THOUGHTS: THERE ARE TIMES IN LIFE.....................

I miss you, my lover, more than my next breath. I am constantly thinking of you and my heart sighs and my body aches to be with you. Your words echo in my mind and I hold your promises as a bouquet of flowers that perfumes my soul. Where this path of love we have both embarked on will lead I do not know but I do know there is no one whose hand I would rather hold while walking it. Keep me safe in your heart, do not forget about me but keep me in every poem, in every song, in every dream, in every ray of moonlight, in every jasmine flower, as I do

PART 2

We are all here on this planet, as it were, as tourists. None of us can live here forever. The longest we might live is a hundred years. So while we are here we should try to have a good heart and to make something positive and useful of our lives. Whether we live just a few years or a whole century, it would be truly regrettable and sad if we were to spend that time aggravating the problems that afflict other people, animals, and the environment. The most important things is to be a good human being

PART 3

There are times in life, when you feel like you’re as close to magic as possible.
These moments emerge out of nowhere,
Only to engulf you thoroughly.
A window shattering wind blows,
Over a dull grey sky,
But it’ that makes your heart fly.
Amidst chaos and cheer,
Unable to distinguish confusion from fear,
You find that sliver of glitter,
To light up your day.
between words and actions,
You’re stuck, for you have to make a choice,
But each choice opens an endless door of opportunities,
Exactly halving the possibilities.
Warmth by words and hugs,
Cannot be matched,
For these carve out a special corner for themselves.
With every note, beat and crescendo,
The music seeps deeper into our veins,
Breaking free from the chains,
Of stress and anxiety,
To give birth to a smile at the end.
With independence at the midnight hour,
When we took up the reins of power,
It wasn’t just liberation,
It was then that a magical bird of independence had flown.
With every up and down,
High and low,
We realise that life isn’t perfect,
But to cherish a brush with magic, we sure do know.

PART 4

When someone tells you, ‘I love you,’ and then you feel, ‘Oh, I must be worthy after all,’ that’s an illusion. That’s not true. Or someone says, ‘I hate you,’ and you think, 'Oh, God, I knew it; I’m not very worthy,’ that’s not true either. Neither one of these thoughts hold any intrinsic reality. They are an overlay. When someone says, 'I love you,’ he is telling you about himself, not you. When someone says, 'I hate you,’ she is telling you about herself, not you. World views are self views-literally


PART 5

Have you met someone in your life and say to yourself:
“I love this person.
I want to be with this person.
I won’t stop praying for this person.
I would love to share everything with this person.
I choose this person.
I am blessed to have this person.
I want to spend the rest of my life with this person”
That’s love.
That’s decision.
That’s commitment.


PART 6

My promise to you isn’t that you will not fall, But rather that when you do I’ll help pick you up.

My promise to you isn’t a lifetime of happiness, but a world full of colour, and a paintbrush to cover the grey.

My promise to you isn’t that you’ll never feel sad, but that when you do I’ll do everything in my power not to make you laugh for a second, but to make you feel okay again for as long as possible.

My promise to you isn’t a love where nothing goes wrong, but a love that has enough trust and respect to not let arguments cause earthquakes.

My promise to you is that on days when the colors go away, I make you breakfast and we go for a walk and go to sleep early so that maybe tomorrow is a little bit better.

My promise to you is to do everything in my power to help you feel the tiniest bit better when the world feels like it’s falling down.

I know I cannot cure you and make it all go away,

but I promise I’ll do my best to make sure it doesn’t always stay.




PART 7

It’s not about looking into someone’s eyes in the middle of a storm and them having the power to make it stop.

It’s about being able to look into someone’s eyes and know that their gaze will never waver whether the world is falling apart around you or you’re in the middle of the beach on a sunny day.

It’s about knowing that they can’t stop the tidal waves from coming- but that they’ll do everything they can to help you board up the windows for when they do.

It’s about facing monsters that you can’t see- that you didn’t even know existed, for someone that’s been facing them alone their whole life.

This is what Love is.

This is what Love should be.

A million little moments where someone stays.




PART 8

Have you ever tracked a shooting star across the sky?
Burdened it with your hopes and dreams?
Imbued it with meaning,
Watched as it came to rest before the constellation Apus-the bird of paradise
That lie between her eyes amidst the galaxy that is her beautiful mind

And remarked the Daedal canvass sky- stained violet and blue by the inks with which you write her odes?
Marvelled at the endless possibilities and gaudy clockwork/design
Or tried to count the near infinite aspirations that glow bright against the cosmos?

Around these orbit dreams like planets around a star
But the line that separates them is blurred
For she truly believes she can do anything her heart desires
And believe me, she is not wrong



PART 9

Tell me what happens the first time you see a woman naked.’

‘The first time you see a woman naked will not be like you imagined. There will be no love, no trust, no intimacy. You won’t even be in the same room as her.

You won’t get to smile as she undresses you and you undress her. You won’t get to calm her nerves with nerves of your own. You won’t get to kiss her, feeling her lips and the edge of her tongue. You won’t get to brush your fingers over the lace of her bra or count her ribs or feel her heartbeat.

The first time you see a woman naked you will be sitting in front of a computer screen watching someone play at intimacy and perform at sex. She will contort her body to please everyone in the room but her. You will watch this woman who is not a woman, pixelated and filtered and customized. She will come ready-made, like an order at a restaurant. The man on the screen will be bigger than you, rougher than you. He will teach you how to talk to her. He will teach you where to put your hands and he will teach you what you’re supposed to like. He will teach you to take what is yours.

You must unlearn this. You must unlearn this twisted sense of love. You must unlearn the definition of pleasure and intimacy you are being taught. Kill this idea of love, this idea of entitlement, this way of scarring one another


PART 10

All you want is to be happy. All your desires, whatever they may be, are longing for happiness. Basically, you wish yourself well…desire by itself is not wrong. It is life itself, the urge to grow in knowledge and experience. It is choices you make that are wrong. To imagine that some little thing-food, sex, power, fame-will make you happy is to decieve oneself. Only something as vast and deep as your real self can make you truly and lastingly happy


PART 11

This sounds like wishful thinking, but it’s true. When it comes to how I experience life (my happiness and general mood) the state of my mind is more influential than the state of my circumstances. The world holds no inherent meaning beyond my perception of it. Nobody’s perception of reality is objectively true; everyone’s point-of-view is merely an interpretation. If 100 people sat where I am sitting now, each 100 people would have a different interpretation of their surroundings based on their points-of-view and past experiences. The world is a blank canvas. My perception creates the picture.

When I perceive imperfection in another person or see a flaw in my life, do these flaws actually reside in the person and my circumstances, or does the flaw reside in my perception? My thoughts are so fundamental to my interpretation of life that I rarely notice how every day I am painting the canvas of my experience through the lens of my perception. Every thought is another brush stroke. Each subconscious judgement is another color. Soon I am looking at a painting (my experience of life) and have forgotten that I created it.

The kindest thing I can do for myself is remembering to slow down and observe my thinking mind – each inhale and exhale of thought – instead of giving it free reign to shape my experience of life without supervision. This is the point of meditation. My mind has the power to perceive both heaven and hell in each passing moment. Heaven is the state of unbiased and non-attached awareness. Hell is the hurricane of mental chaos. Regardless of what is happening in my life, I have the power to choose my point-of-view. My thoughts may seem insignificant compared to the big bad world, but the state of the world – with all its monsters, demons, angels, and lovers – does not impact my emotions as much as the state of my mind.

Logic does not help here. Only awareness. Because the world is an unfair place, seeing life from a happy perspective is not always rational. There are a million good reasons to be unhappy and blame others. But when I shift my focus from my circumstances to my awareness, I remember that peace-of-mind is always a choice.



PART 12

Maybe the problem with love these days is that someone says they love you, and you just wonder how long for.




PART 13

Miss someone until they come back, or until you come back, until their absence in your life becomes something to be avoided at all costs. Miss them until you don’t have to anymore, until you’re reunited in your favorite booth in your favorite restaurant ordering your favorite meal, miss them until it feels like you never left. Or miss them until you can’t anymore, until the things you miss are identified and cataloged as things and not a person, until you figure out that easy company and long talks and unblinking, all-knowing eye contact will find you again the way they found you the first time. Miss someone until you don’t


PART 14

When love shows up,we hold on to it so tight.
It is something we can’t really let go of without a fight.
How it colours everything with beautiful delight.
For we claim to hold it forever if we do right.
But when love told us to let go,we couldn’t help but cry.
So when ‘love’ finds us again we grip our hearts so tight.
While our minds pray for ‘forever’ this time.
For we find solace in believing that this ‘love’,won’t end in a goodbye


PART 15 

When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground, it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall, it makes a noise. But as for your heart when that breaks it is completely silent. You would think as it is so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it is silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there is a noise it is internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loud your ears ring and your head aches. It trashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea, it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken. That is what it looks like and that is what it sounds like a trashing, panicking, trapped great, big beast roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions. But that is the thing about love, no one is untouchable

DATING: DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN WHO IS STILL IN LOVE WITH HER EX BOYFRIEND.

Would you really want a woman laying next to you, knowing that in her heart, it feels like she's laying next to the wrong guy?

The answer is NO.

You are putting yourself in a position of disadvantage were you have to “earn her” as if she had more value than you.

This could very well be why she’s not being very respectful with you. You are also coming from a place of scarcity where you fear losing her to her ex. This is also playing against you.

So first of all, please think about all of the things that YOU are currently doing wrong which are putting you in a position of disadvantage: Giving her more value than you give to yourself, being fearful, accepting being disrespected 

If you want to take care of this I want you to stop looking at the “her and her ex” situation completely and to put all of your attention to yourself: You need to work on yourself in order to take care of this situation. You need to see yourself having more value to your eyes than her. How to accomplish this? In the short term: give yourself priority, exercise,  do things with her that YOU want to do, take care of your self image by being clean and wearing clothes that you like how they look on you, catch up with people that care about you, make a list of all the things you rock at. You can see where I’m going, we’re giving your self-esteem a boost. You MUST do these things if you want a permanent solution. You want to be the best version of yourself, which also includes being her man and a great partner, not her fearful (probably pleasing) boyfriend. Again, be the best man you can be.

I think if your girl was given a do over in life, she would chose her ex over you in a heart beat. The disrespect she's shown you is staggering. Sucking his dick....want to fuck him more than she want to fuck you.....You need to smell the coffee like I did in the past relationship, you know what took place there. Do you think she thought much of your feelings when she guided him inside of her? I can't imagine she felt any guilt as she climbed and top of him to give him a sexy show while she rode him cowgirl style. You may or may not have crossed her mind when she was performing oral pleasure for him. And I'm positive it wasn't you're name she was calling when he was behind her using doggie style to help achieve joy. She sounds like a little vixen. If you can accept her duality, then don't worry about it. I'm not that kind of man. I'd leave her to pursue her ex.

Do you ever wonder if your girlfriend’s still in love with her ex?  Do you catch her staring at an old picture of her ex when she thinks you aren’t looking? Or Checking him out on his facebook. It’s not always easy to decipher the thoughts that run on a girl’s mind. But if you ever do get a nagging thought at the back of your mind, and wonder if your girlfriend’s not over her ex yet, chances are, you’re probably right!

Girls are subtle. And you won’t always notice the signs immediately if your girl is still lost in thoughts about her ex.  But I did notice when I was with one who was still in love with her ex boyfriend.Sometimes, you may just find her being distant and aloof. Or she may want a lot of space to herself. She may appear sad and bored when she’s with you, and even keep her distance from you now and then. She doesn't like to have sex with you or doesn't want to do anything for you. All she does is order you around.

Should you put up with it? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#1 She’s distant and confused. Your girlfriend gets distant and aloof now and then, and even if you ask her what’s wrong, she tells you it’s nothing, or tells you that it’s something she has to deal with herself.

#2 Those good old memories. Your girlfriend talks about her ex boyfriend’s memories like they’re still fresh in her head. She remembers him fondly, and speaks of him as if he was her best friend.

#3 She compares all the time. Does your girlfriend ever compare you to her ex boyfriend, and show you in negative light? Of course, she may do this only when she’s pissed off with you. But yet, if your girlfriend compares you to her ex for the silliest reasons, or when you’re late or forget to do something, it only means she’s mentally evaluating who’s the better boyfriend. But seriously, if she has no thoughts of ever dumping you and getting back with her ex, why the comparisons in the first place, right?!

#4 She’s in touch with him. She doesn't change her number or email. Exes stay as exes for a reason. And exes never make good friends. Of course, it is definitely possible for exes to stay friends, but it’s not likely.

#5 She still remembers the events. When a relationship breaks down and the ex lovers go their separate ways, one of the first things they need to do is erase their love slates clean. But if your girlfriend still remembers *their song* and hums nostalgically, or points out every single place she and her ex used to hang out at, each time both of you pass by it, it only means she’s still hanging on to the thoughts of her ex and keeping it alive. For what? Well, you know…

#6 She gets irritated. Your girlfriend’s supposedly in a relationship with you, and supposedly, she’s happy with you. But does she get irritated or annoyed when she hears that her ex is dating some other girl? She may not tell it to your face, but if you read her expressions, she may seem distracted or angry, or she may get unnaturally quiet all of a sudden.

#7 You’re the rebound guy! Your girlfriend may be using you as a rebound guy, either to get over her ex or to make him jealous. This is something that happens frequently 

#8 She loves talking about her ex. 

#9 She wants to be his friend. Your girlfriend and her ex boyfriend have broken up, and they’ve moved on too. And now, all of a sudden, she confesses to you that she wants to be friends with her ex because she’s finally over him and doesn’t think of him in that way anymore.Which is all bullshit

#10 She likes you, but loves him Your girlfriend tells you she loves you, but she also mentions that she thinks of her ex now and then. If your girlfriend ever says this to you, that’s probably because you’re being a doormat and letting her walk all over you. You’re probably a really nice guy, but the fact that she can tell you something like this just shows how easy she’s taking this relationship with you.

#11 She’s moody. 

Is it time to break up with your girlfriend?

There’s a threshold up to which you can bear her antics and her sickeningly fond reminders of her ex. And this threshold is different for each guy. If your girlfriend pines about her ex often, or gives you any reason to doubt her, move oN

THAT IS WHAT I WOULD DO

DATING: STAY AWAY FROM WOMAN WHO ARE ADDICTED TO DRAMA

Some people are addicted to drama. It’s a drug which triggers a part of their brains causing them to crave the activity. They claim they hate drama as they call you,  and tell the latest tale to anyone willing to listen....especially to their ex boyfriends. They are like meth addicts who claim to hate the stuff even as their teeth fall out, their skin ages, and they no longer resemble their driver’s license photo.

I had a relationship with a woman who kept telling me that all she wanted was a peaceful life, But her life was always full of drama. Drama at work. Drama in relationship with me. Drama with money,....Drama in general. She would leave her wallet at home,,,,miss her train stop....forget her glass. Nothing was ever simple with the woman.

During my relaitonship with her. I  was  trying to help her from living in a chaotic situation.  But she kept on making bad choices and the consequences of those choices were difficult. After weeks of trying to give her advice....I finally realized, it didn’t matter how many times I helped this woman, she would always repeat the decisions to get back into a chaotic situation.

It was the only life she knew. Like a person in bankruptcy who wins the lottery only to lose it all again, this woman did not know how to live a life of peace.If given the choice of peace or drama, she would choose drama all the while claiming she hated the drama. Like many people, she was addicted to the drama. She couldn’t help herself.


Yet continual drama is not a natural consequence of life. A normal flow of peaceful times and chaotic times should be expected. Rare seasons of frequent turmoils are normal. But at some point, an overwhelming amount of drama could be a signal, not that drama is finding us but, that we are finding it. She would make excuse about her drama. Her drama was due to her childhood,,,not having enough money,,,,,wrong timing....ALL Bullshit.!!!!!!


 Look for peace and you will find it. Look for conflict and you will find it. Drama addicts are constantly looking for their drug, and so, they often find it.

Most drama addicts believe if they are experiencing peace, something must be wrong. They are surprised by it. They are uncomfortable with it. This uneasiness is what causes them to seek out problems or even create them. They simply do not know how to handle an absence of drama so they will unconsciously create it.

The problem with being addicted to drama is the same problem as any other addiction, it doesn’t satisfy. It is exhausting. It’s a horrible way to live.

Thankfully, life doesn’t have to be this way.

There are other options.

You can live a life:

with a small amount of drama which doesn’t overwhelm you.
I like to have drama in my sex life . That is the only area that I like drama in. But I find woman want the same routine with sex. Not open to anything....like food and sex...or role playing...or wear wigs....etc.

with a deep satisfaction of life and your relationships
with an ability to help others without taking on their problems
with an ability to feel empathy for others without feeling overwhelmed
with proper boundaries


Running from one emergency to another, these individuals carry out virtually all everyday tasks with a sense of high drama. They’re either late, almost late, or afraid of being late. Situations at work  mushroom out of control, and they’re constantly letting everyone know just how bad it is. Lengthy phone calls, meetings, or exclamation-filled emails provide all the gory details.


Healthy relationships are characterized by peace, maturity, and mutual respect. Your relationship has too much drama if….

-You are on again off again more times than a game of musical chairs.

-You spend more time arguing than you do actually communicating.

-You often leave a conversation feeling frustrated and unresolved.

-Your relationship is plagued by jealousy, mistrust, and fear.

-You are constantly having to review and rehash boundaries that have been crossed again, and again.

-You feel like you at an amusement park- because of the constant emotional roller-coaster, but without the cotton candy.

-You receive  more criticism than encouragement.

-Your friends/family have to regularly ask you if you’re “back together”.

-You regularly find yourself sifting the truth from the dishonesty.

-You or your partner regularly exchange words that are degrading, hurtful, and mean. ( Like you are not hot enough...i don;t love you. I don't like having sex with you)

-You don’t feel the freedom to engage in open communication about how you really feel.

-You’re having to deal with constant issues involving “other women” or “other men” that shouldn’t be part of the relationship.

-You find yourself “getting over” problems instead of “working through” them.

-You’re commonly concerned about whether or not your significant other is being faithful to you.

-You often wonder if you have made the wrong choice in this relationship.

Relationships aren’t meant to be this complicated. They really aren’t. Healthy relationships are marked by peace. They happen naturally, and so they don’t have to be forced. Seek this kind of a relationship: a relationship that’s filled with life, peace, grace, maturity. Strive for that. You owe it to yourself. Because what you see in dating- you will always, always, always see multiplied and magnified in marriage. So do yourself a favor, and quit while you’re ahead.


Some woman like to create drama to test you. And I don't have time for that crap or mind games. Drama is employed by women to put men, on the spot, by exploiting their emotional strengths and weaknesses to the breaking point.




Here are some examples of how women employ drama,

"So, where are you taking me?" {wants sense of mystery/romance created for her}
"Can you do this for me...pleaseeeeee?" {test of a man's integrity}
"This place sucks!"
"I want this (clothing/food)." {anything impulsive}
"I am annoyed." {any extreme emotion}
"Those people are bothering me."
"I have a lot of guy friends." {testing waters of jealousy, insecurity}
"All girls are bitches...I don't have many female friends." {same as above, but w/hint of autonomy}
"Why are you looking at her?!" {test of loyalty through use of overt jealousy}
"This guy asked me out. He told me I'm hot/cute." {testing waters of jealousy, insecurity}
"I am going here instead." {sense of mystery w/ display of independence}
"Leave me alone!" {"I want to talk about something with you." Or, "Leave me alone."}
"I don't play games." {"I play games CONSTANTLY."}
"I'm not worried about guys...just focused on /work." {diversions that are props or "fronts"}

All these techniques are a women's way of testing men to see if the man is jealous, insecure, overly-nice, manipulative, self-serving, spineless, or basically, worth their trouble. To a woman, the most UNATTRACTIVE thing in the world is INSECURITY in men. Why do you think nice guy's finish last? Because being nice, usually means, but not always, being insecure in one way or another. I am a nice guy.....but I don't have time for woman who keep testing me

Other reasons why woman like drama:

-They don’t want to take responsibility for rejecting a man outright, they make Drama to turn themselves into Superbitch so that he’ll make it easy for us by initiating the breakup himself.

-they are just plain crazy

Over the years, I’ve slowly disassociated from people who brought constant drama into my life. Why? Because I want to surround myself with people who understand that living in drama impacts all areas of our lives. It’s much easier to stay out of drama when you surround yourself with people who don’t live in drama.

I have a good friend named Kevin, he is my medial assistant who is one of the happiest people I have ever met. He lives totally drama free because he chooses to live By Design. When I asked him how he stays out of the drama, he explained he sees life as a movie. If we can see each moment as nothing more than a scene, before you know it, the next scene will be up on the screen and that moment of drama will be in the past. I love that analogy because it’s a simple way to see every moment, good or bad for what they are. A moment in time that will soon pass.

DATING: THE REASON WHY YOU WILL NEVER EVER GET MARRIED UNLESS YOU CHANGE.

I was in a relationship once with a woman who never really had a serious relationship before. Most of her  past relationship was either long distance or they would not see each other on a regular basis. I don't know what you would call that. In the short time I was with her.which was on the weekend.. The total amount of time we were physically together was more than either of the other relationship she ever had in her life. This should have been a red flag. My mistake. This remind me of another ex girlfriend I had who was 39 years old and never been in relationship longer than 4-6 months. And both of these woman wanted to get married. What bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should stay away from these type of woman These woman never had a normal relationship. 

If you are a woman who is reading this. The problem is not men, it’s you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they’re not really standing in your way. Because the fact is — if whatever you’re doing right now was going to get you married, you’d already have a ring on. So without further ado, let’s look at the top six reasons why you’re not married.

1. You’re a Bitch.
Here’s what I mean by bitch. I mean you’re angry. You probably don’t think you’re angry. You think you’re super smart, or think you are HOT. But the truth is you’re pissed. At your mom.At your dad, At your life, At your money situation At your ex boyfriend.. And it’s scaring men off.

The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them.  Here’s what my men wants out of life:  Food, love and alot of sex.. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn’t think so. You’ve seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man’s fear and insecurity in order to get married — but actually, it’s perfect, since working around a man’s fear and insecurity is big part of what you’ll be doing as a wife.

2. You’re Shallow.
When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man’s character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you’re not married, I already know it isn’t. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.

Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.

3. You’re a Slut.
If you’re having sex outside committed relationships or if you still want to have sex with other men or still thinking about your ex you will have to stop. Why? Because Not one want to marry a woman like you.

4. You’re a Liar.
It usually goes something like this: Your ex boyfriend isn't  really available for a relationship. He has two kids and works two jobs and have no money that absolutely precludes his availability, Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, “I’m not really available for a relationship right now.”

You know if you tell him the truth — that you’re ready for marriage — he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don’t want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don’t want to get in a relationship at all! You swear!

About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don’t tell him that.  Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can’t live without you. I have news: he will never “figure” this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn’t be lying to him in the first place.

5. You’re Selfish.
If you’re not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don’t have one, Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy — or at least a guy with a really, really good job — would solve all your problems.

However a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It’s not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say — if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.

6. You’re Not Good Enough.
Oh, I don’t think that. You do. I can tell because you’re not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job.

Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don’t know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won’t love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.

The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You’re just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won’t. Once the initial high wears off, you’ll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.

Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something — it’s about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession — a free-agent penis — and for us, it’s the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.

The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don’t deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway — because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self — you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along: Love.

PERSONAL: PART 1------WHEN YOUR PARTNER TELL YOU THAT THEY DON'T LIKE HAVING SEX WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE HOT ENOUGH

I had girlfriend once who told me she didn't like having sex with me, even thought she told me that I was the best sex she ever had.That never made sense to me. She made me feel ugly, told me I wasn't her physical type.( she wasn't mine as well). On a scale of 1-10 she told me I was a 2. WTF????????

1-10 Scale

1 – Beyond Ugly

2 – Ugly

3 – Near Ugly

4 – Below average

5 – Average: You’re friends wouldn’t be impress!

6 – Above Average/Cute: No major complaints.

7 – Very Attractive/Hot/Pretty or Handsom: Someone you’re proud to show off in public. He or She gets a lot of attention.

8 – “Beautiful” (man or woman)/All of a 7 and more: Brag about having.

9 – Drop-dead Gorgeous/Outrageously Beautiful/All of an 8 and more: minimal flaw that is over looked by most.

10 – close to “Perfect”/One in a million: This person has a very beautiful symmetrical face, excellent body with great proportion, dresses well, knows how to carry himself or herself..


Listen,I know I am not ugly. I am not a 2. I slept with a lot of woman. Over 60 or more..  I would consider myself as a 6.5-7 in the look department.  Most of the woman I slept with were 7 and above. Just being honest here.  I would rate my ex girl friend like 5.5 to a 6.

The reason she doesn't like to have sex with me is because she told me she wasn't in love with me. I don't get that either. She broke up with some guy and 2 months later started dating me...while still in love with him. She felt guilty sleeping with me because she has this sick idea of being loyal to her ex boyfriend. Anyway, 6 months later she was still telling me the same thing. ...she doesn't love me and I wasn't hot enough. And i could tell anyway without her telling me,,,we only have sex when she wanted it. She was submissive to her ex, but not to me. I could go on and on about this. You can image how that would makes anyone feel. 

To be honest, I don;t think she would ever love me because she doesn't want to. She was still love with her ex. That is a whole other issues in itself. She would accuse me of being controlling when I was not, she would accuse me of being more of a father figure when I wasn't. She would accuse me of telling her that her life was going to be horrible in the future when I did the complete opposite. Her preception of me was just crazy. I wonder sometimes...if we were in the same relationship.

So why did she still wanted to date me? Because I was perfect in every other area beside the look department. Again, I think she has some passive -aggressive behavior issues. Say one thing and the next minutes the totally opposite.

Listen,I know we all meet intelligent, kind people, then wish they didn’t have crooked teeth. It's not a one-way street; most likely, someone has loved you in spite of the fact  that you might not been their physical type.

And now that we’re all on the same page about being selfish, superficial monsters, let’s discuss the properties of being such a person. Let’s talk about the problem, which is actually a pretty deep one. The issue here is that this ex girl  of mine was thinking of “the one” the same way you think of a sandwich.

Often, we fall into a weird habit of thinking of people as a collection of ingredients. Just how you want bacon, lettuce and tomato on a sandwich, you might want warmth, athleticism, and medium-large breasts in a partner. You’re like, "I’ll take a non-smoking hot woman  with a side of law degree." But this isn’t a useful way of thinking about relationships. Not because your preferences aren’t real — but because what makes somebody “the one” isn’t a collection of the ingredients that turn you on, or comfort you when you feel depressed. “The one” is the person you’re ready to love fully — the person you want to sign up for, whatever that entails.

Let’s face the cruel facts of this situation. If she’re not happy with a perfectly-functioning relationship with someone who’s attractive but not ravishing (that me we are talking about here), then a perfectly functioning relationship wasn't her undisputed priority. And there is nothing wrong with this. Seriously. There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing bone structure and looks and being shallow. The only really shameful thing is having bullshit relationships. I was in a  bullshit relationship with a woman who would rather be screwing around with a drop-dead gorgeous guy whose personality doesn't align with her whatsoever.

If you are sexual person ,you will feel occasionally be horny for random strangers no matter how hot a person you’re sleeping with. Realize that, even if you date a perfect 10 now, she or he won’t be that in 20 years — looks fade, both yours and hers. Understand that receiving an incredible blowjob from the most breathtakingly beautiful woman you’ve ever seen will be revelatory at first, but will seem normal (if still excellent) eventually.

I realize that she really doesn't want a relationship with me,even though she was going through the motions.  She wanted to get married and have kids but she did everything she could to destroy that.She told me she would be submissive to a guy who was above 6 and in her head...i wasn't above a 6 when through out my whole dating experience....the feedback I got was  was the totally opposite. I remember she also told me she won't give me the 6 blowjobs I been asking for in one day...until she loved me. Like I wrote above. I don't think she will ever love me....it was 6 month into the relationship.

Why any one person chooses to marry is based on a complex mix of factors, many of which are unknown even to the person doing the marrying. One person may look for fire in the sheets, another for fire in the brain. Another might insist on both. One may see the abundance in one area as simply that, and not as a deficit in another.

I’ve known couples where the physical attraction alone was not mutual—one person was swoon-y for the other, while the other was, well, attracted to the other on a lot of levels, sure, but it was not particularly their body. And it’s worth arguing here that we may all deal with this at one point or another—for certain people, simply getting old, gaining weight, enduring illness, the ravages of time, or even a bad haircut could knock the wind out of our lover’s lustful gaze. While I think everyone has the right to a partner who is equally wild-eyed about you as you are about them, in many relationships, over time, the dynamics of attraction are bound to change.

I never saw attraction as my ex girlfriend did. She was shallow, and mean. She wasn't my physical type either....but I would have never done the things she did in our relationship to make it a difficult relationship to be in.To me being attractive isn't about how you look.

So if attraction isn’t based on physical appearance, what is it about? It’s about essence. It’s about the person you see when all pretenses fade away. It’s about the light that emanates from her eyes or the radiance of her smile. It’s about seeing soul instead of personality, the sustaining beauty of true nature instead of the fleeting beauty of a pretty face. It’s about what draws you to your partner, what connects you, what makes you say “yes” to  her and no to everyone else. It’s about that place that feels like home, when you can sit next to each other immersed in engaging conversation or content in comfortable silence. 

I  have eliminate the words attraction or chemistry from my vocabulary – and instead ask, “What draws me to my partner?” Let’s understand attraction like a magnetic pull instead of in terms of superficial beauty. For we’ve all known people who appear typically beautiful but as soon as they open their mouth, the spell is broken and their true, toad-like nature is revealed. And we’ve known the opposite scenario as well: the person our culture defines as physically unattractive but whose essence radiates such love, warmth, clarity, and goodness that they’re transformed into the fabled prince or princess.

So how did I let myself fall in love with a woman who wasn't my physical type.

1-I put her picture on my phone as a wallpaper. When I started to see her in a  negative light, I pull out the phone and had a good look. At the same time,  I would look at a photo of myself at my very worst to remind myself that I am not perfect either. We all have good days and bad days. We can all look beautiful or scary. 

2-I try to find one quality that you love – her hands, her lips,  and focus on that. With her it was her eyes.

3- I remind myself that when  I am over-focusing on the attraction issue, I probably avoiding something else – especially if you know that you’re attracted to her essence. Say to yourself, “I’m in a projection” and then ask,”What feeling am I avoiding by focusing on this right now?”

4- I watch “Shallow Hal.” It’s such a great movie for revealing how much our culture focuses on the externals and loses sight of essence.

5-I Remind myself that attraction comes and goes (just like the feeling of love). No one is always attracted to their partner. That’s just not the way attraction works.



The following is post I wrote a few years ago.

I have a few revelations in the ‘attraction’ department, my arch-nemesis!  It’s so weird but I feel like the tables have turned on me here. She is still the same person, but I seem to have changed. Because she didn’t fit my warped mould of ‘perfect’ I was withholding a part of myself that I feel is critical to attraction: emotional  and sexual intimacy. I was sort of punishing her for making me feel angry when she wasn’t doing anything to deserve it. My ego said – it’s ‘your’ fault, because you are not Mrs Perfection (obviously I was not yet done getting over this fantasy). As soon as I realised that my ego was in the driver’s seat, demanding perfection, I kicked his arse and said, “Wow ego, you’re really unattractive – go get some humility and start appreciating her for who she is, share your self more and stop expecting her to make you feel a certain way. You’re going to lose a really really great woman if you keep this up.”

It occured to me that this was more than just lack of being attracted = no intimacy. It was my shutdown that was preventing ME from being intimate with her – thus, shutting down a vital connection that is way more than physical. So yeah, reporting that ‘it’ was kinda my ‘fault’.

This whole attraction thing has been so ‘over the top’ in my head for so long, it’s weird having this new window to see through; I mean, I have dated many different woman, all of them have been different, no one has been perfect. I never had this anxiety over them!! It was more that in my head, the place I reserved for my wife was one that had to be perfect. Now, my partner is pretty perfect so WHY this need for a Mrs Perfection? Sure, the Hollywood stereotypes played a HUGE part, but the inner child was SCREAMING something and I only have just started to hear him, and it’s to do with being visibly protected by someone bigger than me, physically, because of so much crap I, like many of us, have experienced in the past. And so, I think, this need to be with someone who could put ‘certain people in my past’ in their place, was important to my inner child. I had to tell him that I DID have someone that was going to protect me, that my partner was WAY better than anyone else I’d ever met at protecting and nurturing me emotionally

The bottom line truth is that beauty fades over time. If you’re going to remain married to someone for sixty years, you’re going to see hairlines recede, boobs sag, bellies pooch, hairs turn grey. And if you’ve picked your partner primarily because of the way he or she looks, you’re going to have a very hard time sustaining real attraction over the long haul of marriage. Real attraction, like real love, is sustainable, solid, and grows over time. It would behoove you to learn about it now.

DATING: DATING AN OLDER MAN....

So I recently heard that John Stamos is going to be a dad! He is 54 and his fiancée Caitlin McHugh is 31. If a woman has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date a man who is YEARS OLDER?  

Have you ever heard the saying, “Certain things get better with age”? That’s definitely true when dating older men...this is why dating older men in my opinion is better:


1. Experienced and cultured...

Men are like wine. They get better with age. Their experiences in life, at work and in previous relationships have taught them a lot of life lessons to make their situation better than before. They are more mature now to understand that things don’t always happen the way they want them to and so they are more understanding and patient with their partners. They know what they want and they go for it. They are very confident and so they carry themselves very well especially in public. They are generally well-mannered. They have been to several places in the past and so they know a lot of things about other cultures. Older men are also better when it comes to handling their finances. They have lived long enough to be self-sufficient and to know how to handle their money very well. So if you are dating an older guy, do not be wasteful of money. He earned every penny through hard work and he wouldn’t like it if you spend it carelessly on things that don’t really matter.


2. Women date older men for practical reasons

Now this is the financial aspect which, by the way, is an important aspect of every relationship. Let’s face it, women look for men who have the capacity to support financially. It is not about being a gold-digger or a social climber. It is all about practicality. When you start a family for example, it is important that the man is able to provide security. A self-sufficient woman will not easily settle for anything less than what she earns. In logical perspective, a typical guy of late 30’s will have less savings or less wealth and assets accumulated compared to what he’s become 20 years later. That is considering that he continued to work and save as he gets older. In this regard, an older man has enough assets and money in the bank to support a family. This is why women go for financially-stable men instead of those who are still generally starting with their career. Money is not everything in a relationship but without money the relationship is bound to fail at some point especially when there are kids involved in the relationship already. I am not saying that women should depend on their partner financially. Women don't date just for the sake of dating. They are also thinking of the future...


3. Older Men May Be Better in Terms of Pleasing and Handling Women

In my opinion though, older men have had their fair share of both short-lived and more stable relationships and this gives them a bit of an advantage when it comes to handling relationships. Their previous experiences have helped them learn what women generally want and what makes women happy. Not only do they know more in bed but they also understand women a little bit better. They are more sensitive to their partner's needs. They are generous in bed and they are passionate lovers. Older men tend to be more romantic as well. They have good sense of humor that does not involve shaming their friends or whatever. They’ve already slept with a girl who was infinitely hotter than you, and a girl that was infinitely less attractive than you. They’ve had their heart broken a million times already. The best sex you ever will have will be with an older man.


4. Older Men Generally Look for a Serious Relationship

Men mature much later than women  This is where they seek for a more stable and healthy relationship. Playtime is over and it is time for them to be serious with their life. This is the age where they usually have pieced their life altogether and they are now ready for a more serious and deeper commitment. Women who are tired of short-lived and immature relationships can find a more satisfying and more stable relationship with an older guy than a guy in his late 30’s for example. Younger men are still in their vigorous stage where they are easily tempted. They are still at an age where they love to explore and try different things before settling on something more serious. So if a girl feels that she is ready to tie the knot, or when she is ready for a serious commitment and start a family, a younger man is just not the right person for her.There's absolutely no denying that a man who is older than you is definitely more mature than the one who is either your age, or younger. And thank god for that! Because honestly, dealing with immature guys is like taking care of a man child, and no woman's got time for that.


5. Older Men Have More Sophisticated Taste

When it comes to the finer things in life like wine, food, beer, traveling and clothes, older men tend to choose the more sophisticated ones. First, they can afford it and second they just know that it is better quality. They also know however, that when it comes to food and drinks quality does not always come with a price. You don’t need to eat at a 5-star restaurant to be able to enjoy your food. You can find an affordable place that serves a 5-star quality food and drinks with much better service as well. When travelling, older men avoid touristy places because they know that they won’t get authentic products for the right price and they won’t be able to enjoy the scenery with the entire crowd roaming around. They understand "value for money". They are happy to sit in one corner where you have all the view to yourself …now that takes careful planning, timing and experience...and older men as experienced travelers, know that.


7. Older Men Generally Live a Healthy Lifestyle

8-His manners will bowl you over

If your man is older than you, you know what I'm talking about. The respect with which they treat you is unseen among men in their  30s. And these gentlemen can bowl you over with tiny gestures like opening a door, and holding your hand when crossing the road. These definitely count.

9-Your conversations will be of this world and beyond

Since your man is older, he's seen the world and more people than you have. And he knows how to carry on a conversation - from gossiping to talking about politics, to the workings of the world and the plans he has for the two of you, this man can talk about everything and anything under the sun.



So, if you're thinking about dating a younger woman, here are five things you should bear in mind before doing so:

1. The Power Dynamic Is Skewed

"Power dynamic" is a term that recognizes that power in social relationships can come from many sources: money, age, prestige, class, and so on. Speaking in general terms, older people have more social power than younger people, and, in a variety of demonstrable ways and despite measurable progress in this area, men have more power than women. Hence, when you combine the two variables — an older man and a younger woman — the power dynamic favors the older man. The bigger the age gap between you, and the younger she is, the more skewed the power dynamic will be in your favor. If she doesn't respect that, she isn't the right one for you



2. She Is, By Definition, Not Mature

A young woman can be smart, witty and worldly, but she is, by definition, not mature or experienced. Certain life experiences and personal qualities only come from being alive on earth for a decent length of time, so if you are considering dating a woman who you would otherwise think is too young but for the fact that she's "really mature for her age," stop kidding yourself. If your prospective partner is fresh out of collegel having never weathered a job loss, heartbreak or any of the other hallmarks of adult life, 

3. She Might Be Expecting Too Much From You

Stereotypically speaking, when a young woman dates an older man she may have a few qualities in mind that she expects you to have: financial security, maturity and gentlemanliness, for example. She may think that guys her own age are immature and directionless, and be looking for an older guy to provide more stability for her.

The only way you can figure this stuff out is to talk openly about your expectations. If she's seeking a guy who will open car doors for her and order Champagne at every restaurant you visit, you're going to need to be straight with her if you're not going to be providing that for her. Let her know that you're a person she'll be dating, not a weird father figure or security blanket. Likewise, she can let you know that she's a human woman with flaws and insecurities, not a hot babe who will never "burden" you with a single emotional need.

5. You May Not Want The Same Things From Life

Let's say you're not burdened by the above issues: she has a realistic idea of what she expects from older men, and you in particular; and vice versa. You're not looking for a flawless one-dimensional sex doll and she's not looking for a sugar daddy either — you're just two regular people who like each other and clicked, If your significant other is an amazing person who you mesh with well, but you simply aren't looking for the same things (she just wants to party, you're ready to start thinking about settling down and having kids, for example), it's just not going to work out. These issues can, of course, affect couples who are the same age and who have different priorities,


However, if a young woman is into older men, it’s usually comes down to one of the following reasons:

-She likes how girly he makes her feel because he is so masculine.
-She is more emotionally mature than guys her age, so she feels more compatible with older guys.
-She prefers having sex with guys who are experienced.
-She has a “daddy complex” and likes to be a man who will give her the love that she didn’t get f-rom her father.
She prefers guys who are more financially established.

THOUGHTS; SO MANY THOUGHTS......THERMODYNAMIC MIRCALES

They want me to talk about you again, like you are a photograph that can be reached in arms length. You’re not. You are miles away; buried in the core of the darkest place in my memory. They want me to remember your apple scented white polo shirt when you held my hand that afternoon; begging me to give you a chance. They want to hear your voice again because lately, I’m not sleeping early because there’s comfort from the songs you gave; which intoxicate my insomnia more. They want me to go home but I told them home is no longer you. My heart, my bones, my veins and artery, my head, my soul they missed you again. But I will keep saying no. Because they have to know, you no longer care


PART 2

If you lose interest in someone, tell them.

If you’re not looking for a relationship, tell the person you’re seeing.

If you’re thinking of ghosting someone, tell them.

If you can’t handle meeting up with someone after all, tell them.

If you’re terrible at responding to messages, tell people.

If you prefer talking in person to texting, tell people.

If you’re seeing several people at the same time, tell them.

If you’re looking for sex rather than dating, tell the person you’re seeing.

It is not difficult to be a decent and honest, open, communicative human being. Respect those whom you interact with and have relationships with by telling the truth instead of leading them on or being deceitful.



PART 3

Insecure men don’t like to admit that they need to get better at anything; admitting that we are imperfect creates a cognitive dissonance that resonates within our minds, and irritates the soul. It’s easier to bury the realization, and paper it over with the facade of machismo.

And I am nothing if not an insecure man. Confronting my own insecurities is scary because it clashes with how I want to view myself - and how I want to believe my partner views me. It was only once I truly embraced the idea that I am, and forever will be, a DEEPLY flawed human being that I was ever able to really begin to grow.

For once I embraced that I was imperfect, I became obsessed with doing everything within my power to erase those imperfections. Not instantly, but gradually, by trying to be one percent better every day. I’ll never truly succeed of course, because perfect is an inherently subjective construct, but at least by accepting that I am weak, and flawed, and imperfect, I have allowed myself the freedom to pursue greatness.

As a dominant that freedom to accept that I am all of these things, is how I show my strength





PART 4

There is something deeply comforting about the vastness of space. No matter how big our problems are, no matter how large they seem to us, to the universe we aren’t even blips on its radar. We exist so briefly that for the universe we are a millisecond of a milliseconds worth of existence. Whenever I gaze at the stars and then look back at my greatest problem of the day, suddenly everything seems so very small and so very insignificant. We get a millisecond of a milliseconds worth of life. Why not spend as much of that as we can trying to be happy and doing the things we love instead of making ourselves ache?


PART 5


Sometimes people choose each other out of hunger mistaking it for love. And no matter how much love they try to feed each other, the hunger only grows and grows, until they have nothing left to devour but each other



PART 6

I am done letting you grind my heart to powder to get high on the love I have for you, just to leave again searching for something better. I am not a habit for you to turn to on bad days, I am the healing you so desperately need and cannot see.


PART 7


It’s not me, it’s you. I am not going to sit here and pretend the problem was me when very clearly it was you. You don’t get to treat me like I am nothing but a fire you need to warm your hands by only to douse it out when the time has come to leave. I am not a glass of water for you to drink from and throw the rest into the sink. You don’t get to spread a wildfire in my heart, burn this forest I have tended so carefully to the ground and walk away with a slap on the wrist like “it’s not you, it’s me”. I am better than that, I am the healing you desperately needed but chose not to see. So forgive me for saying what needs to be said here, it was unequivocally, a hundred percent you, not an ounce of this was on me


PART 8

First you count the stars that died to bring you to life by listening to your heartbeat, Then you close your eyes and feel the nebulae moving slowly in your blood, Then you feel the universe brimming through the thoughts in your mind. And slowly you count your eyelashes like they are constellations, as you finally recognise the fabric of your soul under your skin

PART 9

You meet someone as deep as the sea, and just when you spend a lifetime figuring them out, you find out there are still massive lakes to explore that exist under that sea


PART 10

I am teaching myself how to take up space. How to not apologise constantly for the way I live and breathe. How an apology isn’t something I am supposed to say before I speak in a conversation. How  I’m so sorry, isn’t something I have to say before I just allow myself the basic right of speaking about anything.

I am teaching myself that I am allowed to exist on this planet without thinking of myself as a burden. How to not apologise for things that are out of my control. How to understand when people are trying to manipulate me into thinking the worst of myself and most of all how to stop thinking the very worst of myself as I deserve better than that from myself.


I am teaching myself that humans can exist without assuming the very worst about themselves and how the people around them perceive them. How to not apologise when someone bumps into me and I immidiately assume it is my fault. How to not apologise when I ask a question because I think others will think I am stupid. How to love myself for these flawed bits of me no one has ever wanted to love before.


I am teaching myself that all the lies my abusers told me about myself were so very wrong. How I am allowed to make mistakes. How as long as I apologise and amend things, anything is fixable if I still have love in my heart for the other person. How not everything that has ever gone wrong in every relationship is my fault.


I am finally learning how to take up space as a human being. It’s taken a long, long road to get here. And I still have a very long way to go before I am done understanding that it is my job to take up space, that I am not just an afterthought or a secondary character in this gift of life I have been given. That who I am is not an apology, that who I am is not wrong.




PART 11

However difficult you think you are, there is someone out there who will love you.

They will hold your hand through your anxiety. They will be there for you even on your worst, angriest days. They will allow you to grow and evolve in the way you need. And even when you make mistakes, they will take the time to understand you and forgive you.

Love is not a thing that needs to be earned by changing yourself from the person you are. You can better yourself, but never ever think you need to better yourself for anyone other than yourself. Those kind of changes never last.

This is the kind of love you deserve. This is the kind of love you need. No one is too difficult to love when they have love in their hearts to give to others. Please don’t believe whoever told you that you will never find the love you need, not even yourself. Don’t tell yourself that changing who you are will get you the love you need. Because this you, all raw, all broken is still beautiful, is incredibly wonderful to someone.

Believe in yourself. You are not too difficult to love.

And you deserve love. Just like this. Just as you are.




PART 12

To say it was painful is an understatement. To say that you hurt me is an even bigger understatement. The truth is, if you had left a dozen stab wounds on my body, the way you did to my mind and heart, you would be imprisoned but no one ever imprisons anyone for the near-fatal crime of breaking someone’s heart. It took me years to get over you. It took me days to simply pull myself together and lead a normal life. It took so long that the pain began to feel like second nature to me, it began to feel like it was consumption rather than just heartbreak.


And still, as I sit here writing this, I want to say thank you. You were the universe’s present, wisdom in the form of a human, sent to me at just the right time, to tell me how much I need to evolve and grow and become someone who I am proud of. I needed to have my heart broken this badly. I needed to be hurt this much to know how deeply I feel, how much I truly can love. I needed to breathe and feel the pain to this extent. You gave me this and for that I am forever grateful. You have changed me as a human, fundamentally and forever.


So wherever you are, despite the pain you caused me, I hope nothing but the best for you. I want to thank you for the heartbreak. I want to thank you for being a lesson to me in so many ways. I want to thank you for the damage you did to me. Because without that damage I do not think I would be the very best version of me. The me I see and feel today.




PART 13

One day you will find someone who doesn’t look at you and see only the broken pieces. Instead they will see the light that shines through those cracks. They will help you grow flowers within those pieces of you that you assume will never live or breathe or grow again.


One day you will find someone who doesn’t allow you to see only the worst in yourself. Instead they will show you the same reflection in the mirror that you have come to hate so much and show you the flecks of gold that you have constantly missed seeing in your own eyes, the beauty of your soul as it resides inside your face, the softness inside your heart that glows so beautifully through.


One day you will find someone who shows you that everything that scares you can be defeated. They stand by you and hand you the weapons that will defeat your demons, never once trying to fix you, instead giving you the confidence that you can and you will fix yourself. They are the person who will cheer you on the most, never feeling insecure of your successes, instead encouraging you to grow more successful everyday.


One day you will find someone who will aid you to become the best version of yourself. They show you how brave you truly are and give you perspective on the things that have tried to destroy you. They let you fall apart when you need to and help you piece yourself back together again. Their love for you gets you through everything.


One day you will find someone who brings you healing. They take your hand and walk besides you on this path which you think you are completely alone on. They allow you to take in everything around you at your own pace and at your own time. And most importantly they help you to evolve into the person you need to be. They help you become the hero in your own story.


PART 14

The strongest ones, the most confident ones, the ones who look like they have never needed love from anyone but themselves, those are the people that need love the most. You see, they’ve become so good at hiding their hurt, their pain that people simply forget that they too feel just as insecure and vulnerable as everybody else. They’re expected to laugh through their problems because thats what they have always done and the support that they give others is never returned because no one thinks they need it.

They are so used to be everyone else’s rock, everyone else’s crying shoulder, everyone else’s human to turn to, that when it comes to their own pain, they simply bottle it up and put it away. They cry alone, they hurt alone, they never tell anyone about their nightmares or how cruel life is really being because if they do, they’re afraid people will not see them as strong anymore. They are afraid of crumbling in front of anyone else because they do not want to seem weak and broken.

The strongest ones of us need support more than anything in the world because of being strong so very long that when they fall apart, it is not just a human falling to pieces and recovering, it is an avalanche, a volcanic eruption, the amount of pain that you could not imagine possible for a human to hold within themselves. The strongest people, the toughest ones, disguise their tears behind smiles and avert their eyes when in pain once too often.

This is why it is so important to ask “Are you okay?” more than once sometimes, especially from someone who is that strong. This is why it is important to allow our hearts to understand what our minds cannot when we see someone’s smile change, or their eyes show something their demeanor cannot.

The strongest ones of us need support the most. Because when the time comes to rely on someone they don’t know how, they don’t know how to reach out for a hand as they are so used to being the rock for everyone else that hurts.



PART 15

The cruelest thing that someone can do to you is first claim to love you more than anything in the world. That they have never seen anything as exquisite as you. That you are every star in the night sky, you have a love to give sweeter than any they have ever tasted. That they will never leave you, because my goodness, look at what all you have to give, they are content, they are content, they are content. And then one day, out of the blue they do.

The cruelest thing that someone can do to you is lull you into a false sense of security. Convince you that this, this is the forever love you have been looking for. This is the kind of love you needed all this time, the kind of love you have craved and let you get comfortable in it because it will last, it will last, it will last. And then, one day, they wrap all of their love into a bundle and walk away without a second glance back at you.

The cruelest thing someone can do is convince you that you will be enough for them. That there will never be another that makes them feel this way, play with their hair, tease them, make them coffee in the morning just the way they like it, you are a language that has become their mothertongue, and one cannot forget their mothertongue. And then, one day, they forget all about you, like you never existed and you are left with this language in your mouth that no one else speaks.

The cruelest thing someone can do is simply leave without warning after promising you a life together. They take this soft heart of yours and love it until it’s so full only to throw it to the ground and crush it into a million pieces. They take everything you built together and take a hammer to it like it is nothing but a glass house that is meant to be destroyed. This is the cruelest thing that someone can do to you. Disappear without a warning when they swore they would love you.


PART 16

The things that hurt you, that caused you pain do not define you. Nothing that broke you, caused you the most intense damage, deserves the right to define who you are. They are things that happened to you, that evolved you as a person that changed you, but they still do not get the right define your beautiful, brilliant soul which contains a tiny universe as vast as the one you see as endless in the night sky.

What does define you is your survival, your ability to have experienced terrible things and still, found it inside yourself to survive, to have the kind of courage so many would not dream of, to grow wings where yours had been taken and cut down. You are made of beautiful, incredible, impossible things and your trauma does not get to trick you into believing that it is the only thing about you that matters.

The person who you were before damage came for you, that person is long gone and they will not be coming back, but remnants of them remain. Together the damage and the past before it have made you a brand new human, a stronger human, a better human.

You have forged yourself. From the very womb of your sadness, from the womb of your old self, you have come out, borne of heartache and pain. So no. After all that fighting you have done, your trauma does not get to define you, my dear heart.

You are whole despite it. A better, braver, stronger you in every single way.

And believe me, the universe is proud of you, you are fulfilling your purpose here in every single way.



PART 17

I am sorry someone loved you badly, and that they made you feel like you take up more space than you deserve. I am sorry they abandoned you when you need them the most and it has made you believe that love is an awful thing that hurts


PART 18

Ask a woman if size matters, and she will usually say “no”.

However, women who have had sex with a man with a big cock know better. A cock that is larger in girth and length creates a more pleasurable experience for her, if the man it is attached to knows how to use it.

GIven the choice between a large cock and an average cock, a woman will choose a large cock almost every time. Why? Well, here are 4 reasons:

1. Every nerve inside of her pussy is being stimulated at the same time. The vagina has many pressure-sensitive nerve endings that detect sensations of stretching, and these sensors can be finely tuned to detect variations in penis girth. Also, an average-sized cock only stimulates some of these nerve endings as it moves in and out, but a big cock stimulates all of them at the same time. The combination of these 2 can cause a sensory overload, which she loves!

2. She feels a big cock in places deep inside of her. An average cock can only go so deep inside of her, which is usually enough. However, the vagina can accept a much longer cock when she is extremely turned on, and a larger cock reaches places that she is not normally used to feeling.

3. She finds a man with a big cock more attractive than a man with an average or small cock. Knowing that a man with a big cock wants to have sex with her is a turn on for her. She likes that she beats out other women who want to have sex with him.

4. She can orgasm faster and multiple times because the girth stretches her labia and pulls her clitoris closer to her vagina, thus rubbing against his cock with every stroke,



PART 19

What if we could depend on ourselves?
Took responsibility for our actions?

Imagine if we stopped blaming world for our own inadequate efforts.
for not understanding, or being interested

Imagine…

What if we broke from the pattern
We could break from our relationship with pain

Instead of suffering…

We could quit glorifying the anguish, Identifying with it

Quit the perpetual reopening of wounds in need of healing
Instead of scars, and resentment, we could have beauty, and kindness

Meaning…

What if we maintained our wellness,
instead of maintaining the image?

The idea that we are broken,
that we can not fix this.

what if, there were no missing pieces,
and we had everything we needed?

Imagine…


PART 20

Thermodynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing.
And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle.

But...if me, my birth, if that's a thermodynamic miracle... I mean, you could say that about anybody in the world!.

Yes. Anybody in the world. ..But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget... I forget. We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from the another's vantage point. As if new, it may still take our breath away.