1-10 Scale
1 – Beyond Ugly
2 – Ugly
3 – Near Ugly
4 – Below average
5 – Average: You’re friends wouldn’t be impress!
6 – Above Average/Cute: No major complaints.
7 – Very Attractive/Hot/Pretty or Handsom: Someone you’re proud to show off in public. He or She gets a lot of attention.
8 – “Beautiful” (man or woman)/All of a 7 and more: Brag about having.
9 – Drop-dead Gorgeous/Outrageously Beautiful/All of an 8 and more: minimal flaw that is over looked by most.
10 – close to “Perfect”/One in a million: This person has a very beautiful symmetrical face, excellent body with great proportion, dresses well, knows how to carry himself or herself..
Listen,I know I am not ugly. I am not a 2. I slept with a lot of woman. Over 60 or more.. I would consider myself as a 6.5-7 in the look department. Most of the woman I slept with were 7 and above. Just being honest here. I would rate my ex girl friend like 5.5 to a 6.
The reason she doesn't like to have sex with me is because she told me she wasn't in love with me. I don't get that either. She broke up with some guy and 2 months later started dating me...while still in love with him. She felt guilty sleeping with me because she has this sick idea of being loyal to her ex boyfriend. Anyway, 6 months later she was still telling me the same thing. ...she doesn't love me and I wasn't hot enough. And i could tell anyway without her telling me,,,we only have sex when she wanted it. She was submissive to her ex, but not to me. I could go on and on about this. You can image how that would makes anyone feel.
To be honest, I don;t think she would ever love me because she doesn't want to. She was still love with her ex. That is a whole other issues in itself. She would accuse me of being controlling when I was not, she would accuse me of being more of a father figure when I wasn't. She would accuse me of telling her that her life was going to be horrible in the future when I did the complete opposite. Her preception of me was just crazy. I wonder sometimes...if we were in the same relationship.
So why did she still wanted to date me? Because I was perfect in every other area beside the look department. Again, I think she has some passive -aggressive behavior issues. Say one thing and the next minutes the totally opposite.
Listen,I know we all meet intelligent, kind people, then wish they didn’t have crooked teeth. It's not a one-way street; most likely, someone has loved you in spite of the fact that you might not been their physical type.
And now that we’re all on the same page about being selfish, superficial monsters, let’s discuss the properties of being such a person. Let’s talk about the problem, which is actually a pretty deep one. The issue here is that this ex girl of mine was thinking of “the one” the same way you think of a sandwich.
Often, we fall into a weird habit of thinking of people as a collection of ingredients. Just how you want bacon, lettuce and tomato on a sandwich, you might want warmth, athleticism, and medium-large breasts in a partner. You’re like, "I’ll take a non-smoking hot woman with a side of law degree." But this isn’t a useful way of thinking about relationships. Not because your preferences aren’t real — but because what makes somebody “the one” isn’t a collection of the ingredients that turn you on, or comfort you when you feel depressed. “The one” is the person you’re ready to love fully — the person you want to sign up for, whatever that entails.
Let’s face the cruel facts of this situation. If she’re not happy with a perfectly-functioning relationship with someone who’s attractive but not ravishing (that me we are talking about here), then a perfectly functioning relationship wasn't her undisputed priority. And there is nothing wrong with this. Seriously. There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing bone structure and looks and being shallow. The only really shameful thing is having bullshit relationships. I was in a bullshit relationship with a woman who would rather be screwing around with a drop-dead gorgeous guy whose personality doesn't align with her whatsoever.
If you are sexual person ,you will feel occasionally be horny for random strangers no matter how hot a person you’re sleeping with. Realize that, even if you date a perfect 10 now, she or he won’t be that in 20 years — looks fade, both yours and hers. Understand that receiving an incredible blowjob from the most breathtakingly beautiful woman you’ve ever seen will be revelatory at first, but will seem normal (if still excellent) eventually.
I realize that she really doesn't want a relationship with me,even though she was going through the motions. She wanted to get married and have kids but she did everything she could to destroy that.She told me she would be submissive to a guy who was above 6 and in her head...i wasn't above a 6 when through out my whole dating experience....the feedback I got was was the totally opposite. I remember she also told me she won't give me the 6 blowjobs I been asking for in one day...until she loved me. Like I wrote above. I don't think she will ever love me....it was 6 month into the relationship.
Why any one person chooses to marry is based on a complex mix of factors, many of which are unknown even to the person doing the marrying. One person may look for fire in the sheets, another for fire in the brain. Another might insist on both. One may see the abundance in one area as simply that, and not as a deficit in another.
I’ve known couples where the physical attraction alone was not mutual—one person was swoon-y for the other, while the other was, well, attracted to the other on a lot of levels, sure, but it was not particularly their body. And it’s worth arguing here that we may all deal with this at one point or another—for certain people, simply getting old, gaining weight, enduring illness, the ravages of time, or even a bad haircut could knock the wind out of our lover’s lustful gaze. While I think everyone has the right to a partner who is equally wild-eyed about you as you are about them, in many relationships, over time, the dynamics of attraction are bound to change.
I never saw attraction as my ex girlfriend did. She was shallow, and mean. She wasn't my physical type either....but I would have never done the things she did in our relationship to make it a difficult relationship to be in.To me being attractive isn't about how you look.
So if attraction isn’t based on physical appearance, what is it about? It’s about essence. It’s about the person you see when all pretenses fade away. It’s about the light that emanates from her eyes or the radiance of her smile. It’s about seeing soul instead of personality, the sustaining beauty of true nature instead of the fleeting beauty of a pretty face. It’s about what draws you to your partner, what connects you, what makes you say “yes” to her and no to everyone else. It’s about that place that feels like home, when you can sit next to each other immersed in engaging conversation or content in comfortable silence.
I have eliminate the words attraction or chemistry from my vocabulary – and instead ask, “What draws me to my partner?” Let’s understand attraction like a magnetic pull instead of in terms of superficial beauty. For we’ve all known people who appear typically beautiful but as soon as they open their mouth, the spell is broken and their true, toad-like nature is revealed. And we’ve known the opposite scenario as well: the person our culture defines as physically unattractive but whose essence radiates such love, warmth, clarity, and goodness that they’re transformed into the fabled prince or princess.
So how did I let myself fall in love with a woman who wasn't my physical type.
1-I put her picture on my phone as a wallpaper. When I started to see her in a negative light, I pull out the phone and had a good look. At the same time, I would look at a photo of myself at my very worst to remind myself that I am not perfect either. We all have good days and bad days. We can all look beautiful or scary.
2-I try to find one quality that you love – her hands, her lips, and focus on that. With her it was her eyes.
3- I remind myself that when I am over-focusing on the attraction issue, I probably avoiding something else – especially if you know that you’re attracted to her essence. Say to yourself, “I’m in a projection” and then ask,”What feeling am I avoiding by focusing on this right now?”
4- I watch “Shallow Hal.” It’s such a great movie for revealing how much our culture focuses on the externals and loses sight of essence.
5-I Remind myself that attraction comes and goes (just like the feeling of love). No one is always attracted to their partner. That’s just not the way attraction works.
The following is post I wrote a few years ago.
I have a few revelations in the ‘attraction’ department, my arch-nemesis! It’s so weird but I feel like the tables have turned on me here. She is still the same person, but I seem to have changed. Because she didn’t fit my warped mould of ‘perfect’ I was withholding a part of myself that I feel is critical to attraction: emotional and sexual intimacy. I was sort of punishing her for making me feel angry when she wasn’t doing anything to deserve it. My ego said – it’s ‘your’ fault, because you are not Mrs Perfection (obviously I was not yet done getting over this fantasy). As soon as I realised that my ego was in the driver’s seat, demanding perfection, I kicked his arse and said, “Wow ego, you’re really unattractive – go get some humility and start appreciating her for who she is, share your self more and stop expecting her to make you feel a certain way. You’re going to lose a really really great woman if you keep this up.”
It occured to me that this was more than just lack of being attracted = no intimacy. It was my shutdown that was preventing ME from being intimate with her – thus, shutting down a vital connection that is way more than physical. So yeah, reporting that ‘it’ was kinda my ‘fault’.
This whole attraction thing has been so ‘over the top’ in my head for so long, it’s weird having this new window to see through; I mean, I have dated many different woman, all of them have been different, no one has been perfect. I never had this anxiety over them!! It was more that in my head, the place I reserved for my wife was one that had to be perfect. Now, my partner is pretty perfect so WHY this need for a Mrs Perfection? Sure, the Hollywood stereotypes played a HUGE part, but the inner child was SCREAMING something and I only have just started to hear him, and it’s to do with being visibly protected by someone bigger than me, physically, because of so much crap I, like many of us, have experienced in the past. And so, I think, this need to be with someone who could put ‘certain people in my past’ in their place, was important to my inner child. I had to tell him that I DID have someone that was going to protect me, that my partner was WAY better than anyone else I’d ever met at protecting and nurturing me emotionally
The bottom line truth is that beauty fades over time. If you’re going to remain married to someone for sixty years, you’re going to see hairlines recede, boobs sag, bellies pooch, hairs turn grey. And if you’ve picked your partner primarily because of the way he or she looks, you’re going to have a very hard time sustaining real attraction over the long haul of marriage. Real attraction, like real love, is sustainable, solid, and grows over time. It would behoove you to learn about it now.
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