Dear Soulmate,
A vision of a woman without a face stays with me day and night.This woman, this perfect woman is my perfect princess. She made her way into my life,not knowing what we would share.I knew she existed, but didn't see her standing there. One night, one perfect night,our paths crossed once more.A vision of a woman without a face...gone, when you opened the door. I had the dream, again, last night,you were there with open arms waiting for me to join you......The smile on your face,the light in your eyes said it all.......You came to rescue me, to give me love,life.......You always knew I wanted to live again to be free to laugh,love......You could feel it in my words,in my actions and you came for me......And I ran to you, to hold you, to love you......From the moment I first met you,I knew right then-you were the one.You bring happiness to my life.from the moment you touched me-our life had begun.Nothing else matters but you and me.You followed the path to my heart and then you became my destiny.When we kissed.. I felt forever. I can feel your breath upon my skin. I can feel your love from deep within.
Monday, December 2, 2013
Sunday, December 1, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
Everyone in this world dreams of the perfect relationship at one time or another. I think I stumbled upon what I have dreamed all my life.But can this be real? Can this be it? Do I finally have my wish of all wishes, to be with someone who will make me truly happy? When you get what you wish for, it almost doesn't seem real or true, I never thought it would happen for me! I talk to you late at night or early day, I have this silly grin from ear to ear. As if you can hear me smiling through the phone. Did you know I had a smile on my face each time I spoke with you? I wondered if you could hear it in my voice. Ecstasy is you here with me..The way that things should be A simple touch, A gentle kiss. Those the things that I most miss. A loving stare, a simple phrase. Can keep me going on for days. You are the most beautiful thing to ever meet my eyes,More beautiful than a sunrise in the vast sun-broken sky. I'm going to make you part of me. You're going to be a part of my soul. Every breath you take I'll take it with you. And in every thought of mine, you'll be there to make me smile and forget my sorrows.And every tear you shed I'll be there to help you through your pain. With every day that passes by I will love you even more. And when we grow old and there is no more tomorrow, I want to be there by your side because when the day comes to leave it all behind,I want to know that every day of my life was spent with you by my side.
Everyone in this world dreams of the perfect relationship at one time or another. I think I stumbled upon what I have dreamed all my life.But can this be real? Can this be it? Do I finally have my wish of all wishes, to be with someone who will make me truly happy? When you get what you wish for, it almost doesn't seem real or true, I never thought it would happen for me! I talk to you late at night or early day, I have this silly grin from ear to ear. As if you can hear me smiling through the phone. Did you know I had a smile on my face each time I spoke with you? I wondered if you could hear it in my voice. Ecstasy is you here with me..The way that things should be A simple touch, A gentle kiss. Those the things that I most miss. A loving stare, a simple phrase. Can keep me going on for days. You are the most beautiful thing to ever meet my eyes,More beautiful than a sunrise in the vast sun-broken sky. I'm going to make you part of me. You're going to be a part of my soul. Every breath you take I'll take it with you. And in every thought of mine, you'll be there to make me smile and forget my sorrows.And every tear you shed I'll be there to help you through your pain. With every day that passes by I will love you even more. And when we grow old and there is no more tomorrow, I want to be there by your side because when the day comes to leave it all behind,I want to know that every day of my life was spent with you by my side.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
PERSONAL: THE HUSBAND STORE
The Husband Store
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of
the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item
from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you
CANNOT go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
The 1st floor sign on the door reads:
Floor 1: These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads:
Floor 2: These men have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3: These men have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The 3rd,4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited.
Friday, November 29, 2013
SPIRITUAL: TRYING NOT TO BE RIGID
A friend of mine told me that I was rigid...and she was right. And then I remember Dr. Wayne Dwyer special in PBS..about Lao Tzu
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” - Lao-Tzu
No matter how much structure we create in our lives, no matter how many good habits we build, there will always be things that we cannot control — and if we let them, these things can be a huge source of anger, frustration and stress.
The simple solution: learn to go with the flow.
For example, let’s say you’ve created the perfect peaceful morning routine. You’ve structured your mornings so that you do things that bring you calm and happiness. And then a water pipe bursts in your bathroom and you spend a stressful morning trying to clean up the mess and get the pipe fixed.
You get angry. You are disappointed, because you didn’t get to do your morning routine. You are stressed from all these changes to what you’re used to. It ruins your day because you are frustrated for the rest of the day.
Not the best way to handle things, is it? And yet if we are honest, most of us have problems like this, with things that disrupt how we like things, with people who change what we are used to, with life when it doesn’t go the way we want it to go.
Go with the flow.
What is going with the flow? It’s rolling with the punches. It’s accepting change without getting angry or frustrated. It’s taking what life gives you, rather than trying to mold life to be exactly as you want it to be.
“Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.” - Chuang Tzu
Realize that you can’t control everything. I think we all know this at some level, but the way we think and act and feel many times contradicts this basic truth. We don’t control the universe, and yet we seem to wish we could. All the wishful thinking won’t make it so. You can’t even control everything within your own little sphere of influence — you can influence things, but many things are simply out of your control. In the example above, you can control your morning routine, but there will be things that happen from time to time (someone’s sick, accident happens, phone call comes at 5 a.m. that disrupts things, etc.) that will make you break your routine. First step is realizing that these things will happen. Not might happen, but will. There are things that we cannot control that will affect every aspect of our lives, and we must must must accept that, or we will constantly be frustrated.
You can’t change things in your head if you’re not aware of them. You have to become an observer of your thoughts, a self-examiner. Be aware that you’re becoming upset, so that you can do something about it. It helps to keep tally marks in a little notebook for a week — every time you get upset, put a little tally. That’s all — just keep tally. And soon, because of that little act, you will become more aware of your anger and frustration.
Breathe. When you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, take a deep breath. Get perspective. This always helps me. I get angry over something happening — my car breaks down,— and then I take a deep breath, and take a step back. You know how you’re watching a movie and the camera zooms away and you can see much more of the world on the screen than you could before? How it goes from closeup to a larger, panoramic view of things? That’s what happens in my mind’s eye. I start to zoom away, until I’m pretty far away from things. Then whatever happened doesn’t seem so important. A week from now, a year from now, this little incident won’t matter a single whit. No one will care, not even you. So why get upset about it? Just let it go, and soon it won’t be a big deal.
Practice. It’s important to realize that, just like when you learn any skill, you probably won’t be good at this at first. Who is good when they are first learning to write, or read, or drive? No one I know. Skills come with practice. So when you first learn to go with the flow, you will mess up. You will stumble and fall. That’s OK — it’s part of the process. Just keep practicing, and you’ll get the hang of it.Keep a journal. This is one of the best uses of a journal actually. Once a day, try to recall what all your tally marks were for — and then write about those situations. Why did you get upset? What did you try to do? Did it work, and if not, why not? What can you do next time? This kind of recollection and examination, after the fact, will help you learn from the process.Meditate. If you aren’t good at keeping a journal, at least do a daily review in your head. Do some meditation, or have a bath, or a cup of hot tea, and as you’re de-stressing, go over your day and examine it. Don’t get frustrated — you’re learning. Do some deep breathing, and then go over each situation, trying to see it as a detached observer. This kind of review will help you improve in the learning process.
Accept change and imperfection. When we get things the way we like them, we usually don’t want them to change. But they will change. It’s a fact of life. We cannot keep things the way we want them to be … instead, it’s better to learn to accept things as they are. Accept that the world is constantly changing, and we are a part of that change. Also, instead of wanting things to be “perfect” (and what is perfect anyway?), we should accept that they will never be perfect, and we must accept good instead.
Enjoy life as a flow of change, chaos and beauty. Remember when I asked what “perfect” is, in the paragraph above? It’s actually a very interesting question. Does perfect mean the ideal life and world that we have in our heads? Do we have an ideal that we try to make the world conform to? Because that will likely never happen. Instead, try seeing the world as perfect the way it is. It’s messy, chaotic, painful, sad, dirty … and completely perfect. The world is beautiful, just as it is. Life is not something static, but a flow of change, never staying the same, always getting messier and more chaotic, always beautiful. There is beauty in everything around us, if we look at it as perfect.
“I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me.” - Bob Dylan
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” - Lao-Tzu
No matter how much structure we create in our lives, no matter how many good habits we build, there will always be things that we cannot control — and if we let them, these things can be a huge source of anger, frustration and stress.
The simple solution: learn to go with the flow.
For example, let’s say you’ve created the perfect peaceful morning routine. You’ve structured your mornings so that you do things that bring you calm and happiness. And then a water pipe bursts in your bathroom and you spend a stressful morning trying to clean up the mess and get the pipe fixed.
You get angry. You are disappointed, because you didn’t get to do your morning routine. You are stressed from all these changes to what you’re used to. It ruins your day because you are frustrated for the rest of the day.
Not the best way to handle things, is it? And yet if we are honest, most of us have problems like this, with things that disrupt how we like things, with people who change what we are used to, with life when it doesn’t go the way we want it to go.
Go with the flow.
What is going with the flow? It’s rolling with the punches. It’s accepting change without getting angry or frustrated. It’s taking what life gives you, rather than trying to mold life to be exactly as you want it to be.
“Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.” - Chuang Tzu
Realize that you can’t control everything. I think we all know this at some level, but the way we think and act and feel many times contradicts this basic truth. We don’t control the universe, and yet we seem to wish we could. All the wishful thinking won’t make it so. You can’t even control everything within your own little sphere of influence — you can influence things, but many things are simply out of your control. In the example above, you can control your morning routine, but there will be things that happen from time to time (someone’s sick, accident happens, phone call comes at 5 a.m. that disrupts things, etc.) that will make you break your routine. First step is realizing that these things will happen. Not might happen, but will. There are things that we cannot control that will affect every aspect of our lives, and we must must must accept that, or we will constantly be frustrated.
You can’t change things in your head if you’re not aware of them. You have to become an observer of your thoughts, a self-examiner. Be aware that you’re becoming upset, so that you can do something about it. It helps to keep tally marks in a little notebook for a week — every time you get upset, put a little tally. That’s all — just keep tally. And soon, because of that little act, you will become more aware of your anger and frustration.
Breathe. When you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, take a deep breath. Get perspective. This always helps me. I get angry over something happening — my car breaks down,— and then I take a deep breath, and take a step back. You know how you’re watching a movie and the camera zooms away and you can see much more of the world on the screen than you could before? How it goes from closeup to a larger, panoramic view of things? That’s what happens in my mind’s eye. I start to zoom away, until I’m pretty far away from things. Then whatever happened doesn’t seem so important. A week from now, a year from now, this little incident won’t matter a single whit. No one will care, not even you. So why get upset about it? Just let it go, and soon it won’t be a big deal.
Practice. It’s important to realize that, just like when you learn any skill, you probably won’t be good at this at first. Who is good when they are first learning to write, or read, or drive? No one I know. Skills come with practice. So when you first learn to go with the flow, you will mess up. You will stumble and fall. That’s OK — it’s part of the process. Just keep practicing, and you’ll get the hang of it.Keep a journal. This is one of the best uses of a journal actually. Once a day, try to recall what all your tally marks were for — and then write about those situations. Why did you get upset? What did you try to do? Did it work, and if not, why not? What can you do next time? This kind of recollection and examination, after the fact, will help you learn from the process.Meditate. If you aren’t good at keeping a journal, at least do a daily review in your head. Do some meditation, or have a bath, or a cup of hot tea, and as you’re de-stressing, go over your day and examine it. Don’t get frustrated — you’re learning. Do some deep breathing, and then go over each situation, trying to see it as a detached observer. This kind of review will help you improve in the learning process.
Realize that you can’t control others. Ah, one of the biggest challenges. We get frustrated with other people, because they don’t act the way we want them to act. Maybe it’ our spouse or significant other, maybe it’s our coworker or boss, maybe it’s our mom or best friend. But we have to realize that they are acting according to their personality, according to what they feel is right, and they are not going to do what we want all of the time. And we have to accept that. Accept that we can’t control them, accept them for who they are, accept the things they do. It’s not easy, it takes practice.
Accept change and imperfection. When we get things the way we like them, we usually don’t want them to change. But they will change. It’s a fact of life. We cannot keep things the way we want them to be … instead, it’s better to learn to accept things as they are. Accept that the world is constantly changing, and we are a part of that change. Also, instead of wanting things to be “perfect” (and what is perfect anyway?), we should accept that they will never be perfect, and we must accept good instead.
Enjoy life as a flow of change, chaos and beauty. Remember when I asked what “perfect” is, in the paragraph above? It’s actually a very interesting question. Does perfect mean the ideal life and world that we have in our heads? Do we have an ideal that we try to make the world conform to? Because that will likely never happen. Instead, try seeing the world as perfect the way it is. It’s messy, chaotic, painful, sad, dirty … and completely perfect. The world is beautiful, just as it is. Life is not something static, but a flow of change, never staying the same, always getting messier and more chaotic, always beautiful. There is beauty in everything around us, if we look at it as perfect.
“I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me.” - Bob Dylan
Thursday, November 28, 2013
THOUGHTS: WHY DO WE ALL HAVE TO WORK?
We must do away with the absolutely specious notion that everybody has to earn a living. It is a fact today that one in ten thousand of us can make a technological breakthrough capable of supporting all the rest. The youth of today are absolutely right in recognizing this nonsense of earning a living. We keep inventing jobs because of this false idea that everybody has to be employed at some kind of drudgery because, according to Malthusian-Darwinian theory, he must justify his right to exist. So we have inspectors of inspectors and people making instruments for inspectors to inspect inspectors. The true business of people should be to go back to school and think about whatever it was they were thinking about before somebody came along and told them they had to earn a living.
-Buckminster Fuller
Buckminster Fuller making a point about work and responsibility in a high-tech society. Namely: maybe people don’t have to work. Maybe, if machines become really good at producing the basic necessities of life, rather than bemoaning a loss of jobs we should celebrate our liberation from the toil of labor.
As a practical matter, I recognize that this might be hopelessly utopian. It amounts to saying that we should have fairly high taxes, and redistribute most of the money as a minimal income to every person. Nothing wrong with working and earning additional money, but everyone would get their personal share no matter what, and in principle that might be enough to live on. But the social will is nowhere near making it happen. I can even imagine a utilitarian argument against it, based on the supposition that letting people learn and loaf and enjoy themselves rather than working for a living would lead to less innovation and competition, which in turn would make the world a less enjoyable place. I’m not sure if that’s right, but it’s at least non-obvious that work should be gradually phased out.
But nevertheless the spirit is admirable, and that’s what I want to endorse. There’s nothing morally wrong with the idea that people should spend their time in non-productive pursuits rather than working to earn extra income. It’s not “socialism,” since we’re not changing the free market or the ownership of the means of production. It would just be nice to live in a world where people did challenging things because they wanted to, not because they were forced to in order to survive. Maybe someday.
Pope Francis condemned trickle-down economics and the world of inequality and exclusion it fosters in the first apostolic exhortation of his papacy:
“Some people continue to defend trickle-down theories which assume that economic growth, encouraged by a free market, will inevitably succeed in bringing about greater justice and inclusiveness in the world. This opinion, which has never been confirmed by the facts, expresses a crude and naïve trust in the goodness of those wielding economic power and in the sacralized workings of the prevailing economic system. Meanwhile, the excluded are still waiting. To sustain a lifestyle which excludes others, or to sustain enthusiasm for that selfish ideal, a globalization of indifference has developed.”
Francis asked, “How can it be that it is not a news item when an elderly homeless person dies of exposure, but it is news when the stock market loses two points?”
-Buckminster Fuller
Buckminster Fuller making a point about work and responsibility in a high-tech society. Namely: maybe people don’t have to work. Maybe, if machines become really good at producing the basic necessities of life, rather than bemoaning a loss of jobs we should celebrate our liberation from the toil of labor.
As a practical matter, I recognize that this might be hopelessly utopian. It amounts to saying that we should have fairly high taxes, and redistribute most of the money as a minimal income to every person. Nothing wrong with working and earning additional money, but everyone would get their personal share no matter what, and in principle that might be enough to live on. But the social will is nowhere near making it happen. I can even imagine a utilitarian argument against it, based on the supposition that letting people learn and loaf and enjoy themselves rather than working for a living would lead to less innovation and competition, which in turn would make the world a less enjoyable place. I’m not sure if that’s right, but it’s at least non-obvious that work should be gradually phased out.
But nevertheless the spirit is admirable, and that’s what I want to endorse. There’s nothing morally wrong with the idea that people should spend their time in non-productive pursuits rather than working to earn extra income. It’s not “socialism,” since we’re not changing the free market or the ownership of the means of production. It would just be nice to live in a world where people did challenging things because they wanted to, not because they were forced to in order to survive. Maybe someday.
Pope Francis condemned trickle-down economics and the world of inequality and exclusion it fosters in the first apostolic exhortation of his papacy:
“Some people continue to defend trickle-down theories which assume that economic growth, encouraged by a free market, will inevitably succeed in bringing about greater justice and inclusiveness in the world. This opinion, which has never been confirmed by the facts, expresses a crude and naïve trust in the goodness of those wielding economic power and in the sacralized workings of the prevailing economic system. Meanwhile, the excluded are still waiting. To sustain a lifestyle which excludes others, or to sustain enthusiasm for that selfish ideal, a globalization of indifference has developed.”
Francis asked, “How can it be that it is not a news item when an elderly homeless person dies of exposure, but it is news when the stock market loses two points?”
ARTICLE FROM NYPOST: The $150 haircut that got me laid! By Jane Ridley
Manhattan hairdresser Mischa G laughs out loud at the grateful message from a client thanking her for the look she crafted for him the previous day.
“Your haircut got me a threesome!” texts Philip McElroy, a 21-year-old Hunter College student. A few seconds later, he follows up with: “Next time, I’ll give you a bigger tip!”
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Stylist Mischa G’s own bright yellow-dyed hair comes down to her waist and gives her a larger-than-life Jessica Rabbit-style sex appeal.Photo: Tamara Beckwith
Reviews like this are all in a day’s work for the Bumble and Bumble stylist, who sported a distinctive bright yellow-dyed beehive when she spoke with The Post but likes to change up her look every day.
Thirty-year-old Mischa Gobie (professionally, she goes by the initial G for her last name) is the creator of “The Get Laid Haircut,” a term she coined herself.
Unlike “The Rachel,” “The Kate” or “The Clooney,” the GLH is not modeled on a celebrity. “The look” varies from person to person, and might include a sultry bang here, a straytendril there.
Ask any Mischa devotee and they’ll swear it gets results in the bedroom. Fireworks might not necessarily explode the same day — “actually, most people find they look their best after it [the style] has settled down a bit on day two or day three,” she stresses.
New York City matchmaker Amy Van Doran is so convinced by the powers of “The Get Laid Haircut,” she instructs all her clients to shell out $110 for the complete cut and blow-out package, which usually amounts to $150 including tip, before sending them out on dates.
“She just has this amazing talent for knowing what will flatter the shape of their face and bone structure,” says Van Doren. The duo has a quid-pro-quo arrangement wherein they send business each other’s way.
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Philip McElroy ditched his “stupid scruffy” image for a cleaned-up look that bagged him a threesome.Photo: Brian Ach
“Crazy things seem to happen to people after they’ve seen Mischa. It’s just a massive shot of confidence,” adds Van Doren.
The Buffalo, NY, native started her hairdressing career upstate after graduating college. She moved to New York City and joined Bumble & Bumble six years ago.
“I get a lot of my inspiration from a bunch of drag queens who were my clients upstate,” reveals Mischa. “They aren’t necessarily the most confident people in the world, but they learn how to build up their confidence by altering their appearance.
“I’m a firm believer in the theory: ‘fake it until you make it’ — look and behave like you are fabulous and,after a while, you will be.”
Although she is in a “wonderfully confusing and complicated” relationship with a man who laps up her quirky style — one day, she’ll wear her tresses in schoolgirl braids, the next, they’re up in an Amy Winehouse-style bun — she is constantly hit on because of her hair.
“It’s a great conversation starter,” adds Mischa, who has around 300 clients on her books.
She came up with the term, “The Get Laid Haircut,” a couple years ago after so many of her customers shared stories of their conquests after she did their hair. Since then her business has taken off through word of mouth.
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Mischa injected Lisa Pomery’s straight hair with some va-va voom; Lisa’s boyfriend was blown away by her “mermaid” curls created on the day they met.Photo: Brian Ach
Lisa Pomery, 33, a marketing specialist from the Bronx who is another Mischa disciple, met her now live-in boyfriend the same night as her hair appointment last year.
“I’d stopped by to get my hair cut before an event and Mischa gave me what I now call ‘mermaid waves’,” recalls Pomery, who at the time hadn’t been feeling on top of her game after being single for several months.
“Mike [her boyfriend] always tells me that it was the first thing he noticed.”
Meanwhile, Mischa has even been known to match-make her own clients — with one couple hooking up after meeting at the salon and falling in lust over the sinks.
“There was a definite chemistry between them and he hung around while I was finishing up her hair,” says Mischa.
“He lives in Williamsburg, she was going to something in Greenpoint. They ended up sharing a cab together and hung out a few nights.”
And it was all chalked up to “The Get Laid Haircut”!
In the interests of research, The Post decided to put the fabled magic Mischa G touch to the test. Three single volunteers received the Get Laid makeover. Here’s what happened:
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Hairdressed Mischa G transformed Amy Distler’s lackluster tresses into textured layers with not-too-perfect-looking bangs.Photo: Tamara Beckwith
Amy Distler, 29
Gowanus, Brooklyn
Press and marketing associate for an art gallery
The mission: Last month, Distler broke up with an “emotionally unavailable” boyfriend after almost a year. (Her ex waited nine months before revealing he had three kids and was going through a divorce.) She is cautiously re-entering the dating scene after downloading the popular Tinder app, which offers up potential dates who you can either chat with or disregard depending on their looks and whether you have mutual interests.
The hair: Before her makeover, the willowy blonde admits she was slightly disillusioned with the opposite sex and keen to get a confidence boost. “Maybe my ex will see me in The Post and realize what he’s missing,” says Distler, with a laugh.
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Amy Distler says her date, Dean McCarthy, 36, didn’t recognize her and was confused (but charmed) by her new bangs as she didn’t have them in her original Tinder picture.Photo: Stephen Yang
“I want to give her a more tousled, bed-hair Brigitte Bardot kind of look,” says Mischa. “Sometimes it just takes a different eye — a new person instead of your regular hairstylist — to come up with a new idea.”
She softened Amy’s look by creating bangs, adding “subtle nuances” by straight-edge razoring sections of hair around her eyes and mouth to emphasize her facial features. Then she added “Kate Moss-style waves” to create a devil-may-care look. “Guys shy away from high maintenance and fuss,” says Mischa. “Amy looks more natural and fun and sexy this way.”
The verdict: Distler’s dinner date that night, Dean McCarthy, failed to recognize her when she walked into the restaurant as he’d only seen a photograph of her beforehand on Tinder. Then it was compliments all around. “I’d been contemplating bangs for some time now and Mischa helped me dive right in, ” says Distler. “They definitely made me feel more sexy and sophisticated.” She adds that putting herself in Mischa’s hands made a difference because she wasn’t given the chance to over-think and went with the flow.
Did she get laid? “Let’s just say we went for a second date the following day,” says Amy coyly. She and Dean have been going strong ever since. “The conversation is great, and he’s an excellent kisser,” she adds. “Two very important parts of dating someone!”
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Drummer Jamie Ingalls used to cut his own hair, but thanks to Mischa he now rocks a tidier image and hotter sex life.Photo: Tamara Beckwith
Jamie Ingalls, 29
Bushwick, Brooklyn
Professional musician and pizza maker
The mission: He knows he has to clean up his act after splitting with his girlfriend a month ago and getting back into the “dating scene,” a term which makes him cringe.
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Bumble & Bumble salon workers Helen Walker (left) and Faith David gave Jamie Ingall’s new look the seal of approval.Photo: Tamara Beckwith
“Truthfully, I don’t really go on dates,” he says. “I’m more into meeting someone at a show or bar because that’s where I am more likely to meet the kind of girls I like.”
The hair: Ingalls sheepishly admits that he doesn’t get his hair cut professionally. “I don’t really see the point in paying money for something I can do myself,” he says. Unfortunately, it shows.
“Women like the unkempt look like Jamie’s, but it has to be a controlled, artful type of unkempt,” says Mischa. Ingalls’s brown curly locks were carefully trimmed and the mass of unruly hair at the back of his neck contoured into his neck. Mischa buzzed his beard and he emerged sexier, suave and more sophisticated. “The new cut definitely draws more attention to his gorgeous brown eyes,” says Mischa. “It opens up his face and makes him more approachable.”
The verdict: “I’m pretty into it,” says Ingalls, “The response has been pretty positive.”
Did he get laid? “Yep, the night of the make-over,” admits Ingalls, who went to go see his younger brother, Jake, perform in the band The Flaming Lips, before heading home with the lucky lady.
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Management consultant Jo Lim says her hairstyle lacked volume and movement and she felt “stuck in a rut.” Now, she gets cat calls in the street.Photo: Tamara Beckwith
Jo Lim, 36
Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn
Management consultant
The mission: While Lim is seeing a man, the arrangement isn’t exclusive yet — “we haven’t had the chat,” she laughs — and she is keen to rev up her sex appeal
The hair: British import Lim admits she’s in a hair rut. She’s had the same style for years and, though she doesn’t want a radical change — “I can’t go short, it doesn’t suit my face type,” she insists — agrees with Mischa that a softer, wavier look would make her look more feminine.
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Jo Lim turned heads on her night out in Brooklyn after her fabulous makeover.Photo: Anne Wermiel
“A wave and a touch of curl really makes you more approachable,” says Mischa. “In my experience, guys like anything which isn’t too tidy. You [should] look like you care about how you look but don’t obsess over it.”
Mischa used a straight-edged razor to add texture to Lim’s hair and cut shorter strands around her eyes, again drawing attention to her best features. Next she created waves with a curling wand.
The verdict: Mischa certainly injected some va-va voom into Lim’s look. The result was a fuller, bouncier version of her original style with height around the crown and sexy tendrils of hair. “I’m not usually the type to get catcalls, but I actually got a few of them along the street walking home from the Meatpacking District,” says Lin, who is fully immersed in the New York dating scene, which she describes as “very different from London — there are so many strange rules about how you’re supposed to behave!” She met one of her gay BFFs that night for a drink and definitely passed the test with him. “He was really impressed,” says Lim. “Let’s hope it has the same effect on straight guys.”
Did she get laid? “I’m English and quite reserved so I won’t answer that,” laughs Lim, who nevertheless spent the weekend at the Austin City Limits Music Festival and had an “awesome time.”
Bumble and bumble
415 W 13th St
8th Fl
(between 9th Ave & Washington St)
New York, NY 10014
(212) 521-6500
bumbleandbumble.com/salons/
“Your haircut got me a threesome!” texts Philip McElroy, a 21-year-old Hunter College student. A few seconds later, he follows up with: “Next time, I’ll give you a bigger tip!”
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Stylist Mischa G’s own bright yellow-dyed hair comes down to her waist and gives her a larger-than-life Jessica Rabbit-style sex appeal.Photo: Tamara Beckwith
Reviews like this are all in a day’s work for the Bumble and Bumble stylist, who sported a distinctive bright yellow-dyed beehive when she spoke with The Post but likes to change up her look every day.
Thirty-year-old Mischa Gobie (professionally, she goes by the initial G for her last name) is the creator of “The Get Laid Haircut,” a term she coined herself.
Unlike “The Rachel,” “The Kate” or “The Clooney,” the GLH is not modeled on a celebrity. “The look” varies from person to person, and might include a sultry bang here, a straytendril there.
Ask any Mischa devotee and they’ll swear it gets results in the bedroom. Fireworks might not necessarily explode the same day — “actually, most people find they look their best after it [the style] has settled down a bit on day two or day three,” she stresses.
New York City matchmaker Amy Van Doran is so convinced by the powers of “The Get Laid Haircut,” she instructs all her clients to shell out $110 for the complete cut and blow-out package, which usually amounts to $150 including tip, before sending them out on dates.
“She just has this amazing talent for knowing what will flatter the shape of their face and bone structure,” says Van Doren. The duo has a quid-pro-quo arrangement wherein they send business each other’s way.
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Philip McElroy ditched his “stupid scruffy” image for a cleaned-up look that bagged him a threesome.Photo: Brian Ach
“Crazy things seem to happen to people after they’ve seen Mischa. It’s just a massive shot of confidence,” adds Van Doren.
The Buffalo, NY, native started her hairdressing career upstate after graduating college. She moved to New York City and joined Bumble & Bumble six years ago.
“I get a lot of my inspiration from a bunch of drag queens who were my clients upstate,” reveals Mischa. “They aren’t necessarily the most confident people in the world, but they learn how to build up their confidence by altering their appearance.
“I’m a firm believer in the theory: ‘fake it until you make it’ — look and behave like you are fabulous and,after a while, you will be.”
Although she is in a “wonderfully confusing and complicated” relationship with a man who laps up her quirky style — one day, she’ll wear her tresses in schoolgirl braids, the next, they’re up in an Amy Winehouse-style bun — she is constantly hit on because of her hair.
“It’s a great conversation starter,” adds Mischa, who has around 300 clients on her books.
She came up with the term, “The Get Laid Haircut,” a couple years ago after so many of her customers shared stories of their conquests after she did their hair. Since then her business has taken off through word of mouth.
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Mischa injected Lisa Pomery’s straight hair with some va-va voom; Lisa’s boyfriend was blown away by her “mermaid” curls created on the day they met.Photo: Brian Ach
Lisa Pomery, 33, a marketing specialist from the Bronx who is another Mischa disciple, met her now live-in boyfriend the same night as her hair appointment last year.
“I’d stopped by to get my hair cut before an event and Mischa gave me what I now call ‘mermaid waves’,” recalls Pomery, who at the time hadn’t been feeling on top of her game after being single for several months.
“Mike [her boyfriend] always tells me that it was the first thing he noticed.”
Meanwhile, Mischa has even been known to match-make her own clients — with one couple hooking up after meeting at the salon and falling in lust over the sinks.
“There was a definite chemistry between them and he hung around while I was finishing up her hair,” says Mischa.
“He lives in Williamsburg, she was going to something in Greenpoint. They ended up sharing a cab together and hung out a few nights.”
And it was all chalked up to “The Get Laid Haircut”!
In the interests of research, The Post decided to put the fabled magic Mischa G touch to the test. Three single volunteers received the Get Laid makeover. Here’s what happened:
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Hairdressed Mischa G transformed Amy Distler’s lackluster tresses into textured layers with not-too-perfect-looking bangs.Photo: Tamara Beckwith
Amy Distler, 29
Gowanus, Brooklyn
Press and marketing associate for an art gallery
The mission: Last month, Distler broke up with an “emotionally unavailable” boyfriend after almost a year. (Her ex waited nine months before revealing he had three kids and was going through a divorce.) She is cautiously re-entering the dating scene after downloading the popular Tinder app, which offers up potential dates who you can either chat with or disregard depending on their looks and whether you have mutual interests.
The hair: Before her makeover, the willowy blonde admits she was slightly disillusioned with the opposite sex and keen to get a confidence boost. “Maybe my ex will see me in The Post and realize what he’s missing,” says Distler, with a laugh.
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Amy Distler says her date, Dean McCarthy, 36, didn’t recognize her and was confused (but charmed) by her new bangs as she didn’t have them in her original Tinder picture.Photo: Stephen Yang
“I want to give her a more tousled, bed-hair Brigitte Bardot kind of look,” says Mischa. “Sometimes it just takes a different eye — a new person instead of your regular hairstylist — to come up with a new idea.”
She softened Amy’s look by creating bangs, adding “subtle nuances” by straight-edge razoring sections of hair around her eyes and mouth to emphasize her facial features. Then she added “Kate Moss-style waves” to create a devil-may-care look. “Guys shy away from high maintenance and fuss,” says Mischa. “Amy looks more natural and fun and sexy this way.”
The verdict: Distler’s dinner date that night, Dean McCarthy, failed to recognize her when she walked into the restaurant as he’d only seen a photograph of her beforehand on Tinder. Then it was compliments all around. “I’d been contemplating bangs for some time now and Mischa helped me dive right in, ” says Distler. “They definitely made me feel more sexy and sophisticated.” She adds that putting herself in Mischa’s hands made a difference because she wasn’t given the chance to over-think and went with the flow.
Did she get laid? “Let’s just say we went for a second date the following day,” says Amy coyly. She and Dean have been going strong ever since. “The conversation is great, and he’s an excellent kisser,” she adds. “Two very important parts of dating someone!”
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Drummer Jamie Ingalls used to cut his own hair, but thanks to Mischa he now rocks a tidier image and hotter sex life.Photo: Tamara Beckwith
Jamie Ingalls, 29
Bushwick, Brooklyn
Professional musician and pizza maker
The mission: He knows he has to clean up his act after splitting with his girlfriend a month ago and getting back into the “dating scene,” a term which makes him cringe.
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Bumble & Bumble salon workers Helen Walker (left) and Faith David gave Jamie Ingall’s new look the seal of approval.Photo: Tamara Beckwith
“Truthfully, I don’t really go on dates,” he says. “I’m more into meeting someone at a show or bar because that’s where I am more likely to meet the kind of girls I like.”
The hair: Ingalls sheepishly admits that he doesn’t get his hair cut professionally. “I don’t really see the point in paying money for something I can do myself,” he says. Unfortunately, it shows.
“Women like the unkempt look like Jamie’s, but it has to be a controlled, artful type of unkempt,” says Mischa. Ingalls’s brown curly locks were carefully trimmed and the mass of unruly hair at the back of his neck contoured into his neck. Mischa buzzed his beard and he emerged sexier, suave and more sophisticated. “The new cut definitely draws more attention to his gorgeous brown eyes,” says Mischa. “It opens up his face and makes him more approachable.”
The verdict: “I’m pretty into it,” says Ingalls, “The response has been pretty positive.”
Did he get laid? “Yep, the night of the make-over,” admits Ingalls, who went to go see his younger brother, Jake, perform in the band The Flaming Lips, before heading home with the lucky lady.
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Management consultant Jo Lim says her hairstyle lacked volume and movement and she felt “stuck in a rut.” Now, she gets cat calls in the street.Photo: Tamara Beckwith
Jo Lim, 36
Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn
Management consultant
The mission: While Lim is seeing a man, the arrangement isn’t exclusive yet — “we haven’t had the chat,” she laughs — and she is keen to rev up her sex appeal
The hair: British import Lim admits she’s in a hair rut. She’s had the same style for years and, though she doesn’t want a radical change — “I can’t go short, it doesn’t suit my face type,” she insists — agrees with Mischa that a softer, wavier look would make her look more feminine.
Modal Trigger
Jo Lim turned heads on her night out in Brooklyn after her fabulous makeover.Photo: Anne Wermiel
“A wave and a touch of curl really makes you more approachable,” says Mischa. “In my experience, guys like anything which isn’t too tidy. You [should] look like you care about how you look but don’t obsess over it.”
Mischa used a straight-edged razor to add texture to Lim’s hair and cut shorter strands around her eyes, again drawing attention to her best features. Next she created waves with a curling wand.
The verdict: Mischa certainly injected some va-va voom into Lim’s look. The result was a fuller, bouncier version of her original style with height around the crown and sexy tendrils of hair. “I’m not usually the type to get catcalls, but I actually got a few of them along the street walking home from the Meatpacking District,” says Lin, who is fully immersed in the New York dating scene, which she describes as “very different from London — there are so many strange rules about how you’re supposed to behave!” She met one of her gay BFFs that night for a drink and definitely passed the test with him. “He was really impressed,” says Lim. “Let’s hope it has the same effect on straight guys.”
Did she get laid? “I’m English and quite reserved so I won’t answer that,” laughs Lim, who nevertheless spent the weekend at the Austin City Limits Music Festival and had an “awesome time.”
Bumble and bumble
415 W 13th St
8th Fl
(between 9th Ave & Washington St)
New York, NY 10014
(212) 521-6500
bumbleandbumble.com/salons/
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
PERSONAL: WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel you beside me,but turn around to find no one there.Your presence is near, but you are only God knows where.At times I wish I could have you near, just so I may kiss your tears away and say,"everything will be ok".At times I just want you to be here and comfort me when all isn't right, and then we both tuck away to bed, asleep in our arms just where we should be,Feeling we could stay that way for eternity.I know where I want you, But know you can't be for there is a reason greater than me. Why do you have my heart, why is it you? Oh angel of mine, please stay pure of heart and pure of body 'til I can be with you again in time.
LOVE: LOVE IS LIKE
Love is like an onion, layered and protected from sudden consumption.First, the outside looking in, you see it hard and solid,but a protected treasure is hidden away.Soon, your desires force you to peel back the first layer and the shell breaks; you find more silky layers and begin your journey.You soon notice the detailed lines;for the fine composition you develop a sudden admiration and you find familiarity.Soon, you see even more silky layers; iridescence fills your senses, alive with wonder,and soon your desire leads you to a center and sweet aromas give you pleasure.Consumed with desire, you take a first bite, and then another,repeating the act to fill your body with the sweet taste of the flesh and you learn to indulge yourself in these new wonders you've found.Finally, all the sweet layers peeled away and consumed with earthly delight, you find an unexpected end... But alas, ode to joy, the sheer memories of past onions will bring tears to your eyes and sweet reminiscence.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
When I gaze deep into your eyes our destiny is what I see.There aren't any words to explain to you what you mean to me. I wish there was a word beyond love.A word so powerful, true, and strong with every passion combined that's real for this secretly unknown word, for you is how I feel. How everything but you seems to fade away when you appear into my sight and how a warm feeling forms inside me telling me (since you're there) everything's going to be all right.Because of you, my life has color,Not plain white and black and what really brightens me up is the way you love me back.You're the most amazing person who's ever come into my life and what I promise to you and won't forget is when we first met you were the mysterious woman in my dreams.Who I've been searching for and desiring to have and when I saw you, I took a second glance and knew it was true and from that moment on, I was in love with you! My love for you consumes my heart.My desire for you, my mind.My soul's discovered an eternal warmth without you it couldn't find. When I look into your eyes it's like looking into heaven.I'm looking into a world of absolute perfection. Your voice is an addiction when you sing I almost weep to hear you say I love you and to puts my worries all to sleep.Your lips like cotton candy so soft and sweet as can be.There's not a thing more wonderful than the way you kiss me.Your love holds me together without you I'd fall apart I need you more than the air I breathe.To lose you would break my heart
When I gaze deep into your eyes our destiny is what I see.There aren't any words to explain to you what you mean to me. I wish there was a word beyond love.A word so powerful, true, and strong with every passion combined that's real for this secretly unknown word, for you is how I feel. How everything but you seems to fade away when you appear into my sight and how a warm feeling forms inside me telling me (since you're there) everything's going to be all right.Because of you, my life has color,Not plain white and black and what really brightens me up is the way you love me back.You're the most amazing person who's ever come into my life and what I promise to you and won't forget is when we first met you were the mysterious woman in my dreams.Who I've been searching for and desiring to have and when I saw you, I took a second glance and knew it was true and from that moment on, I was in love with you! My love for you consumes my heart.My desire for you, my mind.My soul's discovered an eternal warmth without you it couldn't find. When I look into your eyes it's like looking into heaven.I'm looking into a world of absolute perfection. Your voice is an addiction when you sing I almost weep to hear you say I love you and to puts my worries all to sleep.Your lips like cotton candy so soft and sweet as can be.There's not a thing more wonderful than the way you kiss me.Your love holds me together without you I'd fall apart I need you more than the air I breathe.To lose you would break my heart
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
PERSONAL/LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
When I think of all the things I've seen and all the things I'll never see, I think of you and your immaculate smile that radiates grace... and I give thanks. When I think of all the things I've heard and all the things I'll never hear, the sound of your sweet voice whispers in my ears, so vibrant to my soul... and I give thanks.When I think of all the things I've touched and all the things I'll never touch, I call your name and hold your heart close to my soul so firm and yet forever... and I give thanks.Your love is like pulsars giving off love signals over an entire galaxy, as I am a planet being forced by my gravitational pull of love... into your orbit.You are the one who makes me feel complete when you are here and broken when you are away.The one upon which my heart and my mind dwell.The one who fills me with happiness.The one who is a part of my every dream and every thought.The one who always finds a way to brighten my day.I - me, my soul, my mind, and my heart filled a great amount of . . .LOVE - an emotion far greater than any other, that is impossible to explain and which I have a multitude for . . .YOU - the person I care for, dream of, and adore. All I care about is that your in my life. You take away my every breath. Every time I look at you, I fall so much more in love with you. You make me so helpless that I never know what to do.you know my love for you is as important to me as the air I breathe. In my tiny corner of the world where only you and I exist, where my garden blooms just for you.
When I think of all the things I've seen and all the things I'll never see, I think of you and your immaculate smile that radiates grace... and I give thanks. When I think of all the things I've heard and all the things I'll never hear, the sound of your sweet voice whispers in my ears, so vibrant to my soul... and I give thanks.When I think of all the things I've touched and all the things I'll never touch, I call your name and hold your heart close to my soul so firm and yet forever... and I give thanks.Your love is like pulsars giving off love signals over an entire galaxy, as I am a planet being forced by my gravitational pull of love... into your orbit.You are the one who makes me feel complete when you are here and broken when you are away.The one upon which my heart and my mind dwell.The one who fills me with happiness.The one who is a part of my every dream and every thought.The one who always finds a way to brighten my day.I - me, my soul, my mind, and my heart filled a great amount of . . .LOVE - an emotion far greater than any other, that is impossible to explain and which I have a multitude for . . .YOU - the person I care for, dream of, and adore. All I care about is that your in my life. You take away my every breath. Every time I look at you, I fall so much more in love with you. You make me so helpless that I never know what to do.you know my love for you is as important to me as the air I breathe. In my tiny corner of the world where only you and I exist, where my garden blooms just for you.
Monday, November 25, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: THIS IS TO YOU...MY ANGEL
This is to you, My angel. You are the one I need,.You have brought me out of the darkness. You have brought a glorious loving light with thee whenever we talk to one another. Your loving, caring, gentle eyes have enchanted me into your loving grace and with your caressing touch you have given me something to live for. And that something to live for is you, My sweet, sweet Angel. How could I come upon such a lovely creature like you and deserve you.You, my beloved Angel, have ended the long lonely existence for me I wish for you to know that my heart and soul are at your commanding grace for you are gods greatest creation for the rest of eternity. You are the greatest thing that has ever happen to me. For I love you for the rest of eternity and beyond. Whenever you speak your lovely voice of yours has evoked me into your bewitching spell.I never want to be freed from what you have cast upon me, My love I wish to never be set free from your spell of love and to always be at your side whenever you have need of me. You are the one I have always dreamed of while I sleep and I never wish to leave you.
I don't know where to start but when I do It's from the bottom of my heart.If I could read the hearts of every girl alive, nothing would compare to the love I have inside. I give it all to you. I'd give the world, too. If I was able to, It would be yours. The love I found inside of you couldn't be dreamed in any dream. It's a love, unconditional. It's a love, so true that begins in the hearts of you and me. Oh, ever since the day that Cupid's arrow pierced my heart
My love's gone all to you, never ending, from the start.Oh, all the letters, all the hours, all the words, and all the flowers can't even begin to show the love I have inside for you.
I don't know where to start but when I do It's from the bottom of my heart.If I could read the hearts of every girl alive, nothing would compare to the love I have inside. I give it all to you. I'd give the world, too. If I was able to, It would be yours. The love I found inside of you couldn't be dreamed in any dream. It's a love, unconditional. It's a love, so true that begins in the hearts of you and me. Oh, ever since the day that Cupid's arrow pierced my heart
My love's gone all to you, never ending, from the start.Oh, all the letters, all the hours, all the words, and all the flowers can't even begin to show the love I have inside for you.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
GETTING TO THE CORE: FEAR
If only I could get rid of the difficulties I am facing, if only I could just "get it right" then I could get on with having a great relationship.
Someone says something that hurt me and touched off a fight.At first I get caught up in feeling hurt and my body aches and my mind is swarming with painful thoughts.
I don't like to feel this way.so I start to react against it. The more I struggle, the more entangled I get. I start to tell myself stories...
-she attacking me
-she will never understand me
-she is aggressive
-if I plug into the story...she likes to attack me, that's just the way she is. I then to do something to get back at hero or close myself off to her.
I must put away my stories.
These kind of stories are mental fabrication, judgement or interpretations that put what's happening into familiar framework.. Usually we do not recognize these stories as our own invention, instead we believe that they represent some reality. Stories often operate in the background of the mind as part of an ongoing stream of gossip that we keep us with ourselves. The less conscious we are of how they control us, the more they keep us locked into old patterns of behavior.
The greatest obstacles in relationship are often our stories about how we think relationship should be..
-if you love someone you should always keep them happy
-you should always want to be there
-you should set aside angry.
At the core of my fear is fear of loss. I am afraid of being neglected or abandoned again. And I cling to relationship in a addictive way and demanding my partner to continually prove their love...to surrender to me...to let me be in control. I guess my parent never responded to my need for love and caring..even thought they were good parents and did the best they can. I feel ashamed and disempowered when I have need to connect to someone. I play out the same self defeating patterns over and over again.
I keep telling myself
I am not really worthy of a wonderful relationship.
I can't have such wonderful feelings.
Therefore I'd better grab what I can right now, before this woman disappears...I can't believe this will ever last..and I would immediately give himself to the relationship...and this usually scary people away confirming I can't really have this...
This master script keep telling me...
"There is something wrong with me....I am not enough"
It's just my way of coping with sever deprivation and neglect in childhood. I am trying to understand why my parents were not more loving ..and it must be that I am bad and undeserving of love. Maybe my parents neglect is because I am not good enough. In believing that...i solidified my deprivation into an identity....I found a way to make something (an identity for myself) out of nothing (unfulfilled needs)
This provided a security of sort...the only kind that was available when I was young.I feel more fully of myself when I am empty,hungry, and deprived. Despite the pain it caused it gave me security.
Believing this story as truth and accurate..it just conditions my belief system.This story become my life script that give me identity.
This essential need to be loved is not acknowledged and we express it in distorted ways. The critic in my head...makes me feel guilty and ashamed of the need...it's somehow wrong, bad. The solution is to establish a straightforward adult relationship with my needs ...so the critic nor the wounded child remain in charge.
Surrendering involves letting go of what we already know or have and letting be...opening to the situation that life presents.Many people distrust the nothing of surrendering because they confuse it to submission to another's will...which can in fact have disastrous consequences in a relationship. Submission means giving over power to someone else, putting that person above us
Someone says something that hurt me and touched off a fight.At first I get caught up in feeling hurt and my body aches and my mind is swarming with painful thoughts.
I don't like to feel this way.so I start to react against it. The more I struggle, the more entangled I get. I start to tell myself stories...
-she attacking me
-she will never understand me
-she is aggressive
-if I plug into the story...she likes to attack me, that's just the way she is. I then to do something to get back at hero or close myself off to her.
I must put away my stories.
These kind of stories are mental fabrication, judgement or interpretations that put what's happening into familiar framework.. Usually we do not recognize these stories as our own invention, instead we believe that they represent some reality. Stories often operate in the background of the mind as part of an ongoing stream of gossip that we keep us with ourselves. The less conscious we are of how they control us, the more they keep us locked into old patterns of behavior.
The greatest obstacles in relationship are often our stories about how we think relationship should be..
-if you love someone you should always keep them happy
-you should always want to be there
-you should set aside angry.
At the core of my fear is fear of loss. I am afraid of being neglected or abandoned again. And I cling to relationship in a addictive way and demanding my partner to continually prove their love...to surrender to me...to let me be in control. I guess my parent never responded to my need for love and caring..even thought they were good parents and did the best they can. I feel ashamed and disempowered when I have need to connect to someone. I play out the same self defeating patterns over and over again.
I keep telling myself
I am not really worthy of a wonderful relationship.
I can't have such wonderful feelings.
Therefore I'd better grab what I can right now, before this woman disappears...I can't believe this will ever last..and I would immediately give himself to the relationship...and this usually scary people away confirming I can't really have this...
This master script keep telling me...
"There is something wrong with me....I am not enough"
It's just my way of coping with sever deprivation and neglect in childhood. I am trying to understand why my parents were not more loving ..and it must be that I am bad and undeserving of love. Maybe my parents neglect is because I am not good enough. In believing that...i solidified my deprivation into an identity....I found a way to make something (an identity for myself) out of nothing (unfulfilled needs)
This provided a security of sort...the only kind that was available when I was young.I feel more fully of myself when I am empty,hungry, and deprived. Despite the pain it caused it gave me security.
Believing this story as truth and accurate..it just conditions my belief system.This story become my life script that give me identity.
This essential need to be loved is not acknowledged and we express it in distorted ways. The critic in my head...makes me feel guilty and ashamed of the need...it's somehow wrong, bad. The solution is to establish a straightforward adult relationship with my needs ...so the critic nor the wounded child remain in charge.
Surrendering involves letting go of what we already know or have and letting be...opening to the situation that life presents.Many people distrust the nothing of surrendering because they confuse it to submission to another's will...which can in fact have disastrous consequences in a relationship. Submission means giving over power to someone else, putting that person above us
DATING/LOVE: QUALITY OF GIRL
I guess I've always just figured that the more time you spend with someone, the more you'll have invested in them. You'll have more shared experiences, more history - more memories. You'll know each other's habits, likes, dislikes, routines and quirks so much better than any new person's, that the temptation to leave won't really be that strong. You'd have to throw away everything and start again. I hate going through relationship after relationship. Breaking up and then finding someone else
I realized that choosing someone to marry wasn't so much a matter of taking a gamble on the best girl possible as it was a choice of a girl to start to build a life with. In other words, the strength of the resulting relationship wasn't merely a function of the quality of the girl I would choose; much more important would be the life we'd live together - even if it wasn't perfect. By simply choosing to bind our lives together, we would be choosing to invest ourselves in each other; and before long, that investment would outweigh the greater sexual attraction of some hotter girl, or the excitement of sexual novelty.There is always a hotter, richer or more-compatible partner out there; finding them isn't a prerequisite for a happy marriage, and you aren't going to renounce your vows just because you encounter them after marrying someone else. Your partner will always have the advantage of the time you've spent together and the relationship you've built.
I realized that choosing someone to marry wasn't so much a matter of taking a gamble on the best girl possible as it was a choice of a girl to start to build a life with. In other words, the strength of the resulting relationship wasn't merely a function of the quality of the girl I would choose; much more important would be the life we'd live together - even if it wasn't perfect. By simply choosing to bind our lives together, we would be choosing to invest ourselves in each other; and before long, that investment would outweigh the greater sexual attraction of some hotter girl, or the excitement of sexual novelty.There is always a hotter, richer or more-compatible partner out there; finding them isn't a prerequisite for a happy marriage, and you aren't going to renounce your vows just because you encounter them after marrying someone else. Your partner will always have the advantage of the time you've spent together and the relationship you've built.
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