Suddenly, out of nowhere, I was struck by the expression of her face, how she speaks, moves and look at me. Some quality of her beauty penetrates me and almost makes me ache, stirring a desire to reach out and contact her. I been in love before and no experience has ever made me feel so intensely alive, yet so confused and out of touch at the same time. I have no idea where this intensity of this feeling comes from, why it drives me as it does and where it will lead.
When I met a woman who attracted me, my desire for her is immediate and crippling--a hammer blow to the heart. In the beginning there is just that longing and the sense of myself as a starving orphan gazing through a window at a happy family sitting down to dinner.....i have to see her again and gain, to conquer her in different ways. It might take a few days to a few years
Even in my very first moment of attraction to a woman. I can sense a surrendering that must follow if I pursue her. In wanting to move toward her, I feel moved, in ways I cannot control. In wanting to reach out and touch her, I feel touched. If I open to my passion and let it move freely in me, it force me to let go, give in and feel raw and vulnerable I truly am. When passion pierces me and resonates through every fiber of my being. The surrender that passions calls for involves letting go of holding on: to myself--my fascination with being saved. Compassion...is born out of feeling the rawness of the heart..which makes us more sensitive to others. When I open my heart....a certain sweetness starts to flow from me last nectar.
Her face become more familiar to me than my own. I become as sensitive to her changing mood, and feeling as to my own. I share longing and cannot separate myself from her pain We have interpentrated too deeply fro me ever to be able to stand entirely separate from her again.
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