FAN: FROM A FAN

I made a commitment. It was really hard, i acknowledged the fact that im terrified of real commitment. Like babies. I worked so hard to pick myself up from a disaster that had a large part to do with someone not honoring their commitment. Im scared of committing, changing my life, giving things up, for someone because I am scared they will not live up to their end of the agreement and leave me with all the work. I always put in more than I recieved. That is so exhausting. It is so scary to think to have a baby with someone, no matter how much love there is . I just have these images of myself alone, broke, with a baby, in a foreign country. But that is my baggage, those images. I need to trust. I need to trust a man, that if he puts a ring on my finger, marries me, shows me everything will be okay, it will be okay.  I cant enter a marriage with one foot inside one out. If a good man, an honorable husband asks me to take his hand and trust him, give up work, home, family, independence, country, whatever. I should be able to trust him, trust him to cum inside of me, have his child, trust he will honor his commitment and be a man. Reading your post the other day, made me realize, it is me. I am the problem. I need to let go of this fear of being abandoned in a commitment.   I cant be foolish and give things up for a boyfriend,  I have to either get married, be fruitful, multiply, and so forth..... or commit myself to work, and a single life.

I will always think about your dick. I will. I may always wonder too. I try not to have regrets in my life alex. I am regretful your dick was never in my pussy in many ways. But i am not sad that i gave my pussy to a man that loved me with all my flaws, debt baggage and all, and who wanted and made a commitment to me, instead of a one time thing. Keep it real Alex, a big part of you was very curious about my pussy. You wanted to try it out,   I know you like me in some ways, just like i love you. I see you, maybe you see me too. But it isnt just seeing or getting someone that matters.  What matters is to be proud of that person, to walk out the door hand in hand, no matter who says what or thinks what. To tell the world I love this person, I choose this person. I havent had someone in my life for a long time that was just kind to me, giving, undemanding, nonjudgmental.  I do now. Maybe I didnt feel these butterflies when we kissed. Maybe I dont believe he is my soulmate . What does that mean?  But day one, he was my proud of me, he accepted me, and was sweet to me, and im not afraid to be sweet to him either.

I love you for life Alex. It pains me that you arent fucking a good pussy like you deserve. I know you want to pound into mine, I could make it feel so good for you too. I dont want you to live with regret about not having had it either. And I would normally just do it with you, do your one time thing like you wanted, but I made a commitment.  Im kinky and open minded, obviously.  but im loyal. Im not perfect, but I  am loyal. There are rules that were made, rules about pounding those with emotional attachments, and im not a rule breaker. Im not sneaky either. I had so many people treat me like garbage in the past. I have someone that treats me like a little lost treasure now. It is really nice. It makes me smile. No more tears. I will do the right thing, because anything less is not what I accept of myself. To the man that treats me like a special gift, I will be the woman that I say that I am.


Pussy, real pussy isnt behind your laptop screen, it isnt under your desk, when is the last time you looked under your desk at your house and found a pussy just hanging out there. It isnt in your home, you need to be outside and be where it is. Better pussy is even harder to find. Forget about race, education, and class. Women that are kind, that want to live for someone else other than self. Family, babies, and for husband, and poor children are hard to find. Same as unselfish man, is hard to find. There are even more selfish men than women. Only difference is men can change that attitude because selfishness in men comes from not being exposed or having good pussy. Once they have one they melt into sweet little babies. Women's selfishness doesnt come from lack of good dick, their unkindness is innate and from mothers that didnt teach them to be selfless. Nature and nurture makes a pussy good.  A good pussy makes a dick good.You need to only meet kind women.Kind women attract other kind women because we dont like mean ones. We stay away from them.If you go out into the world with a kind woman, you will attract other kind women.  Whether you are in a store, a restaurant, a park if you are next to a good pussy kind woman, she will attract other kind decent pussy for you. It doesnt happen over night. Takes a while. Lot of good pussy is taken already. Especially in places other than the city. Hard work, investigation location matters, but it works. I went out everyday and did things for two months before my friend andrew met his wife, we were on line for shakespeare in the park,  she was a teacher and I started talking to her about something. Took a while but now he two kids too.You dont like to leave your house. And you dont want to do things with me. You have to if you want pussy. The only men that get pussy without leaving their homes is men that pay for pussy to come to their house. Otherwise you need to go out with your imaginary lasso, everyman has one, and scoop up your pussy and bring her back to your house, only way.