Where does it come from? This quest, this need to solve life’s mysteries when the simplest of questions can never be answered. Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we’d be better off not looking at all. Not delving, not yearning. That’s not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here.
Man is a narcissistic species by nature. We have colonized the four corners of our tiny planet. But we are not the pinnacle of so-called evolution. That honor belongs to the lowly cockroach. Capable of living for months without food. Remaining alive headless for weeks at a time. Resistant to radiation. If God has indeed created Himself in His own image, then I submit to you that God is a cockroach.
Some individuals, it is true, are more special. This is natural selection. It begins as a single individual born or hatched like every other member of their species. Anonymous. Seemingly ordinary. Except they’re not. They carry inside them the genetic code that will take their species to the next evolutionary rung. It’s destiny.
We all imagine ourselves the agents of our destiny, capable of determining our own fate. But have we truly any choice in when we rise? Or when we fall? Or does a force larger than ourselves bid us our direction? Is it evolution that takes us by the hand? Does science point our way? Or is it God who intervenes, keeping us safe?
When evolution selects its agents, it does so at a cost, makes demands in exchange for singularity and you may be asked to do something against your very nature. Suddenly the change in your life that should have been wonderful comes as a betrayal. It may seem cruel, but the goal is nothing short of self-preservation, survival.
This force, evolution, is not sentimental. Like the earth itself, it knows only the hard facts of life’s struggle with death. All you can do is hope and trust that when you have served its needs faithfully, there may still remain some glimmer of the life you once knew.
Sometimes questions are more powerful than answers. How is this happening? What are they? Why them and not others? Why now? What does it all mean?
When a change comes, some species feel the urge to migrate, they call it zugunruhe. “A pull of the soul to a far off place,” following a scent in the wind, a star in the sky. The ancient message comes calling the kindred to take flight and gather together. Only then they can hope to survive the cruel season to come.
Evolution is imperfect and often a violent process. A battle between what exists and what is yet to be born. Amidst these birth pains, morality loses its meaning, the question of good and evil reduced to one simple choice: survive or perish.
You do not choose your destiny, it chooses you. And those that knew you before Fate took you by the hand cannot understand the depth of the changes inside. They cannot fathom how much you stand to lose in failure…that you are the instrument of flawless Design. And all of life may hang in the balance. The hero learns quickly who can comprehend and who merely stands in your way.
The Earth is large. Large enough that you think you can hide from anything. From Fate. From God. If only you found a place far enough away. So you run. To the edge of the Earth. Where all is safe again. Quiet, and warm. The solace of salt air. The peace of danger left behind. The luxury of grief. And maybe, for a moment, you believe you have escaped.
You can run far, you can take your small precautions. But have you really gotten away? Can you ever escape? Or is it the truth that you did not have the strength or cunning to hide from destiny? That the world is not small. you are. And, fate can find you anywhere.
We are, if anything, creatures of habit. Drawn to the safety and the comfort of the familiar. But what happens when the familiar becomes unsafe? When the fear that we’ve been desperately trying to avoid, finds us where we live?
To survive in this world, we hold close to us those on whom we depend. We trust in them our hopes, our fears… But what happens when trust is lost? Where do we run, when things we believe in vanish before our eyes? When all seems lost, the future unknowable, our very existence in peril… All we can do is run.
Where does it come from? This quest? This need to solve lifes mysteries when the simpliest of questions can never be answered. Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we would be better off not looking at all. Not delving. Not yearning. But that’s not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here. Yet still we struggle to make a difference. To change the world. To dream of hope. Never knowing for certain who we’ll meet along the way. Who, among the world of strangers, will hold our hand. Touch our hearts. And share the pain of trying.
We dream of hope,we dream of change,of fire,of love,of death,and then it happens,the dream becomes real. And the answer to the quest,this need to solve life’s mysteries finally shows itself,like the glowing light of the new dawn. So much struggle, for meaning, for purpose, but in the end we find it only in each other. Our shared experiences of the fantastic, and the mundane. The simple, human need to find the kindred, to connect, and to know in our hearts that we are not alone.
The sun rises on a new dawn. Yet few of us realize the debt we owe to those responsible for this. To those who dwell among us. Anonymous, seemingly ordinary, whom destiny brought together to heal, to save us, from ourselves.
When confronted by our worst nightmares, the choices are few. Fight, or flight. We hope to find the strength to stand against our fears but sometimes, despite ourselves, we run.
It is man’s ability to remember that sets us apart. We are the only species that is concerned with the past. How memories give us voice. And to bear witness to history so that others might learn. So that they might celebrate our triumphs and be warned of our failures.
There are many ways to define our fragile existence. Many ways to give it meaning. But it is our memories that shape its purpose and give it context. The private assortment of images, fears, loves, regrets. For it is the cruel irony of life that we are destined to hold the dark with the light. The good with the evil. Success with disappointment. This is what separates us. What makes us human. And in the end, we must fight to hold on to.
A child is born to innocence. A child is drawn towards good. Why then do so many among us go so horribly wrong? What makes some walk the path of darkness while others choose the light? Is it will, is it destiny? Can we ever hope to understand the force that shapes the soul? To fight evil, one must know evil. One must journey back through time and find that fork in the road, where heroes turn one way and villains turn another.
There is a moment in every war where everything changes. A moment when the road bends. Alliances and battle lines shift. And the rules of engagement are rewritten. Moments like these can change the nature of the battle, and turn the tide for either side. So we do what we can to understand them. To be ready for change, we steady our hearts, curb our fears, muster our forces, and look for signs in the stars. But these moments, these game changes, remain a mystery. Destiny’s invisible hand, moving pieces on a chessboard. No matter how much we prepare for them – how much we resist the change, anticipate the moment, fight the inevitable outcome – in the end, we are never truly ready when it strikes.
There is good, and there is evil. Right, and wrong. Heroes and villains. And if we are blessed with wisdom, then there are glimpses between the cracks of each where light streams through. We wait in silence for these times, when sense can be made. When meaningless existence comes into focus, and our purpose presents itself. And if we have the strength to be honest, and what we find there, staring back at us, is our own reflection. Bearing witness to the duality of life. And each one of us is capable of both the dark, and the light.. the good and evil, of either, of all. And destiny, while marching ever in our direction can be rerouted by the choices we make. By the love we hold on to, and the promises we keep.
Generations unfold — father to son, mother to daughter. Where one leaves off, the other follows, destined to repeat each other’s mistakes, each other’s triumphs. For how do we see the world if not through their lens? The same fears, the same desires? Do we see them as an example to follow, or as a warning of what to avoid? Choosing to live as they have, simply because it’s what we know, or driven to create one’s own identity? And what happens when we find them to be a disappointment? Can we replace them? Our mothers, our fathers? Or will destiny find a way to drive us back? Back to the familiar comforts of home?
It is our nature to protect our children. For each generation to pass on their cautionary tales to the next. So it is with the myth of Icarus, the legend of a boy who fashioned wings from feathers and wax, daring to fly into the heavens. His father was fearful and warned Icarus to be careful, begging him not tempt to fate by flying too close to the sun. But in the end, the boy couldn’t resist. His waxen wings melted from the sun’s rays. And he plunged to his death.
For every being cursed with self awareness, there remains the unanswerable question, “Who am I?” We struggle to find meaningful connections to one another. We are the caring friend, the loving father, the doting mother, the protected child. We fight and we love in the hope that somehow, together, we can understand our significance in the universe. But in the end, no one can share our burden. Each of us alone, must ask the question, “Who am I? What does it mean to be alive? And in the vast infinity of time, how do I matter?”
There are nearly seven billion people on this planet. Each one unique. Different. What are the chances of that? And why? Is it simply biology, physiology that determines this diversity? A collections of thoughts, memories, experiences that carve out our own special place? Or is it something more than this? Perhaps there’s a master plan that drives the randomness of creation. Something unknowable that dwells in the soul, and presents each one of us with a unique set of challenges that will help us discover who we really are.
We are all connected. Joined together by an invisible thread, infinite in its potential and fragile in its design. Yet while connected, we are also merely individuals. Empty vessels to be filled with infinite possibilities. An assortment of thoughts, beliefs. A collection of disjointed memories and experiences. Can I be me without this? Can you be you? And if this invisible thread that holds us together were to sever, to cease, what then? What would become of billions of lone, disconnected souls? Therein lies the great quest of our lives. To find. To connect. To hold on. For when our hearts are pure, and our thoughts in line, we are all truly one. Capable of repairing our fragile world, and creating a universe of infinite possibilities.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
THOUGHT: DR. MOHINDER SURESH FROM HEROS (TV SERIES) QUOTES
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
PERSONAL: SEPARATE YET ONE
From the very beginning of time our spirits have been predestined to exist together. Twin souls, separate yet one.We begin our journey together, prepared for our next incarnation.Though sometimes along the way,emerging forces beyond our control temporarily intervene.And we live for a time engaged in an eloquent yet lonely solo dance.Living at different times, in different places, we find comfort and Jubilation in knowing that our destinies lie In our next existence together. sharing a kinship... a tenderness, Uniting emotionally, spiritually and mentally As we come forth out of and into each other, in a transition of beauty and harmony... gloriously suited one to the other...
Two hearts entwined, tied together by invisible threads of love strong enough to hold any pressure, yet gentle as a dove.Soft and silky threads woven from compassion and happiness that stretch and bend but never break, holding with tenderness. Two hearts unconditionally joined in a sweet gentle embrace, A raptured look of devotion sculpturing joy on each face.The threads of love embroidering a beautiful tapestry of life creating a picture of two hearts together as husband and wife.
Two hearts entwined, tied together by invisible threads of love strong enough to hold any pressure, yet gentle as a dove.Soft and silky threads woven from compassion and happiness that stretch and bend but never break, holding with tenderness. Two hearts unconditionally joined in a sweet gentle embrace, A raptured look of devotion sculpturing joy on each face.The threads of love embroidering a beautiful tapestry of life creating a picture of two hearts together as husband and wife.
LOVE LETTER: IT'S AMAZING WHAT YOU DO TO ME
It's amazing... How it only takes one certain glance or just a certain touch to make someone fall completely head over heels for someone else...It's amazing... How it only takes a split second to realize that you want to be with that certain someone for a very long time to come... It's amazing... How these things work...It's amazing... How every second I am away from you I am miserable... But the second I hear your voice, see you, or just hear the mention of your name, It puts me in the best mood...It's amazing... How you get to me...It's amazing... How much I like you after just a short time and my feelings grow stronger for you with every breath I take...And what's even more amazing is how someone like me could end up someone like you...It's amazing how miracles can work that way!!! the tenderness of your lips is all I can feel in this unknown reality with my eyes shut. I ignore the outside world and let my spirit fly our lips embraced for what seemed hours. Then it all ended my heart was still racing but for reasons unknown.I know that this wasn't just a dream but a connection and intertwining of our spiritual selves and I know only one thing......I must have more
LOVE LETTER: I LOVE YOU TOO
Every detail about her is intoxicating.I cannot savor just one piece. I must devour her as a whole.The radiance of her smile.The strength of her intelligence. The riveting power of her touch.I become weak in her presence. Her silent strength deafens me.Her emotional weakness cripples for every moment of physical touch sends me into an inner frenzy.She is what I have sought.My entire self-indulgent life. She absorbs me like the rain that becomes life in the dry heat. I want to lay you down in some little place, Listen to your song. Listen to the way your soul speaks,The way your heart sings. I want to be the one, who watches as you compose it,as you let it be written.I want to be the one, who sits through the rehearsals, The one who knows you nailed it on the first try.I want to be the one to take you there, The one to hear it for the first time.I want to see your mouth breath life to it, Your lungs expel it out to the world. I want to be the one who soaks it all in, The one who hum’s the tune. I want to be the one who it’s directed to,The one who cries afterward because I know it’s true. Listen to your song.Listen to the way your soul speaks and say, “I love you, too”
Monday, December 30, 2013
POETRY: SO HERE IS MY HEART
I try to imagine
The possibilities of us together
I create scenes and conversations
A hundred and one different ways
You could tell me you loved me
I pretend I'm answering you
I can almost hear our voices
Exchanging sentences
Sometimes, I swear I can feel
The warmth of your arms
Embracing me
And the whispers of love
Echoing in my ears
Pain overwhelms me
When I realize
It was only a daydream
2
It's not a figure of my imagination
The image I create in my mind is something deeper than
'Loves' own define.
The definition for my feelings is a word that's nonexisting,
At least not in this lifetime.
You can't read my mind, so there is no way you
can explain this feeling that dwells so deeply,
digging open this space in my heart that's locked and shut
by hard steel doors.
I thought I had lost the key somewhere or someone had
stole it from me a long time ago.
Or maybe it has nothing to do with a key......
Maybe, My heart just welcomes you.
3
For thy love, I give thee my all
O'er the wonders that thou have filled mine heart with
Thy pleasure hath become mine
And thy pain is that I suffer?
I have yet become a part of thee
And one, hath we become
4
Maybe things are meant to be this way,
To be lost and found by someone else.
Maybe life is fashioned this way,
To hope and lose hope, when there's no help.
Maybe love will continue,
For joy to fill my heart because of you.
The pain I thought would last forever,
Is what you came to take away.
The life I thought would remain the same,
Is what you changed without blame.
The mountain I thought was here to stay,
Is what you came to move away.
If I have shed some tears,
Tears could not have changed things.
If I have tied up my heart,
Words could not have untied it.
If I have won a lottery,
Money could not have brought this joy.
How sweet and pleasant is it,
To see a queen like you change my life.
How wonderful and marvelous is it,
To know you're always there for me.
How joyful and uplifting is it,
To realize you're the reason for what I am.
5
To me you are the one.
The one I need.
The one I love.
I was lost in a maze of my life.
But you found me.
You led me out.
To me you are the one.
The one for me.
I love you.
For you are a rose among thorns
6
Here is my heart
It is yours to have
I give you my heart
i give you my life
I give you all this...
Your eyes, your mouth
Your sweet caress
Your love, your laugh
your sweet tenderness
We love, we laugh
until our lives have passed
till we can say- we gave it all we had
As i sit and write this I'm thinking only of you.
your eyes, smile, and those divine lips and...
How i could reach the stars- in just one kiss.
Your dynamite
your my lover for life.
I give you all of me just so in return i will have all of you.
So here is my heart.
I beg to be kind.
For i have been torn apart and need you to mend it.
So Love me with all you have and in return i will love you back.
This is just a little thing i ask is to just give it all you have.
7
It rains torrentially on the city
and you are not with me.
Every time that it rains my soul is filled
with melancholy and your absence is every time bigger.
Beautiful memories come to my mind, hurriedly,
sweet memories that transport me to those times
where holding hands,
we wandered under the inclement rain.
The wet paths that separated our houses.
Your body was my shelter, and mine yours!
The warmth generated by the fire of our love
kept us dry amid of the rain.
They were the times of the love in full spring!!
I remember the day of my departure, it also rained
torrentially and the rain drops were confused
with our tears.
It also rained in our hearts that night!
Today when you are not close to my side
my sadness is every time bigger.
8
At first it seemed shocking
But now the idea tickles my tongue
And intrigues my curiosity
Beyond the ability to rationalize or resist
I want to be with you.
I want to wake each morning
In your arms
Comforted by your oddness
Seduced by your intricate knowledge of my ways.
I want to care for you
Brush your hair
Put lotion on your soft skin
And pet you at bed time.
Watching your eyes close like a childs
Heavy with the thousand thoughts of me that filled your day.
The possibilities of us together
I create scenes and conversations
A hundred and one different ways
You could tell me you loved me
I pretend I'm answering you
I can almost hear our voices
Exchanging sentences
Sometimes, I swear I can feel
The warmth of your arms
Embracing me
And the whispers of love
Echoing in my ears
Pain overwhelms me
When I realize
It was only a daydream
2
It's not a figure of my imagination
The image I create in my mind is something deeper than
'Loves' own define.
The definition for my feelings is a word that's nonexisting,
At least not in this lifetime.
You can't read my mind, so there is no way you
can explain this feeling that dwells so deeply,
digging open this space in my heart that's locked and shut
by hard steel doors.
I thought I had lost the key somewhere or someone had
stole it from me a long time ago.
Or maybe it has nothing to do with a key......
Maybe, My heart just welcomes you.
3
For thy love, I give thee my all
O'er the wonders that thou have filled mine heart with
Thy pleasure hath become mine
And thy pain is that I suffer?
I have yet become a part of thee
And one, hath we become
4
Maybe things are meant to be this way,
To be lost and found by someone else.
Maybe life is fashioned this way,
To hope and lose hope, when there's no help.
Maybe love will continue,
For joy to fill my heart because of you.
The pain I thought would last forever,
Is what you came to take away.
The life I thought would remain the same,
Is what you changed without blame.
The mountain I thought was here to stay,
Is what you came to move away.
If I have shed some tears,
Tears could not have changed things.
If I have tied up my heart,
Words could not have untied it.
If I have won a lottery,
Money could not have brought this joy.
How sweet and pleasant is it,
To see a queen like you change my life.
How wonderful and marvelous is it,
To know you're always there for me.
How joyful and uplifting is it,
To realize you're the reason for what I am.
5
To me you are the one.
The one I need.
The one I love.
I was lost in a maze of my life.
But you found me.
You led me out.
To me you are the one.
The one for me.
I love you.
For you are a rose among thorns
6
Here is my heart
It is yours to have
I give you my heart
i give you my life
I give you all this...
Your eyes, your mouth
Your sweet caress
Your love, your laugh
your sweet tenderness
We love, we laugh
until our lives have passed
till we can say- we gave it all we had
As i sit and write this I'm thinking only of you.
your eyes, smile, and those divine lips and...
How i could reach the stars- in just one kiss.
Your dynamite
your my lover for life.
I give you all of me just so in return i will have all of you.
So here is my heart.
I beg to be kind.
For i have been torn apart and need you to mend it.
So Love me with all you have and in return i will love you back.
This is just a little thing i ask is to just give it all you have.
7
It rains torrentially on the city
and you are not with me.
Every time that it rains my soul is filled
with melancholy and your absence is every time bigger.
Beautiful memories come to my mind, hurriedly,
sweet memories that transport me to those times
where holding hands,
we wandered under the inclement rain.
The wet paths that separated our houses.
Your body was my shelter, and mine yours!
The warmth generated by the fire of our love
kept us dry amid of the rain.
They were the times of the love in full spring!!
I remember the day of my departure, it also rained
torrentially and the rain drops were confused
with our tears.
It also rained in our hearts that night!
Today when you are not close to my side
my sadness is every time bigger.
8
At first it seemed shocking
But now the idea tickles my tongue
And intrigues my curiosity
Beyond the ability to rationalize or resist
I want to be with you.
I want to wake each morning
In your arms
Comforted by your oddness
Seduced by your intricate knowledge of my ways.
I want to care for you
Brush your hair
Put lotion on your soft skin
And pet you at bed time.
Watching your eyes close like a childs
Heavy with the thousand thoughts of me that filled your day.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
ARTICLE: IS YOUR JAR FULL
I found this story on the internet:
Is Your Jar Full?
When things in your life seem almost to much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar......and the beer.
A Professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and
empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then
asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the Professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was
full. They agreed it was.
The Professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar
was full. The students responded with an unanimous "Yes."
The Professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the Professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your
health, your friends, your favorite passions - things that if everything
else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house,
your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first", he continued, "there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all
your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the
things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are
critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get
medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand."
When he had finished, there was a profound silence. Then one of the
students raised her hand and with a puzzled expression, inquired what the
beer represented.
The Professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of
beers."
Is Your Jar Full?
When things in your life seem almost to much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar......and the beer.
A Professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and
empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then
asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the Professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was
full. They agreed it was.
The Professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar
was full. The students responded with an unanimous "Yes."
The Professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the Professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your
health, your friends, your favorite passions - things that if everything
else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house,
your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first", he continued, "there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all
your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the
things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are
critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get
medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand."
When he had finished, there was a profound silence. Then one of the
students raised her hand and with a puzzled expression, inquired what the
beer represented.
The Professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of
beers."
THOUGHTS/DATING: DON'T BE HEARTBROKEN WHEN SOMEONE BREAKS YOUR HEART
Many people are very sad or lost when they break up with someone.
We have all sat down on a couch, and calmly been there for someone who lost “the love of their lives”. About two years ago when I got divorce, I had a realization. If you break down really deeply why someone is crying, are they really sad that they lost a person? They now get no more time with the person. That person has moved on. But is that really the problem? Deep down, is this the real reason that they are sad? I am starting to think, possibly not.
When you see two people walking down the street, holding hands, you are seeing two individual people. You are seeing two people who are each complete, under the illusion that they are two halves connected. Movies, music, TV shows, and the people around us, our parents, have repeatedly drilled into our hearts a big lie, “You are incomplete without someone else.”
This lie, in my opinion, is responsible for a lot of the pain that goes on in this world. People hear all the time “You complete me” “I need you” “You are the one.” If you tell someone that they complete you, you are saying to yourself that you are incomplete without them.
If you go back to our childhood, we had crushes, we thought other people were cute, but the truth is we were never incomplete without anyone else. We were not really in relationships and we were overall happier.
I am not at all saying that I don’t believe that we should be in relationships. I am saying that almost all of the pain, fighting, stress, fear and sadness is from the illusion that you are incomplete without another person.
Think about it, if you believe that a person completes you, everything that person does dictates if you are happy or sad. If that person leaves, cheats, or even doesn’t do what you want them to do, you just become sad, angry or lost. You are literally an emotional slave to what that person does. You have now assigned the task of making you happy to that person, forever. NOBODY COULD TAKE THAT TASK ON. That is absolute insanity.
About few years ago, I was sad because I was going through a divorce. My sisterr asked me why I was crying. “I don’t want to lose her.” I said. She responded with something that I will never forget, she asked me this, “So you are saying you are in this for you? You don’t want to lose her? Do you think you own her?” I didn’t quite get it until she added this. “If you really love her, you want her happy no matter who she was with. If you are sad it is because you are saying you want to be the one who makes her happy. That is selfish.”
Man, NO SHIT! That thought immediately freed me. I stopped crying about it and realized something huge. After that second, I was almost completely over her. Anytime I was sad about her and I breaking up, I could see that I was under the illusion that I was owed more of her. Absolutely crazy and selfish. (Sadly for me now, when I see somebody crying over a breakup, I see them as selfish.)
If you are crying about a break up, you are saying you are owed more time with that person, versus being thankful for the time you had.
You are actually spoiled. You have had this experience with someone and you are upset it is not more. Your problem is not the loss of the person. Your problem is your perception.
If you set up a belief system that the other person completes you, I believe the chances of break up or cheating are way higher. Your clinging onto each other will train you that you always need someone. When that person is not around………………….
If you are in a relationship where you know that you are each complete as is, things are very different,
1. You aren’t dependent on what that person does.
2. You can do what you want, when you want and that person will love you anyway.
3. You won’t move from fear. I think many people are doing things with the other person all of the time, just because they are scared that person will cheat on them, or leave them.
When we believe that we are only complete as a couple, we can only do things as a couple. What does that imply? Somebody is always making a sacrifice. There is no way that both people want to do the exact same thing at the same time. This causes us to do many things we would never do alone. I am guilty of this. I can’t tell you how many movies that I have seen many many times because I want to show her. That is fine and cute, but I promise you, if I was by myself I would be getting new things done, not watching Parenthood for the 75th time. Deep down, one person doesn’t want that restaurant, movie, or is missing out on doing something that their heart wants. It has become “What are WE going to do tonight?” Implying we have to agree.
My ex wife and I realized we are both doing things that we would not want to do alone. As a set we both rent movies. If we were each alone, we realized that we would not be doing that, we would be out hiking, or doing something new. However together, a story shows up in our heads and we become this sluggish team of doing what we think a couple has to do.
If you start to understand what I am saying, you will lose something. You will lose co dependancy. You will also suddenly not be attracted to people who are co dependent. You will start to become whole, and you will only be able to align with someone who is whole. What a concept. Now you are whole, with a whole person. Now you can do what you want, they can do what they want and when you guys are together, that time is more special because you are really being you and they are too.
I am going to offer you something that might screw with your belief, but if you face it, you might feel really good.
You are whole, powerful, strong, amazing as is. You don’t need anything or anyone to make you feel good. If you want to argue this, that is your choice. If you want to fix your situation go get a person immediately, and be clung together. If you want to change your life, change your perception of yourself.
We have all sat down on a couch, and calmly been there for someone who lost “the love of their lives”. About two years ago when I got divorce, I had a realization. If you break down really deeply why someone is crying, are they really sad that they lost a person? They now get no more time with the person. That person has moved on. But is that really the problem? Deep down, is this the real reason that they are sad? I am starting to think, possibly not.
When you see two people walking down the street, holding hands, you are seeing two individual people. You are seeing two people who are each complete, under the illusion that they are two halves connected. Movies, music, TV shows, and the people around us, our parents, have repeatedly drilled into our hearts a big lie, “You are incomplete without someone else.”
This lie, in my opinion, is responsible for a lot of the pain that goes on in this world. People hear all the time “You complete me” “I need you” “You are the one.” If you tell someone that they complete you, you are saying to yourself that you are incomplete without them.
If you go back to our childhood, we had crushes, we thought other people were cute, but the truth is we were never incomplete without anyone else. We were not really in relationships and we were overall happier.
I am not at all saying that I don’t believe that we should be in relationships. I am saying that almost all of the pain, fighting, stress, fear and sadness is from the illusion that you are incomplete without another person.
Think about it, if you believe that a person completes you, everything that person does dictates if you are happy or sad. If that person leaves, cheats, or even doesn’t do what you want them to do, you just become sad, angry or lost. You are literally an emotional slave to what that person does. You have now assigned the task of making you happy to that person, forever. NOBODY COULD TAKE THAT TASK ON. That is absolute insanity.
About few years ago, I was sad because I was going through a divorce. My sisterr asked me why I was crying. “I don’t want to lose her.” I said. She responded with something that I will never forget, she asked me this, “So you are saying you are in this for you? You don’t want to lose her? Do you think you own her?” I didn’t quite get it until she added this. “If you really love her, you want her happy no matter who she was with. If you are sad it is because you are saying you want to be the one who makes her happy. That is selfish.”
Man, NO SHIT! That thought immediately freed me. I stopped crying about it and realized something huge. After that second, I was almost completely over her. Anytime I was sad about her and I breaking up, I could see that I was under the illusion that I was owed more of her. Absolutely crazy and selfish. (Sadly for me now, when I see somebody crying over a breakup, I see them as selfish.)
If you are crying about a break up, you are saying you are owed more time with that person, versus being thankful for the time you had.
You are actually spoiled. You have had this experience with someone and you are upset it is not more. Your problem is not the loss of the person. Your problem is your perception.
If you set up a belief system that the other person completes you, I believe the chances of break up or cheating are way higher. Your clinging onto each other will train you that you always need someone. When that person is not around………………….
If you are in a relationship where you know that you are each complete as is, things are very different,
1. You aren’t dependent on what that person does.
2. You can do what you want, when you want and that person will love you anyway.
3. You won’t move from fear. I think many people are doing things with the other person all of the time, just because they are scared that person will cheat on them, or leave them.
When we believe that we are only complete as a couple, we can only do things as a couple. What does that imply? Somebody is always making a sacrifice. There is no way that both people want to do the exact same thing at the same time. This causes us to do many things we would never do alone. I am guilty of this. I can’t tell you how many movies that I have seen many many times because I want to show her. That is fine and cute, but I promise you, if I was by myself I would be getting new things done, not watching Parenthood for the 75th time. Deep down, one person doesn’t want that restaurant, movie, or is missing out on doing something that their heart wants. It has become “What are WE going to do tonight?” Implying we have to agree.
My ex wife and I realized we are both doing things that we would not want to do alone. As a set we both rent movies. If we were each alone, we realized that we would not be doing that, we would be out hiking, or doing something new. However together, a story shows up in our heads and we become this sluggish team of doing what we think a couple has to do.
If you start to understand what I am saying, you will lose something. You will lose co dependancy. You will also suddenly not be attracted to people who are co dependent. You will start to become whole, and you will only be able to align with someone who is whole. What a concept. Now you are whole, with a whole person. Now you can do what you want, they can do what they want and when you guys are together, that time is more special because you are really being you and they are too.
I am going to offer you something that might screw with your belief, but if you face it, you might feel really good.
You are whole, powerful, strong, amazing as is. You don’t need anything or anyone to make you feel good. If you want to argue this, that is your choice. If you want to fix your situation go get a person immediately, and be clung together. If you want to change your life, change your perception of yourself.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
SPIRITUAL/ PERSONAL/ DATING:THE NEXT PERSON YOU MEET WILL, IN FACT, BE THE ONE
This blog is all about creating a great life story—one day, one change, one lesson at a time.
The universe is unfolding exactly as it should. The truth is, the next person that comes into your life is going to be EXACTLY the one. Maybe it’ll be for a conversation; maybe it’ll be for a lifetime.
The next person you meet will, in fact, be the one. And if there’s a person after that, he or she will be “The One,” too.
You aren’t responsible for predicting the next 50 years of your life whenever you go on a first date. That’s basically what you’re asking yourself to do by starting with the question, “Is this person the one for me?”
Your responsibility is simply to come to each One with an open heart, and an open mind. And let that person teach you what you need to know. So you can be a better woman or man. So you can be the best version of The One for the next One you meet. Because you’re someone else’s future “The One” too, you know.
And, if you’re lucky, you discover the lesson the world has been meaning to teach you all along:
That YOU are the person you’ve been waiting for. You are the limitless source of love. And whether you’re single or in a great relationship or in a relationship you’re questioning, that’s perfect for you.
You are where you are because there’s a lesson (or twenty) that you must learn to evolve to the next best version of you, which brings you closer to your next One.
So embrace where you are. Learn what you can.
The next person who walks into your life will be exactly the right One for the next set of lessons you need to learn.
And if they help you realize that you are, indeed, the One you’ve been waiting for—that there are a million reasons why you’re lovable and worthy…
I think that’s when you should hang on and not let go.
The universe is unfolding exactly as it should. The truth is, the next person that comes into your life is going to be EXACTLY the one. Maybe it’ll be for a conversation; maybe it’ll be for a lifetime.
The next person you meet will, in fact, be the one. And if there’s a person after that, he or she will be “The One,” too.
You aren’t responsible for predicting the next 50 years of your life whenever you go on a first date. That’s basically what you’re asking yourself to do by starting with the question, “Is this person the one for me?”
Your responsibility is simply to come to each One with an open heart, and an open mind. And let that person teach you what you need to know. So you can be a better woman or man. So you can be the best version of The One for the next One you meet. Because you’re someone else’s future “The One” too, you know.
And, if you’re lucky, you discover the lesson the world has been meaning to teach you all along:
That YOU are the person you’ve been waiting for. You are the limitless source of love. And whether you’re single or in a great relationship or in a relationship you’re questioning, that’s perfect for you.
You are where you are because there’s a lesson (or twenty) that you must learn to evolve to the next best version of you, which brings you closer to your next One.
So embrace where you are. Learn what you can.
The next person who walks into your life will be exactly the right One for the next set of lessons you need to learn.
And if they help you realize that you are, indeed, the One you’ve been waiting for—that there are a million reasons why you’re lovable and worthy…
I think that’s when you should hang on and not let go.
PERSONAL/JOURNAL: I HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF THIS...
When I was married a few years ago.... I was blessed with the experience of being in the most amazing, intimate, and heart expanding relationship I have ever been in. Every moment we spent together was more fulfilling in so many ways than I had ever experienced with anyone else in my life. We were so compatible in most of the areas of our lives, and even our differences complimented each other so gracefully. I couldn’t help but think…maybe she was “the one.”
Unfortunately, my visions and desires for what could have been between us came to an abrupt conclusion. I found out that, although she loved me deeply, cherished our relationship, and was blown away by how I had matched almost everything on her “list,” she didn’t want to stay married to me.
As I look back...all those years ago...it was very hard and painful for me to hear. But alas, every experience, whether it induces pain or pleasure, is an opportunity for me to learn and grow from, and I always make that my mantra in all areas of my life. So as I stepped out of the love bubble that I was so intensely committed to, I began to peel back the layers and examine what I was supposed to learn from this.
There are many people on this planet that believe, or at least want to believe, the idea that there is one perfect match out there for each of us. This idea is romanticized extensively in our society and in some ways brainwashes many of us into believing that one day we will find “the one” for us and will recognize them clearly when they arrive.
The more I reflected upon my latest relationship and my marriage before, the more I realized that somewhere deep in my heart, I wanted to believe this was true myself. It really is a nice idea if you think about it! I am a born romantic, and my most recent relationship this summer, I really for the first time embraced that. So it was easy for me to get caught up in this way of thinking and dreaming that she was my “one.”
But now all those relationship are over, I feel this void in my life. I invested so much energy, time, and love into these relationship thinking that it could be the life partnership I was longing for, but now that I am back on my own, I truly realize that I had been looking for my partner in the wrong place.
A good friend of mine once told me that I am “the one” for me and that anyone else will just be the icing on the cake.
Nobody out there was going to truly fulfill what I was looking and longing for.
Now, I will say that I have believed this to be true for many years, and, quite honestly, I don’t think I would have been able to attract such an amazing and truly compatible girl into my life in the first place if I had not done so much extensive work on myself first. I spent the good part of the last two years since the divorce learning to love myself more, getting clearer on who I was, and uncovering what I truly wanted. Yet, I didn’t realize that, on some level, I was still looking for “the one” to come in and complete the puzzle. Not to mention, I was unconsciously valuing the love and appreciation that I was feeling from my girlfriend or ex wife more than the love and appreciation that I had for myself.
So here I am, back on my own and back to the drawing board. I realize that no matter how much I practiced self-love before, there are still parts of me and parts of my life that I can love even more. While I was in these relationship, I showed up in ways that I didn’t even know were possible. I gave so much love and support unconditionally without the expectation of getting anything back. And as a result, I gave a lot more than I received.
But now that I am out of the relationship, I realize that I truly do desire, and in some sense need, someone to show up for me the way I show up for them. But, in order for that to happen next time around, I NOW need to show up for myself and see myself in the same way!
So I have chosen to take all that time, energy, and love that I invested into my relationship the past couple of months and put it back into myself.
In order for true partnership to show up in any of our lives, we need to stop looking for “the one” out there and stop hoping that someday our other half will show up and fulfill what we are longing for. In all truth, YOU are the one for you, and YOU are the one you have been looking for.
I am now putting all my effort into embracing that the most important relationship I have in this life is with MYSELF. I’m not saying I have it all figured out and that this won’t happen again in my next relationship (hopefully it won’t). All I can do is learn the lessons, diligently apply them to my life moving forward, and have trust that I truly am ALL that I need. After all, I am the only one I have to spend the rest of my life with!
Take Action Challenge:
For the next seven days, as often as I can each day,I will look in the mirror, put my hands over my heart, take a big breath in and say, “I AM THE ONE I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR.”
Unfortunately, my visions and desires for what could have been between us came to an abrupt conclusion. I found out that, although she loved me deeply, cherished our relationship, and was blown away by how I had matched almost everything on her “list,” she didn’t want to stay married to me.
As I look back...all those years ago...it was very hard and painful for me to hear. But alas, every experience, whether it induces pain or pleasure, is an opportunity for me to learn and grow from, and I always make that my mantra in all areas of my life. So as I stepped out of the love bubble that I was so intensely committed to, I began to peel back the layers and examine what I was supposed to learn from this.
There are many people on this planet that believe, or at least want to believe, the idea that there is one perfect match out there for each of us. This idea is romanticized extensively in our society and in some ways brainwashes many of us into believing that one day we will find “the one” for us and will recognize them clearly when they arrive.
The more I reflected upon my latest relationship and my marriage before, the more I realized that somewhere deep in my heart, I wanted to believe this was true myself. It really is a nice idea if you think about it! I am a born romantic, and my most recent relationship this summer, I really for the first time embraced that. So it was easy for me to get caught up in this way of thinking and dreaming that she was my “one.”
But now all those relationship are over, I feel this void in my life. I invested so much energy, time, and love into these relationship thinking that it could be the life partnership I was longing for, but now that I am back on my own, I truly realize that I had been looking for my partner in the wrong place.
A good friend of mine once told me that I am “the one” for me and that anyone else will just be the icing on the cake.
Nobody out there was going to truly fulfill what I was looking and longing for.
Now, I will say that I have believed this to be true for many years, and, quite honestly, I don’t think I would have been able to attract such an amazing and truly compatible girl into my life in the first place if I had not done so much extensive work on myself first. I spent the good part of the last two years since the divorce learning to love myself more, getting clearer on who I was, and uncovering what I truly wanted. Yet, I didn’t realize that, on some level, I was still looking for “the one” to come in and complete the puzzle. Not to mention, I was unconsciously valuing the love and appreciation that I was feeling from my girlfriend or ex wife more than the love and appreciation that I had for myself.
So here I am, back on my own and back to the drawing board. I realize that no matter how much I practiced self-love before, there are still parts of me and parts of my life that I can love even more. While I was in these relationship, I showed up in ways that I didn’t even know were possible. I gave so much love and support unconditionally without the expectation of getting anything back. And as a result, I gave a lot more than I received.
But now that I am out of the relationship, I realize that I truly do desire, and in some sense need, someone to show up for me the way I show up for them. But, in order for that to happen next time around, I NOW need to show up for myself and see myself in the same way!
So I have chosen to take all that time, energy, and love that I invested into my relationship the past couple of months and put it back into myself.
In order for true partnership to show up in any of our lives, we need to stop looking for “the one” out there and stop hoping that someday our other half will show up and fulfill what we are longing for. In all truth, YOU are the one for you, and YOU are the one you have been looking for.
I am now putting all my effort into embracing that the most important relationship I have in this life is with MYSELF. I’m not saying I have it all figured out and that this won’t happen again in my next relationship (hopefully it won’t). All I can do is learn the lessons, diligently apply them to my life moving forward, and have trust that I truly am ALL that I need. After all, I am the only one I have to spend the rest of my life with!
Take Action Challenge:
For the next seven days, as often as I can each day,I will look in the mirror, put my hands over my heart, take a big breath in and say, “I AM THE ONE I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR.”
Friday, December 27, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: I WISH I COULD SEE YOU
Dear Soulmate
How do I do this? Where do I start?To begin to tell you what sets you apart from others who have come and gone and left their marks behind. You are different than them all,a woman all your own.I never thought I would find a love that would feel so incredibly strong.I never thought I could find someone whom I could laugh with, get along.I always thought I would be the alone But then somehow that picture changed when you walked through my life's door and with your love you swept me away I could feel your love to the core.And with every hug, and every kiss, I could feel your love turn my life to bliss and as the days go by my love grows even stronger. I know now that you and I will be together even longer. For now, my dear, I finally see. I will love you evermore.Forever yours I shall be and no matter how near and no matter how far.My heart belongs to you wherever it is you are because you are my soul mate My only one true love. My reason for living. God's gift from above and as I sit and dream. It is always of me and you because my love, my only love we share a love that's always true
PERSONAL: WITH JUST ONE CLICK
On the Internet love can be just a click away … but the flip side to that is that you can miss your soulmate with a click too. Lets be honest here. We are all on here because the usual avenues of meeting new people aren't quite working out. I don't hold a website accountable for connecting me with a soul mate, however, I am willing to give it a shot in hopes of meeting someone I can spend the rest of life with. I guess I am not good at meeting people. I tend to look in the wrong places and end up meeting the wrong people so hoping to change that. Those that know me would say that I am very social, however, I tend to be somewhat shy and reserved with people I don’t know. I am independent and fine with being alone, but don't want to be. Secretly, I am a hopeless romantic, but not a sap.
I have a good job, my own home, no drug habit or police record. I work very hard to be successful and strive to be a good person. I’m not egotistical, but know that I am a good catch. I am looking for someone who also takes their job seriously, is intelligent and independent. Someone who knows who they are, what they stand for and what they want out of life. Someone with a positive attitude, that loves to laugh and enjoys life. At the end of the day, isn't that what is important?
JOURNAL/DATING/THOUGHTS: MY BELIEF THAT IS BLOCKING ME FROM LOVE.
Smart people lime myself feel that they're entitled to love because of their achievements. For most of their lives, we inhabit a seemingly meritocratic universe: if we work hard, we get good results. Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents.So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way. Right? The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls will like me. Right? Please say I'm right, because I've spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating my education, my home..my car...ect, and I'm going to be really bummed if you tell me it's not going to get me laid.
You know what I learned...your romantic success has nothing to do with your achievements and everything to do with how you make the other person feel. And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare. In other words, you need to earn love (or at least lust). Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment (or put-down), giving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy.
Here's an incontrovertible fact: every one of your ancestors survived to reproductive age and got it on at least once with a member of the opposite sex. All the way back to Homo erectus. And even further back to Australopithecus. And even further back to monkeys, to lizards, to the first amphibian that crawled out of the slime, the fish that preceded that amphibian, the worm before the fish and the amoeba that preceded the worm.
And you, YOU, in the year 2014 coming up soon., the culmination of that miraculously unbroken line of succession, you,Homo sapiens sapiens, not just thinking man but thinking thinking man are the only one smart enough to screw the whole thing up.
Perhaps you should consider thinking a little less then.Because heaven knows that the amoeba, worm, fish, amphibian, monkey and primitive hominids didn't do a whole lot of thinking. Their DNA had a vested interest in perpetuating itself, so it made sure that happened.Turns out your DNA works the same way, too. And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor. To put it plainly, you are programmed to reproduce. Now quit thinking you're smarter than the 3 billion base pairs in your genome and 4 billion years of evolution. Actually, just stop thinking altogether. Let the program do its work.
2- By virtue (or vice) of being smart, I have eliminate most of the planet's inhabitants as a dating prospect. Let's say by 'smart' we mean 'in the top 5% of the population in terms of intelligence and education'. Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise. And if they're going to spend a lot of time with someone, intelligence in a partner is pretty much a requirement. Well, congratulations -- just like me...you just eliminated 95% of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants. Now, luckily, the world's kinda big, so the remaining 5% of the gender of your choice is still a plentiful 160 million or so people. Even if only 1% of those are single enough, good-looking enough, local enough and just all-around cool enough for you, that's over a million people you can date out there. Still, that's less than one in five thousand people. And if you live in a smaller city, it may be just a handful of folks who are going to meet your stringent criteria.
At this point, I have three choices:
A) Loosen up
B) Do a very thorough search all over the planet and be prepared to move
C) Join a monastery.
You know what I learned...your romantic success has nothing to do with your achievements and everything to do with how you make the other person feel. And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare. In other words, you need to earn love (or at least lust). Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment (or put-down), giving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy.
Here's an incontrovertible fact: every one of your ancestors survived to reproductive age and got it on at least once with a member of the opposite sex. All the way back to Homo erectus. And even further back to Australopithecus. And even further back to monkeys, to lizards, to the first amphibian that crawled out of the slime, the fish that preceded that amphibian, the worm before the fish and the amoeba that preceded the worm.
And you, YOU, in the year 2014 coming up soon., the culmination of that miraculously unbroken line of succession, you,Homo sapiens sapiens, not just thinking man but thinking thinking man are the only one smart enough to screw the whole thing up.
Perhaps you should consider thinking a little less then.Because heaven knows that the amoeba, worm, fish, amphibian, monkey and primitive hominids didn't do a whole lot of thinking. Their DNA had a vested interest in perpetuating itself, so it made sure that happened.Turns out your DNA works the same way, too. And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor. To put it plainly, you are programmed to reproduce. Now quit thinking you're smarter than the 3 billion base pairs in your genome and 4 billion years of evolution. Actually, just stop thinking altogether. Let the program do its work.
2- By virtue (or vice) of being smart, I have eliminate most of the planet's inhabitants as a dating prospect. Let's say by 'smart' we mean 'in the top 5% of the population in terms of intelligence and education'. Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise. And if they're going to spend a lot of time with someone, intelligence in a partner is pretty much a requirement. Well, congratulations -- just like me...you just eliminated 95% of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants. Now, luckily, the world's kinda big, so the remaining 5% of the gender of your choice is still a plentiful 160 million or so people. Even if only 1% of those are single enough, good-looking enough, local enough and just all-around cool enough for you, that's over a million people you can date out there. Still, that's less than one in five thousand people. And if you live in a smaller city, it may be just a handful of folks who are going to meet your stringent criteria.
At this point, I have three choices:
A) Loosen up
B) Do a very thorough search all over the planet and be prepared to move
C) Join a monastery.
I know the whole purpose of relationship (and perhaps all of life) is to practice the loving. No partner is going to be 100% perfect anyway, so learn to appreciate people for what they have to offer, not what they don't. And love them for that. That's what real loving is.
Nobody's asking to lower your standards here; you should still spend time only with worthwhile company. But do question the standards to see whether they're serving you or you're serving them.
When you open your heart to love, you may find fulfillment in ways you never imagined possible -- like the day you tried sushi or beer in spite of your trepidation, found it surprisingly alright, and expanded your personal envelope of pleasure. Taking that into consideration, given a choice between happy-go-lucky and picky-but-lonely, happy sounds like more fun.
Nobody's asking to lower your standards here; you should still spend time only with worthwhile company. But do question the standards to see whether they're serving you or you're serving them.
When you open your heart to love, you may find fulfillment in ways you never imagined possible -- like the day you tried sushi or beer in spite of your trepidation, found it surprisingly alright, and expanded your personal envelope of pleasure. Taking that into consideration, given a choice between happy-go-lucky and picky-but-lonely, happy sounds like more fun.
THOUGHTS/DATING: ROUNDER AND THE DATING HAND
I saw the movie "Rounder" recently again on cable. It's a film about about the underground world of high-stakes poker. Starring Matt Damon and Edward Norton...i love it. Anyway. I can see how poker and dating can be part of the same world.
The difference for men and women in dating is that if there is a certain type of men women want to approach them, women can at least go to an establishment where those types of men are more likely to reside and place herself in the “line of fire.” Let’s assume the man we’re discussing is decent at approaching women, has money, is educated, and hasn’t been to jail..someone like myself.
Can we have an honest moment here, ladies? Help me help you! Is no man really willing to marry you or is the exact type of man you want not willing? Can we agree that those are two very distinct issues? One thing men learn early on is that every preference we have not only reduces the pool we have to choose from – which is fine – but it also increases our potential mate’s desirability among others.Women often criticize the types of men (or lack thereof) that approach them; yet, they don’t consider the number of men they turn down as a result of this criticism. Women seem to assume that every man they turn down doesn’t care, moves on instantly, and does so by going off to meet another replacement women. This is just not true. Women are not the only ones that don’t enjoy getting turned down and I can assure you there are more than a few men who are still recovering from getting turned down this weekend/month/year reading this very sentence.
While men might have better odds of meeting women simply because they approach more women, women have the added benefit of choosing a man with the best (initial) winning qualities upfront. In other words, although women may have to turn down more men to find the illusive “good man” they want, the man you choose is more likely to be the type of man you want – assuming you know what you want in a man, another post entirely.
In theory, there’s no limit to the number of women a man can choose from. In reality, a man has to approach a woman he can see himself with, hope she reciprocates his desire, and HE HAS TO HOPE HE GUESSED RIGHT. Men can only choose their wife from the pool of women willing to entertain his advances. Clearly not all women will want him and even those women that do may not be the same women he wants to be with forever. Many men shoot for the stars (approach/date a lot of women) and hope they hit the moon along the way (one of these women is wife-able). If men only approached the women they wanted to marry, they’d be in for a world of hurt and disappointment.
Frankly, dating for men and women is a lot like drawing a blind hand of poker. You don’t know if you have the best hand unless you fold and get more cards, but at some point you have to assume the hand you have is better than any other hand you could possibly be dealt. Since no one is all-knowing, this is a dating reality that men and women face together and neither one of us is better or worse off.
As life happens, kids are born, jobs change, and age increases, we panic and assume that something is better than nothing and what do we do? We (sometimes) settle and opine in vain for a “dating hand” we long since gave away or never possessed. Therefore, I don’t think the average man is winning any more than the average woman is losing. The real reason we complain, men and women, is because both sexes are guilty of entertaining people we know in our hearts don’t belong in our lives. Some will continue blindly going back hoping the next draw from the dating pool will somehow be better than what they already have. A few will be right, but many will be wrong. So, is it easier for men to find their soul mate? No, because if we play the hand we’re dealt wrong, we have the same odds of losing. We’ve all seen the cautionary tale of someone a few decades our senior still playing the game, so I’ll ask you a simple question: are they really winning?
The difference for men and women in dating is that if there is a certain type of men women want to approach them, women can at least go to an establishment where those types of men are more likely to reside and place herself in the “line of fire.” Let’s assume the man we’re discussing is decent at approaching women, has money, is educated, and hasn’t been to jail..someone like myself.
Can we have an honest moment here, ladies? Help me help you! Is no man really willing to marry you or is the exact type of man you want not willing? Can we agree that those are two very distinct issues? One thing men learn early on is that every preference we have not only reduces the pool we have to choose from – which is fine – but it also increases our potential mate’s desirability among others.Women often criticize the types of men (or lack thereof) that approach them; yet, they don’t consider the number of men they turn down as a result of this criticism. Women seem to assume that every man they turn down doesn’t care, moves on instantly, and does so by going off to meet another replacement women. This is just not true. Women are not the only ones that don’t enjoy getting turned down and I can assure you there are more than a few men who are still recovering from getting turned down this weekend/month/year reading this very sentence.
While men might have better odds of meeting women simply because they approach more women, women have the added benefit of choosing a man with the best (initial) winning qualities upfront. In other words, although women may have to turn down more men to find the illusive “good man” they want, the man you choose is more likely to be the type of man you want – assuming you know what you want in a man, another post entirely.
In theory, there’s no limit to the number of women a man can choose from. In reality, a man has to approach a woman he can see himself with, hope she reciprocates his desire, and HE HAS TO HOPE HE GUESSED RIGHT. Men can only choose their wife from the pool of women willing to entertain his advances. Clearly not all women will want him and even those women that do may not be the same women he wants to be with forever. Many men shoot for the stars (approach/date a lot of women) and hope they hit the moon along the way (one of these women is wife-able). If men only approached the women they wanted to marry, they’d be in for a world of hurt and disappointment.
Frankly, dating for men and women is a lot like drawing a blind hand of poker. You don’t know if you have the best hand unless you fold and get more cards, but at some point you have to assume the hand you have is better than any other hand you could possibly be dealt. Since no one is all-knowing, this is a dating reality that men and women face together and neither one of us is better or worse off.
As life happens, kids are born, jobs change, and age increases, we panic and assume that something is better than nothing and what do we do? We (sometimes) settle and opine in vain for a “dating hand” we long since gave away or never possessed. Therefore, I don’t think the average man is winning any more than the average woman is losing. The real reason we complain, men and women, is because both sexes are guilty of entertaining people we know in our hearts don’t belong in our lives. Some will continue blindly going back hoping the next draw from the dating pool will somehow be better than what they already have. A few will be right, but many will be wrong. So, is it easier for men to find their soul mate? No, because if we play the hand we’re dealt wrong, we have the same odds of losing. We’ve all seen the cautionary tale of someone a few decades our senior still playing the game, so I’ll ask you a simple question: are they really winning?
THOUGHTS/DATING: WHY IS HE DATING HER..SHE'S NOT THAT PRETTY
I have learned from dating that women are more superficial than men. I’ve noticed the main questions crop up from women: Why does a man that has everything going for himself settle down with a regular woman in the first place?
The most obvious reason is that he gave up pursuing beautiful women. Men are simple. I often compare them to water. Sure, their direction can be molded but 9 times out of 10, they simply pursue the path of least resistance. Obviously, going for women below your league or even in your league is easier than going for women out of your league. However, I don’t think this is the main reason. In my opinion, a lot of pretty women have issues. As far as men are concerned, all women have issues but pretty women have more. I don’t know why but it could be as simple as because people allow them to. Most men know or will eventually learn that if you deal with enough pretty women, you’re going to have to put up with some extra sh*t. More sh*t than you would with your average regular woman. For example – and I’m stereotyping here – pretty women tend to have less developed personalities, consistently rank higher on the crazy scale, expect more for less in generally every aspect of life, and perhaps the most obvious, because they are pretty, sometimes rely heavily on their looks to get what they want – and are shocked if/when this tactic fails.
Men become less superficial with age. Older men are also less willing to put up with as much random crap from a pretty woman simply because she is pretty. I guess it’s not that men’s preferences change, it’s that we realize there is more to sustaining our happiness than a woman’s looks alone. Men finally begin to weigh pros and cons with greater accuracy: Do you want to put up with the FINE woman with the personality of a rock, who sucks in bed without sucking in bed and doesn’t provide you with much overall satisfaction beyond her looks – for the rest of your life? Or do you stop putting so much emphasis on looks and find a woman you genuinely like for reasons extending beyond her superficial attributes?
For many men it is a truly shocking experience to enjoy spending time with a woman when sex is not the first or only thing on his mind. It takes even longer for (most) men to accept such satisfaction may not be wrapped in the body of a 10.
The most obvious reason is that he gave up pursuing beautiful women. Men are simple. I often compare them to water. Sure, their direction can be molded but 9 times out of 10, they simply pursue the path of least resistance. Obviously, going for women below your league or even in your league is easier than going for women out of your league. However, I don’t think this is the main reason. In my opinion, a lot of pretty women have issues. As far as men are concerned, all women have issues but pretty women have more. I don’t know why but it could be as simple as because people allow them to. Most men know or will eventually learn that if you deal with enough pretty women, you’re going to have to put up with some extra sh*t. More sh*t than you would with your average regular woman. For example – and I’m stereotyping here – pretty women tend to have less developed personalities, consistently rank higher on the crazy scale, expect more for less in generally every aspect of life, and perhaps the most obvious, because they are pretty, sometimes rely heavily on their looks to get what they want – and are shocked if/when this tactic fails.
Men become less superficial with age. Older men are also less willing to put up with as much random crap from a pretty woman simply because she is pretty. I guess it’s not that men’s preferences change, it’s that we realize there is more to sustaining our happiness than a woman’s looks alone. Men finally begin to weigh pros and cons with greater accuracy: Do you want to put up with the FINE woman with the personality of a rock, who sucks in bed without sucking in bed and doesn’t provide you with much overall satisfaction beyond her looks – for the rest of your life? Or do you stop putting so much emphasis on looks and find a woman you genuinely like for reasons extending beyond her superficial attributes?
For many men it is a truly shocking experience to enjoy spending time with a woman when sex is not the first or only thing on his mind. It takes even longer for (most) men to accept such satisfaction may not be wrapped in the body of a 10.
DATING: WOMAN AND ONLINE DATING
Every girl looks for the same five things
A funny guy, attractive, honest,someone to do things with and a nice guy. Every. Single. Girl. After viewing hundreds of profiles, I’m willing to make that non-scientific conclusion. Writing the same thing on your profile as every other girl doesn’t make you different. I’m sick of reading the same five sentences.
My biggest gripe about online dating is the “paradox of choice”, and how most women expect “instant sparks” on a first date / meeting. If there are no instant sparks, online dating makes it so easy for women to say “Next!”, secure in the knowledge that there will be another 10 new e-mails from guys waiting in her inbox when she gets home.
I don't know but online dating seemed a bit easier 7 or 8 years ago. I’m not sure what changed since besides the continued development of Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, etc Everyone thinks they’re a digital celebrity these days and maybe it affects our attitudes towards online dating.
What drives me nuts? Every girl seems to label herself a classy world traveler who likes wine. You send lots of good emails, they don’t respond. Then six to ten months later, you still see the same profiles looking for Mr Right. There aren’t enough new people worth writing after several months and when one shows up, she likely gets bombarded.
A funny guy, attractive, honest,someone to do things with and a nice guy. Every. Single. Girl. After viewing hundreds of profiles, I’m willing to make that non-scientific conclusion. Writing the same thing on your profile as every other girl doesn’t make you different. I’m sick of reading the same five sentences.
My biggest gripe about online dating is the “paradox of choice”, and how most women expect “instant sparks” on a first date / meeting. If there are no instant sparks, online dating makes it so easy for women to say “Next!”, secure in the knowledge that there will be another 10 new e-mails from guys waiting in her inbox when she gets home.
I don't know but online dating seemed a bit easier 7 or 8 years ago. I’m not sure what changed since besides the continued development of Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, etc Everyone thinks they’re a digital celebrity these days and maybe it affects our attitudes towards online dating.
What drives me nuts? Every girl seems to label herself a classy world traveler who likes wine. You send lots of good emails, they don’t respond. Then six to ten months later, you still see the same profiles looking for Mr Right. There aren’t enough new people worth writing after several months and when one shows up, she likely gets bombarded.
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