't want to be married just to be married. I can't think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can't talk to, or worse, someone I can't be silent with. Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.Men don't settle down because of the right woman. They settle down because they are finally ready for it. Whatever woman they're dating when they get ready is the one they settle down with, not necessarily the best one or the prettiest, just the one who happened to be on hand when the time got to be right. Unromantic, but still true Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.

LOVE/PERSONAL:IT REALLY IS THE HEART OF A WOMAN THAT MAKES HER BEAUTIFUL

From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment. I don't know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it We can cure physical diesases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love. Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within. Thoughts-even fears- were airy things, formless until you made them solide with your voice, and once given weight, they could crush you. Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives... and to the "good life", whatever it is and wherever it happens to be. Life is not about who you love and who you hurt, it's about keeping your trust, it's about what you say and what you mean, it's about judgments you pass and why, it's about jealousy, fear, and revenge, but mostly of all it's about using your life to touch or poison other peoples hearts in a way that could have never have occurred alone

The best part of loving is having someone who will literally rescue you from sadness, from being along, from all the madness in the world, from being misunderstood and from being judged.Once upon a time, it was simple. If you liked somebody, you let 'em know. And if you didn't, you let 'em know. One way or another, you knew where you stood. But as you get older, communication gets more complicated. Love doesn't walk away. The people do. I don't want to be your whole life, just your favorite part. You know you really love someone when you can not hate them for breaking your heart. And you know you're fortunately loved by someone when they still try to make you fall in love with them more after you broke their heart. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling. Unless you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have


You know what I want more than anything in the world right now? To talk to you, to be with you, this very instant. I want to sit across from you Indian style and look into your eyes and see for myself exactly how they change color in the light. I want to hold your hand in the palm of mine, and trace every line with my fingertips. I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances. and how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it. To be loved. To know that there is someone out there who would give their all to only be with you, someone more than willing to share their world with you. Someone who will take your hand and hold it, and never ever would they let it go, never would they want to let you go. Someone who holds you in their arms, someone who tells you he's holding his whole entire world there at that very moment. A person who will love you with their all. To love and be loved, that is something I wish for. "There were days in the sand, we just kissed and held hands, dreamed utopic foreign lands, where we'd live together, forever" The important thing is to give whatever you can. To someone, it may be worth more than you can imagine.

It really is the heart of a woman that makes her beautiful.I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you," and also, "I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone

LOVE: WHY MEN ARE AFRAID TO LOVE

Love is a beautiful thing. Yet, I hope you realize how difficult it was for the man in your life to fall in Love with you and quite possibly, how difficult it is for him to be in Love with you. Love is difficult for us men. Why? Well, to be honest, Love scares us. We confess it here and now, we men are afraid of Love.

We are especially afraid that we will leap into the abyss of Love first but you will never join us. That we will fall blindly into Love and you will not be there to catch us, to guide us. Most importantly, we fear giving up control. We fear losing ourselves in an emotion we do not fully understand. An emotion that controls us rather than us controlling it.

No man wants to feel like he is falling in Love with you before you are falling in Love with him. And yes, we recognize the hypocrisy of that statement. We still stand by it. We recognize that we are asking you to sacrifice emotionally before us, for us, even if we have not fully demonstrated that you should do so beforehand.

You see, our aggressiveness gave us the courage to approach you. It was our confidence that intrigued you. Our ability to lead and make sound, level-headed decisions kept you interested. We gained your trust, gave you the confidence to follow us without question, gave you the security needed to feel comfortable surrendering yourself to us – emotionally and physically.

Now, all the qualities that drew you into us, you want us to abandon? You want us to release the reigns that have guided us not only though life but to this very moment? You want us to put ourselves, our heart, in jeopardy without even knowing the odds of success? You want us to fall in Love with you? Let us stop procrastinating with this line of question: You’re asking us to give up control, admit it!

We men stand before you at a crossroads.

Against our instincts and logic, do we fall thoughtlessly into your arms while hoping you have the strength to support us as you promised? Do we retreat? Do we seek haven in meaningless relationships in a misguided effort to maintain that control we know so well, knowing that we are providing ourselves with nothing more than a false sense of security in these superficial relationships; relationships where we can never truly fall in Love because we never truly immerse ourselves in them to begin with.

We do not understand you women.

How do you do it? How can you Love so hard? So relentlessly? So selflessly? Even when it is us you shower with unconditional Love, we remain confused but not ungrateful. In our insecurity, we mock your emotional reasoning. We describe your altruistic view of the world as “female logic,” while we hide behind so-called objective logic, when it is itself born from fear.

In actuality, we envy you. Your ability to give yourself wholly to another individual with the mere hope your feelings will be reciprocated without first securing the guarantee they will. This astonishes us. Secretly, we want to do the same but we struggle. We refuse to succumb. To let go completely, even for one second, because that one second of unknown paralyzes us.

Deep down we know that Love is one of the few things in our life we cannot control. We also know that we cannot truly Love you without relinquishing control to you. Unfortunately, our reluctance is often at your expense. As you wait alone in the very same vulnerable state we hesitate to join, wondering if we will ever overcome ourselves on your behalf.

We are not asking you to change. This is on us, the men. Apart from you, we are not weak but because of you, we are stronger. Your unwavering support keeps us from falling but you also deserve to be more than our crutch. Our fear is not your burden. Force us to stand on our own! Offer only to support us once we have proven capable. Therefore, although we may not be the man for you, we will be a better man because of you.

One day, even if not today, we will be the men you need. Do not judge us all by the selfish weakness of a few. We will Love you. It may not be in the manner you dreamed but there will not be a doubt in your mind that it is Love. Scared as we are, the real men among us look forward to that day. In the meantime, as much as it may hurt, it is selfish for any any of us to ask you to wait. So, if it means passing one of us by for another who has already overcome his fear, we encourage you to seek him and obtain the Love that you deserve when you are ready, not when it is convenient for us. In fact, we ask that you never settle for anything less.

JOURNAL, THOUGHTS: YOUNG, INTELLIGENT, SINGLE GUY WHO AREN'T GETTING ANY

A female friend of mine is surprised that there are young, intelligent, single guys who aren’t getting any. But this is the typical line of women. They always assume that guys can get laid anytime they want to, and they are amazed that there are any guys who aren’t getting any, or who haven’t gotten any in some time.

This is because a single, attractive woman has guys after her all the time. She can get laid anytime she wants to. I have been told that even homely and heavy women can more or less get laid anytime they want to, if they want to lower their standards enough. This is because guys always want to fuck, and a lot of guys will just fuck anything. My neighborhood is full of heavy and homely women, some very homely and very heavy, sometimes both. They’ve more or less all got men, and the ones that don’t seem to be doing without by choice.

Lots of guys can’t get women, or can hardly get a woman. Of all ages. It’s more or less normal for single guys in general. This whole idea that any single guy can get laid any time he wants to is just insane if you ask me.

I know a lot of guys who have gone years without so much as having a date. Good looking, intelligent guys with good jobs of all ages ranging from 23-50. And a lot of single guys go on long dry spells, Now some of these guys are kind of weird, some are angry, some are shy, but some of are none of the above.Women don’t give it up that easily, and they usually want something in return. The ~15% alphas get ~85% of best women, and a lot of the rest of guys are left holding the bag.

 If  I’m trying to pick up on you, you’re going to know. At the very least, I am going to be flirting with you very heavily and openly, and if I’m serious, I’m going to ask you for your phone number. If I’m not asking for your number, I’m not trying to pick you up, real simple. How women think you’re trying to fuck them when you ask about the weather is beyond me.

Honestly, I don’t think even women my age look at me all that much. Most of them aren’t much to look at anymore anyway, and most of them  seem like they aren’t horny anymore either. A lot of them are pretty unhappy too. They look bad; they feel bad. Great. I look at them and think, “Yuck.”

The fact that guys just can’t get it any old time in general like women can is why guys just say fuck it and get married. Men claim they marry for love, but really they marry for sex. Steady, reliable, no hassle, regular sex. You don’t have to worry about it anymore. It’s right there in your bed every night, and all you have to do is ask.

PERSONAL/LOVE LETTER: HI, YOU I'D LIKE TO HAVE KIDS WITH YOU

Hi, you. I’d like to have kids. You know, with you. I can almost see already how it will unfold. I think our first baby will be a boy. You’ll think that I’ll be thrilled with a son. And I will be. But I’ll also be a little secretly sad that it wasn’t a baby girl to take after you. I’ll hold him for the first time. “He’s gorgeous,” I’ll say. “He really is.” “He looks just like me! Kidding. He looks like both of us.” I’ll smile and kiss you. “Though he mostly looks like me.” We’ll get him home.

It’ll come time for the first changing. “Baby, I’m so tiiiiired,” you’ll whisper. “But it smells really bad.”Alex… you’re the one with all the diaper changing experience.”“Fiiiiiiine.” I’ll carry the little stink bomb into his room. I’ll open his diaper and…“Oh sweet mother! Wow. Just wow. I know you hear me on the monitor, woman. You better not be smiling.” You’ll pull the sheets up to cover your face and to stifle the giggles. “It’s just…” I’ll continue. “So. Bad. It’s like you’ve been feeding this kid Indian food and evil!” And then there’ll be the middle of the night feedings. “Baaaaaby, can you get this one?” “I don’t have any breasts.” “We switched to a bottle weeks ago.” “Well, sure. There’s that.” “I gave birth to your son.” “That one is not going to work forever, you know.” “Yes it is.”
“Curses!”

And when he gets a little older, he’ll waddle over, climb up on my knee and watch soccer with me. “Daddy, who’s playing?” “
“New York Red Bulls . We like them.” “Who is the other team?” “Toronto FC. They are poopy.” “I think mommy likes them.”
“You’re mother is a bit of a harlot. I wanted to wait until you were older to tell you…”

“I like Toronto. I Toronto. I am going to cheer for the Toronto FC.” “I will straight up give you to the gypsies.” "Alex!!” you’ll yell, after entering the room without me noticing. “Kidding. I’m kidding!” I’ll shake my head side to side and mouth “I’m not” at the kid. Then I’ll mime “I’m watching you” to him. And when he’s fifteen he’ll want some cash to go to a movie with that cute little brunette girl from his English class who writes poems but won’t show them to anyone but him. You’ll balk because the girl’s mother “always skimped on snacks for the kids’ soccer games” five years earlier. And because, “She’s a judgmental bitch who dresses like she thinks she’s still twenty-two!” And he’ll be sad. And I’ll take him aside. I’ll explain that what seems like love at his age, often isn’t. And that he’ll meet thousands of women in his life, each with attributes that will make her special. And that you and I are doing our very best to help him grow up healthy and happy.

Then I’ll slip him a couple of twenties and say, “Don’t tell your mother.” It’s gonna happen. Make your peace with it now.Then he’ll graduate from high school. And I’ll be annoyed at sitting there for so long. And I’ll wonder, a little too loud, who wrote those terrible speeches. And then the little bastard, who you’ll claim ruined your body (he so hasn’t) and who I’ll resent because his soon to be half-assed university career is going to cost me the stash of money I had put aside for my personal robot that sings Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock’s “Joy and Pain” and makes the world’s best pancakes, will take the stage. And he’ll get his diploma…And we”ll know we did good. You’ll cry. I’ll hug you.

And I’ll hope, with every ounce of my being, that when he finds someone to spend his life with, he’ll be half as lucky as I’ve been.

Love,

THOUGHTS: BEING REJECTED IS A HEARTBREAK

Being rejected by another person can feel like the ultimate heartbreak. Why don’t they want me? Why don’t they love me? Why don’t they approve of me? I can’t answer those questions for you. Each of us needs to do the work of understanding why we so desperately need that person’s approval. Oprah Winfrey said it best, “If you don’t want me, I’m not going to let myself want you to want me.” I know that is easier said than done; however, I have learned from personal experience that wanting someone to approve of me or love me was really about me judging myself. If they don’t love me or approve of me, then I must be unworthy, right? Wrong!

JOURNAL/THOUGHTS: FALSE BELIEF I HAVE

False Belief #1

"I can have control over how people feel about me."

Think for a moment whether or not others have control over how you feel about them. Can someone do everything "right" and be "perfect" in their own eyes, yet you don't enjoy being around them or you don't feel connected with them?

Of course!

Others may influence how you feel about them, but they have no control over how you feel about them. If you are a basically accepting person, then you might like them even if they get angry or withdrawn. If you are generally a judgmental person, then there may be little they can do for you to like them.

Now turn this around regarding how others feel about you. Since you have no control over whether or not another person is accepting or judgmental, it stands to reason that you also have no control over how they feel about you, regardless of how perfectly loving, open, caring, giving, understanding, handsome, beautiful, or rich you are.

False Belief #2

"There is a standard of perfectionism and I can reach it."

I grew up believing that there was a "right" and "perfect" way to be. Then I learned that what I thought was right and perfect was not necessarily what others thought was right and perfect. In fact, it seemed that each person had a completely different understanding of what it means to be perfect!

This was quite distressing to me, as it took away my illusion of control over how people felt about me. At that time many years ago, I was terrified of rejection, so it gave me great comfort to believe that if only I was perfect enough, then I would never be rejected. Without a standard of perfection, what would be my guiding light to feel safe?

False Belief #3

"I am basically flawed and need to strive to cover up my flaws and appear to be better than I am."

As long as I believed that I was basically flawed in some way, I was afraid of rejection. When I learned how to connect with my spiritual Guidance and see myself through the eyes of truth rather than through the eyes of my parents and others, I was able to see that my soul essence - my core Self - is already perfect, a perfect individualized expression of the Divine.

What was flawed were my beliefs that were programmed into me and needed to be healed.

LOVE: REJECTIONS

Rejection attacks the very person that we are. It destroys our self-esteem, and attacks who we are and our purpose in life. This is why it is one of the most common tools the devil will use to destroy a person's life. God never wanted us to feel rejected or abandon. He desires for you to know who you really are, and realize how deeply God loves, accepts, and appreciates you, so that you can live out the fullness of what all God has ordained you to be

A person who has a hard time admitting they are wrong, or receiving constructive criticism has an underlying problem with rejection. How do we know that? Because they are basing their identity, who they are, upon their ability to be right about everything. Stubbornness can also be rooted in rejection as well for this same reason. They have to be right, or else they feel worthless... that's because "who they are" (their identity) is based upon them being right. This also ties in with opinionated personalities, who are always there to tell you all about something, even if they have little or no real understanding to speak from.

Let's say that you are basing your identity on what your mother and father think of you. Now the moment that any hint of disapproval comes from them concerning you, that is going to hurt because they are the source of your identity. Anytime we base our identity on what we think of ourselves, or what others think of us, we are virtually trusting that person with our identity. Not even ourselves are capable of truly determining who we are; only God is qualified for that job. That is why it is absolutely vital for us to understand the person that God has made in us,

A person's age also has a lot to do with their vulnerability to rejection. Children are especially vulnerable to the damage of rejection, because they are still developing their identity and learning about who they are. A lot of damage is done by peers in school. Either your too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, you have brown eyes when you should have blue eyes... you name it, and kids will pick on it! Insecure children can be very cruel and damage other children through rejection. Why? Because their own identity is not based on the right things. They do not know who they really are, or who they are called to be, so they go around putting other kids down to make themselves feel better.

You're not going to settle rejection issues fully until you get it down into your spirit that you are accepted, loved, and appreciated by God. od spoke to me one time and said, "How is your heart towards that person who's rejected you? Do you love them as I have commanded you?" Forgiving that person who has rejected us is a vital step in this process. If we want God's help in this healing process, then forgiveness is not an option. Sometimes we even have to forgive God in cases of rejection, such as "Why did God give me this big nose? Or this short body?" I've even struggled with unforgiveness against God because I thought He was just too hard to please

LOVE, SPIRITUAL, JOURNAL: THE ONE PERSON WHO WILL NEVER REJECT ME...IS GOD

Just because I don’t verbally say “I Love You” doesn’t mean that my love for you is null & void. It just means that I have a hard time telling you how I feel because I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I’ll end up pouring my heart out, my soul out, my everything to you and in return get nothing. I know I’m not supposed to give to receive, but, at the same time, why should I waste my time giving my heart to you and the only place it’s going to end up is in the garbage? Why waste the best seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years of my life with someone who would rather be with someone else? I don’t think I’ve ever been afraid of anything more than this— Rejection.

I sit back and think what am I actually afraid of? And then it hits me — I’m afraid because of the past. For so long not only myself but many others have let the past determine our present and future. Is it wrong to judge someone else based on a failed relationship? I see it as just being precautious and protecting my heart. But one thing I’ve realized is, the more precautious and protective I become, the more possible soul mates I am running off. And then I think again, if it’s really my soul mate then no matter how precautious and how protective I am about my heart, we WILL be together… Right? I do believe in love, but I don’t believe in chasing love. Love is something that happens, it can’t be forced. I think that’s what’s been going wrong all these years. Instead of letting love find me and instead of loving myself, I’ve been trying to find love, but actually finding hate, hurt, pain, and dishonesty. All those years, I told people that I was happy in the relationship that I was in, but I wasn’t happy. Silly me, I used to think… at least I have someone who spends time with me, at least I have someone who shows me affection. In actuality, he was just someone who didn’t reject me— and that’s it. I saw someone who didn’t leave me like everyone else in life.

Then one day I sat and thought, I have been afraid of rejection, but there is one person who will NEVER reject me, and His name is God. He loves me when I don’t love myself. He loves me when I look in the mirror and say, “Ughh, why do I look like this?” He loves me in spite of what I’m going thru and whatever challenge I’m facing. But most of all, He accepts me— He accepts me flaws and all. He knows that I’m not perfect and He doesn’t expect me to be. So my whole life I’ve been afraid of rejection, but the ONE person who will never reject me is God. So a couple of days ago, I came to the conclusion that I can no longer be afraid of rejection. I can no longer be scared to try something new because I might fail. I can no longer give up because my first attempt wasn’t successful. I WILL love unconditionally, even if I don’t get love in return. Fear of rejection is just something else that I can add to my past, because it is no longer a part of my present and it will not proceed to my future.

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/ LOVE: IN THAT MOMENT, I POSSESSED AND LOST THE WHOLE WORLD

The softness of her hair, the warmth of her embraceThe scent of her perfume, the smile upon her faceThe color of her eyes, the smoothness of her skinThe sound of her laughter, that I will never hear againThe rhythm of her breathing,The kindness of her heart, the love within her soulThe gentlest touch of a woman’s hand, that I will ever knowJust knowing she once loved me, though now we are apartCan chase away all aches and pains, and keep her in my heartMy one regret will always be, until the end of timeThat I’ll be hers forever, but she’s no longer mine

And in that moment I possessed and lost the whole world and everything in it and was left with the feeling and the knowledge, which is love, that no matter how we give ourselves we always end up losing. That to love is to lose, the moment we agree to the bargain. And that, being human, we keep standing there wanting to lose more.


Tonight I will no longer have to dream of you.Mountains will crumble before I am through.I will not return to the emptiness that I knew when we were apart.Our love will mend our broken hearts.We have survived the worst, now there is nothing left to fear.But my mind won't rest until you are near.I've known all along my restlessness could only be cured by you,Please meet me under the stars, I cannot survive unless you do.Tonight I will touch your lips, and breathe you deep.I know every night I must whisper your name in my sleep.You are the only one who can heal my soul,Anything you desire will be yours, please be mine to hold.Under the moon, doves will encircle us as we make love on the beach.From now on I will never be out of your reach.Love me, tempt me, hold me tight.There is no one I'd rather be with more tonight.

PERSONAL/ LOVE : INSIDE THE HEART OF EACH OF US

Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.Let these words not only touch your eyes, let it travel through your soul, and let it rest in your heart, as you rest in mine. Before you, I saw the same sea, sky and hills and didn't know you lived and breathed on this sweet planet. But now, having met and loved you, I cannot walk this earth knowing you are where I am not.

Let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return

POETRY: MY BODY ACHES

My body aches to link with yours again
to sense your wounded soul undress
peel away layers of tension and stress

when you hold me
even scold me
I cannot resist you
I just have to kiss you
and dissolve into those thermal pools
of honesty
you know as eyes



PART 2


I awake in the middle of the night,
Out of my dreams and into reality,
You were there, but also here.
I lie here in bed and stare up at the ceiling,
Your image is burned in my mind,
You are gone, but I still feel you near.
I long for your touch and your gentle caress,
And to just hold you and watch you as you sleep,
I can’t wait to see you again.
Just a few hours ago, we were one,
You and I together, like lovers often are,
Your sent still lingers on my skin.
I run my tongue across my lips, I can still taste you,
Feelings rush through me and I am overcome,
It’s amazing what your kiss can do to my heart.
I suddenly realize how much I miss you,
And how much my heart yearns to be yours,
Even though right now we are apart.
I slowly start to drift off to sleep,
You are my dreams and my reality,
You are my everything.





PART 3

Stirring up my emotions
It lingers in my mind
Rememberance of the moments
all the answers to find

In the depths of my soul
A feeling immensly true
A powerful force which weakens my barriers-
The love i portray for you

I reveal all of the truths
confessing the secrets of me
letting the pain be at ease
with you i am free

You are my other half
fully completing my heart
We are eternally bound together
though at times must be apart

My body and soul yearn for you
I am overcome by fate
I've made the realization
You are my one soul mate

It has stirred up my emotions
Nothing left to do
The words linger on my lips
I am in love with you