FROM A FAN

The funny thing about sex and money is this. Take any man off the street, well from the majority.  A "normal" healthy nice male,  middle aged, with no extremely bad past, like being a mercenary, spy, abused child, rape victim, terroist recruit, etc. they all want the same thing. Put 2 thousand dollars in their hand and tell them they can have whatever girl they want for 24 hours and do whatever they want. Yes, they will all like different types, big small, pale dark, artsy or nerdy, old or younger. And they might have different favorite positions, like oral sex more or less, or anal. Different levels of roughness and kinkiness. But I swear give a man money and tell him he can have whatever he wants for a night and all the normal nice ones, will want the same.

Given that it the girl with the most perfect appearance according to them, they all want something quite normal. A good kisser, a girl that actually cums, a girl that will swallow, but most importantly the thing that all men really secretively seek and if could if it were possible would even pay for is love. If they could have whatever they wanted, if they could own a woman for a night, most men would want her  and the irony is that is the one thing you cant buy

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: WE ARE LIKE TWO TWIN SUN

Dear Soulmate

We are like two brilliant twin Suns,  circling the universe, sustained in travel, by the fuel that is our Sun's giving hearts. In search of that special person or match, who will rekindle our own love's fire. Waiting to find and fulfill our destiny, allowing us shine eternally brighter. Searching for that feeling that we are needed as well as, waiting to utilize and share our internal and eternal warmth, for it is our nature. My love, you and I resided in the same orbit so long ago as two twin Sun's. For a hot and tender moment we joined together, creating a warmth and heat that could be felt throughout our complicated universe. We drifted apart, though destiny brought us together again. You and I circled the entire universe, seeing and experiencing so many things. Never finding or replicating the feeling of eternal brightness and completion that we experienced years ago. Now our orbit's gravity is strong. We have learned how to navigate our Sun's heart. We now fulfill our destiny and merge together to create one magnificent, bright and brilliant Sun. Our Sun's heart mergees. Together we emit a warmth and heat that will never again drift or burn out. We have found our place in the universe, joined together as one brilliant Sun, fixed in our destiny's universal home. Together we have the power to keep each others Suns hearts eternally blazing, as well as the power to warm our loves universe and all that is around us. You were my Twin sun and my eternal heat. Now we are eternally one. You are the flame that sustains my hearts warmth, keeping my Suns heart burning forever. We shine together as one... now and forever.Only you can make me happy. I see the sun in your smile, the moon in your eyes and the eagle flying in your soul.You are the love of my life,the other half of my soul.You hold my heart in your hand. You are life to me.And when you love me (like only you can do) my heart and soul flys to meet you.Our spirits join. I love you like no other. Only you have touched the hidden places in my soul. I will love you forever.

PERSONAL/LOVE LETTER: IMAGINE MY SOFT PRECIOUS KISS

Smile, and imagine my soft precious kiss upon your lips.Our bodies burning and aching with desire and love. Feeling, breathing, craving, and so sure of it all. Heaven found in a momentary glance into shining eyes. Opened windows to the soul and our dreams An unplanned touch from my roaming fingers Caressing gently the nape of your neck.Slowly running though your hair
Our hearts racing through time.While our memories try to slow it down Every touch, scent, smile, sound, taste, and feeling.Never wanting it to end Like the undying love for you within in my heart. My soul, my life, and my dream come true

PERSONAL/LOVE LETTER: YOU FASCINATE ME

Lady, 

You fascinate me with all your illustrious beauty.I recognize all your splendor when I first noticed your smile that entered into my heart.  Such good times when I'm near you; you captured my adoring eyes anxious to  experience your love.I blow you kisses anticipating the taste of your lips. Ahh, how I admire you and your feminine grace and the warmth I noticed in your cheeks, blushing with romance and love's fire. You release my heart from pain and let me love you... my lady. I dream of you night and day, vivid pictures of you in my mind that filters into my spirit.  I'm enchanted by the loveliness of your face and you fascinate my soul. I long to be held in your arms.Keep silent, my love, and let me just look at you and swoon in your moon-glow eyes.   You are the deliverance of my life; all the expressions of your lips  lift me to glorious skies. Give me for the rest of my life your sweetness so ravish- ing as melodies of cooing doves, and I love to be loved by you as My Valentine forever and more...I can't believe I've found you, my one true love, my heart. You've helped me see the world as I never have before.You helped me see the beauty in everything as I never have. The beauty in me...You've helped me smile a smile of happiness, heart, and love. Happiness of being with you; a heart to see the beauty, and the love of having you. I can't believe I've found you...my wonderful heart, soul, inspiration.You inspire me... to be me.My inspiration grows fonder by the passing of each moon, each sun, and by the passing of each feeling.You are my sun, my moon, my heart.I hold you in my loving arms and hen I awake to find you still.I find you in my arms,smiling and dreaming happily...then you whisper.... "I've found you !"

REVIEW/LOVE/ DATING: MY CHARLIE NICHOLSON

 Who's Charlie Nicholson? The name comes from the movie... High Fidelity.

I find myself writing about this movie .Part of the reason I enjoy the film so much is that I relate to it like it’s my story.



From the movie:

 Number three in the top five all-time breakup list? Charlie Nicholson (Catherine Zeta-Jones). Sophomore year of college. As soon as I saw her, I realized she was the kind of girl I'd wanted to meet ever since I was old enough to want to meet girls. I mean, she was different. She was dramatic and she was exotic. And she talked a lot and when she talked she said remarkably interesting things about music, books, film and politics. And she talked a lot. And she liked me. She liked me. She liked me. At least I think she did...We went out for two years and I never got comfortable. Why would a girl, no, a woman, like Charlie go out with me? I felt like a fraud. I felt like one of those people who suddenly shave their heads and said they'd always been punks. I was sure I'd be discovered at any second. And I worried about my abilities as a lover. And I was intimidated by other men in her design department and became convinced she was gonna leave me for one of them. Then she left me for one of them. The dreaded Marco... (One rainy night, he caught Marco with Charlie) ... (A while later, after reconciling with her, he realized that she wasn't for him) And I lost it. Kinda lost it all. Faith, dignity, about fifteen pounds. When I came to a few months later, I found to my surprise I had flunked out of school. Started working at a record shop. Some people never got over 'Nam or the night their band opened for Nirvana. I guess I never really got over Charlie. But the thing I learned from the whole Charlie debacle - you gotta punch your weight. You see, Charlie, she's out of my class. She's too pretty. Too smart. Too witty. Too much. I mean, what am I? I'm a middleweight. Hey, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm certainly not the dumbest. I mean, I've read books like 'Unbearable Lightness of Being' and 'Love in the Time of Cholera.' And I think I've understood them. They're about girls, right? Just kidding... Anyway, me and Charlie, we didn't match. Marco and Charlie matched.



another quote from the movie:

I can see now that I am doomed to die a long, slow, suffocating death. And I try to figure out why. Of course there’s envy, why isn’t my life like this? And sure I want their money and clothes and jobs and opinions, and I’d like to have advice for jet-lag, but that’s not it. … It’s something else. And then it dawns on me: Charlie’s awful. … Maybe she’s been like this all along. How did I manage to edit all this out? How had I made this girl the answer to all the world’s problems?

PERSONAL/LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate,

With my paint. I'll gather a blend of colours and I'll shoot a rainbow that is long enough to reach your place. And then I'll take your hand, hold it tight, like a pen,and we'll walk on top of that rainbow.From there, I'll take you to the most beautiful paradise you've ever fantasize in your eyes. It is splendidly colourful, like the Roman candle in your favourite tale. With my silver plane we'll fly far and pass by heaven's gate. With my thriller boat we'll sail deep beyond the sea and pass through the ocean world. Just you and I, like two swans in love in a small pond of bond. And again, it'll always be you and I like two doves in love in a small house of grove.In life we'll both entree the place of romance and enjoy the beauty of romance with complete bliss, only with you, I'll have a romance of romantic love..I wondered the other day,what life would be like without you...The way it was before you. It would be day after day of loneliness,The wind would bite because you Wouldn't be there to walk before me,to block the hurt of others.For me to find you without the heartache that others have had to endure is simply, ...a Miracle. Your love is my inspiration, my greatest possession.Being with you is a life savoring full satisfaction. Oceans i will cross, portals i will always suppress because i love you, the more but no less

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate,

Every second we are apart,you're on my mind and in my heart.Every second we are together, I need you like the bird needs feathers.With this statement above, it is clear in my mind, You weren't put on this earth for the whole of mankind.God put you on this earth just for me, you are an angel, that I can see. I will give you anything you adore,for when I'm in your presence I'm in utter awe. I would share with you every rainbow, Take away bad things, so the pain will go. I have something else to tell you now, It has everything to do with why and how. Why I need you as much as I do and how it is possible to truely love you. I got hit in a place by cupids arrow,
In the only place where it works, it's narrow.  It goes through the skin and past the chest, Moves to the left and lies to rest.This perfectly precisioned flying dart, hit me right in the midst of my heart.This wound is never healing, Never sealing. and this bleeding for you, Is a love that is true. This is why my face has a smile, You are my soul mate, you make me worthwhile.At the same time you make me strong and weak, Making one thing certain, my heart does seek, the same in return all mentioned above,For this will prove my enduring love. Looking into the starry night, filled with a glow so bright,The days seem to go so fast,thinking of the time that's past. A smile comes which seems so rare, I picture your face and can only stare,Your beautiful eyes shine and gleam, You're like an angel, straight from a dream This feeling seems unknown to me,And it's being with you that sets me free, Your image spreads its wings and starts to fly,It begins to dim and look so shy,Leaving me with memories to keep,Along with that smile... I fall asleep.

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: I DREAM OF YOU

Dear Soulmate,

I dream of you in the day and night.In my every moment I see your caring ways.Your nurturing love I dream of delicate moments in a soft bed huddled in each other and relaxed and protected. I dream of you this way,always. Your impish ways and your devilish smile.Our fulfillment, in loving intensely,relaxed in the joy of understanding healing together amid life's confusion. Guide me home my love, to where you are,it can't be far. To a loving place.To your caring face where my love can be reflected to my warm bed. This love we share reminds me of a raging fire.You are the arsonist of our love is the fire.Fire that burns deep within my soul and doused with mental stimulation thus, creating large sparks of love, laughter, warmth and human kindness.Sparks blowing out of control, for I feel them in my sleep. I attempt to fan the dangerous flames of love , but I can't fight, for I am overwhelmed.This flames of love are filled with emotional vapors.This is the hottest fire I've ever witnessed as the fire rages higher, it takes my breath away, but yet I inhale the smoke of love. The smoke of love engulfs every living cell of my body and mind  The sensation feels good running up and down my spine.I am scared for life, this arsonist and fire impacts my life forever.Yes, I've gazed into the raging fire- I began to melt helplessly I slip into unconsciousness from the shock of the aftermath.A fire so hot it continually burns.Vividly I see incandescent light which yields me to a conscious state.Now awakened, I am grateful  I walked through the fire and found the arsonist. A year later the fire rages on in our relationship, hearts, and in our words.My Heart is filled with love, and you are in my dreams, flying like a dove and we dance on moonbeams.You Took me by the heart,
and led me to a beautiful place.You gave my love a start,the moment I looked into your face. My heart is yours, you hold the only key, for you will be my only lover. I'll love you from here to eternity, 'cause my love for you belongs to no other.

POETRY:WHAT IF YOU WERE HERE WITH ME

1

Once upon a time, in the land of my dream,
There was a young Knight who searched for his Queen,
He followed his quest and he searched all lands through.
He searched for his love, he knew would be true.

She has eyes like diamonds, yet Blue and so deep,
The window of her soul, shows a beauty so sweet
She has hair like and Angel, Autumn colored and long,
She brings to my heart, loves simple song.

He sought out a wizard, to conjure a spell,
To find this fair princess, that in his heart dwells.
He begged this magician, by all that is right,
Find me my love, my souls true delight.

She has beauty unequaled, by all in all time,
Her soul is so perfect, it must be with mine,
The wizard did tell him, that this lady he loved,
Was not mere a princess, but an angel from above.

He said all the magic I have in my power
Cannot make this perfection, in any number of hours
He said you should ask for the heavens to send,
One of God?s perfect creatures, for your quest to end.

So he prayed long and hard, for 40 long years,
He knelt and he begged, and cried many tears.
And finally God looked, at a love that was true,
And released from his heaven, a creature like you.

I am that Knight, who sought long and true,
I searched an eternity, just to find you.
You are my Princess, whom I dearly love,
Sent down to me from the heavens above.

I will hold and protect you from life?s many troubles
I will shield your soul, and give love that doubles,
Each day of my life, that I spend with you,
Is likened to heaven, with an Angel it?s true.

To you I will give, all the love that I have,
I will Cherish, and honour, as long as live.
And then someday, when death doth make us part,
I will wait in your heaven, for you have my heart.

In heaven, the story shall go on forever
Of a love that is perfect and never will waiver.
For you are my Angel, sent down from above,
To have and to hold, and forever to love.




2

when someone is born, someone else holds the key to his happiness
a person whom many refer to as, a kindred spirit, or a soulmate
each of us must find that person, no matter the distance or sacrifices
however, if we will find them is what most people tend to debate

but listen to God and He'll guide you, without a doubt
and remember not to rush things.  He works in His time, not ours
when it seems your heart isn't living anymore
and experiencing an emotional drought
miracles will unfold and turn your weeds into flowers

now that this is starting to sink in and not just sounding witty
what if you're the one holding the key to my city?



3

What if you were here with me,
Here so close to you,
How would this one moment be?
Lying close to you,
Sins be in my lips and touch.
When I'm close to you,
Still I long for it so much,
Being close to you,
I transgress within my dreams
So I'm close to you,
I sometimes wonder what this means
While breathing close to you,
My only wish for night and day
Is remaining close to you,
And so I guess I'll find a way
To stay here close to you.




4

morning is here again;
but my soul still calls
far into the woods, for the love I yearn for

a spell upon my soul
is to love the one once had.
though a new day,
my soul dares not move on.

I call upon Her name
in vain I wait to be heard
I know not what she thinks
but of me, I hope

how long a slave shall I be to this spell?
how long shall I wait for your love?
please love me again
for I shall be
forever in love with thee.



5

You are everything I ever wanted.
My love for you is like nothing I have ever felt before.
The way I feel inside for you is completely unexplainable.
You are my other half, the one I want, always and forever.
I can see myself ten years from now, still in your warm
 and open arms.
You are the one... I can so easily can slide my body
 into your embracing arms.
The way you touch me shows me that you do love me.
How do you do it?
When I look at you, just look at you, all my pain and worries
 seem to disappear into thin air.
You are the one I turn to when I need someone,
 whether it is for a shoulder to cry on
 or a congratulations for something I accomplished.
You are everything I ever hoped for, and everything I prayed for.
You are the one I go to sleep thinking of, and the one



6

Seven minutes pass and I'm thinking about you,
Seven hours pass and I'm dreaming about you,
Seven days pass and I can't stop talking about you,
Seven weeks pass and I'm falling in love with you.

Every hour of everyday
You're always in my heart and always will be.
You've shown me how to love someone for who they are.
You taught me how to be patient
And appreciate the love someone has for you.

You've shown me that dreams can come true,
And if I believe that I could find true love,
It will find me too;
Like we found each other and receive one another with open arms.

You taught me how to live life the way it should be,
Becuase you were there by my side,
Living through it, going through every happy moment,
And difficult ones, too.

You've shown me that you love me with every kiss,
With every touch, with every smile, with every word you speak,
And with every look you give me.

You have taught and shown me that loving you
Is the best thing that has ever happened to me,
And being with you is more than enough.

You are my world, my love and my life.
You are my everything,
And if I could grant you any wish or give you anything
And everything you would ever want,
I would do so much more.
I love you for life... no matter what!!!
 

LOVE/DATING: I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP WITH A LOT OF WOMAN TO KEEP MY INTEREST IN SEX

Who has ever heard a musician ask how to stay interested in music or a poet complaining about being bored with poetry. If a musician does not need to keep changing instruments to stay interested in music, why do we imagine that we need a succession of new bodies. To me, to tap the sacred power of sex, we have to give up trying to make it fit in some convenient mold..as form of recreation, or something that happens in bed...or as a separate compartment of our live. When we make love, our subtle bodies interpenetrate in a way that goes far beyond our exchange at the body level. Emotional exchange take places through the eyes and mouth. There is also exchange or energy. Thus two lovers physical bodies are like musical instrument...they are the media through which the lovers different life energy weave a natural harmony. If there is no exchange of vital energy, you are left feeling empty for you have used each other's bodies to create noise rather than a song. Life music, sex can be used for entertainment or for meaningless background noise

I love sex...i don't need to be sleeping with a lot of woman to keep my interest in it, but most woman don't believe me. I just want to make beautiful music with one person.

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate,

Through days and through nights,time after time I feel the pains surrounding my mind. The loneliness, that long dark road which I travel alone each day. How is it that I have come to fall in love, but such strong love I hold inside and yet I'm so many miles from the one I love. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and that tears are only rain to make love grow stronger, though I miss her so much, I'm running for the first flight out. So happy for what life has offered, never thought I would come across someone so beautiful as her. Beauty in her smile, and her eyes shining like the bright stars above. From a distance her image shining brightly as the sun shines and the wind blows her long black hair. Remembering so clearly in my mind every moment we shared, and every time they ask where is your girlfriend? In reply I say many miles from here, but just in the corner of my heart. My love- I have sipped the sweetness of your being.You have caressed my soul, and I have touched yours.We have frolicked together on the beaches of my imagination. I can never feel ordinary again.In the everyday things of life you are in the quiet of my heart. The stillness of my soul. To your loving hand my life bestowed

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate,

If ever you get this feeling, a feeling of despair. You can trust me with your heart, I'm always here, just share. I'll help you when you need it, my time is yours, it's free.  I gladly make this offer; you're an angel sent to me. If ever you get this feeling, a feeling to be hugged, you can trust me with your heart, My hugs come like a flood.. I'll hold you close and tender, my hugs are yours, they're free. This offer of my deep embrace, it's here to fill a need. If ever you get this feeling, a feeling for a kiss. You can trust me with your heart, My life I'd give for this.My heart alights with passion, my kiss is yours, it's free. No better have I ever found, I hope that you'll agree. If ever you get this feeling, a feeling to be loved. You can trust me with your heart, I'll warm it like a glove. I really hope you'll understand, my love is yours, it's free. My offer comes from deep within, it's here for you to see If ever you get this feeling, a feeling that you're alone.You can trust me with your heart, I'm close, just try the phone I'll talk with you for days on end, my time is yours, it's free. I'll say it once again, my love, You're An Angel Sent To Me! I love you in uncountable ways from the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul. I cherish you in unthinkable ways from the rising of the sun to its going down. I admire you with the freedom of my heart with joy and pride and all that's within me. I care for you with the integrity of my soul and with passion that flows and emotion that runs free. I find you to be the only pleasure of my life...for the tender-loving feelings your love always brings. I dream of you beyond every imagination from the sky to the moon, from the clouds to the stars. I'll die for you, for the sake of life for love will continue even after death. I crave for you from my limitless horizon and for all the fantasies met and romances experienced.You awaken in me a long lost passions,slumbering feelings hidden inside me that filling my heart with your love. My hopes with desires...my whole being with your dreams until I am full of your presence

POETRY: IN MY TINY CORNER OF THE WORLD

To love...
     ...is to discover the quality of one person
   and to relate to their feelings...
     ...troubles
     ...obstacles
     ...emotions
   and happiness that they uphold.

To love...
     ...is to find true friendship...
     ...before
   and during the loving relationship.

To love...
     ...is to make up after arguments,
  and to attempt to make any negative
  aspect a positive one.
  Remembering nothing is perfect,
  but anything you hope to be near perfect, can be.

To love...
     ...is to ignore what one...
     ...can be
    or could be, but to love who they really are.

To love...
     ...is to trust with no boundaries,
    and to always know, and not assume, if one has done wrong
  With trust comes forgiveness
  Always knowing everyone makes mistakes, will prevent little pitfalls
 from taking over the true love between two people.

To love...
     ...is to make a commitment in the future,
   that will last a lifetime.

To love...
     ...is to care
        ...nurture
        ...trust
        ...forgive
        ...tend to
        ...be thoughtful
        ...cherish
        ...idolize
        ...adore
        ...admire
        ...look up to
        ...be charmed
        ...be gentle
        ...be generous
        ...be kind
        ...be considerate
     ...and to become one

To love is to "complete" one another


2

Lost love letters
lost to the rolling blue sea
   of early morning seashells
   of late evening driftwood
whenever waves roll high upon sand dunes
or bring forth new sand at low tides recession,

whenever the sea rolls...
    I think I love you.

Your memories echo in the seashells-
you love splashes back at me
on the rolling whitecaps
all day long
while at sea
and disappear each night
as the white foam washes
back out to sea.

Or just at home, on a shelf,
one seashell echoes-
I love you
a thousand echoes roll
I love you.

I?m a long way from the sea now,
will you listen for me-
while they wash in
and wash back out again?
...the seashells roll.


3

How can I possibly describe you?
My words may only clutter your appearance.
Your Hair.
Your Eyes.
Your Lips.
Your Cheeks.
Describing these merely physical attributes do not deserve my
harsh and crude words.  For my most elegant words are made
simple and inept when I try to verbally elucidate your beauty.
I can only fall into your eyes and feel such ecstasy.
Your Intellect.
Your Common Sense.
Your Generosity.
Your Reality.
These territories of your soul provide the greatest expedition a
human can embark on.  The reward is life-changing and your life
finds itself to be a great reward.
How well do I know thee?
As well as I commit my life to know thee.



4

In my tiny corner of the world
Where only you and I exist
Where my garden blooms just for you
There the orchards resemble our trust
The roses our contradicting love
I tender it just for you
I watch it bloom through you
Watch it blossom as our affections grow
And await the day when we will be one
When we can sit under a flowery shade 
Enjoying a sweet embrace 
And sharing a kiss in bliss...

JOURNAL

I got home from a cruise this week. As I mentioned in my blog....during the early part of the year....I almost lost my dad. This was a family vacation. I had a great time.

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: I WAS STRUCK BY HER FACE

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I was struck by the expression of her face, how she speaks, moves and look at me. Some quality of her beauty penetrates me and almost makes me ache, stirring a desire to reach out and contact her. I been in love before and no experience has ever made me feel so intensely alive, yet so confused and out of touch at the same time. I have no idea where this intensity of this feeling comes from, why it drives me as it does and where it will lead.

 When I met a woman who attracted me, my desire for her is immediate and crippling--a hammer blow to the heart. In the beginning there is just that longing and the sense of myself as a starving orphan gazing through a window at a happy family sitting down to dinner.....i have to see her again and gain, to conquer her in different ways. It might take a few days to a few years

Even in my very first moment of attraction to a woman. I can sense a surrendering that must follow if I pursue her. In wanting to move toward her, I feel moved, in ways I cannot control. In wanting to reach out and touch her, I feel touched. If I open to my passion and let it move freely in me, it force me to let go, give in and feel raw and vulnerable I truly am. When passion pierces me and resonates through every fiber of my being. The surrender that passions calls for involves letting go of holding on: to myself--my fascination with being saved. Compassion...is born out of feeling the rawness of the heart..which makes us more sensitive to others. When I open my heart....a certain sweetness starts to flow from me last nectar.

Her face become more familiar to me than my own. I become as sensitive  to her changing mood, and feeling as to my own. I share longing and cannot separate myself from her pain We have interpentrated too deeply fro me ever to be able to stand entirely separate from her again.