LOVE: HINDSIGHT IS 20-20

All The Single Ladies

“All the good ones are taken.” If you’re a single gal, or you’ve ever been a single gal, you’ve either

 A) said this yourself, or

 B) heard another single gal say it, and nodded your head in agreement.

Well, it’s not true. And? It’s offensive.

All The Single Fellas

I, personally, know of several upstanding, successful guys, who have been single for at least a year, minimum. Why? Because they’re waiting for the “right” lady to come along, and aren’t interested in dating, just for the sport of it. You heard me right: they are not looking for a hookup. They are looking for the real-deal. “Single, mature young men, without commitment issues? Openly looking for a long-term relationship?” They are not unicorns, ladies; they are real, and when you hear what they have to say, maybe you’ll think twice about all of that “all the good ones are taken” business.

It is hard enough being expected to be a respectful, godly, and upstanding man on one hand, and seeing the women that we are interested in often fall for the exact opposite of what they say they want. But it is completely maddening to see women fall for the same type of cheap objectification and destructive appeals to venal human nature that men have been plagued by for generations, and to have that celebrated as progress rather than being viewed for what it truly is: degrading

Hindsight is 20-20

How many times had I compromised myself in an attempt to win the affection of someone that was totally undeserving? How many times had I turned my back on what I knew was right, just because I wanted some cute girl to think I was cool? How many times had I made myself ultimately vulnerable to a woman who I knew wasn’t interested in me in a “real” way? Looking back on it, I see that I was looking to other people to define my value, rather than knowing my value, and standing firm on it.

If you allow an unworthy woman to define your value, do you know what your value will be? Zero. Nothing. Less than nothing. Disposable. And that’s exactly how I felt. And when you allow yourself to be treated as if you’re disposable, you begin to believe that you are disposable, so that when you do cross-paths with a really amazing, godly woman, you will not feel worthy of her affection. Not only that, but I’m convinced woman have a sixth-sense about this kind of thing; they can “smell” when a guy doesn’t value himself, and generally, they keep their distance. Like I said, the “good ones” are looking for the real-deal. Are you preparing yourself for that, or are you caught-up in pursuing girls who will ultimately treat you like you’re disposable? When you meet a “good one,” will she see a guy who knows his value and stands firm on it, or will she see a guy exhausted from chasing down the shadows of him self-worth?

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

PERSONAL/LOVE: IT'S ABOUT YOU

My years of  dating—have involved a lot of woman, short- and long- and mid-term. My longest relationship was my marriage...5 years . My shortest—minus the one-off hookups that we all know aren't "dates" at all—was somewhere in the range of two weeks. There have been certifiable crazies,the non-commital, the bitch and the stalker.

Their ages have ranged from nearly 12 years younger than me to going on 10 years older. At some point, I yelled at almost all of these women for not being "what I wanted," and, as we all do, turned to my friends for consolation and support. "Se doesn't deserve you," they would say, my own Greek chorus. "You're so much better than her."

If you're a single, heterosexual man of a certain age living in New York City, you've surely heard some version of the lament more times than you can count: "There are no good single women living in New York City! You've probably met more than a few aesthetically, shall we say, "uneven" couples, in which the man is short, pudgy, bald—or distractingly hirsute—with one of those pudding faces only a mother (or gold-digger) could love. He's impossibly rich, and his lady-friend could model for a living, and possibly does. Also, he cheats on her. Only in New York!

And you've probably heard, and maybe retold, the modern-day relationship folk tale of that friend of a friend who, after "unsuccessfully" dating in New York for years, met his amazing wife while living or vacationing in Austin, or Boston, or Paris, or Rio, and then brought her back—or moved there himself. Because, you know, you just can't find a decent woman in this city. It's impossible. Those who do it are the exception, not the rule. Ask anyone.

Maybe saying and hearing this makes single men feel better.The problem is, it's patently untrue. Worse, it's a cop-out.

Single women currently outnumber single men in New York by 149,219. This is based on data from the U.S. Census, which, it bears mentioning, does not ask to identify sexual orientation. Meanwhile, our fine city was recently ranked the top spot for single men to find a willing lady to smooch, and whatever else, on New Year's Eve,

If you're a single man who has moved to New York City, chances are it has to do with being good—even the best—at something. Hence the workaholics, status-aholics, power-aholics, and whatever else ambition breeds. Meanwhile, the streets are plentiful with ever more attractive women..

Take a "concept" like "He's Just Not That Into You," which puts blame squarely on the man's shoulders. How freeing: He is just not that into you! But at what point did we lose the capacity to be as "Just Not That Into You" as the men? If we're to expect a society in which men and women are truly considered equals, women have to accept their portion of the responsibility, and the blame.

Here's the deal, women of New York City: The so-called plight of the single lady? It's not about him. It's about you.

There was (and still is) something wrong with you. And it's the same thing that's "wrong" with pretty much every single woman in New York complaining she can't find a decent man, or who has perhaps even given up in pursuit of her own continued drama and mini-amusements with the kind of guys she'd never want to settle down with anyway (safer that way). So many woman think that all boys want is to hook up, which I don't think is true,

For every guy the hooked up with or got screwed over, there have been nice, normal single guys with perfectly acceptable ZIP codes and ages and jobs and habits who never did a thing wrong but for some reason were chucked after the first or second, or maybe even third, date for being boring, predictable, too nice, too normal, not successful enough, or . . .too available.

So many woman bullshite me and tell me how they  can't stand drama and that all you want is a nice, stable relationship with someone who loves and treats you well, but "nice" and "stable" have hardly the appeal of words like "exciting" or "passionate" or, well, "drama." Single, independent, financially solvent New York City women in the year 2013 has them sitting on a mountain of unprecedented options. Options: Those are exciting. So these woman want all the options, bigger and better and faster and shinier, or taller or sexier or stronger or smarter, and yet somehow also different and completely their own. They want the tippy-top of what they can get.... to push those boundaries.

That, to a large extent, is why most woman live here. It's not because they wanted to settle down with the patient and reliable plod-along schmo, and have babies and live in a three-bedroom house with a two-car garage where we peaceably grill in the summer and make casseroles in winter until we die. It's not because they wanted their lives charted out before they lived them.

Yet these never-ending options wreak havoc with them, as does the idea that they can dally with each of them without ever deciding on any and just hope it will all fall where it may—that someday their prince will come, and he better be fucking good.  Holding out for everything they want—maybe it's a delusional expectation. Maybe it's more about self-reflection, an exercise in goals. It's more you-centered soul-searching than about the guy, necessarily. In most relationships, there's a huge, huge focus on timing.

One reason ladies in the prime marriage years flock to big cities is to compete for the most eligible men, and intelligent women who gravitate to vibrant cities are more likely to stay single—for longer, at least—because they rightly refuse to settle for someone who can't keep up with them intellectually or otherwise.

Rightly refusing to settle, especially for someone who's boring, otherwise uninspired, or just a bad choice, sounds pretty good—even empowering. Somewhere along the way, "settling" became a dirty word, But I'd argue that it's not about being picky. It's about having all of these options, and not knowing how to choose from among them, or whether these woman even want to. It's about the years that these woman were being told they can have it all, and suddenly being deeply afraid to admit that that house of cards has been a sham all along because no one really gets to have it all. 

Everyone has to make choices. This isn't to say that if you want a successful career and to be a wife and a mom, you can't do it. Nor that you can't do it fairly well. But inevitably, you'll have to give up one thing for something else. Why should you settle? Because that's what all humans do when they make choices.

If Carrie Bradshaw were here and an actual person, she would say, "But what about the 'za-za-zoo'?" And after berating her for that corny terminology, I'd grudgingly agree that, yes, there needs to be something—call it magic, or a spark, or a connection—with regard to our romantic relationships. But the magic pales in comparison to the simplest, and yet most difficult, of things. Knowing what you want. It's timing, but it's more than that, because you dictate your own timing. You hold the cards.

If Carrie had wanted marriage and kids back in Season 4, she would have stuck with Aidan. Instead, she got panicked and neurotic and self-destructive and Carrie Bradshaw–esque, and started to have an affair with Big, who was clearly (until the unbelievable ending of the series) never going to marry her. Why do that to yourself? Because you aren't quite sure you want to get married, either. Because the grass is ever so mysteriously greener in the yard (does he even have a yard?) of the guy who doesn't want to marry you. And because it makes for good drama, or, at the very least, tragicomedy.

Still, at the end of the movie, or the TV series, everything gets wrapped up neatly and tied with a Tiffany-box bow. In the film version ofBreakfast at Tiffany's, Holly Golightly is eventually tamed by the love of a good man who has been there all along. In Working Girl, the girl gets her career-with-corner-office and Harrison Ford to pack her lunchbox. In The Apartment, Shirley MacLaine's character attempts suicide on account of Mr. Wrong, but in surviving finds her Mr. Right. Harry and Sally run through the relationship ropes course as enemies, friends, lovers, and enemies again, only to end up an old married couple. As do, of course, Carrie and Big. It all just seems to unfold, without anybody doing too much soul-searching or goal-plotting, much like a movie. A movie set in New York! This is what we're supposed to want.

People who have been married will tell you that it's not all butterflies and lying in the grass together clutching hands. It's actually work—not magic, and not the movies. Which means the dream we expect for ourselves drastically needs to be tempered with a dash of reality, a dose of self-reflection. Ultimately, marriage has more to do with knowing what you're looking for. Sure, there are a lot of guys out there that suck, but I don't think that's a New York–specific issue. There are all of these successful, smart, workaholic women who have their shit together and strong views and senses of who they are. Their expectations are a bit higher. And in New York, there's not this worry about being the only single person; they all have friends who are married, married with kids, divorced, single.

Fewer people are getting married than ever. According to a Pew Research poll published at the end of last year, about half of all adults in the U.S. are married, down from 72 percent in 1960. Four in 10 people consider marriage obsolete. At the same time that fewer of us are getting married, more people are doing it for love—. Love is not something that used to factor into marriages; it's a relatively modern concept. You might say we're spoiled by even expecting it, and that it's entirely unrelated to a social "institution" that was really about property and taxes and making sure you had enough kids to work the farm or protect the homestead way back when—not to mention one of the only socially acceptable ways for women to have sex.

But if you confessed to someone today that you'd married without "being in love," because you'd simply wanted to get married or have the financial foundation to start a family or maybe because you just didn't want to spend Sundays alone anymore, they would look at you with a horror akin to what you might bestow upon a person admitting to murder.

If there is a real and current plight of the single lady in New York City, it's not that New York men are so horrible. It's figuring out how to balance what you want and what you can get—in terms of love, marriage, and what each guy has to offer—against all of the options, including the imminent biological reality of your decreasing fertility. It's figuring out if you care about your fertility at all, and if you care about it in light of being—or not being—married. Because at some point, it will simply be too late to have kids.

At the same time, if you don't want children, then maybe you don't really want a husband, The fertility question is often a tipping point, and definitely a challenge for women,..Us...guys..are very motivated, and our career comes first. We are not under any age restriction, nor do they face the fertility reality. If that weren't an issue, I think women would keep playing the field, too. I would. But all the technology in the world isn't going to change that. If woman could have babies easily into your 50s, I think they would go on being single forever, but they can't. This is just a biological fact.

It's also a fact that, at least in the non-romantic portions of life, understanding and expressing what you want makes achieving it far easier, whatever the "it" is. Yet, by and large, New York City women fail to be specific with men about what they really want and instead just go along with things hoping for the best and getting angry when it doesn't work out that way. Or they're so specific, with such intricately wrought lists of requirements for what they will and won't date, that they miss the point altogether—if the criteria is that complicated, maybe they don't actually want to be with someone at all yet.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

SPIRITUAL: CELEBRITIES DON'T HAVE A BETTER LIFE THAN YOU

There are two kinds of low self-esteem. One is the fairly constant, low-level sort that throughout any given day makes you feel awkward, embarrassed, or acutely dorky about all kinds of things you’ve said, done, thought, and been.

The other is the darker, uglier, more pervasive, cutting-yourself kind.

The first and easily most important thing to realize about low self-esteem is that every single person on the planet, no matter how happy, healthy, and successful they might seem to be, falls somewhere on the low-self esteem continuum between Dork and Dark. Where any given person at any given moment happens to fall on that continuum depends upon what’s just then going on in that person’s life. But nobody escapes low self-esteem. Some people have learned better than others how to pretend like they don’t suffer from low self-esteem, but if you trust anything in this world, trust that they do. They have to. Constantly battling low self-esteem is like having bones and body hair: it’s just part of being human. Everybody drops their drawers and then sits awhile in a cloud of their own stench; everybody roots around in their nose for boogers; everybody spends an inordinate of amount of time playing with their own genitals; everybody is a crazed ego-maniac; everybody is hounded by the fear that anyone will ever find out what they themselves are deeply convinced of, which is that they’re nowhere near good enough.

If you’re human, then, as much as you’re anything else, you’re a crapping, nose-picking, self-obsessed masturbator prone to low self-esteem.

Them’s the rules. They change for no one.

And do not let the media persuade you otherwise, try though it does every single moment of your life. Understand that 95% of the media you experience is designed and presented to you with one purpose in mind: to make you feel like if you had what The Stars have — their charisma, their talent, their charm, their looks, their inspiring effervescence, their haircare products — then you’d be more like them, and so infinitely more pleased to be you than you are. (Literally) selling you on that single point is what media does; that’s what media is. Delivering that message to you is the entire reason the vast universe of media exists at all. Because that’s the only message that will get you reaching into your purse for the only thing media really cares about at all.

If you weren’t constantly being shown who you could be, you might be content with who you are. And then what would you buy?

Pffft. A content consumer is no consumer at all.

So media makes sure that never for more than three moments running do you forget how beautiful and smart and wonderful you could be, if only you’d [insert here product or service you're supposed to buy right this minute].

And it’s all pure [curse word]. No celebrity in the world is any happier, fulfilled, or emotionally balanced than are you, your mom, your dad, or anyone else you could point to. The Stars just seem awesomely together and fantastic, because:

 A. they’re (usually) extremely good-looking — which of course has zero to do with the quality of their character, and everything to do with a completely random roll of the genetic dice — and people (designed, as we are, to worship and adore) are forever confusing beauty with virtue;

B. they’re surrounded by trainers and handlers and coaches and PR people and make-up and wardrobe and hair and graphics people whose whole job it is to make sure they come across as unaffected, charming, and wise; and

C. when the spotlight is on you as you’re being widely adored for how talented and wonderful you are, the natural thing to do is feel and act humble, gracious, kind, centered, fabulous, and cosmically attuned.

You know how you are if in front of people you’re accepting some kind of trophy or ribbon, or whatever, for something you’ve done. You get all … sweet and humble and kind of shy and … winning, basically. Same with celebs. You see a movie star chatting on one of the umpteen zillion TV shows whose whole purpose is to feed the media machine of which they’re part, and you think, Wow, that celebrity is really humble, gracious, kind, centered, fabulous, and cosmically attuned. And for that little bit of time you see them on TV, they are those things. But that’s because they’re on TV. Once those set lights are turned off, and those celebrities are back in their normal life, the same way turning off your TV puts you back in your normal life? The you can bet every penny you’ll ever make that before long they’ll be farting gas that could drop bark off a tree, throwing temper tantrums that would embarrass a psychotic two-year-old, and spending endless hours online, obsessively reading what anyone anywhere is saying about them.

Because they’re people. So they can’t help it. They must.

And celebrities are especially that way. I mean … everybody has horrible gas, but the truth is that no one is more likely to be more psychologically kadoinked than is a celebrity. Because a celebrity’s entire paradigm for being a normal human is completely thrashed. All people want everyone to love and admire them; again, that just comes with being human (what with our being first and foremost social creatures, doncha know). But if you’re ever been in a position where it almost seems possible that everyone actually does love and admire you (because of something you’ve done that makes people feel good about themselves, which is the sole reason anyone in showbiz ever really becomes famous)?

Then, man-o-man, did you ever get pushed out of a helicopter right over Crazyville — where the population then consists solely of dazed you, and the cadre of people around you whose living is directly tied to you being famous.

And that is one awful place to be.

Always pity the celebrity; he or she resides in a special, uniquely shiny hell.

Pfft. Now I’m feeling like a loser because this post has grown way too long, and I haven’t even started to say about self-esteem what I want to.

My parent are right. I do talk too much.

Now I’m going to have to go overeat.

Which’ll end up giving me terrible gas.

Ahhhh … the cycle of life.

It’s so gross.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

LOVE: ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE NOT TAKEN

You’re going to have to make some concessions if you seek a committed relationship. I’m sorry to seem curt, but  I can’t keep saying that you need to choose wisely when you get married or when you commit to someone. I can’t keep saying that fewer men are committing and therefore you need to refocus your energies and re-evaluate these so-called standards you have.

It’s not that all the good ones are taken. It’s that all the good ones you want are either taken or don’t want you. There. Fixed that for you. There are plenty of great guys out there who seek a relationship ...unfortunately for you, they all fall under your undesirable category. Yes, you’re going to lower your drastically out of whack standards. Sorry, but that’s your only recourse here. That and get a more accurate perception of what your value is in your particular market.

I am looking for a true love to share my life with But…you already had a true love. That guy you were with before, remember? Weren’t you going to have true love with him and share your life with him? What happened there and what makes you think that a) you deserve another shot at it and b) you’ll be any better at it the next time around? Look, you might be a great catch That’s not the issue. The issue is this entitlement you appear to feel about how every lid has a pot, etc. You might have to settle for great companionship. It’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.

If you’re using all mediums and outlets to try and meet someone and nothing is working, obviously changes need to be made. Whatever you do, you need to confront this fear you have of ending up alone. Because..you might. Dating just so you can alleviate this fear of dying alone in your home and having cats eat your face off rarely ends well.

So many woman think they are entitled to a fantasy and are seeking a sparkly unicorn. They've bought into the idea that they “deserve” endless love with a perfect man. It’s a delusion, an illusion, and a lie.

The major change needs to be attitude. Your attitude. I’m betting you actively look for flaws in each man you date, seeking a reason to reject them before you even get to know them.

I suggest that with every man you meet, let alone date, look for at least one (though better to look for more) positive quality. The more you look for positive qualities, the more success you’ll have. That doesn’t mean that you should ignore obvious red flags, but you need to get out of the mindset that none of the men you meet or date are beneath your exalted self.

Then there is the issue of sex. Your letter shows definite signs that you want to be wined and dined and romanced. But the big question is what you offer in return. And not just the pleasure of your company. What do you offer an man–that he wants. And yes, that does mean sex. It doesn’t mean jumping into bed with everyone, but it does mean that if you’re not sleeping with decent prospects, you’re going to lose out. More, it seems that you’re mentally against the idea of sex with anyone but the perfect man, hence the comment about golddiggers who “throw themselves” at men.

Women want to fuck. They want to fuck men they actually desire instead of going through the motions of being fucked by men they don’t really desire. Many women do NOT desire to fuck men that look old to them. Generally speaking old is not sexy

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

LOVE: HAVE WE BECOME SUPERFICAL

It really has me flummoxed when I hear that yet another single person has resigned him or herself to a lifetime of solitude. Surely in our nation of 60 million plus unmarried eligible, there should be a plethora of decent singletons out there? In fact I find it absurd that, during our desperate searches for a mate, (hopping from bar to club to late-night diners without so much as a peck on the cheek or a phone number on a serviette), we should so often have to go home alone.

Undoubtedly there's got to be someone out there who fits the criteria for our future mate, right? Or perhaps one too many of us has accepted as gospel English rock singer Ian Hunter Patterson's lyrics, which say: "All the good ones are taken."

If we are to believe his husky crooning then, before we even employ our weapons of mass seduction to enter the dating ring, we've already accepted that we're completely out of luck ...

But hold on!  the good ones aren't all taken, there is no drought, there are a slew of decent people in this town and those excuses we so often bounce around in an attempt make ourselves believe it's not our fault can be thrown out the window. Quite simply, we're just too fussy. Or are we?

Everything else in our society is so disposable, we've begun to see our relationships in the same way, and are often given the flick for the most fickle of reasons: "not hard bodied enough or too skinny; not funny enough or too fun loving; not wealthy enough or too ambitious; not smart enough or too academic; far too nice or not nearly nice enough; not sassy enough or too forward ... and on it goes.

"Personal preferences aside, have we as a collective really and truly become *that* superficial and *that* full of our own self importance that we demand such things? Do we no longer care that someone might have a beautifully kind heart or a gorgeous sense of humour or an attractive trait of helping others?? Really?"

Really wants to know what other people have found attractive in their partners in the hope of finding out that "the material and aesthetic, that a pretty or a handsome face isn't what it is all about".

We spend too long (on the blog, with our friends) focusing on the difficulty in finding someone ... 'Where are all the nice boys/girls etc' ... the problems that can happen when we do find that someone ... 'I'm not ready for a relationship/They leave the toilet seat up/They spend too much time with their friends etc' ... and the fallout after relationships end ... What about when love really did conquer all? Whether it comes from the currently happily coupled-up or those that once were ...

Personally I need a reminder that things *can* work out, that relationships *can* be sustained even through hardships, that they can grow and become stronger as a result. That some people are actually interested in a partner who navigates these things with them, who are interested in working at a relationship instead of tossing it aside at the first sign of a challenge and trying to find another temporary 'fit'.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

POETRY: MY LOVE WARMS ME LIKE THE SUN

From your smooth body
I want to derive pleasures
How beautiful are your lips
Two blood gushing treasures
I want to lie down beside you
Under the open sky
Looking at a moonless night
The bare skies like our bodies
No one can see us
We will cling to each other
In a tight embrace
Arms wrapped around each other
Lying Cheek to Cheek

2

'Tis but to love the feat of all feats?
For to love takes a heart free from hate
and a soul that without mouth does speak.
  'Tis but to love the scare that takes my breath?
When love is forsaken, nothing is left.
When feeling is ignored, I pray for death.
  Nor does love know the boundaries of man.
Does love not soar through the sky?
Through it's journey, will it not hold our hand;
On it's wings can we not fly?
  'Tis but to love that holds a star?
Though nay does a star fall as fiercely.
Nor does it ever fall as hard.
  'Tis but only love that can heal,
for without love what is left to feel?

3

You've got me where you want me
At the right place I?m supposed to be.
You caught me where you put me
At the resting-place of your arms.

Tender loving feeling I cannot resist
Is all I have to confess from my heart.
Deep reaching desires beyond my request
Are filling up my precious memory.

Flowing through my mortal body
Is this endless river of surprise.
Growing out of my eternal spirit
Is this precious tree of romance.

Everything I have ever accomplished
Is what your love has brought for me.
Now that I know the true meaning of love
I thank you for bringing me to where I am.

4

Passion shared among two people...
Undoubtedly nothing perished...
Most certainly not deceitful...
Something deeply adored and cherished...

The living of a true fantasy...
The giving of devotion...
A feeling of great ecstasy...
The receiving of appreciation...

The experience of love..

5

The way you hold me in your arms,
the feeling goes by too fast.
I never want to let you go,
I hope it will forever last.
You are a bright light,
you give me great delight.
You're everything i've been looking for,
you're everything I need.
These feelings are all new to my heart,
and hope we'll never part.
When your hand touches mine,
there's something I can't explain.
Now that I found you,
I won't let you go.
All my life,
I have wanted someone like yourself.
As I sit here and think of you,
I think of how we two met.
You came into my life,
at a time I felt so alone.
When I see you I can't help but smile,
there's something about you, only I can see.
No words can express how much you mean to me,
there is definately something special about you.
I like when your hand touches mine,
and when you run your fingers through my hair.
I'm giving you something others don't see,
I'm opening up and giving you everything in me.
I know we'll last,
when we're together we have a blast.
When we're together we have so much fun,
all I can say is I Love You, Hun.


6

My love warms me like the sun
bringing with its playful rays
keys to unlock hopes of things undone
warming my heart, and transforming my face
I save a special smile just for you
that no one else has had
it's a smile meant for two
of thoughts and dreams I hope to have



7

There you were sitting still and attentive,
keeping track of time,
learning fact from fiction about life.
I, on the other hand, continuously turned my head to glance at you.
I started taking notes.
Jotting down every detail, segment,
and curve that had to do with you.

There and then, it suddenly struck me.
I had come to realize that you were the one I'd been looking for.
Delighted by your attractiveness I was.
You were young, beautiful, charming, smart with gorgeous eyes
and an enchanting smile.
I thought, "A phenomenal woman she is!"
Everything, everyone, near and far were invisible... except you.
It was a blurred vision in my mind.

You and me in our own world.
nothing could possibly tear my sight away from your beauty.
Every inch and curve of your body... I memorized.
Every move you made... I perceived.
Then I thought, "Is she?"

An angel from heaven you are.
..."my angel."



8

Inside of me  
All I see is you.
 
Inside of me
I see our bodies forming one.
 
Inside of me
I can picture your lips touching mine.
 
Inside of me
I see the love I know we can find.
 
Inside of me
I see my heart falling in love.
 
Inside of me
I know you're a gift from above.
 
Inside of me
Our hearts can combine.
 
Inside of me
I know it's that time.
 
Inside of me
All the treasures in the world are found.
 
Inside of me
You're the gold, I know I found.
 
Inside of me
My love is very true.
 
Inside of me
I will always LOVE YOU




9

I wish you were the rain
And I were the drought
Then you could soothe my dryness
Or mend my broken heart

I wish you were the ocean
And I were the moon
Then we could sail together
Across the perfect view

I wish you were the mountains
And I were the sky
Then I would coast across you
Way up so high

I wish that you would love me
The way that I love you
And if you did, I would still
Love you always true




10


The sweetest thing I've ever seen
is an angel by my side,
walking down the path of dreams
slowly as we sighed.

We see our pasts,
and we look into our futures,
we see our hopes and dreams,
this is our life
and all that it seems.

We stand as one through
everything together,
two people as one,
always and forever.

As we face life's barriers
and tragedies each day,
when night becomes full,
I still have I love you to say.

You need not to ask why
our feelings are true,
only to listen to the words
that slowly say I do.



11

our kiss is remarkably sweet
When it presses upon my mouth
The lust of your face I cannot bare
To see without a touch from my fingertips

Your kiss is remarkably sweet
As it grazes across my face
The temptation ascends in my head
And reminds me of my love for you. . .only

Your kiss is remarkably sweet
When motion of words glide swiftly from lips
I see a beauty that painters only desired to see
With that in mind I begin to stare at you

Your kiss is remarkably sweet
Life to me is an eternity of sorrow
Without the love provided in you
This gaze that overwhelms my eyes

The kiss you give me is remarkable
Lean close to me
Tell me that you will stay in my life
Be one with me in this pointless dream

Stay like this with your heart so close to mine
Learn of my feelings and remind me of your persistent attitude
Feel me
Inside-out



12


So your ring hasn?t arrived
does It make you feel deprived
of my love, of my soul
It should have been there... Is what I?m told

On your finger Is where It belongs
can you forgive me for this wrong
as I stare at my ring...
God, I wish I could hear her sing

her voice, like the song of a heavenly bird
all I can give you Is my word
I?ve done all I could, paid all I can
I?m so grateful you chose me as your man

A symbol of my love, Is that ring
us closer together Is what It brings
not just diamonds, not just gold
without your love I feel so cold

In my heart and soul Is were you'll stay
I really hope that ring will make your day
shed a tear... bring a smile
since we talked, It?s been awhile

unconditional love Is what I feel
a bubble bath together that?s a deal
Please don?t be sad my lovely wife
your love Is all I need In my life

Never afraid to shed a tear and show my love
your feelings on a pedestal I hold above
please forgive me for the ring
when I visit, your necklace I will bring

I?ve never felt this way about another
your the only one I want as my lover....

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

PERSONAL/LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soul Mate,

A desperate cry calls out from my soul to yours. I have missed you so strongly that I ache to hear your voice and to speak with you at length.

You have held my secret whispers close within your heart, and you have never betrayed my trust.

You have always met my heart's needs and deisres with the utmost of care and concern.

I truly have no idea how you do it. How do you continue to love me and to console me, even with all my many faults?

To touch you is indescribable, divine pleasure. To be with you ... completely calms my soul. I can talk with you for hours... about nothing and about anything... and yet, you listen intently and with unflagging concern.

Your eyes completely enthrall me with their gaze of intense passion and their promise of unconditional love.

You're there for me at every unexpected turn. You always care for me; our souls together burn. I cannot breathe but that you breathe for me as well.
You are my Heaven that I should never know of Hell. No distance keeps our souls from feeling we're apart, We are forever bound to one another's heart.

Forever yours,

Your Soul Mate.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

LOVE: WITHOUT YOU

To the girl I loved and lost,

I woke up yesterday from a dream that we were lying in bed together on some lazy Sunday morning. You were talking on the phone and pretending you were alone while I buried my face in your shoulder and dozed off. I could almost smell your skin and feel the warmth of your naked body against mine until I woke up and you weren’t there beside me. Your absence from my bed served as a painful and palpable reminder that you are gone.

I know we’re not talking right now, but it’s late on the day that I start my new life and I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep because I’m going to be doing it all alone. In a few hours, I’ll wake up, shower, make coffee, and go to my job knowing that when I get home I won’t be opening a bottle of wine and telling you how it went. Instead, I’ll be eating cereal by myself while feeling the full weight of the reality that the only person I want to tell about my day is the only person I can’t talk to.

I’ve been a total train wreck in the wake of our demise. An ACTUAL catastrophe of self-loathing and loneliness that I wasn’t even aware I was capable of feeling until I was sitting in my car crying so hard that I couldn’t breathe.My room is now littered with piles of miscellaneous items constantly reminding me that even though you’re gone, you’re never going to be too far from my mind. I confess that sometimes I still take your sweatshirt out of the pile and lie on my bed breathing in your scent and stop pretending to be okay.

In the hours that you’ve been gone, I’ve started the process of organizing my life without you in it. Awkwardly filling the gaps you once occupied with new activities, old acquaintances, crappy movies, and more ice cream than I’d care to admit. Despite all of my efforts to charge ahead and leave you behind, I keep thinking that with enough time you’ll change your mind. That you’ll realize you made a mistake. That you want me back. That you want to be “us” again. That you still love me. I keep thinking you’ll change your mind and once again see me as the person standing next to you . I keep thinking that you’ll simply change your mind and come back to me.

But I don’t want you to change your mind, I want you to make up your mind. I want you to make up your mind that it is me. That I wasn’t wrong to love you so deeply and believe you when you said you wanted to spend your life with me. I want you to make up your mind that while, yes, there are tens or hundreds or thousands of women that you could be with who might be fun/exciting/good in bed that I am the only one you truly love. I want you to make up your mind that the person who makes you happiest and makes your life feel worth living is me.

But I don’t know when or if that will happen and that’s the most painful part of all of this. The possibility that the love of your life may just simply not be me.

Either way I’ll go through each and every day putting one foot in front of the other while working hard to convince everyone that I am fine knowing that you’re somewhere else, doing something else, with someone else. I will put you out of my mind and simply carry on. Until I see your favorite candy at the grocery store. Until my phone vibrates. Until that song comes on. Until I have to go to sleep. Until I fall apart and have to start all over again…without you.

Love always,
Me

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

JOURNAL: LONGING TO HAVE YOU NEAR

There's a darkness that follows me... A past that torments me... Threatens to overcome me...It's when I'm with you, that darkness fades away...I feel alive again....My heart beating again...I find I need you like my next breath of air...

Longing to have you near...Feel your touch...Taste your lips...Aching for the next moment ... Second with you...as long as I can...

PERSONAL: I AM THE DESTINY OF YOUR LOVE

Dear Whoever you are,

I could spend forever trying to tell you what love is. But I'd be wasting my time. Until you experience it, you wouldn't understand the simple answer: that it's too complex an emotion. It's not positive or negative. Love just is.

 And love is always a good thing no matter how much it hurts. Even after it's over, even through the pain, anyone who has ever really loved will tell you that they never regretted a second of it, no matter how much it hurt in the end. And if you tell me differently, I will tell you that you were not truly in love.  People can call it passion. Or lust. Or obsession. I don't really care. When I'm with her, touching her, is the only time I feel completely alive. If you've never felt the power of that, then I feel sorry for you


Consider the possibilities of loving me. You would have someone by your side, at your feet, who adores you. You would know that the only thoughts on my mind are those of you. I would spend my life dedicated to making your dreams come true. All because I love you. The mysteries that draw me to you are unending. Each day would be filled with discovery as we find out more about each other. Love is a complicated passion, woven with intricate glimpses into another's soul. I ache to know these intricacies. I ache to know you. Let me show you how much I care. Let me be the one to share your love. Say you'll be mine. I can think of no other life than one spent loving you.

I held her close to me with my eyes closed, wondering if anything in my life had ever been this perfect and knowing at the same time that it hadn't. I was in love, and the feeling was even more wonderful than I ever imagined it could be


I learned that it is possible for two people to fall in love all over again, even when there's been a lifetime of disappointment between them. A love story like ours should be on the big screen or in the pages of a novel

 bottom line ..if you want me, i'm all yours

I am the destiny of your love,

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

PERSONAL: LOST SOUL

To most people I appear to have a wonderful life - good job, nice home, flashy car, health, reasonably good-looking, amiable, with a good sense of humor. However, I am deeply unhappy. My life revolves around work and I have only a few friends,

I would describe myself as a "lost soul" and this loneliness is draining the life out of me. I have a deep-seated fear of living my life without experiencing  having children or even a family. My parents are older and once they are gone..I will only have my sisters. Many women have fallen in love with me or told me they did, but something always came up and none of them ever  stayed with me forever. Their action didn't match their words. I can't feel words..i can only feel actions. I married someone who I cared for because she had everything else I was looking for but she really didn't love me, It was one of my biggest regrets.

I have been in love before....a long long time ago..and that is the only thing that keeps me going. Maybe I was suppose to be born in a different time when woman knew how to be caring, loving. accepting and wanted to be with a man who had good character. Woman who realize that happiness lies with family and not some job. You want to know what happiness is to me? It's waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone's shoulder but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake them. You turn back around and an involuntary grin forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesn't get any better than this. That's what I miss.


 I have to believe that every long lost dream, led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars. Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that god bless the broken road that led me straight to you




I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

POETRY: I WOKE UP SUNDAY MORNING

All of us have a song
We sing it with every breath we take
In every step we make
This is not the song that is the hit on the charts
These are the songs of our very souls
Each of us has our own song
All the songs are different
And sometimes
Others can hear your song
And they are drawn to it
And you are drawn to them
Their music is so beautiful
You have to be part of it
I was lucky when I met you
Your song was so very clear
And I just knew
That I would enter your life
And you would enter mine
Your song told me so
And as I write this
I can hear you
And I know
That I will be alright
"Love will lead us"


2


If there was a way
I could let you know,
How my heart beats for you.

If there were words
Only I could say,
To tell you, "I love you."

If there was a moment
I could let you inside,
And you could see my heart beat.

That moment would show
Of my love, so true,
All these thoughts I have for you.

Only then, you could say,
You know how I feel
But, for now, you still don't know.

But, when I can prove
All this love is for you,
I swear, I'll make you weak.

So, take my word,
I'll try hard to prove,
My heart beats... for only you.


3


If I had but one breath of life left in me,
I'd give you that breath.
If I had but one piece of music and one song left to sing,
I'd play and sing for you.
If I had but one tiny drop of love locked safely within my heart,
I'd give you the key.

If I could look into but one last set of eyes,
I'd want those eyes to be yours.
If I could feel the passion and tenderness of but one last kiss,
I'd want those lips to be yours.
If I could hear but one last voice whispering in my ear,        
I'd want that voice to be yours.

If I could walk in the rain but one last time,
Will you walk with me?
If I could have but one last laugh,
Will you laugh with me?
If I could have but one more night's sleep,
Will you sleep next to me?
If I could feel the tender touch of but one last hand,
Will you touch me?

If I had to choose where to spend my final day of toil,
I would choose the rice fields of Arkansas.
I would be your shade and protect you from the sun.
I would be a gentle breeze and refresh your face.
I would be a cool drink of water and quench your thirst.

If I could write but one last thought,
I would blaze these words across the sky,
"I love you,


4


I remember that night where we had a great time, we kissed and
snuggled and were together all the time.
   We were inseprable and loved each other dearly, and we believed
we would be together, surly.
   You were the kindest, dearest person anybody ever had, until the
night you made me sad.
   You were cruel and harsh and made me cry, your voice suddenly
sounded so devestating and I felt as if I was going to die.
   You demanded not to see my face or hear my voice, and you
didn't even give me a choice.
   I wanted to be friends but you disagreed, even though I wanted
to proceed.
   Loving you was like food to my soul, but now that it is broken,
all I see is an empty bowl.
   I cry, thinking of that night when your voice was the last thing
I heard as it went out of sight.
   Even though you hate me so, I still have feelings for you and it
will show.

So remember that night.


5

Will you miss me?

If we should part and never meet again,
Will you miss me?

When I leave your company
To go along my way,
Whether it be a week, a month, or just a day,
Will you miss me?

If one day, long after we have parted,
You hear of my death,
Will you weep for me?
Will you miss me?

I want you to know,
No matter where I go,
No matter what I do,
No matter who I become,
I will always miss you.

Whoever you are to me,
Be it enemy, coworker, colleague, or friend
I will miss you when we part,
For you meant something to my heart.

So?

Will you miss me?


6


Two eyes
and admiration for me
make my smile
tickle with the glee
of happiness

Staring at your
perpetual elegance
would make mountians blissful
with the value of enchantment
that you carry for me
makes my heart exstatic

The lovely thoughts of
devotion run through my veins
as I slowly anticipate
getting one more kiss in
before you leave
and the day becomes
an end.


7

Before you came into my life
my heart was in so much pain
I felt my soul die
all there was were drops of rain

But then you came along
and cured my broken heart
You made right all the wrongs
and put back pieces that fell apart

Now being here beside you
makes me remember how life used to be
Lost, lonely, and no one to run to
wondering if anyone could ever really love me

You have given me that love
that I have been searching so long for
You are truly an angel sent from above
and always will be the one I adore


8

he first time I saw your face
I told my eyes they lied.
Would God touch the earth with such beauty
That stars would run and hide?

The first time I kissed your lips
My tears flowed down in streams.
I trembled with the revelation
That I had kissed a living dream.

The first time that I made love to you
I couldn't breathe for days,
Because love with you is so astounding
That it took all my breath away.

But I woke up Sunday morning
Alone, and full of gloom.
Since you left my life is dark,
My house an empty tomb.

I've searched for you forever.
Please tell me where you've gone,
Because even one day without you, My Love
Is like a year: too long...


9

What i would do,
To feel your arms within mine,
To taste the sweetness of your lips,
The kindness of your smile,
The warmth in your eyes,
To embrace your heart within mine,
To hold you for forever,and eternity

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

SPIRITUAL: THE ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTION

You don’t manifest what you want; you manifest what you are a vibrational match to.When you’re a vibrational match to something, you will feel a sense of resonance with it, a recognition. So far so good. And, if that something isn’t a match to what you want, you might get really frustrated or angry or sad about it. But, if you understand Law of Attraction, you’ll realize at some point that it’s a good thing that you’ve attracted this situation you don’t want into your reality, because it’s showing you where your vibration is actually at, versus where you want it to be. And you can use this information to re-attune yourself to what you want (i.e., focus on what you want, instead of on what you don’t want).

When someone comes into your reality who matches a lot of what you want, we feel the resonance of all the points in which they already match what we want, and we get excited. Our emotions soar. So far, nothing has gone wrong. But then… we decide that she must be “the one”, that she must be a match to EVERYTHING we want, and we latch on to the idea that this is it, we’ve made it, the long and lonely wait is finally over.

Now, we introduce the element of NEED into the equation. We desperately want her to be the one, we can’t conceive of the idea that she might not be. If not her, then who? Why not now? How freaking long is this going to take, anyway? What if it never happens? No, it must be her. She’s here now, and it’s just GOT to be her. Also, no one has ever come closer to matching what we want. We can’t possibly do better than this. Sure, we don’t know everything about her, but she seems bloody perfect, and so she probably is, right? Oh God, what if this is our last chance? What if no one even remotely as good as this ever comes along again? It HAS to be her, dammit! Do you feel the desperation oozing from these words? That, my dear, is not alignment. That’s negative emotion.

Unrequited love hurts. It hurts because you’re holding on to a point of view that isn’t serving you. And when you’re close to manifesting what you want, when you were already almost aligned with it and you had massive momentum going and you were so close that you manifested a specimen that was almost a perfect match, and you THEN turn around and contradict that energy, well, it’s a bit like trying to stop a wrecking ball in full swing. It’s gonna hurt, y’all.

Stop resisting what you want

If you and her aren’t happening, then you’re not entirely a match to what you want. If you can see this woman for who she is in your reality, as someone who has come into your world to show you where your vibration is currently at and help you to fine tune it, and if you can let go of the idea that it MUST be her, and could potentially be someone else, and then create a positive expectation, you will continue to align more and more with what you want.

This woman is a representation of energy. If you can focus on the energy rather than the woman herself, you’ll get some detachment, which will make it much easier for you to align with what you want. But, what tends to happen in these situations is that we see the woman’s refusal to like us back as a rejection, and a judgment of our worthiness. We begin to blame ourselves for not being good enough in some way, and may even begin to try and change ourselves so that she’ll like us more. We focus on what actions we can take to make THIS woman love us. But that’s a bit like giving away your two kids so that your family will fit into a two-seater sports car. You’ve decided that this car is the car for you, since it has so many of the features you want. Never mind that there are some fundamental issues. Who cares! It’s this car or nothing! After all, cars are hard to find these days.

I know it’s hard to let go of the idea that a woman you have major feelings for might not be the one. But the only reason that’s so painful is if you tie your desire for love to that specific woman. If you do that, then letting her go will feel awful, because you’ll be trying to let go of your chances for love at the same time. Instead, understand that love is on the way, an awesome match is on the way, and that anything that isn’t yet right about this manifestation, including that she should absolutely adore you, is simply an indicator that you’ve got some fine tuning to do. She’s the showroom model (yep, I’m back to car metaphors), which doesn’t necessarily have all the features you want, but which you can use to fine tune your list. The fact that she isn’t yet perfect is NOT an indication that the final model isn’t coming. And yes, it is possible that as you align with what you truly want, that this particular woman could become a match to you and begin to like you back. You can stay open to that scenario; just don’t get locked into the idea that she has to be the one. Line up with what you want, and it MUST come into your experience. If you aren’t getting what you want, you’re not quite aligned yet and have some fine tuning to do.

You have to understand to find your soul mate you have to be a vibrational match to your partner.


You’re not attracting the “wrong type”. You’re attracting the perfect type – perfect in terms of them matching your vibration. The problem isn’t that you’re not attracting well, it’s that the vibration you’re putting out doesn’t match the vibration of what you want. So, all these woamn who aren’t behaving in the way you want them to, are actually helpfully pointing out to you that there’s something in your vibration that you’ll want to clean up.

So, the closer you get to someone, the more likely they are to run away. They can’t help themselves. Your vibration literally drives them away. Everything in your reality, literally everything, is a mirror of your vibration


Everyone says the want a hottie, but WHY do they want that hottie? They want someone that they are really attracted to, someone that rings their bells, and in many cases, someone that they can show off to the world, which is really a desire to be approved of. So, you may date a bunch of hotties, because you think that’s what you really want, but you can’t seem to find anyone to fall in love with. That’s because being attracted to someone physically isn’t the only thing on your list. When you focus on what you really want and line up with it, the Universe brings you what you truly want – someone that makes your knees weak and whom you can deeply connect with.

When someone matches our vibration in a significant way, we feel an attraction for them. When someone matches our core vibration, when Who They Really Are matches up with Who We Really Are in terms of our core intentions, then we feel an incredible connection with them, something that seems to surpass our human-ness. And it does. We then refer to these people as soul mates. But there’s never just one of these out there for each of us.




PART 2 GETTING TO THE CORE

Your ex left. You miss her...Which happen to me......... It hurts. It would be logical to assume that you’re in pain because you miss your ex. But that’s not the case.

Other people’s behavior cannot hurt us. Ever. Other people’s behavior can make us think thoughts about ourselves that hurt, though. This may seem like semantics, but the difference is actually HUGE. When you think that another person’s absence has the power to cause you pain, you give all your power to them. You say “If you would only come back, I could feel better.”

When you realize that your pain is caused by how you are looking at yourself, you take your power back. Because you can’t force your ex to come back (that’s called kidnapping,), but you CAN change your own thoughts. You can control what you focus on and you can deliberately choose a different perspective. When you give all your power to your ex, you have no control over how you feel at all. And that feels awful. Focusing on what you can control and realizing that it’s good enough feels a hell of a lot better.

Ask “Why?”

In order to figure out what’s really going on, dig down a bit into your pain. The easiest way to do this is to ask “why?”, over and over again.

For example:

“My ex left me. I miss her. It hurts.” – Why? Why does that hurt? [Note: These questions aren’t going to be that easy to answer. Give it some time, sit with them and see what comes up for you.]

“Well, it hurts because now I’m alone.” – Why? Why is being alone so horrible?

“Because I don’t want to be alone. It feels awful.” – Why? What would you have if you were not alone that you cannot have without a partner?

“I’d get laid, for one thing. And I’d get cuddles, and have someone to talk to.” – Dig deeper. What would you be able to feel that you don’t now feel? What would you NOT feel that you do now feel?

“This is hard. Can’t you just tell me the damn answer?” – No.

“Ok. Right now I feel lonely. I feel rejected. I feel afraid that I might never find another woman, that I’ll be alone forever. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. Maybe my vibration is broken. Maybe I’m just crap at creating my reality. I want someone in my life. I want to be loved. I want to love. I want to feel wanted and needed. I want someone to come home to because I hate being alone at night. That’s the worst time, that’s when the loneliness really hits me.” – Why? Why at night?

“Well, I suppose that’s when there are fewer distractions. That’s when the thoughts come up.” – What thoughts?

“The unhappy thoughts. That I’m not good enough. That nobody wants me.”

So, what you’re saying is that when you have someone in your life, someone who looks at you with eyes of love and acceptance, it’s easier for you to feel good about yourself. And that when you’re alone, it becomes painfully apparent that you don’t really feel all that great about yourself, quite the contrary actually. In fact, you think so little of yourself, that you think the odds of you finding even one more person in this entire world with its billions of people are slim.

Of course it’s easier to feel loved when someone loves you. And of course it’s easier to feel accepted and validated when someone accepts you. It’s easier to feel worthy. But that’s a bit like saying it’s easier to feel happy when you’re stoned. Yes, it works, but it’s temporary. When you depend on an outside source to make you feel good, you are, once again, giving your power away. The second that this person withdraws their attention or leaves your reality, you’ll come down off your high and go into withdrawal. Not only that, but since your good feelings are based entirely on the behavior of the other person, you need them to give you your fix all the freaking time. The second they don’t, your true emotions come to the surface and they feel awful. You become needy (a bit like a drug addict jonesing for the needle) and afraid that you might never get that feeling back. You forget that you can feel good on your own, without the attention of a man, and you become dependent on your fix.

But you do have the power to feel good, all on your own. You don’t need the artificial stimulation of drugs, and you don’t need women to make you feel good. Of course, it’s a lot easier to enjoy a good glass of wine when you no longer NEED it. And it’s a lot easier to enjoy a relationship and relate to a woman in a healthy way, when you no longer NEED her to make you feel good.

We’ve identified your core fear:

You’re not good enough

There are many, many different ways to approach a belief like this. We could dig down and figure out how this belief was formed (usually in childhood) and help you come to a different conclusion. We could find related memories which have the same energy but don’t trigger you as much, and reframe them, thereby shifting the energy of the whole. But these techniques take a bit of time and require some expertise, and I know you want some relief NOW. It’s also nearly impossible to use them WHILE you’re being triggered.

I could also tell you to change the subject, find something to focus on that’s not related and already feels good, but I’m guessing that you’ve already tried that and the thoughts about your ex are just too in your face to ignore.

So, we’re going to use the WHAT IF technique. Essentially, you take the opposite of your fears and ask “What if that scenario I want were true?”

What if you were good enough? What if your ex didn’t leave you because you’re not good enough, but because you’re about to shift out of that limiting belief and she doesn’t have the ability to keep up with the new, fabulous you? Think about it: If she was able to keep up, the manifestation would’ve unfolded differently (or maybe it is. There’s always the possibility that she’ll come back once your energy allows it…). What if you’re on your way to an even better relationship?

It’s all about the upgrade

How about this: you manifested this woman. You focused on finding a smiling woman and you got one. Was she perfect? Yes. She was the perfect mirror to your vibration. She had loads of good stuff (to which you had to be a match, so bravo!), and some bad stuff (mirroring your fears back to you so you could become aware of them, release them and manifest someone even better! So yay!). She wasn’t a match to everything you wanted, but she was a match to what you were capable of receiving. Now, if you managed to manifest one pretty awesome woman, what in the hell makes you think that you can’t manifest another one?? Do you think you only get one? This isn’t Highlander (the movie). There can’t be only one. There can be many. You can have as many as you need to practice on until you get it right. You get to keep refining what you want and what you’re a match to, and if the woman you’re currently with can’t keep up with you, you get to upgrade to a newer model with more features.

When your old, rickety computer becomes too slow and finally gives out on you, do you become afraid that you’ll never, ever get another computer, or are you excited to get a newer, better one? Now, before I’m accused of supporting the act of leaving an old, wrinkly spouse for a younger, bouncier model, let me point out that in this analogy, the old, slow PC often does have the ability to morph into a newer model (it, like, adds memory and shit. Ok, no analogy is perfect *sigh*).

So, what if you did find another woman, and one that was even BETTER than your ex? Take a moment and let that sink in. Yes, it will feel weird and you may even feel reluctant to go there. Bust through the reluctance and allow yourself to dream. No harm will come of it, I promise.

What if it’s only going to bet better?

What if you got a woman who had all the great qualities of Miss. Ex, and MORE? What if the things that annoyed you about X weren’t there, but instead, there were qualities you enjoyed? What if she was attentive and kind and sexy and successful and happy and adventurous and cuddly and amazing in bed and enthusiastic and funny and smart and witty and adorable and strong and emotionally evolved, and absolutely freaking crazy about you? Make sure you spend at least 15 minutes envisioning this.

As you imagine the first WHAT IF scenario, you’re going to notice that some resistance comes up. For example, you may find yourself unwilling to imagine yourself with a successful hot woman, even though that’s what you really want. Ask yourself “Why” questions and dig down until you get an answer. You may mind that you have an association – you believe that if a woman is successful she can’t also be attentive; she’ll be so busy with her business, that she’ll never have time for you. In that case, ask WHAT IF questions that contradict this specific association. What if she was successful AND attentive? What would that look like? Set the timer for 15 minutes and imagine it.

You may then find yourself unwilling to imagine her being really attractive to you. Dissect the reluctance by asking “Why” questions. You may figure out that you believe that if she’s really sexy (in your eyes), then she can’t possibly be attracted to you. This is a common belief. Now, turn that belief on its head and ask WHAT IF. What if he was super hot AND couldn’t keep his hands off you? This will be an uncomfortable thought at first. Set the timer and persevere.

Give yourself permission to go for it

The most important thing to remember in this exercise is that you MUST give yourself permission to imagine the WHAT IF scenarios. Just go for it. Don’t hold back. Push through the reluctance and play pretend. What if it all worked out? What if you’re supposed to be happy? What if imagining these scenarios could bring them about? What if we’re all a lot more powerful than we were taught to believe? What if this is all a hell of a lot simpler than we thought it was?

What if we’re all supposed to get exactly what we want? What if we did get exactly what we want? What if everything that happens is just designed to move us closer to what we want, and what if that’s working whether or not we realize it or even believe it? What if all your life has been leading up to this moment? What if you let go, relaxed, trusted that everything is always working out for you, and just went with it? What if you stopped struggling? What if it was easy? What would that look like? What would it feel like?

Yeah.



PART 3

You DO NOT have to think about what you want all the time in order to get it. In fact, you don’t have to think about it at all. You just can’t contradict what you want. The only reason I recommend visualizing what you want, EVER, is in order to help you attune to the frequency of what you want. Visualization is a tool; it merely serves to help us ferret out resistance (that stuff you’re doing to contradict what you want) and release it. If you can’t visualize what you want in a way that feels really good, you’ve got resistance. And, because it’s nearly impossible NOT to think about something you want, every time you do, you’re inadvertently thinking about it in a way that keeps it from happening. Visualizing helps us to fix that. But what you want doesn’t come to you because you thought about it enough! It comes to you because you finally let it in!

Why do people keep thinking that Law of Attraction teaches that in order to get what you want you have to stop wanting it? Because of the usually totally misunderstood concept of detachment. The easiest way to understand detachment is this: You can have what you want, but you can’t have what you NEED. If you need to get something in order to be happy, you cannot attract it. Because you’re vibrating: “I’m not happy NOW. I will be happy when I get this thing, but I’m not happy NOW.” And since the Universe can only respond to your NOW vibration, it has to keep mirroring back to you how you’re not happy NOW. You can’t get something that will make you happy if you’re not already happy.

But, how can you be happy if you don’t yet have that thing you so desperately want? Be happy anyway. Find other things in your life that already feel like happiness and focus on them. The Universe doesn’t know or care what it is you’ve focused upon in your reality that’s evoking that feeling from you. Hell, you can even just imagine it, if necessary. But, once you find that feeling, you are vibrating “I’m happy NOW”, which the Universe has to mirror back to you. So, loads of things that match the feeling of happiness come flooding into your reality.

You don’t have to stop wanting love. That’s a losing battle anyway, and if you’ve been trying to do that, it would explain why you’re so frustrated. But if you keep looking for love because you think it will change your life, because it will finally bring light into the dark corners of your reality and take you from lonely unhappiness to coupled up joy, you will have a long wait ahead of you.

My advice to you would be to appreciate love wherever you see it. Pay attention to how examples of love feel to you. When you see a young couple in l’amour, for example, does it make you rejoice in the beauty of love, or does it make you more aware of the fact that you don’t currently have a honey of your own? If it’s the second, you’ve just found resistance. This means that as you focused on love all day long, you’ve actually been vibrating “I’m not in love, damn it!” Well, do you see how that’s not going to work?

If you want to be in love, be in love. You don’t need another person in your life in order to feel love. You can love nature, beauty, experiences, everyone you see, life itself and yes, yourself. Is it easier to be in love when someone awesome and lovable comes into your life? Well yes, of course it is. But honestly, thinking that you can’t feel that way without this crutch is just lazy

When you get into the vibration of love, you’ll attract more of it into your life. This may start off as examples of other people in love. This is generally where most people lose the plot; they see these examples of love and wonder where the hell their own, personal love monkey is. They become acutely aware of the fact that they’re still single, instead of seeing these examples of love for what they are: signs that they’ve been doing it right. These are manifestations that match the way they’ve been feeling – manifestations that will get bigger and better (like, actual women coming into your life) if that frequency is held.

You could also back off and choose something else to focus on, something that already feels really good and will make it easy for you to feel good. Then, when thoughts of love and the lack thereof come up, just dismiss them and say to yourself: “She’s on her way. I’m not sure when or where she’ll come from, but she’s on her way. And the better I feel, the closer she’ll be, so I’m going to concentrate on feeling good, period.”

I think the biggest reason we go for suffering and pain instead of joy is because we convinced ourselves along the way that doing so would lead to a bigger pay off down the line. We’re willing to suffer for that pay off. And everyone bought into it to the degree that no one ever thought to try and just go for joy. We celebrate the struggle in our culture. No one wants to see a movie where the protagonist figures out what he wants, attunes with it and just gets it. We want to see him fail a bunch of times first. We want the drama! If you haven’t suffered enough, you don’t deserve to be happy! That’s just the price you have to pay…


PART 3:

Visualization is a great tool to help you line up with what you want. When doubts come up during a fantasy session, it’s a good thing – you now have the opportunity to shift the offending thought by finding a better feeling perspective

So, let’s say that you’re visualizing being with this woman. It feels mostly good. But then, you realize that you have this assumption that it’s not going to work out quite the way you want. Perhaps you see her pulling away, becoming distant, etc. Well, now you’ve got some work to do.

First, figure out what you really want. You’re after a feeling, ALWAYS, so look for the core feeling you want. I’m guessing you want to feel secure, safe and loved. So, if you see her pulling away, it makes you feel insecure, unsafe and rejected. While you want safety, you have a fear, an assumption, that you won’t get it.

Second, change the visualization until it feels more like security and safety, but in a way that makes sense to you. So, you might try seeing her telling you that she’ll never leave you. But, that might not feel realistic. Plus, your brain may argue that she could be lying and how would you know? So, you could try going way into the future, and seeing the two of you having grown old together, wrinkly and happy and looking back on your lives. The worries of the past are irrelevant. Is it easier to feel safe and secure now? Try taking the visualization into to the future (it creates distance and will often trigger less resistance


When you hold on to a negative belief, one that’s not serving you, your vibrational feedback system is going to let you know by giving you negative emotion. If you ignore those bad feelings, you’re going to begin to manifest something a bit uglier – perhaps a situation in your life that will elevate that emotion. Someone will be really mean to you, for example, causing you to feel hurt. That mean person didn’t just appear in your life willy-nilly. You manifested them, or rather, that low frequency you’re holding onto manifested them. Now, if you continue to ignore those manifestations and keep on focusing on that vibration that doesn’t serve you, it’s going to gather more and more energy and momentum, manifesting bigger and more painful obstacles, all in an attempt to get your attention. Essentially, the longer and more stubbornly you hold onto that belief, the more suffering you’re going to create for yourself.

Create enough suffering and the point will come – ALWAYS – when you just can’t take it anymore and you give up. Note: this is not the same as resigning yourself to the situation and “accepting” that you’re always going to suffer like this. This type of thinking will keep someone stuck where they are and occurs in individuals who have somehow found a way to see value in the suffering.

When we give up, when we throw up our hands and yell “Fine! I can’t take it anymore! Do what you want with me! I’m done fighting, I’m done trying, I’m just freakin’ done!”, we actually turn our focus away from that negative belief. We stop pushing against it. And in doing so, we release an enormous amount of pent up energy.

How much suffering does it take to make someone give up? That’s an entirely individual thing, and will even change drastically for the same person within their lifetime. For some people, intense negative emotion may be enough, while others don’t get to that point until their bodies are ravaged with cancer. Some might manifest an accident and a resulting coma (which is a way to withdraw into a much higher vibration), while some others can only find that release in death (the ultimate quantum leap).

The point is, that when you do finally release that kind of energy, it can often catapult you into a quantum leap, if even just for a second. Many people who have had near-death experiences report that they went somewhere beautiful, somewhere where they felt incredibly good. This would be a place of intensely high vibration. They can’t hold on to this level of energy when they “come back” into their bodies, but are generally profoundly changed by the experience.

Many others tell of a moment in which they had an epiphany – a moment of clarity (resulting from accessing a higher vibration) – in which they saw their messed up life from a vastly different perspective. They suddenly saw how they had created their situation and how they could get out of it. This is a quantum leap.






PART 4

 It has been said that the people in our lives are our mirrors. When it comes to a bad relationship, meaning that your partner is distant or unfaithful, does this mean that you attracted a neutral person and your vibration caused him to act this way? Or are people who they are and is it you who are drawn to that type of bad relationship because of lack of self love?

The thing is, none of us only has one side. We all have multi-faceted, complex personalities. We all have good moods and bad moods. Each one of us can be a sinner or saint, The happy lady at the coffee shop who always has a smile for everyone, may also adore gossiping nastily about others. You cannot look at one version of any human being and even begin to understand what else they might have to offer.

So, whomever you attract into your life, something in their range, what is in their ability to offer you, will match the vibration you’re offering. Perhaps not ALL of their personality will be a match, and there may be a great deal of them that you never get to see, but something in their range is a perfect mirror to you.

So, let’s say that you’re with a woman who isn't nice and because you’ve learned that you create your own reality, you know that her behavior is simply mirroring back your vibration. Focusing on the other person’s actions or lack thereof, is a great way to get into self-blame. She isn't nice because you have low self esteem. If only you didn’t have these unworthiness issues, she would be nice. Holy crap, how awful does THAT feel? Here’s the thing. The BIG thing. It’s not about THEM and what they’re DOING. It’s about YOU and how you’re FEELING.

It’s not about their actions. It’s not even about what you’re eliciting from them. That’s merely the mirror, the message. It’s really about how you feel. But that’s the crux of it. So many people would much rather focus on anything and everything, except how they feel. That’s too damn scary. A great many individual would rather focus on how they can change their behavior so that their girlfriend will be nicer to them, rather than admit that she’s never actually been what they wanted. She’s what they settled for out of fear that no one else would come along.The constant focus on her behavior and moods and what they could DO (with action) to make her change, keeps them from focusing on what they need to be looking at: their own emotional well being.

If you are attracting women who have a hard time letting a nice guy in, who can’t trust that your motives are actually nice and who, when you show them kindness, shut down and push you away, then yes, they are mirroring something back to you. Of course you’re a nice guy, but there’s more to it than that. There’s a belief in there somewhere that isn’t serving you. There’s an imbalance in power. You are giving too much of yours to them. The answer is not to try and take theirs and become a douche yourself, but rather to find BALANCE. That means not putting up with women treating you like crap. Setting boundaries. Not in a mean and aggressive way, but simply by knowing what you’re worth and being willing to say no or even walk away when a woman mistreats you. These women are walking all over your boundaries because you have none or at least you don’t define them early enough. You can set boundaries right from the start. And you can do it while being nice.

A lot of women AND men confuse niceness with weakness. And they are not the same thing at all. It comes down to knowing your worth and not being willing to put up with more than you’re willing to put up with. Compromise? yes. Mistreatment? Nope! If she acts like a bitch, even the first time, take her home and say goodnight. Don’t reward that kind of behaviour. You don’t have to engage and yell and scream and fight. Just take yourself out of the game and walk away. She’ll get the message. Drama is not welcomed in your playground. And if she can’t get real and leave the drama outside, then perhaps she’s not the one you want to play with. Move on and align with someone better.



PART 5

 The subject of letting go or surrendering, It don’t mean that you should let go of what you want.When something is really important to you, you can’t just stop thinking about it, which is what a lot of people mistakenly try to do. And then, they get all frustrated and, depending on where their self esteem is at, either declare that LOA doesn’t work, or that they’re too stupid to make it work

You see, our minds kind of assume that they know everything there is to know about everything. So, conversely, if our minds don’t know about something, then it must not exist. If our minds don’t know how something can happen, then it must not be possible. Our minds are arrogant little bastards, really, and if you let them, they will screw with you. Yes, I’m going to just come out and say it: the untrained mind can be a right asshole. And by trained, I don’t mean educated. I mean, trained to focus in the way you want it to.

So, your mind begins to convince you, by going on and on and on about it, that what you want  just doesn’t exist, because it has no direct knowledge of such a thing. And, if you let your guard down for a bit, you may well start to believe the arrogant, lying bastard. That’s when you begins to focus on how it’s NOT possible for you to get what you wants, promptly and effectively messing up your vibration. Now, you are attracting more and more doubt instead of what you wants.

You must let go of is:

-The need to figure out HOW his manifestation will come about
-Listening to your arrogant mind when it tries to tell him what he wants isn’t possible because it has no direct knowledge of how it can be done

Another way to describe the process of letting go or surrendering is to simply get into the mindset that “It’s on its way”. If you can adopt the idea that you will get what you want, that the Universe will deliver your manifestation even if you don’t know how it will happen, you are aligning with what you want.

Anytime you ask “Where is it?” or “Why isn’t it here yet?” or “How can it possibly happen?”, you are messing up the energy of your manifestation. Every time you get frustrated or sad or doubtful or impatient, you’re messing it up. Whenever you think about what you want in a way that causes you to feel any kind of negative emotion, you’re messing it up.

When you know that it’s on its way, you’re aligning with it.

When you believe that it will come, you’re aligning with it.

When you trust that the Universe has the power to bring it to you, and knows a hell of a lot more of what’s available to you than your (comparatively) little puny mind does, you’re aligning with what you want.

When you feel good, you’re aligning with it.

When you’re happy, you’re aligning with it.




PART 6:

The vortex  describes the vibration of Who You Really Are, which also matches everything you’ve ever wanted. All that has been created in the non-physical and is just waiting for you to match up with it. You can imagine all that wonderful goodness swirling around in a vortex.

You are the creator of your own reality. This means that everything in your experience, every object, every person and every event, even the tiniest ones, are a manifestation of yours. Yes, really. So, if the barrista at the coffee shop is friendly to you, that’s a direct reflection of your manifestation.

The point is, truly EVERYTHING in your reality has been drawn to you by you. And the same is true for everyone else, as well. And this is where it gets a bit complicated. You see, if the barrista is rude to you, not only does that behavior have to be a vibrational match to you, but she must be a match to that behavior, as well

Now, when you consider that every little detail in everyone’s life has to be a match on both sides (or more!), it gets pretty mindboggling. Luckily, the Law of Attraction can handle it. It can keep track of everyone’s vibration, in real time. If your vibration changes, the LOA will immediately begin to orchestrate a series of “coincidences” and intuitive hits that will guide you to your new match.

We’re all in a really complex Maze. And each of us is given a transceiver, a little handheld device that can send and receive signals. So, there you are, with your little device, and you set it to the frequency of “5″. Now, that transceiver is going to send out that signal, and ONLY that signal. It’s also going to receive the frequency of “5″ and nothing else. Everyone around you is also sending and receiving signals. And when your transceiver finds someone else with their device set to “5″, it’s going to turn on its built in GPS and lead you straight to them. It doesn’t matter how far away they are, or how complex the maze is, your little device will tell you exactly where to turn, when to go forward and when to wait, so that you’ll meet up with other people who have set their device to “5″.

You may need a bit of assistance along the way. Perhaps you have to climb up to another level and need a ladder. So, your device leads you to someone who has set their transceiver to “Help the 5′s”. If you take a wrong turn (because you weren’t paying attention to your device), your transceiver will send out a distress call and you’ll meet up with someone who has set their device to “show the 5′s where they’ve gone wrong.”

You always get to choose which signal you want to send and receive, but once you do, you won’t meet up with anyone who’s not a match to that frequency. They will be invisible to you.

I can hear you asking now, “So, every little thing that happens to me is my own fault?” No. I wouldn’t put it that way. But everything that happens to you is happening in response to your vibration. And that doesn’t have to be annoying, it can be empowering. Think about it. If everything is just sort of happening randomly, then there’s nothing you can do about rude barristas, horrible bosses or poo on your shoe. But if you are the master of your reality, then you can change the signals you’re transmitting until you meet up with friendly service staff, awesome bosses and clean, poo-free streets. It does take a bit of trial and error, just like any new piece of technology you acquire, and unfortunately, there’s no user manual. But once you start to figure it out, your life will never be the same. Tweak a dial here, flip a switch there and watch your reality literally transform around you.

Everything we experience is a result of our vibration. Everything. And that includes the “accidents”. So what’s the difference between what I just said and claiming that we made it happen? A lot. When you make something happen, it implies that you did something wrong and that you got what you deserved. Even if you didn’t know what you were doing, you still ended up causing your own misery. This is the kind of thinking that leads people to believe that bad things happen in order to teach us a lesson

Let’s say that you’ve got one of those cars with censors, which let you know when you get too close to other cars or objects. It beeps when you back up and indicates your position by getting louder and faster the closer you get to the car behind you. So, the closer you get to having an experience that doesn’t serve you – crashing into the car behind you – the stronger this indicator gets by beeping faster and louder. This feedback mechanism does not judge you, it does not start screaming at you to STOP ALREADY, YOU FREAKIN’ IDIOT, it does not turn into your mother in law. And if you ignore the feedback and bump into the car behind you, it doesn’t blame you or tell you “I told you so”, nor does it now claim that you deserve whatever repair bill or ticket you’ve got coming to you. YOU may do all of those things, but the computer running these censors and feedback system doesn’t say a word. It’s only function is to provide you with information. What you do with that information is entirely up to you.

Your vibrational feedback system is the same. Your first indication that you’re getting closer to something you don’t want is negative emotion. Ignore that, and your indicator beeps a little louder and faster. Maybe you have a negative experience – someone is rude to you, or you cut your finger. Keep on ignoring the signal and it will keep getting louder – your experiences become harder and harder to ignore until finally something happens that gets your attention. How “bad” that something is depends entirely on your own personal tolerance for suffering and how conditioned you are to the belief that suffering is necessary.



PART 7:

When people talk about Karma, they usually mean one of two things:

What comes around goes around (i.e. if you hurt someone, something bad will happen to you.)
If something bad happens to you, it’s because you did something horrible in a past life and it’s coming back to bite you in the ass.

These two, frankly bullshit, beliefs are based on two even more bullshit assumptions

In order for there to be such a thing as Karma, there would have to be judgment, which we know (well, some of us do), is a human concept, not a Universal one. The Universe does not judge you. There is no cosmic moral bank account that keeps track of your actions and intentions from this life or any other, and then seeks to create a balance between the credits (actions judged to be “good”) and debits (actions judged to be “bad”).

First, of all, who could keep track of such a tally? And second of all, who gets to decide which actions go on which side of the balance sheet? Sure, you might say that murder is always bad. But is it? What if it was self defense? What if it was in defense of another? What if the murderer is mentally disabled and had no idea what he was doing? What if it was an accident? What if you lived in an age or area where killing others was a way of life and you learned that it was ok? What if it happens during war? What if you were ordered to do it? Does it make a difference if you know it’s wrong? And we’re just talking about killing here, never mind all the lesser “sins”.

Ok, some might say, the deciding factor isn’t the action, but the intent. If you actually wanted to hurt another being, then you’ve got bad Karma. So… every time you feel powerless about something and it causes you to get angry, and in that anger you want to smack someone, you are adding to your negative balance sheet whether you actually do it or not? In that case, you might as well get to smackin’, you’re already screwed. By the way, can we see where some of the screwed up ideas about negative emotions are coming from?

Assumption Number 2: The Boomerang Effect

Let’s take a look at the idea of “what comes around goes around”. Basically, believers of this adage will tell you that whatever you put out in the Universe comes back to you, kind of like a boomerang. So, if you throw out your boomerang of negative intent, like say, wanting to smack someone (I’ve got a theme going here), you spew forth that energy and after a while, it turns around, comes back to you and smacks you in the face, sometimes literally. But, if you put out a lot of kindness, the energy of that turns around and graces you with lottery winnings. And if you end up losing all your lottery winnings a couple of years later, then the money obviously corrupted you, causing you to create negative Karma, which then came and took all your money.

Why we like Karma

In other words, Karma allows us to explain why bad things happen, and it’s always by assuming that you get what you deserve. When we see something bad happen to someone, we console ourselves with the idea that he must’ve done something to deserve it. He must’ve been a bad person. And well, we’re not bad people, so we’re safe. That thought feels much better than thinking that random shit could just happen to us at any time and there’s nothing we can do about it. Or, to put it more bluntly (and just to amuse myself): We like to think the poop can’t hit us if we didn’t fling it first.

When Karma breaks down

The problem arises when really bad shit happens to really good people. That’s when it gets a bit more depressing. What did they do to deserve this? How could so much pain be showered upon people who have clearly done nothing wrong? It’s easier to use Karma as an excuse when it comes to strangers, but when we know the “victims”, or when bad crap happens to us, the explanation falls short. The best we can come up with then is to speculate that we must’ve been really, really evil in a former life, which is totally unsatisfying at best.

We’ve always had a need to make sense of why bad things happen. The idea that events are just random didn’t feel good (because it’s not true), so we searched for a better feeling explanation (as is our nature). We came up with Karma . And well, Karma did seem to explain a lot, and when it didn’t, we could tweak it so it did. But when it didn’t seem to apply, we had to admit that sometimes bad stuff just happened to good people and that there was nothing we could do about it. So, when Karma explained things we could feel a bit better, and when it didn’t, the only other option we had was to feel powerless.

A better explanation

What about when Karma seems to be working?

 Karma looks like it is involves when someone did something bad and almost immediately experienced something painful being done to them. The boomerang effect seemed to be working well and to the great delight of the onlookers.

Here’s how: It’s called the LAW OF FREAKING ATTRACTION!

So, there’s evil Bob, doing evil things, and BAM something evil is done onto Bob. Let’s look at what really happened, shall we?

Bob is not evil. Bob is doing evil things because Bob is in a great deal of pain and feels totally powerless and being a sadistic asshole is the only way that Bob knows how to make himself feel better. Having control of others, even for a moment, means having control of something. So, Bob does what he can to relieve the suffering he feels in the only way he knows how.

The vibration that Bob is offering is one of powerlessness. Guess what powerlessness attracts? That’s right, experiences that make Bob feel more powerless; in other words, experiences of more pain. So, while it may seem that Bob is getting exactly what he deserves, Bob is really getting exactly what he’s attracting. There’s a difference.

Now, take Happy Susie. Happy Susie is happy (hence, the name), and spreads her happiness throughout the kingdom. People are always kind to Susie and seem to just give her stuff. Isn’t that Karma? Well no. It’s energy. Susie is happy. She has a high vibration. She’s going to attract more experiences that match that happiness.

It’s not about what you deserve

It’s not about your intent or your actions. There is no judgment. There is no tally sheet. And, there is no boomerang. When bad things happen to you it’s not to punish you and it’s not because you deserved it. When painful events happen, they usually happen for one of two reasons:


It is never, ever, EVER because you deserved it. What’s more, you don’t have to prove your worthiness is order to deserve something good. If you give to charity just so that you can get good Karma points, and you’re not aligning with the energy of whatever it is you want, you’re not going to be reaping any rewards soon. You can’t get in good with the judge if there’s no judge. And, say it with me now, THERE IS NO JUDGE.

Letting the evil bastards off the hook

 But what about people who’ve truly done bad things? Shouldn’t there be some kind of universal punishment for them? After all, it feels kind of good when the guy who embezzled millions from old grannies gets cancer of the balls. Can that guy really just repent and/or think positively and wipe the slate clean?

Ok, first of all, there’s no slate.  And no, he can’t repent, because there’s no one to repent to (no judge, remember?). There’s no absolution because there’s no reason for it. And yes, I know that this is the hardest pill to swallow. The Universe does not judge you. Even if you’re an evil bastard. That’s because the goal is not to prove your worthiness and be the best person you can be, it’s to be the happiest person you can be. And when you’re an evil bastard, you’re not happy, and you’re already punishing yourself by being so far removed from Who You Really Are. You’re already in hell (this is, pretty much, what hell is). What else can the Universe possibly do to you that you aren’t already doing to yourself?

But, can said evil bastard just begin to think positively and manifest loads and loads of happiness? YES! That’s the thing – it is never too late to move towards joy. Not for any of us. No matter how badly you think you’ve messed it up, you can still find your way to Who You Really Are. You get to be happy. All of us do. And if an evil bastard, aka someone in massive amounts of pain, manages to shift all that energy and find their way to Who They Really Are, if that former unhappy bastard manages to find joy, the Universe doesn’t throw down the towel in disgust and yell at the TV about how unfair that is. The Universe rejoices! Just as it rejoices when any of us find our way to higher vibrations.

And yes, it can, theoretically, happen instantly. Practically, it usually takes just a touch longer to let go of that much pain. Moving from evil bastard to joyful saint would be one hell of a quantum leap. People have done it, but they usually fall into a coma or something and make the shift while less focused in this reality. I’m not saying it can’t be done, I’m just saying it’s a big ass shift. The process is a lot faster when done deliberately, but no matter how much pain someone is in, or how that pain has manifested in their lives (actions are manifestations, too. More on that in an upcoming post), they can always make their way to joy.


PART 8

We often feel badly about past events because we have a skewed view of the options that were available to us at the time.we’re looking back on past events, but the feeling that focus is generating is actually being generated in the NOW. In fact, the whole reason we’re looking back at all is because something in our NOW isn’t the way we want it to be. So, we look back at our past and try to figure out where it all went wrong, convinced that if this or that had gone differently, our lives right now would be better. Think about that for a moment: Look at an area of your life that you’re really happy with. Were there any incidents in your past where you experienced pain on that subject? Of course there were. Do you regret them? Or, having found happiness on that topic, do you see how those more difficult events actually brought you exactly where you are today? In short, if you’re really satisfied about something, you generally won’t have any regrets. But, if you’re not satisfied in some way, if you’re feeling that something is missing or you should be further along by now, you go looking for something or someone to blame. And the past makes for a convenient target.

How would your life be different right NOW if that Past event had gone down differently?

Can you know with 100% certainty that this outcome would’ve come true? Can you know for sure that you’d be happier now?
answer: Well, no. But that scenario sure feels better than where I am right now, working way too hard for way too little money. I mean, I can’t really be certain that I’d be a millionaire. If nothing else had changed except those two decisions, I suppose my life wouldn’t have turned out all roses and puppy hugs. I suppose I’ve been assuming that by changing those two decisions, everything else would’ve changed magically with them. But that’s kind of unlikely, isn’t it?


Regret is a dis-empowering emotion. You are essentially saying that your NOW is all messed up because of something happened in the past and that there’s nothing you can do about it. If your NOW isn’t the way you want it to be, start focusing on what you want instead of all the reasons you can dredge up of how this or that held you back. You don’t need to find the vibration of what your life would’ve been like if you had made a different decision, because you have no way of accurately knowing what that would’ve been like



PART 9:

The idea is that when you give money away, you are telling the Universe that you have more money than you need. Hence, you can give some of it away. And if you actually feel that way when you tithe, it will indeed bring you more money.

However…

If giving away money makes you feel all anxious and MORE aware of how little you have, then tithing will only serve to make you feel even poorer.
If it makes you feel resentful, as in, why can’t the homeless dude help himself, or why does it always have to be you, why can’t it be some rich dude who helps, then tithing will fill your reality with lots of needy people who could get help from someone else, but won’t. Everyone will suddenly want a piece of you.

If you’re only tithing because you desperately think it will increase your money flow, then you’re most likely focused more on how little money you have, and will create more of that.


I once heard Abraham say that they would advise us to tithe to ourselves. I loved that. It really illustrated the point. If you create an account for something frivolous, something you really don’t need but just want, and start tithing to that, you’re also sending the message that you have more than you need, but you’re less likely to trigger the feeling that you’re giving something away when you don’t have enough yourself. It’s a nice, easy way to line up the energy of what we want.

But, does that mean I’m saying we shouldn’t give to charity or hand the homeless dude some change? I’m not saying that at all. Give freely, give joyously, give when it feels good to do so. But don’t give out of obligation or to get something back. Because even wanting to increase your money flow in return for the tithing is trying to get something in return.

And think about it: If you attach the energy of obligation or responsibility to your gift, if your vibration is saying that they need you to give them this money because they can’t create for themselves, then that’s the vibration you’ll perpetuate in them. The money will go to people who feel totally powerless and who will continue to do so. However, when you give from a place of being aligned with Who You Really Are, when you give because you KNOW that you have more than enough, simply because it feels good, for the pure joy of it, then your gift will find its way to someone who is a match to that – someone who is ready to feel empowered



PART 10:

Why can’t everything we want just be right here? It would be so much easier if everything we wanted was just there and available. Why do we have to focus on what we want, and force ourselves to be happy in the absence of what we want? But the why of this becomes much clearer if you really analyze this idea of having what we want immediately and always available – you realize it doesn’t logically work. Looking back, there have been many things that I have wanted in my life. But the fact is that most if not all of those things came to my attention because of something that I didn’t like, something that didn’t sit well with me, something I felt I lacked, or because I had an experience that opened my eyes to something completely new. Without these things that I didn’t like, lacked, and/or experienced, there is no way that I could have come up with so many new desires. Which means, to me, that there is no logical way the universe can just provide me with what I want and be done with it, because what I want is never done and is always changing! And I can’t know what I want until I realize I am missing something or even know that it is out there.


Wanting more is not limited to seeing something we want and going for it. Usually, we see something that we like, but also want something a little bit different, because we are all SO UNIQUE. We almost always end up adapting what we want to our own little quirks and internal visions of what would REALLY be cool! But the key is, what we see starts the ball rolling towards what we begin to imagine would be our ideal. And this is how growth, change and expansion happen. Everybody has different ideas in their heads. Everybody sees things just a little bit differently from everyone else. And those differences are what created this world, made it what it is. But of course, we can’t talk about wanting new things without going into the part of law of attraction that has pissed me off the most, and yes logically, tying it directly into why wanting something and not getting it happens.


 How can you stay focused on what you want but don’t have, and not be upset that you don’t have it?  When you see that it’s missing, and feel that it’s missing, and keep thinking about how it’s missing, that is your focus and in most cases, guarantees that you will be unhappy. And when you understand this, it’s easy to see why you can’t be happy when you are looking at what you don’t have.


The Law of attraction pretty much states that like vibrations attract like and that all things are vibration, including thoughts. If you don’t give your mind any guidance, it jumps from one thing to the next without any real direction. But if you give it a purpose, and allow it to flow with that purpose, it will look for a way to accomplish it. If you don’t tell the mind what to look for, it won’t look for it. That is the simple logic of the brain. So let me give you an example that is pure logic and has nothing to do with vibrations.


I believe it was Anthony Robbins that I was listening to or reading years ago, who did an experiment that easily demonstrated just how true this concept can be. Basically, he told his audience to look around the room and try to remember anything and everything that was a specific color, such as blue. Then he told them to close their eyes and keep them closed. He waited a few seconds, then asked everyone to name things in the room that were red. Of course the audience went into immediate uproar because he had told them to look for blue, so how could they recall things that were red?! And what I find just as interesting, is that even given time to try to remember anything red, most couldn’t.


Of course there were red items in the room, but because nobody was looking for them in that moment, it was almost impossible for them to recall anything red. They hadn’t told their minds to look for and remember red items, so they didn’t. The mind can be so annoyingly obedient in that way! Which was the point of the whole experiment. You can only see and recall what you tell your mind to look for. If you DON’T focus your mind on what you want, there is no way you can see it or find it. Whatever you focus your mind on, that is what you will find, what you will see, what will keep coming into your awareness. And yes, that desired focus can negate your ability to see other things, as evidenced by how hard it was for the audience to recall things that were red.


If this is true for something that simple, how much more applicable is it in our everyday lives, where we have formed some serious habits of thought? If we are habitually focusing on what we don’t want and what we don’t have, how can we NOT notice the lack of it? And I will say it again, we, by our focus, are telling our minds to look for that lack. So by using logic to continue this, if we are not looking for the best, if we are not looking at and focusing on what we DO want, then how can we see it? How can we even be aware of it? How can we have more thoughts and ideas that match it and help guide us to it? If we don’t tell our minds what to focus on until it becomes habit, then it will look for whatever else it has been programmed or habitually trained to look for.


Because I can see the logic of this, because I understand that the brain is a tool that will do what we tell it, this makes perfect sense! Your focus must be more towards what you want in order for your mind to see more of it. Logically, it tries to find what you want, if you aren’t overriding what you want with all the thoughts of what you don’t want or don’t yet have. And as we have been told through LOA, the more emotion you feel, the more vibrant something is to your mind, the more it sticks, and the more it stands out when you ask the mind to recall it.


An inventor is the epitome of LOA in action. They think or imagine something that they want, and they passionately and consistently look for ways to see its fruition. They envision how it can be, totally ignoring reality more often than not! They practice new things, experiment in new ways and continue to envision and stay focused and EXCITED about what they want to happen. They see a lack, a desire for what is not available, something they would like to see happen, and they figure out how to get there. They are almost always focused on finding a solution. And I would bet that 90% of the time they are NEVER focused on the fact that what they want isn’t there yet, except in the beginning, where they start the whole process by noticing something that is lacking. They use that lack as a launching pad for what could work, and unlike many of us, they don’t stay focused there. They start letting their imaginations flow, always with the desire for improvement or something new. And they usually love the idea of finding a solution and they encourage their imaginations to run wild with new and exciting ideas in order to find that solution!


The fact is, if they DON’T think beyond what already is, then they really can’t do their jobs. They can’t look at what is, or imagine only what is, and invent something new. Logically, it just cannot happen! They must see what isn’t in their current reality. They must imagine something else, and then they must stay focused on that imagined thing in order to come up with ways to create it. And, as noted above, their mind logically will keep providing them with ideas and new insights because that is what they have asked of it and what they are staying focused on. The proof that inventors create what was not in reality and what they expect to see because that is what they have trained their minds to do, is in the pudding.


The continual and constant changes in the world are all the proof we should need. We often decide that things are just the way they are and there’s nothing we can do about it, but there is nothing further from the truth! Just because something is a certain way does not mean it has to stay that way in any facet of life. Let’s just look at one item from the field of Information Technology as a simple yet extraordinary example. 10 years ago, the idea of having a small removable device that could store a gigabyte of information was almost unimaginable. Now we have a device the size of your thumb that can store 1 terabyte of information (Really!!!). And I know less than 20 years ago, having anything feasibly usable for storing a terabyte of information seemed completely out of reach for the near future. And imagine that just 100 years ago, most of  what we know and do every day was not considered possible! Think 1000 years ago, or 10,000. As many times as this has been said, when I start looking at how much we have in our world now compared to 1000 years ago, I am continually awed and yes, very thankful!


So why not think of yourself as an inventor?


If trying to use the sometimes intangible vibrational process of LOA is difficult for you, then try using this logic: You are the inventor of your life. You get to create something new every day (every instant if you really want to get cray cray  ). What you decide to focus on and get excited about is what your mind will try to find. What you keep thinking about, your mind will keep providing more of. It will do what it does best, and try to come up with thoughts that match what you think about the most, and then try to focus your senses on the outside world in the direction of those thoughts. And anything that you feel strongly about is exaggerated in the mind, so it will look for those things even more diligently. This is LOGIC. If you want better and better ideas, then you have to be focused on that. If all you see is how dismal things are, then your mind will provide more thoughts that support how dismal everything is and look out into the world for proof to support how dismal things are. But, if you want to see something different in anything, you can only accomplish this by looking for something different. Imagining what you want and keeping your focus there is the only way to find something new, to make changes. It’s that simple. That LOGICAL!!! History proves it over and over again. If we only looked at current reality, nothing could ever change. It’s how our brains work and how inventors create new things, and how we can create our own reality. This LOA makes perfect logical sense if you look at it long enough!


The bottom line


Your mind is a logical tool that you can use to get where you want to be. But first, you have to tell it what you want. And if you tell it with great emotion, the impact is ten fold. But if you let it run on old paths of what you don’t want, what’s missing, what sucks about anything, then that is what it will find for you. And it will continue to look for the same old same old because you haven’t changed your habitual thinking by retraining it to focus on something new that you do want. And if you doubt the logic of this, you have examples in everyday life that support this premise completely. Because obviously many individuals in the past and present have sat down and imagined beyond what was current reality, and stayed focused on that until something new and unheard of became the new reality. And if they hadn’t thought of it, and stayed excited about it while ignoring what is, nothing new could’ve come into manifestation. This is just plain fact, or logic if you will. This is the only way change can happen. Focusing on what is wanted, whether it matches reality or not, and staying focused there is what brought us out of the jungle.


And it’s amazing how the tools you have been provided help to accomplish this. Your feelings will guide you towards what you want, your mind is the perfect vehicle for shuffling through new ideas and thoughts to change how you feel and imagine what you want, and your focus provides leverage to enhance the whole process once you decide what you want. So rev up your internal inventor and start inventing ideas that are positive, exciting and new, and have nothing to do with reality or the unwanted. Staying focused there will provide more and more ideas and cause positive thoughts to flow into your head, and bring more positive experiences into your reality. Think about it: If others hadn’t imagined and focused on things they wanted despite the lack of those things in their reality, I can almost guarantee we would still be living in the wild throwing poop at each other.


 Imagine a ladder (didn’t see that coming, did you?) At the very bottom, is where you are right now on whatever subject you want to work on. You have some negative beliefs you’d like to release. Each rung on the ladder represents a slightly better feeling thought, evoking a slightly better feeling from you. And at the very top, you’ll find the goal: a thought about this subject that feels completely joyful. This is where total happiness lives.


I’m going to use the example of finding your soulmate here, because I know that many of you are eager for more information on this subject.


One of your thoughts is: “I’m never going to get married.” And you feeling fear.

So you begin to identified this current thought and it feels awful. You draws a ladder on a piece of paper and writes “I’m afraid that I’ll be alone forever” at the bottom.


The problem with finding a better feeling thought is that we often try to make too big of a jump, or a quantum leap.So if you tries to move from your current thought to “I am married”, or something along those lines, you will  get frustrated. Fast. This is what goes wrong with a lot of affirmations You are going to feel like a fraud. It’s a fake statement that  nowhere near believing. The vibration of your current thought and the vibration of the joyful thought are too far apart.


We only have access to the frequencies that are somewhere in range of our current vibration. So, if Jane is currently vibrating at fear, she simply doesn’t have access to a thought that vibrates at enthusiasm or joy. If she tries, she’ll fail, and will then probably feel even worse for her efforts.


But since you does have access to thoughts that feel a little bit better than your current ones, and this is exactly where the Vibrational Ladder comes in. We don’t want to try to jump from the bottom to the top rung. Instead, we’re going to move up one rung at a time.


So, you begins to feel around for a better feeling thought. Since you've  been focusing on this negative thought for a while, the Law of Attraction has been bringing her more thoughts like it. You going to have to extend a little bit of effort to find a more positive thought.


Attempt  #1: “I hate being alone”. That feels worse. Next!

Attempt #2: “Lots of people are alonet. I’m not alone.” That doesn’t really feel any better. While it’s always nice to know that we’re not suffering alone, this thought only underscores you'r fear.

Attempt #3: “Lots of people have aren't married but some people have figured what to do, so a solution does exist.” Whew! That thought does feel a bit better. If a solution exists, then not all hope is lost.


Once you has found a slightly better feeling thought,  you’ll want to recognize that it does, in fact, feel a little bit better. You have deliberately focused your way to a slightly better feeling place – a new, higher vibration. And if you can make this small shift, you can make another and another, until you feels not only slightly, but A LOT better.


This is what the Law of Attraction work is really all about. It comes down to our ability to make one tiny shift after another. We can move mountains with one small shift at a time. Let’s keep going. Each time you shifts from one thought to a better feeling one, You actually raising your vibration on that subject. You will be able to move from the bottom to the top in one go, or it could take several sessions over the course of a few days. It’s also quite possible that one “issue” could be tied to many different beliefs . But the beautiful thing is this exercise and begins to pay attention to how she feels, those other beliefs will become more apparent.


Also, as you works her way up the ladder on belief after belief, you're going to raise your collective vibration, which will make it easier for you to access better feeling thoughts on any subject. And one by one, belief by belief, subject by subject,  You can use the Vibrational Ladder to change your entire life in whichever way she wants.


When the Vibrational Ladder doesn’t work for you, it’s generally due to one of two issues: You’re trying to move from the bottom of the ladder to the top, without shifting incrementally.


An example of this issue would be if you’re broke and feeling hopeless about money, and you sat yourself down and started chanting “I’m financially free. Money comes to me easily any time I want.” While you can say those words, you don’t actually have access to the vibration of those thoughts from where you are (“I’m broke”) and trying to reach for them is going to cause a major backlash. You won’t be able to shift to those thoughts and will therefore stay exactly where you are, only now, as well as feeling broke, you’ll also feel like a failure. Nice.


The solution to this issue is simple: Move incrementally. Don’t try to reach for a thought that feels good. Reach for a thought that feels better. So, if you’re currently thinking “I’m broke”, the next thought you CAN  reach might be “I am not homeless or starving. I have enough to survive.” Now, while this thought is nowhere near “I’m financially free”, it represents some movement in the right direction and, just as important, it’s reachable. Stop trying to jump from the bottom rung to the top already (*slappity slap slap*), and be willing to move incrementally to the next best feeling thought you can get a hold of. Do this and you’ll work your way up that ladder, rung by rung. Successfully.


The second reason that the Vibrational Ladder may not be working for you is because the energy of your current pattern of thought is just too big. When you focus on a thought, you activate the energy of it and the law of attraction gathers more energy like it. In short, whatever you focus on grows. This makes the thought you’re focusing on easier and easier to think. When you’ve spent a great deal of time focusing and obsessing over a particular viewpoint, it can grow so big that it’s like a planet with its own orbit. When you try to shift your vibration, it’s like you’re trying to break free from that gravitational pull. The thoughts you’ve been thinking are so practiced (“I’m broke. I’m broke. I’m broke”), that any attempt to move to a different thought can seem futile. You just get sucked right back into that practiced paradigm.


These types of beliefs are the big issues (megabeliefs) – stuff that’s been with you for a long time. The mere mention of this type of subject will set you off on a rant that can last for hours. It’s easy for you to find lots and lots of examples that support your point of view, because over the years, you’ll have manifested gobs of evidence that “proves” that belief to be true. If you suffer from lifelong weight issues, physical illness, persistent (and unwanted) singledom or any other condition that seems to have been with you forever and can’t be budged, chances are you’ve been giving A LOT of energy to a limiting belief over the years.

So, what do you do if you’re stuck in your current belief?


When you’re stuck where you are, you need to back off of the subject for a little bit and just focus on generally feeling good. Why? Let’s say that all vibration can be measured on a scale of 1 to 100. Your current belief about money is at a 3. You feel totally broke, your entire family has always been broke and you can’t even imagine not feeling utterly and completely broke. If money were the sun, you’d be a vampire. And not the cool daywalker kind from Blade. The From Dusk Till Dawn kind that explode in sunlight.

So, your money vibration is stuck at a 3 and no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to shift that energy the teensiest bit. Even a 4 is unreachable for you. But when you back off of your “problem” vibration and move to another subject that already makes you feel better, you raise your vibration. Your money vibration may be at a 3, but your adorable nephew/puppy/funny movie/happy hubby/eating ice cream in the nude vibration may be at an 85. When you focus on a subject that you already feel good about, you raise your vibration to that level. You cannot do that while focusing on money, though. You have to forget about that subject for a little bit. And once you’ve achieved a higher vibration, it will be much easier for you to find better feeling thoughts on ANY subject.


In order to shift a belief using any technique, you have to connect with the frequency of that belief and “pull it up” from there (at least that has been my experience.) There’s no point denying how you feel about money. Your money vibration is at a three. So this is where you have to start.  But how do you do that when the energy of what you’re trying to shift has become like a black hole, without getting sucked in?


If you wanted to pull something out of the middle of a raging fire, you wouldn’t just stick your hand in there and grab a hold of it. You’d use some kind of tool to do the job for you without getting too close. That’s what we’re going to use – a hook. We want to get a hold of the energy of the subject we’re trying to shift, while keeping our distance. And the way to do that is to get really, really general. When you talk about a subject generally, but while matching the feeling of your current belief about that subject, you activate that vibration enough to shift it, without getting sucked in by it. Then, while keeping that distance, you can work your way up the ladder until you’ve moved it to a better feeling place.


Your current belief about money: “I’m broke. I’ve always been broke. I’ll always be broke. I can’t pay my rent of $1500. My car is crap. I can’t afford to buy XYZ. My car payment is $400/month. I only earn $25.000/year. No one is hiring contractors right now.” – Notice how specific these statements are. When you’re bitching about something you hate, you tend to really get into the details of it.


Back off and go play with puppies or something until you feel well and truly better. Now, from this much higher vibration, come back to work on this subject.


You’ll want to focus on the subject of money and connect with the feeling of where your current vibration is, while keeping your distance. This means that you’ll want to take those specific statements and make them really general.

“I wish I had more money.”  - Notice that there is no actual amount involved. It’s more general.
“I have a lot of bills.” – You’re not listing them.
“I’d love to get a better job, but I’m afraid that I can’t in this economy.” – Again, there’s no mention of the actual job or industry.

Ok, at this point, you won’t feel all that great. These statements are still quite negative, but general enough so that you should be able to affect a bit of movement. Now, try to make statements that are incrementally more positive, but still very general:

“Things could be a lot worse. I’m not homeless and I do have food to eat. At least I have a job. There are a lot of people out there who are much worse off than I am.” – This statement isn’t exactly positive, but it gives a little perspective. Things aren’t as bad as they could be.
“The quality of my life isn’t actually that bad. I have friends, an awesome dog, a wonderful wife…” – You’re focusing on ways in which your life is going well, that aren’t tied to your income.
“I don’t have to figure this out all at once. I don’t have to have all the solutions to this problem right now. I know that I can figure out a way to fix this in time. I’ve found solutions to lots of things in the past. Like X, Y, Z.” – You’re taking some of the pressure off now. At this point, you’ll start to feel a bit better already.
“I may not be able to affect my financial situation right this second, but I can affect the way I feel. I’m feeling a bit better already.” – This is giving you a sense of control. You’re not powerless here. There is something you can do.
“I have been able to afford some nice things. I have a TV, a place to live, heating so I don’t get cold, a car…” – Now that you feel a bit better, you can start to zero in on the subject of money more specifically. Focusing on what’s going well in your life in terms of finances would’ve been impossible for you before, but these thoughts are now reachable. And they feel a lot better.
“There are some jobs out there. People are still building stuff and giving out contracts. So it’s not true that there are no jobs.” – You’re feeling some hope now. Solutions do exist, even if you’re not yet sure how to access them.
“Who says that I can’t get a couple of those contracts? If others can do it, maybe so can I?” – You know that solutions exist and you’re going to start looking for them. This is a far cry from where you started.

If at any point during this process you find yourself sliding into a bitching session full of specific details, back off, and get more general. If you can’t seem to do that, go play with puppies again until you’ve successfully raised your vibration and try again. Keep in mind that I’ve greatly simplified the amount of statements and  time it will take to shift such a large amount of energy. Sometimes, you can go days or even weeks between rungs of the ladder. In very severe cases, it can take months. Shift as quickly or as slowly as you need to. If you find yourself wanting to run screaming from the room, you’re pushing yourself too hard. Moving up the ladder successfully feels like relief not panic. Pushing yourself into territory that you’re not willing to go into will not make this process easier and will only create a backlash.



PART 11

There’s this misconception that when someone is an enlightened master, that they never have any negative emotion. However, since negative emotion is simply a feedback mechanism that lets you know when you’re focused on something that isn’t serving you,

Someone who is enlightened doesn’t squash their negative reactions. They rejoice in the feedback they get, allow the emotion for as long as it’s useful and informative and then shift toward truly better feeling thoughts as soon as they can. They work WITH the feedback, not against it. They understand that anger and frustration are just as valuable as joy and love. They don’t judge where they are.

Your job, just like everything else in your reality, is a direct result of your vibration. That’s why, if you don’t change your beliefs, you can change companies all you like. You’ll just create the same mess over and over again. The world isn’t filled with horrible bosses, colleagues and clients. The world is filled with whatever matches your energy.

So, in theory, if you change your vibration, you’ll change your reality; meaning that your boss, colleagues and clients will all magically morph into awesomeness or you’ll easily find a new and much better job. Easy peasy, right? Well, actually, in this case, it’s MUCH easier said than done.

The truth is, every job can suck. It’s all in how you look at it. Being a teacher can suck. Being a police officer can suck. Being the cashier at a supermarket can suck. Being an executive can suck. Being a doctor can suck. Being a blogger can suck. Or not. There are people out there right now performing those jobs and hating them with a passion. And there are also people out there right now who love those jobs with a passion. What determines their reaction? Did the happy people just get lucky and find that one, elusive career that actually made them happy? No.

They love their jobs because they look at their work in a way that makes them happy. They choose to enjoy their jobs. That’s it.

Have you ever gone to a supermarket and been served by a cashier who was super friendly, smiley and enthusiastic? I don’t mean that fake, cocaine induced, manic enthusiasm that some companies seem to be instilling in their employees. I’m talking about someone who is genuinely having fun. Aren’t they just infectious? They make those few minutes you spend at the checkout counter much more pleasant. You know their name. You’re actually disappointed when you can’t get into their lane. You might even choose to shop at that particular store just because they make it such a pleasure.


People who love their jobs:

-Focus only on the aspects of the job that they actually love. (The cashier may love connecting with people, for example).
-Find a way to look at the parts of the job that they don’t like in a way that feels better. (The cashier may hate standing up all day, but has decided that if she wears comfortable shoes and dances around in place a little, it’s actually great for her circulation and her feet no longer hurt. Plus, the dancing energizes her and puts her in an even better mood.)
-Bring their own style and personality to the job (the cashier may wear a cute pin on her uniform that catches people’s eyes, joke around with the customers, develop her own catch phrase, etc.)
-Don’t complain about their jobs. They talk about the things they love and shut up about everything else.
Infect everyone around them with their enthusiastic attitude (customers leave feeling a little better. She puts a smile on their face.)


The fact is, your job is not supposed to be horrible. You can love what you do, make the money you deserve and have a wonderful time with your colleagues. But this nirvana isn’t waiting for you at some mystical company somewhere out there, it’s right here, where you are, right now. You just aren’t seeing it. You can be happy where you are right now, no matter what you do. The first step is acknowledging that it’s possible – not just for other people, but for you. Don’t worry about the how, right now. Just ask yourself “What if I could find a way to actually like this place (or if that’s too far of a reach, what if I could find a way to not hate this place so much?)” Just pondering this question for a bit will already shift your vibration a little.



PART 12

Everything in the Universe, including Who We Really Are in our non-physical state, is energy all vibrating at different frequencies. We don’t have access to all frequencies at the same time. For example, if you vibrate at one frequency, you will have access only to the range of wavelengths that are close to your vibration, and not those which are far away.

Let’s say that you meditate regularly. As you do, you are reaching for the highest vibration you have comfortable access to. When you achieve that high vibration, you feel calm and safe and peaceful. If you stay in that state, you will attract thoughts and ideas that vibrate on that same frequency – you’ll get clarity.

Now, as you continue to meditate, your core vibration rises. Whereas your perspective was mostly negative before, you’ve gradually (but not necessarily slowly) shifted into a more positive one. Better feeling thoughts are easier for you to think.

When you stop looking for physical proof so that you can feel better, and go straight to the better feeling, you allow your energy to shift. By focusing on the physical environment, you keep activating the vibration of what’s already been created, which keeps recreating the same reality over and over again. But if you can ignore what is and focus on what you want, specifically the feeling of what you want, you line yourself up with a new vibration, one that will create a different reality for you. Instead of asking the world to change so that you can feel better, feel better so that the world can change.



PART 13

Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.

Many of our beliefs have been with us since our early childhood, and many more were picked up vibrationally at birth. We didn’t actually personally form every one of our beliefs ourselves. Many were handed down to us by our families and society as a whole. And we didn’t have to be taught to think this way with words or by example – we mostly soaked up the frequencies of the beliefs around us like little sponges

So, if you can’t tell that you have resistance, how are you supposed to release it? Well, you can always just look at your reality. Everything in it is a mirror to your vibration. Is there a lot of stuff that you don’t want? That’s an indicator that you’re focusing in a way (again, often without knowing it) that isn’t serving you. If there’s lots of stuff that you do like, then you’re spending the majority of your time focused in a way that feels good. So, even if you’re not sure what it is that you’re focused upon that’s causing you to manifest the unwanted stuff, you can simply look at what you’re receiving and then determine what you’d like to receive instead. Then, focus all your attention on that. Any resistance you have toward that particular goal will present itself. You’ll either feel it emotionally, or, if that’s too subtle, it will manifest in a specific way. It will be the perfect mirror to your belief, as well as the perfect way for you to overcome that belief


First of all, it has to be said that what most people think they want and what they actually want are almost never the same thing. What we think we want is usually a result of years and years of conditioning by our parents, teachers, friends, bosses, the media and society in general. We get told that if we get an education and a good job and a house and a spouse, a couple of kids, a new car and a dog, that we’ll be happy. And then we get all of those things, and happiness still eludes us. What the hell, Universe?

Here’s the thing: They done lied to you, son. None of those things guarantees happiness, nor does lack of them guarantee that you’ll die a miserable, shriveled husk of your former self (single  over 40, I’m talking to you!)  What I’m saying is, all the things you thought were going to make you happy, never had the power to do so. It’s time to rethink the concept of happiness and how we achieve it.

Happiness, like all emotions, is an indicator that tells you how aligned you are with the energy of Who You Really Are. To put it another way, Who You Really Are, the non-physical you, has a certain perspective. And the closer you (human you) are to sharing that perspective, the better you feel. So, when you aren’t happy, it’s because you’re not fully aligned with the perspective of Who You Really Are. And when you become aware of this lack of happiness, it means that you have the ability to express more of your true self, but you’re not doing it.

In my experience, when someone is suffering from a general sense of dissatisfaction or emptiness, it’s always because they have a pretty insidious case of denial. There’s something they really, really want that they’re not allowing themselves to think about, because for whatever reason, they don’t think they can do it or have it. They’ve been inspired to express Who They Really Are in some way, something that would bring them incredible joy, and they’re not letting themselves go there. Perhaps it’s a business idea that could be seen as risky, or a hobby that they don’t think their friends will approve of, the desire to travel (in this economy!! Gawd forbid!), to create art in some way (be sensible!), or simply to be sillier and play more (oh, grow up!).

Is it possible for you to be in denial and not know it? Yes. That may seem like a stupid question, but you wouldn’t believe how many people say something like “If I was suppressing something, I’d know it”, when confronted with the idea that they may not be being totally honest with themselves. Your fear of ridicule or failure or whatever is keeping you from going for what you truly want, may be so strong that it’s blocking off the desire altogether. This is because wanting something and believing that you can’t have it is painful and we often mistakenly believe that if we stop wanting, that the pain will go away. And so, we build a wall around our desire and block it until we forget it’s even there. If only there wasn’t that nagging sense of emptiness or that missing feeling of joy to keep reminding us.



PART 14

Let’s say that you’ve been pushing against something – you’ve had major resistance. Perhaps you have a fear that you’ll always be alone. It’s a huge fear, instilled in you in early childhood and it’s manifested in various ways throughout your life. Every time you got close to someone, you or someone else would sabotage the relationship, proving your belief, that you’d always be alone, right (remember that the Universe will always prove you right.) But then you read this amazing blog (tee hee) that makes you realize that you are not alone because you’re broken, or unattractive or whatever, but simply because of this underlying belief. And you decide that you no longer want to believe that you’ll always be alone. You begin to meditate regularly and stop looking for evidence that you’ll die a miserable, lonely death. Instead, you start to look for thoughts that feel better and evidence that all kinds of people, no matter what they look like, or how rich they are or any other arbitrary characteristics, fall in love every day.And as you do this, you start to feel better. You’re no longer in as much pain. You’re no longer as sad. You feel relief. But you don’t feel all happy, happy, joy, joy. You kind of seem to feel, well,nothing. You start to beat up on yourself for not doing it right, for not being a very good manifestor, or for being too weak-minded to focus correctly. You keep doing this until you’re right back in familiar territory – depressed and alone. Stupid, stupid Law of Attraction.


The only thing that went “wrong” in the above scenario is that you freaked out. You were in the Void. Here’s what really happened and what would’ve happened if you’d kept your cool: You’d been pushing against self-love and self-acceptance for years. That belief, that you’d always be alone and weren’t worth loving, had A LOT of momentum going. You weren’t just pushing a truck, you were pushing a tank. Then, when you started meditating and deliberately shifting your thoughts to better feeling places, it’s like you stopped pushing. That’s why you felt relief. Pushing a tank is painful

What’s more, you were really, really lined up with the frequency of unworthiness, which was a big part of your physical reality. Beliefs like that don’t just manifest in one little way, they tend to be mirrored back to you in a variety of scenarios, and the really big ones will affect all areas of your life in one way or another. So, you were lined up with this entire reality based on this belief that you could never be loved. As you then start to shift your energy to a different frequency, that reality starts to disintegrate, making room for the new reality that will take its place. Things that have interested you for a long time may suddenly seem boring. People that you used to have a great time with may become annoying or may simply no longer call. And you find yourself saying or wanting to say, over and over again, “I just don’t care.”

But because you know that intrinsically, you’re a passionate, happy, joyful being, it makes sense to come to the conclusion that by definition, not caring would signify something bad. And it might, if this was a permanent state, which it is not.


The Void is temporary. How long it lasts depends on how big of a shift you’ve made (how much of your reality will be affected by the shift) and on how allowing you are of the new energy you’re lining up with (i.e. how much you freak out). It can last for seconds, minutes, days, weeks, and in extreme cases, when the individual keeps waffling back and forth between frequencies, months. Once you understand what’s going on, and that this IS a temporary state, it becomes a lot easier to manage.

The absence of positive emotion is not the same as the presence of negative emotion. You’re moving from major negative emotion to positive emotion, and when you’re in the Void, you’re simply smack dab in the middle of the two. It’s like you’re moving from a cold water pool to a hot water pool. In the middle, where the two meet, it’s going to be kind of luke warm.


PART 15

As time goes by, our memories become, shall we say, selective, or fuzzy. We tend to block out certain details and our memories morph into whatever we need them to be to support our current beliefs. That means that if you’re inclined to beat up on yourself, your past memories are going to remodel themselves in order to support your guilt. You start to look at the past with hindsight goggles, minimizing the severity and pain of the situation and suddenly seeing options that weren’t there at the time.

Guilt is usually created when we look back on a situation and see options that either weren’t there, or to which we had no access at the time. It’s easy to look back on a situation with the benefit of our current perspective and knowledge.

Chances are, if you’re feeling guilty, you are looking through your hindsight goggles and beating yourself up for not choosing an option that, to you, was not on the table. Perhaps the option didn’t exist. Perhaps it did, but you were not aware of it. Perhaps you were aware of it, but it simply wasn’t a valid choice for you, given your point of view and/or emotional state at the time.

In every case, when you’re feeling guilty, you are being grossly unfair to yourself. And no, it doesn’t matter how bad what you did was. Even if you hurt someone, I still maintain that given the point of view you had, whatever you chose to do seemed like the best option for you at the time. Remember that people will do horrible things to escape their pain. In every instance (and I have yet to encounter one that this isn’t true for), you did the best you could, no matter how harebrained, illogical or “weak” that choice seems now. You cannot judge your past self using today’s perspective. All you can do is to do the best you can in each moment.

You didn’t make a mistake. You did what you thought was right at that very moment. The mistake would be to let past actions, which you can no longer change, dictate how you feel right now – the only thing you do actually have control over.


PART 16

One of the main reasons we feel so helpless when we’ve been wronged and why we want revenge is that we’ve grown up with a notion of a God who would judge us and hopefully (although we have no evidence of this, EVER), step in when the balance seems to be getting tipped the wrong way and punish those who have wronged us. We like the idea of some kind of force being out there, looking out for us and having our back. Even if we don’t or no longer believe in this type of God, the beliefs resulting from this paradigm are still very much alive and kicking. “How could a loving God allow this to happen?” becomes “If I truly create my own reality, then how could this horrible thing have happened?”

The problem is that we’re still often looking for an outside source to make and enforce the rules (even if we don’t know it). We want the world to be fair. And it is, but not in the way we thought it was (and let’s face it, it never was fair in that way.) If there truly were moral “rules” against killing and stealing and cheating and cursing, then why have these things gone on since the beginning of time? God doesn’t sit in the clouds, silently judging us for our deeds while doing nothing about it and neither does LOA.

Here’s the thing: There is no judgment. God (if you believe in a God) doesn’t judge. Neither does the Universe and neither does LOA. You get to want whatever you want, do whatever you want to do and no cosmic force will stop you, nor will you be punished for it in the afterlife. But why the hell not? If that’s the case, then what’s to stop us all from becoming sociopaths and running around killing each other?


What stops us is that we, at our core, are not killers. Far from it. We are love, pure and simple. Who We Really Are is pure love and is always calling us toward that love. This is why, when we turn away from love, loving others and loving ourselves, we hurt so much. The further we turn away from Who We Really Are, the more we suffer. If we, at our core, are pure love, how does it ever happen that anyone hurts anyone?

Those who hurt others are nowhere near the vibration of Who They Really Are. Hurting others only becomes a viable option when you’re coming from a place of supreme powerlessness. When you feel that you have no power at all, hurting someone else actually makes you feel better. Power over another feels better than no power at all.

How come it’s not ok for me to start trouble just for fun?” My question to that would be: Why would you want to? Unless you’re stuck in supreme powerlessness yourself, hurting others wouldn’t be fun. It would make you feel horrible. Again, the question pre-supposes that, if left to our own devices, we’d all go crazy and hurt each other and the only reason we don’t is because someone has deemed it “wrong”. The truth is, the more self-aware we become, the less viable the option of hurting others becomes. And even when we feel powerless on some issue, the mere fantasy of retribution is enough to shift us. We release our anger by briefly thinking about inflicting revenge, allowing us to shift to a better feeling perspective without ever even coming close to acting on those thoughts.

So, even if the Universe doesn’t judge you (and honestly, has this deterrent ever actually worked??), do you really want to hurt someone? Even if someone else out there is doing it? The question for me is not “Is it ok to hurt others?”, but rather “Do you really want to?”


Only when we truly understand how violence and the need to hurt someone comes about, and when we can feel true compassion for those who have hurt others, can we stop the cycle of pain. Judging someone, seeing them as broken and evil, inflicts a type of suffering on them, as well. We give energy to the version of them that’s stuck in powerlessness. We perpetuate their situation, rather than helping them to pull out of it. When we surpass judgment, the need to see something as right or wrong, and understand that there is only that which moves us closer to love and further away from love





PART 17

You do not need to ever ask others to forgive you.When you’re asking someone else to forgive you, you are asking them to give you permission to feel better. And it’s not that this can’t work to some degree, but when we do this, we are giving away our power over how we feel. We are saying, “If YOU will say it’s ok, I guess then I can feel ok.”

When someone forgives us and we actually do feel better, we don’t actually feel better because they’ve forgiven us. It’s because we are using the fact that they’ve absolved us of our guilt as an excuse to feel better. This is an important distinction. In order to actually feel better, WE have to allow ourselves to do so. Someone else can’t MAKE us feel better. We can use their words or actions as an excuse to change how we feel, just as we can choose to be offended or hurt by someone else, but when it comes right down to it, it’s still our choice, our doing, our power.

So, even if you’ve “hurt” someone else, there’s never any NEED to ask for or receive their forgiveness. This is especially important to remember if the person you were hoping to get forgiveness from has died or simply refuses to give it to you. You are the one holding on to those horrible feelings and you are the only one who can release them. You don’t need anyone else for that.

So, you’ve done something wrong. Let’s say that you said something truly hurtful to someone you love, and you deeply regret it. You feel like the most awful person in the world and you just can’t stop beating up on yourself. The first step towards healing is to make the distinction between having done something that you regret and actually being a bad person.

There’s a big difference in terms of vibration between thinking “I have done a bad thing” and “I am bad.” One allows for redemption, while the other condemns you as broken, possibly permanently so. People don’t do “bad” things because they are bad. No matter how horrible, we always have a valid reason for everything we do. Those reasons may not be rational or logical, but they are valid for each and every one of us in that moment (and yes, this includes murder and other atrocities). You didn’t say something hurtful to your friend because you’re mean. You said it because something that came just before that comment triggered an insecurity in you, and one of your defensive mechanisms kicked in.


Let’s face it: Most of our reactions are subconscious. We react before we even think about it. And even when we do take a moment, we are often seemingly driven by emotional forces we can’t control. In the moment, we often don’t really feel like we have much of a choice. And sure, one could argue that we ALWAYS have a choice, and I would agree, only not when we’re talking about the moment of reaction.



Someone has hurt you. You’re angry and sad and in pain and you have every reason to be. They are total bastards and if you had your way, they’d be tarred and feathered and stomped to death by a herd of runaway Elephants. You want them to hurt, they way that you’re hurting. You want them to feel your pain. You want them to be punished for what they’ve done to you. You want revenge.

When we’re stuck in revenge mode, a part of us thinks that if we hate enough, if we hurt enough, if we focus on the unfairness enough, that eventually it will hurt the other person and teach them a lesson.

If your parents abused you, neglected you or did anything else that you think “damaged” you (and who doesn’t think that to some degree?), you probably want them to pay some kind of price, to at least apologize, or to know how much they’ve hurt you. You want “closure”. You want them to see the situation from your perspective, thinking that when they do, you’ll finally feel better. But often, getting the offending party to see things from your point of view, simply isn’t an option. And no matter how badly you feel, or how long you hold on to that horrible feeling, you can’t force it to be an option.

When you choose to forgive for your own sake, when you don’t need the other person to understand, say or do anything,  You can’t suffer enough to cause them suffering. You can feel bad enough to make them feel bad. And you can’t pay a high enough price to make them pay. Why would you choose to try?

Now that I’ve hopefully made a good case for WHY it serves you to forgive, how do you actually go about find that feeling when you’re currently balled up in the fetal position, crying “Why Me?” It’s quite simple actually, but not necessarily easy. First, you have to be willing to feel better. That alone is quite a big step. If you’re not ready to feel better, that’s ok. Wallow in your dark place until you get sick of it.

Step 4: Focus on that feeling

What would it feel like if you were already ok? What would it feel like if you were no longer angry? What would it feel like if your day wasn’t shaped by this issue? Visualize yourself being ok, being happy, going on with your life, going out with friends, being carefree. See yourself as healed, as whole, not as broken but brave. Keep working on your visualization until you can truly get into the feeling of being confident, whole, secure, safe, and easily able to focus on the positives. Then, use that visualization at least once a day, and every time you are reminded of the offense.

Forgiveness, in and of itself, is not really an emotion. To forgive simply means to choose to feel better, even if the other person is still alive and kicking and hasn’t been tarred and feathered for their offenses. It means to shift your perspective on a situation that you’re using as an excuse to feel awful, so that you can feel relief. It means putting yourself and how you feel first.

Are you holding on to anger or resentment that isn’t serving you? Are you ready to let it go? If not now, when?




PART

You fantasize about going out with this girl, but you imagine her being really nice. Now, at first, this is going to feel off. It’s going to feel fake, and you’re not going to really know what words to put in her mouth. What does a nice girl say? What does she sound like? How does she make you feel? You keep trying out different dialogue and different scenarios until you find some that feel better. You spend some time with this visualization until you actually feel ok about it. Fantasizing about a nice girl no longer feels off – it feels natural. As you mould the fantasy into something positive and spend enough time with those thoughts to make them feel comfortable, you are actually shifting your vibration and lining up with the vision of what you want. You will no longer attract beautiful but bitchy girls. Instead, gorgeous, nice women will start to show up.

When you visualize, fantasizing about a faceless stranger, not really trying to determine how you’d meet or what you’d do, just focusing on how you’d feel around her, seeing the two of you laughing together, flirting, snuggling, etc.It’s easier to feel good when you’re thinking general thoughts. This is because specific details often trigger resistance. For example, you may have little resistance to meeting a girl. But when you fantasize about Veronica from the coffee shop, you have lots of resistance, because you don’t think that there’s any way she’ll ever go out with you



PART
Shame is one of the worst feelings we can experience. When you feel ashamed, you essentially feel as though you are not ok, that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you, that you’re broken. And Who You Really Are knows unequivocally that there’s nothing wrong with you, that you are 100% worthy and 100% right exactly where you are. So, when you feel ashamed, you’re actually denying Who You Really Are, and no thought feels worse than that.


We can blame other people for our actions and feelings all we want, but in the end, we feel the way we do because of how WE are looking at the situation and generally, ourselves. When we first fall in love, we feel amazing. We feel invincible, confident and super sexy. We think it’s because of how this other person is looking at us – they adore us and so therefore, we adore ourselves. Except that’s not true. We see them adoring us, and so we look at ourselves from their perspective. We look at ourselves through their adoring eyes and it feels good. We consider ourselves good enough, worthy enough for them. This amazing person approves of us, and so therefore, we suddenly approve of ourselves. We attribute all of these feelings to our partner, however, and give them all the credit.

When something happens that severs that connection – our partner leaves, cheats, becomes distant – the adoring eyes are taken away. We no longer look at ourselves through those eyes, but rather, through harsh, judgmental ones. We must no longer be good enough, or our partner would’ve stayed. Looking at ourselves this way feels horrible, but we once again, assign all the credit to the other person. They get all the blame. If they hadn’t stopped adoring us, we wouldn’t feel un-adored. If they hadn’t stopped approving of us, we wouldn’t now feel unworthy.

But we’re not feeling unworthy or unattractive because of how our partner is looking at us, or no longer looking at us. Our negative emotions are a direct result of how we’re looking at ourselves. Always. Even if we’re not consciously aware of this.

So, when someone cheats, it’s not because their partner did this or didn’t do that. It’s not because they wanted to punish their partner. It’s always because for some reason, they were feeling bad and cheating (or something associated with it) brought relief (or they at least thought it would). The reasons for these initial negative feelings can be pretty much infinite in number, but at their core, these feelings are generally about the cheater not feeling like they’re complete or enough in some way. You, their partner, couldn’t provide that missing piece (newsflash: no one could), and so they go looking for it elsewhere. And they will fail. Every time. Because no one can really change the way you feel about yourself. Oh sure, they can distract you and temporarily make you feel differently (like when you first fall in love, or when someone leaves you), but if you think you’re broken, you will always return to that feeling no matter what anyone else does. The good news is that if you feel complete, you will also return to that feeling, no matter what anyone else does.

The real question then isn’t “Why did he cheat on me?”, but rather “Why did his cheating make me feel the way it did?”.

If you’ve been cheated on, then yes, something in your vibration brought you together with that person. But you didn’t take a neutral person and make them cheat. You simply attracted someone who was already a cheater. Why the hell would you do that?!

Well, obviously, you didn’t do it consciously. And this didn’t happen because you secretly want to be cheated on. The cheater was simply a catalyst. This situation happened to be the perfect way to evoke a certain feeling in you, one that matched something that’s been festering underneath for quite some time. Whenever you manifest a situation so ugly that it rocks you to your core, it means that the belief that caused it has been there for a long, long time.

When something like this happens, an event that makes you question everything about yourself, you can use it as another excuse to feel horrible and unworthy, or you can see it as an opportunity to release something that’s been dragging you down for years (probably all your life).

It’s time to go digging. How did his cheating make you feel? Obviously, it didn’t feel good, but we need to determine specifically how it felt. What kinds of memories did this event bring up? There’s bound to be an element of “Here we go again…” On some level, you were just proven “right”.

For example, if a young girl was treated with great disrespect by her father or even by both parents, she may well have come to the conclusion that she is not worthy of respect or completely worthless. This belief, if left unreleased, would have created situation after situation that “proved” that the girl and later woman was worthless. She would’ve attracted people into her life that treated her badly – overbearing bosses, friends who took advantage of her, and yes, cheating boyfriends and husbands. In that case, the cheating would’ve felt just like all of those other events. It would’ve made her feel discarded, overlooked, like her opinion and feelings didn’t matter at all. On some level, she’d always be expecting this feeling; she’d always be expecting the other shoe to drop, and for men (or people in general) to disrespect her.

Another woman might feel quite differently about the cheating. It might’ve made her feel abandoned, or perhaps it would’ve triggered feelings of never being good enough for anything, or always making mistakes/getting everything wrong. Do you see the subtle but distinct differences between these feelings?

When we manifest these kinds of events in our lives, it’s not because we made a mistake or because there’s something wrong with us. It’s because we have a belief that isn’t serving us and it basically just smacked us in the back of the head to get our attention. With a frying pan. And a rubber hose. It’s screaming “Look at me!!”, so that you can finally release it. You’re not being punished, you’re being called to attention. Yes, in a horrible way, but some of us need a pretty big push to finally deal with the monsters in our own closets.

Those “monsters” are our limiting beliefs, and the irony is that they only seem scary until we actually take a peek at them. Once we realize what was at the core of our feelings, the scariness subsides. Not only that, but we gain back a sense of control. Things aren’t happening to us because we’re bad or because we have no control. It’s cause and effect. And when we figure out the cause, we can change the effect.

Everything is energy, vibrating at different frequencies or vibrations. Your emotions are your vibrational feedback system. They let you know how high the frequency of whatever you’re focusing on or thinking is. The higher the vibration, the better it feels. You’re welcome.

Ok, so when you feel happy, you’re accessing a really high vibration.






PART


I been trying to manifest a relationship into my life, or rather, I know it’s not going to happen to me if I sit on my sofa…but my social life does not foster the sort of opportunities that would generate meeting someone ..,i.e., I don’t want to hang in bars, etc., so tend to catch up with family for quiet dinners, etc.

The speed with which you’ll attract Mrs. Right has nothing to do with how old you are, how long you’ve been looking, how attractive you are (yes, really), where you live, or if you go skiing or hit the Yoga retreat. It has everything to do with how long it takes you to align yourself with the energy of what you want. Now, I know that we’ve all heard the stories of the single, middle aged woman who was a total shut in, workaholic nomad, who forced herself to go on a singles cruise and lo and behold, met the man of her dreams. I promise you that it wasn’t the fact that she went on the cruise that allowed her to meet Mr. Right, but the energy she shifted when she went from hopeless and resigned to being single forever, to acknowledging the possibility that she could still meet someone (which allowed her to overcome her fear and take the cruise). It’s an energy thing, every time.


If you never leave the house, the Universe has to find a way to bring Ms. Right to your doorstep. That’s fine, as long as you have NO resistance to that happening. But how likely is it that you have no beliefs whatsoever that will contradict and therefore block that scenario? Have you ever heard yourself say “I know it’s not going to happen to me if I sit on my sofa”?
So yes, it’s a good idea to leave the house and get out there. But don’t go out with the express purpose of meeting men. Go out with the express purpose of having the time of your life. Why? Because when you’re having fun and feeling good, you are aligning your energy with the frequency of what you want, and THAT’S what’s going to allow Ms. Right to finally be delivered. That’s how you open the door.

It’s ok to have a list. But many of the qualities we put on our list are there because we made an association at some point – someone we were attracted to had those qualities. But these characteristics don’t have much to do with actual attraction. We have “chemistry” with people when there’s a vibrational match.

There are two possibilities:

You are not attracted to this woman. He’s perfect or nearly perfect on paper, but your heart and other assorted body parts aren’t playing along. Let her go. It’s not fair to keep this woman as your Plan B.

You are attracted to her and she’s hitting a little too close to home. This is a woman you could really fall in love with, a woman you could really have a deep connection with and it’s scaring the hell out of you. So, you come up with all kinds of very specific reasons not to allow this connection to happen This is called resistance.

This woman is in your life for a reason. She’s a mirror to at least part of your vibration. Perhaps she’s here to help you further define what you want. Or, perhaps she’s here to help you overcome the resistance you have to getting what you REALLY want (a deep connection and wonderful relationship).

The action plan, either way, is the same. Focus on the qualities that you LIKE about her, and not the ones you don’t like about her. This will align you with the energy of what you truly want, instead of keeping you aligned with what you don’t want. And when you do that, the perfect woman will come into your reality. You may find that this woman is the one you’ve been waiting for, you just couldn’t see it.





PART

All relationships end at some point. Some end with death after 50 years of happy marriage, and some end after a few months, weeks, days or even hours. They will all end; that’s just a fact. But we don’t want to face that. We have this belief that we not only have the ability but some kind of responsibility to make all our relationships last forever. So, when a relationship ends, it signifies some kind of failure. We couldn’t make it work, most likely because there’s something wrong with us. We ask “Why did he leave me??”, “Why wasn’t I good enough?!”, “What does that skank have that I don’t have?”, and cause ourselves a great deal of suffering.

But the truth is that it was never our responsibility to make the relationship last for any length of time. Nor is that even possible. Because nothing we can DO will affect how long a relationship lasts. It all comes down to our energy.




PART

So, you met the girl or guy of your dreams. You’ve both fallen hopelessly in love with each other. The world is suddenly a beautiful place. Birds are singing, a gentle breeze is blowing, people everywhere are beautiful, and everything seems shiny and new. There is nothing but bliss. And then… you have your first little argument. No big deal. Arguments happen. You’re fine. Everything’s fine. Except… there’s this one little quality you never noticed before. It’s no longer perfect. You’re a little bit annoyed. But that’s ok. You can get over that. Nobody’s perfect, right? They’re still a thousand times better than your stupid ex. Yes, life is good. If only it weren’t for that other little quality you recently discovered. It’s nagging at you. Oh, and there’s one more thing that bothers you. You’re starting to have doubts. Are they the perfect one for you? You were so sure just a little while ago. Now, well, you’re finding more and more things that you just have to tolerate if you want to stay with this person. And as time goes by, there are more arguments, maybe even fights. You just disagree on so many things! How could you have been so wrong? They seemed so perfect, when clearly they’re just as bad as your stupid ex. In fact, they mysteriously have a lot of the same qualities. Ack! You have to get away from this person! Why are there no good women or men left in this world??

How did you go from absolute bliss and perfection to “what the #$%& was I thinking?” Are you just a horrible judge of character? Or perhaps you’re incredibly unlucky and you just keep falling for psychos who are excellent liars

The main problem with all relationships is that we keep looking for someone else who possesses qualities which we don’t, who will make us “complete” or happy. We think that if only we can find the right person, they will fill all the gaps in our life that we currently think we can’t. We are giving them the responsibility for how we feel. So, if they would only act a certain way, then we could be happy. And if they don’t act that way, we suddenly feel that we made a mistake. They’re not the perfect one.

My point is that what the other person does and what qualities they possess are really irrelevant. It all comes down to your own vibration. Only you have control over how you feel. There isn’t a person out there that can act in a way that will make you happy forever. It’s never going to happen, so stop looking for that. And the answer isn’t to learn to look at someone super annoying and learn to love them anyway, probably through gritted teeth. There’s a different option: shift your vibration, become happy no matter what and attract a relationship that enhances that happiness. Attract someone who’s incredibly fun to play with, who is also happy, who can hold a high vibration when you falter (instead of bitching with you), who supports you in your wildest dreams and who you can grow to new heights with. Stop looking for someone to pull you out of the muck. Pull yourself out and attract someone who’s done the same.

When people first fall in love, they tend to focus only on the parts of the other person that they like. There seem to be no negative qualities. The other person is “perfect”. And because they’re looking at their new partner with eyes of perfection, it feels good. This is important: The reason that you feel so good when you first fall in love is not because the other person hasn’t revealed their inner psycho yet. It’s because you’re looking at the other person in a way that Who You Really Are, your pure, positive energy self, totally agrees with. You think they’re gorgeous. Your inner being agrees. You think they’re amazing and intelligent and funny and kind. Your inner being agrees. You are focusing only on the positives and your inner being agrees.

But, we’re not supposed to just focus on someone’s positive aspects, are we? We’ve been taught to be more realistic than that. Because, if we don’t go looking for and discover all their flaws, we’re living in some kind of dream world (albeit a really happy one), and well, um, I forget… What exactly is wrong with that? But I digress. We’re supposed to face reality. And so, we begin to slowly but surely look for qualities that we don’t like. Maybe something we can “fix”.  And, as we begin to focus on annoying character traits, the Law of Attraction begins to bring us more and more of them until we declare that we were obviously mistaken. They’re not perfect at all and we can no longer see why we ever thought they were.

How about we change the pattern?

All of your relationships, friendships, family, business, romantic, etc, are mirrors for what’s going on inside you. Let’s say you have a fear of abandonment. Guess what? You’re going to attract people that abandon you emotionally or physically. Your beliefs and what you focus on are quite literally creating your reality. And if you change your energy, if you release some of these beliefs and raise your vibration, your relationships will change. If possible, you will meet up with a different version of the people you know. That means, if a version of them that matches your new vibration exists, you will meet up with that version. If it doesn’t, they will gravitate out of your existence and you’ll attract new relationships that are a match.


If you’re currently in a relationship that’s less than stellar, you may be tempted to just quit and try to start over again. We often think that’s the solution: Break up and find someone more suitable. Except, since you’re the one who attracted this relationship, and ALL the details that go with it, you will continue to attract the exact same scenario over and over again until and unless you change your vibration. And it’s actually easier to do that if you have someone to mirror your energy back to you

How do you clean up your vibration?

-Take responsibility for the way you feel. They can’t make you happy. No one can, except you. If you’re experiencing negative emotion, it’s an indication that you have a belief or a thought that isn’t serving you. Stop blaming them and work on becoming happy no matter what.
-Whenever you do experience negative emotion, stop and think: “What am I focusing on right now?” In whatever way you’re looking at that situation, isn’t in line with how Who You Really Are is looking at it and it isn’t serving you.
Change your perspective on that subject to one that feels better and shift your vibration.
-Go back to looking only at your partner’s positive qualities. Make lists of what you love about them, what you’re grateful for. Deliberately work yourself into a higher vibration on this subject.
-STOP looking for things to disagree with or criticize. Stop being so damn “realistic”. The goal is not to ferret out all possible versions of your partner – the good, the bad and the psycho. The goal is to be happy. This is not denial. Denial is focusing on someone’s negative qualities and pretending to be ok with them. That will destroy your soul. I’m recommending not looking at those negative qualities at all and focusing purely on the positive ones.



PART

So, you might have decided (as I did at one point) that since no one ever tells you that you’re handsome, that you’re clearly ugly (or  just average, etc.). But if you don’t believe that you’re handsome, or worthy of the complement, those who would tell you that can’t even find you. Consider this: What if you’re wrong about what you look like? What if you’ve been perceiving yourself through an ugly, inadequate, homely, just average, so-so, or whatever filter? What if you’re a lot more beautiful than you think you are?

When I pondered this question, it stopped me in my tracks. There had been those in my life you’d always insisted that I was handsome....my ex girlfriends...my patients.. But I’d never believed them. I always thought they were humoring me,  They were being kind at best, and secretly smirking behind my back at worst. But what if they weren’t? What if they were telling the truth?

I guarantee that there have been people in your life you have given you complements that you immediately dismissed. And if questioned, you might not even remember the last time you received praise about your looks  You might even insist that no one has EVER given you a genuine complement, but that would be untrue. You just couldn’t hear them, because you’d decided that you looked a certain way, and only information that matched your view could get through to you.

Why not change the filter on what you THINK you look like? Just give the idea, that perhaps you’ve been mislabeling yourself as much less good looking than you are, a few minutes. Does it feel good to consider it? If it does, it means that your inner being is in agreement with this thought. And it if it doesn’t, you’re doing it wrong.  Because you are beautiful. And I don’t mean that in a “we’re all beautiful, even if we look like bridge trolls” kind of way, although I’m going to give that a bit of credence, too. I mean, when you take away all the Hollywood comparisons, and look at people as they really are, there are very few truly ugly people in the world (speaking purely materialistically). But most of us have, at one time or another, felt as though we should be ashamed to leave the house, looking as we do.




PART

When we see something that we want, even if it’s just for a second, it’s immediately and automatically created energetically. And whenever something new is created, the Universe expands. When we see something we don’t want, our inner being, who we really are, knows what we do want (the opposite of what we don’t want), and once again, it’s created immediately and automatically. The Universe (which is a collection of all the energy, including all of us) expands. So, the Universe expands and benefits no matter what we experience. We, as a whole, benefit from both the wanted and the unwanted.

So, why do we need the unwanted stuff? Why can’t we just have the wanted? Because often it’s impossible for us to know what we do want without first experiencing and eliminating what we don’t want. For example, if you were born rich, and never knew what it is to be poor, you can’t really appreciate what it is to be rich. You need something to compare it to. You need its opposite, poverty, to give you perspective. So, poverty in and of itself, isn’t bad. It’s there to spark the desire to be rich, and to help us to truly appreciate it. The unwanted also helps us to define what we want. If you’re going to buy a new car, you’re going to want to test drive a bunch of them. How do you know which one you like, without eliminating the ones you don’t? And how do you know which cars you don’t like without first testing them out?

Now, we have the choice to focus on what we want and bring that into our reality, or to focus on what we don’t want and bring that into our reality, and we have a mechanism to tell the difference. Focusing on wanted stuff feels good (positive emotion) and focusing on unwanted stuff feels bad (negative emotion).

Different vibrations exist in different parts of the world. A soul who chooses to be born into an environment of heavy vibrations, in other words, into a huge pile of unwanted, for example, may end up in a war zone, because that’s the reality that matches its vibrational intentions.


“What other people think of you doesn’t matter.” And we’d all love to live our lives that way – absolutely not caring what others do or think or say. If only it wasn’t for all the a-holes out there who keep getting in the way. Every day people get completely bent out of shape about something someone said, did, wrote, broadcast on TV, posted on YouTube, or even something they think the other person may have thought, said, or done. Some of these instances even seem justified: some jerk cut you off in traffic. The lady in line next to you at the bank was openly rude. Your brother in law has the audacity to support your sports team’s rival! We are a people who love to get upset.

Here’s the thing: No one can offend you. Only you can allow yourself to get offended. Yes, I know that sounds really Zen and beautiful, but how do you actually practice this in the real world? Here’s how:

1.)    Realize that every reaction you have is caused by the thoughts you are thinking. It’s all you. It’s your reality, it’s your reaction. That doesn’t make your reaction or the way you feel invalid, it just means that it actually has nothing to do with the other person. It’s your emotion; own it. .

2.)    Understand that you are not actually upset by whatever it was the other person said or did. You’re not upset because the lady at the bank is rude to you, or the jerk stole your parking space or because other people can’t seem to control their children (who clearly aren’t raised the way they should be) in public. You’re using that excuse to justify a thought you’re having about yourself and your place in the world. And it’s that thought, your thought, that’s making you upset. For example, if someone is rude to you, it may make you feel powerless (you can’t do anything about it), devalued (she was rude to you because you’re not worth being nice to), or depressed (people in general are just nasty). All of those emotions will lead to anger (anger is the next step on the emotional scale), which is what being offended is all about: the feeling that you’ve somehow been diminished, causing you to get defensive and angry.

3.)    Know that every person you come in contact with is a match to you at that very moment. They are simply mirroring something that’s going on inside of you. You actually elicited that very behavior from them in that moment. You don’t believe that people are rude because people have been rude to you. People have been rude to you because you believe that people are rude. It is your belief that is causing you to have the experience you’re having. You are literally creating events to be offended by.

4.)    Remember that the more you push against something and the more you focus on it, the more of it you’ll get in your life. If you’re offended by inconsiderate drivers and you spend a lot of time bitching about them, you’re probably experiencing a lot of jerks in traffic each day. You’re not going to get rid of them (out of your reality) by continuing to complain about them. Change your focus, stop hating the bad drivers, and the bad drivers will disappear.

5.)    Begin by evaluating events from your past that were offensive to you.  Ask yourself why you find that behavior so offensive. Chances are, your answer will be something like “Because it’s just wrong”, “Because it’s disgusting”, or “It just is”. Most of the things that offend us don’t actually hurt anyone (aside from causing offense, which we’ve already established isn’t actually real.) By being offended, you gave the other person or offending party WAY too much power. Other people can’t intrude into your reality if you don’t let them. It’s your reality and you create it. The trick is to figure out how to do it consciously and not let all you unconscious vibrations create it for you. The idea is to stop reacting blindly and evaluate if the thought behind the reaction is serving you. Let’s say you’re offended by mothers who breastfeed in public (apparently 55% of all Americans are offended by this.) Why? Seriously. Most people who find this inappropriate have a bit of an issue with the naked human body. They find the whole thing disgusting, including their own. Because finding yourself inappropriate feels horrible (your inner being vehemently disagrees with you), every time they think these thoughts, they feel awful. They associate the breastfeeding mother with these horrible feelings and blame her, but it’s really the way they’re choosing to look at the issue and themselves that’s causing their reaction.

6.)    Let it go. You have a choice here – you don’t have to be offended, you don’t have to have the thoughts that you do, and you don’t have to live your life in search of the next douchebag who will do something you can rail against. You can choose to look at the issue in a different way. You’ve probably never evaluated why certain things offend you. They just do. Perhaps you grew up that way, or you modeled your behavior after someone you respected. If you can’t come up with a really good reason why something actually has the power to hurt you, just let it go. Let other people be, and focus on creating a reality where you only see the things that make you feel good (hint: you do that by feeling good about your current reality first and that nirvana will arrive.)

7.)    Once you’ve evaluated and cleared some of your past hurts, practice changing your perspective in the moment, before you have the chance to get offended. Someone cuts you off in traffic and you can feel yourself starting to get hot under the collar. But you catch yourself and change perspective. A favorite of mine is to imagine that the guy who cut me off is on his way to the hospital to visit his sick child. He’s in a panic and frantically trying to get there as fast as he can. If that were the case and I knew that, I’d easily forgive that driver his transgressions. Why not forgive him anyway? Being offended doesn’t make the situation better. It doesn’t make him NOT cut me off. All it does is put me in a foul mood. What’s the point of that?

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.