DATING: ANYONE WHO'S EVER HAD A HEART ........WOULDN'T TURN AROUND AND BREAK IT

Anyone who's ever had a heart Wouldn't turn around and break it Yet why do so many woman break your heart?

DATING: A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK

Despite women being half of the world's population (around 2.5 billion at the time) there were only around 1,000 potential future wife for me. Starting with that global population number, I narrowed it down to women living in the United States within a preferred age range who were single, didn't have kids or smoke, who'd reached a desirable level of education, and was heterosexual and want to get married.

I then hypothesized further as to how many of these women would have a wicked sense of humor or kind eyes,  tolerate my neatness, watch movies with me, love sex and will appreciate me.  When all was said and done, I figured there were probably only a handful woman in the United States that would be a match. Talk about a needle in a haystack!

DATING: LOVE IS NOT A NOUN BUT A VERB

Love is a verb, not a noun. I mention this on my blog many times.

When you tell someone you love them….those words can be soothing and reassuring, but this generally comes after this love has manifested itself via actions or behavior in some way. Otherwise, the words by themselves (can) mean very little.

Loving someone and expressing love are not the same thing. The feeling and the action are not the same.You can love a plant unconditionally, but if you don’t water it, the plant will die.

Many people are looking for “chemistry” in their love lives. They want someone who stirs up their feelings of admiration, attraction, and desire.   It’s like they want to be handed a surprise gift.  A neat little package containing all of the feelings we associate with love, especially the way “true love” and “love at first sight” is conveyed in the movies and songs that define our culture. Is it any surprise, then, that divorce rates are so high?  Is it any surprise so many people are in serial relationships that last only months or a few years before they renew their search for “better chemistry?”

Love is not chemistry. Love is a choice.

The feelings we associate with love (admiration, desire, possessiveness, generosity, et cetera) are just that; feelings associated with love, especially when choices to love are being reciprocated and the challenges we face are relatively small.   And these feelings are all good.  But they are not love.

Love is decision.  It is a verb.  It is the process of making every day choices that honor a relationship which includes commitments of serving another persons, whether that be a new born child you barely know, a parent you’ve known all your life, or your fiance’ on your wedding day.

It is the every day decisions to make little or big choices to honor this desire and decision to love that shapes us into loving persons. Consistently choosing to love makes us better people.   Every choice to love reinforces one or more virtues which become the habits which shape our character.

Put another way, love is what we choose to give to others in the process of being the best persons we can be.

Love is a choice, not a feeling.  Feelings come and go, and if we choose to base our most important relationships on how we feel at any particular moment, we are in for a rough and rocky journey.  

Love is verb, not a noun.  Love is something we do, not something that happens to us.

Love is a verb.  Love–the feeling–is a fruit of love, the verb.  So love him  Serve him.  Sacrifice. Listen to him.  Empathize.  Appreciate. Affirm him  Are you willing to do that?

Our modern culture equates intimacy with sex and proclaims love is a feeling.  On both counts we are being massively deceived, sex is only the shadow of intimacy; feelings are just the aroma of the flower we call love . . . and flowers are not always in bloom.

You can only choose to love.  you cannot determine whether someone else will love you.  But if in every situation you choose to love, nothing and no one can diminish you.  Others may choose not to love you in return, but that doesn’t diminish you.  Their failure to love is their failure alone and diminishes only themselves.

Love is a constant gesture. It is a million “I love you” text messages, phone calls to show you care, warm embraces, tender hugs and kisses, dates, smiles, and winks. Love is  finding a compromise where no one wins 100%, but it’s something everyone can live with. Love is washing work shirts for your partner because they are pinned between the late shift and the morning shift. Love looks like managing the budget because your partner isn’t always so good at that sort of thing. Love means proofreading a million college papers, and working a crappy full-time job at a hardware store so that your


“Love is a verb.” And for those of you with children, you know what this looks like. You know how much love there is in staying up with a sick, feverish, child, or hunching next to squirmy grade-schooler, helping with homework, feeling tired and frustrated after a long day.he reality is that real, long-term love isn’t drug-like or euphoric. It’s practical, sacrificial, and passionate. It’s intentional. It’s about action and compromise. And most importantly, it means reaching deep inside yourself, and realizing that sometimes you don’t always love the person that you are with.

It isn’t easy, but neither is marriage.

DATING: KEEPING YOUR WORD

When I was married, my wife had a habit of making promises and not keeping them. That was a big issue with our marriage. I could never trust her. To me, keeping your promise and saying you are doing something and doing it is the foundation of any relationship. I am just tired of being let down.

 I wouldn’t feel good about myself if I didn’t keep my word. My word means something to me — I do not take it lightly.

I do not trust people who don’t keep their word. If someone lets me down a number of times, then I know they are not reliable. I find that this limits my desire to spend time with them, which is sometimes sad, but I have learned to accept that I cannot trust them to follow through on what they say they are going to do.

I lose respect for people whose word doesn’t mean anything to them. I end up feeling manipulated when someone says they are going to do something and then doesn’t do it. Of course, I give them leeway at the beginning. There may be a good reason they didn’t do what they said they were going to do. But if it happens over and over, I accept that I can’t rely on them and my respect for them goes down.

People make promises for all sorts of reasons. They say they will do things and then fail to follow through and when others consistently let you down, it becomes difficult to trust. The reason for this lack of integrity is often a lack of discipline. Their intentions may be good but then they get distracted, forget, or find a reason (excuse) not to follow through. Then there are those who promise things without any intention of following through. There is no such thing as different degrees of promise. Either you do or you don't. This counts for the little things too.

When your schedule is too full to keep the promise and there isn’t any way you could keep it, it’s better not to promise anything than disappoint your partner.

When you promise something, the other person must assume it's a done deal. Your word should be like currency. It's money in the bank for someone who is counting on it. That being said, you shouldn't dole it out over everything and anything, or it will lose its value. Because your word is like currency, you must give it only when the occasion is important enough to call for it. The person you are promising something to must be able to recognize that your promise has value. You don't give money out to every Tony, Dick or Harry do you? Why do the same with your word?

Some folks apply a rating scale, believing that breaking a big promise is inexcusable, while a small one is acceptable. That’s simply false, trust is built through a series of experiences shared with others. When behavior is consistent, faith in the relationship develops. When promises are broken or people are misled, the bonds of trust are breached. Broken promises imply that the offenders either didn’t think before making the promises, or don’t care that they’ve let you down. They’re also implying that their needs are more important than yours

Every time you give your word, you’re putting your honor on the line. You’re implying that others can place their trust in you because you value integrity and would never let them down.

POETRY:EVERY MOMENT

Oh her eyes... Those beautiful, sparkling eyes, The source of all her passions, The teller of no lies. Oh her lips... Those soft and tender lips, Where upon the glass of life, She savours and she sips. Oh her hair... Her dark hair, That drapes upon her shoulders, Showing perfection, oh so rare. Oh her face... Her stunning, beguiling face, Where heaven can be sought, And God can be embraced. Oh her form... Her delicate, slender form, In dreams, beside me lay... So tender and so warm. Oh her soul... Her gentle caring soul, That longs for love in life, Yet, life just can't console. Oh God, Oh her... With her imperfections much, Yet, when I think of love, It?s her soul I long to touch. PART 2 You, who are my immortal light, I ask that you save me from my eternal plight. You, who are my love and my life, I plead that you save me from this immortal strife. You, who are the one I treasure most, I beg that you lead me to a forgotten coast. You, who are the one of which I dream, I request that you remain all that you seem. You, who are the one I most desire, I ask that you stoke my inner fire. You, who are most pristine, I beg that you heed my lonely keen. You, who are the only one for me, I ask that you remain all that I see. You, who are my love and my life, I plead that you save me form this immortal strife.

PART 3

how wonderful it is to find you, after a time of feeling alone. everything looks better with you, of that i know for sure. in an instant i lost my heart... it gave itself to you. because it knew you would take good care of it. you stole my heart indeed it's true. i can't do anything about it. i'm yours and cannot escape from your life. you filled my heart with your love and your care. in a moment everything changed. what i waited and wished for finally got here. what in everyone else i couldn't find, i found in you. i don't ever want to lose you. PART 4 With hands together and lips that touch two people enjoy each other so much! Time flies fast and temperatures rise each individual looking into the other's eyes. It's time to part and in separate cars they go their hearts' passion they now truly know. PART 5 Every moment, since our first Danced lovingly through my mind Every smile, every laugh, every tear. How lucky I am to have had those times, Luckier still, to have more. Tomorrow is a day I always look towards, Tomorrow is another day with her. Her thoughts of me find my heart, Her thoughts are kind and pure. Her thoughts, to me, I return in kind. As I think of her once more. The curve of her cheek as she looks past my gaze Leads my heart to her lovely face. This moment, like so many, catches me drifting, Luck is mine once more. Every moment, since our first Has been lovelier than the last, Every smile, every laugh, every giggle, every Her... As I simply sit here next to her, These thoughts keep filling my mind; As I simply sit here next to her, I smile, and smile, and smile.

LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate,

I have always loved you. Many may find this strange. But those who have experienced it will understand completely.

You see, I’ve always loved you. Always. Way before I knew you, before you even thought of me and before I even thought of you, I already knew you. And when I saw you for the very first time, I recognized you instantly. I puzzled for a while, questioning where I’d saw your face and slowly it came to me. You were with me all along.Every small footstep, each long and winding road, every mountain I struggled to climb, was synchronized with each path you were taking.

Though at the time my mind was not alert and I did not pay attention, as I was concentrating on surviving each day—I can see now that nothing was ever in vain.I will never forget the first words you spoke to me and how your voice resonated deeply inside my chest.. I thought my heart would break through to get to you, but we’d only just met—have patience, sweet organ, I know you’ve been waiting a life time, but, please, beat slowly and keep me calm.

I knew in an instant that I loved you.I didn’t know whether you drank tea with no sugar, whether you liked honey on your toast or whether you talked sometimes in your sleep.Neither did I know if this connection would last a moment nor a lifetime, but I did not care, I submerged in how it felt to be in your company, familiar, yet with so much to learn and unravel.

My imagination is wild, but I never dared to believe in someone such as you.Our electricity connected and you turned me on. I saw myself for the first time when I looked into your eyes. And you saw us. You had strengths where I had weaknesses and your weaknesses built up my assets. You knew me better than I knew myself. You never faltered, you had faith allowed me beyond your surface. You cracked your heart wide open and you allowed me to freely step in.

We are one and the same, although, so entirely different.When our fingers met we made our first love right there, without a care for the world, that continued around us.You touched me in places I never knew existed, I surrendered to your love and I allowed myself to fall.I gave you everything and you gave me myself in return.

You held out a mirror and I was no longer afraid to look, I could not see me without knowing you first.Our fragmented pieces smoothly slid firm into place.You fearlessly drove and you never once doubted our love. You ran through each bone in my body and then printed your name on my heart. My veins pulsed wildly when you tenderly showed me your love. You gave me it all. And I loved you more. I had no choice. There is no reason nor no explanation for love. You were always the one and I have always loved you. I waited and you waited and we finally arrived together.

DATING: USING THE GEORGE CLOONEY RULE

I'm handsome, intelligent,kind and friendly, nice  I don't need an app or anything, for that matter, to help me find a girlfriend. Never, I said to myself, would I need to put myself behind a virtual shopping window, sell my virtues like a desperate encyclopaedia salesman and hope that strangers would be persuaded enough to click "like".

Eventually, though, I came around.You see, when you work 12-hour days and also have to work on the weekends, the ability to date or meet new people is seriously compromised. On days when I can leave work early, I like nothing more than to read a book and unwind over a glass of whisky or watch a good movie in bed. Nothing about those activities brings me remotely close to another human being.  but I am not going to just meet anyone.

Finding someone you like is always a minefield, and there’s a reason kissing frogs before meeting your prince/princess is a well-worn cliche.

Let’s be honest, there isn’t really a ‘one’ out there. There are so many people in the world that statistically there can’t just be one person that is meant to be with another.  The idea that there is just one person for every person is actually a very depressing thought. It would be like trying to find a needle in a planet-sized haystack!

In reality, finding a person we might describe as ‘the one‘ means finding someone who has qualities and attributes that we are attracted to – and that someone also has to be at a stage in their life where they are ready to commit. It’s hard ticking all these boxes, so imagining that there would be only one person in the world that could fit that role would mean that very few people would be together.

So how do I know who to spend my time with actually take a leap of faith and open my heart to? How do you separate the shopper from the buyer? I use the George Clooney rule.

Imagine that instead of me, George Clooney had asked this same woman out. Would she use the same excuse with him? If George Clooney asked her on a date, would she still say she had to go to the movies with friends that night? Nope. She would have dropped pretty much anything and everything to be able to accept a date with George.

Now I know that I am not George Clooney obviously. But if a woman is interested in me, she will drop her other plans to be available to go out with me

Of course there are exceptions; the woman may have a legitimate reason she cannot make the date. Perhaps she has to work or go to a funeral. But if this is the case—and here is the real clincher—she will then suggest a different time for the date. She will say something along the lines of, “I can’t do it Saturday night; do you want to hang out next weekend instead?”

That is the person i will open my heart to and my soul. I want someone who want to be with me....not with just words...but with actions.

LOVE LETTER: DEAR BABY

Dear Baby,

I had a dream last night, and what a lovely dream it was. It left me feeling happy in a

metaphorical land of 'us'. It left me filled with moments to be cherished of hearts

were merging into one This has always been my dream for the two of us.....soaring through 

the sky. Those moments where I was staring down on you are  now etched into my soul.And as I awake, 

jubilant and blissfully contented securely wrapped in the pure essence of your beauty. 

Images of your smile and the sunshine it brings Joyously float through my heart as the majesty of your soul warms my heart

For all that I have to give is for the love of you. My one and only true love. You have 

my heart and I have yours.

POETRY: MY HUNGRY FOR YOU

Shred through her defense, take control, 
Tear at her flesh, tug at her soul, 
Tell her to take off her clothes, pull her in, 
Committing sin, 
Grip her hair, pull it to the side, 
Teeth into her neck, nothing denied, 
Explore her curves, feel her skin, 
Touch her deep, feeling within, 
Grasp her tight, fingers thrashing, 
Scratch up her spine, nails lashing, 
Kiss her lips, look into her eyes, 
Tongue against hers, quivering thighs, 
Spin her around, bend her down, 
Lick her softly, moving to the ground, 
Tongue twirling, her legs quaking, 
Stand to take her, penetration breaking, 
Sliding in deep, the feeling tight, 
Thrusting hard, frictions ignite, 
Consume her desire, passion afire, 
Take her to her knees, grip her hair, 
Pull it tight, don`t be fair, 
Taking your time, having all night, 
Slipping in and out, feeling so right 
Flip her over, bodies grinding, 
Sense it coming, positions binding, 
Her legs wrapped, feel her quiver, 
Release all you have, all within her, 
Body becomes heavy, collapse to the floor, 
My demons satisfied, there is no more.

POETRY: OH, THE CHANGES YOU'VE CAUSED

If the words I speak could make you laugh,
I'd talk forever.
If my embrace could make you feel secured,
I'd embrace you forever.
If understanding you could make us closer,
I'd listen to you forever.
If holding your hand could make you tingly inside,
I'd hold your hand forever.
If your eyes are the windows to your soul,
I'd stare into them forever.
If a simple kiss could make you glow,
I'd kiss you forever.
If the compliments I whisper in your ear makes you feel beautiful,
I'd whisper those words to you forever.
If the way I touch you makes u feel wanted,
I'd caress you forever.
If talking to you, and embracing you,
And listening to you, and holding you,
And staring into your eyes, and kissing you,
And whispering compliments to you, and caressing you
Could make you feel my love, 
I'd willingly do all those things forever.
And if someone asks me how much I love you,
I'd say, "So much, it would last forever."

PART 2

Oh, the changes you've caused
My entire life is different
All I want is to care for you
To worry about you
Feel bad when you are sick
Hurt when you are pained
Cry when you are sad
Laugh when you are happy
Just to take care of you
Make sure you are all right

Before I knew you
I looked out for myself
No one else was more important
Now you are here
You are the most sacred thing
Nothing is above your needs
Anything you want
I will do for you






Part 3




In my mind, the world revolves around your beauty
your laughter
In my eyes, you are the forever and ever
the fairy tale
In my heart, you live the life eternal
I'll never forget
In my dreams, you dance and sing






part 4


When I look at you, I can't describe what I see.
When you kiss me, I can't describe the great feelings you send through me.
When we hug, I can't describe the warmth of your embrace.
When I see you in the morning, you put a smile on my face.

You brought joy to my life by being so nice.
You brought trust to my heart by showing me a new start.
You brought my dreams to reality with yor sweet sexuality.
And, forever you'll have a special place in my heart.




PART 5



Yearning
   for your love
   in my heart
   on a
   bright
   sunny day...

In a quiet
   wilderness
   in the solitude
   of my
   mind...

At the bank
   of the
   blue ocean
   that never
   runs dry...

In an island
   of love
   filled with
   ecstasy and
   lasting pleasure...

In the space,
   Venus,
   soporific enough
   for my
   sweet surrender...

In the forest
   with sounds of
   leaves and 
   tree branches
   clapping
   their hands...

In the presence
   of angels and
   heavenly hosts
   being our
   witnesses...

Also
   in my wildest dreams
   and imaginations
   yearning for your
   eternal presence.

JOURNAL: ROUGH COUPLE OF WEEKS

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Father day came and went, and I miss my dad so much. Just the other day, I found some of his old medicines in the draw. I still can't take a look at his picture still. I see him every weekend  and talk to him.

My ear got better, Thank you God and ...thank you Dad.

I am getting wood install in the house next week. And getting my A/C fixed as well....I hope. This month is so expensive....but I don't care. One thing I learned about being ill, you don't sweat the small stuff anymore.

My mom house is on the market.We had a couple of bids.

Oh, and getting dental work done again.

I am just tired...always doing something. I miss the good old days, when my Dad was alive, when I actually had time to rest.

POETRY: I USED TO SAY THAT SOME GUYS HAVE ALL THE LUCK

You want to know why
Why I love you so
Why there is only you
Why my love grows and grows
It's hard to feel the way I do
It's the way you look at me
Like I'm the only one around
It's the way your voice sounds
It's your touch 
Your skin against mine
I need you too much
It's your eyes
The way they sparkle with shine
The way they stare into mine
It's the way you kiss me
Your soft lips against mine
I could kiss you all day
It would be great
If only I could have it my way
It's the way you are so near
But yet, so far
It's the way you make me feel safe
Like nothing will go wrong

PART 2

You rekindle my lost soul
You reactivate my diminishing hope
You revive my broken heart
You create durable scenes of love

My history is the story of your love
The episode of true love we share
My destiny will forever be yours
I've for ages chosen you my own

My light and shining armor 
You're the one who guides me through darkness
Every step I take day and night
Love footprints...traced to your heart

I love you more than life itself
I need you more than the breath I take
I want you more than everything I like
I cherish you more than every reason I find

PART 3

I used to say that some guys have all the luck.
But that wasn't true; they don't have much. 
I'm the one who has all the luck.
Because I'm the one who is feeling your tender touch.
And I will always say the things that makes you blush.
Because you love to hear those things so much.
I don't think you can ever get enough.
And I want you to know that I love you very much.

Honey I really believe that I'm blessed; 
to get the best woman of all the rest. 
And to the world I confess; the love we have for each other,
is more than a success.

DATING: I THINK WOMAN ARE BIGGER WHORES THAN MEN

Women are sluts and men are, well, men. The truth is both sexes love sex. Women are just as promiscuous as men, otherwise the numbers don’t add up. If men were sleeping around with all these women, there has to be “all these women” to sleep around with in the first place. The average male reports having twice as many partners as the average women report. This could only happen if there are twice as many women in the population. Either men exaggerate or women understate. But someone’s lying here.


In a 2005 study, capuchin monkeys were taught to use money tokens. Not long after, the first prostitute monkey appeared. Prostitution itself has been described as the world’s oldest profession. But we know that exchange-free promiscuous sex occur among almost all primates. Promiscuity reduces the chance an offspring will be attacked by another male as the offspring could be theirs. In macaques and chimpanzees, females copulate with multiple partners until they have an orgasm. In humans, females can orgasm multiple times without a recovery period. The average time for men to reach orgasm is between three and five minutes. For women it’s between 15 and 40 minutes. There’s an obvious orgasm gap here. …I’m just saying.

We’re now dating in the high-speed lane. On the palm of your hand you can sift through hundreds of potential partners. You can skype or text or facebook stalk them. You can emotionally connect and know intimate details about a person even before your first date. All that’s left to know is how he is in bed. Other things matter but without sexual connection you’re just platonic friends. If things don’t work with him then, well your date on Friday might. Technology has made finding the one easier and faster. You just have to take advantage of it.

Woman often don’t demonstrate the wisdom of restraint and fall into commercialized group think. Look at how teen age girls went crazy over Justin Bieber. They throw undergarments on stage and flash their privates. They would immediately reduce themselves to sex slaves for the group’s approved man gods. It is like a program in their minds controls them to get impregnated by the highest status males. After all, all they think about is status and popularity. Tall men are higher status than average men, so basketball players lay with far more women than horse racing jockeys. A man’s worth is never in their minds, it is deeper and more ingrained in their whole persona, lifestyle, and world view. It is what a man can do for them that is the key, and they are programmed to take the most and go for the biggest payload! Marry a man who is loyal for my support they scheme, then have sex with the higher status alphas who are never going to settle for my ball and chain they oil each day for their enslaved husbands.

I’ve always been in long-term relationships. Still, I was jealous of those Casanovas and Romeos that could get any women.  Here’s what happens. Brief happiness. Then lying, loss of money and time, stress, pain, insanity, depression, repeat. Now I have no such urge to play the field. The upside is you get to really know someone. You penetrate not only her body but many different layers you didn’t know existed before. If you jump from person to person you never get to experience that depth. I’m constantly discovering something new about my other half. It’s like being with a different woman every day. I am Casanova …but shhh, don’t tell her!

ARTICLE: The M.R.S. and the Ph.D. By STEPHANIE COONTZ

TODAY women earn almost 60 percent of all bachelor’s degrees and more than half of master’s and Ph.D.’s. Many people believe that, while this may be good for women as income earners, it bodes ill for their marital prospects.

As Kate Bolick wrote in a much-discussed article in The Atlantic last fall, American women face “a radically shrinking pool of what are traditionally considered to be ‘marriageable’ men — those who are better educated and earn more than they do.” Educated women worry that they are scaring away potential partners, and pundits claim that those who do marry will end up with unsatisfactory matches. They point to outdated studies suggesting that women with higher earnings than their husbands do more housework to compensate for the threat to their mates’ egos, and that men who earn less than their wives are more likely to experience erectile dysfunction.

Is this really the fate facing educated heterosexual women: either no marriage at all or a marriage with more housework and less sex? Nonsense. That may have been the case in the past, but no longer. For a woman seeking a satisfying relationship as well as a secure economic future, there has never been a better time to be or become highly educated.

For more than a century, women often were forced to choose between an education and a husband. Of women who graduated from college before 1900, more than three-quarters remained single. As late as 1950, one-third of white female college graduates ages 55 to 59 had never married, compared with only 7 percent of their counterparts without college degrees.

CAs a single, well educated, above average looking man in his early 40s with a good career, and who has been actively dating (or trying to)...


Some of these women chose to stay single, of course, and that choice has always been easier and more rewarding for educated women. But the low marriage rates of educated women in the past were also because of the romantic and sexual prejudices of men. One physician explained the problem in Popular Science Monthly in 1905: An educated woman developed a “self-assertive, independent character” that made it “impossible to love, honor and obey” as a real wife should. He warned that as more middle-class women attended college, middle-class men would look to the lower classes to find uneducated wives.

That is exactly what happened in the mid-20th century. From 1940 to the mid-1970s, the tendency for men to marry down educationally became more pronounced and the cultural ideal of hypergamy — that women must marry up — became more insistent.

Postwar dating manuals advised women to “play dumb” to catch a man — and 40 percent of college women in one survey said they actually did so. As one guidebook put it: “Warning! ... Be careful not to seem smarter than your man.” If you hide your intelligence, another promised, “you’ll soon become the little woman to be pooh-poohed, patronized and wed.”

Insulting as it may have been, such advice was largely sound. Studying national surveys on mate preferences, David M. Buss, a psychologist at the University of Texas, and his colleagues found that in 1956, education and intelligence were together ranked 11th among the things men sought in a mate. Much more important to them was finding a good cook and housekeeper who was refined, neat and had a pleasing disposition. By 1967, education and intelligence had moved up only one place, to No. 10, on men’s wish lists.

Men in the postwar period were threatened by the thought of a woman with more or even as much education as they had. One man who taught at a women’s college in the 1950s told me his colleagues used to joke that once they knew a woman had earned a Ph.D., they didn’t even need to ask what she had specialized in: clearly, it was in “Putting Hubby Down.”

But over the past 30 years, these prejudices have largely disappeared. By 1996, intelligence and education had moved up to No. 5 on men’s ranking of desirable qualities in a mate. The desire for a good cook and housekeeper had dropped to 14th place, near the bottom of the 18-point scale. The sociologist Christine B. Whelan reports that by 2008, men’s interest in a woman’s education and intelligence had risen to No. 4, just after mutual attraction, dependable character and emotional stability.


The result has been a historic reversal of what the economist Elaina Rosecalls the “success” penalty for educated women. By 2008, the percentage of college-educated white women ages 55 to 59 who had never been married was down to 9 percent, just 3 points higher than their counterparts without college degrees. And among women 35 to 39, there was no longer any difference in the percentage who were married.

African-American women are less likely to marry than white women overall, but educated black women are considerably more likely to marry than their less-educated counterparts. As of 2008, 70 percent of African-American female college graduates had married, compared with 60 percent of high school graduates and just 53 percent of high school dropouts.

One reason educated heterosexual women may worry about their marriage prospects today is that overall marriage rates have been slipping since 1980. But they have slipped less for educated women than for anyone else. Furthermore, college-educated women, once they do marry, are much less likely to divorce. As a result, by age 30, and especially at ages 35 and 40, college-educated women are significantly more likely to be married than any other group. And according to calculations by the economist Betsey Stevenson, an educated woman still single at age 40 is much more likely to marry in the next decade than her less educated counterparts.

Even for women who don’t marry, it’s better to be educated; a 2002 study found that never-married white women with more education than average lived “the longest, healthiest lives of all groups.”

ONE of the dire predictions about educated women is true: today, more of them are “marrying down.” Almost 30 percent of wives today have more education than their husbands, while less than 20 percent of husbands have more education than their wives, almost the exact reverse of the percentages in 1970.

But there is not a shred of evidence that such marriages are any less satisfying than marriages in which men have equal or higher education than their wives. Indeed, they have many benefits for women.

In a forthcoming paper from the Council on Contemporary Families, Oriel Sullivan, a researcher at Oxford University, reports that the higher a woman’s human capital in relation to her husband — measured by her educational resources and earnings potential — the more help with housework she actually gets from her mate. The degree to which housework is shared is now one of the two most important predictors of a woman’s marital satisfaction. And husbands benefit too, since studies show that women feel more sexually attracted to partners who pitch in.

Speaking of which, educated wives also get better sex, whatever their partner’s educational level, according to the sexuality researchers Pepper Schwartz and Virginia Rutter. They are more likely to receive as well as give oral sex, to use a greater variety of sexual positions and to experience orgasm regularly.

Certainly, some guys are still threatened by a woman’s achievements. But scaring these types off might be a good thing. The men most likely to feel emotional and physical distress when their wives have a higher status or income tend to be those who are more invested in their identity as breadwinners than as partners and who define success in materialistic ways. Both these traits are associated with lower marital quality. Few women really want to marry a man whose penis rises and falls in tandem with the size of his paycheck or the prestige of his diploma.

Yet when the journalist Liza Mundy interviewed young women for her forthcoming book on female breadwinners, she found that most wanted a mate they could “look up to” or “admire” — and didn’t think they could admire a man who was less educated than they were. During a talk I recently gave to a women’s group in San Francisco, an audience member said, “I want him to respect what I know, but I also want him to know just a little more than me.” One of my students once told me, “it’s exciting to be a bit in awe of a guy.”

For a century, women have binged on romance novels that encouraged them to associate intimidation with infatuation; it’s no wonder that this emotional hangover still lingers. Valentine’s Day is a perfect time to reject the idea that the ideal man is taller, richer, more knowledgeable, more renowned or more powerful. The most important predictor of marital happiness for a woman is not how much she looks up to her husband but how sensitive he is to her emotional cues and how willing he is to share the housework and child-care. And those traits are often easier to find in a low-key guy than a powerhouse.

I am not arguing that women ought to “settle.” I am arguing that we can now expect more of a mate than we could when we depended on men for our financial security, social status and sense of accomplishment. But that requires ditching the Lois Lane syndrome, where we ignore the attractions and attention of Clark Kent because we’re so eager for the occasional fly-by from Superman.

PERSONAL: DEAR GOD

I found this in one of my draft and decided to put it up. I think i wrote this a few years ago.


Dear God,

Sometimes I feel lonely. I feel like everyone I know has found a wife and I desperately long to have one of my own. You declared in Genesis that it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).  That is why you made a helper for Adam. God, I long for the affection of a spouse. I long for an intimacy  I long for that sexual, physical, emotional, and intellectual connection that can be had with a woman.  I pray that You lead me to a woman that will love me for me, God  

You understand my desires of the flesh.  Being single is tough,  I don’t want to give away such a personal part of me to some woman that I won’t spend my life with.   I don’t want to settle for someone who You don’t want me with.  I want a physical connection so bad!  I want to hold hands, kiss and  have sex.  I want hour long conversations at night!  But, I don’t want to settle just to have these things. God,  please hear my prayer to You!   Give me strength for today as I continue searching for a spouse.  

Being single is a gift.  There is nothing wrong with being single, but I still long for a partner in this life.  God, while I am waiting, give me strength to endure each day.  I will keep hoping and dreaming.  I can imagine what our first kiss will feel like!  I can imagine how wonderful holding hands will be!  I can imagine how emotionally connected we will be through long conversations!  I can imagine how attractive they will be and outshine all of the rest around me!  God, I absolutely love You and I want to show that love to a mate!  Guide me to someone who will be good for me.  I love You!