LOVE, SPIRITUAL, JOURNAL: THE ONE PERSON WHO WILL NEVER REJECT ME...IS GOD

Just because I don’t verbally say “I Love You” doesn’t mean that my love for you is null & void. It just means that I have a hard time telling you how I feel because I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I’ll end up pouring my heart out, my soul out, my everything to you and in return get nothing. I know I’m not supposed to give to receive, but, at the same time, why should I waste my time giving my heart to you and the only place it’s going to end up is in the garbage? Why waste the best seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years of my life with someone who would rather be with someone else? I don’t think I’ve ever been afraid of anything more than this— Rejection.

I sit back and think what am I actually afraid of? And then it hits me — I’m afraid because of the past. For so long not only myself but many others have let the past determine our present and future. Is it wrong to judge someone else based on a failed relationship? I see it as just being precautious and protecting my heart. But one thing I’ve realized is, the more precautious and protective I become, the more possible soul mates I am running off. And then I think again, if it’s really my soul mate then no matter how precautious and how protective I am about my heart, we WILL be together… Right? I do believe in love, but I don’t believe in chasing love. Love is something that happens, it can’t be forced. I think that’s what’s been going wrong all these years. Instead of letting love find me and instead of loving myself, I’ve been trying to find love, but actually finding hate, hurt, pain, and dishonesty. All those years, I told people that I was happy in the relationship that I was in, but I wasn’t happy. Silly me, I used to think… at least I have someone who spends time with me, at least I have someone who shows me affection. In actuality, he was just someone who didn’t reject me— and that’s it. I saw someone who didn’t leave me like everyone else in life.

Then one day I sat and thought, I have been afraid of rejection, but there is one person who will NEVER reject me, and His name is God. He loves me when I don’t love myself. He loves me when I look in the mirror and say, “Ughh, why do I look like this?” He loves me in spite of what I’m going thru and whatever challenge I’m facing. But most of all, He accepts me— He accepts me flaws and all. He knows that I’m not perfect and He doesn’t expect me to be. So my whole life I’ve been afraid of rejection, but the ONE person who will never reject me is God. So a couple of days ago, I came to the conclusion that I can no longer be afraid of rejection. I can no longer be scared to try something new because I might fail. I can no longer give up because my first attempt wasn’t successful. I WILL love unconditionally, even if I don’t get love in return. Fear of rejection is just something else that I can add to my past, because it is no longer a part of my present and it will not proceed to my future.