Sunday, April 6, 2014
Saturday, April 5, 2014
VIDEO: ONCE UPON A TIME IN TEXAS
ONCE UPON A TIME IN TEXAS by doc39
Of all the Heroes story line...this is my favorite. Once Upon A Time In Texas
Synopsis: Three years in the past Samuel finds Hiro and warns him of the consequences of saving Charlie. But Hiro proceeds, using Sylar to destroy her brain tumour. But Samuel spirits her away and tells Hiro that he won’t get her back unless he helps him. Also in the past Noah considers having an affair with fellow Company agent Lauren. He doesn’t though because he loves his family.
The Good: Heroes tries to capture the magic of season one and of its greatest episode ever (110) as Hiro heads back to a time when the show made sense.
On that basic level this episode worked to capture the attention. By returning to a time which viewers are familiar with the episode does keep you glued to the screen. Though I suspect like me, most fans were wishing that Hiro would accidentally ruin the timeline creating a new future which would be better than the one we have now.
Instead Hiro’s innocent morality is left to carry the episode. On a simple level he remains a sweet and likeable character. I particularly liked the way he told Sylar that he would die alone. He was clearly conning Sylar all along and had no intention of telling him anything relevant about the future. But instead of simply sending Sylar on his way he took the opportunity to point out where Sylar would end up emotionally. Almost urging him to change his ways to avoid the horrific fate of…loneliness. Such is sweet Hiro’s way.
The highlight of the episode was Charlie realising what Hiro’s actions really meant (see Best Moment). It was one of those rare moments when the Heroes writers actually voice the consequences of their characters actions. It was all too fleeting a moment. Hiro emoted his pain and confusion at Samuel’s betrayal well. Samuel too seemed genuinely pained at the murder of Mohiner and whatever else he was up to. He is certainly a more well rounded and plausible villain than Sylar.
The Bad: Lots of little things built up to rob this story of the success it could have had. First and foremost is just the ridiculous idea that you can “manage” the past. Every little thing Hiro did would have radically changed the future. It also seemed odd that Hiro hadn’t thought through how to cure Charlie’s brain tumour. If he loves her that much he should have recalled that detail.
Then there was Sylar’s part in the plot. The producers clearly think that he is the answer to Heroesevery problem. This is the third incarnation of the Sylar character to be featured this season. He really isn’t as intriguing and entertaining as they think he is. Once more the show just looks a bit pathetic with its “fight” scenes which consist of Hiro wheezing back and forth behind Sylar. At least kick Sylar or knock him over or something. Sylar looks like a moron for not just killing Hiro and taking his power when he had the chance or for thinking Hiro would honour the deal when he can change time. And as for his ability to destroy brain tumours…well what can I say? The lack of explanation for how each ability works is poor.
The problem at the core of this story is that Hiro isn’t an interesting character to watch in long stories. He is honourable and likeable but his dialogue is basic as are his emotions. The idea of seeing Samuel put him to work while he pouts and complains isn’t an intriguing prospect. Ditto Mohinder, whose character was changed every half season. Perhaps Samuel killed him because he thought he could do a better job doing the opening voice overs?
Noah’s story seemed irrelevant but I don’t know that for sure (see The Unknown). It certainly felt it and a good example of that was his confrontation with Hiro. It served zero purpose and just screamed “time filler.” I also don’t like the idea of a human going to the Haitian for something so trivial as a bit of heart ache and awkwardness. Losing memories should be portrayed as a horrific event.
The Unknown: The Noah storyline seemed entirely irrelevant. I couldn’t quite put it in “The Bad” because I don’t know if it was entirely useless. It certainly felt meandering as it took place and didn’t seem to have any relevance to his current predicament in our present. He did reveal his desire to teach English but unless Heroes is about to go in a very dull direction I don’t think we will see him quoting Shakespeare again soon. His almost-affair story felt like a way to pad out the trip to the past and if so it was a shame. Particularly as Lauren was one of the few Heroes supporting characters who seemed like a believable, likeable, real person.
So what’s Mohinder been up to?
Best Moment: Charlie’s life has been saved but she isn’t happy. She points out that as lovely as it was for Hiro to save her, he just allowed Sylar to continue on his path of murder. It’s a fantastic point to bring up and she can see that Hiro is being selfish. If he really wanted to right the wrongs of the world then he should have killed Sylar. Her guilt trip really worked because it suited her morality and Hiro’s naivety so well. Sadly she soon forgave him and seemingly gave up on her misgivings.
FAN: FROM A FAN
I made a commitment. It was really hard, i acknowledged the fact that im terrified of real commitment. Like babies. I worked so hard to pick myself up from a disaster that had a large part to do with someone not honoring their commitment. Im scared of committing, changing my life, giving things up, for someone because I am scared they will not live up to their end of the agreement and leave me with all the work. I always put in more than I recieved. That is so exhausting. It is so scary to think to have a baby with someone, no matter how much love there is . I just have these images of myself alone, broke, with a baby, in a foreign country. But that is my baggage, those images. I need to trust. I need to trust a man, that if he puts a ring on my finger, marries me, shows me everything will be okay, it will be okay. I cant enter a marriage with one foot inside one out. If a good man, an honorable husband asks me to take his hand and trust him, give up work, home, family, independence, country, whatever. I should be able to trust him, trust him to cum inside of me, have his child, trust he will honor his commitment and be a man. Reading your post the other day, made me realize, it is me. I am the problem. I need to let go of this fear of being abandoned in a commitment. I cant be foolish and give things up for a boyfriend, I have to either get married, be fruitful, multiply, and so forth..... or commit myself to work, and a single life.
I will always think about your dick. I will. I may always wonder too. I try not to have regrets in my life alex. I am regretful your dick was never in my pussy in many ways. But i am not sad that i gave my pussy to a man that loved me with all my flaws, debt baggage and all, and who wanted and made a commitment to me, instead of a one time thing. Keep it real Alex, a big part of you was very curious about my pussy. You wanted to try it out, I know you like me in some ways, just like i love you. I see you, maybe you see me too. But it isnt just seeing or getting someone that matters. What matters is to be proud of that person, to walk out the door hand in hand, no matter who says what or thinks what. To tell the world I love this person, I choose this person. I havent had someone in my life for a long time that was just kind to me, giving, undemanding, nonjudgmental. I do now. Maybe I didnt feel these butterflies when we kissed. Maybe I dont believe he is my soulmate . What does that mean? But day one, he was my proud of me, he accepted me, and was sweet to me, and im not afraid to be sweet to him either.
I love you for life Alex. It pains me that you arent fucking a good pussy like you deserve. I know you want to pound into mine, I could make it feel so good for you too. I dont want you to live with regret about not having had it either. And I would normally just do it with you, do your one time thing like you wanted, but I made a commitment. Im kinky and open minded, obviously. but im loyal. Im not perfect, but I am loyal. There are rules that were made, rules about pounding those with emotional attachments, and im not a rule breaker. Im not sneaky either. I had so many people treat me like garbage in the past. I have someone that treats me like a little lost treasure now. It is really nice. It makes me smile. No more tears. I will do the right thing, because anything less is not what I accept of myself. To the man that treats me like a special gift, I will be the woman that I say that I am.
Pussy, real pussy isnt behind your laptop screen, it isnt under your desk, when is the last time you looked under your desk at your house and found a pussy just hanging out there. It isnt in your home, you need to be outside and be where it is. Better pussy is even harder to find. Forget about race, education, and class. Women that are kind, that want to live for someone else other than self. Family, babies, and for husband, and poor children are hard to find. Same as unselfish man, is hard to find. There are even more selfish men than women. Only difference is men can change that attitude because selfishness in men comes from not being exposed or having good pussy. Once they have one they melt into sweet little babies. Women's selfishness doesnt come from lack of good dick, their unkindness is innate and from mothers that didnt teach them to be selfless. Nature and nurture makes a pussy good. A good pussy makes a dick good.You need to only meet kind women.Kind women attract other kind women because we dont like mean ones. We stay away from them.If you go out into the world with a kind woman, you will attract other kind women. Whether you are in a store, a restaurant, a park if you are next to a good pussy kind woman, she will attract other kind decent pussy for you. It doesnt happen over night. Takes a while. Lot of good pussy is taken already. Especially in places other than the city. Hard work, investigation location matters, but it works. I went out everyday and did things for two months before my friend andrew met his wife, we were on line for shakespeare in the park, she was a teacher and I started talking to her about something. Took a while but now he two kids too.You dont like to leave your house. And you dont want to do things with me. You have to if you want pussy. The only men that get pussy without leaving their homes is men that pay for pussy to come to their house. Otherwise you need to go out with your imaginary lasso, everyman has one, and scoop up your pussy and bring her back to your house, only way.
I will always think about your dick. I will. I may always wonder too. I try not to have regrets in my life alex. I am regretful your dick was never in my pussy in many ways. But i am not sad that i gave my pussy to a man that loved me with all my flaws, debt baggage and all, and who wanted and made a commitment to me, instead of a one time thing. Keep it real Alex, a big part of you was very curious about my pussy. You wanted to try it out, I know you like me in some ways, just like i love you. I see you, maybe you see me too. But it isnt just seeing or getting someone that matters. What matters is to be proud of that person, to walk out the door hand in hand, no matter who says what or thinks what. To tell the world I love this person, I choose this person. I havent had someone in my life for a long time that was just kind to me, giving, undemanding, nonjudgmental. I do now. Maybe I didnt feel these butterflies when we kissed. Maybe I dont believe he is my soulmate . What does that mean? But day one, he was my proud of me, he accepted me, and was sweet to me, and im not afraid to be sweet to him either.
I love you for life Alex. It pains me that you arent fucking a good pussy like you deserve. I know you want to pound into mine, I could make it feel so good for you too. I dont want you to live with regret about not having had it either. And I would normally just do it with you, do your one time thing like you wanted, but I made a commitment. Im kinky and open minded, obviously. but im loyal. Im not perfect, but I am loyal. There are rules that were made, rules about pounding those with emotional attachments, and im not a rule breaker. Im not sneaky either. I had so many people treat me like garbage in the past. I have someone that treats me like a little lost treasure now. It is really nice. It makes me smile. No more tears. I will do the right thing, because anything less is not what I accept of myself. To the man that treats me like a special gift, I will be the woman that I say that I am.
Pussy, real pussy isnt behind your laptop screen, it isnt under your desk, when is the last time you looked under your desk at your house and found a pussy just hanging out there. It isnt in your home, you need to be outside and be where it is. Better pussy is even harder to find. Forget about race, education, and class. Women that are kind, that want to live for someone else other than self. Family, babies, and for husband, and poor children are hard to find. Same as unselfish man, is hard to find. There are even more selfish men than women. Only difference is men can change that attitude because selfishness in men comes from not being exposed or having good pussy. Once they have one they melt into sweet little babies. Women's selfishness doesnt come from lack of good dick, their unkindness is innate and from mothers that didnt teach them to be selfless. Nature and nurture makes a pussy good. A good pussy makes a dick good.You need to only meet kind women.Kind women attract other kind women because we dont like mean ones. We stay away from them.If you go out into the world with a kind woman, you will attract other kind women. Whether you are in a store, a restaurant, a park if you are next to a good pussy kind woman, she will attract other kind decent pussy for you. It doesnt happen over night. Takes a while. Lot of good pussy is taken already. Especially in places other than the city. Hard work, investigation location matters, but it works. I went out everyday and did things for two months before my friend andrew met his wife, we were on line for shakespeare in the park, she was a teacher and I started talking to her about something. Took a while but now he two kids too.You dont like to leave your house. And you dont want to do things with me. You have to if you want pussy. The only men that get pussy without leaving their homes is men that pay for pussy to come to their house. Otherwise you need to go out with your imaginary lasso, everyman has one, and scoop up your pussy and bring her back to your house, only way.
Friday, April 4, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
You touched my soul awhile ago.A place, no one special, has ever been Afraid was I, to be open to you of the pain lying so deep within.You never gave up, not even once.Breaking down walls chip by chip.The scars are healing, slowly it seems.I'm beginning to feel things again.I'm fragile and scared, afraid to trust..hurt from the past has caused clouded dust.You've given your hand for me to hold.Never do I feel like letting it go in time I'll feel whole again.Can you hear the call of the night, whispering of love's pure delight.It leaves you yearning, wanting more, a lustful rage burning bright. Opened arms draw you in. When did this feeling first begin? Passion boiling in your viens. Is this a blessing or is it sin? Right or wrong, who really cares?? Go with your heart, if you dare. Love only has one chance you know. No time for guessing, no time for 'bewares'. Sometimes a person comes into your life.And you know that they were meant to stay.From the very instant you see them.Your heart falls in love.Sometimes you don't realize what has happened.Ah, this crazy desire of giving a kiss on your lips.This almost impossible desire that consumes me inside.This anxiety to be with you.To meet you just for a moment and be able to see your smile.Feel your hug.Feel your smell.Feel your hands caress my hair.Be able to touch you.The inner intensity of the deepest desire,eternal passion, consuming like fire;The emotion of love is the strongest power, From the beginning of time... to the last hour.
You touched my soul awhile ago.A place, no one special, has ever been Afraid was I, to be open to you of the pain lying so deep within.You never gave up, not even once.Breaking down walls chip by chip.The scars are healing, slowly it seems.I'm beginning to feel things again.I'm fragile and scared, afraid to trust..hurt from the past has caused clouded dust.You've given your hand for me to hold.Never do I feel like letting it go in time I'll feel whole again.Can you hear the call of the night, whispering of love's pure delight.It leaves you yearning, wanting more, a lustful rage burning bright. Opened arms draw you in. When did this feeling first begin? Passion boiling in your viens. Is this a blessing or is it sin? Right or wrong, who really cares?? Go with your heart, if you dare. Love only has one chance you know. No time for guessing, no time for 'bewares'. Sometimes a person comes into your life.And you know that they were meant to stay.From the very instant you see them.Your heart falls in love.Sometimes you don't realize what has happened.Ah, this crazy desire of giving a kiss on your lips.This almost impossible desire that consumes me inside.This anxiety to be with you.To meet you just for a moment and be able to see your smile.Feel your hug.Feel your smell.Feel your hands caress my hair.Be able to touch you.The inner intensity of the deepest desire,eternal passion, consuming like fire;The emotion of love is the strongest power, From the beginning of time... to the last hour.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
JOURNAL
After being in a miserable marriage, I was really hoping to meet someone real and honest. But instead I’ve found that women just want my profile and ready to analyze it in 1 New York minute. They want it all and they want it now. It’s affecting the way I look at life and dating in general. It’s very hard to shake it off when only the asshole can take a new woman home every night and dump them the next day. Even if I wanted to be a player I would never pass., I’m not interested in sleeping with 100 hot women I just want one woman for one life. Life sucks when it seems everyone in the world is having relationships and sex and you’re left out.
THOUGHTS: I AM NOT PERFECT
As I have spent the day reflecting on my life and the choices that I have made and the things that have happened in my life I laugh when people tell me that they think I am perfect because NO ONE is but especially me. I am the first to throw myself under the bus and take great ownership over my imperfections…….I also cry my eyes out when I have people tell me that I am fake and not sincere….everything I do is done out of nothing but pure love and service. This work is my life…it is my calling…and I love it so deeply….
People think that they know me. People assume that because they read the things that I write, that they “like” pictures that I post or that they have read snips and clips of my story that they know me, know what my life is about, know what is best for me, what my limits are, what my boundaries are, what my marriage was like, and when I got divorced what my adoption journey is like……that I have it all together and I am not allowed a moment….it is like I am being watched…….people just waiting for me to screw up…..for the other shoe to drop so they can jump out and say SEE I TOLD YOU HE ISN’T PERFECT. HE ISN’T WHAT YOU THOUGHT…..
Well let me save you the time and energy so that you can move on to something more important and more exciting…I am not perfect. I am sure I am not what you thought. I am a mess. My life is a mess, chaos personified. I have never claimed to be anything but who I am….and guess what….I LOVE my messy, imperfect!
There is always going to be someone that hates everything about you…..no matter how true your heart is, no matter how generous, no matter how beautiful, no matter how faithful, no matter how ANYTHING…..we can’t please everyone! In fact….we can please very few so why not give our best to those we love the most, that truly know us and love us IN SPITE of all the things that we hate about ourselves……all the things that the world views as imperfect….all the things that others are using against us???
People think that they know me. People assume that because they read the things that I write, that they “like” pictures that I post or that they have read snips and clips of my story that they know me, know what my life is about, know what is best for me, what my limits are, what my boundaries are, what my marriage was like, and when I got divorced what my adoption journey is like……that I have it all together and I am not allowed a moment….it is like I am being watched…….people just waiting for me to screw up…..for the other shoe to drop so they can jump out and say SEE I TOLD YOU HE ISN’T PERFECT. HE ISN’T WHAT YOU THOUGHT…..
Well let me save you the time and energy so that you can move on to something more important and more exciting…I am not perfect. I am sure I am not what you thought. I am a mess. My life is a mess, chaos personified. I have never claimed to be anything but who I am….and guess what….I LOVE my messy, imperfect!
There is always going to be someone that hates everything about you…..no matter how true your heart is, no matter how generous, no matter how beautiful, no matter how faithful, no matter how ANYTHING…..we can’t please everyone! In fact….we can please very few so why not give our best to those we love the most, that truly know us and love us IN SPITE of all the things that we hate about ourselves……all the things that the world views as imperfect….all the things that others are using against us???
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
We met...two different people from two different worlds...We talked We laughed.We cried with joy We enjoyed life... together. I have spent a lifetime looking at love from angles not even geometry could explain,then in the blink of an eye,I lost all direction.Like seasons change I have come full circle in the moving of winds that play songs lost to the rhythm of time. But, in all of it, because of you, for one bright flickering moment,I have known what love felt like when laid at my feet to capture my heart.I should be sleep,I could not, I was dreaming of you, I should be happy, I'm not, I want you, I should be laughing, can't, I'm missing you, I should let go,I can't, I'm hooked on you,I should have waited, I could not I needed you, I should be able to wait a life time, I can't, I want to be a part of you,I should be hoping,I do, hoping for you,I should give up, I can't, I'm lonely for you,I should enjoy it, I do, but I want more of it from you,There is one more thing, I should be doing, and that's loving you, And I do LOVE YOU!When I think of you, my heart feels warm, knowing you're mine, always there for me. I'll pick a red rose, place it in your soft hair, knowing you understand how much I love you. You're my sunshine the foundation of my heart; I wouldn't know what to do without you. Tomorrows will come and tomorrows will go; impossible as it may seem, each tomorrow my love for you grows.
We met...two different people from two different worlds...We talked We laughed.We cried with joy We enjoyed life... together. I have spent a lifetime looking at love from angles not even geometry could explain,then in the blink of an eye,I lost all direction.Like seasons change I have come full circle in the moving of winds that play songs lost to the rhythm of time. But, in all of it, because of you, for one bright flickering moment,I have known what love felt like when laid at my feet to capture my heart.I should be sleep,I could not, I was dreaming of you, I should be happy, I'm not, I want you, I should be laughing, can't, I'm missing you, I should let go,I can't, I'm hooked on you,I should have waited, I could not I needed you, I should be able to wait a life time, I can't, I want to be a part of you,I should be hoping,I do, hoping for you,I should give up, I can't, I'm lonely for you,I should enjoy it, I do, but I want more of it from you,There is one more thing, I should be doing, and that's loving you, And I do LOVE YOU!When I think of you, my heart feels warm, knowing you're mine, always there for me. I'll pick a red rose, place it in your soft hair, knowing you understand how much I love you. You're my sunshine the foundation of my heart; I wouldn't know what to do without you. Tomorrows will come and tomorrows will go; impossible as it may seem, each tomorrow my love for you grows.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
LOVE LETTER: MY DEAR
My dear,
It's a simple problem of logic,To prove that you love me.I'll lay out all the premises for you.And then it'll be "proved," don't you see. I want you to know I love you.And I hold you dear in my heart.And from that act of loving... I'm a 'lover'.A label I'm happy fate has to impart.Now, everyone knows a lover is loved.He is loved with a love quite true. In fact, I have heard it is generally said,"All the world loves a lover"- and I won't argue? But, My Dearest, My Love, I don't care for the world.And all their love for me.For you are my world, my sun and my moon.You're my snow sprinkled mountain, my warm blue sea.Yet, I've found in my statement the key to the problem.And the answer is clear and it's sound.It is in the statement I naturally said As I thought of how my love abounds For, if "all the world loves a lover" -as was agreed above. And I'm a lover as I have said because of my love for thee But you are all the world to me, therefore, don't you know. YOU must be this 'world' of Love that abounds and is waiting just for me. Logic is such a powerful tool for proving the world is round. And proving stars are giant suns and water is all that's dew. But proving your love is not the same, I realize all too well. Tho' the logic's there your heart must agree and return my love for you.I dream of the beach and I think of you.You are my joy as the children at play.You are my comfort as the sand that hugs my form. You are my security as the knowledge that you will always be there.You are the warmth of my heart as the sun that warms the sand.You are sensuous as the undulation of the water.You are passionate as the crashing of the waves.You are beautiful as the sunset over the horizon. You are my life as the ocean is life to the world.You are my love as nature meant it to be. With just one Touch.You changed me, so very Much.You gave me hope, when I had none.You made me see how wonderful life can be.With just one Touch.You Showed me Love, like I never knew.You blew into my world like a nice summer breeze.With your eyes, I can finally see how perfect life can be.With just one Touch.You made me see that Dreams can be more than fantasy.You made me have feelings that I never knew.Because of you I feel as though... I'm New!.With just one Touch.I've found what I've Always looked for.Because I found You.I found someone like no other..With just One touch.I found my one true Love.A Love that will last a lifetime.And it's all because I'm lucky to have.Your... Just One Touch.
It's a simple problem of logic,To prove that you love me.I'll lay out all the premises for you.And then it'll be "proved," don't you see. I want you to know I love you.And I hold you dear in my heart.And from that act of loving... I'm a 'lover'.A label I'm happy fate has to impart.Now, everyone knows a lover is loved.He is loved with a love quite true. In fact, I have heard it is generally said,"All the world loves a lover"- and I won't argue? But, My Dearest, My Love, I don't care for the world.And all their love for me.For you are my world, my sun and my moon.You're my snow sprinkled mountain, my warm blue sea.Yet, I've found in my statement the key to the problem.And the answer is clear and it's sound.It is in the statement I naturally said As I thought of how my love abounds For, if "all the world loves a lover" -as was agreed above. And I'm a lover as I have said because of my love for thee But you are all the world to me, therefore, don't you know. YOU must be this 'world' of Love that abounds and is waiting just for me. Logic is such a powerful tool for proving the world is round. And proving stars are giant suns and water is all that's dew. But proving your love is not the same, I realize all too well. Tho' the logic's there your heart must agree and return my love for you.I dream of the beach and I think of you.You are my joy as the children at play.You are my comfort as the sand that hugs my form. You are my security as the knowledge that you will always be there.You are the warmth of my heart as the sun that warms the sand.You are sensuous as the undulation of the water.You are passionate as the crashing of the waves.You are beautiful as the sunset over the horizon. You are my life as the ocean is life to the world.You are my love as nature meant it to be. With just one Touch.You changed me, so very Much.You gave me hope, when I had none.You made me see how wonderful life can be.With just one Touch.You Showed me Love, like I never knew.You blew into my world like a nice summer breeze.With your eyes, I can finally see how perfect life can be.With just one Touch.You made me see that Dreams can be more than fantasy.You made me have feelings that I never knew.Because of you I feel as though... I'm New!.With just one Touch.I've found what I've Always looked for.Because I found You.I found someone like no other..With just One touch.I found my one true Love.A Love that will last a lifetime.And it's all because I'm lucky to have.Your... Just One Touch.
Monday, March 31, 2014
DATING/ LOVE/ THOUGHTS: I NEED TO BE LOVED AND ADORED AND WANTED
The most painful things we experience relay back to the same idea. Loss. And it is just an idea. We don’t mourn what we lose, we mourn what part of us dies because we can’t see ourselves in the context of that thing anymore. We lose a job, a partner, control, sanity, love and we feel as though we are suddenly incapable because we’re always relying on something else to make us feel that way. We’re scared that we’ve lost yet another thing that confirms we aren’t failures, another person whose love could infuse us with just a little more hope. We’re distraught over the fact that there isn’t another someone there to love us even when we don’t. It’s rarely about the thing or person, it’s about us. Because we don’t want to exist unless we’re wanted.
We don’t want to stop looking in the mirror and hating ourselves because the reward of shoving our fingers down our throats and making ourselves vomit is just too gratifying when we realize we’ve lost another pound. Because hating someone is easier than loving them despite what they’ve done. Because complaining is easier than changing and not risking things puts us in a false but convincing state of security. Because what the alternative to those things does is open us to the loss of what we know to be right and true and leaves us with the reality that we have to learn to love without condition. Standing face to face with the very thing we struggle most to accept. And so we attack that thing that threatened us. We attack it, we attack others, we attack ourselves, we’re like screaming children in fits of rage while a glaring parent gazes over and says “are you done yet?”
We don’t know how to feel beautiful until someone turns to us and says that we are. But what does it even matter anyway? We won’t believe them. We’re so skeptical that there’s anything worthy or beautiful about us that we believe people to be disingenuous even when their intentions are most pure. We don’t know how to love people outside of the context of what it means that we love them. And we don’t know what it means to live outside of what we acquire and accomplish. We measure ourselves in dollars and titles and in the belt of societal success when the true wonder is in the fact that we just are. We don’t know how to exist unless we’re wanted.
We think the only real failure is losing what we use to define ourselves, what we use to convince ourselves that we are allowed to feel happy and whole and worthy and alive. Because the mystery of our presence, our existence, is too large for our minds to understand sometimes.
So why do we care? If we know this, why do we go on squeezing ourselves into things that will make us handsome and lovable and wanted (literally and metaphorically?) Because we want to be wanted and we need to be loved. And it’s not about being hailed by nations for our beauty and wealth. It’s simple. It’s natural. It’s important. We can’t keep denying what is so innately true of us. That we need to be loved. And we should also love people not for what they are and what they do for us but because they just are. That’s where it begins.
We have to start recognizing love as a smile from a stranger on a day you’re feeling like there’s no hope left and a text on your birthday from your once secret lover because they remembered you somehow and being able to pay the bills or not and feed yourself or not but regardless know you’re trying and at the end of it all just being able to take a breath and feel happy for absolutely no reason at all. That’s what we have to start filling ourselves with while filtering out our desire to take the easy, destructive way out of being what we are. Human. Because when we know that’s all that’s left, we fear we’ll be left with nothing when people inevitably attack it. Little do we realize, that’s just the thing– the only thing– that is absolutely invincible.
We don’t want to stop looking in the mirror and hating ourselves because the reward of shoving our fingers down our throats and making ourselves vomit is just too gratifying when we realize we’ve lost another pound. Because hating someone is easier than loving them despite what they’ve done. Because complaining is easier than changing and not risking things puts us in a false but convincing state of security. Because what the alternative to those things does is open us to the loss of what we know to be right and true and leaves us with the reality that we have to learn to love without condition. Standing face to face with the very thing we struggle most to accept. And so we attack that thing that threatened us. We attack it, we attack others, we attack ourselves, we’re like screaming children in fits of rage while a glaring parent gazes over and says “are you done yet?”
We don’t know how to feel beautiful until someone turns to us and says that we are. But what does it even matter anyway? We won’t believe them. We’re so skeptical that there’s anything worthy or beautiful about us that we believe people to be disingenuous even when their intentions are most pure. We don’t know how to love people outside of the context of what it means that we love them. And we don’t know what it means to live outside of what we acquire and accomplish. We measure ourselves in dollars and titles and in the belt of societal success when the true wonder is in the fact that we just are. We don’t know how to exist unless we’re wanted.
We think the only real failure is losing what we use to define ourselves, what we use to convince ourselves that we are allowed to feel happy and whole and worthy and alive. Because the mystery of our presence, our existence, is too large for our minds to understand sometimes.
So why do we care? If we know this, why do we go on squeezing ourselves into things that will make us handsome and lovable and wanted (literally and metaphorically?) Because we want to be wanted and we need to be loved. And it’s not about being hailed by nations for our beauty and wealth. It’s simple. It’s natural. It’s important. We can’t keep denying what is so innately true of us. That we need to be loved. And we should also love people not for what they are and what they do for us but because they just are. That’s where it begins.
We have to start recognizing love as a smile from a stranger on a day you’re feeling like there’s no hope left and a text on your birthday from your once secret lover because they remembered you somehow and being able to pay the bills or not and feed yourself or not but regardless know you’re trying and at the end of it all just being able to take a breath and feel happy for absolutely no reason at all. That’s what we have to start filling ourselves with while filtering out our desire to take the easy, destructive way out of being what we are. Human. Because when we know that’s all that’s left, we fear we’ll be left with nothing when people inevitably attack it. Little do we realize, that’s just the thing– the only thing– that is absolutely invincible.
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
Do I love you? 'deed I do -swear by stars and moon it's true! If you but knew, behind my word lives a life that can't be heard. It can't be heard, but longs to be because my love is just for thee.Who would say 'tis right or wrong that love like mine should be so strong?Though strong it is and will always stay it must be silent until one day --! When that day dawns you'll surely know of this warm love, and it will grow to reach a height and length and depth; - its boundless ends will know no breadth. Ours is a future, bright and strong enough to last a lifetime long. Together, content to always be as my quiet love grows loud for thee.All I ever wanted in someone,I found it in you.All I ever needed from someone,I found it in you. I see your face in every face... I sense your presence in every place. Your voice whispers in the wind...Elements of hope, through me, it sends.I constantly wonder where you are...And pray that you're not too far.I speculate, what's on your mind...Thoughts of me, I'd like to find.I always ponder our previous talks...And hope to meet you, on every walk.I wait patiently, for the phone to ring.When you pick up... my heart does sing.I consider how our paths did meet.Not by chance... but by destined feat. I consume every word you say...And dwell there, till the end of days.I watch each move? so full of grace.It puts a smile upon my face. I am blessed deeply... by your presence. Gazing deep into my eyes. You read into the thoughts deep in my soul You become me. Feeling all of me.Seeing what I see. We are one like no other. We are we.You are me. I am you.A love so true like nothing we have ever felt or seen before quenching the thirst of my thirsty heart.Raining down on my drought transforming my calm stream into a raging river filled with a burst of ecstasy.My heart is overflwing with your love..it drips with bliss..it runs with happiness. A joy of fullfillment like spring after winter flowers bloom the earth turns green. I am experiencing love.When I look deep in my heart,It is you who I see.It is you who I see,'Cause our love was meant to be. If I had not met you,My life would not be complete beacuse of the way you make me feel.And it is the only reason my heart still beats.I will love you forever,Until the day I die.If I could only show you in pictures or words,How much I love you...You will never understand it,'Cause there is no way to describe it. The only way to show you, Is in these letters.Hopefully you will see,How much our love goes.You will know by the words,I speak so often.but by the time you do,I will be in my coffin.These are the words from my heart and soul.The three words, I cannot control.The three words are 'I love you.'They are for you to hear.Hopefully you'll cherish themFrom year to year.
Do I love you? 'deed I do -swear by stars and moon it's true! If you but knew, behind my word lives a life that can't be heard. It can't be heard, but longs to be because my love is just for thee.Who would say 'tis right or wrong that love like mine should be so strong?Though strong it is and will always stay it must be silent until one day --! When that day dawns you'll surely know of this warm love, and it will grow to reach a height and length and depth; - its boundless ends will know no breadth. Ours is a future, bright and strong enough to last a lifetime long. Together, content to always be as my quiet love grows loud for thee.All I ever wanted in someone,I found it in you.All I ever needed from someone,I found it in you. I see your face in every face... I sense your presence in every place. Your voice whispers in the wind...Elements of hope, through me, it sends.I constantly wonder where you are...And pray that you're not too far.I speculate, what's on your mind...Thoughts of me, I'd like to find.I always ponder our previous talks...And hope to meet you, on every walk.I wait patiently, for the phone to ring.When you pick up... my heart does sing.I consider how our paths did meet.Not by chance... but by destined feat. I consume every word you say...And dwell there, till the end of days.I watch each move? so full of grace.It puts a smile upon my face. I am blessed deeply... by your presence. Gazing deep into my eyes. You read into the thoughts deep in my soul You become me. Feeling all of me.Seeing what I see. We are one like no other. We are we.You are me. I am you.A love so true like nothing we have ever felt or seen before quenching the thirst of my thirsty heart.Raining down on my drought transforming my calm stream into a raging river filled with a burst of ecstasy.My heart is overflwing with your love..it drips with bliss..it runs with happiness. A joy of fullfillment like spring after winter flowers bloom the earth turns green. I am experiencing love.When I look deep in my heart,It is you who I see.It is you who I see,'Cause our love was meant to be. If I had not met you,My life would not be complete beacuse of the way you make me feel.And it is the only reason my heart still beats.I will love you forever,Until the day I die.If I could only show you in pictures or words,How much I love you...You will never understand it,'Cause there is no way to describe it. The only way to show you, Is in these letters.Hopefully you will see,How much our love goes.You will know by the words,I speak so often.but by the time you do,I will be in my coffin.These are the words from my heart and soul.The three words, I cannot control.The three words are 'I love you.'They are for you to hear.Hopefully you'll cherish themFrom year to year.
ARTICLE: STOCK MARKET IS RIGGED Michael Lewis, 'Flash Boys,' and '60 Minutes' Bob Pisani
Michael Lewis gave an interview to "60 Minutes" ahead of the publication of his book, "Flash Boys."
He alleges that the stock market is "rigged" by a cabal of high frequency traders, stock exchanges, and Wall Street firms.
He alleges that a lone fellow, a trader named Brad Katsuyama, figured this out and formed a new exchanged, IEX, to combat abuses perpetrated against the investing community.
He alleges that high frequency traders are able to front run orders, which means they are able to buy in front of you and sell them back to you when you want to buy.
The problem, he says, is in the plumbing of the stock market. In the most interesting part of the interview, they showed a moving diagram of an order that leaves downtown New York and goes to the BATS exchange servers in Weehawken, N.J. Because the exchanges all connect to each other, the order then goes to the servers of the New York Stock Exchange, which is a few miles away in Mahwah, N.J.
According to Lewis, that's where the alleged front running occurs: in this example, they imply that the existence of high-priced fiber optic lines connecting the exchanges allow traders to get from Weehawken to Mahwah faster than the "public lines" that are provided to those who don't pay the higher fees for the faster lines, allowing these traders to profit from the knowledge of the prices in the slower feeds.
Should they be allowed to do this? When pressed, Mr. Lewis reluctantly admitted that this was perfectly legal, and so it wasn't front running, which was illegal. He then took to calling it "legal front running."
IEX has proposed that outgoing messages arrive at all exchanges at the same time and incoming messages go through a "speed box" that slows them down, so everything arrives everywhere at the same time. This is a simple solution to the problem.
And that was about it. High-speed traders have fiber-optic lines that get information to places faster, and I met a guy who has a solution to this problem. This is news?
Proprietary feeds
The odd thing about the interview is that they did not bring up the hottest topic around high-speed trading: that high-speed traders have access to a "proprietary feed" that allows them to have a trading advantage over those who rely on the "public feed."
There is indeed a "proprietary feed" which has been provided to anyone willing to pay for it, with the blessing of the SEC, for many years.
The core argument is that those who access this proprietary feed can calculate the most current bids and offers (known as the National Best Bid and Offer, or NBBO) quicker than those who get the public feed (known as the Securities Information Processor, or SIP). That can indeed provide a trading advantage.
Why do these proprietary feeds exist? Because they provide much more detailed trading activity than the public feed. This information is valuable to those who are the most active traders (proprietary traders, institutional traders, certain hedge fund traders) as it gives them a deeper look at the size and depth of the market, and exchanges charge accordingly for the information.
Let me give you an example of what the proprietary feed does. Suppose I am an institutional trader and want to buy 10,000 shares of Apple stock…the bid is $535.00, the ask is $535.01.
The public feed – the SIP – will only show the last price, and the bid and ask price, what is called "top of the book."
Read MoreMichael Lewis targets high frequency trading
The proprietary feed will tell me how deep the book is, and at what price levels.
So it will show me, for example, that there are 1,000 shares to buy immediately at $530.01, then 2,000 at $530.02, then 3,000 at $530.03, then 4,000 shares at $530.04.
Obviously, this is dynamic and the prices change all the time, but you get the point: the proprietary feed provides much more information.
It's alleged that these public feeds allow traders to react more quickly because the public feed are sent to a central point for processing before they are sent out, whereas private feeds are not, and that this gives high-speed traders a small advantage, literally measured in milliseconds (thousandths of a second).
Read MoreSEC official: What's hurting the 'little guy'
There may be something to this, but it's not clear how big a deal it is.
There was a widely discussed academic paper published in January of this year that looked carefully at this. The authors studied Apple's stock on several days in 2012 and found a difference of 1.5 milliseconds between the proprietary feed and the public feed. That is enough time for a trader with fast enough equipment to trade against someone with access to only the slower feed.
Is there a significant price dislocation? The authors conclude that the median price dislocation is one cent, and the mean was 3.4 cents.
A one-cent difference is not trivial, but it's not a huge amount either. But here's the kicker: the dislocations last only several milliseconds. "Therefore, while dislocations are costly and frequent, their impact on infrequently trading investors can be quite small as prices are dislocated less than one percent of the time," the authors conclude.
Obviously, the costs for those trading more frequently will be higher, since their volume will be greater. But even here, the study estimates that fast traders might in total capture a profit of $32,510 in a single day of trading in Apple.
This is not a trivial amount but it is hardly an ocean of profits, given Apple's huge volume and high price.
The study also notes that dislocations are higher on days with higher volatility. This is no surprise, since high volatility days are associated with wider spreads.
There is another, closely connected argument made against high speed traders as well. That they can use this information to try to figure out what kind of trading strategies are being used at any one time and adjust their trading accordingly.
This can get close to being "abusive and manipulative" market practices as defined by the SEC, but it is hard to prove.
Read MoreSpeed trading firms get an edge over individual traders
I've said many times that I would support looking into charging some kind of excess message traffic for those who send in huge orders to buy and sell stock that are rapidly cancelled. Such practices, if done on a large enough scale, can certainly have the smell of abusive practices, but the devil is in the details.
Bottom line
What's the bottom line? If you are a long-term buyer, under some circumstances – particularly during times of high volatility – high-speed traders are indeed trying to scalp a penny on your trade.
Would I like to see fewer of these price dislocations? I sure would. Do I think this is some outrageous act of highway robbery?
Well, I'm not so sure.
What should be done about high-frequency trading? Let's start with two basic principles.
1) As a general rule, information should be available to all participants at the same time. If that involves instituting some kind of "speed bump" as the IEX currently employs, that is worth looking at, but only in the way described at the IEX. If there is simply a rule that says, "all incoming trades have to wait one second before they execute," than they guy with the fastest computer will still have an advantage, it will just be one second later.
2) Regulators should have the tools to detect abuse of the system. I'm afraid they don't have it now, but they are making progress. The SEC recently unveiled a new system, dubbed MIDAS, designed partly to look for manipulative behavior.
The SEC has put out bids for a deeper and more sophisticated tool, called the Consolidated Audit Trail, that would record every quote, every trade, every customer and would give the regulators a much clearer understanding of what is going on.
That will not come before 2015, but it will be a welcome development.
One final point about the 60 Minutes story: for a story that made the bold claim that the U.S. stock market was "rigged" and named as co-conspirators the New York Stock Exchange, the NASDAQ, all the brokerage firms on Wall Street, and a bunch of high frequency traders, you know what the story lacked?
Not a single one of these co-conspirators were in the story.
And, apparently, they were not even contacted. We didn't hear a single "we contacted the NASDAQ, and they refused to comment."
Not a single "we caught up with JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon and asked him about these activities, and he ran away."
Nothing.
Strange, no?
He alleges that the stock market is "rigged" by a cabal of high frequency traders, stock exchanges, and Wall Street firms.
He alleges that a lone fellow, a trader named Brad Katsuyama, figured this out and formed a new exchanged, IEX, to combat abuses perpetrated against the investing community.
He alleges that high frequency traders are able to front run orders, which means they are able to buy in front of you and sell them back to you when you want to buy.
The problem, he says, is in the plumbing of the stock market. In the most interesting part of the interview, they showed a moving diagram of an order that leaves downtown New York and goes to the BATS exchange servers in Weehawken, N.J. Because the exchanges all connect to each other, the order then goes to the servers of the New York Stock Exchange, which is a few miles away in Mahwah, N.J.
According to Lewis, that's where the alleged front running occurs: in this example, they imply that the existence of high-priced fiber optic lines connecting the exchanges allow traders to get from Weehawken to Mahwah faster than the "public lines" that are provided to those who don't pay the higher fees for the faster lines, allowing these traders to profit from the knowledge of the prices in the slower feeds.
Should they be allowed to do this? When pressed, Mr. Lewis reluctantly admitted that this was perfectly legal, and so it wasn't front running, which was illegal. He then took to calling it "legal front running."
IEX has proposed that outgoing messages arrive at all exchanges at the same time and incoming messages go through a "speed box" that slows them down, so everything arrives everywhere at the same time. This is a simple solution to the problem.
And that was about it. High-speed traders have fiber-optic lines that get information to places faster, and I met a guy who has a solution to this problem. This is news?
Proprietary feeds
The odd thing about the interview is that they did not bring up the hottest topic around high-speed trading: that high-speed traders have access to a "proprietary feed" that allows them to have a trading advantage over those who rely on the "public feed."
There is indeed a "proprietary feed" which has been provided to anyone willing to pay for it, with the blessing of the SEC, for many years.
The core argument is that those who access this proprietary feed can calculate the most current bids and offers (known as the National Best Bid and Offer, or NBBO) quicker than those who get the public feed (known as the Securities Information Processor, or SIP). That can indeed provide a trading advantage.
Why do these proprietary feeds exist? Because they provide much more detailed trading activity than the public feed. This information is valuable to those who are the most active traders (proprietary traders, institutional traders, certain hedge fund traders) as it gives them a deeper look at the size and depth of the market, and exchanges charge accordingly for the information.
Let me give you an example of what the proprietary feed does. Suppose I am an institutional trader and want to buy 10,000 shares of Apple stock…the bid is $535.00, the ask is $535.01.
The public feed – the SIP – will only show the last price, and the bid and ask price, what is called "top of the book."
Read MoreMichael Lewis targets high frequency trading
The proprietary feed will tell me how deep the book is, and at what price levels.
So it will show me, for example, that there are 1,000 shares to buy immediately at $530.01, then 2,000 at $530.02, then 3,000 at $530.03, then 4,000 shares at $530.04.
Obviously, this is dynamic and the prices change all the time, but you get the point: the proprietary feed provides much more information.
It's alleged that these public feeds allow traders to react more quickly because the public feed are sent to a central point for processing before they are sent out, whereas private feeds are not, and that this gives high-speed traders a small advantage, literally measured in milliseconds (thousandths of a second).
Read MoreSEC official: What's hurting the 'little guy'
There may be something to this, but it's not clear how big a deal it is.
There was a widely discussed academic paper published in January of this year that looked carefully at this. The authors studied Apple's stock on several days in 2012 and found a difference of 1.5 milliseconds between the proprietary feed and the public feed. That is enough time for a trader with fast enough equipment to trade against someone with access to only the slower feed.
Is there a significant price dislocation? The authors conclude that the median price dislocation is one cent, and the mean was 3.4 cents.
A one-cent difference is not trivial, but it's not a huge amount either. But here's the kicker: the dislocations last only several milliseconds. "Therefore, while dislocations are costly and frequent, their impact on infrequently trading investors can be quite small as prices are dislocated less than one percent of the time," the authors conclude.
Obviously, the costs for those trading more frequently will be higher, since their volume will be greater. But even here, the study estimates that fast traders might in total capture a profit of $32,510 in a single day of trading in Apple.
This is not a trivial amount but it is hardly an ocean of profits, given Apple's huge volume and high price.
The study also notes that dislocations are higher on days with higher volatility. This is no surprise, since high volatility days are associated with wider spreads.
There is another, closely connected argument made against high speed traders as well. That they can use this information to try to figure out what kind of trading strategies are being used at any one time and adjust their trading accordingly.
This can get close to being "abusive and manipulative" market practices as defined by the SEC, but it is hard to prove.
Read MoreSpeed trading firms get an edge over individual traders
I've said many times that I would support looking into charging some kind of excess message traffic for those who send in huge orders to buy and sell stock that are rapidly cancelled. Such practices, if done on a large enough scale, can certainly have the smell of abusive practices, but the devil is in the details.
Bottom line
What's the bottom line? If you are a long-term buyer, under some circumstances – particularly during times of high volatility – high-speed traders are indeed trying to scalp a penny on your trade.
Would I like to see fewer of these price dislocations? I sure would. Do I think this is some outrageous act of highway robbery?
Well, I'm not so sure.
What should be done about high-frequency trading? Let's start with two basic principles.
1) As a general rule, information should be available to all participants at the same time. If that involves instituting some kind of "speed bump" as the IEX currently employs, that is worth looking at, but only in the way described at the IEX. If there is simply a rule that says, "all incoming trades have to wait one second before they execute," than they guy with the fastest computer will still have an advantage, it will just be one second later.
2) Regulators should have the tools to detect abuse of the system. I'm afraid they don't have it now, but they are making progress. The SEC recently unveiled a new system, dubbed MIDAS, designed partly to look for manipulative behavior.
The SEC has put out bids for a deeper and more sophisticated tool, called the Consolidated Audit Trail, that would record every quote, every trade, every customer and would give the regulators a much clearer understanding of what is going on.
That will not come before 2015, but it will be a welcome development.
One final point about the 60 Minutes story: for a story that made the bold claim that the U.S. stock market was "rigged" and named as co-conspirators the New York Stock Exchange, the NASDAQ, all the brokerage firms on Wall Street, and a bunch of high frequency traders, you know what the story lacked?
Not a single one of these co-conspirators were in the story.
And, apparently, they were not even contacted. We didn't hear a single "we contacted the NASDAQ, and they refused to comment."
Not a single "we caught up with JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon and asked him about these activities, and he ran away."
Nothing.
Strange, no?
Sunday, March 30, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
I've fallen in love with you. Can you tell? Do you know? Here in this charmed night...the spinning lights shine down on us and I can only think through the sound of your voice echoing in my mind that I have found forever in your eyes As we move together past the strangers and the shadows. I still can't speak one word of this truth. My love is a silence, but then you take my hand and you take my soul with your whispered words: "I've fallen in love with you".I envy you -in a childish sort of way.You have everything. I need you -to fulfill my every need.You are everything. I crave you -with all your soothing passion. You're worth everything. I watch you- and every subtle move you make. You are everything. I'd hold you -and promise your every desire.You're worth everything. I have you -and that's what makes me love you even more. You have everything.
I've fallen in love with you. Can you tell? Do you know? Here in this charmed night...the spinning lights shine down on us and I can only think through the sound of your voice echoing in my mind that I have found forever in your eyes As we move together past the strangers and the shadows. I still can't speak one word of this truth. My love is a silence, but then you take my hand and you take my soul with your whispered words: "I've fallen in love with you".I envy you -in a childish sort of way.You have everything. I need you -to fulfill my every need.You are everything. I crave you -with all your soothing passion. You're worth everything. I watch you- and every subtle move you make. You are everything. I'd hold you -and promise your every desire.You're worth everything. I have you -and that's what makes me love you even more. You have everything.
DATING/ LOVE: HAVING A DATE WITH THE PERFECT WOMAN
I was recalling a date that I had when I was living in Upper West Side
Sometimes in life, opportunities come along that seem way too good to be true: and in my case, meeting a woman online
I opened her message on Wednesday morning, and immediately noticed how drop dead gorgeous she was. I’m talking tall, blond and beautiful, straight-off-the-pages-of-Vogue gorgeous. After checking out her profile, I learned that she was my age, has a prestigious role at a well-known advertising company, that she’s very well-traveled, has a great education, is witty, athletic, spontaneous and overall too good to be true. But what did I have to lose?
With healthy skepticism, I replied to her message, certain that I would discover what the catch was within a few exchanges. But there was no catch that I could discern. In fact, the conversation continued effortlessly for the remainder of the day. Before I knew it, I was agreeing to dinner and drinks the following night. I usually don’t accept dates so quickly, especially with a woman that seems so out of my league, so once I did, I started to worry that I may have just made a date with the serial killer. These days, I always expect the worst until proven otherwise. So, just in case I went missing, I jotted down her profile information on my desk notepad so authorities would know where to look.
When I arrived at the low-key lounge of her choosing, I was relieved to see that the Vogue model I saw in photos, was, in fact, the same woman who greeted me with open arms and a kiss on the cheek. At this point, I was so surprised that she wasn’t a Catfish that I was fully preparing myself to be let down over the course of the night. Someone this good-looking must have some sort of major character flaw, and it was only a matter of time until it reared its ugly head. We sat down at the bar and started talking about our upcoming weekend plans. I told her how I planned to visit family and get some errands done. I asked her what she had in the works.
“I’m actually going to Europe for the weekend. I have some friends and family in Italy that I’ve been meaning to see, so I’ll fly out tomorrow morning and come back Sunday night,” she told me, as if she were telling me she would be grocery shopping and doing laundry all weekend.
WHAT?! She was just going to jet off to Italy for the weekend? The filter between my brain and my mouth was nonexistent, and “playing it cool” was off the table after that. She smiled, unfazed by my surprise.
She went on to tell me how she tries to travel as much as possible to escape the city and experience other cultures. And how Europe is a frequent destination and Oh and also, she has an apartment in Italy that she needs to sell soon, since it’s just been sitting there.
You have GOT to be fucking kidding me, I thought. This woman has got to be completely full of crap.
I continued to grill her about her travels, hoping to catch her in an obvious lie, but I didn’t. Before long, I forgot all about her possibly being a lying sack of shit and found myself blabbing away about my dream of visiting Bora Bora. She asked me about my work, my family, career goals and dating life, and conversation flowed like we were old friends who were catching up after years apart. A few cocktails, a couple tequila shots, a large vat of crab mac and cheese and five hours later, we found ourselves unable to stop talking, laughing and learning about each other.
Some other fun facts I found out about Vogue: she’s trilingual, looking to settle down, has only ever introduced one man to her “strict” parents, has never had a relationship longer than one year because she doesn’t believe in prolonging something that “doesn’t feel right” and has a strict policy about not dating co-workers. The longer we talked, the more people filtered out of the bar and the closer we found ourselves to each other. She leaned over and kissed me, which turned into a passionate (albeit inappropriate) makeout session that made my head spin, although I’m sure the tequila contributed. As if she wasn’t perfect enough already, her lips were soft and she held the sides of my face while we kissed. It was the kind of makeout session that made you want to immediately undress each other, no matter where you were.
I found myself wondering, yet again, how this date could possibly be real!? The perfect girl doesn’t exist, I reminded myself. I’ve never expected any bells and whistles in the women I date. To me, “the perfect girl” is one who has an amazing personality, who I share a genuine connection with, intense chemistry and mutual respect. But if I find all of these redeeming qualities in her and she has some bonuses, who am I to walk away?
The bartender waltzed over to us and I immediately thought we were going to be scolded for the makeout session, but instead, he looked at us and smiled. “I hope I’m not interrupting, but you two look SO happy together. What’s your secret?”
We looked at each other and laughed, when suddenly I blurted the first thing that came to my head, “Thank you! We’re celebrating our 8-month anniversary!”
“We’re trying to figure out where we should go to celebrate. I’d love to take him to Paris, but we’re keeping our options open,” Vogue added, joining in the game.
“You know where you should go?” said the bartender. “Bora Bora. I heard it’s stunning.”
Suddenly, I was like some character in some cheesy ’90s rom com, and this was the serendipitous moment where the guy realizes he and the girl are meant to be together. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t envisioning a future with Vogue at this point. In that moment, I actually wondered what it would be like if we made it to our 8-month anniversary. Would she remember this moment from our first date? And what would our honeymoon be like? I tried not to get ahead of myself, but it all seemed so…perfect.
Vogue and I started laughing and she said very matter-of-factly, “Well then, it looks like that’s settled. I guess we’re going to Bora Bora.”
An hour later, we called it a night, though technically it was morning. We sent a few texts back and forth after we parted ways, and upon my arrival home, I immediately fired up my laptop to Google her, praying that I wouldn’t find out that she wasn’t real. I let out a deep sigh when everything she told me checked out. The next morning, we chatted briefly while she was at the airport before it was time to say ciao. But despite our amazing date, a part of me wondered if it would be the last time I heard from her
The next day while I was on the treadmill, I felt my phone vibrating from inside the cup holder. I opened it to find a photo of the Trevi Fountain at night, lit up in all of it’s beautiful glory.
“Thought I’d share,” she wrote. “Next time, maybe you can see it in person with me.”
My heart jumped, but a part of me still couldn’t help but wonder if she was serious. Of course I would want to go Italy with a woman who looks like a model, but that’s not a normal thing to propose after only one date. Then again, nothing about her seems normal.
“Ciao,” she signed off. “I can’t wait to see you again.”
And she will see me again— because our second date is tonight. I’m still bracing myself to see another side of her; a side I don’t like. It’s common practice to put your best foot forward on the first date, so this time around I can’t assume things will be so ridiculously, incredulously perfect. But to be honest, I’m kind of hoping they are.
Sometimes in life, opportunities come along that seem way too good to be true: and in my case, meeting a woman online
I opened her message on Wednesday morning, and immediately noticed how drop dead gorgeous she was. I’m talking tall, blond and beautiful, straight-off-the-pages-of-Vogue gorgeous. After checking out her profile, I learned that she was my age, has a prestigious role at a well-known advertising company, that she’s very well-traveled, has a great education, is witty, athletic, spontaneous and overall too good to be true. But what did I have to lose?
With healthy skepticism, I replied to her message, certain that I would discover what the catch was within a few exchanges. But there was no catch that I could discern. In fact, the conversation continued effortlessly for the remainder of the day. Before I knew it, I was agreeing to dinner and drinks the following night. I usually don’t accept dates so quickly, especially with a woman that seems so out of my league, so once I did, I started to worry that I may have just made a date with the serial killer. These days, I always expect the worst until proven otherwise. So, just in case I went missing, I jotted down her profile information on my desk notepad so authorities would know where to look.
When I arrived at the low-key lounge of her choosing, I was relieved to see that the Vogue model I saw in photos, was, in fact, the same woman who greeted me with open arms and a kiss on the cheek. At this point, I was so surprised that she wasn’t a Catfish that I was fully preparing myself to be let down over the course of the night. Someone this good-looking must have some sort of major character flaw, and it was only a matter of time until it reared its ugly head. We sat down at the bar and started talking about our upcoming weekend plans. I told her how I planned to visit family and get some errands done. I asked her what she had in the works.
“I’m actually going to Europe for the weekend. I have some friends and family in Italy that I’ve been meaning to see, so I’ll fly out tomorrow morning and come back Sunday night,” she told me, as if she were telling me she would be grocery shopping and doing laundry all weekend.
WHAT?! She was just going to jet off to Italy for the weekend? The filter between my brain and my mouth was nonexistent, and “playing it cool” was off the table after that. She smiled, unfazed by my surprise.
She went on to tell me how she tries to travel as much as possible to escape the city and experience other cultures. And how Europe is a frequent destination and Oh and also, she has an apartment in Italy that she needs to sell soon, since it’s just been sitting there.
You have GOT to be fucking kidding me, I thought. This woman has got to be completely full of crap.
I continued to grill her about her travels, hoping to catch her in an obvious lie, but I didn’t. Before long, I forgot all about her possibly being a lying sack of shit and found myself blabbing away about my dream of visiting Bora Bora. She asked me about my work, my family, career goals and dating life, and conversation flowed like we were old friends who were catching up after years apart. A few cocktails, a couple tequila shots, a large vat of crab mac and cheese and five hours later, we found ourselves unable to stop talking, laughing and learning about each other.
Some other fun facts I found out about Vogue: she’s trilingual, looking to settle down, has only ever introduced one man to her “strict” parents, has never had a relationship longer than one year because she doesn’t believe in prolonging something that “doesn’t feel right” and has a strict policy about not dating co-workers. The longer we talked, the more people filtered out of the bar and the closer we found ourselves to each other. She leaned over and kissed me, which turned into a passionate (albeit inappropriate) makeout session that made my head spin, although I’m sure the tequila contributed. As if she wasn’t perfect enough already, her lips were soft and she held the sides of my face while we kissed. It was the kind of makeout session that made you want to immediately undress each other, no matter where you were.
I found myself wondering, yet again, how this date could possibly be real!? The perfect girl doesn’t exist, I reminded myself. I’ve never expected any bells and whistles in the women I date. To me, “the perfect girl” is one who has an amazing personality, who I share a genuine connection with, intense chemistry and mutual respect. But if I find all of these redeeming qualities in her and she has some bonuses, who am I to walk away?
The bartender waltzed over to us and I immediately thought we were going to be scolded for the makeout session, but instead, he looked at us and smiled. “I hope I’m not interrupting, but you two look SO happy together. What’s your secret?”
We looked at each other and laughed, when suddenly I blurted the first thing that came to my head, “Thank you! We’re celebrating our 8-month anniversary!”
“We’re trying to figure out where we should go to celebrate. I’d love to take him to Paris, but we’re keeping our options open,” Vogue added, joining in the game.
“You know where you should go?” said the bartender. “Bora Bora. I heard it’s stunning.”
Suddenly, I was like some character in some cheesy ’90s rom com, and this was the serendipitous moment where the guy realizes he and the girl are meant to be together. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t envisioning a future with Vogue at this point. In that moment, I actually wondered what it would be like if we made it to our 8-month anniversary. Would she remember this moment from our first date? And what would our honeymoon be like? I tried not to get ahead of myself, but it all seemed so…perfect.
Vogue and I started laughing and she said very matter-of-factly, “Well then, it looks like that’s settled. I guess we’re going to Bora Bora.”
An hour later, we called it a night, though technically it was morning. We sent a few texts back and forth after we parted ways, and upon my arrival home, I immediately fired up my laptop to Google her, praying that I wouldn’t find out that she wasn’t real. I let out a deep sigh when everything she told me checked out. The next morning, we chatted briefly while she was at the airport before it was time to say ciao. But despite our amazing date, a part of me wondered if it would be the last time I heard from her
The next day while I was on the treadmill, I felt my phone vibrating from inside the cup holder. I opened it to find a photo of the Trevi Fountain at night, lit up in all of it’s beautiful glory.
“Thought I’d share,” she wrote. “Next time, maybe you can see it in person with me.”
My heart jumped, but a part of me still couldn’t help but wonder if she was serious. Of course I would want to go Italy with a woman who looks like a model, but that’s not a normal thing to propose after only one date. Then again, nothing about her seems normal.
“Ciao,” she signed off. “I can’t wait to see you again.”
And she will see me again— because our second date is tonight. I’m still bracing myself to see another side of her; a side I don’t like. It’s common practice to put your best foot forward on the first date, so this time around I can’t assume things will be so ridiculously, incredulously perfect. But to be honest, I’m kind of hoping they are.
Friday, March 28, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
The term 'I love you' gets tossed around but when you say it... I love the sound 'cuz in my heart I know it's true and all my love belongs to you...I love the way you look at me. Like you know it's meant to be I love the sweet things you say and hope to hear them everyday. I love everything about you that's how I know our love is true look into my eyes,tell me that you'll always be there. Touch my face, kiss my lips...I love the feeling of your touch that's why I want it so much. It's like a dream come true that my heart belongs to you 'I love you' isn't just something you say it's what you do everyday so, now I know that it is true you love me and I love you!! My body wrapped around yours. Your tongue against mine. If you whispher, I listen. Soon it will be night but still it's day.Let us brighten the night with love, kisses and laughter.Forget about the others, we'll always have each other. Love... let us paint the sky red. I wake up in the morning to kiss you in the sunlight, and that very thing makes my day bright,Your sweet kisses excite me every waking moment,and your love, you always seem to show it, as I sit here alone and write this... I am sure I'll see you soon,When we met you opened my eyes you made me realize love could be for me. That's what you helped me see love made me realize you should be mine I feel that way because you're always on my mind I think about you all the time that has to be a sign the times when our lips touch I love those moments so much if forever it could be you and me then forever I will live happily there's no telling how I would feel but I know it would be real I don't know in words what to say about how I care about you in every way it's certain things that you do that makes me say "I love you"
The term 'I love you' gets tossed around but when you say it... I love the sound 'cuz in my heart I know it's true and all my love belongs to you...I love the way you look at me. Like you know it's meant to be I love the sweet things you say and hope to hear them everyday. I love everything about you that's how I know our love is true look into my eyes,tell me that you'll always be there. Touch my face, kiss my lips...I love the feeling of your touch that's why I want it so much. It's like a dream come true that my heart belongs to you 'I love you' isn't just something you say it's what you do everyday so, now I know that it is true you love me and I love you!! My body wrapped around yours. Your tongue against mine. If you whispher, I listen. Soon it will be night but still it's day.Let us brighten the night with love, kisses and laughter.Forget about the others, we'll always have each other. Love... let us paint the sky red. I wake up in the morning to kiss you in the sunlight, and that very thing makes my day bright,Your sweet kisses excite me every waking moment,and your love, you always seem to show it, as I sit here alone and write this... I am sure I'll see you soon,When we met you opened my eyes you made me realize love could be for me. That's what you helped me see love made me realize you should be mine I feel that way because you're always on my mind I think about you all the time that has to be a sign the times when our lips touch I love those moments so much if forever it could be you and me then forever I will live happily there's no telling how I would feel but I know it would be real I don't know in words what to say about how I care about you in every way it's certain things that you do that makes me say "I love you"
Thursday, March 27, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
An early morning encounter with a beautiful woman such as yourself....Hmmmmm..... Treasure chest of memories....Someday I wish to lay with a woman such as yourself on a sandy beach watching the sunset and listening to your thoughts and memories...Or, walk with you in a field of wild flowers hand in hand laughing joyfully and watching the whispering spring air run through your hair.Your voice dances on my heart carried by the breeze of memory. Laughter spills easily from your lips. Your eyes bright with the magic that is us. Warm soft kisses fall on my lips as gentle rain nourishing my hungry soul, bringing sun blinding passion to my body and peace to my heart. in dreams.Words can't describe my feelings for you. Even the words 'I love you' seem too small to compare. I have a surge of heat run through me...the rush of love. You're all I think about and all I want.I have this need to be with you all the time.You've touched my soul...you've changed my life. My love for you runs deep inside.The way you kiss me, the way you hold me...is magical.You are my one and only love for an eternity.When I look into your beautiful eyes I see your love for me.It flows as deep as mine...growing stronger.Even when we are apart I feel you around me.You're in my heart and on my mind.I could never live without you,For you complete me...you're my soulmate. I have undying love for you. Our minds swirl becoming one with the wind fluently speaking the silent language favored by lovers where neither question nor answer exists ..or matters where undying love dances radiantly in shared gazes where we softly touch one another with mirrored moonbeams.Whenever you are near me, you lift me up,further than a dream can go.You took me in, and you filled my heart, with sweet love and mysterious glow.You banished my fears, and showed me the way,guided me to a brighter day.You ended my sorrows and my pain,brought sunshine to my life, and ended my rain.We can't jeopardize what we have built upon,there's no time for discussion.Shooting stars, and heartfelt nights, limitations of navigations and desirable repercussions...I'm innocent and you've still found ways to sparkle my soul, full of obscurity, yet opportune fondness.Your presence, let alone your embrace,grasps my soul and widens it further than anyone could imagine.Days of anguish and solitude have drifted away,it's now full of love and care, more than you could envision.I can't explain in words how I feel,I strive to do the best I can.Take me back, once again, to that graceful land.I will always promise you, I will never hurt you,Ever.Write it down, say it out loud, just remember that it's true.We've battled through disruption and pain,but we'll always have each other, so there will always be something to gain...
An early morning encounter with a beautiful woman such as yourself....Hmmmmm..... Treasure chest of memories....Someday I wish to lay with a woman such as yourself on a sandy beach watching the sunset and listening to your thoughts and memories...Or, walk with you in a field of wild flowers hand in hand laughing joyfully and watching the whispering spring air run through your hair.Your voice dances on my heart carried by the breeze of memory. Laughter spills easily from your lips. Your eyes bright with the magic that is us. Warm soft kisses fall on my lips as gentle rain nourishing my hungry soul, bringing sun blinding passion to my body and peace to my heart. in dreams.Words can't describe my feelings for you. Even the words 'I love you' seem too small to compare. I have a surge of heat run through me...the rush of love. You're all I think about and all I want.I have this need to be with you all the time.You've touched my soul...you've changed my life. My love for you runs deep inside.The way you kiss me, the way you hold me...is magical.You are my one and only love for an eternity.When I look into your beautiful eyes I see your love for me.It flows as deep as mine...growing stronger.Even when we are apart I feel you around me.You're in my heart and on my mind.I could never live without you,For you complete me...you're my soulmate. I have undying love for you. Our minds swirl becoming one with the wind fluently speaking the silent language favored by lovers where neither question nor answer exists ..or matters where undying love dances radiantly in shared gazes where we softly touch one another with mirrored moonbeams.Whenever you are near me, you lift me up,further than a dream can go.You took me in, and you filled my heart, with sweet love and mysterious glow.You banished my fears, and showed me the way,guided me to a brighter day.You ended my sorrows and my pain,brought sunshine to my life, and ended my rain.We can't jeopardize what we have built upon,there's no time for discussion.Shooting stars, and heartfelt nights, limitations of navigations and desirable repercussions...I'm innocent and you've still found ways to sparkle my soul, full of obscurity, yet opportune fondness.Your presence, let alone your embrace,grasps my soul and widens it further than anyone could imagine.Days of anguish and solitude have drifted away,it's now full of love and care, more than you could envision.I can't explain in words how I feel,I strive to do the best I can.Take me back, once again, to that graceful land.I will always promise you, I will never hurt you,Ever.Write it down, say it out loud, just remember that it's true.We've battled through disruption and pain,but we'll always have each other, so there will always be something to gain...
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