SPIRITUAL: TRYING TO ACCEPT WHAT IS

We create our problems by wanting things, or people, to be different

Have you ever stopped to think that we create our own problems by the simple strategy of wanting things to be different to how they actually are?

We want other people to be different (especially our partners!), we want situations to be different, we want ourselves to be different. And they, and we, can't be other than what we are. It is like wanting the weather to be different. But the weather is what it is. We can accept it and enjoy however it is, or we can complain about it and make ourselves feel miserable. But anyway, it is not going to change the weather, is it? And yet this is what we are doing every time we have a complaint about something (which, let’s be honest, is quite often). We may as well be bashing our heads against a wall.

The other thing we never consider, is that it is actually disrespectful to want to change things, especially others. In a subtle, unconscious way, we are saying we know better than the other what is good for them, and this naturally creates a wall of resistance. In a relationship, it is like taking on the role of a parent and diminishing the other into the role of a child. Is it any wonder we get negative reactions from the other, even though we are convinced we are acting in the best intentions?

And in fact, if we are really honest, our intentions are always in our own interest. If we really respected the other, we would accept them as they are, we would dignify them by letting them decide how to live their own lives, even if it doesn’t fit with our ideas. Even if they are on a path of self-destruction, it is their decision.

And anyway, what right, what business, do we have to assume we can interfere in someone else’s life? And it is the same with ourselves – wanting ourself to be different is like saying to existence that we know better. And this creates such a tension in us. It is like saying to Picasso that one of his paintings is wrong – the nose should be different, the shape of the body, the colour of the eyes, etc.

We are all unique - we are all unrepeatable, incomparable masterpieces of existence. If existence has so much respect for us, who are we to question ourselves? But of course we do it all the time. And that is how we make our lives miserable.

Acceptance, is not resignation. It is enjoying, celebrating ourselves and others as the utterly unique, and imperfect, beings that we are. And that is the basis of much of my work. It has often been said that the issues we group leaders choose to work with are in fact our very own issues. For sure, that is the case with me. Forget about self love – my self acceptance was so low at one point in my life that I was suicidal – I could no longer see the point of getting up each morning. I now wake up with a huge ‘thank you’ to existence .

The only difference between me and you is, you don't say okay to yourself and I have said an absolute okay to myself - that is the only difference. You are continuously trying to improve yourself, and I am not trying to improve myself. I have said: Incompletion is the way life is. You are trying to become perfect and I have accepted my imperfections. That is the only difference. So I don't have any problems. When you accept your imperfection, from where can the problem come? When whatsoever happens you say "It is okay," then from where can the problem come? When you accept limitations, then from where can the problem come? The problem arises out of your non-acceptance. You cannot accept the way you are, hence the problem. I have accepted the way I am, and that very moment all problems disappeared. That very moment all worries disappeared. Not that I became perfect, but I started enjoying my imperfections’.

From the moment I decided to test this concept, it changed my whole attitude towards my ‘problems’. I confess it was not easy for me to sit down and examine the things that my mind was continually chewing on. My mind much preferred to run on and on with all its fears and worries. But the interesting thing was that, once I managed to crystallize the issue – to pin down what was really going on, and what was the worst thing that could go wrong – suddenly it was no more a problem.

However, the mind is incredibly persistent. It needs ‘problems’ to chew on, and the more complicated, the better. In fact, the mind can make a problem out of anything, can’t it? It is really ingenious. So you dissolve one, and immediately the mind starts searching for another.

When I realize I am in the middle of a major mind-fuck, the trick I learned  is to say, ‘This is the mind’. Just like that, without any judgment, condemnation or fight. This simple statement of fact never fails to bring me instantly into the present moment, with a deep and relaxing inhalation. Then I realize I have the choice – I can go on being absorbed in the ‘problem’, unconsciously getting involved with all the fears and projections my mind is creating, or I can have a very direct and clear look at the facts of the situation. What is the actual ‘problem’? Is it real? Would it necessarily be a problem for anyone else, or is it just a problem for my ego? And the beauty of being honest with yourself, and looking clearly and directly, is that the answer is always there in the situation itself.

In my experience, it takes courage to question and look at a problem from a different perspective, it is much easier to stay in an unconscious complaint about it. It also takes courage to accept the reality of a situation and its inherent solution – it is usually not what the ego wants to see and hear.

And, we are very attached to our problems – in a way they are part of our identity. Who would we be without our problems? But the rewards of dropping this unconscious identification are immediate. The deep inner relaxation that comes with acceptance and understanding brings space and new eyes to see everything afresh. To see that life is simple and easy when you go with the flow, when you stop fighting for things to be different from what they are.

LOVE: LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH

In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song called, “All You Need is Love.” He also beat both of his wives, abandoned one of his children, verbally abused his gay Jewish manager with homophobic and anti-semitic slurs, and once had a camera crew film him lying naked in his bed for an entire day.

Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails wrote a song called “Love is Not Enough.” Reznor, despite being famous for his shocking stage performances and his grotesque and disturbing videos, abstained from all drugs and alcohol, married one woman, had two children with her, and then cancelled entire albums and tours so that he could stay home and be a good husband and father.

One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of them did not. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of them was not.

In our culture, many of us idealize love. We see it as some lofty cure-all for all of life’s problems. Our movies and our stories and our history all celebrate it as life’s ultimate goal, the final solution for all of our pain and struggle. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price.

When we believe that “all we need is love,” then like Lennon, we’re more likely to ignore fundamental values such as respect, humility and commitment towards the people we care about. After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all the other stuff — all of thehard stuff?

But if, like Reznor, we believe that “love is not enough,” then we understand that healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions. We understand that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love. And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values.

The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us. These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. Allow me to illustrate:

Love does not equal compatibility. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness.

That may sound paradoxical, but it’s true.

When I think of all of the disastrous relationships I’ve seen... many (or most) of them were entered into on the basis of emotion — they felt that “spark” and so they just dove in head first. Forget that he was a born-again Christian alcoholic and she was an acid-dropping bisexual necrophiliac. It just felt right.

And then six months later, when she’s throwing his shit out onto the lawn and he’s praying to Jesus twelve times a day for her salvation, they look around and wonder, “Gee, where did it go wrong?”

The truth is, it went wrong before it even began.

When dating and looking for a partner, you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry popsicles. But you also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you…well, as the ski instructor from South Park once said, you’re going to have a bad time.

Love does not solve your relationship problems. My ex girlfriend Melissa were madly in love with each other.And every time we fought, we’d come back to each other the next day and make up and remind each other how crazy we were about one another and that none of those little things matter because we’re omg sooooooo in love and we’ll find a way to work it out and everything will be great, just you wait and see. Our love made us feel like we were overcoming our issues, when on a practical level, absolutely nothing had changed.

As you can imagine, none of our problems got resolved. The fights repeated themselves. The arguments got worse We were both self-absorbed to the point where we couldn’t even communicate that effectively. Hours and hours talking on the phone with nothing actually said. Looking back, there was no hope that it was going to last. Yet we kept it up for three fucking years!

After all, love conquers all, right?

Unsurprisingly, that relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg being doused in jet fuel. The break up was ugly. And the big lesson I took away from it was this:while love may make you feel better about your relationship problems, it doesn’t actually solve any of your relationship problems.

The roller coaster of emotions can be intoxicating, each high feeling even more important and more valid than the one before, but unless there’s a stable and practical foundation beneath your feet, that rising tide of emotion will eventually come and wash it all away.

Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person and their needs as well.

But the question that doesn’t get asked often enough is exactly what are you sacrificing, and is it worth it?

In loving relationships, it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another. I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great.

But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us, and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we once were.

One of the oldest pieces of relationship advice in the book is, “You and your partner should be best friends.” Most people look at that piece of advice in the positive: I should spend time with my partner like I do my best friend; I should communicate openly with my partner like I do with my best friend; I should have fun with my partner like I do with my best friend.

But people should also look at it in the negative: Would you tolerate your partner’s negative behaviors in your best friend?

Amazingly, when we ask ourselves this question honestly, in most unhealthy andcodependent relationships, the answer is “no.”

I know a young woman who just got married. She was madly in love with her husband. And despite the fact that he had been “between jobs” for more than a year, showed no interest in planning the wedding, often ditched her to take surfing trips with his friends, and her friends and family raised not-so-subtle concerns about him, she happily married him anyway.

But once the emotional high of the wedding wore off, reality set in. A year into their marriage, he’s still “between jobs,” he trashes the house while she’s at work, gets angry if she doesn’t cook dinner for him, and any time she complains he tells her that she’s “spoiled” and “arrogant.” Oh, and he still ditches her to take surfing trips with his friends.

And she got into this situation because she ignored all three of the harsh truths above. She idealized love. Despite being slapped in the face by all of the red flags he raised while dating him, she believed that their love signaled relationship compatibility. It didn’t. When her friends and family raised concerns leading up to the wedding, she believed that their love would solve their problems eventually. It didn’t. And now that everything had fallen into a steaming shit heap, she approached her friends for advice on how she could sacrifice herself even more to make it work.

And the truth is, it won’t.

Why do we tolerate behavior in our romantic relationships that we would never ever, ever tolerate in our friendships?

Imagine if your best friend moved in with you, trashed your place, refused to get a job or pay rent, demanded you cook dinner for them, and got angry and yelled at you any time you complained. That friendship would be over faster than Paris Hilton’s acting career.

Or another situation: a man’s girlfriend who was so jealous that she demanded passwords to all of his accounts and insisted on accompanying him on his business trips to make sure he wasn’t tempted by other women. His life was practically under 24/7 surveillance and you could see it wearing on his self-esteem. His self-worth dropped to nothing. She didn’t trust him to do anything. So he quit trusting himself to do anything.

Yet he stays with her! Why? Because he’s in love!

Remember this: The only way you can fully enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love.

You can fall in love with a wide variety of people throughout the course of your life. You can fall in love with people who are good for you and people who are bad for you. You can fall in love in healthy ways and unhealthy ways. You can fall in love when you’re young and when you’re old. Love is not unique. Love is not special. Love is not scarce.

But your self-respect is. So is your dignity. So is your ability to trust. There can potentially be many loves throughout your life, but once you lose your self-respect, your dignity or your ability to trust, they are very hard to get back.

Love is a wonderful experience. It’s one of the greatest experiences life has to offer. And it is something everyone should aspire to feel and enjoy.

But like any other experience, it can be healthy or unhealthy. Like any other experience, it cannot be allowed to define us, our identities or our life purpose. We cannot let it consume us. We cannot sacrifice our identities and self-worth to it. Because the moment we do that, we lose love and we lose ourselves.

Because you need more in life than love. Love is great. Love is necessary. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough.

VIDEO: Masaru Emoto's Rice Experiment

LOVE: LIFE LESSON'S ON LOVE

This is one of my favorite stories of all time and a place where I can look back and watch my life change.  All in a single moment.

Grab a coffee, sit back and join me for a ride on the life lesson train.

Let me start by saying that I love asking people about their most embarrassing moments.  Not only is it entertaining for me, but I am able to learn so much about a person from their stories about  “falling” out of their comfort zone and their temporary humiliation – usually, all with a smile on their face.

I, however, was born a wee bit of a klutz, so some people’s most embarrassing moments are just “Daily Alex Moments.”  If there is a drink I will spill it; a rock, I will trip over it.  Let’s just say I gave up wearing white years ago.

So when people ask me about my most embarrassing moment, I always look at it a little differently than most.  For me, it is not about spilling or tripping, but about times where I was less than my best with people I care about.  This one is a doozy.

I got sick one week.  It was a pretty stressful time for me and my body was taking the brunt of it. My girl friend at at that time...Joanne came over to take care of me..to this day, I don’t remember what exactly she said, but whatever it was it made me so upset that I slammed down the cherry container spraying cherries everywhere and said some mean things..

I was instantly horrified by my actions I could not believe what I had done.  I could not believe that I could treat a woman like that who drove to see me.I heard the stairs creaking underneath her feet as she made her way to my room.  A wave of nausea came over me.  As she walked into the room, I was crying too hard to even stutter out a “I’m so, so, so sorry.”  I just sat there sobbing, face red, nose running, paralyzed.

She looked over at me, smiled, walked towards me and hugged me in a way that I knew she wasn’t letting go for awhile.  Then she said, “I shouldn’t have said that, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

I instantly started crying more and the flood gates opened.  I started babbling through the tears and confessing about how I was a horrible person. She pulled away from me, put her hands on my shoulders and smiled. She then said something that would change me forever.  “I love you Alex and not just the good stuff.  I love the good stuff, the bad stuff and everything in between.  I love the whole Alex package.”

At that moment I felt it.  True unconditional love.  It was amazing.

Looking back, I realize now that up until that moment I always thought love had conditions. I thought I needed to look my best, be on my best behavior and aim for perfect to be loved.  I mean who would want to love my flaws? There were plenty.  However, Alex taught me that day when you get past the beginning stuff and the “real” you shows up (which it is going to end up doing anyway) that is where the real love exists.  It is not about only the good stuff, but about the whole package.

Life is a constant learning process for me and I am the last person to say I have the answers, but I will tell you that I have learned that in this crazy journey there is always a whole package, whether you see it right away or not.  I hear a lot of men joke about finding their princess, but secretly in the back of their minds I know they’re hoping she exists,.  But here is something that I have been contemplating lately: I love the rush of a crush.  The excitement of new romance.  The breath stopping need for passion. But what I’ve learned is the love that shows up later is the most satisfying. 

POETRY: YOU ARE MY WOMAN

I know we've never met,but one day we certainly will.We'll gaze into each other's eyes,as the world seems to stand still.The first time we talk it will seem,as if we knew each other a lifetime.Up my ladder of love,you will surely climb.So I thank you in advance,for the new life you'll bring me.For the love you'll teach me,and the gorgeous couple we'll be. For the kids we'll have, and the memories we'll share, Especially for always letting me know, In my time of need, you're there. When I call out your name,you'll stand right by my side. Always keeping your arms,warm, loving, and wide.




Woman:    
I have loved you, I love you and I will love you.    
Allow me to drink in your mouth the elixir of life.    
Allow me to enter in your being's depth    
and to be what I have always wanted to be.
Allow me to feel in you the presence of God.  

Woman:    
Do you remember?    
That time when I gave you a kiss    
for the first time,
as you sweat and your body trembled    
in the face of my impetuosity and audacity.
and yet I wanted to feel your trembling.

Woman:    
I have loved you and I will love you.
God willing (or not)
we can share sweaty kisses in another sky.  
I only know that you are only for me!    

Woman:
Who has not said that to see oneself in your eyes    
is similar to traveling to the infinite
and to feel the warmth of the home of the Almighty    
saying welcome to me, to all who know to appreciate  
the beauty of those eyes,    
the glance of an instant, the wonder of life.    

Woman:    
I love you, I have loved you and I will love you!




2

Today i saw a face, not just any face, your face:
pure unadulterated beauty.
A face that has haunted me for what seems like a thousand years.
A face that has kept me warm during the coldest of winters
and cool in the flames of summer!
This face touches me deeper than anyone has ever cared to drill.
This face has brought me up from the abyss
to a light that shines bright like the sun!
Because of this face I know love with no boundaries.
When I saw this face I knew love beyond doubt.
Today I saw your face.


3

Her face glows with exuberance,
with hair that flows to unknown reaches.
Her eyes burn into your soul without forgiveness,
and her mouth,
oh, a sweet mouth,
that could echo the joys for which I yearn.
Her skin shines the richest gold,
and her nose smells the sweetest scent.

This angelic creature is what I stare at,
consuming my inner being.
As the world around me crumbles...
The seas boil,
and the fire of God falls from the sky.
The birds no longer sing,
and my heart no longer beats.

But her face remains,
bright as the North Star,
etched in the recesses of my mind.
If only I had said something to her,
that day when the sun still shone,
I might not be here,
caught in this flow of lava,
in which slowly I sink.
Alone.


4


With every touch-
we make love.
whether it be-
our hands-
our bodies-
our lips.
Together-
we fit so perfectly.
Physically
and emotionally.
every moment
every breath
every heartbeat
is for you.
you're my other half-
as I am yours.
miraculously-
stepping on a path of broken glass
finally-
finding you in a bed of roses.
My heart skips a beat-
as my eyes take you in.
your mysteriousness
your love
runs all through me.
every vein
every nerve
becomes sharpened
I take you in
with a single breath
holding in 'til
you've reached my heart.
the door is open-
you wander inside.
unaware of where you are
and what an impact you've made.
you decide to stay.
you find it intriquing
and why wouldn't you
in a world of security
in a world of trust
in a world of love
alone at night
i would dream of this world
on that one star that stood out
thinking it was alone.
so i'd somehow feel comfort
but it wasn't alone
nor was it a star.
it was you
waiting patiently in the heavens
for that one girl to wish
for you every night
when you finally felt her passion and devotion
the heavens released you
falling helplessly
i awaited your arrival with open arms


5

When darkness falls and the earth grows still
The moon will begin to rise,
The candles of heaven will begin to burn
And the angel will close her eyes.

As the crickets call throughout the night
The angel will slowly begin to drift asleep
The crickets sing her a lullabye
And in her mind, dreams will creep.

With her head raised upon a pillow, which we both will share,
I will pull the covers over her body to keep her warm,
I will kiss her goodnight with such gentle care.
I will hold her gently so nightmares will do no harm.

As she sleeps throughtout the thickening night
The candles of heaven will continue to shine.
Staying awake and watching her dream
I will whisper to thank God that she is mine.

As she sleeps and dreams her happy dreams
I will stay awake and watch her sleep,
For if the covers should fall off of her
Who else would be there to cover her feet?

As she sleeps she seems so fragile
So I am careful not to cause her to wake.
I do not want to disturb her when she sleeps
For she seems like fragile glass which will easily break.

The earth will be silent and the earth will be still
And the crickets, they will sing,
And candles of heaven will burn through the night
When my angel sleeps.

POETRY: TO LIVE IS TO LONG FOR YOU

We've seen each other once and yet I can picture you so clearly,
deep down in the mist of my soul I feel you here with me.
Each time we talk together on the phone,
and share our fantasy thrill,
I bond together with you more but I don't know if it's real.
I don't want to rush into something that
I'm not to sure could be and be disappointed...
if your feelings are different toward me.
So I continue to wonder and build up this lust,
(or is it love?) I have for you,
and carry on the conversations that we've carried on before.
And  hope that someday soon, one of us will score.


2

You have taken the winds away from me
With words that calmed the storm of my life.
You brought me within the proximity of your reach
And smoothly chased the solitude away.
An unbridled passion, adorned with golden dreams,
Replaces loneliness my mind has long forsaken.
And being condemned to missing knowledge of life
The knowledge of your love redeemed the loss.
Then my heart, like the eyes of an eagle,
Truly, passionately seeks and finds you.
Doubts, anyway, aren?t a comparison to my strong love
For you're the only anchor of my soul.


3

I've been watching you
     I lack the courage to tell
Never had a chance
     to show you how I feel
I've been eyeing you
     wishing you'll one day be mine
A secret kept
     deep in my heart I dream about you

See you walk down the street
     keeps my temperature rising high
Gradually losing my mind
     for keeping this secret in my mind
This love is growing strong
     can't get you out of my head
Your rescue I aspire
     telling me you feel the same way too

Mountains of lust
     fantasy stronger than a crush
Wilderness of pleasures
     ecstasy of love fills my heart
Wish you had a clue
     multitude of feelings burning in me
You're changing me
     the secret crush...is crushing me.



4

To live is to long for, and I long for you
    Look in my eyes and you'll see,
    they will be my truest measure of myself to you
    for my mouth, can hide
    as well as yours, words of fire that only burn.
    yet your eyes are as deep as the ocean blue
    reflecting the starlight upon its surface
    with sparks of etherial beauty, every now and then
    like an angel of light, lost in this world that isn't true
    and your hair gleams with the subtle warmth of a golden sun
    with a wild streak or redness that burns for fun
    as subtle as an autum dusk setting into night.
    And every now and then, when my eyes see you near,
    a warm flutter strikes my midchest
    but when you turn your head and glance at the rest
    my flutter turns into a restless flame
    for now I can surely, know to myself
    my feeling to you, are above the best.

LOVE: SHE WAS A STUNNING MYSTERY

I admit,I was afraid to love.Not just love,but to love her.For she was a stunning mystery. She carried things deep inside her that no one has yet to understand, and I, I was afraid to fail, like the others. She was the ocean and i was just a boy who loved the waves but was completely terrified to swim.Her eyes carried a certain kind of silence that begged to be understood and i felt as if i was a scientist, staring with eager, feverant eyes into galaxies that have not yet had the chance to be named' “It's funny. No matter how hard you try, you can't close your heart forever. And the minute you open it up, you never know what's going to come in. But when it does, you just have to go for it! Because if you don't, there's not point in being here.

Every step you take, a million doors open in front of you like poppies; your next step closes them, and another million bloom. You get on a train, you pick up a lamp, you speak, you don’t. What decides why one thing gets picked to be the way it will be? Accident? Fate? Some weakness in ourselves? Forget your harps, your tin-foil angels—the only heaven worth having would be the heaven of answers


 People speak of fate and meetings of chance. Finding of soul mates and love at first glance.
Alignment of planets. Shooting stars up above. Fullness of the moon and pairs of white doves. I've never taken stock in these symbols and signs. But having met you proved I'd been blind. Poets write of hearts eternal devotion. Flames of desire and new found emotion. Love ever lasting a lifetime of bliss. Heaven here on Earth the passion of a kiss. I've never found valid these words foolishly penned. then you graced my presence and proved me wrong again. Singers sing of heartache and the one that got away. Internal emptiness pain that still remains. Missed opportunities the hollowness of night. Paths that never cross timing that wasn't right. I never dreamed those songs could ever ring so true. Until I thought of life without ever knowing you

I need a soul mate so that I can be who I am, naked. I want there to be someone who picks up my heavy, bleeding heart and takes it somewhere safe and warm.


The problem about cutting out the best of your heart and giving it to people, is that 1. It hurts to do that; and 2. You never know if they are going to throw it away or not. But then you should still do it. Because any other way is cowardice. At the end of the day, it's about being brave and we are only haunted by the ghosts that we trap within ourselves; we are not haunted by the ghosts that we let out. We are haunted by the ghosts that we cover and hide. So you let those ghosts out in that best piece of your heart that you give to someone. And if the other person throws it away? Or doesn't want it to begin with? Someone else will come along one day, cut out from his/her heart that exact same jagged shape that you cut out of your own heart, and make their piece of heart fit into the rest of yours. Wait for that person. And you can fill their missing piece with your soul


I know it’s unexplainable because I barely know you, but being with you makes me feel good inside and happy. I’ve never had that. When I see you, I feel like I’m home. Like we’re pieces of a puzzle that have finally come together. And . . . and I think being happy isn’t about the big moments, like when you graduate from college or get that job you’ve been wanting. It’s the small moments that take your breath away and make you truly happy, like the first time you see your newborn’s face or . . . or when you meet someone who could be your soulmate

DATING: THE DATING SCENE IS SCREWED UP

How many men have ever felt hot ? Ever felt wanted by women ? Ever felt desired by women ?

Apart from the top 1% of guys...99% of men are oblivious to women.

The reason being is because most men can never compete with women in terms of desirability. Women are FAR more appealing to men, than men are to women. Whereas men, if they aren’t gifted with stellar good looks, need some sort of external display of success to get any type of love from a woman. It’s an imbalance that causes death and suicide in many men in this society; because without money or status, most men can never hope to ever get love from a decent woman in this society.

Notice that I said DECENT right ? When I say decent, I am talking about the kind of woman that you can marry: Chaste, In good shape, with a pleasant personality. These women drive a hard bargain in this society

Most men will NEVER know what it is to have a beautiful, high-quality woman, and most have just given up trying. Most women can never make up their mind as to what they want until they aren’t worth a damn themselves. Women know that men have a hard time finding mates in this society, and play their options to the fullest. Hell, in this society, even a damn average woman thinks that she’s a dime-piece deserving of the finest of men…Pathetic.

The problem is that too damn many women think this way, to the point where they think that they can SNUB men who are TRULY on their level. Most women have no clue as to what level they are on because men will F**K anything

Not because we want to

WE HAVE TO !!

Women have starved the supply of sex out to only the chosen few.

There is no balance and all, and many men in this society suffer for it. Like I said, the worst travesty in this society was giving women absolute power in the mating game, because by doing so, most men will never know what it is to even experience love from a woman; as women have far too many options, and the men have far too few. Therefore, the men have to take what they can get in order to have companionship at all.

My advice to other men who may be reading this : In order to combat this rampant problem, you better make yourself into an island, one that isn’t dependent on anyone else for companionship but YOU. Because, if you allow yourself to become solely dependent upon a woman for love, you will find yourself in a pine box.


 -OKCupid: Women consider 80% of men to be below average attractiveness

-CNN's interview with Lori Gottlieb

Gottlieb: ... I did talk to hundreds of men and women, single and married, for this book, in addition to the researchers and scientists. Talking to men was eye-opening. Men and women were asked, if they [had] any deal-breakers for going on a second date, what would those be? And men named three. If she's cute enough ... warm and kind ... and interesting enough to talk to, she gets a second date. Men are not going, "Am I going to marry her?" Men are like, "Do I want to spend another two hours with her?"

CNN: How did women respond?

Gottlieb: Women named 300 things that would be deal-breakers for a second date. We're talking a second date, another two hours with the person.

WHAT THE FUCK?



-Women want "jerks", "bad boys", etc

There's plenty of research showing that women find strong, confident, high-status men to be more attractive. One of my favorite examples is this study out of the University of Liverpool.

We gave to male participants either an aerosol spray containing a formulation of fragrance and antimicrobial agents or an otherwise identical spray that lacked these active ingredients. Over several days, we found effects between treatment groups on psychometric self-confidence and self-perceived attractiveness. Furthermore, although there was no difference between groups in mean attractiveness ratings of men's photographs by a female panel, the same women judged men using the active spray as more attractive in video-clips, suggesting a behavioral difference between the groups.



-The culture at large is uncertain about what it wants from its men. We give a lot of mixed messages. We say, on the one hand, that fathers are so important. At the same time, we say that fathers are optional. Many women seem to want men that are confident and have a strong sense of themselves. At the same time, they are put off by too much masculine, authoritativeness. I think a lot of men react to these mixed signals by retreating into themselves, becoming passive and reluctant and often waiting for women to make the first move.



 A lot of men are frustrated at the seemingly impenetrable wall of finding the love and intimacy they desire and have just decided that it's not worth the effort any more. They don't have the confidence/knowledge/experience to attract women, because all their lives they were given the really bad advice "just be a really nice guy, treat her like a princess.  Its been my experience that its just endless frustration for the off chance that you might get lucky and find someone who is realistic with their expectations. the fact that hookup culture generally only benefits the top 30% of males. This is a clear indication of how a large portion of the male population is being discriminated against and subsequently being left behind, which shows an obvious pattern of unrealistic expectations. It also shows how women are essentially able to "trade up" in terms of men of higher physical attractiveness and socioeconomic status.



The truth is, without the need for a beta provider male nowadays, most women can party it up in their 20's and enjoy life without having to worry about settling down, until their looks start to decay aroud 30.

Have you heard of the Lorenz curve? The same thing is happening in the sexual marketplace as is happening in the economic marketplace. The rich are getting richer. Women have less and less need for the bottom of the totem pole betas.

It kind disgusts me that this is the case. We're basically telling an entire generation of beta males(arguably a significant portion of the male population), that they're basically worthless. I dread to see how this will affect society in later years.


Woman  have now acquired a taste for alphas, and, while alphas might fuck them, they're not going to marry them. A woman in her 20s can screw above her weight class, by making it obligation-free, but she cannot marry out of her league.

Women mistake the casual sex market for the relationship market. In the causal sex market, women have inflated value, because more guys want NSA hookups than women do. In the marriage market, no such factor exists.

So a woman who is, say, a 5, can ride a steady train of 7 and 8 cock throughout her twenties, but when she hits 32 and decides her ovaries want a baby, the 7s and 8s aren't even returning her calls. They are either married to female 7s and 8s, or they are banging 5s and 6s younger than her (like, still in their twenties).

Male erections are common, and therefore cheap. Male commitment is not common, and therefore not cheap.

But women, rationalization hamsters busily spinning in their little rationalization wheels, are unwilling to acknowledge that the commitment market and the sex market are different markets.

Therefore, when they hit 30, they will either insist on males as self-assured, successful, and /or socially dominant ("alpha") as they are used to, and wind up "forever alone"... or they will lower their standards eventually.

But when they do, they will find that even the betas aren't biting. Many betas, burned repeatedly, will either learn to imitate alpha traits to the point that they make themselves more attractive and can get better women in the commitment market and/or steady action in the hookup market. Others will have sworn off relationships altogether. Still others will have married import girls from Thailand, or the Ukraine, or the Philippines, or other cultures where women haven't been spoiled rotten.

In any case, women are going to find that, for the 35-year-old versions of themselves, there is a desperately short supply of commitment-ready cock.

In the language of economics, the vagina bubble is starting to burst. The market in vaginas is about to crash. If you are invested in one, sell now. If you own one, get readily to pay for your own damn food, and suck a lot of cock.



It dawned on me yesterday how much I hate dating. It’s basically conducting interviews with a person who, for whatever reason, seems to be interviewing you for a similar position. I interview enough people on a regular basis as it is, I don’t need any more work.

POETRY: YOU HAVE FULFILLED MY LIFE

She is so beautiful,
The way she walks like her feet are never touching the ground,
The way her lips move so delicate and luscious,
The way she brushes her hair back with her fragile hands,
Her hands, oh so sweet, just waiting to be caressed,
I could get lost in her eyes forever,
Whenever i am in her presence i am in perfect happiness,
She lights up my heart like a lantern on a stormy night,
She is my one and only,
She is my love.

2

A vision of beauty.
A vision of the night.
I was lost in your trance,
hidden from the light.
With a heart as dark
as a moonless night,
you preyed upon me
with pure delight.
In a deadly embrace
you held me tight,
and stole my heart
that fateful night


3

When I wake up in the morning if you are not there beside me -
I run to the phone to hear your voice
I cannot start my day without you...

I go about my day not really living -
only going through the motions, until I am with you -
Than I am alive...

It's knowing the two of us have become
one mind, one heart, one life...
Were Together...In Love...

When we are apart I am only surving as half
until I am with you -
Than I am whole again...

Everyone goes through life searching for that one person
who makes you feel whole, ends your sentences,
and finishes your thoughts.  
That person who brings the last piece of happiness to your world.

I've found that person... In You...
You have fulfilled my life...



4

the reflections
in the mirror
she sees
are they real
or fantasies
lines showing
from years of age
beauty queen
from a magazine page
she stands there looking
for the longest time
maybe even wondering
if she's still mine
if she only knew
what I already see
love's reflections
in her eyes
which are me...




5



The wind whispers your name
The sun and the moon rise in your eyes
I want to touch you 
with the gentlness I'm feeling inside

To hold you close and feel your heartbeat 
as you whisper sonnets, softly, into my ear 
Discovering truth, with miles to go 
before I sleep

To take your soul safe and sheltered 
through a rainbow which leads us to fate
And when Dawn breaks, the warmth of your skin 
is that of the sunlight which pours into my spirit

JOURNAL: HAVING YOUR HEART BROKEN

In the college, I thought I had found the woman I would spend the rest of my life with...Valerie. We held hands at every possible moment.  We went out on dates to the movies, we went out to dinner. We had been dating for a year, when I found out that she had to stay another year in college.  We broke up, I did what most boys do, I blocked it out of my head and moved on  At that age, I thought that was what heartbreak was, to have something, and for it to be taken away from you, 

 I would soon find myself in my most serious relationship during my residency, and I think back to her, but today, my opinion of love is much different than it was on that day.  It’s changed dramatically.  I used to think that I was wired differently than most men.  I was always trying to find love at a young age.  I blame 90210, Party of Five and Friends for that too.  And then one day, I met a girl and I thought I had found perfection.

She wasn’t perfect to everyone, she was perfect to me.  She had her imperfections, but I thought she was everything that I wanted in a girl.You see when she breaks your heart, you should just rip it out and give it to her.  It’s never going to be the same.  You may love again.  You may convince yourself that you love again.  But men, we just don’t work that way.  After that initial heartbreak, we look for a girlfriend, wifey, a wife, or mother to our children. But you’ll hear very few men say “the love of my life” and actually mean it.  I’m clear, a man will only get one chance to truly be deeply in love with a woman. So yes, that’s my advice, rip out your heart and give it to that girl who breaks your heart because it’s never going to be the same again.  Think about it like sex, sex is great, but it’s nothing like virgin sex.

She’s going to take your self-esteem.  She’ll disturb you emotionally.  Some men won’t admit to crying, but they might admit to being emotionally disturbed.  When you love someone, it doesn’t go away the second that person tells you that they don’t love you.  It stays there and it takes a long time to deal with those feelings. You’ll never get over her, and the proof is, because you’ll always compare everyone after her to her.  So if you’re wondering who that girl is for you, it’s that one that you compare everyone else to.  It’s that one that your friends say, “That was 9 years ago, man!”  It’s her.

We all do some things that we’re not proud of in this time.  We make promises that we won’t keep, we hurt the people who care for us when we don’t care for ourselves.  We lose the ability to care.  We’re emotionally drained, we’re heartless.  The men who will tell you they’ve never had their heartbroken are lying or they’re waiting. Don’t date a guy who’s heart hasn’t been broken in.  Their heart is like a glow stick, it doesn’t shine the right way until it’s broken.  He’ll end up with two alternatives for women, either he finds the one that he thinks fills all his requirements for a wife, or the one that he doesn’t want to let go because he doesn’t see another one like her coming.

Of course that ex will have control over him forever, and that’s okay.  We’re adults we can deal with those people in our lives.  I said earlier that there’s no way a man hasn’t had his heartbroken, I’ll take that back.  It’s like the addiction gene, if you don’t have it, then you don’t have it.  You’re better for it.  I don’t have it, I fall in love and sometimes I have to deal with the compromise that “we’re better as friends,” but I move on. I grow into a man who learns to live outside of infatuations or the inferred reality of now.  And in my mind, I think I’m stronger… wiser…  I’m better, much better.

SPIRITUAL: I AM A FIREFLY.....

It goes something like this: I am one person among 6.5 billion people on Earth at the moment. That's one person among 6,500,000,000 people. That'a lot of Wembley Stadiums full of people. And we live on an Earth that is spinning at 67,000 miles an hour through space around a sun that is the centre of our solar system (and our solar system is spinning around the centre of the Milky Way at 530,000 mph). Just our solar system (which is a tiny speck within the entire universe) is very big indeed. If Earth was a peppercorn and Jupiter was a chestnut, you'd have to place them 100 metres apart to get a sense of the real distance between us.

And this universe is only one of many. In fact, the chances are that there are many, many more populated Earths - just like ours - in other universes.

And that's just space.

Have a look at time, too. If you're in for a good run, you may spend 85 years on this Earth. Man has been around for 100,000 years, so you're going to spend just 0.00085 percent of man's history living on this Earth. And Man's stay on Earth has been very short in the context of the life of the Earth (which is 4.5 billion years old): if the Earth had been around for the equivalent of a day (with the Big Bang kicking it all off at midnight), humans didn't turn up until 11.59.58 p.m. That means we've only been around for the last two seconds.

A lifetime is gone in a flash. There are relatively few people on this Earth that were here 100 years ago. Just as you'll be gone (relatively) soon.

So, with just the briefest look at the spatial and temporal context of our lives, we are utterly insignificant. As the Perspective Machine lifts up so far above the woods that we forget what the word means, we see just one moving light. It is beautiful. A small, gently glowing light. It is a firefly lost somewhere in the cosmos. And a firefly - on Earth - lives for just one night. It glows beautifully, then goes out.

And up there so high in our Perspective Machine we realize that our lives are really just like that of the firefly. Except the air is full of 6.5 billion fireflies. They're glowing beautifully for one night. Then they are gone.

So, Fuck It, you might as well REALLY glow

We innately know that everything is impermanent that we so desperately cling to it. But cling we do. 

We know that our youth vanishes that we and our loved one will die one day, that whatever we have accumulated can easily be taken away from us, that one day our skills might not be wanted, that a day may come when our love might not be reciprocated. But we go on clinging. 

Everywhere we turn we are faced with impermanence. (..) The more we cling - of course - the more pain we feel as things fade, disappear, die around us.And sometimes the more we cling, the more these things happen. (..) 

The key to being able to let go of all the stuff you're holding on to is knowing that you'll be okay if you don't have it. And that's the truth. You can survive with very little. And though the passing of people and things can be painful, you will survive